A Tribute & A Rabbit Hole Freefall

 

I just found out that an Industry Friend lost her battle with Cancer in January.   She was an Artist and made the most incredible Paper Arts, I always affectionately called her Terry the Tag Lady.  There were many Tributes to her from our Industry Friends with Photos, which I Cribbed, coz I didn't have some of them, not even the one I was in with her.   She's not the only Friend that right now was battling the big 'C', far too many are in the Fight for their Lives.  So, a lot of the Visuals for this Post are a Pictorial Tribute, there sometimes are no Words for Losing anyone.

{Other Industry Friends and Terry, Sitting}

{Other Industry Friends and Terry, 2nd from Right in Green}

{Our Industry Friend Minnie and Terry}

{I met Terry thru these Two Mutual Friends}

{A then very Fat Un-Dreadlocked me with Terry before I lost 60 Lbs.}

{Terry and our other Paper Arts Friend Pamela}

{Terry and our Industry Friend Wendy}

I'm glad she had a lot of Joyful Pixs taken with all our Industry Friends that captured some of the Moments and the Shared Memories.   We are all Kindred Spirits, Madly Talented and Creative Beings, and it's rather like a Big Extended Family with Shared Passions and Interests.   I saw her last around the Holidays of last Year and then never saw her again so I had feared she may have finally lost her Battle.  She will be Missed.

Oddly, one of the last Cards Terry made that I'd Photographed was this one that was so eerily similar to what my Dear Ole' Dad always said to me, when giving Advice to me about something I was reluctant or fearful to do, he'd just say, "Do It Afraid".   And so I do... I just decide to Feel the Fear and Do it anyway.   So, if Terry still has this Card in Stock at the next Event, since her Space is still being Maintained for now at the SWEET SALVAGE Event Monthly, I'm buying it.  I already have the one Terry made for me that says "Embrace The Glorious Mess That You Are" with a Gypsy Woman on it... it was Perfect.  {Below}

This is a heavy Visual Post coz I found lotsa Pixs I wanted to use while searching for the above Image of Terry's Card she made for me Years ago.   I'm almost to the Time where I can't eat or drink for the rest of the Evening to Fast for the Surgery.  So, I tried to partake of something that would stick with me until Tomorrow Afternoon, when I should be back Home after Surgery.   I don't do well Fasting since I'm an Insulin dependent Diabetic, so I have to eat small amounts fairly often and not eat really big Meals.   Most foods I like best don't stick with you for a lot of Hours either, I don't like Heavy foods, Fast Foods, Fried Foods or overly Sugary Foods.   So, in about an Hour no more Food or anything to Drink.

I took the Late Shower they required I have, which, usually with long thick Dreadlocks, you don't do coz your Hair takes a long time to Dry.  When you have a wet Mop, that's how long it also takes my Dreadlocks to Dry, as much time as that Mop would take.  *LOL*   They told me I could Shower in the Morning, but we have a very early Check In for Surgery and it's Cold in the Mornings so I didn't want soaking Wet Dreads going out when it's near Freezing Weather either... and have them still being soaked when I go in to Surgery.   I'm not sure yet what I'm going to wear to the Hospital?  Something comfortable for sure and that easily slips back on over where I'll be bandaged on my Chest.  I think they said they insert it on your Right Side???

I'm hoping Pain Management Post-Op is not too bad since I don't like to take Painkillers, especially stronger ones that could be addictive.  I'd just rather not, plus I've had adverse reactions in the past to Meds like Morphine, Oxycodone and Vicodin.  When I had the Hysterectomy they insisted on those to Manage Pain Post-Op and I couldn't tolerate any of them.   So just took Extra Strength Tylenol, but was in a lot of Pain and just toughed it out.  It wasn't pleasant and the Docs weren't Happy I wouldn't pop Painkillers, but, I didn't have any dependency Issues afterwards either to Deal with.   The Son ended up an Opioids Addict due to prescribed Painkillers after a serious Back Injury from Work, which eventually led to Fentanyl.  

The Man too for War related serious Injuries, Years ago when the VA handed them out like Tic-Tacs to Veterans, as well as Civilian Docs causing Painkiller dependencies to Patients.    It took both of them many Years to get Clean and stay Clean and it was a Horror for all of us.  Several times they Overdosed and almost Died.   My Mom too struggled with Rx Dependency from Prescribed Painkillers after Surviving Cancer and Mental Health strong Medications to Manage her Mental Illness.    So I have a very strong aversion to Prescription Drugs that can be Addictive, too much Risk involved.  Addictions destroy Lives and Families.  Anyway, we'll see what they prescribe and whether or not I'll take it. 

 

When I was cruising thru the Photo Archives I am reminded of how Editorial our previous Homes looked.  There are things I Miss about each Home we used to Own and Sold, even tho' I Love this present one.   This one is in the best Neighborhood and Community tho'.   The Historic Home was in the Barrio and had a lot of Crime, but great Walk Score to everything.  The Villa McManse was in an affluent and horrible Community of pretentious fucks and far from anything and everything.   So, this one really is the best Location by far.   Prior to those Properties I always owned a Paid Off Mobile Home and put it on Land, then built on to it.   Both Single Wides and Double Wides, each was a very nice Manufactured Home and put on Land you own, it can build Equity and make Money on the Back End.   

 

The Villa and this Mini Farm are the only Homes that I didn't get Paid Off.   Tho' I Paid Off the McManse when it Sold and put the Equity made off it into this Home and to eliminate Debts from The Man's considerable Medical Expenses.   No, the VA does not pay everything for Disabled Veterans.   That's Why you see so many Sponsored on TV like 3rd World Children by Civilian Charities that aide them, like Wounded Warrior Project.   Which, you don't always Qualify for that either, I never found any of those Charities willing to Sponsor The Man, guess he wasn't Flavor of the Month, being an Elderly Veteran from Older Wars?   Anyway, I got all the Medical Paid Off now so I don't wanna incur any more prohibitive Medical Expenses on our Dime that Insurances or the VA won't cover.  Takes forever to pay that shit off or not go Bankrupt.

I got enuf Debt Load right now for Home Improvement and Repair Projects that had to be done and Financed.   Only some have been Paid Off or are near Paid Off.   I will get a small Check from this Pay Period at the Antique Mall, a rather pathetic one after expenses, but a Check nonetheless.  Which was certainly better than January where I didn't make a Profit and Owed for the first time ever, enuf to have to cut them a Check for a Hundred Bucks.   That hadn't happened since The Mall Opened, even after Pandemic I did better than we are now, so the Economy is Tanking for sure.   I know it will be a Recession, I just Hope it doesn't nosedive into a Depression.   And I Hope they fuck around with our Pensions/Social Security or all Seniors are fucked and destitute.  They won't Care, they want us all to hurry up and Die anyway.  It's America's "Soylent Green" {1973} Moment in History I think???

Even last Year some Social Media was saying had anyone else noticed "Soylent Green" 50 Years later is now here?   The premise of the Movie was that in the Future a Nightmarish World, where Big Corpa Controls everything, cost of living has exploded, homelessness is rampant, and only the Wealthy can afford 'luxury' items like Red Meat and Strawberries.   Food is in such Shortage that they Euthanize the Elderly and make a Food out of the Recycled Human Bodies that is a Cracker called "Soylent Green".   The Movie was allegedly set in 2022... so, they weren't too far off in the Fantasy Based Prediction of the Dire Dystopian Future and they did elude to Global Warming, which was wildly prescient!!!   Except for the Human Crackers part, we are there...  But Crazy previously unimaginable shit is happening Daily now, so... *LOL*

The Daughter is already Freaking herself Out a bit about Tomorrow, I'm Calm and it seems Ironic I'm the only Calming and Soothing her about MY Surgery.  *Bwahahaha*   It'll be Fine I'm telling her, but I can see her Anxiety escalating exponentially, and she's Pacing, which is never a Good Sign, I call it the Paranoid Pace, so suggested she just go to Bed early and Tomorrow will be a Brand New Day.  *Winks*   The 60 Second Countdown to No Food No Drink is in effect now... so... I better not get Hungry or Thirsty now!   *LOL*  Funny how when you know you're Restricted from Eating or Drinking it is on your Mind even MORE!!!

This was an Industry Friend from a Favorite Brick N Mortar Antique Mall in the Melrose District that had to Close and was Owned by my other Industry Friend Fedora Mike.   The Melrose Crawl used to be a Big Thing coz so many Antique Shops and Events were held there and they had so many Cool Indie Businesses, most of which have now Closed.  Tho' "Sweet Salvage", which is only Open 4 Days a Month, and a scant few other Small Indie Shops with irregular Hours remain.   I do Miss the Old Days when it was The Spot.   Even our Fav Breakfast Spot owned by our Friend Chai is now Owned by someone else, I think he and his Wife Martha finally Retired and Sold it.  So, it's got the same Name, but we don't like the New Owners, so, it's NOT the same.  

 

 We went Twice to give them a chance, but, the Ambiance and Friendliness Chai extended, isn't there, it's gone, and the Food wasn't as good either.  Chai decorated the place with Hippie Vintage Funk that gave you Hippie Era Flashbacks and was 'Groovy' and Authentic to that Era in Time, most of it he had Collected over a Lifetime and so it had his Essence and Personality infused in the Decor.   The New Owner has everything looking Sterile and devoid of Personality or Ambiance.  Everything is Minimalist Stark Red and Black, so it looks more like a Yuppie Bar, with zero Personality and it's just not Welcoming or Inviting.  Neither is he or the Staff, so you never see the Regulars there anymore.  Martha, Chai's Wife, was Mexican and Homemade a lot that was on the Menu. Chai was an Old Chinese Hippie from Hawaii, always Personable and knew everyone, and we Miss them both a lot.  Originally his Restaurant was called "Two Old Hippies".  *LOL*

I dug this Treasure up... The Son's Detention Teacher in about the 3rd Grade made him Write this Apology Letter to another Student, and she gave it to me coz she thought it was hilarious and so brutally Honest!!!  The Son has Autism and she knew this, so she realized he knew HOW he should Feel about certain things on a Social level, but, tho' he Tried to, he just didn't.   So, yep, the only thing he was actually Sorry about to Brody is he was NOT being Sorry, he TRIED to Feel Sorry, but, he don't!!!   *Bwahahahaha still to this Day LMAOROTF*   He Introduced The Man and I to his Detention Teacher that Year at Parent-Teacher Conference, which had never happened to her before, coz, he thought that was one of his Regular Classes!!!   Coz, he was ALWAYS there every Day!   *Snort*   

It was also the same Year he Introduced us to his Two Best Friends, Zach and Joey's, Lesbian Parents.  Saying, the Blonde Lady is their Mom and the other Lady is their Dad.  *Kids are so accepting and uncomplicated, they see things as Adults just still should sometimes*   We found out that Joey, who was the Brother the same Age as The Son, recently Died, which was shocking News.   I don't know the particulars and had seen him not many Months before and he looked Fine and was doing good.  He had a Lovely Family, Married with Kids, and came in to our Antique Mall to Shop.  He stopped and Talked, since I've known him since he was in Kindergarten.   One of his Moms was a Bus Driver for the School and drove the Bus our Kids took when they were little.   His Brother Zach became an Attorney, Zach was always the Brainiac in School, so that wasn't Surprising.  The Mom that was their "Dad" and the most Masculine, was actually the Parent that gave Birth to them.  The Sperm Donor was an Elderly Gay Man who was Friends with their Moms, and they called their Grandpa.  Quite an Interesting Dynamic.

Anyway, far too many people we know are Crossing Over and not just from my Generation, which is to be expected at this Season of Life.   Far too many from my Children's Generation are also Dying off prematurely, and isn't expected at all.   The Daughter and The Son have Lost so many Friends already that they've actually Lost about as many as The Man and I have... and they're only in their 30's and 40's!!!  Seems every time I run into someone I haven't seen in a long time lately, they either tell me they're having Serious Health Issues, were diagnosed with something potentially Terminal, or that someone else we knew has Died!   I'm often in a State of Numbness with the onslaught of Bad News.   I'm taking to Retreating a bit into The Past and just remembering some Good Times!

I don't want to remain in a State of Melancholy and being Morose.   I'm even Hoping to do a Freefall down a Rabbit Hole and pull out some Positive and Uplifting shit out of the Hat, like a Magic Trick Bunny, to put into this Post, besides Pretty Pictures!?   *LOL*   NEXT MORNING:  I decided to wear my Pajamas to the Hospital, they don't look like PJ's so much, they're Black with Stars, Moons and Cat Faces, and a plain Black T-Shirt.  So, they really are The Cat's Pajamas. *Snorts* Comfortable, loose and what I want to be wearing when I get back Home afterwards.  *Smiles*  So many of the Young People wear Pajama Pants in Public anyway that nobody notices if you're wearing yours.  I've even gotten compliments from Young People on my Pajama Pants.  *LOL*

Everyone is already up, which, I didn't expect, only The Daughter had to be to come with me.  The Son is at Work, but Princess T has the Day Off and The Man could have Slept In, but they're all hovering and nervously saying Goodbye and Good Luck like they won't see me again, Jeeeesus! *Bwahahahaha*  The Daughter made Sammies and will bring some Sodas in a small Cooler for herself, you'd think she was going on a Picnic for Days.  *LOL*  I'll give her my Cellphone so she can keep herself occupied.  I think they said the Surgery is about an Hour and a Half, Post-Op Recovery they say can be a few Hours and up to Overnight, depending on the individual and their situation!   Shit, mebbe she'll need a Picnic Lunch then?!   I don't wanna stay in the Hospital Overnight.

And now with that Nugget of News, she's Pacing again!!!  *LOL and Le Sigh*   It'll be Fine I'm telling her... but I know that the possibility of driving back and forth 3 times opposed to once is troubling to her.  She's a decent driver, but she knows she shouldn't be driving and has stayed out of trouble since becoming Clean, but she gets real Paranoid.  Well, she IS a Paranoid Schizophrenic, so, it doesn't take much!  *Bwahaha*  I'm contemplating whether to just end this Post when it's time for me to leave and just Publish it and have an abundance of Wordless Images below however far I get?   Probably, seems like a good Idea.

So, our Idiot VP Offended all of Europe while he was over there on his first International Jaunt to Represent us, Splendid!!!   Pontificating on how to handle their Business and Preserve THEIR Democracies while meanwhile back at Home, actively Destroying ours on Purpose!!!  Well, ain't that Arrogantly Rich of him?   His Speech sounded like it was Written by the Kremlin, which, mebbe it was?   And one World Leader did say it probably sounded better in Russian when they Wrote it?  *Bwahahaha and a Huge Eye Roll*   He laid a Wreath at the largest Holocaust Location and said what an Atrocity it was, then the very next Day suggested the Germans and the World needed to "Get Over It"!!!  You know... let's Whitewash their History too and not Teach it anymore either... like they do here!   Oh, and while you're at it, you Need to be more Inclusive and Embrace your Far Right Nazi Extremists too Germany, it's not Right to Exclude them!  Just WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, Why wouldn't he say that tho', being that here their side tell us there's some "very good people" in the Tiki Carrying White Supremecists and other Extremecists factions and Domestic Terrorist Groups!!!   Probably spelled both of those Words Wrong, but, who Cares... all of them are bad and there's nothing good about it or any of them!!!  This is Why every civilized Country closely monitors them with their versions of the FBI and CIA, doesn't allow them to gain traction and a foothold, lest another 3rd Reich Style Situation repeat itself!   Germany already Lived thru that and I'm sure they don't want a repeat performance and more Shame added to the Past's Shame, that they DO take very Seriously and warn everyone it could happen in their Countries too!   In fact, do you know how many Germans I know who've warned me The Orange Nazi reminds them of Hitler?   Same derangement, same Play Book, same Agendas really, just a Modern Spin on it.

I know some Americans who say that's hyperbolic, he's not like Hitler.  But when my Friends who are Old enuf to remember being in Germany during WWII and Survived, say Yes, Yes he fucking is, I tend to Believe THEM!  They had a Firsthand account, so they know what they're talking about, the rest of us are just speculating at best, and at worst, are dead Wrong.  And when my Ex-DIL's whole Family told me he reminds them of Pol Pot, I Believe them too.  They fled the Killing Fields of Cambodia and lost more than half their Loved Ones during that Regime!  So, if they say he's like Pol Pot, he fucking is, they know what they're talking about too!!!  His 1st Presidency scared them enuf they considered going back to Cambodia to escape a similar outcome before it gets as bad as the Khmer Rouge... so I'm sure 2.0 is fucking terrifying to them!!!

And let us not stop at Europe and Asia's Survivors of Atrocity Laden Leadership.   This is a big Metropolis so we have a lot of Immigrant Families from various African Nations here too, most from Countries they had to flee due to brutal Regimes as well.   Those that I have met or known tell me the same thing about this American President, so... what those People from various Continents are Observing, probably ain't just a coincidence my Friends.   They're getting some Dejavu about what this Guy and his Insane Clown Posse are capable of... and none of it is good and reminds them of everything bad they saw in their Countries of origin.   And I'd personally Hate to see America come to that and know they were Right... but I Fear they are and it's already too late...

 

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Wish me Luck... Dawn... The Bohemian