Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Exaggerated Head Space

via: Pinterest

Once too many Negative things happen and I get Overwhelmed I enter into what I like to call The Exaggerated Head Space.   It's a very dramatic state of Being where everything is magnified and exaggerated, but not in a good way!   I can find myself wallowing in the extreme thinking that predominates once you've entered that Space in your Head, where exaggeration reigns and clouds actual judgment and skews perspective.

I try to never make any decisions when I'm in The Exaggerated Head Space, it would be unwise.  And yet Life goes on, sometimes at a frantic and hectic pace, so I have to figure out the best way to get back into balance.   Usually this means I'll have to shut down and sleep it off to reboot.  Monday was mos def a day when I entered The Exaggerated Head Space.  

You don't don't just enter... you get pushed in, usually thru extreme circumstances.   On those exceedingly crappy days, where one too many Negative things happen in rapid succession, and the feeling of being overwhelmed by it all sets in like a ton of bricks.  It's not as if you want to or even choose to have The Exaggerated Head Space to deal with too, because I'd rather never BE there actually.  It adds another heavy layer of complexity to an already overly complex and Negative day.

Since it is a Dark Space to occupy, it too is just another Negative in the long string of them already playing out.  But Monday I entered the realm of The Exaggerated Head Space, by mid-afternoon it was a full blown episode and so I was sleeping it off by 6:00 pm and didn't wake up until it was a brand new day!  Emotional and Mental Exhaustion from the crappiest of days ever is even more draining to me than Physical Exhaustion... and I had all three, so I was a Hot Mess by Five in the Afternoon!

And I suspected it was gonna be one of those days, just by looking at the itinerary on the Calendar.  Then throw in an unexpected twist with a call that has you now changing gears rapidly, be trapped in a vehicle with a Psychotic Teenager who is uncooperative and belligerent about what he has to do that day ... and there ya go!   First on the Agenda was my Doc Appt. for the out of control Diabetic thing, so I knew that wasn't going well.

It actually went worst than I expected... with far more bad news which just made me feel quite doomed and basically screwed.  I'd Fasted in case they needed to run MORE Tests, so I missed Breakfast and later had to settle for a crappy Lunch while waiting endlessly for the new Shot Rx at the Base Clinic to be filled.  Yes, I'll be on shots again... ugh... and another pill in the long list of pills adding up... double ugh... I Hate Western Medicine!  I was now one of those Old People with the big bag of meds walking out of the Clinic that I never wanted to be of The Tribe of... Le Sigh!

They assigned me a Life Coach, very nice Lady about my Age, I could tell she commiserated with my predicament.   That being, as a Caregiver of three high maintenance people, if your Doc says the only way your absorption of the insulin correctly is gonna happen is if you have less Stress, more Rest, carefully planned Diet {apart from what the rest eat} and DO less... well, she's basically telling me I'm Screwed.  Knowing what to do when you have no way of actually doing it just makes one feel doomed!

It didn't help that gastric bypass was suggested and they want me to consider it since they will pay for it being I'm a special needs candidate to keep vertical!  Yikes, I know I'm overweight, 229 and creeping upwards no matter what I do dietary wise to stem the ascent.  But I also know the long process and recovery time involved in such a surgery and the Negative side effects... and did I mention I'm the sole Caregiver of three high maintenance people? 

 So, um, whose filling in while I take a long time to recover and physically adjust from such a Major Surgery pray tell?  I'm the only driver and we live out in BFE now without a network or staff for coverage if I am 'down' any length of time!  Whose taking Care of me while I convalesce?  Not this crew... Hell, when I got Home after this intense day I'll finish regaling you with, I fell into Bed at 6:00 pm utterly spent and with a bad case of The Exaggerated Head Space! 

 The Man says, "You need to eat Honey...", so he'd make me a Dinner and wake me up so I'd have one decent meal of the day.   I dozed off and he got distracted immediately by an episode of American Ninja Warriors and completely forgot about me and making Dinner, as TBI people often do... and when I woke up it was a brand new day!   And the only good part of that was I wasn't in The Exaggerated Head Space anymore.

So... back to the most Negative Day that put me there tho'!   As I'm sitting in my Doc Appt. I get The Call... the unexpected one... from that Charter School for The Young Prince that we never thought would actually call us back with an Opening!!!   They have an Opening... switch gears now since that very Afternoon the Young Prince and I have an Appt. at Mental Health with his Educational Family Support Advocate who was gonna help us battle The High School!   Ooops, New Battle Plan now has to be formulated on the fly, since there ultimately will be a Battle eventually, you can count on it!

 After my dismal and grim diagnosis at the Clinic, driving home solemnly with a big ole bag of medical supplies and meds, wrapping my Mind around all of those changes for my own Plan to stay vertical...  I'm wondering now how to break the News to Prince D?  He's been in Psychotic Mode for days now, big ole Shark Eyes and the whole schtick!   He's uncooperative, belligerent and debating everything under the Sun as if he's some defense Attorney for the Mob!  He already doesn't want to go to said Appt. at Mental Health... throwing another big Change at him right now was not going to go Well!

But I knew we had to make the Change, the accommodations temporarily made at the High School is two hours of Warehousing him basically while they awaited a Transfer and Withdrawal.   Though his I-School Class might have had some Positive effect, the Life Skills Class involved nothing by his account, but it's required by Law to tack on... so he sits there doing nothing so that Legally all is accounted for... Splendid. 

But we are on Spring Break, so his High School isn't Open 'til a week from this crappy day, so I can only get part of the required documentation to the Charter School on short notice.   I didn't bring him on that errand, I didn't have it in me nor did I want them to change their Mind if Shark Eye Boy showed up in Top Psychotic Form and put the kabosh instantly on the whole thing?!  *LOL*  We'll let them ease into getting to know him, the unmedicated SMI him... and see how long that lasts shall we?

So... back to his Family Advocate Appt., which went better than I expected as far as Clark giving us good feedback of an on the fly Game Plan switch due to Charter School now being in the mix!   That said, rewind a bit to us in the waiting room before our Appt., where The Young Prince is pacing like a caged Tiger and glaring at me with Shark Eyes saying that if they're one minute late in calling us in, he's leaving!  *Oy Vey!*   Luckily they have Staff observing Waiting Room and what might Pop Off in there so they were acutely aware he wasn't having a Good Day and containment might be an Issue?!  *Winks*

So I'm edgy knowing he could Pop Off at any time once the last ounce of logic and reason left his Mind completely.  So to distract myself from the slide I'm already feeling into The Exaggerated Head Space, I begin eavesdropping upon a nearby conversation between an Old Male Veteran and a Custodial Grandma who looked on the verge of Medical collapse herself.   This poor Woman was a Hot Mess physically and clearly Emotionally she was at wits end with her Kinship Placement Grandchild, a Female SMI Teen.

I just got out... of serving Ten days in Jail she's venting to the Old Vet, and levied with a Thousand Dollar Fine!   This poor Woman didn't look like she could survive a day in Jail or was any kind of Criminal so I hadda hear this Story in it's entirety!  Apparently her Seriously Mentally Ill Grand-Daughter was being severely bullied at her High School to the point of being Suicidal and needing Hospitalization... no Surprises to that Story... been there, done that too!   Well, when said Grandchild gets out of Adolescent Psyche Ward she refuses to send her back to the School until the Asst. Principal deals with said Bullies effectively so it would be a safe environment for her Child to return to.  Sounds reasonable.

She begins getting threatening letters from the School System {Yeah, I'm familiar with those too...} saying that excess absences means she could be threatened with Jail Time and Fines if she's not in Compliance.   Since the Bullying Incident is well documented and the Hospitalization of her Grand and what necessitated it, she holds out, awaiting the School to take action against THE BULLIES.   Nope, instead she's arrested, sent to Jail for 10 days and assessed a Grand in Fines!  Thus, why she's now sitting in Mental Health with her Kiddo awaiting Advocacy and Therapy from the Trauma of the whole shitshow she and Child have endured as VICTIMS!  The only consolation she got was that the Asst. Principal got Fired for failing to follow up on the Bullying Charges!  Small consolation... I've prevailed and gotten people Fired too, it doesn't make me feel very much like anything Changes tho'.

The System, as it stand, never ceases to slay me... I think the only reason I haven't been down same road as this Gramma is becoz they'd have to find Placement for all three of my Loved Ones, no easy feat, in fact, probably an Impossible one, in my absence.  Plus I do them the Favor of the Math... of how much per Month it would cost them to PAY FOR Caregiving for all three of them should they spirit me away from the Family for said 'Punishment', which would also be on the Taxpayer's dime... just so you know where your Tax Dollars are going in this shitshow.

  Not to mention my Promise, that once incarcerated, I'm likely to totally Lose It, cut loose and vent all my many years of pent up anger and rage upon whatever actual Criminal is handy and is foolish enuf to jerk my chain, to extend my stay.  Probably indefinitely... becoz I could go just that Bat Shit Crazy Postal and Ballistic if pushed over the edge of all Sanity and have absolutely nothing to lose.  Jail Time would be more of a Vacay than they realize for moi, and as for their Fine, they'd never get paid, I'd light the Money on Fire first in front of them!  Burn Baby Burn!!!

 So go ahead, don't threaten me with a Good Time!  *Smiles*  Thus they have tried to Work Things Out about the Truancy Charges for LEGITIMATE Mental Health Absence days that I provide sufficient Medical Documentation to justify!  Besides, even when you do send them on Psychotic Days, you get the immediate Call to come pick them up... so it's a Catch 22 either way, you can't Win for Losing!   But my Heart ached for this poor Woman in the waiting room, as if it's not bad enough a Custodial Grandparent is trying to raise a profoundly Disabled Grandchild, The System makes it MORE difficult and MORE of a Hardship than it already is... it's a disgrace!

So... that's the sort of conversations you hear whilst eavesdropping in the Waiting Room of Adolescent Mental Health Facilities... not exactly an Encouragement nor Uplifting.  My Exaggerated Head Space was expanding, mebbe I just shouldn't have overheard THAT conversation coz now I'm even more pissed off and agitated!  *LOL*   The Young Prince had overheard it too... "See!!!" he hisses vehemently, "This is ALL a waste of time... nothing will ever Change or get better... I want to leave NOW!"   About that time Mercifully they call us in... and Clark helps me Calm him down a bit... enuf to get thru said Meeting of Strategies for School and getting him an Education of some kind.

He's amenable to going to the Charter School, why not he says, I have nothing to loose, True that!   Will it be another Failure, perhaps, but at least I will have tried one more thing in the Laundry List of previously Failed things... to try to get a Seriously Mentally Ill but Genius Child an Education.  So that Hopefully one day he can manage Independent Living and be a contributing member of Society and tap into his Genius Beautiful Mind effectively... perhaps? 

  Either that or he'll need Lifetime Caregiving by me or someone else... or Institutionalization off and on or permanently... or be sitting on a Park Bench in the Rain, I'm not Sure???   I don't like to think about it much either, or The Exaggerated Head Space expands further and longer!   I've already got one Adult SMI Child, his Mother, who went down the Dark Path and into the Abyss that can be Serious Mental Health decline.   I don't like to think about Witnessing another Loved One be an absolute train wreck.

So... we get thru said Appt. relatively intact and I'm anticipating cooperation now and no more resistance, silly me, because I'm offering the allure of a Nice Healthy Restaurant Dinner option as a Reward to us both.  Especially since I missed Breakfast and had a crappy Lunch I was rather looking forward to the Comfort of one Good and Healthy Diabetic conscious Meal.  Since Hell, I have to embrace my grim diagnosis and prognosis and it's not as if the Kiddo is unaware I got serious Health Issues going on.  But he's in Psychotic Mode, remember?

I don't want to go to that Healthy Menu Restaurant, but you can, you're the Diabetic... I'll just watch you eat.    Aw shit, this after he's whined about being ravenously hungry for the past two hours on drive to Appt. and waiting for Appt. and during Appt.!!!  "I want McDonalds!" he protests loudly!  Clearly McDonalds is not the most Diabetic Friendly Menu option on the Planet, and it's not even Real Food, so I already know I'm not eating there... but...

  If you have never, ever, tried to Reason with a Psychotic Person, Word Up, don't waste your breath or your precious energy and time.  Don't get sucked into their Psychosis... contact has been Lost with external Reality and engaging is futile and could even escalate to some pretty intense shit you don't wanna hafta be handling!  Especially not trapped in a vehicle with them careening down the road together!  You'd be Proud of me tho', I didn't push him out of the moving vehicle {they frown on Parents doing that no matter how your overall Sanity is Tested... Winks}... I didn't even do a Thelma and Louise tho' I felt like it... yay Me!  A small Victory, but a Victory nonetheless!

I went thru the McDonald's drive-thru, stoic... he ate his greasy non-food contently and during the long Silent drive *Home {See Footnote: we actually then went to Urgent Care for the Ear he couldn't hear out of...}... we said nothing.  And eventually The Shark look left his Eyes... and as we rolled into the driveway it was as if nothing had happened... which is the Surreal part of dealing with those living with Mental Illness... the Switch.   The Switch is even more eerie actually than the Psychotic Event to me... or the time leading up to it, which you can usually see coming on if you're vigilant... and you better be!

Because how do you do it... pretend like it didn't happen either?  Because YOU will remember it, all of it and how awful it all was.  Well, for me, and especially after a very intense day where too many Negative things happen and I become completely Overwhelmed, I just fall into bed and Sleep it off.  Because whenever I wake up, it's usually a brand new day... and we can start over with a blank slate.   

By then The Exaggerated Head Space where Drama reigns and skewed perspective is disabling and renders you practically non-functional has subsided... and it can be back to business as usual in Mi Vida Loca.  Where you wake up the next Morning and realize, Yup, The Man forgot he was going to make you that Dinner you Needed last Night, you even forgot to wake up or be woken up and take your Insulin Shot before a NORMAL Bedtime... and this is why you're probably doomed Girl!

*PS Footnote: Ooops, I almost forgot to add that we also squeezed in an Urgent Care visit for him for that pesky Ear infection brought on by Spring Allergies... coz with Kids it's ALWAYS SOMETHING... so just a little somethin-somethin thrown into the already Crazy Mix... because why not have a Medical semi-emergency when he can't hear out of one Ear, right?!  *winks*


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Monday, March 20, 2017

I Got The Fever... Spring Fever!

I got the Fever... Spring Fever... and I got it BAD!   I Love Spring, it makes me want to spend all of my time outdoors in Nature.  I pay attention to Nature more in the Springtime, at least I thought I did.  This Owl was perched on one leg in a Tree, on a branch inches from my head as I sauntered by, in a Parking Lot by the Barnes & Noble Bookstore, quietly watching me, unafraid!!! 

 Had it not swiveled it's head, like Owls do, catching my attention by the sudden unexpected movement, I might have missed it!   Even tho' it was so close I couldn't believe my Eyes!  Pedestrians scurried by... unawares of Nature's close Presence... Calmly watching us!  I fumbled for my Cell Phone to take these Images, Hoping it wouldn't fly off... it Graciously allowed me to take several, even very close ones, with a stern gaze looking straight into my Eyes.

Sometimes Nature seems to be Preening and Showing Off as we take Notice... and take our Photographs of them.   Look at me, aren't I Splendid?  Yes, indeed you are!!!   And when Nature Vogues for the Camera and I can capture such Amazing Imagery thru the Eye of my Lens I couldn't be more Thrilled!  Thank You, for being Still and allowing me the privilege of capturing your Magnificence in the Moment that we meet!   I think to myself, is this your first ever Photograph, that will Forever now capture your Essence, Personality and Beauty!? 

I think of all the Animals that have Lived their Lifetime and Died without ever being seen, let alone Photographed!   Of all the Flowers that Bloomed and put on some of Nature's Greatest Breathtaking Shows, but without an Audience to even See the spectacular Spectacle!   I think about God Creating such Beautiful Diversity down to the tiniest of details, just for His Pleasure in all of Creation, across our vast Globe and beyond, to the Stars and Galaxies that Exist... and I stand in complete Awe!

Each and every Moment various Creatures go about their Instinctive and Important Work, doing what they do... and we barely Notice.   Various studies are tossing about the theories that if the 20,000 species of Bees became extinct, Mankind might not last any more than 4 mere years!!!  Or at the very least, have devastating consequences of just this one seemingly lowly Creature disappearing from our remarkable Planet!!!   The Bee's Work clearly is more Important and crucial than any Work I've ever performed, I'm not that indispensable, a very Humbling thought indeed!

The normally barren Desert floor is carpeted in many areas with a profusion of various Wildflowers thriving after our unseasonably Wet Winter.   Individually you might not take Note, but in such profusion you can't Help but Notice and have it take your breath away!!!   It's hard for me to drive by any area where Nature has decided to put on such a Show roadside because I keep wanting to stop and linger... to soak it all in!

Lately I've been taking to going to Fav Restaurants to get Take Out munchies I can take along on Nature Walks and nosh on as I have 'Dinner and a Show' so to speak.   This day it was Fresh Open Fire Charred Garlic and Herb Naan Flatbread the size of a Pizza, that I got from an Afghani Halal Restaurant downtown that has the most delish foods on the Menu.  It was so Fresh and Hot I could barely hold it, this is only a half of one piece... you get two enormous pieces for about two bucks!

I want to spend every Morning taking Nature Walks all over the Desert areas around the City.   This is the Ideal time of the year for me to ramp up my exercise regimen and get out to Walk as often and as long as I'm able.   I Wish that The Man could still do the Walks with me, we used to Walk Miles together, sometimes every day before or after Work.   Taking Nature Walks with anyone is the most Fantastic Quality Time spent together, communing with Nature and with each other.

But even on days when I can't get out and Walk or leave Home, our Yard is in Bloom with the Cacti I brought over and transplanted from our Old Homestead.  I couldn't bring the hundreds of varieties I had there on our Acreage, since Villa Boheme's Yards are much smaller and thus easier to maintain.   I do miss so many of my Cacti and Wildflowers I had at Old Bohemian Valhalla, but to whom much is given, much is required.   I am now Enjoying less Work in a smaller more Curated Landscaped Parcel of Land.

Out here so close to the Natural Desert I've found that the transplanted Cacti are behaving differently, which was really unexpected.  They used to close up their Blooms at Night when growing in the City... but out here they stay open Night and Day, to be pollinated by the profusion of Native Creatures I suspect out here in the Rural Burbs!?!   I watched as tiny Bats came to pollinate last Night, attracted by the dozens of Bright Blooms on this one Cactus!!!

And at this higher elevation near the Mountain Range they are Blooming more prolifically as well.   Though there are already dozens of Open Blooms that have been flowering for days, more Buds are now appearing until almost every inch of the Cactus explodes with Color!

One of my other transplants is this one, which was a Fav of The G-Kid Force... it is a Night Blooming Variety mostly pollinated by Bats and might remain open thru early Morning.  The Blooms are very tall on long slender stalks that wilt and fall over once spent.  I could only take a small portion of this Cactus with us so this is an Image from the Old Property during a Blooming cycle when the plant was whole.   But it seems the smaller transplants are doing Okay in their New Environment and I soon Hope they grow as large as the original clump of them was so I can get Shows like this every Spring.

Every so often we catch sight of the Wild Burro roaming about in the Desert... not so much near the Cities.   Though a few herds have learned it's Easy Living near smaller Tourist Towns like Oatman, Arizona, where they have become rather a famous attraction and can be hand fed.  If you roam the backroads you often see them and like the Range Cattle, they aren't that concerned about the occasional Traveler passing through.   Sometimes they won't even bother to get out of the middle of the dirt road, getting a bit of a Thrill of having the Right Of Way.  *Smiles*

Yes, Spring in the Desert is Timeless... and every single Spring I got the Fever, Spring Fever... and it lures me outside to Commune with Nature and re-discover it all over again!   As if for the first time... and yet, so very Familiar that our Spirit Connects on a very Deep Carnal level.

And even as hyper as I typically am, out in Nature I can easily be Still... and Rest in that Stillness, renewing myself and soothing any racing thoughts.  In Nature is a Quieter Natural Meditation and a Special Closeness to The Creator of it all... His Presence everywhere is Magnified with the absence of what Man has Created.

And of coarse at Home we Create our own little Natural Worlds, filled with many varieties of Plants that aren't Native but which thrive and add to the Beauty of our Gardens.   I have a particular Fondness for Bulbs and I stick some in just about every Pot I own to Bloom Seasonally for that brief period they do... alongside whatever is growing in the Pot year round and is more visible longer.

Yes, in the Manicured Burbs it's not quite the same as the Reckless Show of Nature we had at the Old Homestead's Acreage... but it can still be quite Lovely in it's own way.   And if I want to see Nature unobstructed by Man, I need only to travel a little ways up the Road to the untouched Pristine Desert to the West of us.    I find it rather ironic that the very word Manicured has the words 'Man' and 'I' and 'Cured' in it... as if we Humans, in trying to Tame Nature, have Cured or improved upon a damned thing that Nature itself can clearly do BETTER... we're so Arrogant sometimes aren't we?  *LOL*

So I'll end this Post with an Orange Blossom and have you Imagine the heady Scent of it's Rich Intoxicating Aroma hanging in the air... Happy Spring my Friends... have you got The Fever too?


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian 

Sunday, March 19, 2017

For The Good Of All

This is going to be a Dark Post and perhaps a difficult read but it needs to be said and so I'm just gonna say it... with few Images, since my storage capacity is maxed out and yet I still have a lot to say in my little Bloggy World.  And I'm part of The Resistance so my Militancy cannot be stifled, nor can I be pushed off my humble Soapbox and silenced so long as I have breath left in me!  If it's on my Heart and Mind you can't shut me up!!! *Smiles*

That was my Disclaimer, so if you're here for Pretty Pictures and Inspiration, just know that Today is NOT gonna be the day... not here.   And it's Okay if you come back some other time when it is and I'm not going Deep and Contemplative about the State of the World... especially my World and my observations of it.  Which you don't have to Agree with... we can Agree to Disagree, I'm Okay with that too.

When Economic downturns and Social instability exist then resources tend to be protected and rationed... so Society reverts to Wild Kingdom Mode as I like to call it.   Mankind is supposed to be a higher functioning species than most of the animal Kingdom, but really we're not so different on a carnal and instinctive level than any of the other animals surviving on this Planet.

When the above aforementioned environment exists, then someone has to go overboard and so long as it's not 'them', well, 'they' can be Okay with that 'sacrifice' of someone who isn't them or theirs.  And until it's YOU... well, you can feel Secure that nobody is gonna throw you or yours overboard for 'The Good Of All'.

And to tell those going overboard, hey, it's for 'The Good Of All' is no consolation is it?   As I watch with a heavy Heart the Political shitshow playing out daily after this crazy election, and even instability around the World, I realize a lot are going to be thrown overboard for 'The Good Of All', or so they say and want us to Believe.   I'm NOT a Believer that way anyway, it goes against any Godly Belief I have... so I simply won't be a part of it.  Even if Fear is trying to be instilled daily to make it seem more palatable and Socially acceptable.  

 And I realize that until each knows it's not going to be them being cast overboard, they could be Okay with that... and that is even more horrifying as a measure of the demise of a civilized Society in my humble opinion.  One with a conscience and any compassion left within the Hearts of the 'All' we speak of.  When we can justify doing the Wrong thing for perceived Right reasons, it's a slippery slope into the Abyss of whose next to 'sacrifice' or vilify or turn on?

How any Society treats it's most vulnerable, those with no Voice and no apparent or perceived Value to The Whole, is indeed a measure of said Society. In the animal Kingdom of coarse the weak, the old, the very young, the different, the most vulnerable, the disabled, the sick, the dying, well, they usually don't make it once separated from The Herd protecting them.  But mass hysteria and Fear can alter The Herd's behaviors and protective instincts in peculiar ways... Predators know this.

 If a Predator of a high order is present, even the most diligent of Herds attempting to protect the most vulnerable in their midst usually won't be very successful.  If you've watched the Wild Kingdom shows it can be pretty brutal and horrific can't it?  Do we really want to see Human Beings suffer that fate due to the reality that they Need protection by the rest of us?  And that some will be trying to convince us they should be 'sacrificed', you know, for 'The Good Of All'?

Is it so overwhelming to perceive Investing in the most vulnerable among us is going to actually jeopardize the well being of 'The All'?  Clearly when so much is squandered or exploited by the privileged among us, can we really justify making it up by taking away what little the most vulnerable in our Society receives for their very Survival and any Quality of Life or a mere Existence? 

I find it very hard to swallow that by cutting every lifeline to the most vulnerable in our Society that 'The Good Of All' is going to be Served.   No matter what Spin is put upon it, that doesn't ring True for me... there is a deeper Agenda I suspect, an insidious, callous and convenient one actually.  I could find it more plausible and even palatable to make the cuts where there is so much excess that it is vulgar and obscene.  

But of coarse that won't happen, excess Privilege equals Power... and perceived Value in our Society is measured by such Success.  How much Money are we gonna allegedly 'Save' is being touted as admirable, regardless of whom it 'sacrifices'.  Once overboard we don't have to sustain or worry about 'them' on our ship, they'll drown and all will be right with the World... or will it?

