I've been finding all kinds of reasons not to leave the House or even get dressed, so, been languishing in my Jammie Pants and a T-Shirt each day, like a Slug. I have been in a Funk, even tho' now the AC works fine, so, the entire Home is so comfortable again, whew! Cost me enuf tho', and I don't like to feel the pinch of financial strains. I am very careful about finances and budget, but, shit happens that costs Money and you just must Deal with as it crops up, even if you're not adequately prepared. I don't like taking on Debt Loads in Retirement.
Last Pay Period's Sales went Soft, I'll still get a Check for that Fortnite, but, not a particularly good one. And, I didn't Work a lot of extra Shifts like the Pay Period before it, so, less Rent Comped too. It does make a difference, but, I haven't been feeling Well, Physically or Emotionally, so, best I just took care of myself and be reclusive until I can come back to Center feeling Fine again. I don't know when that will be, I'm still having Allergies, Fatigue, general Malaise. It is a lot of Napping and I'm glad The Daughter did the Housekeeping for me, I wasn't up to it. She also stepped in to help with her Dad's Caregiving so I could concentrate on my Needs.
He hasn't been a handful lately, I think it just scares him when he knows I'm bottomed out physically and/or emotionally. I am forthright about it to the Family, so nobody personalizes it and they can understand what's going on with me. At first I did Wonder, what if it's The Rona again and not Allergies? It's going around still, different strains, and tho' we get regular Boosters, the newest one won't be available until Fall. Everyone else isn't feeling great either in the household, so, I'm not the Lone Ranger. It had been a bit Cooler for a Day, but then Heat Warnings and Air Quality Warnings all over again and Record Breaking Temps... so, that is hard on all Living Things.
I kind of wondered if going so long without functional AC in half the Home had taken a Physical Toll on us all to where it made us vulnerable to have physical ailments more easily? It would make sense, until they FINALLY fixed the problem, it had been 78-94 Degrees Inside most of our Home and 111-119 Outside of our Home. I'm nervous about the August Utility Bill, it hasn't come in yet and I'm praying it won't be as astronomical as July was? I tapped out Savings to pay the July Bill and other added expenses due to the lengthy AC Ordeal. There is no wiggle room now whatsoever.
I think Rob & TJ are falling down on what I Hire them to do too, they're just not keeping up on the Yardwork, just the Irrigation. I always pay them on the 1st, when we get Paid, for the Month they'll be doing it. They used to do a good job, now, TJ is not Well and Rob gets Lazy, so, it's becoming problematic. If I have to start doing it ourselves, I'll have to tell them I'm not paying someone else to do whatever I gotta do for ourselves. They need the Money, but, so do I. I Hope it doesn't come to that, but, I can't pay for something that someone isn't providing like we agreed upon. I had increased the amount I pay them quite a bit this Year, it was still worth it IF they do what they should. And, our John Deere really needs Repairs. So, sometimes they use their Dad's John Deere Tractor Mower.
Lately it has been a litany of stuff coming up against us, so, it's just been a lot. I decided I'd renew my own NetFlix since, I'm Home a lot and it has been Uplifting to watch all the good Shows, especially the Comedy Specials. Cable TV is shit lately and News Channels are just depressing to watch, lots of Political Unrest, Wars, and Natural Disasters galore. I did watch some of the Democratic National Convention, the Speeches were passionate and well done, even Uncle Joe's. Had he seemed that robust before it would have been a more Legacy Preserved Exit for him. He can't help getting Old, I do think he's a Good Public Servant and Honorable Patriotic Man whose given over 50 Years of exemplary Service to his Country. It can be Humbling to Step Down and Pass the Mantle.
I watched Hannah Gadsby the Australian Comedian from Tasmania, doing "Nanette", it made me Laugh and Cry, for obvious reasons, if you've seen it. Having a Grandchild who is Transgender I know what a tough Life's Road it is for them and you can't change Society and the biases and Hatreds folks have. It can be Dangerous for them and you do worry about how it Negatively impacts their Self Esteem, Safety and Psyche. The Young Prince's Story is not unsimilar to her own, especially the Violence and numerous Sexual Assaults. Most even go unreported due to not having equal protection under the Law. Our Grandson even suffered vicious Assault BY the Police before, due to being a Trans Male. The first vicious Assault endured being at the tender Age of only 12 by a large Group of Homophobic Adult Males!
I also watched Patton Oswalt's Comedy Special on NetFlix that was also Humorous and Heart wrenching. He has lost his Dear Wife and their Daughter was only in Kindergarten when it happened! Apparently Rx Meds and a Heart Condition killed his Dear Wife, she didn't look very Old. Now, his Special was shot some time ago, so she actually had passed in 2017, so I was watching an Old Special he shot whilst still grieving and processing his Loss, they'd been Married more than a Decade. To Lose someone so Young and so suddenly is very Traumatic and unexpected. I guess she didn't even know she had a problem with her Heart, it was undiagnosed, and thus a bad reaction/complication or side effect to Prescription Meds she was taking wasn't expected and she Died in her Sleep.
He caught Social Media/Press flack for remarrying a Year and a Half later, but whose business is it and who presumes to say how soon is too soon? Grieving is deeply Personal, there's no Right or Wrong way to Grieve a Loss. Moving On is also deeply Personal and nobody's Business either. I remember when my Mother-In-Law Remarried after The Man's Dad Died, it was Four Years later, but far too many felt some kind of way about it. Her New Husband had been a Widower for 13 Years. We were Happy for her and for him. Few others were and it was Hurtful to them. Both had been Married Young to their First Spouses and were Seniors when their Spouses Died. Being a Widow or Widower LONGER doesn't mean you Loved your Spouse any Less or any More. The Heart expands indefinitely to Hold all of the Love it Wants to.
Since Patton was a Single Dad with a very Young Daughter, I think it can only be a good thing for her too, to have a Mother Figure after Losing her Beloved Mom so prematurely. A Child Losing a Parent at any Age is HARD, even if you're Grown, let alone when you're Five! I think the condemnation is hurtful to Widows and Widowers, and could be to their Families, it's no easy decision to Move On Romantically after Losing the Love of your Life and the Parent of your Child(ren). Nobody can really replace them, but everyone deserves Happiness and to Move On when and if they're ready to. Nobody should stand in judgment of that.
Even after a Divorce it's not Easy, I was Divorced for 3 Years before I Remarried The Man. My Kids were Age 3 and 7 and had been without a Father figure almost all of those Years, so I'd been everything to them and I'd received no assistance from the Bio Dads at all. Arizona sucks at collecting Child Support owed to Custodial Parents, I never received a Penny owed to me. My Son was 6 Weeks Old when I Divorced his Dad. I had The Daughter before ever being Married and she doesn't know her Bio Dad at all, he's never even tried to be a Parent. Being a Single Parent is hard, physically, emotionally, Career-wise and financially. It can short-change the Children as much as yourself to remain Single and you shouldn't do so to Please other People who feel some kind of fucking way about it.
I'm glad he found someone to Love and to feel he wanted to make a commitment to and allow into his precious Child's Life too. How dare other people stand in harsh and critical judgment or dictate the Life of someone else and their Choices, not to mention, self-righteousness is never Pretty. When you've been Married a very long time, Losing your Spouse is difficult enuf, without the Peanut Galleries weighing in on what you chose to do, how long you Grieve, how you move Forward, what other Relationships you enter into, or not, they should Mind their own damned Business.
Live your own Life and let other People Live theirs. Seems a lot of folk have trouble doing that these days, they're trying to run interference into Lives they have Zero Investment in and no Skin in the Game of. It's not their Place and they should stay in their own Lane. I'm rather fed up with these Forced Personal Beliefs being Involuntarily foisted upon everyone. I don't want someone's Religion forced upon me and mine... I don't want their Lifestyle forced upon me and mine... or have rando folks telling everyone else we MUST comply with how they are whilst not having any Respect for how we all are that is different from them. The Religious Zealots and Extremists of any Cause are always the absolute Worst.
I've got the Air Duct Cleaner here Today, it's part of the Package for the Work Financed, the very last parts of which will be done by end of this Week. The Aero Seal and Quality Control Teams will be the very last people to finish the entire job. Upon a Certificate of Completion from our AC Company, then Release of Funds by the Lender will pay all of the various Specialty Teams that did the different parts of the Job. Nobody gets Paid 'til it's all done and verified to the Lender's and our satisfaction. I'll be glad to have everything finally squared away, upgraded, replaced, cleaned and working as it should. It's been quite the Ordeal to move thru in the middle of a Record Breaking Heat Summer.
The disruption of Workmen in your Home doing major stuff for over Two Months has been invasive too. Everyone's Routine gets interrupted and their Anxiety levels increase exponentially, which makes Caregiving more complicated for me as I prepare them all in advance for what's going to have to happen next. The Two Adult Kids handle it fine, but, Princess T, her Cat Eli, and The Man, really can't Mood Regulate thru it all very well at all. Keeping them Calm when it's causing them extreme emotional stress and anxiety, is a challenge. Especially if the Work will take all Day, or several Days, to complete each part of the Job. Today's Work should take just a few Hours, from what the Tech has conveyed to me about the process. He's Vacuuming out all of the Air Ducts, the New and Old ones, to remove anything in them that built up. I don't know if the previous Owners ever had that done?
The Daughter is upset coz she just found out from the Middle Daughter in Mexico, that their Dad is still in Prison {we suspect, after his Kidnapping Ordeal he Survived in 2022, he may actually be in some Protection Program} and his New Wife split and has left the Two Oldest Girls there to look after and be Caregivers of their 90+ Year Old Grandma, Saint Maria! We thought the DIL was taking Care of the Old Lady. So, the Middle One had to drop out of School coz her Older Sister Works and is in College taking Classes on a Scholarship, and there's no Adult to Register her now anyway for starting School! *Oy Vey* The Youngest One is living with Relatives, so she's Fine. But the Oldest One is only going to be 18 in Mid-December, the Middle One won't be 17 until Early January, the Youngest will be 15 in Late December.
The Daughter can't obtain Custody due to her Mental Illness and we couldn't get any of them into this Country without Legal Guardianship thru the Mexican Court System, which is a total extortion Money Grab, so, it's a Hot Mess again. It's too much for those Kids to be Dealing with and being unsupervised, they don't make the best decisions or have the best information about what's going on. So, we're having to try to discern what the Back Story is all the time, nobody is keeping The Daughter in the Loop becoz a lot of bad decisions are being made there and regarding the Children. But, it's an International Situation, so, our side of the Border isn't all that Helpful either. The Kids don't want to Live in America, even if they could be allowed here, they don't even speak or understand English and our Immigration System is jacked up and no better than it was 50 Years ago.
So, always seems to be a new Crisis just around each Corner, it's all quite draining. We can only do so much, since everyone is already spread pretty thin right now. Moving from Crisis to Crisis is exhausting and quite stressful. I'm trying to stay Chill and Calm, no matter what other Bad News is hitting, but, it's not as easy as just saying you will Cope, it takes a lot to actually Cope. I'm Hopeful that The Daughter doesn't Spiral due to this Bad News she just got out of Mexico. The Middle Daughter there is a handful and a Spirited Child, so she's worried about that one not having adequate Adult Supervision or Guidance. The Oldest One is like Princess T, an Old Soul and very Rules Oriented. The Youngest One is also very responsible and Mature for her Age, she does have adequate Supervision and Provision living with an Aunt's Family.
I do Worry about those Grandkids, but, not much I can do from here, a whole Country away. And, it is preferable for them to remain where they know and have always been, if possible. It would be a huge transition and my Dance Card is already full, so they wouldn't be without hardships here and we might not Qualify for Services or Assistance with them having been Born abroad? Getting Services or Assistance for the Grandkids who were Born here was an Ordeal for me, and our Pension supporting Three more Growing Teens on our Dime, would be maxed out. You can only throw so much Water in the Beans to stretch a Buck and feed a Crowd, you know? And... the Duct Cleaning Machine sounds like a Jet Engine firing up... Ohmmmmmmm. *LOL*
Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
I’m no doctor, but I know how the temperature drains me of energy and the will to go on, I’m guessing you’re not feeling well because of living in that heat with a non-functioning A/C for an extended period of time. Did you know Patton Oswalt’s wife was instrumental in the capture of the Golden State Killer? She kept the case going by investigating for years, wrote a book about her investigation entitled I'll Be Gone in the Dark, in which she prophetically wrote “Letters to an Old Man: One day soon, you’ll hear a car pull up to your curb, an engine cut out. You’ll hear footsteps coming up your front walk …. this is how it ends for you”. It came to fruition, not long after she passed away.
ReplyDeleteOMG, No, I didn't know that part of her Story, that's incredible! I'm glad her Husband and Daughter have been able to move on, during that Special while he was still deep in the grief process, I could tell she had been the Love of his Life and a very Special Lady. I could not imagine having to tell a Child as Young as his was, about the sudden Death of their Mom. The fact he could even still do his job as a Comedian was noble, but so many good Comedians do opt to turn their Pain and Sorrows of Life into Humor... the ability to Laugh thru Crisis often helps keep you Grounded tho', and Gallow's Humor is often the funniest.
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