Keep Hanging Tough

 Everyone was so Emotionally Raw that it came to a Head on the Evening of the 11th, the whole Family has just been thru a LOT.  So, every one of us, in our own way, had a Meltdown and we just Needed to, so I fully understand.  Everything evened out and Calmed Down, I told each Family Member I completely understand, but try to Dial it Back a little so we all don't Melt Down completely.  The Son spent the Heat of the Day doing Yardwork in preparation for the next Irrigation Cycle and to tidy things up in the way of our Lantana Bushes and our Trumpet Vine Hedge in front of the House.  We've had so many Bees collecting from the Blooms he had to wait 'til the Heat made them go back to their Hives so he could trim them all for me.

The Daughter, he, and Princess T had helped me all day with the Fridge Project, taking it all out, then putting it all back in and re-arranging what we have had to move out of the way.   The Young Prince, whose prone to faking not feeling Well in order to avoid requests to Help with Work, actually wasn't Well and was puking.  I'm thinking his Brown Recluse Bite may not be Healing appropriately and another Urgent Care Visit might be needed?  It's been draining a LOT, and he's finished with the Antibiotic Regimen, but that particular Spider's Bite can have serious consequences and get out of control in spite of Medical Interventions.  So, I am worried about that.  He's also Emotionally Raw about Allen just dumping a huge pile of Divorce Paperwork here and saying, you'll need a Lawyer for to get this concluded!!!

Well, other than all that, and The Man's continued Health Spiral, everything has been Swell.  *Bwahahahaha*  So, I'd been in a Dark Head Space and Depression for Two Days and that Scares all the rest of them more than I can say.  I have to tell them when I'm crashing tho' and having Burnout.  Coz everyone has to step up and do what they can while I'm Wrestling with my own Balancing Act of keeping my Head on Straight.  I had bought the Food, but didn't have it in me to Cook it.  Everyone else was Wiped Out too, so nothing got Cooked for anyone.  I loaded The Man up, while some of the Spawn were fussing amongst themselves, and took him to "Subway" then for a Sammie, we ate it in the Truck so I didn't have to Unload and Load him.

So, we sat in front of a small "Subway" near the House that Timmy used to Work at, and ate his Meatball Monday Special Sammie and my Club Sammie, with Chips and a Drink, and didn't then feel so Hangry.  *LOL*  It was 6 inches of Goodness, we both felt we couldn't do 12 inches... and get your Minds out of the Gutter now you Naughty Dear Readers whose Minds immediately went THERE.  *Winks*  Too Much is just Too Much, even if we aren't talking about Sammies anymore?  *Bwahahahaha*  And when we got Home, the fact we bailed on them all and took off, even tho' they know me loading up Grandpa is an Ordeal for me, especially since it was still 107 Degrees out there, they all knew to Calm Down and Dial it way the fuuuuuuuck Back!  *LOL*

The Man didn't mind going out for a Sammie to eat in the Truck coz it got him out of the house and he knew I've had a couple of Mental Health Days I was wrestling with.  He still tries to be very Supportive when I'm hitting The Wall Emotionally, coz I'm not usually an Emotional person, so showing them isn't something I do very often.  We were Laughing by the time we got Home coz it was rather absurd, sitting in a Truck with the Air Conditioner on in front of a Strip Mall "Subway", it's 107 Outside, and we're scarfing down our Sub Sammies and Chips. 

 He's actually still wearing his Jammie Shorts, which look like Gym Shorts so nobody would know and he's not getting out of the Truck anyway.  I was at least Dressed to go inside and get our Meal.  Not that I haven't sometimes worn what obviously are Jammie Print Pants out before, I can Roll all Ghetto like that when I don't give a shit.  I've gone to a Park before in them to do Environmental Cleanup some Mornings, people will leave you the fuck alone, even Street folk.  *LOL and Winks*

Nothing Screams being either Mental or Hood, mebbe both, than wearing Jammie Pants out in Public, Slippers if you have 'em!  *Smiles*  Sometimes the Kiddos will joke with me when they know I've done it and say, all I Needed to complete The Look of not messing with, was a Bonnet.  *Bwahahahaha*  For anyone unfamiliar with who you should NEVER mess with, it's The Bonnets.   Any Female wearing one, especially if she's wearing her Jammie Pants too, and perhaps her Bedroom Slippers, whether in or out of Da Hood, she would be a Gal you definitely don't wanna mess with, Piss Off and get in a Street Fight with!  *Winks* 

 Tattoos on the Face you'd fare better getting Scrappy with than a Gal wearing a Bonnet!   And if she's got Tats on her Face AND wears a Bonnet, Hell No... you say whatever it takes to smooth any potential Beef she might have with you, for any reason, no matter how trivial!   Lessons from Da Hood 101.   Then you will more likely Live long and Prosper my Friends. *LOL and Winks*

On my Mental Health Days is when I'm more likely to just tool around in my Jammie Pants and a mismatched T-Shirt anyway, it's a Clue I am not doing Well.  So you needn't even Ask... NOT Well on them days.  So it was rather Rare I had bothered to actually get Dressed that day to go to the Subway for Sammies at Three in the Afternoon on a Monday and it was The Man still in his Jammie Pants instead.  Coz he's usually never been Unwell enuf he won't throw on some Pants before going Public *Bwahahahahaha*

  But Listen, if you've been Urban long enuf, you realize that the average Big City Dweller doesn't bat an Eye at seeing ANYTHING, and I Kid you NOT.  So, mostly nobody even pays attention or notices, coz there's lotsa Crazy out there on them Streets any given day of the Week, so it's just another Day in Paradise.  You will not particularly Stand Out.  *LOL*

I seem to be doing better on Day Three of a Bipolar Low tho'.  I don't mind being Manic High, which is my Usual, and more MY 'Normal', but the Lows do Suck and I'm glad my Mixed Episodes are few usually.  When you have a Manic High AND you're ADHD, you just get a lot done and can or will tackle anything, no matter how daunting, so, it has it's Benefits.  I've yet to find a Positive Benefit to the Manic Low tho', unless it would be to tackle ANYONE that might be Fool enuf to Cross you during one and start something. 

