A Long Ways Off

 

We'll just start off with some delightful Food Porn, coz the Read won't be so Uplifting.   Monday Princess T took her Grandpa and I out for Lunch, her Treat, to "Rice Paper", and dropped a fair amount to feed the Three of us, Bless her.  The Three Images below were The Man and I's Order, and half of Princess T's in the first Pix, since, the Spring Roll on the Left was hers, the one on the Right was mine.   I also had the Egg Rolls and The Man had the Lobster Puffs.   Princess T also had Pho, which I didn't Photograph.   The Bar has a TV that usually has Sports Channels on, but everything was covering the fucking Inauguration, so we didn't watch at all, I wouldn't even glance at it and ruin my Meal.  That Orange Fuck can ruin an Appetite at a glance for me.  *LOL*  Thankfully the Volume was so low we couldn't hear it either at our Table near the Bar, it's a small Restaurant, with the Bar up the Middle.

Now, Princess T wanted to go to our other Antique Mall location Downtown while we were already in the City and I said we would.  It was depressing for me tho' walking their much smaller Mall than ours is.  I couldn't last an Hour before I had to Tap Out and tell the Family I was out of breath, exhausted and needed to acknowledge, I'd had enuf Fun and was Physically and Mentally spent!  I was just pacing myself walking slowly and looking at shit, not Working!  It made me realize that tho' I'm trying to build up my Stamina, I am way off being able to last Four Hours for a Shift and Work at my Mall.  I've been resisting telling our Manager to replace me permanently, he wants me to just tell him by every Tuesday if I can't come in on Friday coz I'm just not ready yet, he doesn't want me to quit.   But, it's looking as if this will be a prolonged Recovery and I'll have to admit it and say, replace me.  Mebbe, just mebbe, in the Future, I can come back, only Time will tell?

 

At Home I got 1/3 of the White Feng Shui Christmas Tree in the Living Room undecorated too before having to Tap Out and go take a long Nap.  I was almost in Tears from how humiliating it is to be able to do so little before I'm so out of breath and exhausted I WANT to Cry.  I don't Cry easily, even in absolute Grief I've been known to stay Stoic, but now I can be a blubbering mess if I succumbed to the intense Emotional deregulation I Feel all the fucking time!   Either Mad or Sad, at the flip of a fucking Coin, sometimes both!  The Daughter undecorated the rest for me and took down some Christmas.  She'll take the Tree apart and Box it up for me.  She's telling me, it's Okay Mom, BUT IT ISN'T.  The Gold Vintage Tree might just stay up, it's not so Christmasy it even has to come down and out as far as I'm concerned.  We didn't have a whole lotta other Christmas up, so, that won't be a problem to take it down in short bursts.

I can't eat a whole Meal either, so if I don't lose Weight with this suppressed Appetite, there's no Hope of me ever losing Weight!  *LOL and Le Sigh*   No matter how good the Food tastes, and it tastes really good, I eat a small amount and have to Tap Out of the Meal as well.  It's concerning the Children and probably why Princess T took us out for a Special Meal.  Her Grandpa has moved his food around on his plate for Years now and really not eaten hardly any of it, now I can relate.  And it's a bitter Pill to swallow, more than it's hard to swallow enuf food to ensure I even have any Energy at all these days!!!   I'll feel Hunger, yet, when I start eating I just can't stick with it.   I'm not having the Swallowing Problems some Stroke Victims do, so, that's not it, I've Dr. Googled the Whys and Dysphagia isn't the problem for me, so, they don't offer more Dr. Google advice if that's not 'it'.  *Le Sigh*

I've taken to relying heavily upon my Boathouse Farms Superfood Juicing Drinks that are premade and have lots of Greens, Veggies, Fruits and such in them.   It takes me a long time to finish one, but I can do it.   They have Protein and Vitamins in them and taste good, wide range of flavors, and sometimes the Grocer has BOGO going on so I stock up then.   They don't have the fiber of fresh Veggies tho' and have to be drank in moderation for a Diabetic, so I'm still working on Steaming Veggies and eating small amounts more often than regular Meals.  For Dinner I had a small bowl of Steamed Zucchini and Two types of Winter Squash, Butternut and Cousa, for a tasty trifecta, with some Seasoning and some Butter.  It was good, and tho' not technically a whole Meal by any means, it was better than nothing.   And I downed a Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness single serving Drink with it.

 

That one has Pineapple, Apple, Spinach, Mango, Cucumber, Spirulina, Banana, Broccoli, Barley Grass, Wheatgrass, Jerusalem Artichoke, Garlic, Nova Scotia Dulce, Green Tea and Vitamin C added... so for about Three Bucks a Serving, and getting another one Free during the Special, I couldn't make it cheaper with similar ingredients.   I wouldn't have balanced nutrition or Energy at all if I didn't drink some of my Calories right now.   I despise the Diabetic Supplement Drink, it's akin to those Barium Drinks you take before a Medical Test IMO, same chalky disgusting taste, so, No Thanks.  Plus, they're mad expensive, I used to buy them for my Parents coz they couldn't afford them and needed them in their latter Years, and back then I had a Career and could budget for them... not now.   And to pay that much for something I think tastes disgusting, No Thanks.  Most of their popular flavors are Chocolate too and I can't do Chocolate.

 

So, other than that everything is swell.  *Bwahahaha*  I will have to call my Manager Today, or go in and tell him in Person, that I'm giving up my Shift 'til further notice that I can be asked to Work again.  It's best I just do it and get it over with... and Yes, it's mighty humbling to admit, I can no longer Work and am struggling to even Maintain my own Home without a lot of fucking Help.   Mando was over doing the Yardwork and I wasn't specific enuf so he accidentally pulled up all my African Daisies, which weren't blooming yet so he thought they were Weeds, Bless him.  I almost Cried.   The Daughter tried to replant them, but I doubt they'll Live?   It was humorous to see she had tried to salvage some, and sweet, and he felt just awful when he realized what he'd done, thinking he was doing a Good Thing.  I told him it was Okay, even tho' it wasn't, really.  *LOL and Boo Hoo*  It's the Thought that Counts, he meant well.

I mean, it looks nice in front of the Wall, he got rid of EVERYTHING that had been growing in the Gravel... stray Grass, Weeds, African Daisies... bwahahahaha.   So, it's barren and I guess I won't be having African Daisies this Season?   Unless some more sprout up from Seed spread and I keep those trying to Help me from yanking those up too?  *Smiles*   I don't wanna scare Helpers and Volunteers off by Freaking Out, so I maintain my Calm even when they screw up and do something that wrecks me.  *LOL*  I did have a tiny little Private Meltdown, I ain't gonna Lie, but only The Man and Princess T were Witness to it and they won't say anything to anyone.   It happened once before to the African Daisies one Season when The Son and TJ did the same thing, and I broke down in front of God and everyone, coz they were really big lush plants and some were blooming, so I was like WTF Guys?!?   So, they are fearful now of going in front of the Wall to do any Work from that incident onwards.  *LOL* 

It had made both Guys feel so damned guilty and awful to see me break down and Cry that Year, that they pulled some of the African Daisy bushes out of the Garbage and tried to Pot them instead.  Then when those perished horribly, I Cried all over again for the poor things, so, they weren't chancing it anymore.  *LOL*   So, when I got Sick and couldn't go out there, it had gotten overgrown with Grass and some Weeds, mostly Grass Seeding and growing over from Omar's Property... and I'd casually mentioned that, when I got Well enuf, I really needed to tend to that mess in front of the Wall.  I should have been more specific... since Mando and The Daughter decided to SURPRISE me by doing it for me.   And boy was I SURPRISED alright when my almost mature African Daisies, about to Bloom, had all been yanked out too and nothing but Gravel was left, as far as the Eye could see!   I was backing out of our Driveway to go to that Luncheon Princess T was taking us to and said, "Where's my Flowers?!!!!?"

I Texted The Daughter and Mando Texted me back and confessed it was him and he was Sorry, he didn't know they were Flowers!   I just had to respond, "Okay"... I mean, whaddya gonna say, I had No Words!  *LOL*  He felt awful of coarse, and apologized profusely, but, it wasn't his fault... he was trying to do a Good Thing for us.  And he's a Volunteer and won't take payment for all the Help he's been doing and bringing over his own Yard Equipment to do it, so I can't be upset or Mad at him, I really can't.   Then when we got Home and I saw those pitiful few The Daughter had tried to replant out there, I had to Laugh out Loud and Thank her for the gesture, they probably will die horribly, poor things, transplants don't work well and they tend to perish, tho' they are hardy as Hell if they grow from Seed and damned near nothing can kill them.  Once, our Pool Guy parked too close with their Big Work Truck and drove over some and they bounced right back!   I had to ask Brad to tell his Young Crew to be more Mindful of not Parking ON my Flowerbed!

The Pool Guy at the time was probably all of 20 and I know how very Young Men are fucking Clueless... as they stomp or park and then seem surprised that, oh, that was your GARDEN and Flowerbed?!   Ooops, Sorry!   I have Adult Grandsons, Okay, it's not 'New'.   In fact, Allen got kicked out for doing repetitive stupid Young Guy shit and I finally just couldn't take it anymore.  *LOL*   The Young Prince is more Mindful since, he was Raised by me and knows my Triggers, so he refrains from doing Stupid Young Guy Shit in my presence.   Plus, he's very Fabulously Femme, so he doesn't normally behave like a Stupid Young Guy anyway and acts more like a Young Adult Hormonal laden Granddaughter most of the time.  *Bwahahaha*  So, yeah, he has THOSE Young Feminine Traits, which are still sometimes Annoying, but different.  He and his Sister can be Drama Queens.   *LMAOROTF*

And a Queen isn't likely to stomp or yank up my Flowerbed and think they're "Just Weeds", and do other Dumb Guy shit, but, they will Raid my Closet and Jewelry, that I may or may not ever get back.  *Winks*  Most of their Wardrobe came from my Closet, and their Mom is just as Bad and totally digs my stuff too, yet none of us is the same Size... go figure!!!   Usually it's gonna go like this:  "Mom/Gramma, Wow, I REALLY Like this, can I Have it... Wear it... Borrow it... did you Buy this for me?"   And, 99.9% of the time it's just easier to say Yes... it's not like I'd still have nothing to Wear or Use, you know?  If it's something very Special to me I'll add that they better not lose it or mess it up, or let a Friend borrow it.   You do have to say such things, and all Parents and Grandparents already know this Fact.  Coz if you Don't SAY it, then they'll Swear they didn't Know NOT to lose it, mess it up or lend it.  And murdering one's Kiddos is still frowned upon.  *Winks*

So anyway, part of my Closet is currently in New Mexico and coming back by Spring.  *Bwahahahaha*   And since half of my Closet is on a Rack in The Art Studio, since we never fixed the broken Closet Rods in our Master Closet yet, The Young Prince will have access to most of my Wardrobe, where he will be Living in there.   So, I'm just gonna tell him he can Wear any of it, just Wash it and hang it back up where I had it, that's The Rule. *LOL*   His Mom is doing that anyway, so... whatever.  Sharing is Caring, Right?  *Bwahahaha*   Princess T said it's all my fault anyway coz I Buy such Cool shit and randoms will compliment me all the time on my Jewelry and Wardrobe when we're out and about, which is flattering, I ain't gonna Lie.  It happened Four times while we were out and about on Monday and she turned to me and said, "See!!!!!"  So, she said it's just too Tempting not to ask to Borrow or have some of it and get sincere Compliments from complete Strangers too all the time.  *LOL*

So, we established that Stealing... um, I mean Borrowing, or asking to Keep, my shit is entirely MY fault.  *Winks*   But ya oughtta hear them fuss with one another and have epic Meltdowns, if any of them does the same with each other's shit!!!!!!!   OMG... I thought Princess T was gonna set her Mom on Fire for using her Body Scrub she left in OUR Shower in the Master Bathroom!   It's only the Four of us, The Man, me, The Daughter and Princess T, who use that Shower.  The Son only uses the Guest Bathroom the Kids all Share.   So, when we heard the shrill, histrionics and wailing of, "Who used my expensive Body Scrub?" coming out of the Bathroom, it's not like she didn't actually know the Answer to that Rhetorical Questions, coz it sure wasn't Grandpa or I!  So, it was all High Drama for the sheer Effect!  *LOL*  The Son heard the dramatic commotion and for Christmas, replenished said Body Scrub as the Perfect Christmas Gift for his Niece and so that his Sister might Live!  *Smiles*   So, now there's no trouble in Paradise and we all warned The Daughter not to use her Daughter's Expensive Body Scrub lest Princess Darkness lose her shit again!!! *LOL*

These are Princess Darkness' Hands, when she could still do Manis.  Now she's Working at Hard Labor in a Chazza, she claims she will not spend Money to have professional Manis anymore coz her Work wrecks her Hands!   Yes, the Lamentations of being a Working Woman are constant now.  Tho' she Loves having a Job, and is Proud to be earning a Paycheck and having her own Money, she still likes to Vent to Grandpa and I how hard it is to have to Work... AS IF we're 'New' and don't Know this!  *Bwahahahaha*   We'd incessantly told her during High School, when all her Friends were allowed to get a Job and we wouldn't let her so she would not only concentrate on her Schoolwork and struggled enuf with that... but, we wanted her to enjoy Childhood for as long as she could.   This is WHY... and now, she understands.   And now she also understands why Timmy at 19 already has Job Burnout since he's been Working since he was 15 and now only Aspires to be a Housewife and find a Daddy Warbucks.  *Bwahahahaha*

And she further laments that if by 40, she and Timmy haven't found their Beloved who will support and spoil them rotten and become their Husbands, that SHE will still have to be the one Working, since, he's the better Housewife of the Two of them.  He Loves Housekeeping, Cooking and is an excellent Cook, Shopping... she doesn't so much.  So, she'd be the one with the Earning Potential if they end up getting Married as Planned if shit don't Work out for either of them finding a Husband.  *Bwahahahahahaha*  They crack us up!  Coz they're so Serious about this Arrangement they've Premade and the Deadline for it!   And The Daughter finds it some really Eerie Deja Vu coz she and her Gay Bestie JR, at that very same Age, had the very same Arrangement, and her Daughter didn't even know about that Story!!!  Until we relayed the parallels between her and Timmy making an identical Arrangement!!!   Eerie as fuck, Right?

So, it's been Nice not watching The News, I may make it an actual Habit. At least for the next Four Years anyway, if I can make it a consistent Habit to just refrain from habitually doing.  I like to be Informed and know what's going on.   But, with the transfer of Power, I can't tolerate hearing what new crisis he's causing America and the insane ramblings and hateful violence promoting vitriol being spewed.   I want zero exposure to it since, it's completely out of my Control and thus, fuck it, whatever happens, happens, and I want no part of it and didn't cause any of it.   So, I have a clear conscience and just Hope nothing unthinkable happens that I'll hear from The Streets, without ever having to turn on The News to find out about it anyway.  It's more Zen and Peaceful to just not think about it or having it live Rent Free in my Head.

Just like I probably won't be seeing this for this Season, with the African Daisy Massacre, I won't be seeing The News either, but, on purpose.  *LOL*   Well, whaddya gonna do?   We Cope as best we can with what we have no Control over and just fucking happens, Right?   Anyway, since my Stamina wanes I'm limiting what I do, expose myself to which might inhibit Healing and Recovering from the Stroke, and concentrating on what will be a Positive for me, eliminating Negative within my Control to.   I think we're all gonna have to do that during these tough times and Guard ourselves.   I really don't want to waste any Time being miserable or Negative and the best way to do that is to focus upon what Uplifts and brings us the most Joy and Peace.  If you don't have a Peace about something, don't do it, say it, fixate upon it.

Caregiving has become harder for me coz I don't have the Energy or Patience for when The Man is being difficult and Needy.   And he's been more Emotionally Raw and difficult since I had my Stroke and I know it's coz he's Fearful and wanting Attention.   But, I don't have it in me to put up with anyone's shit right now and have to tell him to just knock it off.  He doesn't keep regular Hours, which isn't unusual for someone with Brain damage, but right now I Need my Rest.   So, when he's rustling and banging around at some crazy Hour I get cross with him and have to tell him to please go into another Room if he can't settle down, I Need my Rest.   He'll comply, but I can tell he's Angry about it, I don't really Care, but, it makes Caregiving all the more difficult for the Kiddos when they're filling in for me and he's already being a Pain in the Ass.  *Eye Roll*  

He started our Laundry at 6:30 in the fucking Morning Today and he NEVER initiates doing Laundry!   But I'd yelled at him for shuffling around since about 5:00 a.m. and wandering like a Lost Soul.   Coz after I get the Granddaughter to Work at 6:00 a.m. on Tuesdays, I wanna go back to Bed and get more Sleep!   So the Washing Machine is making noise out in the Hallway and he drags his Foot after his Catastrophic Accident, so you hear his 'Walk' going up and down the Hallway like a Caged Lame Lion Pacing.   I'm Blogging now at 7:00 a.m. so I do not go out there and kill him, okay?   Yes, it's also still frowned upon to murder your Spouse too.  *LOL and Winks*   When I was Pre-Stroke, all of this was Usual and commonplace, so I could Cope better.  Now, not as well or as much and I tend to fucking Snap after any of them works my last Raw Nerve.   Which is just Rawer than Usual and I know it, so, don't Test me.   And he is, like he's got a fucking Death Wish!  *Le Sigh and Eye Roll*   Lord Jesus and all the Saints... Restrain me.  *LOL*

I had to deadpan Question him, with a flat Psycho Affect, "Listen, did you Survive all those Wars you were in to Die here at my Hands?", and then he'll settle down and sulk off, coz he knows he's Tested me quite enuf and I'm not Playing anymore, fucking knock it off already.  *LOL and Winks*   He knows I Love him dearly, but, I have my limits and Lines not to Cross, so, I give fair Warning when someone is right up to that Line in the Sand they dare not Cross!   I swear to God Almighty he's right up at that Goddamned Line lately and seeing if, just mebbe, he could step over it and see what happens?!  Just a little Push and I tell him, I'm too close to The Edge Honey, you will send me right over once I Lose my Head!  *Insert Me, Not Laughing and giving him my Death Stare with what Princess T says are my Crazy Eyes*   As it is when you just Talk to him now Calmly, he Yells back Angrily no matter what anyone has said.  It's fucking Annoying.

So, instead of ignoring it now and just Calmly telling him to use his Inside Voice and Calm Down, no need to be Madder than a Wet Hen over Nothing... and make Much Ado About Nothing... I sometimes fucking Snap back!  He is not used to that, so it instantly diffuses him, coz he really does not want an Angry Response to his ridiculous Anger outbursts which come out of the Blue for no reason.   Which Honestly, I don't think he even knows Why he responds Angrily to everything and anything really... so I'd rather Maintain my own Calm and diffuse a Situation from escalating when someone else clearly has zero Emotional or Mood Regulation.   I still have SOME, so I do try very hard to exercise Emotional and Mood Regulation that seems appropriate to whatever the Situation is.  To Respond Kindly, Rationally and Calmly to someone else who isn't in Control of their Emotions or Moods.   I'm fucking Bipolar and now have my own Brain Damage, so if I can still manage it, it can be done!

Once he's restored his Calm, I can then have a Rational Talk with him about how better he can be in Control of himself while I'm busy Recovering from my Stroke?   How can we Help him do that?  You know, without Killing him, and he Laughs at that Joke, coz he knows Gallows Humor helps me Cope.  *LOL*  I know he doesn't wanna Face that mebbe it could get to a point I cannot Care for him anymore, so, we really, really, don't wanna Go There, you know?  That Terrifies him... and it should.   It is doubtful any of the Kiddos could fully take over and Care for him and he knows this.  They would be better at Caring for me they said, but Grandpa/Dad is too hard to do it, even as a Tag Team of Three or Four of them, and without me Heading up his Caregiving.  Well, Staff at entire Nursing Homes and Veteran's Homes told me the same thing.   He was too High Maintenance and Difficult to be a Resident anywhere and his Care was far too Expensive to be covered... and it ain't gotten any better.

But, neither have I, so... we're deteriorating together.  *LOL*  Caregiving is difficult even under Ideal Conditions, I ain't gonna Sanitize it one bit like the fucking Saccharine Commercials do that are so unrealistic I HATE them.  *LOL*   Even the scant few that try to be more Authentic, really do Dignify it a lot more than it actually plays out in Real Life.   They make the Pretend Loved One needing Caregiving out to be more Saintly, and the Caregiver too... we're NOT.   And even some Caregiver Blogs tend to lean in that direction, this is not one of them.  *Winks and Bwahahaha*   I keep it 100% about everything, no Sugar Coating to make it more palatable, and if you can't handle Reality or The Truth about any Topic that could be Sensitive, then you're in the Wrong place and Reading the Wrong Blog my Friend.  *LOL*  But, if you want transparency and someone to be Real, you're in the Right Place and perhaps it would be more Helpful to you, which is Why I Share it.  Becoz some of you may have similar Issues of Life to Survive?  Well, that and it's still Cheaper than Therapy.  *Bwahahahaha*

  I have been told I'm a very Good Caregiver and frankly, I've had Decades of Experience to be and get better at it.  Handling everything from Severe Physically Disabled Loved Ones, to Severely Mentally Ill and/or Brain Damaged and Emotionally Damaged by War Loved Ones.  Several of them at a time, since, apparently I've an Over Achiever like that and since it's my Hand Dealt, what's one more Loved One with a Challenge?  *LOL*   It's a tough row to hoe Honey, I don't Care if The Church did give you the Title of Sainthood, you are gonna have that Halo slip.   If indeed you are a Full Time Unpaid Caregiver who doesn't have Staff, Vacays or Respites and it's 24-7 and 365.   The only End will be if those you're Caring for Dies, or you Die first, that's the ONLY Outcome, and, so it's not a particularly Cheery Optimistic One where you'll be Living The Dream anytime soon, or, at all.  No Happily Ever Afters.

The Daughter and Princess T see that The Man is being more difficult so they try to Manage him for me so I can catch a break more often.   The Daughter actually spent a lot of Years doing some Housekeeping and Caregiving for Wealthy Old Men and even Old Cartel Bosses in Mexico, so she can hold her own with difficult Old Men needing Care.  She actually is very good at taking Care of Old People and having a Heart for it if she Cares genuinely for the Person, in spite of her Schizophrenia.  It's one of those Savant things innately in her, Old People and Animals she has the Patience of Biblical Job for even if they're difficult or dangerous.   Yet, they know she don't put up with no shit either and has Zero Fear of any of them, coz, well, she is Crazy as a March Hare too.  *LOL*

   One Old Cartel Boss, Dave, everyone was very afraid of, may he now RIP.  He told me over a Zoom Call, when she returned here to America, that he missed her being his Caregiver, Friend and Housekeeper.  That The Daughter was the only one who'd ever dared Raise her Voice to him when he was acting up and being Mean, so, he Respected that, coz she took such great Loving Care of him in his Old Age and Decline.   Dave was not a Man to be trifled with, he'd been a Bad Actor all his Life, but had Love for The Daughter and looked out for her, so few ever dared Target her for anything on account of Dave... and a few others.   She also Loved his Little Dog.   She had several Influential people who Paid her to look after their Homes, Cook and/or Clean for them, take Care of their Elders or themselves if they now required part-time Caregiving.   She's Ride or Die for anyone she Cares about and they all know this.

  So, she said her Dad is nowhere's near as difficult as Dave, Mark, Marcos and some of the others were, that she looked after in Mexico. Who were also all Bad Ass Men like her Dad, but now needed some tender Loving Care from those who really were Down for them.  *LOL*  The ones still Living Testify to that fact and say what intimidating Assholes they can be.   But know she won't have it.  *LOL*  Some even fondly call me their Mother-In-Law now and told me if I ever get Tired of her, just send her back.  *Bwahahaha*   I appreciate that they looked out for her and kept her Safe in all the Years she was there and a really Hot Mess most of the time.  It got to the point the Police and Federales even quit picking her up and holding her, they'd look the other way, coz they didn't want to Deal with how Insane and Uncontrollable she could become.  And, she "becomes" easily if you Trigger her.

   She'd beat herself up badly in front of them and say, "You think I'm Afraid of you and whatever you think you'd do to me!?"   Then they'd have to call the Red Cross to give her Medical Treatment and send her on her way, so she wouldn't hurt herself and really fuck herself up and risk that she'd then say they did it!   *LMAOROTF*   I've seen her put a Knife thru her own Palm Calmly and without flinching, so, I'm sure they had quite a harrowing time of it anytime they had her detained.  *LOL*  Yep, when someone is Wheels Off, it's almost impossible to intimidate them or make them Fear you, becoz they fucking won't and don't.  Well, unless your Crazy matches their Crazy.   I have found that even the most Insane Motherfuckers recognize YOUR Crazy if they are confronted with it, whether passive aggressively or full on if they start shit.  I know Crazy when I see it, coz, I ain't so tightly wrapped myself.   Even tho' I used to Imagine I was.  And the Kiddos tell me I'm still somewhat in Blissful Denial and think I'm Fine.  They could be Right?  *LMAOROTF*

*******

Coming to you from The Asylum... where it's still a long ways off from being totally Recovered and 'Well', Physically or Mentally... Dawn... The Bohemian