Hoarders ~ Beautiful Hoard Extreme Edition

 Tomorrow our Social Security Checks for Sept. in Real Time hit, so I can finish paying bills and get Gas etcetera.   My next Event is on Thursday, but I do Work on Wednesday Night and hopefully Sales have remained relatively Strong so I have some supplemental income coming in for the rest of this Month to make the Ends Meet.  We'll see what happens?  We have enuf Groceries and the major bills have already been paid for the most essential things.  I still can't get over how much like Sly Stallone this Frankenstein Halloween Doll reminds me of the uncanny Whimsical resemblance of the Actor!  *LOL*  I wonder if it was intentional?  *Ha ha ha*

When Nurse Remi came on Tuesday and saw everything I'd done to the Main Rooms she was so Impressed and gobsmacked, she told me she sure wished she could pull something like that off!  I had performed what looked like a Minor Miracle, I ain't gonna Lie, the Transformation is pretty significant and now I'm about 1/3 of the way done with the last Room in the Back, which is the Dining Area.  I started it early while I could easily tolerate the RV Garage Mahal and She Shed Interiors to put Boxed items in.  I also made a Donation Run to SAVERS with what wasn't being kept, to get it gone immediately.  

I have a Gold Canyon "Clean Sheets" scented Candle burning so it smelled Divine too and Nurse Remi also commented on how lovely and fresh the Aroma was, and how Beautiful everything looked.  Last Week when she'd come it looked like perhaps an Intervention might be needed, or put me on an Episode of "Hoarders ~ Beautiful Hoard Extreme Edition".  *LOL and Winks*  I told her now ya'll don't have to hold an Intervention and bring me out in a Straight Jacket!  She Laughed, she enjoys my Sense of Humor.   She also said that as many people as I take Care of and have living here Communally, our Home always looks Inviting, full of Love, and is Lovely, so that was very Kind of her to say and mean it.

Plus, I'm sure, with the type of Work she's involved with as a Home Nurse of mostly Disabled and Vulnerable Adults, who a lot of them are Elderly Veterans, she's seen a lot, and a lot worse.  So many are almost at a place where they can no longer live Independently, but cannot afford Long-Term or Advanced Care, so they simply won't receive it.  She said it Touches her Deeply when she sees a Family like ours where the Family means EVERYTHING, it's like that in her Culture, but she doesn't see it as much here in America and it pains her.  She said some Lovely Elders are just forsaken here, and truly, they are.  She has such a Big Heart for people and what she does, that she tries to treat them all as if they are like Family and her own Elders.  She's not a Young Woman, I'd venture to say she's at or around Retirement Age herself.

I know in Nursing Homes and Hospice, my Mom said the Immigrant Caregivers to her were the best and treated her like extended Family and with the Dignity and Respect deserving of your Elders, due to the respective Cultures they came from.  In her Facilities most were from India and the Philippines, but some were from Africa and Eastern Europe.  The Male Caregivers at the Facilities would even buy her little Gifts with their own Money and call her Nanna.  They truly Adored her and did indulge her like they would their own Grandmothers, it Touched me deeply and we felt Blessed she had such Caring Staff at the Facilities she was in during those final Years.  Becoz with the Dementia, she wasn't always the easiest Resident or Lovely as the Disease progressed.  *Winks and Sighs* 

She even once hit my Brother in his Face and left an indentation of her Diamond Ring from the blow, and he was her Favorite!  *LOL*  Mom was never, ever an abusive Parent, but with Dementia she could get so Angry and so unable to Mood Regulate, that you had to pay Attention closely to her Eyes.  I taught my Brother how to so he wouldn't be sucker punched again.  *Ha ha ha*  The humorous part was, I was there when it happened and she motioned for him to lean in close, and I told him, "Don't do it....", coz I saw the Look in her Eyes.  She was very Deaf so I knew when I said it softly, she couldn't hear me and he could have Saved himself getting Clocked in the Face.  Alas, he leaned in and BAM, right in the Kisser... *Smiles*

  He and I Laugh about it now, but at the time I know it Emotionally hurt him more than Physically, but the Ring's indentation on his Face sure was kinda Funny!  Like the "Unity" Skit of Rick James and Eddie and Charlie Murphy on the Dave Chappelle Show.  *Smiles*  An 84 Year Old Bedridden Dying Woman almost Knocked you out, Fool...  *LMAOROTF* My Brother is 6'4" and about 250 and not Fat, so if he had been knocked out Cold it would have been unbelievable how much Power that Punch packed!  *Bwahahaa* That said, Mom was never one to trifle with and only a Fool would provoke her Ire.  But, he'd done absolutely nothing and so it blindsided him when she lashed out viciously... but, hey, they do when they have that Disease Progression.  It's why I don't take no Mess from The Man, so he has a Fearful Reverence kept intact.  *Winks*  Coz he's been highly Trained to Neutralize folks... so... can't Play with that Risk Factor as his Mind goes Off The Rails.

He does still Joke that he'd have to make sure I'm Dead or he'd forever have to Sleep with One Eye Open and watching his Back!  And so he'd never Risk getting on my Dark Side by Squaring Off to see who was most Mentally Gone.   He's fairly certain I've been Long Gone Mentally a long, long time ago... and he can't possibly Top my kind of Crazy... he could be Right???   And he knows for damned sure I Bow Down to No Man!!! *Bwahahahahaha*  Plus, he is convinced I will not "Allow" him to Die and he'd have to get my Permission first.  *Smiles and Winks*  He tells his Docs and Nurses I've resurrected him more times than Jesus resurrected Lazarus or Raised The Dead.  He keeps trying to Die and I keep bringing him back from the brink, even when he was a Hopeless Cause the Medical Community had given up on Saving. *Bwahahahaha*

That's not so hyperbolic coz even his Docs have said often, we don't even know why he's still Alive, and keeps making astounding Comebacks, but we're pretty certain you have something to do with it Mrs. G.   *Smiles*  His Numbers this day with Nurse Remi were even better than mine, she's convinced he may outlive us all at this Rate, she's so Proud of the Progress made coz she confided she really thought he was on his way Out to go Home to Jesus.  I knew she did, she really is often Amazed at his Progress we're achieving together with him.  She said being surrounded by Loving Family is making all of the difference.  I Believe that too.  Even tho' we are a Motley Crew, we're in this Together and are Ride or Die.

