This Is As Good As It Gets

 I find that if I go to The Gym after dropping my Granddaughter off at Work, I can use the equipment I like for as long as I want or need to without waiting or having to get only limited time on it coz others are waiting to use it.  So, Wednesday that's what I did and I was leaving as all the people were starting to flow in that overcrowd some equipment that there's a limited amount of like the Hydrotherapy Beds, which, there's only Two of with 10 Minute Sessions.  I got 20 Minutes in on that coz nobody was using them at 7:00 a.m..  I had the Wet Steam Sauna all to myself for the whole Session I was in it.

I did have one glitch that had never happened before, the Locker wouldn't Open again with the Combination I'd set for it.  Thankfully it was before I was naked with my Clothing in there.  *LOL*  So, I could walk back out to the Lobby and ask an Attendant to come Open it for me.  The Attendant told me sometimes they stick.  I used the same Combination every time and had used Locker 113 before too, so, I guess that's what happened?  It was a little scary to not be able to get your stuff out, including all your Clothes, Purse with Vehicle Keys, Phone.  But, I moved over one Locker to 115 and it was Fine and opened with the Set Combination.  *Whew*

Now, the embarrassing part, the Workout felt great, I always feel better after a Workout, Sauna and Shower.  But, after I got Home, I needed a fucking NAP and Slept for Three Hours!!!  WTF!?!   That's pathetic, No?  *Bwahahaha*  But, I'm still gonna try to do it more consistently and perhaps build up my Stamina more?  Then mebbe I won't require a Nap afterwards?  *LOL*   The Man feels bad Today, he doesn't even wanna do a little bit of Canning, so I know he really doesn't feel good.  He had good Readings on everything Yesterday, so, it's a Mystery as to why he doesn't feel good, he's not Sick, his Blood Pressure, Oxygen Saturation, Sugars, were all excellent.  He can't explain well how he feels or why.  I think it might be more Mental/Emotional, perhaps?

I woke up from my Nap feeling great and refreshed.  The Son reminded me I'd gotten up way early Today, I had, before 4:00 a.m..  So perhaps it wasn't the Workout, but just already being up for a few Hours and doing something Physical???   I did stop and get some Groceries on Sale before this Weeks Sale is a Wrap.  And got another Fruit Mousse Cake, they're light and fabulous, not Sweet, we now Love them and they only make One at the Bakery I go to so they still had it, so, it was mine.  *Winks*  I Photographed some of their other Cakes, all were so pretty.  Above and Below was ours, and we had some as soon as I got it Home.  *Smiles*

I picked Princess T from Work and they had some really good stuff at SAVERS, I hadn't intended to buy anything but they also had $10 off if you bought $30 in Clothing, which I did, and then it's Military Day too so I got another 30% Off the Non-Clothing Purchases too.  I'd found 3 Fiesta Ware Oval Bowl Platters in Two Sizes and in Colors of Red and in Yellow, Online they Sell for around $30 each and I got them for $4 each.  I got a Christian Audigier T-Shirt with great Graphics on Front and Back for $5.  An Angel Cult T-Shirt for $5. And a Hoodie by Fox for Princess T that she said Sells for over $100 Online, I got it for $3!   I got a Dia de los Muertos Sugar Skull Ceramic Electric Wax Scent Warmer for $4.  And a really nice Canvas Tote with great Sailor Jerry Graphics on both sides for $2.  They had some nice Vintage Industrial Lighting but it all needed rewiring so it was a Hard Pass on that.

I had to give this wonderful T-Shirt to the Grandson tho' coz it was only a Size Large and The Girls are too bodacious to fit around them even if I lose more Weight... dammit.  I LOVED this Shirt and SO wanted it to fit me.  *Boo Hoo*   The Young Prince LOVED it as much as I did and wasn't Sad it didn't fit me.  *LOL*  Princess T reminded me that my Tits aren't gonna get any Smaller so I should just relent, take some Pixs, and give it to her Brother.  *LOL*  She's Right of coarse.  He was beyond Delighted too so that made me Happy, he doesn't own many Clothes and has to borrow a lot of mine anyway, so, if I do get Skinny... I could always wear it.  *Fingers Crossed*  I would look so Cute in it too!  *Sob and LOL*

I did some Canning by myself at the Park and found a Blonde American Girl Doll in a Pink Princess Dress that Parks N Rec had just tossed in an empty Trashcan so I retrieved her, she's in perfect condition and some Kid must have accidentally left it behind.  The Park folks tell me all the time that anything abandoned just gets thrown away, they don't donate it or have a Lost & Found.  I guess so much is left behind all the time it's all they can do with it.  So, I'll Sell her, it's a Popular Line and she's been well Cared for... some little Girl was probably Heartbroken tho' when she realizes she left her Doll somewhere.  Luckily the Bag in that Can was brand new so she didn't get soiled by actual Garbage.  Someone had also left behind a Four Pac of Aquafina Waters.  I got a lot of Aluminum Cans and it was a Beautiful Day to walk around a nice Park nearby.  It was pretty deserted tho', usually it has more people, it's a Popular Park with lots of amenities for the Community.

We still haven't located The Grandson's Wallet, it has his ID, his new Bank Card, and all his Money in it so he's Emotionally very Raw about it and Paranoid.  He took an Uber recently and I'm just hoping he didn't leave it in the Uber Driver's Vehicle?  Other than that it should be here or at his Dad's coz he's not gone anywhere else where it could be and he doesn't interact with a lot of people either to have had anyone steal it from him.  Anyway, Hopeful it just turns up and he just put it somewhere odd that he hasn't thought to look?  One time The Son misplaced a remote controller for his X-Box and he'd put it in the Refrigerator!  *LOL*  So, you just never know what Odd place someone could leave something and not think to look for it there.  I don't want the hassle of replacing his ID at the DMV and his Bank Card, which he hasn't had very long.  But the Money is the main thing, he had $80 in it which was all he has, so he's very upset about that. 

I've got the Three in the Mornings again, I often wake up at 3:00 a.m. almost on the Dot and it's just very Odd, that's the Witching Hour to those of  us who Believe in such things.   I was gonna Google it and it instantly came up as a common Search, of that exact time, which surprised me.  Turns out 3:00 a.m. is when your Body shifts from Deep Sleep to lighter REM Sleep, who knew?   Spikes in Cortisol {Stress Hormone}, drops in Blood Sugar, or Environmental Factors are usually key causes.   The Stress and Blood Sugars thing make a lot of sense in my case.   A rise in Cortisol is common between 2:00 a.m.-3:00 a.m. in most people to prepare your Body for Waking and is a Natural Rhythm.  And for Women over 55 it's quite common Post-Menopausal too, to Wake at that Hour.  

The Daughter has chosen not to be here since her Boyfriend got banned from our Property.  So, for now the 5th Wheel is unused and really needs to be tidied up and cleaned.  I don't usually want to disturb possessions of the Family that are not mine, but if she doesn't return anytime soon to do it I've got to tell her I'm going to.  How it looks right now is not Okay, its messy.  I did clean out the little Fridge and Freezer in there and removed any dirty Dishes already and she knows that.  But getting strewn Clothing and miscellany off the Floor and off the Furniture has to be addressed too.  She's reliant on him for her transportation so it is an Issue and I do feel he's somewhat keeping her from Family, but, she has her own Free Will as well and may be choosing to remain with him where ever he's squatting next? 

 I do know they had to leave where they were staying and don't know that whole Back Story in it's entirety.  I got 3rd Hand information about it, but it is 3rd Hand so accuracy is questionable.   But, from what I heard from the Person who heard it from the alleged Source, it wasn't under favorable conditions, let us just say.  Which, it wasn't under favorable conditions he was asked to leave our Property either so that Tracks even if the reasons are completely different.  And, since he's bounced from place to place even with his own Relatives, that seems to be his Pattern of inappropriate Behavior at other people's Properties.  For perhaps varied reasons, but never Positive ones.  As for her, she's not been asked to leave any place she's ever stayed before.  And she's always been Welcomed back any place she's ever stayed before.  So I'm just speculating here, but, he is likely the main cause for being asked to leave in most, if not every, case?

I think I NEED one of these Canvas Tote Coolers for Medical Use, but, to use for Lunches, that would be hilarious.   Inappropriate Humor for levity has sustained me lately coz shit has been just Bananas, both Personally and Nationally/Globally, hasn't it?   My RV Garage Mahal, the Art Studio Space and The 5th Wheel right now are all a Hot Mess due to possessions not belonging to me and holding the Worldly Possessions of other Family Members who can't keep it straight, so, it's very discouraging.   Any headway I felt I'd made, has been rolled way back now... and it's rather overwhelming to even be in any of the Three Spaces coz it gives me intense Anxiety to.  The Son could see how disturbed it's making me and tho' he's living here too he's very tidy with all of his possessions, and didn't displace anything of mine I'd Styled his Room with at all before he moved into it.

He knows that Sharing Space and then Re-Sharing Space again and again with extended Family has set me back considerably over the Years, especially at this Property location.   Not only financially, since it's an added expense and hardship Economically, but personally too to relinquish large portions of your Home.   And especially as we relocated and had to set up our own Home after a Big Move and Downsized Space only to have Family move back in and not really have enuf room for everyone and their Worldly Possessions crammed into less Space than we had before.   The Historic Property had a Main House about the Size of this one, but more Cottages for Family to Move Into on the Acreage.  The Villa McManse was enormous so had plenty of Space and Empty Space even when we moved from it.  But here, we're limited in Livable Space.  The RV Garage Mahal is a lot of Unlivable Space not Climate Controlled and more like a Warehouse to contain what's in it.

Above is The Daughter as an Infant.  Times were very hard then too, I was an Unwed Single Mom and had a very demanding Corporate Career in my Banking Executive Days back then.  I was working sometimes 60+ Hours, going to College at Night, and Raising a Child Alone with no help from her Bio Father who was in the Military and no longer in Arizona, Stationed in the Azores at the time.  He has seen her once in her entire Life, for just Minutes and abandoned responsibility of having Fathered a Child.  Some Men be like that.  My Lifelong Friend Joanne was my Roommate.  We moved thru some very difficult times together.  And she moved thru difficult times afterwards too.  So, we still keep in Touch, she lives in Las Vegas now, but we haven't seen each other in a very long time, she's moved around a lot and remained Nomadic, I decided to ditch the Global Nomad Life and stay put in Arizona.   She's an Italian American originally from New York, Long Island.

But, she also has Lifelong Trauma, since, her Beloved Husband, who was also a Lifelong Friend of mine, after Retirement from the Military, worked for the DOD and was blown up in the Middle East during Desert Storm.  He was living his best life in Retirement, they'd attended the Olympics in China even!   So it never should have happened if his Country hadn't asked him to go above and beyond and become a DOD Consultant after Retirement.  Which, my Friend didn't have a Peace about and told me she had a very bad Feeling about when he was asked to go to the Middle East.  She and I had Premonitions and she knew I'd understand that she'd had one about Mike being in imminent Danger if he went.  She tried to talk him out of going, to no avail.

 She knew The Man was also in the Middle East at the time, Active Duty, but he came Home, her Husband didn't last 30 Days In Country before his Convoy got blown up.   I don't know how you ever Recover from something like that and I don't think she ever did.  And I think this New War will be Triggering for her coz her Oldest Son is the same Rank as his Dad Retired at, is a Career Military high ranking Officer and will be involved in this Iranian Fiasco.   I'm his Godmother, he has a Wife and Two Young Children, he lost his Dad to a very unpopular War... it's just a LOT.  And many more Families will go thru this with this very unpopular War that doesn't even have the level of Support that Vietnam or any of the other Middle Eastern Conflicts had.  It has the most abysmal Support of any War to date in fact, which, is NOT good when Americans have Zero Support for the War... and thus, Support wanes for our Troops due to that.    Below is my Dear Friend Mike... and his Son little Mike... who is my Godson and I've known since the day he was Born.  He also has a Younger Brother.

Father

Son

But, I digress, and as a Lifelong Military Family Member I don't wanna Talk about War, it's highly Triggering.  I don't mind Multigenerational Living when it comes to the actual People, but combining everyone's Worldly Possessions is the bigger Challenge.  Where to put it, keep it tidy and organized, since I require Order and right now there's too much Disorder.  So, it's short-circuiting me on an Emotional level right now.   The Young Prince and his Mom are the culprits of not being capable all of the time to run damage control behind themselves.  I am a clutterer, so I have to constantly run damage control behind my own self, but I do it and try to keep on top of my own messes.    I just can't keep on top of everyone else's adequately.  The Son, Princess T and The Man are just not messy, they are Orderly and very tidy in their ways, so they've never been problematic.  I never have to Clean Up behind those Three ever.  I can be my own worse Enemy making Work for myself, but times that by Three of us and it's problematic now.

  And, I'm not dirty, I'm cluttery but clean in my ways. I don't leave dirty Dishes, unclean Clothing, wet Towels, trash, laying around.  What I have laying around is usually Purchases not yet put away, or Inventory not yet Priced and taken to the Antique Mall.  Or transitional Seasonal items from Decorating for a Holiday, taken down, and not yet put away in Seasonal Storage.   Those are my messes and it can look unsightly and make Space not as functional until I take care of it, but, it's not disturbing or alarming to everyone else in the Family, like the other Two's messes can be.  With my mess I've have the other Three, or even The Daughter, ask if they can just Help me put my mess away where it goes... and then it's just Done when it's in placement of where it just should be.  With their messes, those Two, it's a Cleaning Job of epic proportions that could be a Scene from "Hoarders" in an unpleasant way.

The Young Prince was boasting to me he's "almost done" with his Space and was proud as a Peacock to tell me that.  So, I made the mistake of going to take a peek, and OMG, if that's "almost done", we're doomed my Friends!  I had to close the Door quickly and take a Breath so I didn't hyperventilate!!!!!   He really is quite ill and it's showing more than I remember it showing when he and Allen lived here coz I think Allen probably kept things up under Control and ran damage control behind The Young Prince.  So, their Space always looked good even tho' they'd displaced all of my possessions to make that Space their own, so my shit was on the Back Patio under Tarps for a long time.  But, their Space, be it when they were in the Guest Bedroom... and then The Art Studio Space, was always a Vision and Decorated nicely and Clean always.  Now I know that was due to Allen and he deserves the Credit.

And I think perhaps he just burned out completely in the doing of all of that Caregiving, Cleaning/Running Damage Control behind his Husband, and Working a very Physically demanding Career?  He is only in his 20's, so, I highly suspect that was in part, why things deteriorated between them to a point it became unsafe and escalated to a level The Young Prince HAD to leave.  The Young Prince said Allen was becoming Mad at him all of the time, but in seeing the condition of how things can get with his Living Spaces, well, I could see that happening.  *Le Sigh and LOL*  I have to take a deep breath, remind myself that he and his Mom are similarly Unwell, VERY Unwell, and take it from there and in stride.  Coz, it's not like they are ever gonna Get Well, no Cure exists and Managing their type of Mental Illness is a Tall Order all of the time.  So, her not being here means I could recover her Space while she's gone, for now.

We have Caseworkers for The Man and will be getting one for The Young Prince so things have to be in a reasonable amount of Order.  They both need the Services provided and I know any Caseworker is also responsible for looking at Living Conditions to ensure everyone is Safe and can Manage their Daily stuff... when you're Old or Disabled... sometimes that becomes challenging and they know this.  So, it's for the Good of the Client and I Respect that and have always kept a nice Home that any Caseworker didn't have to worry about and always commended us on, so I'd like to keep it that way.  Since The G-Kid Force were Wards of the State since Birth and until Adoption was finalized, I had Caseworkers for them for almost 18 Years straight... and for The Man off and on via the VA and his condition being what it has been for Decades now.  So, I'm used to it and Nurse Remi is great but I haven't met The Young Prince's Caseworker yet, first visit is this Month.

If whoever it is sees his Room right now the "He just Moved in with all his Stuff" might cut it for perhaps Visit No. One without a Write-Up, but after that, I dunno?   And The Daughter, if she gets a Caseworker too, which, she does Need one, the 5th Wheel has to look livable and Sanitary too.  So, I want to get both Spaces to that Standard and KEPT at that Standard.  Both of them know this, but their capability to Maintain their own Spaces is compromised and that's evident and I don't have Staff, so... its a particular Challenge.  There's not enuf Space and keeping it Functional for each of them is an ongoing Full Time Job really. This is as good as it gets.  On an Intellectual level, I acknowledge that Fact.  Coping with it however, is an ongoing challenge.

  *******

Coping is always the challenge in life's issues though, isn't it... Dawn... The Bohemian