Wasted Days And Wasted Nights

 I went to Bed early only to pop right back up at 10:00 p.m. and now here I sit Blogging.  *Le Sigh*  My Sleep patterns are all kinds of messed up lately, so, it's become my Normal I guess.  I've never had great Sleep patterns since I'm ADHD and Bipolar, so, there's THAT, but now I'm Old too, well, I Nap and can't stay Awake sometimes during the Day and then at Night I sometimes just pop back up and just start doing things in the Quiet and Peacefulness that the Night affords me.  I don't mind it actually, so I'm not complaining too much about how erratic Sleep has been for me.  An Old Freddy Fender 1974 Song's Lyrics came to Mind as I was Writing this 1st Paragraph and thus the Blog Post Title Hook was Born.  *LOL*  I haven't even heard that Song since probably the 1970's!

I started doing some Self-Care Regimens again that I always used to do and still have the Products for but had been skipping.  It feels good to get back into the Habit of doing that for myself.   Especially refreshing is doing a Skin Care Routine again, I have good Products for it and it's not like it takes a long time or effort at Bedtime to indulge in it.   I'm trying to stay Healthy and Active, along with taking Care of my Body as it's Aging, in hopes of optimum benefits of doing so.  I am finding that as I'm Aging, I do like the Rituals and Routines even more than I ever did in my Younger Years.  There's something comforting about having them and filling your Day with them, whatever it happens to be.  I tend to be a Creature of Habit, tho' Spontaneity is enjoyed too in many things.

But, my Habits are rather deeply engrained and I like having them, I chucked a lot of Bad Habits and try to replace them with Good Habits.  Many Vices I used to have I don't really struggle with at all now I'm in this Season of Life.  It's one of the Benefits of Maturing IMO, and the gaining Wisdom and Experiences, when you enjoy the Privilege of growing Older, which isn't afforded to many.  I actually Like being the Age that I am, I find it unrelatable when I meet someone who doesn't embrace having grown Old.  I don't Feel "Old", I just am advanced in as many Years as I've enjoying Living.  Mostly I don't Feel any different than I ever did as a Person, I still am who I've always been, I've just been Me longer is all.  *Smiles*

I do miss all those who are Gone now, and there are so many now, seems like another one is Gone in rapid succession now, that's always hard.  The Loss.  Whether they Move Away or Pass Away, Gone is still Gone in most cases, one just more permanent 100% of the time than the other.  Almost everyone I was tight with for a long time is Gone now, shrinking that Inner Circle considerably over Time.  I find it harder to want to cultivate Relationships with anyone 'New' in Real Life now that I'm Older, with Blogging, it's Simpler to, I don't know Why, but, it just is.  Mebbe becoz here in The Land of Blog less barriers exist to connecting, you just hop Online and whallah, connecting.  As much or as little as you want to or can manage.  Real Life can be more complex.

Real Life can get really fucking complicated as you Age, for a variety of reasons tho'.   So, navigating all of that is an Experience and sometimes I do okay with it and sometimes I don't really, and muddle thru these Years they like to call The Golden Ones.  *Bwahahahaha*  Sometimes they seem more Electroplated than actually Gold Plated, don'tcha think?  *Winks*  I like how Liberating getting Old has been for me personally, I actually enjoy having less Fucks to give.  It Simplifies many things considerably.  I would not want to be Young again in this Day and Age, too much is all kinds of Fucked Up.   And I do have concerns for the Future that these Young People will Inherit and have to run so much damage control behind in the wake of their Elders, if there even will be a Future to clean up?!  I Hope there is.

I didn't initially intend for a Deep Thought Post to evolve.  I'm not Feeling particularly Deep in my Thought processes lately, I've been quite Superficial in fact... on Purpose.   I did get all caught up on Blog Reads and making a smattering of Commentaries on some Blogs.  I'm actually more of a Lurker, Truth be told, I think many Dear Readers probably are?   I'm not as interactive a Blogger, I'm more prolific on my own little Slice here than I am about making the rounds elsewhere or being interactive there on the Spaces you all Create here in The Land.  I think in Real Life I'm the same way tho', I'm Nice to everyone and Close to few.  And I don't do a lot of Socializing, I like People, I'm just more of a Lone Wolf in my preferred State of Being.  It's less complicated.

Simplifying Life is what I'm all about as I head towards the Horizon of Life.  Simplicity just really appeals to me now, I enjoy doing the Simplest of things and having uncomplicated Relationships with People.  That can be challenging with some People who tend towards being complicated or high Maintenance, so, the fewer of those I'm connected to, especially if they aren't Loved Ones, the better.  I probably wouldn't be a good Match for you anyway if you require a lot of Maintenance in your Relationships with your Friends.  I just don't have it in me to Maintain you then... or the Desire to actually.  Just keeping it 100... if you even Smell like Drama and a Headache, stay away from me actually, we'll both then be better off.  *LOL*

During COVID and the mandatory lockdowns and such, I found that I actually liked the Solitude and disconnect.  So, when Life resumed, and it all lifted, I chose to keep some of the Habits we incorporated during the Pandemic Years.  A lot of folks fell away, or Passed Away during those trying and scary times, so, it culled a lot of People one way or the other.  And Priorities sure shifted, didn't they?  So much I took for Granted before all of that, I didn't after all of that.  Life is fragile and that amplified just how fragile it all is.  I fully realized that tho' Death didn't actually scare me, Dying horribly sure did, and so I took a Pandemic quite Seriously, it wasn't a pleasant way to Go, that's for sure.  So anyone who didn't take it as Seriously, I cut them the Fuck loose immediately... and never resumed Contact actually.

If Natural Selection didn't take them out during it, I considered them just Dumb Lucky is all.   And since you can't Fix Stupid, I decided, I didn't want anyone with that much Ignorance inside our Inner Circle, too risky.  Be Well, but also, just Be Gone, you need to find that Tribe you belong to who are Living Life just Dumb Lucky too.  Good Luck with that and we Hope it all works out for ya.  *Smiles and Winks*  Culling continued with the MAGA and their Movement, since, that was a whole other Tribe I wanted not to be Close to whatsoever.  For obvious reasons that had more to do with Character and a Moral Compass, than Politics.  Since, Politics and Religion, prior to 2016, I don't recall ever wanting to discuss with anyone, ever!  Folks tend to be Mental about both Topics, if they're overly Zealous about either one or both.  And I can't be bothered nor indoctrinated, it's a Hard Pass.

Santana said it more eloquently than I ever could and I am in Agreement with that Philosophy.   And Love his Music too BTW.   I do have Friends who are Religious and can be somewhat Mental about their Brand of Religion, but they know my stance on not pushing it on me or with me, their Politics either.   I don't Need Partisan Politics nor Organized Religion of any Brand out there.  It can be so divisive and History has shown has caused so much Harm and committed so many Atrocities, when it's suffered it's fair share of Zealots who become Extremists of Politics or Religion, mebbe both at the same time, which is even worse.   Show me an Extremist of anything and I'll show you someone I would not Trust or find any Alignment with.  Becoz they are not Balanced or Moderate in their thoughts, actions or ways of Being, and that doesn't Feel Safe to me to be around.  It can be quite Dangerous in fact when their Wheels come Off and they careen off the Rails.

The majority of the Imagery in Todays Post is Cribbed from my Younger Brother, the Retired Pro Photographer, of a Renaissance Faire in Cali he covered as Media.  I'm light on Blog Fodder Images and he's Cool about his Big Sis borrowing his Pixs coz he gives them to the Entertainers for Free that he Photographs as a Gift to them too.  The Beauty of his Craft that he's captured thru the Eye of his Lens will definitely be his Legacy.  He was never one of those very successful Photographers that becomes a Legend in their own Minds tho', he's got a lot of Humility about how good he actually is and downplays it.  He commends me on my Amateur Photography and I've appreciated his Professional Critiques to help me become a better Photographer.  Even tho' I use crap Cameras and still can't take a decent Selfie to save my very Life.  *LOL*

 

 He said with how advanced Technology is now and the Quality of Cameras on everyone's Phones, almost anyone can take Professional Grade Photos now.  I agree, some of my Grandkids take the best Photos, especially Selfies and Pixs of their Kids.  My Brother has told some of my Granddaughters that they are good enuf in Print to Model, and so some now do.  Even some of the Older ones, that would be past the usual Prime of Modeling, he said could still fool anyone into thinking they were much more Youthful than they are and still get Work Modeling.  They appreciate his Professional advice about how to give the best of themselves in front of the Lens.  He's Photographed Top Models and Celebrities during his long Career.  He said not all of them look in Person like they do in Print.  *Winks*

And he said some folks are just Photogenic, and some folks aren't, even if they look amazing in Person, it won't mean they can or will take a good Photograph.  I always found that Interesting about Photography and know that it's True.  Of coarse now with AI and even with Photoshopping and Filters, you can make anybody look any kind of way and better.  But, my Brother told me that's not exactly 'New', he used to Air Brush Photos before they went to Print, back when that's what they'd do to make the Photos of the Stars and Models look more Editorial and Perfect.  Along with Professional Hair and Makeup Artists, he said anyone can be made to look Good.  *Winks*   When The Daughter was quite Young some of the Agencies my Brother was Working for too, told him she should come to Cali to Model but he advised us against it.  She could have done well he said, but that Industry eats folks up and spits them out.

And he said Pretty Faces are a Dime a Dozen and so it's rare that you get by on just your Looks and it will Cost you in other ways to become well known or even Famous.  He's got some Stories... mine pale in comparison to his.  *Winks*  If he had a Blog...  *Smiles*  I always enjoyed my Brother's Hollywood Stories but it burst some Bubbles and Illusions I had, that's for sure.  It's a seedy Industry and frankly, a lot of broken Dreams and broken People that didn't make it... or did make it and it still ate them up and spit them out.  My Brother always respected the Career Choices I became Successful at, but I told him they all have their Dark Sides too.  The closer to the Top of the Food Chain you go, the more you see from the Top and on your way up.  Some Stories have to remain untold, let us just say. 

There was a lot more Corruption in Banking than I Imagined there would be.  I only made it to being an Assistant Vice President as a Corporate Executive and running Three to Five Departments.  Tho' if I'd stayed in the Game long enuf I could have become a Vice President and run more Departments, I no longer wanted to, for any amount of Money.  The Industry back when I Retired from it had a LOT of Corruption going on and the RTC was taking over and Closing down a lot of Financial Institutions.  Corporate Buyouts and Mergers were happening at an accelerated Pace too.  So if you were high up the Food Chain, you had no Job Security anymore coz they'd bring in their own People and Clean House, not based on Merit.  It weakens the effectiveness of a Corporation or our Military to do that, Trust and Believe, if the most Qualified aren't meritoriously considered.

 And much like what is happening now with this Regime bypassing very Qualified Women and People of Color for Promotions and giving the Promotions to less Qualified White Men, or finding ways to get rid of you, that's nothing 'New' either.  I find it Ironic that folks are Pearl Clutching like they never heard of such a thing... come on... are you 'New'?!!!!!?  It's so handy to assume all Women and all People of Color must be DEI Hires and not Qualified.  And with this Prez's Nepotism and Cronyism the ones he installed are actually the DEI Hires by definition, Unqualified, Incompetent, and poorly equipped for Handling their Positions.  And at the DA's Office I did see the disparities in the Criminal Justice System, magnified, when you're working all the Bureaus and their Cases, so you  get to see it all.   Plus there isn't Money in the Prosecution side of that Industry, only on the Defense side, which, that's messed up as it is, so it's no wonder folks get the best Justice that Money can Buy.

Of coarse under this Regime the DOJ is now just another Corrupted infiltrated Tool he's using for himself and his Billionaire Buddies to get away with their high profile Crimes and Cover Up past Serious Crimes, including Protecting Pedophiles.   Coz the Trafficking of Humans is a very, very, profitable Business.  Regardless of the Age of said Victims, it's more lucrative than the Selling of any Drug.  Coz you can only use or Sell a Drug once.  Follow the Money.  Since they're not even trying to Follow the Money, it's definitely being Covered Up at all levels IMO.  How far they've Infiltrated now into The System, well, it's completely a Pay to Play Game now, all the way into and up to the Supreme Court with the Bought Justices on that Bench.   

And Career Public Servants who know what they're doing and have Integrity and Experience, are quitting, being threatened and intimidated, forced out, or Retiring early.  And replaced by dangerous Extremists, Incompetents, and Unqualified Loyalists who will Bend the Knee and Kiss the Ring and his Ass, or are drunk on the Power, or just Drunks like Hegseth, who is a Drunken White Supremacist Warmonger... and the exaggerated Pandering to Donnie Two Dolls is truly nauseating.  They have to constantly tell him how wonderful and fabulous he is when in his presence.  In Hopes they won't end up under the Bus, like so many have when he's displeased, irritated, Mental and agitated, or bored with them, or needs a handy Scapegoat to Sacrifice. 

 I hear he's already "Bored" with this illegal War he started!!!  Oh, how very Privileged to be "Bored" with a War you began and will never Fight in or Die for, coz you were too Cowardly to Serve during Wartime and faked Bad Feet and Dodged the Draft Five Times.  But are Sacrificing other Human Beings for your fucking Ego and pretending to be a Tough Guy.  And our Congress shirking their duties, they should all be Fired and replaced, they should be the ones not getting Paid coz they're doing Fuck All and relinquishing their Duties to an unhinged Despot.  If they're doing nothing that is their Job, what Use are they anyway to the American People?   I say give the TSA Workers and other Public Servants not getting Paid, but doing their Jobs admirably anyway, the Salaries of all of the Congress.  Problem then Solved on Two fronts.  When those Fuckers in Congress don't get Paid, perhaps it will light a Fire under them to do the Fucking Job they were Elected to do and Represent their Constituents?

I got lots of Solutions to some of these Problems.  *Winks*  A Marie Antoinette Solution for this Prez would be just Fine with me too.  Live Stream it in fact around the World, Pay For View would be a Nice Touch, and garner some much needed Funds to replace what he's Stolen from all of us that has Bankrupted our Nation.  Too Soon?  I think not, Too Late IMO actually.   The War he illegal started keeps ramping up and it's looking like it will spiral out of Control now that other Arabic Nations are getting bombed that have aligned with the U.S. and are now Targets.  We're spending big bucks on countermeasures to take out inexpensive Drones the opposition is using.  The Drones are quite effective and economic weapons that even smaller Countries and Terrorists can use en mass and quite successfully against larger richer Nations.  Even some damage and loss of Life caused is still Losses. 

It's actually Cooler Today with a nice Breeze, this Morning, so Amber came over, she and The Son do Walks around our Neighborhood together for exercise.  It's more consistent a Habit if you do it with someone.  He's gained Weight with being out of Work so long, in The Trades he burned off a lot of Calories and it was very physically demanding Work.   He does my Yardwork and Irrigation now, but that's mostly sitting on a John Deere Tractor.  We discovered our Washer is leaking now when we do a load, dammit.  That may mean it's going on the fritz.  I have a Spare Washer I brought with us from the McManse coz I'd just bought front loader Washer and Dryer that I was still making payments on so I didn't convey them with the Sale of the McManse.  I didn't realize this Home conveyed with a brand new Washer and Dryer too.  So, we just put the other set in The RV Garage Mahal. 

So, I've got Towels lining the Hallway soaking up the leakage of the one Load of Laundry I'm doing.  I'm going to have the Guys move it out and check the Water Supply Hoses to ensure they haven't come loose or the drain isn't clogged.  The Guys are also Grilling Dinner, I got some boneless skinless Chicken Thighs on Sale and we Invited Amber to join us.  She's often brought over Food if The Son and The Young Prince will cook it.  *LOL*  She lives with her Boyfriend at his Parent's Home and she doesn't like his Family and says they're unappreciative when she Cooks or Cleans for them, so, she doesn't want to.  *LOL*  Amber is a Trip, she has NO Filter on her Mouth and I sometimes wonder if she is on the Autistic Spectrum?  She is a Special Needs Adult who is High Functional and she Works Three Jobs.  I think she's helping to be Supporting the Boyfriend's Family.  And her Mom has Cancer, so she's paying for some of her Mom's Treatments too.

She's been coming over more coz her Daughter just had the Baby and is living next door to us with TJ's Parents, coz he sure as Hell has nowhere for them to Live.  He's 65 Years Old and relies heavily on his 85+ Year Old Parents, so now they got him, his 25 Year Old New Wife and their Newborn Baby living there too.  It's why Rob wants to move out, he's been the Caregiver of the Elderly Parents and Maintains their Property for them now so he resents his Deadbeat Brother being there and getting such a Young Woman Pregnant and having a rather Shotgun Wedding coz Amber's Family were really upset about the Union.  Since she's a Special Needs Adult they could have probably filed some Charges on him if they'd wanted to press the issue, coz she's not very competent and I don't know what kind of a Parent to a Child she even can be?

Amber is trying to figure out if she can get her Daughter and the Baby on Social Security, since the Father of the Child is Social Security Aged, the Child could come with Social Security Benefits at Birth.  Even as an Adoptive Parent of my Grandkids, Princess T eventually came with a Social Security Check when I became eligible to draw my Social Security, coz I was a Senior of a Minor Child I was Raising.   There's not a lot of Seniors having Babies, but many Seniors now inherit Babies to Raise that are their Grandchildren or Great-Grandchildren.   Kids are expensive as Hell to Support, so it is helpful if you get more Social Security when you're tasked with Raising any and aren't able to continue Working.  If you're on Social Security, Retirement Pensions, and/or Disability Income, it generally isn't sufficient Income to still be Raising Children on, along with the Medical Expenses most Seniors will also have in their Old Age.

Anyway, I told her that since her Daughter is now Married to TJ, he may have to be the one to apply for the Social Security Disability for her Daughter and for the Social Security for their Newborn.  And Amber doesn't Trust TJ and the way he handles Money or treats her Daughter.  He has a serious Gambling Problem and she suspects he has a Drug Problem too.  Back many Moons ago Amber had a Drug Problem, she's been Clean for Decades now but said she can usually tell when someone is Using.  I think she could be Right, I don't think TJ or Rob are Sober or Clean and the Elderly Parents probably are mostly unawares.  They are Devout Mormons, the Parents, so they actually think their Sons are living a Godly Life!  *Eye Roll... but a lot of Parents are in complete Denial even when there's Evidence their Kids, however Old, are going Haywire.* 

Which Amber thought was hilarious and told Sylvia so, that No, they're not... it's not Godly for her Son to have gotten a 25 Year Old Unmarried Woman with Special Needs Pregnant, when he's 65 Years Old and still living with his Parents and is Abusive.  Sylvia and Amber do not get along becoz of how outspoken Amber is.   But Amber isn't timid about speaking her Mind and spitting the Truth, if you can't handle the Truth, then she figures it's not her Problem, that's YOUR Problem, I am in Agreement about that.   Too many folks these days are Living in their Alternate Fantasy Reality that isn't tethered at all to actual Reality.  Granted, by the time folks are Octogenarians, I don't know how Reality Based their Thinking Processes might be, or not be?   

So I give the benefit of that Doubt to our Dear Octogenarian Neighbors, they are Good People, their Adult Kids are totally Haywire tho', and perhaps they can't Face that Fact or are too embarrassed to admit it?  I can Face when mine are, you have to, for everyone's sake.   Sadly a lot of Churchy Folk have a very skewed outlook on what being Godly even looks like... The Evangelicals think fucking Donnie Two Dolls is a Godly Man... which... need I say more to prove my Point?!  *Huge Eye Roll*  Sometimes the extremely Religious can't spot a Devil when they see one and will devoutly support one, in direct contradiction to what the Faithful should be supporting and condoning, according to God.   

It's why I'm not a Fan of Organized Religions and Extremists of Religion, they can be really some of the worst Offenders of Ungodly Behaviors, Biases, Cruelty, Inhumanity and Attitudes towards other Human Beings that cause Atrocities against Humanity.  Saying any of that is Godly is Blasphemy IMO.    Anyway, the Guys just finished Dinner and it was delicious.  The Grandson took over cooking the Chicken, he made a Spicy Chicken since usually it's only The Man who has to have things toned down.   He was showing his Uncle how to do it on the Stove rather than the BBQ.  The Son is great at Grilling but was worries about drying out the Chicken on the Grill, The Young Prince and Allen are Masterful at cooking Chicken on the Stove to make it delicious, juicy and flavorful with blends of Spices.  They made Sides of Baked Beans and Street Corn.

I Love being Cooked for.  The Man used to be an exceptional Cook before he got his TBI and now he needs strict Supervision in a Kitchen, Safety Prompts, and can't remember how he used to Cook anything, Bless his Heart.   We sure miss the wonderful Meals he used to make us.  And of coarse my Dad was a Master Chef and so I've been Spoiled when it comes to Good Food Preparation by Masterful Chefs, Cooks and Culinary Jedis.  My Younger Brother, along with being an exceptional Professional Photographer, Inherited our Dad's Natural Talent for preparing Food, so he does most of the Cooking in his Home as well, he's exceptional at it like our Dad was.  He just chose not to get into the Food Industry, he did for a brief time in his Teens/Young Adulthood coz he was a Young Teen Parent and Married too Young the 1st time.  And Worked in the Restaurant Industry until he became Known for his Photography and made that his Chosen Career.  It was a good Choice.

The "No Kings Protest" Nationally is even bigger than all the others Nationwide, Millions in Attendance.   Arizona has 79 different Protests Today going on.  I'm so Glad, let that be a Message to Washington that Americans, in the MAJORITY, are Fed Up with this Fuckery and Corruption, we don't want a King, a Tyrant, a Dictatorship, an Authoritarian or Autocratic Fascist Regime, we don't want endless Foreign Wars and Illegally Waged Wars that the American People don't Support, we want our Government to work FOR us, not against us.  They are Public SERVANTS and they Need to be reminded of that Fact, they were Elected to Represent us, not to just enrich themselves and feed their own Egos and Power Trips.  If they're not up to the Job, they need to GO and be replaced by someone who is up to the Job.

*******

Let's not Waste any more Days or Nights my Friends... Let's make every Day Count... Dawn... The Bohemian

I'm Very Extra & Not Basic... Yet Also a Broke Bitch... At The Same Time

 The Son was in a Bad Head Space by Thursday Night and sat in his Room listening to Head Banger Music too loudly and yelling at the Screen and ranting up a Storm, as if he was in an argument with a Real Person in his Room!  These Family Emergencies are wearing on everyone.  I finally had to tell him to turn it all off, since, his Niece has Work early and I've got to wake early to take her to Work, nobody could have slept thru that shit!  And the real intense Head Banger Music sounds positively Demonic and Insane, no Wonder most of their Band Members are Dead prematurely!   Judging by their dreadful Music and guttural primal screams, they were not wanting to be Alive anymore and perhaps Mercifully Death came for them!?!  Such Tortured Souls, it's disturbing!  I don't think listening to that makes a Bad Head Space better! 

So, anyway, once he turned it off then I couldn't try to go to Sleep, so I caught up on some Blogs and decided to start this Post.   I refused to turn on the TV all Day and partially had read an Autobiography of a favorite Female Comedian, Ms. Pat.  It's a tragic Life Story of what all she's been thru, but infused with her brand of Dark Humor, which, I can appreciate.  So, it could make you Laugh and Cry.  I was Surprised it was hard cover coz I ordered it Online off E-Bay and it was inexpensive so I thought it was soft cover.  My other hard cover Decor Book I got at a very deep discount off E-Bay too, arrived as well.  I'd seen it at the recent "Sweet Salvage" Event at Retail Price and got it Online instead at 70% Off with Free Shipping.  Booyah!  I'm loathe to pay full Retail, especially for a Book, they're priced in the Stratosphere now if you pay Retail.

So, anyway, due to The Man's whole slew of recent Health Emergencies and being uncooperative for the Hospital Staff, the Family are duly Anxious about him.  Nothing I can say or do to ease their levels of Anxiety coz frankly, I got enuf of my own to quell.  I hope we will not be having him Yo-Yo in and out of ER's and Hospitals in rapid rotations now?  It's taking a Toll, I've spent more time in the ER, Urgent Care, Hospitals, Caseworkers Offices, and Docs Offices this Month than I have at Home!   Each Family Member has taken their turn to have a Medical or Dental Emergency and Crisis, except me, so, it's just been a LOT all at once, either consecutively or even concurrently.   So 2026 thus far has not been stellar.   And the National and World Stage has been abysmal as well since that Regime was installed.  What else could go Wrong?

Amber called me to see if I'd heard from The Daughter, nobody knows how to reach her, I hadn't, they'd broken another Phone so have none now.  Amber said her new Grandson is Beautiful, but she of coarse feels very conflicted about all of that, for good reason, even tho' it is her first Grandchild.  The Parents haven't even Posted a Pix yet of the Baby on their Social Media, they just Post random shit, TJ has some Pixs of somebody's Horses instead and him in his new Jeep!  And I stand corrected, I always thought TJ was the Baby of the Family of Sons, he isn't, Rob is 2 Years Younger according to their FB Profiles.  So, my Kiddos were Right about that and I was Wrong.   One is 65 and the other is 63.   Anyway, 65 is too damned Old to be Fathering a Baby, especially by a 25 Year Old!  I'm glad the Baby was Born healthy tho'.  *Whew*

I didn't end up going to The Gym this Morning after dropping Princess T off at Work, I'm tired and would rather sit here Blogging, tho' mebbe going later might appeal to me more when I feel more rested?  I can't motivate myself to do a Workout when I already felt spent Physically.  *LOL*  Lately I've been speaking to the Friends of my Adult Kids more than I've been speaking to anyone else, they've all been so concerned about The Man and I, Bless their Hearts.   I look Busted lately, so the strain is showing outwardly now even if I remain Stoic.  Internally I feel inner turmoil going on that has disrupted my Calm considerably.  That's why I initially thought a Workout might quiet some of that?  It might, which is why I MIGHT do it later?  We'll see.  *LOL*

I just Hope when I visit The Man in Hospital sometime Today he's in a better Head Space than he was?  Once he's made up his Mind he doesn't wanna be somewhere, he's gonna be a Pain in their Ass.  And I don't want him released prematurely coz Pneumonia isn't anything to trifle about.  I've known so many folks, especially older ones, who had a successful Surgery and then Died from the complications of contracting Pneumonia afterwards from having had the Anesthesia during Surgery.  It's due to the Anesthesia and Pain Medication administered that cause shallow breathing and leads to Lung collapse {Atelectasis} and Fluid buildup.  The Man already has advanced COPD and Lung Issues, so he's higher risk for any Procedure, which is why they hesitate to do any.  He doesn't even do Elective Procedures anymore due to the risks being high.

But, when you're having a Heart Attack and would Die anyway, they must take the risk.  So, I did know he could end up with complications even if the Surgery is successful and why we kept a close Eye on his Recovery afterwards.  The Moment we don't have a Peace about it, or his Docs don't, back in he has to go.  And then he has to do what he's supposed to do whether he likes it or not.  And right now he's definitely not liking it and is being contrary and unlovely.   He's a very Nice Guy until he is NOT.  Then he can be a real crusty Old Devil.  *LOL*  About the only one he won't Square Off with at that point is me, becoz I can be a crusty Old Devil of all Devils myself, if you want to take me there.  Usually he does not.  *Bwahahahaha*

I've been telling him all the Grandkids and Great-Grandkids are sending us Pixs, and showing him, when I go to visit.  Giving him something to feel like he should Live for still, coz, I don't want him giving up, giving in, giving out.  I think he's still got some Miles left in him, but he's gotta Want to stay on this side of Dirt.   Family is big with him too so I know that can be an encouragement to Fight the Good Fights when he has to.  I know he's Battle Weary tho' and just wants some Rest.  That's when folks tend to Give Up The Ghost as the Elders used to call it when I was Growing Up.  Now I know what they meant.   So, when I interact with The Man about his Health matters, no matter how daunting they are, I come at him like a Marine Drill Sargent.   He responds to that instinctively when given Orders rather than Requests.  *Winks*

This Older Sister of Princess T has been sending us loads of Pixs and I just Love it.  I'd like for her Family to come to the U.S. for a visit when things Calm down, if they ever do?  But, I wouldn't want them trying that now, for obvious reasons.   She's been all over the World and actually went to College in Spain when she was Graduated from High School.  Her Husband is very successful and at one time they were gonna take in one of the Younger Sisters of the Trio Saint Maria was Raising, who is the most of a handful, the Middle One.  When she was giving Saint Maria too much to Deal with.  That one has settled down now and gone back to live with the other Two Sisters.  She has a Boyfriend who cares about her a lot and seems to be a good influence, I'm relieved.

  Out of The Daughter's Trio in Mexico, it was the middle one most like her Mama in that she was The Wild Child.  I was the most concerned about Inheriting that one to finish Raising.  *LOL*  This much Older Sister and the other Sisters are very Grounded and Mature/Responsible, just like Princess T is.  So, I had no worries about them doing Right and being all they Hope to be in Life.  But the Wild One I knew was prone to reckless decisions and she is Special Needs and probably has Mental Health Issues just like some of these others do.  I'd have to sometimes get on the Phone to her when The Daughter would get Calls from Mexico about her, and read her the Riot Act.  It was funny really coz she doesn't speak or understand English, but my Tone and displeasure were enuf.  *Bwahahaha*

All the Kids are reverential to their Elders and they never want me to be upset or displeased with them and they were Angels to their ailing Abuelita Saint Maria.  Being her Caregiver until she Died at Age 90 and she was one requiring Extreme Caregiving by then and those Children did it and they were all just still Minors!!!  Keeping it together and holding it down with no responsible Adult in the Household by then.  It was the Wild One who was most protective of the whole Family when their Dad was messing up and making Life very dangerous.  She'd stand up to anyone, even serious Bad Actors, and even just as a Young Teenager!!!  She's Fearless and shows she has no Fucks to give when protecting her Loved Ones from anyone.  I wonder where she got that from?  *Winks and Bwahahaha, it must be Genetic and at least One of us per Generation is afflicted with it?! Smiles*

  Very much like her Mama and I, that kind of Crazy garners Respect there too I guess, coz even tho' things went very sideways for their Dad, in front of the Children no less when he got shot and abducted that time, his Elderly Mother and the Kids were spared coz that Wild One stood her Ground like a Seasoned Soldier!   She even covered their little Half Sister, who was 5 at the time, with her own Body!!!   This is why I tried desperately back then to get them out of the Country to Safety and here to live with me.  To no avail, our side of the Border just tried to extort a lot of Money that we just didn't have.  Yes, OUR side of the Border, not the Mexican Side, I had no problems with that side being that Corrupt when trying to get those Grandkids!   Go figure!!!  I have no Love for ICE, they've been Corrupt, and recruited too many Thugs, it's not New.

I got Scammed on an Online Order that I thought I was buying from St. Vincent de Paul's Online Thrifting Site for Charity.  Don't think it was, never got the item, luckily it was only an $11 Loss and no other repercussions.  *Whew*  Now I only use E-Bay, it's only the 2nd time ever I've fallen for a Scam using a first time Online Seller not on one of the sites I know well like E-Bay.  Never have been Scammed or even had a Bad Experience by any E-Bay Seller.  I don't Buy much Online but sometimes I can't find something I want and E-Bay has everything and anything you could ever want For Sale, so there's nothing you can't find there eventually.  And usually at a good Deal and often with Free Shipping.  *LOL*  I used to Buy mostly from International Sellers from all over the World on E-Bay, Tariffs fucked that all up tho'.

The Son is cooking Breakfast for me coz he feels Bad about his Meltdown last Night with the Head Banging Music.  You do know I was ready to Kill you about that, Right?, I says this Morning.  Yeah, he said, I'm Sorry, I forget that Sound travels thru the Air Vents and especially at Night when the House is otherwise so Quiet.  Yeah, it does, I felt like I was at a Head Banger Concert and couldn't Escape, so I was risking just Snapping!  *LOL*  It wasn't all that Late when he turned it off, but, Princess T and I had both gone to Bed early, her due to early wakeup for her Shift at Work, me to take her to it.  She wears Noise Cancelling Headphones to Bed so she said she didn't hear a damned thing.  *LOL*  She Deadpanned that there's enuf Crazy in this Household for me to try to Manage, that she doesn't wanna Hear it.  *Wise Child*

But, she said she heard me yelling at him OVER her Noise Cancelling Headphones and thought, Ruh Roh, my Uncle is in the Shits with Gramma!   So, she said she did take the Headphones off for a Minute for a Late Night Showdown Ringside... but he deferred so quickly she figured he Tapped Out before he got Murdered by me.  *Bwahahahaha*  She didn't know Why I was yelling at him, since by then the Music was fucking OFF Stat.  *Smiles and Winks*  He knows better than to Test me.  He's Strong, Young and Scrappy, but he didn't want all his Electronic Equipment to be destroyed if I Lost my Shit and went Postal on his Ass to stop the Music myself! 

 I was close to being there if I'd had to repeat myself one more time!  First I'd said turn it Down... he did... but... I still couldn't stand the Head Banging genre... so then... fuck it... I want that shit OFF!   That kind of Music would send me into Murderous Rage!  My Face must have shown that???  *Winks*   So, I got my Apology this Morning, the Kids are very Sincere about Apologizing when they know they've Tested my very limited Patience, it's not one of my Virtues, Patience.  And tho' I'm adept at suppressing Dark Dawn from being my Dominant Self, if she Escapes and comes forth, and Dawn of the Light lets it or can't restrain it, they know it will not be good to be who that Self is coming for.  *Ha ha ha*  I can and have cleared out a Room, even in Public, if someone Tests the limits of my Patience and tender Mercies.

I'm reluctant to go Off, I'll try reasonable methods first and try to resolve anything amicably with anyone.   But with some they aren't reasonable and won't try to have amicable resolution and then, well, they get exactly what they provoked.   I won't start any fight but I will end one with a flourish if that's what it has to take.  I don't know why some folks just need to be part of a problem rather than wanting to be part of a solution, I really don't.   I'd rather everyone try to find Solutions and work together to resolve Problems instead that benefit everyone involved.  That just makes more sense to me than confrontations and being difficult to the point you provoke Wrath instead.  But when Dealing with someone with Autism it's a Challenge to get cooperation and have them Read Social Cues appropriately.  The Son often acts oblivious to when he's gone too far with someone.

And Autistic folk can get Stuck in their own Bubble and their own Head Space to the exclusion of all around them.  This is clearly what happened last Night and he was having a Psychotic Break too and Arguing with his own Self, so he was Agitating himself and frankly, I don't think that Genre of Music was Helping.   Why don't you Listen to something Calming instead which wouldn't Magnify Agitation?  He likes that Genre of Head Banger Music, which, is hard to Take if you don't like it. *Winks*   And thus he Imagines it's a way to Relax when he's not in a good Emotional State, but I think it makes it worse.   I like lots of Genres of Music, but the Hard Core Head Banger Screaming... and Country Western lamentations, aren't one of them, I find them terribly Depressive Music in different ways.  But, I do like The Blues, so... to each their own in taste of Melancholy or Rage Music I guess.  *Smiles*

I was gonna work in the She Shed but it's already 99 Degrees at 9:00 a.m. so I'm like, Nope, not Today.  I'd have to get out there at Sunup I think to do any Work in there.  I want to clear some of it out to either put into Inventory or Donate.   And then I can haul more out of The RV Garage Mahal again that I've gone thru and want to dispose of.  The She Shed is the interim Storage before it's moved offsite forever, either Sold or Donated.  That's worked very well so far even tho' we didn't get as much done this Fall and Winter as anticipated coz it never got very Cool or Cold, it stayed so Hot that Working in Non-Climate Controlled Space was uncomfortable or just not possible from a Safety standpoint.

Blogging isn't getting anything Done but it is Relaxing and right now I need that more than a tidier Storage Space or even a tidier House.  *LOL*   So much to do that Honestly, it may just take a Lifetime left to get it all accomplished and I'm slowly coming to terms with that possibility.  I shouldn't Care really, it gives me plenty to do as a distraction from the Fuckery of everything beyond our Home's Sanctuary.  As shit continuously unravels, I got plenty to keep me busy and preoccupied on the Homefront that I have a measure of Control over.  The rest is spiraling so far out of Control that there's not a whole lot my little bits of Resistance are accomplishing, but, I'll continue being Militant in making Good Trouble and Resisting.

I was listening to a fav 1966 Song by Buffalo Springfield "For What It's Worth" that I hadn't heard in such a long time.  Yet, the Lyrics are as relevant Today as they were in 1966:

There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
A-telling me I got to beware

I think it's time we stop
Children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down

There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Are getting so much resistance from behind

Time we stop
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down

What a field-day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and a-carrying signs
Mostly say hooray for our side

It's time we stop
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
Step out of line, the man come and take you away

We better stop
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
We better stop
Hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
We better stop now
What's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
We better stop
Children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down

The more we think things change the more they actually stay the same and the struggle continues, as it has for far too long already.  I think there should be a National Vote on War, let the People who will be sent to Fight it decide whether they want to make that Sacrifice or not.  Not the Politicians who very few have ever gone, with the exception of coarse of those Elected who have Served and Fought in a War(s), so know what it's like.  They tend to be much more Cautious about engaging in Conflict becoz they know only too well what it leads to and the Cost beyond Dollars, which is staggering enuf, but not nearly as staggering as the Loss of Life and the extent of Disabling Conditions War leaves in it's wake.   Pretending to have Bone Spurs to Dodge a Draft is far different than someone actually losing their Limbs in Wartime in Service to Country or being Buried by their Loved Ones for making the ultimate Sacrifice for Country.  He wouldn't know anything about that.

Well, it held at 99 Degrees so I thought, Fuck it, I'm doing some Work in The She Shed and I did.  I got Five Milk Crates of Inventory sorted out into Sell and Donate.  So, One Box full is going to Donation when I pick the Granddaughter up from Work and I've got some good Merch to Price in the comfort of my Bedroom in Climate Control as I watch TV or listen to Music.  Don't know I'll get it ready before the Weekend, but I'd like to get it into Inventory for the Weekend when Sales are strongest.  A lot of it is Collectible Vintage Toys that are New Old Stock and those Sell easily and well coz it's rare to find New Old Stock in original Packaging of Popular Toy Collectibles. 

  I may work on my Locked Case to find room for Fresh Merch and just take out some that hasn't moved and just bring it back and rotate it in another time.  I don't do that often, I don't like bringing anything back Home that hasn't Sold.  But the Good Stuff is worth rotating in and out, Storing for a while, then bringing back in Fresh another time, it can make all the difference.  I have Storage Space here for my Inventory so it's not as if I have to Sell any of it with any sense of Urgency right now.  If I can't get what I want for it, I'll Keep it a while longer is all.  The Right Buyer eventually comes along and when they do, you have a great Turn on it.   And for Quality Vintage Toys that are Collectible, there's always a Market.

We've developed a good following of Kids now who make their Parents stop at our Showroom coz we have those inexpensive Bagged Toys that Princess T closed out and marked down.  Her tactic was brilliant, we had too many getting Stolen when they were $3-$6 each, but at a Buck each they don't get Stolen and our Margins are just a little less and the Kids then want their Parents to come to our Mall to Shop.  I see how excited the Kids get to be there and get to Buy something and it makes us Happy too.  I recall when The G-Kid Force were Littles and Budget was tight being Retired Seniors still Raising Kids.  Even the smallest of Buys made them thrilled as if it was a Big Deal.  And then the Parents end up having to stand around while their Kids choose a Cheap Toy and end up sometimes Buying something for themselves.

Win-Win for everyone then, the Customers had a good time and we make some discretionary income to supplement a Retirement that is not keeping Pace with runaway Inflation and a crashing Economy, yet trying to Support Three Generations now.   I can only stretch things so far and it's important to work your Hustle then to make sure you can keep Pace some kind of way and afford the necessities at least, Extra when and if you can.  And you know I'm not you're Basic Bitch, I'm very Extra.  *Winks*  Princess T is too and we like Nice things and will find a way to obtain them.  I have to trade in my Aluminum Today, I didn't do it Yesterday but I have the back of my Truck Bed full now so I need to make that stop too when I go see The Man in the Hospital.

I think I'm gonna hafta borrow Money from our Granddaughter if we owe Taxes when we File, once the Government gets us the Paperwork they neglected to send us of the 1099-R they didn't send for the 6th Year in a row!   I had transferred Money from Emergency Savings, but, if we Owe, even close to what we Owed last Year, it won't be nearly enuf, plus the Cost of Filing.   I don't like asking her for a Loan but it's better to Owe her than the IRS.   And she knows I'm good for it and will give her some Extra for the Favor of covering it for us.  I just don't know how much of the Medical Costs being incurred won't be covered by Insurance?  And he's had a lot of Medical Costs again... and in the past, not all of it has been covered and runs up Medical Debt real damned fast.  I do feel like a Tightrope Walker in a Circus right now with no Safety Net beneath me.

Anyway, I can't dwell on any of it, it is what it just is and the whole Nation is Circling the Drain so I know we're not the Lone Ranger struggling right now to stay above Water.  We're all treading Water unless you are affluent and Money has never been an object to have any concerns about.   We don't have Money to piss away like the wealthy do, so we have to be frugal and mindful of making it last and having it cover what we need for it to cover and everyone it needs to cover that is dependent on us for their very Survival now.  This Government sure doesn't give a Fuck about any of us... nor will they. 

So, anyway, other than all that everything is Swell.  *Bwahahaha*  I'm trying to be resilient and somewhat Hopeful, it's a struggle, I ain't gonna Lie.  Even Guarded Optimism isn't cutting it these days really, can't muster it most of the time.   And I know I'm not the only one feeling that way, many of you are, so we're in good company with one another and sometimes we just need to discuss that Elephant in the Room that's taking a big Shit on the American Public.   I'll feel a little less Stressed after we get our Taxes done and know what we Owe... it's doubtful there's any Refund.  Just like there wasn't any Stimulus Checks that were Promised, and all the other broken Promises that were just a big Long Con Job.  At least I never actually Believed any of it, but I know folks who did and were really counting on it being Real and not more Lies/BS.

I decided I wouldn't go to the Hospital until after Princess T calls for pickup from Work coz her Hours now are so unpredictable now.  She never knows if she's getting her Full Time Hours, being sent Home early and being Cut Hours, or having to work Mandatory Overtime?   I know that's hard on her and now I gotta ask her to pay our Taxes for us if we Owe and cover it 'til I can pay her back... she knows I never ask anyone for Money, so I know she'll agree, I just hate to be in the position to have to ask.  Our Pay Period at the Antique Mall ends Tomorrow and I am sure I'll get a Check, but it won't be enough and April already will be tight again on our Pensions/Disability Income not stretching far enuf anymore.  Let alone Owing Uncle Sugar coz Lord knows he's Bankrupted the Country so they will be Clawing Back all the Taxes they can from us Regular Working Folks and Retirees to spend recklessly.  Not like the Millionaires and Billionaires will be contributing.

I'm more than kinda Sick of it, since I've never been a Sheep with a Herd or Hive Mentality, and I'm fully waiting for the paradigm shift when the Revolt happens and everyone is Fed Up enuf to start flipping the Script.    LATER:  They moved The Man to a more secure part of the Hospital where he can't Escape and just walk out.  He's actually settled down a lot and seems content now with the Hospital Routine, it takes him a little bit to adjust to any interruption in his Regular Routine and now he's more in the groove of where he's presently at, even tho' the Room changed.  His Room now has a Chair they let him sit in and they even took him for a little Walk, so he doesn't feel as 'captive'.  That's helped and so now he's content watching his Programs from his Bed and being there for however long he has to be.  *Whew*

Plus, he thinks the Room Change was coz he's doing better.  I don't know that was the reason, it's a smaller Ward with an entrance the Patients don't know about and isn't marked, so, I think not.  *Winks*  But, if it's just where they have Patients who are a Wander Risk along with whatever put them in Hospital, it's where he should be.  So, Color me Happy and Relieved he won't just walk out of there and I get a Call or go to see him and nobody can find him.  He said he ate and I did see reminders on some Patient's Doors telling staff to remind them to Eat and that it's their Meals, which would be Helpful to him also.  He's not so out of it he doesn't get hungry, but, sometimes he'll play with his Food rather than eating it or not realize it's HIS Food if he's not told it is... even if it's brought into his Room.

 

He actually said he felt better, but, in actuality he didn't LOOK better so I'm still very concerned about him, he's kinda Grey complexion and ashen pallor, which is never a good sign.   To me it indicates severe underlying Health conditions.   So, I don't know how long he'll be Hospitalized, I wouldn't like to take him Home looking like that even if they released him to me coz I'd think we'd be right back in short order when the next thing goes Wrong right away.  I would just like to know exactly what we're dealing with specifically so that I can be the best Caregiver to him under those circumstances we can't always control or manage ideally.  I kept upbeat during my visit since he was in a good Mood and feeling better, even if things aren't better, at least he thinks he is feeling better, and that's a Plus.   And I'll take it.

I didn't get anything Priced that I'd brought into the House earlier in the Day, I just didn't have it in me to do it.  Instead, when I got Home from the Hospital I took a short Nap and then watched Bill Maher, who had Stephen A. Smith {who I really like} and Laura Coates, as his Special Guests to discuss current Events.  I Love Bill's Show and especially when he has good Guests on like these Two, so it was a good Episode.   Funny, but, discussing Serious stuff candidly.   It's all the TV I wanted to watch tho', since the daily Fuckery going on unabated is all Too Much.  And most Sitcoms now are crap I wouldn't waste my time watching.  And most Movies are reruns of stuff already seen more than once.  I don't watch much TV anyway.

 I haven't talked to any of the attending Doctors yet and no Nurses came into his Room while I visited, and I was there a relatively long time since he was in a better frame of Mind to visit with him.   He liked me being there since he isn't getting any other visitors.  It's not like anyone we know will be showing up to visit him.   I put Updates up on our Social Media which is only Open to Family and some Friends, so, they know what's going on and how it's progressing.  I haven't really heard from any of the extended Family who live elsewhere, but, that's not so unusual.  His contact with his Relatives has always been distant, for lack of a better Word.   His Older Brother being the one exception coz Bob does keep in touch more often than any of the rest of his Family have over the Years.   But, he's almost 80 and doesn't use much Social Media.

It's actually easier for me not having to deal with a lot of different people and going over the same information with each one individually.  If it gets to a place where they absolutely Need to know, then I'll make all the Calls.   Bob might be the only one to show up in a Crisis, he's been good about that over the Years and I do appreciate it.   But, frankly, we haven't been able to show up in a Crisis for extended Family either.  Since everyone has their own shit they are dealing with at any given time and you can't always take your Show on the Road to respond to the Crisis of extended Family.   We don't have the Resources nor the ability to and so I fully understand that most other Family don't either... it's okay, they don't have to.   It's neither required or expected.

At this Season of Life I pretty much know you just handle your own shit and your immediate Inner Circle may be your only Backup.   I do think Tomorrow will be devoted to Pricing Inventory I brought inside to do that to and take it in to the Antique Mall when I got visit The Man in the Hospital again.  The Hospital and Antique Mall are within sight of each other, so, that's convenient.   He knows I won't be coming until after I pick the Grandchild up from Work due to her unpredictable Scheduled Hours now.  She doesn't even know when she gets off anymore, just when she comes in now, it's that volatile and rather a Pain in the Ass for those without their own Transportation.  But, at least she's still Employed.   She said the New Guy seems to be working out so it's unlikely they'll call her Uncle for the Position in Receiving.

I will probably go to Bed early, I just feel wrung out Physically and Emotionally and staying up doesn't seem to be much point when you're exhausted on all fronts.   Everyone kind of made whatever they wanted for Dinner, I had the Two Tacos from "Jack In The Box" for $1.99 on my way Home coz I didn't have it in me to Cook anything at all, not for me, not for anyone else either.  So, everyone had to fend for themselves and they did just fine with that option.   I think Princess T had Rusty take her out for Dinner.  *Smiles*   She said it's Fine, she'll cover whatever Taxes we Owe when the time comes to File and see how all that Lands, she had no problem with that at all and said she's happy to do it.   So, that's one less concern at least.

My Brother just got done covering another Event as Media, so I may Crib some of his Photos for Blog Fodder for Future Posts as Eye Candy and some much needed Fluff of Life.   I think it was the Temecula Renaissance Faire.   Now that he's a Retired Professional Photographer he doesn't do it for $$$ anymore, he does it as a Gift to all of his Friends in the Entertainment Industry who he's known for many Years now and to capture thru the Eye of his Lens the Craft they all enjoy, whether Professionally or Recreationally now.   You do get to the place in Life where it's no longer about how much Money you can make off what you do best and are best known for, and more and more for the Love of it.  My Brother was Into Photography before he ever made a good Living off of doing it and being a Respected Professional in the Industry.  If you are doing what you Love and are meant to do, you really don't Work a Day in your Life.

*******

More to come later... Dawn... The Bohemian