 That would definitely be a Benefit then coz you won't have ANY shits to give.  They will quickly find that out, Win, Lose or Draw... so the less Foolish won't even Go There when you're Bottoming Out like that, wouldn't be a Wise Move.  And a Manic Low is usually quite obvious, even to a casual uninformed Observer, if they're paying any attention at all.  Even if your Wardrobe communicates loudly, I have no Shits to Give, and they Miss that Part.  *Smiles*

So, for example, if you see me I'm wearing my Space Cats Jammie Pants and a Grateful Dead T-Shirt out in The Wild, probably NOT having a Good Day or my Best Day Ever.  You could still approach me with the Right Attitude, but with more Caution and Hesitation than usual.  Thus why I say people generally just Smile and leave you Alone or don't make any Eye Contact at all.  It's an excellent way really to become Publicly Imagined Invisible.  *Bwahahahaha*   This Morning The Young Prince is on a Dual Day Bender of not Feeling Well.  He's been throwing up and I asked if it's his Brown Recluse Bite, he doesn't think so, he thinks that's draining well and Healing okay.  

He isn't sure if it's a Mental Episode or he caught something going around and it's Physical Illness?   So he's staying in Bed mostly and away from Peopling, just in case he has something going around any of the rest of us could catch?  Especially Grandpa, everyone is trying to not give him any contagions in his weakened condition.  The Two that Work don't wanna catch anything either and risk missing Work and calling in Sick.  But when you have a Three Generation Family Sharing Space, chances are, someone could be Sick with something you'll catch, at any given time, especially during Seasons when there's lots going around. 

 We're not as Socially Isolated as a lot of Seniors tend to be, with having Two Younger Generations around us 24-7 and 365, with their various Social Contacts as well.  I have to ask "Safeway Pharmacy" if The Man and I are up to date on all our Vaccines, I think we are???  I do hazily recall we were in there this Winter getting all Vaxxed up, and they gave us a Discount Coupon from the Pharmacy to use for Buying our Groceries???  They give you $20 Off your Grocery Purchase and take all Insurances, and it's no Co-Pay for us.  Also, no waits and a nice little Private Waiting Room tucked away with no Sick folk in it.

I appreciate how many weighed in while I was having my Fridge Fiasco Meltdown and were as Happy and Relieved as me that it had a Happy Ending and Positive Outcome.  The fact it was completely Avoidable had a Sales Team and the original Delivery Team known more about their Product and conveyed important crucial information to the Consumer to avoid the problem in the first place, was something the 2nd Delivery Guy and I discussed in detail with each other. 

  He agreed and lamented that IF people knew their jobs and the Products they're either hawking or delivering, so much of the Customer confusion and irritants could be completely avoided, to everyone's benefit and satisfaction.  I mean, how hard would it have been, while either Buying it, or having it Delivered, for both the Salesfloor folks and/or the Delivery folks, to go over some basic functions with the Consumer of an expensive Product that's New to them?  This is where the Control Panels are located, just press this to Activate it, would have been Nice and so fucking Helpful! 

 

Sometimes I get the impression that either most Employees they just don't Care... or... they don't have the Skills necessary to know their Job and it's Product or function and the Company doesn't adequately ensure the Training to provide it... or they make assumptions that you already are All Knowing about every Device on the Market now being hawked and constantly changed?  The "Smart" Features are usually crap and not all that well made or "Smart" actually, coz they malfunction a lot and it's intentional obsolescence. 

 I'd prefer less Technology on an item and more length of Service of it, especially if I've invested a lot in purchasing it.  I'll opt for less Gadgets on anything every time coz I'm not particularly up to speed on all new Technology and I don't like a lot of it, keep it Simple is more my Mantra.   I'm Tech Challenged and if it's needing Specialized Training and Knowledge I don't already have, in order to own, work or use it, then it's just not for me.

This past Mother's Day I had to be Mindful not to be Careless and/or Tone Deaf to those we know who just Lost their Mom or a Child.  Since, it would be a particularly difficult one for them and I know this in advance.  Just like I rarely, if ever, Celebrated the Day anyway while being a Custodial Grandparents to The G-Kid Force, whose absence of either Parent Raising them made it a Hard Day for them to move thru on a Mother's Day or a Father's Day, that would rather be avoided and is not the same as when you have a Mom or a Dad.  If someone Loses a Loved One too, that the Day would require for you to have one for, it's difficult to tolerate the day without being Emotionally Raw or just ignoring the day entirely to not be a Trigger.  Sometimes people just don't Think and it's not Intentional.  

They may have the knowledge of a Loss... or mebbe they don't.  Mebbe the Loss was Fresh... or mebbe a long time ago, but the Holiday is just a Trigger and always will be hard?  I don't Like Mother's Day anymore becoz my Mom is departed.  I can't even Imagine Losing a Child.   And some of those I Care about have to still try really hard to make the Day Special even if moving thru it themselves is difficult.   Coz tho' they may have just Lost Mom or a Child, they still have their own Children who want it to be a Special Day to Celebrate with them, or other Children who want to Celebrate them despite the profound Loss of a Sibling.

  For those Moms who never got to Raise their Children or had to give them up for Adoption, that too can be a Triggering Day for them always.  So many people I know almost Wish it were not a Celebrated Holiday at all and just done away with coz it's too Painful for them, either now, or it always was.  I have mixed Emotions... I enjoyed the Holiday when it was worth Celebrating for me... but I'm okay not Celebrating it now or ever again.

I refrain from Wishing a "Happy" Mother's Day to anyone Publicly, especially Strangers, I don't know their Back Story, some folks have been Childless and not by Choice, how would I know?  Who knows if someone has their Mom... or their Child... if we don't know them well enuf to have that intimate knowledge.   And Father's Day, forget about it.   I learned beaucoup Years ago how many folks don't have a Dad... and even if they certainly had someone who Fathered them, that Male wasn't always or perhaps ever present even if he's still among the Living and never Earned being called "Dad". 

 Anyone can Father a Child, not everyone is Dad Material and committed to Fatherhood as they should be.  Fewer Single Parent Dads exist, but they are out there too.  As are the many Custodial Grandparents Raising Grandkids now.  Or other extended Family Raising Children.  Anyway, glad that Mother's Day is officially over... I'd rather ignore it. 

The Son said that tho' he likes Celebrating Father's Day for The Man, having the perspective of Raising or helping to Raise other Men's Children himself, but having no Biological Children of his own, it was always an awkward day when he was in a Relationship where his Significant Other had Kids who had Deadbeat Dads.  He didn't expect to be Celebrated, but didn't know what Triggers the day might hold for the Children?   He was only Three when I met and Married The Man, so tho' he doesn't know his Biological Father, The Man has always been Dad, so it was never a Triggering Day for him personally.

  The Daughter spent Seven Years having Father's Day be difficult and avoidable when I was a Single Parent and had her before I was ever Married.   And he and I weren't together anymore even before she was Born and he had zero interest in Relationship with her or I, so be it.  She used to call my Dad, her Dad, and Gran-Dad never minded that and chastised a Day Care Worker once when the Woman ignorantly and perhaps well intentionally, tried to tell my Four Year Old, that he was her Grandpa, not her Dad. 

 I guess the Woman feared it looked like and implied Incest, I dunno?   But it was just that almost everyone else had a Daddy and she didn't, so she just started calling Gran-Dad, Dad, and we let her and didn't correct her, coz my Dad was standing in The Gap until he didn't Need to anymore, to be that Positive Male Role Model every Child should have.  He was Raised without his Father, so he had a Point of reference, being Raised by a very Young Divorced, then very Young Widowed, Mother.   

And my Parents were the Type who would have all kinds of Kiddos "Adopt" them as Surrogate Parents or Grandparents and let anyone that Needed or Wanted to, call them Mom, Dad, Nanna, Gran-Dad if they just started doing so.  People never really knew how many Kids or Grandkids, Nieces and Nephews, my Parents actually had!?  *LOL*  I'm the same, I have so many Non-Biological "Adoptees" who I'm Surrogate Mom or Gramma or Aunty Dawn to, and they ARE like Family to us now. 

 Sometimes they're closer to us than many Biological Kinfolk are to each other.   So, hardly anyone knows whose Biologically connected or not in our "Family"... and that's Okay... and we don't differentiate and never will, it's just not necessary to.   People often say you can't Choose who your Family are, but, you kinda CAN Choose Who to BE "Family" with.  Above is our Oldest Daughter when she was a Tween.   Two of her Five Grandkids look so much like she did as a Child and have the very Dark Eyes and Dark Hair.  The other Three are Blondes like their Grandpa, our SIL.

Above is The Daughter as a Teen, the Year she had The Young Prince, whose her Oldest of her Five Kiddos.  Mother's Day is always hard for her and for all her Kiddos.   I did check-in with everyone I Care about who I knew had experienced Loss and see how they held up for Mother's Day.   Most did Okay, or as well as can be expected, for as hard as I knew it just would be.  Grief has no Timeline, it takes as long as you Need for it to move thru various Stages of and try really hard to Recover from any Profound Loss.  It will be different for everyone, there's no Right way or Wrong way to Grieve.

The Son's Court Date couldn't have gone better, since he has a Free Phone that doesn't do well with Zoom Check-In, he Opted to go before the Judge again in Person.  Which was fortuitous coz every single Defendant had E-Mailed all their required Documents, including him, but never gotten confirmation, the System of the Courts must be either not functioning at all or so backlogged they aren't updating anything in time for anyone's Hearings!!!   So, Lucky for him he had all his with him to show her he was in compliance, as she'd asked, he provided everything required to show Three Years of Driving Record.  

He'd done all the requirements except the Interlock Ignition Device, since, you have to own an operational Vehicle to do that and he hasn't had one in a long time now.  He's been using either Public Transit, Friends, Co-Workers, Family for Transportation, or just Walking or using a 10-Speed Bike until he can afford a reliable Vehicle.  Then he will be required the One Year of having that put on, so she Closed the Case.  He doesn't intend to do any Driving until he can pay for a Used Car and put that Device on, and have regular paychecks to provide Insurance and Maintenance on that Device that is required... all an expense he can't bankroll right now.  All his Fines, Classes are Paid and Completed.

He was the only one she had who wasn't making a Host of Excuses, or in non-compliance for invalid reasons, so he was the only one she Closed the Case of.  He didn't expect any Excuses would Fly, so he never gives any.  The Judges tend to Like that, when you take it all Seriously and do what you're supposed to do without Excuses galore as to why you didn't or couldn't.  Everyone has their Hard Luck Stories and I'm sure they've heard them all.   They're not Social Workers, and Traffic Violations are all about the Money Maker they tend to be, and so if you've Paid for everything, and shown Good Faith, that's the City's Priority, and they will put it into Collections if left Unpaid and add more to it.

 

He gives me Gas Money and doesn't usually need many Rides.  So it's worked for us when he hasn't had his own Transportation or the Income to have Car Payments or pay Cash for something Used and unreliable or needing too much Work, which can be a Money Pit.    Those Electric Scooters for Adults, that look like a Kid's Scooter {See Below}, are fast and affordable, I see a lot of Youngsters using those instead of having Car Maintenance and Gas expenses.  They're only about $400-$500-$600, depending on Model, some are All Terrain.   Most go 20-28 mph with a 30-35 Mile Range on a Charge... the higher end Models have a Premium Battery and All Terrain Tires and Rear Motor rather than Front Hub Motor.

And, while I was at Court with him I got an Emergency Phone Call from my Younger Brother in Cali, who just had his Surgery to replace his Morphine Pump.  He was High Risk for the Surgery, but the Pump needed replacement, his Heart previously had only been at 50% function so they don't like even Elective Surgery.  But, he doesn't mind Crossing Over during a Surgical Procedure, seems a Peaceful way to go when you're Diagnosed as Terminal anyway and just haven't Died yet and outlived all your previous Expiration Dates.  So, the Surgery went well, some complications he Survived... but now his Heart is only at 20% function now... which means he's fucked per his Cardiologist and Heart Surgeon.  They just said to Live every day as if it's his Last, coz, it could be. 

   

They cannot give him an exact estimate of when it will give out, could be immediate... or not, at 20% it's gonna happen soon, probably in his Sleep, so, he just wanted me to know.  He'd sent me some Pixs he'd taken at the most recent Ren Faire and they were excellent, I'll Share some in another Blog Post.  But he said for Sure it's the last Gig he'll be covering coz he almost couldn't cover that one, too Weak now, hard to catch his Breath now.  He said Marcie, his long time Girlfriend, they've been together over 30 Years, isn't taking this well.  She's a lot Older than him so said she expects to Go First.  He told her he has no Control over when God says so, that it's Time.  I guess I took it better than she did.  He has been Diagnosed Terminal since he was 30, he's 66 now... he surpassed many an Expiration Date given him.

 

*******

I told him what I always tell him when he's been given yet another grim Prognosis, You're Not Dead 'Til God Says So... Love ya Lil Bro', Keep Hanging Tough... Dawn... The Bohemian

Another Ranty Post... But, You're Not Gonna Believe THIS!

 In Real Time it's still a Monday Morning and it's supposed to be 109 or hotter Today, so not the Ideal for having my Front Door removed to get Fridges in and out in a Swap.  *Le Sigh*  We're back to breaking Heat Records again so my Utility Bills will be High enuf already without no Front Door for about an Hour!!!   Tho' the 1st Crew had it taken off and put back on quickly enuf when it was ready to be removed and re-installed, you still have no Door while the Swap is happening and your Air Conditioning streaming Outside cooling all of Avondale.  But, we'll get to why you're NOT gonna Believe THIS later in this Post, coz after 2:00 p.m. everything Changed on a Dime!

 That's hard on your Units and one of ours is over a Decade Old, so we Baby it along so we don't have to replace that one too!  The other one had to be replaced to the tune of over Five Grand less than a Year into moving in.  Then Thirty Six Grand to replace 1980 Ductwork about a Year ago.  Replacement of a Hot Water Heater when the one that came with the House caught on Fire!!!  Then the Water Softener needing Replacement, and the Pool Vacuum.  A Dryer Repair on the New Dryer that came with the house.  Now Major Appliances going out.  It's been a lot of Major expense not Budgeted for.

Yes, the Home came with an expensive Two Year Warranty at Sale, that didn't cover a goddamned thing, coz they never really do and so are a Scam and waste of about $800 a pop, so we never renew them.  The Seller always covered them initially, but at both The Villa McManse and here, they only REALLY ever covered shit we could Afford to pay out of Pocket and didn't need an Extended Warranty to Cover.  I want a Warranty to Cover that which I couldn't afford out of Pocket to Repair or Replace, otherwise, it's Useless to me.  Listen, if I can't Use it, and it's shitty Coverage, then don't even try Selling it to me.

 I did Buy the Extended 5 Year Warranty on said Fridge coz I know ALL Major Modern Appliances are POS's and you will use that Warranty, numerous times.  I won't Buy it tho' unless it Covers every fucking thing including Replacement and ALL Repairs.   This Warranty claims if you never use it in 5 Years they give you a considerable Rebate... I know this is coz that will NEVER fucking happen in the span of 5 Years with any Major Modern Appliance.  We already required Replacement 3 Days after a damned Purchase and before ever making a 1st Payment.  So, null and void that potential for a Rebate already.  *Eye Roll*

Okay, no more Appliance Ranting, you got the Point.  *Winks*  I got all my Chores done before 10:00 a.m. coz it's already Hotter than Balls out there.  *LOL*  The Daughter gave me, for Mother's Day, another Cool Device that makes Zen Sounds, it's a little round Device about the size of a large Bottle Top that makes Nature Sounds and Color Sounds, and has the Speaker on the Bottom, recharges with your Phone Charger, it's Wonderful... she knew I NEEDED this.  *Bwahahaha*  After Yesterday particularly.  *LOL*  Further Below is a Pix of it and my other Pressy from The Daughter, near my Coke Zero Can for 'Scale'.  *Smiles*

The Device is upside down in the Pix, the Side Buttons go forwards or backwards in Sounds I've Discovered.  Perhaps the other Two are just On and Off Buttons and increasing or decreasing Volume too and a Timer as well, from what she told me that I can Recall?  Right now I'm listening to a running Stream or River Sound, no idea yet how many Nature Sounds it has coz I have to learn how to Work the Four Buttons of the Technology of it.  She told me how but I forgot already... I am very Tech Challenged like this.  I'm now experimenting with it, I'm up to Thunderstorm and Rain Sounds or Waterfall Sounds and the Ocean now.  *Winks*  Really Loving this device already, coz I don't watch much TV except for Music Stations, and this is better when I'm stuck Inside, to have the Sounds of Nature Outside present with me.

Okay so there were sounds of Horses running, and various White and other Color Noise Sounds so far, I'm back to a pleasant Rainstorm Sound tho'.  The Color Noises, some of them agitated me, so wouldn't be for me.  *LOL*   Color Noises I know are defined by Frequency, Power and Pitch.   White {Static}, Pink {Gentle like Rain}, Brown {Deep Rumble}, Green {like Nature Sounds}.  They range from High Pitch Violet to Deep Brown.  The Brown and Green Noises are lower frequencies and soothing to me, some of the others, just agitate me and I don't Like them.  I'm liking this pressy tho' very much, it was perfect.  She also got me the Crystal Bottle Stopper with First Initial of our Surname in it.

I will give you a Heads Up that at least this Post has a Happy Ending this time.  And I'll keep you in Suspense a bit longer as to Why.  *Winks*  But, any Good News lately should be Celebrated, so let us just say that now I am at least in Celebratory Mode, tho' pretty drained Emotionally and quite Physically exhausted for what the day brought with it.   But, a Happy Ending nonetheless so that was at least the desired Outcome, wasn't it?  No matter what comes against you, if it has a Happy Ending or a Positive Outcome, then I'm Chill with that and can't ask for more really.  Yeah, things could have been avoided, but sometimes they just aren't and you gotta Deal with that and all the Actors in that Scene, regardless if they could have Played their Parts better.  My Part was to try to remain Centered and as Calm as possible, as the Plot thickened, went Sideways, then Righted itself near The End, to our Benefit.  *Whew*  

At least it all made for some decent Blog Fodder, albeit a very Ranty Post One or Two.  *Winks*   Anyway, Nurse Remi called Today to start up with her Tuesday Home Visits again now that she knows The Man is out of the Hospital.  She Needed an Update on what had gone Sideways with him this time, and said we'll Play Catchup Tomorrow when she comes in Person.  All the Home Help Coming now has their expertise that can be offered without dragging him out and to Appointments for it, so, that I am Grateful for and that it's being Covered by our Insurances or the VA.  We're trying to keep him Piping along as best we all can.  Getting him to do his part of the Work is the harder part, coz he's Sick, and he's fed up and Tired of being Sick and Tired.  At some juncture that's just what happens with Chronic Ailment that is not gonna improve or gets progressively worse no matter what you do, and you get Battle Weary from Fighting it Day In and Day Out.

Shit, I took to The Bed Yesterday by Mid-Afternoon coz I was Emotionally, Mentally and Physically Wiped Out and hitting The Wall.  Not much else I could do but try to Sleep it Off, which is my Super Power.  I can Sleep Off damned near anything when I have to and nothing else is gonna work or improve a Situation.  If it's nothing I CAN Change, or Control, then I'm just not gonna continue being really Upset about it.  Instead I'll use my Energy and Adaptive Skills and I will Strategize at that point on how to regroup and Face it for however long that will take, even if it's Forever and my Lifetime to.  Coz once I'm sufficiently Rested, I can have the Stamina to Face it again for another Day and whatever it holds.  Some Days are better than others, that's just Life and the Hand Dealt you to Play.  Even if it's a shitty Hand Dealt, it's all you got to Play the Game of Life with, so Play it to your Best Advantage then.  You're not gonna get a New Hand Dealt you, it is what it just is.

And we've Overcome a Hella Lot.  So, when you've Survived a Hella Lot, you know it is Survivable, even against Odds that would suggest it isn't or will be tougher to.   The Man right now is trying to function in Total Survival Mode and it's been for a long time, and now it will be so until it's his Time to Cross Over.   So I understand he's Weary now, and in his Mid-70's, so Feeling more vulnerable and dependent, his World is getting Smaller and Smaller, there's no Independence for him now, and that's some scary stuff.  He doesn't Like it.  None of us Likes it when we reach that juncture, and if you Live long enuf, you will reach that juncture, it's a Given.  Either the Body will give out or the Mind will, sometimes both before we're Through.  Aging Out ain't for Sissies, but it sure as Hell beats the Alternative of a permanent Dirt Nap.  Tho' none of us really knows what happens after Departing from this Realm, mebbe it is better, we can only Hope so.

But, this Realm is what we have Right Now.  And so that's what I know about, the rest being still a Great Mystery about the Afterlife, tho' it does Intrigue me.  I am that Person that watches all the Shows on all of it... the Afterlife, Paranormal stuff, UFO stuff, unknown Creatures stuff that I do think Exist too.   The Son often mocks me about it, but he does know there's unexplainable shit that someday we may know more about the existence of, we just don't Right Now.   He can't explain a lot of the shit we already do Know is Real, just unexplainable.  Like, why does almost all of our Family have Premonitions and Intuition that is pretty much always 100% spot on?  Nobody knows, we don't even know How or Why?  We can't explain it and Skeptics don't Believe it... but it sure as shit spooks them when we are so eerily accurate and then becoz they don't understand it, and have Negative Opinions about it, they Fear it now.  Thus, often Fearing us now.

A couple Pixs now of Wild Exotic Birds that have Colonies in Arizona.  They aren't Native to Arizona, they've just done very well here when they have Escaped Captivity Generations ago.   We have a flock of them here off and on at the Mini Farms.   There are several different Types and Species of them, we've even, tho' Rarely, seen Parrots and Parakeets, Canaries and various Pet Quality Finches, too.  There are some Native Finches Species of Wild Birds in Arizona tho'... a diverse range of Wild Finches of Arizona.  Some are very Colorful and Exotic looking.  Most Parrot Species escaped Captivity in the 1980's Locally in Metro Phoenix and now have Populations of over 2,000.  They are considered an Invasive Species but haven't killed off nor competed with Indigenous Species so nobody minds them establishing their Communities and thriving.

Above is our Middle Granddaughter in Pittsburgh's Two Kiddos on Mother's Day.   She only has the Two coz she Married and had Children quite late and was focused on her Career as a Nurse.  Now she's Single Parenting coz sometimes waiting doesn't necessarily mean you'll choose the Right One, and he definitely was NOT.  We all knew it, but Young Love can be Deaf, Dumb and Blind, can't it?  I told The Man, oh shit, she waited so long and this Guy is a Loser and Bad News.  The Man and I had made our own Mistakes Romantically, but, there's not much you can say that will sway someone in Love, so we tried very hard to keep our Mouths shut about the Guy and be as Supportive as you can be when you know this isn't gonna End Well.  But, she and thus we, did get Two Beautiful Great-Grandbabies out of the Union, so, it ain't all Bad... but... it wasn't Good either.  So, Good Riddance to that Guy.  He had several Baby Mamas and Three other Older Kids by each, which should have been a Clue!  *Eye Roll*

I don't know what exactly is allegedly AI Generated Content of this Pix of the Great-Grandson, it all looks Real and he does have that whole ensemble... he's either building something or taking it apart all the time.  He's all Boy, that one!!!  And I hear his Lil Sister is full of Piss N Vinegar too... so they're just like their Mama, who was a Wild One.  Of our Oldest Daughter's Trio of Girls, the Middle One was the Prodigal... so, the Apples didn't fall far from the Tree with her Two Offspring either.   And both of our Daughters were a Handful, and Wild Child Types, as was I to be Truthful, so we didn't expect that their Offspring wouldn't be.  *LOL*  And our Son said he didn't choose to have Bio Kids coz he was Scared to Death they'd be as much of a Handful and as 'Special' as he was, and he didn't wanna pass that DNA shit along and forward.  *Bwahahahaha*

Above is our Oldest Granddaughter in Pittsburgh with her Youngest Child, her Son and our Great-Grandbaby, who has Two Older Sisters.  I could have done without her adding the Hearts, coz I just Love this Pix of the Two of them.  Now this Grandchild was our Oldest Daughter's Oldest Child that she had before she Married and had from a Loser in her Wayward Teens too, before Marrying our SIL whose a great Guy, and the Father of her Younger Two, but Adopted this Daughter.  She's actually our Oldest Daughter's "Golden Child" tho'.  Every Family should have at least ONE.  *Smiles*  Marrying her Childhood Sweetheart, whose a great Guy and they have known each other all their Lives and Dated since being Tweens... Dating nobody else.  They do have a Prodigal tho', their Middle Child, a Daughter, whose full of Piss N Vinegar.  Well, Two out of Three "Golden Ones" ain't Bad Odds.  *Ha ha ha*

The Prodigal... appearing like Butter wouldn't melt in her Mouth and like a Lil Debutante... but Looks can be deceiving... Winks!   She's the one who looks exactly like her "Golden Child" Mama, so that's kinda Funny, she's the Younger Evil Twin perhaps?  *LMAOROTF*   The Two Below look more like their Daddy, yet, also more like our Oldest Daughter, who is Dark, but ended up with Three Blonde Kids.  Mostly coz the Deadbeat Boyfriend was very White Bread... and her Husband is German Ancestry and very Blonde.    So the Light Genes were more Dominant than the Darker ones for sure in her Spawn.   In my Family I ended up being the only one with Light Hair on both sides of the Family, with the exception of One Welsh Aunt who had my Hair Color.  Everyone else on both Sides of my Family had gorgeous Blue Black Hair the Color of a Raven's Wing and I was always so Envious of that.  But, my Recessive Gene was pretty Strong, coz my Kiddos and more than half my Grandkiddos Inherited it over their more Dominant Gene Pool!  Genetics is a Crap Shoot like that.

And these are her "Golden Children" Older and Younger Siblings.  Tho' the Lil Brother was not Feelin' this Easter Photos Shoot, for Damned SURE!  *Bwahahahahaha*  Mebbe he wasn't as "Golden" that Day, pretty Sure.  *LMAO*   But, these are those Photographic Kodak Moment Memories that you hold the most Near and Dear later on, like the Milk Mustaches in the Kindergarten Mug Shots, Bad Hair, and Crazy Faces made.  One time The Son, in a Class Photo, looked like he had no Neck coz he was holding his Head at the Weirdest angle, crunched down to his Shoulders and tilted way back!!!  His explanation, I was keeping the Hair out of my Eyes!  *LMAO*  He looked like the REALLY SPECIAL Kid of that Year's Grade School Class, 3rd Grade as I recall. *LOL*  But now I just Love that Group Shot and Laugh my Ass off every time I remember what he said he was doing to look that much like the Class Weirdo and total Head Case of the Third Grade.  *Bwahahaha* 

Above is one of The G-Kid Force's Younger Sisters that lives in Mexico.  She's actually wearing Dark Contact Lenses and Dyed her Blonde Hair Darker so she doesn't look so Weta or Half American, coz Mixed Race Children have it hard there, especially now.  She actually is the one who has my Grey Eyes and she doesn't like that, coz it's a Dead Giveaway that she's Mestizo.  I can relate, my Dad's People didn't like me looking SO clearly Mixed either with the Light Eyes and Hair.   And, she looks exactly like I did at her Age except she has her Dad's very gorgeous Full Lips, Angelina Jolie Lips Naturally... as does her Younger Sister.   And, she just HAPPENS to not only Look like Gramma Dawn the most, but she's also The Prodigal and Wild Child of the Four Sisters that The Daughter had... go Figure and Imagine that!!!   But, Three out of Four being "Golden Children" Daughters, even Better Odds, No?   *Bwahahaha and Winks*  This one wanted desperately to come have me finish Raising her, I thought she might actually end up Killing me Off at this Season of Life?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  *LOL*

Mebbe a Happy Ending tho' is that she's Working now, has a Wonderful Boyfriend, and might turn out alright even tho' she never finished School coz she had Special Needs Academically, with significant Learning Disabilities, like her Older Sister Princess T did.   The other Two Sisters are like their Older Brother, The Young Prince, and had way above Average Academic Intelligence and significantly Genius IQ's.  His Mental Illness got in the way of him receiving an Education tho' and Schools willing to accept him beyond his Freshman Year tho'.   The Youngest Sister now has a good Boyfriend, a Job, and they have their own Home already!!!   The Oldest of the Trio inherited their Paternal Gramma's Home and lives there with her good Boyfriend, whose been her Childhood Sweetheart and helped her get her Two Younger Siblings Raised after Saint Gramma Maria Died before they were all Grown.

And she HAD to coz we couldn't get America to allow them into the Country to finish being Raised by me.  Our Immigration System is so fucked up, corrupt, and broken.  And no Political Party has ever tried to Fix it.  But, we won't go THERE Today. We spent too much Time and Money trying to get our Half American Grandkids into our own Country, who have an American Mother, to no avail.  So, Immigration Issues are a fucking Hot Topic to me, and what ICE is doing and who they're Targeting... and the Concentration Camps. America already did that Atrocity of rounding up Ethnicities and putting them somewhere forcefully, to Native Americans, Black Americans, Chinese Americans, and Japanese Americans in our not so distant Past, let us not repeat the Bad History.  Or Whitewash nor try to erase it coz it's uncomfortable Truth and Facts with Historical Evidence.  Above, The Daughter scrubbed Hell out of that hideous Purple Paintjob on the Antique 1920's Waterfall Cabinet and look what was under it, Creme and Grey Paint, way better!  *Whew*

Okay, so, it's past 2:00 p.m. now and Armando, the Mexican American Delivery Guy, JUST left and you're not gonna Believe THIS!  He comes into my Kitchen and says, "Whoa, this is a new Fridge, so... it's a Swap?  Por Que? What's Wrong with it?"  I tell him the whole Sad Story I've regaled you with Yesterday that ruined my Mother's Day.  I told him the Owner's Manual didn't advise me of anything.  Nobody was answering Phones to make inquiries.  When I went in to the Store again, the Elderly Female Sales Rep knows absolutely nothing about the Product she's Selling.  The previous Delivery Guys knew nothing about it and just told me it would do everything automatically now... Granted, there might have been a Language Barrier coz they were African and Immigrants. English not being their First Language and they showed me nothing to do on the Installed Fridge at all.  Mebbe they didn't know either how it Works?  I asked them if everything would Work now, they just told me "Yes", and so when it didn't, I didn't know what to do? 

So, when I asked if that Saleswoman and I could go to their Sales Model Demo on the Floor, which, BTW they're all Hooked Up, and show me if there were any Computer Buttons or actual Buttons that needed to just be pressed, she just said, NO, it's defective if the Ice and Water Features didn't just automatically start working.  I Believed her.  He Opens my Fridge Door and across the Top, which you can't even see if none of the Lights on THAT Computer Strip aren't already ON yet and you don't even know it's there!  Is the Wi-Fi, Auto Water Fill, and Ice Maker Computerized Buttons, like what's on the Computer part of the Crisper, but those can easily be seen coz they already Light Up, and so that's easy to identify and see that Computerized Strip, which changes Temperatures too!!!   I'd played with that to see if it did or said it also worked the Ice-Maker and Water Fill of the Pitcher, it did not.  The whole Family had been unable to locate any other Buttons to Press!

I felt like a Putz, but, when not lit up AFTER being Installed, and not yet Pressed to Light Up and Activate, I can't even SEE that Strip of Computerized Technology, didn't know it was even there!   My Old Eyes ain't that good and there's no Pictures in the Owner's Manual, which, would be Helpful, ya think!?  Well, Dear Armando, who was Middle Aged and a Sweetheart, was more apologetic for his Company not properly informing me on a new purchase as they should have, how could I know?  He said Customers can't know everything about the Product and Sadly, some who are Selling it or Delivering it don't know anything either.  Thank Goodness he was well versed on the Product he Delivers and so we didn't end up needlessly swapping out a perfectly good Fridge that actually nothing was Wrong with!!!  I was relieved it wasn't Defective, and the Swap wasn't necessary, nor taking my Front Door Off now it's 109 Degrees Outside.  But he saw how much Work we'd had to do to empty it out, move everything, when just a Technician coming out to check things out would have sufficed and saved ALL of us so much Work and Inconvenience along with Mother's Day Upset/Anxiety. 

 

Okay, so see across the Dark Top Strip of the Fridge, those Two Lights that are ON now?  Well, when none were lit up of the Three that go across there, I didn't even know they were there, neither did anyone in the Family.  We didn't think to scrutinize that top Strip and the Lettering is practically Invisible and impossible to Read when the Lights aren't pressed to the ON Position.  The only one not on now is the Wi-Fi to the Far Left of the Two that are now ON for the Water Pitcher Auto Fill and the Ice-Maker.  He also advised me to let the Pitcher fill up 7 times and just water Plants with that Water, and let the Ice Bin fill up twice and discard those Cubes, just to make sure the Lines are clean enuf for consumption.  That's important information too and luckily Armando knew this and conveyed the information, otherwise, Customers wouldn't know that either!!!  And might drink contaminated Water if the Lines aren't clean enuf yet!  So, now, there's no Trouble in Paradise and The Son and Princess T helped me put everything back nicely everywhere.  Whew!!!  But, what an Ordeal, No?

It definitely made Armando and his Helper's Job easier not to offload the Replacement Fridge, take my Front Door off, and swap out Appliances.  But, like he said, this was all quite unnecessary and he profusely apologized to us for the inconvenience, extra Work, Anxiety, confusion and upset it has caused us.   I will give him a 10-Star Positive Review, he was on top of his Game and knew the Product he's Delivering, which, when you're Working anywhere doing anything, that's important, to know what it is you're Working with!   When I was a Banker I had to know Finances and the particulars of the Departments I ran or worked in and Real Estate Law.  Since I was dealing with Real Property for my Employer, protecting their Assets, and whatever Customers we were working with we Represented the Company.  When I was at the DA's Office I had to know the Prosecution end of Criminal Law and what leads up to Arrest and Prosecution of said Crimes so I could do my Job effectively.  You can't know nothing about the Industry you're in or the Product you're involved with! 

Above is one of Princess T's Older Sisters in Mexico, with another of our Great-Grandbabies, she has Two Children, a Boy whose already almost a Teenager, and the Girl.  This is the only many Older Siblings of Princess T that has contact with us and we know anything about.   She's a lovely Young Woman and has a Handsome Successful Husband and a Beautiful Family, she was College Educated in Spain, where some of Princess T's Dad's Relatives still Live, some Immigrated Generations ago to Mexico, some stayed in Spain from the Paternal Side.  His Mother's Side were French Immigrants to Mexico many Generations ago.  So, Technically, Salvador was a Mexican by Birth but European by Heritage.  Still Hispanic from his Spaniard Dad's side of the Family.  And White from his French Mom's side, and Maria was Born and Raised in Mexico, so was by Birth Mexican and a Mexican National, who only spoke Spanish now, not French anymore.

  I have a Chinese American Friend who part of her Family Immigrated to America, some to Mexico, and her Grandmother was one of the first Female Bullfighters in Mexico!!!   And they all are Spanish Speaking Chinese!  How's that to blow your Mind!  *LOL*  Her Family Lineage and Back Story is as Interesting as ours.  Since I have a Welsh & Roma Grandfather who was Raised by a Chinese Family and spoke Fluent Chinese as well as Welsh and English!  But couldn't Read or Write in any Language coz he never received a Formal Education.   And we have to remember that Opportunities and Rights didn't always exist equally for everyone everywhere, they've been hard Fought for and Won, usually over a span of Generations of Sacrifice.  So, we don't and shouldn't Stand for them now being systematically taken away so quickly or so easily and without a Fight to Preserve them for now and for our Future Generations that will Need them and have a level Playing Field for Prosperity and Basic Human Rights.

*******

Okay, done for now... Dawn... The Bohemian