Just Another Manic Monday

 I don't know yet whether The Daughter remembers the Job she has Today or not, her Phone is going straight to Voicemail and she's not answering Texts or PM's on FB.   So, I have no way to contact her and remind her except by those means if she's not here.  Last Job she forgot and I was able to contact her barely in time and the Client was gracious enuf to wait 'til later than agreed upon.  But, you can't keep doing that to folks who Hire you to do something when it's most convenient for them.  And, I schedule my Time around what I need to provide transportation of Family as well, so it's inconsiderate to expect me to alter arranged Plans and be Free whenever.  So, we'll see, she needs the Money, but it's on her to Earn it and be reliable enough to do the Work.

I have to talk to her about the condition of the messy 5th Wheel too, so she's got Work to do in there as well to show she can appropriately Maintain it if she intends to still live in it?  The Son doesn't wanna swap out with her and The Young Prince would be no better than her at being able to Maintain things on his own.  Princess T wouldn't give up her Room and I won't have a Cat in the 5th Wheel anyway and risk him spraying or clawing things.   UPDATE: She just called so she's on her way, which is a relief coz then we'll definitely make it in time scheduled for the Job.  She does a good Job so she has repeat Clients and it gives her self esteem and a sense of Purpose and able to Buy some of what she wants or needs.  I'll have to lean harder on her going to Social Services to Qualify for Disability and Mental Health Benefits.

She finally did get Dental Benefits approved and she has a lot of Dental problems, but is Paranoid about scheduling those Appointments.  Getting a Paranoid Schizophrenic into a Dentist is a tall order coz most Well folks are Paranoid and Scared about going to the Dentist.   She has a swollen Face coz of a bad Tooth that likely needs to come out, so I've got to lean on her more about that now too, since she does have it Covered now to go and get taken Care of.  Anyway, at least she's on her way now and I got the Call whilst Writing this Post.  *LOL*  Putting her on Social Media Blast sometimes works out like that satisfactorily, she knows I Blog about everyone and everything.  *Winks*  My Life is being Blogged basically.  I have zero Inhibitions about Transparency and don't give a Fuck, last Fuck to give left long ago.  *Bwahahaha*

It's another Beautiful Day so I won't mind being in Chandler for a few Hours while she Works this Job, I don't get Eastside very often.  With the price of Gas nearing Five Bucks a Gallon in Arizona, I won't be commuting for no reason much anymore, if, at all.  She always gives me some Gas Money out of her Earnings and The Young Prince gave me some Money out of some of his Cash on Hand sent by Allen.  I wasn't expecting that, but it makes him feel better to Help me all he can, knowing it's Sacrificial for me to have so many Adult Family Members living here now.  Plus, he knows he's terrible with Money and I'm good with Money, so he'd rather I have it so he doesn't just blow it.  *LOL*

Social Security has been Refunding me more Money in increments, so, perhaps they had been penalizing me Monthly above and beyond what I thought they Owed me before that Appeal was Approved?  It will be Interesting when I get my usual Social Security Check if it has increased too, or not?  I still have to do our Taxes but am waiting 'til end of March or beginning of April in case we still do Owe?   I'm skeptical that all Seniors are getting any of the breaks Promised by this Administration, they tell so many Lies, Con and Gaslight so much and so often, that I just don't Believe any of it 'til I see it actually happen.   I'll just be pleasantly Surprised if we get decent Refunds like we used to prior to 2016 when suddenly we always Owed a lot.  Nothing changed Financially for us, we suddenly went from them Owing us to us Owing them.

So, a Decade of Owing when we never made any more Taxable Income and we still had Dependents while being Retired and living on a Disability Income and Pensions, just made no sense logically.   Anyway, it would be Nice to get a Refund again after a Decade of being screwed over.  Plus, to get your Taxes done now costs so damned much.  I used to be able to do my own when I was Younger, but Tax Laws change so much that I didn't feel comfortable as I got Older being sure I knew and kept up with all the Changes.  So, I began Hiring a CPA to do it for us and I feel more liberated from having to do all that myself and risking that I do it all correctly if Laws changed that I wasn't aware of and didn't know about.  Ignorance of the Law is never a valid excuse.  And only Millionaires and Billionaires get away with not paying their Taxes. 

LATER:  We're back from The Daughter's Job in Chandler, The Man wanted to go and swore he felt up to it.  He wasn't.  I had warned him it would be Four Hours to hang out while she Cleaned and a lot of Walking, he lasted about 20 Minutes and thru a Meal, then he was finished.  So, that was a Pain in the Ass coz he wanted to sit for the other Three Hours and I couldn't leave him in a Hot Vehicle, it was 90 Degrees out there Today.  *Huge Sigh and an Eye Roll*  He wouldn't use his Walker and he wasn't steady enuf with his Cane.  He complained so much I finally let him sit in the Truck with the Windows down for the last Hour... which meant I had to also.  Oh, and the Freeway Closures in the East Valley meant we got Detoured into Surface Streets badly and got Lost for 45 Minutes too.  So... a real Good Time.  *Eye Roll and LMAO*  He's not going next time, I won't go thru all that again.

He should have stayed Home but the only one here to Babysit him was The Son and he never behaves for our Son.  And I didn't wanna put The Son thru all that.  He had company coming over, their Childhood Friend Bee.  So I didn't wanna ruin that for them coz she doesn't live Local anymore and only gets to Phoenix every so often now that she lives in the Northern part of the State.  Anyway, we did have a nice Meal at the Mediterranean Restaurant, pixs Below of that Food Porn.  The Owner there, Anthony, was there again and remembered us, we got our Baklava Ice-Cream Comped, which was a nice unexpected Surprise.  I Buy a Child's Meal for The Man coz it's more than enuf and he doesn't even eat it all.  My Meal is enuf to Share with The Daughter when she gets off the Job.  So, I got lotsa Blog Fodder Imagery. 

The Daughter had told me before she arrived not to get too upset when I saw her Face!!!   So, of coarse I got upset when I saw it, coz she has such a bad Tooth Infection her Cheek is swollen like a Chipmunk!!!   Why hasn't he taken you to an Urgent Care for Treatment I demanded.  You have Insurance for Medical and Dental, this could give you sepsis!!!  Or much worse, so I told her if he doesn't take her by Tonight or Tomorrow, coz he was blowing up her Phone directly after she finished the Job and wants to pick her up right away from here, I'm taking her coz he clearly isn't concerned about her Safety or Well Being enuf to do the Right thing!  So, don't make me Madder at him than I already am... so she promised she would seek Treatment.  She won't let me take her and I can't force her to go.

 

So, anyway, I was still Emotionally Raw from the difficult extreme Caregiving The Man had caused while we were out.  He made it barely inside the doors of the 1st Store and was 'finished' and wanting to sit in the Truck or go Home!!!   I reminded him we're in the Far East Valley, Home is now a 1.5 Hour Drive One Way, I can't take you Home and leave her out here and it just cost me over $70 to fill up with Gas!!!  At least the East Valley Gas Stations were 50 Cents a Gallon cheaper than the West Valley Gas Stations, or, it would have been much more!!!  So, I wasn't wasting Gas and Time and I was trying not to be upset with him coz he has no concept of Time, his Condition, or what we're even doing.  He kept asking me where we were about every 15 Minutes or so coz he didn't see anything Familiar.

He didn't recall that we'd been to the Mediterranean Restaurant numerous times and that's why the Owner and Workers know us now.  It was all a Blank to him and I ordered for him coz he didn't recall what he even usually eats there.  But, he did a so-so job of eating his Lamb Kebab and Lemon Greek Potato Wedges with the Tzatziki, which he Loves that.  And he shared the Baklava Ice-Cream with me and ate all of his eagerly even tho' initially he told me he didn't want any, I insisted he try it, and then he devoured it.  If he doesn't remember what something is he won't voluntarily eat any now, you have to coax him and insist he has always liked it.  It's worrisome now how fast things are degrading and progressing with him now... and I know when I get kinda Angry that it's just Fear in disguise.  Coz I feel absolutely Helpless and Scared.

I can't risk him seeing that this President started another War, coz it will definitely be a Trigger to him.  It's damned near a Trigger to me actually, I ain't gonna Lie... as the Spouse and Daughter of Men who Served in the Military my whole Life, it brings back a lot of not-so-good Memories of every time they were deployed to Fight a War.  And us Spouses had to hold it down and keep it together in their absence and for our Children's Sakes make it not so scary for them that their Dad or Grandpa was in a War Zone that TV Coverage was always way too explicit about.  And The Man already has serious Flashbacks and extreme PTSD, so it's hard whenever that gets Triggered.  They're never the same after going thru a War... especially several Wars.  You won't get back who you sent out, they will be Forever Changed by it.

A Blog Friend from Australia was mentioning how many Friends are Stranded in the Middle East right now and can't get back Home or to Europe.  Becoz to go from Australia to Europe you must fly thru either Dubai or Qatar, I didn't know that, but it does Track geographically and make sense.  And we all know Americans are stranded and this Administration didn't think thru how to notify them of this War they were gonna start or how to get them Safely out of the Area!!!  So, it's been a complete cluster fuck putting even Civilians Traveling at grave risk from all over the World.   Anyway, I did manage to go thru "World Market" and a "Dollar Tree" Store while I was out and about and before The Man literally wouldn't Walk any more and we had to abort all semblance of biding Time doing anything I'd wanted or needed to do, until she was off that Job.  *Le Sigh*

A lot of the Food items I get at "World Market" are Products I grew up eating coz my European Mom always could find the Imported Foods she grew up eating, being stocked there.  So, I stocked up while there coz the "World Market" that used to be closest to our Home had Closed.  It was a nice Store but I must say it wasn't ever as busy as those I've seen elsewhere.   The Creamy Hawaiian Coconut French Toast Mix and Swedish Pancake Mix, along with the Rapsflower Pure Raw Honey {from Germany} were must haves.  I also picked up some Italian Amaretti Cookies, some Chiavazza Custard Cream Mix {from Italy}, and some Easter Bunny Shaped Wiklean Cookies from Germany.

I got some Pearl Silverskin Onions by Baxters, my Welsh Nanna used to Buy those for me when I was little and I Loved those more than Candy!  So, it's very Nostalgic for me to have some.   When I'm done eating them I save the Brine and chop up some Vidalia Onions to soak in it for a Week or so and they're good that way too.  I never was a Kid who liked Sweets, I liked Sour, Savory, Hot, Tart, Salty or Spicy more.  Sugary shit isn't remotely a Temptation for me, sometimes the smell of something Sugary or Sweet makes me feel nauseous.  I haven't eaten Dark or Milk Chocolate since I was about 9 Years Old and realized it made me feel Sick just smelling it.  People would be Chocolate Pushers, so finally I just started telling them I was Allergic to it just so they'd Stop pushing it!  I'd try to be Polite about saying I didn't want any, or didn't like it, but, folks seemed intent on being Chocolate Pushers, but Allergic makes them feel Scared you could get a bad severe Reaction or Die if forced to have some.  *LOL*

Only a scant few would Push it further and ask Princess T or I what happens if we eat Chocolate.  So we just tell them we end up in the ER... just to make them fucking Stop with the Chocolate Pushing and Interrogation already.  Some people Hate or do not Like or can't have Chocolate, Deal with it and back off.  *Eye Roll*  Not everyone is a Chocaholic.  I get it if you are, but we're not, we don't eat it, and that should be explanation enuf for any Food item actually.  I abhor Food Pushers in the first place, if I decline to Eat something, just respect that I don't want to Eat it or perhaps can't for reasons that are really nobody's business.  Desserts seem to be something folks like to Push... and often telling them you're Diabetic isn't even enuf... oh, just a little should be Fine/Okay... NO, NO it's fucking NOT!   I take an Injection every Day and Two on Tuesdays, plus a slew of Oral Diabetic Meds, so I must manage my Sugars, Okay!!!  I don't need Amputations and shit so someone won't be Offended I declined what they offered me.  *LOL*

 

Same with leaving Food on the Plate... I don't like being Wasteful, but sometimes portions offered are just Too Much and too Large.  I'm an Eat 'til Full then Stop kinda Gal.  And I'm not a Big Eater, I'm not Big coz I have a Hand To Mouth problem and gorge myself.  I guess if you're Big folks assume you can eat massive amounts and usually do... I don't, I'm a Light Eater compared to most folks I know.  Our whole Family is, we're the kind to go to an All You Can Eat Buffet and only get modest portions and not go back up for more.   And we're good with that and still feel we got our Money's worth coz we're Full, got to pick what we wanted, and enjoyed the Meal without over eating and feeling terrible for stuffing beyond Full.  I am shocked when I go to All You Can Eat Buffets and see what some folks can and do consume!!!  Even small Children, no Wonder America has an Obesity problem, even with Kiddos, it's Gluttony!!!

Anyway, we brought about half of our Meal from the Mediterranean Restaurant Home.  I Shared part of it with The Daughter, but she couldn't even eat all of it.   So she and I ate about 1/3 each and have 1/3 left still of mine... and The Man has about 1/2 of his left still to eat later.  Becoz it got to 90 Today and has gone back up to Hotter than Seasonal Temps again, I may have to turn the Air Conditioner back on soon.  It had been 50 for most of Yesterday, then bumped up to 70 later on Yesterday, then 90 Today... so I wouldn't be surprised if we get our first 100 Day Plus Temp before April this Season.  It's averaging at least 20 Degrees higher than usual and breaking Old Records already.  I may need to replace a Pool Pump, Brad, the Hot Pool Guy said it could be another $500 Outlay, swell... I told him we'll have to limp this one along until after I find out what Taxes are?  If we Owe, Savings will be drained to Pay Uncle Sugar {Sam}, if we get a Refund, mebbe I can do it right away?

It's always fucking something with Home Maintenance and how they don't build anything to last more than a few Years anymore, so you're perpetually having to replace it all coz it usually can't be repaired.  Or, repairs are more expensive than even purchasing a New one of whatever it is, that will only last 5-7 Years regardless of what you pay for it.  Anyway, The Daughter said Mando is taking her to Urgent Care when he gets here to pick her up coz he knows I'll be Mad if he doesn't.  Good.  I'll have more of a Peace if she gets it taken Care of right away.  She's a Vulnerable Adult and doesn't always do what she should so anyone Caring for her has to make a lot of those decisions for her to prompt her to doing it even if she hasn't given Medical Power of Attorney like her Son has.  The Young Prince is more Aware of his impairments to make decisions Wisely and not have his illness preventing him from getting Treatment.

 

I got the Felt Embroidered and Beaded Hamsa Hand below at "World Market", they always have the best Imports there and I usually find something I like.   They had the Evil Eye and Sacred Heart ones too, but I didn't wanna spend that much, Budget constraints are impeding me this Month and Taxes have to still get done too.  Yes, otherwise I would have liked to have gotten all Three and since The Daughter has another Cleaning Job out there next Sunday too, I may just splurge if they still have them and I make some Money between now and then.   I still have a lot of Aluminum Cans to take in for Recycling and that would more than pay for both if I turn those in before next Sunday.  I won't have The Man in tow next Week coz I am not bringing him next time due to how poorly he did this time.  So, I'll be more Free to just enjoy leisurely trawling the Shops out there and enjoying some Me Time, and the Weather, even if I don't Buy a damned thing.

Yeah, the more I look at the downloaded Pix of the Evil Eye and Sacred Heart Beaded Feltings the more I think I do want one of each of them too.  *LOL*   Otherwise I'll regret not getting them when they Sell Out of them.   During Christmastime they Sold out of these types of Hanging Ornaments quickly, so if you didn't get some while they still had some left, you were out of Luck.  There is a "World Market" on this side of Town, just further away than the one that Closed closest to us.  So I may just go by it Tomorrow and see what they have that is the same... or what they might have that the Eastside Location didn't?   I like looking around their Stores and I need a break from Caregiving for a few Hours at least, The Son said he'd watch his Dad for me since Today had been difficult for me to.  He's willing to take one for the Team.  I'm willing to let him.  *Smiles*

Sometimes if I leave early and quietly enuf he doesn't even know I'm gone and then it's easier for everyone else still here.  Sometimes he doesn't need to See me if he thinks I'm still here... he just gets bad Separation Anxiety whenever I'm gone now.   I think becoz he can't gauge Time anymore it just seems I'm gone a longer time than I actually am and he gets Worried?  Plus, he can't remember why I've said I'm going either... so I'm not there and he doesn't know or recall Why?  The Kiddos always try to ease his Anxiety coz he's going to the Window and looking out for me... and asking them where I am, or where I went, over and over every so many Minutes, as if hearing it for the first time.  So, it's just a lot.  But, if I'm here, even not in the same Room, he's feeling Secure and not Anxious coz he knows I'm present somewhere in the House and I'm Okay and he's Okay.

I never got this Post finished, I found myself needing the distraction of visiting Fashion Blogs and Happy Posts just to get my Mind off the dire and incomprehensible state of affairs right now.  Or looking at Cute Pixs like dressed up Taxidermy and Sweet Tik Tok Videos of Pets watching Workout Videos and participating in the Exercises.  I don't think it's AI, since I know Eli The Cat watches his Cartoons religiously and particularly enjoys "Sponge Bob Square Pants".  Hard to know what Animals think of the World around them, especially the Modern World opposed to the Natural One?   I have been musing what a World without Humans would be like?  Since Mother Nature did recover so quickly during COVID and reclaim so much so fast, it was magnificent.  That I just know Mother Earth would be better off without our Species and no other Species would miss us, it would be more as Nature intended.

So, if we were to go the way of the Dinosaurs, I think Earth and all of Nature would be alright and recover from us nicely.  In fact, the Natural World wouldn't be as fucked with our elimination.  Just a Dark Musing, in between trawling delightful Fashion Blogs and Adorable Tik Tok Videos of Animals Working Out.  *LOL*  I want to attend the Renaissance Festival but it's looking less likely that we will.  The Young Prince had some Money of his own but has blown thru it all.  I'm on a tight Budget for March.  Princess T was the only one of us Three Musketeers that wanted to go who could have Bankrolled it comfortably.  She said Matthew went already and said it wasn't as good, so she's not Sad if we can't go.  I guess I just wanted the Fantasy Escapism of it all really.  It's frivolous, it's Fun, it's Imaginative in a Silly way with all the Costumes and Pretending going on.  I don't think the Renaissance was actually all that Fun and Fantasy Romanticized really.  It was Barbaric. *Bwahahaha*

But, we do so put our Spin on Romanticizing the Past and various Periods don't we?  Which is just Fun to Play re-enact things and re-imagine them differently than they actually were, acting like Adult Children.  I notice most of the Actual Children really aren't all that Into it.  *Bwahahaha*  They're along, while their Parents and Grandparents are in Costumes Play Acting, but, it's all quite abstract and not all that interesting to a Child, from what I've Observed, going to the Renaissance Festivals for Years now.  It is an Adult's Playground, Kids are Optional and probably wouldn't even wanna go if given a Choice of an alternative they enjoy more.   The G-Kid Force were an exception, but they tend to be little Weirdos, so they did enjoy it as Children, very much.

  And bought Animals Tails, Pixie Ears, Animal Ears Headbands, Dragon Puppets, Fairie Wings... all of which had absolutely nothing to do with the Renaissance Period... but... whatever... they had a blast with it.  They have fond Memories of going with me... and sometimes with my Brother as he covers it for Media as a Professional Photographer, and even with their Uncle and their Mom more recently.  The Man never liked it and wasn't at all into any of it so typically he did not go as he would have been a complete Killjoy and also all that Walking for Hours and the Crowds, would be too much activity and Sensory Overload.  In recent Years the Crowds got a bit too much for me too, I don't enjoy venues anymore that are too packed, have ridiculously long lines, and not enuf seating for when you do need to sit or to Eat the Food you just bought.  They could do better with that aspect of it, they know how many attend annually.

They do know their Demographic tho', and it isn't Old Folks who need to Sit and are there to Eat the Food necessarily.  *LOL*  It's mostly a Younger Adult or Middle Aged vibrant Crowd who enjoy the Adult Beverages, want to be Seen in their Costumes re-enacting a Time or Theme they're Imagining as a Fantasy Release.  There are specific Weekends designated to particular Themes, but, you don't have to adhere to that Theme.  So, there are Pirates, Fairies, Steampunk, Medieval, Cosplay, Furries, Norse Adventures, Time Travelers, Wizards, Mermaids, Celtic Celebrations, Carnivale, and Witches.  Tickets are $36 each, so it would be well over a Hundred Bucks dropped to go and a long expensive commute to Gold Canyon, so that's prohibitive right now with Budget constraints.  And that's if you Buy nothing while there.  Taking the Grandkids, even tho' they're Grown, that would never happen.  They Live to Buy that Merch!!!  *Eye Roll and LOL*

The Young Prince was even saying recently that his Elf Ears need replacing, he got them in his Teens, so they have lasted a long time, since he's 25 now.  He blew thru his Money so fast that he'd undoubtedly blow thru ours if we acquiesced.  I don't wanna burden his Sister with Funding what he doesn't have and I'm limited to have for the Recreational pursuit of it.  Especially since she now isn't all that Sad we won't be going.  I want to not be Sad we aren't, but I ain't gonna Lie, I kinda Need the Fantasy Escape of it right about now, Reality has been really harsh and brutal lately to slog thru.   And perhaps that might take the Edge Off?

 I remember we went right at the Cusp of COVID, and I knew it was coming, and I knew it would be really Bad, but we risked going in February before it really hit Arizona hard and it got my Mind off the inevitable that subsequently played out and people dying en mass.  Some of who I knew, and even some extended Family including a Great-Grandchild.  And that wasn't a Pandemic/Plague in the same way that this isn't a War we've gotten ourselves into.   Some of his Fan Base of Die Hards try to deflect and claim it's not a War... in much the same way then tried to deflect from the Pandemic and call it everything from a Hoax to Like The Flu.   Mebbe some Americans are just that gullible, but the vast majority aren't buying that bill of goods they're making up and outrageously proclaiming as the latest Spin Cycle.

Oh, I am thinking upon Easter, and Spring, not that we do anything for it now the Kiddos are grown and my Church has only done Online Services since the Pandemic and my Pastor Dying.   So, no more Easter Baskets or Egg Hunts.  Rarely do The G-Kid Force even ask to Dye Hard Boiled Eggs now they're both in their 20's.  But, I do like to SEE the Easter Merch out there and remember bygone times of when I did have Young Kids in the Home and what we'd do every Easter.  We do still go to our Favorite Greek Restaurant for Spit Roasted Lamb on both Easter and Greek Orthodox Easter, it's now an Easter Tradition we look forward to still.  And the Spiritual aspect of Easter is still acknowledged, even tho' I don't really Decorate for Easter so much now as I once did.  Mostly coz locating it and putting it out now is a challenge.  One I'm not up to.

I have mebbe One Person to still exchange Holiday Cards with for a Holiday like Easter, but I did enjoy looking at the Cards anyway, especially the 3-D Pop Ups.   But, with the Price Point of Cards these Days, I probably won't get her one to send.  I did used to be a Card Person and everyone got one from me for every Holiday or Special Occasion you could think of.  But as Card Prices soared and people quit exchanging them and just sending Virtual Cards that cost Nothing, I just ceased doing it.  And No, I don't do the Virtual Cards either and barely look at any sent to me.  Even tho' I do Love my Blogging and Blogs, I'm not so infatuated with other Social Media exchanges.  You'd be Lucky if I read your exchanges there or answered a Text or E-Mail.  I find it overwhelms me the Avalanche of all of that which streams in Daily, I don't have the Time nor inclination to Waste it.  Blogging gives me a Creative Outlet, all of that gives me a Headache.

*******

Happy Manic Monday from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Emotionally Raw In The Arizona Desert

 

I had to make a trip into the Heart of the City Yesterday and saw Gas Prices going up in increments of 10 Cents a Gallon in the short time I was commuting back and forth!  Every time I passed a Gas Station, the Price was higher than before by at least a Dime a Gallon!!!  The News was saying Gas MIGHT get to over Four Bucks a Gallon and I'm thinking to myself, where the fuck are they reporting from?   It's been over Four Bucks a Gallon in Arizona since before that War started and is nearing Five Bucks a Gallon here now!!!  

 I fully expect Today to see it almost at Five!   So, if where you live it's still at Three Bucks and some Change, consider yourselves fortunate and don't complain coz it's way worse in some other States already.  Of coarse Donnie Two Dolls was claiming it was $1.99 a Gallon on his Planet of Donnie Dementia.   Which, Gas might have been around that Price a Gallon back in 2016 in Reality, before he became President, and only for a little while.   And if he was tethered to Reality he'd know that.  *Eye Roll*  But, who knows the last time that Fool was tethered to Reality... or most of his Base actually by how they're behaving and talking too?

Of coarse a good War in the Middle East will make the Oil Companies very Rich coz it's a handy excuse to price gouge the Consumer for something they will always Need.  So, no telling what Transaction and Deals went on between Billionaires in that Industry and Politics to use this War as Cover to get even Richer.  It's all one Big Grift now with Extortion and Intimidation as the Shakedown way to bend the Will of whoever won't Voluntarily cooperate.  And so, most will forfeit Free Will so they aren't Targets of Revenge and Retribution against them.  That's how it Works now, in case you didn't already know or weren't paying attention.

One of The Son's Old Friends from Childhood was Executed by Police just a few days ago.  Jesse {Jesus} was 41 and a Dark Skinned Hispanic, his Nickname was Blackie in School when they were little coz he was a Black Mexican.   And he was shot at least 21 times and killed by excessive use of force in a traffic stop that went ridiculously sideways!!!  The Son's Friends had the whole video and showed The Son, coz Jesse had just left their House before the incident.  He had no Weapons and no apparent reason for what happened to him, or how many Officers opened Fire in a barrage of Bonnie & Clyde Style Gunfire against someone unarmed and not committing any serious Crime, which makes it scarier.  

If you're shooting any Human Being 21 times, who isn't even Armed, you're using them for Target Practice basically!!!   And what kind of Twisted Fuck do you have to be to do that to any Human Being for any reason?!  And how could you have ever passed a Psyche Eval to be given a Weapon and a Badge if you're that Twisted and Fucked Up?  ICE and some Policing Agencies are completely out of control now and too many are over-reacting and Targeting random people to basically Execute in Public!!!  Jesse's Mom had to Identify him and he was so torn up with how many times they shot him at close range with high power weapons, that his Jaw was completely blown off!   It will have to be a Closed Casket Funeral unless his Family does an "Emmett Till" for the World to see what was done to her Son by Today's Modern Racist Barbarians too!

Listen, I'm a Mother, a Grandmother and a Great-Grandmother, I can't Imagine any Mother having to see that done to her Child and then have to identify their Body in that condition!!!   I'd be not only horrified and forever Haunted by it, but enraged anyone did that to my Loved One, for any fucking reason they might try to Justify it!!!   That's usually the condition of a Homicide Victim of the most brutal and heinous of Crimes.  The Video released to the Media had been spliced from what The Son told me, compared to the Video footage his Friend had obtained uncut.  I Hope the Family demands an Investigation and Lawyers Up now.  It's terrifying to hear these horrific stories happening Nationally now.  It makes me concerned for my Loved Ones to leave the House!

Listen, it's not exactly 'New', but it's escalating.  When I worked for the DA's Office I worked some Files that were Officers under Investigation for excessive use of Force where someone Died horribly and overkill happened and could have been prevented or entirely avoided.  I've seen Files where the Victim had Bullet Wounds on the Soles of their Feet, so how much of a Threat could they have still been to the Officers riddling them with a hail of far too many Bullets?  So, I've seen some of these Cases from a very different viewpoint than what the Public will ever see... or know.  And some never make it to Prosecution, just sayin'.  Allowing Murder/Execution/Corruption by Cops/ICE is not Justice or following and respecting The Rule Of Law by any stretch of the Imagination.

And why I know it should be very disturbing since it's escalating exponentially now.  Either the Recruiting, Hiring and/or the Training is faulty as fuck. And thus putting the Public at grave risk of harm, instead of offering protection and public safety.  We should be able to Trust our Law Enforcement and I know it's a very difficult Career, I'm not discounting that.  But, you can't have poorly Trained, or Trigger Happy and Angry or Extremist Type folks with Guns and a Badge, working for Immigration or Law Enforcement, going Rogue and taking the Law into their own Hands by being Judge, Jury and Executioner in the Streets either!!!  Bypassing Due Process and just randomly Executing anyone they Target for random reasons.

The Public rightly is frightened now when confronted by any of these Agencies, coz they know their Life could be in Danger and they can't Trust they won't just be killed for no reason.  People are fallible and better Angels don't always prevail in some.  I'd be just as fearful of my Life right now and probably react the same, if confronted by Armed Officers or ICE Agents Targeting me, as I would be any Violent Criminal doing the same.  Seriously, becoz I have once had a really Bad Cop Target me on a lonely stretch of Rural Road once in the Middle of Corn Fields late at Night.  I felt like my Life was in as much Danger in that moment, as if he'd been any Dangerous Criminal Targeting me as a Victim and being vulnerable to whatever he chose to do to me!!!  If you've ever been faced with that, it's a Fight or Flight Moment for most folks who will try to Survive it.  Staying Calm to de-escalate the Situation myself and ensure I didn't get Harmed or Killed, took everything I had in me.

 It was after Work and when we were moving to the Villa McManse, so I'd picked up a load of possessions from the Historic Home we were moving from, to take to the property we were moving to.  I hadn't done anything Wrong so was Surprised to see him Light me Up and not just go past me.  He stopped me as if I had broken the Law, and began acting and talking so antagonistic, so menacing and strangely, I wasn't even convinced and sure he was actually a Cop?  It was the most terrifying experience I've ever had, coz he had a Gun and a Badge, and was acting like a dangerous Threat rather than a Public Servant.  And, at that time a lot of Citizens were being shot and killed by Cops for petty reasons, like they had an Air Freshener hanging from their Rearview Mirror or fell asleep in their Vehicle at a Fast Food Restaurant.  And if there's no Witnesses and they turn off their Body Cam, it's just gonna be their Word against yours, IF they don't Kill and Silence you and Fabricate their Story as to Why.

Luckily I Survived that incident, stayed Calm even tho' he wasn't Calm, and Prayed he wasn't gonna Assault me out in the middle of nowhere with no Witnesses, possibly leave me for Dead in the Corn Fields.  I made a formal Complaint against him, they didn't even seem Surprised, so, pretty sure he's had other Public Complaints, yet, was still on the Force!   It shook me so much that I'm still exceedingly skittish and distrustful, even tho' I Retired from a Career in Criminal Law.  And, The Son has had a violent assault by an Officer once when he just had a Tire blow out.  That Officer was violent, could see it was a blown tire incident, yet handcuffed my Son, beat him so badly while helpless and restrained that he suffered broken Ribs and needed ER Treatment.  And then was released to me coz there was no Just Cause involved for any of it.  Lawyers locally generally don't wanna Touch those kinds of Cases either.

  When I filed a Complaint and questioned what happened, I was told that the Officer mistakingly thought my Son was "A Drunk Indian" and that's why he'd been stopped and was the Offer's 'Excuse' for what he did!!!   He wasn't drunk, but was by the Rez at the time and we are part Indigenous.  Nuff said.  It was Racial Profiling and blatant Racism at it's worst, and had he been a Young White Man, probably wouldn't have happened.  But, everyone's experiences are based on who we are and how Society reacts to all of that, in Positive or Negative ways.  And, now, we are having incidents of innocent White Folk being Targeted for Execution in our Streets coz of their Political Leanings not aligning with this Regime.  So perhaps now it's everyone being a potential Victim, mebbe fewer will Not Care coz they feel smug it will never be them?  And Okay so long as it's someone else.

I was disappointed, I'd told The Man we'd go to "Red Lobster" for Lobsterfest, which is back, and now I know why the Commercials don't advertise the price... Sticker Shock!  We walked out, no way was I dropping over $100 for a Lunch, even Lobster.  So, we went to "Rudy's" instead and had Prime Rib, Pulled BBQ Pork, with all the Fixings for way less than half, which was affordable and plenty of food, we brought half Home for a whole other Meal in fact.  I had been Jonesin' for Lobster, but not at that Price Point... and I J'Adore Prime Rib just as much, so it all worked out for a nice Luncheon anyway.  After coming to terms with, well, you ain't getting Lobster, Dawn...  *LOL*  Ah, Well...

I stopped by the Antique Mall to drop off some Smalls I'd Priced last Night for the Weekend's Sales.  Since PIR is in Town perhaps the Race Fans might boost Sales some?  I did Sell one expensive item this Week, the rest of my Sales are miscellany and inexpensive Smalls, which has become typical.  It was nice to Sell at least ONE Primo Item tho', worthy of being in an Antique Mall, it's a rarity now that The Good Stuff even Sells at all there.  I noticed some long time Vendors who've never Worked Shifts are now pulling Shifts, so they must need the comped Space Rent and aren't doing well with Sales.  And the Mall is desperate to get anyone to wanna work too.

I heard, thru the Grapevine, that The Daughter and her Boyfriend have to leave that Ranch now, so, either the Transfer of the Sale is now gone thru, or something happened?   From our Source, Word was that it could be likely due to the Boyfriend, but I don't know how accurate that is since the Source it trickled down from isn't always that reliable but likes to think they know more than they do and embellishes some Stories told.  But, they do know that Rancher, so, I just dunno, and when The Daughter comes Home to be able to Work that Job on Sunday I'm gonna wait and see if she brings it up that the Ranch Job and staying there is now over???

Since the Property had already Sold and the Job entailed clearing it out for the New Buyer, and taking Care of the Seller's Horses 'til he relocated them or whatever he was doing with the Livestock he had there, I figured it was only a temporary arrangement.  So it might just be as Simple as all that?   It's a Wrap, and now ya gotta Leave.  That would make the most sense to me, but with Mando, you don't know coz he has a temper and doesn't always have it up under control, which is why he can't be here anymore either and may have caused him troubles in the past with where ever he was.  People don't put up with anyone not in control of themselves.  If you're Grown, act like it.   And exercise some Self-Control and Decorum in Situations.

The Weather is still all over the place, a couple Days ago it was in the mid 90's... and Today it was in the 50's for much of the day and Windy, before Warming just some to low 70's... still a big spread of temperature fluctuations.  From day to day you never know if it's gonna be Hot or Cold.  I'd turned the Air Conditioning on, but then Two Days ago it got too Cold, but not quite Cold enuf to switch it back to Heating.  So, I just turned it off for now, to neither Heating or Cooling, not necessary to do either at these current temperatures now. 

Okay, so remember how I told you about how the Vendors that got our once Urban Farmhouse Booth #317 at the Antique Mall had painted it hideous Lavender and Purple, Selling ugly Clothing?  But, I've never Photographed it for you to see... so, Today I went ahead and Photographed it for you.  Gak.  I cringe every time I walk by it, coz I know how much Money my Friend Rhonda had spent Remodeling that Booth, putting in Quality Lumber that had made the Booth look really nice and we inherited when Rhonda left the Mall and we got the Booth, which I just Loved how it used to look.  They tore out a lot of the Quality Remodel work and then painted everything else in these hideous tacky Colors.  It's a morbidly Obese Mother & Daughter who look unclean, messy and sloppy.  I don't even know who their Customer would be?

Anyway, we have a mixture of Vendors and most wash out quickly and  leave.  I'm Surprised that one has stayed as long as they have, coz if I saw their Merch at a Yard Sale or even Curbside saying "Free" I wouldn't take any of it.  And they never have enuf in the Booth to ever even make Rent IF they Sold every piece they had every Two Weeks.  We've got a lot of Newbies, a smattering of the New Vendors have decent Merch Showcased well.  We've got Empty Booths and Cases unrented for the first time in a long time.  Some are Booths that were Vacated not long ago, so were the quick in-n-out Vendors you never would get to know coz they're not there long enuf to ever be known by other Vendors, Staff or Customers. 

The Son just showed me the whole uncut Video of his Friend Jesse being Assassinated, it was deeply disturbing.  They shot him the first time in the Leg while he had his hands up and locked behind his Head.  Then he fell to his Knees and laid flat on the Ground with his Hands and Arms out in front of him, not Armed, clearly no Threat.  A Host of Officers were standing around just staring at him like that for what was a substantial amount of time, and not doing anything to go up and Handcuff him or Apprehend him, subdue him... coz there were certainly enuf of them to subdue anyone!  So eventually he gets up off the Ground, mouths something to the effect of "Fuck This" and gets in his Vehicle again and tries to leave.  Coz by now they have Weapons out and I guess he figured he was getting Shot anyway and they were waiting for a reason to Shoot... coz that's what it looked like to me, watching the Video. 

 His Vehicle they had hooked up to one of the Patrol Cars, so he couldn't leave and then they opened Fire, all of them, he was like a sitting Duck or shooting Fish in a Barrel, and his Vehicle was like what Bonnie & Clyde's Vehicle looked like!  Only this Guy wasn't a notorious Fugitive robbing Banks and on the 10 Most Wanted List.  He was going Home from a Friend's House he'd been with all day and had just left Minutes before, so we don't even know Why he got pulled over?  At the very most, Speeding perhaps?????   Who knows, we may never know, but the Video is going Viral since it was Released by his Friend who got hold of it and now everyone is circulating it on Social Media.  So that the Authorities/Media, who won't show the whole thing, will have to address it in it's entirety. 

 Coz it's gone Viral now and people will know what they See with their own Eyes, just like the Videos we saw recording the Beating of Rodney King, or the Killings of George Floyd, Renee Good and Alex Pretti's Executions by the Authorities.  There's many others that didn't get Recorded of coarse, but we all know of.  And always attempts to Vilify and Smear the Reputation of the Victims and not the Offenders.  You can't Unsee that level of Inhumanity and senseless brutality and excessive violence against Citizens.  Especially someone your Family knows.  I haven't heard much on the Local News since the Shooting, which happened end of February.  It was a snapshot like it tends to be now, coz the Violence is so commonplace now that nobody can keep pace with how often it's happening.  And that disturbs me too, becoz Behavior Tolerated = Behavior Accepted.  And this becoming even remotely Acceptable is NOT Acceptable and nobody should be feeling desensitized and used to it.

It sickens me that our Society is devolving into this kind of violence, Hatred, and chaos so rapidly now that about 40% of the Country seem to think it's not a Problem or is even Okay with all of it!!!   I fail to even put into Words how unsettling it all is.   I have to take a deep Breath every time another atrocity happens now, almost Daily, it's draining.  I like to see the Good in People overall, so that I maintain some Hope our Fragile Democracy can endure and even rebound from this portion of Bad History playing out, but it's becoming more difficult to find any in some People.  I'd prefer to be more Positive too, but it's getting harder to be when so much Negative Energy and Toxicity abounds around us in a daily onslaught.

I'm finding it a stretch to even Write Fluff Posts now, coz Fluff and frivolous shit is rarely on my Mind's forefront lately.  I don't discuss it much with anyone at all in Real Life, so, I Blog about it instead.  Sorry... but, there has to be some outlet for it.  *Ha ha ha*  The Man sometimes has to semi-pretend-to-hear me ranting about it when I can't contain it in a mere Blog Post.  *Winks*  He generally doesn't weigh in and I can only presume to think he's actually even listening or processing any of it?  One thing with the onset of Dementia is that they Talk even less and he was never much of a Talker to begin with.  Sometimes I think I might as well be having these monologues with Eli The Cat instead?  I'd get about the same reaction, or lack thereof and total lack of dialogue.  *Le Sigh and Smiles with a Shrug*

In actuality, I'm being very unfair to Eli The Cat in that comparison, coz if I ask Eli a Question or what he thinks about something, he will at least Meow an Answer... not that I understand the Language of his People, but... it's a verbal response at least.  He tries.  *LOL*  Eli can be a lot more Vocal and Interactive than The Man these days.  I can understand now why a lot of Single People choose to have a Pet instead.  *Ha ha ha*  The Son is going back to hang out with the same group of Childhood Friends that he went to the Comedy Club with the Night before.  I'm glad he's reconnecting, Work often disengaged him from Socializing and now he's been Laid Off he spends way too much time just Alone and Isolating.  That can't be the best Head Space to be in when Life is not being particularly Kind and has gotten real hard, Socializing can take that Edge off. 

I wasn't in the best Head Space myself for much of the Day, I felt very Emotional.  Of coarse watching a Young Man who was only 42, that I'd known when he was a Youngster and Friend of my Son, getting Assassinated in an uncut Video, didn't Help.   I felt deeply traumatized by what I saw and knowing those were his last moments and that his Family will surely see that!  But some things we MUST SEE and not look away from or refuse to acknowledge just becoz it will be sickeningly difficult and squeamish to watch.  It could be any of us now and that's a cold hard Fact in America right now.  Sitting with that knowledge is very uncomfortable as Space to Hold and to Process in a meaningful way.  I am struggling to and I've seen a LOT, so not much really is all that shocking to me anymore when it comes to what Human Beings are capable of doing.  

 I'd sometimes Process over 60 Violent Crime Files a Shift, many resplendent with vivid Crime Scene Photos and gory details, then go have a Sandwich and carry on with Life.  I don't miss having to do that as a Career, not at all, but Life still plays out like that daily all around us and it's just Merciful that we don't always SEE it up close or personally.  Once Seen, Heard, Experienced... well, you cannot then Unsee it, Unhear it and you must try to Live with what has been Experienced some kind of way.  I can handle more than average exposure to some really graphic and horrible stuff, yet, there are some that still really get to me and my Son's Childhood Friend's Execution definitely was one of them.  We hadn't seen him in a long time, but many of The Son's other Friends were very close to him all their Lives, so they're severely traumatized.

I had the strangest thing happen and Google cleared it up for me, I had a Green Chili Stew from the BBQ Restaurant and brought it Home to eat coz I filled up on my Prime Rib and Corn-On-The-Cob enuf.  Well, the first bite I had of it set Two Crowns I have on Edge to where the fiery Pain was unbearable!!!  I had to give the rest to The Son and it did finally Calm Down, but had scared me, thinking I was having a Dental reaction Emergency of some kind that I'd never had before.  Both Crowns are Older ones, not 'new' and on the same side, different Molars top and bottom, so are fully Set.  But Google made it seem like this is quite common with Green Chili Stew due to acidity, extreme temperature, and Spiciness, causing Nerve Sensitivity that shocks the underlying Tooth and could weaken the Cement Bond!!!  Who knew?

  I eat a lot of Spicy Foods, never happened before.  Note to Self: Avoid that Green Chili Stew!  A shame, it's very good and I only had about a half a small Spoon full to have that immediate reaction.  And immediately knew it had something to do with the Capsaisin in the Chili Peppers they'd used.  Usually Capsaisin has pain relieving properties coz it has analgesic properties in it... so I'd never had it cause Pain before, except if you don't wear Gloves when handling Chili Peppers while preparing them or get any of it near your Eyes.  So, anyway, The Son enjoyed my Green Chili Stew, The Man can't handle/eat Spicy Foods, he's got a sensitive delicate Stomach while mine is the Stomach of a Goat.  *Winks*

I almost resorted to dumping this whole Post and starting over coz it's not been a very uplifting one at all and could be a tough read.  For a Saturday Night it just seems rather Heavy and Dark.  I've been avoiding most Work this day, I could be doing some productive shit, I just don't want to.  I dropped The Son off at his Friends Home in my Jammies even tho' it wasn't even all that late to already be in my Jammies.  I wanted an Iced Starbucks Coffee on the way Home but they're already Closed for the day.  Being Bipolar and ADHD as fuck, perhaps there's not a lot of folks like me with backwards Metabolisms who drink Coffee at Night coz it relaxes and Calms me?  *LOL*  So, Dammit... No Lobster for me this day and no Iced Coffee.  Yeah, I could make one at Home... but I'm not gonna.  *Smiles*

I did read some Blogs and have been Online more than usual Today, seeing what The Land is talking about?     I liked this Bowl I saw Posted on Social Media that was Scored at a Chazza... I'd like to have one but it looks like it was probably someone's Ceramics Class Creation and a OOAK?   It's getting late now and I've really done fuck all really and feel ambivalent about that... I will perhaps be taking The Daughter to her Cleaning Job in Chandler Tomorrow, but she hasn't shown up yet, so I'm guessing she's coming here at the last Minute before she needs to be there?   She really hasn't been around ever since we kicked the Boyfriend off our Property and made it so that he really has to find somewhere else to just Be.  If they stay together... Fine... but I don't want all that Negative Toxic Energy between them affecting the rest of us, let it be between them only to deal with.

I'm kind of upset with my Hair right now for the first time since I've had Dreadlocks.  I feel they looked better a few Years ago than they do now and how to get a reversal is likely not possible.  I've had to pull them back too much which has caused problems over Time.  I don't know that going thru the trouble of shortening them will be all that helpful, so, I'm reluctant to do that, I like them longer, easier to Style with than when they're shorter.  So, what to do, what to do?  I'll probably get Over it, but right now, you know how it is when you're having a Bad Hair Day and there's not much that is improving that Feeling?  Since I haven't had that Feeling now for almost 9 Years, it's a return to Hating my Hair I had for a long time Pre-Dreadlocks and I don't like it.  I have gotten used to Liking my Hair now for too long to be going back to Hating it again.  Aging, Stress, Meds, and Hair Styles that created pressure are to blame... I can't do much about Three of those Four things causing the problem.

And the biggest issue is I don't like having them Down so much coz of thinning that is noticeable and I can't seem to remedy.  I'm taking Hair, Nail, Skin supplements which are working great for Skin and Nails, ... but, Hair... it's growing faster but not necessarily noticeable help with thinning.  I've got new Hair Growth but over Time not keeping Pace with Natural thinning.   I would like to try that Red Light Laser Therapy they have Caps for but Reviews seems mixed, and they do have Models not all that expensive so the risk of it being worthless is low as something to try out.  Some are very expensive so if they were worthless, it's too much outlay to risk that.  If anyone, Male or Female, has had good results with something, any recommendation would be appreciated.  Going to Professionals is not Economically affordable for those kinds of Treatments.   And if wealthy people aren't having noticeable results, and Money is no object for them, then it's a lot of outlay for questionable results IMO.

 

Okay, Bitchfest about my Hair is now over... a lot of shit is getting on and working my last Raw Nerve lately it seems.  I'm Emotionally Raw.  Some of it is petty, some of it isn't, but I'm as aggravated with it all and not as cheerful or Positive as I usually am and can manage to be.  Perhaps other folks are struggling with that too?  Which is why I'm Blogging about it and making that confession while I wrestle with my Emotional well being that is currently all over the place Emotionally.  I'm up, I'm down, sometimes I just feel numb and going thru the motions emotionless.   Regulating that has been like a full time Job lately.  Most of my Posts haven't been Uplifting or discussing easier Topics.  I'd like for them to be Lighter and not so Heavy... but... here we are.

They just Interviewed some Military Spouses with Children on our local News very early this Morning and I spent my whole Life relating to what they're going thru and were talking about.  My Dad was a 27 Year Veteran and in the Military before I was even Born and he Married our Mom.  My Husband is a 39 Year Year Veteran and was in the Military before I was even an Adult, let alone before we met many Moons later and got Married.  He was in Vietnam doing back to back Tours when I was only 12.  I have Uncles and Cousins and Aunts who Served.  Many Civilians don't really understand what Service Members go thru, especially during Wartime.  They assume, well, you Signed Up for War... No, you Sign Up for Serving your Country and whatever they ask you to do for your Country and the Safety, Freedom and Well Being of America and all Americans.  So, whether you support or don't support a War, you should still support our Troops and their Families.  They Move every 2-3 Years or more, in my Day it was usually every Year to 18 Months we Moved, so being Connected to any Community is a challenge and they leave Family and Friends behind constantly.  So the Community they're Assigned to temporarily counts... don't make them feel Alone.

I never 'approved' of the Vietnam War, but I sure as Hell had Loved Ones sent to fight it and had the stress and fears associated with them over there.  And many other Wars too in my Lifetime with those I Loved sent to Fight them.  I've Lost Friends and Family to War.  And the backlash of all the Negative shit when they came back from Wars, especially the more Unpopular and Unsupported ones where a lot of America projected their Anger and disdain upon our Service Members and their Families.  Let us not ever shamefully do that again becoz of our Personal Opinions or our chosen Politics.  The Man is a 100% Disabled Veteran due to his Injuries sustained in Wartime.  And the Families Deal with the Care of our Disabled Veterans, every day.  Or Deal with the Loss of a Loved One in Service.  This Prez never Served, he was a Draft Dodger, he knows not what War is like, so he's treating it like it's a Video Game and he's got the Controllers and what's on the Screen in his Head aren't real People with Families.  He says in a flat affect, well, in War, People Die.  Not him, not his Kids, so it's not like he really has any Point of Reference to draw upon or take as Seriously and gravely as he should.  And, that is the problem... the flippant and illegal way this War is being waged right now, with fuckups from The Jump of it.

  

Like the Bombing of a Girl's School killing almost 200 Children and their Teachers and the Administration refuses to acknowledge the Truth of and so throw out Lies immediately.  The War Crimes abound, the Illegalities abound, nothing is as it should be when making such life altering important decisions as going to War... or even calling it what it is, a WAR.   So, there's no clear Messaging at all, and therefore is it any wonder Americans are confused and wondering what exactly we're doing there, and specifically Why we're doing it?  Not the vague offering of a different reason thrown out every time they open their Mouths in a Word Salad of vague, off the cuff and confusing rhetoric, most of which has no factual basis or proof tied to it.  If People are going to Die, be they Military or Civilian, we should at least be told the Truth about it and not Lied to as if we're not capable of handling the Truth, or they're not capable of telling it.

 

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Emotionally raw in the arizona desert... dawn... the bohemian