Cheaper Than Therapy

 I liked the above Meme, but, suppose I Swear too much to Qualify?  There would definitely be some F-Bombs on there!  *Winks and LOL*  Princess T had a meltdown coz her Mom was using her expensive Body Scrub, that she bought with her own Money, so she told ME to tell her Mom NOT to use it.  *LMAOROTF*  Of coarse The Daughter didn't know, she thought I'd bought it, and I Share my shit... coz, Sharing is Caring, Right?  *Winks*  Kids are so funny, once they have to spend their own Earned Money and begin to realize what shit costs.  *Bwahahaha*  I remember once, her Boyfriend took her to a Restaurant on a Date, that we've taken her to since she was little.  She comes Home incredulous, "Do you know how much he spent!!!???!"   Well, Yeah, we've been taking you there for damned near Two Decades now!  *LOL*  Too damned funny!

So, she went out again with her Gay Boy Posse, now she's Free and Single again, she doesn't have to set aside Time for a Boyfriend.  *LMAO*   She likes being unattached, I'd venture to say she prefers it in fact.  She just doesn't like having to Deal with other People's Emotions and Feelings, too complicated.  *Smiles*  I do understand, that's how I was until I was in my late 20's actually, and preferred not having a Boyfriend or any long term commitment or attachment to another Person.   I was Surprised at myself for even wanting to be Married and sustaining one for well over Three Decades now, who knew?!  *Ha ha ha*  I can be very detached and I know that about myself.  It's not that I have Hate or Dislike for anyone I would spend Time with, I just don't enjoy spending too much Time with anyone without some Apartness from them too.  *LOL*

What's funny about that to me is that I can become very attached to Stuff.   But with People, not so much, becoz how a Person might Act can really cause me to not want to be around them much, if at all.  Stuff is inanimate, so, uncomplicated to have around all the time.  You've got to be a very easy to get along with Zen Individual for me to want to be around you a lot.  Coz if you even Smell like Drama and a Headache, forget about it.  Some folks are very easy to get along with and be around, and with some folks, I Like them, but a little bit of them goes a long way, you know?  *Smiles*   And, I Cherish my Solitary Time too much to forfeit it.  The Balance of Togetherness and Apartness has to be appropriate.

So, I totally Connected with how Princess T feels about being around People or having a Significant Other.   It can be suffocating if they're too Needy or want to do everything together.  It's a Wonder I adapted to Motherhood so well and Raised Two Generations of Kids, coz, Kids can be very Needy and wanna stalk you.  *LOL*   The Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids still Laugh about how they hadda have Mom/Gramma Radar, so that I couldn't Sneak Off, even stealthily.  Lord knows I tried!  *Bwahahaha* The same with The Man, especially now he's Older and seems to have developed a Dependency upon me, to where he gets Separation Anxiety!!!   I Sneak Off sometimes and tell the Kiddos to Watch him for me, they say he almost has a Panic Attack!  "Where's your Mom/Gramma!!!???"  *LOL*

Then he'll sit in the Livingroom, in the Media Chair in there, which he almost never does when I'm Home, so that he can tell the moment I arrive back Home.   And the Kiddos tell me it's kinda Sad, coz he has no concept of Time anymore, so he's anxiously awaiting my return, even if it's a short errand or I've gone to Work.   And I think that becomes common with Dementia too, coz my Mom did that.  She lived Independently for a while, until we realized she couldn't anymore and was formally Diagnosed.  Well, I'd JUST have visited her or taken her somewhere... left, a Friend of hers would call her, and she'd swear she hadn't seen me in WEEKS and was out of everything we'd just resupplied her with!!!  So, then they'd call me!!!  And I'd have to tell them I JUST left, or had been there a Day or so before, and taken care of everything for her!!!

At first I thought mebbe she did it for the added Attention and Companionship, so that more of her Inner Circle would visit more often?  She did live Alone and didn't Drive, tho' she often took the City Bus if we didn't take her where ever she wanted to go or while we were Working.  Both The Man and I Worked long Hours and were On Call for our Careers.  Plus, we were Raising Children, Two Generations of them while she was still Alive.  But, then it became clear that she really wasn't remembering to a degree we had to get it checked out and figure out what was going haywire.  And getting her involuntarily placed into Long Term Care was a Living Nightmare I'd never wanna go thru again and cannot afford at all.  So, we do Hope The Man can always be met at his Point of Need by us and here at Home.

Kamala was gonna help the Sandwich Generation provide In Home Care and have it Covered by Medicare/Medicaid... and of coarse now that's off the Table.   With having 3 Generations here helping one another, we have it covered for now and how he currently is, but, many Families do not have backup or any present Help.   The Daughter does very well Caring for her Dad, she's done In Home Care for Elderly Friends and Family off and on for many Years and enjoys it.   She'd Clean, Cook for, Shop for, Visit with, help Dress and/or Bathe, some of her Older Friends here and in Mexico, often just Volunteering the Service, since they all were so good to her and Adored her.  She has a lot of Patience for Old People, even the really difficult ones.  She doesn't put up with anyone's shit either, so, challenges them when they're being Unlovely.  *Winks*

The Son doesn't do as well, nor did the Ex-DIL, when they'd Help me with The Man, he could be too difficult for them and exhaustive to Watch in my absence, so I could get Caregiver Respites.  The Young Prince simply can't be responsible for his Grandpa, it overwhelms him, and frankly, he's not Well enuf to do it, tho' Allen could take one for the Team if it wasn't for too long.  *Bwahahaha*  Princess T is a lot like her Mom, she enjoys Helping with him and doesn't put up with any nonsense by him.  *LOL*   I know if he's been extra difficult or misbehaving for The Girls becoz he'll be in a Time Out when I get Home.  *Bwahahaha*   He won't want them to Tell on him either, but, it's a Given that they will.  *Smiles*  And I'll have The Talk with him about Why he was giving any of the Kiddos a hard time?   I KNOW WHY, but, have to remind him I need Breaks unless he wants me having Caregiver Burnout again?  He does not.  *Winks*

The Kiddos are really all good with him, so it's not as if he's under any duress having them filling in instead of some Stranger coming in to do it.  Mostly all he really has to do is sit in our Bedroom in his Media Chair watching his Big Screen TV like he always does anyway, and being Served Meals by them when I'm gone.   It's not so Hard.   He's the one that makes it Hard.   And now I leverage it with saying if he can't behave, we're not gonna go do the Fun Things he likes to do with me that he looks forward to.   They are Simple things he can still do, but, he does really look forward to them and so he's more inclined to behave if that's the incentive/reward for not giving everyone a hard time and acting up.   Full Time Caregiving is not for the Faint of Heart. 

 If you do it for Pay as just your Career Choice, then at least you get a Salary, Time Off and Vacation Time... Unpaid Family Members Caregiving do not!!!  For us it's 24-7 and 365 with no compensation for what we had to give up or sacrifice in order to do it.  Qualifying to be a Paid Family Caregiver is very Specific, Spouses do not Qualify.  Even if you had to give up your Income to do Unpaid Caregiving and your Spouse became too Disabled to Work.   And, none of the Kiddos could do it Full Time due to their own Disabilities, it would overwhelm them if I wasn't here.   So, it does concern me if something happens to me first.  Not that I want anything to happen to him, but it's like wondering what would happen to your Kids or your Pets if you weren't around anymore.  If you have Adult Disabled Loved Ones, you always have that concern hanging over your Head and your Heart.

This Great-Granddaughter turned 5 Months Old.   I know I'm highly biased, but, she's a Cutie Patootie.  *Smiles*  Her Mama is the Granddaughter whose currently going thru a Divorce and now doing the Single Parent Ordeal with the Two Great-Grandchildren... a Toddler and a 5 Month Old, so, it's exhausting Physically and Emotionally for her right now.  She waited so long to Marry and start a Family so I know this is very hard for her that the Marriage didn't last long at all and there was no way to salvage it.   Much like The Young Prince, it's a bitter Pill to swallow when you're All In but your Spouse is not.   At least with the Gay Grandsons not being Breeders and deciding not to Adopt, they have no Children that have to Deal with the Relationship ending.   The only good thing is this Granddaughter's Two Kiddos are so Young, they won't really remember their Parents ever having been Married or Together.

The Older Granddaughter and her Hubby just Celebrated another Anniversary, the Color Photo is them as they are Today.  They've been Childhood Sweethearts since they were only very Young Tweens and are Best of Friends as well as being Life Partners.   The Black N White Pix above is the Couple as very Young Tweens.   They look as Happy and in Love now as they did way back then as Kids.   That's the Storybook Union, when you've been close since Childhood and then get to spend the rest of your Lives Together still so close and now Raising your own Children.   They have Two Girls and a Boy.   I'd like all of them to live closer, so we could spend actual time with the Adult Grandkids and the Great-Grandkids who live on the East Coast and in Mexico.   We can't Travel so much anymore due to The Man's Fragile Health and inability to Travel well anymore due to cognitive decline and TBI making it hard for him too.  Disruption in his Routines and what is unfamiliar is hard on him.

I'd like to be able to Travel more while I still can, but, if we can't do it as a Family, or even as a Couple, it wouldn't be the same, so, I abstain too.  So, I'd really like all of them to be able to Travel to Arizona for Visits, a few times it's almost happened, but, something always came up that didn't make it happen.  I'm Grateful for Social Media so we can vicariously see all of them growing up and living life, but, it isn't the same as being there.   I feel any of them we never get to spend time with in Real Life, don't get to know us, nor do we really get to know them, as intimately.   You do the best you can from a distance to establish some Relationship tho'.   Kind of like this Community, we get to 'know' one another, and even become close to some, but it's rare that we get to actually meet in person.  It has happened tho' and the Online Connection was Real enuf to translate into In Person Relationship as well.

The Man isn't keeping regular Hours, so he's often wandering around the House like a Lost Soul when he should be Sleeping.  So long as he doesn't wander out of the House I'm Okay with it.  I told him the first time I have to put out a Silver Alert on his Ass at Three in the Morning tho' will be the last time!  *LOL*  Then, once I'm up and checking on him, which interrupts my Sleep pattern, wouldn't you know he crawls back into Bed and Sleeps like a Baby... just WTF?!   So, he's like an Infant that way, it's similar to having a Newborn and not getting your Sleep coz of their wacko annoying habits.  *Le Sigh*  This is Why I'm often Blogging at ridiculous Hours, to try to wind back down after checking on him coz he wasn't beside me in Bed and I have to be sure he's okay and still in the damned House?!   Usually I find him sitting in the Media Chairs in the Dark, either in our Bedroom or the Livingroom, staring into Space!!!

The Son is up by 4:00 a.m. to get ready for Work and Princess T is up by 5:00 a.m. to get ready for Work, so, if he's up at those Hours and I'm not, they'll come Wake me to tell me Dad/Grandpa is acting Weird.  Well, now Weird being his Normal, we're less alarmed about it and just more annoyed about it.  Telling him to go back to bed.  *Bwahahaha*  Then I'll often take him Canning and doing Environmental Cleanup for a few Hours to wear his Ass out and give him some Exercise and Vitamin D in the Sunshine, hoping that might regulate him to Sleep better?  Otherwise, I swear to God, he might not Sleep at all!!!???!   I do know that Dementia can damage the parts of the Brain that regulate and control your Internal Clock and Sleep-Wake Cycle and have Pain and Discomfort... he seems to have all of that going on.   I give him Melatonin Supplements since I know his Brain is probably producing less of it Naturally now he's got onset Dementia.

We do all the Calming shit for him to make a relaxing Atmosphere to Help him be Physically and Mentally soothed.   He fidgets and paces a lot, sometimes doing or saying things inappropriate and having to be gently reminded not to, or just distract him from doing, since he often seems unaware.   A changing or overwhelming environment can easily Trigger him now, or anything painful, confusing or causing him discomfort.   So it's my Job to reduce as much of that as possible so he remains less agitated, anxious or fearful.   I avoid arguing with him, or reminding him he forgets,  tho' for now, at least some necessary confrontation works, but I know from the experience with Mom, later, avoiding confrontation is just Wise.  *LOL*   They can get Madder than a Wet Hen and often for no apparent reason anyone can fathom, so, confrontation just escalates that behavior.   I discuss the Challenges Openly so if anyone else is going thru this as a Caregiver, mebbe it might be Helpful?

So, saying all that at 4:00 in the Morning means I JUST got him back in Bed and now he's Sleeping like a Baby and I'm up and unable to get back to Sleep!  So, I Blog.  *Bwahahaha*   The Son will ask me Why I'm up and I'll just One Word Explain, "Dad...", and then no more Words are necessary.   If I run into Princess T at an Ungodly Hour, same Explanation, different Word, "Grandpa...".  *LOL*   The Daughter, due to having Schizophrenia, doesn't keep regular Hours either, so, sometimes she'll tell me to go back to Bed and she'll Watch her Dad for me.   She often has Psychotic Symptoms that cause unnecessary Fears or Anxiety that keeps her up and pacing around, so, they can just do that in Unison, Works for me.   I've had Decades of not having to Watch her so I'm less inclined to fret about her erratic behaviors now like I used to when she was a Teen/Early 20's.  *LOL*  She's been on her own from early Teens to just a few Years ago and Survived everything, so... I Imagine she'll be Fine.  *Smiles*

Plus, she's always been highly resistant of anyone attempting to be her Caregiver, whereas her Son's Schizophrenia doesn't seem to Manifest that way, he knows he Needs one and isn't resistant at all.   Perhaps with his IQ being so High he has more Awareness and has had it earlier on, even tho' his Symptoms of the Schizophrenia and D.I.D. seem much worse than hers ever were.  He has 7 Alters, she has 4, so he has more Personalities I might be Dealing with at any given time.   But, he's been exhibiting them longer and Diagnosed earlier too.  He was 7 when we were told he suffered from his Conditions and got formally Diagnosed, she was 15.  Since this has been my Normal for a very long time, sometimes a whole Lifetime, since Mom was SMI from as far back as I can even remember, I guess it doesn't Freak me Out like it does most folks. 

 You develop ways of Coping that Work for you around those with Mental impairments of various kinds.  Not that I'm spared, I am Bipolar and have Adult ADHD and OCD, I Cope with Methods I developed for myself.   *Bwahahaha*   Seriously, I try to avoid what I know are my own Triggers and Warn anyone if they're heading there with me, so that they can choose to knock it off before I am Triggered.   And not all Coping Mechanisms are Healthy of coarse, so I limit those that I know aren't the best ways, since they'll potentially be just as Bad as Not Coping if I rely on them too much.  *Winks*   Retail Therapy and Hoarding even Valuable Objects, for example, I try to keep in Check... since, I always figured it was probably less damaging than Self-Medicating with Alcohol or Drugs, or a number of other unwise and Self-Destructive ways of Coping.  There's a Laundry List of those that can become highly Addictive and Wreck you and your Family.  *Winks* 

The Daughter was telling me something quite Interesting.  She's finding that going into The RV Garage Mahal or Art Studio to Work on and Organize The Gauntlet, is Therapeutic to her and she doesn't need to Drink Alcohol or Smoke Medicinal Weed as much to feel Calmer and more Mentally in Control.   Interesting.  She said being around all my Cool Stuff and immersing herself in it has been like Good Therapy for her Conditions too.   And, there's so much for her to do, and go down the Rabbit Hole into that is Pleasant and Calming, it's likely to be long intensive Therapy that is Beneficial to her... and to me... Win-Win.   Booyah!   Sometimes things just Work Out like that, go figure!!!   She's having such a good time I often find her in there and have given her carte blanche to do whatever she wants to in her Process of Assisting me with it all.   Her Son will too, since he had claimed the same benefit from it.  So, when he returns, they're likely to more quickly Help me Attain Goal with it all!!   Cheaper than Therapy for us all!!!   Yay!!!  *Winks*

Being out in Nature does it for me too, which is Why I particularly enjoy the Environmental Cleanup, so many Benefits to myself and to my Community by combining both.   I could just be out there doing nothing as a Community Service, but, if you can combine doing both, Why not?  I'd much rather see Pristine Nature unmolested like this, than to see Trash laying around that the Environmentally Unconscious leave behind in their Wake.   Often, Environmentally appreciative Folks will Stop and give us their Aluminum Cans and fresh Cold Drinks to consume, while they also Thank us for what we're doing.   And, it's funny to me how many of the Environmentally Unconscious will feel Guilt when they see us and start cleaning up their mess or feel the Need to claim it's not theirs and they didn't make it.   It's so Infantile, I do have to Smile on the inside, it's like catching Children doing something Wrong they know they shouldn't be doing and try to convince you it wasn't them.

 Becoz here's the kicker when they do that, even IF I'm giving the Benefit of the Doubt that it WASN'T THEM.   If I decided to be somewhere and stay there and it's messy and littered when I arrive, I still feel compelled to Clean it Up, Okay.   So, to be there and do nothing, and ignore it, to me is almost as bad as whoever was Guilty of being just that Environmentally Unconscious they did it, coz, it SHOULD bother you enuf to DO something about it, No?   But, so many people do opt to see what's Wrong and Do or Say Nothing, which, is being part of the Problem and not part of the Solution.   And frankly, if you're not part of the Solution, I just SEE you as part of the Problem.  I don't differentiate between whose Guilty and whose just complicit by their Silence or Inaction.  

 And, I realize you can't do it all, none of us can, we simply can't run damage control behind it all, only each do our Small Part.  We pick up the Aluminum, but if there's no Waste Receptacles available to deposit the rest, we do have to leave Glass and Raw Trash where it just is.  The City or the County does Hire folks from time to time, or get bulk Volunteers doing a Sweep, who do the bulk of running damage control behind the piggish Humans in Parks, Nature Preserves and Roadside Cleanups.   Lately we've been seeing that some folks are posting Signs angrily saying such things as "Pick Up Your Fucking Trash", in areas that are most afflicted by Litterbugs, it makes me Smile.  And Guess What, it Works, where there's a Sign Posted like that, less Litter!  Perhaps Shaming still Works on some that can be Shamed and have Shame???   Of coarse even at highest levels of Government now we see some who lack that capacity to feel any Shame whatsoever.  *Winks*

Of coarse the kicker there is that now the Spin seems to be that folks on TV are tempering their Judgment, probably out of Fear or Retribution or Retaliation being exacted, and saying such shit like Pretending that these COULD BE some Good Cabinet Choices of the incoming Administration. {Insert Flat Affect or Resting Bitch Face on Yours Truly}   Pleeease... are you fucking kidding me, let's Pretend like that, Nope, I been Grown a long time now, and know whatssup, I quit Pretending shit when I was still a Child.   I don't Need to reside in La-La Land and Pretend that what's going sideways COULD BE something Good or Successful... I'm more tethered to Reality than that and Speak Truth to Power my Friends.   I'm not gonna Spin some Bullshit just to appease whoever is fucking things up for all of us and Go Along.  That's a Punk Ass Move if you ask me, to be Silenced and Kiss The Ring or someone's Ass.  

 Tho', to be sure, some folks do have Cause to be Fearful or in Danger. Becoz they for sure have been Threatened as definite Targets of his Wrath, and are on The List of the Revenge and Retribution Tour, and you do have to take Serious Threats Seriously, especially from Violence Prone Lunatics and Psychopaths in Power.   They are Courageous People who continue to Stand Up to him and for what is Righteous and Defends the Constitution and are True Patriots of our Democracy being Protected and Preserved.   People have thrown the Word "Hero" around a lot in recent Years, but we'll truly now know whose REALLY one and who isn't and just got called one but never would do anything remotely Heroic.

  There is a difference, wearing just a "Uniform" doesn't make one a legit Hero if no actual Heroic Action was ever taken, anymore than wearing a String of Pearls makes one an Oyster.  Overusing the Word always bugged me coz I'm Married to an Actual Hero whose highly Decorated for real Heroic Actions and Real Heroes aren't that Common my Friends.  As Old and seriously Disabled as he now is, he'd still be Willing to Defend what is Right and risk his very Life to do it again, that's a legitimate fearless Bad Ass and not some Poser.   He gets really incensed when he sees these Pussies Posing as Bad Asses and Pretending like they are Patriotic.   When they Support Fascist Leaders who are no better than Domestic Terrorists, and when they Kowtow to Bullies and Kiss the Ring and his Ass, or are Bullies themselves and only threaten and intimidate the most Vulnerable of Society and those unable to Fight back.   And if you're not even willing to put up a Fight, then fully expect to be Conquered.   And very likely badly Abused by the Conquerors who See No Fight or Resistance In you.

*******

What I'm saying is, don't just Lie Down and Roll Over... some things are worth Fighting for and Standing Up for... so it's time to roll up the Doormat and make it a Club... Dawn... The Bohemian