Outside The Sanctuary Of Home... It's Messy... Long Dark Post Ahead

**WARNING AND DISCLAIMER: LONG DARK POST AHEAD**

I got all my Smalls Priced and into Inventory on Friday before the Weekend.   I'm mostly Selling Paper Arts Supplies and Collectible Toys so that's what I concentrated on bringing in.   Space is limited and tho' I have lots of Quality higher end items to bring in, they just aren't Selling so for now I'm sidelining those.  I could Sell them to Friends in the Industry but my Margins would be way smaller to leave Meat on the Bone for any Resaler.   So, for now I'm not doing that with my Best Stuff, I'd rather just Keep it on Ice and wait to see if the Market Turns?  It's not like you can replace any of it anymore and right now I want the best Margins for what I know has actual Value.  Even Pawn Shops are only now Buying what Tweakers would Fence to them.  There's almost no Quality Items in local Pawn Shops, just secondhand Tools and Electronics, used Bicycles and Jewelry that isn't of the highest Quality, but is what Young People would Buy or could Afford.

 

 

Above is the first Showroom we used to have, we did well there, but it was way in the back of the Mall, now we have one near the Front, a Higher Traffic and Prime Location with less Loss Prevention Issues.  We also went in a different direction for the Aesthetic of the Showroom this time around and what we're carrying.  We've had to adjust to what Customers are mostly Buying.  Back when we had this Showroom, you could Sell Vintage and Antiques and I didn't deal in Toys hardly at all, or even in Paper Arts Supplies.  These were the Days when I could just Sell what I preferred and without compromise.   I miss doing that, but, the Supply and Demand of what the Market bears is important to consider.  Those who don't adapt and improvise aren't doing well at all, many had to Fold.  Back then I'd also Sell possessions that now I'd Keep coz they're impossible to replace.  We used to get International Pickers, mostly from Japan, back in those Days.

 I made more Vignettes back then, which I like Showcasing and the Art of Display, but, it does little to draw Customers at this Mall really.  I spent most of Thursday bagging Smalls of Vintage and Collectible Toys to bring in to Inventory.  When nothing else is Selling, the Toys and the Art Supplies still do and it's what is helping defer heavier Losses right now while Profits tanked.   My Hands hurt I did it for so long, but I have a bounty now of fresh Merch for Young Shoppers, who are the ones that spend the Money, or, make their Parents spend it.  *Winks*  Smalls have always been the Bread and Butter of that Mall anyway, the high end items are what I'd prefer to Sell and be known for, but they are a Hard Sell and have been there for Years now.  Going to the Events I see they too have had to diversify and not rely on the really Good Stuff anymore either.  Sign of the Times, what can I say?

You can see how long ago it was by how Little Princess T still was.  *LOL*   Now she Shares a Showroom with me and half the Merch is hers.  I even carried big Furniture back then, there is an Antique Dining Table and 6 Chairs in there.  But, Furniture now is a Hard Sell and takes up way too much Space to be Profitable anymore.  Antique Furniture, unless it's Mid-Century Mod, really isn't even desired, no matter how Fabulous for it's Era it is.   The Dining Set I remember having in there was from the 1920-1930's Era with Original Belgian Cut Velvet Upholstery in excellent condition.   It's a lot of Work to bring large Inventory in and out plus the Mall doesn't offer Delivery Service.  So, Customers have to provide a way to get it Home.  Back in these Days we did offer Deliver Service for a Fee coz some Vendors did it as an Aside Income.  Especially those who Sold a lot of Antique Furniture and had the Big Moving Trucks to transport large items.   I miss a lot of the Old Vendor Friends, it was like an extended Family back then.

 This was Princess T's Siamese Male Cat, Yul, back then, we Miss him too.  Anyway, one Vendor, Antonio, even Owned a couple of Furniture Stores too and was a Friend of ours.  He Sold New Furniture in his Stores and Antique Furniture at our Antique Mall.  He'd often consult me about Antiques that he didn't have the knowledge about and respected my knowledge of them.  Especially when it came to Persian Rugs.  He had some of the best Antiques in our Mall and at one time was a Top Seller there.  He still has One Store in South Phoenix and has been in business since 1998, but no longer is a Vendor at our Antique Mall and Closed the other Store that was in our City in the Historic Corridor.   He just Adored our Grandchildren and gave me so many things for them when they were little, including a Bed for Princess T's first Big Girl Bed.  At the Historic Home in the Barrio it was Walking Distance to his Furniture Store.   He spoiled The Force as if they were his own Niece and Nephew, so they Adored him like an Uncle.   I miss so many of the Vendors who have left the Mall and I have since lost Touch with coz they never come in even to visit anymore.

 Yul was damned near as Big as his Girl... he had to be Euthanized when he developed Terminal Feline Leukemia and was in the end stages of it.  We had other Cats and it's highly contagious.  He wasn't an Inside Cat and was fearful of being Inside.  I Cried like a Baby when I had to take him to the Vet to be Put Down, but it was Peaceful and Mercifully Quick.  I am gonna try, try, try NOT to insert any Politics or the Unraveling and Fall of America in Today's Post.  *Winks*   It's hard, it dominates my Thoughts even tho' I'm avoiding The News.   The Son, who couldn't be LESS Political, did come Home on Thursday disgusted with the ignorance of Co-Workers.  Most who are convinced Life will be better for them coz MEBBE their Overtime won't be Taxed as "Promised", if that is even Delivered... or Tips for lower Income Workers.  He said it was all he could do to just keep Working and NOT Comment on how much Economically Worse everything else will be, so it won't matter if they're not Taxed on fucking Overtime.  Especially when most folks will be losing their Jobs and Businesses close down due to the collapse.

His Company may be Closing anyway since the Owner Died suddenly and the Widow is notorious for Money mismanagement.  Now she has absolutely no Guardrails that her DH kept in place to curb her recklessness and impulsiveness financially.   Plus, she doesn't know how to run a Company and everyone dislikes her immensely, even when her Old Man WAS still Alive and kept her in Check.  The Son jokes that he probably had his Heart Attack and neglected himself on account of HER?  He could be Right, the Guy seemed miserable and definitely didn't take Care of himself.  Everyone knew the Marriage troubles becoz she was often Secretly spending Money they didn't have, even then.  He was cutting corners with the Business to Square things, which wasn't good either.

Anyway, he thinks they're already Advertising to Sell the Business and bring in all New People with whoever the Buyer is and Can all of them.  That happened during the last Sale of the Business, when that long time Owner Retired and The Son was actually the ONLY previous Employee that didn't get Laid Off with the transfer of Ownership.  Gypsy James used to Work there and had for over a Decade and a lot of other Employees had been there over 20 Years with the Original Owner.  This Ownership has had a constant rotation of Employees, quitting, getting Fired or being Laid Off all of the time.  I'm Hopeful he doesn't get Laid Off coz his Income is necessary.   And Change is hard for him due to the Autism.

The Day was Glorious and Warm again, it got to 80 again, but it was pretty Cold in the Morning this time and didn't warm up right away.  In the Morning I have the Scans of my Legs to look for Clotting or other Problems that could be contributing to the Health Issues that caused the Stroke?   I've had some Pain in my Thighs that isn't something I'd had before and I remember my Mom dealing with Thrombosis in her latter Years and had to be Treated for it.   I don't know if any of that is Hereditary, but when I mentioned it, they felt doing the Scans would be Wise and I agreed, it would, just to ensure nothing bad is happening in my Leg Veins?   We already know the Stroke was from a Clot in my Brain, or at least an interruption in the Blood Flow, but, we don't know yet, how or where it was formed and got there?

I don't know what to avoid or if I should be on something stronger than just Aspirin.  They don't want to put me on Blood Thinners unless it's necessary and becoz it can cause more issues than it solves.   So far I'm feeling better daily, not as much Fatigue, not as much shortness of Breath, not having to take so many Naps, tho' I do Opt for one becoz Rest does make me feel better.   If I don't Need to be up, no matter what Time of the Day, then I just take a nice Nap and feel refreshed afterwards and more fully Rested.   I am Waking very early, even when I don't have to... which also means I'm going to Bed earlier than usual too most of the time.   I'm Retired, so, I have those Options.   The Above Pix is when The Antique Mall used to Host Vendor Breakfasts and Luncheons for us, along with Thanksgiving Dinner and a Christmas Party... none of that anymore.  It's no longer like an extended Family at all.

The Man has been doing pretty good lately, tho' his Legs bother him and he still gets frustrated that they sometimes don't work for him and he has some mobility issues at times.   I think it's Brain Signal issues more than actual Leg issues, with TBI and the Dementia, his Brain sometimes isn't coordinating well with his Body.   Processing information he's Hearing can be difficult for him sometimes too and he has confusion.  But, overall, I'm pleased that he hasn't been deteriorating as much, and I think me being Unwell has made him do more for himself, which isn't a Bad thing.  I try to Challenge him to do more for himself, but sometimes he won't even Try and gives up too easily.  But he knows I NEED him to Partner with me since I'm struggling too now.  And he's rising to that Challenge.

This is only Semi-Political, so, I'm gonna Touch on it.  The Cyber Nerds FElonious has Working for him, are only mostly Teenagers!  With Online Handles like 'Big Balls'.  They're gaining access to very Sensitive Information and Data, National Security level shit, in areas they'd never receive legitimate Clearance for and messing with it like it's a Game.  Now, I have a Genius Grandson, when he was only 14 he hacked into his Alternative School's Computer System to do something he THOUGHT was a Good Thing, and was Illegal too.  Federal folks got involved, due to the Nature of ONLY THAT, and he was forbidden from that point on, to finish receiving his Education, as a Punishment and 'Safety' Measure for just the Educational System!  The Teen Brain isn't even Matured enuf yet to have appropriate discernment, even those with Genius IQ, coz, they're still Kids and their Brains are still Developing!

I just thought I'd mentioned that, since, what FElonious and his Unelected Team of Brilliant Kids is doing IS VERY Illegal, there's no Doubt about it, that's not even Debated by any Legal Scholars.   No thorough Background Checks have been done and we don't know who any of these People even are?   Or any Conflicts Of Interest they have, Crimes or Activities they might have with Adversaries, etc., what Purposes they intend with the Data they already gained access to and might have Copies of now?  The access granted them had no Authority to do so, and also no Authority to arbitrarily make changes, a President just can't do that and has no Authority to, it's a Congressional measure and there is a reason it was Structured that way by the Founding Fathers.  So, now they've done it, flaunting The Rule Of Law, what Consequences Criminally should they all be facing is my bigger Question?   And why have NONE of them just been Arrested for blatant Serious Illegal Activities, they aren't given blanket Immunity like their Orange Fascist has!

I had a very difficult time not having my 14 Year Old Child, who is Special Needs and Seriously Mentally Ill, NOT Prosecuted for hacking into just an Alternative School's System!   He could have been Arrested and Caught Charges, coz, it WAS Illegal for him to do so, even tho' he did it with no Malice and didn't realize it was Illegal.  He wasn't trying to overthrow a Government, Destroy Democracy and it's whole Process, or perform a Bloodless Coup.   He wasn't gonna Enrich himself by Selling Data that is Privileged Private Information and requires the Highest Security Clearance in the Nation to even lay Eyes on!!!   He wasn't totally compromising every American Nation wide.   They are, so, Why isn't the FBI on this like White on Rice and Arresting or at the very least, Interrogating them?  What ARE we even doing?  Or are we doing NOTHING?!   And WHY?!!!???  We could do SOMETHING and yet they're saying they're relying on what we already know is a corrupted and seriously compromised Court System, with Bribed Superior Judges and Lord knows how many Paid Off in Lower Courts... humnnnn... what could go Wrong?!

 I Need to know, every American NEEDS to know.  It's ALL of us who've been compromised when they got into the Treasury System Illegally, a Serious CRIME and Felonies were committed!  They already Installed an Illegal Commercial Server.   To me, this constitutes Domestic Terrorism and should be addressed as such.   I want NO Mysteries involving who ALL these hackers are who had absolutely no business and had no Security Clearance to access a damned thing and do whatever they wanted.  They don't have any experience running Government, how can they, when most are likely fresh out of High School or College!!!  Just turning a Genius loose is not always Wise, they can fuck things up just like a Moron can, mebbe even moreso actually.  There's Unstable Geniuses.  Elon has even blown some of his own shit up before now, you can watch the Videos or Rockets exploding on the Launch Pad.  Not everything he's done Works out and isn't Dangerous.  Even many of his Vehicles have been Recalled and catch Fire... he's quite fallible.   If he Cocks this all up, everyone suffers tho'. 

  I also noticed the most Experienced People being Fired illegally and unconstitutionally at Top of the Food Chain levels, are disproportionately Women and People of Color.  And Targeting any Agency that handles Checks and Balances in a Non-Partisan way of mostly how Money is spent or how much Dark Money is flowing and from where!  Some have Served Honorably and Capably for over 20 Years and have the most Experience.  They were Let Go in a Day and Physically Escorted Out, with Clearances shut down and Computers confiscated, even if they tried to return to Work due to the Illegality of their Jobs being taken from them!  Of coarse most are now Suing and exploring other Options available to them, but the length of Time all that will take ensures ruination of their Careers and Lives, thru no Fault of their own, they did nothing Wrong.  They just would have hindered or prevented all that this Regime is doing Illegally and is definitely Wrong and often Threatens National Security!

Ole' Kash Patel, for example, is living up to his first Name and taken Cash from the Russian Propaganda Machine directly, to Support and even Star in one of their Anti-FBI Movies!   And of coarse, he's been Nominated by The Regime to Head Up said FBI, Imagine that, what a Surprise... NOT!   He's not the only one with Conflicts Of Interest and Ties to Russia either, a lot of them are in Bed with the Russians and being Bankrolled by the Kremlin.  And that's all I have to say about that, as just an Aside Note, tho' I'm repeating the Mantra of, I Will Not, I Will Not, I Will Not, dive deeper.  *Winks and LOL*   The Restraint IS killing me tho', I ain't gonna Lie! *Smiles*  Becoz this is all some heavy shit that is already Wheels Off just in a matter of 3 Weeks now... it's a Runaway Train and the carnage is gonna be even more Epic, wait and see.  Just turning our Heads and looking the other way, just coz we think, oh well, we're not ON that particular Trainwreck happening, yet, isn't really an option.  We will be, each and every one of us... eventually.

 

If it hasn't impacted you yet, it will, just keep on Living my Friends, it'll be your Turn soon enuf.  Phones to Elected Officials are flooded with Calls, most aren't even picking up anymore.   The Calls are important, but, an Avalanche of them so far has done absolutely Nothing that I can report on favorably.  And now we have a Dramedy concerning a Latina Trans Actress, Karia Sofia Gascon, for expressing controversial views on Muslims, Blacks and Diversity at the Academy Awards.  As If we need the most persecuted fighting amongst themselves and turning on each other now too!  She made History by being the first openly Trans Person to Win an Oscar for a Role in a NetFlix Movie, but her derogatory Views kind of derailed all of that with the backlash with the Racist and Islamophobic comments, now since deleted from Social Media Posts and her Closing her Accounts.   As someone in the Marginalized Community, one would think being Sensitive to others of Groups facing current escalated Hatred and Discrimination would be heightened... apparently NOT.   Hatred comes in all forms and packages.  And when Exposed, it is NEVER Pretty.  She has effectively crashed her own Career tho' and distanced herself from Allies she might have had in the Industry.

I've been trawling my newly Restored Photo Archives and glad I didn't lose them permanently.  So many Places and People I miss terribly are enshrined in the Photography of bygone days.   So many Businesses that were my absolute favorites have folded over the Years, not becoz they weren't exceptional, but, becoz they were Small Businesses that just could compete with Big Business.   The Indie Businesses are almost always better, but, are you Supporting them?   I do, but many would rather be Supporting the Amazons and Wal-Marts of the World by Shopping there predominantly.  Then Wondering Why there is a decline in Industry practices by Billionaires who now Control everything and don't give Two Shits about any of us.   They got Rich off us and exploit us, and exploit 3rd World Workers even more inhumanely, yet, the enticement of cheaper mass produced shit is just so American Strong, and in demand, isn't it?   If you're not part of the Solution you ARE part of the Problem.

And, I've been part of the Problem from time to time too, so no hypocrisy or judgment projected at anyone else, I've been Guilty as well.  I just try to be less Guilty and more Accountable.   It is harder, and more expensive/sacrificial to be doing the Right thing all of the time.  All we can do, each in our own Small way, is Try.  I've boycott, and then relented, I've waffled and wrestled with myself, on where to shop and how often.   I've Supported mostly Indie Businesses and prefer them, but I can't get everything there that I want or need, to be sure.  And so, many of them have also Closed and then I'm forced back into the Market of Big Biz, whether I Like it or not, as Options dwindle.  Even at our Antique Mall, I've had to compromise The Vision considerably over the Years to stay Solvent.  A necessary Evil so to speak of Solvency versus staying True to Yourself in Retail.   I won't go Tits on Principle, it would be foolish to.   Standing on Principle alone has never Fed my Family.

And even when my fav Indie Shops were Solvent, there was never a Crowd shopping there, sometimes I'd be the only Shopper at that moment.   So, it wasn't like walking into a Big Box Store with the masses Shopping and the long Lines and obvious Big Profits.   So, I knew their Margins were much tighter to stay Operational, no matter how Fabulous their Shops were and how well Curated the Merchandise, Showcased exceptionally, Skillfully Marketed, yet... a Niche Market really.   And tho' I'd often be Tempted to emulate their Magic myself, the fact they couldn't make it Work sustainably, as Masterful as they were at it, means, the Demand is just not there to risk it.   So, I just don't, what would be The Point?  I want to stay Solvent and make Money, so you do whatever adaptations and improvisations that involves.   I don't Like it, but, whatever folks are Buying is what I'm Selling, plain and simple.

 

I have Forfeited The Vision for what I Intended, sure, but, it was necessary, unless I wanted to be among the Closures and those most struggling Independents.   I'm not one to take Big Losses, just never have, even Small Losses make me skittish and cause me to instantly and harshly re-evaluate whatever I'm doing that is causing ANY Loss.   Since January 2025 was the Worst Sales Month EVER in all the Years the Mall has been Open, I paid close attention to what WAS Selling and have adjusted accordingly already.   Keeping your Finger on The Pulse means you won't Die a slow Retail Death.   I made a Two Box Donation to the Chazza the Granddaughter Works at just to rid myself of what I know won't Sell, I'll be doing more of that, just to get it gone.  Perhaps they can do with it what I can't, it was good stuff, just not moving in my Market at The Antique Mall.  I wasn't holding onto it Hoping that might change.

Change takes Time and I've got less and less of that in front of me than behind me now.   Tick-Tock, and The Purge continues unabated as I just Downsize and make decisions about what to Sell, Keep or Donate.  Some days are harder than others to Unemotionally make those decisions and without Sentimental barriers hindering me.   Lord have Mercy what we can become Attached to is sometimes ridiculous.  I have a Set of 10 Cereal sized Bowls of a Specific Design I took Years to Find and Own, always coveting the Set.  It's called Dansk Mesa in the Sky Blue.  I preferred the Turquoise, but, could never find that secondhand and I did like the Sky Blue.   I have never even used them in all the time I've Owned them now, so Logic would dictate, just Sell them, Right?   Wrong.  I ALMOST put them in a Sell Crate heading for the She Shed, but, couldn't bring myself to part with them yet.  Stupid, No?   So I have 10 Bowls like that one Below on top... and I guess I could start Small and Sell Two and get down to 8.  *LOL*

But my Packrat Instincts, my Bowerbird Nature, says, they're still Useful and I Might Use them One Day.  I don't know what fucking Day that will actually be, since, it hasn't happened in Years now!?  But, that's beside The Point in my Hoarder Mentality and Illogical way of Thinking, I guess.  *Le Sigh and LOL*  Besides, in The Gauntlet of shit I still Own, and haven't divested myself of, does it really matter if these 10 Bowls still Exist somewhere in all of it?  Probably not.  And I just have the Bowls, I've seen the Plates and have Resisted Buying them, so, that's actually been Progress in the Right Direction I figure!  And Why I ever bought 10 Bowls is another Mystery?  As if I'd be having some Non-Existent Dinner Party of just what would be served and eaten in Cereal/Salad Bowls?  The likelihood of that even happening, slim next to none, never happening.  And I acknowledge such Facts, nonetheless, I still Keep the 10 Bowls I'll probably never use except on the Canvas of my Imagination.

 Yeah, I'm not a Well Woman, clearly.  And, Yes, Illogical Victories like that, of not accumulating the whole fucking Set, are my excuse sometimes for failing to overcome the Non-Victories of getting rid of random shit I could Sell Off and Profit from, but, DON'T.  *Huge Le Sigh*  Thing is, I LIKE those Bowls now as much as I ever did even tho' they match absolutely nothing I have that we DO use.   Who am I Kidding, I don't even use those more Curated items, like my more complete Fire King Jadeite Vintage Dinnerware, we mostly use Paper Plates.   We will probably always now mostly use Paper Plates and Bowls, I could literally Sell Off ALL my Plates and Bowls and not miss them, REALLY.  *Bwahahahaha*   But, I get Happy just Beholding these damned Mesa Pattern Dansk Dinnerware... so, apparently I still GOTTA HAVE them.   I Hope I don't run across the fucking Turquoise Bowls One Day, coz I KNOW I'd BUY them too!   I wouldn't be able to Help myself NOT to.  *LOL and Le Sigh*  

Tho' I have seen just a Set of 4 Bowls like mine go for $125!   So, clearly someone Loved them and was more Obsessed than Moi, I think I Paid less than Two Bucks each.  *LOL*   And, I don't know Why some things I'm Hoarding bother me more than others, since, some types of shit I've amassed is absolutely ridiculous and far exceeds just 10 of.  *Winks*   And, I won't be Selling any of them and I don't Care, I'd Buy more, it IS an Obsession with certain things, like Antique Doorknobs, for Example.  The Daughter was rolling with Laughter Yesterday while we tackled more of The RV Garage Mahal and she asked me where she should put a certain thing and I simply said, "Put it where you put my Other Stuff."  And that was such a ludicrous non-specific broad Answer, as she surveyed the enormity of My Other Stuff, that she couldn't stop Laughing, and then neither could I, at the absurdity of the Crazy Answer I gave.

There are Warehouses and enormous Storage Lockers that don't have as much Inventory as I have in The RV Garage Mahal.   And I don't even have half of what I used to Own before I began The Great Edit & Purge many Moons ago now.   Not that I ever quit Buying, mind you.  Tho' my 5 to 1 Rule is still in place, so for every One thing coming In, Five must go Out still... or even more to make me feel even more reluctant to Buy.  *Winks*  It helps, since Junquing is a favorite past time and I'm good at it.   I recently Scored a Ltd. Edition BTS Korean POP Figure Set for a pittance and Online it's Selling for about $130, so it'll go in our Locked Case now.   The POP Line of any Characters Sells very well and are a cross Collectible.  Some Vendors only Sell them and do Fine.

After I got my Doppler Leg Scan done I went to the Antique Mall and loaded up my Locked Case with more Smalls.   The Scan took about an Hour and they lingered on my Left Leg, which is the one I've felt the most Pain in.  I have some Numbness near the Knee of my Right Leg but that could be Diabetic Neuropathy and not Thrombosis.   My new Cardiologist will be reviewing the results by the EOM.  They still haven't contacted me back about whether or not they're gonna go ahead with the Heart Monitor Implant on the 17th or not?  They tried to re-schedule it but it was not on a Day I could do it, so, they said they'd see if Dr. Kim will still do it on the 17th?   I have my Stress Test on the 11th-12th.  I'll be glad to have all this Medical stuff behind me and get some Answers.  But, I'm glad I'm getting it all done before this Regime fucks with Medicare and/or TriCare Insurances.   Which are the only Coverages I have.

One of my BFF's is in Hospital and it looks grave, her Youngest Daughter {pix Below} is keeping us informed, but, it doesn't look good and so I have no Words.   Her Kiddos all call me Aunty Dawn and their Mom is like a Sister to me, we've been close for Decades and our Kiddos and Grandkids grew up together like Cousins.   Of coarse everyone is Hopeful she makes a Recovery, but it seems the Docs can't say what's even Wrong and she looks near Death to me and on her way Out.  So, it's very alarming when her Daughter Shared Pixs of her Mom in the Hospital, she's not even conscious.  I know when her Older Daughter was here visiting us a few Months before Christmas, she had told me her Mom was not doing well now.  But, that Daughter lives in Florida and the Younger one lives in Texas and has their Mom living with her Family there.   My Friend has lived with each Daughter full time for many Years now.  She has Two Sons and an Oldest Daughter, but they haven't done much for their Mom.  So, all of her Care has fallen on the Middle and Youngest Daughter.

Her Youngest had JUST gotten back from New Orleans where she'd gone with her Best Friend to Celebrate her Birthday... and now her Mom is Hospitalized.   Her Mom always watches the Three Grand Kiddos this Daughter has, who are still quite Young, so I don't think her Daughter really knows what happened?   I don't think it was an Accident, more a sudden Health Crisis of which Docs don't seem to be able to provide Answers for.  There's a LOT of that going around and I am wondering if a lot of these things are Long Term COVID related?   That Friend had a very Bad Case of COVID too during the Pandemic, she Survived, but, now a lot of Survivors are having some serious unknown Health Issues plaguing them.   That Friend was a staunch Anti-Vaxxer, so it's not like it's some side effect of having been Vaxxed.  And her logic for not taking Vaccines is more Conspiracy Theory related than Scientifically or Factually decided upon.

I'm so glad Alex had a wonderful Birthday bash, since she had to come Home from the Celebrations to all of this Crisis and has been holding vigil at the Hospital Bedside with her Mom.   Her Son, whose the Youngest, had crawled into Bed with his Nana, it choked me up.  She'd sent me some New Year's Pixs they took last Month, they had an 80's Flashback New Year's Eve Party at her House and her Mom was there but wasn't Photographed.   That was my first Clue mebbe something wasn't going Well with my Friend, but, I didn't pry.  Usually she'll get in on all the Photos and tho' I enjoyed the ones sent to me with her Daughter and Two of the Three Grandkids that Daughter has, I'd of liked some of her too.   Below is Alex with each of her Two Daughters, I can see the Older one has gone Goth, she's a Tween, so, no Surprise there, they ALL seem to go thru that Phase at about that Age.  *LOL*  Alex was very Rebellious and Controversial in her own Youth, I remember what them Prodigal Kids put us thru. *Winks*

I'd often Help her Mom, who was a Single Divorced Parent, and The Man was like a Surrogate Father Figure they Respected.  Alex's Oldest Daughter {above} looks a lot like her Dad, he's a great Guy and a good Dad and Husband.   He was a Young GI in the Military here at Luke when he met Alex and so he was really a Childhood Sweetheart of hers and they got Married after she Graduated High School.   He's from Texas, so when he got out of the Military they moved there to be closer to his Family, who are a tight knit Mexican American Family.   Her Mom ended up moving with them since she intended to Live with them and help with the Grandkids.   She'd previously Lived with the Oldest Daughter and helped with her Four Kids, one of which is now Grown.   The Older Daughter is a Single Parent and an Attorney.   Below is Alex with the Younger Daughter, who looks so much like her Mom, except for Eye Color, you'd think she'd Cloned this one!   *LOL*  I remember when Alex looked just like this, I've known her all her Life.   This Daughter is her Mini Me for sure!

When Alex was little, her Mom could only get The Daughter, ours The Crazy One, to babysit Alex, becoz of how Bipolar and SMI Alex was too.   Even in School, most of her Special Ed Teachers couldn't Manage her either, just like what we went thru with The Daughter when she was in School.  Alex was a little Rascal and when she was Two I remember The Daughter calling us during a Babysitting gig looking after Alex and saying Alex had backed her into a Corner with a BBQ Fork!  *LOL*  Now, The Daughter is Crazy herself, but enuf so to recognize Crazy in a Toddler who isn't Old enuf to Think anything thru yet, including Stabbing someone!    Now, I've dealt with Crazy Kids, I've now Raised Two Generations of them but this was back in the Raising of Generation One of them.  *Smiles*

 So The Daughter, who was in her Teens back then, asked me if I'd Talk Alex Down so she didn't get stabbed by her with a BBQ Fork!?  Alex still remembers that Come To Jesus conversation I had with the then Two Year Old Herself!   *Winks and LMAO*   I was Mad, and Concerned, coz it was a long drive to their House, and this wasn't a Situation I wanted to try to Call 911 about, coz it would seem like a fucking unbelievable Hoax Call.   But I chillingly and Calmly simply told her that if I and Uncle Ron had to come over there to make her Behave, and have to take that BBQ Fork away from her so she didn't hurt one of MY Babies, she'd surely NEED that damned Fork, or something else as a Weapon, becoz I would go Mental on her little Crazy Ass.  Nobody questioned Aunty Dawn's ability to go Off Rails on your Ass if you went too far or Triggered me.  You didn't want to be the Recipient of one of my Mental Meltdowns and get to meet Dark Dawn, no matter how Old or Young you are. *Smiles*

 The Daughter said Alex immediately put that Fork down, just handing the Phone back... and the whole thing is now a Legendary Story both Girls and my Friend always tell.   Like my Kiddos, she wasn't allowed to have anything Sharp after that.  *Bwahahahaha and Winks*   And my Spawn were just as Nuts, once The Son's Grade School Gym Teacher called me and said there had been an "Accident" with The Son and another Kid in ARCHERY CLASS!!!!!!!!   *Gasp*  And I'm yelling, ARCHERY CLASS, you let my Kid have a Bow and Arrow, didn't you Read his File, he's Special Needs!?!   Yep, apparently during Archery Class, with a bunch of 9 Year Olds, when it was his Turn, The Son thought it would make it far more Interesting to tell his other little Bipolar Friend to go hold something near the Target and he'd try to Shoot it out of his Hand and the Kid did it!!!   Now, Praise God, The Son was an Excellent Shot and did a William Tell... so, nobody Died or ended up with an Arrow sticking out of them, but, Kids talked about it for a long, long time!   Alex and Princess T pix Above, when Alex was a Tween and Princess T a Toddler.

The Fall Carnivals back then were what my Friend and I would gather up all our Kiddos to do together when Young, and then the Generation of Grandkids when we became Grandparents and were Raising some of them too.   She Raised her Oldest Grandchild until he was 8, since her Middle Daughter was a very Young Teen Mom that a Grown and Married Adult Man Seduced, Fathering several Children with various Underaged Girls.  Now that Son is Grown and Married, he turned out well.  I actually Helped to Deliver him when he was Born, so, he's also my Godson.  I remember the Fateful Words I said to his Gramma, my Friend, one Day.  That I WOULD NEVER Raise any Grandkids.   I got Double for saying that and my Friend always Joked and said, Hey, are those the Grandkids you were NEVER Raising Dawn?!  Yep, I really Ate Crow on that one, be Careful what you say you'll NEVER do my Friends!   It'll likely come back and bite you in the Arse!!! *Winks, Bwahahahaha*

 

Me, and those Grandkids I was never Raising {bwahahaha}... and, did Last to finish Raising both of them to Adulthood by 2024!  *Whew and Hallelujah*  I remember most people just assuming I was Mom and not Gramma, and The G-Kid Force would get so Mad at that and correct people, saying I was NOT their Mom, I was their Gramma.   And people always thought The Daughter was their Older Sister, and that their Uncle was their Older Brother, which made them even Madder.   But, then, when they were 15 and 10, of coarse I finally was able to finalize the Forced Adoption, due to Kinship Placement Law Changes giving me no other Option.   And then The G-Kid Force thought it was hilarious that now I actually WAS Mom, and their Mother WAS Legally their Sister and their Uncle WAS Legally their Brother... so, People were Technically Right all along!   *Bwahahaha*   But, Grandpa remained Grandpa, coz he wasn't Allowed to Adopt them due to his Traumatic Brain Injury... and The Courts made me a "Single Woman" on all the Legal Adoption Paperwork and new Birth Certificates, which, of coarse I wasn't.  And the Kiddos got a Kick out of shocking People now with that whole convoluted Legality.  *LMAOROTF* 

And Yes, in case you WERE Wondering, all us Crazies Hang Together, we know our Tribe.  *Winks*   My Friend is so obviously SMI she comes with a Check for it.  *Bwahahaha*   But, she's Good People.  I Taught her to Drive, so she didn't have to rely on Charity Rides, boy was THAT an Experience!  *LOL*  She accidentally laid the Driver Seat all the way back in the Flat on your Back Position in my Truck that she was gonna be taking her Driving Test in!  I told her, don't fucking do that when the DMV Guy approving you getting a License, gets into the Vehicle, Okay?  *LMAOROTF*  And Above, here's my Friend with her Oldest Grandson, who I helped Deliver, and back when she was still Raising him.   She and her Daughter tricked me into being the Delivery Coach by asking me to Deliver some Chinese Food at the Hospital when her Daughter was in Labor.  Her Mom was supposed to be her Coach, but, being only 15, she was having a very difficult Labor and so when I got there, my Friend is like, I can't do this!   And her Daughter is like, Aunt Dawn, you'll have to Help me do this, my Mom might Faint!  

So, Yeah, and helping Deliver a Kid is different than having one yourself and I Helped Deliver the Oldest Two {The G-Kid Force} of The Daughter's Five Kiddos too.  I could perhaps officially be a Midwife now?  *LOL and Winks*  The Daughter said in Mexico, when she was having her 4th Child, they had the Lady in the next Bed, who'd already just Delivered her own Baby, help with the Delivery of that Grandchild of ours!!!   That's how they do in Mexico!!! *LOL*   Above is The Daughter with The Godson's Mom, they have been BFF's since they were Kids and are still to this day.  They were some Bad Ass Teenagers too, Christ on a Bike they were Bad Girls and Girls Gone Wild in their wayward Youths!  Her Son went to live with her when he was 9 and she had put herself thru College by then and was working as an IRS Attorney and could Support her Family well and admirably, we're very Proud of her.   

I know it's got to be hard for her being in Florida while her Mom is so sick in Texas right now.   She's a Single Parent and has Three Younger Kiddos still at Home who aren't Grown and she can't just leave Work and yank the Kiddos out of School.   With Tax Time in full Swing she'll be the busiest they are all Year long.   I was trying to find a Pix of my Godson all Grown Up now with his Mom, I know it's somewhere in the vast Photo Archives, which are in no particular Order and too random to keep wading thru looking for a single Image.  *LMAO*   I did find some Long Lost ones I'd been searching for a long time, you usually find them when you're NOT looking for them!   So, I just slipped them in this Post, Why Not?   I'm going long Today becoz I NEED to Blog, not necessarily becoz I got relevant shit to say.  *Winks*

I just inserted a bunch of Eye Candy and then Wrestled with what to Write about... whilst trying not to Fixate too much on the Fuckery going on outside of the Sanctuary of Home... it's Messy.   This might be the ONLY time that Mi Vida Loca seems LESS CRAZY than the State of the Nation!!!   I mean, WE are NOT EVEN as Crazy as those running the Country, and that's speaking Volumes to how FUBAR everything now is.  Even us Crazy People say, shit, THIS SHIT IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!  And we're actually Shocked at how CRAZY it's all getting, and so FAST, becoz, we seen a LOT of CRAZY, but this is Wheels Off the fucking Rails to a degree I have never before seen in my Lifetime.  And I seen some beyond Crazy Shit.   So has The Daughter, and The Man during Wartimes, but, we're aghast and often have no Words at what is transpiring and continues to transpire at an alarming rate!!!   So, we're wondering how all you Non-Crazies are even handling it?  *Winks*

You see, Crazy People have been usually Dealing with Serious Mental Illness our whole Lives.  So, not too much seems ALL THAT Crazy to us, not much Shocks us, or seems too Outrageous to us that might derail the Garden Variety Non-Crazies.  But, this all seems TOO Crazy, even to us!!!   So I cannot even Imagine how ya'll are viewing it and Coping?!  *LOL*   I've spent time in Psychiatric Lockdown and so have several Members of my immediate Family, and we're looking at The News and saying, Nothing AND Nobody in Psyche Lockdown ever looked this Crazy, NOTHING... and NOBODY came close, and that's not hyperbolic, I'm dead Serious my Friends!!!   Yet, here we fucking are and they're in all the highest Positions of Leadership, the Lunatics running the Asylum!   How did this even happen except to evaluate the Situation as the steep decline in Mental Health in America making this all seem Normalized and Acceptable???   That's all I got for an Explanation.   I mean even Stupidity usually doesn't go this far Sideways and tip over into the Abyss, only absolute Insanity does.

 

I've handled and processed Felony Files of the Clinically Insane, the ones too Ill and too Far Gone to be held Criminally Accountable and be Sentenced to Prison, for reasons of Insanity.  They end up at ASH as probably Permanent Psychiatric Residents, they're too much of a Danger to Self and Others to be Free.   They certainly aren't typically allowed out to Run anything, let alone a fucking Country, the most Powerful and Influential one on Earth at that, which has Nuclear Weapons and they got the Codes to now!  Generally, MOST People can recognize them as fucking Insane Motherfuckers.   They don't usually say, you know, I'd Vote for that Guy... and not only that, but Support and follow him to the Ends of the Earth... form a Cult with him, and really think I'd be better off.  He seems Fine, we'll all be Fine.  He's capable of making Good Decisions for us all.   NO... NOBODY IS SAYING THAT USUALLY about The Insane!   So, Why is half the Country?  I NEED to Know.  I'll Wait... anybody got any logical Explanations?   No?  I didn't think so.

And it all seems somewhat carefully Orchestrated and in cahoots with our Enemies, so that's Interesting... in a Word.  *Eye Roll*   I'm sure Dark Money flowed like Water back and forth, usually if you Follow The Money it will answer a lot of fucking Questions that previously didn't have Answers.   And since the first things being shut down are mostly Checks and Balances Agencies, Investigative Agencies of the highest Order, and National Security Agencies too... also Interesting... in a Word.  *Double Eye Roll*   I don't think one needs to be a Rocket Scientist to follow that necessity if you really are doing some nefarious shit you don't want Traced, Revealed, and Know whose doing who and Why?   Lots of Fuckery means lots of Back Stories you might not Wanna Know or Hear, but NEED to Know and Hear, Trust and Believe.

Just mebbe, as a Collective now, we lack the Courage and Fortitude to Confront it all, or Fight it, I dunno?   But Ignoring it, just Bitchin' about it, and Hoping it just all Shakes Out or Goes Away, probably is not your Wisest Option or Tactic.   Is America just Rolling Over, I have to Wonder?  You know what it reminds me of, when there was that War in the Middle East, in Iraq, that was so absurd and surreal, that the alleged Fierce Soldiers of that Country were just giving up without actually Fighting and Surrendering to Reporters, Journalists and shit!!!   Remember that?   They were just flagging down random groups of Journalists from other Countries so they could Surrender without a Fight.  We be doing like THAT it seems.   Obeying in Advance, no Fight IN us, knowing we have no Intention for actually standing up to, standing up for anything, or against whose invading and taking us over by Force.   They aren't even having to stand up to any Real Resistance... it's almost too easy to just do what they're doing!!!

 

And when I hear that our Response on a National level is, that we'll take them to Court, I almost have to Laugh.  They have NO Respect for the Rule of Law, so exactly what do you think that will accomplish if some Judge, MEBBE, has you Win those Cases, if it's not a Scared or Corrupted Judge that is?   You think coz you got yourself a Judgment with no real Teeth in it to force Compliance, that they'll just say, awww, ya got me, NOW I'll Comply and Cease N Desist.  Now I'll not commit any more Illegal Acts and Victimize any more folks.   You've converted me and I've Learned my Lesson, shucks, foiled again.   NO... their whole January 6th Fiasco was just a Dress Rehearsal of unleashing their Weaponized Mindless Minions to see if that would Work, it didn't.  Then they Pardoned them all, released them back into General Public, and are going about it with Tech Geeks now who aren't Stupid, but, aren't Thinking beyond just blowing the Status Quo up either.   

Most are barely beyond Childhood age, so do you really think they have Controlled Genius or adequate Restraint in them, let alone any actual Experience or Wisdom?  I Doubt it.  They're doing things becoz they've found out, hey, I can... without Thought to consequences of their Actions and really without any consequences, thus far, of the Actions either from a Criminal Standpoint.   I remember when my Kids were in their Wayward Youth, and I was in mine, we weren't Stupid, in fact, some of mine had Genius IQ's going on.   But, most were Young and Dumb, like most people their Ages just are coz their Brains aren't fully formed yet.   And let's look at the other end of our Political spectrum going on, where we have advanced Geriatrics whose cognitive declines are in full fucking swing.    They are Old and Impaired, clearly, like most people their Ages just are coz their Brains are deteriorating and in the process of End of Life shutting down.   So, here we now are... with the Too Young and Reckless... and the Too Old and Reckless... in Charge... what to do... what to do?

Now, my Thoughts, and remember, I AM a Crazy Person of Advanced Age, so I'm not saying it's the Right or Sane thing to DO... would be, well, they're not Playing by the Rules, so, WHY SHOULD WE?  How would they handle The Resistance if we just threw away the Rules Book too and confronted them in the same unorthodox ways they're implementing with such success?    They are COUNTING on us being Rules Oriented you see, and following The Rule Of Law, which, they have already infiltrated and seriously compromised, so, it's NOT Working anymore really.  Even if it was, when it's overwhelmed by an Avalanche of Processes, it would take Decades for them to get to every Case and making Rulings on it, and by then all the Damage has been done irrevocably and nobody will Honor the Rulings anyway.   They're overwhelmed and too Flooded in just 3 Weeks... too many are being Fired from our Side, so... that won't Work anymore.   I'm Done for now... I'll let you catch your Breath and take a Xanex or something, mebbe a Handful in fact.  *Winks and Snicker*

 

Back to The Fluff, so you can decompress and catch your Breaths without perhaps hyperventilating before you get thru the Post, if you've even gotten this far in of the Reading of it?  *LOL*  This was a long Lost Beloved Pix I thought I'd never locate of The Nieces as Teens in their Charlies Angels Pose.  It always cracked me up and I just Love it of them.   Shared it now that I've found it again on The Book Of Faces coz I don't know if The Nieces even kept one of it?  I probably have more Pixs of them Growing Up than their Parents had.  *LOL*   I'm looking back rather Nostalgically a lot lately, not becoz the Old Days didn't have their specific Challenges, they did... and some were fucking Epic and I wouldn't wanna relive again.   But, in the Imagery at least, it LOOKED Swell, like Mirages always do, and certainly LOOKS preferable thru my Rose Colored Glass Lenses, to Right Now.   Shit ain't Looking so Good Right Now and yet it seems Surreal to me that a lot of folks are going along with their Days AS IF shit is Normal and Swell.

I just don't see a lot of Revolutionary Types out and about there in General Public.  Except for some Immigrants Protesting becoz most of them fled from and Survived Countries that already had Atrocities and Oppression for Generations.   So they can see the Writing on this fucking Wall if the Regime prevails.   Even if Americans have No Point Of Reference and can't Wrap their Minds around it yet.   Oh, yeah, anyone from any of those Banana Republics and Nations filled with Human Rights Violations and Atrocities know Whatssup.  They have zero delusions or Fantasies about what's happening here Right Now and what it has always looked like regardless of whose the Dictator of the Moment and what they intend to do to people.   Consider them the Canaries in the Coal Mine.

Yep, they got Eyes that are Seeing Clearly and they aren't falling for the Ole' Okey-Doke, you'll be Fine.   Go to the Showers, get on the Buses or Trains, nothing will happen to you that is Bad.   If History has Taught us anything at all, it's that Atrocities happen when Good People do Nothing.  When the Majority sit quietly by coz for now, well, they're not coming for US, so, it's NOT OUR Problem.   We'll be Fine, so Fuck those who won't be.   Yes, Americans can be very Myopic that way, so long as it hasn't Touched them Hard, they'll really not be all that concerned about whose being Touched Hard or Cruelly... so long as it's NOT THEM.  I know far too many people who have that Mindset, so long as I'm still Okay, I don't Care and won't get Involved either.    And, that's what is being Counted on right now, that you'll be and remain complacent, ambivalent and indifferent to any suffering that isn't YOU.  And when it's YOU, then, well, it will be too late becoz anyone else not YET suffering won't Care or get Involved with YOUR plight either.  So on and so forth.

And there will be the 99% Reason you SHOULD have Cared enuf and got Involved enuf all along, but, you didn't.  And so the 1% Played you and Studied you enuf to know exactly what you'd do... or wouldn't do.  And Manipulated the whole Grift exceptionally well, since Predators always Study and Know their Prey, ALWAYS.   And these Predators already have their Claws and Teeth in you but you're just not Feeling it yet.   And I could elaborate more, but, I won't.   I just know that I Study Predators and Know them well too, so, I won't be the easier Prey even if and when the Predators have the Upper Hand, and right now they certainly do.  I have zero Delusions about THAT Fact.   And I got so many Thoughts in my Head right now swirling like a Catastrophic Event, it's a Wonder I don't Stroke Out again from the Mental and Stimulus Overload and have to be Rebooted again.  *Bwahahahahaha*

I am sitting here in my Jammies still at past 9:00 a.m. and I've been up since 5:00 a.m. and I got things to do, but little Motivation to actually Activate and DO them!   The Malaise has been like Walking on Quicksand and NOT Sinking and going Under.   I am more prone to Manic Episodes than Depressed ones, with what is diagnosed as Mixed Bipolar Episodes, of which I am afflicted.   But since The Stroke, Accessing my usual Mania has been harder and I don't know that's necessarily a Good Thing for me yet?   The Verdict is Out on that.   I can usually Function relatively well with what has always been MY Normal, which isn't Normal per se, but, I got used to it and so I just always Worked with what I had.   And now there has been a Shift and a Disturbance in The Force, as my Brain did get apparently some damage that it has to now compensate for and Work with, and I'm not quite There yet on Adapting to this New To Me Normal I now have.

And, to be sure, I'm Aging too, as you just DO.  It's Involuntary to get Older but it beats the Alternative.   So, I find with Age comes some Changes too, I get more Agitated now and put up with less shit.  So, I can be more controversial, more confrontational, more volatile and Mental without Restraint or Caring, more apt to let Dark Dawn just Handle shit for me than I used to.  *Winks*   Dawn Of The Light is of coarse a much better version of me, but, not necessarily as effective, especially when shit ain't going Well.   And, let's face it, when shit ain't going Well, whaddya got to Lose if you become somewhat unhinged, uncooperative, non-compliant, and harder to Deal with?  *Smiles*   I don't particularly Care if I'm hard to Deal with now if someone else becomes a Problem to us.   They could be a Solution, but, if they aren't on Board with that, well, fuck 'em.  *Smiles*   Yes, that is my Attitude right now and the one I have about our Current Government actually.

Fuck 'em, they chose what side of History they wanted to be on, so... Roll the fucking Dice then.   If they wanna be a Player in this Game they Invented, then, don't expect me to Play Nice.   Don't expect me not to try to rig The Game in my Favor either, coz Fair is Rare and I don't Fight Fair, I Fight to Win.   And you might Fight me all Day long and never See me, coz, that's how I was Taught to have the Advantage and to intentionally be Underestimated as an Adversary.   I personally have never Cared how many Casualties I leave in my Wake once they've decided to make an Enemy of me.   And I won't start now either.   Come for me or mine and expect Resistance, we won't even Care if we don't Win every Battle, but we will stay on the Warpath relentlessly and with a tenacity you will not Like, becoz, becoming someone's Obsession is just never Fun.   And Crazy People are excellent at being Obsessed about shit.  *Winks*

And I personally feel that every American who isn't on Board The Cult's Crazy Train might be better off doing their own version of Crazy right now.   Lose any Inhibitions you have about it in fact.   The more unpredictable and hairspring Triggered you are the more likely you are to be a match to those who are adversarial and totally unpredictable too.  You're trying to Fight Fair and they're not, they won't, so, fuck 'em, I'm willing to meet them at their level and not feel Bad about it so long as it takes them Down.   Then we can re-establish Fairness and all the Good Things we had, that they are Hell bent on just forcefully Taking From us.   Listen, if I have a Home Invasion, it's not like I'm gonna fucking Care how I defend myself, and neither should you.   I'll do whatever it takes and ensure the Intruder goes Down any kind of way we have to make that happen.   And I will not feel Bad about it, they entered without my Permission and were not Welcome, and, if I felt Threatened or in Danger, it's a Self-Defense mechanism that just activates.

 They already Activated their People and Intimidated some of the others enuf to do or say nothing to Protect America and the American People.  So, I think it's high time we Activate our Side and become a formidable Adversary to this Regime so they know Who they're Dealing with and that they miscalculated and made a Huge Mistake underestimating us as a Collective.   I don't think it will Go Down Peacefully and it's a Delusion to think it probably would.    Peace is preferable, as an Old Hippie I do prefer to Resolve things Peacefully, but with some Types you just can't and won't.  They are THAT Type and they'd certainly not Care how Unmercifully they subdued you, so, Caring about them is Soft Hearted and all, but, your Mercy is misdirected their way.   And, this has already become Too Messy to be a nice Clean Fight my Friends.   Take no Prisoners.  Be Radical and Resistant... or perish.

*******

Militantly Yours... Dawn... the now Dark Bohemian