Falling Deeply Down A Fall Rabbit Hole ~ Dark Times

 

Princess T said another Newbie got Fired, didn't show up or call in, which gets you immediately terminated.  She said most New Hires don't make it thru Probation and a good many just have a shitty Work Ethic and don't really seem to want to keep or have a Job, she could be Right?  That made it harder on everyone else when people don't show up and don't work out. So, it was a rough day for her having too much to do so that Girl's Post was covered, she was doing her Work and the missing Fired Newbie's Work.   But, she said it's better that the people not up to the Job or Hate the Work leave early so less time is wasted Training them or getting to know them, I agree. 

 She was in Good Spirits coz she's liking Gabe as her New Supervisor, I had told her she would, coz Gabe Loves her Gramma.  *Winks*  Truly, he's a Dear Young Man, very conscientious and wanting a Career with that Company, so, his Star will rise I think.   He asks my advice about Corporate World matters often and appreciates Mentors and Wisdom of Elders.  I do what I can to give him some encouragement about pursuing his Career Goals so he'll have the confidence to go for it.  He knows I Raised Princess T and taught her to have a Strong Work Ethic, he knows she is a Special Needs Person who is very high functional.  He himself Shared he has a Medical Condition, I don't think many people know what he struggles with Healthwise, it's significant for a Young Person.

Princess T is cooking our Steaks for us that I got for everyone on Sale at "Fry's" the other Day, choice cuts of Steak and Bison, great price marked down to.  She's making hers, Grandpa's and mine.  The others will cook their own as they want them.  The Young Prince said he'd be Home sometime Tomorrow.  Princess T has Shared that she overheard a conversation Allen had on Speaker, not knowing she was present and could hear it, she thinks her Brother should definitely get a Divorce still.  But, she agrees with me that they're both Grown and it's between them to Work it out and do what they feel is Right about either staying together or parting.  She understands her Brother's Situation tho', he is reluctant to come back and be a burden to us and one more Mouth to Feed and House, since, he doesn't come with a Check.  And he knows we're on a Fixed Income and Retired, so, Supporting Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids is a stretch and a Big Ask, especially for a Lifetime.

But when you have someone with Serious Mental Illness or Serious Developmental Disabilities, Adulthood doesn't absolve you from taking Care of them and meeting them at their Point of Need.  Even if Legally it does, Morally it does not.  And I know that Qualifying for Services and Disability is a convoluted Cluster Fuck where if you're not Flavor of the Month, very likely you'll be Denied no matter how Challenged you are to Support yourself, or are completely Unable to, Nobody Cares.  Society for sure doesn't really, it's why you see so many Forsaken on the Streets of America.  I don't mind him coming back Home and gave him that Option, but he told me he knows how full my Dance Card already is with those dependent on living here or being Unhoused, he doesn't wanna be just one more.   But, Hell, what is just one more?  *LOL*  Throw more Water in the fucking Beans... and make it Work.

But the only thing worse than staying in a Bad Relationship is staying in one a Day longer than you have to.   And sometimes people find out they're just not compatible for the long haul, and that's Okay, it happens.   Having Shared Vision is more important than just being in Love, coz having different Visions for your Future eventually leads to Division otherwise, and, you can fall in Love with the Wrong Person.  Anyway, they're Grown, they'll figure it all out.  I do Hate to see folks in troubled Relationships coz it causes a lot of Emotional Stress and nobody Needs that, Life is hard enuf, so your Home Life should be your Sanctuary and your Life Partner your Confidant and Soul Mate.

Anyway, I think this little Vacay is good for The Young Prince to get away for a while, give them both some Space, and enough Apartness that they can figure out if they still want to be Together or not?  Princess T told her Brother he would be better off with an Older Sugar Daddy than staying with someone who has Anger Issues and inability to Mood Regulate, that's too turbulent and stressful.  I'm guessing the Psyche Meds help some, but I could tell that Allen has Anger Management Issues that are unresolved and probably come from a deep place he doesn't even fully understand.   He's had a LOT of Rejection in his Life already, and a lot of having to remain Closeted for too much of it.

 His Family dynamic is so complex and his Sexuality and Autism is a huge Issue with his Family who are West Texas Fundamentalists, and don't wanna acknowledge either thing they see as a 'defect', need I say much more?  I liked them, I genuinely did, but I know we'd disagree on many things and I don't doubt they Love Allen, but have a very hard time accepting who he just IS and will always BE.  That is a bitter Pill to swallow when your own Family is either unaccepting of you or ashamed of you, for whatever reasons.  I can't even Imagine that level of Emotional Pain coz I never had to experience that from my Family.  Love and Acceptance is a Human Need for us all.   To even Feel or be Unloved or not Accepted, excluded and rejected is hard for anyone.

I do Like Allen and think he has many great qualities and Cares about The Young Prince.  But he's a Tortured Soul and a Hurting Person, who kind of has some Self-Loathing due to Non-Acceptance from those Closest to him where he was Raised.   And those Hurting tend to Hurt others too, it can become a vicious Cycle.   I think perhaps he's not as comfortable in his own Skin as The Young Prince is and there can be jealousy associated with that.   And, I think he tried very hard when living here to be a lot of Help, he's hard working, but doesn't always make good decisions on a consistent basis coz his Autism is quite pronounced.   He's a big strong Guy, but very Sensitive.  I've made him Cry even when I didn't intend to or mean to be Hurtful.  Of coarse The Man and The Son do Joke that I can make any Grown Man Cry, and... well... I have... so, they're not totally Wrong.  *LOL*

  But I do have Compassion for those with Disabilities of any kind and try never to hold something against them that they can't help and have no real Control over, like Mental Illness or Physical Illness and other Disabilities.   But I won't allow you to use it as an Excuse for Bad Behavior either.  Having Raised an Autistic Son I know that Challenge and the lack of Filter, the lack of ability to sustain Relationships, Social and Communication difficulties, Sensitivities to Environments, struggles with Executive Functions, Decision making challenges, difficulty with Social Norms, co-occurring Mental Health Conditions... the Laundry List is quite long, even with the higher functional ones like The Son and Allen.  And, The Young Prince has significant Serious Mental Health Issues, which are equally Challenging in any Relationship 'they' will have.  Since, there are Seven Alters with the D.I.D., and each is very different than the rest. 

 So, you're not always Dealing with the same dominant Personality, it switches often and so that's like having a Relationship with Seven different People, at any given time, and all are Mentally Unwell, some easier to be around than others.   Schizophrenia alone would be Challenging enough, and so there are times The Young Prince feels that it Isolates so thoroughly that any Relationship is just hard and so much Work and Stressful, even if you weren't to Personalize the Why and lay any blame on the other Person.   He Loves me dearly and yet there are times he has to tell me to Go Away, he can't be around me, or anyone else for that matter.  How Allen Receives that may be different than how I do and Allen may Personalize it more or Read more into it since a Spouse's Relationship is different.

I don't give Unsolicited Advice to Adults tho'.  So, Moving On...  I fell deeply down a Fall Rabbit Hole indulging in Monster Art Dolls and everything Halloween and Autumn related.  I languished in the Land of Pinterest and found a Monster Art Doll Blogger to add to my Sidebar.  I just Love those Creepy little Dolls and have several made by different Artisans, that I've Collected over a span of many Years.  They are becoming more Popular so Pinterest had a wealth of them to Lust after.  I know our Local Artists Sold Out of theirs.  Prices vary wildly, some are expensive, some inexpensive, all are OOAK Handmade so there is Hand Work involved and not mass produced crap being passed off as Altered Art Dolls.   I mean even Creepy Doll Creations that are mass produced can be spendy at places like "Spirit Store", so it's not as if the Artists Ask Prices are unreasonable actually for Handmade Unique pieces they're Creating and Selling as a small Business or Craft Hobby.   I do Support Unknown Artists Work.

I have included some of the Monster Art Doll Pixs of some of my Favs, and will include more for Halloween enjoyment Visuals in Future Posts until I get Halloween out of my System.  *LOL and Winks*  I LOVE this Door, and the whole Historic Building it's in actually, it's a Building I'd wanna Buy if it ever came up For Sale coz it looks Commercial in a Historic Area and so is pretty good sized.   Good Walk Scores to nearby Shops and such, you could live on the premises and Sell from it too, which is what the Current Occupants seem to be doing and have kept the Old Building Original, which I appreciate.  It looks as tho' a Fabricator Artist lives there and works from there right now.   I would LOVE to see the Interior of the place since the Exterior intrigues me considerably.  I wanna know the whole Historic Back Story of a place like this.

 

Without trying to be Intrusive I like to take Photos of Old Buildings and if I meet the Occupants, ask them about the place.  Most are only too Happy to tell you about it's History, as far as they might know of it.  Hardly anyone Buys a place like this and keeps it Original rather than molesting it, without having a true Love of Old.  On NetFlix I watched the Michelle Wolf Comedy Special, I like her and it was good.  She had taken 7 Months Off to have her Daughter, and is candid about being an Older First time Mom and having an Interracial Family.   I had always assumed that she herself was Racially mixed, but apparently she isn't.  She has some hilarious Comedy about people asking her that too.  Since, her Husband is Black and she says when people ask her if she has any Black 'in' her, she says, well, yeah, sometimes, when I'm having Sex.  *LMAO*  I get the hilarity of being asked what you 'are' becoz I've been asked that all my Life, as have my Kids and most of my Grandkids who are Mixed Racially.   Sometimes we like to have Wicked Fun with it when we give an Answer.  *Winks*

The Son is renewing our NetFlix, we had only One Day left otherwise.  I probably use it the most, The Man likes his regular Cable TV Reruns, he'll watch the same Episodes over and over again as if for the First time.  Kids do that and apparently so does anyone with cognitive decline or other Brain Damage.  There's very few things I can watch more than once, except Seasonal Cult Classics for the Nostalgia of it at a certain Holiday it represents in my Memories.   I will watch the original "Halloween" {1978} every time it's on, but the many sequels of it, not so much.   The same with the original "Home Alone" {1990}, at Christmastime, but, also, the sequels of it, not so much.   Along with the original "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" {1989} is a must watch, but, not the sequels either.  I like the Old Horror Movies too, like "The Haunting Of Hill House" {1963}.  Our Haunted Historic Home was on Hill Drive and that seemed appropriate and made me think of the Movie.  *LOL*

Until the Post that Published Today had hit I'd almost forgotten about the dispute with my Cable/Internet/Landline Provider about Paperless Billing trying to be forced upon me!  There has been so many back to back Issues to Deal with lately that after I've tried to Deal with one it's moving on to the next thing to have to try to Deal with and erase those behind me that I've already Dealt with either successfully or unsuccessfully.  You just have to handle one Crisis or Problem at a time or you'd overwhelm yourself and short circuit your tolerance and ability to handle it all in a professional manner to get desired results.  Being unprofessional isn't my Style, even if I'm really pissed off I remain calm and measured, even tho' seething on the inside and HOT, on the exterior I'm icy Cold and in Control.  

I'll be relentless but I won't raise my Voice, even if I'm dropping a few necessary F-Bombs in the conversation, but in a flat affect that tends to unnerve who I'm Dealing with a lot more than if I'm losing it, yelling, hysterical and don't have Control of myself.  I am completely in Control when I am in Opposition with anyone.   And, if you're just the Hired Help or the Messenger, I will attempt to get you on MY Side, way more beneficial to ME.   Since, if whatever your Employer is doing is gonna cause you grief, Headaches and Drama, why would you be on THEIR Side, Right?  You just want to Earn your Check and not have a Bad Day with any Customer, so, if you can Feel like you're on the Customer's Side and be their Hero, why wouldn't you be, Right?  *Winks*  And since I'm Old and Naturally Grandmotherly and Motherly, if the Young Person I'm Dealing with can be persuaded to Bond with Granny Dawn during the Situation at Hand, and be my Favorite, then we'll Bond if it gets the Job done for me.

My Two Generations of Kiddos here and their Friends get a kick out of my Phone Calls resolving Issues, or especially In Person Issues being resolved.   I was a Fixer in my Corporate Lives and a Problem Solver for my Employers, so Why wouldn't I be a Fixer and Problem Solver for me and mine?   I'm Retired now but not completely out of The Game and what Served me in my Professional Life also Serves me in my Private Life pretty well.  Usually I get desired results, since, I'll be relentless and tenacious until I do.  Try to Outlast me, I Dare you to at least Try.  *Winks*  My Parents said that I Fixated on whatever I was after and it would become my Obsession until it was attained, from a very early Age, so it must just be my Way of Being Naturally?   If I Wanted something, I would therefore ALWAYS find a way to GET it.  If you became a barrier to me getting it, then it would be my Job to remove any and all barriers out of my way.  *Bwahahahaha*

 

Of coarse when I was Two that was Adorable and rather Amusing to watch. But they said as I got Older it became Scary and Unsettling at   times when I'd Lock In, becoz once Fixated, and Obsessed with getting my desired Results, I would not let up, back down, or give up.  Even if I seemed to Forget for a little while, I hadn't, I'd just come back to it when my Adversary had Forgotten, was more Worn down, or wouldn't see me coming for it again.  Becoz I was either gonna Get it, or there would be Hell to pay if I didn't.  *LOL*   And if I didn't get desired Results, then you became the Object of my desire to Take Down, Eliminate, or Destroy... there would be NO Winners then.  You are either For me or Against me, you Choose, Deny me what I'm after and we'll all go Down, I don't Care.   I've tried to Temper that in my Advanced Years coz I know, with Maturity, that it was Psycho.  *Bwahahahaha*  This is precisely Why I do have some basic level "Psycho Understanding" of how this President Operates and why he's a Total Psycho, coz he does not Temper those tendencies at all.  He Wants what he Wants by any means to get it.

I'd say that his tendencies aren't Tempered by Traits that are more Positive, like Empathy, Compassion, Kindness, Fairness, a Moral Compass, Honor, Integrity, sense of Right & Wrong, etcetera.    Mine are, Thanks be to God they are, coz I know how often Dawn Of The Light prevailed over Dark Dawn in pursuit of anything I was After!  *Whew*  The difference between having Psychopathic or Sociopathic Tendencies and Traits, or being a full blown Psycho, often depends on that Balance to even you out and ensure you are the Right Side of your History.  I think I have remained on the Right Side of my History and used my Psycho Tendencies for Good and not for Evil, I'm Thankful of that.  *Winks and Smiles*  But, do I know and am I Aware of how it could go if I were to switch?  Absolutely.  Could Dark Dawn be dominant in certain Situations, affirmative.  But I LIKE Dawn Of The Light more and so does everyone else, so it's my Choice to Live Life with that side of me Dominant.   But I will let Dark Dawn out to Play when it's necessary.  *Winks*

I do think I'm drawn to the Macabre and make it Whimsical becoz it's how I FEEL most of the time on the Inside.   I've Embraced the Beautiful Mess that most of us are, and especially that I am myself.   I know that even the Best of us can be capable of the worst things under the right circumstances that will bring that out in us.  And that some, will be capable of the worst things on a consistent basis and don't need anything but the right circumstances and opportunities to unleash that and try to dominate.  I Believe that's what is happening in America now and I also Believe that a Paradigm Shift is coming becoz those who have their Dark Side always Dominant are gonna soon realize that the Majority who don't, also have one.   Under enuf Pressure or Pain, under enuf Lack and Stress, given nothing left to Lose, even if your Dominant Side is all that is Good or Holy, your Dark Side will have to emerge if you have strong Survival Instincts of Self-Preservation.  If you don't, you shall probably perish under the Dominance of the Evil ones. 

And I can't say how each of you will Respond when that Paradigm Shift happens, whether you'll be a Survivalist or a Casualty?   But I know if I'm Going Down or someone is trying to Take me Down, I'm personally taking as many of the Opposition with me as I possibly can.  And they'll know for damned sure it won't be Dawn Of The Light they'll be Battling.  I'll make no apologies for that and won't Care how vicious Dark Dawn will have to get against those who have chosen to be my Enemies and not our Friends.   I make a much better Friend and it would be my preference to be one to everyone, even those I have no commonalities with at all.   But we don't live in a Perfect World where there are just Friends... and you should discern who is one... and who isn't.   Becoz the most dangerous Enemy is one pretending they have your Best Interests at Heart and they don't at all, you are all their Prey and they're nothing but a Predator.

*******

Yep, going very Dark for Halloween...  coz we're living thru some very Dark Times my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian