Senior Portraits And High School Bullies

 

We watched Two Parts of a Three Part Superhero Psychological Horror Thriller Movie on NetFlix.  Didn't see the Original of the Trilogy tho', or at least I'm not sure if I have, since it was made over 20 Years ago.   The 2nd Movie was "Split" {2016} starring James McAvoy.  The 3rd Movie was "Glass" {2019} starring James McAvoy, Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson.  The Main Characters suffered from what Mental Illness has called Dissociative Identity Disorder, multiple distinct personalities. 

 The Daughter and her Son, The Young Prince, were diagnosed with that Disorder, so the Movie was interesting, even if also a Fantasy based Spin and Twist was put on it.  I enjoyed both parts, so may still try to see if the original "Unbreakable" {2000} is still streaming on NetFlix too?  It has some of the original characters in the 3rd Movie over the span of 19 Years between Production, which is quite interesting too.  So, even if it turns out I did see the original way back when, now I've seen the rest of the Trilogy, I'd like to still watch the Beginning.

We've been doing Family Movie Night since getting NetFlix as a Gift from The Niece, or at least the Adult Kiddos and I do.  The Man and Princess T don't like watching what the rest of us like tho', so they typically Opt Out.  The Man likes his Reruns and Princess T likes her Cartoons... and I can't watch too much of either.  *LOL*  Most of the time I don't even watch TV hardly at all.  But, I've enjoyed NetFlix so far, and the Adult Kids and The Niece said they'll renew it for me when this Subscription expires from the Gift Card The Niece gave me for it at Christmas.  If you watch it enuf, it's worth it.

The Son set it up as the Mid-priced Option Package, which doesn't have Commercials and is about $14 Monthly.   They have a Premium and Basic Option too, but this one was fine for us.  The Niece had bought me a Fifty Dollar Subscription for Christmas, hoping I'd like it as much as she thought I would.   I was skeptical if I would and didn't want to waste her Money, so I did make it a point to give it a chance and watch it often enuf.  The Adult Kids watch it way more than I do, so, it is still a very good Gift for the Family overall.  We like staying Home more than going out, so, it's Entertaining and Recreational for us.

Princess T has been Moody and Depressed, crying a lot lately as Graduation looms nearer and she won't be Graduating.  She projected her Anger at me on the day they handed out the Caps and Gowns.  We'd bought her one before they told us she wouldn't be Graduating with her Class, which, the Timing of that could have been better on behalf of her Teachers I thought.  Before we spent the Eighty Bucks on something she won't get to wear, which was humiliating for her, becoz she'd been talking about Caps and Gowns with all her Friends as everyone got excited about Graduation and getting them.  *Le Sigh*

Well, now of of coarse, Teenagers being how insensitive and cruel as they can just be, are teasing and bullying her about having a Cap and Gown.  Saying things like you should take that back, you're not going to be Graduating, so you shouldn't even have one.   Which just adds to her humiliation and feeling different, misfit and unworthy.  Well, I had thought Timmy was driving her Home, he had been, but now apparently he's stopped and Friends are alienating themselves from her as they're Graduating and doing all the Senior Stuff and excluding her.  Shit!

So, there she was carrying her Cap and Gown, putting up with cruel things Kids were saying and I wasn't there to pick her up so she had to Walk Home feeling on full Display and Targeted for more Bullying!  Bullying is a huge problem in all Schools and Grades, it is often out of control and causes so much Harm to it's Victims.  Fuck!   Well, she called me Twice, yelling at me but not explaining all of this, I was at Work so had no idea what the Hell was going on and couldn't leave.  I had Inventory in the Old Showroom strewn all over the Floor as I was sorting it out into Donation and Keep piles... to ready for Closing Out that Space soon and Vacating it by Month's end.  *Double Shit* 

 She thought I'd Forgotten about her, not remembering she didn't even tell me she needed a ride and Timmy won't take her Home anymore!  I didn't know they were on the Outs, I'd just assumed becoz of her Boyfriend that he and Matthew were just doing things without her.  Well, I guess that's not entirely the case and she said everyone at School in her Senior Class has made her to feel like a Retard.  And so none of them wants to include her anymore.   She's not a very Social Person anyway and has extreme Social Anxieties, so, this really has messed with her Self-Esteem a lot!  I HATE Bullying and Bullies, 45 is the biggest High Profile Bully of all and attracts those who are prone to it themselves.  Bullies actually are Cowards and pick on the most vulnerable, they can't stand up to someone who would hand them their Ass.

She wants to Drop Out, but knows Social Security, the Adoption Subsidy, her Healthcare and Dental Care, all are contingent upon her staying in School or the Coverage immediately drops and I can't afford to pay out of Pocket for her Healthcare and Dental Care, especially with the chronic ailments she's had all her Life.  When her Brother could no longer attend School, not of his own Choice even, all his Benefits immediately Ceased, even tho' he was only 15 and the Financial Aide had ONLY JUST been Awarded at the Adoption by the Adoption Judge when I Adopted him at Age 15!  Until the Adoption of The G-Kid Force I got no Financial Aide whatsover, it was all on our Dime to Raise them.  But, AHCCCS did provide their Healthcare, Mental Healthcare, Dental and Medications... or, that would have Bankrupted us.

 But, due to being Title 19, with Lifetime chronic Health Issues, considerable Mental Health Diagnosis, and other Disabilities, they did qualify for State Funded Healthcare and Dental Care.  Since, I had none after having to take early Retirement and dump 60% of my Pension to become a Full Time Unpaid Caregiver, and The Man's Military provided Insurances wouldn't Qualify them to be put on his.  I had to petition the State to receive any Benefits they did Qualify for and meet all criteria to keep it in place.  She knows this, and also knows that after Schools wouldn't take her Brother, he dropped off having Healthcare, Mental Healthcare, Dental Care or any means of Support besides us.

He has been unable to get a job even at Fast Food Restaurants, becoz as well as having Serious Mental Illness and Disabling Factors that are significant Healthwise/Mental Healthwise, he's also a High School Dropout.  They simply won't hire him.  It scares her that she could end up like her Mom and Older Brother and become destitute unless someone continues to provide everything she needs for the rest of her Life.   That is scary, she knows her Grandpa and I will not become Immortals in order to do it.  She knows her Brother has Allen, but, she doesn't have a Significant Other.  She knows her Mom and Uncle aren't Well enuf themselves to take care of her.  So, it feels like her Future is really insecure and she's scared.  

So, she was in Tears again as I drove her to School this Morning, she knows Students will torment her all day again about the whole Cap and Gown thing.  Now everyone knows she bought one and asked her if she's Pretending she's Graduating and Posing as a Graduating Senior?!  Kids can be so fucking Cruel and Insensitive to anyone vulnerable and exclude them to a point the Isolation is even more damaging to their Psyche.  This is why she doesn't Like People and I don't blame her, since, so many People are mean Spirited towards anyone they can bully or torment easily.   She hadn't told me the whole back story of why she's been unable to Mood Regulate, coz she knows how I'll handle it.

I Promised her I wouldn't go on the Warpath and put the Fear of God in all the fucking little or big Assholes giving her Grief, but, damn, I sure would LIKE to!   I was an Oddball Kiddo myself {Imagine that, bwahaha} ... but a very Scrappy one, I was a Fighter, who would kick Ass and take Names as often as I needed to.  The Daughter is the same, so is The Son.  So, even now the Trio of us will take Fear over Respect, if you can't willingly give us the latter.  When people Fear you, few dared mess with you growing up or now.  I was the Protector of my Kid Brother, who did get Bullied a lot.  He was a Peaceful Soul like The G-Kid Force are, and thus often Targeted.  Until he got to be 6'4" and big built, towering over most other Teenagers.  So then he began asserting himself more forcefully, he often got picked on before he reached Full Size.

   But, she's a different kind of Soul and a lot more introverted, Kind Hearted, Sensitive, Shy and Peaceful in her ways, than even my Kid Brother was.  Often people mistake Kindness for Weakness.  Yes, she can come unhinged and be a Force to be reconned with, it has happened a few times.  But, she prefers to just be left alone and fly under the Radar of most people so they will not mess with her and she can be rather Invisible.   She doesn't let her Dark Side out very often to Play and also would rather people not label her as Crazy AND Stupid.   She gets called Stupid a lot apparently, and she's not at all, but, being unable to grasp Academia has made her FEEL Stupid, and others implying or saying it hasn't helped.

She doesn't look like most of the Kids in what she calls her "Retard Class", which, is a Special Ed Class and most of the other Students are Developmentally Disabled to a significant degree.  So, it's not really the most Ideal Placement for her.  But, its all the School Systems offer to Kids with Learning Disabilities and Mental Health Diagnosis, they just lump everyone into the same Resource Classes.   And, half the time, since she's high functional and doesn't LOOK Disabled in any way, she doesn't even Qualify for most of those Specialty Resources either.  Over the Years they've Qualified and Disqualified her for them like a Rollercoaster Ride of parsing them out sparingly.

So, anyway, I'm trying to convince her that her Education is important enuf to hang in there and pursue, so she won't just Drop Out becoz she's given in, given out, and given up on herself.   I feel Administration already did and now just go thru the Motions coz Legally they have to.  She said they don't put forth much effort and don't always comply with her IEP, so there's no consistency and she often feels resented by some Teachers.  They claim they do what they're Legally required to, when I challenge it from what she tells me.  But I'm not there to bear Witness and I Believe my Child when she says most of it is giving the Illusion of Compliance or doing only enuf they won't get in trouble from being in Violation of Disability Law protecting the Rights of the Disabled Students in their Care.  Typical.

Becoz she's High Functional and Intelligent, she can communicate what isn't being done in her Classes that she knows should be done, and isn't.  And, she really tries hard to just have the Label of having a Learning Disability and not also be Labeled as having Mental Illness too.  Which really then begins limiting ALL Options in Life.   So, at her request we downplayed her Bipolar condition and she has never wanted to be on Meds, see Therapists or Shrinks for it.  She saw how Pointless that all was for her Older Sibling, Mother and Uncle.  And, truly, it was, but, what else could you try to do for Treatment that you prayed might improve Quality of Life and Manage Care appropriately enuf to be somewhat Functional?   As a Parent or Guardian you're often betwixt and between. 

All Three who went thru the whole gamut of Treatment resented it.  And rather resented me becoz I was the one who had to make the difficult decision to try what Western Medicine provides in the way of Mental Health Care.   My own Parents did the same with me to a certain degree to find out what was Wrong.   Since Mental Illness ran in both sides of the Family Genetically it seems, it's not like it was the First Rodeo.  Generationally it's been like a Curse and Cross to just bear and Deal with as best you can.  Society used to be more barbaric towards those afflicted, and, we're kinda going backwards instead of being more progressive during these turbulent times it seems.

So, anyway, other than that everything is Swell.  *Dramatic Eye Roll and LOL*  I had thought the Child was acting like an Ungrateful Entitled Teenager who was Disrespecting me.  Had she told me why she was so Emotionally Raw and projecting it on me, I would have had more of an understanding and not gotten Mad at her.  So, I'm glad the next day we cleared the air and she told me what was going on.  I remind her that we're only ever as Sick as our Secrets, and that if she communicates with me what's going on in her Life, I have better perspective about how to react appropriately.  So, now we're Good and she showed me her Cap and Gown... and she got her Senior Portraits too, which turned out good.

I have Shared all Three Poses we could afford.  They were expensive, so, I bought the selection that was affordable for us of Three of the numerous Poses they did.  I do Wish she'd Smiled, but she prefers to look Serious in her Pixs... oh well.  *LOL*  We had chosen the Red Background since I think anyone with very Dark Eyes and Dark Hair looks best on a Red Background, it compliments them.   I liked that they used a Drape in the Pixs too, it looks Elegant and very Grown-Up.  She liked how they all turned out, usually she's very critical.  She Wishes she still had her Eyebrow Piercing, she had it in the Pix, but we had to take it out and let it Heal, she got an Infection and it wasn't worth the risk so close to her Eyeballs and Brain.

I needed to get Fish Food so we went to a Cool Pet Shop in the City that specializes in Aquatics, called "The Ocean Floor".  They have a huge Salt Water Fish Collection For Sale and Rarer Tropical Fish.  They really don't carry the typical Big Box Pet Shop Aquarium Fish, but, they carry all the better brands of Fish Foods and Supplies you can't always get at a PetCo or a Petsmart.  Lately I've had trouble sourcing Tubiflex Worms for my Tropical Fish, so, thus, going Downtown to a Specialty Shop I knew carried them all the time.   I give our Fish a wide variety of Fish Foods and it keeps them healthier and their Colors brighter.  My Dad bred Tropical Fish for Decades and Sold them to Pet Stores in the Old Days.

 

He also bred Exotic Birds that he also Sold to Pet Shops, since, Importing them can often be Illegal, so, those Bred in Captivity and not Sourced from the Wild is helping in stopping Illegal Trade of Species from their Natural Habitats.   Anyway, my Dad was like the Feathers and Fin Whisperer.  He managed to Breed really difficult to Breed Species with ease and always had Offspring to keep Pet Stores well stocked.  With a Deep Respect for all Sentient Creatures I think that had a lot to do with it.  I never saw an Animal that my Dad couldn't handle or that didn't like him and respond favorably to him.  Anyway, this Eel loved having his Pix taken and was quite a Poser, he was enormous.

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Blessings, Love And Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian