To Be Perfectly Fair ~ Point -vs- Counterpoint

This Post sat out here in Draft Form unfinished!  I had forgotten about it... until now... ooops... Today in Real Time is The Daughter's Birthday now. She is turning 45.

 To be perfectly Fair and have Point versus Counterpoint, since The Niece was still spending time in her Car and on the Sectional rather than The 5th Wheel, I asked her to get down to Specifics of Why?  I Needed to know if she was having an Emotional Struggle or was there something I should know going on that I wasn't Aware of?  She hadn't wanted to get The Daughter in Trouble and throw her under the Bus, but said, well, she got my Master Bedroom Nice, but the rest, Aunt Dawn, isn't Safe or Sanitary and I don't feel I should touch anything of hers or presume to know what to do about any of it, have you been in there lately?  Well, I hadn't, not since Mando was Killed... and I should have known, with the Unraveling that horrific Trauma brought, that she'd nosedived in Self-Care and keeping up on her Environment or staying in Touch with what has to be done for herself.

Yes, she'll go Clean and work like Hell on a Job she's been given for someone else, but her own Living Space often goes topsy-turvy on the turn of a Dime.  So, I have had to Monitor it closely, both for her and for her Son, since his is the same Struggle.  If you don't check on things for a few Days in their Personal Space, it can really blindside you how bad it can get.  It wasn't as bad as it has been, but it wasn't good either in the Space she's occupying in there, so The Niece's concerns were legitimate.  I ensured Safe passage from the Front Door to her Room unobstructed.  I Cleaned out anything Unsanitary that had not been picked up or put in the Trash Outside and was in Garbage Bags but just there where it could become a Health Hazard.  The Trash has to be gone thru as well coz some of your good Utensils and random stuff can end up in there when they're not tethered to Reality all that well.  The Man does the same thing with his TBI and Dementia.  Dishes and Utensils go missing and could have been just put in the Garbage or random places other than a Sink to Wash them.

This is why they need Caregiving and close Supervision all of the time, but Respect for their Privacy and their Dignity, to have a Personal Space too, it's a delicate Balance to navigate adequately sometimes.  I try not to have too many Days in between checking up on how things are going and what they're doing when left to their own devices in their Personal Space.  But when things get Crazy and Hectic, and spread too thin, a few lapsed Days can make a big difference in not so good ways.  I can't tell you how much damage Control that The Son and I have had to run behind his Nephew and his Sister.  He really thinks eventually they both may end up in Institutions and Committed Full Time if there is nobody to take over for me when that Time comes?  He's not sure he could do it and Princess T doesn't want to do it.  She Loves them but said it's more than she can fit into Life and have any semblance of Normalcy to it. 

 I understand, coz that's accurate, it is a LOT and without End.   Someone requiring Full Time Caregiving is a Full Time Job in and of itself even if you aren't getting Paid and aren't tasked with holding down a Job or Career in order to make a Living too.  I eventually HAD to take an Early Retirement from a Successful Career and forfeit 60% of my Pension in order to appropriately do the Full Time Unpaid Caregiving.  From a Financial perspective, it's extremely difficult and Social Services provides practically nothing for Families in that predicament with Loved Ones.  And even if you're among the fortunate ones where the person comes with a Disability Check, it usually isn't remotely compensating what Income you had to give up Earning, in order to do the Caregiving without a Salary, Benefits, Vacations, Respite Care so you get some Relief for yourself.

So, anyway, it didn't take me but mebbe 15 Minutes to do the bare minimum to make it both Safe and Sanitary.  The Daughter will be now tasked to Organize and Downsize what's in there so that it's more Functional.  Her Laundry looks Clean and recently Laundered, but she had to remove everything out of the Closet and Storage Spaces of the Master Bedroom she relinquished to The Niece, and she has no other Space to put it now.  So, we'll have to figure something out.  When the Sofa Bed is pulled out for Sleeping, it takes up most of the Living Room and Kitchen Floor Area coz it's a Queen Size Bed.  If you folded it up each Morning to be a Sofa again that would work, but I don't think she has the Bandwidth to be doing that on The Regular.  So, we have to clear out the remaining Floor Space of clutter and what can't or shouldn't be in there to free up utilizing the Kitchen Area better.  Also, right now the Dining Table Area, which has a U-Shaped Bench Seat around the Table, is piled high with her stuff from the Main Bedroom she Vacated and gave up to let The Niece have Space to Live.

