EMERGENCY... Friday The 13th Bad Luck/Good Luck Going On!!!

 Well, relying on Environmental Cleanup and Canning for The Man's main form of Exercise/Movement and getting him out in the Fresh Air and stimulated may be a thing of the Past now.  He's become very Negative and Contrary suddenly about the doing of anything, even that.  In fact, he grumbled that it's "All of a Sudden, this Canning Thing...", which it isn't, he's enjoyed doing it for Years now and often initiated we do it coz he liked doing it so much!!!  So, clearly his Mind and his Body are simultaneously going into a steep decline and there's not much I can do about that.  And it will mean Caregiving will become just more Extreme and challenging to keep his Body and his Mind Well enuf he can remain in the Home!  Scary stuff since no place would take him and none is affordable anyway.  And in my Gut I knew, something is very Wrong with him and I'm getting Alarmed of Danger... Danger... which, I'm NEVER Wrong about Sensing Dangerous Situations instinctively and intuitively.

I talked to him Today when he was resistant to going Canning and made the very irritable "Suddenly" Comment as if it's "New"!  Telling him, Honey, you've been enjoying doing this for Years now, but if you're not enjoying it anymore, you don't have to do it, Okay.  So, he Opted Out and parked himself in a Media Chair in front of another Mindless Program and that's become his permanent Routine now from Sunup to Sundown and will further spiral his Health downwards Mentally and Physically.  I know with the Dementia my Mom quit doing all that she used to enjoy doing.  It wasn't like that with The Man's Traumatic Brain Injury, he just had to virtually re-learn everything, but was eager to and relatively cooperative to, so he made remarkable progress.  This is different.  And I wasn't having a Peace about it but didn't wanna Panic anyone else or even him by discussing it Openly, so I kept it to myself but expected, fully, a Full Blown Dangerous Crisis was very near!   Mebbe even before I finish this Post NEAR, I FELT it was just that close. 

And Hearts kept playing across my Mind, but I wasn't sure what that meant at all... I get snippets of Premonitions, sometimes I can't make Sense of it.  The Son could tell I was shaken by the sudden new resistance to the ONE thing I could still get him to do, enjoying and involved in, that we could still do Together as well as a Couple.   So, he said, Mom, I'll go Canning with you.  It was Sweet, but I told him it wasn't necessary, I'd just returned from my Morning Workout at The Gym so it wasn't being done for ME, it was being done for his Dad.  He understands that, but thought mebbe if he and I did it, his Dad would get jealous I was doing it with him instead and be more motivated to wanna participate?  But, I said, let's not risk it, might just upset him, he seems Happy again now he Opted Out and is eagerly telling me what he's watching on the TV.  That's his whole World now, the actual Family isn't anymore.  And besides, this isn't about Environmental Cleanup Son, something is way Off and I'm getting Edgy about it.  The Kiddos sensed I'm not Okay but I told them I can't really say Why right now...

Yes, The Man is more integrated with the Characters on TV becoz he's no longer all that tethered to Reality anymore and I acknowledge this, but it is still hard.   It's hard for him to Deal with Real Live People, but he acts like those on TV are "Real" enuf he enjoys spending "Time" with them instead.   While watching the Reruns of the Shows he's most familiar with and comforts him in how his Mind is now deteriorating.  Perhaps that's normal for the Disease, I know my Mom regressed to only watching Old Black & White familiar TV Shows near the End.  Even if they were in Spanish, coz, she knew the Dialogue by Heart anyway, forgot a lot of her English, was mostly Speaking Welsh by then, and she was living so far back in the Past as the Dementia worsened, that Right Now wasn't something she was any longer tied to or in Touch with.  She'd forgotten who most of us even were, I was the only one she recalled at the End and she even thought our Dad was still Alive!  He'd Died more than a Decade before her.  But, it was more than the Dementia going on, I Felt it and inwardly I was Panicking, which rarely happens.

I kept thinking, Dawn, you're close to Losing him... I couldn't Shake that Premonition or know if I could circumvent it?  I was Praying fervently about it, asking God for more Time.  Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't change an Outcome, just coz you have a Knowing doesn't always change Outcome, but, it CAN and why you may be given Foreknowledge in advance.  I don't know how all the Kiddos will Cope with when their Dad/Grandpa forgets who they even are?  He already doesn't know who any of them are who aren't here with us.  If he sees Photos now of his Oldest Daughter, her Children, and her Grandchildren, he'll ask me who they all are?  And act Surprised that they're Family!   He's even asked me if I'm sure they're related to us!?   I don't go deep in the Weeds with that since Biologically, not to me, but to him, Yeah. 

 And I've never thought of any of them as not Family due to them being from his 1st Marriage Biologically speaking... we have never been a Family that ever used the Terms of "Step" or "Half" or even "Adopted" to describe who constitutes our Family.   But, I did have to explain that Dad/Grandpa has onset of Dementia now, so that if those he can't remember make contact, they understand why he doesn't know who they are now.  For their side of the Family it's not as unfamiliar coz The Man's Ex remarried in the 1970's and her Husband Tony, got Dementia long before The Man did.  They had to put him in Long Term Care coz it got so bad and apparently their Insurances would take him.  Which is a Blessing, coz his Ex told me it had become too much for her, he wasn't ambulatory anymore, got aggressive, and he's a very big Man. 

 So, even with the Help of the Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids helping, he couldn't remain in the Home for  his Safety and everyone else's.  She was fortunate that the majority of her Family all still live in Pittsburgh so had a lot of Present Help, but it wasn't nearly enuf coz Tony was only bonding with their Family Dog in the End and got aggravated to interact with Family at all.   The Man has his NCIS and Hawaii Five-O Characters he's more engaged with now than actual Family.  We work his last Raw Nerve most of the time, but he does still have some Good Days.  But I was Sensing something Grave this time was going on, but so many other Personal Crisis have been unfolding with Loved One's Health, Mental Health, Trips to ER/Urgent Care, so I couldn't Focus on any One Premonition or Intuitive Feeling like I usually can... too much Input was coming at once to sort out satisfactorily.  And, how would/could anyone Cope if I gave REALLY Bad Premonition News?  So, I just didn't.  I held it close to my own Chest instead, trying to sort out the fucking Hearts Imagery... Heart, Hearts, more Hearts, all kinds of Hearts, Sacred Hearts, Valentine's Hearts, broken Hearts, Jesus Touching His Heart... WTF?

The Daughter I think is reverting back to being more Content being Homeless, which is more familiar to her too.  She's lived most of her Teen and Adult Life Homeless and we never could get her off the Streets.  So, the 3-4 Years we've had with her here recently, is the longest she's ever stayed under One Roof and engaging with Family since she was about 15.  And so her hooking up with a Guy whose just as Migratory and dossing down where ever, is not all that Surprising that she's opting to join him.  It was an improvement that she did so well for so long this time, but it was bound to have the risks of her reverting back to Old Ways she's deeply at Peace with living like.  A lot of the Mentally Ill who are Homeless, actually can't Cope with having a Home or Maintaining a Space and Relationships.  The Two Adult Kids and The Young Prince have been Mentally Fragile lately so I just didn't need to Trigger anyone with News they can't Cope with or handle.  So, I Internalize a lot of my own shit and it was keeping me up at Night... worrying.

They're saying it will already hit 100 Degrees by next Week and be at 100 all Week, that's way earlier than usual and 22 Degrees above Normal for this time of Year.  That is foreboding for the rest of Spring and Summer actually.   Coz Summers here Normally will get to around 116-118 as our Highs, sometimes even more, but only sporadically... and so 22 Degrees above that would be life threatening for all Living Things.  We're breaking Records almost every day and all of the time now so it's becoming commonplace that every Year now is hotter than the next.  Scary Stuff, these Catastrophic Weather conditions escalating.  They were saying the Midwest had Tornados all the way up to Indiana and that Softball Sized Hail was in some places!!!  Yikes!!!   The Fires, Floods, Hurricanes and Earthquakes are escalating too.  

Well, so much has happened since I started this Post I hardly know where to start!!!  It's a Friday the 13th and boy did we have some mixed Bad Luck/Good Luck going on!!!  Remember I'd said that The Man was acting quite Strange about going Canning?  Well, it didn't end there, he said he was gonna go lay down coz he didn't feel good, had a bad Headache.  It's the Season of Allergy Headaches so I didn't think anything of it, the Citrus and such is in full Bloom, lots of Pollens in the Air.  So, I was paying Bills when he suddenly re-appears saying I need to take him to an ER right now, he looked alarmed, this made me alarmed coz he never wants to go to an ER even when he needs to!!!  And, my Intuition kicked in and thought, Fuck, this is real bad!!!  In my Gut, I just knew it was.  Especially when he clutched his HEART... coz then, Oh My, Hearts... Sacred Hearts, Valentine's Hearts, Broken Hearts, Jesus Imagery Touching His Heart... now it was falling into place in an Alarming way to me!!!  Fuck... Fuck... Fuuuuck, he's gonna Die if I don't DO something FAST, Lord Help me how to intercede if it's Meant to Be?!

But, I didn't wanna call 911 coz an Emergency Team would take him to the nearest Hospital, which is that one with a shitty ER and if you're having a Heart Attack or Stroke, you'd be doomed.  I almost Died having my Stroke by being taken there first and would have Died had I not gone to the other Hospital I was now taking him to myself.  I just Hoped he didn't Code in the Vehicle?  I Felt it was THAT Urgent tho' this time, zero delays could be risked at all or I'd Lose him!  The Cardiac and Stroke Care Hospital is just a little ways further, near my Antique Mall, so I whisked him there.  I'd wanted The Son to join me but he saw I was Alarmed and his Autism kicked in knowing it was real stressful, so rather than just throw some Shoes on, he started getting completely changing his fucking clothes and I didn't have time for all that, so left him behind and sped off.  I got The Man to the ER and there was a long line of People waiting to get to the Intake Window, I just walked past them all saying, my Husband is having a major Heart Attack, can you get him inside for me with a Wheelchair!?

None of the People fussed about it coz honestly, now that so many are losing their Healthcare, the ER's are flooded with Non-Emergencies, which inhibits Caring for the True Emergencies!!!  And frankly, if anyone had fussed with me I would have stood my Ground anyway and not Cared or been deterred, coz I felt ours was definitely a Life & Death Emergency for Reals, so, Fuck all of you in Line not looking like you're Actively Dying!!!   Deal with me later if you want to, right now I got bigger Fish to Fry to Save my Husband!!!  And nobody is stopping me, Trust and fucking Believe!!!  We've staved off The Grim Reaper before with him many times, and when things were Hopeless according to Medical Professionals.  I'm not letting him Go now either without a real Fight!!! 

 Granted, they were busy that day with True Emergencies too, Life Flights and Ambulances were pouring in, it looked like a War Zone!!!  But, they have a great Team there and they took it Seriously, as a Heart Attack should.  They got him Stabilized with some Nitro and Dr. Pham, the Cute little Cardiologist, who looks Young like a Doogie Houser, coz Vietnamese hold their Age so well, was excellent.  But, he didn't think The Man was having a Major Heart Attack and said he had Two other procedures/surgeries ahead of us, so they'd keep him comfortable.  I was agitated about that and made it clear, saying Time was definitely of the Essence and please don't delay this too long, I got a Real Bad Feeling... and they did see how Alarmed I was becoming and were taking that Seriously, even tho' The Man wasn't by then.  He felt things were up Under Control and he was mebbe gonna be Fine, I told him, No, No it's not Fine, they Need to get in there right away!!!  He was joking it off saying I won't "allow" him to Die, so I go Hard always... Everyone was Laughing but me, they saw that I was as Serious AS a Heart Attack.

The Man was joking by then so tho' he looked and seemed Stable to them, I did tell Dr. Pham and the Nurses in Attendance, my Intuition is telling me otherwise, he's in worse shape than he's presenting, Trust me!!!   Dr. Pham then looked very concerned due to MY countenance about it and said so.  I'm glad I did have an Asian Specialist, coz he didn't Poo-Poo a Loved Ones Intuition and decided to bump The Man's Procedure up against his own Judgment it wasn't as Urgent as I was saying... and as it turns out, it ended up being a critical Emergency Heart Surgery coz indeed he had been literally MINUTES away from Dying!!!!!!!!!!  Dr. Pham said when he got in there it made his Butt Pucker {his Words, he's a Riot and I just Loved him}, becoz the Artery had completely shut down above one of the New Stents he'd had put in and they had to install another one above that one!!!  He told me I'd Saved The Man's Life by Intuitively knowing it was more Serious than it was Presenting, coz he didn't even know it was that bad and he's a Cardiologist!!!   He Thanked me for my input.

The Chest X-Ray and the Two Cardiograms they'd done hadn't indicated that things were about to go Sideways.  So Dr. Pham told me that with me going Hard about it and saying, this is really BAD and I don't have a Peace about it no matter what the Tests say... and him Sensing, mebbe we should expedite it since his Wife doesn't have a Peace about this and she knows this Guy better than anyone... so mebbe something is coming that is worse BAD... so, his Life was literally Saved within MINUTES!!!  Whew.  The whole conversation Post-Op was interesting coz Dr. Pham was asking about my Intuitions, I could instantly tell he's a Believer of Intuition and it turns out he'd done his Residency initially in Oklahoma and near the Reservation my Dad is from in Tahlequah!!!  So, he's quite used to the Culture and said it explained everything to him coz I reminded him of the Indigenous of Oklahoma and his Cousin went to School on the Reservation.  He said the folks there are Tough and don't go to Western Medical Hospitals for just anything.  I know that to be True.  And what are the Odds our Doc would be from there, really?

He'd been in the Surgery a LONG time so I knew, while waiting, that complications had arose and I was nervous but hadn't wanted to Panic the Kiddos all day.  The Daughter and Mando had come to the Hospital and wanted to bring The Son, but he was Psychotic and so wasn't in Control of himself when they got to the house... and so that all went badly too.  When things are too intense it triggers Crazy and this is why I try not to tip them into that realm of Stress that will cause any of them to go Off Rails.  So, he and his Sister were pretty Off Rails with each other... Mando tried to diffuse it... that went badly for him... which in turn The Young Prince got involved and called me to say, Gramma, things have gone Psychotically Sideways here at Home coz of the Stress and Anxiety levels, should I call The Police?!

Splendid thinks I, I've got The Man in Surgery, which likely IS going Sideways too, and now I got The Crazies at Home going Sideways as well, what could go Wrong?!??!!!!   Princess T had Rusty over, they decided to stay locked in her Bedroom and not get involved, she was taking it in stride but said, yeah, they're pretty Off Rails right now Gramma.   And her Brother called me back and said he'd decided not to call Police coz he told them all he was calling his Gramma instead... and since they're all afraid of me it broke things up.  *LOL and Whew*  Then he asked if I was alright?  Coz, Stress times more Stress equals a potential for me to Snap or have a Health Emergency.  But, I was in the Right Place coz Surgery is right next to the ER there, so... whatever.  *Le Sigh and Winks*  By now Mosaic Like flashes of our Life Together were playing out and so I told the Kids I wasn't Dealing with their High Drama right now, Dad/Grandpa's Surgery was taking too long and I have Grave Concerns about it to Focus on... Deal with your shit and sort it out... that's a direct Order, not a Request, pass it along!!! 

The Daughter came back to the Hospital crying, coz since her Brother had beat up Mando, she'd beat up her Brother to make him Stop... everyone would have gotten Arrested... or mebbe shot... had her Son involved Cops.  The Grandson decided that's why he wouldn't involve Police, Two Crazy Family Members Fighting with another Crazy Family Member calling, and things being way out of Control might have created yet another Officer involved Shooting?  There have been about FIVE just this Week and tho' no Cops are Dead, who they shot sure is.  Which is why you'd ever hesitate to call them on a Mental Health involved Call.  They are not properly Trained to handle such Calls and things go Sideways almost always when they respond to a Mental Health Call due to that.  Shoot first, ask Questions later kind of Sideways.

It took another Three Hours after Surgery before I could see The Man coz he still was in Cardiac ICU and they say he will remain there for a minimum of Three Days coz he's still very Critical and Sick.  They are hoping his Heart has no more Episodes, but, his long History of Heart Issues and other comorbidities, coupled with his Age, just means his Heart is Weak now and it's just sketchy how it could go.  I know this logically, he joked with his Team and Dr. Pham that I have not "allowed" him to Die... they found our Family Dark Gallow's Humor hilarious, I'm glad they "Get" it.   I think Emergency Room Staff probably have Dark Humor of their own to Cope, I'd highly suspect anyway?  *Winks*

And then more Drama... since, remember there was so very Serious 3rd Hand Information I'd been given by someone?  It was an accusation against someone in my own Family so I took it Seriously, but, also told the person relaying that information that:  No. 1, it didn't Line up with that Loved One's Character nor Abilities.  No. 2, this is 3rd Hand Information and since it's a Serious Accusation I WILL get to the Bottom of it coz Family Reputation is at stake and I don't take that lightly.  So, indeed I did get to the bottom of it by going right to the actual Sources... of who was Accused and who allegedly had been the Victim.  Turns out neither knew what the Hell it was about coz the whole Story was FABRICATED and never happened!!!   So, the alleged Victim, whose a Family Member of the Person who came to us, is going to now get to the bottom of why this Story was made up about him being Victimized, coz, it never happened?!

And you don't make serious false accusations against anyone that is based on a Lie or Fabrication.  I agree totally, that's messed up, it upset our Loved One, it upset this alleged 'Victim' too coz he said he thinks very highly of our Family, and I know he does.  I didn't think it Tracked at all, we're a Family that Helps people, we don't Victimize or Exploit them and our Reputation is important to us.  We don't take anyone soiling it maliciously lightly at all and I told this Man that and he agreed.  So, I think his own Family Members have now gotten their Tit in a Wringer, coz he's really upset about it and I don't think they imagined I'd go straight to the Source, confront not only my Family Member accused, but also the alleged Victim of this alleged Crime to make sure everything was accurate and Real. 

 You see, I'm like a Private Investigator when you tell me anything Serious, I don't just Believe you on Face Value, I want Proof, Evidence, and get to the bottom with FACTS, not Speculation or hearsay or what you Read Online or heard from someone who heard it from someone else.   This is why our Country is such a Hot Mess right now, accusations flying all over the place with Spin, Propaganda, Misinformation, Lies, no Evidence, no Proof, no Facts, just people running with low information and blind Belief in unreliable Sources.  Or Sources just intentionally being divisive and making Trouble where none should even exist.  By weaponizing and exploiting the Niavette or Ignorance of those who'll Believe just anything.  Or want to Believe it if it lines up with their personal biases and Belief Systems, coz they want for it to be True, even if everything Factual points to the contrary and Proves them Wrong. 

Now, the person who told us was visibly upset and angry, coz it was their Cousin who was the alleged Victim, so it could have gotten that person ginned up enuf to make a bad decision about how to handle it.  I had said, if it's True, call the Police and report the Crime, no matter whose involved, and let them investigate it.  Well, since their Family wasn't willing to do that I instantly felt that was a definite Red Flag and sketchy, coz, why not?  If there is a Crime, Report it, don't go running around half cocked and telling everyone about it without even knowing any Factual Data and making reckless accusations.  That's how people get hurt, even killed, or catch Charges that they shouldn't!  Emotional Manipulation is some of the worst Manipulation in fact, it's what this Regime is doing with the American Psyche right now and it's damaging and dangerous.

  I personally think this person who initially made up the Story may hold a grudge against someone they wanted to make a lot of trouble for, but when they also involved my Family, is where they royally fucked up.  Don't ever accuse anyone in this Family of something False.  So now this has blown back on THAT Person... may the consequences be what they should be.   Whoever spread this False Rumor is a Troublemaker and I wouldn't Trust them even tho' the Person who told us about all of this didn't divulge who that person is, just what he was told and who the alleged Victim is.  Who as it turns out, was no Victim at all of this alleged 'Crime' that was fabricated in it's entirety apparently.  And who knows the Agenda behind folks who make shit up that causes unnecessary strife and trouble or pits people against one another?   And Gins shit up so that it takes on a Life of it's own in a Negatively impacting way.

So, I was glad to hear the Guy hadn't been Victimized, I'm glad to hear my Family had nothing to do with what was being accused and just made up.  But, it all did make me angry, my accused Family Member angry, and the Guy who hadn't been Victimized angry.  Don't put any of our Names in your Mouth to just make trouble and Emotionally attempt to Manipulate People and put them at Odds with each other.  I resent that Targeting all of us in such a Negative and potentially harmful way.  But, other that that, everything is Swell.  *Eye Roll and Smiles*  So, now The Man has to hang tough and make a full Recovery so he can get out of Cardiac ICU.  They've changed his Plavix with something stronger so his Arteries and Stents don't clog up again, which, we're hoping solves this happening yet again, coz now he has 3-4 Stents in and they don't like to have to put so many in you to keep you piping along.

 

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We're still Up by Faith and knowing it will Hold... Dawn... The Bohemian