Careening Towards The Dark Abyss

 Amusing that my "Dark" Post got more than twice as many Views, nothing Sells quite like a good Negative... beats Hell out of the Positive Fluff Posts, every time, I'll tell you that!  Everyone Loves them a good Train Wreck to stop by and lurk at!  *Winks*  Okay, Yours Truly included, it is just something in Human Nature that is a "Dark" Mystery.  *LOL*  The "Dark" Post just blasted past all the Uplifting ones and I figured it would, that's why I embrace the Darkness of myself here in The Land of Blog.  *Smiles*  But, I am on the Upswing of Mood Regulation, which, in Real Life, is always a relief, the Lows can get pretty Low and to Live thru, not so much Fun as just Reading about them as a Spectator.  *Bwahahaha*

Hardly any of us REALLY turn on The News to hear anything Uplifting or good, we don't even expect it, Drama and Carnage Sells and the Networks know it.   I personally think that the one thing the Alt Right tapped in to successfully during their Election Cycles since 2016, was the "Darkness" of so many of our Species.   You can't dispute it became mighty Popular and a shit ton of Humans jumped on the Crazy Train Bandwagon and hasn't hit their Bottom yet.  Or Hair Furor wouldn't have managed such a close Race every single time as he's sunk lower and lower towards a Dark Abyss.  It's a New Low every News Cycle in fact.  America is careening quickly towards The Dark Abyss.  And this Post Title "Dark" Hook will be a Winner too!   I Guarantee it!!!  *Winks*

I've been befuddled about his Appeal to so many Americans who otherwise might even seem like Normal Humans living among us.  But I had the Epiphany as I did my Statistical Checking, since I'm very much a Stats Gal.  It's very Telling about our Species, Statistics, you Learn a lot when you check Statistics.  Well, very Telling about every Sentient Being on the Planet actually, Statistics.   Everything leaves a "Tell" about it, if you Observe it long enough and track it Statistically, you can begin to Predict with some accuracy, certain things about it.   The Anomalies happen, sure, but overall, the Stats rarely Lie about predispositions, individually and collectively.   And the Herd/Pack Species like ourselves, collectively, do some fairly predictable shit in a group especially.  It's the Lone Wolves that are less predictable.

Anyway, Nope, I won't bore you with more Stats and/or more Politics, I think we're at saturation point actually to absorb any more of THAT!  So, you can Exhale now that I've Hooked ya and Reeled ya in to the Post.  Harpoon!!!  It's like shooting Fish in a Barrel if ya get a good Blog Post Hook you've "Set" out there!   But, I am a Catch and Release Angler, I won't make a Meal outta ya.  *Winks and Snickers*   I found out that One of my Three Striped Bass had hidden out in the Aquarium, a good Hider and had been timid when the other Two more aggressive ones were in there.  Now they're gone it's the largest Fish in there and becoming a little more confident.  We thought initially it had Died and been eaten by the Snails.  Glad to see it's healthy and gaining confidence.  We'll keep it for a while longer so it becomes less scared and quits hiding all the time.

We'll release it back to the River when I feel it's the right time for it to thrive and return to the Wild.   When the other Two had been released they immediately joined a large School of their Species that were similar in size, it was a Joy to behold.   The little Gila Topminnows are like Guppies and actually behave more like Store bought Tropical Fish rather than Game Fish behavior.  So, they do very well in the Aquarium environment and don't get any larger than a Guppy at Maturity.  Some are now Breeding Age and I hope they will propagate so I can begin returning them to the River as well.   Without Game Fish in the Tank they will not be threatened in any way of being eaten.  Sadly, in their Native Habitat the introduction of Non-Native Game Fish has decimated their Populations.  They are a plain little Fish but aren't timid at all and flock to you at feeding times.

I had to slow my roll some with the Housekeeping Project coz I was pretty sore and had some things to do outside of the Home on Monday.  But, I did devote some time and energies to it and will definitely keep the trajectory in motion now.   I'm making some decisions that were hard for me but necessary, clearing Space feels better than holding onto what isn't necessary for daily function or enjoyment.   I know I can get to Just Enough if I discipline myself to Streamline regularly until it becomes habitual to.   The Daughter is likely to have to return from Mexico early, even with the best of Intentions, the Situation there is not within her Control.   We had a Heartfelt Video Chat about it on her Birthday, she was distraught, she's done all she can and again, it's been in Vain and waste of limited Resources, just like the last time.   Those who are Well and have Custody will just have to fix this Situation of their own making.

It's a complicated Back Story and not within the Control of any of us here on the American Side, so, it is what it just is.   I felt so bad for her, she's done all she can for as long as she could already, it's not working out favorably at all and she's reached her limits.  She Trusted his side of the Family to get those Children Raised to Maturity.  Sometimes the messes and decisions other Adults have made aren't correctable even with the very best of Intentions.  Her Ex and his Wife, and his extended Family, now that the Old Lady is gone, have to figure their Situation out they Created.  They have Custody and The Daughter isn't Well enuf to in Reality, on either side of the Border.   I'm Done with Raising Minor Children now and cannot have a protracted fight for and run damage control behind how her Youngest Three have been Raised since Birth all the way to the cusp of Adulthood.   You can't change lifestyle and behaviors being 'New' to any Situation.  I know she had called me to validate what we both already knew, this is futile and completely in vain now.  

She got the Home in Order for Social Services initial visit, it was spotless, I saw the hard Work she put in.  But, now it's all Out Of Order again in a mere Week and will obviously be a Cycle like that.  It's how they Live, it's not how we Live or could ever Live.  It's not acceptable to any of us.  She doesn't approve, nor do I, but, a lot of folks live in ways we don't approve, this just happens to be Family and they have their chosen way of Being and have always Been.   The Kids are Older Teens now and quite set in their ways, so they resent their Mom even being there to try to Help and Change things, even for the better.  So, like most Teenagers, are resistant and actively rebelling.  They've had incredible Loss and yet, they are comfortable with how things are and it's familiar.  I do Believe Social Services will have to make the necessary determinations and address it all with the Custodial Relatives who are Adults and are Responsible, period. 

Listen, I wasn't very Optimistic about this Outcome, but Supported The Daughter's decision to try and make a Positive difference and go there to actually Witness what the Situation really was.  We just didn't know and couldn't know, not being there in Person.  We didn't know how transparent anyone there had been with us?  We could only speculate and draw conclusions that might not have been accurate.  We cannot Undo what has been Done and was Years in the Making.  Not all Stories have Happy or Fairy Tale Endings.   I accept the things I can Change, know the things I cannot Change, and have developed the Wisdom to know the difference.   It was clearly not a Happy Birthday for her to have to be confronted with the Reality of that whole Situation beyond her or our Control.   There's a lot of complexities to Life that aren't Fair, sometimes just play out as they will, and there's nothing you can do about it, this is one of those instances IMO.   When Children are involved it's just all the more tragic.   

I never had Custody or even Kinship Placement of the Trio that were Born and Raised in their Dad's Home Country.  When Maria was Well it was acceptable, it had been Years since we could be in Mexico at her Home to know exactly when it became unacceptable and took a nosedive?  It's probably been unacceptable for far longer than her Family let on, before they panicked and involved us?  But, only becoz they knew accountability was now eminent and on them.  Perhaps the Home should be Sold before it falls to waste and neglect, I'm not sure.  Frankly, Internationally speaking, their side of the Border hasn't been cooperative and our side hasn't been either.  We dealt with all that the last time and it's not gotten better just becoz their Custodial Grandmother Died.   I'm not fighting Two different Systems in Two separate Countries, that really aren't as functional or uncorrupted as they should be.  

 Nor his Family there that Control way more of what they Created than I have any Responsibility for.   They got enuf infighting, I'm not joining in on that fray!  It reminded me somewhat of the complexities of The Man's Family dynamic after his Parents each Died, years apart.  Those who were Local had more infighting than those of us who were at a distance.  It was impossible for us to enter that fray and make an ounce of Positive difference... and no Kids were involved.   The Youngest of her Trio has good Placement, for that I'm Grateful that the Stepmom's Sister and Family has that adequately covered for that one.   The Oldest will be 18 in a matter of less than Two Months, has Two Jobs and goes to University, so, my instincts are that Social Services will consider that, perhaps favorably?   The Middle Child is the one where Placement is gonna be tough for a slew of reasons, but, she is highly resistant and has a lot of Issues... none of which is 'fixable' or can probably be 'undone' by anyone.

The Daughter will surely go into a Downward Spiral and Mental Health Tailspin if she stays, so, she has to leave, we ascertained that Fact on the Phone Call.   She agreed, she can't take much more, it's maxed her out already, she's exhausted Physically, Mentally and Emotionally already.   I told her to just let me know which Bus and what Time Schedule when she returns, that's all.   She knows she'll have to return Alone, no Kids can or will be in tow... Legally not possible, which, probably is a Good Thing in actuality, I ain't gonna Lie.   I don't even know how their Systems work in their Country, I know the Systems in our Country are fucked up, so, I don't even have Guarded Optimism about any Country's Systems to be Truthful.  Most end up being understaffed, overworked, underfunded, corrupted and sometimes even a total Money Grab.  I have zero Money to Grab and even fewer Fucks to give about Voluntarily Dealing with any more fucked up Systems.

I let The Daughter shed the Tears she needed to Shed, but could tell she felt unanimous about our Options, or, lack thereof.   She's Intelligent and tho' SMI, realizes what isn't possible or in the Realm of decisions that would be Unwise and Unfruitful.   The Kids were present during the Video Chat I had with their Mom, we did it Bilingually for their sake and mine, they seemed quite indifferent and ambivalent, which spoke volumes to me.  They are not gonna cooperate with their Mom trying to Help, so, she's wasting her Time and Energy even being there.   As for the rest of his Family, they want some easy way out of their mess and accountability, but, it's THEIR mess to Clean Up, not mine.  I'm not the Clean-Up Woman.  And, I don't Care how they Feel about it.  My Obligation and Duty is to whom I AM Responsible for here in our Home.  That's often enuf to keep me up at Night.  *LOL and Eye Roll*

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I have Kept this Bob Ross Tee becoz tho' it's Child Sized, it makes me Smile... so I have it on a Vintage Child Mannequin, to remain Grounded when I look at it and need Gallow's Humor Perspective about Hard Knocks Life.   We got Word from Oklahoma that my Paternal Cousin D.A. passed away.  He'd had a Stroke recently and life on the Rez is hard even if you're Young and Healthy, let alone Elderly and then have a catastrophic Health Issue.  Usually they don't linger long after good Health takes a bad turn.   There aren't a lot of resources available but the Land there is Sacred and where they prefer to live.  Below are some Pixs of my Cuz, may he RIP now.  He Served in the Marine Corps. Special Forces during Vietnam, as did all my Male Relatives on the Rez, Serve their Country in the Military Honorably.  He didn't like that they made the Native American Recruits cut their Hair, my Cousin always wore his Hair Traditionally and very long all of his Adult Life. And had numerous Red Pride Tattoos.  He often had a Mohawk as a Child.

R.I.P. Cuz

So, that was Sad News from Oklahoma that my Brother had to relay to me Yesterday, shortly after our Cousin had Passed and one of his Sisters informed some of the Family to pass it along.   My Brother is a lot closer to our Paternal side of the Family and used to visit the Rez often with my Dad.  Dad always made Pilgrimages back Home and in hindsight, I think his Heart was always there among his own People.  Outside of the Rez you just didn't see any Indians when I was growing up, it was an Invisible Population in just about every State, even the ones with larger Reservations.  I found it to be too depressing to visit, the abject Poverty bothered me and the lack of Resources and proper Educational Opportunities, even to this day.  Most of Dad's Relatives did not like to leave the Rez, tho' several Relatives did briefly visit Arizona to see my Dad over the Years, and one of his Younger Widowed Sisters came to live with him.  Most who left always went back eventually to their Culture.

I did however get Good News from Mexico this Morning from The Daughter, Video Chat Pix is Above.  *LOL*  After Yesterday Morning's Video Chat Fiasco during her Birthday, where I went on the fucking Warpath with those wayward Grandkids, she said they got off their Asses immediately after the Call and whipped the entire Home back into shape. *LMAOROTF and Winks*  Today she showed me that 90% now is Spotless, I was Impressed, OMG, immediate Transformation!   Those G-Kids wanted her to Show me right away that they took me Seriously and I'd Scared them, I guess Dark Gramma Dawn makes a lasting Impression not soon Forgotten?!  *Smiles*  I did go Postal, I ain't gonna Lie, even the Crew here was like, "Awwww shit... they done Triggered her now, it's all Over but the Burying!"  *LMAO*  I'm like each of my Dear Parents that way, once you set me off, you better be good with Explosives!  *Smiles*  My Mom and my Dad didn't take no Mess either.

 They even had the Youngest Sister who doesn't even Live there with them come over to Help!!!  *Winks and Bwahahaha*   The Aunty who has that one and is Raising her, had been told I was Mad and bringing The Daughter back Home if shit didn't get done immediately and put that House back the way it was last Week when Social Services had done their Inspection and Interviews with the whole Family.  The Daughter had Sacrificed much to get back there and knocked herself out getting it all Cleaned and in Order, but, she was Cracking and I could see that.  They'd not seen that Side of me and I doubt they want to again, even from a Distance, The Daughter Laughed and said!  *LOL*  I've conveyed some Tips to help Discipline the Children how to develop cleaner and tidier Habits that will be acceptable and not risk Social Service Intervention, which could take them from their Home or catch my Daughter Charges on account of the Children's Bad nasty living Habits.

I told her to give each Child a different pattern of Dish, Bowl, Cup, and set of Utensils and that is all each Person is allowed to use for a while.  Until they become habitual about taking Care of it and Clean as they go after each Meal.  The Kids Cook for themselves and are very Mature and self-sufficient, they've had to be, they are just typical lazy Teens indifferent about Housekeeping and it's not Okay when it piles up and looks like a Scene out of Hoarders!   Maria kept a nice Home and I told them sternly that to Honor and Respect their Dear Abuelita's Home, they should be Ashamed NOT to take Care of it now that she's left it to them to Inherit and be Stewards of her Life's hard earned Possessions.   Maria was a Widow at an early Age, her Husband was high up in Politics and Assassinated when her Son was only 13.  She was a strong Matriarch and I know she Taught those Girls to be Strong, Proud, Intelligent, Independent Women too.  My Parents Raised me that way too, coz Dad came from a Matriarchal Society and Mom was Tough as Old Boots and Fierce as Fuck, nobody Messed with her, not even Yours Truly!  *LOL*

So, I was greatly relieved to see that in less than 24 Hours shit gone Done, otherwise I'd told them I was putting their Mother on a Bus and bringing her back Home before she bottomed out and they'd be on their own to Deal with everything.   They know I don't Play, I say what I Mean and I Mean what I say, I don't Bluff, so, don't call my Bluff or assume I'm Bluffing, I'm NOT!!!   So, I talked to the Middle One on this Morning's Video Chat via her Mom Translating for me, to tell her how Proud I was that she and her Sister were Obedient and reminded them that Obedience is better than Sacrifice, Scriptural Quote there.  I know their Grandmother was a Godly Woman and quite the Saint actually, I really Admired her and so did my own Mom, they got along so well, Two very Strong Women and they Bonded during their Visits.  Maria, when she was Well enuf, Traveled often to the U.S. since she has extended Family here too who Immigrated Legally.

Anyway, shit won't Change overnight, I'm Realistic, but the Come To Jesus with them Kids probably reminded them of the Strong Matriarch who Raised them.   And I know Saint Maria was tough as Old Boots and a Good Woman, who Sacrificed everything for our Grandchildren.   She took on the gargantuan task of taking in the Youngest Three as a Single Parent who was my own Mom's Age, since she knew I had my Hands full with the Two Oldest and looking after an Ailing Husband.   She Loved her Son with all her Heart, but, she knew him and the Bad Choices he was making, was not okay.  This is Why she'd always said that whenever something happened to her, even tho' The Daughter was Seriously Mentally Ill, she was to come and take over and somehow get shit sorted out with our Help.   She knew there was not cooperation from her Kinfolk and lots of complex Family Drama... which lots of Families have.  Maria stayed Drama Free, just like I prefer to Live Life.  I come from a long Line of Tough Women who don't put up with Shit from anyone.  Above Pix is me with my Maternal Nanna.

I don't Invite nor Tolerate it and if you even Smell like Drama and a Headache, stay away coz we'll have us a Situation otherwise.   I got along well with my SIL becoz he knew to keep whatever I disapproved of, away from me and his Child that I was Raising.   And to handle his own Business, don't even involve our Daughter in any of it now that they're no longer together.   The sake of all the Children was my Priority and the Adults in Question had to Clean-Up their own Messes, I'm no Clean-Up Woman, so don't expect me to be.   If you're Grown and you got yourself into a Mess, figure out how to get out of it, once you mopped up your Messes, then we can have a healthier Relationship, or any Relationship at all really.   Tough Love is tough, but it is necessary, you can get the Person out of the Mess, but if you don't get the Mess out of the Person, they just fall right back into it.  As the Older Generations and Elders Die Off I do Hope the Next Generations Learn valuable Lessons from our Sage Generational Wisdom?  I did from my Elders, all of them.  Above is one of my Dad's Older Brothers with his Stepson, his Cherokee Wife's First Husband had been White.

Above is an Old Pix of my Mom the ONE time she wanted to be a Blonde. Her Natural Color was Blue Black Hair, which was gorgeous, but she went Silver quite Young and in the 70's the whole Blonde's Have More Fun Myth was going on.  *LOL*  I did not like my Mom as a Blonde, tho', she totally Rocked it, as she did any Style, since, she Possessed Style.  It's been Fun to trawl thru the Photo Archives Blasts from the Distance Past for this Post and dredge up some Oldies but Goldies and fond Family Remembrances of those no longer with us on this side of Time and Eternity.  Life is a fleeting Journey we embark upon before we go back to the Realm from whence we came... my Cousin was Right, Warriors never Die... and Energy never does either, it just Changes Form.

Two Generations of Raising Kids and Grandkids have Taught me that you don't Sweat the Small Stuff, but you take the Big Stuff dead Seriously and try to instill Foundational Values Kids will come back to even when they fuck up along the way... and they will.   I try never to get so Old I Forget what it was like to be Young.  I remember my Elders were a Fine Bunch to receive a good Solid Foundation from and it's the Legacy they left to us to keep passing along Generation to Generation.   Above is The Man and I with our Kiddos and then our G-Kid Force, Parenting Non-Stop until the Youngest turned 18 last Year... and beyond.  Becoz you never STOP being a Parent, it's a Lifelong Duty to always be one, even to your Grown Children, tho', once Grown, they should do Life on their own Terms Independent of you as much as is possible for them to.  But with your unwavering support for them to always have a Good Life and Good Advice unconditionally.    I do think in many ways Raising another Generation kept us Youthful, in Spirit anyway, it CAN Age you and you'll definitely Feel it!   There's a Reason Women my Age don't still Breed! *LOL*

Above is me in the early 1970's with my Paternal Grandmother and one of my Dad's Older Brothers, who was the Dad of my recently Deceased Cousin.  Back when they came down from the Rez to visit us here in Arizona, when we first moved here after having been Stationed in Europe for Years.   This Uncle was also in the Military and Traveled Abroad extensively when Active Duty.  He Dated Women from just about every Culture he visited, he was very Handsome as a Young Man and quite a Novelty Abroad being a Native American, he had Swag and the Women J'Adored him!!!   My Dad used to joke that his Older Brother had a Woman at every Port across the Globe.  And, he probably did, but, ended up Marrying the Love of his Life back Home on the Rez, who was a Member of the Cherokee Tribe.  He and my Dear Aunt grew Old Together.   Below is me and said Aunt.

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I spent Hours falling deeply down a Rabbit Hole of Photo Archives awash with Rich Memories... more Blasts From The Past therefore will be in Future Posts... Dawn... The Bohemian