Apology Without Change Is Just Manipulation

 I'm no Unpublished Posts ahead now and very little in the way of Fresh Visuals for Blog Fodder either, it happens.  Readership is good, so I do try to keep ya'll entertained.  *winks*  I'm trying to muster the ambition to go to the Event that Opens Today.  Usually I'd be Jazzed to be going, but it's bitter Cold Today at 7:00 a.m. when I dropped The Granddaughter off at Work so I just wanted to crawl back in a nice Warm Bed when I got back to Warm back up!  So, I'm Blogging instead to stay Awake and mebbe, just mebbe, get ready for the Event within the Hour?  It's a long drive into the City to get there and I'm waffling on whether to go or not to go, that is the Question?   I feel rather Shakespearian now.  Like an Opening Line from 'Hamlet'.  The profound existential dilemma.   Being/Not Being... Going/Not Going.  *Winks*

The Man isn't going with me and doesn't want to either, he said a resounding No when I asked if mebbe he'd like to go to see if they had anything for his Birthday he'd like?   *LOL*  Now that his Hat Gal, Brittany, is no longer there he really isn't Jonesin' for anything he's passionate about Collecting or having.  He hasn't worn any of his Cowboy Hat Collection but it is hanging on our Bedroom Walls so he can enjoy them visually.  He looks really good in all of them tho', he's always been a Hat and Sunglasses Guy.  Looks good in any Hat or any pair of Sunglasses.  And he's always worn them too, for as long as I've known him he rarely goes anywhere without wearing a Hat... and often Sunglasses too.  Except for Brittany's Custom Hats tho', the others look lame when I see any For Sale.

We Purged his Closet, and he rarely wears more than a few of his very favorite Shirts and Hats now, so there's no point Buying him more that he'd just never wear, or even want.  His interests wane now to the very basics and what is most familiar and comforting to him becoz it is so very familiar and easy for him to remember.  I guess as more of your Memories are lost, that happens.  I don't Need anything at all and am not shopping to purchase anything at all, so a drive into the City is optional and not mandatory this Morning and thus I waffle.  Opening Day is usually busier so my Industry Friends don't have the time to socialize either, but now we only see them when I attend anything for mebbe an Hour, tops.  I don't even stay that long anymore, the drive takes longer than being there.

I still enjoy going, but I don't enjoy the commute thru Rush Hour Morning Traffic.  Or waiting in a Line for it to Open and having trouble finding Parking if I get there later, after they Open.  And if I come back with only a minuscule amount of even Photographs, and being only slightly inspired by visuals and vignettes that have mostly newer items, it hardly seems worth the effort now to go.  I used to Need to go on an Opening Day coz so much of The Good Stuff would be Bought otherwise, and the Vignettes ravaged by eager throngs of Shoppers, now, not so much a sense of urgency, the Crowds thinned considerably everywhere and purchasing is not Strong now, so there's rarely Checkout Lines to have to stand in anywhere either.  A Sign of the Times and it's not all that Promising for the Future, and I soak those sobering facts in too as I'm anywhere.

The Retail/Banker part of my Brain is thinking, well, how long can this one now hang on before throwing in the Towel and calling it a Day?  Even Antique Malls that used to have waiting lists for Vendors, have empty Booths, Cases and high turnover now.  Very few stay any length of time coz they can't make it sustainable to.  And the Brick & Mortar Shops and Restaurants Closing is starting to look like it did during the Pandemic again.  Even the Big Box Chains are Closing slews of their Locations and Downsizing.  I saw more empty CVS and Walgreens while coming Home on Wednesday than I've ever seen.  Yes, they are said to have crazy Loss Prevention Issues now due to brazen Thieves and being told not to even try to stop them or call it in.  But, there is becoming Retail, Pharmacy and Food Deserts in some Communities now.

And that's not just in the most Crime Ridden Neighborhoods anymore either to see all those Shopfront Vacancies and lack of Investment in the Community.  And now when a huge major Retailer moves out from the Anchor Stores at Big Malls, I notice it's practically never Rented Out again, they might as well tear the Building down.  And in some cases, when a huge major Retailer or Manufacturer has moved out of a larger Commercial or Industrial Building, they do raze the Building now and so there's empty Lots springing up all over the City now too.  Or ICE is Buying the large Vacant Commercial/Industrial Buildings to house their Gulags/Concentration Camps they won't allow Congressional Oversight of.   Coz what they're doing to those they've Kidnapped is Criminal, Illegal as Hell and Inhumane Conditions they are keeping them in.

 The City of Surprise is now fighting that just West of here since ICE bought a huge Commercial Building to House 8,000 Abductees.  They're not Deporting them, they're Warehousing them for Profit, it's as Simple as that, mebbe make Slave Labor Camps like Russia does.  The Sellers of these Properties just need to unload huge Buildings they can't otherwise Rent out and have been Vacant and a Loss to them.  Yes, there's quite a lot of Development going on, mostly of a kind we'd rather not see and would prefer not to be developed that way.  I know Developers and their Investors make a quick buck and then tend to move on like Locusts across the Land just consuming for quick profits and no thought to effect to the Community, it's just a Commodity to them.

Major Players Own it all now, just about all the Developments belong to a hand full of International or Out Of State Investors now.   The Oligarchy is proliferating and it will be at the expense of the Public and your Community Stability and Well Being, Trust and Believe.  The Cronyism bends or breaks all the Rules and most of the Laws now that governed, put up Guardrails and tried to protect the Public and the Environment.  Once removed it becomes all Transactional and entirely Corrupted.  Environmental Protection Laws were Established for good Reason, Zoning Laws and Building Codes as well.  Even Health Regulations, National Security, and the Justice System are being seriously compromised with the likes of Nepo and Crony Hires who are unqualified, ignorant, Mental, dishonest, incompetent or just downright overall Corrupt and have fealty to who "Owns" them as their "Master" and not to Serve the People and the Nation, just themselves.

LATER:  I decided not to attend the Event on Opening Day, I not only was Tired, but I didn't feel 100% either.  I wasn't really enthused about going, I ain't gonna Lie, ambivalence was making it so staying in a Warm cozy Bed was preferable to me.   The Daughter finally got hold of me when I sent her Brother and Neighbor Rob to do a Welfare Check to that Ranch, coz the Rancher is Friends with Rob's Family, and said if she wasn't SEEN there in Person, I was calling the Police with a Vulnerable Adult Missing Person's Report and telling them who she was last with {the Boyfriend}.  At least we do know she's Safe and Okay, but I was upset there had been no contact and I told her that's not okay... and if he's the one not letting her make contact with her Voice or Facetime, not just Texting, I'm calling the Police every fucking time to do Welfare Checks.  I don't Trust the Guy now, he's acting unraveled as his illness progresses and I don't consider him as Safe as she does.  None of us do.

 

        And that she's choosing this Guy over Friends and Family has both of her Kiddos very upset and I can't make that Right.  I Raised them, but she is their Mom and her detachments Emotionally can be very hard on Kids especially.  And it grieves me to see them having to acknowledge she is as she's always been and that's never actually improving a lot, if ever.   I had an SMI Mom and it could be very complicated to sustain Relationship with anyone with Serious Mental Illness, very volatile, very unpredictable, not guarantees it will Work no matter how much you want it to and work towards maintaining or sustaining Relationship from your end.  It's also why I had to have Custody of The G-Kid Force and Maria had to have Custody of the Younger Three... she's not Fit to Parent, never has been, never will be, and Social Services wouldn't allow it due to the extent of her Condition. 

 

 Her being here is a double edged Sword for her Kids, but they're Grown now and thought they could accept it as I have and Grandpa has... but, it's a Process for them.  Even her Brother finds it difficult to accept.  If she wasn't here having our level of Caregiving tho', she'd still be living on the Streets like she mostly has for over 25 Years now.  And sometimes she's happiest that way, I can't explain it and often the Mentally Ill are more content with no responsibilities and no close Relationships or regular Contact having to be maintained or sustained, it's just Too Much for them.  Part of the volatility with this Guy she's with is both of them are not in good Condition, him mostly Physically but I'm suspecting Mentally now too as his Disease ravages him, and I don't know how Stable he was as a Well Man anyway???  

And her, I know she can't Sustain Long-Term Relationship with consistency, never has.  Her Son is particularly broken Hearted she can't make him a Priority and "choose" him.   As an Adult he understands ALL of her decision making and Choices have been Poor and illogical tho', so, there's impairment that isn't even Personal, it's just Mental.  Since he has Paranoid Schizophrenia too tho', he often Imagines things that aren't Reality Based either, so talking Reason out of something that took no Reason to get into is impossible.  With her and with him, off and on.  

 

I guess Gt. Britain has arrested Prince Andrew, at least the Brits are letting the Law run it's course and not protecting even their Royal Family from whatever they may have done that is illegal and highly immoral.  Of coarse Andrew has been accused of being a Pedo, and the arrest isn't over that, but of giving Epstein privileged information while in Public Office.   We'll see if Justice plays out across the Pond better than it isn't over here in America with the Prosecution of High Profile People who are engaging in Criminal Activities and being Protected.   Very delicate for the King that his Brother may be Prosecuted and Imprisoned, possible for His Majesty's Pleasure, which is a Life Sentence over there.  And what Andrew is being accused of could warrant a Life Sentence if he's found Guilty.  He has had his Royal Title taken away by the Queen already, by his Mother, due to accusations.  Most of Europe is pursuing their Elite for Criminal Behavior and doing the Right Thing while America isn't making them Accountable here.

The Young Prince is going out on a Date with BCG, I'm glad.  He's been so Down and Upset about his Mom that he should do something Positive for himself right now so he doesn't Bottom Out.  And Chris is a nice Guy, we like him and he's good to our Grandson.  And he needs that right now to have exposure to Positive People and Positive Experiences in his Life that aren't damaging and Bad Energy.  He's had far too much of that and it is exhausting and draining to endure Bad Energy and exposure to Negative People.   His Younger Sister is more pragmatic about people and understands that Apology without Change is just Manipulation.  And that this Boyfriend isn't exactly the worst person her Mom has been involved with, and that certainly is an accurate assessment of Poor Choices of Relationships with repetitive patterns. 

The Man's Chantilly Birthday Cake is already almost gone, that was a damned good Cake, everyone Loved it.   I'd buy one again even tho' typically we don't buy Cakes, we've not been known to be Cake eaters, The Man is the only one who actually ever likes Cakes and Pies, the rest of us would be okay with a Fruit Tart, Crepes, or just Fresh Fruit.  So it was rare for us to find a Cake we actually did enjoy like we did this Chantilly Cake, it was my 1st time having one, I didn't even know what it was when The Man chose it, and neither did he, it just looked good and had no Chocolate so that Princess T and I could or would eat any.  Neither of us eats Chocolate, makes us feel Sick to even smell it.  The Chantilly layers of Vanilla Almond Cake was very dense consistency and yet also very light like a Cloud to eat.  The Icing too wasn't sickly Sweet and very light Chantilly Cream with Mascarpone.  Had a light drizzle of a Glaze Icing like the coating on a Popsicle.
     

I haven't felt very hungry today, just had The Young Prince's Breakfast Tacos he cooked for The Man and I, which had his Tears in them coz he was so distraught while Cooking it.  He did cancel his Date, but BCG will likely still come over to visit, which will be good even if they don't go out on a Date.  I understand he just didn't feel Well enuf to go out anywhere, and I felt the same actually.  Staying Home and recuperating seemed the best thing for us to just do for this Day.  Mebbe Tomorrow I'll feel differently, but, Today I didn't wanna do a damned thing and didn't feel up to it either.  Disconnecting for even pleasurable things was just needed for at least a full day.  The Man had a nice Birthday Celebration the day before, so that didn't get wrecked in spite of Weekend Stressors.  

 

I know my last few Posts have been quite Topic Heavy and mebbe it's too uncomfortable for many Dear Readers who just prefer light Bloggy fluffy Posts, I dunno.  Everyone has their own challenges and Issues of Life they're trying to Cope with and must Deal with.   Certainly the Politics and unprecedented Corruption within our Nation right now is almost Too Much for most to have to digest and Cope with how badly it's trajectory is.  So Blogs are some Escapism Respite Visits.  It's why I try to make the Visuals pleasant even if the Subject Matter isn't.  I still have a considerable amount to feel Grateful for and I'm sure most of us do too?   But what this Administration is Costing us, the American Taxpayers, and wasting or using for frivolous personal use, and Stealing, is obscene.  

Especially when they're cutting and gutting vital Services for Citizens.  Did ya see Kristi Puppy Killer Noem's 70 MILLION Dollar Jet you're gonna be Buying for her, allegedly for the Purpose of  "Deportations".  *Wink Wink*  Or Kash Patel squandering your Cash on poncing off to the Winter Olympics, to the tune of conservatively $75,000... on Official Business, of coarse.  Coz, Men's Ice Hocky needs FBI "Investigating" perhaps?  *Eye Roll*  And the Taxpayer $$$ Donnie Two Dolls is costing ya for his own Enjoyment and Ego is fucking Epic.   About $71 MILLION on just his Golf Outings in LESS than a YEAR!!!  Just the Golf, at this Rate, will cost you $300 MILLION by end of Term.   His Obsession with Golf Cost us $151 MILLION in his 1st Term. 

 That's not even Counting all the other abuse of Taxpayer Money being squandered or just taken by him and his Cabal and the various Fraud and Cons being committed.  I'm a Numbers Person, a Stats Person, and a Retired Bank Executive, he's a Bad and Reckless Financial Risk any way you cut it.  So is his Entourage, which shouldn't be entrusted with any of America's Purse and given Blank Checks, especially without Checks and Balances, plus very close Scrutiny and Accountability of Financial Responsibility.  It's Why American Banks quit Lending to him since 2008.   He Defaulted on almost $287 MILLION in Loans for just ONE Project.  Bankrupted Six Times.  The only Bank Lending to him Pre-Election was Deutsche Bank, and that's becoz Russia was Backing those Loans... and even that Bank has since cut him off ever since the Insurrection he orchestrated.

  

So, The Young Prince wanted me to know that BCG is quite a bit an Older Man and his Senior, even tho' he looks so much Younger than he is, he's 40.  That was a Surprise, I'd met him, and figured he might be in his late 20's or early 30's, he's a Handsome Black Man and just doesn't show his Age, he's Aged very well and Gracefully.   The Young Prince prefers Older Men, so it's not his 1st Relationship with someone almost Twice his Age tho', so I wasn't Surprised, he's quite an Intellectual and most Guys his Age bore him or he feels act too immature to want to spend time with.  He likes for someone to have their Life in Order, Goals, and lots of Intellectual Interests where he can have the Deep discussions.  I think BCG is a good Influence and they really seem to hit it off and BCG wants to see more of The Young Prince, so they're enjoying each other's Company more than just a Physical Attraction, which is a good thing.  I don't know if BCG is Openly Gay, he's not one to cause the Gaydar to go off.

Today The Young Prince cooked a nice Dinner that he invited BCG to and served to his Grandpa and I too.  They ate separately from us, I give our Adult Kiddos their Privacy when they have a Guest over.   Princess T is glad her Brother is bouncing back from the failed Marriage he put so much into trying to preserve.  He hasn't yet told Allen he's already Moved On and he should too... that will wait, since, Allen is responsible for getting the Divorce finalized.  New Mexico is a No Fault State so there doesn't have to be any specific reason to File for Divorce, so, that's good.  And it's of Record that it was a DV Situation where our Grandson fled due to Safety Issues and Concerns, so, it was the Right decision for him to make, albeit a difficult one Emotionally.  

He Loves Allen, but, you can Love the Wrong Person for you that isn't tied to your Destiny, and sometimes being in Love is not enuf, if there's no Shared Vision, there will be Division.  Nobody should tolerate being mistreated and abused ever and as my Blog Hook Title of this Post says, Apology without Change is just Manipulation.  That can't be Stressed enough actually.  You must Respect yourself enuf to know you are worthy of being Loved and Treated with Dignity, Humanity, Respect, and not feel Threatened or Unsafe in any Relationships you have.  I've had some Hair Loss from intense and prolonged Stress, plus Aging, and it's a good things I have Dreadlocks or I swear I'd of been really Balding otherwise by now!!!  I internalize my Stress and don't show much outward Emotions or a forfeit of my Calm, so it manifests in visible Signs like that.  I'm still taking Holistic daily Oral Supplements to help with Skin, Hair and Nail strength and growth.

LATER:  I may go to "Sweet Salvage" Today, The Man wants to go this time so I missed my opportunity to not have anyone in Tow.  But, he may find something for his Birthday, so, as long as he brings his Walker I'm okay with taking him.  It shouldn't be as busy on a Saturday Friday, fuck, I don't even know what fucking Day it was!!!   But I don't know whether I can find good Parking or not?  So, I may have to drop him off and walk in if I can't, Parking is always a challenge in the City and at popular Events that don't have enuf Parking for how many are coming to their venue.  He can't walk a long ways right now and he doesn't like being left alone, he gets anxiety and confused, but people know him there so they'll look out for him in my absence until I can get parked and come back to be with him.  

I told him he must look around and not get in the way of people or be right up my Ass.  It's not a huge venue and he can manage that so I get some Respite I Need for being there.  His Walker has a built-in Seat so he can sit if he tires and he can sit in it in the Courtyard section out of the way, which is between the Main Store and their Warehouse Section out back.  He knows some of the Designers and Fabricators, like Big Kenny, who, when they see him by himself will visit with him to keep him engaged to give me little breaks.  It's not like I expect anyone to Babysit him for me, but he actually does enjoy chatting with some of them and they share interests, many have bought The Man's Cargo we will Sell to them.  *Winks*

So they know he's both a Buyer and a Seller, most of the time they're more interested in Buying from us than Selling to us.  *Bwahahaha* They all have been to our Homes and know we got some Cargo.  *Winks*  And that the Great Edit and Purge will take us a Lifetime we have left to dispose of only some of it and they'll likely be Buying from our Heirs once we're gone.  *LOL*   The Kiddos know just about all of my Friends and most of my Friends have known our Family since when our own Kids were small, or since we've had The G-Kid Force as Custodial Grandparents and watched The Grandkids grow up.  So there is a Relationship Cultivated with most of the long time Local Industry Folk and New Industry Folk are usually introduced to us right away too.  Or "Know Of" us before I even know who they are.  *LOL*

 

I like to get to Know most of the Newbies becoz Cultivating Contact and Relationships in this Business is vital for not only Buying the Best Stuff, but also Selling it.  And you make some amazing Friendships in the Industry too that tend to abide over time.  I've known most of my "Situational Business Friends" longer than I've known some of my Inner Circle now that a lot of them have been Moving Away or Passing Away.  The Industry Folk have mostly stayed here in Arizona and tho' quite a few have Passed Away too, many are Younger than me and will likely Outlive me, or should, if the Natural Order of things plays out?   You just never know, the Youth of Today aren't all that healthy overall actually, it's a shame how many are out of Shape Young or have the unhealthiest of Lifestyles and Habits that don't parlay into a long Life.

  About 80% of folks in the Resale Market now or who are Designers and Fabricators are the Age of my Children or Grandchildren now.  Most of the Elders have either Died or Retired from the Business now.  It is a Younger Person's Game becoz of the amount of Work it requires to make a Living from it.  The Old Timers still in it are just supplementing Retirement usually, so it's more a Hobby or Side Gig and Side Hustle for them.   I'm glad to see some of the Younger Generations getting into the Industry coz for a while it looked like it would Die Out with my Generation otherwise.  But I do think a fair amount of the Younger folks realize what's got Value and was built to last, mass produced items are also a dime a dozen and not particularly extraordinary, they're Pedestrian and Boring so the Trendier and Edgier Young Folk who aren't Copy & Paste, and want to be Unique, like the Vintage now.

 

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Be the Change you want to see in the World... and don't make Apologies for not Changing and just being a Manipulator... Dawn... The Bohemian