It will take effort to re-organize, downsize, accommodate everyone in a way they get used to during a transitional period of Sharing Space that is Smallish and Tight Quarters.  We'll see if they can manage it?  They both have to or it won't Work so I've made that clear to both of them that it's necessary to work things out between them, that part I can't do FOR them.  The Niece mostly just wants a place to Sleep, she plans to Rent a Storage Unit to set up a little Office Space and Store her Worldly Possessions in except for absolute necessities.  Since, the Closet in the Master Bedroom of the 5th Wheel can hold a fair amount of Clothing, under the Bed has Storage built in, also the Night Stands and Above the Bed has Storage Cabinets.  What she would normally use Daily should fit coz she's Lived out of her Car before and this is roomier than that.  I think perhaps now she might have more of a Peace about being in there starting Tomorrow?  For Tonight I said the Sectional is Fine coz nobody is using the Living Room Tonight anyway.

Challenges of coordinating limited Space for a lot of people is ongoing anyway, whether or not she Lives here.  So I told her we Work thru it one day at a time and see what Works and what needs more Work?  She seems Okay with that and it's doable if you put in the Work to make it happen.  If she can Settle In, and she and The Daughter cohabitate together, her contribution can just about cover all costs of the 5th Wheel, which, The Daughter isn't able to do at all.  She barely Earns enuf with her little Jobs to get by at all or provide much for herself, no matter how hard she works at it.  And whether I can ever get her in to re-apply for Social Security Disability is Questionable.  I'm still working thru trying to get it for her Son.  I'll know more after the 24th of October when we see the Shrink SSI set up for us whether he'll be Approved or Denied???  Huge Question Mark since the DOGE Cuts and Program Cuts have fucked up almost all critical Government Agencies beyond all recognition or function now.  And I'm sure they've all been Looted, Compromised Legally and Ethically, and Grifted from as well.

So, anyway, The Daughter claims she'll be done with the Jobs she's been working at and Living at, sometime Tomorrow.  It's been a handy Distraction for her so I thought is good for her, especially with The Niece showing up during the whole Vehicular Homicide Trials our Family is now Dealing with and of coarse nobody expected.  The Daughter's Social Media Posts have been Mando heavy, so, her Head is still quite Fixated on all of that Loss and how he Died.  So, until he's Laid to Rest, she's deep inside her own Head about it and the Trauma is still too Fresh, too Soon... for her to regain Function anytime soon or be expected to.  Grief takes a Toll on the best of us who are Healthy of Mind and/or Body, someone whose already not and is permanently Disabled, it's just layered Toll on top of what they already Deal with Daily for a Lifetime.  That she's Functional at all is Surprising and I think she's handling it better than expected IMO. 

 Had the Murder happened BEFORE we made Arrangements with The Niece, we wouldn't have taken on assisting anyone right now.  And sadly she would have had to decline the Job Offer, which is a seriously GOOD one for her and a really timely opportunity.  I still feel Good about giving her an option so she could pursue the opportunity, she needed it badly.  But Life sometimes just keeps slamming up against everyone to where complications arise and then you have to figure out how to juggle something else now that you couldn't predict nor adequately prepare for?  I think we're all kinda living in that Insecurity here in America under this Poor Leadership.  Of what could or will happen Next that we can't possibly anticipate, but know holds lots of potential to be very bad, very difficult and make Life just harder for us all now.  I Predict it will get way worse with no Promise of Improving and getting better.  I don't like to have to confess that ominous Warning, but, I'm Sure of it... and so taking Life One Day at a Time is my Tactic from now on, coz all could Turn on a fucking Dime.

I'm now about 24 Unpublished Posts ahead, which is Crazy, so Manic Blogging has kept my own Head on Straight so that I'm as Functional as possible.  This is so much better and cheaper than Therapy.  *Winks and Laughs*  And by the time it all Publishes way into the Future, some shit probably got Resolved, and some probably didn't, and was subject to change, with or without Notice.  And Dear Readers will have to just be Okay with that coz it's too far Gone now to change it up and start Blogging in Real Time now.  *Bwahahahaha*  I don't know that I'd even want to actually.  Coz in Real Time I have a lot of trouble Writing about any of it, so quite often I'm Writing this not as it happens or just after it happens or is in my Thoughts, but, whenever I have the Time and Frame of Mind to Blog about any of it or all of it.  Many Posts might be Written all together and then with lapses in Time, which don't matter, coz they're not Publishing right away.

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I had completely forgotten this Post was unfinished and not even set up to be Published at a later date yet... ooops... Dawn... The Bohemian