 See, there will be more for YOU if we take it from THEM... who is THEM is subject to change without notice.  When will YOU become a THEM you should be asking?  Power corrupts, absolute Power absolutely corrupts... Trust me, Believe me... isn't that what 45 likes to say?  I never Trust or Believe anyone who says that too much... he says it way too much, Why?  I Wonder shit like that when assessing People and their possible Agendas and why they say certain stuff that sends up Red Flags in my Brain, especially too often.

  If a Millionaire or Billionaire receives even a minuscule cut for 'The Good Of All', will they even miss it after all... and would it really be 'sacrificial'?  They wouldn't even have to be thrown overboard, in fact, nobody would.  Their very Survival wouldn't be affected at all actually, to have a little less and still have a lot.   When you have so many zeroes in your net worth I'm not saying you have to Save the World or even that you didn't earn it, you probably did.

You don't even have to be a Great Philanthropist or not be overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of Need without limits that some in Society will always have by the hand dealt them.  It IS overwhelming, ask anyone who is Living it daily... Caring for those with an 'Ever' situation going on.   Someone with no Cure, no Recovery date, perhaps even no Hope of it ever getting better from their Lot in Life.

For those of us knowing we're living in 'Everland'... it's daunting enough to know that the Loved ones need Advocacy and protection... and the responsibility of prolonged Care for 'Ever'.   You know that as long as they live, or you live, that's your Reality.   We can often endure a lot when we know it's temporary, when it's permanent then the tables can turn and compassion can have limits.

I know this because in a temporary Crisis most People respond with compassion because there is the perception one can make a difference and alleviate some burdens or suffering... for a while... until it's over.  With a comfortable amount of Investment that isn't overwhelming and has results that are mostly positive and uplifting.  Things we Value... Happy Endings.  We don't like Endings that are not going to be Happy, do we?  Almost no Hollywood Movies have Unhappy Endings for that reason... even the most terrible ones.  You couldn't Sell a Movie like that to the masses... too scary, depressing and overwhelming! 

 It's admirable when compassion responds with Love in Action by Society or a Community.   When it is never over tho', that Investment has no time limit, might be perceived as making no difference to the outcome... and since it's never over, compassion grows tired and weary.  Is it all Worth it?  We like to think everything has Worth you see when we Invest in it... Value... and we thus place Values on things... and even upon People... Human Beings... based on their Contributions mostly and their Outcome.

The weak, the old, the very young, the most vulnerable, the disabled, the sick, the dying, the different... are often Valued less in the Grand Valuing System put in place by who contributes what to Society and 'The Good Of All' mentality.  Who will we come for first then?  You know, when the shit hits the fan and things get shaky and shady, when stability falters and Society looks for who must go overboard because they're potentially ballast and there is fear that the ship is sinking?

After all, we can't all go down with the Ship... nowadays even the Captain has a tendency to bail and go for himself when the ship is going down!  We need to keep this ship on top of the water and not shipwrecked!  So perhaps in the Mind's Eye there can be Justification for 'sacrificing' someone else... you know... so long as it isn't YOU... or yours?! 

 Isn't that how it goes?  There might not even be any Guilt or Sorrow about who went overboard.  Involuntarily of coarse, 'coz it's not like they had a Choice anyway, they were thrown overboard.  Ah Yes, the 'convenient' handy sacrifice that couldn't resist enough not to be victimized or exploited for the alleged 'Good Of All'.  

 Perhaps we can Hope they can Swim or Float to 'safety', where I dunno... that Illusion is possible... in a Perfect Imaginary World anyway.  But we're not living in a Perfect Imaginary World, are we, this is Real shit... with Real people... but we don't like to have to think about what will happen to those 'sacrificed'.  If we don't have to SEE their actual demise we might be able to just gloss over it and get on with our little lives unaffected by what has been done to 'The Others'. So long as it's NOT us... erasing it from Memory or conscience, forgetting any atrocities committed against 'them'.

I don't like what I see, I don't like what the masses are apparently becoming Okay with in the way of who and what to involuntarily 'sacrifice' for the alleged 'Good Of All'... with 'The All' being Them, and the sacrificed being 'NOT Them'.  I guess I'm the Fool that has overdosed on compassion to the point that tho' I am indeed weary and tired of extending it as a long time Caregiver, I feel enough conscience and Investment in whose on my ship that if it goes down, I guess I'm going down with it.

And I'm not throwing anyone overboard for my Good or 'The Good Of All' because I couldn't sleep at Night with that blood on my Hands and knowing I was a part of such callousness towards any of Humanity, not one.  I couldn't be accountable to my God for that either or make sufficient excuses for justifying that kind of Inhumanity and logic, or the lack thereof. 

  I will Trust that if I go down with my Ship and trying to Save the most vulnerable still on board, that God will sustain me for doing the Right thing, the Godly thing.  Therefore I am part of The Resistance... and I might be a small Voice but I'm a f---ing loud, tenaciously persistent one I tell you!  Even if we don't prevail and we're thrown overboard as the ballast of our seriously altered Society and the gods they might Worship... or not.  I couldn't even presume to know, but I suspect things and agendas are being Worshiped and People are therefore being Sacrificed at their Altars?


Darkly and cynically contemplatively yours Today from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Our Anniversary And Making Ten Bucks At The Yard Sale That Day...

Today was our Anniversary... we been Married a very long time.  And due to the complexity of the Caregiver Thing we got going on daily with The Man and The G-Kid Force... well, we weren't sure we were even going to try to do anything Special, let alone Romantic!  *She throws her head back and laughs maniacally at the utter absurdity of that statement!*  Over the many years of Caregiving I have become resigned to that Fact, our Anniversary is gonna be like any other day... yee-haw!  Tho' in my Mind's Eye I still Feel like we should attempt to do something... anything... even if it's not Special, let alone Romantic... and even if we have to drag The Force along and usually under protest?!

So, the Sweet and Friendly Neighbors directly next door had wanted to Host this Block Yard Sale, which would run Friday thru Saturday, so why not participate and try to make a buck, even tho' it would be our Anniversary and all Today?   Friday didn't go too badly, but immediately I realize that in this more affluent Subdivision Hell, most of your Customers are going to be The Help and not anyone from the actual Community.  Why was I so Surprised?  So, I was Thankful for The Help, who were Friendly, Personable and came by before or after working for The Neighbors.  They were mostly my only Customers and bought a fair amount that day.  It was nice not to have to deal with any Pretentious people that day, clearly I get along better with The Help Socially than I can with the majority of The Neighbors.  *Smiles*

The 'Block Sale' had exactly three Participants... us, the Neighbors next door Hosting it... and a Family at the end of the Street.   Clearly they don't 'Do' Yard Sales around here or Community Building Activities much.  *LMAO*  And Saturday, our Anniversary, was a total bust, I made Ten Bucks that day, so packed it up prematurely.   The only thing more Foolish than spending your Anniversary holding a freakin' Yard Sale when it's already in the Ninety Plus Degree Temperature range... is only making Ten Bucks at it that day and seeing it thru to the bitter end!  *LOL*  And tho' I made a Mental Note To Self that this would be the first and last Yard Sale I'd hold in Subdivision Hell, at least between the two days combined I'd made enough for a fancy Anniversary Luncheon at a Favorite Restaurant.  Insert Happy Ending... well, almost... there was LOADS of unexpected Drama and Crisis, as usual, so the Anniversary Date got cut way short... but hey... Mi Vida Loca... like I said before, it was like any other day.  *Smiles*


And I'm now apparently out of my online storage space quota dammit!  So... rather than buy more space, I may have to do a big ole' Purge of Archived Images and Archived Blog Posts since I'm a Pathological Picture Taker and Blog Writer so it was inevitable we would come to this juncture.   So... if you don't hear from me in a while... this will be why... I'll be on temporary hiatus dumping Data like a Crazy Woman to make room for more Blogging!  *Winks*


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Sweet Salvage ~ Backroads And Blooms ~ The Finale'

So... here we are at my Finale' Post of the Backroads and Blooms Event.  It was a heady dose of Spring Fever... the kind of Fever I don't mind having!  I've got The Fever... Spring Fever... and I Need more Cow Bell... *Sorry, couldn't resist...*

Cute Potato Sack Upholstery on this Vintage Chair... I really liked the French Grey with the Pale Yellow and Black.   French Grey could be one of my New Favorite Trendy Hues right now, tho' I don't Decorate with it much, I sure do Love the Vintage Brocante Look.  It's my current New Obsession.

The one piece I left behind and would have liked to of brought Home with me?   This Old Sunshine Biscuits Commercial Display... quite Rare I'd Imagine and the Graphics were still so Bright and Vivid for it's Age!!!

In fact, loads of Galvanized Tin and Black accents, which went so well with Natural Greenery... totally Lovin' that Look too!   Does anyone else have a total Infatuation with Flower Shops?  Well, that and Conservatories!  *Smiles*

Love Old Bikes coupling as Yard Art.  I have a Vintage three wheeler that I initially bought with the intention of riding it.   They say you never forget how to ride a Bike... They were dead Wrong, I forgot... so now it's coupling as Yard Art in our Front Courtyard Entryway!   *LOL*   I am probably going to Steal... um, I mean Borrow this Idea of putting some Seed Packets in the spokes.

The other thing I was totally Luvin' but since The Man already got his New Media Chair I no longer had Need of another Recliner... was this Leather Club Chair Recliner with just the right amount of Patina wear to it... Divine!

This Event's Theme was so Popular that it packed out quickly and thus I couldn't stay all that long.   I tend to get squirrelly once there's too many people swarming around me or I can't easily leave a spot because of people pressing in and Feeling trapped.

So it was a Good Thing that I had loads of Visual Distractions so that I didn't become too Anxiety prone with the Popularity being quite Intense.  I was frustrated that my Camera was losing it's charge and eventually shut down with battery drain, but I did get some good shots before that happened.

Had they been within Budget I would have totally picked up these two enormous Industrial Foundry Refinery Pots with the Fabulous Patina Created by molten Metals and intense heat.   I would use them as Planters in the Front Courtyard, but at a Grand for the two they were too Rich for my Blood unfortunately.  *Boo Hoo!*   Loving the Industrial Palette they were on too!

This Lion's Head Wall Fountain was Awesome too!   I will be Seeking a Water Feature similar to this and some enormous Planters in the very near Future for the Entryway Courtyard.

Hard to wait upon what I Need for New Villa Boheme', but Good Things come to those who Patiently Wait I'm told.   Can't say I'm all that Patient, but I am Waiting... and one out of two ain't bad!?  *Winks*

How Cool is this Vintage Retro Mug Holder with Vintage Mug Assortment in a variety of Hues?   For when you're Pimping your Pull and want that Retro Kitchenette in your Vintage Airstream, this would be Ideal!   Or for that Tailgate Party Hosted out of the back of your Vintage Pickup Truck like those featured in that Book!

I Desperately Wanted this altered wearable Art Tank Top, but it only came in Medium... dammit!   I couldn't squeeze this bodacious figure of mine into a Medium again to save my Life!  *Le Sigh*   So, alas, had to walk away petulantly... and it was SO PERFECT for me, No?   Hopefully my Friend Minnie will be Creating some in BMW sizes soon?

Her Spring Bedding and Linens Line had some Gorgeous Indigo and Sepia... Swooning!!!   I totally dig an Indigo Accented Boudoir!   We have Sepia Warm Tuscan walls in ours so these Indigo Linens and Bedding would look Divine!!!

Loved this Sweet Lil Pillow... with the Vintage Ticking and Needlepoint married together.   But I have more Pillows already than any Sane person should ever own, so I'm trying to Purge some of mine and de-stash the Pillow Closet.   Yes, I have a freakin' PILLOW CLOSET, that's how bad it is!!!!!!   *Smiles*

I Believe this Plant is called Elephant's Ear Succulent and since it does well indoors and outdoors in Arizona I'm thinking I Need to buy some next time I go to the Plant Nursery for Spring Plantings.

In fact, I simply MUST Find some suitable affordable enormous Planters, since I have some Plants I bought last Season that Need to be transplanted into permanent large Planters in the Courtyards.

I'm very fussy about my Planters, and so the ones I can afford I don't Like and the ones I Love I can't afford... Le Sigh... which is why I still don't have them yet!   And numerous Plants are still in temporary Pots until I can rectify that problem!!!

I just don't want to Settle for Planters I don't Love because all enormous Planters aren't inexpensive... and so I'd rather wait until I can either Find ones I Love at a Bargain... or just bite the bullet and Pony Up for the Spendy ones I Lust after.

I think that Statement Planters are Important for an Entryway particularly, they really do make a Great First Impression when you walk up to a Home.   And Lush Plantings in a Courtyard, well, it's a MUST, no doubt about that.  I Need to get some climbing Vines that Bloom for said Courtyards as well.

Okay, so it was totally demented and freaky but I absolutely fell in Lust with this Creepy Clown Vintage Produce Box!   Had it not been too spendy this would have come Home to be part of my Weird and Wonderful Collection of Carnival Kitsch.

Here's a close-up to show you just how freakin' demented this Citrus Company was in choosing this as their Logo... I LOVE it!  My kinda Company!  *LMAO*  Wonder whose Executive Decision that was?  I wanna meet THAT Person!  *Winks*  Because this is the all time Creepiest Clown EVER... Demon Horns and Jack Nicholson Shining slash Joker Smile with beady little Black Eyes... and those Hands!  *Shudder!*

I know... mebbe that's Too Much and would give The G-Kid Force Nightmares and plenty of Couch Time as they grew up and hadda recall Gramma's Creepy Clown Box to some Therapist... Bwahahahahahahahahahaaha!!!

This Vintage Industrial Palette was quite a Bargain, but I kinda prefer the Train type Wheels opposed to the more Modern Rubberized ones.   But the Patina of Age on the Painted Metal bits and the Wood is Perfect.

It wasn't 'til I got Home and downloaded this that I realized what that Wooden Sculpture was actually made from... part of an Old Propeller!  Cool!!!   And that Old Produce Sign is also Ideal for a Country Vintage Kitchen.

It's always Interesting when I go to these Events to see what everyone is holding in the checkout lines... cradling their Finds like newborn babes!  *Smiles*   Some aren't really Seeking Vintage particularly... but the Purists among us are going to be more inclined to Seek out those OOAK items that we cannot possibly get many other places around the City.


Those Special Items in Inventory that were Sourced from all over and you'd spend a Lifetime trying to Find yourself.   In fact, I'd probably need to become an Immortal and Live several Lifetimes to Find as much as I could get at just any one of these Wonderful Events in a single day!

I mean even those of us who Live for The Thrill Of The Hunt realize that Time is finite and we only have so much of it to spare... so we Need a lot of the Work to be done for us.   So that we don't tap out or die before we Find everything we want to Decorate our Homes with or Collect enthusiastically!

And then of coarse there are the OOAK Created items by the various Talented Artisans.  You can't just buy those just anywhere either my Friends... certainly NOT at a Big Box Store or Crafting Chain Store!   Well, I do Hope you've Enjoyed trawling the Spring Even with us these past few Posts my Friends... 'til next time...


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl