Battling The Blues

 I've been in a compromised Head Space, World and National Affairs, Personal Emergencies and Issues of Life, the Usual that can cause you to be Battling the Blues and threaten the Wheels to come Off.  So, I've been trying to find New Blogs to do a dive into, something different being Written about.   I used to follow a lot of Junquing Blogs and thoroughly enjoyed them, but most of those Dear Bloggers quit Blogging, I miss their Blogs and their Junquing Adventures and just what a great Posse of Pickers they all were.   Many went to the Big Shows and either Bought and/or Sold at them, I went along vicariously.  Some of those Shows used to be on my Bucket List, now they're not, I'm clearly never going.  And now nobody covers them anymore either.   Above, a Sweet Old Pix of Princess T as a Child, when The Grandkids and I did Mad Tea Parties all the time for Fun.   She was so Small that's a Demitasse Retro Teacup!

I can't even remember all of the Fav Blogs Names that are no more and were Industry Blogs for the most part, I miss them tho', it was always a Fun Read and Uplifting Post Topics.   It's really hard to even find Old Blogs still out there Online that quit Blogging but didn't take it all down.  I myself Purge my Posts on the Regular and only keep about 20 or so Posts up at any given time to keep it manageable.  I never go back thru my Archives and so, I have Zero attachments to what I Wrote about only Yesterday, let alone Weeks, Months or Years ago.  When I find a New Blog I do sometimes go thru a few of their Archived Posts since it will all be New to me.   I am not such an avid Blog Reader as I am a Blog Blogger tho', I just am not great at Reading anything, I'm very Visual tho', so I will peruse good Photography on Blogs eagerly.   Another Adult Middle Aged Granddaughter, one of Princess T's Older Sisters in Mexico, whose Blessed us with Two Great-Grandkids, but still looks like a Teenager.  She's been sending me loads of new Pixs.  They all Grow Up so FAST!

Princess T has been indulging in more Retail Therapy than me lately, so I think she's struggling a bit Emotionally too and I think I know Why.  She usually is very tight with her Finances and doesn't Self-Indulge very much, she's great at Saving and has been Saving for her first Vehicle for some time now.  She doesn't know how to Drive yet and wants me to Teach her, not sure if I'm up to Teaching an Adult Grandchild with serious Anxiety Issues how to Drive, I got too many Bad Driving Habits to be the best Driving Instructor.  *Smiles and Winks*  She knows this but doesn't want her Boyfriend Teaching her, or her Guy Friends, or Neighbors who've offered and would be far better Instructors.  No, she wants ME... Le Sigh and Shudders at the very Thought!  I don't think I have the Nerves for it and my Truck is too expensive to put a 20 Year Old Student Driver Learner in.

Anyway, her Boyfriend is gonna help her choose a reliable Used Vehicle but they haven't found one she likes yet and she still wants her Uncle's Vintage Toyota Celica which hasn't run in Ages and doesn't have a Title.  But, it's sitting on our Property and so if her Boyfriend can get a Salvage Title for it and get it fixed up, she wants it and her Uncle is Okay with giving it to her.   He's been offered Money for it from Collectors even in the Condition it's in and Untitled, but, he'd rather his Niece and her Boyfriend Restore it and her have it... since she Loves it.   Below is a Restored one like it and so it could look this good with the right Restoration and her Boyfriend is a skilled Mechanic and can fix up a Classic Car and make it Cherry.   His is even this same Color, but the Original Paint and all Stock Original.   I can see Why she likes it as a 1st Car to Own.

Okay, now for a huge Avalanche Grandkid and Great-Grandkid Blog Post dump of Imagery I just got and have to brag on... coz what respectable Gramma or Great-Gramma wouldn't, Right?  *Winks*   All our Granddaughters have good Hair that Hair grows like Wildfire, so in one Pix it's short and then in another Pix it's already grown out by the time they take the next set of Pixs.   So, they're fortunate they don't have to stay with any particular Hairstyle for long, or Hair Color for that matter.  All the Grandkids are experimental with Hair Color, Styles, and Fearless with Fashion and being their Authentic Selves with confidence and no apologies.   So Below is a series of Pixs that one of Princess T's Oldest Sisters Shared with me on Social Media.  She's helped out with the Younger Siblings over the Years, especially during the Teen Years which were harder on Saint Maria.  If you're a Custodial Grandparent, the Teen Years of Raising Grandkids is especially Rough and can be turbulent, coz that's just a turbulent Age of transitioning to Adulthood from Childhood. 

Apparently this Granddaughter, one of the Oldest of the Sisters in Mexico, has been doing some Modeling too again.  She used to Model when she was a much Younger Teen and Young Adult, then got Married, had Kids, decided to get back into The Game becoz she's still got what it takes.  She can still Rock a Swimsuit and still does Resort Copy Modeling for Vacation Destinations in Mexico.  Hey, it makes me wanna go Vacation there... and so she has been doing a lot of that to promote Tourism. *Smiles*  So, she's sent me a lot of her Modeling Pixs recently and I'm having Tropical Destination and Beach Envy.  For an Older more Mature Model, whose had Kids, she's holding her Age very well.  Her Son is as Tall as she is now, how did a Great-Grandbaby get so Grown Up already?!   Yep, that's her Boy, our Great-Grandson, who already looks like he's turning into a Young Man to me now!!!  *LOL and OMG!*   Lord have Mercy, I remember when he was Born!!!  The Lower Pix is his Little Sister, also growing up so fast and as Lovely as her Mama.  She looks a lot like Princess T did too, so is an Aunty Princess T Look-Alike to me.

Lately I've really Needed the Visual Connection to Family and the Grandkids especially, since, my Head Space for the Future has been Dark and Bleak, and they ARE the Future.  So, well worth Fighting for a better Future to allow them and the Great-Grandkids, to all Inherit, they deserve a Bright one... not one cocked up by Geriatric Leaders with no Future and who don't Care about them even having one!!!  In the Oral Traditions of the Haudenosaunee, a Native American Belief called the Seventh Generation Principal goes somewhat like this: the Present doesn't belong to us, it is merely Borrowed from our Children and belongs to Seven Generations into the Future.  We do not Inherit this Earth from our Ancestors, we Borrow it from our Children.   That's how I was Raised by my Native American Father and why I am devout about Mother Earth Stewardship for at least 7 Generations into the Future being part of my Responsibility and yours too.

Another one of The G-Kid Force's Younger Sisters in Mexico, who, like her Older Sister, is doing a lot of Modeling, tho' part time becoz she has a very busy Schedule with College and her full time Job.  Images of all the Grandkids and Great-Grandkids always uplifts me out of my Funk and Da Blues.  So, I may be heavy on the Grandbaby Photo Dump this Post, since, they've been great lately about sending Gramma Dawn Pixs of themselves and/or their Kiddos for the ones who have given us the Blessing of Great-Grandbabies already.   This one is still Going to College, Working Full time and Modeling Part time, plus Raising her Two Younger Siblings since their Paternal Abuelita Saint Maria passed away at Age 90 who had been Raising those Three Younger ones.  Long time Readers know that I Raised the Two Older Ones of our Middle Daughter and both are now Adults, but still live with us now.   I don't mind as they're a Big Help now they're in their 20's and can Maintain things for me here at the Mini Farm and at the Antique Mall Spaces, and Help with their Grandpa's Caregiving to give me some Respites.  

Plus, they're all Great Young Adults, I enjoy them and they like hanging out with me, which is flattering.   The Young Prince {Above Pix} insisted we go do some Environmental Cleanup together at the Nature Preserve Today coz he knows his Grandpa can't due to recovering from the Emergency Heart Surgery.  I miss doing it with The Man and I know he misses doing it, but it was nice to spend that One On One time with the Grandson, he Loves doing the same things I Love doing, so we're Kindred Spirits in spite of the vast Age difference, there's not really a Generational Gap in Interests.  To be sure, both of The G-Kid Force have always been Old Souls and not your Garden Variety Kiddos by any means.  They enjoy MY Friends more than hanging out with Peers.  They say we are more Interesting, "Funner", and have Better Stories and Experiences.  *LOL*  Okay, so my Friends are quite a Colorful bunch.  *Winks*

Another of our Older Middle Aged Granddaughters who recently had a Birthday, and her Two Munchkins she Blessed us with.   This Granddaughter has been on a Weight Loss Journey after having had her Children and it doing so well at it that I wanna know her Routine.  She had a near Fatal Accident when Preggy with her Oldest Child and on the back of her Dad's Motorcycle.  An Old Lady T-Boned them and our SIL suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury and this Granddaughter broke her Back and her Neck, so it's a Miracle that both of them Survived and then made such a remarkable Recovery and she didn't lose the Baby.  But, the Healing of a Broken Back and Broken Neck, along with Two Pregnancies after the Accident, left her with some significant Weight Gain that she's been getting rid of now that she's able to do more Physically again.  It was a very scary situation and time during their long Recovery back to Good Health and Healing from such Catastrophic Injuries.  She's an ER Nurse and our SIL is a Buff Fireman and Lifelong Biker, so it put her Career and his on hiatus too for a long while.

So, this is the Youngest Granddaughter Back East of our Oldest Daughter's Kiddos.  She hasn't had any Human Children yet with her long time Partner, but they have given us Great-Grandpups and this is the Newest one who is very Photogenic.  I think they're up to Three or Four Fur Babies now as a Couple.  *Smiles*   They're both in the Entertainment Industry, she does Special Effects Makeup and he does some Super Hero Acting gigs as various Super Heroes coz he's a Big Guy and looks really good in the Super Hero Costumes.   She's worked at a lot of Haunted Attractions too during the Season for all of that and is the Grandchild most like a Kindred Spirit of the Trio of Granddaughters Back East coz we both Channel our Inner Morticia Addams and have a very Dark Quirky Aesthetic.  *Smiles*   She and The Young Prince are only a Year apart in Age, him being Older, and they are so much alike our Oldest Daughter said they're like Twinsies.  I wanted him to pursue a similar Career path as this Cousin coz he's very Talented at Special Effects, Sculpting, Art, Style, and Make-Up too.

Another Dear Friend of mine recently Celebrated a Birthday and this is how she chose to Celebrate it... and Yeah, she'd do Laundry at the Laundromat in an Ensemble like this and look this Hawt doing it... and Three of her Four Sons are Adults now, including the Twins, so she's not as Youthful as she Looks.  She's quite Ageless in fact, as long as I've known her, which is a long, long time now, she hasn't Aged a bit... she's got that Dick Clark Thang going on when it comes to Time seeming to Stand Still for her.  *Ha ha ha*  I told you my Friends were not your Garden Variety "Mature" Crew to roll with.  *LOL*  That's why The G-Kid Force Love my Friends and said we're "Funner" and more Interesting to hang out with than their Peers.    How much Fun can we have without getting Arrested?  *Winks and Bwahahahaha*  I Love seeing what everyone is up to, even tho' for a long time now I've been Sidelined with Full Time Caregiving and am MIA for the most part anymore.  I'm glad Friends keep in Touch with me mostly via Social Media now.

The Man is really worrying me coz he's not been doing well at all after his Surgery, he just doesn't Feel Well, still having the Headaches that led up to the most Recent Heart Attack, has no Energy, having Mobility Issues, and failing Strength.  I'd thought he'd be doing somewhat better by now but he's not and I really don't know what to tell his VA Nurse when she comes Tomorrow to Monitor his progress, or the Cardiologist or HUMANA Caseworker he'll also be seeing this Week?  It's not looking Good and I don't have a Good Feeling about it, which, I can't shake, and I don't like that at all.   I feel very Anxious about him.   And why I wanna get everything done and behind us so I don't have to drag him around doing endless Appointments, Taxes, renewing Military ID Cards and such that we must do but really takes a toll on him.   I mean, at least his Medical Caseworkers do come to our Home now so that's Helpful.  I don't like dragging him around to where Sick People might be that could have contagions to compromise his Health and Healing further. 

All of the Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids keep asking me how Dad/Grandpa is doing, and I don't like to speak Negative Words about it out of my Mouth, but there's not a lot of Positive to Report either.  And I wanna keep it 100% with them and it hasn't been encouraging at all and it's really intensified me battling the Blues becoz I feel Helpless to do much more for him and to watch him suffering like this is just hard.  He's a Strong, Tough as Old Boots, and fiercely Proud Man, so for him to even display any Sign of Weakness or voice any Vulnerability to me, is very out of Character for him.   And it is Scaring me and he knows it, but, he can't fake everything is Okay, coz it's just NOT.  And I am his Support System and he knows he can tell me anything, I can Handle the Truth, so he doesn't have to blow Sunshine up my Ass and put on a Brave Facade for me.

  And I can tell he's Scared and feeling that things just aren't Right, even having had the Life Saving Surgery that was way too close a Call, almost Losing him, with barely Minutes to Spare according to his Cardiologist.   I know Doctor Pham literally said it made his Butt Pucker and him almost shit his Pants when he got in there and saw how Bad it actually was, and how Close to Death, coz it wasn't Presenting as that Serious to him.  I was Freaking Out and saying it was, I just KNEW it was.   And really the whole Crew here know he's in a Bad Way.  It's part of why The Daughter went Wheels Off, she can't Handle seeing her Dad like he is.  Princess T is struggling with it too.   So, mostly I'm relying on The Son and The Grandson so Handle it with me coz the Guys are worried, but they're holding up better under the Strain of it.  I think mostly to be a Strong Support System for me more than anything else, it's a "Guy Thing".  *Smiles*   Rusty is being there for Princess T like that coz she spends a lot of time at his House telling him how Grave everything is at Home.  It's not rosy at his House either, so they're leaning on one another and being Supportive. 

And seeing Pixs like this newest Great-Grandpup Wishing on a Dandelion are the things that just make me Smile where there's not much to actually Smile about really.  I remember Wishing on Dandelions as a Child and making Dandelion Flower Chains to wear as Halos on our Heads, and Necklaces and Bracelets, being the Flower Children we always were.   I wore Flowers in my Hair until I was in my 20's.  *LOL*  Love beads, African Trading Beads, and Puka Shell Necklaces... *Smiles*

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Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... we'll beat The Blues... Dawn... The Bohemian