I should be getting a Call sometime Today about when the Fridge will be Delivered. So, I have to stay Home until it arrives and then go visit The Man in the Hospital to see how his Procedure went with the Scope to his Gut? I'm sure he had to be put under for that Procedure too, like he did for the Stent, and that gave him Pneumonia last time, so he's High Risk for even Elective Procedures that require Sedation. That always worries me, coz a Procedure or Surgery can be a total Success and the Pneumonia can be the Killer instead. I've Lost Friends that way actually, Elective Surgeries with low Risk for the actual Procedure, but they get Pneumonia or Die under Anesthesia.
My Friend Romeo passed that way having a Colonoscopy and he was over 80, so I didn't even think he should take the Electives Risk personally, and told him so. But just the scare of, what if you have Cancer, made him agree to it. BTW: He didn't have Colon Cancer. Same with my Friend Tim, Elective Surgery that neither he nor I had a Peace about and we talked it over the Day beforehand at Work. I told him to just Cancel, but the Docs had scared him about not having the Elective Surgery with what could happen if he didn't have it. Well, he Died with Pneumonia after having had it and the results of the Procedure was that he didn't even have the problem they suspected, so it was to me, a needless Death.
Since he'd had a Bad Feeling about the Surgery and I'd had a Bad Premonition about it too, I Wish he'd just have not had it... he'd still be here. He and Romeo were quite Healthy Seniors. I've Opted Out of Procedures that were Elective that I did not have a Peace about. Docs don't like it, but you can't be Forced to have anything Elective no matter how much pressure is put on you that it's a Good Idea. Not if I have any Intuition or Premonition it's NOT a Good Idea... and I tell them that. They can't argue with what they don't understand or Believe, but you do. And if I'm Wrong, then that's on ME, not on them. But if they talk me into something Elective and they're Wrong, I'm still Dead or having the Complications to Deal with then.
The G-Kid Force are both up at 5:00 a.m., she coz she has to go to Work earlier on a Tuesday, me coz I have to take her. The Young Prince, is probably on a Psychotic Bender to where his intrusive Thoughts kept him up all Night. I've allowed him to Paint his Side Door leading Outside from The Art Studio Space he occupies, just to get his Mind off other things troubling him. He's gonna Gay it up, pretty sure. *LOL* The rest of the Family is like, did you know he's out there Painting that Door Mom/Gramma? Coz sometimes he Arts Up shit without permission... but, I did tell them he'd asked for Permission this time and I was okay with it. Visual results will follow... it is likely to be quite Colorful. *LOL*
There's already a Fairie Garden and some Fairie Lighting strung across the Eaves leading up to it, he's putting his Stamp on where he Resides and I'm Okay with it. Chances are, he's never leaving again, so, he might as well. And he has some Strange Talisman Objects and Chalk Heiroglyphics outside of that Door anyway, for 'Protection'. Which just Freaks his Paranoid Schizophrenic Mother Out! She keeps asking me why he does all that? And am I sure it's for Protection and he's not putting Spells on us all instead... Paranoid Minds Think like that! Shit, I dunno, he says it's for 'Protection' from the Evil Spirits and I choose to Believe that coz I don't want no Evil Spirits hanging out here. *LOL*
Then she's asking, well, why hasn't he put any of that 'Protection' shit around my 5th Wheel then, doesn't he want ME Protected??!!! *Le Sigh and Oy Vey... no answer is gonna not make her Paranoid after all.* Well, do you want me to ask him to? No, coz she's not sure if it's for Good or a Curse... and... well... Two Schizophrenics sometimes aren't on the same Page as each other, what can I say? She couldn't Raise her Kids coz she thought, as Newborns, they were "Looking at her 'Funny' and she didn't think they 'Liked' her!" So, Social Services felt she wasn't Well enuf, so, all I can say is it hasn't gotten any better just coz she's Older and they're Grown. She still thinks sometimes they are looking at her 'Funny' and mebbe don't 'Like' her. And, becoz of how she is, they are Guarded around her.
Anyway, The News is saying Anti Trust Laws may being violated when cost of some product is outpacing Inflation, I'm not Surprised. Anyone who can exploit the sagging Economic situation and make more Profit is gonna, so, who should be Surprised they are? The Administration is setting the Tone and Example of Exploitation, Extortion, Criminal, Grifts, Cons, and unbridled unchecked Behavior against abiding by the Rule of Law, so why have the expectation anyone else isn't gonna now think, why can't I? Once you devolve from the very Top of any Society, it's only a slippery slope Downhill to a race to the Bottom from there. Big Biz is just doing what our Leadership is doing flagrantly now, we all know it, if we're paying attention and not keeping Eyes Wide Shut.
I have to roll my Eyes dramatically anytime they're interviewing Farms in Deep Red States who are definitely being screwed over by who they Voted for, yet, still have 'Faith' this Regime will do Right by them. Hey, no pity then if you still remain Loyal to your Abusers who don't give a Rat's Ass about you and yours. That's some real Cult shit right there and they're getting what they Voted for, that's all I can say about it. I did NOT Vote for that shit tho', and anyone who didn't is not getting what we Voted for and knew would happen if 2.0 were allowed to get better at what they didn't successfully impose in 1.0, and that it would definitely be way worse in the Sequel. I want better for my Children, Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren to Inherit as a Future here in America. It's not a Big Ask. Competent Leadership who aren't Career Criminals should be an Expectation, not a Crap Shoot of Chance and sheer Luck!!!
What slays me with Partisan Politics Devotees is that if their Side is doing something they're not so critical and make excuses for it... but if the other opposing Side did the same fucking thing they go absolutely Mental about it! Such Idiocy and outright hypocrisy is just completely Insane to me. An Idiot or a Hypocrite I have very little Pity for no matter what they're enduring that was completely preventable and they brought upon themselves. And, worse, upon everyone else who is the collateral damage of their foolish decisions, Cultish Devotion, Idiocy, Stupidity and Hypocrisy. Anyone who Voted this Regime in deserves every damned thing it has wrought upon them, it's what they thought they Wanted and THEY put in Charge. They are Responsible for all of it and I do Blame them harshly. Coz clearly, we don't WANT the same things, or the same Sense of Right and Wrong or what's Acceptable, that's Fucking Obvious!!! We couldn't be more Unalike actually or share less Common Ground.
I watched mebbe 5 Minutes of Morning News before turning it off. I wanted updates Locally on the Fire, not coverage of how much MORE Fucked Up America and it's Leadership is getting and the Crimes they keep committing with zero consequences. I don't require Daily reminders it's Fucked Up, I knew it would be and it is gonna get way worse, that's a Given. That's not even being Pessimistic, it's being Realistic and seeing where it's all heading. So, don't Need any Media Source to explain it to me with whatever their Spin on it is. Americans SHOULD be panicking about it, coz, we're Fucked, we've turned every Ally we ever had against us becoz of this Regime, and our Enemies are paying Attention to the rapid demise and decline.
He's cozied up to our Enemies, so, I feel it could be quite Intentional and he Sold us Out a long time ago. He's been in Bed with the Enemy a LONG time, he's been Bought and Paid for by Bad Actors and Dark Money Decades ago, with how much he Owes them and the Goods they have on him, and Deals he's made with them, Trust and Believe. Every time he speaks of 'Treason', his Accusations are nothing but a Confession. And it is punishable by Death, so, just sayin' that when it's proven how Treasonous he's been to America, may he suffer the consequences of his Crime against his own Country that made him have the ability to become a fucking Billionaire. That Psycho Loser Career Criminal Fool could never have made it so good anywhere else in the World like he has by being Born here. I feel there's no way Back, only a way Down at this juncture. But, Moving On...
This Morning I continued with what Princess T began in the Kitchen Yesterday of a Swedish Death Cleanse and looking at every item in our Drawers and Cupboards with a more Critical Eye. Do we Need it? Do we Use it? If not, we're filling Donation Boxes with it to clear out Storage Space to be more Functional and uncluttered with needless stuff. We took a full Banana Box to SAVERS Yesterday and I've filled another Box this Morning. Some things won't be Sold at the Antique Mall or even the hassle of a Yard Sale. We haven't done as well with Yard Sales as we expected we might living right on a Frontage Road. And, Honestly, it's a lot of Work to set up and take down if you're not gonna profit off doing it. I'd rather Donate and build up Positive Charitable Energies. Givers Gain and what we Donate is good stuff, we just don't use or Need it anymore.
So, a Swedish Death Cleanse is in Process right now. And taking Stock of what we are keeping and organizing it better in Cupboards, Drawers and Pantry areas in and around the Kitchen. I have some very high Cupboards not being used and I may put our Stockpile of what we use most often, up there now once we go thru everything. We had organized some Cupboards and the Pantry recently anyway, so those spaces are now more functional. I just want all of it to be more functional and not as cluttered. I am the worse Offender of Clutter and confess I'm a Work in Progress myself to fight the tendencies I have towards Re-Offending. I can be a very Organized Chaos Individual and it can become the bane of your existence and a constant Battle with yourself.
I want to make some Positive Changes and make them Habitual ones I adhere to and do with consistency. I wanted to go to The Gym Today while The Man is Hospitalized and I'm not in Caregiver Mode as much. But, the Fridge has to be Delivered first before I have that Freedom to be out of the House waiting on them to Call and tell me when that will be. I've been up since 5:00 a.m. so it seems as if the Day has been long already and I've done a lot already, yet, it's only just past 8:00 a.m.!!! *LOL* Patience is not one of my Virtues, can you only tell? *Winks* Once the Delivery Guys call and I know when the time block is that they'll be here, I'll feel less Anxious about it. The Anticipation and Excitement is heightened and palpable. *LOL*
It's kind of Crazy, but we're SO Excited to be getting a new Fridge, all Three Generations of us, isn't that a tad Weird and Crazy?! *Ha ha ha* Mebbe not, it IS a Major Purchase, and those always are a mixed Bag of Excitement and added Financial Strain. I did the Math tho' and at Zero Percent Interest and a Year to pay it off, Si Se Puede! *Winks and Laughs* Plus, it wasn't Optional, the Old Fridge had given out, completely on the Freezer section of it, and the Fridge section is barely keeping things Cold enuf so we've pretty much emptied it already and using our Backup Older Appliance in the RV Garage and Princess T's small Apartment Retro looking Fridge for now. I couldn't afford to lose more Perishables after we Lost 50% of our Frozen Foods already! But, a new Fridge is a Clean, Blank Canvas now to Organize Foods in.
That Energy made us WANT to do the rest of the Kitchen and get things more in Order and Purged, Decluttered, Cleaned and Organized better. Princess T and The Young Prince are excellent at helping me make rapid fire decisions about Letting Go. They just ask the Simple Logical Questions to which I MUST have an immediate Answer to. Do you NEED this Gramma? Do you ever USE this? When was the last time you USED or WORE this? Does it bring you Joy... or Anxiety? I can't Waffle, which is my tendency if I don't have an Accountability Partner assisting me with Decision making about Stuff! Oddly, in my Corporate Lives, I could make the most important decisions rapidly and with excellence and Wisdom everyone Trusted, coz it was Business, and not Personal.
But STUFF... Christ on a Bike I can form the most ridiculous attachments and thought processes to fucking STUFF!!! I might NEED this someday, which, that day never fucking comes in most cases... and from a logical standpoint I KNOW this. And sometimes the Vision or Fantasy of doing or using something impairs Judgment about the Reality it ain't never fucking happening in a Month of Sundays. Like I got Perogi Presses when I Imagined on the Canvas of my very Fertile Imagination, that one Day I'd be making them... I never did. They are New in the Boxes from YEARS ago, along with a Fancy Canape Set never used! But certainly Imagined doing these lovely Canapes at Gatherings that never happened either... where we'd be eating fucking Canapes and drinking Wine we don't drink I guess... I dunno... Fantasies are ridiculous like that sometimes! *LMAO*
The Young Prince is looking at the Perogi and Canape Set and saying, "Gramma, I'm Fabulously Gay, and I'm never even using this shit at some Party I might never be Hosting, so, let's just Donate it and mebbe someone else actually will???" His Sister agreed, some shit I had, that is very Useful shit to someone who would actually use it, she didn't even know what it was or what it is FOR? Specialized Kitchen Gadgets that keep Produce Fresher I guess for Storage, but, Perishables never last long enuf to go Bad in this household, so, WHY, Gramma, WHY would we even NEED them? Have you EVER actually USED them, they look unused and New?
Okay, okay, so Donate them then, I said, if not Pressed to be Logical, I wouldda put them back tho', I KNOW this about me... as the Rapid Fire Interrogation for Decision Making continued unabated. Until a whole Cabinet was now cleared out, organized, and a Banana Box filled with Donations. *Bwahahahaha* And it did Feel Good to drop it all off at SAVERS. The Granddaughter said she Smiles when she sees our shit flowing thru her Store's System and everyone is saying what nice Donations are coming in... and she knows, it's from Home! Sometimes she'll tell them, Yeah, I MADE my Gramma get rid of this and she's NOT Buying it back! BTW: I do NOT Buy Back what I Donated, I'm not THAT Mental. And I'm trying to be more discerning about what is Bought now. *Bwahahahaha*
And I haven't Bought any more Art Supplies, so The Young Prince is Proud of me for that. And he's an Artist... but, he Logically told me, we could Create FOREVER Gramma and never use up what you already have. Just your Art Stamps alone, I could Sell for the rest of my own Lifetime Gramma, so... I'm glad you're having more restraint. And those do Resale well and he knows this, we've made a lot of Money/Profits off my Hoarding of Art Stamps alone at the Antique Mall. Especially since Craft Stores really struggled after Pandemic and Tariffs have cratered the few who were left. So, the Product isn't even available anymore so all the Artists and Crafters are Buying from us now and we've got a Devoted Following of those Clients now. Half of what I make lately is between Specialty and Vintage Clothing/Accessories... and Art Stamps!
Oh, and the Pokemon Cards I just brought in are Selling like Crazy, and you Sell Out of anything Pokemon and a new Card Collecting Store just Opened near SAVERS and The Son said, look how crowded that Store is Mom, it's small and there must be 50 People packed in there Shopping already and they don't even have a Sign yet, just a Banner!!! So, I may also see if they Buy too from Pickers like me rather than trying to Sell it myself and just make a quicker Turn on my Investment of what I Find of it? I don't mind lowering Margins for Quick Turns and Quick Profits, it's The Thrill Of The Hunt that is my Juice anyway. The Selling of it in increments can be what's a Pain in the Ass and a lot of Work. So, I rather Sell to Industry Folks who have no Saturation Point so long as I leave some Profit Margins for them too.
This used to be just 1/4 of my Library and Office Space at The Villa McManse, spacious, since it was a ridiculous size Home with lotsa empty Rooms even Five Years into living there. Which now fill this Home and the RV Garage Mahal Space even tho' I divested myself of so much! Now I'm behind a Door in a Corner of our Bedroom on a Card Table. *LOL* I Sold the Antique French Desk to my Friend Shelly, but upgraded my Computer System when we moved here coz I Sold a lot to pay for The Move from there. Anything anyone would pay Cash for on the Spot, was up for grabs during that Transitional Period just so I'd have less to move. It will was 7 Units at the U-Haul that I had to do a Trade with the Manager for so I didn't actually have to Pay any Money. *Bwahahaha* I'm sure Kyle misses me and my Hood Hookups we Traded for Units he wasn't using? You can take the Gal outta Da Hood, but you can never take Da Hood outta the Gal, as they say. *Winks*
I look back tho' and think, well, I have gotten rid of a lot already and just have more to go, that's all. Downsizing is a gradual Process, since you took a Lifetime to accumulate Too Much, and now it will take Time to divest yourself to what you Feel will be Just Enough, whatever that Looks and Feels like? And at times it's easier for me to Let Go than at other times and so when I Feel like Letting Go, I do so in Mega Doses, since that Feeling might not last long and pass until next time. *Smiles* Right now I'm definitely in Letting Go Mode and Emotionally Feeling overwhelmed by Issues of Life, so I don't Need to Feel overwhelmed by the Stuff of Life as well. Getting rid of things I can Control makes it easier to accept those things I cannot Control that are overwhelming to me right now. The Psychiatry of it doesn't elude me, I know what I'm Moving Thru and Why. We're all Aging Out Quickly... Time getting Shorter.
The Kiddos are all telling me I may have to come to Terms with Letting Go of The Man, and they're not sure I'm going to be Okay with that when the Time comes? So, let's start with Stuff Gramma/Mom... and they could be Right about Practicing on Stuff first, then on the Letting Go of People. I just lost another Best Friend on the 30th, and there have been those before her, and it never gets easier to Let Go of those People who must be Let Go of. And The Man is hanging on by a Thread and he's worried if I'll be Okay if he has to Go? And I don't want him to linger on account of me, yet, I don't wanna Lose him either... so... it is fucking HARD. And it's not like I'd rather Go First, coz I'm the Primary Caregiver here so everyone would then be Screwed. The Temptation to wanna is always there tho', I ain't gonna Lie. I'd be packed and fuckin' ready to Go if it was indeed my Time to, I'm Tired, I've been Tired all my Life it seems. Another Blogger was talking about that too in a recent Post, Dear Pixie of Blog MY LIFE SO FAR. I understand and can Relate.
In Real Time it is Cinco de Mayo and I don't have any Plans to Celebrate it but I did have my Lunch at a fav Mexican Restaurant called "Manuel's" which is right by the Hospital. I'd waited in all Morning for the Call from the Deliver People, it never came. So, "Lowe's" had given me a Number to call with an Inquiry, and all I got was a recording, but, it said my Delivery was Scheduled between 4:00-8:00 P.M.!!! Well, that would have been Nice to know with a Phone Call so I didn't waste my entire Morning waiting for their Call which never came and I was advised by the Store they'd contact me to let me know when I'm Scheduled!!! They did not and perhaps I should have just Called earlier, but with being told they'd Call me, I hadn't Called them until by Noon nobody was Calling with any information and I had things to do. Then, just now at 2:30 I got a call that they're on their way!!! So much for the Time Window. Thank God I happen to be Home then!!! *LOL*
I wanted to know the results of the Procedure that The Man had Yesterday Afternoon. Dr. Pham, his Cardiologist, was there and told me it had shown nothing, which was a good thing, no Stomach or Esophagus Bleeds or damage, but, we don't know where the Blood loss was coming from either? Since he's doing better Physically and Mentally, they do Plan to release him to be sent Home, mebbe Today or Tomorrow, which, he's Happy about. The Bills are rolling in already for what the Insurance have Paid or won't Pay, from previous Hospitalizations and Procedures, which is running into the Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars again at this point. *Le Sigh* TriCare doesn't Pay for or Approve hardly anything, so if you didn't have Medicare, you'd be absolutely screwed. I don't know if the VA is on the hook for anything since they transferred him this time?
So, anyway, before I went over to the Hospital I had my Cinco de Mayo Meal, they had a new Birrea Taco Plate and I added my Fav thing on their Menu which is their Green Corn Tamale. And I had Flan for Dessert. So, the Food Porn is Ahhhhmazing Today. *Winks* Happy Cinco de Mayo!!! MUCH LATER: The Two Young Men delivering the Fridge were way early and both were Young African Immigrants, I'd guess both to be in their 20's. One spoke nor understood any English at all and just Smiled a lot and took Orders from the other one. And the Bilingual one was speaking what I thought to be a Nigerian dialect to him. They both had long Dreadlocks and the Bilingual one was so Tall he had to duck to come in thru my Front Door, and a good looking Young Man, pleasant, and was the one in charge. They had to remove my Front Door but had Fridges swapped out and Door back on so quick it was impressive!!!
But then an Odd thing happened that was totally unexpected! They have to Photograph the installation after they're done and of coarse I have to Sign for it being completed. But, the Bilingual Guy, who was probably the Age of my Grandchildren {they both were probably in their 20's}, says to me in his broken English that he Needs my Help and Advice. I'm thinking, becoz English is his 2nd language, I'm misunderstanding what he Needs from me? Then comes the really unexpected part, he said he Needs my Help becoz I'm a "Good Witch"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, that caught me completely off Guard, and he then says he wants me to see something and give Advice on it. He still has his Phone out coz he'd taken Pixs of my Fridge installation, but he then shows me a Pix that Chills me to my Bones. And I wasn't sure what to say to him about it. So I was Careful with my Words.
He points to the Photo and then to himself and said he was Divorced, the Pix had what I could already tell was some Magic being done, but DARK fucking Magic IMO, it made me uneasy!!! Shit I wouldn't Touch with a 10-Foot Pole kind of stuff. With Two Photos on a Homemade Altar, one of a Child, sitting above the Altar, one of obviously him in the middle being the Subject Matter of the Energy Work. Some Hoodoo or Vodou was obvious, Candles and clear symbolism that was not Good as to what is being done. I just didn't get the sense it was Good Magic for Healing Prosperity or Protection. Which would have been a Good thing, I've seen Practices that are Good Energy and meant for Good.
But, I didn't want to Scare him, and I asked him if he was being Protected or anyone was offering him Protection? He said No, I told him, well, you Need to be, this is Dark, do you understand? He did and felt it was not Good. I told him I don't mess with anything Dark, but did he have a Spiritual Advisor who could offer him Advice and do some Protection against what his Ex is doing? He said he did and Thanked me profusely. I felt he needed someone from his Culture who better understands the Practices they use, I'm not familiar, I just know when something has Bad Energy and this Felt like it did. My reaction to it was Oh Shit, he's got someone very much portending ill will towards him. This Young Man already had significant horrific Scarring indicative of a vicious physical nature, he had a huge Scar across his Neck and down his upper Chest, he's been thru some stuff.
I would guess he is an Asylum Refugee escaping what would be a Death Sentence to stay in his Country. But, clearly he was more unsettled by what his Ex was doing and I don't blame him, I would be too. I do Hope his Spiritual Advisor has some Solutions for him, this was Bad Juju his Ex is messing with. He told me he hadn't seen his Son in Two Years, a Lovely looking little Boy, tall like his Dad. Anyway, that was all very unexpected and of coarse The G-Kid Force and The Son said, well, clearly he got your Vibe Mom/Gramma. That happens infrequently, but isn't the first time people have thought me to be a Witch... but, a Good One. *LOL* I Plan to give both the Young Men a good review becoz they were so careful bringing a Fridge out of a tight space to maneuver it and bringing the new one in without nary a scratch or upsetting anything in the Home or the Porch. They were so Careful and Respectful of our Home.
Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
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