Helping Someone Thru The Grief And/Or Trauma Process

 

Well, I was Mistaken and stand Corrected, Sayde isn't even here and hasn't been for Two Days now, just her Car has been parked here.  The Young Prince and Allen drove her to our Grandson's Dad's House and she's never returned to retrieve her Vehicle yet.  He claims she did get an Uber back to her Mom's House... I found it Interesting about her and his Dad still... but I didn't dare ask.  Perhaps the Menage A Trois is going on over there with her, Bobby and his New Wife then?  I can only speculate, and how awkward that must still be for our Grandson, coz, tho' it broke them up and he's back with Allen, it's still very uncomfortable that his Dad hit on and now seems to be having some kind of a Relationship with his 20-Something Year Old long time Friend and someone he was Dating.

  Of coarse, when he told me the Situation and why he didn't come back for his Birthday coz of how Creeped Out he was about Sayde and his Dad... I reminded him every time his Dad has a New Woman, she's about 10 Years Younger than the last one.  He's working his way backwards of Legal Aged trysts and Girlfriends.  *Eye Roll*  Bobby is closer to turning 50 and much of the 40's is in his rearview Mirror.  Granted he looks exactly the same as he always has, he has Aged Well.  He and The Daughter were Teenaged Sweethearts and had The Young Prince in their Teens, they were at least the same Age, him just a few Months Older.  Angie, who is the Mother of his other Two Younger Kiddos, was Ten Years Younger than The Daughter.  The New Wife I think is 10 Years Younger than Angie. 

 I think Sayde isn't quite 10 Years his New Wife's Junior, but probably somewhat Younger.  Pretty soon he'll be like our Neighbor TJ, 65 and Marrying a 26 Year Old and having a Baby he won't Live long enuf to see Grow Up or be that near 80 Year Old at the High School Graduation!  The Son at 40 said he won't Date Younger Child Bearing Aged Women just coz he doesn't wanna risk being that 60 Year Old Dad at the High School Graduation.  And most Women he's Dated, even the Older ones, seem to want to have a Baby Together and it's problematic for him.  He used to want his own Child, but at a certain Age you know that Ship has fucking Sailed.   I mean TJ's Son is a Cutie and Thank God the Kid was born Healthy and not all jacked up due to that Old Geriatric Sperm... but the Young Wife will likely be Single Parenting in the not so distant Future.  So, I Hope it at least comes with good Checks as the Grieving Young Widow of a Geriatric Husband? 

I don't see the Appeal, I mean even Old Women don't wanna see Naked Old Men, let alone a 26 Year Old Woman, at least one would Think!!!? *Bwahaha*  I couldn't Imagine a 26 Year Old Man wanting to see me Naked either, so I'm not being Sexist by any means, I'm just sayin'... *Smiles*  Okay, so once one of The Daughter's Friends accidentally saw me Naked when she was doing a Video Chat on the Back Porch with her Back to the Pool and didn't realize I was Skinny Dipping coz it was just us Gals at Home.   It was her Dear Friend Chris, may he RIP, and No, he didn't Off himself with or from the Trauma of seeing me Full Monty ... and she yells, "MOM, Chris can SEE you!"   And Old Hippie that I am, seeing now Chris' Face on the Video Chat Screen of her Phone facing my way, waves and just says, "Oh, Hi Chris!", and walked Inside rather casually and non-chalantly, coz I had no Towel Poolside. 

 But I felt bad that he couldn't Unsee that!  He was Kind and said, "Hey, your Mom looks Good Naked for her Age."  *Awwww*   But he was in his 40's, if he'd been in his 20's, I doubt he could have said that with a Straight Face?!  Coz, I have Mirrors at Home and no delusions.  *LOL*  Anyway, The Grandsons Female Childhood Bestie, who he also Dated after his Separation from Allen, hooking up with his Dad now, well, it's Weird and definitely Awkward.  Since they drove her there tho', I guess they've come to terms with how it just has played out and is.  And, now that he's working things out with his Husband, mebbe he doesn't Care so much now either, I dunno?  He knows how his Dad is, and he's known Sayde since they were Young Tweens, so mebbe she's Freaky like that, I wouldn't know and mebbe he does and decided not to Judge or ruin a good Friendship over it???

