It's All More Than A Bit Much

 I decided to devote Sunday Morning to pricing Inventory rather than going to the Gym before Work that Evening.  I have finite energy and motivation for doing too much before I know I also have to go to Work, so, am delaying the Gym until Monday Morning when I have nothing extra on the Calendar.   So many Co-Workers aren't showing up lately that you never know who you'll actually be working with either.  I like knowing who I've got to Work alongside, some have a good Work ethic, many do not and are Slackers.   Some are nice enuf to be Friends with, just not Work with.  I can have a great Personal Relationship with someone I know I would not want a Professional Relationship with ever.  *LOL*

So, I did Price some Autumnal and Halloween Merch to bring in and restock my Seasonal Display I have going on for Fall.   And it took me all Morning so I wouldn't have had Time to fit a trip to the Gym in too.  I'm not even sure what I want to eat for a Meal before going in, I don't feel much like Cooking either.  In fact, I don't feel much like going in to Work, but I will.  {Explanation further down...}  Just a general feeling of malaise has been over me lately, it hasn't helped that people I Care about have been Dying and the Grief of that can be quite a broad range of Emotions, ups and downs.  So, I've felt melancholy and disinterest in doing things while I Feel so Emotionally Raw.  The Youngest Granddaughter in Mexico Shared some of her Feelings on FB about her Abuelita's Death, and Photos of the Funeral, it breaks my Heart.

They're all Alone now and fending for themselves and none of them is an Adult yet.    So I've got that Anxiety heavy on my Heart and Mind for their Safety and Welfare too.   I don't Trust any System in place to protect or care for them, I'd rather they be here with us if that was at all possible, which, it hasn't been and is a protracted international process with loads of Red Tape to wade thru and get past.  I'm just not up to it nor do I have the financial resources to fund a big fight for Custody, it would likely take longer than it will for them to reach the ages of emancipation.   We spent a fortune last time we tried to get them and it was for nothing, we couldn't prevail and the extortion is very high due to corruption on both sides of the Border.

I made myself an Asian Sweet Bean Dessert Drink, usually I Buy it at my Fav Vietnamese Restaurants.  But when I was at the Asian Grocer I bought the ingredients to make my own, it turned out Okay.  The ingredients aren't inexpensive tho', so really it's just as much as Buying it, but I didn't want to go anywhere to pick it up.   At least now I know how to make a Homemade version of it.    Usually it has ingredients like Azuki Beans, Red Kidney Beans and Red Bean Paste, Mung Beans, Coconut Milk, Tropical Fruits, Pandan Jelly, Agar Agar Powder and Crushed Ice.   It's very refreshing, filling, and like a Dessert Drink perfect for Hot Days, it's sometimes referred to as Three Color Vietnamese Drink. Other Asian Cultures have versions of it too.

I watched a good NetFlix Movie HOW IT ENDS {2018} starring Theo James and Forest Whitaker.   James is that new Young Greek Heartthrob I think is the Sexiest New Leading Man IMO.  *Smiles*  It was an Apocalyptic Movie, quite suspenseful and thought provoking.   I didn't go to Work after all, every time I ate I felt Sick and I had to eat before going in since I'm a Diabetic and can't skip Meals.  So, I ate and then felt really ill, no way I could make it thru a Shift like that.  I'm beginning to think my Nerves and Stress are taking a physical toll.   Yes, the Rhubarb Binge didn't Help, but, it's clearly more than just that.   When I called in, my Friend Anthony told me things were chaotic again so it's just as well I wasn't coming in.  I could tell he didn't even wanna be there... and if it was Chaos and Drama, I really didn't wanna be there not feeling 100% as well.

 

The Daughter has been getting Good News and Bad News out of Mexico since her MIL's Passing.   On the Positive side, some Family of her Ex are fixing up Maria's Home for the Kids and bringing CARE Boxes of necessities and Promise to do that regularly.  One of those Relatives called us Today to bring us up to speed, but also had Bad News.  On the Negative side, The Daughter had sent our Money to the Relative that has the Youngest Child in her Care and found out that she failed to distribute 1/3 each of it to the other Two like she was supposed to.   She was to Keep 1/3 of it for having the Youngest with her, but make sure the Older Two got the other 2/3 of it, they didn't.   So, now The Daughter and I don't Trust her to send Money to and all the Kids are too Young to send Money to them directly, it's a dilemma for us.  You have to be able to have no broken Trust with the Adults in the Family.

So, The Daughter was crying off and on all Day after that Call.  Another reason I stayed Home from Work, since, she'd be the one looking after her Dad in my absence and it might have been too much for her right now.   I suggested she do her Hair and Makeup to feel more Uplifted, which she did.  Then a Dear Friend of hers came by also, Steven, to Cheer her up, he's someone who can always make her Laugh and he's a good Guy and is someone she can Talk to about stuff troubling her.  He can be objective about it all and is a good Listener.   I can't be very objective since it's too Personal for me too, so I do feel some kind of way about how some of my Ex-SIL's Family are being right now.   We don't mind sending Money for the Kids so long as they will benefit from it and receive it.   But if they aren't, we'll cease and desist, so we made that abundantly clear.

I don't know a lot of his Family so I have no idea how much Trust can be instilled in any of them actually?   I have to leave that discernment up to The Daughter.   I just don't want her being upset and taken advantage of since she is a vulnerable Adult and she doesn't have Custody or any Parental Rights being afforded her about those Children.   So, Legally the Ball is in their Court to make adequate provision for those Kids unless and until they give up Custody to me.  Which they won't do, and have refused to do, so... they have to watch how they behave and act.  Otherwise I've told them to not expect any Help from this side of the Border and they can Deal with it all, since, Legally they have the responsibility and obligation to.  

Naturally I want the best for those Grandkids too, and I totally Trusted Saint Maria for their Care and Well Being.   But, if the Law isn't on our side, and the Surviving Family isn't cooperative or trustworthy, then my participation is strictly voluntary.   I'm our Daughter's Full Time Caregiver now... and the Kiddos Older Sister Princess T's Legally Blessed Parent.   So, I look out for their best Interests first and foremost.  Anything detrimental to their Well Being I'll cut loose and drop like a Rock, so I made that abundantly clear to the Aunt that Called, so she can pass it along.   The Daughter translated what I said in Spanish fluently too, since, that Aunt's English is limited.  So, now they know where the Bull sits.   We won't be Played.   And I did find it Odd that Saint Maria always wanted those Kids in MY Care should something happen to her and NOT in the Care of her Son or other Relatives, that spoke volumes about HER Trust and who she Trusted most with her Beloved Grandkids.

 I appreciated this Aunt's Candor, I doubt the others know she's been so forthcoming about the Family Drama ensuing after the Old Lady's Death.  I rather expected it actually since, when everyone thought Salvador was possibly Dead, similar shit happened.  And then he turned up Alive and threw a Monkey Wrench in the Sale of Maria's Home, which that Plan had to be quickly aborted.   Since, he's her Only Child and tho' she has many Grandchildren, she only Raised The Daughter's Three Youngest ones and apparently made some Legal maneuvers to protect them as Co-Heirs, which was Wise of her.  Her Wishes were for me to gain Custody if something happened to her, but, I don't know that Legally that ever got arranged... seems not.

If indeed the Home is being fixed up, I am suspicious if it's being done for the benefit of the Children or to force a protested Sale, since, Salvador is incarcerated and now his Mom is Dead?   It's really the only place the Older Two have to Live, the Youngest has been living with the Relatives she's with for some time now.    So, we don't mind helping them with her expenses, but they can't keep it all, some has to go towards the Two they won't take in and we have to Trust them to Honor that Agreement if we send the Money directly to them.   Once the Oldest is 18 in December, we should be able to send her and the Middle one's Money directly to her for them and ensure they receive it.  I am just concerned Family are trying to Sell the Home out from under them?

We keep in close contact with all Three Children and The Daughter speaks with numerous Relatives and close Friends who are nearby to check on the Kids.   That's all she can really do from this end.   So far the Kids seem to be holding up better than expected.  But, it's all still so recent it's hard to tell if they'll display more trauma once it all really sets in that she's gone and they're Alone and quite vulnerable?   Or, if they can't or can Trust the Adults they'll depend upon?    Anyway, we just Hope the Adults who are currently appearing Helpful have good intentions, only Time will tell. 

I have an Update on that Lume Deodorant.  Worked like a charm for a couple Months and then quit working to conceal odor!   And it isn't an anti-perspirant so you still sweat... and so when it quit working to prevent odor, it's completely expensively useless.   I Googled to see Reviews and see if I was the only one who had this happen, I wasn't, seems just about everyone had it happen.   So, I have to assume however it did work is temporary and then you would have to switch back to your other Deodorants and Anti-Perspirants.   I don't know whether switching back at some future date it would work again, but, I'm disappointed in the product's short term effectiveness.   For some leaving Reviews it never worked, so, I was fortunate it worked so well for at least a couple Months before becoming ineffective.

 

Timmy had asked Princess T to go with him on a Day Trip up North so she has.  I told her she could delay putting in her application for a Day, if I hadn't given her permission to she would have told him she couldn't go.   She's still good about asking my permission for everything, tho', technically she's an Adult now and really doesn't have to, she appreciates my Wisdom and Opinions about stuff and that's Priceless to me.   She's a really good Kid and she tries to make good decisions on a consistent basis and I know how rare that is when someone is so Young.  Usually you're Young, foolish and sometimes reckless, with the illusion you already know everything.  *Smiles*  She's never been THAT Kid and since I've Raised THAT kind of Kid before, more than once, she's been a LOT easier to Raise.  *Smiles*

One of my Granddaughter's back East, the Youngest of the Trio, whose still Single, was showing off some Halloween Baskets Online.  I think she has been Creating them for People, she's particularly Creative, and I particularly liked this one.   The Kitchen she Photographed it in is so much like ours.   She actually has a steady Boyfriend now, which was a Surprise, since, for a long time she's identified as Gay, but, perhaps is Bi, so, can't say I expected the Boyfriend.  It seems they have a lot in common and when I told The Young Prince, he suggested his Cousin is probably like him, Gender Fluid?   Since, he felt he could end up with a Wife or a Husband actually, he didn't really Care which, Gender to him doesn't matter.  There were Gals he knew who he felt he could Marry and truly had a great Relationship with... and he said they were like him too and didn't mind how "they" are... even his Female Alters.

 

I know there were so many of his Female Friends that confided in me that they'd of liked to have been The Young Prince's romantic Girlfriend and not just a Friend, and possibly a Wife.  The Young Prince was always more popular with the Women than any Straight Guy they knew was, we always found that amusing, but, not Surprising, he treats Women exceedingly Well and totally Understands them.   He has so many Female attributes that he's not as Clueless as a Straight Guy.   Princess T actually is more fond of her Gay Male Friends and spending time with them than the Straight ones.   She prefers how they treat her and how much more fun they have when together, with no Strings attached.   So, if she ended up with a Gay Male Partner I wouldn't be at all Surprised frankly... Gay Men seem to be enamored with her too, even tho' she's Straight.  

 

 I don't know if that's becoz she has an Older Gay Brother?    They always had a good time together and he was very protective of her, especially around Straight Guys.   Her Brother often jokes that her Gay Guy Posse are substitute surrogate Brothers she replaces him with.  *LOL*   Timmy, Matthew and now Jaden are the same, they protect her Virtue around Men they know are Straight and probably after the usual thing.   She feels Safer around them and that there isn't the pressures about a relationship going further than it is and she's comfortable with.   She can look as attractive or Sexy as she just wants to around them, they'll tell her how Hot she looks, but, not come on to her at all.   I do notice around Straight Guys she attempts to look as plain and unattractive as possible.  *Ha ha ha*   In a way I understand, it's tricky and risky for Young Women and Girls looking too attractive. 

I had a Sexual Assault when I was 17 and back in those Days you didn't always report it since they vilified the Victim.  What were YOU wearing and shit like that, Victim Shaming as if you asked to be violated and brutalized by some Sex Offender Perv.   BTW Rape is never really about Sex, it's about Power and Domination, or a total disrespect or even Hatred for the Gender of the Victim.   The Law and Legal System needs to start getting that Right becoz it's far too prevalent and Justice is often absent for the Victims of Sexual Assault.   And often that kind of violent Crime escalates and can lead to Murder.  And another BTW for ya, most Sex Crimes Files I ever worked in all my Years at the DA's Office, the vast majority of Victims were Underaged and more Children than Grown Adults.   Or, the Victims looked Underaged.   Prior to working a Career in Felony Crimes, I assumed most Sex Crimes were committed against Adult Women, I was Wrong, the statistics proved otherwise.

  

Anyway, I went to that tangent coz it's really annoying the Fuck out of me that so many Americans are so willing to put a Convicted Sex Offender back in the White House!!!   Especially those who claim to be Christian Evangelicals, which makes me wonder how warped and twisted their Sexuality might be behind Closed Doors actually, to Justify that Support for a Convicted Sex Offender?   Among his other serious Crimes, that one is the most disturbing becoz with Sex Offenders, their Files are kept indefinitely becoz it's not a matter of IF they will re-offend, but WHEN?  Yes, even Homicide Files were only kept for a Decade before Purged unless the Perp was a Serial Killer, and lets be Clear, most, if not all, Serial Killers are also Sex Offenders.   And 45 will re-offend and has no remorse for how often he already offended, bragging in fact about being a Sexual Predator, he's dangerous in a multitude of ways.

Anyway, the Debate will be tomorrow and tho' I do have Hope Kamala will bury him during it, and he has more of a total unraveling, blathering, unhinged and cognitive meltdown than usual,  I doubt it matters to those who already made up their Minds to Vote for such a piece of work as he is.   Listen, they already know and see what and who he is.   They seem perfectly Okay with it or make moronic statements like they can "Excuse" his Crimes and Behavior, becoz they're convinced he'd do a good Job... and I'm like, were you fucking Asleep during his First Cluster Fuck Chaotic Shitshow of a Term and are you kidding me that a habitual Criminal and Convicted Felon of numerous extremely Serious Crimes, including Treason and Espionage, is better for our Country?!!??   Well, yeah, since being Woke is something most of them don't wanna be and the opposite of Woke is Asleep.  *Eye Roll and Snicker*   

But, a Cult is what it just is and Cult Leaders are usually that unhinged and dangerous, yet adored and even worshipped like a god.  So, most of them end up with a god complex since they're treated as a demigod.  And perhaps Religiously Extreme individuals are more susceptible to following someone they think is some kind of Messiah in their own Minds, even if it's a false god using them and weaponizing them for quite carnal and secular agendas.  Most who are Sold Out on whatever they Believe are willing to Die for it, even if they're being led astray and manipulated, by someone more devilish and evil than godly.   That's why Terrorist Extremists tend to make it some kind of Religious War, easier to get willing Martyrs since they think they're doing their god's work and are Chosen Ones.   So, no matter how unhinged or sinister it is, how many innocent Victims it racks up, they think it's for some kind of Divine Glory they've concocted or been convinced of and groomed for.  

You know I find it rather ironic that a lot of Religiously Zealot folks are more scared of Halloween and Decorations than they are of someone like 45 and his Sycophants.   They can't seem to recognize real Devils when they see one.   And when he'd even sacrifice any or all of them, they'd voluntarily be sacrificed too... it really seems to be quite the effective Mind Fuck he's got going on with his devoted Base actually.   And I do think that November, Win or Lose, it's not going to be Pretty.  I would Hope that things might Calm Down and have some semblance of Normalcy, with Normal People in Power making the best decisions for the entire Country, but I think that Train left the Station back in 2016 and has been going Wheels off the fucking Rails ever since.  Now it's constantly running damage control becoz he's already starting the same tired playbook of Lies and Conspiracy Theories, that if he Loses it's a rigged System, but if he Wins it's not... and they fall for it every time.

*******

It's all more than a bit Much... Dawn... The Bohemian