Well, things went interestingly, in a Word. First the Power went down, for several City Blocks and was out for Hours just before I left for the Airport and before Allen's Dad and Grandpa arrived! SRP claimed Equipment Failure. Splendid, it was already getting dusk and I thought if it didn't come back up we'd be unloading everything in the Dark by Moonlight!? Then, the flight from Denver was 30 Minutes late. The flight from New Mexico had been an Hour late so he almost missed his connection flight and had to rush, making it with only 15 Minutes to spare! The Plane from New Mexico had a problem with a Wing!!! Yikes, you need Wings to fly, so that gave The Grandson a Panic Attack!!!
Then, the Plane from Denver also had a mechanical problem, so, he had another Panic Attack! If your Planes are getting last Minute Repairs on the Runway just before Takeoff, it doesn't instill confidence that things are gonna be Safe and not an Air Disaster waiting to happen! Plus Weather had come in at both other States, luckily in Phoenix it was still balmy and clear, with lows only in the 60's Tonight. *Whew* By the time we finally got Home Allen's folks were already here unloading. They had a full size Truck with the Bed of it full and a small U-Haul Trailer packed solid, it was a lot more stuff than he'd moved to New Mexico with!!! Most Boxes were too heavy for me to move so Mando moved them all with the Dad and Grandpa.
The Son didn't even know they were here coz they never came inside and said they'd eaten just before coming over, so just wanted to get it all off loaded and go to the Motel. They'd left Texas at 4:00 a.m. this Morning, so it had been a very long Day for them. His Dad had Jenga all the stuff amazingly in the Truck and small U-Haul like The Man would have, excellent Packing ability. The Grandpa was very sweet and nice, as I knew he would be, they both hugged me, but I could tell the whole thing is very awkward for them. They knew we'd appreciated them bankrolling it all and getting all of it and him here, but, they wanted to just quickly depart and keep it Cordial. Perhaps that's for the best.
The Young Prince had given me a Clue an Heads Up saying that Allen's Family only agreed to Bankroll and Arrange this whole thing on One Condition the Boys had to Agree to. They aren't to have any more contact with each other! Well, they want to have contact and be Friendly, but they agreed to get this done, but I don't think either one of them meant it and that bothers me a lot. Coz, I feel they took advantage of the Parents and Grandparents by Agreeing to something they don't intend to Honor. I know why his Family made that stipulation, they see that the Relationship has gone Toxic and Co-Dependent in an Unhealthy way, so they should sever ties and just move on.
I just don't know that they will and since both Guys have Serious Mental Health Issues it's like keeping Moths away from Flames really, not perhaps realistic to expect compliance? I will talk to our Grandson about it, but they're both Grown and I can't dictate how they behave. But I too don't want any more Drama and a Headache, it's too much for everyone else involved and Families can't keep bailing them out. You can't keep bailing anyone out of Situations they keep falling right back into. Like I've said before, you can get the Persons out of the Mess, but if you don't get the Mess out of the Persons, they fall right back into it. Right now isn't the Timing to go Deep into those Weeds with him, probably not Allen either... but it will Need to be said.
I'm not having a Yo-Yo Effect and him bouncing back and forth with an Ex who lives in a whole other State. I'm not funding anything like that and I know Allen's Family and probably not even Bobby will either. The Young Prince was crying all the way Home and pretty sure he called Allen to let him know he arrived Safely and so did the Dad and Grandpa, which, is courteous and I didn't mind that. But I think his Family would just like a complete severance from Dealing with any more of this and I don't blame them, I want a complete severance from Dealing with any more of it as well, as does my Family, it's exhausting to Deal with extended Family's Drama and Headaches.
Anyway, so I have lots of Chicken left coz they wouldn't let us send them away with any. I don't think they were Hungry, just Exhausted. The Grandpa is in remarkable Shape for his Age and the Dad is a big Man, they had everything unloaded and moved to where we wanted it in no time with just Mando's Help. The Daughter and I carried plastic Garbage Bags filled with Clothing and soft items, a Suitcase, and some smaller Boxes, but the Three Guys did the rest. The Son's Girlfriend was over here, but like I said, they didn't even know anyone had arrived back Home coz nobody said anything to them. The Son is helping his Nephew move a couple things now that needed to be moved to The RV Garage Mahal coz we did run out of Space to stack Boxes in The Art Studio and leave a Safe Pathway to the Outside Exit Door. I didn't want that blocked.
The Daughter had cleared out Aisles in The RV Garage Mahal in preparation for Boxes of his things needing to be temporarily stacked in there quickly after being offloaded. We had no idea how much he was arriving with, it was more than we anticipated, but he claims a lot of it is much larger Boxes than what's inside of them. The only thing he left was his Living Plants and plans to go back to get them this Summer??? That would violate the Agreement, so I don't know about all of that, but won't go to The Mat about it right now while Emotions are so Raw and Fresh from the Breakup being Finalized. He felt badly that almost everything was his and Allen only had an empty House with a TV, Bed and Chair, which just looked Sad. He'd Bought everything his Husband has, he's been financially responsible and generous, and hard working. I often think, what would my Parents have thought about Allen? I think they would have felt he had Good and the Best of Intentions that didn't work out coz he was in way over his Head.
My Mom was SMI and after 36 Years of Marriage, my Dad told me he just couldn't do it anymore, and he was a Strong and Good Man. Love had nothing to do with it, I'm convinced there was still Love, and he Supported her Financially the rest of her Life, providing even after his own Death. I do Believe the fact our Grandson cannot Work and requires a Full Time Caregiver for Life, Allen's Family realize that is burdensome to their Grandson. Too big a commitment for someone in their 20's, and no way he can manage that for a Lifetime and would Negatively impact his Life and Future. I Agree, it does and would, at some point he'd Burnout, if he hasn't already and what has triggered all of this. When someone has a permanent Disability that requires Full Time Care, it is not an easy Row to Hoe and if there's no Cure and won't be any improvement, it's Forever and Ever 'til one of you eventually Dies. Sometimes it's the Caregiver that precedes the Loved One being Cared for, coz Caregiving exacts a heavy toll all of the time.
There are Marriages of Two Healthy People that can't be Sustained when they are Dealt the Hand of a Seriously Disabled or very Ill Child that will never be Well. Most people I know who have a Child or Children with Special Needs, don't end up staying together due to the Strain... and often the expense too. The same with a Chronically or Permanently Ill Spouse. You miss a lot of Work so it can affect your Employment and like in my Case, sometimes you must simply give up the Career/Job to become a Full Time Unpaid Caregiver if the Loved One has no coverage in our absence and cannot be left alone now. Allen was leaving The Young Prince alone while he Worked long Hours and often missed Work due to any deterioration, that wasn't working out for either of them very well.
I know I juggled a Career for Years while also trying to be a Full Time Caregiver, I couldn't manage it either. Something had to Give, it ended up being my Career and then nobody was Working anymore. Losing my Income was Huge since I made more Money than The Man and had the better Medical Benefits. I lost 60% of my Retirement by having to Retire only Four Years too Early, coz how they calculated Vested Interest based on Years and your Age upon Retirement, whether a premature one or not. And he had to be Medically Retired too, so that dropped his Income to 66% of what it used to be, now having a Disability and Retirement Pension Income instead. Combined that meant about half of what we had been Earning and would now be Living on, with his Medical Expenses skyrocketing and our remaining Insurances, all only his now Covering us, not covering it all.
His Medical Bills for just his Catastrophic Accident were just shy of a Million Dollars in just 10 Months!!! He had Eleven Surgeries as well that were Major ones and not 100% covered either. AND I'd Inherited the Two Grandkids to Raise as a Kinship Placement with each Birth and it was all on our Dime to Support them. The State only provided their Medical and Dental, since both were Special Needs Kids and Wards of the State. Kinship placements don't get Paid like Foster Parents do, you're considered Volunteers becoz you are 'Family'. Raising Children has never been inexpensive, so now we had Two to Raise, with me having no Income until I reached Retirement Age to collect my Social Security and 60% reduced DA's Pension... and The Man making 66% of what he used to. It was quite the Transition. So I understand how Sacrificial it all can be with even the best of Intentions to do Right by someone you Love. And even when Family is Everything.
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I do think the Grandsons Love one another, it's just Too Much for both of them and they simply cannot adequately Manage it for a Lifetime, so Divorce was really gonna only be the eventual Outcome IMO. I always knew that our Grandson would likely become our Lifetime responsibility again and not any Spouse he might have. It worked for a few Years until it just didn't anymore, and they did their best, and it just wasn't Enough. I don't even place any actual Blame on either one of them and I kinda felt The Grandpa didn't either, he realizes they can only be Supportive of their Grandchild, and that's all they can continue to do and have always done apparently.
They know he's got Special Needs too and that very likely, he's always gonna struggle Relationally due to the level of Autism alone... let alone his Anger Management Issues and detachment sometimes from Reality. He's very Intelligent, but not very Grounded. Our Grandson also has a Genius IQ, but also, not very Grounded and is detached from Reality much of the time and Emotionally very Fragile. He gets Hopeless a lot and swings between the various Alters at an accelerated pace sometimes and so you're Dealing with Seven different distinct Personalities, all of which has Dissociative Identity Disorder/Borderline Personality Disorder.
If you ever saw the Salley Fields and Joanne Woodward Movie called "Sybil" {1976} which was based on the True Life Story of Shirley Ardell Mason, who had Dissociative Identity Disorder, then called Multiple Personality Disorder, you'll understand how complex a condition it is. Sybil had 16 distinct Personalities. Our Grandson has 7, his Mom has 4. Childhood Trauma of some kind is usually what causes the splits in Personality. I don't know that Sybil had Schizophrenia too? It's so hard to take Care of someone with these Conditions and have them maintain a Quality of Life that is Normalized at least somewhat. I know it's gonna be hard transitioning back to him Living here, it always has been hard.
We can only do what we can do and know how risky his behaviors can be to himself. So, you try to keep them Safe when their decision making is Poor and their Lifestyle Choices are sometimes destructive and not well thought out. The Daughter didn't Live with us for over 25+ Years when her Condition was at it's worst, she Survived a lot of things, and we always Worried about her of coarse. She has a Point of Reference to what her Son is going thru, coz her Teens thru her 30's were her most difficult Years of being Tormented by these Illnesses/Conditions too. She keeps in Touch with all the people who helped her along all those Years and accepted her as she just is... most of them belong to The Streets as well in one way or another.
So, the Journey Begins again and I'm sure I'll have much to Blog about it off and on. Tonight it's been like Months packed into a Single Day, quite Emotionally and Physically Exhausting, but everyone is now Home Safe and Winding Down for the Night. *Whew* It's a Motley Crew over here at Forever Boheme' and each Day is a New Adventure. So, Stay Tuned for the Ongoing Sagas. *LOL* It's a Wonder my Hair hasn't turned prematurely Grey... instead of just turning Lighten Brown! *Ha ha ha* Some Days I Cope better than others, it varies Wildly, depending upon the Usual Suspects. *Winks* Some days I do feel like tearing my Hair out, I ain't gonna Lie!!!
The Daughter's Friend Marcos in Mexico had me laughing tho', knowing I think America is Finished now and the Midterms will be the coup de grace of it all this November. So he went into a Political Satire Skit that was fucking hilarious, I couldn't help but Laugh, even tho' he had valid Points and I know where he stands Politically. Now, you gotta have the sound of his skit, he sounds exactly like Cheech Marin of Cheech and Chong, which makes it even funnier. Okay so here it goes and if you don't like Dark Satirical Political Humor, or have a Sic sense of Humor, this won't be for you. *Winks*
He said he's thinking of being the Founder and Executive Director of "The White Lives Matter" Movement!!! *Bwahahaha* Coz, now that they're even killing White folks in the Streets of America, it definitely ain't Safe anymore for anyone. He told The Grandson {we were on Speaker Phone in the Truck} to LOOK more like the Latino Man that he is and not so White, coz it's not Safe to be White anymore. Especially not a White Woman, so don't look so much like a Woman either. Coz it's hard to be a White Woman in America right now. *LMAOROTF*
And since you're part Puerto Rican Mijo, I know you must have a Big Dick, so hang that out as Evidence that you're not actually White or a Woman. *LMAOROTF and my Sides were hurting by now!* The Grandson by now is laughing his Ass off too, he'd been Crying before, but he couldn't NOT Laugh at this brilliant Satirical Comedy, Marcos missed his Calling as a Standup Comedian! Then he tells us when we all get rounded up and Deported by ICE, just make sure it's to Mexico, and not South America, The Middle East, Russia or Africa, coz he'll take care of us. And his "White Lives Matter" Movement will have taken up enough momentum by then to Save all the displaced White Americans that weren't "Making America Great Again"!!! Coz he knows they're coming for them now too. *LOL*
He knows The Daughter and I are Racial Blends, so he said we have to also "Go Undercover" now and not look so White. You gotta look more Indian Mom, and she has to look more Chinese, or whatever Asian shit she is blended with. *Bwahahahaha* Coz The Daughter still looks too Weta, he said, and ICE is gonna get all Mixed up trying to figure out what our Family even IS?! Speak more Spanish now Weta, he says, or if you're speaking English, do it with a Chicana Accent. {That's what everyone in Mexico calls her affectionately, Weta was his Nickname there.} *By now I'm almost pissing myself with Laughter*
But Satirical Comedy aside, I do think America is Finished and by the Midterms in November... it's likely to explode and erupt into some really hairy shit and boil over. I got my Family in Survival Mode coz I see it coming and there's nothing gonna Stop it, so it's just gonna play out as it will. The Man told me his Strategy, he's been in enuf Combat Situations to go straight into Survival Mode and said you do whatever you have to do to stay Alive and Protect yourself and Yours, that's all he expects to do, no more, no less. And then he did his own Chris Farley skit about, well, if it comes to living in a Van Down By The River, that's just what we'll do Honey. Okay, so that shit's Funny and he knows this Old Hippie could and would actually DO that if it became necessary, so, in the Words of Bob Marley, Every Little Thing's Gonna Be Alright.
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We are Indelibly Stamped as what we just are... Dawn... The Bohemian
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