Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Gentrification And The Grift



 I'm running low on Posts Unpublished in the Queue so I better get busy.  *LOL*  Some of the Unpublished ones aren't so relevant anymore, but I'm too lazy to scrap them.   Such as... scrapping my ongoing Vent Post about my Grandson purging the whole Guest Room of my contents and how Emotionally Raw it Triggered me to be while Creating those Posts.  The Young Prince and I have since had a reconciliation and discussed each other's Points of View.  So, here's me eating some Crow, since I have to Confess I was Vaguer than I Imagined I was about how carried away he should get in Purging the Main House's contents to make an impact on my tendencies of being piss poor at being Editorial enough.  *Le Sigh*   "Sometimes Gramma, you don't even finish your Sentences anymore, so I have to improvise what I think you wanted me to do?!"  *Blushing, it's True.*  




 Now, he Confessed that getting rid of ALL of my possessions from the Guest Room they're using was presumptuous, too carried away and rude on his part, so he understands why I felt disrespected and Freaked Out.   He grasped why some of those contents could NOT be housed in a Non-Climate Controlled Space and I had to quickly run damage control behind him.  I shouldn't even be in the RV Garage Mahal this time of Year now, we're in triple digit temps already, so, it worried him I had to go rescue stuff he'd made almost inaccessible in there, so it wouldn't be destroyed by extreme Heat.   It's all stashed in our Room now, which displaced other things, and he sees the Hot Mess his decisions have now made to our Private Space of Serenity.   I had nowhere else to put it, so it is presently our dilemma in our Space, whereas where it WAS when it was in their Room, had Placement and Purpose.  Oh well, not anymore.  I'm Dealing with that Fact better now, it is what it is.




He's happier in their Space since he redecorated the entire Space now with their possessions and I guess that's how it should be while they stay with us longer term than originally anticipated.   They cannot afford to move out yet, that's just the Reality of it.  I wouldn't want them doing it prematurely to where it wasn't the right move at the right time for them to prosper and was done too hastily.  Rents are so high now and tho' a lot of new Apartments are being built, they tend to be of the Luxury variety.  So intentionally appealing to a demographic of affluence to migrate here and not creating affordable Housing for average working people or the low income Families being constantly displaced and further marginalized.  Even with a good Job/Career, some of the Rentals are ridiculously priced, as expensive or more expensive than buying a Luxury Home.




Gentrification of the area is apparent and I've always had a Love/Hate Relationship with Gentrification.   I know who it's meant to Serve and who it's meant to displace.    If our Mini Farm Community didn't have such expensive Property Values, they'd attempt to displace us all too.   But now all of these properties are Valued at $700,000 to A Million or more, so, not a demographic they wanna move along, piss off or displace.   We got in just under the Wire since we couldn't afford to have move in here at the current valuations.   Many of the Families here bought in the 1970's, so they Bought low and if they wanted or needed to, can Sell high and have Options, which is a nice position to be in.  I like having Options, don't you, Buys Leverage and unmerited Favor.  *Winks*




Anyway, the huge Agriculturally Zoned area directly to the East of our Mini Farms got a Grift Deal for a Developer to change the Zoning to high density Residential.  *Le Sigh*  Instead of the large Agricultural use it previous had, or the Right to also Develop it strictly as other Mini Farms like our Community.  So, now 500+ Single Family Residential Subdivision Hell Homes will be going in and that got Approved, we failed to successfully overturn, and is a Done Deal with the City.  I'm sure someone got a handsome backhander for finagling that with the Developer or Grifter Cronies they greased thru corrupt Policy changes.  This is why it's important who you Elect even at the lowest levels of Government, coz once infiltration of the Grifters happens, everyone but them and their other Corrupt Cronies is screwed.




I am Happy with MOST of the Development going on, so long as we can keep our Slice of Paradise without them Eyeballing that for 'Future Development' that displaces and involuntarily forces out long time Residents happy with our Slice of the American Dream.   There's enough Dream to go around, it's just that 15% want it all and would deny the rest of us any of it if they but could.   They got theirs, so I don't feel the least bit of remorse about how difficult the rest of us make it for them.   Let it hurt them where they feel it most and is what they Worship at their Altar of, their Money.   You always know what a Person's REAL Priorities are, regardless of what they Say, just look at their Financials, it speaks Volumes that most will never Voice out loud or want Revealed.   Why do you think most of the Billionaire Boys Club wants to hide their Financials from Public Scrutiny and desperately Fight against having it Revealed?




Ah, the things you would SEE.  But, probably won't, ever.  When in Banking, as an Executive for Major Financial Institutions in one of my Corporate Lives, well, let us just say I SAW a LOT.   Too much actually... so I've never had delusions about the Power Structure in America and how it's Designed and manipulated.  I got into Banking as a First Career, so I was very Young when my Eyes were Opened and did way better than expected for a Female.  During that Era of The Good Ole' Boy Network that excluded us Gals, Minorities and those Born without The Silver Spoons in our Mouths.   There were some of us and a few Pioneers before us that broke Glass Ceilings to make a way IN for those coming up behind them.  But you got Seasoned to do Battle early or you just didn't last or play The Game to your best Advantage.  I like to Play Games to Win, especially against adversarial Assholes... Fun Competitive Challenge and it Amused me to really torment them and then annihilate them... I'm a Real Weirdo like that.




But once I Win I easily Bore, some Adversaries underestimate you from the Gate and so they never see you coming... Yawn.   And if I Lose I'm vindictive to the Nth Degree and they become my next Obsession and exclusive Fixation.  *Evil Grin*  Taking them Down is Fun, but, some are entrenched so deeply in The Game that you know they got a coat of Teflon for Protection and rely on it heavily to deflect consequences.  Since the whole Game is rigged in their Favor and against everyone who would threaten to take them Down or Out.  It's like Whack-A-Mole.  When they get desperate is when you know you got them by the Short Hairs actually, there's a lot hanging by their Short Hairs right now.  I do hope it's painful for them to reap what they've sown in Bad Karma and suffering coming back at them.




 I rather like seeing that Struggle they obviously are in, reverting to Survival Mode to get/squirm out of the Mess they created for themselves.  They'll throw one another under the Bus to save their own Asses and that will be Entertaining.  The Sharks consuming one another in their Feeding Frenzy to remain at the top of any Food Chain they've enjoyed for too long and Survive their Scandals.  The carnage that will surely ensue Politically, will be more Interesting than we've ever seen before, you mark my Words.   They'll be eating each other Alive once they start falling and Going Down.  None of their ilk would do well in Prison, tho' I do Hope enough of them Survive the Human Sacrifices their cohorts offer up of them, to do some Serious Time and rot there in Prison, where they belong.  I personally would bring back Public Executions for Treason and Traitors... I'd watch and Celebrate their End afterwards, they're Selling the Nation Out, so Fuck them and all who aided them.




They count on the masses remaining Ignorant, Uneducated, Ill Informed and Sheep who Fear the Wolves and can be herded and manipulated to the Slaughter at their Whim and Will.   Predators need Prey after all or they couldn't Survive long.   They may pretend they don't need them, but they do, desperately in fact.  The Prey being their only Meal Ticket.   Some will even be the proverbial Wolf in Sheep's Clothing, to try to blend in and not be detected or pretend they're one of their Prey and therefore can be Trusted.   Some Fool Sheep fall for that, they're doomed to their Fate, such that it will inevitably be.   If you are blinded to whose the most Threat and Danger to you, then you're likely going Down and will be a casualty and quite the Easy Mark.  I'm Surprised sometimes at whose become such an Easy Mark and fallen into very handy Prey Status to the Predators.  It's why I don't suffer or surround myself with Fools, they attract Trouble and you can't fix Stupid.



*******

One more in the To Be Published Queue... Dawn... The Bohemian

Monday, May 16, 2022

Let's Get Radical

 



I didn't like my last Post very much, being so rambling as I sorted out my Feelings during Family Turmoil, which we sorted out satisfactorily.  Sometimes I Blog when I'm Emotionally Raw to just sort out my own Thoughts better.  So, lets, Move On and make this a Two-Fer Post kinda day, shall we?  *LOL*   My Brother sent me some pixs he'd taken of our Mom, some of the very last she had taken before she Passed, I hadn't seen these before, so it was a lovely Surprise.   Instead of making me Sad, it made me Happy, since her countenance was Radiant in spite of the physical and mental deterioration that had taken so much away near the End.  It was a Mother's Day Photo and Mom sure Loved being a Mom, a Nanna and a Great Nanna.  I loved Celebrating Mother's Day with her, it's not the same without her.




I agreed to Work again this Saturday Night, in Real Time it's Friday Night, by the time I Posted this and moved it forward, I already worked and it went Well.  I forget when Posts will Publish when I stick them in the Queue Unpublished, it doesn't matter... Time of a Post Publishing is irrelevant.   Sometimes I go back and work on an Unpublished Post and Update it before it Publishes, sometimes I don't bother.    Journaling via a Blog I just do when I Feel like it and I'm not very attached to the Outcome, I don't Archive any of the Posts too long anymore, tho' I used to.   I only go way back in other Blogs Archives if they're new to me and I'm really liking the Stories and/or Images Shared.





I don't really know for sure if the popularity of Blogs is waning or not, it could be... but it seems those of us who like it, will continue to like it and do it, being part of this Community as a Blogger, a Dear Reader, or both.   Most people I know in Real Life don't Blog or visit The Land Of Blog, I'm Fine with that actually.  This is just a very different Space than what we may occupy in Real Life anyway.  Unless it's a Business Blog, then it's just a means to an end to promote what you're already doing and a free form of Advertisement.  I rarely visit Biz Blogs, I used to, some used to be interesting and creative enough and had some good visuals.





Most now use some other Platform to Advertise themselves.   I don't try to keep up with whatever is the Trending Platform everyone is flocking to or raving about.  They usually move on to The Next when something new Trends and the Migration is too constant to bother with for me.   I never liked Instagram and never visited Twitter ever, how banal a Platform of Mindless brevity of Opinion is it anyway?   The fact IQ45 used it so frequently was enough evidence of the lack of relevance it has for intelligent dialogue or well thought out self-expression.





I know The Grandkids like Tik Tok and You Tube, there's some good Tutorials on there for many things.  Princess T learned to apply Makeup well utilizing the Tutorials and there's probably something for everyone.    Social Media sites abound, I only use a couple that are very familiar to me and I've used for Years now.   I'm just not interested in taking the Time to add more and spread myself that thin Online.   There's some things Online that I got set up with that I abhor using, like E-Mails... I don't read them often enough and delete 99.9% of them without bothering to read them.   My Irrigation Scheduling being the rare E-Mail I need to read.





Oddly the Online Community Newsletter "Next Door" in affluent Subdivision Hell still sends me their E-Mails of it, I don't know why, I never Cared when I did live there?   They ceased for a while and I don't remember ever signing up with them when I bought the McManse, we only ever read some of it to make Fun of it.  The petty infantile drivel and High Drama was hilarious, you'd of thought Children were creating it and not Grown Ass Adults.   It accurately reflected the annoying Community there and the pretention abounding, it hasn't changed.   I've marked it as Spam, yet so many still get thru, they are persistent!   Even tho' when you lived there they could give Two Shits about their Neighbors.   So why bother with incessant Online contact at all, especially when you Escaped!?  *Bwahahaha*






Mebbe they're desperate for alleged Subscribers or think any of what they have to say is that interesting or relevant?   It isn't, they take themselves way too Seriously and are making themselves much more The Spectacle actually.   As a Lark I should copy and paste some of the hilarity and we could make Fun of it here too?  *Winks*   Last time I cruised thru the Neighborhood to drop Princess T off at Crazy Pamela's, most of the larger Homes were for Sale again on our Old Street.   Some for the 4th or 5th time in only 7 Years!   Very telling of how people wanna get the Hell outta there no matter how luxurious the Homes are and what a Deal you can get on them.   Gilded Cages with HOA Wardens and lots of Snitches as Neighbors is what it is.   I made a Break for it first chance we got, no Serving a Life Sentence for me!  *LOL*






Lately Blogger has been sending some Dear Reader's Comment to Spam and not Posting them until I see them in the Spam Section that is in the Stats Section where you can Edit things.  Then I have to mark them as NOT Spam so they can Post and hopefully be recognized as legit Commenters and not Trolls and Spam to be blocked.   I'm not deciding nor Editing, so Blogger is screening some kind of way, I know not how?   I am getting a lot less Trolls, Bots and Spammers tho', so it is effective at blocking those annoyances so that I don't have to Delete them.






Toying with Trolls bores me now, so when a few used to get thru I didn't even bother to torment them anymore.  It just wasn't as Fun as it used to be, so I just marked them as Spam and Deleted them.   No, I wasn't getting Nicer, I was just getting Bored more easily and didn't Delight in messing with them as much.  *LOL*   In person tho', if someone is problematic and intentionally snarky, a Karen or their Male counterpart, there is still the temptation to have some Fun and torment the shit out of them to amuse myself.  Mostly becoz you can SEE their reaction and a whole Audience can then be equally Amused at the Take Down of a person most people abhor encountering  *Winks*






Have you noticed lately, that a lot of The Karens got The Big Payback at being made Fun of by the rest of us, so that they have virtually become invisible again?  I mean, they're still there, we just can't so easily identify and mess with them anymore or put them on Blast now.   Too many were going Viral at the Amusement of us all, when they made a Spectacle of themselves and had The Big Payback video recorded and Forever out there immortalizing what they are and who they are.  Sometimes I just Love Social Media exposing who we want to put on Blast, Publicly Humiliate, or aid in the Prosecution of and expose for all the World to see and identify as scum forever and ever.  *Bwahahaa*  






Yes, some of the Crimes are hard to watch, but now nobody can deny or pretend they're happening when it's documented and released.   Used to aid in the Conviction and Prosecution of and put the vile Perps away, so hopefully some measure of Justice is Served.   Not always, as we know how flawed The System is and how slanted in favor of some and how against some it leans so blatantly.  But then Society can put the pressures on that we should, in order to correct the Injustices and demand Change.   Having worked in The Criminal Justice System I know there are good People behind the Scenes as well as those who fail Society.  So it is with most professions, a mixed bag of what I call The Human Sideshow and Forrest Gump would call a Box of Chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.






Last Night I watched Spike Lee's 1989 Film "Do The Right Thing", it had been Years since I'd seen it.   Of coarse the Eighties visuals and references were comical and made me Smile, since I remember that Era.  But some things seem to never change and that drives it Home too, when you're looking at it here in 2022 and we're still dealing with the same damned Social Issues, only the Date has really changed.   In fact, in many ways, Society and our Nation is Devolving in many ways instead of Evolving and that makes me sad and mad, since Future Generations inherit that Hot Mess being created now.   When I talk to Young Adults some of them Hope to BE The Change and are our Future Activists for righteous Causes, I remember having that Passion too at their Ages.  I wasn't just a Rebel without a Cause.






Yes, I'm still Loud and Proud of the Platforms I stand on to promote Positive Changes, but I realize the Torch is in the Hands of the Youth to make most of it happen.   I will Support them with my last Breath and they tend to know who we are, the Old Ones that have their Backs.   The Young Man at the Coffee House, when he Served our Bollos for Breakfast Yesterday, asked The Man and I if he could consult with us afterwards, if we had the Time.   We MADE the Time, since if I can Help some Young Person like that with Vision and Passion, I always will in any ways I can.   It's an uphill Battle they Fight and I know only too well what they're up against in Fighting flawed and rigged Systems, and the Corporate Greed that swallows up the Little People in Small Businesses and attempts to squash them so there's no competition or a level Playing Field.






Not everyone is invited to The Table of Economic Development, many are intentionally excluded and it's no accident whose absent when Favor is being meted and parsed out and Policy is being made.    I happen to know that some Policy has been changed to benefit Grifters and their Cronies who make the Rules and change the Laws for their own Gains.  Example locally... the amount of RV Storage sites springing up everywhere by certain Developers of that Industry.   They didn't have enough Customers to profit off of, so Cities altered Policy and Laws about where Residents could Store their RV's on their own Properties, even if their Properties had been built for that specific Purpose.  To force off site Storage and fill up the RV Storage Facilities.  Just one of the many Grifts going on and not always Exposed or even known about. 







Don't think that if you have a Right now, that you'll have it in the Future at this Rate of Corruption, you probably won't.   Someone will be itching to take it away from you and they always have ulterior motives as to why that would be beneficial... TO THEM.   And you better be willing to Fight like Hell for what you have or it will be taken away from you by Force, Trust and Believe.   And once you have no Rights and no Power or Leverage, you will be Less Than Humanized, that's how it Works, that's how it was Designed to Work, don't be deluded.   But Listen, don't Faint and grow Weary or think you don't have distinct Advantages.  Don't be so Meek that you don't Stand for something, because you will Fall easily when you refuse to take a Stand and show Strength, resilience and most of all Passion for your Causes. 







And we do have them, the Advantages!!!   Women make up 51% of the Population, Seniors are a large Population marginalized in our Old Age, add Minority Males, LGBTQ Males and any other Marginalized Groups of Males to our Ranks, plus various Religious or Secular Folks facing discrimination by Far Right Fundie Fringe sorts wanting to impose and force their Faith Based Standards on us all, and we ARE the Majority and Powerful in Numbers IF we have Unity of Purpose.  They are scared of us, that is why they seek to Oppress us all and strip us of our Rights, our Freedoms and legitimacy as Equals within American Society.   Let's Unify, lets get Radical too in standing up for what's Right and not being Silent about it... and be a Force to be Reckoned with.





*******

Do what you can, with all you can, for as long as you can, and don't be told you can't... Dawn... The Bohemian


Disengaging



 I'm trying to keep some Posts ahead in the Queue, lately I'm either on a Blog Bender or I don't want to bother, Hot or Cold, which is why a Queue is nice.  I could go Weekly, or Monthly, I've experimented with that Style of Blogging in the Past, along with shortened Posts... didn't Work for me.   I've had a Stress Headache for a few Days by now, lots of reasons as to Why.  The Man has tried to just let me get a lot of Rest and darken our Room and be in here by myself, so I can Cope with how my Head just feels right now.    Silence and Darkness with nobody bothering me has been Helpful.   I need that right now apparently.  Off and On I'm having some Post-Rona complications and will have to talk to my Specialist about it next Week when I see her for my Diabetic Eval Update.  The comorbidities coupled with new complexities is a Beast to function with optimally.





People complicate an already complex situation of my Health and my Caregiving, Raising a Teenager and the running of a Home daily.  I can talk openly with The Son about how I Feel without him personalizing it, we're a lot alike, he and I, so he often has a point of reference to draw upon.   Especially when it comes to Peopling.  *LOL*   I like people and I can usually get along with just about everyone or anyone.  The Son and I are very Sociable people and not recluses or anti-social at all.   However, sometimes the dynamic between people is such that we have to step away and have that Alone time without the Work involved in getting along and playing well with others, especially if they've become challenging to do that with, since people are complex.   I like Harmony and having a Peace with people and being at Peace with them, that is not always possible, no matter how much effort you put into that.  Conflict happens, I try to resolve it quickly and Move On, sorting out misunderstandings and differences of Opinion.




I am Open to other Points of View, even if we never Share the same one.  Some people become too High Maintenance for me and God Bless 'em, but when it tips into more Maintenance than I can sustain, I have to disengage for at least a while.   I have to do that more for me than for them, but it's best for them too.  Disengaging has it's challenges, since most people do personalize everything as if it's all about them all of the time, which, it isn't.   If you can't even see my Point of View, then I'm not apt to spend a whole lotta time trying to draw pictures and shit so that you're not seeing everything thru your own Lens and Filters exclusively and marginalizing mine.  I just don't have it in me, since most people seem to Need to push their Point of View and have you see it ONLY their way and forfeit your own, which may differ vastly.   I don't need you to see things my way, just know there is another way of seeing things, that's all.  I like hearing other Points of View, it expands my own sometimes and Helps me Understand someone and the Filter they View the World thru.




I try to get feedback from reliable sources about my reaction in a situation and if it was perhaps over-reacting, since, I am prone to that.  I honestly don't want estrangement from people I Care about, but I always leave the Ball in their Court. Anyone that can walk out of your Life, was likely never tied to your Destiny anyway.   Some Family and Friends you can be closer to than others, that's just natural dynamics between people.   The Man and I did discuss the situation with The Grandson and his Partner, after all the Talking was done with them... and I know that right now anyway, they feel some kind of way about it and we feel another kind of way about it.  Some of my closer Friends gave valuable input objectively too, I appreciated that.   Whether that situation has a resolution that the Relationships can weather, only Time will tell.   It's been Years since The Grandson had been around Family or Friends, all the Friends fell away on account of that, but I had Hoped he could maintain Family ties?  But, perhaps he can't, I dunno?




I know I always try to, but sometimes I can't either, I can only meet you so far before some of the Work has to be yours too.   If you don't put in the Work too, and Nurture a Relationship or Value it as much as I do, very likely, we will drift apart.  Since if you can't Invest anything, then I'm not gonna Bankrupt myself by Investing everything I have in it and not having it be sustainable or mutually desired and tended to by you too.   Some people know what I mean, sometimes you just have to accept that some people are going to be difficult to sustain Relationships with and you just have to come to terms with that fact.   I Love quite Unconditionally, my Love you'll always have if you're my Child or Grandchild... but it doesn't mean we will be close if it just doesn't happen that way.  No Masquerade is necessary, you can be Real with me and I can Learn to Accept how it just is between us.  The Young Prince uses his Disabilities as too handy an Excuse and Allen lets him, that's THEIR dynamic tho', not ours.  Any Disability can be an Explanation, but using it as a Crutch too much isn't Healthy. 




There's never a good Excuse for Bad Behavior and doing less than you can just so you can foist all the Work on other people and skate thru Life.  I used to think, as a Young Mother, that I had to be very close to my Children, all of them, all of the time if possible.  Even tho', as a Daughter, I had realized that doesn't always happen with Parents and Children.   It was easy to be Close with my Dad, with Mom it took a lot of Work, even tho' she and I spent a lot more time together.  Mostly since we enjoyed doing mutually enjoyable things, even tho' we were not at all similar, so we could clash and often did.  I'd always Reach Out to Mom if we had a Situation arise between us, leaving it up to her whether she wanted reconciliation or not.  It could be tumultuous and estranged off and on due to whatever Space she required to do that... it was what it just was.  If you don't want contact, I can roll with that and Honor it without a Grudge at all. 




  Dad was not only a Homebody, but also a very Stoic and Solitary Individual, he rarely clashed or got dramatic.  He liked his Solitude, he was a Great Listener, but you could sit in a Room with Dad and have Silence a long time if you didn't break it.  I Learned Stillness, Patience, to appreciate Solitude and Silence from Dad, I can do it, but it's not my Natural State of Being all of the time.  Dad wasn't Moody, I liked that a lot about him, sometimes I can't keep up with People's Mood Swings or inability to Mood Regulate.  I wanna tell them, pick a Mood, ANY Mood, and just stick with it a Minute why don'tcha!  *Whew*   Dad and I never had an estrangement in my whole Life, becoz with Dad, even if we had a Situation between us, he was reasonable to resolve it with, quickly and effectively.  But, like me, if you didn't want contact, he could roll with that and Honor it and give you all the Space and Time you required.




  Mom was a Conversationalist and had the Gift of Hospitality and a Zest for Life, an Active one.  Mom couldn't Mood Regulate worth a shit tho' and so you could get all kinds of versions of her in short shrift and you had to be lightening fast to adapt and keep pace with her Moods turning on a Dime, which could be exhausting and lead to Relationship Fragility.   She was just a more complex Person to have Relationship with.  But I Learned how to get along with almost anyone from Mom, when she WANTED to, she could get along with anyone becoz she was Likeable.  And how to just have a Good Time all of the time and look for the Opportunities in Life that often present themselves via other People.   If you're Naturally Sociable, you can establish a lot of Loose Ties with a lot of People that work out just Fine, even if you don't necessarily want a lot of Close Ties with many.  I prefer my Inner Circle to be small and well Curated, it's what I can handle and Manage.




 People LIKED Mom and sometimes that's all it takes, when People just LIKE you.  You have unmerited Favor when folks LIKE you.  Mom could Read People like a Book, with uncanny accuracy, if she was ever Wrong about them, I never saw it, no matter how much of a Chameleon they might be in Public, she'd see right thru it.   And she would Call it too, in advance... sometimes I listened, whenever I didn't, I should have.   Mom always felt like I overlooked a lot of things in People that I shouldn't and she could have been Right about that Observation.  I will almost always give everyone the Benefit of any Doubt I suppose and allow them their flaws.  I'd like to think most People desire a certain Acceptance for just being themselves, however that plays out, warts and all.   I wouldn't expect you to Conform just so that I'd LIKE you and not be your Authentic Self around me, just so that you'd be accepted or acceptable to me... you know?   I don't wanna put on any pretenses for you either... either you Like me... or you don't... it's Okay either way.




 Mom told me about her Great-Grandson Years ago, that he was going to be very Complicated, like his Mama.   My Mom and my Daughter were VERY Close, so Mom didn't mean that in a Bad way at all.  Just that for me, it was going to be as Complicated with him as it had been with my Daughter, that's all.   The similarities weren't evident to me for a very long time tho', so I kinda Hoped she had been Mistaken for once... she wasn't.   And you can only try so much to make an Uncomplicated Relationship with a Complicated Person.   There's nothing necessarily Wrong with being Complex, some People just ARE.   I do better with Easy people rather than the Difficult ones, so my Challenge is how best to get along with the Difficult People that I really Cherish and want to sustain Relationship with, the best way that I can manage to... since, I'm me too... so there's THAT!   After all, we bring Ourselves to every situation and Relationship, don't we?  *LOL*   Bringing me to the Table, I don't even pretend is always Easy either, but, I've been told by those closest to me that I'm not Complicated, so I Trust I haven't been, to them or most People at least.




I always TRY to get along with all kinds of People, since I find it makes Life easier to just be Kind and Nice to everyone and realize everyone is in a Struggle of some kind and so their Behaviors may be attributed to their Struggles.  My Head hurts just trying to do that sometimes in a sustainable way that doesn't Stress me the fuck out with some People tho'!   So, I know that disengaging is likely to have to happen, and just limit exposure to where it Works best with those it's hard to be getting along with.   I don't know yet how to decide how much exposure is enough, too much, not enough, with my Grandson, he's changed a lot in the Three Years he was gone.   He often says we don't know Who he is now, we knew who he USED to be... and I suppose in many ways, that is correct.   Everyone has changes, we're not always who we even were Yesterday, you know?




 He probably doesn't know either how to Gel best with all of us, since connecting to other Humans isn't a strong point for someone badly afflicted with Schizophrenia to begin with.  And, he's been away a long time, so we're all not who we used to be either.   I think he sometimes wants to make a connection... other times not at all.   So it is with his Mama too, but I've had Forty Years of practice with that Relationship, being how she's just hard wired and able to connect to me... or not.   And sometimes it grieves me that we get along best when NOT in each other's Presence, just that sporadic contact we can both Sustain for brief encounters via devices and when nobody is on the Crazy Train going Wheels off the Rails.  




 Allen is 'New' to all of us, but he's a very easy Young Man to have a Relationship with.  Very much like The Son, Allen isn't Complicated and his Personality is such that he gets along Well easily with various People.  But, even with his own Family, he's had estrangements, becoz they apparently are Complicated and not so easy for him to get along with and thus they clash.  Such is Life.  I asked Princess T, from a Young Person's Point of View, she's 16, did I overreact with her Brother and Allen?   I told her to be Truthful, I just wanted a more Objective Point of View from someone of her Generation about what had transpired.   She told me NO, I definitely did not overreact at all.   I had every Right to be upset and angry as far as she was concerned... she was upset and angry too... I just didn't know it... since she stayed out of it and let us handle it.




 She had even vented to her Friend Jonathan about it a lot, since she felt her Brother had been disrespectful.   As it turns out, by Friday the 13th, my Grandson felt he did owe me an apology, which I accepted.  He said he could see my point of view and he explained his side of the misunderstanding about how much he took literally and shouldn't have removed or packed up and got carried away with Purging.   He had been doing the front Rooms as asked and just took it the step further and emptied out the Guest Bedroom.   He got overly zealous in there since it's the Space he's residing in and removing my stuff made room for the stuff he still had packed away and missed being surrounded by.   So, with both of us Calmer and able to discuss it unemotionally, we could then discuss some other things that are problematic, like housekeeping chores not getting done.

  



Young Men being messier than his Sister or us, it was becoming an Issue of contention since she, her Grandpa and I were doing the bulk of damage control in the Kitchen and Guest Bathroom behind Two Grown Men.   He promised they'd do better and I know he didn't intentionally now do what he did to upset me or make me angry.   That was important to me, that he hadn't taken advantage of a request I'd made and go overboard with it to where I was now upset with him.  He did see how and why I felt disrespected, but he hadn't expected me to get as mad and unraveled emotionally as I did.  I explained that with not feeling Well now, if someone makes more Work for me or undoes all the Work I've already accomplished, it just overwhelms me completely.  Because I simply cannot run the damage control behind Episodes like that.  I'm glad we cleared the Air and reached a mutual Understanding and of Boundaries.





I'm not one to keep Tension between me and anyone I Love, so, we usually find that Talking it out later on, when level Heads prevail and Emotions subside, is beneficial.  It might not Solve all of the problems of the World, but it can be restorative and when everyone Owns their part in it, you can usually find some Common Ground.    I have a lot on my Plate and my Grandkids know that, so I just want them to be Mindful that if it's added to, often it becomes Too Much to Cope with.   And when your Health begins to have complications, holding up becomes all the harder under the pressures and responsibilities you're performing, especially if now you're not Feeling 100% and are all the more challenged due to it.   Try to be a Blessing and be a Present Help here, otherwise, it cannot work out satisfactorily for us.  And alternative arrangements then have to be considered.   I want when they finally can move out and get their own place, that it is going to work out very well for them, it was the whole Point in us doing our part now to Help achieve that.






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Sorting out the Complex Stuff and Complicated People... Dawn... The Bohemian

Sunday, May 15, 2022

The Aging Diaries



 We saw that T.J.'s Family went ahead and had their Party for his Dad's Birthday and Mother's Day after all, even tho' his Mom had gotten badly injured in that Senior Fall.  So, either they couldn't get hold of everyone to cancel, or she didn't end up needing Hospitalization, we just don't know?   We've asked how she's doing, but the response by T.J. is strangely rushed, vague and elusive, so we haven't pried, if they want to Share, they will.  We haven't seen Rob or Anna, or even his Dad to ask, I'd suspect they might have been more forthcoming?   Ever since the DV incident with Anna, T.J. knows we lost respect for him as a Man, and so he's still avoiding us a lot.  That's Okay, we keep it amicable, and stay out of their business... it's theirs to work out, as all Relationships are.




We didn't get an invite to the Party to see their Mom or Dad in person either, which was okay, we wouldn't have been able to go, we had plans of our own and they know we don't do big gatherings during Pandemic anyway.  They have extremely big gatherings and know a LOT of people.  My hope is that perhaps her injuries weren't as severe as it seemed and the Fire/Paramedic response was a precaution due to her advanced Age?  I was glad they were able to pull off a memorable Birthday for the Dad and Celebrate Mother's Day for the Mom, in spite of the accident that befell her.  I feel badly for the Parents, in their 80's now, Life is getting hard and complicated with medical issues and Age related accidents of all kinds.




I know that The Man and I are quickly heading in that direction as we head towards those advanced ages ourselves.   The Man is over 70 now and not in good health, so it does worry me if I can't keep him active enough to stave off weakness or immobility.   We went thru all that with The Man after his catastrophic accident.  It really altered life at the time in such restrictive ways that my own life came to a screeching halt too, even tho' I was the Well one.   I ended up with Caregiver burnout and spent a whole Week in Psyche Lockdown when it all got to be too much and I broke.   So, I have no delusions anymore that too much can break you over time, no matter how strong you are, so you have to guard against it any way you can.




I do wonder if both T.J. and his Brother Rob have reached their breaking points with the Aging Parent's Care and the worry over them?  Perhaps that is what has caused lapses in their Character and sudden uncharacteristic behaviors we'd not seen before?  Or those they struggled with in the past, now have re-emerged under the stress and strain becoming intensified and prolonged?   It won't bring out the best in you when too much begins to break you down.  Their Parents are lovely people, but they are also very independent, proud and stubborn people, who don't seem to be acknowledging their diminished capacities and it's causing lots of mishaps now that could be avoided.




Being a very independent, proud and stubborn Old person myself, who is Twenty Years or so their Junior, I really can see both sides.   Having dealt with my own Elderly Parents diminished capacity for Years, and how difficult that all was, I see it from the side of the Adult Child trying to keep them Safe and met at their Point of Need and meeting with their resistance.   And now I can see it from the side my Parents were on, now that we're there ourselves, tho' not to the extent T.J.'s Parents are, since we're considerably Younger than them.   Our Teen and Adult Grandkids and Adult Kids are more forceful about approaching us when they get concerned about us, and for that I'm grateful.   But, even sometimes they run interference that isn't appreciated, it's premature.  




They cut to the chase about when we do things they think was some poor decision making and not age appropriate.  *LOL*   Yes, we're Guilty of that already, I freely confess that sometimes I don't think of us as OLD.  I look at people who probably are our Age and even Younger as being Old, but not us thru the same Lens.   I don't 'Feel' like an Old Person, even tho' I've technically been deemed a Senior Citizen a long time now and get my Discounts and all.  *Winks*  I don't even see The Man as being a Man already in his Seventies, he just doesn't seem like an Old Man LIKE THAT.   I'd see some other Guy in his 70's and give him a lot of leniency that I wouldn't give my Old Man, even in spite of his Physical and Mental Disabilities compounding the Age thing.  *Smiles* 




I guess sometimes I just still see him thru Eyes that remember him as so Strong, Capable, Fierce, Bad Ass... you know?    And perhaps it's even a bit of Denial in seeing myself thru the Lens that perhaps everyone else does, and I refuse to?   *LOL*   It's True, and sometimes that Illusion is carried forward and then other people don't think of me as this Old Lady either.   I've had my Young Coworker Friends tell me they just don't see me as someone's Great-Grandma.  So tend to think of me in terms of being like their own Parents... who are the Ages of my Adult Children and not even close to my age.  Yes, that's flattering, I ain't gonna lie, when they make that comparison I'm flattered.   Most of those Young Adults affectionately call me "Mom" and not "Gramma", even tho' their real Moms are probably like only Forty or Fifty!  *LMAO*




So, anyway, I do reflect upon the what ifs of the Future and how I really do have to begin to adjust when necessary.   I don't want my Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids to be so stressed out by The Man or I that we're becoming too much.   Well, I'm assuming of coarse that we aren't already, Right?  *Bwahahaha*   The Son joked that I've always been Too Much, even as a Young Woman, so, at least they're all used to that and can't see much Change.  But, secretly I know they worry about me and tell each other in Private.   Apparently the Daughter in Mexico spilled the Tea when she told me that her Brother had called her after our Mother's Day Luncheon to tell her how little I ate and how worried he is that I can't eat anymore.  *Le Sigh*




"Whatssup with that Mom?", so I hadda explain.  She will be the more Openly tenacious one about confronting me about whatever is worrisome for any of them, she's like an Open Book that way, no Filter.  *Bwahahaha*   She said she assuaged her Brother's unpleasant feelings about my condition by telling him that she talked to me later and I was eating my leftovers I'd brought Home from that Meal, so they did actually get eaten, just parsed out to where I could eat them.  Which was True, I was eating my leftover Elote when she called again.  She'd called while we were eating the Meal at the Restaurant and didn't want to interrupt the time her Brother and I were spending for Mother's Day, so called back later to chat. 




  I didn't tell her I still haven't eaten the little container of Beans from that Meal or how small the little container of Elote actually was.  That is all I ordered, I just couldn't have had The Son spend a lot on a full Meal I knew full well I couldn't eat, and would just give to the Grandsons to consume for me.   Most of the time Allen eats whatever The Man and I just can't, if we had a full Meal and only picked at it due to our Appetite suppression issues.   So, it gets eaten, just not by us usually.   Every once in a while I can eat a full Meal, just not Tues-Fri now while my Meds have interrupted Appetite and the Post-Rona weird Taste sensation persists to where some stuff doesn't taste Right to me anymore.




The Man came in to tell me that on the News, they were saying one of the Side Effects in some people from Post-Rona damage, is that their Brains have Aged 20 fucking Years!  Ruh-Roh, that can't be good for someone my Age!  *Bwahahahaha*   "So... that's what's Wrong with you Honey!", he joked, "You now have the Brain of someone in their 80's!"  *Eye Roll, he thinks he's so freakin' Funny!*   The lead pixs of this Post was the Dinner meet up with The Son. We went to "Wong's", which is walking distance from where he lives, so even tho' he'd just gotten home from Work, he could meet us there quickly.  I had Mail for him and he had Cans for us and filled up the Truck Bed with them.  The last Box full of random Beers we'd found for him, he said was a good one that held a lot of local brewed IPA Craft Beers that he likes.   And of coarse all that Money we found, that I like.  *Winks*




Earlier that Morning I'd taken The Man to that cute new little Restaurant in Old Town housed in the Historic White House.  I wanted to try the Chorizo Bollo and it didn't disappoint, I also ordered another of the Egg, Herb and Cheese ones, both were Sublime!   The Man tried the Ham, Egg and Cheese one, he really liked it.  I tried their Cold Brew Coffee this time and he tried their Raspberry Iced Tea.   Next time we go I've got to try the Egg, Sausage and Green Chile one to see if it will be mild enough for The Man to eat or not?   He has a sensitive Stomach so the Green Chile in it is iffy for him.   They had a bunch of fresh Baked items for Sale this day in the Shop section, seems the selection in the Shop changes Daily.  The Head Cook who makes the Bollos came out to introduce himself to us, which was nice, a very Talented Young Man.   I'll be back... {Said in best Schwarzenegger Terminator impersonation.}





By now as this Publishes, it's far enough along that I'm pretty sure The Grandson and his Partner are seeking alternative Living Arrangements and that's okay and probably appropriate.   I am tired of cleaning up after messy Young Men and the Three of us were comfortable with it just being the Three of us in this Home, that's the size we estimated living here when we bought the place.   We couldn't deny a request for Help and a place to stay when the Guys wanted to relocate back to Arizona.   Texas was out of the question for them, they went to Allen's Grandparent's Ranch for visits, but had no delusions they wanted to live in Texas or that near his immediate Family.   He is estranged from his Parents and so I did want for this to be a Safe spot to Land for them and be successful at Independent Living.





Whether there will be much Contact after they get their own place, I couldn't say.  Usually with Adult Kiddos, they get on with their busy Lives and you don't see or hear much from them, so I have low expectations when it comes to contact with Adult Children or Adult Grandchildren.   That's why The Man and I have a Life beyond Kids we've Raised, so that it's Full sans any of them or even sans Close Ties once Friends start dying off and moving away or going off the Grid with Socializing.  It happens, I don't personalize it when it does becoz frankly, I'm at the Season of Life where it doesn't matter, I'm content whether being Sociable or being Solitary now and sometimes the latter is a lot less Work and tremendously less Complicated.  *LOL*






*******

Aging like a Fine Wine in the Arizona Desert... well, sorta... or was it a Fine Whine?...  Dawn... The Bohemian

A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl