In A Profound State Of Not-Okayness

 

Yes, I am admitting freely that I'm in a profound State of Not-Okayness and I Needed to confess it on the Ole' Blog, so you'd know whattsup with me and the direction many of these Posts have been going, which can be pretty Dark and Emotionally Raw in an Angry Outburst of Angst at times.  *Le Sigh*  I definitely have not been all Rainbows, Glitter, Buttercups and Unicorn Farts lately, so it shows up in my Blogging especially.  Even if, in Real Life, if someone does the meaningless Social Courtesy of asking how I'm doing, I Lie and say Fine.  Or elaborately Sarcastically Lie and respond, Living The Dream... which, they may not realize it's Sarcasm and a Satirical Response usually.  But, it's not like you're gonna elaborate in most obligatorily Polite Social Settings the Truth, that wouldn't be appropriate to dump your Emotional Baggage out right there and then.  *Bwahahahaha*  There is a Time and a Place, this be the Time, this be the Place, at least for Yours Truly.

  

Oh Sure, I can adeptly Distract myself by focusing on what's Pretty or Sparkles.  I've resorted recently to taking a Deep Dive down the Pinterest Rabbit Hole, forgetting how Rich in Eye Candy it is.  Now some are Sharing AI Enhanced Imagery, but, overall it's the Real Deal being Shared that actual Human Beings have actually Created, and not some Artificial Intelligence generated slop.  But I won't Go Off on my strong distaste and dislike or AI.  I just know that all the folks in upper echelons of it are realizing they've already lost Control of it now and have concerns, but you can't put Pandora back into the Box.   And even Ole' Elon, the Ketamine King, is saying, ooops, we're gonna Need a Universal Basic Income for Real People when it eliminates so many of their means of Employment and Income, or we won't have any Consumers if nobody has a Job and Income to spend. 

 It acts as a Financial Floor to reduce Poverty, increase Economic Stability, and combat Unemployment driven by Automation.  It's been Debated for Centuries actually.  Personally, I'm All In with it since the drawbacks are fewer IMO and the benefits outweigh any concerns I'd have, since a Guaranteed Income they suggest isn't that much Money per Household to de-incentivize Working.   My Guy, Andrew Yang, is a proponent, and I was part of the Yang Gang during Kamala's Election Cycle, he'd of made a good President IMO, but I don't think America would have been any more on board for the 1st Brilliant competent Asian Male Prez than they were for the 1st Brilliant competent Black Female or even any Female Prez, no matter how accomplished and good for the Country they would have been.  Compared to what we have, that could have easily been avoided... just sayin'. 

 We didn't have to go thru all of this at all, but American Biases and Intentional Ignorance chose what they did.  And so now here we are.  And it's why so many of us are in a profound State of Not-Okayness now.  And so many of our Young People see no Future for themselves, so I highly Suspect a great many of them are in an even more profound State of Not-Okayness.   And they ARE the Future, so, we should be concerned that at least a couple of Generations of them, mostly they're not Okay as a Collective now.   I got Two Generations of them totally dependent upon The Man and I, or they're fucked, and that's never happened to previous Generations of my Family.   Every Generation has done better than the Generation before it, up until now.   And we're definitely almost out of Time and at End of Life, so I do have concerns for our Young People when the Safety Net Generation in front of them is just all Gone now.

I got a hard working couple of Generations behind me in this Familia that have a good Work Ethic and higher than average Intelligence, yet, they realize how the American Dream has evaporated for their Generations.  How a lot of the Archaic Barriers are being throw back up for Minorities, Women, the LGBTQ+ Community, and those with Disabilities.  Ageism is back to being Fashionable again too, so if you're Aging, and we all ARE, you're screwed by 40 now as well, if you find yourself replaced by either Younger Employees or Automation and AI.  The Son is close to panic about how few Job Opportunities there are when he has such a good Resume to draw from.   To the point he's desperate enuf for any Work now that he'll take the Minimum Wage Part Time Dollar Store Job IF they will even Hire him?!   So far, no Luck and he sits around depressed over it, coz he's Worked since he was a Tweenager.  And he Hates to be a drain or burden on us.

Some of his Peers, who've also found themselves out of Work thru no Fault of their own, especially those in The Trades, are trying to do Start Up Small Businesses and just work for themselves.   But right now Small Businesses are hit hard and struggling, even if they were doing well before Tariffs and the Fuckery going on in the White House.   The Banks know it's Bad and Interest Rates are high, too high.   And if anyone thinks the New Fed Chair appointed by this Prez won't be a Sock Puppet, they're delusional, he will be.   The one currently being considered can't even say out loud anything he imagines might piss off Ole Donnie Two Dolls, so he's being so vague and evasive when going thru his Confirmation Hearings that he's already looking slippery and slimy.  If you think the Chair of the Federal Reserve should have fealty to any Party or Prez, you'd be Wrong and I'd strongly Debate why that is not a Good Thing.

I don't have a Need to be Right regarding that matter, I just know I AM Right concerning that.   And how disastrous it could be if the Wrong Person is put in that Position who is a Sock Puppet to this Corrupt Madman who Financially Destroys everything he's ever Touched.  And so long as it enriches him and his, he really doesn't Care... on to the next thing to Financially Destroy for his own Gain has been his Track Record all of his Adult Life.   I do Hope he gets removed before his term is up becoz I don't know America can last under the whole term with that Mentally unstable Maniac in charge.  But, he's really more a Symptom of what's gone haywire in America than the whole problem, no One Person is the whole problem of America's rapid devolvement.  It's too easy to blame him for it all and we shouldn't be that naive, there's a Host of Bad Actors responsible, he's just the Talking Head of the Snake.

Anyway, on to Personal Drama, Princess T is Sick Today, allergies are particularly bad and she's having trouble Breathing, which isn't conducive to Working.  So, she had to call in and hopes Attendance isn't an Issue again?   They've previously let a lot of Good Employees go due to Attendance Issues, for legitimate Sickness and Family Emergencies or Crisis that the person cannot help.  One excellent Worker, Madison, got Fired for missing too many days due to her Mother Dying of Cancer!!!  She was a conscientious and Beloved Employee who'd been there for Years and worked her way up into a higher position, didn't matter, her Dying Mother was the Bridge Too Far for the Company, she'd missed too many days taking her Mom to Treatments coz her Dad couldn't Drive, he had Traumatic Brain Injury due to a near fatal Car Accident that same Year!!!  That poor Girl, only in her Twenties, was going thru it.  Being Fired and now having no Income, had to be almost enuf to Break her I'd think!!!

 

These are the kinds of things that American Families are suffering thru tho' and mostly, Employers have zero compassion for any of it.  Too bad, Sucks to be you.  And this is primarily why a lot of folks no longer feel any Loyalties to their Employer either.  They know they're dispensable and their Work Performance hardly matters, coz if they have one Personal Health Issue or Crisis, they could still be canned no matter how much of an asset they've been to their Company or how many Years of Service they've given them.  It's also why we have a Recruitment Problem in our Military, and most don't make a Career of it anymore. Benefits are eroded or have been taken away over the Years, and a Draft ain't gonna Solve that Problem.  It has just caused resentment now of the Draft Aged Males in this Country that they were Promised no more Foreign Wars.  And now the same Guy who Promised that and Dodged the Draft Five Times, started a needless War and is re-implementing the Draft in December... how Rich and Tone Deaf is that!!!???

The Elite have never had to involuntarily send their Kids or Grandkids to War, but the regular Americans have always had to make the Sacrifices for Country.  I think the regular Americans are fed up with Sacrificing for a System that no longer is working for them at all anymore.  I do Believe many who Voted someone like him in were willing to hold their Nose and just Hope he'd be different and implement a System that might work for them?   He was just an accomplished enuf Con Artist to make them Believe it and he was different alright... they had the naivety not to realize how Negatively different he would make the System and that it would work even less for them, and much more against them, and more for him, his Spawn, and his Elite obscenely Wealthy Cronies.  The Corruption now is unchecked and no balances or guardrails in place.  There won't be anything left by the time they are done.  Whatever regular Americans might have had for a Future, will be Gone.  Perhaps Forever Gone, we just don't know.

So, we gave Princess T a Breathing Treatment this Morning coz we've had Home Nebulizers since she was Born.  She used to need 5-7 Breathing Treatments daily as an Infant and Child, she outgrew a lot of the Medical Serious Frailty she was Born with.  But, from time to time she needs some Treatments, but no longer requires the constant Care of a Pulmonary Specialist, which, was a Success Story.  She's been a Soldier about chronic Illness tho', but it has caused missed School and now some missed Work, which both were blown up by School and Work as Issues regardless of her Medical History validating why she missed days legitimately.  They don't Care.  It Negatively impacted her in School and it Negatively impacts her at Work as well.  She's made to feel Bad for having Health Issues and Disabilities that are not within her Control.  Honestly, it's like both School and Employers would rather seem to have a Student or Employee who couldn't give a shit, but, just shows up every day to fill Space.   Than to have someone whose Serious about being there, Works hard, but has to miss a few days for chronic Illness.

But, it is what it just is, I can't Change what I have no Control over either.  So we just try to Work around the injustices in Society that are being tolerated, so, never seem to Change for the better and are therefore just accepted.  Or, progressively just get worse over Time becoz it's now acceptable.   She's to the place where she doesn't want to get Let Go, but, if she is too Sick to Work, and has to call in, she is gonna have to just hope she's been valuable enuf to be given some Grace and Mercies?  If not, well, she'll have to find somewhere else to Work then, she knows she's an Asset to any Employer and brings Value to whatever she does.  Your Reputation can precede you in Positive ways and grant you Favor, and Favor ain't Fair, but it is Favor.  I've always had Favor extended to me where ever I go and it tends to cover those that come along with me.

We're waiting on Wendell the Physical Therapist to arrive, he has to be on Time coz we have the VA directly after he leaves, that I have to get to, so that The Man can see his Primary Physician for important follow-up.  After that tho' the Day opens up for me and I may just go finish up some of that Environmental Cleanup at the Nature Preserve on that one Beach area of the River that was in really bad shape.  It was deeper into the Preserve so I'd never been able to get there with The Man in tow, but with the Grandson, we can do it, Si se puede.  *LOL*  You have to cross a shallow section of where the River splits to get to that Beach, but clearly lots of people have and didn't pack out empty what they brought in full, Lazy Bastards.  Lots of Beer Drinkers have been back there having quite the Par-tay and making a disgusting mess in a Beautiful Natural Setting that is on a Protected Nature Preserve.   We do what we can and try to get to the more obscure areas we know people have intruded into and left behind an Environmentally Unconscious mess that few, if any, will bother to ever clean up.   The County Paid Crews rarely get back that far.

We got about a Third of it last time, of just the Aluminum, and had to haul out large Bags full that were heavy.  Not many folks are gonna do that much Work as a Volunteer, or even if they're getting Paid actually.  I do pay attention when doing Volunteer Work at various Parks, at the Paid folks who are laid back, on their Phones mostly, or sitting around chatting coz there's no present Supervision, and not really putting in much effort to do the Job they are making a Living at.  I suppose some might be more conscientious than others, and we already discussed why many Employees anymore don't give a shit when they know they could just go above and beyond and have it account for nothing at all, so, they just don't.   I know if I worked for Park Services and got Paid, for what I'm doing for Free as a Volunteer, becoz I Care that much for the Recreational and Natural Spaces, that I'd be a very conscientious Employee just becoz it matters.  Even if it matter to few, it matters to me.  

But, I do enjoy doing it even tho' the only 'Payment' we get to offset our Labor, Transportation Costs and outlay for Industrial Strength Bags, is from the Recycle Proceeds for the Aluminum.  It's only at 70 Cents a Pound right now, it's been higher, but, it's been way lower too.  Unless it's at least at 70 Cents I just Hoard the Aluminum and don't turn it in until it's at a reasonable amount.  But we still do it or shit would sit out there for Decades mebbe, or end up in a Landfill instead.  I've actually found Aluminum Cans out in the Desert from the 1970's or earlier... it has sat out there not cleaned up for that long!!!   Think about that, how many Decades people may have passed by the Trash and not bothered to pick it up even if they didn't make the Littering.   And mebbe they never do, but tolerate it, coz they pretend like it doesn't matter enuf to just pick it up either!   Not MY Trash, I'm not getting Paid to pick it up, so, not my Problem is the general attitude.

You can definitely tell my general Malaise when I'm on an Epic Rant, can't ya?  *Bwahahahaha*   Sometimes Humans just piss me off, as a Collective and as a Species.   Not you all, of coarse, you Dear Readers are the exception.  And we're Wonderful.   *Winks and Laughs*   And I am further along in my Blog Reads now, so I'm mostly caught up on what all the rest of you Fav Bloggers have been up to and what you also might be Ranting about.  *Smiles*   I've even gone a few Posts into everyone's Post Archives to catch up more.   Some of you are prolific Bloggers too so I miss some and have to do a Marathon Read when I get around to it.  I bought a couple of my Fav Magazine Publications the other day "In Her Studio" and "Where Women Create", and can't Believe how much Magazines of good Quality now Cost, yowsah!!!  But, they are Keepers and not the throw away or Donate kind of Magazines, so, it's an Investment I never regret... Years of Inspiration within those Pages.  And even Reselling those Issues, you can get a Fair amount.

The Man's PT Appt. didn't go well, his BP was too low for Wendell to risk any Exercises and he suggested we go early to the VA and they'd probably see him early due to it.  Which, we did right away, an Hour earlier than his VA Appt. with his Primary and due to his Condition they got him in right away.  Dr. Klein adjusted some more of the Meds, as some of them he's taking for other things, can Negatively lower Blood Pressure too.  So, he's discontinued another Med and yet another I will moderate intake of depending on his Blood Pressure and Water Retention.  He's also ordering us a not-so-wide Wheelchair for the House, coz Today he was so light Headed that he needed to be Wheeled around rather than risk Walking and fainting.  So, that's how the Morning went, I'm glad to be back Home before 11:00 a.m. and call it a day with him.  Princess T still has a killer Headache, so she's still not feeling 100% either.

 

Since she'll be Home I may still go do Environmental Cleanup to reduce my Stress levels, which were high enuf earlier due to The Man's Health wavering between needing to go to the ER again or just Resting, so I had some Chest Pain of my own from the Stress/Anxiety.  Plus I had to lift him a lot coz he had no strength, and that's tiring to lift a 225+ Lb. Man.  I can do it but it's not easy, another Veteran did help me get him transferred from the Wheelchair into a Standing Position to use his Walker, coz he could see doing it alone was taking everything in me.  He was a Retired Marine too, and I appreciated him stepping up and helping, it took the Two of us to get him up and stabilized to get to the Truck after our Appointment was over and we'd scheduled his next Appointment and Labs for July.  He's doing better now he's Home and back to his Routine.

   

The Wheelchair will be Delivered to our Home and that will make it easier to get him around the House when he is having mobility issues.  I want to get his Medical Equipment ordered and available before he requires it all of the time.  We also put in an Order for the PT to be provided by the VA coz they provide more expanded Services to Veterans than the HUMANA Veteran's Plan does.  They may Approve 10 visits opposed to HUMANA Approving only 3.   And the PT's and Home Nurse also know more about Medications and what he can withstand in the way of Activity levels Safely than I can gauge.  I'm winging it really with just advice I'm given, which sometimes doesn't Modify enuf unless you have a Healthcare Professional seeing him more regularly to suggest a Modification a Doctor or Specialist can make if things are deteriorating or becoming concerning.  I know when I'm concerned and his PT and Nurse said I have a good Instinct about when it is Concerning, but, I don't necessarily know what I should be doing then?

He was doing better by Afternoon than he was this Morning, I was almost ready to head to the ER again with him and even Wendell said it was borderline whether we should whisk him off to ER, or to his Doc Appointment?   He took The Man's BP Three times and then said, let's just get him to the Doc early and let Dr. Klein decide, which is what we did.   Dr. Klein said the Heart is Weaker and that's why we need the Cardiac Rehab to strengthen it and the PT to strengthen his Muscles to keep his Mobility stable as well.   I just think at this juncture we're doing the best we can with a Heart that's wearing out and weakening.  That's scary to contemplate for me, I don't often think of his Mortality being close and I don't like to either, so push it out of Mind most of the time, tho' it is the Elephant in the Room, of coarse.   The Son and The Grandson said they'd do some Environmental Cleanup with me, we all Need to De-Stress some and Princess T will keep an Eye on Grandpa.  The Daughter hasn't been Home since Sunday Night.  She's gone more than here now... which is Okay.

We gleaned 21 lbs. of Aluminum off that Beach by the River.  I even found Two Pull Tabs Pop-Top Cans of Coke from the early 1970's, so they'd sat out there over 50 Years with nobody picking them up!!!  I told The Son and The Young Prince, this is why it's important that we do this.  We got "Barro's" Pizza on the way Home, paying for it with our Can Money.  We had a good time, it was Beautiful Outside and with the Three of us cleaning up it didn't take all that long.  We also found Six full Beers of various Brands, a full Bottled Water, some Tools, and some expensive Sunglasses people had left behind.   The Daughter had just gotten Home in time to have Pizza with us, she's being doing side Jobs for various people.  She's been cleaning House for a Friend whose Mother has Home Hospice and is Dying, so the Friend feels overwhelmed and needed Help setting up the Hospice at Home for her Mom.

I'm no Posts ahead now so have to try to wrap this one up so it Publishes Tomorrow.   I got it mixed up where The Young Prince is going this coming Weekend with the new Guy, it's Tucson, not up North of the State, but South of the State.  I guess this Guy hasn't visited his Family in Three Years, and had been Married before, to a Woman when he was Active Duty Military.   So, that explained a lot that I'd wondered, but without even asking the Questions to my Grandson.   So, I guess this Guy won't really Care what his Family thinks since they're not that close that it will matter.  He could probably go another Three Years without seeing them if they cause Drama or aren't accepting of who he is.  *LOL* That eased The Grandson's Mind too, since he wouldn't wanna cause Issues between anyone and their Loved Ones, he doesn't think it's worth it coz to him Family is Everything.  If someone causes Issues between him and Family, he really knows it won't last coz he's Close with us and our Relationships matter.

Allen keeps calling him and starting Drama, which, The Young Prince finally had gotten to the Place he's OVER the split and the Relationship, so he'd just want the Divorce to Finalize and both of them be Free to Move On without hostility or Drama.  He can't Block Allen from everything coz until that Divorce Paperwork arrives, nothing is finalized, and it seems Allen is dragging his Feet with it all.   Allen's Family had moved The Young Prince out here on their Dime in hopes it could be a clean split.  That's what our Grandson wanted too and tho' he did all he could to salvage the relationship, it had become unsafe for him and Allen's Family knew this Reality.  We wanted the best for both of them and like Allen's Family, I think they are trying hard to be Supportive of their Son/Grandson, while also seeing the other side, from our Family perspective of just wanting our Loved One Home and Safe again.  But, all the Family wanting something doesn't always translate to their Loved One abiding by it and I think Allen is going to be off and on problematic.

And it's not as if our Family put all the onus on him, our Grandson requires full time Extreme Caregiving, we had told Allen that this is a Lifetime Commitment since Serious Mental Illness can't be Cured and never really gets a whole lot better.   I think he had the best of Intentions, I don't doubt they were and perhaps are in Love, but, Allen cracked under the pressures of full time unpaid Caregiving coupled with trying to hold down a demanding Career and being the only Wage Earner.  He's Bipolar and Autistic himself, so he's already got a tough row to hoe of his own, with his Conditions.   So, I'm not vilifying him and our Grandson isn't either, he's just Tired of it not working out and dragging on becoz Allen doesn't want the responsibility anymore, but doesn't wanna just Let Go and Move On either.  Emotionally that's very hard for our Grandson coz he's Mentally so Fragile with the Schizophrenia and doesn't wanna Snap at Allen, but he's close to.  Last time that happened, it went badly for Allen.  One would think he'd Learn that's not Wise.

 

So, The Young Prince had a rough Morning due to Allen, I'd just gotten him out of his deep Funk Mentally, taking him to do that Environmental Cleanup, time with Family and Nature that was Pleasant and lifted his Mood and Mental State, and Pizza, when... Allen calls again and upset the whole Apple Cart, so to speak.  Dammit!!!   The Son was with us and he's looking at me and we're not saying anything, but I would concur that we both were Thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time... ruh roh, this is not gonna be Good, it's gotta be Allen calling... and we'll have to start all over again running Damage Control now behind that damned Call!!!  *Le Sigh*   Listen, I'd had my Final Come To Jesus with Allen when I kicked him out of our Home that infamous day he wound The Man up to the point that The Man took a swing at him depending me coz Allen had told him, your Wife is a Bitch.  *Bwahahaha... but you never tell a Man that directly about his Wife, even if it's True!!!  Winks*

And long time Readers know how that played out, coz The Grandsons were Living here with us, had even gotten Married here at our Home.  We were trying to work Allen into the Family even tho' a little bit of Allen can go a very long way.   He's a Good Guy, but his Autism is pretty profound so he has NO Filter, NONE, so you never know what will fall out of his Mouth that later he regrets coz it may be hurtful, offensive and definitely unfiltered first before he just blurts it out.   So, it took The Son and The Young Prince to hold their Dad/Grandpa back from going full on Postal with Allen, The Man has Dementia and TBI, he's 74 Years Old, he's Retired Special Forces, so he can hurt someone, even Kill someone.   He didn't need to get into a physical Fight with a Twenty-Something Year Old Corn Fed other Ex Special Forces Guy either.  Allen is Big, Strong, Corn Fed and Works in a Slaughterhouse all day long, he's a brute of a Guy.  It could have gone very Sideways for both of them.

Well, Allen had assumed, incorrectly, that I hadn't heard what he said about me, coz he didn't know I was in The RV Garage Mahal with the Big Door Open right in front of where their confrontation went Down!  Ruh Roh, now Dark Dawn came out of the Bag as I exited the RV Garage and headed straight for him.   Not becoz of what he called me, I've been called worse, rolls off my Back like Water on a Duck, but, he'd gotten confrontational with my Beloved, NOT Okay, never will be Okay, you Respect your Elders here or you're OUT on your Ass!   So, I rolled right on up to the Big Ole' Studmuffin and my whole Family are like, oh Shit, Allen really fucked up now!!!  I Calmly stood Toe to Toe with him and said something to the effect of, "I'm not a Bitch, I'm THE Bitch, and that will be Mrs. Bitch to you!!!   Now pack up your shit and get the Hell off our Property before I set it all on Fire!"   The Young Prince was behind him and said, "We must go, my Gramma means it, she might even light YOU on Fire!"   By then I had Allen Crying, yep, Grown Man in Tears, realizing he'd screwed the Pooch and now was Homeless again.

I did help them Pack up their Car and a Tow Trailer, didn't Care if they had to Live in the Car.  Felt Bad for my Grandson coz he hadn't gotten them kicked out, his Husband had.  Even took them both to Breakfast and put a new Tire on the Car coz it wouldn't have gotten them all the way to New Mexico otherwise, which is where they were then heading.  I just let Allen know, you're Welcome here until you make yourself NOT Welcome here and make the Mistake of not staying in your own Lane.  If you wanna step in my Waters Son, you best make sure you're a damned Strong Swimmer, and you found out the hard way you were in well over your Head.  Now, let this be a Lesson Learned.   So, I haven't actually seen Allen or talked to him much since, it's best if I don't coz he knows my Zero Tolerance Policy for Drama and a Headache, if you even Smell like either, I don't want you around, at all.  And he's Smelling like a lot of Drama and a Headache, but I try not to involve myself now that our Grandson is Home here Safe and wants that Divorce just Finalized.  He's Moved On already.

But, I understand... Divorces are never easy and rarely amicable.  It's how it just is.  Both Parties don't always Move On at the same speed or rate.  The Young Prince is a lot like me, once I'm Done with you, I'm completely Done and Over you, I Move On quickly and in Peace... and would prefer you do also.  If anyone can ever Walk Out of your Life, let them, they were never Tied to your Destiny then.   Anyway, so, I think this will be Messy for The Grandson and I told him that, so he knows he has to brace himself for Messy.  He tried Nice, and you can only be Nice until and unless someone makes the Choice for you NOT to be Nice anymore.  Allen is making that poor Choice and so be it.  He won't Like us NOT Nice, Trust and Believe.  Better to Play us Easy than to Play us Hard.  We always try to take the High Road and do Right by People first tho', so it's totally up to you how it will go for you then. 

Speaking of making Amends, on a lesser Note, The Daughter had used some of her Daughter, Princess T's, Body Scrub without Permission.  Well, turns out Princess T cannot replace it coz it was a Favorite Seasonal Scent they no longer make.  *Ruh Roh* And so she'd really gotten upset with her Mom about it, coz, let's face it, they're still getting used to one another since I Raised and Adopted The Granddaughter and she only met her Mom a few Years ago.   So, they're Building a Relationship and she doesn't know the Kiddo well enuf to know what is Taboo and you just don't do.  Using anything of hers without Permission, a Big No-No, and it's not respectful.  However, Princess T has left it in our Bathroom Shower coz she knows I never used her stuff... but, now her Mom is also using our Shower and thought it was a Body Scrub I bought and is Communal Body Scrub, coz I Share everything.  Old Hippies just do, it's our way, and as long as you're considerate by not Bogarting it all, Losing it, ruining it, or permanently absconding with it, I'm Chill with use of anything I've Bought and is mine.

So, it was a mix-up and misunderstanding more than an intentional offense.   But, the Grandchild was still upset and said she shouldn't have to hide everything to ensure her Mom doesn't use it all, and came to me to Mediate the infraction, coz, I'm "The Enforcer" around here.  *Winks*  Okay, so I had to have a Come To Jesus with The Daughter about the damned Body Scrub and why it's a Big Deal and got the Kiddo so Upset and Angry.  It was expensive too, The Good Stuff, Twenty something Bucks a Pot of it.  *Oy Vey*   So, anyway, to smooth things over I highly suggested she just give her Kiddo the Money to reimburse her at least, and then Buy something really fucking Special as a Peace Offering, so, she did that and bought some adorable Slippers that smoothed over the whole Incident.  *Whew*   Did you give her back what was left of her Fav Body Scrub tho', that she can't get anymore?   

Answer:  "Oh No, Mom, it was so Good I just used it ALL, coz there wasn't a whole lot left and you said it can't be had anymore."  *Christ on a Bike... but, she is Seriously Mentally Ill and Good Judgment has never been a particular Strength ever... so, whaddya gonna do?*  It's why she couldn't Raise her Five Children and they know this unfortunate Fact.  Anyway, Princess T is very Forgiving and I made her Mom Promise, no more using something until you ask Whose it is, coz if it's mine you can use it, if it's hers you must get Permission First... or not even put her on the Spot by Asking.  Coz chances are she'll not have the Heart to tell you No, but then complain to me later that she really doesn't want you Asking to use her Stuff.  *LOL and Winks*  You see, coz The Daughter is so Child Like, her Kiddos almost treat her more like a Disabled Sibling than a Mother... one that irritates them at times coz they know the Behaviors are permanent and not Manageable mostly.  So, it becomes that Sibling Rivalry for me to sort out.  "Mom did this... could YOU Talk to her Gramma?!"  *Bwahahahahaha*

Since she doesn't want her Kiddos mad at her, she does want to make amends when she screws up, which, is often.  And I've told her, how long it takes them to Forgive you is not within my Control, so, try to not fuck up, Okay, so that you can have a functional Relationship with them?  I know it's hard for them, having a Seriously Mentally Ill Parent is never easy for any Child... been there, done that... it's a Lifelong Journey to navigate and can be very complicated.   And neither of them had to Deal with her for almost 20 Years, so, they know I've Dealt with her longer and can Finesse a lot of the complex Issues regarding her, which, are permanent... and tho' not an Excuse, certainly is an Explanation.  Crazy People just be doin' Crazy Shit, it's that Simplistic, but in a very Complex way Relationally.  *Bwahahahahaha*

*******

Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... where, Being in a profound State of Not-Okayness... isn't so hard when you know a lot of other folks aren't Okay either... we're all in this Together ... Dawn... The Bohemian

The Mar-A-Lago Mafia... Hackers... And Credit Card Fraud

 

If this isn't the Creepiest Baby Rattle ever!  *LOL*  I kinda WANT it now that I've seen it, for my Cabinet of Curiosities Collection of the Weird and Wonderful Oddities compiled over my Lifetime.  *Ha ha ha*  Below is one of the Granddaughters back East, the Youngest of that Trio, with her Boyfriend, looking dapper in his Suit.  Below the Pix of them is the Pix of my Eastern Medical Doctors, now Retired and living their best Life up North, I miss them as Friends, plus, I haven't found another good Eastern Medical Doc Team yet to replace them.  They Sold their Practice to one but I've yet to go in and see if I like the new Chinese Doc.  The Pix Below them is my BFF since Childhood, we met as Tweens in England when our Dad's were Stationed in Great Britain and lived next door to each other.  We've been Best Friends and like Sisters ever since, she's Two Years Older than me and Graduated High School before leaving England.

 

Then the Pix Below her is my Retro Friend from our Antique Mall, I just Love seeing what Fashions from Yesteryear she'll wear.  She Lives Retro Style 24-7 and 365, her Home even looks like a 1950's Movie Set frozen in Time.  Her Booths at our Antique Mall have Fifties Fashions and Decor For Sale too, she's All In with Flashback Fashion and Style and looks like a Pinup Gal from that Era, she's Adorable.   Then I took a Pix of my Hamburger from In-N-Out Burger, coz we MUST have some Food Porn in a Post, Right?  *Winks*  And then Below that is a couple of Pixs of the Oldest Granddaughter of the Trio back East with her Middle Child, the feistiest of the Great-Grandchildren, whose now playing Sports, Natch, coz she's a Natural for Competitive Sports, that one is.  *LOL*  

She's also the one that is a Clone of her Mama, the other Two she has look like their Daddy.  And so Below those Pixs is one of the whole Trio at Easter, looking Not-So-Thrilled to be in their Easter Attires, which I thought was hilarious!!!  I remember my Kiddos and Grandkiddos I Raised, by contrast, especially the Girls, were such Fashionistas, even The Young Prince, that they Adored being in their Wardrobe finery.  So I never had the resistance to dressing them up like little Living Dolls.  *Ha ha ha*  And The Son, when he was a Little, so long as he thought he looked like one of his Sports Celebrities or Movie Heroes, would not be opposed to whatever Trendy Hairstyle and attire I told him made him look like them.  *Winks and Yes, some I regret coz they were NOT good decisions and we have Photographs to prove it.  LOL* 

So, that be the Avalanche of Family and Friends Pixs I've dumped in the Post Today and described so they're not just randomly in here unexplained.  *LOL*  I know I do that sometimes and don't explain my Imagery and that could probably be confusing becoz no descriptions told you who anyone is.  And for newer Dear Readers they may not recognize all the Family yet or any of the Friends, or even me, otherwise.   I remember Princess T and Timmy, her Lifelong Bestie, liked that I Blogged about them coz it made them feel like Minor Celebrities.  As if I was some Social Media Influencer or something... which was hilarious to me.  *Winks*  I have a respectable enuf Blog, but, unless you count the time the Trolls were Visiting it and some other Blogs in the Thousands, for some mysterious and still unknown reasons, back a few Months ago, it's read more in the Hundreds by Real People.   And most of my Real Life Family and Friends don't Read Blogs at all or Blog.

I now realized I Photographed my Hamburger Upside Down, does that even matter tho'?  *LOL*   The Son and Grandson thought I got the Hood Hookup of Burgers coz theirs didn't look nearly as Editorial, tho' we agree that In-N-Out makes all their Food look good and taste good.  I told them it's coz everyone sees me Photographing my Food where ever I eat out and so now they make a Special effort to make mine look like it's gonna be in a Commercial.  *Bwahahahaha*  It's True!!!  In some Restaurants we even have the Chef or Owners some out to our Table voluntarily and talk to us and introduce themselves.  Which does make you feel rather like a VIP, even tho' all you're doing is discreetly Photographing your Food, yet, they do take Notice.  *Winks*  I like it coz now I Know them too and I do tell them it will end up on a Social Media Page promoting their Business and my Readers LOVE the Local Food Porn.  Which, you all do, Right?  *Smiles*  I've been Comped Food, which isn't necessary at all, I don't do it for that, but it's a nice gesture of appreciation.

My Stomach has been noisy again, there's so much going around I do Hope I'm not coming down with something again?  I'm seeing a lot of folks Masking again, but I haven't been, tho' I do keep a Basket of Clean ones by the Front Door in case we ever Need to again.   I was a Mask Fashionista during the Pandemic and if I have to wear any Necessary Accessories, I'm going overboard with it.  *Winks*  I Donated a good many, but kept quite a lot of them, since, I never thought that even COVID was ever going away now and would become Seasonal forevermore.   They were saying on the News, as a rare Bright Spot on the News, that one of the Vaxxes turned out to be beneficial to Pancreatic Cancer Victims!!!   So that's rather exciting as a Discovery of something quite unexpected from a Vaccine not meant to have that beneficial effect!!!   A lot of beneficial Discoveries turn out to be Accidental tho', so I'm not Surprised.

I once met a Millionaire Oil Baron, who was an Inventor and accidentally Invented Marine Varnish when they were trying to Invent something else.  He also ended up Inventing something for his Brother, who Owned Oil Companies, and took over that Business, which is how he started making his Millions.  When I met him he was in my Mom's exclusive Nursing Home and was 99 Years Old.  He wasn't in the Home due to his own Health or Mind, which was sharp as a Tack, but, becoz his Beloved Wife had Dementia and he didn't want to be apart from her so moved into the Nursing Home with her.  He'd have Alaskan Wild Salmon flown in for Dinner and he'd always invite my Mom and I to join he and his Wife for Dinner, coz we were well Traveled and knew many of the Countries he'd also lived in or visited.   

Even after my Mom was transferred to Cali, since my Brother was able to procure a better Situation for her due to his Celebrity Friends influence and Favor, I'd still go back to the Nursing Home to drop off some "Vernors" Ginger Ale which his Wife LOVED.  She liked Ginger Ale but had never tried that brand and fell in Love with it.  Since her Husband had made Mom's stay there so much better, due to his Friendship, I wanted to do some small thing for him and his Wife that would be meaningful to them.  He always wanted me to bring The G-Kid Force with me coz his Wife had been a Teacher and Ballerina in her Youth, so Taught Dance to her Students.  The Dementia had made her become reclusive and non-verbal, but if a Child showed up she Blossomed and came out of the Dementia Fog and Talked for the 1st time in YEARS!!!  

He was so excited about that and that we came every Day to visit Mom, that he wanted us to spend time with them too so he could hear his Wife Talk and be more like herself again.  She LOVED my Grandkids and they Adored her and him too, they became somewhat like some more surrogate Great-Grandparents that The G-Kid Force 'Adopted'.  I think if  he'd known we only had to transfer Mom due to not being able to afford that Nursing Home he'd of offered to pay for her to remain there, but I couldn't rely on the generosity and Charity of a 99 Year Old Man for Mom's extended Care, she outlived him by many more Years and my Brother found full coverage for her in a nice Facility in Cali instead for the rest of her Life.  So, it was the way to go, his Celebrity Friends ensured she had the best of everything and I appreciated the Pull they exerted on our behalf.  Coz we could never have afforded her Long-Term Care in the best Facilities.  

In fact, that Couple made such a lasting Impression on The Young Prince that he was talking about them just Yesterday.   The Inventor had told him that he was Genius enough to be a famous Inventor too and if he Invented just some of the Right Stuff, he'd be a Made Man for Life, no matter what his Diagnosed "Disabilities" were.   That encouraged our Grandson becoz he does LOVE to Invent things and has one of the most out of the Box Creative Minds I've ever seen.  He's teaching himself Latin right now and is constantly absorbing Knowledge like a Sponge about whatever piques his Interest.   That's why it bothered me so much that Academically we were told he couldn't be Taught coz they didn't know how to Reach and Teach him... coz he's Self-Taught and fucking Brilliant at everything and anything he's ever Learned.  And he LOVES Learning, he said they just Bored him in School and some of them were Stupid arrogant people pretending to be superior Intellectuals coz they could fool most Children.  *Bwahahahaha*

So, The Young Prince has begun a Relationship with a 39 Year Old Guy whose Retired Military.  He already wants to take The Grandson to meet his Family so they'll be going up North of the State to do that this coming Weekend.  I've yet to meet him, but unlike BCG, they have much more in common.  The Young Prince liked BCG but just wasn't interested in Cars and Sports and for him an Intellectual Common Interest is much more Appealing than just being Physically attractive and attracted.  The fact he Nicknamed the last fellow Boring Car Guy was a Clue that it wouldn't last.  *LOL*  We really liked that Guy too, he was very Nice, very Handsome, made excellent Money and came over often, but, I knew he was Dead in the Water, even if he didn't, coz pretty sure he didn't know he'd been dubbed BCG.  *Bwahahahahaha*  But, he was Gracious about it ending and that was good. 

 This New Guy the Young Prince described to me as highly Intellectual, was Career Military, Air Force I think, a very good looking very Light Skinned Black Guy who looks White compared to the rest of his Family.   And so he and The Young Prince have that in common, to where they are Men of Color who most people just assume are White, and are not.  I don't even know if this Guy doesn't appear Gay either, or Uncloseted, since he was Career Military and Retired?   But, Allen was Military too and nobody in his Special Forces Unit ever knew, coz Allen is very Macho and most people would never Guess he is Gay unless he tells them.  The Grandson said this Guy doesn't know who his Dad is, and it's obvious that almost certainly he was a White Guy, coz this Guy is very White looking and the rest of his Family is very Black looking.  *LOL*  I asked if he thinks they will accept him being a Fabulously Gay Weto Hispanic Man?  And, he said he is worried about that, it could be Awkward and Tense, if not.  He's been thru that before tho'.  He and his Sister get a Kick out of People thinking they're both White, when they've never claimed to be.

I've been thru that too most of my Life when I Dated, most Families, if they had an Issue with you being the Ethnicity you were, it could be Tense and Awkward, almost certainly Problematic.   The very few White Guys I ever Dated, including The Man, their Families didn't like that I was Mixed Race and not White.  Tho' Oddly when they thought I just had a Killer 'Tan' they were fine with my Complexion and Envious of it!  *Eye Roll and Bwahaha, Shrugs, Racism never makes Sense.*  And most Families of the Men of Color I Dated, had a problem with me looking too White.  So, you couldn't Win for Losing on the Race Issue.  *LOL*  Princess T's Boyfriend's Family, who are Hispanic too, still assume and think she's a White Girl, and look at her Funny if she says anything to them in Spanish!  *LMAO*  I asked her, don't they know by your Hispanic Surname that you're Mixed and are a Latina?  Nope.  Which is kinda hilarious.  The Young Prince has a Hispanic Surname too, which makes it Obvious.  But, even when they tell people they are proudly Hispanic, they are rarely Believed. 

 In the Young Prince's Case his Dad's Family are Puerto Rican and have Black Puerto Rican Heritage.  Most of his Dad's Friends are Puerto Rican or Jamaican and half the Women Bobby Dated were either Black or Mixed Race Girls, including our Daughter.   I don't know about the New Wife, never met her yet, but The Young Prince Adores her and said she's a wonderful person to call a Stepmom... which is fantastic, they get along really well.   But, he's not so sure the Union will last on account of his Dad, being... well... his Dad.  A little bit of Bobby goes a long way, let us just say.  *Ha ha ha*  Bobby and I have off and on had our Come To Jesus Moments with each other, he goes out of his way to get along with me tho' and always has, coz he doesn't like Dealing with or meeting Dark Dawn.  *Winks*  He and our Daughter had a very volatile Relationship coz when Crazy meets Crazier, it rarely has a Fairy Tale Ending.  *LOL*  But, they can be Friends now, all these Years later... they were Childhood Sweethearts and had known each other since they were Kids and had their Son when they were still just Kids.

And The Young Prince met his Husband, Allen, when he was still a Teenager, Allen is slightly Older and quite an Intellectual.  He's Autistic and on that Savant Genius Scale of the Autistic Spectrum, most are actually quite Brilliant if high functional.   And Allen too is a Hispanic who people just assume is a White Guy coz his Mom is White and so is his Stepdad.  I didn't realize he had a Hispanic Bio Dad until his Mom told me, so had also assumed Allen wasn't Latino.  And his Older Sister is White, this Pix is he and his Sister, we really Liked his whole Family.   Sadly for Allen, a little bit of him goes a long way too, he has no filter to his Mouth and he can become quite confrontational, which wrecked his Marriage for a slew of reasons.  Love was just not enuf to sustain that Union.  The Young Prince actually prefers much Older Men, preferably in their late 30's to 40's actually, he's 25 but finds most Men, or even Women, who are Twenty-Somethings, to be Boring, too Immature and Childish.  Both of The G-Kid Force are Old Souls, mebbe coz they were Raised by Grandparents, I dunno???

This is the Age my Grandson was when he set up my Blog, he was barely 9 Years Old, he told me what a Blog even was, and translated it into 50 different Languages so International Readers could follow it in their Native Languages.  I'd say half my Readership is International and always has been.  He was hacking into Computer Systems by this Age too even with Safeguards, he'd hack right past them and he was 14 when that became a huge problem coz it was like a Game to him and so he hacked into his School's Computer System and the Government's Computer System... and, if not for him being SO Special Needs, he might have been Prosecuted for it.  But, he didn't do any of it with ill intent, he "Enhanced" his Special Education School's System coz they'd lamented out loud to the Children that they couldn't Afford Enhancements.  So, Genius Boy thought he was doing them a Favor and a Good Thing.  He couldn't even Believe someone would charge them Thousands of Dollars for what he did easily, quickly, and for Free, like it was a Game!  *LOL*   Geniuses be doing Genius shit and not even realizing it's Genius and not everyone can do it, so it has incredible Value!  *Ha ha ha*

After the Feds showed up at his School, that was the End of any School accepting him forevermore.   And he had to Un-Enhance the System for them coz they then complained they didn't have the Thousands of Dollars to Undo what he'd Done, so were wringing their Hands and gnashing their Teeth... but, they're the ones that left a High Maintenance Special Needs Child Unsupervised enuf he got into this Mischief and was in their 'Special' School for a fucking REASON!  He undid it in 5 Minutes flat when I demanded, Undo it, NOW!   I must say the Feds and the Administrators of the School WERE Impressed, mebbe the Feds should have Hired him on the spot?  *LMAOROTF*  But, I made him Promise, no more Hacking, it's Illegal and I don't want you getting Sent Up for doing it before you're even Grown!  When I recently had the Hacker attempt he told me how they'd gotten into our System and he's the one that help me put Safeguards in place to hopefully prevent being Hacked, but he said a Good Hacker will get around any System eventually.  So, nobody is Safe from being Hacked actually, and that's scary to contemplate.

I just Love the Old Candid Photos of him before the Schizophrenia got real bad, he was Diagnosed by Age 7 and had to quit taking most of the Meds for it by Age 15 coz it was shutting down vital Organs, so it's been a Wild Ride since then with his Illness.   And he'll soon be running out of both the Psyche Meds and Anti-Seizure Meds he's currently on soon, and I don't know what we'll do since AHCCCS hasn't picked him up yet coz Allen has dallied at finalizing the Divorce and isn't providing Support or Medical anymore, he was on State Medical in New Mexico, which is more Liberal about helping the Mentally Ill with Services Needed.   But, April 1st was New Mexico's Deadline for a transition to Arizona Services and Arizona is 5-7 MONTHS behind in backlog of even getting to your Case!  And no Guarantees that even once they do they will Approve you and you won't get bogged down in Endless Appeals Processes then. 

 Coz I do Plan to bury those Fuckers in Appeals if they don't Approve him, Trust and Believe, it will become my Obsession and Fixation.  Dark Dawn will be dominant during that Period of time, doing whatever it takes, even if Heads hafta fuckin' Roll, I will be kicking Asses and Taking Names of anyone standing in my way.  *Winks*   Yes, I know he's a Grown Man now, but he's still one of MY Grandbabies and there is nothing I wouldn't do on their behalf and to ensure their Safety and Well Being isn't compromised by any System that is all fucked up and should be completely overhauled while this Administration's Fuckery has all the Billions to Steal while claiming they can't afford the Social Safety Net Services for the most Needy and Vulnerable Americans and Veterans in our Country!   Fuck that, fuck them, I'm getting ours while there's still some left. 

 Coz when they completely Asset Strip and Bankrupt America, we're all gonna be truly Fucked and that's coming if we don't get rid of them and Strip them of their ill gotten Gains they Grifted and Stole off the American Taxpayers and Foreign Entities they're Extorting shamelessly or Selling America Out cozying up to.   BTW: Why IS Jared Kushner representing America in any Diplomatic way anyway, he's not been Elected and he's not an Official, and his Conflicts of Interest are fucking staggering!!!   That's one dangerous Guy if you ask me and being some alleged "United States Special Envoy Of Peace" is some real fucking preposterous Joke!!!   And all the Insider Trading going on is ridiculous too, didn't Martha Stewart go to Prison for ever so much less?  Yet, why are none of these Bad Actors who are doing it shamelessly and in our Faces, or those leaking National Security Information and Profiting off it, being Indicted or Serving Time, asking for a Friend?!  They really have some Mar-A-Lago Mafia going on, don't they. 

Anyway, I'm not even Guardedly Optimistic Justice will ever be Served to the American People.   I just don't think that it going on this long unchecked means anyone is Serious about ensuring that happens.  Who knows how far and wide the Corruption is enriching anyone who could Stop it and therefore won't and has been Bought and Paid for not to?  I'm the most Cynical Skeptic of all Skeptics when it comes to how Bent the Systems in place just are.  It's not even 'New', it's just gone Wheels Off now, so nobody can deny it and now there's no Shame in displaying it openly, to flaunt what they're getting away with and shitting on and Stealing from the Average American in the process.  They don't give a shit about us, none of us, the Rules and the Laws are for us, not for them, and now they've made that crystal clear and quite apparent.  I'm actually Glad I Retired from the Criminal Justice System now coz I wouldn't want to even pretend it's working anymore on behalf of The People, it's not.

So, anyway, speaking of Hackers and Hacked Accounts, I did find out that my CitiBank Account was Hacked and used since this Hack attempt, so they were successful, but I've reported the Fraud.  Must be some Young Male coz it was charges for shit like Uber, a Health Club, a Porn site, a Credit Restoring Company, Wing Stop, Jersey Mike's and some Monthly Subscription to someplace I never heard of... all of which I've never used.  The Rep said they do a Federal Investigation and almost always catch these Tech Crime Thieves coz they use everything Electronically, which is easily traced back to the Source.  That's what MicroSoft said too and they had already located the exact Address Locations that Hacker attempt was from within our Mini Farms Community.  

So, I expect another SWAT and Federal Raid to go down once they trace back this Credit Card Fraud and Identity Theft Ring or Individuals who think they're too Clever to get caught.   What a hassle tho', Criminal Activity is off the Chain these days.  Anyway, got that Card Cancelled and will be issued a new one in 7-10 Days.  My Mother's Day Purchase was the only legit Charge of the past Two Months and was the largest charge, most of the rest were nitnoid fraudulent charges, but those add up if you don't catch them in time.  Plus if someone gets away with it long enuf they get bolder and usually start small and then go big if they think nobody is paying attention or cancelling the Card.  I am one to scrutinize my Statements and why I prefer Paper Statements too, so I can eyeball all charges to ensure I'm not being charged for something I didn't authorize.  I don't like this Paperless bullshit at all or those Companies that now force you to use Apps.  Apps & more Electronic Device dependency is a Criminal's Wet Dream.

Below is The Young Prince's Little Half-Brother, his Dad's Middle Child, who looks exactly like his Big Brother, even tho' they have different Moms!!!   He's actually a Teenager now and in High School, they grow up so fast and I don't have a lot of new Pixs since his Dad and their Mom aren't together anymore either.  So, they don't come over here anymore and I haven't seen either of his Younger Siblings in a long while.  Miss those Two Kiddos, they're great Kids and they Adore their Big Brother, so he still gets to spend some time with them.  But, I did find out that he and Angie are no longer close, so that's a shame, she was always so close to our Grandson and to us when she was with his Dad.  I guess it's just awkward for her to maintain those kinds of connections now since there's actually no Biological Connection to us.  Tho' since her Children are our Grandson's Siblings we always treated them like all our other Grandchildren and they considered us just another set of Grandparents that are related to their Big Brother.  They both Loved The Daughter too, she thought they were great Kids as well and glad that Bobby was able to be a better and more Mature Father to them.

When Parents are too Young, too Disabled, or too into things they shouldn't be, it's always hardest on their Children.   You always hope any estrangements can be resolved between Family or Friends, but, it isn't always possible or probable when the Issues of Life get in the way of having functional or healthy Relationships between people.  As the Children reach Adulthood, they can then decide for themselves who they want to maintain and sustain Relationship with, or not.  Right now The Grandson said his Dad is screwing up yet another Relationship with a Good Woman, so he's hoping they can work things out, but, he's not very Optimistic about it given his Parents Track Record of having levels of dysfunction in every Relationship they've ever had.  It's like a revolving Door of people with each of them.

  

I felt so shitty I couldn't stay Awake and had to go take a Nap at 10:00 a.m. and slept thru til' 2:00 p.m.!  Which meant The Son had to sit with his Dad for Nurse Remi and I barely woke up in time to go get Princess T from Work.  And I still feel weak and wrung out, no more Chest Pain, I just feel exceedingly Fatigued.   Tomorrow is busy so I have to muster some Energy by then.  Wendell the PT comes at 8:00 a.m. and then I have to get him to his VA Doc Klein by 10:30 a.m. over by Sun City!!!  It's all important, his Blood Pressure was low again so Nurse Remi wasn't happy about that, last time it got low it eventually began to tank, so we're having him take it more often thruout the day to ensure that doesn't happen.  I don't have it in me to sit in an ER all Day and Night again so I Pray I don't have Need to.  Reducing Stress is proving to be difficult and challenging, with the Family Situation such that it just is all the time.  I de-stress and then shit elevates again to high stress Situations.

  

When I don't feel good is when The Man will ultimately give me Bad News about how HE feels.   And I'm sure he does not feel good either, but it's not the best Timing, you know?   Princess T was helping him when she got Home from Work, to take his Blood Pressure again since he told me about it being too low JUST as I was going out the Door to go get her!!!  He'd had time to tell me before that and didn't, so as I'm coasting out the Door to get a Kiddo from Work was not the best Timing either... and it's like, Oh Shit, why didn't you or The Son say something when I first woke up from my Nap?!   He only has Meds to Manage High Blood Pressure, not Low Blood Pressure.  So, there's not much I can do from Home when it is too Low.   I tell him to sit down and raise his Legs, eat something, drink something and if overheated, Cool off some.  That's all I know to do for Hypotension.   And seek Emergency Help if he has Chest Pain, it tanks to dangerously low, or he passes out and has trouble Breathing. 

This was The Man before all his Health Issues piled up, he was very Fit, very Active, very Strong, very Handsome, and a Workaholic.   Of coarse I miss how he used to be, before the myriad of serious Health Issues, the Traumatic Brain Injury from his Catastrophic Accident, and now Dementia setting in too, it's a lot for the poor Guy to endure.  And I feel rather Helpless to do a whole lot to run damage control and Fix any of it or stop it from progressing.  We did a lot of his Rehab after his Accident when Docs gave up on him and told us he'd just be a Vegetable and probably not Survive his Injuries.   So, he's come a long way, and made what is considered a Miraculous unexpected Recovery.  It took Years of OUR relentless pursuit of not giving up on him, giving in, or giving out and NOT receiving the grim prognosis.  I still won't give up on him, he's tough as Old Boots.

Okay, and some News Stories just fucking drop my Jaw they're so outrageous or ludicrous.  They announced that in the past Year TEN Prominent Scientists with National Security Clearance have either Died or gone Missing!!!   And now, they're THINKING PERHAPS this isn't just a Coincidence and should be Investigated!!!???   Ya think!!!  WTF, by the time you get to Ten in such a short period of Time you should be asking, okay, the ones that Died, HOW DID THEY DIE?  Were any Deaths suspicious at all, what did their Autopsies rule as Cause of Death?  The ones you can't even fucking Find and have just GONE MISSING, were they abducted, just walked away into oblivion, and if so, WHY?  People generally don't just fucking Disappear or get Disappeared for no reason. These I would think, being the Sensitivity of what they do and have Developed in the highest levels of our Government Scientifically, is pretty damned Important, don'tcha think?  

 

Leaving it Open Ended as PERHAPS just a Coincidence, which would be a stretch by the time TEN end up Dead or Missing, is pretty irresponsible IMO.  And this barely made the News even!!!   And, I dunno, I'd think this wouldn't attract new brilliant Scientists to those Positions when all their Co-Workers end up Dead or Disappear in quick succession??!!!  That's not a very Attractive Exit Strategy or Retirement Plan for any Career Field... oh, we need replacements coz all the rest ended up Dead or we don't even know where they are or what happened to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Yeah, I think those Jobs could remain unfilled if that was well known about the previous Employees that held those Positions!  As of April 2026 there is FINALLY an FBI Investigation into why Ten, possibly ELEVEN, U.S. Scientists with Classified Nuclear or Aerospace Research Access who have Died or Vanished since 2024, raising National Security Concerns!!!  Five just went Missing and Vanished.

Monica Jacinto Reza, NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory, a Materials Scientist disappeared while Hiking near LA in the Summer of 2025.  Melissa Casius, Los Alamos National Laboratory also went missing in New Mexico, also in the Summer of 2025.  Anthony Chavez, a Retired Los Alamos National Laboratory Foreman, disappeared in Spring of 2025.  Steven Garcia, a Government Contractor went Missing in Summer of 2025 after leaving his Home.  Jason Thomas, Scientist and Director at Novartis went missing from his Massachusetts Home in the Winter of 2025.  The Five who are Deceased, one had Disappeared/Died, Two were Shot on their Properties in December of 2025 and February of 2026.  And only Two just said they Died, no other information of how or Why?  I dunno, lots of Questions, no Answers... the Vanished, how hard was the Search for them, especially since so many went Missing in Summer of 2025?  The Murdered on their Properties, in late 2025 and early 2026, whatssup with that, almost sounds like Assassinations and intentional Targeting to me?  Something else to chew on...

  

And the Tariffs were Court Ordered to be returned to Businesses since they were Illegally imposed.  However, nobody is getting the Money back, not the Businesses and certainly not the Consumers that paid extra becoz of them.  So, where did the Money go, who has it, whose overseen it?  Many Questions, no Answers, just like all the other Grifting that has gone on, lotsa Money and Profits off of it have gone to somebody, but it ain't you.  And whoever has it, regardless of the Illegality of it, ain't giving it up either or being held accountable for doing it in the first place.  Tariffs were always a Tax, but I was always shocked how many folks don't know that or don't understand that it is and that THEY will be the ones paying for it.   We all paid for it one way or another.   You can't get your Product until you pay the Tariffs, the Vig, if you will.  Coz the exorbitant high fee for illegal practices is similar to a Mob Shakedown actually imposed by a vigorish, ie: the Vig.  It's tanking Small Businesses, which are the Backbone of America.

 

I have been Not Okay lately and I do think my next Post will be the Topic of Being in a profound State of Not-Okayness.  That will actually be the Post Title Hook in fact, coz I suspect I'm not Alone.   I am seeing other Blogs addressing the Malaise of this sustained Trauma we've all mostly been enduring, when we realize things are NOT Okay and it seems so Surreal to us that for many around us, they seem quite oblivious of that Fact.  Going about Life as if it's all Okay and they're Okay.  I'm really not sure if they're intentionally Living a Lie and pretending everything is Okay and faking that it is, or they really aren't paying Attention and are intentionally Ignorant about what's going on that matters?   I just know that anyone who is Aware and paying Attention to all the Fuckery and obvious Threats, are pretty much Not-Okay on The Daily now, coz it's a lot of sustained Trauma to endure even if your Personal Life hasn't fallen apart yet.  If it has too, it's just a double whammy to Deal with and try to Cope as best you can.

I don't know what actual percentage of us are profoundly Not Okay?  I just know I'm NOT Okay.  The impact of that is showing me it's not Sustainable for a really long Haul.   It's like being on a Tightrope on a Unicycle while Juggling many things, knowing there is no Safety Net underneath you, and you're really Tired and starting to feel like you could be losing your Balance, which, won't be Good.   I didn't get much done Today coz I had to spend far too much time Napping coz I was too Fatigued to do any Todaying at all.  I literally couldn't even stay Awake or recharge myself enough.   I mustered enuf to do a light Grocery Shopping by around 5:00 p.m. that Princess T said she'd pay for if I'd go do it... and she was providing things I'd run out of that I Need, so, I took one for the Team since she was Buying.  *LOL*  But, for the most part the Malaise continues, I did foil the Credit Card Fraud situation very early on, so, there was THAT Victory... and I Hope to be refunded that which I didn't Authorize and someone fraudulently Charged... but they said it can take Weeks or Months.  *Le Sigh*

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Hang in there my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian