Conjuring Joy ~vs~ Holiday Blues

Today would have been my Dad's Birthday, having a Loved one Die at the Holidays can always create Future Holiday Blues and you have to attempt to conjure Joy.   I always give everyone a break at the Holidays coz it can be too much Sensory and Stimulus Overload for those in the Family who have Mental Health Issues even if everything goes well.  And, I've never been one to put pressure on myself to have the 'Perfect' Holiday, I think that detracts from having the best one that may still have imperfections, but, will be rich with fond Memories despite what isn't ideal or living up to unrealistic expectations someone might have.

 

I stayed in my Jammies for a couple Days while the Granddaughter has her Days Off.   I changed Jammies, but never got Dressed and didn't want to either.   But, I did get Dressed this Morning.  *LOL*  The Young Prince and I did a lot of Organization and Purging of what The Man had stashed away that nobody knew about.  My Mom did that too when she got Dementia and it's a common thing for those with Dementia to Hide things.  Forgetting where they placed items, Paranoia that someone will take it, hiding what they don't want to have to do, deal with, or take, and having Hoarded Caches of things nobody knows about. 

The VA Nurse had suggested we go thru everything of his for Safety sake and I'm glad that we did.  We respectfully told him what we were doing and got him on Board, explaining the Safety factor, and he obliged.  *Whew*  It can be very Emotional and overwhelming for us and for him.  We don't escalate his agitation or make him feel defensive. You want to be able to have unconditional Trust and preserve dignity and Trust, but when someone Mentally is very deteriorated and unwell, you have to insist on doing unpopular things FOR their sake. 

 The Young Prince did Cry, he hasn't seen the gradual decline of Grandpa while away, so, it hits him hard how much worse things have gotten.  He's really glad I'm now getting some Help from the VA Services.   He said he'd be overwhelmed, so he can only imagine how overwhelming it has been for me doing so much of it by myself for so long and being mostly responsible for his Care and Well Being, while he often is contrary, unlovely and uncooperative.   Now I have the Present Help of Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids so we share in his Care and what's happening with him that needs to be addressed.

  I went thru a lot of this with my Mom when she got Dementia, so, it's not my 1st Rodeo, I had to be the "Villain".  She'd Hoard her Meds and Hide them, not take them or forget to, pretend to take them.  It was a constant Battle.  It's gotten that way with The Man too, especially in regards to his Meds, and if you don't watch him every Second, he's prone to just doing things Secretly and with nobody's knowledge.   And no matter how well you Secure things, he's quite resourceful, as an Old Special Ops Soldier, in finding a way around any Safeguards in place. 

 Scolding is less helpful than just having more candid conversations and trying to get him to be most cooperative and on Board with any new regimen we have to implement as his condition progresses and worsens.  Mom would Hoard Food until it spoiled, so we'd have to throw it out without her knowing and just either replace it with something Fresh, or Hope she didn't notice it was now gone and disposed of.  Often if it's out of Sight, it's out of Mind.  He Luckily is only Hoarding hidden Salt, and Snacks that are non-perishables, but he shouldn't have too much of, and Hiding it from us.  But the Med Hoarding had been happening with nobody's knowledge for some time!  Coz the VA sends it by Mail and apparently he was receiving it and immediately hiding it and now we have to ensure he doesn't get the Mail without Supervision!!!  *Le Sigh*

We think we've found all the Meds he didn't take and hid away, Lord have Mercy he was so creative in where he hid shit!!!  As bad as any Addict or Alcoholic hiding what they are taking... only he was hiding his so he didn't have to take it and pretended he had been.  Or saying he never got it and so the VA would send it out again and he'd hide it again!  Oy Vey!  Now we administer everything and have to Watch him like fucking Hawks.  But we weren't aware that even before we knew he was slipping, he had been doing things like this covertly and completely without our knowledge or detection!!!   And he doesn't like anyone in his stuff so we'd respected that... now we just can't anymore, he's been too untrustworthy and doing Weird Dementia related Hoarding of things that can be Unsafe.

 Some of his Docs had been suspicious, but they hadn't told me anything about him having onset of Dementia, that is something I detected on my own by the Behaviors mirroring what I had experienced with my Mom.  Mom didn't have TBI like he does, and Dementia has similarities, but also differences that become quite apparent and distinctive.   And once you're in the Land Of Dementia it's quite the Wild Ride of Caregiving vigilance that is necessary!!!  It does take a Whole Village!!!   So far he's not Wandering out the Door Naked, but I've had Dear Friends whose Loved Ones did eventually get to that point!  We had to take Mom's Scooter away from her coz she was running it into People and Things!!! 

His Docs and Nurses still tell us he doesn't have it really bad, but, I beg to differ.  Living with him daily, I think it is progressing at an alarming rate and I notice, so do the Kids.  If this isn't bad in the opinion of Medical Professionals, I wonder at what point they determine it IS BAD?   It's no good them telling me everything is Fine when it's not Fine at Home and it becomes more challenging for us to provide adequate Care.  The Grandson is very worried about the level of Care necessary now for his Grandpa and how adept he is at hiding things from us.  He found way too many Hoarded Meds we knew nothing about, some going back to 2012!!!  Hidden so well Blackbeard or the Lost Dutchman would have been Proud, that shit could have remained Unfound Forever and been the stuff of Folklore!   I Kid you NOT!!!  I had an Anxiety Attack!

  We'll just HAVE to find a way to continue Care and having him remain at Home, but, I find I'm Googling a LOT Online to know what I'm Dealing with and how best to Deal with it?  Anyway, we got everything sorted out for him and think we found everything he'd hidden from us.  The Grandson was very thorough and thought of places I wouldn't have thought of to look.  He uncovered stuff I'd missed.  He promised to help me continue to keep on top of finding Caches Grandpa squirrels away without anyone's knowledge.  Telling him not to do it doesn't Work.

The VA Nurse comes Today, my Hope is his Blood Pressure is down and better than it has been?   I think part of his problems is Med avoidance, not just forgetting he must take them in front of Family.  Now we're administering them like they do in a Psyche Ward coz we can't Trust him to take them willingly or handle anything himself.  He's not exactly happy about it, he wants to still do everything himself and resists you doing for him what he wants to still do and have control over.  But, he's shown us he now can't.

On some levels I can relate, if the Kids had to take over everything and treat me like a Child I'd be unhappy about it, I'm a Control Freak.  The loss of controlling your own Life is the hard part of getting too Old you can't take Care of yourself and need more Help.  And when the tipping point comes to where you need Help with it all, it's humbling and a bit humiliating to relinquish control entirely and be forced into decisions not your own.  It will come at some point.  I Hope to be gracious enuf to relinquish control?

It's not even 50 Degrees Outside this Morning, Brrrrr!  I don't know how I finished out this last Pay Period, it wasn't looking promising again.  If we're not making Money during the busiest Season of the Year, then it doesn't portend well for 2026 at all.   There's always been ups and downs, but nothing like this ever in the 13 Years I've been there and most especially not at the Holidays when usually we're making good Money!  The Economy is crashing and I do fear it will worsen, and I'm not being so much pessimistic as realistic from indicators I see heading our way.  I'd like to be Wrong, I don't think I will be.

Usually I can count on making good Money during the Holidays from my Spaces.   This Year even our Irrigation is wanting Payment early, in December!!!   I think they want to ensure people can and will pay rather than Opting Out of Irrigating.  We don't pay for the Water, but we do pay a little over $200 for the Annual distribution of it from SRP for Agricultural Properties and maintenance of the Main Canals.  We maintain our own Canals on our Properties that are smaller than the Main Canals thruout the City.   But, paying that in December, AT the Holidays, makes for a tighter Christmas than we're already experiencing Economically.  *Le Sigh*

I may have to transfer funds out of Emergency Savings to get thru this Holiday Season.  Usually I keep building Emergency Savings for Tax Time, since, ever since Donnie Two Dolls had his 1st run, our Taxes have been higher and we've Owed the IRS.  We used to get Refunds and it's not like our Income increased, and we still have Dependents, even tho' we're Seniors on Pension/Social Security.   So I don't know what other Seniors in typical circumstances of not still having Dependents to Claim that you fully Support are Owing at Tax Time?   The Son said his Refund Checks are smaller and smaller every Year now even tho' Earnings aren't increasing either.  Now he's been Laid Off part of the Year he will rely on a Refund more.

The Niece in Oklahoma, whose a Computer Programmer, has been Laid Off since August and still has zero Job prospects.  She said AI is replacing a lot of White Collar Jobs now already.  She called me to say she's being Evicted, has been Supporting herself only on Wins by playing Poker at the Casinos and Unemployment, which is running out soon.  So she will have to move back in with her Dad to Share expenses.  At some point Unemployment runs out.  Usually around 26 Weeks in Arizona and Oklahoma.  They haven't always gotten along coz he has significant Issues of Mental Health and Alcoholism, so, I don't know how that will play out for her?  But, she has no choice unless she wants to Live in her Car!!!

So we talked on the Phone extensively coz I'm like a Surrogate Mom to her, since her Mom passed away several Years ago from Cancer.  Her Mom was one of my BFF's, so their Family were like "Family" to us.  There's no Biological Connection, but, I'm still considered Aunty to my Friend's Three Adult Daughters and I'm closest to this Oldest one, always have been.   Never liked their Dad, he's had Issues for a long time and eventually my Friend did Divorce him, she'd been thru much more than I ever knew, so had the Kids.  You never truly know what goes on behind Closed Doors of other folk's Homes and Life.

The Son's Girlfriend still hasn't found another Job either after being Laid Off from her long time Employment, and several of his Friends have recently been Laid Off in The Trades as well.  It's looking dire for a lot of their Generation of Kiddos around the Age of 40.   The Daughter and Mando spent all day Yesterday doing some Work with TJ, our Neighbor.  His Older Brother Rob was supposed to have some side Work lined up for he and The Son, but that apparently fell thru, so, The Son was ready to go that Morning to do it, but Rob never showed up or explained what happened.  

We've been Recycling Aluminum regularly, there's a lot of it out there to pick up from the Environmentally unconscious that discard it.   But, that's not enuf of a Side Hustle to consistently supplement a Retirement Income and with Inflation running so high now.   I think America may whiz right past a Recession into a Depression frankly, which has never happened in my Lifetime, but, my Parent's Generation lived thru as Children. {1929-1941}.    I remember my Dad saying many Indigenous Children at the time Died of Starvation, he had a Brother that did, and an Infant Brother that also didn't Survive the Era it fell in.  My Mom's Family was on strict Rations so had malnutrition as well and serious Diseases that killed ran rampant.  She Survived some of those Epidemics, some of her Friends didn't.

Mom Survived Diphtheria, Rheumatic Fever, and had a Younger Sister that got and Survived Polio.   Dad was Lucky, he was never Sickly in his Life until the very end of it, and only ever missed a Single Day of Work in 27 Years in the Military, not due to illness, but due to Broken Ribs.  He got patched up and went back to Work the next day.  He worked Civilian Jobs after his Military Retirement until he was Old enuf to Collect Social Security and by then he had Cancer, Survived it, had Emphysema, Survived it.  And at 74 finally couldn't go on anymore and went rather quickly to the Afterlife, on his own Terms and without a Fight, he was ready and told me it was a good day to Die, and that was it for him.  I think his Body just finally gave out, but his Mind was still Sharp as a Tack.  With Mom the Mind went and Dementia killed her, other Bodily illness never could.

Now that The Grandson explained to me how LMD works, I understand that once Linear Memory Degeneration goes back far enuf, it's like you revert to before Birth and so everything then shuts down.  It's not a technical Medical Term, but it makes perfect sense to me, it's a slower decline than say, Alzheimer's, and is a normal part of Aging.  I think it's what the Old Folks used to refer to as simply Dying Of Old Age.  At some point of Aging, when someone succumbs, let's face it, why would you even ask what they Died of, coz, basically, it's Old Age!!!  

 A Friend's Mother who was over 90 Died and people were asking her "From What?", like that was a legitimate Question other than, well, fuck, she was over 90!!!  Duh!!!   She Died of Old Age, a perfectly Natural Death IMO that HAS to fucking happen at some point!!!!!!!!   And now, on to the very Young... Above is one of the Great-Grandsons, who is the Oldest Child of our Middle Granddaughter back East.   Looks like he's going to Pre-School.   That Granddaughter is a Single Parent now and has a demanding Career... I remember how hard that was for the 7 Years I was a Single Parent and held down a demanding Corporate Life, plus helped my ailing aging Parents out.  The Man came along right on time!  *Smiles and Whew*

He's always been an Adrenalin Junkie and liked Danger, and boy did this Family give him some Adrenalin Rushes and Hazards he never could have anticipated over the many Years!  *Bwahahahaha*  This wasn't your Garden Variety Family he inherited.  But, he's a very Brave Man and was already a highly Decorated War Hero, so, I guess he felt he was up to the Challenge?!   He often tells me War was easier, which, may or may not be dark humor sarcasm and hyperbole?   *Smiles & Winks*  Anyway, I'm just glad all the Kiddos living with us are tight knit and we all have each other's Backs, becoz Family is Everything, I can rely on them and am Thankful for them all this Thanksgiving and always.

I couldn't watch the annual White House Turkey Pardons coz Donnie Two Dolls was just spewing too much Bullshit and Hateful Vitriol, as usual.  He's so detached from Reality of the American People that he has no Point of Reference and lives in a Fantasy of his own making.  I don't think he can speak Truth, it's too foreign to him becoz he's a habitual Liar and looks at everything and everyone from a Career Criminal's Mindset.  "tRump doesn't have a decent Cell in his Body...", and that's Words coming from fellow Perv & Pedo, and his Bestie, Jeffrey Epstein via a recently E-Mail released!!!  Just Wow, when even fellow Scum have that to say about you!!!  So, I don't wanna hear anything he has to say and he just makes me wanna retch whenever I even see him, he disgusts me that much.   Well, ALL Sex Offenders do, and that's just one of his numerous serious Felony Crimes, being a fucking Sexual Perv and Pedo.  It's embarrassing that's America's chosen Leader!!!

I'm making Chili for Today and have it simmering in the Crockpot, I'm using Ground Goat Meat this time.  The Ham's already almost completely gone and devoured.  *LOL*  The Daughter really made it look like a Work of Culinary Art and I was very Proud of her.   It's still only 50 Degrees Outside and it's past 10:00 a.m. so Chili just seemed appropriate... and will feed a crowd cheaply.  It has Fire Roasted Tomatoes, Hatch Green Chilis, about Six kinds of Beans, Spices, Fire Roasted Corn, Corn Starch, Vegetable Broth, Garlic Tomato Sauce, and a Medium Heat Chili Starter that I get from "Sprouts".  It's a hearty one.  We'll have various Shredded Mexican Cheeses, Fresh Cilantro, plus Green & White Onions for Garnish.  Nom-Nom.

The Daughter and Mando are gonna finish up the Job they started Yesterday with TJ, so they should get Paid Today for it.   I owed again at the Antique Mall, the 4th time in a row!!!  That has never happened, in the 13 YEARS I've been there I only ever owed Twice before, minuscule amounts... this is the 4th Payday of Loss in a ROW and I'm not the only Vendor taking hits like that!!!   Sales are absolutely abysmal at a time when we should be doing the best Sales of the Year, it's really alarming!!!  It portends dire things to come in 2026.  And at this rate, if there's any more Losses, even if they're small ones, if I'm not making Money I'll have no choice but to close it all down if we don't see improvement of some kind and start making Money again!!!  I could probably make more of a Profit doing Yard Sales with how poorly the Antique Mall is performing now.  No Loss or Overhead at a Yard Sale, only Profits.

It's a financial drain if you take any Loss, even if it's not a big one, it's still an unexpected expense you don't normally have.   It's frustrating and I don't know if it will turn around between now and Christmas enuf to make us feel Guardedly Optimistic for 2026?  Vendors are all grumbling, but so are Brick & Mortar Shop Owners of all kinds that I know, and Restaurants, they're all suffering right now.  The Son said Industrial and The Trades right now are Laying Off Workers.  Phoenix Metro allowed AMAZON to build many of those hideous 800,000 sf monstrosities they operate out of and they're Laying Off Workers in droves too, a Record number of Layoffs at AMAZON in fact!  

Usually at the Holidays they're Hiring Seasonal Help, not Laying folks Off.   Even APPLE is Laying Off Sales Staff now!  But Leaked AI Plans are making it evident this is gonna happen all the more now.   DES is Dealing with Issues regarding Unemployment Aid.  Only just over 700 New Jobs per Month are reported, compared to over 5,300 per Month between 2022-2024!!!   And the Number of Ghost Job Postings is problematic too as Companies are putting non-existent Openings up to appear they're in better shape than they actually are, so their Investors won't bail on them or they can Sell the Company easier to a Buyer.  The State has fallen way behind in processing Unemployment Payments due to the Government Shutdown and Federal Layoffs too gutting Agencies that assist or protect the Public.  This is all NOT Good.

*******

Try to have a Happy Thanksgiving anyway my Friends... and be Thankful of what we still have left of our Democracy... Dawn... The Bohemian 

Linear Memory Degeneration... Fun Times!

 I started feeling a little better but never got out of my Jammies all day and did take a Nap to feel more Rested.  I don't even know why I felt so run down, but I did so decided not to do a damned thing really.  I did do a little putting away of some stuff that was piled up by The Daughter in the Dining Room area, she had gathered it up from everywhere else and didn't quite know what I wanted done with it?   Half of it was For Sale, the other half could go back in The RV Garage Mahal coz it was mostly Halloween Decorations we'd taken down to just put away in Seasonal Storage areas.  Considering I had no Energy, I did a fair amount of putting stuff away and got that load of Towels Washed, Dried and put away too, that had sopped up the Flood Waters in The RV Garage Mahal.   It hasn't Stormed yet and it's now almost 6:00 p.m. and that's Surprising, I expected it to be a drearier day all day.

It never got over 61 Degrees tho', which, for us, is Cold and it was Wet, so, not a Pleasant Day either.   I've had some Old "American Pickers" Episodes on, back when it first started, it's Interesting to see what they used to Buy then and what they used to offer, compared to newer Episodes.   Back then they didn't do too well Nationally on their Picks, being unfamiliar with Western States compared to East Coast Pickin'.  I think back East, since it's Older and folks keep more of their Stuff, they were used to a lot of Stuff being piled up on Properties for Generations.  On the West Coast that isn't how most people Live.   And, what West Coast Folks Value is way different than what East Coast Folks Value.  I've lived on both Coasts, it's quite different on each, always has been, probably always will be.   I'm very Eclectic and see Value where a lot of folks don't, I know that.   

I did buy a Ham but we'll probably cook it before Thanksgiving and do the Turkey on Thanksgiving.  We still had a Turkey in the Freezer, so didn't have to worry if the Price was up on those.  Our Ham was on Sale so the Price was decent for it.  We're relying on the Kiddos to cook both, I'm not.  *LOL*   We have everything in the Pantry for Thanksgiving Dinner, so don't have to go out and Buy anything Special, except mebbe a couple Pies.  I'll Buy those closer to Thanksgiving and usually get at least one that is either Pumpkin or Sweet Potato... and the other one could be any type of Pie that looks good.  We're not big on Desserts but on a Holiday will eat a Pie or Two as a Collective.  The Man is the only one who could eat Pie regularly.  I never eat the Crust, don't like it.  And, I'd rather have a Tart than a Pie.  Above is Cookies made to look like a Pie.

 

Above is the Old Kilim turned into a Christmas Stocking, I got it at a really cheap Price.   And Below are a couple little Bottlebrush Trees in Old Milk Glass Cosmetic Containers and accessorized with Orphaned Vintage Bling, that I Bought from my Vendor Friend Mary.  I didn't Buy much, but I do like what we got in Smalls that were inexpensive.  The Man got a couple New Old Stock Vintage Fishing Lures for less than Two Bucks each.  One of the Vendors wanted to Buy the Purse I was carrying, which wasn't For Sale, but I know I have one like it at Home and she got my Number coz she'd like to come Buy from me, she's a Fabric Artist and Loved everything about my Style and Aesthetic.  She's partnered with my Friend Mary and now they Share Spaces at the Event and the Antique Mall, I Love her Vibe and think it will be mutually beneficial to both of us to cultivate a contact with one another.   She's Creating a lot of Cool stuff and I've got more Fabric for Art that she'll wanna Buy.

I have the same Issue most Collectors do tho', sometimes I'm in the Mood to Sell and sometimes I'm not.  I don't NEED to Sell any of it so I'm not desperate to Sell any of it.  Took me a Lifetime to Source and Buy it, so I don't expect to Liquidate it quickly and take Offers I am not willing to Sell it for.  Sometimes Pickers will offer enuf that you wanna Sell to them, sometimes they want to expand their Margins at your Expense, and I've been in the Industry long enuf myself that I know what I should get for everything and anything I have and what it can Sell for if I Sell it myself and Cash Out on the Best Margins.  So, to Sell it for less to a Picker, they have to be willing to stand Tall enuf to either Buy a lot from me or make reasonable Offers that make us both Money.  If they have to go out to many places in HOPES of finding things One piece at a time of The Good Stuff, like I did over the Years, it may take them a Lifetime too to Source it.   So if they expect to get a lot from me, don't try to lowball me or we're simply not doing business.

Sometimes we're wasting each other's Time otherwise.  I've Sold in bulk and I've Sold One piece at a time, it doesn't matter to me how much or how little I Sell actually.   I'll just Keep most of it if I can't get what I want for it and then let my Heirs profit from it later one when I'm gone.  They now know what most things Value is and that it can make them Money consistently if they're prudent about the Selling of it.  I don't think the Industry is what it was, but, those of us who have a lot of The Good Stuff know that it's also not out there on the Market so much anymore either to even GET for those that want it or desire it.    And anyone that knows a Collector knows that it was never about the Money for us primarily, even tho' it's all an Investment that can and usually does make us Money when we're ready and willing to Turn it into Cash.  

You might do it for a Living, but, that's not my Problem, that's the Pickers Problem to Turn a Profit.  If you've been Buying and Selling all your Life, Money is just an acknowledgement of a Picker's Appreciation of what you had the Skill and Eye for to accumulate.  We LIKE to Hunt for Stuff, and if it's not our Living, we're under no Pressures to Support ourselves in the Doing of it.   Our Corporate Lives Supported our Family, so our Collecting was and is our Hobby and our Passion, there's a difference.  I've always done a lot of Trading with other Collectors and Artisans mostly, I prefer a good Trade over the exchanging of just Cash.  If I got something you really want and you got something I really want, then Value isn't as important as the acquisition of what we both desire and want, that we can make happen for each other in a mutual exchange.

And if my Friends Specialize in something that I don't Specialize in but have, they're more than willing and able to find something I would really want in exchange for it.   I don't Collect Native American or Old West Objects per se, but I know enuf about each to have accumulated some Good Stuff and exchange it with my Industry Friends that Specialize in it and will find me something to Swap it with.  *Winks*  I like Weird, Wonderful and Quirky shit and my Industry Friends know that about me. So when they find an Oddity, they know I may want to Trade for it and will have something they really Want that we can Swap it for.  *Smiles*  My Dear Vendor Friend Dan {may he RIP} often exchanged really Primo Oddities for Native American Antiquities that I had.  He knew my Dad was Indigenous and that I have a lot of Native Relatives and Friends, so we know about Tribal Pieces, what's Ceremonial, and what was made for the Tourists.  My own Grandmother and Aunts made both, for Ceremonial Purposes and to Sell to Tourists or Sell to the Trading Posts.

Any Day Buying and any Day Selling is a Good Day as far as I'm concerned.   I ended up getting that Fiesta Ware Pitcher for $35.  The price range Online is all over the place, but most were way, way, higher than that, plus Postage.   I was comfortable with what I got it for since it's not something I Bought for Resale.   I've Sold more Fiesta Ware Disc Pitchers and Ball Pitchers than I've Kept.   I've always Sold mine for more than I Paid for this one and they rarely stay in Inventory very long before they Sell.    Below was the Ham that The Daughter cooked for Tonight.  We had Company so it will feed a Host of hungry folks.  *Smiles*  She watched an Online Tutorial on how to cook it and I thought it looked really pretty for some Food Porn Blog Fodder. *Winks* 

It's nice to have someone in the Family who enjoy Cooking and is good at it.  I've never been a Culinary Jedi, but The Man was an excellent Chef before his Brain Injury.  But now he's needing a lot of Supervision for safety sake so we don't let him Cook anymore and he's forgotten how to really.   I miss his Cooking, so our Daughter filling in for him is great.  She cooked it rather late so we're having a really late Supper.  It's a Spiral Cut Ham and I just Love a good Ham for Dinner and to make Sammies with later, or have for Breakfasts too.  The only one who can't eat Pork is The Young Prince, he's become allergic to Pork so doesn't eat it anymore.  He and his Sister developed considerable Food Allergies so there's a lot of things they can't eat and should avoid in their Diet.

 

Above is my Designer and Industry Friend Michelle, we like all the same things, so could have been Twins separated at Birth.  *LOL*  That's her Space behind her at "Sweet Salvage".   She Downsized some time ago so now has a Smaller Living Space and divested herself of a lot to Simplify Life at this Season of Life, so, that Inspires me.   If you see on the Christmas Tree Below that Michelle Decorated, those Ex-Votos Sacred Heart Garlands, I also Bought one of those off her and hung it on one of our Antique Fireplace Mantles in the Livingroom.   She was kinda Hopeful they wouldn't all Sell Out so she could keep one for herself to put on her own Tree at Home.  *LOL*  I should have Bought Two, but, it's pretty long so I thought the One would do... really Love it.

 

Today is our Oldest Daughter's Birthday, she lives in Pittsburgh and we haven't been back there since she got Married over a couple Decades ago.    Hard to Believe but she's turned 52!   I had to remind The Man so he'd give her a call right now.  He has a pretty good relationship with her but they don't talk very often as neither of them are Talkers, but she keeps in Touch with me more via Social Media.  I'm not a big Phone Talker either, but we said Hey just now and talked about the Great-Grandkids, she's a Gramma of Five now and has her Oldest Daughter's Son right now Babysitting him on her Birthday.  She said he's busy throwing the Dog's Toys at her.  *LOL*   She was saying her Oldest Daughter's Middle Child, the One that looks like a Clone of her Mama, is the Hellion.  I could tell just by looking at that One, that she's the Kiddo full of Piss and Vinegar.  *LMAO*

  Of coarse when The Man is talking to her she doesn't know that he makes things up so sometimes I have to let her know how much he's exaggerating or telling Stories.  He was telling her he has to do everything around here, rather than the Kiddos and I, which is the actual Truth that WE do everything, he does nothing really anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   WTF... Honey, since when do you do anything around here but watch TV?!   The Oldest Daughter was Believing that none of the rest of us do anything and are making him do it all, so I HAD to say something about it being a gross exaggeration and that it's mostly the Kids doing everything for us now that they've all moved back Home, which is the Truth.  And I don't even know why he makes things up, but he does it all the time now when he's talking to anyone.  None of it being True, so it's like he's living inside the Fantasy of his own Head Space now?!   And you never know what will fall out of his Mouth that is Untruthful?!  Coz he actually Believes his Lies now!  And he was never a Liar before his TBI and Dementia set in.

 The Kids do all the Yard Work now maintaining our Acreage, the Irrigation, Repairs that I'd have to Hire a Handyman to do otherwise, most of the Housekeeping, almost all of the Cooking.  Everyone does their own Laundry.  They're Helping me with Organizing and Selling in the big Edit and Purge.  So, I didn't want her thinking her Dad was having to do it ALL in his Condition and at his Age.  Mostly he does nothing all day long but watch his Shows and be waited on and taken Care of!   If I don't specifically tell him to Help with something he'd ignore the doing of it indefinitely.  He will do some Dishes now and again or fold Laundry, but mostly if I ASK him to Help with those things.  If the Kids weren't here living with us I'd be either doing it all or having to Hire someone to Help me.  So I do resent him telling the Lies of doing it all or that I'm not Selling things enough. 

 He knows we've had a Space at the Antique Mall for 13 Years now and have Sold more than we've Kept.  He seems to think you can get rid of a Lifetime of possessions in one fell swoop and it doesn't work like that.  

And, it's also how we've supplemented a Fixed Income that sometimes isn't enough if we didn't have that discretionary Income of what I'm Selling Off for a Profit.  Plus, I manage the Finances and have always been the one to Save and Invest Money.  When I met The Man he was so terrible at Finances that he didn't have anything to show for all the hard Work he'd done for all the Years before we met.  He'd never Owned his own Home, but mostly coz he'd Traveled so much in the Military constantly.  I'd owned a few Properties by the time I met him and was the one who convinced him to Invest in Real Estate.  He'd never even used his VA Loan before meeting me and didn't know how that even worked in his favor when Buying a Primary Residence.  

He's being a little more Truthful with her now on the Phone Call, coz he knows that The Son and I came out and kept him Honest on the Call. *Smiles*   I have to Call him Out on his Stories when they get too outrageous or disparaging about people and it's not True what he's made up.  The Son backed me up with his Sister and Joked that their Dad WORKS on keeping his Media Chairs warm.  *Winks and Laughs*   But The Young Prince has explained to me a Backwards Linear Event of Dementia and now it makes more sense.   He told me it's all True, but happened Years ago and his Memories are getting Mixed Up.  He said Grandpa will lose Memories in Annual Sequence, and at some point when his Memories are only prior to 2000, he won't remember who he and his Sister even are.   And, if his Linear Memory Degeneration goes back prior to 1989 he won't remember who I am either eventually, or the Kids he inherited when we got Married that I had previously.

 Now that makes Sense as to Why my Mom remembered me and not my Younger Brother before she Died of the final Stages of Dementia.  She'd Lost Memory prior to 1960 when he was Born, but not prior to 1957 when I was Born.  I had always wondered why she still remembered me before she Died, but not my Brother, who was actually her Favorite Child?  *Smiles*  She did think he was her Brother, coz my Brother and our Uncle looked similar.  Now it makes perfect sense to me and that The Man used to do all the Work at Home that the Kids do for him now, and on his Career, before his Brain Injury and that's where he's now at Memory Wise.   I'll know better what to expect and not get so upset with him, if I understand his Disease better and why he says and does what he does now.  And my Grandson is so Brilliant he can explain almost anything in a way, dumbed down for my benefits, LOL, that makes perfect sense to me now.

It's difficult to live in the World of Dementia as the Caregiver, sometimes I have to step back from it and give myself breaks.   His condition is now his Normal so he'll only worsen and I know that and need to prepare myself for not only his decline, but perhaps my own as well.  Cognitive decline is gonna happen, I have some limitations now that I recognize in myself.  The Man is less Aware of his decline.  And, I must say it's easier living with the Schizophrenics and Dealing with the manifestations of that Illness, than living with someone with Dementia and helping them manage that Illness with any measure of Success and mutual cooperation.  

 I guess it's coz I understand Mental Illness better since I've dealt with it literally all of my Life.   But, only my Mom has had Dementia that I dealt with before The Man also developed it.  And with Mom, when it got unsafe for her to live Alone, it didn't work out for my Brother or I to take her in and attempt to Care for her.  We had the best of Intentions but couldn't meet her at her Point of Need.   And you never wanna get upset with someone about an Illness they can't help and have no control over.  So, as a Full Time Caregiver I try to at least have a measure of Understanding about what I'm Dealing with on a daily basis so I can react appropriately to it.   And, Post Stroke for me has created some of my own Challenges for what it clearly did to my Brain, tho' I was fortunate to recover pretty well considering.

I did Source some more mini Cracker Jack Vintage Trolls at such a low price point I bought most of them the Vendor had Collected.  I think this had to be part of some personal Collection and I liked that there was diversity in Hair Color.   I like little Hoards like this, they don't take up much Space and they can be Fun to have.    The G-Kid Force have been going thru some of my Smalls Collections coz those tend to be their favorites and what they wouldn't want me to get rid of and Sell Off.  It's Interesting to me what they Cherish most of what I have and tend to have the fondest Memories of.  I have always let my Kids and Grandkids use and play with what I Collect.  When they got a bit Older they Decorated their Rooms with whatever I had and would change it up often using various Collectibles they liked best at the time.  Hence, why they asked me not to Sell Off all of the Fiesta Ware, they Loved it more than I realized they did.

 

I've got The Young Prince right now hunting for shit we need to find.  Sometimes we put stuff away and then can't remember it's there.  Right now I have him searching for the Seven to Nine Mrs. DASH Flavors that his Grandpa hid somewhere and now we can't find them.  He was supposed to use those instead of Salt, but he likes Salt and hides Salt Shakers so he can sneak more Salt than he's supposed to have due to his Hypertension.  *Le Sigh*  So, I really wanna locate those Mrs. DASH flavorings which I spent a lot of Money on and he never even used before he hid them so he didn't have to use them!!!  *Huge Sigh but LOL all the same, he's Sneaky like that sometimes when he doesn't wanna do something his Doctors told me he should do or has to do.*

And in looking for the Spices he's squirrelled away, The Grandson found other stuff he did the same and shouldn't have, like Old Meds he never took, so we're disposing of those responsibly too.  *Oy Vey*  Now he's not allowed to touch his own Meds coz he's no longer responsible enuf to administer them or even take them without intense supervision.  So, we have to ensure they're only in our possession and he doesn't have access, and a Family Member makes sure he's taking them and giving them to him directly to watch him take them.  It's not only forgetfulness on his part, he doesn't like having to take Meds and he has a lot of them he must take.  So, he's not always cooperative about it, but for now does comply.  I don't know how Long Term Care Staff ensure their Residents are complying?  We're not Medical Professionals but he's more cooperative with us than he would be with a Stranger at least.

The Young Prince was having Anxiety and a lot of intense Emotion about how much worse his Grandpa is than when he left and moved to New Mexico.  He's not seen the daily decline gradually, so it hits him harder to see the cumulative effect.   And how hard it is to not have this overwhelm you completely.   And why it's so important to have an actual VA Nurse coming to assist with him and see how he's doing and how we're Coping with how he's doing, coz, it's a LOT.  Processing it is often very Emotional and I tend not to show Emotions openly.   So, most of the Family can't tell when I'm feeling Emotional or overwhelmed by taking Care of Dad/Grandpa as he gets further gone in his Illnesses.  It's a lot of responsibility to give Family when someone gets ill enuf they should really be getting Professional Care.  

But, most Families cannot afford it.   I know my Mom's Long Term Care was Costing over $11,000 per Month once she required Long Term Care... and that was many Years ago now.  Her entire Income was around $650 a Month.   And even with very good Two Career Pensions, we don't even clear half that amount of what her Care was Costing every Month.  So, we had to sign her over as a Ward of the State in order for her to Qualify for her Care to be covered.  An agonizing decision to do and you had to liquidate every asset she had before they'd allow it.  So, if she'd still had a Spouse at the time, that Husband would have been left destitute due to the liquidation of everything to provide her to Qualify for Care nobody else could give her.   Dad had Died almost a Decade earlier and went right from a Hospital Room to a Hospice to Die, so he never required Long Term Care.  That's the only reason she was left with anything at all.  It's disturbing that is the Fate of most American Seniors and their Families.   Or, anyone with Chronic or Serious Illness or Disability.

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You just keep on keeping on... Dawn... The Bohemian