Burnout Is A Bitch

 

Well, our Social Security Checks did hit finally and so I could send out the rest of my Bills and not incur either Late Charges or NSF Fees, yay!  It's a feeling of relief when all the Money Owed to you is finally Paid Out.  I can now relax thru EOM tho' there's no 'Extra' anymore with everything increasing in prices and income not keeping pace.  But, it's covering everything necessary, so, Life is still Good.  *Whew*  I didn't go to The Gym Yesterday as Planned and likely won't Today either, too Cold out there so I'm aching, the Cold gets into the Marrow of my Bones and makes movement painful until I Warm up.

Sure, I could say Pain is Weakness leaving the Body and force myself to do a Workout in spite of how much I'm hurting Physically.  But, I like my Workouts to be pleasurable, not torturous.  *LOL*  I have a very high threshold for enduring Pain and ignore it most of the time, but I certainly don't magnify it by doing things that would intensify it either.  So, I'm Blogging after taking Princess T to Work and Mailing my Bills, rather than heading straight for The Gym at 7:00 a.m..  The Man is up wandering around anyway like a Lost Soul and nobody else is up yet to Watch him, so, it's best I stay Home with him anyway.  He's been high maintenance lately and not Feeling good.

His last Nurse's visit all his Numbers were excellent tho', his Blood Pressure was Normal and not High for a change.  His Diabetic Numbers were Normal Range and not High either.  His A1C has been reduced too.  But, I think his Brain Function often is what's making him not Feel good and is struggling to maintain optimum Function?   Dementia is like that and troubles the Body as much as it troubles the Mind.  He's slowly forgetting how to do what should be instinctual like Eating and Drinking, or Sleeping, so must be reminded constantly now that it's necessary.  He will battle you on it like a Small Child would, and gets agitated about it if challenged.  But he MUST Eat, Drink and Sleep, it's mandatory, not optional.

Taking his Meds, especially the Injections, he's a little less resistant to, but, ONLY if you are a Witness now to him actually doing it and not just pretending to do it or avoiding doing it!   I've instructed both Generations of Kiddos on what his Tricks are to fake doing both the Oral Meds and/or his Injections, to Watch him like a Hawk doing both and checking that the Pills are Swallowed and the Needle goes IN his Body and administers the Medication!?!   Yeah, we've all become like a Team of Nurse Ratchets in our very own version of "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest" here at The Asylum aka: Forever Boheme'.  *LOL*

It was Interesting to have the conversation with the Haitian Nurse sent for The Daughter's Evaluation and Checkup to discuss how best to Medicate her to stave off Schizophrenic Episodes?!   Okay, so, Psyche Meds, she was always resistant to taking, eventually couldn't take coz it was crapping out her Vital Organs when she was on them too long anyway.  And so, she replaced Prescribed Drugs with Self Medicating with Dangerous Street Drugs.  'Til she got Clean and now she switched to Self Medicating with Alcohol and sometimes a little bit of Medicinal MJ.  It's far better her Alcoholism to manage, than Full On Schizophrenia, so, I don't know what to tell you.  *LOL*

Yes, but her Liver... the chance of Cirrhosis, says The Nurse.  Well Yeah, there's that, but, out of Control Schizophrenia poses far more Risk to everyone involved and then she can't Live here coz I cannot Manage that and have the Obligation to keep us all Safe.  So, One Mike's Hard a day is something I can Live with her doing to take the Edge off and not be Cuckoo all of the time, Okay?  And, she is Safe here and Feels Safe here, and, she's been Clean for over Three Years now so the Alcohol is something she presently Needs.  If we send her to a Rehab she wouldn't stay and probably would resist Going. 

 Plus, ALL Rehabs tend to pose Risks of Exposure to those still IN The Life and sneaking Drugs in.  We don't Need to Risk that chance of Relapse and those kinds of Contacts and Negative exposure.   She realized that this isn't this Family's First Rodeo and we know the Score and Risks involved with Traditional Methods.  Both of my Addict Children got Clean on their own.  Rehab never Worked... ever... was a constant revolving Door and they just ended up meeting more Addicts while in there and many weren't Serious yet about getting Clean and Sober either.  They were Serious enuf to tough it out and do it on their own without an Intervention.

My Method was, you can't be here if you're in The Life, period.  I'll Pray fervently that The Lord gets your Attention some kind of way to where you won't wanna be in The Life anymore and He aids you to kick your Addiction and get it up under Control.   But, it's always subject to Relapse, so you must banish all Exposure to The Life, ALL the People, ALL the Places, ALL the Habits, ALL the Delusions and Illusions, and Drop it ALL like a Rock in order to start over and Be Clean.  You're only ever ONE USE away from backsliding right back into what you climbed out of.  Coz if you get the Person out of the Mess, but you don't get the Mess out of the Person, they fall right back into it.

They Want to be here and the only way they can is on the Terms I mandate, their Choice.  Otherwise, make other Arrangements, coz I ain't having any of it destroying my Life, my Peace and my Calm.  I'm too fucking Old and have Obligations beyond just each one of them.  I've had to kick them out before if they relapse, so I'm vigilant about everyone remaining Clean of Drugs and managing the Alcoholic intake too.  Coz folks who are Drunk or High are a Trigger for Yours Truly and my reaction to it is to go full on Dark Dawn on their Asses and completely Mental.  If they can't handle ME that way, then just don't fucking do it.  If they slip even a little bit with the Alcohol intake, they're instantly reminded Dark Dawn isn't pleasant to Square Off with and challenge.

Yes, I'd Like for both of them to beat Alcoholism too and never Drink again.  I Wish they'd never taken a Drink.  But, neither of them can Handle their Mental Illnesses completely Clean and Sober either, there's no Cure, and it can get way worse Dealing with that shit than Dealing with some Alcohol intake within Reason.  So, you almost have to choose which Devils you can Manage and coexist with, and the lesser of Two Evils you wanna endure and has less damage control and Risk to run behind?   Coz the fucking Cavalry ain't coming, this is the Hand Dealt and Society isn't Caring enuf to make things better and find Solutions to such complex Problems that are Long-Term and Expensive.  

It's an imposition to Society to have the Broken Toys around.  It is upsetting and an annoyance to the Healthy and Well, often with much resentment, to those who had a Luckier Hand Dealt them.  Why should it be their Problem after all?   They highly resent Funding Programs for the most Vulnerable and vilify them.  Yet seem Okay with Billionaires and Politicians wasting and Grifting their Tax Dollars for far more $$$ than any Social Programs ever Cost, go figure.  In just a single Year for 2.0 the Grifter-In-Chief has pocketed over a Billion for himself alone for The Long Con.  That's not counting all the other Grifts and Waste, Extortion, Nepo Hires, Offshore Accounts in Qatar, etcetera... and backdoor Deals with Bad Actors to enrich all the Cronies involved in the Ultimate Scam.

  Matters not if it's Illegal, Immoral, Corrupted, and a Conflict Of Interest now... the Rules have been Changed... Forever.  The American Taxpayers, for Generations now, will Pay the Price for what was installed and left to run amok without Guardrails, Checks or Balances, or any significant Consequences.   And other World Leaders better Wise Up quick and realize that Appeasing someone like this, Kowtowing, Patronizing, Flattering, Gifting, and Sucking Up, only makes it worse and emboldens the Behavior.   It's being Encouraged whenever you Reward it like that.  Behavior Tolerated IS Behavior ACCEPTED.  He Feeds off them being intimidated or fawning over him, but Guys like him are actually Weak and Cowardly, so fall in Line to someone actually Strong and Brave, coz that's what they Secretly wanna be.

So, anyway, the Antique Mall called while I was Napping this Morning to ask if I'd Work a 5-9 Tonight.  I Agreed coz, well, Rents went up and that will offset some of the increase to get some Comped Space Rent and Sales still ain't what they should be either.  In spite of the Four Day Sale, nothing significant Sold at only 15% Off, just Smalls and less expensive items to begin with.  I'm bringing some bigger Ticket items in with me Tonight, I have a Milk Crate filled again with The Good Stuff.  But, whether that will entice folks to let go of Money they don't NEED to spend is iffy, no matter how Good the Merch is or Priced to Sell.  I leave some Margin in for Vendors to be my Buyers of the Primo Merch, they Covet it if that's what they Specialize in Selling.

Anyway, in Real Time it's a Wednesday Night so its not likely to be especially busy, but, you never know.  I could Price more but I'll be challenged to find the Space for what I'm already bringing in and it's very Cold Outside still, never got above 43 yet Today, Brrrr.  It was 69 for almost all of Yesterday, which was Pleasant, this isn't Pleasant and why I was Nappy at 9:00 a.m. coz I was hurting deep in my Bones and Sleep helps with that, easing it as the day Hopefully gets Warmer... but, it didn't yet.   So, I'm moving towards sorting thru Jammies now.  The Daughter saw the Three big Donation Boxes of Pants and wants to try to Sell some at a Yard Sale first, so, I'll let her this Weekend.

If she can earn some Money for herself doing that I don't mind, I just want it out of the Main House for now.  She may do well with it coz the Spanish Speaking Ladies that tend to frequent her Yard Sales and converse with her in Spanish are bigger Women and always asking for larger Sizes of everything.   The Daughter and Princess T aren't Large, and the Women bought a lot of The Man's Shirts for their Menfolk in larger Sizes.  *Smiles*  So, there had been requests for larger Sized Women's Wear... and now, she'll have some.  *LOL*   She puts her Yard Sale stuff under the 5th Wheel in it's Storage Compartments, which are quite large and can hold Bins of things.  It gives her incentive to do some little Sales on the Weekends and earn some Cash to spend.

She says a lot of the Buyers are probably Buying in bulk to take down to Mexico to Sell too at the Ropa Usada Warehouses near the Border.  They Sell Bales of huge piles of Clothing for a very low price.   At the "Goodwill" Warehouse where they Sell everything by the Pound, you see a lot of the Mexicans Buying in bulk, for to take to Mexico to Sell at or to the Warehouses too.  The Resale Market for Used Clothing is growing all the time as full Retail is costing too much now and Production and Supply Chains are being hampered by Bad Policy coming out of the White House's current Regime.

  It is likely to worsen since he's on another Tariff Bender of Revenge and Retribution against our Allies who won't Sell or let him just Take Greenland... or make Canada the 51st State against their Wishes too.  *Eye Roll*  AS IF any of those Countries wants to be any part of being Run by the Hot Mess of American Leadership right now.  I don't even wanna be any part of THAT America and I'm an American!!!  And used to be Proud of being one until this Psycho has made us a Worldwide Pariah now, not to be Trusted or Befriended anymore.   I do realize most of the other Countries understand that not all, or even most, Americans, are on Board this Crazy Train.  But they do see it derailing and know there will be carnage beyond our Borders due to it.  And that a swath of Americans did Board it and are therefore just like him if still Supporting it.

I just went thru the majority of my Jammies and Purged some, I've got enuf I'm Keeping that I never Need to Buy more.  *LOL*  Now The Daughter has a total of Four Boxes of Pants & of Jammies now to Sell.  She says whatever doesn't Sell we can then Donate and I'm Good with that Strategy.   She's got Boxes of her Dad's Baseball Caps Collection too that we Downsized and Purged so he has a reasonable amount of those he'll actually wear some of the time.  He has an Obsession with Collecting Hats and he always wears a Hat and looks good in them, or in Sunglasses, so he's had a vast amount of each.  He's less inclined to want Wardrobe than his Fav Accessories tho', he'd be Fine with just a scant few Pants and a Handful of Shirts to wear all the time.  So, we Purged his Closet of excess he didn't even want that much of.

I haven't felt on top of my Game this day at all, so I Hope I can pull myself together before I go in to Work the Shift I picked up to fill in for a No-Show Regular?   I've felt Tired and really Down in a lethargic way, the early Nap didn't restore any Energy levels either, nor did Working on Purging items from my Wardrobe.  It got a lot done, but I was just slogging thru it, rather blase' and quite coolly indifferent and unconcerned to what I was busy doing.   A Customer would pick up on that, so I don't wanna go in with a blase' Attitude there at Work, it wouldn't be appropriate.   When something is no longer exciting or I'm bored or World weary and Jaded, I can get this way.  And, that's where I'm definitely AT right now and haven't shaken it off Today.  Burnout is a Bitch.

The Daughter is Cooking Lunch, I know I have to eat hearty for Lunch coz I won't get Dinner before going in to Work.   And usually I don't Eat after 9:00 p.m. when I'll be getting off Work and getting Home so Late.  I've got my Dental Appointment for the Cleaning in the Morning too.  I've had no problems so expect to just get the Twice Annual Cleaning and Checkup.  As a Diabetic you have to get checked more than just the One time Annually, that I normally would if I didn't have it.  I've been stable tho' and my Numbers are way down, including the A1C being in the 6's Range, which was a Goal I hit and Hope will Hold?   

Oddly, the more Stable the Diabetes gets, the crappier I actually Feel, coz your Body has to readjust to having better results.   Your Body adapts to the consistently high Glucose Levels if they've been High too long, which mine were, and my Body is interpreting it as a Low {Hypoglycemia} when I'm finally in Healthy Range.  Physiological Adaptation is something you don't really Control, it just fucking happens.  And it can cause Fatigue and Stress, which is probably part of what I'm experiencing right now.  It's unpleasant, even tho' you're actually Healthier, but your Body is struggling to adjust.   Diabetic Fatigue is The Devil!!!

I'm feeling a little better after eating a nice Burrito The Daughter made for us and some Rice Cakes for a Snack later on.  I got some mini Quaker Rice Cakes Individual Snack Bags that are flavors, like BBQ, Sour Cream & Onion, Sweet & Spicy Chili, Caramel, Buttermilk Ranch, Apple Cinnamon, Jalapeno Cheddar, and Cheddar.   They have the Six Flavor Variety Pack which has 12 Bags of them and I Bought at the Discount Grocer, I really like them all.  But they have Pacs with Four Flavors too.  I find they satiate any Cravings for a good Snack in between Meals.  Some other Brands make different Flavors of them I haven't tried yet, but will now.  I'm not a big Snacker, but when I find a Snack I like, then I'm delighted, coz most Snacks just don't seem good for you at all and I wouldn't eat.  My Family like Snacks tho', especially The Man, and since he doesn't Eat well anymore, at least he's eating something if he has voluntarily accepted a Snack rather than the avoidance and rejection of a Meal.

I like to give a Shout Out for Products I happen to be impressed with and enjoy.  Especially as I'm on a Weight Loss and Health Improvement Journey, it's Helpful to anyone else that might be too.  I've always preferred eating Healthy and never have been a Junk Food Junkie nor a Fast/Fried Food Addict either, don't like most of those kinds of Unhealthy Foods, so don't Crave them, or Sweets.  I'm a bit of a Food Snob actually, since my Dad was a Master Chef.  So I grew up eating very well and he was a stickler for Healthful Foods, and my Mom was a Vegetarian mostly, so always ate Healthful Foods and drank Tea daily.  So, our whole Family were Naturally Thin until my Mom had her bout with Cancer, had to have a complete Hysterectomy, and that Surgery caused excessive Weight Gain, coz she couldn't have Hormone Replacement Therapy. 

 I ended up with the same problem after a Hysterectomy, not due to poor Diet or Bad Habits.  I've always Exercised and been exceedingly Active.  I like Fresh Foods and Healthier Foods, but my Hormonal Balance was disrupted with that Surgery.  And the Surgeon warned me that it would, by about 60 lbs. or so, and he was Spot On.   And after Weight Gain from it, I also developed Diabetes, as did my Mom after her Hysterectomy and Weight Gain from the Surgery too.   She ended up with Diabetes until she Died becoz due to Mobility Issues and Advanced Age, she couldn't Exercise and never was an Exercise Person like I am.  I don't recall ever seeing Mom doing a Workout.  *LOL*  I've done everything from Organized Sports and Yoga as a Child and Young Adult, to all the Exercise Regimens I still do now.  I Like to Exercise and be Active, and do some Daily. 

I'm glad I sorted thru and Purged my Jammies coz I found all the Winter Bottoms to wear that are Warmer.  I just use Solid T-Shirts as Jammie Tops, I don't actually own Pajamas, just Jammie Bottoms.  *LOL*  I found a few things to Sell too that were Tie Dye Tops which somehow got put in with Jammies, probably when The Man did Laundry.  Work on Wednesday Night was so busy, I was shocked, usually Wednesday wouldn't be a busy Night of Sales, but, it was.  Everyone was pissed that our Rent went up by 6% this January, last January it had gone up by 5%, that's a huge hike in just 2 Years of shitty Sales and a sagging Economy.  It's not as if during Pandemic, and we were Closed for Two Years being a Non-Essential Business, that Times weren't tough and haven't totally rebounded.  Before this Shitshow Presidency tanked it in 1.0 and worsened it further in 2.0 to where it's on the precipice now of potential Financial Collapse! 

If pissing off all our Allies makes them pull the Notes on all their American Investments, Loans, Bonds and other $$$ they have here, they could collapse our Economy without even firing a fucking Shot.  And they're starting to cut America out of the International Trade Market and just do Business with other Superpower Countries that are more Economically Intelligent than the Bankruptcy King Moron we have making America's Financial decisions.  That Guy Bankrupted Casinos... just think about that for a Minute and tell me one other Person whose ever done that?!  I'll wait...  The Purpose of a Casino is YOU go in with all your Money to Gamble, and come out with NONE of it.  Guess the epic Ignorance of Donnie didn't quite Understand that either?!  *LOL*  His Ignorance actually seems to know no bounds... and that last Speech to the International Community!!!  OMG I couldn't be more Embarrassed and Ashamed for America!!!

With such Ignorance and Dementia laden Senility Meanderings that droned on and on, lashing out Angrily, saying such Clueless shit like if it wasn't for America they'd all be Speaking German.  When the Host Country, well, that IS their Main Language, but he so Ignorant he doesn't even know that!!!  Of coarse he didn't know the Country of Belgium wasn't a City either.   And he called Greenland, Iceland, at least half a Dozen times or so.  If Joe Biden had acted that Addled in any Speech the ReTrumplicans would have mocked it forever, yet, they're Silent as Fuck when their Guy is way, way, way, way, way-way Worse Off than Uncle Joe ever was!!!  *Eye Roll*  Of coarse I'm of the Opinion our Politicians and Supreme Court ought to have Age Limits on who can remain... this Geriatric Lineup isn't Working, isn't making Sound Decisions at such advanced Ages, posing Danger to themselves and others, and should be put out to Pasture ASAP.

