Keeping The Schedule Of A Toddler Again

 The Man and I went to "Snooze" for Breakfast on Friday Morning and then went to the 2nd Day of the Event at "STUDIO 108 COLLECTIVE".  I didn't Buy anything but my Designer Friends were so glad to see me up and doing okay, so, we sat and visited for quite some time with them.  It was slow since they hadn't been open very long yet, it gets busier around Lunchtime, so we could Socialize without interrupting business.  And I Need to sit down more and Rest and they noticed and could see that.  Then we went over to our Friend Nan's Antique Mall 'EVERYTHING GOES' where I did Buy a Vintage Chalkware Carnival Kitsch Majorette from my Friend Minnie's Booth, and a Betsey Johnson Dia de los Muertos Skull and Pearl Necklace from another Vendor.   The Man got a Vintage Compass in a Brass Case from that same Vendor.  It was Just Enough activity, then we went Home.

I hadn't been sure I was up to doing anything at first, but I am glad I tried and it worked out well with pacing ourselves and not doing Too Much.   I took a bounty of Images of our lovely Breakfast, I Love their Presentation at "Snooze" and the Cuisine is First Rate.   It was a nice way to start the day and tho' usually there's a long waiting list to get a Table, we've noticed the last Two times we were there it's practically empty!   This is not a good Sign when the most Popular Restaurants are uncharacteristically not busy.   And, the Events aren't busy like they typically are either, it's that way almost everywhere now and it is concerning that the Economy is faltering, probably due to these contentious Elections and the legitimate uncertainties people are having about Leadership.   I mean, Today, the incoming President is now deemed Officially a Convicted Felon on a bounty of Serious Felony Counts he was found Guilty of by a Jury!

But, I won't Focus on that Felon this Day, I want to keep a rather upbeat Post going.   But, we did have some unexpected News when The Son got Home from Work.  His Company had to announce that the Owner had dropped Dead during his Vacation!!!   So, now what happens to the Company is up in the air since the Widow is known to be incapable of running it and of buying expensive Designer Labels and charging it to the Business Expense Account in the past.   Probably her financial irresponsibility and recklessness might have contributed to her Old Man dropping Dead?   The Son wasn't particularly Surprised since the Owner was morbidly Obese and not taking care of himself, was always Red in the Face and probably had High Blood Pressure.   Still Sad, I don't think he was Elderly.   I personally think the Company was struggling before they Laid Off so many Seasoned Workers before Thanksgiving.

  

So, The Son doesn't know how long he'll have a Job if the Company now Folds or is Sold again?   So, that wasn't great News and was totally unexpected, the Announcement was made at Lunchtime and everyone was Processing that and what it could mean for them all?   While we were out The Daughter was moving that large Shelving Unit Rob gave  us into place in The RV Garage Mahal, it fits beautifully there in the Front and looks great.  We started having Fun Styling it and I'll Photograph it once we finished.   Sometimes you don't realize how Perfect something is until you have Ideal Placement and Use for it.   Especially something freely given to you that you weren't expecting at all. 

Rob also gave us some Yard Equipment to replace some of what we had that wore out.   With having Acreage you need Commercial Grade Yard Equipment and ours wasn't that Grade.   He's been doing Hauling for Customers and sometimes as part of his Payment they give him things in Trade that he's willing to accept rather than full Cash Payment for a Job.  Like me, Rob Loves a good Gypsy Trade.  *LOL*   He bought large Flatbed Trailers to Haul and pull behind his full size Truck as side income to his Pension, and we allow him to Park them in our RV Driveway Side of our Property, since his Parents don't have enuf Room on their Circular Driveway on their Property next door.  So, as 'Payment' to us, even tho' we don't ask or require any 'Payment' for him doing that, he often gives us things he's accepted as Trade from his Customers.  It's mutually beneficial so we accept the Gifts if it's something we can use or need.  A Win for him and for us to have this Arrangement.  We have Two very long Driveways on our Property and the RV Side could Park Big Rigs.

The Seller who Sold us this Property used to run their Trucking Business out of the Property.   Using the Art Studio Space as their Home Office and The RV Garage Mahal to Park and Service Big Rigs.  It's big enuf to hold Two Big Rigs and the Driveway going up to The RV Garage Mahal could also hold Two.   We have our 5th Wheel now Parked on one Side behind our Gate, but Rob can still pull Two large Flatbeds onto the Driveway if he needs somewhere to Park or unload them.  Sometimes he's got them loaded and sometimes they're empty, I just made it clear that if they're loaded I don't want liability of the possibility of Theft if they're outside of the locked Gate.   Our Neighborhood isn't a high Crime Rate Area, but it is on the Main Street that is in front of our Mini Farm Community.  So, you never know whose Eyeballing things that might be driving past on the Main Road and cut into our Access Road to indulge in Piracy?   Several Neighbors on our Street in the Mini Farm Community are Professional Truckers tho' and they have great Security Surveillance and we are a tight knit Community.   Above is my new Chalkware Carnival Kitsch Majorette.

Above and Below is my Betsey Johnson newly purchased Necklace from her Dia de los Muertos Line of this Fall.   I got it 75% Off Retail buying it secondhand from the Antique Mall Vendor.   She's a Gal that looks like a Retired Las Vegas Showgirl and is a devout Francophile, she may even be originally from France and always has French Music playing in her Booths there.  She has several Booths and a couple of them hold Vegas Quality Sexy Costumes, Jewelry and Accessories, along with Vintage Clothing, Jewelry and Accessories and Brand Name pieces of all kinds, which is where I got this piece.  She knows what she has but has good prices that are Fair and well below Retail Value.   Her other Booth is Decor, mostly Imports from various Countries, so she always has a lovely Eclectic Mix of Merch.   Over the Years I've bought a lot from her and especially Unique or Designer Pieces of what I Collect.   She gets a lot of Unique Art in, including Mehndi Rocks.

I fell Asleep prematurely again Today becoz of having done something Today, I find after any Activity now, I need a long regenerative Nap.  *Le Sigh and LOL*   So, I'm keeping the Schedule of a Toddler in so many ways.  *Bwahahaha*   Usually I doze off in either a Media Chair or sprawled out on the Sectional and when I Awake, well, it could be a brand new Day!  *Smiles*   Sometimes the Kiddos have covered me up with a Blanket and don't bother to Wake me to get up and go to Bed.  They're still very Scared about the obvious changes since the Stroke, since it's all out of Character for me and they notice, even when other people might not see any impairment.   The People who Live with you and know you best do notice and I'm Aware too, tho' in some cases not as Aware as an Observer.   I Shake more than I used to, but, I've always Shook and Neurologically since Childhood it was attributed to the ADHD and being overly Stimulated all of the time.   My Thoughts don't Race as much now Post Stroke, but the Shaking has become more pronounced.

Of coarse The Son gets most Worried about the Shaking, since he's thinking it could be onset of Parkinson's, but, Docs have assured me it's not and I think if it was they'd know?   It doesn't bother me, it just makes me look like a Weirdo or a Spastic when I do it, especially when I'm not as Aware I'm doing it.  If I get very Anxious it happens a lot, or when I'm getting Impatient, which, is often.   Coz I always think most people are Slow Moving, Slow Acting, Slow Thinking and doing everything in Slow Motion compared to how I'd be doing it.  *Bwahahaha*   Seriously, I used to think everyone had Racing Thoughts and should Move like I did, didn't realize for a long time that I was Hyperactive and THAT wasn't Normal.  *LMAO*   So, Yes, you Normals have always annoyed the Fuck out of me with how delayed your Thoughts and Actions seemed to be to me.  Now my Pace has been Slowed to a more Normal level I'm as Impatient with MYSELF as I used to be, correction, have always been, with you Normals!  *Winks and Smiles* 

Yep, us Bipolar ADHD Adults tend to call the rest of you "Normals", no telling what you all call us?   But, I got a few Guesses. *Bwahahahaha*  The Man and I always jest about calling ourselves "The Handicaps" too when we're out and about, needing Handicap Parking.   We'll pull up somewhere and either there's lots of Handicap Parking and we'll say, well, none of the Handicaps are here Today... or all of them are taken and we'll say, ALL of the Handicaps are here Today!   And our Favorite is to say we're taking one of "Your" Designated Spaces when we have to Park in a Non-Handicap Assigned Space, or choose to.  *Winks and Smiles*   When The Man was Younger, yet still a 100% Disabled Vet and Qualified for Handicap Parking, we'd often get Rude Old People yelling at us for Parking in "Their" Spaces!!  Presuming that all Handicaps are evident and nobody Young Qualifies!   How presumptuous and ignorant!  And there's a LOT of presumptuous ignorance out there folks!

Well, we had another even Younger Disabled Veteran Friend who was about the Age of our Adult Kiddos and he'd lost a Leg during a Wartime Deployment and had a Prosthetic.   He said whenever Old People yelled at him for Parking in one of "Their" Spaces he'd just take his Leg off and shake it at them as a Joke, yelling, "Is THIS Disabled enuf for YOU?!", he said you should have seen their Faces and Public Shame when put on the spot Publicly like they'd done to him in their self entitled Ignorance!   We thought that was hysterical.  *Bwahahahaha*   I just like to confront Ignorance like that directed at us about Handicapped Parking by loudly asking them what "Disability SHOULD LOOK like?"   That always shuts them up!   *Winks*   I don't feel we need to explain our Medical Conditions to complete Strangers, it's none of their Damned Business.   I Loved Kamala's VP Choice's Phrase of MIND YOUR OWN DAMNED BUSINESS.   Coz far too many people stray out of their own damned Lane by getting into other folk's Business. 

I once had a Caseworker tell me that The Daughter didn't LOOK Seriously Mentally Ill and I asked her, "Are you a Psychiatrist?  And, HOW SHOULD Serious Mental Illness LOOK Pray Tell?!"   That was just slightly before she Triggered The Daughter's Paranoid Schizophrenia and was Threatened with being thrown out of the 3rd Floor Social Security Building Window!   *Bwahahahaha*  I told her, "She'll do it and I won't be able to restrain her... this is WHY we're here, capisce now?"  *LOL*  Then she realized for damned sure, that SMI can LOOK any kind of way and it's best not to underestimate one when you are ignorant enuf to Trigger one of 'em that's really Wheels Off the fucking Rails!  *Winks*   That's the Caseworker that Approved her for SSI back when she was in her Twenties and quite Unstable and I took her to apply for Benefits.  They'd put us thru the Wringer and finally The Daughter Snapped and, well, the rest is History... she got Approved for Services without any Appeals necessary and they'd re-certify her by Phone, since I'm SURE her File was Flagged for 'Safety' Reasons for Staff?  *Bwahahaha*

This is Why I've also delayed taking her in to Social Security or DES until I'm sure she can handle the Dog and Pony Show they'll put us thru the Motions of, like a Three Ring Circus we're expected to Perform at to receive Services/Benefits.  I'm getting too Old now to Deal with one of their Staff Triggering her Ass.   The Young Prince said when he was Denied becoz they didn't think he LOOKED or ACTED Mentally Ill "Enough", in his Head he was really concerned about the Thoughts he was having towards them so he just quickly got up and left before he Snapped, but he could Feel it Coming On.   Allen didn't know how to handle the situation so he knew if his Husband had just quickly got up and left mid-Interview, it was probably for the best.  He called me immediately and I said my Grandson was clearly not ready to Deal with The System without the risk of harming someone and being Locked Up when he might go Postal.  So, try again later... which, they never have.

Allen didn't want to go thru all of that again, he said it was exhaustive even if you're the Caregiver of the SMI Loved One, and it is.   I've almost wanted to fucking Snap myself, which, is a possibility too, I never claim to be a Well Woman.  *Winks and Snicker*  And, that time I took The Daughter in last Year for a 3 Hour Mental Health Eval to receive Services, I didn't even realize they were Evaluating ME TOO!  *Gasp!*  And neither one of us "Passed" and they said we were both TOO UNSTABLE to Receive their Services and we'd have to be on Meds and Stable a full Year before we could Qualify!  WTF?!   *Bwahahahaha*  The Daughter thought that was fucking hilarious coz she knew I didn't have any Idea what was going on!   And I got indignant and told the Three Doctors that I wasn't even there to receive or Qualify for Services, I was HER Support System and Caregiver, there for Emotional Support so she could get thru the Psyche Eval!   Sheeyit, apparently I couldn't even get thru the Psyche Eval without them thinking I was Mental as Fuck?!   *LMAOROTF*   Well, in all Fairness, they could be Right?  *Winks*

It's as Funny as Post-Stroke, before I was Released from the Hospital, Medicare called the house here and told my Loved Ones that if THEY weren't ready to Receive ME, since I'd sustained some Brain Damage, they could Hold me longer!!!   And they said, "But, SHE'S The Caregiver..."   *Bwahahahahaha*   No Wonder we're getting lotsa Medicare Follow-up Calls now!   *LMAOROTF*   Caseworkers: "Is everyone Alright there?"   Me: "Well, NO, Nobody has EVER been "Alright" here, Why?  But, Thanks for Asking..."   *Snicker*   This ain't no Joke.  *Bwahahahaha*   My Neurologist didn't even know whether to take me Seriously or not when he said my Brain was responding quite Unusually and recalibrating rather quickly, which wasn't Normally what happens, and I simply said, "Well Doc, I've never had a Normal Brain..."   *Winks*   I meant it, but we both Laughed and I elaborated on that by saying I was Diagnosed as Bipolar I and had Adult ADHD so it is my Understanding our Brains are Wired/Look differently, and he agreed, they are. 

  Euthymic Bipolar Adults with Comorbid ADHD have significantly different neural activation patterns from Bipolar Patients without this comorbidity.    The Brains of Individuals with Bipolar Disorder and 

ADHD are considered distinct.   There are different structures of Abnormalities in particular of areas related to Mood Regulation and Executive Function, each Disorder will have unique characteristics but can co-occur frequently.   Above is a nice tidy Chart Showing Three different Diagnostic possibilities of whether you have one, the other, or both.  I'd be mos def in that Darker Turquoise Section in the Middle.  *Winks*   And back when I was a Kiddo, you were Misdiagnosed A LOT and they didn't have Special Services for you at all, you got Mainstreamed with all the Normals and were just a real challenge for your Educators, Parents, General Public... a little bit of you went a long way, let us just say... and all my Parents had at their disposal was sketchy Medical Advice on how to Raise me and they found by giving me Coffee, they could at least Manage me, Stimulants slow me down.  *Winks*  

 And if you had Both Conditions, you were a real Mixed Bag to Clinically Deal with by Professionals, even these days.  I never responded Well to Psyche Meds, just the opposite, so, I've never been on them.   Even during my lil Vacay in Psyche Lockdown, they found that Medicating me made me worse and harder to Manage.   So, it was better to leave me be and let me regulate myself, since, I've become decent enuf at doing so and proved that.   Unless someone intentionally REALLY Tests me, and I Snap coz the Trigger is just too much to ignore and restrain myself, and Warning the Fool wasn't heeded, so, they get Dark Dawn who then comes out to Play.  *Smiles*   Dawn of the Light is my better Self, the Chill One, and really the one I'd highly recommend you Deal with instead.    But, it's your Choice Hunny, I always give Fair Warning that you don't wanna really meet and greet the Other One.  I am quite Aware of my Duality by now, I been Me a long time now.  I'm not 'New'.  *Winks* 

 And Listen, I don't really Care how Crazy or 'Different' you think or say I am, or how you feel some kind of way about it.   I'll Own how I am with zero Shame and won't Take the Offense even if you try to offer it to me, it's how I've always just been and my Hand Dealt.  I'm Good with being Me.  You Play the Hand Dealt you in Life, Simple as that Fact, I have a Healthy Self Image, I know I'm a decent Human Being to my very Core.   I didn't Ask to be this way and there is no 'Cure', you accept that Reality or Torment the shit out of yourself otherwise trying to "Pass" for being one of the Normals.  *Winks*   Besides, it's overrated in my Opinion to be considered one of the Normals, and a good many of them are fucked up Human Beings!  *LOL, tell me I'm Wrong!*   And Society can be a bigger Bitch than me, Trust and Believe.  So, I Learned early on not to be just A Bitch, but, THE Bitch, and that'll be Mrs. Bitch to whoever Tests me.  *Smiles*  Once you establish that boundary with someone and what Lane they should stay in, there's a lot less conflict and chances of them getting fucked up when you go Mental on their stupid Asses.  

 And BTW, the Calmer someone Mental acts, the more likely you are to be in some real possible Danger Darlin' when you Test them.   If I'm still yelling and animated, and not Dead Calm or petitioning Jesus Himself to restrain me, you're probably gonna be just Fine... *Bwahahaha*   Joe Public often Needs to be Educated coz there are some real Dumbasses out there who are confrontational for no good damned reason and Honestly, most of the Mentally Ill are Chill Folks that don't want any Problems or Trouble unless YOU become one to them.   I have never started a Fight or become Mean Spirited towards anyone on Purpose in my Life, it's not my State of Being to be that way, but I sho' can End one with a Flourish.   And I'd much, much prefer to be Kind and Humane to every Sentient Being on this Planet, I think the World would be a much better place if we all could agree to that State of Being as our Collective "Normal".

  To react from a place of Loving Kindness would of coarse be preferable, we all know this, yet, we all know that's not the World we live in and it only seems to be getting worse out there.  I therefore React accordingly with no apologies.  I don't even Choose which Dawn you're gonna get, YOU do.   I don't LIKE taking Scalps, but I will if you offer me yours in battle.  *Smiles*   I prefer to talk about Mental Illness with candor and transparency becoz it's rarely ever discussed that way.   So much stigma and Shame has been associated with having Mental Health challenges that most people don't even seek Help for it when they should or Need to.   Or, even after formal Diagnosis, will endure it in Secrecy for Fear of Society being highly discriminatory and judgmental about it and vilifying everyone whose afflicted, blaming a lot of shit on it, rather than on the Condition of Society at large.  There are some folks who are just Evil or Cruel and Unlovely Fuckers and may or may not have a Mental Health situation going on as well.   You can be both, or just one or the other, they're not mutually exclusive.

*******

Extend Humanity and Compassion to everyone, some might even be receptive to it... and YOU will have been the better Human Being for having done so my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian