Blast From Pickin' Past... I Miss It

 I'm having the 3:00 in the Mornings so I just got done watching a brilliant yet eerily relatable Dark Comedy Special by a fav Comedian Christopher Titus called "Carrying Monsters".   A 90 Minute Special that was so much like parts of our Life parallels, that it was both Funny and yet deeply Emotional.  His Schizophrenic Insane Mom sounded so much like The Daughter, that he could have been talking about the same Person.  And so what he and his Half-Sister went thru was so similar to what The G-Kid Force have gone thru with their Parents, except that they were fortunate enuf NOT to have been stuck being Raised by Parents who weren't Well enuf to.  His Ex-Wife sounded like my Ex-Husband, and that level of Insanity with a deranged Ex. 

 I hadn't known his Dark Life Back Story that led him to be such a Comedic Genius who turns his Tragedies into brilliant Dark Comedy.  Pretty sure that's where I get my Dark Gallow's Humor from too.   His Mom and the Half-Sister who got stuck being Raised by their Unwell Mom, both ended up committing Suicide.  So he was incorporating very Dark Personal Stuff into the Special, no easy task.   His Dad was also a Train Wreck, but the Half-Sister of his Dad has turned out very well and a Success Story too.  So clearly tho' the Dad was also Unwell, was the better Parent on a Scale of the Unwell being tasked to try to Raise Children.   Titus was co-raised by both seriously Unwell Parents, so that had to be a very tough Childhood to Survive and move thru with resilience. 

 Not every Family has a Happy Back-Story. Making a brilliant Comedy Special out of an Unhappy one is Comedic Genius.   It makes me think of several other brilliant Male and Female Comedians that turned their Life's Tragedies into Comedy.  One I particularly like a lot is a Female Comedian called Ms. Pat.   I bought her Book "Rabbit" that is an Autobiography and have enjoyed her Comedy Specials, which make you Laugh about shit that's really quite Tragic, but transcends all she has gone thru into resilience, and rising above it all.  Anyone, even if they've never been thru some shit, can benefit from how she can make her Story relatable, in how to overcome whatever Life hands you and whatever Cards have been Dealt in it.  

I've been going thru some Old Photo Archives and Resurrecting Imagery of the Past of Places that are no more in the Industry that I still miss to this day.  Sometimes it doesn't seem like so much Time has passed since we had great Shops and Events that sadly went away.  Along with the Killer Primo Merch they used to carry, that also sadly has gone away.  Of coarse it saves me from Temptation now.  *Winks*  Junquing in the Past was freakin' Awesome, so were the Events, Trunk Shows, and OOAK Shops that used to Line certain areas of the Metro Phoenix Scene back then.  It's just a sad remnant now that remains of it all, a Shadow of what once was and is no more.  Even The G-Kid Force have remarked that nothing is as good as it used to be now.  They don't even bother going Shopping now, they Order Online to get the Good Stuff.  It ain't Local anymore.

I sometimes even forget how good it used to be until I'm taking a deep dive into the Pickin' Past and then my God do I Miss it!!!  I can't Believe sometimes how many good Events and Shops have been Lost in just the past Decade!!!   Mostly small Businesses, tho' some larger ones have bit the dust too and been Asset Stripped after being purchased by those Investors that profit off doing that kind of thing, they're like a Retail Chop Shop, only it's Legal.   But the small Businesses, they just weren't able to thrive no matter how good they were and how unique.  Rents went up, what people were or weren't Buying changed over Time, the Economy crashed and burned under Bad and blatantly Corrupt Leadership... it's just been a LOT to Weather the Storms of.

So, since there's not much to Photograph now I'm dredging up a lot of Fav Blasts from the Past when each day was a New Adventure and I couldn't wait to Trawl the Offerings and connect with Friends in the Industry.   Some moved away to less expensive States to Retire in or do Business in.   Some moved abroad when they saw America beginning to Circle the Drain.  And try to topple Democracy and all we used to Stand for and Fight to Protect for Future Generations, and could be Proud of rather than Embarrassed, Upset with and Ashamed of.  Some did just get out of The Game entirely even if they stayed Local.  Or had to reinvent themselves to keep going and not Close Shop completely.  Many have hopped around to different Collectives that tried to Salvage what was left of the Industry.

I did go to the Event, and glad I did, lots to Photograph for Blog Fodder, the Social Media Page hadn't done the Show any Justice in what they'd Photographed and Showcased.  Lots of Tempting items I'd of liked to have bought, had Budget permit and the Checkout Lines not been so long.  I didn't have the Time to dally coz Princess T was getting off Work early, so, I left without having spent anything.  *Gasp!  Yeah, I know!*  There was a Kantha Vest I would have loved to have bought and wanted to, had to put it back.  My Friend Big Kenny had some Architectural Salvage I would have liked to have bought too, had to put it back also, no Time to stand in long Lines to get checked out and it was moving slowly, but folks were spending.  That's a good Sign.

I did get to visit with my Friends there, both Industry Friends, all of whom were worried and concerned about The Man, and also Customer Friends who are regulars and I hadn't seen for Months!  I took loads of Blog Fodder to use in other Posts now, so will have some current Fresh Imagery to finally Share too.  I ate at the Indian Fry Bread House which is an Indigenous Owned Business that makes fantastic Native American Cuisine.  I had the Birrea Navajo Taco that comes with a Consomme', which was wonderful and enuf food I gave The Man half of it when I came Home.  I took The Young Prince to a Satellite DMV to replace his lost ID, it's right next door to where his Sister Works and took only about 10 Minutes, in and out and they only charge slightly more than the DMV, well worth not wasting your Time or your Sanity by going to the DMV then.  *Smiles*

So, it was a good Day and I was Home again before it hit Triple Digits, but, it was already 98 by Noon, so, it will get Toasty again and way above Average with record breaking Temperatures expected all Week.  The only Weird thing is it's 22 Degrees Hotter than usual all Day, but distinctively Cold at Night, barely in the 50's.  Which is over a 50 Degree Spread from Daytime to Nighttime and that's really unusual too.  So, after Dark it Cools off quickly and is Chilly, which Cools everything down.  I got my Utility Bill for February and it was quite low, but will likely be the only low one from here on out.  I didn't use Heat or Air Conditioning for all of February is why.  Now we have had to put the Air Conditioner on earlier than we usually do at this time of year.  But, that said, January and February weren't as Cold as usual either, so we didn't need much Heat on all Winter.

Sometimes I see a Book I want at an Event but it's Retail Price Point is off-putting to me but I can almost always find the same Book on E-Bay Auction.  The Book Below I saw at the Event and wanted, but didn't wanna pay $45.  I got it on E-Bay for 65% less and Free Shipping on a Buy-It-Now Feature, so, Color me Happy.  I am a Decor and Cookbook Fanatic, I have more of each Genre of Hard Cover Books than any Major Big Box Bookstore has!  That's not hyperbole, I really have that many Books I've accumulated over the Years.  I've Sold a lot of Books in our Showroom too, if a Book is particularly good and popular, if I see it at a Chazza I still Buy it if I have good Margins for Resale of it.   A lot of the Bargain Booksellers and The Mall have quit competing with Vendors now, so now we can Sell good Books again.  *Whew*  The Mall had it in our Contracts that they wouldn't compete against Vendors or allow Paid Staff to Sell there, but they violated their own Contractual Agreement.

What would usually happen is that if a Vendor hadn't Paid Rent in too long and had to be Evicted, their Merch was Seized by The Mall and they'd then Sell it for a fraction of the Value to recoup lost Rents.  And, in some cases Paid Staff would somehow end up with it and were given FREE Spaces to Sell it!!!   So, they were violating the Contract with Paying Vendors, allowing Paid Staff to get Retail Space without paying Rent on it like Vendors have to, and undercutting our Prices to hawk stuff they'd Seized and gotten for nothing.  It was a bad situation and many of us complained about it and had to pull our comparable Merch until The Mall liquidated all of theirs or took it out of there and didn't indulge in a Conflict of Interest.  

I got Two New Full Fancy Hand Soaps that are usually Sold at "World Market", at my Granddaughter's Chazza and another 30% Off their already Low Price coz it was Customer Appreciation Day.   When I was in the City Today I noticed the price of Gas was up over Five Bucks a Gallon at some Gas Stations already, it's standing at $4.69 at the lowest in the Metro Phoenix Area.  So, when on TV they say Gas MAY get up to Four Bucks a Gallon I have to shake my Head coz we've been hit with it being way up over that Price now for Weeks and going higher almost Daily!!!  The highest Price I saw was already at $5.29 on the way in to the City and on the way Home only a few Hours later it was up another Ten Cents a Gallon, that's how fast it's rising around these parts!!!   And, when I went to pick up the Granddaughter from Work it's already 107 Degrees on this last Day of WINTER!!!

I'm SOOO glad we got the 5th Wheel cleaned out and cleaned up before this intense Heatwave hit or we couldn't have done it!!!  Well, we could have turned the Air Conditioner on in it, but most of our Work was done Outside of it when we carted everything out there to sort, toss, etcetera, and that wouldn't have been comfortable in Triple Digits and for as long as we slogged away at it.  I haven't heard from her at all since the Day she visited her Dad directly after his Surgery, she may not even know he's not there anymore?  She hasn't responded to the Private Messenger I sent informing her that we had to go thru the 5th Wheel and why it got her kicked out now.   Not sure she even got the Message, coz I don't know if the Phone is working or she has access to Social Media now?  I want her to be Okay, but, she just can't be here if she's reverted to a Lifestyle that can't be on our Property since she's relapsed.  Don't even know if she ever did that 2nd Cleaning Job or not?

For Years now she's gone off the grid a lot, usually over Mental Health Issues, but sometimes due to Substance Abuse ones too.  So, it's not unusual, but, since she'd come back to live with us, she hadn't just disappeared like that again, so we were Hopeful she could continue doing better and that the Wheels wouldn't come off again.   The Kids aren't mentioning it anymore, I think there is a certain resignation they have that this is just who she is and what she's always done, so, nothing has really changed.  Perhaps the Illusion it had is what most disappointed them tho', coz, they wanted to Believe she was doing better and connecting more to Loved Ones in meaningful ways that benefit her as well as everyone who Loves her.   She had it good here and was being exceedingly Helpful, I won't discount that Fact.  Especially with helping me maintain the Home, Cook, Clean, help take Care of her Dad, help with the Projects needing to get done... but mebbe it was all just Too Much for her?

She got alarmed when I had my Stroke in December, I think she thought I was immune to growing Old and Feebler, I dunno, and now when her Dad's Health really Tanked, she completely went Off Rails about it.  She saw firsthand Maria's decline, the other Custodial Grandmother of Princess T and the Younger Siblings of our Daughter.  And that Scared her a lot, she helped Maria as much as she could, but said the bulk of Care and Maintaining things fell on her Kids, none of which were even Grown yet.   I think the prospect of the same thing happening here really was sobering to her and she couldn't stay Sober or Clean thru the Reality of it all, I dunno?   I think the Company she was keeping with this Boyfriend, just tipped things in the wrong direction coz I'm pretty sure he may have always been Using and I just wasn't Aware of that?  I know he was on strong Prescribed Cancer Medications and Treatments, but that they'd told him they could do no more, so he just quit going to his Oncologist.  He may feel he has nothing to Lose by Using Dangerous Drugs?

And I'm already feeling Overwhelmed by the sheer volume now of Appointments for Doctors, Specialists, Caseworkers, Agencies for several Family Members that I have to stack up on the Calendar, some Days have 2-3 Appointments coz there's no other Openings, and I'm the only Driver, One Vehicle, and trying to get the Grandchild to and from Work as well every Day.  So, it's just a LOT.  A lot of the Offices don't do follow-up well and so you've got to keep calling them and trying to squeeze an Appointment in for the suggested time you should be getting follow-up.  Most of these Doctors & Agencies are so busy you're Lucky to get in at all, let alone within the 5-7 Days they tell you that you should have to get in Post-Op.   I finally got the Cardiologist Follow-Up Scheduled, Humana is insisting on a Home Nurse Visit since his Health is Tanking, he has his VA Nurse Home Visits, and I still have to get him in to the Kidney Doc, who hasn't returned my Calls yet.

I've got The Young Prince trying to get all his Services too.  And Princess T has been having her Dental Issues and follow-up, since now her Insurance won't pay for the removal of the Wisdom Teeth impacted coz they're not "Diseased" or "Infected", I guess you have to wait 'til it's a fucking Medical Emergency then?  WTF happened to Preventative Care so you're not risking very higher risk procedures due to Neglecting to take Care of things when you should coz the Insurance Companies are Cheaping Out?  And making determinations that Override the Doctors and Dentists and Dental Surgeons that have ordered it to be done for the Patient's best interests!   You could bury them in Appeals, like I did for my own Issues with Health Insurance Plans that got cocked up due to this Regime's Cuts and such... but that's very Time consuming and I've got a full Dance Card, I don't have Time for all of that too.

 

I haven't been able to focus on my own Health due to how many in the Family have had True Health Emergencies recently that could have been Life Threatening so needed immediate attention and the priority.  My Doctor transferred, so I have no idea who will replace her.  She was also Princess T's Primary and The Daughter's Primary, so that sucked when she got a Transfer quite far from us so I doubt we'd follow her to that Clinic even tho' we really prefer her to be our Primary, she's that good.  But, I can't do super long Commutes to regular Appointments when we have Locations right near us that are convenient and easy to Schedule Appointments with.  But, I'm always nervous to change Doctors, coz I've had Doctors before that didn't work out or didn't help me Manage the Diabetes and Control it well and Stacy Anderson did.

So I owe her a Debt of Gratitude, her Care and Concern for her Patients is hard to beat.  She did what Diabetic Specialists for YEARS had been unable to do and she's a Nurse Practitioner, but I've found they have taken better Care of me quite often than even Specialists.!!!  So, I have no problem being assigned to a NP as my Primary Provider at all, they usually take more Time with you and connect better with the Patient due to taking their Time and really Listening and Evaluating things in a less hurried way.   Anyway, she seemed Happy with her Transfer so I wish her well, she's still with Abrazo, just a different Location she was splitting her Time with anyway.  I'm sure that was hard to try to be in Two different locations.  I've been to the other location to see her a couple times when I couldn't get in at this location coz she was at the other one half the time, it's just too far.

Anyway, I don't even have time to choose a different Doctor yet so may just let them Assign me one instead and see if it's a good match or not?  You can always ask for a different one if it doesn't work out satisfactorily.  I have no problem switching Doctors, I've done it before if things weren't going well with what Care I got from some Doctors that didn't have my Health up under Control and were trying too many things, to where it just got confusing and ineffective.  I don't like my Meds being constantly switched, it's not Cost effective for me and it's confusing as Hell and especially if what was prescribed just didn't work and wasted Money and didn't stabilize a Serious Condition that you can't leave Unmanaged or Worsening, like Type II Diabetes.   Stacy was on top of her Game for Managing that Disease and Partnering with me to keep it Stabilized, and keep me as Well as I can be, living with it as a comorbidity.

After everything I could do Today I did venture in to The RV Garage Mahal for about 15 Minutes to sort thru some things.  Too Hot to do much in there but The Daughter made a lot of progress and I intended to do more during Fall and Winter than I actually did... and now the Window of Opportunity has slammed shut due to early escalating Temperatures... dammit!   She of coarse won't be working on it now and she was the main Family Member even interested in doing any of it.  The Young Prince to a lesser degree, but he has Promised he'll Help now that his Mom isn't here to Partner with me to get that finished.  I really wanted to get it finished in 2026, I'm fed up with the long drawn out process of getting everything Moved In, Organized, sorted thru, from the Big Move of the end of 2019... we Closed in January of 2020 to Buy this and get Moved In.  We've doubled our Equity in that time, which is great, but it's taken longer than any other previous Move to get things Done around here!

Every Move seemed to take longer, but then again, every Move we were Older and had changes in how much we had in the way of Cargo, or Space, from Property to Property, which, makes a difference, all of it.  And Family moving in, moving out, moving back in... with all their Worldly possessions coming and going or being Stored here even when they weren't living here.  So, that disruption was constant and almost made you have to start over in reorganizing, finding Placement for everyone's things, Styling, making Room for each new Addition, then reclaiming Space, only to lose it again if they had to move back in.  I feel like we've Started Over here so many times now that we're re-doing what already has been done and undone several times now!!!  And thus, it's taken from 2020 to 2026 to just get the Main House in Order... the rest... has been a constant Work In Progress never actually finished.  I want all Space to be in Order and completely Functional, that's what I WANT... and is the eventual Goal before I Die!  *Le Sigh and LOL*

I have gotten previous Properties the way I wanted them before eventually Selling them and Moving again, starting over with a Blank Canvas and all that involves.   Moving itself is such an enormous upheaval, much more complicated in Retirement than it ever was when I was a Global Nomad and Traveled Light plus expected to move frequently.   In the Military, you Moved all of the time, and very often, so you got used to that and intentionally chose not to Own much in the way of Cargo.  I was probably over 50 before I began accumulating and switching from Minimalism to Muchness.   Plus, by then, The Man's Health had tanked and I was a Custodial Grandparent of Two from Birth thru, well, they'd Grown and still living with us!  *LOL*  I think my Coping mechanism was Retail Therapy and The Thrill of the Hunt became my Rush.  Collecting Beautiful things of Value as not only an Investment Vehicle, but a Positive Activity and surrounding yourselves with what brought Joy amid a lot of Hardships to move thru. 

We ditched a LOT of our original Plans for Retirement, had to adapt and improvise on The Fly at every turn as Life just played out as it just will and you can't possibly prepare for all of.   I had Paid Off Homes, Paid Off Vehicles, Healthy Investments, a Prosperous Career I would have Retired from later and not prematurely, an Active Social Life.  We intended to Travel extensively, be Debt Free, done with Raising a Family, focus on our Needs for a change and be Footloose and Fancy Free in Retirement Years.  That has all had to be adjusted drastically now for a slew of reasons that the Issues of Life just became the Hand Dealt.  I had to Let Go of a lot of the Vision and Dreams, which became okay as I just developed and cultivated a new Vision and new Dreams.  We've done Okay, it's not As Planned, but, what ever really is when you think about it?   I didn't even Plan my Children or the Raising of a 2nd Generation!  Yet, no regrets about Parenting either time, I'd do it all again becoz Family is EVERYTHING and our Highest Priority.

I sometimes do Wish I could spend more Time with Friends Socializing coz I enjoy them all when we do have some brief interactions, which have become very few and far between.  But we pick up where we left off and they're all great folks that I've enjoyed knowing now for a long time and tho' it's mostly Situational Friendships now that dominate our Socialization, that's Fine.  I don't know I'd have it in me to do more than that actually with everything else going on?  I like my Alone Time when I have it too.   I can be quite comfortable being Solitary, yet I can also be quite comfortable being Social, I'm probably more of an Extrovert than an Introvert, yet, I'm Nice to all of them and Close to few.  My Choice.  I think to have Closeness you really do have to Cultivate those Relationships and Invest in them and I'm spread too thin to do that properly and Maintain that level of Friendship.  It's just my Reality.

 

There was so much great Taxidermy for Easter at the Event, I wanted some, but it wasn't within Budget, Taxidermy now commands more than it used to and has gained in Popularity.  Mostly coz now we make it Whimsical, so even those who used to abhor it, are warming up to it a little more and sometimes decide to have some if it's Pimped Out in Whimsical Attire.   I just Loved the little Wings one of the Designers put on some of her Chicks and Ducklings.   Another Designer Friend put adorable Santos Crowns on her Ducklings and Staged them in Cloches, in Nests, inside Antique Loving Cups.  They were Selling fast, I'm glad, since I was so Tempted... good thing Budget constraints made me resist, along with the long Checkout Lines and no spare Time to stand in one.  *Winks*   There was a Kantha Vest I really wanted and Loved, had to ditch... and some Architectural Hammered Bronze Gothic Style Salvage Door Knobs with their Original Escutcheons.  And a couple of Ornate Metal Vase Base Stands.  *Le Sigh*  That's what I wouldda bought and didn't.

I briefly turned on the News and of coarse it's all Bad and worsening Daily now.  And OMG this Moron Racist Prez going to Japan to seek their Help and insulting them like he did!   He's such an embarrassment, what falls out of his Mouth in ignorance and crassness, knows no bounds!  He just says anything without any regard to how inappropriate and offensive.  Of coarse his Base just Love that about him, chances are they would like to say many of the same things, or perhaps even do, so he's made being Racist, Offensive and Ignorant openly tolerated and less shameful as the Ugly American Way now without apology!!!  I just Hope the rest of the World knows only about 39% of Americans are like him and Support such inexcusable horribly indecent Behavior, and the rest of us aren't and don't?   He's managed to Soil and damage our Nation's Reputation and Honor during his Terms, and break Trust and Good Relations with every other Nation, perhaps irreversibly and irreparably.  And he'll Bankrupt and Steal from America like he's Bankrupted and Stolen from everything else he's been in Charge of.

*******

The Fuckery continues unabated... God I Miss the America before the Cult of Trumpism ruined us... Dawn... The Bohemian