It was in the high, high, high Triple Digit Temps so I did take a late Afternoon dip in the Pool. I'm surprised the Family doesn't use the Pool more, I thought they would. Just goes to show ya that once you get used to having something you don't utilize it as much as you should or thought you would. I like having a Pool tho', it's the 1st Property Owned that has had one and I have zero regrets about that, it makes for nice Pool Parties, Cooling Off, Sitting Around, and feeling like Home can be a Staycation. The Pool, the Old Wood Burning Fireplace, the RV Garage Mahal, as well as the Home being built of those gorgeous Burnt Adobe Bricks and having Acreage were definite Selling Points on my Checklist of Wants.
The Woman who Remodeled this Vintage Home about 4 Years before we bought it from the Young Couple she'd Sold it to, had done a spectacular Job of Updating it to be Urban Farmhouse Style. I'm enamored with that Look and the choices she made are exactly what I would have picked out for myself if I'd Custom Remodeled it myself. The Granite Countertop Choice was my Fav Granite, the faux Tile "Wood" Flooring thruout, the Waterfall Faucets in the Bathroom and Subway Tile and Bathroom Tile Flooring, were Perfect choices. I'm Surprised I haven't burnt anything in the Fireplace in all these Years we've now been here, coz I'm such a Pyro and always used Fireplaces a lot if we had them. But, I still like just HAVING it.
We just now had Five little Palm Trees spring up, Four around our Pool Area and one Beside The RV Garage Mahal. And one Date Palm on the Fence Line of the Pasture. Not in Ideal spots, but, Nature chooses sometimes where one will Seed and Sprout and I'm just glad some did. I Love Palms and had wanted more than the Two Magnificent Old ones we have out Front. Pretty sure the Date Palm Seeded from either Omar's Property or the Property directly behind him that has some. Both have Magnificent Old Date Palms and I had one at the McManse and I Loved it. I'd like it to have Seeded not so close to the Fence Line but am hesitant to transplant it lest I kill it, so am leaving it alone. When I Googled safe Transplant of one it seemed risky to it's survival.
One of the Palms I have was a Transplant from a Farmer's Field Parameter where it would have been Bulldozed. I rescued it from that Fate, which happened about a Month later and would have razed it, but, I thought I'd killed it. It's taken over a Month for it to come back and show Proof of Life so I'm glad I just left it alone and nurtured it even when it didn't look promising that it was still Alive. Now it's got Two new Fronds and looks like a success. *Whew* The other Palms just Seeded themselves, probably from our Palms, which are a variety I really like of Mexican Fan Palm with tall slender Trunks that tower higher than most Palms. The Transplant one is a different kind of Palm, a California Fan Palm, that can be over a Century Old when Mature.
Today, in Real Time I got to Sleep In coz nobody had to go to Work. Princess T being on the Mandatory taking of her Vacation Time for a couple Days 'til she gets better. The Son just doesn't have a Shift, tho', they have been prone to calling him on Short Notice to come in for Shifts he isn't Scheduled for and sometimes he has to decline coz he's had a few Drinks already. He won't go in to Work if he's even had one Alcoholic Beverage. And on his Days off or after Work, he's inclined to have had an Alcoholic Beverage coz he is an Alcoholic. He just never wants that to interfere with any Work he does and keeps his Professional Life and his Private Life very apart and compartmentalized. That is often necessary in any Work you do actually, for a number of reasons. My Professional Life and my Private Life couldn't have been more starkly different and I wanted it that way. I never Defined myself or Who I am by what I did for a Living, no matter what levels of Success, Financial Standing or Influence Attained. Careers were a means to an end to me, nothing more, nothing less.
So, Retiring never bothered me, it was a Transition of just doing something different now, perhaps something more fluid and perhaps more enjoyable based. Or not. I missed the Money, transition to a Fixed Income is an adjustment if you're not Retiring Independently Wealthy and will have no financial strains whatsoever, it probably is a smoother transition. Also, forced Retirements like ours became, are different coz you didn't Plan for that Early Retirement. Him for Health Reasons and level of Disability requiring it Involuntarily, mine was forced to become his and the Grandchildren's Full Time Unpaid Caregiver. I could no longer find alternative Care for any of them due to the extent of their Disabilities and Medical Issues being too profound. So, we both had to Retire much, much earlier than we anticipated or had Planned for, it happens. Shrugs. Moving On... coz lotsa Unplanned shit was gonna happen after that, to be sure.
On the Canvas of my very Fertile Imagination my Spouse would remain Healthy and Independent of needing Care coz I Married a very Strong capable Man who was a legitimate Bad Ass. Not someone you ever thought would become a Vulnerable Adult and need your Caregiving. You just don't always anticipate shit like that happening to any Loved One, especially prematurely. Sure, if we got to be in our 80's and were both still among the Living, that was something more anticipated, but not prior to 2000!!! We'd only been Married since 1989 and were full of Vitality, Promise, both at the Top of our Games in our Careers, what could go Wrong? *Bwahahahahaha* Then in 2000 before we got the last Child Raised, The Grandson was Born and we became Custodial Grandparents. Ruh Roh, that wasn't Planned. And he had Special Needs very early on... Pivot. Then in 2005 Princess T was Born and we became Custodial Grandparents for a 2nd Child and Ditto with her Special Needs since Birth... Pivot again.
Oh, and The Man was Medically Retired and trying to look after them while I still had my Career, in spite of being Disabled, so there was a lot going on at Home. But, The Son was a Teenager, tho' a Special Needs one himself with being Bipolar and Autistic, but, he helped with his Dad and the Kiddos as much as a Teen can. He said he was getting High a lot on Weed by then to Cope... and underage Drinking... we each Cope in our own ways with whatever Challenges are just Hard. We all develop Coping Mechanisms and sometimes they work out and oftentimes they just complicate things more. Fast forward to me no longer able to juggle a demanding Career at the D.A.'s Office and all that going on at Home. Especially after The Man having his catastrophic Accident, Traumatic Brain Injury and then a Heart Attack on top of all that!!! He is like the Energizer Bunny or a Timex Watch tho'... and keeps going and going. Tough as Old Boots. *Smiles*
But having to take Early Retirement meant dumping 60% of my Earned Pension coz I was a mere Four Years from being fully Vested... and too Young to draw what was left of it for many more Years to come... dammit! Lost the great Medical Benefits my Career provided us with, so then Medical Debts became Insane for him and neither of us Old enuf for Medicare yet and his TriCare and the VA didn't cover a LOT of his catastrophic Medical Expenses. I had to utilize every Tool in my Toolbox of what I had done in my 1st Corporate Life as a Fixer for Financial Institutions Financial Crisis on Bad and defaulted Loans to Solve our Financial Bad situation and inability to pay the almost a Million Bucks in Medical Debts he'd racked up. And, well, that was never getting Paid in this Lifetime. *Eye Roll* I had no Job now except Unpaid Caregiver, and he was Medically Retired and 100% Disabled and unable to Work anywhere ever again. We had Two Special Needs Grandkids to get Raised on what Money we had left and they were very Young and had loads of Medical Issues too. It was messy.
But, every Problem has a Solution, you just have to Find out what that will be and implement it aggressively and relentlessly pursuing Solutions to whatever Problems Life hands you. I'm Tenacious about that and I do like me a Challenge that folks say can't be done. *Winks* Coz, well, mebbe I'll be the 1st one to do it, you never know? *Smiles* I did get almost $950,000 of Medical Debt erased by who it was Owed to, their decision and choice after I made it my Obsession and Mission Statement to Solve that Problem and have a Solution. *LOL* I'd keep the Debt Collectors on a Collection Call for Hours if I could, Free Therapy on their Dime, it was Therapeutic to me, Crazy for them, oh well. You wanna know Why I can't pay you, lemme start at A and we'll go all the way to Z. Coz it will take that long to Explain. *Smiles*
And, when are you Calling again becoz this Call has really been so very Therapeutic for me, Thank You, so I don't wanna miss a Call? They usually never made more Calls and Wrote Off the Debt with a Confirmation Letter or they knew I'd be Calling THEM to unload my Burdens Mentally and yet Calmly... like a Session at a Shrink, but on their Dime not mine. Shrinks are very Expensive. Collection Agencies almost never have YOU Calling THEM incessantly to Talk about the burdens of the Issues of Life and the enormous Debt it's caused. *Winks, very Liberating to unload your Cares Calmly upon someone on the other end of that phone.* And my FICO Score stayed excellent, coz THAT would have been another Problem to get Solved and somebody then would be getting THOSE Calls from me incessantly until they wanted to Quit their Jobs or Need Therapy themselves. *Smiles* I am Tenacious about Problem Solving, I will Outlast you if you are The Problem. You will HAVE to be Solved. *Winks*
Above is a rare pix of my Paternal Grandma, she was already a Gramma by then, I don't think any Photos of her exist as a Child or very Young Adult. I mean she didn't have running Water or Electricity until she was almost 70. It's Surprising she let anyone take this actually, since she was Superstitious about being Photographed. But, at the time she had been Married to a White Man who was from Arkansas originally, we called him Pappy and I used to marvel at how slow he talked. *Ha ha ha* If he said something as Simple and Short as "Ya'll come back now, ya hear...", it would take him Forever just to say that many Words! I would find it very difficult to be patient enuf with my ADHD to have a conversation with him and cut thru the thick Arkansas Accent he had. But he was very good to our Grandmother and accepted her Culture and way of Life, which she wasn't willing to give up, ever. So he lived on the Rez with her in very primitive conditions and it didn't seem to bother Pappy at all. He was a really Chill Old Guy.
He was also very Tall and Thin, 6'7" so he'd have to stoop down to be in Photos standing next to anyone. All the Men in Dad's Family were over 6' Tall, and my Brother is 6'4", but Pappy was the Tallest Man I'd ever seen before! I'd found a Box of my Dad's Old Pixs of his Family and was sorting thru it to Share some Online with my Paternal Cousins in case they don't have these Photos. Above is one of my Male Paternal Cousins. I don't know that they take many Photos even now with Cellphones and all? But Years ago they hardly ever did and neither did our Family, so we're all short on Family Photos until the Generation of my Kids, when I bought my 1st Camera and became a Pathological Picture Taker and Family Historian who wanted to Preserve what little Imagery we had on both sides of my Family. The Older Welsh, especially the Didi Kai, were not fond of having Photos taken either apparently, so very few exist of Mom's Family either. I don't know if Future Generations will Care or not... or Preserve what I have?
Without a Written Family History I doubt they will recall who any of the People are in the scant few Old Family Photos of previous Generations? I was always interested in the Storytelling each of my Parents told of their Verbal History, both not coming from Cultures of Written Language, that's how it was passed along from Generation to Generation. I'm guessing the Stories got Modified or Embellished along the way, each Storyteller telling their Version of it thru the Generations. Which, didn't really matter to me how accurate any of it actually was, no way to ever know? I didn't Care either, it was their Stories to Tell in their own way and their own Version and Interpretation of it. And perhaps some filled in the Blanks of what wasn't known or verified in any way? Most of my Friends growing up had Photographs and some Written Family Histories, which I thought was Wonderful.
The Man's Family are big on Genealogy. His Mom had Books Published and handed out to Family of his Maternal and Paternal Ancestral Photos and Records going way back. It was a True Labor of Love and expense on my Mother-In-Law's part, but it was that important to her and she spent Decades compiling it before Publication of the Books. I Admired that dedication to the Family History and Preservation of it, I Loved looking thru those Books. I could tell where The Man got his Looks from coz he doesn't look much like the rest of his Family at all. But, he had a Maternal Great-Grandfather he is almost a Clone of, the resemblance is that Strong. The rest of his Family all look like they're related, he didn't, not in looks, not in coloring either, they're all very Fair and most had very Light Hair and Light Eyes. He wasn't Fair and had Dark Hair and Hazel Eyes. He'd get Teased that perhaps he was the Mailman's Child? *LOL*
As I was wading thru Archived Photos I came across many of Friends and have Shared those too in case they didn't have copies. I probably have more Pixs of some people I know than they may have of themselves?! Or their Kids?! *LOL* Years ago for a Friend's Birthday I'd print out Pixs I had of them and their Family that I knew they didn't have and had never seen, put it in a Photo Album and present it as their Birthday Gift. It was always really Special to them, often making them quite Emotional. Coz some of those Photos went back Years and Years ago. Most of them didn't take many Pixs of our Kodak Moments, so I'd often be the only one Documenting everything with mine. I'd get Teased a lot for how many Pixs I was taking and that I always had a Camera on hand, but they appreciated my dedication to capturing those Moments, all those Years later when clearly it mattered more to Preserve Precious Memories in Images that otherwise that would have been Lost or Forgotten.
I don't wanna Forget, I like Keeping my Memories very much Alive and Remembered if I can. I think that is the tragic part of Dementia and Cognitive Decline, the Loss of all Memories and ability to Recognize anyone or anything. The confusion and disorientation that must cause must be torturous to those afflicted and of coarse it's painful for all their Loved Ones as well, Losing them in Layers as everything Fades to Black on their Memory Banks. The Man we're trying to slow down the progression of his Dementia, since we can't Stop it or Cure it, and so far it's been working pretty good, we make it up as we go along. I consider it a Challenge and to Fix a Problem as best as we can find some Solutions for it that might at least slow down progression of it and extend his Memories and Function longer. I Wish I'd been more vigilant with doing that for our Mom. But, she lived Independently for a long time and so it crept up without seeing it being as evident and as progressive as it became.
My Brother said then it just seemed to him that one day she just didn't know who the fuck he was anymore and kept thinking he was her Brother instead. He had to play along lest he really upset her by then. She at least was very close to her Brother and my Brother does strongly resemble the Maternal Side of the Family and my Uncle. So that did give her some Comfort, since my Uncle was still Alive but Living in North Wales and was now too Old to make Trips to America anymore to see us. For some reason she never forgot who I was, so I was one of the fortunate Family Members. I don't exactly know Why she forgot damned near everyone else and yet never forgot Who I was? I like to think it was becoz we had the most contentious and volatile Relationship in the Family and so perhaps that Helped in some Odd Strange way? *Bwahahahaha and that CAN be quite Memorable... Winks*
Mom and I were both Strong Willed Women and complete Opposites while I was Growing Up and as a Younger Adult. And yet, the Older I got the more like her I actually now am! And so we really Loved each other, but didn't always Like each other or get along and play well together... it happens. *Smiles* We spent a lot of Quality Time together tho', Good Times, if we were both Behaving and not Clashing. *Ha ha ha* In spite of how complex it could be to stay in her Good Graces, it took Work, I was willing to put in the Work for my Mom. She was worth the effort and unconditional Love, she could be such Fun if she didn't go Dark on your Ass for some reason. She was a Good Mom. Dad was a Good Dad. Dad was just a lot easier to always get along with for me, Dad was always Chill and we were very close and more alike in our ways, our Nature, and reserved in our display of open Emotions. My Mom was a very openly Emotional person and wore her Feelings on her Sleeve. She felt she never really knew what I or my Dad were Feeling, or if we were Feeling anything at all, becoz we didn't Show it openly.
When someone is getting Mad or Emotional and you stay Stoic, Calm and Chill about it, they often don't know how to react or what to do? It can even piss some people off more... and with many, it will halt them enuf to reconsider even trying to Engage you, coz it can be more unsettling to them than you reacting in kind. You're not Reacting so they're not sure what you might do? I don't tend to be Reactive to things, not Crisis, not someone's Behavior, you rarely, if ever, get an immediate external Emotional response from me. Becoz to me, responding to Events, Stimuli, or Problems after they happen is less Helpful, probably not even Helpful at all? I'd rather Plan Ahead to try to Prevent them. So I guess you'd call me a more Proactive Person and so was my Dad.
We didn't wanna constantly be putting out Fires caused by anyone else either. Reactive folks start a lot of Fires needing putting out. *Le Sigh* Immediate Emotions triggered by external events very often just results in impulsive behavior and the blaming of circumstances. I'm just too Solutions Oriented to want to be part of any Problem or exacerbate one. I now won't have anyone I'm exposed to often who tends to be Drama or a Headache to me, I just don't want to have to Deal with all that and have it disrupting my Calm. If my own Loved Ones of Immediate Family are becoming Dramatic and causing Headaches, I confront it immediately and tell them to Dial it Back and Calm Down coz they're disrupting Calm in the Household, which is not okay and not Tolerated. I want Home to be that Sanctuary for us all, a place to retreat to from this Crazy World out there.
I've been pondering Relationships lately coz there is the decision on whether to make New ones, or... not? It is harder to make Friends when you are getting Older, Younger folks tend to Befriend one another easily becoz they're all so New. You get Older you end up with History with folks already, and so many folks are all Friended Up and don't need or want anyone New. As Friends Moved Away or Pass Away your Inner Circle shrinks, you have less present Friendships that were close and you're not sure any of it can be replaceable at your Season of Life. Even the best New Friendship won't have the same History and length when you're this Old already. I've met some wonderful New folks, but I haven't really decided how Close I wanna become? Losing folks you Care about is just hard, ask anyone whose Lost anyone, it never gets easier. I can be conflicted about making New Friends, there's so many Great People out there who could be Great Friends.
There will always be a Void left behind tho' for those Lost, coz they were Unique and the Relationship Special in it's dynamic and own way. Most of the Men and Women I know at my Age Group or Older who aren't in an Intimate Relationship, now don't really want to be in a New One either. I'm fortunate to still have my Beloved, but we both know that should one of us Pass Away, neither of us is the least bit interested in forming a New Intimate Relationship. I wasn't even looking for forming a Close New Intimate Relationship when I met The Man actually, so, you can never say never I suppose, but, it's highly unlikely. I'm quite set in my ways and Value how my Life is and I'm used to the way we're Living it. I don't want a New Individual altering any of that actually, and I don't want anyone to be a New Project for me either. *LOL and Winks* Like I always say, only partly in jest, I don't have the Time or Energy to Train another one. *Bwahahahaa* And The Man, he would like to become a total Recluse and go totally off the grid on the Canvas of his Imagination if he were Single again. *Smiles*
Pondering many things and Conflicted about some things... Dawn... The Bohemian
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