The Young Prince called early to let us have a Heads Up that Allen's Grandpa and Dad should be arriving before he does Today. He's got a long Layover in Denver again and hasn't arrived there yet, hopes the Weather in Denver doesn't delay or cancel Flights further? Google says 57 and Sunny, which is actually Warmer than Phoenix is Today, it's 49 and Sunny here. You just can't predict Weather much anymore due to Climate Changes, but I'm glad he's not having Flight cancellation issues. He told me he only is bringing Two pieces of Furniture and the rest is Smalls in larger Boxes with lots of padding to keep it from having breakage. I'm relieved to hear that. I'm sure most is his Art and he left everything else with Allen to try to make it a more amicable breakup on his part.
When Allen doesn't have the strain of Full Time Employment coupled with Full Time Caregiving and supporting another Person who cannot Work, he likely will do better too? It was a Lot from the beginning and I know he Works hard at a demanding Career at the Slaughterhouse, so I won't put all blame on him for what transpired between them. Having a Healthy Spouse can be Challenging, have one requiring Caregiving magnifies that and Allen has Mental Health challenges as well, so magnify that yet again. Plus, being a Gay Couple in a very Homophobic Community, now magnify it all yet again.
So, he's never liked where they moved to at all and can't wait to leave. It's not even affordable as a draw now becoz their Rent doubled recently from $600 to $1,200 for a substandard small Cottage Home built in probably the 1930's and in deferred condition. I saw pixs, it looks very Rural Poor. And our Grandson says most seem Poorly Educated. Hostile, Biased and Uneducated Equals potentially volatile and dangerous. So, he's never felt at all Safe there outside of his Home, so when it felt Unsafe within his own Home too, it became intolerable for him and he was barely hanging on and didn't know quite what to do? He had no Money and no Friends or other Family there. I was very Afraid FOR him being Safe, I ain't gonna Lie. My concerns Elevated considerably as he Opened up more, even tho' he hadn't wanted to Worry or Alarm me... since, he knows I got a Lot going on here.
Our Grandson said it's not an LGBTQ+ Friendly area, too near the Texas Border to be. So not one of the more Progressive or Blue portions of New Mexico like some parts might be, or bigger Cities. It's considered a Blue State, but he said their area leans Extreme Right and Deep Red. And most of the Community there commute to Texas to find Work and since he's been to Texas as well, he said it seems more like Texas than New Mexico towards him.
He can't fly under the Radar like Allen can, The Young Prince is Transgender and Fabulous even when Presenting as Male, he's often still mistaken as being Female, even when he was a Kid. Since Allen is very Macho and Masculine appearing by contrast, so most people can't tell he's Gay at all, the Military never caught on. So Allen can live there... and in Texas... plus he has Family in Texas and would prefer to just be there with his Grandparents again. Which, it may come to that. He's done Ranch Work with the Animals/Cattle on his Grandparent's Ranch since he was 14, so is a Big Help to them.
Plus Allen is a big, strong Guy, ex Special Forces. So even tho' he doesn't make a Secret of being Gay anymore, nobody messes with him due to his Sexuality, they figure they'd get their Asses handed to them if they did. And they'd be right about that. Whereas The Young Prince has seemed Feminine enuf, and Frail looking, that foolish folks have thought him to be easy to Target for violence. Forgetting, he's still a Man and had to Learn fast how to be tough, kick Ass and take Names. He grew up Trans, Seriously Mentally Ill, and Biracial... a Trifecta shitty Hand Dealt, in Da Hood, in a very rough Barrio, need I say more? He can actually hand Allen his Ass, and has had to, but he's usually Meek, Peace Loving and Kind, and doesn't have a Bad Temper.
But can be Triggered, especially when threatened, and a Paranoid Schizophrenic who CAN Fight, isn't someone you want to provoke to a Defensive posture. When he goes Mental, not many can restrain him or Win that Fight. Like me tho', he's never started a Fight in his Life, but has ended many with a flourish as well. We tend to be Harmonious and Peace Loving People until attacked, then it's ON. And he didn't want it to keep unfolding like that with Allen when he didn't feel Safe together anymore and Allen cannot manage his Anger appropriately. DV is never a Joke in any Relationship and if you're the Victim of it you NEED to always get out ASAP of that Relationship. It only ever escalates.
And if someone is not in Control of themselves, is prone to putting their Hands on someone in Anger as their first response, and is prone to being and initiating Violence, you cannot Trust them. The Domestic Violence Bureau of the DA's Office had some of the most habitual Violent Offenders that were Prosecuted for their Crimes, which often were some of the most horrific vicious Crimes too. And since Allen's Grandpa is a prominent Retired Prosecutor from a very large State, he knows this as well as I do. It's very likely Why he and his Son-In-Law are doing what they're doing to help our Grandson get back to Arizona with all of his things so that he never has to risk going back? That's my Take on it, they both seem to be decent, level-headed Men of Honor and Integrity. I really Liked Allen's Parents and Sister when I met them, only Good Vibes.
The Grandparents mostly Raised Allen coz he was a Handful due to his Autism and what I suspect is also Bipolar I Condition. He's very close to his Grandparents, but had been Estranged for many, many Years from his Parents, who couldn't manage him and sustain Relationship either. It is hard if someone has a high degree of Autism on the Spectrum, Allen has it way worse than The Son, and with The Son a little bit of him could go a long way and most Adults couldn't manage him when he was a mere Child, let alone a Grown and Strong Man. The Son tho', has never started a Fight, he too has ended any someone else initiated with him, with a flourish too tho'. *Winks* The Son can REALLY Fight and has to Hold Back or he knows he could really harm someone, coz he's relentless if he has to Fight and will not Stop and is oblivious to Pain.
So he had Warned Allen a few times here, when he could see Allen's tendencies, Listen, if you ever harm anyone in my Family, I'm Coming for you Fool. He's very Protective of his Nephew, as The Daughter and I also are of The G-Kid Force. So Allen knew he'd have at the very least a Trio of us Coming for him. And that's not Counting The Man, who Allen got kicked out of here for calling me a Bitch in front of The Man, and my Husband took a Swing at him and luckily Allen is well Trained in Hand to Hand Combat too so managed not to be taken down... but it could have gone very badly so I came out and immediately told him he couldn't Live here anymore. The Name calling was disrespectful and I heard it, tho' he didn't see me when he said it so didn't realize I was close enuf to hear what he said. *Winks* It didn't bother me one Iota, Name Calling is Weak and Childish, it doesn't Phase nor Offend me actually. I've been Called Worse. :Shrugs:
I simply flew out of The RV Garage Mahal at the time, upon hearing him foolishly say that TO my Husband, "Your Wife is a Bitch..." Them IS Fighting Words to say to any Man about his Beloved. And, Ruh Roh, I knew then, Shit's getting Too Real and has hit the Fan, better Referee that Situation STAT. By then Allen saw me heading straight for him, The Son and The Young Prince were trying to restrain The Man, since they knew Allen has really fucked up in Spades now. And he was Aware he had, but there was no redemption this time around, it was the last straw, he'd used up all his chances with me.
I just Calmly then stood Toe to Toe with Allen, within inches of his Face and told him, pretty much, "Listen Boy, I'm not "A" Bitch, I'm "THE" Bitch, and that will be Mrs. Bitch to you Son... now get the Hell outta my Home, you've crossed a Line with my Husband and I, you're no longer Welcome here. Be Well and Be Gone." He Cried, his Tears didn't Move me. The Young Prince Warned him not to piss me off further coz I could go from Calm to Psycho in a Heartbeat, and Grandpa was already provoked to Wrath, so, it was Time for them to just leave. I put a new Wheel on their Car, helped them load up their stuff, and took them to Breakfast, no Hard Feelings, you just can't be here anymore Allen. I knew it put The Young Prince in a Spot, but he understood.
And that's how and Why they got kicked out, not becoz of our Grandson doing anything Wrong, but becoz his Husband had Crossed Line after Line of Boundaries clearly outlined and set, non-negotiable ones. And if you don't stay in your own Lane here, and can't get along and Play Well with Others, you just HAVE to make other Arrangements. Those are The Rules, even if you're Family. I felt bad throwing The Young Prince to the Curb too, but they were a Married Couple and we'd tried to live Harmoniously with his Husband, and it just wasn't Working Out here either. They'd been kicked out of other Arrangements over the Years due to Allen, so, The Young Prince said he was used to it. He never got kicked out due to anything he ever did or said to anyone... even being a Schizophrenic. Coz mostly he Isolates and doesn't People very much at all. And when he can't handle Peopling, he'd rather be Solitary by Choice.
It's not to say Living with a Schizophrenic, or Two of them in our Case, is easy, it is NOT, and each Day can be a New Adventure. I do not think Allen could handle that with his own Issues going on that he wasn't Managing all that Well either. He certainly couldn't manage this Arrangement of Multi-Generational Living and knew that coz he got them kicked out of the Hippie Commune they were living at in Washington State too. Those on the Spectrum of Autism have a difficult time living with other folks as well. They generally lack a Filter and shit goes straight from their Brains and falls out their Mouths often, with zero Diplomacy or Tact and Propriety. I know this, so I have Pity for Allen Living with his Diagnosed Condition, it's a Tough Row to Hoe for him... and will be, coz, no Cure exists. He's pretty High Functional, like The Son is, and tries to integrate into Society as best he can. I do Wish him Well and his Family. I'm sure they Worry about him constantly.
Coupled with us having Out Of State Company our Neighbors are Hosting that Wedding of their 65+ Year Old Son to his Preggy 25 Year Old Girlfriend, whose our Friend Amber's Oldest Daughter. She is the ONLY one not invited to the Wedding! Ruh Roh. Which, isn't Right, she's the Bride's Mother and the excuse being used is she doesn't get along with TJ's Mother. And the ONLY reason that is seems to be that Amber strongly disagreed with Sylvia's Elderly Son getting her Young Daughter, whose also a Vulnerable Adult, Pregnant, not once, but Twice. And her Daughter is not really fit to be a Parent, TJ allegedly has Stage 4 Cancer and even if he was/is Well, he has Grandchildren almost as Old as this Girl!!!
And, he's already committed DV against Amber's Daughter while she was Pregnant, to where for a while she split with him and moved in with her Grandparents! The 40+ Year Age difference, plus is DV History with Anna, his previous Wife, is known by his Parents. I don't know how they expected her Mother and her Maternal Grandparents and Father to react to all of this? They Invited Joe, her Dad, to the Wedding, I doubt he will show up, but, you never know, he really is opposed to this and he's the one that Raised their Three Daughters since they were little, due to Amber's level of Disability. She's a Special Needs Adult herself and a Judge deemed he'd be the more Fit Parent for their Girls and so he got Custody, with his New Wife, when they were little. He was Career Military, so Amber never got to see much of her Children growing up.
Now they're Grown she's finally a part of their Lives, and they've gotten more exposure to their Maternal Grandparents too. So, tho' Amber didn't get to Raise them, she's very Protective of them and knows her Ex is too. So, it's not like anyone on the Girl's Side of the Family is Okay with any of this. They know, when this all goes Sideways, as it certainly will one way or another, whether TJ Lives or Dies, that Girl won't be capable of Parenting this Child she's having by an Old Man. She's not Employable, coz she's VERY Special Needs, so she has zero Income and is dependent on whoever she's Living with at the time... be it her Dad, Grandparents or TJ's Parents. Shit, he's over 65 and HE'S still living with his Octogenarian Parents and Dependent upon them!!! He's been Married at least Twice before... has Kids, Grandkids, and I don't know how good a Husband or Parent he's ever been?
Now, the only Saving Grace, perhaps, should, Amber and/or her Parents end up with all this responsibility of getting this Child Raised. And her Mom has Stage 4 Cancer and her Dad is almost 80. Is, that the Moment this Child is Born he qualifies for Social Security Benefits coz his Paternal Parent is Social Security Aged. So, at least the Kid should come with a Check and I told Amber to look into that to help Support this Baby, coz TJ doesn't Work, her Daughter isn't Employable, right now they live with and are dependent upon his Parents who are in their Mid-80's now and have their other even Older Special Needs Son, Rob, also living with and dependent upon them. So, it's a Lot to unpack right there. I'm glad I had an excuse to decline attending the Wedding when Rob asked this Morning. The Son, The Man and I don't want to seem Supportive at all about any of it.
I don't Like Amber's Daughter, I don't Respect TJ, and tho' I Like our Neighbors and have no problems with TJ's Brother Rob, and am still Friends with TJ's Ex, Anna, I feel sorry in my Heart for this soon to be Born Child who arrives in March or April. I just pray it's Born Healthy and has no Issues, but the Odds aren't particularly in Favor of that and Amber is really Worried about that too. There's some genetically hereditary factors that make it higher risk for it having Special Needs on both sides of it's Family Tree. Sylvia and Tom seem Well, Fine and in great Shape for their Age, but out of their Three Sons, Two of them have Special Needs. In Amber's Family she and One of her Three Brothers have Special Needs. And Two of her Three Daughters have Special Needs. I wouldn't be Surprised if this Child doesn't end up in Foster Care.
Anyway, that's their Issues of Life to sort out. I feel badly for Amber and her Family, this is going to be her first Grandchild and she's legitimately worried about it and being blocked out of being even at the Wedding for not reason other than she has spoken Truth about her Concerns to his Family. I really like Sylvia and Tom, they know how their Son is, but enabling his inappropriate behaviors isn't Helpful at all. Anna was very good to them and they knew she stuck around and stuck it out only as long as she did becoz of them.
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She was concerned about their Welfare and was often involved Hands On with Caregiving and taking Care of their Property, so is Rob... but TJ has always been the one whose behaving like a Teen Boy instead of someone whose beyond Grown, he's a Senior now who still hadn't Grown Up or acted like a Grown Up. He's on his 4th Vehicle, a Jeep this time, the others being repossessed. He didn't Buy a Family Car even tho' he has a Child coming. And he does Foolish things like that constantly and doesn't act even close to his Age and lacks any Maturity or sense of Responsibility for his Actions and Decisions or Obligations.
Before he had a drop top Corvette, it got repossessed, then he had a Big full sized Tricked Out Dually Truck, it got repossessed. And now a Jeep with no Roof... not a type of Vehicle to drive your Newborn around in. And he wants to go Rat Rodding with it like a Big Kid. *Eye Roll* Pretty sure the Parents Paid for all the Vehicles when he couldn't make the Payments, but, eventually they still got repossessed, he's just not financially responsible, has a Gambling Problem, and has to be bailed out numerous times all of the time according to Anna. She often talked about it all to me like I was a 2nd Mom, when she was Married to him. I Like Anna a lot, she had no Children by him, but had a Teen Son by her 1st Husband, a good Kid, he didn't Like TJ so wouldn't live with them. I was glad when she finally left TJ, he was abusive. She was our Daughter's Age, so about 20+ Years his Junior, now he's Traded her in for one 40+ Years his Junior, it's Creepy IMO.
Moving On... I don't like Witnessing anyone's Train Wreck, but I ain't standing on the Tracks either expecting to Stop it. And once someone is over 18, if they're High Functional "Enough" you cannot make decisions for them if they wanna make Poor ones. Having Special Needs and impaired Family Members myself, I realize how complicated that can become and how it can spill over into your Life whether you Like it or not. Today I was gonna distract myself in The She Shed Pricing more Inventory but I already have the Back Seat of my Truck filled with Banana Crates full of it ready to go and won't likely get to the Antique Mall at all Today with everything going on and not knowing when the Company will arrive, or The Young Prince arriving once he knows when he's leaving Denver after the long Layover? He's expecting to be Home Tonight, but can't tell for sure when Allen's Dad and Grandpa will get here Driving from New Mexico? I'm glad there's Two of them and not just his Grandpa making such a long Trip.
I don't know if they Rented a U-Haul? I know they Bankrolled the Flight and getting here with his Stuff and will likely require a Motel/Hotel here and not try a turnaround Marathon Drive. We simply have no Resources to cover any of it, so it's gracious and generous of Allen's Relatives to do this for our Grandson so he's not Trapped in a Situation he cannot afford to get out of financially. The Young Prince's Dad had Bankrolled the last Trip here, coz Bobby is just as concerned as we were but he couldn't afford to do it Twice around the Holidays, coz he has a Family and Smaller Children. Bobby knew it wasn't permanent that time but understood his Son's concerns about moving back unless he felt it would Work Out and be the Right Thing to do, given everyone's circumstances being what they just are.
He spent a lot of time with his Son during that Visit and I'm sure talked at great length about it all. His New Wife is very Supportive of our Grandson and they get along great apparently, I haven't met her. But what I've heard so far from my Grandson, she seems a good match for his Dad and they seem to be supportive of doing what they can for him. He has a good time anytime he goes over to visit with them and do things with them, they have similar Interests and she's not a lot Older than our Grandson, so, there's that Generational Bond. Bobby is another one whose gone Younger and Younger with each successive Relationship.
He and The Daughter were exactly the same Age, only a few Months apart. Then Angie, he was with a long time and they have a Son and Daughter Together, was much Younger and they were Engaged Forever but never actually got Married. Now this one is Younger than Angie was. We all Liked and got along fabulously with Angie and Adored the Kids of coarse. they consider us their other Grandparents, even tho' there's no Biological Connection to them, we consider them our Grandkids since they are our Grandson's Younger Siblings by another Mother than our Daughter. It's the same with Siblings of Princess T that her Dad Fathered by other Women, they're still her Siblings and so we consider them Family.
It's dynamic is complicated, but most Modern Family Dynamics are. The Nuclear Family is no longer Traditionally like it once was and I'm Okay with that. Family is Family, people can't tell you what constitutes Family to you. For some folks, even their Biological Family they're not close to and have no Relationship with. For other folks even Strangers or their Community become their Surrogate Family for lack of having a Biological one. LATER: Amber came over and is paying The Daughter to Dye and do her Hair coz TJ's Family relented and invited her and her Mom, Rosemary, to the Wedding too. *Whew* What swayed them is her Ex, Joe, said to them that he's bringing his Ex-Wife, whose the Mother of his Children, to her Daughter's Wedding. They Invited him and just assumed he'd bring his New Wife, but had told him he could bring any Guest... and he chose Amber. I'm Proud of Joe for doing that.
My 1970's Harvest Colored Tupperware Bowl Trio with Lids arrived Today, they're in Mint Condition for their Age and the Price of them had been so reasonable I thought it was just for the Trio of Lids and not the Bowls too!!! I've had 99.9% excellent experiences Buying from E-Bay over the Years. The only Negative Experience I ever had was resolved amicably. The Seller didn't know what they had and hadn't described it with accuracy, so when it had arrived, Years ago, I wasn't pleased. It wasn't as described and you couldn't tell by the Pixs that the Quality wasn't there either or the composition of it. They'd Sold something as an Authentic French Antique Religious Statuary item from Lourdes, that was a Reproduction and Plastic.
It had looked like Chalkware or a Composite in their Pixs of it. The Seller refunded me part of my Purchase Price. I don't think they realized it was a Repop, it happens, I never felt they were being intentionally deceptive and they did resolve it to my satisfaction. I think I still have the damned thing. *LOL* I've bought less items from Etsy, but have had good experiences with those Sellers I have bought from there too. I did Buy a Special Collectible Published Piece of Magnolia Pearl from Poshmark for my Collection once too, with a good experience. It's in Robin's first Book and came with the Book too, which, I already had, but now I have a Book that goes with the Bag, showing a full Page Image of it in the Book when she had it at her own Home. I always liked it in the Book, so Imagine how excited I was to get it Years later!
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A very busy Saturday in the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
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