I Feel A Dry Spell Coming On... But First, A Big Ole Rant!

 So, I do feel a Dry Spell coming on, not that there's not a lot going on in the Word, and especially our troubled Country, I just don't wanna Write about it or devote a Post to it.  And Positive Posts elude me right now, even on a Personal level for the time being.  I've got the Four in the Morning's tho' so Blogging does help when Sleep is troubled with Bad Dreams.  Very Strange ones, I don't even know any of the folks in them.  Usually when I have Premonition Like Dreams, I know the Players it's happening to, this time, I don't, but they're very vivid all the same.  I don't like having them even if it's rando folks in them tho'.  I'd rather have pleasant Dreams where good things are slated to come.

Other than that, everything is Swell.  The Son and I got a lot done Yesterday while having the most extreme Episodes of "Hoarders" in the background motivating and entertaining us.  I'm a Hoarder you see, just not of the ilk of these unfortunate Souls, who IMO, should be Institutionalized and not being allowed to even try to live Independently as they're not capable of Safely or Sanitarily doing so.  And I'm on the Fence about the condition of some of them, is it Extreme Mental Illness exclusively, or are they also just nasty Mo'Fo's okay to live that way?  I'm no Shrink, but it seems to me some are just nasty filthy folks and squalor is their preferred State of Being.   And, no amount of Helping them will change that trait they just have of being Okay with Living Nasty.

We do Environmental Cleanup behind Piggish People like that all the time so I wouldn't be at all Surprised if their Homes aren't as nasty as they leave the Environment.   Clutter and Too Much in the way of your Cargo and Living Space not accommodating your possessions is one thing, being filthy is quite another IMO.  I have Mental Illness and I Hoard, I'm not nasty and filthy.   But I've known people who aren't even Hoarders who are, so I suspect some Hoarders are just folks like the nasty folks who don't Hoard and it's separate, not necessarily part of the condition?  I could be Wrong, but I'm disgusted at filthy folks and if you truly are THAT Unwell, you Need Supervised Care in an Institution IMO.  You're incapable of keeping yourself or your environment Clean and Safe.

But, The Son and I, with our Twisted Dark Humor, crack up at the absurd dialogue that goes on during these Episodes.  It's as if everyone present is trying to excuse and mebbe even normalize what's going on in a very abnormal Situation that is Wayyyy the Fuck out of Control!  I mean by the time you're shitting in plastic Shopping Bags and piling it up in your Bathroom rendering it and the whole interior of the Home unlivable and condemnable, and not taking out your Trash or spoiled Foods, so it's halfway up to your Ceilings, you're Involuntarily Committable IMO.  And some of the Family are like, we didn't know it was this Bad???

If you Live Local to this Loved One of yours, and have either not visited in so long it could even GET this Bad, or turned a Blind Eye to it hoping perhaps they'll get intervention somehow, that's Neglect of a Vulnerable Adult IMO too.  Of coarse, I know how The System and The Authorities are, so, in some Cases mebbe these Families Gave Up, Gave In, and gave Out coz they asked for Help and realized the Cavalry ain't coming?  So, there's THAT Reality most of us have had Experience with if we have a Loved One whose Wheels Off and nobody within The System Cares if there's not Money to be made off of them.  We're a very Transactional Society in America really.  Profits matter more than People.  Money is Worshipped more than any God by many.

I get Angry when Children, Animals, or very Elderly Folks are involved coz someone should have Reported it, be it Family, Neighbors, or the Authorities themselves who may know of the Situation firsthand.  They sometimes have the Cities Violating the Offenders, or Evicting them and Condemning the Property, but don't offer suitable alternative and Safe Placement for these Individuals either.  I suspect many of our Homeless in this Country may be folks just that Mental or incapable of keeping themselves Clean and Safe.  Setting them out on the Sidewalks of America like Trash that will never have Pickup, is no Solution.

On my way in to the Event Yesterday this hit Home coz I pass thru a lot of the Inner City and it's Homeless Encampments, which in some areas is shocking and everywhere.  The Police and City were rousting some of the bigger Camps and cleaning up... as if now these folks will have anywhere else to actually go, but, within Walking Distance to start over being as Homeless as they still are!!!   And if our Government has enuf Money to throw at ICE funding that exceeds what we Fund our entire Military and FBI, and build Concentration Camps around our Country, then, surely they do have the Funding to throw something appropriate at the Homeless Problem and make Affordable Housing for the most vulnerable and Low Income of Society, they just won't.

In one part of Downtown Phoenix, near our other Antique Mall Location, they had a big Homeless Problem and most were Homeless Veterans.  They converted a large Hotel there into a Veterans Housing Complex, it's Clean, it's Safe, it gets our Veterans, especially our Disabled Vets, off the Streets and Cared for, it's about fucking Time!!!   It's called "The U.S. VETS Phoenix M.D. Hawkins Veteran's Center" and provides transitional Housing, Job Training, Support Services, and Healthcare, to Homeless Veterans and Houses over 100 at a time.  It has a Wing for Women Veteran's and may evolve to provide permanent Housing eventually.  

The Arizona State Veteran's Homes that provide Long-Term Care are the ones that turned The Man away tho'.  They definitely Cherry Pick who they assist and it's not always the MOST Needy and Bad Off Veterans whose Care exceeds and can no longer be provided by Family.  I had Caseworkers from the VA galore after his TBI and they were NO Help in finding any Placement suitable and just dumped his Care on Family with a "Good Luck with that and we Hope it all Works Out!"  So I don't mind them being put on Blast and Toured the Facilities to view for myself who was receiving Services and it was Interesting and Informative to see what type of Resident got Cherry Picked, let me just say.   And for them it's fortunate, for the rest, unfortunate, they're ALL Veterans after all.

It was like Visiting an Elite Nursing Home where the Residents are the more Affluent of Society who can Afford it, and you wouldn't see a Resident among them who couldn't.  Regardless of actual Need or the Condition they're in that OBVIOUSLY requires Long Term Care.  It's all rather a Pay To Play Operation actually and I think most Families know this.   And even those that are "Non-Profits" can and often are as Guilty of that if their exclusivity is that the Residents can Afford it and if they couldn't, they wouldn't be Received regardless of Donors that make a Non-Profit Status by Proving it Serves a Charitable Purpose.  And for those who are fortunate enuf to be there I'm Happy for them finding suitable Placement.  But for the unfortunate who'd never get in, it was never a level Playing Field regardless of Tax Exempt Status bestowed the Facility, really.

 IRS Section 501{c}(3) is quite specific of Requirements and I'm very familiar with the Laws.   And not every Facility is under that Section of Law.  But if there are no Residents that could have afforded the place, how 'Charitable' is it, really?   If no actual Charity Cases are Residents, is that really all that Charitable except in 'Labels'?   Sure, Profits are reinvested in the Facility for better Care, Training or Programs... but how inclusive was it ever for whose there?  If it excludes based on Socioeconomics rather than actual Need?  Just a lingering Question I have, since the Need is out there and many of the most Needy Americans are shit out of Luck if they can't Pony Up what it will Cost them.  Or they have to be Fearful of running out of Money and be kicked out.  I'm glad Facilities Exist for anyone Needing that level of Care, it's Needed and Necessary at certain points and circumstances of Life regardless of if you're one of the Haves or the Haves Nots.

But I also think in a Country as Rich as America, Care should also be offered to those who could never afford the Cost and have equal Need.  But, that's just me, you can Disagree and say Humanity doesn't matter if someone can be stripped of their most Basic Humanity due to inability to afford Humanity extended to them.   I don't think any of our most vulnerable should be forsaken over Ability to Pay to Play.   And the Quality of their Care shouldn't be based on how much they can Pay... or not Pay.  Medicaid isn't accepted by many, and understaffing and low Quality of Life exists in many that do.   Abuses and Neglect abounds in many Facilities, not just in the Past, but the Present as well.

 The Street Ministry of the Church I belong to did a lot of Work on the Streets, in Prisons, Jails and State Run Mental Health and less Desirable Long-Term Care Facilities, so we could see firsthand the treatment or lack thereof of the Humans confined to any of these Facilities.  I actually got introduced to the Ministry via Care they provided to Ministering to The Daughter when she was Institutionalized.  They were in the Trenches for sure, with what Jesus called "The Least of These".   And who, if you're saying you're a Christian, you should Treat as you would Christ Himself, per his Instructions.  But, we know how many fake Ass Christians we got out there who Cherry Pick what Scripture is Handy for them and their Brand of Religion's Interpretations of, to NOT act Godly whatsoever towards fellow Human Beings.  

Anyway, enuf of that, it is what it just is and it isn't getting any better as Cuts to Medicaid being slashed by this vile Leadership is a priority.  We can throw unlimited Funds at his Personal Secret Police terrorizing our Streets, and Ballrooms, Golfing Trips, sending a President to exclusive expensive Sporting Events he falls asleep at, but not at Social Services that have needed more Funding for as long as I can remember and instead receive Cuts.  So, it's not about lack of Resources, just the distribution of them and what is a Priority, and what is NOT.  The Average Hard Working American living Paycheck to Paycheck, or Vulnerable Population of America, are NOT a Priority, never were, never will be, that's the unfortunate Reality.

It's foremost on my Mind coz my own Loved Ones, several of them, require extensive Long-Term Care, but, it's not Affordable to any of them.  So, I do it with no real present Help and know I will be doing it for the rest of their Lives or mine, whichever ends first.  And there would never be enuf Money to Pay To Play for even One of them, let alone more than One.  And I did very well on a Success Scale during my Corporate Lives until Unpaid Full Time Caregiving became necessary and HAD to replace having a well paying Career with good Benefits.  The Prospectus of expense of the Care necessary, the State calculated at over $60,000 a Month, well, even with an Executive Salary, I couldn't come close to paying for all that and Supporting myself too... I doubt many Americans could unless independently loaded and quite Elite.

I don't Personally know anyone making Sixty Grand a Month now, and that Prospectus was over 20 Years ago, who knows what it would be now as a Monthly Cost for those who get Paid to do it?   I know my own Mom's Long-Term Care was around $11,000+ a Month BEFORE she got the Advanced Dementia and had to be made a Ward Of The State to Qualify for Care... plus my Brother having influential Celebs pulling Favors for us to get her in to any Facility that was not a shit hole so she'd get Humane Safe Care ensured.   Medicaid in Arizona would only pay for 21 Days of her Care at most Facilities.  

So I played The Game the State required... for a Time... of having her in one for 21 Days, putting her in a Hospital for a Week, then putting her back for another 21 Days, until my Brother would pull in some Favors and take her to Cali for the balance of her Life.  It was SO hard on her, but she had become beyond a Point of Need I could provide along with The Man and Two Special Needs Grandkids I was Caregiver of too.  It was a LOT, I was breaking down and didn't have adequate Resources to juggle it all in a sustainable way.  And I Blog about such things becoz nothing has Changed for the Better for Families facing similar Situations.  If anything, it's only worsened.  And if Medicaid and Medicare get cut to the Bone, our Elderly Population and Severely Disabled Population of Adults and Children, will definitely be forsaken.

I have absolutely no delusions that regardless of how Bad Off The Man gets, the rest of us would have to be Destitute by the Standards required for him to even be remotely considered for a Placement.  It was that way when he Needed Care desperately after his TBI, all Assets would have to be liquidated down to the last $2,500 left for the Two Special Needs Grandkids I was Raising and myself, before he would Qualify.  Then we'd be sitting on a Park Bench in the Rain I suppose, coz it wouldn't have been enuf left for the Three of us to have Survived and all Resources wouldn't have even Paid what the Old Soldier's Home was asking per Day way back then, which was $200 a Day, IF they would have taken him, which, they wouldn't and refused to coz his level of Care, they claimed, was too extreme for their VA Facility and whole Staff!!!  Yet, I was expected to do it Solo, with no Help or Resources, and with Two Special Needs Young Children to Care for too.  It was absurd and not reasonable.

Which is Why I ended up in Psyche Lockdown for a Week eventually and only then did the VA send someone to the House, but back then, they'd come once, think he was Too Much, and never come back.  We went thru about half a Dozen of them before they just quit sending anyone altogether.  Plus, they had unreasonable restrictions on Respite Care.  The Children couldn't be there for what the VA Offered him.  He couldn't be there for what the State Offered the Children.   So, what kind of Respite was it for me?  Absolutely None really and not worth Fighting for constantly.  In the end, they let me out of the Looney Bin, which had been an Involuntary Commitment, but they couldn't afford or find Placement for the Three at Home, so, were stuck with the decision, rather than the exorbitant Cost, to let me out and get back to it.  *Eye Roll and Smirk, coz I was still quite a Hot Mess as you could Imagine!  A Week wasn't gonna 'Restore' me by any Stretch of the Imagination! LOL* 

As for myself, I have no delusions that if I ever Need Long Term Care I'm totally not gonna get it except whatever this motley Crew at Home might be able to provide.  And that does scare the shit out of them, for me, if I'm that Far Gone I probably won't even be Aware, Know, or Care.  So, Fuck it... if The State ended up with me I'd PLAN to be very Expensive as my very own Revenge and Retribution Tour went into Effect, coz I'm sure I'd be a handful.  *Winks*  Hey, if Donnie Two Dolls can do it with the whole Administration's Blessings and an Open Checkbook, then Fuck it, I wouldn't Care how much I Cost any of them either... he's draining the Country dry of Resources for himself, I'd be getting some of mine while there might still be some left, why not?    I'm being facetious of coarse, there won't be any left for any of us.

Okay, I Promise, enuf of that... again.  *Bwahahahaha*  Ranting isn't Helpful actually except as a Vent so I don't implode sometimes, it doesn't actually Change anything in any meaningful ways, and it won't either.  I accept Reality, such that it just is, will be, and is unchanging or just worsening in our Country and not likely to change in my Lifetime.  I now only get Twisted about it when I'm particularly Tired and Burnt Out from Caregiving and stretching and stretched about as far as is possible... without Snapping.   So, Laughing at horrible extreme Episodes of "Hoarders" as The Son helped me Clean Out the Fridge of expired Foods, Laughing like a couple of Lunatics about it, the Episodes and how expired some of the Jars of condiments was... was somewhat therapeutic in a very Twisted way.  *LMAO*  

I had a Jar of Fig Jam, a couple Jars of Gourmet Olives, Two Jars of Mole, and a big ole Jar of Pickled Eggs that could have quantified as Vintage I think.  Yes, Weird Foods like that get pushed to the Back if they require Refrigeration after Opening and were a very Specific Item in the first place.  Like, Why did we even have a Jar of Pickled Eggs you might ask?  Right?  You WERE Wondering, I KNOW you were!  *Winks*  He read off the Expiration Dates and we Laughed and Laughed, Channeling Allen, whose favorite Line was, "This is Expired..."  *Bwahahahaha*  If Allen wanted something that was someone else's, he'd always say, if he didn't eat it right now, it would be Expired.  Even if you just fucking Bought it and brought it in, he'd hone in on it and instantly Want it, Big Corn Fed Young Men are like that, insatiable Appetites! 

 So now, if someone in the Family wants what someone else just Bought, and asks if they can have it, we all chime in, "Why, will it Expire soon?"  *LMAOROTF*   So, The Son, who is great at Impersonations, was saying the Dates as Allen, as he ran past each item with me to see if he could chuck it?  And I'd say, "Expired!"  And we'd Laugh our Asses off as the Garbage Bags were filling up and now the Fridge looks virtually empty.  *LOL*   And The Man toddled out to see what all the hilarity was and get in the way coz Dementia folks be doing Dementia shit, like rooting thru those Bags as if we're throwing something of Value away that might just be theirs!!!   *Eye Roll*   "Honey, you don't Need those Fast Food Packets of Horseradish from "Arby's" and Soy Sauce & Mustards from every Asian Takeout, that you haven't used in Years and Hoarded Up!"  The Man Squirrels away those Packets like they're Gold!!!

Remember, this is the Guy who'd Secretly hidden most of his Medications that came in the Mail and I didn't know about, since 2012!!!  Until we found his Stash and I about had another Stroke that he'd been doing Crazy shit like this that I didn't know about!!!  It was Bad enuf that he'd been putting the occasional Mystery Pill here and there that I'd Find and Question and he had no Explanation for and I had no Idea where it was coming from?   When we found that carefully hidden Stash, it was so fucking considerable, I had an Anxiety Attack about it!   And The Kiddos too were incredulous and had to help me, with the Aide of the Home Nurse, to safely dispose of it all!!!  

The Man claiming he had no Idea about any of it... {Eye Roll}, and me asking him, "Are you completely out of your fucking Mind?!  And have been since 2012 then?"  *Blink Blink*  Apparently he has been and I didn't realize he was even that Bad off.  Yeah, knew he was losing it, but, some things he does still have a Shock Factor!   How much Mail have you been hiding then?  And, you're no longer allowed to go out and get the Mail, we can't Trust you to anymore.   So, he's petulant about that, but it's a New Safety Prompt, along with elevated Medication Safety Prompts in place too.   He'll slyly pretend to take his Shots and I'll remind him that holding it close to his Skin isn't taking it.  And if he doesn't do it himself, I'll start doing it FOR him and I'll make sure it hurts. 

 He Hates Shots you see, and Needs One Daily and Twice on Tuesdays.  I don't Mind my Injections, I'm not a Pussy about it.  And I have to be like his Drill Sargent and say, "Take the fucking Shot Marine!"  *LOL*  And now I have to also ensure he's swallowing the Oral Meds too.  I feel like Nurse Ratchet in "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest" coz Forever Boheme' here at The Asylum, has Residents similar to those Characters in that fucking Movie, I kid you not!   And sometimes I think I could be Jack Nicholson's Character or Nurse Ratchet, mebbe even playing a Double Role in this Dark Comedy of Errors, here at The Asylum, feels like it.  I don't even Need the Lobotomy... Years of Caregiving make me often Feel like I already had one and go thru the Motions by mere Rote of perceived Function?  I'm sure I Lost It a long, long time ago.  *Winks* 

The big riff right now is The Daughter has a bad Habit of getting into what her Daughter or her Brother has Bought with their own Money without asking permission.   What I Buy tends to be Communal for everyone, but, sometimes those who Earn some Money want something I haven't Bought and they have a Right to have it for themselves and they aren't required to Share it if they don't want to or don't have enough to go around.  That has to be Respected or I get complaints from those whose stuff was gotten into.  The Daughter and The Young Prince are notorious Offenders for using all of what was theirs and then sneaking into what's someone else's when they run out and want some, and, it's not okay.   Princess T and The Son are pretty generous and do Share, but they don't like anyone just helping themselves without asking.  And I Support that requirement.

If you don't have Money for something then you have to do without, that's just Life and Reality.  If someone else has Money for it they're not obligated to give it to everyone who doesn't have any, their Choice if they want to... or not.  And, how much generosity or Charity they want to bestow and extend is entirely their prerogative as well.  So, I've got to go over this with her once again as she was told No by her Brother yesterday when she asked to have what little he had of OJ and an Alcoholic Beverage he'd gotten for himself.  Then she waited until he went to Sleep and apparently got into it anyway even tho' it wasn't like he wasn't gonna Notice when it was all gone this Morning!  And so he pitched a fit complaining about it, which, is understandable.

I'd had Princess T do the same when one of her Jackets turned up MIA and it turns out her Mom had taken it without permission and had it.  There's other Wardrobe MIA that she's pretty sure her Mom has too and it becomes awkward when she has to go ask for it back and remind her she shouldn't have taken it without asking to borrow it or have it.  The Young Prince and her have my Permission to use my Wardrobe to expand what they have to Wear since neither of them has Income for Clothing or most necessities.  But, my Rule is, don't make an Art Project out of any of it {they're both prone to doing Alterations like that}, and, you have to Wash it when it's dirty with your own Laundry and put it back when you're NOT wearing it. 

 Or, you lose the Privilege of me Sharing what I have if you abuse or misuse the use of it.  That has worked out mostly Okay with just a few minor hiccups in the Arrangement.  Some of the Wardrobe The Young Prince absolutely fell in Love with that's mine, I'm pretty sure is now in New Mexico, coz I don't see it here anymore and it wasn't something he asked if he could 'Have'.  Since, it's something I would have given him anyway, I haven't made a Big Deal out of it and don't Care, but I understand why the rest of the Family is touchy about having their things taken or used without permission to.  That's the Rule around here, Yes, we're Multigenerational Living, but everyone has their Private Space, their Privacy and Ownership has to be Respected, and their Possessions too must be Respectfully Treated, even if Communally Used.

See, lots going on, even here on the Homefront, and if it's not relatable to most Dear Readers, it probably makes for a boring Read, Sorry.  *LOL*  But, my Blog is Cheaper than Therapy, and my little Platform to discuss whatever my little Heart Desires, good or bad, Positive or Negative, so, what can I say?   If the Read is Too Much, I suggest you just enjoy the Pretty Pictures.  If they're Too Much, I don't know what to tell you, I have no Words.  *Winks and LMAO*   I always find it more than mildly Amusing if a Blog Visitor makes a Complaint about any Content, be it Visual, or in the Reading Material, coz, it's Voluntary to come to any Blog Site, not Mandatory.  *Smiles*   Funny how some folks will Intentionally go somewhere Voluntarily and then complain about it as if someone held them fucking Hostage or Forced them to go or be there and expose themselves to what they're Intolerant of or Offended by!  That's just Bat Shit Crazy Behavior.

 Everyone is Welcome, but nobody HAS to Stay if it's not for them.  Leave Quietly and shut the Door on your way out Please, Be Well and Be Gone.  *LOL*  Not a Big Ask of any Guest Visiting anywhere really.  I'll Host you and Welcome you, so long as you don't behave like a complete Asshole while here.  Or arrogantly think it's all about you all the time.  Wrong Place for you then, coz I'm just no good at Pandering, or Kowtowing, or making insincere Apologies for anything I am not apologetic about whatsoever.   I mean what I say and I say what I mean, here and in Real Life.  Which, I completely understand some folks are not comfortable with if they're used to everyone just telling them what they Want to Hear.   Yeah, you won't get that here, gotta go get that somewhere else.  *LOL*

Everyone should KNOW that and can Opt Out of any Blog for any Reason without anyone taking any Offense, that BTW is NOT even being Offered to Receive, at all in most cases.  *Winks*  I've always said if you TAKE an Offense, you Chose to Receive it.  You can refuse to Receive it you know, your Choice?  I've had Offenses Offered many times, on Purpose by an Offender intending to Offend, but if I don't Take it, they're just left holding it Unreceived and Ignored.   My Dad and Mom always Taught us that someone can only really Offend you if you Take the Offense, if you don't, you just look like the Better and more Intelligent Person who took the Higher Ground in the Exchange, or lack thereof when you refuse Engagement with those choosing the Low Ground of being downright Offensive Humans not worth Engaging with.

*******

Perhaps my Bipolar Spell hasn't quite passed yet, and Dark Dawn came out to Play... couldya tell?  Bwahahaha... Dawn... The Bohemian