So, I don't know what's going on with that mess, sounds complicated.  *LOL*  Allen and I have talked now, he was hesitant to even be in the same room with me.  *LMAO*  Coz he thinks I'm still angry with him, but I have never been angry with him, I just have boundaries he's crossed and I set him straight about my zero tolerance for that is all.  It was a Be Well and Be Gone scenario when they got kicked out that time, it wasn't working out and I felt Allen needed his own place.  He has trouble with Authority figures, and I AM the Authority figure in this household and protector of everyone in it.  When he wasn't able to get along with other Family Members and remain obedient and respectful, well, it was just time to go.  I have that Rule in place with every Adult here and so I wasn't even picking on him, he was just "Newer" and so didn't realize he'd challenged the Wrong One.  *Bwahahahaha*  The Young Prince knew it and had Warned him... my Gramma don't Play.  She's Nice to everyone 'til you give her a Reason NOT to be.

But, Young People, you know, especially Guys in their 20's laden with their Testosterone and thinking they have an Advantage they can leverage in any Challenge.  Foolish Man-Child that he is at that Age, he underestimated me as an Adversary to Challenge and that was a huge Mistake.  Now he's Learned his Lesson, we're Good.  I've allowed him to come visit becoz I do have Forgiveness that Young Folk are a Work in Progress, the Lord is still Working on them and I try never to get so Old I forget what it was like to be Young.  And sometimes do Stupid things even if you are very Intellectual and Intelligent, which, Allen is, but Academics and Life Skills can be Two different things.  Just coz you excel in one doesn't mean you'll excel in another.  He's Book Smart and Street Foolish is how I'd describe it.   And that Academic Arrogance of Superiority can get you in some Trouble with folks who are more Street.  *Winks*

 I do "Check" people when they're out of Line, becoz I don't Allow what isn't Tolerated and Behavior Accepted IS Behavior Tolerated.  He's headstrong and Autistic, so he has no Filter and often what he says and does then causes him Problems, I understand that since our own Son is Autistic.  Autism makes having Relationships challenging, they don't pick up on Social Cues and they don't always get along and Play well with others either, since, a little bit of them can go a long way, and be misunderstood. Anyway, now he knows we're good and I'm glad he and The Young Prince are working things out.  His Family put a lot of pressure on breaking them up and that hadn't been Helpful.  They want him to Marry a Woman, what can I say?   They've helped to mess The Young Man up and have his Self-Worth and Self-Esteem compromised thru no Fault of his own.  A True Christian Outlook would Believe he's Fearfully and Wonderfully Made by The Creator as he just is and not a less worthy Human Being for Being Himself.  But there's lotsa Bad Religion out there.

  Anyway, Above and Below are some of the Welsh Family Members who still live in North Wales.  The Woman is my Male Cousin Carl's Daughter Rhian with her Boyfriend, and Below is his Son Garreth.  Neither is actually a Natural Blonde, their Natural Hair Color is like all Mom's Family, Blue Black like a Raven's Wing.  But, I guess Blonde is popular coz not many Welsh have Blonde Hair, they tend to be Darker Ethnically.  It's why the English always treated the Gaelics badly like they treated all Ethnic Groups they invaded and were Racist against them.  There is still Bad Blood against the English.  But, I got the Grey Eyes of my Mom's Family.  Both my Cousins Kids, and him, have the Grey Eyes too.  My Cousin's Daughter Rhian looks a LOT like I did at her Age.  She looks more like my Kid than my Kids look like my Kids.  *LMAO*  My Cousin even mentioned that coz he remembers me looking like her when we were Younger and the last time I was in North Wales visiting Family as a Teenager.

We did find out more about Mando's Death, apparently it was a Young Person speeding in a Camaro Sports Car that hit him in a Residential Neighborhood where the Speed Limit was 25 mph and this Kid was doing over or around 60 mph and hit him on the Passenger Side and put him thru the Windshield!  The Kid must have Panicked, and lived close by so just drove Home.  But, a Young Black Man saw what happened and rushed over and tried to do CPR and Call 911 that there was a terrible Pedestrian Vehicle Accident Hit & Run.  Thank God someone was there with him to try to administer Aide if he didn't Die instantly and he was not Alone after such a devastating Trauma that would be Fatal.  Otherwise he could have laid there, since it was around Midnight, and perhaps nobody would have known until perhaps Sunup!?

  Those Rural Neighborhoods are Quiet and not very busy or traveled.  Most don't even have Streetlights, even our Mini Farms Community only has them on our Street coz we are facing the Main Road, the rest of our Older Community has no Sidewalks or Street Lights, it's inky Dark at Night.  Probably was where he was on his Bike too, inky Dark coz that's way more Rural out there and surrounded still by a lot of Natural Desert and no Urban development yet on that area.  It's close to a Freeway, but doesn't even have Street Lights at most Intersections yet.  The Residential out there is mostly Older Neighborhoods and Mini Farms.  But if someone was going the Speed Limit and driving responsibly, it probably wouldn't have happened.  I thought he'd been hit on the Main Road which is busier and higher Speed Limit, but it was on a Rural Residential Road on either his way to or from the Convenience Store on the Main Road.

 It had hit him on his Leg so that was terribly Broken and he wasn't Breathing, I don't know if he was instantly killed, but the Good Samaritan kept performing CPR anyway until Emergency Services arrived.  It's such a Rural Location and very late, so I don't know how long that Response too, but he was Pronounced at the Hospital.  The Kid's Mom called Police and turned him in, seeing the damage to his Vehicle and that a Person had been run over and her Son had left the Scene.  Whether he was under the Influence of something like Drugs or Alcohol, or just Speeding recklessly, I dunno. 

 I don't know how long the Mom waited to notify Police either, tho' it seems she did in a timely manner from what we're hearing, so Testing for DUI would be compromised if it wasn't right away?  At least they know who did it and didn't take a long Investigation to find the Hit and Run Driver responsible.  These kinds of Cases can be complex for the Police, Courts and DA's Office to resolve, depending on Evidence, if there are Witnesses, etcetera.  Even when our Grandson was run over as a Pedestrian and suffered Head Injury, which now has caused Seizures and further Disabling factors, he got no Closure or Justice.  Who hit him was never caught.

 

I Pray Mando's Family receives Closure and Justice for what happened, it's a terrible thing for a Family to go thru knowing a Loved One was taken by Homicide.  Nobody's Life deserves to End like that, by a needless violent Fatal act like a Homicide.  I know some of his extended Family from Years ago.  His Aunt was Married to a good Friend of mine and so some of their Kids I've known for Decades too, who were Mando's Cousins.  It's a small World sometimes.  I just Hope The Daughter doesn't act Crazy at his Funeral, she's Mentally Raw and Distraught still from the Trauma of it all.  She expected he would probably Die of his Terminal Illness, but not like this.  His Cousin, Laura, my Friend's Older Daughter, told me that his Sons and Cousin have put together a Go Fund Me for the Funeral Expenses, they've raised about 65% so far to cover the Memorial/Burial, which is good.   That Family has Sadly had to bury a lot of Loved Ones since the Pandemic. 

I Honestly don't know during a Vehicular Homicide Case how long it will take for whatever happens to the Defendant that caused this and Restitution to Victim's Families is Rare if there is no Insurance covering the Driver.   I Shared some of the Pixs I had of him with his Family, they hadn't ever seen them, he'd spent all of the Holidays with us last Year coz he had nowhere else to Celebrate them so we included him.  His Family's dynamics are complex.  He does have some Sons who are still living, his Youngest Son Died when Mando's Parents Died, all during the Pandemic.  The Castillo Family, I remember my Friend Dino, said Lost 9 Members during COVID.  From a Gramma all the way down to a 19 Year Old Nephew.  Hispanic Males especially succumbed to COVID more than most other Demographics... so did those of Native American Ancestry.  So, I Lost Relatives to it.

I got some Dragon Fruit on Sale, they have a Closeout Bagged Lot in the Produce Section, any Net Bag of Fruit or Veggies for $1.25!  Dragon Fruit, are usually $5.99 each and this Bag had a Red and a Yellow one, Score!   They grow on a Cactus and I tried to grow one once, since Arizona is great Climate for Cacti, it did well for a long time but never produced Fruit.  It's a huge sprawling Cactus when Mature and the Fruit hangs off the Ends of the Arms of it.  I still have part of it growing still in a Pot, but it's remained scrawny and I'm never expecting to produce Fruit from it in my Lifetime, I have a sense they are slow growing. They grow to Tree Size and get enormous with a thick Trunk.  And it is considered a Tropical Cactus so I don't know this is the right Climate for it after all?

The Son took his Sister and I out for Brunch at "Snooze" when we picked him up from Gypsy James' where he'd spent the Night coz he and James had helped a Friend Move things from a Storage Facility in James' Truck.  The Storage was near our Home so I dropped The Son off there last Night.  We picked him up in South Phoenix where James lives and then went for Brunch in the East Valley and brought Takeout for The Man Home which was the Biscuits & Gravy with Eggs.  I had the new item on the Menu which was a fabulous Tirimisu Mascarpone filled Coffee French Toast... Sublme!!!   They used to have a similar item on the Menu at "Tipsy Egg" that I Adored but took it off, this was as good as, if not better than, theirs and a great addition to this Restaurant's Menu.  I also had the Lavender Iced Latte and some Bacon But Different, which is the Specialty Bacon.   The Kids had a Brunch Special Cocktail each which they said was fantastic. 

 The Son a Spicy Bloody Mary and The Daughter a Breakfast Sunrise Strawberry Margarita.  The food being so good they almost forgot to drink their Drinks.  When Two Alcoholics say that you know the Food was Sublime.  *Ha ha ha*   Food Porn shown.  *Winks*   The Son knew his Sister is really Grieving the loss of the Ex-BF, who she still really Cared about and Loved, even tho' their Relationship didn't work out.  I still think the Cancer had gone to his Brain coz prior to that their Relationship had not had so many problems and he acted a lot more Calm and Rational.  Brain Cancer can really alter behavior considerably, I've known other folks who battled that and I think his Cancer had spread thruout his Body and why they discontinued all Treatments and gave up Hope.  

He'd been thru all the Standard Treatments like Chemo, Radiation, etcetera, which apparently didn't slow down the progression much and his Prognosis was Grim, he wasn't supposed to Survive thru this past Summer.  I felt like we made this final Year he had on this Earthly Coil inclusive and Memorable in Good ways, and especially during Holidays.  When someone knows they're Dying and feels they have no-one it's Sad.  And when Families have a complex and difficult dynamic, like his has, it's so complicated and often estranged.  Many Families are sadly like that.  And then when something like this happens, they realize, all the other stuff was insignificant and petty really.  Especially the Family Drama and Estrangements from Loved Ones.  Even if the reasons were valid and very complicated, I know they will have Guilt and regrets it didn't get resolved before they Lose Loved Ones and never made Peace between one another or said what should have been expressed in Life.  It's been said everybody Loves you when you're Dead.  Sadly True.

Anyway, I'm helping The Daughter move thru this Tragedy and awful Trauma by allowing her to reminisce about the Happier Times they Shared, and he had Shared with our Family, which is good.  She needs that right now, she isn't one to speak ill of the Dead and only bring up whatever their flaws and faults were in Life.  She did confess he put up with a LOT of her Crazy and still stuck with her, which, is True... a little bit of that goes a very long way and a lot of Guys can't hang thru it.  Perhaps becoz he knew he was Dying he felt it was good someone intentionally wanted to be his Girlfriend and Minister to him at End of Life.  Some long-time Healthy Relationships fall completely apart once a Partner gets Sick... it rarely begins when they're Sick or Dying and have nothing really to Offer but their Companionship and Love for you. 

 She kept with a previous Boyfriend who was Healthy and Strong when they were first together.  He was a Retired Pro Heavyweight Boxer and very Fit, but he got Cancer and Died from it rather Young, and she was there 'til The End when it took him and it was very Bad for him in The End.  I was Worried about her going thru all that again with Mando.  Coz when the previous Boyfriend in Mexico went thru his Illness and eventual Death, it Wrecked her, they were together a long time.   And she's had so many of her Friends Die in recent Years, too many.  Some were Old, and she had been taking Care of them in their final Years and Cleaning for them and doing Caregiving in Mexico for them coz they were Elderly Single Men of Status, but had nobody willing to be there when it counted. 

 But, some were her Age and some Died tragically, both in Mexico and here in the U.S..  In Mexico Death by Homicide is higher than here.  And here a lot of Younger folks die of Substance Abuse related Deaths.  Especially those that gain Sobriety and get Clean, then Relapse, the Death rate percentile rises dramatically for Relapsers. Anyway, enuf about Morbid Death Talk.   The Above Pixs of the Cute Grenade Shaped Bottle Hot Sauces and NIKE Bedroom Slippers were what The Son's Friend they helped move insisted on Gifting him and James with since they wouldn't let him pay them.  The Friend had Boxers too that were Promo items from what he does for a Living, but The Son doesn't wear Boxers so only Gypsy James took some of those.  The Daughter was like, Damn, I'd wear Men's Boxer that are Cute as Jammie Pants!  *LOL*  He gave his Sister the Slippers coz he knew he wouldn't wear 'em and knew she's Love them and wear them.  And it might Cheer her up some.   These Memes that came on my Algorithm Feed did.  Our Algorithms Know us well!  *LOL and Winks*

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We all may be Dealing with something, so try to just be Kind to everyone... Dawn... The Bohemian