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We won't start the Post with the Bad News that my Matriarchal Superstition Omen about a 3:00 a.m. Call right AT the Witching Hour, with nobody on the other end, indicating someone close to us Dying that Day, was fucking Spot On unfortunately. All Day I was waiting for to know who had Crossed Over tho', or would be, and the Family knew it. Hoping I was Wrong, but I hardly ever am about such things. And, in my Gut, I kinda Knew Who too, so it was just a matter of Confirmation and Validation when it happened. It's not like I WANTED to be Right again. To me the Call was just her saying Good-Bye to me just Hours before her Soul Departed. So, Fluff first: So, the Granddaughter calls me real early to tell me a Yellow GUESS Purse was hitting the Sales Floor that she desperately wanted, could I Buy it for her? She can't Buy anything until it's Three Days in Inventory, so I headed out and ended up getting some things too, plus her Purse.
They had some expensive Quality Beach Towels with great graphics for only $3.49 each and Today is Customer Appreciation Day so another 30% Off that low price. I got Three of the Beach Towels, a Copper and Amethyst Crystal Chunk Necklace, a 1960's Metal and Enamel Mixing Bowl with Mushroom Graphics, a Pewter Cynthia Rowley Ice Bucket with Rhinestone Bling around the Rim that Online Retail Sells for $100 {I got it for $4}, a Bag Lot of beautiful fancy Ink Pens in Gold & Silver, some Art Stamps, and 5 Books which included Cookbooks and a Tie Dye Fabric Art Book.
And Below is my exact Mid-Century Enamel Metal Mixing Bowl, Online it Sold for $35 and I got it for $5. Not long ago I got a Hull Cornucopia Shaped Art Vase for $4 there too, that I just Love, it's pictured below the Mushroom Mixing Bowl Pix. I like some of the Hull and McCoy Vintage Art Pottery. The Vase Online said it was from 1946 and had Sold for $90, I knew my $4 was a Steal coz I do know something about the Line. Tho' Art Pottery Value has been all over the place, it's still worth Collecting if you Love it, Display it, and get some at a Bargain Price. As for Resale of it, it's still iffy unless you Sell it Online and reach a broader Client Base of Serious Collectors of just about anything and everything.
This is exactly the Ice or Wine Bucket I just Scored for Four Bucks, but this one Sold for $100 Online. I Google stuff as I'm Shopping that catches my Eye to see what the Value might be if I'm unsure. I have a "Good Eye" as they say in the Industry. *LOL and Winks* Her Yellow GUESS Purse is a Vintage one and Online I saw it at $217 and I got it for her at $3. I think it's Ugly, coz it's a bright Yellow, but, she likes it, so, that's all that Counts. Online it came in Beige too and the one exactly like hers pictured online was the Beige one rather than the Yellow {See Below}. I don't Like either one, but it's not for me or all about me, and she really liked the Yellow and noticed the Quality. She's got a "Good Eye" too, that Kid can spot the Good Stuff since when she was sitting in a Booster Seat and Scored me a $35,000 Persian Rug Curbside on Bulk Garbage Day while sitting Shotgun in her Booster Seat! *LOL*
My Inquiring Mind wanted to know, so I Googled why some of us are prone to Clutter and here's what I got: People are prone to Clutter due to a combination of Emotional, Cognitive, and Lifestyle Factors, including Mental Health Challenges like Depression, ADHD, High Stress, Perfectionism, and Deep Sentimental Attachments to Items. Procrastination due to Decision Fatigue, Lack of Organizational Systems, and Growing Up in a Cluttered Environment also contribute. Well, except for that last part, since I didn't Grow Up like that at all, My Mom kept a spotless uncluttered Home even tho' my Parents were avid Collectors and our Home was always Tasteful and filled with The Good Stuff from their World Travels, all the rest of the Symptoms that cause it are Spot On.
So, bottom line is, I'd be a Poster Child for Why you're Prone to Clutter then. I had 10 of the 11 Reasons. *Smiles* There were other Reasons they expanded upon, like it buffering the effects of Trauma, had a LOT of that over a Lifetime... or Isolation/Loneliness, which Full Time Unpaid Caregiving of Loved Ones definitely Creates... but I quit Counting at 10 that I definitely had. Pretty sure I could have kept Counting. *LOL* But, it wasn't really a Contest of how much of the Reasons I do it, as just Understanding Why I probably do it and find the Habit of it difficult to quit entirely for a sustained period of Time. I can do it for perhaps a Fortnite before I fall back into Bad Habits and slowly it piles up again. The Daughter helps me with it, so does The Young Prince, but, they know it will be temporary and I won't be Healed or Cured. *Le Sigh but Smiles all around... since, Yeah, this is as Good as it Gets!*
And they personally Feel that since I take Care of everyone and always have, with a Lifelong Vida Loca, without losing my Mind completely, well, it's a small thing to be my Coping... or Not Coping... Mechanism, to Fall Back into or upon. And they think I could have had much worse Coping Mechanisms actually, which is True... I don't Self-Medicate with Alcohol, illegal Drugs, or any reliance on any Prescription Meds except for the Type II Diabetes. The few times I've had Professional Therapists/Shrinks even have me tell them a SMALL fraction of what I'm trying to Cope with On The Daily, and have been for just about Sixty Plus Years now, closing in on Seventy Years, with no real Breaks... they said I've Coped remarkably Well. These are my Monkeys and this is my Three Ring Shitshow to be Ringmaster of.
I don't think the Pros in Mental Health could Handle Hearing it all, so I just gave them the Sampling of some Highlights. *LMAO* Which was more than enuf for them to Process Professionally and already think was Too Much I'd been thru or Dealing with still. *Bwahahaha* If I'd dumped the whole Bale on any of 'em, I could tell it would have been a very thick Case File and way too much Therapy/Sessions needed that would eat up the rest of my Lifetime and not really be Helpful. *Bwahahahaha* So, there, Professionally speaking they think I should have gone Off Rails or Offline Completely Long, Long Ago, given just the Highlights, and I didn't. So, I try to just extend myself some Grace about what pesky Coping Mechanisms I've developed to stay relatively Sane and Alive considering the WHOLE Back Story. Which is a Crazy One, you can't make that shit up. *Ha ha ha*
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It does make for some Good Blog Fodder tho', I ain't gonna Lie. Coz until I got a Blog, I never told hardly any of this shit to anyone. *Bwahahahaa* You all have Handled the Telling of it better than I thought most Dear Readers would, which was Very Nice. *LOL and Winks* And it's been very therapeutic to dump here and just release into the Universal Ether of Cyberspace. Then just Purge the Posts regularly and Delete them after they've been up a little while. I'm not Attached to anything I've Blogged, it's no Legacy I'm Planning on Leaving Behind. The only ones that will stay up indefinitely will be the ones Written just before I Drop Dead and thus will never get Purged when I go Offline from this Mortal Realm Forever. I don't know if my Family will give Closure here or not, they don't Blog, they don't Read Blogs.
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The Man is watching some Marathon "American Pickers" Episodes, they're doing some Old Ones when Mike and Frank were still doing it together and long before Frank Died. I think I've probably watched every Episode ever made, but I do like to watch Old Reruns coz most of them I long forgot about and still therefore Enjoy. Just like the very Old Episodes of "Roseanne" that I watch all the time. I got so Invested in the Characters of the few Shows I ever have watched regularly. I particularly liked all the Characters on "Roseanne", you'd want Friends like them and their Friends, coz they were more Authentically portrayed than most Sitcoms, IMO. I'm not big on TV watching. I didn't even own a TV of my own until after I Married The Man.
I had a small Black & White for the Kids to watch their Cartoons on, that's all, and they weren't big on TV and still are not either. The Man LIVES for his Shows and watches way too much TV in our Opinions. The G-Kid Force never watch TV. Princess T has one in her Room and keeps it on Marathon "Sponge Bob Square Pants" Cartoon as entertainment for her Cat, Eli, who Loves to watch TV and that Cartoon in particular, and for just Background Noise for herself, she's not watching it herself. The Daughter and her Son don't have a TV they watch, tho' she has a nice one in the 5th Wheel that came with it, and he has one he brought from New Mexico and never watches. The Son has a TV and is a Gamer, it's usually what he's doing with his TV.
As of Today we've been having Phone Harassment from The Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend, Mando, whose acting completely unraveled and unsafe. We told him not to call here again, so if he persists or continues Stalking Behavior, I'll involve the Police. The Daughter is feeling very unsafe and Paranoid becoz of him persisting and indulging in Stalker Behaviors. She doesn't want to bring any dangers to the Family becoz of someone she was in a Relationship with. So, she's been staying a lot at Friend's Homes that he doesn't know or have contact with. If I see him anywhere in this Neighborhood, nobody around here is a Friend of his so he shouldn't be creeping around here.
He's been calling from all kinds of different Numbers all Morning, but we recognize his Voice, even tho' he refuses to Identify himself. He has left Voicemails, so we do have Proof of the harassment and how many incessant Calls have been coming in during a Single Day with the same Voice from each Number. I think he's unhinged and has Anger Management Issues. I also was told by our Neighbors Cousin, that he didn't feel Safe around him becoz he owns a Gun, he's a Convicted Felon, so, for that alone he would be in violation. I don't know where he got a Gun, but an unhinged Person with a Weapon whose acting erratic and deranged, plus, knows he's Dying, is something I feel is potentially a dangerous situation and I will convey that to Police.
I don't Need his shit being one more thing, since The Grandson's unhinged Ex is problematic right now too and threatening to show up. Far too many Crazy Folk to contend with and so if I can make Trouble for them to keep them away from our Family, I certainly will, and then they can contend with all of that. Other than that, everything is Swell. *Eye Roll* I did some Environmental Cleanup and filled up another Bag with Aluminum Cans and Scored 22 Packets of Spicy Shrimp Top Ramen still in their Retail Case left at the Park. I asked the Homeless folks if it was theirs, they said No, Park Rangers say they have to throw it away if nobody takes it, which would be a Waste, and it was near Noon when they will be removing Trash and anything left behind, so I brought it Home. The Food Banks often leave such things for anyone to take and we could use it, I just don't want it thrown away and wasted. I got a lot of Mouths to Feed here who aren't getting Nutritional Assistance Benefits.
I made some Chicken Pho Ga Vietnamese Packet Ramen for The Man and I, and to use up the scraps of the Rotisserie Chicken we had left from Yesterday. It was delicious. We eat a lot of the Ramen Soups, Princess T practically Lives on them. *LOL* The ones Sold at the Asian Grocers are the Best, just like what you'd get ordering at a good Vietnamese Restaurant. You can add in what your Family likes in the way of Fresh or Canned/Frozen Veggies, Fresh Herbs I grow, and any Meat Scraps so none are Wasted. The Man enjoyed a nice Asian Chicken Soup coz he hasn't been Feeling great again, so Chicken Soup is always a good standby when you aren't Feeling 100%, great Comfort Food when you're Sick or chronically Unwell.
We did have the incessant whacko Calls from Mando stop when I finally picked up one, Lost my Calm and sounded like Lucifer himself telling him Never to call this Number again. The Visceral Anger, okay it was Pure unrestrained Rage, in my Tone, even unsettled The Man. He was like, Holy Shit Honey, you sounded Demonically Possessed right then! *Bwahahahaha* But, the Calls stopped, it had been really causing The Man too much Anxiety for the Phone to keep ringing off the Hook constantly for several Hours this Morning with this Nonsense. He agitates easily and the Phone disrupting his Programs coz it's blowing up with the same Person calling over and over and over, who shouldn't even be calling that Number in the first place, was Triggering to him. It's our Landline Phone Number, not our Daughter's Number.
