Father's Day And A Blogging Decision

 Everyone's sincere input was appreciated, including my Family here, about my Motivation for Blogging being ample enuf reason to continue.  Even if I end up being the last Person in The Land Of Blog like some Twilight Zone Series Episode Survivor after a Community vanishes or is decimated.  *LOL*   I know I still get a respectable amount of Dear Readers who comfortably and Anonymously show up faithfully just to Read the Posts.  I Lurk at most Blogs myself and never Comment.  But the bounty of Good Reading Material in this Community is Priceless to me, even if I have nothing to add and say to someone's Posts. 

 Princess T reminded me I'd be letting those Hundreds of Dear Readers down by just disappearing and going MIA and Silent.   And even my Dear Readers who rarely, if ever, comment, weighed in to say they'd be disappointed if I just quit, becoz they do Read the Posts.  I know this by the volume of daily Visits to Posts, which is still high, so I mustn't be Boring you all too much?  *Winks*  Plus, who am I kidding, I'm addicted to Blogging now, where else would I put this shit otherwise... my Stream of Consciousness in Written form and my Pathological Picture Taking?!  *LMAOROTF*  Seriously, I simply must get it all out of my Head and my Camera and put somewhere!  *Winks*   I do miss Blogging being more interactive and the feedback, it's been important to me too and filled a Social Void that happens with Full Time Caregiving.  I have to acknowledge that fact.

It's rather like when in Real Life your Friends and Family begin moving away or Dying, you miss them so much it hurts.   And, in all Honesty, I began my Blog for self-interest and that is the primary motivation for me continuing it, I ain't gonna Lie and pretend otherwise.  I can be very Selfish sometimes about why I do shit I really enjoy.   And, even if someone joins me now and again, I'd be just as Happy if I did it Solo, and, Blogging is rather like that for me really.   Having Company is a Social Bonus to Blogging, but, in Real Life sometimes that just doesn't happen all the time either and I'm also well adjusted to Alone Time and doing a lot of shit Solo with no expectations of anyone showing up.  Tho' you just might if only for the Food Porn, right?  But, I do like the ATTENTION, I confess.  *Winks and LOL*

There is this delicate balance for me in Real Life and the Blog that I recognize.  To where I might overwhelm if it was too much Socialization, since, I do like to acknowledge everyone taking the time to engage and Comment.   If an Avalanche came in, I might short-circuit, so, perhaps its manageable as it now is too, in so many ways.   I discovered this when we began Multi-generationally Living.  Both Younger Generations are still at their Social Peak, with lots of Friends dropping by all the time.  Even Princess T, whose rather Anti-Social, has more Guests than we do at our Season of Life now.  I find, if I still had as many Guests as my Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids, it would be too much for me personally.

When it's their Guests I can interact or excuse myself politely and disengage if it's too much Social Time for me.  Without feeling I have to Host anyone or feel bad about choosing to leave the Company and do whatever I would if nobody was here.  *LOL*   In fact, sometimes they have too much Company coming by on The Regular and I have to ask them to limit how many folks are dropping by without an "Appointment" and Invitation to.  *Bwahahaha, now doesn't that show my Age?!*  I'm one to Guard the level of Togetherness and Apartness, for me there has to be a Balance of each.  I'm Social yet happy to be Solitary too, depending on my Mood and how much Sensory Input I can handle on any given day?

I like Blogging becoz I can monitor my Time here and interact at the Time and levels I can handle... parsing out how much engagement I invest in.   I'm not one to Invest in anything Going Down and I think most of my waffling on Blogging has been related more to the decimation of the Community in recent Years, than about actually maintaining a Blog.   Maintaining this is effortless to me since anything I do, I overdo, it's just how I am.  *LOL*   I can crank out a Post effortlessly and in record Time, I never even know what I'm gonna Write about when I sit down here to Blog, it's just that random and tied to an immediate Stream of Consciousness.

That's why I could never Write Professionally, I would Imagine you would have to be able to tell your Publisher the Vision of what you're gonna Write about and Publish?  I'd have no Idea.  *Bwahahaha*   My Blog Title is even the last Hook I Create after finishing a Post.  I'd like for it to be Clever, but, that's almost too much Pressure for me... if it's not easy I'd rather not bother with whatever it is, Life is hard enuf without making things hard that I actually enjoy doing.  *Smiles*  I'm not Editorial either, I suck at it in fact, definitely not a strength of mine.  The content of anything I'm doing is very random and eclectic in nature, I'm not so structured and don't follow any Rules of doing most things.  That can be very effective in some Career Fields tho', it Served me well in mine. 

I have to Work both Days of this Father's Day Weekend.  I'm filling in for my Friend Richard Tonight, which in Real Time is Saturday Night's Shift, then Sunday Night is my regular Shift.   The Man doesn't Care, he wants to downplay Father's Day to a level the Kiddos are morose and disappointed about.  They want to Kidnap him for Father's Day and make him do something Special with them.  *LOL*  He'd rather not and his Idea of a great Father's Day Gift... wait for it:  He's been fixated on a Burger King Commercial that has some kind of new Steakhouse Sammie... he wants them to get him THAT for Father's Day!   The Son is like, "Is he Serious Mom?"  Yep, yes he is... so you could get off easy for the cost of a Takeout Steakhouse Burger King Sammie, take him nowhere, and he'll be Happy as a Clam at High Tide, I Promise you.  *Bwahahaha*  Listen, ya'll will NEVER get Off that Easy for Mother's Day, so, be Thankful.  *Winks*

The Man doesn't like having to do Family Outings, he really never has.  A little bit of us ALL can go a long way.  So, if he just has One of us around he can handle it better than having ALL of us.  Well, I can understand Why.   *Bwahahaha*  I mean, we are an intense Crew to Roll with and taking this whole Show on the Road is logistically and Socially complex, as well as highly unpredictable in nature.   Think of it like Herding Cats... it's like THAT.   And since he easily overwhelms and has Sensory Overload, he's almost too overwhelmed before we even leave the House together as a Collective and his Anxiety amplifies.   If you manage not to have to turn around before he bottoms out before you even get there, it's a Victory of sorts.  I don't want the Kids to have high expectations and have to abort the whole Father's Day Vision they had to spend Quality time with Dad/Grandpa.

The Son and his Friends are always trying to find inclusive ways to do Guy Things with The Man, like Hunting Trips, Fishing Trips, Shooting Range Trips, Gun Shows, shit he used to enjoy doing.  Only now I do have to remind them, that even with the best of intentions, his limitations and level of Caregiving necessary, coupled with Medical Fragility, means, it could screw up ALL THEIR Plans if they bring him along, on the turn of a Dime.  I know, I've been inclusive when he wants to do anything with me and then had to abort my Special Adventures and Plans when he ends up not being up to it.   It can make everyone resentful if they made Special Plans and looked forward to it and Invested a great deal into the doing of it.   So you must be willing to be Sacrificial, or, just do it without him to ensure your own Good Time isn't ruined.     

Sometimes I assume the risk and it's a crap shoot on whether it will play out well or go to Hell?  About a 50-50 chance actually, which aren't great Odds.   If he begins to fall apart before we even arrive, after he begged to go, well, I ain't gonna Lie, I'm wishing he'd just opted to stay Home.  And he knows this and I don't want to get upset with him.  But, if I've waited all Month to do something Special I enjoy, well, I would prefer the respite of enjoying it and stepping out of Caregiver Mode for just a Minute, for my own Health and Well Being, which is vital too.   I Guard my Self-Care jealously, becoz I know if I crash and burn, I'm not going to be any Good or Help for anyone I'm responsible for taking Care of. 

We had another Graduation, one of the Granddaughters in Mexico, Younger Sibling to The G-Kid Force.  She's enrolled in College, most of the Pixs were of her High School Graduation.  She was fast tracking her Academics, she's very Smart and was enrolled in College Classes early and Won partial Scholarships to further her Education.   We're so Proud of her and she Credits her Paternal Relatives who've Raised her for the Sacrifices they made for her Success and those of her Younger Sisters.  Saint Maria, the Paternal Gramma, whose 90 now, is a Force to be reckoned with and Lived and Breathed for The Daughter's Children.  She Raised the Younger Three since Birth, I Raised the Older Two since Birth.  They're all great Kids.  She's on the Left, it's her Paternal Cousin on the Right.  She looks so much like The Daughter did at that Age.

They Grow Up so fast, this one will be 18 and Grown in Mid-December of this Year.   She's the Third of The Daughter's Five Children.  It's like The Daughter Cloned them all, they favor her so much in looks, even her Son.  When in Drag, The Young Prince resembles his Mom the most actually and is very Pretty and convincingly Feminine.  Well, even when Presenting as a Male most people assume The Young Prince is a Female, so, I'm not surprised the Drag Persona is very convincing.  The Young Prince has just always looked like a very toned Muscular Woman. *Smiles*   Anyway, this Granddaughter is also Gender Fluid, but, not Open about it since in Mexico, it's more difficult and unacceptable to be.  She is Open with us, not with most Paternal Family who'd be troubled by it.

Below is the Pixs we Paid for, I like her Candid shots better, they turned out less Staged than a Mug Shot is.   She had dyed her Naturally Blonde Hair and cut a lot of it off, this is darker than her Hair is Naturally.  Her Natural Color is Beautiful, but, she does not like looking so Weta {White} since it's Culturally harder for her looking so different and obviously having a Non-Hispanic Parent whose an American.  Mixed Race Children there are often bullied and shunned, probably even more so than here in America.   So, they can have a tough row to hoe.  So, as soon as the Girls were allowed to Dye their Hair, they did so they wouldn't be Blondes anymore and could blend in a little better and be accepted somewhat better with the Culture they're being Raised in.   The poorer America's Relationship is with Mexico, the harder it is for Children of an American Parent there.

Tho' her Abuelita was too frail, Old and ill to be there, and her Dad couldn't be there since as far as we know he's Institutionalized, one of the Paternal Aunts was able to make it to her Graduation Ceremony.  Of coarse The Daughter wished she could have been there, but the Border situation right now to get back and forth is very sketchy, unpredictable even if you are an American National and have all your Paperwork in Order, and we just couldn't risk it.  Plus, it's getting more dangerous to Travel in Mexico and they live deep in the Interior, so it's about an 11 Hour Commute into Mexico to get there, with many perils along the way.   I will no longer risk it, which is why my Mexican Born Grandkids will have to wait until they can visit America to see us once they're grown and the barriers no longer exist for their Custodial arrangement as Minors.   The Daughter has never had Custody of her Children and Voluntarily gave it up due to level of her Disability making Involuntary severance a Given anyway.

  

She Adores all her Kiddos, but is Aware enuf to know her Serious Mental Illness would make adequate Parenting and Support for them impossible.  I'm glad her Exes were on board for doing what was best for the Children too and Partnering with us Grandparents to always put the Needs of the Kiddos first and our own situations secondary.   The Systems in both Countries told us how Rare that is, so, it made it easier to have Kinship Placement that wasn't contested.   Saint Maria only ever had an Only Child very late in Life, so she doted on her abundance of Grandchildren and was closest with The Daughter's Children, who look more like her too.    Saint Maria as a Young Woman was Blonde and she has Green Eyes... so do most of her Nieces and Nephews I met there in Mexico.   By Country they're Mexican, but, Ancestrally they're European descendants.

 Saint Maria was Born and Raised in Mexico, speaks and understands only Spanish, but her Ancestors are from France and Immigrated, becoming European Government Officials in Mexico.  Her Husband and his Ancestors were immigrants from Spain and became high Government Officials in Mexico too.  So, Ancestrally they are Europeans.  Probably why also the Grands are so Fair... it's not from my Ancestral side.   Both sides of my Family Tree almost all have Blue Black Hair, and all of Dad's side are Indigenous complexion and looking.  *Bwahahaha*   We have a few with Green or Grey Eyes, but most have almost Black Eyes, or various shades of Brown.   One of the Mexican Born Grands has my Grey Eyes and looks the most like I did as a Child... so, she's my Younger Doppelganger.   She's also the highest Maintenance Child... so... THAT too is the Chip off Old Gramma Dawn's Block.  *Ha ha ha*

Anyway, it's LATER:  I was supposed to Work for my Friend Richard as a fill-in for Father's Day Weekend Saturday Night Shift Sale.  Well, I arrived an Hour early and was getting a Cart and Supplies ready to start my Shift, but, they had the Pain In The Ass Co-Workers who start being fussy about Carts.  Oy vey... "Saving" them for their Friends who weren't even there yet and always arrive late.  One of them made the mistake of telling me I was an "Extra" so I wouldn't be getting a Cart, so, I said, "Oh, so then you won't be needing an Extra..." and they're like, "Oh Yes we will, it's Crazy Busy."  I countered with, "Oh, that's too bad..." and told the Night Manager it was clearly gonna be Drama and a Headache, so, I'd rather spend my Father's Day Weekend Drama and Headache Free with The Man and my Family at our BBQ... and promptly left.  *LOL*

Well, on the way Home I'm stopping at the Grocer to pick up the stuff the Kiddos said they needed me to get for the BBQ now I'm not Working, and our Manager is there with his Family.  He asks me if I'd been in yet and I told him I'd just left, becoz he hadn't told me I'd be working with the fussy Drama & Headache People and they'd started about Carts again and I'm not Dealing with that nonsense.  He knows I don't, I don't even pretend I will.  I told him they have it covered, they might just have to work harder now.  He Smiled and told me he'd see me Sunday Night then, he knows how I am when it comes to the Problem People, Zero Tolerance and Fuck them.  Let them work Twice as hard and run around like scalded Cats, I could give a Fuck.  I'd rather not work with them and be Home instead enjoying Life.  *LMAO*

Anyway, we had Friends over for the BBQ and they brought lots of Meats to cook for The Man for Father's Day so he doesn't even have to leave the house if he doesn't really want to.  And... he really doesn't want to.  *Smiles*   So, there's Filet Mignon, Kosher Bun Length Hotdogs, Hamburgers and Fixings.   The Kiddos are all in the Pool and The Man is already into the various individual serving Snacks I bought for the BBQ.  The Kids made him eat something he should first, they know not to let him just eat junk, or he would, he's like a Kid again when it comes to that misbehavior about his diet.   Getting him to eat any Servings of Fruits or Vegetables, drink Water, moderate Snacks, is a full time Job.  He's sneaky, I know all his Tricks, but he can sometimes fool the Adult Kids.  *Le Sigh and Eye Roll* 

I'm happier here doing a Blog Post with The Man behind me eating his Potato Chips and saying he's Glad I came Home and will be spending it with he, the Guests, and the Kids instead for Father's Day Weekend.  I agree, why put up with anyone's bullshit or attitude outside of the Home. I didn't really wanna Work on a Special Weekend anyway, had only agreed to do it as a Favor to my Friend Richard and our Manager, Steven.   We'd made Plans for the Weekend so it was a Big Ask to have me even consider coming in to cover for someone else, anyone else.  But with Richard's declining Health I felt he should be Home with his Family instead on Father's Day Weekend.   Only when the Problem Co-Workers couldn't seem to appreciate that did I feel like, why am I even here and bothering?  Fuck it, Peace Out and Bye Felicias.  *Ha ha ha*

My Cousins on the Rez had Shared some Old Pixs I'd never seen before, of one of my Uncle's, their Dad, for Father's Day.  He was one of my Dad's Big Brothers and I was quite fond of him.   Dad was the last of his 10 other Siblings, outliving them all, Dad lived to be 74, all his Siblings passed in either Childhood or before attaining Old Age.  The average Indigenous Lifespan is a full Decade less than the National Average, even nowadays.   The Average in 2023 was under 65.  In my Dad's Day it was even lower and Infant and Childhood Mortality at the Indian Schools was exceptionally high.   In my Paternal Grandparent's Day the Average was under 40.  Dad lost Two Younger Brothers who Died in Childhood.  Above is my Uncle with one of his numerous Grandchildren.   She is a Two Spirit Person, who more closely Identifies as Male.  Which in Indian Culture has always been acceptable and even revered and valued as a Higher Evolved State of Being Spiritually.

This was my Uncle, his Wife, who is half Cherokee {her Dad was Cherokee} and she and my Cousins are thus all Registered Tribal Members and live on the Rez there in Oklahoma.  This Aunt had a Mixed Race White/Indian Mom, and this is the same Grandchild at her Graduation many Moons ago.   Some of my Cousins Married within the Tribe, some didn't, the same with some of their Children and Grandchildren.   Once anyone leave the Rez it's rare they'll run into any other Indigenous People outside of the Rez to have Relationships with.   Sometimes not at all, I was 16 before I saw another Native American besides my Dad who was living outside of the Reservation.  I never realized how Lonely and Culturally Isolating that must have been for my Dad.  

If you still have your Dad, I do Hope your Relationship is a decent one.  Families and their Relationships or Dynamics can be complicated tho'.  I feel quite fortunate for the way I was Raised and the Values both of my Parents imparted.   My Kiddos say the same about us, and The G-Kid Force, so I know they appreciate us and the Values we imparted, especially about Family, while Raising them all.   There are no Perfect Families and no Perfect People, to have that expectation would be unrealistic and probably set yourself up for disappointment when it can't be attained or maintained.   I do Hope you can have a Memorable Father's Day if you are a Dad... even if you've fallen short in that Role.

My Dear Dad.

 *******

Happy Father's Day in Heaven Dad, I Miss you every Day... Dawn... The Bohemian