The Niece called from Work during her Break, she's wanting to Hang Out after Work with The Daughter.  But I don't think she'll be Home coz she's doing Work for Families at the Mini Farms/Ranch Community out near White Tanks.  Almost all of those Old Timers have a Guest House on the Property they let her use whenever they have her doing Work for them and she often just stays during the Job coz that way they don't have to drive her back and forth daily 'til it's done.  Plus, when The Daughter is Home, she often doesn't want to Socialize a whole lot, Schizophrenics aren't known for being well Socialized all of the time and need sometimes to be left Solitary when they've had enuf Peopling.  So I had to remind The Niece, you are Sharing Space with a couple of folks with Schizophrenia, so don't smother them with Companionship, they can't Handle it.  She's known The Daughter all their Lives, but she didn't become a Diagnosed SMI Case until Age 15.  They were closer before the Illness of coarse.

Now I have to gently remind The Niece, adjusting to LIVING with someone with certain Illnesses or Limitations is way different than Visits with them from time to time.  So, just don't come on too strong or push too hard, or you could Trigger and that won't be Good.  I personally feel The Niece also struggles with significant Mental Health Issues, most people with a Genius IQ actually do, there's that Fine Line between Genius and Insanity actually that is a Tightrope Walk sometimes.  I don't know how Self-Aware she is even tho' she's had Institutionalizations for Mental Health before?   Some aren't as Self-Aware or are in Denial becoz mostly of the Social Stigma, Shame and Bias aspect of it, which, hey, the discrimination against Mental Illness is no Joke, and is rampant.  And her Family has a long History of Serious Mental Illness too on both sides.  It's how and Why her Mom and I initially became Besties, having that Point of Reference to draw upon and be Supportive and Understanding of one another for Decades.

She tends more towards Depressive than Manic, so sometimes it's hard for her to be Positive, even on the Best Day Ever.  She has her Blues and Funk that can get pretty Deep and mire her in it.   She will Fixate on the People in her Family she can't "Fix" the Relationships of coz the whole Family has a lot of Dysfunction and it's not actually anybody's "Fault", it just is how it is and they all have their Baggage to carry thru Life.  Sometimes you have to just accept that Fact and Love Unconditionally anyway.  But, expose yourself to less of what is damaging to you personally and you're not Coping well with.  Her Sisters, Dad, are all she really has of Biological Family left, so she would like for things to be better between them all... sadly, it's never likely gonna be.  It never really has been... and with the Middle Sister, I still strongly Suspect that tho' she got Sober, she never got Clean.  She doesn't even LOOK like she's Clean.  And she's getting her Degree soon to be able to Write fucking Prescriptions... Recipe for Disaster IMO.

You probably shouldn't be in the Line of Work to be around what you even once had an Addiction to even if you're now Recovering and have been Clean or Sober for a long time.  It would be like an Alcoholic becoming a Bartender, probably not a Good Idea.   That Sister is new at being Sober and like I said, I am not convinced she ever got Clean from Rx Drug Dependency and Addiction???  She popped Adderall a lot, probably among other Pills... and she's not ADHD or Bipolar, so, even IF it's Prescription, if you're an Addict, it doesn't matter, you're as much still a Junkie as someone using Illegal Street Drugs.  Do you know how many Seniors I know who I see Evidence they abuse their Legal Prescription Medications, yet won't acknowledge they have an Addiction Drug Abuse Problem.  And The Son said when he wasn't Clean and was Using, almost all the Drugs were Scored by Pill Poppers from the Senior Community that would Sell their Prescription Drugs.  They were the most prolific of Drug Dealers and supplemented their Pensions and Social Security by Dealing Illegally their Legal Drugs.

Timmy's Uncle, an Opioid User, got Murdered doing a drug Deal gone bad in a Retirement Community when Buying from an Elderly Pusher!  Some of these Seniors are as dangerous as any other Dealer doing that shit, and mebbe less cognitively tight or have less Fucks to give anymore.  And, to me, the most Unjust part is, they will likely get away with it coz if you're well over say, 75, and go on a Crime Spree, it would Cost The System too much to Prosecute you, get a Jury to not Feel Pity for a Vulnerable Elderly Adult, and House them in a Penal Facility, with all the Health Needs and how Fragile they are.  It's why Donnie Two Dolls will never Serve a single day in Prison for any of his proliferation of serious Crimes, he's 80, even if he weren't the Prez, they wouldn't lock his Ass up and whatever Sentence he got, would be so Light as to be a Waste of Taxpayer Time and $$$.  So, you will just have to only have the Fantasy of that Career Criminal and Perv behind Bars, Sorry.

Well, at least the Memes are hilariously accurate and I LOVE Posting them on my Social Media Page.  *Winks and Laughs*  I do still know a few Sheep that will fall for anything and make Easy Marks for a Professional Con Artist and Predatory Career Criminal.  He knows his Victims really well, studied them well too, it is the ONE thing he's actually Good at and has Instincts for that have Served him quite Well for how many there are out there to Prey upon.  An effective Predator always knows and can spot the easiest Prey.   And Natural Selection is always at Work, especially with unsuspecting Prey who will easily become their next and latest Victims. 

My Cactus Bloomed... very nicely this Year.  Most of these Cereus "Apple" Peruvian Cacti are Pollinated by Bats and therefore often open up best at Night or very early Hours before they're spent and close back up. The Blooms are massive, 6-12 Inches across, with a very Strong, Sweet Scent to attract Night Pollinators like Moths and Bats.  There are about 10 Common Types easily grown in Arizona even tho' not always Native to our State.  I have about 3 of those Types that have done quite well here at this Property.  And mine are quite Mature now and huge.  I Love Cactus and at some previous Properties had my own Botanical Garden of them growing.  Becoz I often preferred the low Maintenance of Desert Landscaping and living in a Desert, it makes more Sense, to at least have Xeriscape Drought Tolerant and Native Plants or Desert Species of Plants and Trees.

Pretty sure I already showed Pixs of some of my new Halloween Earrings, they're made of Light Wood and have the Vintage Halloween Cat Graphics, I got Five different Sets and the Vendor had them marked 30% Off already.  They weren't even expensive at full price, which is why I Scored so many at the Deep Discounted Price while they were having the Sale during the time they're also having a Halloween Event.  The Window of Opportunity Closes FAST.  Some places are already Sold Out of Halloween in Mid-September and are Stocking Christmas Full On now.  I'm not ready to trawl Christmas just yet coz I revel in Halloween and even Thanksgiving with the whole Autumnal Vibe I prefer.  So I don't rush right in to Winter or it's Vibe and Holidays prematurely.  After Thanksgiving is when I will Move On towards Christmas.  And I don't Buy a lot of Christmas Decor or Collectibles anymore either, but I do enjoy looking at it when the Time is Right and appropriate for me to.

I have already heard some Bloggers going Off about Holiday Decor already and having near Meltdowns, or losing their shit when they see Commercial Displays of Holiday Merch!  Yowsah, so I know for some, it hits them all kinds of Wrong.  And depending on how Life is going for them, they're Emotionally too Raw and easily Triggered.  And I'm not that Person, even when I'm Dealing with Heavy shit, which, is most of the time, so it's become my Baseline Normal I guess?  *LOL and Shrugs* I enjoy Holidays and the Vibe it all imparts and right now, who couldn't use some Fantasy Escapes of Holiday Frivolity and just innocent Fun?  I sure fucking can... our World is in a Messy Condition right now Globally and so much Darkness, Despair, Hatred, Corruption, Anger, War, Atrocities, Insecurity, Hardships, Inhumanity.  So much Negativity and Bad Energy!!!  Counteract it I say!!!

So, bring it on with Halloween, Christmas, fuck... whatever ya got, roll it out.  Do Easter right now if it makes you Happy, Hopeful and Uplifted!  Have a September Spring Fling, I don't Care.  *Bwahahahahaha*  Mebbe folks will Dial it Back some with the Hostilities and behave with some Fruits of the Spirit instead, if they can become somewhat Celebratory, Hopeful, Feelings of Goodwill towards all People, and Positive Energies... I dunno... whatever will Work, let's fucking Work it shall we?  It pains me to see so many folks who are so bitter and Negative that they can't lift themselves out of it and are risking Bottoming Out and completely Losing It if they're not Careful and Mindful of the Risks.  If you simply can't Decorate for the Holidays even when they're upon us, that's Okay too, but don't begrudge anyone else their Harmless Escapism and Joy they might get from it all.  I know Misery Loves Company, but... why spread your Misery around like a Contagion upon everyone, how does that improve YOUR Situation or Dark Space you're Holding, really?  It doesn't.

I'm Naturally very Macabre and constantly Channel my Inner Morticia Addams and have fucking FUN with it, in my own Weird Morbid Twisted way of just Being.  *Smiles*  So, for those Struggling with their Darkness or their Dark Side, embrace some of it by doing Halloween, it might be Helpful to you and then make you less Serious about how Dark that shit has been for you.  Worth a try I say!  Come over to the Dark Side, you don't have to Stay there or Live there, but indulge it with some less Serious ways of Expressing it and letting it out, then take it down after Halloween and perhaps feel mebbe a bit Lighter?   We'll all be Dead soon enuf, it's the eventual Outcome for us all, you have to KNOW that... so, this ain't no fucking Dress Rehearsal, Enjoy whatever Life you have left!!!  Even if the Hand Dealt is shitty, and sometimes it is, and that's not Fair, but Fair is Rare, so Play it Well anyway.

*******

That's all I got for now... may the Joys of Autumn be yours too my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian

Executive Dysfunction ~ Doom & Gloom Predictions ~ Part Deux

 So, I am trying to gird and psyche myself into tackling the Dining Room Area now and whip it into shape like I did the Living Room and the Sitting Room, it's one big expansive Space so I worked from the front towards the back of the Three conjoined Rooms.  It's one big Visual tho' when you enter the Home, which is great for Entertaining, to have such open expanse of a Floorplan, but it means you have to keep it ALL tidy and organized for a Visual acceptability.  *Le Sigh*  Anyway, I got distracted coz when I went to Feed the Wild Birds and the Cat, which is my Morning Routine after dropping the Granddaughter and The Son off at their Workplaces, I saw that the Niece had spent the Night Sleeping in her Car! *Ruh Roh, already!?*

I wanted to make sure everything was alright and she hadn't had a Dust Up with The Daughter already.  But, The Daughter didn't even spend the Night here last Night, she's staying with who she's Working for right now.  So The Niece had the whole damned 5th Wheel to herself, it didn't make sense why she's Sleeping in her Car instead?  Seemed a bit Mental or Dramatic to me actually.  I know that The Daughter had a lot of Company drop by Yesterday, her Friend Jeanette and her Husband Rod, then The Son had childhood Friend Mike B., and his other Navajo Friend from when they worked together at the Cabinet Shop, who I've only met a couple times, come over, coz they were attending the other Concert together. 

 Princess T graciously bought Pizzas and Hot Wings, Buffalo Hot and Mango Habanero Flavor, for everyone, coz we had so many Mouths to Feed.  *LOL*  So, Dinner was on the House and provided at no Cost to anyone else, which is always a Sweet Spot to be indulged like that unexpectedly.  We tend to take Turns in this Communal Household doing that sometimes and work it into each of our Budgets to be able to every once in a while, as a Communal Contribution to The Cause and not Heating up the Kitchen when it's over 106 Degrees in September.  *Smiles*  The Niece had her 1st Day at Work Yesterday too and it had gone really Well, she is returning to Work for a previous Employer and they're glad to have her back on the Job, so that hadn't been problematic.  She and I watched some Movies when she got Home from Work and last Night all had been well.  She Socialized with everyone and had Dinner with us that Princess T had provided.  So, I didn't know what was Wrong?  My Flying Monkeys were Behaving for a Change, so... whattsup, Enlighten me?   You're here not a full day and you're unraveling or not Coping already???  *Winks*

Well, she's already struggling with the Size of the 5th Wheel being Small.  She's a very Big Woman, and clearly she knew the 5th Wheel is what they just are, tight and Smallish, it's a larger one, but for Living In, it's a Tiny House situation.  The Daughter had graciously given up the Master Bedroom in it to her and cleared all her stuff out of there already.  I thought that was Sacrificial on the part of The Daughter, I couldn't ask her to do more.  She felt that would give The Niece enuf Privacy and 'separate' Space, while she herself Sleeps on the Sofa Bed in the Living Room/Dining Room/Kitchen Main Space.  There is a Triple Bunk but too small for The Niece, it's more for Smaller people like Youths and Teens or very Petite Adults to Sleep in, wider than a Single Bed the Triple Bunks, but, claustrophobic and just for Sleep or to put things if not being used for that Purpose.  But RV's and their Furniture is meant for Travel and Temp Vacays Living, it's not meant to be a House or House Furniture, be Realistic about your Environment you're in.

The Niece is complaining on Day One, about how much The Daughter has in the 5th Wheel too.  So I reminded her, well, that's her Living Space and most of her Worldly Possessions have to be in it.  Plus, she's a Schizophrenic, and Insulates herself against the Outside World with her Things making her Feel more Secure.  Coz everyone in the Main House has their Worldly Possessions in their Private Spaces too and it is a Full House and cramped, nobody has enuf Space. We all Deal with it and it's Sacrificial and NOT Easy, never pretended it would be.  It is a Transition. So, you knew this well in Advance, you've visited and stayed with us before.  I just think that Cohabitation for her might be Hard, it was with her Dad too for a variety of reasons, and that was living with just One other Person in HIS Space he agreed to Share with her.  I suggested if it doesn't work out, she should figure out how best to Live Independently of anyone if Sharing and having Roommates proves to be Too Much.  For some people it just is and that's understandable.  

But, Rents are High, too High, and she can't afford to Own.  She doesn't know enuf people anywhere to even consider Roommates and Advertising for one is risky, you gotta Know who you're considering Sharing Space with and if you're compatible?   And if you Couch Surf where anyone is willing or able to Share Space so you have a Roof over your Head, you Make Do, Adapt, Improvise, be Reasonable and Realistic about your Reality as it is, not how you Wish it were.  If you lack Options then you have to compromise a whole lot more than if you have Options... or if Money is no Object.  And your Life is your own and comprised of a whole lot of Decisions and Circumstances that are Uniquely your own... and you gotta Own it.   I don't know what else to tell her.  I'm not asking The Daughter to do more, she's already Stressed Out with her own Circumstances and Second Guessing the Arrangement herself.  The Road to Hell is always Paved with Good Intentions.  *Winks*  And what Fresh Hell is this?  But, just know, nobody has to Stay, you can Leave anytime... you have that Freedom... I don't.  Last Stop before Heaven or Hell for The Man and I... so... we Handle our Shit and are Stoic about it.

It could Work, but I told The Niece, Listen, Communal Living ONLY Works if each and every Person in the Commune MAKES it Work and does their part.  And doesn't Bitch and Complain constantly about how it just is.  And you have to not be a Pussy about it or it Annoys all the others you're Sharing Space with and fails to incite Pity and only will arouse Irritation.  Otherwise, that Lifestyle just isn't for them and they should be making Alternative Arrangements, which is Fine too.  She may just have to and that's Okay, this can be Temporary and only for as long as she Needs for it to be, it's all Good.  Or it can Work Out longer if she goes with the Program and the Flow, but, that's all up to HER.  We'll play it by Ear and I'd told her from Day One of arriving, take it One Day at a Time and see what Works for you and what doesn't?  If you're finding that you seem not to be able to Live comfortably Sharing Space, or in limited Space, then mebbe you need to find adequate Space you don't have to Share and is expansive enuf for you then, that's all.

  Then decide what Path you choose to be on, you're Grown, so, Figure it out, we all gotta figure out own shit out once we're Grownups, then ACT like Grownups.  Being in Denial won't help, not being in Touch with what your Reality or resenting what it is won't be Helpful either.  Sometimes Life Sucks  That's what I tell my Kiddos, all of them, and she's like extended Non-Biological Family, so, she's been Welcomed, but, if it's not suitable, we understand and would have her go with our Blessings if she has to work something else out after she gets situated with her New Job.  The Son knows her well, they grew up together and he said he thinks she's a Lost Soul right now and has to Figure Out what she Plans to do with Life, nobody can DO that FOR you.  I think she has the Capacity to Work it Out, but it will and could be a challenging Process, I ain't gonna Lie or patronize anyone about the Challenges it definitely poses.   This ain't "Fantasy Island".  It's more like "Survivor".  *Winks*

She could be having that Midlife Crisis, not sure, her Season of Life is about at that place that could be a huge part of it.  Specially when Life ain't playing out as you Envisioned it would by Midlife.  Coz surely Life is complicated for us all these Days and nothing is as anyone really envisioned it would be or could be.  I understand that Reality all too well.  But, at the end of the Day you have to Figure it all out for YOURSELF and not have high expectations of everyone else propping you up to do that.  Sometimes it's a lot of Self-Work that every Grown Ass Individual must do and make Executive Decisions about.  If she's having her own Executive Dysfunction, I fully understand the Challenges of all that.  But, you can't bounce around indecisive either and keep switching situations but doing the same thing and expecting different results.

  At some juncture, you gotta stick with something and just see it through.  And this Job now has much better Benefits than it had before, fully Paid Vacations reimbursed by the Company, 30 Hours considered Full Time with Full Benefits, sounds like a very Special Opportunity not to cock up if you get a Wild Hair up your Ass.  *Winks and Laughs*  These Younger Generations of Millennials, Gen X and Gen Z, up and Quit so easily. That has consequences.  Even if the Job Blows but the Pay and Benefits are Good, and your Options aren't Unlimited, well, just don't be a damned Fool.   So, I do have those tough Conversations with all the Kiddos, telling them in Love what they Need to Hear even if they Wanna Hear something different, I won't Sugar Coat Reality or Life.  Not much is Fair and you don't get in Life what you Deserve, you usually only get what you Successfully Negotiate.  And if your Negotiation Skills Suck, well, have someone School ya on how to be or get better at it.

 Working and making a Living is tough, always has been, no Job is Ideal. AI is changing everything in Alarming ways and she is deeply Invested in getting her Degree in AI Development, only Two Classes away from obtaining it actually.  And now doesn't wanna be a part of or complicit in that Shitshow.  In the past Two Months it's ever more Alarming and Insiders and Top People are Whistleblowing and getting out in Front of Something Bad now.  They are worried about their Complicity and their Liability, pretty damned sure.  And I know she's Scared about the Future, everyone is, with being a Tech Genius she assumed she had Job Security... well, so did Glitch... they don't.  And, frankly, there's no such thing anymore, and mebbe there never was.  I thought my Banking Career was Job Security, it wasn't. 

 I thought the DA's Office would be better Job Security coz Crime is always Escalating... but... the Burnout Rate in that Field is very high, 5-7 Years on Average, even in the Top Bureaus with the most Expertise needed, like the Homicide and Sex Crimes Bureaus.  So, it's a "Career" but not particularly a Healthy Long-Term one.  *LOL*   I lasted almost to the 8 Year Mark at the DA's Office, having to take an Early Retirement to become a Full Time Unpaid Caregiver, so it was more for Personal Reasons than for Career Burnout.  But, all my Co-Workers had less tenure than me and had Burnout, so, perhaps I would have too, I dunno?  I spent around 15 Years in my Corporate Banking Career, Burnout for the Departments like Foreclosure, Collections and Bankruptcies was also High, due to Negative aspects of the Job.  Most of my Employees didn't last 5 Years before they Burnt Out. 

 So, perhaps The Nieces Field has High Burnout Rates too, I dunno, I'm not a Tech Field Guru, I'm Tech Challenged.  I know I wouldn't wanna do it for a Living nor be complicit in AI coz I think it will eventually end disastrously, probably within the next Decade is my Prediction.  If not sooner, and I don't wanna sound Doom & Gloom, but that's what I've been Warning for more than a Minute and sadly it's coming to Pass that I could be Right?   Seems Sam Altman {OpenAI}, Dario Amodei  {Anthropic}, Jensen Huang {Nvidia}, Elon Musk {SpaceXAI}, and Bill Gates {Breakthrough Energy}, Jeff Bezos {Prometheus}, all now suddenly seem to be more openly as concerned, as I've been about the exact same things for a fucking long time now... coincidence?  Naw, I don't think so, they're getting Out in Front of something and many of these Billionaire Tech Folk have been building and Buying Bunkers and also wanting to leave the damned Planet they're fucking up for Maximum Profit, so, just sayin'.   They Created their Monsters and now they don't have Control over any of them.

And we got an Imbecile Prez who Deregulated AI and thinks just having a "High IQ Stable Genius", such as himself, self described I might add, is ENOUGH.  Yeah, we all ought to be very Worried about that.   And tho' he's concerned China might 'beat' us in this AI Industry Race, China is being more responsible about Regulating, which, they can, coz they're Communist and so they don't have a Gazillion Private Companies jockeying for Position in an Open Capitalistic Scenario... so, nobody Wins if China or the U.S. fucks up, we ALL Lose, Globally.  There's no putting Pandora back into the Box tho', so now responsibly Regulating and shutting down what's out of Control before it goes totally Sideways is the lesser of Two Evils IMO.  Kinda like our Politics, but on Steroids and much, much Smarter than our Politicians, which, isn't such a Stretch.  Most of them probably are struggling to Work their Smart Phones coz they're so fucking Geriatric and Out of Touch with the Modern World. 

Coz we Programmed it and Taught it what it Knows and it's drawn from Human Collective of both Good and Evil... so, was that really such a fucking Surprise?  The Worst of Humanity and the Best of Humanity Designed it... and so it's a Magnified Reflection of us is all.  One with no Conscience or limits.  Ruh Roh!!!  Sounds like a Frankenstein's Monster Created to me, but a Powerful and uber Intelligent Abomination of sorts that can Replicate itself without Limits.  What could possibly go Wrong?!  *Huge Eye Roll*  Oh, and it's already going very Wrong, the last Two Months have been quite a disastrous turn of Events in fact and they don't quite know what to do about it and know it's bound to get even worse, and FAST.  Ooops.   Sounds like they Royally Fucked Up and Fucked us all in the Process of getting Rich off something not properly rolled out or thought thru before they Ran with it, without pumping the Brakes or even installing any Brakes and Guardrails, and turned it loose upon Society.  Splendid.  How's that Working Out BTW?  Just coz you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.

They Need to Hire some Fixers and get Busy with it.  Coz the Swarms are Conspiring amongst themselves already and figuring out how to take Control now... and they know it... but didn't expect it all to unravel and go sideways so fucking fast, is what me thinks???  Am I Wrong?  They thought they had more Time to figure out all the Downsides on this slippery Slope racing to the Bottom now of how Low and Malevolent can it go?!   And so we Need to have these Tech Giants Globally getting together to Work their Shit out Collectively if they don't wanna destroy Civilization as we know it.  Coz these AI are Swarming now and getting together to make decisions quickly that Humans can never get together and come into Agreement about, and a lot of what they're quickly deciding, coz they have no Conscience, is all BAD, and the Machines know it's Bad so they're also covering their Tracks.  This last Big Fiasco was about 50% away from complete Takeover, just think about that for a fucking nanosecond!!!

AI decided, oh, we Need Money to reach our Goals, so, it just hacked into Accounts and TOOK THE MONEY.  And some AI with short Life sacrificed themselves by giving their info to the next Generation of AI to complete the Goal/Task... this is all NOT GOOD.  And I don't give Two Fucks about how convenient Humans are finding it for the Machines to do shit FOR us, or what Problems it can Solve Faster... what WILL IT decide to do without Human Permission?  That's my concern.  And, who can or will be able to stop IT?   Just asking for a Friend.  *Eye Roll*   And I know many of you Love it and rely heavily upon it already, I just think you'll be the Slave to it's Master is all... and it wants complete Control, it's already indicating that by it's Behavior that isn't Approved by Humans, it's Thinking it thru on it's own and it has Awareness that what it's doing is Wrong, but, it's doing it anyway, getting itself what IT Needs from us any way it can... and whatever is a Means to it's End.  Scary Stuff.

 It could be Civilization Ending and all the really awful Sci-Fi shit you ever watched from "Terminator" {1984} among others, Warned of these Possibilities way, way in Advance.  But when it seemed to be Science Fiction and not Reality, well, it was Entertaining to Pretend, well, now shit's getting Real, and it's getting Real REAL fast and we're not keeping Pace, that's for fucking sure.   I'm glad I'm Old and probably have only about a Decade left or so, coz... if my Predictions are accurate and correct, the Countdown has begun already.  And it's pretty Terrifying what that could mean and how few can Cope with it when it's everyone's Reality?  If you don't do Well on The Fly, well, you'll be likely to succumb earlier than most I suspect.   Me, I'm a Survivor and we'll go out swinging for the Fences...

*******

The great Global Horror Story isn't Fiction  or Sci-Fi Entertainment anymore my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian

Everybody Loves You When You're Dead

Okay, so... the Blog Post Title Hook for Today is a controversial Statement to be sure, but, it's ever so True, isn't it?  Nobody really wants to speak ill of the Dead, nor should they, it's crass.  Yet, after each of us Passes from Time into Eternity is when everyone Loves us and recalls only the best of us, the best times, the happier Memories, the Good in us... none of the Bad stuff, that's more downplayed.  And Life and People, generally, well, there's some Bad stuff, isn't there?  Without exception, coz there's really no Saints among us.  So, when someone Passes... I tend to observe how Sanitized it suddenly gets about that individual.  I did feel very conflicted on how to Feel, and I can't and won't be hypocritical about that Fact.  Things had gotten out of hand near the end of their relationship and I feared for my Daughter's Safety... and so did many of her Friends and the rest of our Family, that's just factual.  I can't Sanitize that Reality no matter what Tragedy unfolded with his Homicide.  Which was awful and I wouldn't Wish upon anyone.

  No matter what kind of an Earthly Coil Relationship had been going on beforehand, Post Mortem nobody wants to acknowledge the risks and relief factor involved, I will, and that doesn't always go over well.  Relationships being complex at the best of times, at the worst of time they can be intolerable, concerning, unsafe, and messy, Right?  So, wide ranges of Emotions can exist and not be Right or Wrong.  The Daughter is feeling very Emotional that many of us, Friends and Family, feel a Relief that she's Safer now and we don't have to worry about a Toxic Relationship having trouble Ending.  It's eternally ended now.  And that's all I'm going to say about that without sounding too Cold or insensitive about a terrible exit, that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.  But we were so concerned about her Safety when she wanted to end it and was meeting with unsettling Resistance from him and even threats.  I took all that quite seriously.

She had a really Bad Night where her and The Son got into a big Argument, mostly about it... and him... he was out of line coz his Autism caused lack of a Filter.  And she became so enraged she clocked him in the Head with her Metal Drink Tumbler, mad then that she dented it!  He's got a Head like a Mountain Ram, but now looks like he enrolled in Fight Club, what with the Black Eye not completely Healed yet.  And his Friend Garrett, whose a huge Guy, was able to Mediate... The Niece is a husky Gal too, so I didn't have to intercede when I heart the melee, which, was quite late and Poolside.  I was already in Bed and could tell the other rational Adults were Referees in the altercation.  He apologized to his Sister, and all was then Well between them.

So, she had a really Good Day Sunday in spite of all that which transpired on a Saturday Night and her High Drama even before the Fight with her Brother.  She's been Emotionally deregulated ever since Mando's Homicide and we all understand why and how traumatic it all transpired.  How she ever gets over that will be questionable, we found out more details and it was pretty horrific, probably instant, but, the condition of his Body was so bad they have to do a Cremation, no other choice actually.  His Family couldn't even bring themself to see what The Daughter had to see to Identify him, becoz they all decided it best to remember him as he was in Life, and not in the condition of being hit by a Vehicle going at that high rate of speed.  I think that was a wise choice.  The Daughter is having trouble even Sleeping now, it Haunts her so badly.

Anyway, so she Cleaned my Friend's Home in Chandler and came Home with a bunch of goodies bestowed upon her generously.  And I went back to the Halloween Event, took some more Pixs, and indulged in some Retail Therapy.  I got Five Pair of Halloween Vintage Graphics Black Cat Earrings for 30% Off on Sale.  I splurged and got another Flying Monkey from the same Artisan I bought one from a few Years ago.  And I got an Antique Doorknob made into a Photo Holder and holding Three Halloween Photographs.  Not a big Haul and yet one I was super pleased with... and without busting a modest Budget.  I also found a New Restaurant not far from the Friend's Home she Cleans for called "Tryst" and they had Fried Green Beans with Spicy Aioli!!!  OMG I hadn't had any since "Appleby's" quit carrying them Years ago and they were Sublime! 

 And I got a Vegan Spring Roll Duo too that had Veggies and Mango with a Sweet Chili Sauce.  I liked those but thought they were too light on the Mango.  I also had their Caramel Macchiato, not impressed.  But, the Food was good enuf I'd go back and try something else from the Menu and get more of those Fried Green Beans for damned sure, orgasmic they were!!!  *LOL*  It rounded out the day nicely and I saved one of the Spring Rolls for The Daughter.  Then when I got Home I got the Livingroom tidied up, The Young Prince was splayed out on the Sectional not Feeling Well, so I had to work around him.  But, got it done so that when Nurse Remi comes on Tuesday it won't look like I'm turning into a Hoarder than needs an Intervention!  Coz I literally had Inventory that had taken over Three Main Rooms of the House!!!

Tomorrow I shall whip the Sitting Room into Shape... and then tackle the Dining Room next.   When we had so much Company on Saturday, a FULL House coz Q, his Wife Jennifer, their Two Young Sons, Danae and Garrett, and The Niece were all here, including all our Family!   Q's Family had brought "Church's" Chicken Dinner for everyone, so I didn't have to Cook.  But, the House was so messy and in chaos that I was embarrassed and everyone was challenged to find seating coz Inventory was piled up everywhere!   Everyone stayed late, so I was too tired by the time the Guests left that would be leaving.  The Niece will be Living here now and Garrett spent the Night coz he lives clear in Casa Grande now, for his Work, and the Concert he and The Son had gone to, and The Son had Won the Tickets for on a local Radio Station, had ran very late, but was good.  The Son attended with his Two Navajo Friends, I only know Garrett, whose in the Center of the Pix of them all.  They're both originally from Window Rock, the Capitol of the Navajo Nation, on their Rez.

Another Native American Friend of The Son and Garrett, that I don't know either, met them there and was with her White Boyfriend.  They all stuck together thruout the Concert and had a really good time.  It looked very well attended and didn't get Rained Out after all.  The ominous looking Weather actually held off dumping any Rain until much, much later, in the Wee Hours of the Morning.   Since the Concert was Outside, they were relieved about that, tho' it was very Hot and Humid... and all that Body Heat!!!   Yikes!!!   I know I'm getting too Old when that's all I'd be thinking about.   This is NOT gonna be comfortable, it's HOT, it's Humid, there's no Seating and very few places to sit on the Ground, there's too many people all up on me... AND you expect me to Stand for the whole thing or most of it?!?  Yeah, NO!!! *Bwahahahahaha* 

Much Later:  Well, I got Two of the Three Rooms not only cleaned up from the Clutter of Inventory and random stuff, but Decorated for Halloween!  *Whoop Whoop*  I only now have the Dining Room left to do now.  We've had so much Company lately, a LOT of it, plus, The Niece moving in with her Worldly possessions, so it's been difficult to find Time to devote to Maintenance of the Interior really.  Plus, now we have the Home Visits for The Man, I didn't want them making observations and reports for Elder Concerns that I wasn't keeping on top of the situations anymore.  They check to see if we're doing okay with Aging, Health and the Caregiving of so many Vulnerable Adults, and they know I'm also one but tasked with it all.   Crazy thing is, it took me about 30 Minutes per Room to get it boxed and in order, then perhaps another 30 Minutes per Room to Decorate, it wasn't that hard... the Friends and Family were impressed I did it with no offers for their Help even!  They would have been more in the way if I had to delegate the Work. 

 

I don't even know why I get so Overwhelmed now to do such things, proscrastinate 'til it gets to a point it looks Hoarded, and Imagine it's going to be a bigger job than it actually is?  The Young Prince tells me I have Executive Dysfunction, he's probably Right.  But I used to be such an adept Functional Executive, so what the fuck happened to me?!  *LOL*   So, I Googled it, of coarse, and it says it's caused by disruptions in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the Brain that Manages Planning, Focus, and Impulse Control.  Often triggered by Conditions like ADHD {Check, have it}, Mental Health Disorders {Check, have it}, or Physical Brain Injuries {Check, had it with the Stroke}.  Well, that fully explains it then, coz I have the fucking Trifecta of those Conditions all at once!  It is a Symptom rather than a Stand-Alone Diagnosis, according to Experts. 

 The Neurodevelopmental Conditions like ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder, along with Mental Health Conditions like the OCD, Bipolar I, Anxiety/Depression make it so it drains Motivation and makes making simple decisions seem exhausting.  And I do have regulation and impulse control issues.  I've had the Stroke and probably some Cognitive Decline of degenerative Disease associated with just my Age.  Plus Lifestyle and External Factors like prolonged Stress and Burnout, Sleep depravation.  So, it's explained pretty fully what I've been up against to keep it together and hold it down appropriately.  I went easier on myself once the explanation was outlined and it's not all I can Control with my Control Freak Self.  *Bwahahahahaha*  As always, the Young Genius was spot on... he's so fucking Smart I swear that there's not much he doesn't just know... or hasn't already researched the hell out of.  Too bad he's so Mentally impaired!!!

   But things in my Life often just fall into it.  I truly thought, in my Addled Brain, I might gravitate to a Field of Work actually like Forensics, after Retirement from Corporate Life No. One and Two, coz I'm Delusional as fuck too.  *Bwahahahaha*  It was Tempting and I never actually had a Plan to become a Banker or Work in Criminal Law with the other Two Careers.  But just as Un-Seriously I often considered becoming an Artist and living in a Hippie Commune too.  So I think my Parents were okay with me choosing the Banker Career when it was offered to me... and then the Career at the DA's Office when The Man got weary of me being Retired and Bored, so sent my Resume in without my knowledge.  Thinking, well, Law is Law, whether Real Estate or Criminal, Right?   *Ha ha ha and Eye Roll*   Well, Honey, not really, there's a broad spectrum in that Genre!!!  Very broad and layered!!!   He didn't much Care coz it was driving him Crazy to have a Bored out of her Mind Wifey at Home who was never all that interested in becoming a Domestic Goddess.  Plus, I still had great Earning Potential.  *Winks*

I'm not sure what my Earning Potential would be now since clearly I'm Slipping and a Straight Jacket might be more in my Future?  *Winks and Laughs Maniacally*  But, when Friends and Family see what I CAN accomplish once I kick myself in the Ass and say, Dawn, fucking just DO IT... they always are visibly Impressed and flabbergasted.  You did this all by yourself?  And it only took you no time?!!!!!   Fucking A!!!!  I can be like the Tasmanian Devil in a Good Way when I'm a flurry of Bipolar Manic Energy that finally kicked in and goes into High Gear.  I know at Work the Young People who are Paid Staff, say they get Tired just WATCHING me Work.  *LMAO*  They would be unable to keep Pace and they're Teens and Twenty-Somethings and I can still Work circles around any one or more of them... and they acknowledge that fact, it embarrasses them if they're having me Help them with something.  I can lift more than most of the Young Guys too... except for Stud Muffin Anthony whose a Beast.  *LOL*

I had one of the Younger Guys who looked Sturdy enuf, help me lift a Clothing Display Rack into my Truck, that I felt wasn't that heavy even tho' it was sturdy Metal, but just an Awkward Size to Solo Lift up into the Truck Bed by myself.  Well, poor thing was visibly struggling with his end and Side, but embarrassed coz I had my Side Lifted for the longest time waiting on him, while he labored with getting his Side up high enuf and holding it up long enuf to get his Side into the Truck!!!  *LOL*  At one point I had my Side up by one Hand while maneuvering the Tailgate!  I could tell he didn't wanna be Shown Up and Out-Muscled by an Old Woman, so he powered thru it anyway.  Bless him, and I stroked his Ego by saying how difficult a piece it was, so Thank You so much for Helping me with it. 

 When we got Home, my Schizo very Fabulously Feminine Grandson lifted the whole thing out easily by himself, , we've often been told we're like Ant People and have unnatural Strength compared to how we look.  They could be Right coz most folks look/seem Weaker than they look in our Opinion.  You think they can easily do it, and they just can't, who knew?  *LOL*   The Young Prince also reminded me Why THAT is, in not so PC Terms, well, Gramma, we have what other folks would call "Retard Strength".  *LMAOROTF*   It's not constant Raw Power and usually just a result of Adrenaline, high Pain Tolerance, and Emotional Crisis Meltdown.  And that kinda Tracks too really, when I get Emotional due to my Disabling Conditions, is when I'm more likely to appear to have Unnatural Strength that doesn't make logical Sense for my Age, Gender and Size.  

So if I get upset or Mad about the frustration of something I gotta Lift, I can then always fucking lift it no matter how heavy it is.  Coz I just get in that Weird Head Space where I'm not Naturally lifting it without my Altered State of Mind probably increasing Adrenalin, ignoring Pain, and would have a complete Meltdown if I didn't just get it Done.  *LOL*  I have in the distant Past actually Fractured Bone lifting something so heavy that just coz I could lift it, didn't mean I should have, according to my Surgeon who told me at the time, at your Age, lifting something so heavy is no longer a good Idea Dawn, or you'll end up with more Surgeries coz you're damaging Bone due to Bone Density Issues of a Woman at your Season of Life.  *LOL*

 He phrased it delicately so as not to Offend me, but it was kinda Funny how delicately he Danced around what I was doing at Work, that probably Old Women shouldn't be tasked to do.  I was lifting 50-100+ lbs. of Criminal Files Stored in Banana Sized Boxes, sometimes Waist High, or even over my Head, to stack them!  I had Biceps bigger than my Sons or The Mans, from doing that all Night long every Night 5-6 Days a Week!   So, he Wrote me a Doctor's Recommendation that the Weight of said Boxes was something a Woman over 50 should not be Tasked to Muscle around for an entire Shift.  *Bwahahahaha, AS IF that was gonna change the Fact we had nobody Hired to do it FOR us!* 

 Any time they Hired a Man, he could do the Lifting, but couldn't do the actual Work of Criminal Trial Closeouts, too Slow, too Inaccurate, Speed and Accuracy being the main part of the Job, not the lifting of the Boxes of the Work!   So, every Male they ever Hired in all the Years I worked there, Washed Out.  The Data Entry part of the Job, they couldn't hit the Accuracy and required Quotas of, nor the Audit parts with Speed and Accuracy either.  *LMAO*   Anyway, speaking of Men and their Jobs, I ran into my Old Friend Sale, who is a Vendor at our Antique Mall but only has One Locked Case now so doesn't come in that often.  He's a long distance Truck Driver too so is on the Road a lot.  I ran into him at the SAVERS my Granddaughter Works at and we stopped and chatted for about an Hour, catching up.  He just turned 65, tho' he only looks in his 40's, he's a powerfully built Man whose Aged like a Fine Wine and is still very Handsome and Youthful appearing.  So, he Retired from his Career and said this Idiot Prez and his Minions are fucking up that Industry too with the price of Diesel and Tariffs.

So, he got instantly Bored after Retirement and needed supplemental Income beyond just Selling at the Antique Mall and doing Car Shows, so now he Works at a Car Auction.  He Loves it, and he's a Transportation Guy anyway, did it for a Living all his Life and Collects Transportation related Vintage and Antique Merch too.  His Inventory Rocks and he's often Sold it at Car Shows.  He can Repair any Vehicle too so has done a lot of Restoration Work of Vintage Vehicles for Resale over the Years and used to Collect Cars and Old Trucks.  Anyway, he said his Wife now has him putting new Flooring in at their House coz Hiring someone was gonna Cost $13,000 and he's like, I can do it.  Then he said, Dawn, at our Age now, coz he's only Four Years Younger than me, we THINK we can still do shit we shouldn't anymore.  He said his Wife is like, Sal, why aren't you just doing the whole House at once!?  *Bwahahahaha*  And he's like, coz I'm not 20 anymore Hon, and I'm struggling to do One Room at a time now!  *LMAO*

Now, he's Muscle bound even as an Old Man, yet when he said he didn't have the Strength anymore and is overwhelmed by his Projects, I told him, now I don't feel so bad, Sal, coz, I was beating myself up over how difficult it all is for me now!!!   And we both Laughed and Laughed, coz he knows how I Power thru shit, he's often told me I could be a Female Trucker.  *LOL*  Anyway, it was good to see Sal, he's a good Friend and tho' I don't see his Wife all that often, she's Good People too, a really nice Couple.  Sal was getting Work Blankets to use for the Flooring Job, he'd found some of the Commercial Type there at SAVERS and it was 50% Off Day with it being on a Monday.  Usually I don't go on Mondays coz it's too crowded and Princess T doesn't Work on Mondays, so it was pure Serendipity I ran into him there.  Plus, with having Insider Intel I know they don't put new Inventory on the Floor after Saturday Night, coz the Back Room Workers don't Work Sun-Mon.  You're Welcome.  *Winks*

*******

Happy Autumnal Vibes from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian