We'll be getting Dear Nurse Remi again, the VA provided Home Nurse we Adore, she was so excited to get us back as Clients, we'd become Friends too. She's coming on Friday this time since The Man has a Tuesday Cardiologist Appointment with Dr. Pham that was already Scheduled and Friday was Open on our Calendar and hers. He's had good Numbers so on the Physical End seems to have improved, but on the Mental and Emotional End has had a lot of struggles lately. His Mobility has been iffy but he uses his Walker willingly now and tho' he crashes into things with it, at least it keeps him from taking a Fall or risking being nervous about Walking.
He has been ornery about Walking, he doesn't want to, but a Body in Motion stays in Motion, so I insist he move around more than he WANTS to. *Winks* He goes to Bed way early now, sometimes before Dark, and Sleeps In also, which is uncharacteristic for him, he's always been a Morning Person. We'll see what Dr. Pham thinks is going on when we see him Tomorrow? I try to get him out and about just so he isn't so sedentary in front of a TV Screen all of the time. He's a notorious Do Nothing kind of Retired Person, whereas when he Worked, he was a Workaholic, he swung in the complete opposite direction when he was involuntarily Medically Retired.
My Dad was like that too, a Workaholic until he just couldn't Work anymore and then he kind of gave up and Did Nothing too in Retirement. It might be a Man-Thing since a lot of Men do Define themselves by what they Do for a Living/Job/Career. When they don't have that anymore they seem at a Loss and not enjoying Retirement as they probably should embrace the Freedom it gives them to just Enjoy whatever they Want to Do and don't Have to Do now. I like being Retired, it did not make me Idle at all. In fact, I'm probably just as busy as when I held down demanding Careers in my Corporate Lives while also Raising Two Generations of Kiddos AND Caregiving.
There's so much to Do and that Needs to be Done even in Retirement. The Man tends to ignore what could or should be Done and does not Want to Do any of it now, even that which he still could. And that switch to Who he used to be and Who he now is tends to be such a stark opposite, that sometimes I feel like I don't even Know this New Version of Himself? Part of it was the Traumatic Brain Injury in 2013. Princess T was in early Grade School when it happened and as Kids tend to be so Profound, and out of the Mouths of Babes, comes Truth unvarnished. She called Who he was Before The Catastrophic Accident, her "Old Grandpa", and Who he became After The Catastrophic Accident, her "New Grandpa". She said we'd just have to Learn to Love New Grandpa, coz Old Grandpa was Dead. She wasn't Wrong. And you do have a Grieving Period for what has been Lost and permanently changes Lives and Relationships, the whole Family Dynamic really.
At first she did not Like "New Grandpa" at all, and being a Kid, she'd say so, out loud!!! She'd been so close to "Old Grandpa" and Losing that part of him was hard for us all, but especially hard for someone that Young, who was and had been, her whole little World. They were extremely Close and she's the "Baby" of the Family and the last Child we Raised, so he doted on her way more than any of the others. With TBI he had to re-learn to do literally everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, so it was like having a Grown Newborn in the Household and she took Rehabilitating him as Seriously as I did, but it was a LOT for us to do without Help and figuring it out on our own. And did they ever get into some Arguments when he wasn't Behaving or Trying hard enuf. *LOL* She once locked him out of the House when I was at Work and her Teen Brother was allegedly watching both her and Grandpa, coz they'd fussed at each other about who had control over the TV Remote! *Eye Roll*
It was Night and very Dark, Ink Black out there, coz we were at the Villa McManse before that area fully developed and used to be flanked by State Trust Lands that were pristine Desert, only lit by the Stars. Her Brother was engrossed in his Video Games and didn't know his Sister and Grandpa were fighting about the TV Programs. The Man got upset and told the Little One, "That's it, I'm leaving and I'm taking all my Money with me!!!" Yeah, clearly Brain Damage Talking there, coz what Adult would say that to a Small Child, Right?! And where the Hell did a Brain Damaged Old Man who can't take Care of himself anymore or handle Money now, even Think he was Going?! *Eye Roll* Well, he forgot he said that and had to take the Trash Out coz that was a Chore I'd given him to do while I was at Work and she was too little to Roll the Garbage and I'd given The Young Prince other Chores to do in my absence, like make Dinner and Babysit the other Two. It was an unrealistic expectation, but, it ALL fucking was, for all of us. We only had each other. The Cavalry was never coming.
So, he goes out there to do that and she promptly locks the fucking Door behind him!!! He can't get back in and The Young Prince's part of that Villa was Upstairs and he couldn't hear what was going on coz he played it with a Headset!!! The Man is pleading with her to let him in and she says, "Well you said you were leaving... so... Go!" *Bwahahahahaha* The part about taking all the Money with him hadn't phased her coz she knew Post-TBI that I handled all the Finances and she was sure that "Gramma doesn't ALLOW Grandpa to have Money anymore!" *LMAOROTF* Well, Luckily he had his Cargo Pants on and his Cellphone in the Pocket and Called me at Work to tell me she'd MADE him Leave and he didn't know where to go!!!??? Awww, Hell... fuuuck... my Co-Workers were like, no wonder you'd rather be able to come to Work at least some of the time!!! It's Bananas at your House! *LOL*
I then hadda call The Grandson to tell him to go let Grandpa back in, tell his Sister that was Mean and he could have wandered off and got Lost in the Desert and how would she Feel if that happened to him, and tell him, Why would you say what you did to a Small Child? Christ on a Bike!!! After that I gave up all my Shifts and went into Full Retirement for Two Years out of Necessity! Couldn't have all that Drama and a Headache going on at Home in my absence, or expect a 13 Year Old with Special needs to be In Charge of them all! Now it's a Funny Story, back then I wasn't Laughing. And Social Services wasn't providing a damned thing in the way of Services or Benefits for any of them either.
I had a Team of absolutely Useless Caseworkers from CPS, VA, DES, Adult Services, and every Civilian Charity that Claims they help Disabled Veterans and their Families. Usually it's all restrictive, parsed out sparingly, with Qualifying and Disqualifying Factors galore, and you gotta be Flavor of the Month tho'. We weren't Flavor of the Month. Many Veteran Charities are for Post 9-11 Disabled Vets, not the Old Ones, no matter how long you Served, or how short, that means nothing. The Young Families do need the Help and for longer, so I don't begrudge them receiving their Help, I just think it can be discriminatory if some Veterans are excluded. They ALL should Qualify IMO... not just some.
Especially those who did 20+ Years and became seriously Disabled with their Service to Country, opposed to doing 2-4 Years or mebbe even less before the misfortune of becoming Disabled. I'd always ask my Caseworkers, how can you Exclude a Veteran who put in 39 Years to Serve his Country, fought in every War you had during that length of time and made incredible Lifetime Sacrifices, and is now 100% Disabled and requires your Help, I don't understand that Exclusion or Denial? Please fucking Enlighten me. And a lot of folks who Donate aren't aware that it's exclusionary for some Veterans and their Families. Anyway, we got thru it all on our own, and now he is finally receiving some Home Help regularly from the VA, which I appreciate and is very Helpful to him and to me too. We're impressed with whose been sent to do Home Help so far that is funded by the VA. And he doesn't feel so Abandoned or Forsaken by his Government.
We got Irrigation done and then Brad, the Pool Service Owner, informed me our Backwash Pump went out so that was $195 I didn't expect to have to spend right now. It's always SOMETHING! Home Maintenance is an ongoing expense, this Property has cost us more than the Historic one, but less than the Villa McManse. But the Historic one was Paid Off and the Villa McManse was cheaper than this Property due to the Luxury Home Market Crashing the Year we bought it, so we got it so Cheap the Mortgage was lower than here. But our Interest Rate here in the lowest ever, only 2%, so I can't complain, and the Equity here has built faster than any other Property I've ever owned and we have a better Location than any other Property too. So I feel so fortunate and Grateful to be here. It's the best Property for our Heirs to Inherit too.
While I was busy since 6:00 a.m. doing everything, The Man was busy sitting in front of the TV missing not One, but Three Meals coz he was too Lazy to get up, open a Can of something and pop it in the Microwave for 1-2 Minutes! So, by Dinnertime I asked him, what did you make yourself to Eat, while the rest of us were busy taking care of business? I'm not Hungry was his lame response, coz, of coarse he'd eaten nothing all day, as if his Legs were broken and he couldn't make it to the Kitchen on his own! Now that I was upset with him he surried on into the Kitchen, picked out a Fav Can of easy to prepare Food for himself, shamed into doing it for himself. I deliberately buy some things he can make for himself so that when the rest of us are Asses to Elbows busy, he can fix something without Supervision and within his Safety Prompts, when he's Hungry. He doesn't require being waited on Hand and Foot, we do everything that he can't do for himself, he's being well taken Care of, but what he can do for himself he's expected to just do it.
And becoz I was super Tired, my Back hurts, and he woke me up from the Nap I tried to get to renew myself after I got every damned thing done, I Snapped! *Winks and Laughs Maniacally* What the actual Fuck, Honey... Seriously, you haven't Eaten a damned thing, did you think the Food would make itself and bring itself to you, or what? The rest of us you could see all day, from way before you even rolled your Happy Ass out of Bed, were Working hard to get what had to get done, DONE, in humid sweltering Heat! I didn't have the Time or the Energy to Baby you and Hand Feed you like an Infant!!! You're a Grown Ass Man and you can walk to a Kitchen still, open a Can, most of which don't even need a Can Opener coz I bought the ones you take the top off with a flip top to make THAT even easier on you. {He claims he can't figure out the new Can Opener... which is just like every other Electric Can Opener... insert my Resting Bitch Face.} And put the contents of said Can in a Paper Bowl {you don't even have to Wash a Bowl afterwards}, and pop it in the Microwave for only 1-2 Minutes... and Wallah, a Quick Meal when nobody is available to Cook one for you!
The Kiddos are like, Dad/Grandpa don't wanna Do Nothing anymore... and they aren't Wrong. So, it often pisses everyone off coz he's expecting everyone else to do additional things for him that he CAN do for himself... and everyone else has a Laundry List of Work we do all the time already, as well as his Caregiving, and we're Family, not Staff, and certainly not PAID Staff catering to his every Need like he's on Vacation. Takes a Breath not and Venting over... I NEEDED that! *Bwahahahaha* Like I said before, it's sometimes like having a High Maintenance Adult Child in the House now coz there's so little he'll engage in, and that includes his Relationships with everyone as well... increasingly he's not getting along and playing well with others. And I know with Dementia that is par for the Course, but, it makes Caring for someone just that much harder when he's being difficult, and unlovely, and demanding... coz even PAID Caregivers don't want that Higher than Average Client to have to Deal with... let alone Family Volunteers. They still Love him, but they don't Like him very much most of the time now.
As a Spouse, you want the best for them as they decline, but when they Fight you every step of the way and make it just harder to provide the level of Care, it becomes exhaustive. I'm trying to make him understand, Listen, you're getting the best possible Care you could ever have when you have got Family who Love you Dearly doing it for you. But you're really pushing boundaries of their tolerance and devotion to you. Coz you have to be considerate and kind as they're doing it for you, not be Mean Spirited, ungrateful, or a Pain in everyone's Ass becoz you're misbehaving and you do still have the capacity to behave within some norms. I'm glad Nurse Remi will be back coz she's like a Second Strict Wife with him. *Smiles* And he listens to her when she's telling him what he Needs to Hear even if it's not what he Wants to Hear. *Ha ha ha* She tells me with a Wink and a Smile, well, he's not as difficult as an African Man is... and I know she's Right, given the Patriarchal dominance of that Culture and subjugation of African Women.
The Son, when he was in a Group Home Rehab at one point when he was trying to get Clean from Dangerous Addictive Drugs, said a Kenyan Family owned it. The Man had several Wives and they all worked there, he said the Women literally did everything and the Husband did bugger all and thought that's how it should be. He'd tease The Son coz our Son would always be Helping the Wives out with housekeeping, coz it was a Group Home Rehab, so there were a bunch of Adult Male Clients there and keeping the Facility, which was in a Residential Home, in Order, was constant and a lot of Work.
The Son would Organize the other Resident Male Clients to also help the Wives out, coz they took such excellent Care of everyone in their Facility and were really Nice Ladies. Of coarse all the Wive just LOVED my Son! *Ha ha ha* He'd tell The Husband, well, my Mom comes from a Matriarchal Society and expects all the Boys and Men of the Household to also Share in keeping the Household in Order, and not just have all the Work be Women's Work. The Husband met me and then The Son told me he'd said to him, "Well, I can see Why you would not dare battle THAT Woman!" *Bwahahahahaha*
And Nurse Remi did tell me that she knows for sure that a Traditional African Man would be more than a bit Fearful of a Woman like me, coz they wouldn't be used to a Woman behaving Strong like a Man. *Ha ha ha* I can Thank my Dad and his Culture for instilling that into me coz all the Females on my Paternal side of the Family are Tough, Strong, Hard Core about what we Care about, and Fearless Women who can't and won't be Trifled with. *Smiles* In our Minds and Hearts, we are mos def not the Weaker Gender or 2nd Class Citizens to be Oppressed or Subjugated. Try it, and see what happens. *Bwahahahaha* I won't Obey or be Subservient just becoz you possess different Body Parts than me... I am as much a Human Being as any Man is, Period, Full Stop, it's not even up for Debate or Compromise. I think Superiority Complexes based on Gender, Religion, Cultures or Race are ludicrous concepts I don't adhere to at all or Believe in, nor Support in any way. Nobody is better than nor beneath me as a Human Being, Nobody.
So, anyway, got my little Rant out of the way and The Man is happily polishing off the Meal he made for himself, and clearly he WAS Hungry, just Lazy about doing it for himself. *Winks* And now there's no Trouble in Paradise for the time being. *LOL* We got such a strong Head of Water with having to take on more than usual due to SRP asking us to, that it hasn't yet all soaked into the Ground and it's almost 6:00 p.m. now!!! We put a lot more stuff curbside for Bulk Garbage Pickup Today too, neatly organized in various big Boxes and heavy duty Bags. Nobody took any of the Aloe Vera and the Sun baked it anyway with it being so exceptionally high Temperatures exceeding 116 every day now.
We were Lucky we had overcast Skies all Morning to get the Yardwork and Irrigation done without Full Sun beating down on us as well as enduring the High Humidity. Nevada is now on Fire near Reno, another Human caused one, tho' they don't know whether intentional or accidental yet until they investigate it AFTER they get it up under control. There seems to be some demented Arsonists among us these days causing these massive Fires and Apocalyptic destruction tho'.
We've had Fire Bans at all our Parks and Recreational Areas all Summer long, which is why most have been deserted, nobody can BBQ or have Campfires, it's just too tinder to risk allowing it. And I'm glad coz people can be so irresponsible and careless, so Environmentally Unconscious, that you can't depend on them to ever do the Right thing or behave appropriately when out in Nature. They do dumb shit all of the time. I do Environmental Cleanup Weekly, often even Daily when I can fit it in to my Schedule. And you can't even make a dent in running enuf damage control behind the general public and how piggish and irresponsible they are as a Collective, or what illegal shit they do out in Nature without Caring one iota about the impact.
Most of the public doesn't wanna do even the minimal amount of sacrificial stuff to be part of a Solution rather than being part of the overall Problems. As a Species, we Collectively Suck. Even tho' Google claims 50%-80% of People claim and express Environmental Consciousness or Concern, depending on how the Question is asked and the specific Behavior Measured... actions, proof and evidence of that just don't line up with that illusion, or delusion IMO. Only 9%-11% of people actually engage in Social Causes or Climate Action or actually Volunteer their Time for Environmental Organizations or do it on their own... so, I rest my Case. You can't be 80% REALLY Concerned and be only 9% actually Involved, it doesn't Square.
When only 9% even Protect Nature, that's not very many of us Statistically speaking, running damage control behind the 90.1% who don't. The Excuses abound, from "Feeling" Untrained {how much "Training" do you actually Need to pick up Garbage, asking for a Friend?}... or they can't Find a "Group" {so, just do it, you don't require a fucking "Group" effort to make a difference}. Conservation Specific Volunteering is only 1% of the already low Rate of 28% Nationally of Volunteerism in the Population. So, most folks won't do anything if not Paid to do it, that's pretty obvious. And my Observation has been some folks getting Paid to do a Job are hard pressed to wanna or be Trusted to just do it and Care about it!!!
I don't think most folks are doing what they can, is what I'm saying. And, don't say, well, I'm not Retired, so I can't Volunteer. I have always Volunteered... even when holding down Demanding Careers and Raising Generations of Kids... and Caregiving... coz if it's meaningful to you to Do anything, you'll do it. Otherwise, it's just not meaningful to you, is the real reason Why you don't. And you haven't made it a Priority. Let's just be Real and 100% and cut the Bullshit. Most folks Believe they're Too Busy... but in their Busyness they do find Time for whatever or whoever they truly Care about. Otherwise, it's easier to make lame Excuses why they don't to justify that decision not to.
Yes, it was a rather Ranty Post, I'll admit... smiles... Dawn... The Bohemian on a Rant




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