Feelings... Nothing More Than Feelings

 

The Daughter and I set about Housekeeping and clearing out clutter and deep cleaning everything in main rooms of the house.  She made Margaritas for us, mine a Virgin Margarita, since, I don't drink, but, it was good, and hers with Tequila, that her Friend Amber had brought over for a Pool Party.  We put some Music on and got a lot done, vowing to keep on top of it and not re-clutter it up with Inventory.  Which, is what usually happens when I have Merch in the House that is Antique Mall bound.  It's too Hot in the She Shed or The RV Garage Mahal to work out there doing it, so I drag some of it into the house to do it in Climate Control... it's messy.  And it does render those Spaces less functional and visually a Downer.  I like a tidy and organized Home.  I don't mind having a lot of stuff so long as it is in Order and visually pleasing, but, if it's not, it's a problem for me.

Right now I have a big bunch of Merch priced and ready to get out of here, but the ER Visit for the Grandchild taking all Day and wiping me out Emotionally and Physically, sidelined that for another Day.  And, I'll be spending time at the VA with The Man for Medical follow-up too Tomorrow, so that Day is pretty much a wash and shot to Hell too, I doubt I'll wanna work my Showroom after it?  Preparing The Man for a VA Visit is always stressful for him, even tho' he has a really good Doc and we like Dr. Kline, he couldn't be better.  We've not addressed the Dementia with Docs yet, the TBI really couldn't be helped and I doubt Dementia can either, so... doubtful putting him thru any of what that would entail would be Helpful to him, or to us?   If it's not Helpful then I just don't find any Point to it.   As it is his Physical Health has been complex enough to keep him piping along and we're continuously dealing with all that.   The other Heart Surgery and Hospitalization being early next Month.

Any progress being made is uplifting to me and didn't take as much work as I imagined it might.  Once you tackle it, it's amazing how much you can get done in a single Day actually.  I just loathe tackling it most days lately, that's the barrier, my procrastination in doing what I don't wanna do or am burnt out from doing continuously and never seems Done.  With Multigenerational Living, there's always a lot going on and Housekeeping is continuous, all Hands on Deck all of the time, or, things get deferred and back up quickly otherwise.  We've kept on top of a lot of it, but shit happens almost continuously.  Example, Mondays our Pool Guy comes and it was Monday Afternoon, he'd come in the Morning to Service the Pool.  

Well, Mando happened to be doing work around the Pool and noticed something seemed wrong in one of the Pool Drain Catchers so he checked it, a fucking dead Roof Rat was in there!  So, now I've got to call Brad and ask why his Guy hadn't noticed, checked that, and taken care of it!?  Plus, does the Pool need Shock Treatment now a Dead Animal was in one of the Debris Catchers of the Pool?!  Usually it catches Leaves and that kind of Debris that gets sucked into it when the self-cleaning System is on.  We have a Pool Vacuum, but a Roof Rat is so damned big, the size of a small Cat, that I don't know how that got in there except it might have fallen in the Pool at Night and gotten sucked in thru the direct opening into the Trap that catches Pool Debris?!  Ewwww!

We don't get many Roof Rats on our Property coz we don't have Nut and Citrus Trees, or Livestock, which attract them.   But all our Neighbors do and some of whatever Wildlife is around, can stray onto our Property while it's hunting for it's Food and Water.   So, we've gotten Coyote, Raccoon, Roof Rats, Snakes, Mice, Scorpions, Gophers, etcetera from time to time.  Plus, if you're growing any Veggies and Herbs, those Vermin do ravage your Victory Gardens too.  Right now I don't have much growing in mine, we Harvested it all and I haven't planted anymore for Fall, so that isn't attracting them, but Pool Water could since Omar next door doesn't have a Pool and has a lot of Citrus and Nut Trees.  So, his property has their Food Source and ours would be the closest Water Source.  Our other Neighbor next door has a Pool too, but several Neighbors do not.

On our Street only Four of the Twelve Properties have a Pool and one of those Neighbors has it drained dry and never had it refilled.  We think that Family inherited the Home and doesn't keep it up well at all.  That happens with a lot of the inherited Homes, the original Owners kept them up so well, they Die Off, the Younger folks who inherit it or who Sell it to Investors, don't keep it up as well.   Sad, coz these are all expensive Real Estate and Custom Homes on Acreage, and are quite desirable.   So quite an Investment that someone Owning it should protect their Investment and Equity in, if they're Wise and not Stupid or just Lazy.   But, often whoever gets an Inheritance squanders it coz they didn't really ever have any Skin in the Game and when something is just given to someone, they take it for Granted and don't always put the Work in to Maintain it or appreciate it fully.

Those Mannequin Pixs show the Mannequin I picked up for only Forty Bucks at the Antique Mall in East Chandler when I attended that Event.  She put the Wig and Outfit/Accessories on her coz she was Bald and only was wearing a Black Lace Lingerie that The Daughter wanted *Winks*, plus, she has no Hands, so she also Staged her to hide that fact.  It's hilarious, she's an Old Mannequin, probably 1960's Era and in good shape considering her Age and only missing her Hands.  I have some Mannequin Hands that might fit her actually, but haven't tried to attach them to find out yet.   And I Display them with Bracelets and Rings so might not even want to.  But, I might look for Mannequin Hands being Sold on E-Bay from that Era, you can find damned near anything at Auction these days.  *Smiles*  I found a Hand on E-Bay for my Johnny West Indian Maiden 1960's Figures missing a Hand.  *LOL*

Anyway, as you can see by those Pixs of the Mannequin in the Art Studio Space, there's a LOT going on in that Space coz half The Daughter's Worldly possessions, half my Wardrobe, are now in there.  Coz I had to forfeit the Guest Bedroom Closet to The Son coz he now lives in that Space.  And, soon we'll have The Young Prince and all his Cargo in the Art Studio Space, so, I have no idea how we'll logistically figure that out?  When you have Six Adults Sharing Space in a normal sized Home, its difficult to find placement for everyone's Worldly possessions.  And I have more Cargo than most folks, so, I take up a lot of Space.  *Winks*

I'm going to call our State Capitol to ask why in Arizona we need a Prescription to get our COVID Vaccine and other States don't?  They could intervene with their own measures to ensure continued, widespread Pharmacy access to the Vaccine, so I'm going to put Pressure on for that end.   I know Federally shit is being implemented haphazardly and punitively, but States can and sometimes do protect their own Citizens with their own Laws when the Federal Government isn't.   I have heard from other Bloggers that they don't need Prescriptions in their State, so, that should be so in every State, we're all Americans, we shouldn't have unequal access to such live saving measures.  It's making me angry that some Citizens are not having equal access to Vaccines.  Moving On tho', since so far even getting in to see Doctors is compromised coz of the National Cluster Fuck overwhelming the Systems!

We're starting to Decorate our Front Porch now for the Autumnal Holiday Vibe.  The Daughter found this Mummified Bird while cleaning out that Barn for a Friend.  She brought it Home to put near our Salvaged Bird's Nests and Eggs that never hatched.   The Bird looks quite Alive and like Taxidermy, natural Taxidermy, in the Desert that can happen coz the intense Heat dries things out and all moisture sucked out and decomposition can be different, mummifying things.   The Nests fell out of our Big Pine Trees during Storms.  The Old Typewriter and various Old Footlockers and Chests, Signage out there are part of what we've Collected over the Years.  We keep most of it out there all Year and then embellish with various Seasonal items, which we switch around during different Seasons and Holidays.  I enjoy Decorating Outside still, even tho' I've often Dialed Back Decorating Inside in Common Area Rooms. 

I keep my Vintage/Antique Halloween up all Year in the Guest Bedroom Displays and The Son doesn't mind that and has never tried to change it.  Knowing that I don't have any other Climate Controlled Space to enjoy and Display it nor protect it.   When The Young Prince and Allen had that Room they displaced all my Collections that were in need of Climate Control and I was very upset about it coz this is our Home.  I bought it thinking that eventually it would only be The Man and I here so we only considered having Princess T here about 6 more Years when we made that decision.  At the time we had no idea everyone would need to move back Home becoz Housing would become unaffordable for the Younger Generations to Rent or Own locally.  And that just about all the Kids would end up perpetually Unhoused if they couldn't come back here to live.   I didn't want Two Generations to end up Homeless and on the Streets, especially given half were Working Full Time at difficult and demanding Careers!!!

I think it's disgraceful when hard Working Americans cannot even afford Basic Shelter becoz they've been Priced Out of it and Wages haven't kept pace or up with Inflation of Necessities like Food and Shelter.   And for those unable to Work, that Social Services are being denied or parsed out to only Flavors of the Month and the rest must try to Exist with absolutely no way of earning a Living at all!!!   And that the Safety Net Programs for the most vulnerable of our Society are being slashed while we're literally funding and giving away whatever the Obscenely Wealthy want to stay or become even Wealthier!!!   The 1% don't need to be protected Financially and have excess, they have no real legitimate Need for more, while the Poor and the Seriously Disabled and most Marginalized of Society don't even have the bare minimum to Survive or even Exist.   Those with no Family that can take them in and continue to fully Support them, no matter how much of a Hardship it imposes to those Families, are forsaken and destitute.

Our Two Younger Adult Children who are Middle Aged, have come to the conclusion they will never be able to afford current Rents or Buy their own Home, ever.  And I know many Families who say their Middle Aged Children are having to move back Home... and those with Adult Grandkids say that Generation is in the same Hopeless situation unless they live in a very low Cost of Living State, of which that pool is shrinking FAST.  People can only migrate for so long before there's no longer any affordable places to relocate to.  And the added problem being, in some States Real Estate and Rents are only low becoz there's very little Work or Opportunity for them there.   The most affordable States left are usually the Poorest States as well with less Opportunities and less or shittier Jobs.   The Migration of Retirees is also happening, Arizona used to be a big Retirement State, but now it's becoming unaffordable on a Retirement Income to live here, to Buy or Rent here on a Fixed Income.

It bothers me becoz tho' they'll all eventually Inherit our Estate, I'd like for each of them that has a Career to be able to make their own Investments and attain what used to be The American Dream.  And now for Younger Generations is fast becoming The American Nightmare coz they have to rely on being taken in by Aging Relatives or Friends becoz they can't find affordable Housing anymore anywhere in the City where they have their Jobs/Careers.   I bought my first Home when I was barely in my 20's, now people in their 30's and 40's haven't been able to Buy their first Home yet coz it's too expensive and Lenders aren't lending either, borrowing Money is becoming harder, competing against Deep Pocket Investors/Developers is impossible.  They snap up any Properties that used to be available to First time Homebuyers.

So, shit, at about 11:00 p.m. last Night the Fridge started making loud violent noises and going on the fritz!   There is no Money for expensive Appliance repairs or replacement so I was worried and the noise so loud and obnoxious I couldn't stand it.  Luckily Mando can fix damned near anything and was spending the Night so he and The Daughter put a Tutorial on my Phone about Fridge Repair Troubleshooting, yes, there is a Tutorial for everything and anything these days.  And tho' they had to spend literally all Night long 'til almost 4:00 a.m. in the Morning repairing it, they got it Done!!!  *Whew*   The Daughter, having lived in Mexico 20 Years is resourceful too, so she assisted Mando.  They only had to take apart the bottom Freezer section, but that meant displacing all Freezer items into The RV Garage Mahal Fridge, which is the Old one we brought with us from the McManse.  Our Buyer had their own Fridge and wanted us to take ours.

 

It had been New when we bought the McManse so it an expensive Stainless Fridge too that came brand New with the Home Purchase, like this Fridge did with this Home Purchase.  But, even expensive Major Appliances these days require a lot of Repairs and early Replacement, they're no longer built to last longer than 7-10 Years anymore.  Gone are the Old Days of long lived Appliances that lasted a couple Decades or more.  At the Historic Home we had Appliances that were 75-100 YEARS Old and still working just fine!!!  No repairs needed, no replacement needed so long as you didn't mind using Historic Appliances instead of Modern ones?  *Winks*  Some of them might still be working at the end of Time?  *LOL*  But, not Modern ones, so, I was relieved the Kids got it fixed even if we all did have to stay up all Night to do it.  Turned out a Fan for the Freezer was seizing up coz it got Iced up.  Yes, it's a self frosting design like they all are, but apparently this is a common issue!

You literally have to take the whole bottom apart to reach said Fan tho', natch, which is why Fridge Repairmen can Charge so much, it's a several Hour Job and you pay them by the Hour.  It only takes a Hair Dryer to do a quick defrost rather than shutting the whole Fridge down and risking Food Spoilage.  The Fan is behind a Door that has Screws, so after taking the entire lower part of the Fridge apart and dragging it from the Wall, the Kids were climbing inside the bottom half to fix it and defrost the seizing up Fan so it could spin freely again and not burn out it's Motor.  At the McManse we had a Home Warranty that covered Fridge Repairs, but I swear we had that Guy out on the Regular.  Now that Fridge works Fine being hooked up in The RV Garage Mahal and not being opened all the time.   We use it mostly for Medication Storage for Insulin Injectables and extra Freezer Storage.  Or big BBQ's and Party stuff Storage now.  I'd not move it into the House if the other one went tits, we'd have to buy a new Fridge, which, would require Financing it.  Don't want that.

It's always something with Home Maintenance tho', that's where any Debt load has come in, otherwise I pay Cash for everything.  But if something super expensive breaks down, if I don't have Thousands in Savings for the outlay of an Emergency, it has to be Financed now we have a big Mortgage and a Vehicle Payment again.  I was spoiled at having Paid Off Home and Paid Off Vehicles for a long time, so, it's an adjustment for me to have Debt in Retirement, it wasn't the Master Plan... neither was Raising Kids until we were Geriatrics.  *LOL*  Or, being forced to make a Sale on our Paid Off Home, or The Man getting into his Catastrophic Accident in my Paid Off Vehicle that totaled it and damn near Killed him!   And, I never expected he or I to be forced into early Retirements either, that was never The Plan.  But, Life happens and shit happens, so whaddya gonna do?  *Eye Roll*

Having Mando here a lot is like having a Live In Handyman most of the time.  He lives alone and when he's not feeling Well he gets scared to be by himself, which is understandable when you've had a Terminal Diagnosis and Docs say they can do no more for you.   So, The Daughter takes good Care of him and it gives her Purpose to have him and her Dad needing Care, and Helping me out so much, and it works for her Mental Stability to be so Needed.  Otherwise she goes off into Crazy Land and whatever keeps her on the Rails, is a good thing, even if it means an extra Person with Medical Issues being here a lot.  He likes to keep busy to distract himself from his own Medical Situation and not have to Think about it, otherwise he slumps into a deep dark depression and feels Hopeless, so, it's uplifting to him too.  The Man used to go thru deep dark depressions when he initially got his TBI Diagnosis, coz there's no Cure for Serious Brain Damage... or Dementia... but now he forgets he has both... so, that's Helpful.

Now when he asks me, "What do I have again?", I don't say a particular Diagnosis he's been given, I just say, "You have us Honey.", and then he's at Peace with how he just is coz he's not even all that Aware anymore of how he is.  Which is kinda a Blessing in Disguise, or he'd be really despondent about it getting worse I think?   I have to remind him a lot, and often, about what he must do daily, or forgets to do for Self Care, and meet with some resistance and argument, coz he often thinks he already did whatever it is and he hasn't of coarse, no concept of Time or what Day it is now.  We'll often have reminders for him to show him on Calendars and his Med Box what Day it actually is.  If there's Pills still in that Section and we've now convinced him of what Day of the Week it is, he has to admit mebbe he forgot and then will be compliant about taking his Medications he must have.  Especially the new Heart Meds that prevent his Stint from being rejected or attacked by his own Body.  *Whew*

He used to tell me he didn't wanna take his Diabetic Shots anymore coz he doesn't like Shots.  Well, nobody fucking LIKES Shots Honey, and if you don't give them to yourself, in front of me so I know you actually had them, I'M giving them to you and I'll make sure it hurts.  That's how I get compliance sometimes, but, whatever Works.  *Winks*   I don't make it hurt, of coarse, but he thinks I will and since he's such a big Baby about having a Shot, even being a big tough Marine Bad Ass, he imagines it really hurts... they don't, I've rarely ever even felt mine!  He claims it's coz I have no Feelings and am as tough as Old Shoe Leather... well, he could be Right, I dunno?  *Bwahahahaha*   I do have a very high threshold for Pain and am quite Stoic about being in Pain, I would refuse to Cry even when I got hurt as a little Kid, my Parents said if I Cried they knew something had to be Serious going on and unbearable.  I Feel Pain, I just happen to have high capacity to endure it without Emotion or succumb to it, I guess?

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Feelings, nothing more than Feelings... Dawn... The Bohemian