Part Of The Machine

Well, now we Lost Beloved and Iconic Tim Curry at Age 80!  Dammit another Wrong 80 Year Old, God!!!  You KNOW Who everyone is saying "Is He Dead Yet" and it wasn't Dolly or Tim anyone was referring to Take from this Earthly Coil, Dammit! *Le Sigh*  And we also Lost Iconic Japanese Artist Yayoi Kusama, Age 97.  {See Below}  We missed Breakfast so by around 11:15 a.m. I took The Man out to eat Lunch at "Dragon Garden".  Neither of us felt hungry this Morning becoz Ozempic Day is every Tuesday and it really does kill your appetite, especially right after having the Injection and for a few Days afterwards.  But since I'm Working the Night Shift, I won't be Home or get Dinner, so, I did need to eat something before going in.  We had plenty of leftovers coz I got their Combo Special which gives you Two Choices of Entree with Two Sides and Spring Rolls.  I got the Mongolian Beef and the Kung Pao Chicken, with Fried Rice, Noodles, and Spring Rolls.  The Man was very confused about what he wanted, which confused the Dear Older Lady who owns the place, coz her English isn't all that good and he wasn't communicating well, even to me, what he wanted.  So what he got wasn't what he thought he was ordering.  *Eye Roll*

He did eat it but he'd inadvertently confused her enuf about wanting Pork... and Fried Rice... that she made him a huge batch of Pork Fried Rice.  I think he wanted a Pork Entree with a Side of Fried Rice, but, whatever, it was a hearty portion, he wolfed 1/4 of it down and now there's 2/3 left for the Kiddos when they come Home from Work, plus some of my Leftovers.  Plus, his was really cheap and so the whole Meal was quite a bargain for as much food as we got, with 2/3 of it to take back Home to feed the whole Family.  I could only eat about 1/4 of mine too, but it was delicious.  The Man and I aren't big eaters anyway, never have been, we Love good Food, but always never finish the portions most folks would consider Normal Serving Size.   And now both of us take Ozempic for Type II Diabetes stabilization, we eat even less than we did before.  So, we tend to eat what ya'll would call Child Size Portions and often do order off the Children's Menu if they allow Seniors to.  *Smiles*

Now that The Man has been fed and watered, he should behave well for the Kiddos while I'm at Work.  He has his leftovers he can have some more of heated up for his Dinner, he seemed to really like the Pork Fried Rice and it wasn't a Dish he could play with.  *Smiles*  And if they leave him alone to watch his Shows, and I give him all his Night Meds before I leave for Work, he should go to Bed so early they will only have to actually watch him for a couple Hours to make sure he's doing okay.  Sometimes tho' if I am at Work, he'll insist on forcing himself to stay up until I get Home from Work, then go to Bed.  He always did that when he was Well, to make sure I got Home alright, since I always Worked 2nd Shift in my Careers too.   At the DA's Office I rarely got Home until the wee Hours of the next Morning and it's in a rough part of the Inner City right by the Jail.   

Now our Antique Mall is in an area of the City that has had decline in recent Years too and after Dark can be sketchy as well, so he wants to make sure I'm Okay.  Which is Sweet.   We live close by where I Work now, in a better Area of the same City, a few City Blocks can make all the difference in Crime and such.   Location is everything of coarse in Real Estate, really, it's the ONLY thing to consider when Buying.  But areas that used to be Nice sometimes degrade, and Gentrification happens to a lot of degraded areas and they become Nice again... so it's a constant shift over the Years.   Some Zip Codes are more desired than others, but after having worked in Criminal Law as long as I did, I know that Crime is everywhere, it's just not AS apparent in some areas.  Watch shows like "Dateline" to know Rich Folk Murder one another all the damned time too... usually when they have Financial Troubles.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my Shift Tonight, Wednesday Nights shouldn't be particularly busy tho', so I can Walk around looking at everything and visiting with Friends there when it's slow.   I try to go in early enuf to foof our Showroom and put in the Fresh Merch I'm bringing in first.  I haven't been in since last time I Worked a Shift and a lot can happen in just a few Days.   I can't recall who usually Works the Wednesday Night Shift, but, with how many folks have been Calling Out and needing coverage, it could be all us Fill-Ins again for all I know?  Last Shift I Worked we ALL were Filling In for someone whose Shift it regularly is and they were out!  That's becoming so commonplace that I think they go thru the whole List of Fill-Ins to find enuf of us to provide coverage for whose not gonna be there!

When I was in the last GOODWILL they had One lone Cashier, who was Elderly, and it was Senior Discount Day, so busy as Hell.  Lines were long waiting to be checked out coz she was the only Cashier, and she said all her Younger Co-Workers never show up for Work and they don't have extras to call who can Fill-In for whose missing.  So she was apologizing to every Customer when we got up to the Register for our Turn.  It's happening a lot in Food Service too I've noticed, short staffed, and many of the Waiters and Waitresses have Shared that they never have full Staff anymore, too many places relied on Immigrants to fill the Positions and now ICE has made it so a lot of them got picked up or afraid to show up anymore.

I ran into our Old Friend Rosendo, who had been a Waiter at our "Wildflower Bread Co." location for 13 and a Half Years.  He told me the Back Story of why he left.  He said tho' he'd been there all that time and his Customers Adored him, which, we all did, he used to Buy Bakery Items out of his own Money for Princess T when she was little, Management cut his Hours while giving full Hours to Newbies!!!  He couldn't live on Part Time Hours and Tips, so he had to find something else and resented that after such loyal Service to the Company, they did him dirty like that.   He'd had a Surgery that same Year and had to take just some time off, returning even before his Doctor wanted him to, yet they still cut his Hours, probably due to that Health Issue and getting Older.   It's not uncommon for Companies now to screw over their Older Employees with more Experience, or those nearing Retirement or earning too much at the top of their Pay Scale, and replace them with cheaper Newbie Younger Labor.

Anyway, Rosendo gave me a big Hug, a Kiss on my Cheek, and was delighted to see The Man and I again.  The Man is always very reserved coz Rosendo has a thick accent and I know The Man doesn't understand a Word Rosendo is saying to him.  *LOL*  But Rosendo always asked how The Man was doing, knowing how many close calls we'd had with his long Health and Disability Issues.   I probably knew Rosendo all 13 and a Half Years he worked for "Wildflower Bread Company".  I was so Sad to see him go, but his Mom in Mexico had been very ill so I thought perhaps at first he'd gone Home to look after her.  He's Gay, unmarried, no Kids, so dotes on his Dear Mom... she's a tiny little Sprite like he is, and he introduced her to me when she came to America for visits to see him.  She doesn't speak or understand English and my Spanish sucks.  *LOL*  I think most of his Family still lives in Mexico and he'd visit often, but had lived in the U.S. for most of his Adult Working Life, he's probably in his 50's I'd Guess, very Young looking and Fit tho' for his Age.  It was good to see him again and get caught up.  I told Princess T I'd seen him, she Adored Rosendo.

Every so often lately I'm running into people I haven't seen in a very long time, it's like Serendipity!   I'd run into John the other day who'd worked for "Circle K Convenience Stores" for many Years and Retired, so of coarse I hadn't seen him since Retirement until he came up to me somewhere else like Rosendo just did, and we got caught up too.  I'd just left a Store and gotten into our Truck when Rosendo walked up to the Driver's Window and we had an OMG Moment, since, I hadn't seen him since he quit at the Restaurant and Management was cagey about where he went or why he left after so long.  Everyone whose a Regular had been asking about him of coarse and missed him, he treated everyone so well and was an Asset to the Company IMO.  The Newbies aren't as good and don't last, aren't as reliable or as personable to Customers.   You rarely get to know any of them even if you come in all of the time.  The Man and I noticed that even the Old long time Crew at "The Waffle House" is now all gone and replaced with Newbies, many had been there for Years.  Same with "Cracker Barrel", we used to know most of the Waitresses there, now, all gone and Newbies.

But, even Vendors at our Antique Mall now don't stay as long as they used to so you really barely get to even know their Names before they're already Gone.   And the Hired Help now too, quit sooner and are a constant rotation of Newbies.  I've given up bothering to get to know the Names of most Staff and other Vendors if they're New, becoz there's no Point, they'll be Gone before you know it and you'll likely never see them again.   The Man used to tell me that in Wartime, you never bothered to get to 'know' the New Guys coz likely most wouldn't last and would be Killed Off first.  I remember thinking, that's terrible and must have been so difficult for the Newbies in such a scary situation as War... but, I can understand why.  He said better they got Killed on Day One of being there than on the last fucking Day before they got to go Home and had endured a whole Tour of Duty before their Luck ran out.  And he said the Seasoned Guys could fairly accurately Predict who wouldn't make it.

LATER:  My Shift went well, I was Working with Susan and Jackson, she's a hard Worker, he's a Nice Guy but is not a Worker.  *LOL*  But, it was so slow and dead, it didn't really matter, most of the time we had nothing to do for most of the Night.  I prefer to have a busier Shift, the time goes by faster.  We had less than 300 folks thru the Doors all Day and probably only around 50 came thru between 5:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m..  Very few Buyers, so Sales were quite flat, tho' I'd Lucked Out and had Two decent Sales earlier before I came in.  *Whew*   When I got Home I priced some more of the Hologram Pokemon Cards, which are worth more, one in particular was a very expensive Rare Card when I looked it up.  It's slow going to have to look up every Card, but you have to.  My Phone has a function that just point the Phone now and it looks it up automatically without typing anything in, I suspect some AI newer Feature way better than Google Lens.  So, that streamlines looking each up significantly, but we have a lot of Cards to look up and price.

Our Showroom wasn't messy, so clearly hadn't had a lot of traffic in there after the Weekend and whoever had been in there were tidier Shoppers and respectful.  So, I didn't have to run any damage control behind piggish people, which saves time and work, so I got everything put into Inventory quickly before my Shift began with time to just then visit with Friends until it was time to Clock In.  My Friends Jeff & Cindy are going on a Royal Viking Cruise again, their 2nd one now, same destination, for a Week.  Cindy used to be The Man's VA Nurse before she Retired, I often Work with Jeff there at the Antique Mall, they are the sweetest Couple, both are Cancer Survivors.  I'm glad they're getting to Travel since both have enjoyed Remission for a while now and been Cancer Free.  *Whew*  They have several Booths at our Antique Mall and really have good Merch, and a couple of their Booths are Seasonal Merch for Holidays exclusively, all Year Round... with Christmas, Halloween and Easter Merch available all of the time.  Cindy always asks how The Man is doing, she was his Nurse at the VA for Years.  Serendipity we got to be Friends after she and her Husband became Vendors!

Recently The Son got so Emotional coz he found his Dad looking at a Screen Saver on the TV for over an Hour, thinking it was a Program!  The TV had Timed Out and he'd forgotten how to tell it that he was still watching it so it went to the Screen Saver Mode.  But he just sat there watching it and when The Son finally realized, oh Shit, my poor Dad has been watching a fucking Screen Saver for over an Hour, he felt terrible and came and told his Dad, that's a Screen Saver Dad, let me put it back on your Programs, and gently changed it to what The Man had been watching before the TV had Timed Out.   The Son was almost in Tears when he told me what happened, he gets the most Emotionally Raw about his Dad's deterioration... I think for a lot of Male Children their Dad was always their Hero and someone to look up to, so Cognitive Decline is just Emotionally difficult to Witness.   How fragile and vulnerable they now are replaces the Strong Man they always knew.  Us Gals have more of a Dark Gallow's Sense of Humor, so after we get thru something hard or Emotional, we can see the Humor when retelling it.

All I could say when The Son told his Sister and I that Dad had been stuck watching a Screen Saver for over an Hour, we both just said, "Oh, Jesus!", but then, inappropriately saw the Humor in the absurdity of it, even tho' it's tragic and Emotionally hard becoz you don't wanna make Fun of someone's decline... but... yet... Dark Humor is still Humor and our Coping Mechanism I guess.  And, clearly he thought he was watching a Program and not Processing that it wasn't changing at all, just some lovely Scenic Image with soothing Music playing, and every so often the Image might change to another Image after a while.  I've actually had a Screen Saver and it's Music as just soothing Background Sounds when I'm doing something else, coz I don't even watch much TV, and the Screen Saver Scenes are bucolic and lovely, the Music is Spa-Like, so I don't mind them... but I'm not so far gone I think it's a Program... so the Kids know I just like the Serenity of it and realize it's a Screen Saver.  *LOL and Winks*

The Man came toddling out of our Room when I got Home from Work and asked me a question that made no sense.  I couldn't answer it coz it made no sense and I had no idea what he was talking about or asking?  He finally said he thought he'd seen a bunch of Mannequin Heads by the TV, so I think he was having a Dementia related Hallucination, he's starting to get those sometimes too.  I told him, No, there aren't any Mannequin Heads in the Livingroom... he just said "Oh, Okay..." and went back to Bed!!!   These are the things we Deal with now on The Daily as the Disease progresses and it can be worrisome to us all, you don't quite know what to do all of the time.  I can make shit up on The Fly to Deal with a lot of Crazy Shit, but with Dementia it's more Challenging to quickly come up with something that successfully distracts or soothes him and doesn't make him Scared or Agitated by what's happening to him.   

Of coarse, having Seriously Mentally Ill Family Members living here, especially the Schizophrenics, they have Psychotic Breaks and Hallucinations all of the time, so I do have Experience with those who are out of Touch and no longer Tethered with Reality sometimes.  It's how I've Learned, over the Years of Caregiving, to make shit up or go along with someone's delusions or hallucinations rather than argue with them that it's not Real, coz to them it is Real.   And you'll just escalate the inability to Emotionally Regulate and Process Reality at all if you get confrontational and try to Reason with someone who can't Reason with anything at the Moment.   It's like trying to tell someone how to Feel... they're gonna Feel their own Feelings, not yours... and those Hallucinating or having a Psychotic Episode, are Dealing with that as their Reality.

I've been watching that High Profile Case of the New Mother who Murdered her 3 Kiddos and had Postpartum Depression and probably Mental Illness as well.  It's getting a lot of Polarized National Attention as it goes thru the Trial.  People on both sides having an Opinion.  It's not cut and dried whether she knew what she was doing or was Clinically Insane when she did it... only she really knows what was going on inside her own Head to do such a thing, the Kids will be Dead regardless of the Outcome of this decision in Court.  Do we want Punishment or Justice is another Issue?   The Mental Health System in this Country is appalling and just Needing or Seeking Help will be a Solution.  So, am I surprised she went thru lots of different Docs who prescribed a slew of different Meds that didn't help?  NO.  Been there, done that, with those in our Family with Serious Mental Health Issues, there is no Cure, and often Families are denied the Help they desperately Need or ask for.

The System failed her... since at least she asked for Help, due to Mental Illness stigma and shunning by Society, many struggling with Mental Health Issues fear asking for Help or letting it be known they have a Condition affecting their Mind and Behavior... it Scares Society.  Now, whether or not she was Psychotic when she methodically killed those unfortunate Children, I don't know, I don't Believe anyone not there can say with certainty she was or she wasn't actually, not even experts.  They can speculate, a lot of Mental Health is speculation, trial and error, or just a variety of things they try depending on the Shrinks or Therapists one sees... they all could contradict one another on what should or shouldn't be done actually.  It's why you could be on Nine different Meds they try out in just a matter of Weeks like this Woman was.  Some Psychotropic Meds can cause more harm than good, both Physically and Mentally actually.  What the Public, and the Jury, need to know is that if she's found Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity, she won't just Walk and have no Consequences for what she's done.  Nobody is disputing what she did, not even her, she did it.

What's being decided and debated is the Frame of Mind and her accountability for what she did that is so heinous, there has to be a Verdict on her Placement now.  Whether Premeditated Murder or Manslaughter will be the Charges?  Will it be Prison... or a Mental Institution?  And for how long if either, or both?  And, oh, BTW as a Side Note, if found Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity, she may never get out like she would on a Homicide Charge of Guilty and given a Sentence that might not be a Life Verdict.   And, a lot of those who go to Mental Institutions, if they at some point are deemed "Restored" Enough not to spend their Life in one, will ultimately then concurrently Serve whatever Sentence for a Serious Crime they committed that got them put away in an Asylum when they couldn't really Stand Trial and be deemed Competent at that time.  

So, she's going away, probably for a long time, either way.  And it's tragic, either way, and regardless of what "Side" you stand on as to what should be done with her.  She had access to lots of Mental Health, yet, this tragedy still happened to the Children in spite of that.  She had apparently been a good Mother prior to that, so, no patterns of abuse beforehand and no interventions ever happened as to her Fitness to Parent.  Was it even preventable, I simply do not know for sure.  And Punishment for an Illness isn't really Justice.  You wouldn't Punish a Cripple for not Walking, a Parkinson's Victim for Shaking, but we often do as a Society feel there should be Punishment for the consequences of having a Mental Illness you have no actual Control over and cannot be Cured of and how that Disease and Condition Manifests itself.  She will have to be Institutionalized somewhere, probably for a long period of time... nothing that happens will change that Three Precious Kids under the Age of 6 are Dead and it's that whole Family's Profound Loss, including hers after the fact.  She has to Live with what she's done, regardless of what Society chooses to do to and with her.

I once had a Double Homicide File I worked and the Defendant's Name on the File was "Lucifer The Devil", yep, I Kid you NOT!  He's been a Schizophrenic, was 21, long story short an Asylum deemed him "Restored", let him out, that's when he Killed his Dad and Grandpa, hacked them to pieces.  Now, in this Case, his Mental Illness was not in Question, he was Diagnosed correctly.  They had to determine then, was he Clinically Insane... which would put him back in the Arizona State Hospital again, mebbe for Life, mebbe not... OR... did them deem him competent enuf to Stand Trial and be Sentenced to DOC for the double Homicide, which, wasn't in Question either that he did it, he did it... he was buck Naked covered in their Blood and standing in the Room with the Body Parts when they Arrested him, I saw the Photos of him restrained and looking like an Actor in a Rob Zombie Horror Movie.  The Jury struggled with Justice versus Punishment... deemed him Competent coz a Board of Shrinks had deemed him "Restored" after all, just Days before the Murders... even tho' ole Lucifer was still calling himself "Lucifer The Devil" which don't sound fucking "Restored" to me!

In fact, my Opinion is, some or all of that Board should have been up on Charges... coz if the Resident is still wanting to be called "Lucifer The Devil", really... how Sane are they?  *Eye Roll*   The System not only failed him, but his Family, Two of whom were now Dead, his Mom only Alive coz she refused to pick him up from the State Hospital saying her Son was NOT "Restored" and she was too Afraid of him to have him around her.  Dad and Grandpa thus took Custody and 48 Hours later were hacked to pieces by Lucifer.   Anyway, personally, I think he should have been remanded back to the State Hospital... not the DOC, and the Sentence they gave him for Prison was only 10 Years, which they felt was "Justice" yet "Compassionate" since he is SMI.  In DOC he probably will get very little, if any, actual Mental Health Care and be a vulnerable Adult with Prisoners not Mentally impaired... thus, a Danger to him... and probably to any Cell Mate too coz if he goes Mental again and does the Devil's Work again, it would get Messy for SURE. 

 I doubt he belonged in Prison and keeping him or others Safe will be a tall order.  If they'd remanded him to ASH instead, he'd of stayed there and gotten some Mental Health Help and Care for the Criminally Insane, perhaps Compassionate Care, perhaps not... and IF he was ever released he would still have to Serve the 10 Years at DOC for the Crime.  I felt that should have been the appropriate action coz in 10 Years, well, Lucifer is probably still gonna be as Mental and Dangerous as ever IMO.  If his Meds work, perhaps he'll be meek as a Lamb, but, will he take his Meds voluntarily and on the Regular?  My Schizophrenic Loved Ones usually don't and won't, but, they haven't Murdered anyone either, but, they have Self Harmed before.   And not all Schizophrenics will be Homicidal, mebbe not even Suicidal, you can't paint that demographic with a broad brush stroke any more than you can any other demographic actually.   Anyone is capable of anything... just know that Truth. 

Well, I just "Schooled" a "Lowe's" Associate and a Personal Banker at "Synchrony Bank" about re-allocating Funds properly on Two Loans I have that they're allocating Funds and Terms improperly on.  Christ on a Bike, does anyone in any Industry anymore know what the Hell they're doing or anything about their Job or their Industry?   Two Years ago I bought a Shed with a Fixed lower Interest Rate and a Discount on the Price of the Shed lowered by 10%, it was good Terms so I agreed to them.  Then recently I bought my Fridge too and figured it was a separate Loan with different Terms, coz they gave me 0% Interest if Paid Off in 12 Months, which, I could easily do and was better Terms.  But, they lumped it all together {?} and allocated the Funds first to the Shed Loan, which has no timeline to pay it off, and then a smidgen of a paydown to the Deferred Interest Loan!

   Yeah, I know that's no "Accident" and in fact several Major Banks, including them, are currently being Sued for Predatory Practices against Borrowers and a Court will likely Rule in Favor of the Borrower coz it is Predatory Intentional Lending Practices and often Usery too.  And most Borrowers have no Clue they're being Victimized by Major Lenders like the Mob and Loan Sharks used to do.  *Resting Bitch Face*  So, anyway, after an Hour on the Phone I got an East Indian Banker allegedly Named "Andrew"... well, at least it wasn't "John" from India this time... and I know he knew Math really well and was in India coz he had to do the Amortization of Re-Allocating the Funds Manually... sucked to be Andrew... but he did a good job, once I explained HOW it should be done and told him I expected him to do the Mental Calculations of the Amortization himself tho' coz I'm Old, and Retired from Banking, and not getting Paid by his Bank to do the actual Work on my own Loan.  *Eye Roll* 

 But, now, every Month I make a Payment until the Fridge Loan is satisfied within the Terms agreed upon in less than 12 Month now, we have to make this Call and explain how I want the Funds allocated!!!  Yeah, Fun Times.  *Huger Eye Roll*    Andrew was very nice, decent enuf English he could be understood, and could understand me speaking English and what I needed for him to do to Correct and Solve a Problem.  Which, is always Helpful when Customer Service it Outsourced to 3rd World Countries so the American Company can Save a Buck and not Hire Americans to do Loan Servicing.  *Another Eye Roll*  And The Man knows I am a notorious Problem Solver and you better be part of the damned Solution and not part of the Problem if you have to then Deal with me about a Problem I have and you probably Created for me.  Becoz I am if nothing, tenacious and relentless.  You have no idea. I realized that Robert at "Lowe's" and "Andrew" in India, working for Synchrony Bank at wages way below American Bankers, wanted to Please me... they were Wise Young Men.  *Winks*

I even got Robert's Last Name coz if I ever want to make another Purchase, he wants to be My Guy.  *Winks*  And I'm Cool with that, but told him that given the rigamarole of their Lending Practices, I'd probably now wait to make another Major Purchase until these Loans are Paid Off and I will just pay Cash from now on, coz this is more Drama and a Headache than I want to be bothered by and with.   And that will Negatively impact Sales on larger expensive Purchases in the Future.  These Companies Need to know that and recognize they better Clean Up their Acts, or not make Major Sales as Customers get fed up of being Victimized by unsavory unethical Business Practices.  It's why I got out of the Banking Industry tho', I saw the direction it was going and switched over to Criminal Law becoz at least then we were Prosecuting the Bad Guys. 

 But, now the DOJ has been Corrupted, shit, I don't know what I'd do if I still had to be "Part of The Machine"???   I'm enjoying Andrew Yang's Books right now discussing "The Machine" that is the Status Quo... God I want Andrew for President and the Forward Party to be on the Ballots in 2028 with OUR Candidates that are for both the Anti-Partisan folks like me and the Non-Partisan Folks and Independents... who make up over 50% of American Voters right now, so we DO actually have a Big Voice and are beginning to be Loud in expressing it.   Coz this Corrupted Two Party System that is so Partisan and divisive, is NOT working for the American People or the Nation at all... don't be deluded into thinking it is and that their Big Corporate Donors and Billionaires are not Owning both sides and having their Voices heard above ours that only benefits them, but not you and I, and AT OUR Expense.

*******

Rage against The Machine my Friends... we Need to be Revolutionaries of our Time... Dawn... The Militant Anti-Establishment Bohemian