But, The Son said his Sister broke down Yesterday while helping him do Yardwork coz her Phone was blowing up incessantly and it was Triggering to her Mentally too. He asked who the Hell was harassing her like that and she finally told him what's been going on and she can't take it anymore. It's Feeling Unsafe, it's Feeling completely Crazy and Unhinged... and tho' she's Seriously Mentally Ill, even she has never done that to someone, no matter how unraveled she has ever been. The Fixation is very Creepy. I'm thinking he got Locked Up for 13 Years for way more than he ever has acknowledged even to himself, frankly. Very few folks are Locked Up that long for Nothing.
A Jury felt it was for something, a Judge felt the Sentence was suitable. He got released before his whole Sentence, but my Gut instinct is, he wasn't an Innocent Man by any means. His Behavior I've Witnessed in a brief time makes me feel he has gone off the Deep End and Violently, before. Anyway, my Niece called, the had to quit the new Job, it wasn't working out. What they told her they'd hired her to do wasn't the actual job they had her doing and it was just a mess. They'd gone thru half a Dozen other people in that position in short order before her, and now she knows why. So, they'd been deceptive, some of the previous people who rotated in and out had sabotaged some of the Programs. They felt they got burnt so they burned the Company on the way out.
It's a Family Owned Biz and she said they weren't treating anyone Right and that has backlash if you burn thru good people, you just end up with less Qualified folks. She is a typical Millennial tho', "Yeah, No" and they just Quit, without having another Job already lined up, they just walk off and never come back. Now after only 3 Months she's Unemployed again. But, I didn't weigh in on that, I'm from a different Generation and the Millennials are how they are when it comes to Work. She's quite Brilliant at I.T. Work and has a Genius I.Q., so she can Automate a lot of what would take others Weeks to do and get it done in 8 Hours. So, often she Works herself right out of Full Time Work by successfully shortcutting Procedure with Automation she Developed, to where it's no longer necessary to have someone there now Full Time.
You've Automated yourself right out of a Job. Which, yeah, saves the Employer a Half Million Bucks in some Cases, but now, they don't Need you, Problem Solved, less Employees needed. She is now Developing some AI in Classes she's taking for AI, and she knows the downside to it, but, for someone like her she sees the opportunity and excitement in the Development of it. Companies will want AI Gurus for sure, but, again, it will put a lot of People out of Work, just like Automation has done. Double Edged Sword that Companies will Save Money on and Profit off of more, but at the expense of People having Jobs. Anyway, other than talking about Work, we had a nice conversation otherwise updating one another on what's going on. She doesn't seem upset she no longer has the Job, she didn't like it, or the Company. So, she was unhappy there and feeling undervalued, uncompensated and unappreciated.
Remember my Phone ringing at 3:00 a.m. The Witching Hour this Morning? I think I put that in my previous Post that hasn't Published yet. But, when that happens and nobody is on the other End it always makes me immediately think, is someone going to Die Today? It's a Superstition my Mom had, that if you get a Phone Call at exactly 3:00 a.m. or a knock on the Door at exactly 3:00 a.m. but nobody is on the other end of the Line or the Door, it means someone is Crossing Over that Day, and that's The Sign you will get to know it will be the Day. If you're not Superstitious or weren't Raised with Superstitions you probably think that's all bullshit. I don't. So, all Day I had been expecting to hear that someone I know has Died. Well, it's 6:58 p.m. and The Niece in Texas {no actual Biological connection, she's a Best Friend's Youngest Daughter}, just informed me that 5 Hours ago her Mom Died.
My Bestie is like a Sister to me, our Families are like Family to each other and have been for about 30+ Years. We share so much History and so many Stories. Four of her Five Kids are like Nieces and Nephew to me and like Cousins to our Kids, I didn't know her Oldest Daughter, who never lived in Arizona. My Friend developed Stage 4 Cancer and had been told she had until March or April, they couldn't do any more for her. She went thru all the Treatments, lost her Hair, but Rocked the Bald Look coz she's a Beautiful Woman, and was in Home Hospice at her Youngest Daughter's Home in Texas. We've talked extensively about Extreme Caregiving since Alex began Extreme Caregiving for her Mom.
I feel numb Emotionally, the Emotions spent some time ago about it when we were first told her prognosis was so grim. But expected this to be a Final Good-Bye last time I'd talked to her a few Weeks ago. She was at Peace with Dying, knew she was Dying. The Caregiving was Extreme and too much for her Daughter, so, it has now Released them both. No more Suffering, no more Pain. I wouldn't have wanted her to endure more. We were always there for each other thru the Years and many Tears and Crisis. I only Wish they had still lived close so I could have been there for her in recent times as she battled the Fight for her Life with Cancer. R.I.P. Kathie, Love You and will Miss you always. Have been Losing so many Friends recently, it's never easy even when expected. The Docs had told her she wouldn't last beyond March or April, so, she held out 'til the very last Day of that Deadline, April 30th. {In Real Time, this won't Publish for a couple Days.}
We had a lot of Crazy Times together, good Crazy times and the worst Crazy times over the Years of our Decades long Friendship, which lasted close to 40 Years and we remained Close and Tight thru all of it. She Raised her Oldest Grandchild for the first 8 Years of his Life and then the last 10 Years he went to live with his Mom, one of her Three Daughters, and the 2nd Oldest. I remember Kathie joking with me about Raising both of The G-Kid Force by saying, "Hey, are those the Grandkids you said you were never Raising Dawn? Got double for your trouble, didn't ya my Friend?" *LOL* She had Dark Humor like that, busting your Chops especially for the things you said, in ignorance or arrogance, that you'd NEVER do. *Smiles* Ya just gotta keep on Living... You never REALLY know what Life will hand you to do that you thought you'd NEVER do in Life.
When I got my Hysterectomy she'd had a similar Pre-Cancerous Biopsy too and I told her, get it done as well. She wouldn't, and didn't, coz she was fearful it would make her gain more Weight too, as it usually does, and she was already a Big Woman. I had been Skinny before mine and gained 60 lbs., she was overweight and always Dieting, so she was wary to risk that much gain herself. And tragically, that turned out to be a Mistake and a Bad Decision, coz it did turn into Cancer and by the time she realized it had, it was already at Stage 4 and Treatments failed coz it had spread too much and was everywhere now. In hindsight she lamented that she should have listened to me when I pressed her to get the Hysterectomy and perhaps this all could have been avoided? I'm a Fatalist, so, mebbe not? Our Time is just when it is.
I Hope she's Greeted by all her Loved Ones and all mine who Passed before her. Mom and Kathie always got along quite well. And my Dad felt she was like another Daughter to him. When he was close to the End of Life, we both came over regularly to ensure he could stay at Home and live Independently for as long as possible, before he finally had to be Hospitalized and then go to Hospice. Kathie Cared for him like she had her own Dad when he was Dying, and not many Friends would be All In like that with you as your Parent is deteriorating and Dying. It was a lot of Work and she would do whatever it took, no matter how unpleasant, right along with me as if it was her Parent. That's the kind of Ride or Die Friend she always was. The kind you could call at 3:00 in the Morning with a Major Crisis and she'd be there immediately. She always told me I was the only person she'd ever met who was Crazier than her. And she meant that in only a Good and the Best Way. *Smiles*
It is with a heavy Heart to Lose such a Treasure, you might only ever get a Handful of People in Life who you remain that Close to and keep in your Inner Circle. Watch each other's Kids grow up and Grandkids grow... only One of her Grands is an Adult, the rest are still quite Young so they didn't get as many Years with her as the one she had first. I attended his Birth as Coach coz she tricked me and told me to Deliver some Chinese Food at the Hospital. And when I arrived with the Food she had me help Deliver her First Grandchild instead coz she said, "I can't do it..." And so her Daughter, who is The Daughter's Bestie too, was okay with Aunt Dawn stepping in and being her Birth Coach when her Oldest Son was Born. He's in his late 20's now, they grow up so fast.
This Old Pix is of me with my Welsh Nanna when she came for visits to Arizona. Having 3 Generations together was Special, tho' she Lived to be a Great-Grandma, she never could come to America to see my Kiddos coz she was too Old by then to Fly and get Insurance. I Wish my Kids and my Grandkids could have known her tho'. Princess T didn't even get to know my Dad, he passed the Year before she was Born. LATER: Brand New Day, I decided rather than Grieves the Loss of yet another Friend I'd feel Celebratory of her Life and all the Good Times we had for almost 40 Years of being like Sisters from Other Mothers. I feel that when your Quality of Life is Gone, it's Time to Go and most of us won't wanna linger Holding that diminished Space of Suffering. I wouldn't want to, I wouldn't expect anyone to want to.
I bought The Daughter some fake Hair at SAVERS that you just add to a Ponytail, it was just $1.99 but matched her own Hair Color and Texture exactly. She brushed it out, washed it, put it on and it looks amazing and makes her look Younger. She used to have thicker Hair, before Drugs, Food Insecurities for over Twenty Years and Peri-Menopause took it's Toll. She had more Hair loss than me and I've had it pretty Bad due to Aging and Health Related Issues with the Meds Diabetes requires. It's why I got Dreadlocks and that's helped retain some thickness, but I'm still Balding on Top like I'm turning into a Man with my Female Hormones cratering. I even feel as aggressive as a Man, I swear, now I know why they're pissed off all the time. *LOL*
My Fav Photo of Geronimo, to me, one of the Greatest and Wisest Warriors for his People that ever Lived. I liked his Funky Style in this Photo of melding Traditional Wardrobe with what was imposed upon his People by the Invaders who took over all Tribal Lands as if they Discovered something that someone else had already had for Centuries and thus presumed Ownership of it. I always equate that for Today's perspective of me walking into a Parking Lot and Discovering your Car and presuming Ownership of it now. My Dad never could wrap his Mind around the Concept of Humans "Owning" any of The Earth and considering it Personal Property.
I did FINALLY convince him to Own some Property when he was quite Old, but he never felt comfortable about it. The Earth to him belongs to no-one and is Free to every Living Thing to Exist upon... we're each Generation just to take Care of it for Seven Generations into the Future. Even Materialism meant nothing to him and rather than use Money he'd much rather work out a mutual Trade with you instead. If he had Two of something and you had none of it, he'd just give you the other one. And he felt your Footprint on this Earth should be minimal and in Tune with all of Nature. I took so many of those Teachings to Heart and so he had no problem with me being a Hippie of my Generation. He felt many of the Young Hippies had the right Ideology in their own fashion of exhibiting it against the Establishment, but he knew their drugging would undo the Movement. He wasn't Wrong.
Anyway, I did good at the Dollar Store and picked up much of what we Needed, on The Cheap. The Son cooked a nice Breakfast for us when I got back, The Young Prince's BFF Sayde joined us coz she's here this Morning with him. The Kiddos finished my Yardwork so the Property looks fabulous and manicured... like I got Landscaper Service. *Winks* The Son used to work for a Major Commercial Landscaper when he was Younger, so he knows how to do it like the Big Major Resorts have it done. And, since he's my Spawn, he's Working for me for Free, so, that's the Right Price. *Winks* His Sister helped him this time, she knows how to do Landscaping good too... it's a big Property for just One Person to do. Even the Professionals would send in a Team for a Property of this Size, which is just over an Acre. In Metro Phoenix, that's a Big Lot tho' and a lot of Private Green Space.
I had Brad, the Hot Pool Guy Owner, whose in his 30's, do the Pool Pump Repairs for Free, so that this one, looking all Cute like this when she came out to tell him she'd cover the Cost for her Gramma, didn't have to pay a damn thing. *Winks* Yeah, she knew what I was doing when I said, "Hey, I know you said you'd cover it for me Darlin', and I told him you were, but, could you come out here and Negotiate that with Brad, asking him what it will Cost ya, lookin' all Cute... which is the BEST Negotiation Tactic with any Man... EVER." *Wink Wink* Next thing we knew, The Daughter was waltzing in saying Brad said he would try to Fix it at No Cost and see if that Works, so that my Daughter doesn't Owe him anything, Mom. And... I KNOW what you did, Mom... you're goin' to Hell! *Bwahahahaha and she Winks... coz it's a Tried and True Tactic passed down from Generation to Generation. That my Nanna and Mom Taught me. Smiles.*
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