While I was at Work a New Vendor who now has a Booth Upstairs, had Vintage Trolls, Two very Large Uneeda Wishnik ones with the Double Horseshoe on their Feet and a slew of Smaller ones by Russ in Costumes, at ridiculously low Prices.  Sometimes Newbie underprice their Merch and they will Sell Out quickly, mostly to other Vendors who know they're way too Light on the Price.  Anyway, I Bought the Two Large ones coz they were about 70% underpriced and I Collect them, they were all the large ones this Vendor had, but I'll keep a Lookout if they bring in more.  And I Bought Two of the Smaller ones by Russ, that were about 60% underpriced, one a Little Old Lady Troll and the other an Australian Bushman holding a Koala Bear.  I looked the Australian one up and Yowsah, it was actually worth 90% more at Auction!  All were in Mint Condition, looked to be either New Old Stock or from a Collection someone didn't handle much.

I do well Selling Trolls, so I was Tempted, at the low prices, and thought about picked up some from this Vendor to Resell at a more appropriate Price.  But, I'm not Buying things for Inventory, I already have too much from Home I'm Downsizing and have to stick with the Mission Statement I have of mostly Selling from my Personal Edit & Purge.  *LOL*   The Old Lady one has Grey & Black Hair with an Outfit that is probably Stock but looks almost handmade and has a little Hat on. {See Below my actual Four}  So, Color me Happy, these will remain in my Personal Collection and they do have Value for the Heirs to one day profit from Reselling.  I had a $5 Store Credit to use against the Purchase too, so one of the Trolls was even Free to me, since the Smaller ones were only $4.50.  *Smiles*  And they actually are Mid-Sized and not the Smaller Sized Trolls.  I used to Resell some of my Big ones but don't anymore, even tho' they can fetch a handsome price, they're hard to replace.

This bottom Troll is dressed like our Son dressed as a Child, it's hilarious, we all noticed it!  *Smiles*  Our Vendors who do have the Dam Trolls, are asking in the Stratosphere for theirs and you'd have to be a Serious Collector with Deep Pockets and Money being no Object, to pay that much IMO.  But, I've seen Serious Collectors pay up beyond my League of Collecting and some Vendors are Courting THAT Customer.  I don't see a great many of them anymore tho', only the Pokemon People now are throwing down ridiculous amounts for their Collection without blinking an Eye.  I've had Customers in the Mall paying $800 for a Box of Pokemon Cards from the Pokemon Vendors!  The Pokemon exclusive Sellers are currently Killin' it in Sales and why The Mall Claims Sales are up by 30%, which, they're not really for the majority of us NOT Selling Merch like Pokemon and Anime.  Even the Sports Memorabilia, Militaria Memorabilia, and Disney Pin People aren't coming in and Buying anymore like they used to.

And Purist Antique Dealers are going out of Business, coz that Market is Dead.  Even Architectural Salvage has slowed.  But, Vintage Toys, especially the Cult Classics, and Vintage or Specialty Clothing, is Hot right now.  And Mid-Century Mod is still quite Hot and desired.  I'm suddenly Selling Globes again, so will have to bring more in from my Private Collection, coz I just Sold the last Vintage one again.  Fiesta Ware is still doing quite well, but then, it always has.  Mostly coz the Mid-Century Mod Folks usually use that as their Place Settings, either in One specific Color they prefer, or a Multi-Color Festive Look for their Table and Kitchen Display Cabinets and Shelves.  And the Old Diner Ware is always Popular too, as is Jadeite from Fire King, but the "Good" and "Fine" China, and Crystal, forget about it, you can't give that shit away.

 

If I do ever want Desserts, this Trio would be right up there tho', from the Mediterranean Restaurant.  It's the only place I usually do Order a Dessert after my Meal.   And I'm suddenly Jonesin' for Mediterranean Food but most of that Genre of Restaurant is in the East Valley.  The few that were in the West Valley sadly Closed up, and only a scant few new ones have opened, which was a shame, coz they were very good, but the Demographic Westside wasn't big on eating it.  The East Valley and Downtown Phoenix has a wider variety of Cuisines and better Quality Restaurants than the Far West Valley does.  The West Valley is growing exponentially tho' and the Price Point of Homes and Luxury Apartments might change the Demographic to where we get more diversity pretty soon.  

I am a big Fan of diversity and melding of various Cultures, it enriches any Community IMO and Exposure is EVERYTHING.  In an Insulated non-diverse Society people become very narrow-minded and ignorant about other Cultures different than their own.   A Homogenous Society tends to develop deep Biases, Prejudices, exclusiveness, and inaccurate often broad assumptions about who them deem as "Others", who are Human Beings that are just different from themselves.  I'm so glad I had diverse Exposure and World Travels.   So that it never was an Issue within our Interracial Intercultural Family, who are as diverse as you could possibly be, in Cultures, Races, Lifestyle and Religions.  So we were accepting of everyone and anyone, enjoying getting to know more about who and what was different in our Global Travels.  It was Enriching and a True Education and Experience, not based on Ignorance and no Points of Reference to draw upon.

This was my Springtime Bulb Potted Plant selection to put in our Livingroom, it smelled Divine.  The Blooms are about spent now and will go dormant soon... but their Aroma is still lingering.   The Niece has only been living with her Dad in Texas a short while and said she's already experiencing Caregiver PTSD, oh my, already?!   She's the one that lost her high paying IT Tech Job designing and maintaining Websites for a long time Employer during the Summer and can't find Work.  So was going to initially Career Change to AI, but thought it to actually be far too ominous a Field she didn't want any part of being.   So, she had to move from Oklahoma to Texas to live with her ailing Dad, whose Relationship has always been quite strained and for good reason.  And I just knew it likely wouldn't work out, he's been Estranged from all his Kiddos off and on for as long as I can remember.  She thought he'd Changed... he's too Old now to expect that IMO.

Her Mom was one of my BFF's and when she Died, I had nothing to do with her Husband, never much Liked him and didn't Trust him either, his Vibe was always all Wrong to me.   But their Three Daughters are like Family to us and we call them our Nieces and they call us their Aunt and Uncle, call our Kids their Cousins.   They all grew up together and have been Close almost all their Lives, so most folks don't know they're no biological connection to us.  *LOL*  Her Two Younger Sisters we haven't had much contact with tho', but the Oldest one is very close to us, probably more than to her Blood Relatives.  She fits in more with our Family than with her own.  And I can see Why.   I liked her Mom's side of the Family, but her Dad's Side are West Texans, Fundie Religious, MAGA to the Max Types... yeah, I can see Why she doesn't fit in with her Dad's People or her Dad.  Tho' he is one to realize MAGA was a Huge Mistake, so, that was a Surprise!  Better Late than Never I guess.  *LOL*

So, The Niece has been calling us a lot coz I know she feels quite Isolated in the part of the Country she's in, which is more Affordable, but like Living on another fucking Planet.  I've been there, both in Oklahoma and Texas... no reason to ever go back even for a short visit to see some of our Family who live in both States.   Reservation Life in Oklahoma is quite 'different', even from Rez's here in Arizona, so, I haven't been back since I was 17 even tho' all of my Dad's extended Family still live on the Rez.  We have Friends and Family in Texas, I was never impressed with Texas at all... and to me, Oklahoma was like the Armpit of America. Sorry Oklahomans, just my personal Opinion, it mos' def wasn't for me and the Poverty levels and numbers of Poorly Educated, were atrocious and quite Nationally Shameful IMO.  

It's near the bottom Nationally in Education Quality, placing 49th or 50th consistently... and it shows!  Underinvestment in Funding and Resources seems Statewide and even worse among the Indigenous Populations there that my Dad came from.   My Dad had about the equivalent of a 3rd Grade Education given him Academically.  He Taught himself most of what he knew coz he was a very Intelligent Man.  And my Mom was College Educated and had a Dad of Welsh Gypsy Heritage, who also was not afforded an Education and was totally Illiterate, but Smart and Spoke Numerous Languages.   So she knew how it was, and helped Dad improve his Academic furthering he'd never been afforded the Right to as a Native American.  

 

He always used Wicked Dark Humor about his Hand Dealt and said they took the Indian Children from their Families, put them to Work like Slave Labor for White People, tried to "Kill The Indian To Save The Man" and "Civilize" them with Colonialism Tactics so they wouldn't be "Uncivilized Heathens", and Called it an "Education".  Yeah, that pretty much did sum it up for all Tribes Experiences that the Genocide didn't exterminate that is.   And The Son's Navajo Girlfriend said it's not much different now and she had to take her Children out of the Indian Schools, move Off Rez, and give them the chance at a Real Academic Education in Public Schools instead.  But she said they endure lots of Bullying, Teasing about her Son's long Traditional Hair, which is down to his Hips, and a lot of overt Racism and Discrimination still towards the Indigenous.  

I understand, I was just Lucky I looked more European than Indigenous to receive the Opportunities and Options I have had and I'm Aware of that Fact.  We are fiercely Proud of our Heritages on both sides, but know what Societal Baggage it comes with... from both Cultures.  You know how I became a Good Fighter tho'?  Becoz when other Families would finally see my Dad or Hear my Mom Speak, then there would be what I referred to as "The Switch" and they'd get to meet and know Dark Dawn then.  From the Age of Two my Parents said I could Take Down someone twice my Size, especially Older Boys.  *Winks*  Anyone who Bullied me about my Dad being Indian or my Mom being an Immigrant, I'd get verbally vicious and unmerciful about it, often kick their Ass, hand it to them, and take Names.  *Winks*  They never did it Twice.  Ever.  Lesson well Learned.  If they will never Respect you, make them Learn to Fear you.  It Works.  And I still Bow Down to no Man.  *LOL*

I think Jesus would be Okay with that actually.  After all, His Dad Dealt me the Hand I've been Dealt to Play the Game of Life with.  And whatever I'm Playing, I Play to fucking Win, Fair is Rare and Life isn't Fair or Bras wouldn't come in Sizes.   And if I'm gonna Lose any Fight, I'm gonna make a Lasting Impression on my Opponent that they won't soon Forget so that there will never be a rematch, their Choice.  Winning doesn't mean you won't sustain damage from the Loser.  Mebbe a lot of it, too much of it to make the Winning of that Fight worthwhile.  *Winks*  I go into any Fight I'm Forced into {becoz I've never started a Fight in my Life but I End one with a Flourish}, like a Wrecking Ball to cause as much Damage to the Opponent as I possibly can.  If I won't Win then I don't Care if so much Collateral Damage is left in my Wake that there's not much left Standing in the debris field for the Winner.

I haven't heard back BTW from my 4th Appeal of the Social Security Medicare Penalties they're inaccurately assessing me.  They've given Four different Reasons now for Why they're Assessing it.  No consistency to the Why, they keep Changing WHY.   So it's clearly Bullshit to Extort extra Money they're NOT Owed and are taking out of my Checks anyway with this Regime's Takeover of all Agencies.  With incompetent and corrupt Nepo Hires and Yes Men.  Who are also among the most Criminally Inclined Cabal, so the Rule of Law means nothing to any of them and Legalities are just an inconvenience to NOT follow.  But I'll bury the Fuckers in incessant Appeals and be the biggest Pain in their Ass to have to respond to and endure.  Until and unless they are no longer Penalizing me for Nothing... even tho' it's $14.95 Monthly. *LOL*

 I'll go to the Dirt for a Righteous Cause, I'm just that Militant, Relentless, Mental and Tenacious.  I'll get a Pound of Flesh then, if I can't have my Fifteen Bucks a Month refunded me, in it's entirety with Backpay Compensation.   Tormenting the Fuck out of an Adversary is worth Fifteen Bucks a Month to me you see.  It's like a Sport to me actually and I can make it a FUN Challenge, and Amuse myself with it actually to exhaust my Opponent and it will Never Stop.  How ya Like me now?  *Winks*  I could do this all Day and Forever if I have to, their Choice really, they'll become my Obsession, which is never Good when I make anyone or anything my Mission In Life to become Obsessed with and get my Hooks into, you can't Shake me Loose 'til I CHOOSE to Let Go.  *Bwahahahahaha*  

Now, if they refund me the $200+ a Month TriCare won't Cover of my Rx Co-Pays thru Express Scripts, with this Part D they Claim I'm now Paying for too, in whatever they're now calling what they're taking out of my Checks, but don't actually Qualify to Receive, I'll be Okay with that Arrangement.  *Smiles*  I'll gladly Pay the $14.95 for them to cover the $200+ in Co-Pays then, we have a Deal that is beneficial to me to Let Go and not be like a Dog with a Bone about it.  But, it's got to Benefit me whatever the Fuck they've done, coz I sure don't understand it coz they don't even seem to.  I've called them Directly, they don't know for sure and keep Changing the Why.  They KNOW I have TriCare so therefore shouldn't have and can't have Part D.   My Humana Caseworker has no Idea what they're doing, coz he says they shouldn't be doing it either.  It's a Bureaucratic Red Tape Mystery... of which I'm sure there are many.  As many as the Stars in the Sky, pretty Sure.  *Eye Roll*  BTW: I almost bought these Cacti Cookies for the Family until I realized they were Gourmet Dog Biscuits!  *LOL*

*******

Fighting the Good Fight here in the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

It's Unanimous... But... I Don't Have To LIKE it!

So, it was a gorgeous day on Tuesday, 69 but felt Warmer and Sunny, so we did Environmental Cleanup.  And it was Bulk Garbage Day in the Historic Neighborhood so we drove around slowly looking for Curbside Treasures.  Found a Mid-Century Mod Eames or Modernica Case Study Style Molded Plastic Chair in Ivory Color with Chrome Legs, probably late 60's to early 70's.  They're so comfortable I'll probably Keep it to use on our Back Patio rather than Sell it.  But, I could get a lot for it if I change my Mind.   

I got a Vintage Milk Crate and a Vintage Black Coca-Cola Crate with White Lettering Logo too.   So, a nice Trio of Scores.  Lots of people were Curb Pickin' and the Pickup would be coming within the Hour so you had to Trawl early.  We did well gleaning Cans too, got Two Bags full and only hit One area, didn't have time to do more coz Princess T gets off Work earlier on Tuesdays coz she goes in earlier.  It's so nice we could go back out but The Man isn't doing so Well today.

I tried to feed him a single Slice of Barro's Pizza with Meat Lovers Topping, which he Loves... and he picked off the Meats to eat and wasted the rest, playing with it.  I had to just throw it away.  I haven't been able to get him to eat or drink much at all and it's worrying me.  So, next time his VA Nurse comes, or he sees Doc Kline I want that to be mentioned.  I don't wanna Think about it this way, but I Lost my Dad at the same Age that The Man will be in Mid-February, and Dad quit Eating when it was near his Time, which is Normal for those ready to depart actually, the Body knows it's shutting down.  I've only said that here.  And a lot of people depart on or near their Birthday Date, I don't know Why?

I'm not gonna dwell on the nagging Anxiety I'm feeling about it and am saying nothing to the rest of the Family to unduly alarm them.  Princess T knows he's pretty much stopped Eating and we have talked about that candidly, even Today.   She's perceptive and had concerns about it, each Day she asks me if he did Okay Eating this Day, usually it's a No, he didn't... but she said we can't  Eat FOR him, so, try not to get upset with him or about it or waste Food giving him what he will not Eat. 

I looked up the Social Security site that tells when Checks should go out for 2026 all Year, so now I have a better gauge of when to expect it.  It's anywhere from the 15th to the 21st now, which is a pretty big spread.  That's significant when Bills are due the same time every Month but your Checks aren't consistent in being received due to a Week's spread.  Anyway, so, we should receive ours Tomorrow for January according to that site.  Then I can finish paying Bills.

My Dentist Office called and I'm Scheduled for a Cleaning on Thursday but they Needed my New Medicare Provider information, the previous one told them I was dropped.   They take Humana but said my Coverage covers only $750 Annually of Dental, the previous Provider covered $1,000.   I take good Care of my Teeth so usually, if I don't have a Dental Emergency, that should still be enough tho'.  I don't know if what you don't use rolls over, with some Providers it does, with others, what you don't Use you Lose.  Usually I go 1-2 times Annually for Cleanings and basic Maintenance.

I'm dog Tired again and in Need of a Mid-Afternoon Nap, this is becoming Habitual.   I priced a little bit of Merch to take in, but don't feel up to taking it in to the Showroom either.  I have a Vintage Stacking Set Trio of Franciscan Ware Apple Design Mixing Bowls.   Some Collectible Liquor Decanters, one shaped like a Bird, the other from Reno and Gambler Design shaped from a Casino there.  A Betsey Johnson Purse, a Hello Kitty Purse, more Retro Colorful Metal Tumbler Sets, some Commercial Letters, a Golden Buddha Bank, and some more Starbucks Collector Mugs.  If I had any Energy left I'd take them in Tonight... but my Energy level is flatlined already, Exhaustion set in again by around 3:00 p.m.!!!  It's getting tedious to run out of Juice by early Afternoon lately.  It's like, WTF is Wrong with me?  *LOL and Le Sigh*

   

The Man will be overly practical about it and just say, "Well, Honey, you've been going since 5:00 a.m. and you're just not Young anymore."  *Insert Resting Bitch Face from Yours Truly and giving him the Side Eye*   I know, I know, he could be Right, but... still...  *Bwahahahaha*  The Adult Kiddos will concur with him, being in their late 30's to late 40's each, and Princess T will interject by saying she's Tired by 3:00 p.m. too after Working all Day and she's only 20, so, it's Normal Gramma!  Okay, so it's unanimous then, but it doesn't mean I have to LIKE to Hear it... coz I didn't used to Crap Out halfway thru a fucking Day... and I don't LIKE it!   I don't HAVE to LIKE it!!!   So, there... *Petulant Sigh and Stomping of Foot Childishly... LOL*

And I'm really missing how things were... and are no more... about a LOT of things lately.   I'm missing Dear Friends that are Gone... or I haven't seen in Years coz they went Off the Grid and nobody has mentioned why or brought it up when I'm with people we all mutually knew.  My Friend Angie, Below, was a Big Presence in the Industry and then Poof... Off the Grid... all our mutual Friends have never brought it up and avoid talking of someone whose just not been around for such a long time now, surely someone knows something?  I do Wonder, at times, if it was you, would it be as avoided that your Name just was never mentioned again? 

 I just find it to be Weird and very Odd.  In the Industry I'm finding it to be commonplace, someone is suddenly never heard from or seen again and nobody claims to know anything and never mentions them ever again... so... mebbe nobody actually knows anything???   I just prefer to know that people I Care about are Okay and just don't Vanish without a Trace and nobody ever mentions their Name again.  Especially when their Social Media becomes inactive too and everything they were very involved in doing and being a strong Presence of, Stops Cold.   Nobody mentioned a Death, so I Assume they're still among the Living?  But, sometimes you even hear about the Departed later and feel like, was I the last to know this?  I know I'm housebound a lot Caregiving, but Jeez...   So, I do always Hope Dear Angela is Okay?  I miss her.

Of coarse I miss the Industry itself being what is used to be and is no more and will likely never be again.   The Shops that Closed, the Events that no longer Exist or scaled way back, or morphed into something entirely different and a Shadow of what they used to be.   I fail to be impressed by what Is now, compared to what Used to Be before.   Those who knew Before know exactly what I'm talking about.  And becoz Social Media isn't covering a damned thing anymore Nationally either, I'm Guessing a lot of it no longer exists or fell out of Favor and only perhaps a remnant survives?   I followed a multitude of Blogs that covered so much of it, not a single one exists anymore, nor did the Bloggers continue Blogging either.  Crickets.

I recently had a Real Life Friend tell me it's a good thing I still Cover a lot of the Local Scene becoz all the other Bloggers who used to, don't even Blog anymore and Cover nothing.  Most of the time they aren't even showing a Presence anywhere either, they went Off Grid as well I guess?  And I'm talking of some Bloggers who had huge Followings, my lil slice of the Blogasphere couldn't hold a Candle to how many Dear Readers flocked to their Blogs in droves.  So, very Strange to just End it and most didn't give a Farewell, they just took the whole Blog down, it's not even out there anymore.   And I am really having a little Fit about the Small Stuff that's changed, coz the Big Stuff that's absolutely terrifying happening, is Too Much.  With the Madman America Voted in as President, being a Threat to the entire World!  He is Courting WWIII and is out of his fucking Mind!

And not much Feels Right and so much is going terribly Wrong, so I do Feel quite Alarmed most of the time now.  I can't really go thru the Motions of being Okay, when nothing is really Okay.   I can start a Post saying it was a Gorgeous Day and we did Normalized Things, in spite of Global Chaos and the unraveling of Democracy and America.  But, ignoring the Elephant in the Room and trying to move around it and feel Safe with a Rogue Elephant in any Room, and NOT talk about it, is rather like nobody talking about the People I spoke of that just fucking Disappeared and everyone remains Silent about it.  It Feels to me rather Surreal and very Unnatural.  

On a Positive Note.  My other Mermaid Lure arrived, it's very nice.  One of my Meditation CD's I ordered arrived already which was so fast, I was impressed with that Seller getting it to me with lightening speed.  I've been listening to Meditation Music now more than I ever have.  It keeps me Grounded and restores my Calm, keeps me Centered, during very turbulent times playing out in a dramatic escalation, that resembles a Five Alarm Fire that should be appropriately responded to, but Leadership is CAUSING it.  Before everything burns to the fucking Ground, a response has to be more effective from everyone Opposed to what's happening, before all that's left are the Ashes to Rule over.   But, enough of that, since, it's terribly exhausting and depressing.  But, we must remain part of the Resistance and not just shut up coz we're told to go along with whatever Insanity they're up to.

I have been preoccupying myself with minutia to keep busy and not fixated upon the World we're living in that is so screwed up right now.  I mustered some Energy to do some Work in The RV Garage Mahal, it was comfortable in there coz it is still 69 Degrees and holding after Dark, which is highly unusual.  So, the Climate in there is nice to get some things done and there's a lot to get done in there, to be sure.  I could spend all of 2026 chipping away at it and I'm sure I will, it's ambitious to assume we might complete it this Year, the Weather hasn't been on our side to be able to.  The Daughter gets a lot more done than I do, when she tackles something she's laser focused and I'm very scattered coz of the ADHD which interferes with my focus a lot.

I'm trying to organize my Books in there right now and make enuf Book Shelving for them all.  Then I do have to Edit the Collection and Purge duplicates to Sell and also those I no longer want or need to Keep.  I do that fairly often but I'm an incurable Book Hoarder, I LOVE Books, not so much Reading ones, but the Visual ones that are Decor and Cookbooks.  I'm very Visual and it's Inspiring to me no matter how Old the Book might be if the Visuals in it are Sublime.  I have more Decor and Cookbooks than "Barnes & Noble" or "Bookmans" and that's not hyperbole, I actually do!   I have some very Rare Books too.  And I do have a smaller Collection of Antique Books.   In my early days of Blogging I made Blog Books, I quit doing that coz I'm too prolific a Blogger and it can get spendy.

We just had Donnie Two Doll's Housing Czar say with a Straight Face that the Housing Problem is becoz RETIREES in America are Owning 5, 10 and 12 Houses!!!!!!!!!!!!!   So, if they'd just live in One and give up the other Dozen or so they have, there would be plenty of Housing for the Younger Generations to affordably Rent or Buy!!!   So, fellow American Retirees, we're the Problem, according to this White House!!!  Give up those other Eleven or so Properties you own, dammit, so that your Kids and Grandkids don't have to Live with you in the One you're actually Occupying!!!   This is how fucking Out of Touch with the Reality of the American People these folks are he's put in high Positions of Power and Influence!!!  *Shaking Head in Dismay*

  

You can't make this shit up, it's Surreal what falls out of their Mouths and they try to pass off as Reality and Factual Information!   So, I told The Man, Honey, we gotta give up those Dozen other Properties, so we can get all these Kids outta our House and they'll be able to have someplace to Live!  *Bwahahahaha*   And I told The Son, listen, Donnie's Boys have determined your Dad and I, and all other American Retirees, are the Problem, with why all you Kids can't afford a place to live, coz we apparently Own it all.  *LMAOROTF*  The Czar went on to say he's not wanting to Displace Retired Mom and Pops, just distribute all that other Housing they Own to the masses needing Housing!!!  *LOL*  If that ain't some Fucking Gallow's Humor being passed off as Serious Bullshit they're shoveling to America, I don't know what is.

 

  I did Purge more of my Closet Tonight too, I had to go thru my Pants and decide which I don't wear, which don't fit, which I no longer like the Style or Color/Print of.  I've fluctuated in Weight since I've been on my Weight Loss Journey so it's important to discard those Clothes which were for when I was heavier and were falling off me now.  It's a better problem to have than the opposite, where you are gaining Weight and nothing fits.  So, I didn't mind that I have a large Donation to go of Pants now.  Most Shirts I Purged could be Sold in the Showroom, but, not the Pants, not appropriate, except one very Retro Hippie Print Pair.  They have Awesome Graphics but don't fit, so I'll Sell that Pair.  I've got to go thru my Jammies next.  I find that if I have less Wardrobe, decisions on what to wear are just easier and more of it gets use.  I Buy 99% of my Wardrobe Secondhand, so don't pay a lot for it.

I do Invest in a few Statement Designer pieces which are Keepers and I Saved Up to budget for.  Even those, I bought on E-Bay Secondhand at a reduced price than they Cost Retail, and some were Retired Pieces not being made anymore, so will increase in Value.  I have zero regrets of Buying and Investing in any of those pieces over the Years.  And I don't have a lot of Wardrobe Attachments except with those Statement Pieces.  So the Letting Go of Wardrobe has always been easy for me and especially when the Resale of the Tops is lucrative, so I don't mind Donating anything else to Charities.  I keep my Wardrobe Nice, hardly ever wear it out, so it will benefit the next person who gets it Secondhand.

Making Room in my Closet is huge coz these are small Closet and we got really spoiled and used to large ones at the McManse.   Even at the Historic Home I had more Wardrobe Space coz we had many more Rooms there, plus several Cottages in the back Acreage to use.  This Vintage Home has decent sized Closets that were typical in the Era it was built.  And, they were Remodeled by a previous Owner who did a good job of it, but, Modern Closet Remodels have inferior Materials they use that don't hold up well at all.  The Original Closet Materials were likely a lot Sturdier and built to last.  At the Historic Home, the Materials used were so solid and strong, they had lasted over a Century and you could do pullups on the Closet Rods... still Solid as a Brick Shithouse and will probably last another Century and hold up better than anything Modern.

 

I've been watching a sort of Documentary across 7 Continents with Will Smith called "Pole To Pole" which is really powerful.  The Amazon Rain Forest Episode was particularly touching and moved me, the plight of the Rain Forest and it's Indigenous Tribes is one that must be taken seriously for the good of the whole Planet's Health and Well Being.  So many of the World's Indigenous People have not been protected nor respected for their ways of Life and Cultures.   Which almost always live in Harmony with Nature and don't make a Negative impact and toxic Footprint like the rest of Mankind has and does.  The Natural World is complex and if not disrupted and if Respected, works seamlessly without Modern Man's interference messing things up.  The Indigenous know this important coexistence and practice it with great Love and Wisdom for their Environment and the other Creatures in it we Share the Planet with.

Exploring what makes Life Meaningful is the ultimate Question, isn't it?  The Series took Five Years to make and is a very thought provoking one.  He's in the Company of Scientists, Explorers and Local Experts.  The Himalayas Episode explores the Secret to Happiness.   Almost anything National Geographic puts out I know I'm going to enjoy with few complaints.  I've liked Will Smith in spite of his controversies that caused a Hollywood downfall and he's very good in this Documentary and All In with it's Purpose.   Some might think it's a Rehabilitation Roadshow for him to try to get back in to Hollywood's Good Graces, and it might be, but it could be his own Journey of Self Discovery while doing it as well.  Two things can be True at the same time.  The Serious Message about our Planet's Environment isn't completely Lost while we have a controversial Celebrity Ambassador chosen to Host it and being like a Tourist on his own Journey and talking about himself... folks might watch it for either reason and that's not all Bad IMO.

Sometimes making something all about Science and Environmental Protection wouldn't otherwise reach nor appeal to those most Needing to Hear the Message.   And expose themselves to the Genre of Program highlighting such important Issues.  I always Hope to Change the Hearts and Minds of the Environmentally Unconscious among our Species, of which, there are a lot of them messing things up royally and causing a lot of the harm to our fragile Ecosystems and the Planet.  As an Old Hippie and having an Indigenous Parent's Outlook, I have been mocked almost all of my Life for being tied to Nature more closely than a lot of folks are comfortable with showing any Respect for.  

Most Modern folks consider such Lifestyle, Thoughts and Practices to be Primitive, beneath them, and something to be made the Butt of a Joke of.  Many consider Climate Change to be a Hoax or Myth, not Real.  And in their arrogance, they actually think Mankind has made things better, not worse, by being out of Balance with the Natural World and so being so "Civilized".   Many allegedly more "Civilized" Civilizations have fallen over Time due to their Habits that caused their demise.  The Natural World has a way of Pushing Back hard when it Needs to put Humankind in Check.    And show us whose really in Charge and our Place in the Grand Scheme of things, especially when we don't stay in our own Lane and show Due Respect for Mother Nature and all of Creation.  I'm not particularly Sad or Mad when Nature Pushes Back hard and recalibrates things to put Mankind in our Place and get our Attention before we totally screw things up.  Running damage control behind our Species can be a full time Job.

*******

May you find the Meaning of Happiness for yourselves too my Friends and strive for Balance in your Lives so you can always come back to Center... Dawn... The Bohemian