Save The Panic For Legit Sh*t... And... The Son Turns 40!

Now that I'm keeping Hours like a Newborn Infant, I went to Bed at around 5:30 p.m. and woke at 3:33 a.m. the next Morning!!!   I've never been a Morning Person and during my Corporate Lives always worked Nights, so switching to being one has set my Internal Clock to some pretty Weird Hours of Sleep and Waking apparently!   I don't mind it actually, I'm allegedly Retired, so who Cares about the Clock anymore in Retirement?!  Tho' my Calendar sure doesn't look remotely like a Retirement Calendar should IMO, shouldn't there be Days with Nothing written on there?  *Bwahahaha*  I Wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Today is The Son's 40th Birthday!!!  Goodbye 30's!!!  He's having more than a bit of a Midlife Crisis about it, 30 didn't hit him hard, but 40 is I guess.  He looks about the same, even Twice as Old in Photos {See Above taken about 20 Years apart.}... so I don't know why he's worrying about it.  Looking Good is the best Revenge against Father Time.  Tho' he does think it Creeper Worthy that the 20 Something Gals at Work say he still looks really Good and not as Busted as most Guys Old enuf to be their Father!  *Bwahahaha*   Kinda a Backhand Compliment and I Get the Creep Factor of a 20 Year Old thinking you're Hawt, when you are Old enuf to be their Dad!  He has no desire to be considered a Zaddy... or anyone's Dad.  Even when the Opportunity exists.  *Winks and Laughs*   I think perhaps becoz he's Lost so many Friends who Died prematurely, it does give one a sense of your own Mortality tho', even at Midlife, Old Age being a Privilege not afforded to many.  Plus, 40 is the tipping point in Employment, that's about when Employers appreciate your Experience and Wisdom less and they start thinking of Hiring folks half your Age, so the Workforce is more exploitable and less Costly.  Coz of coarse, Capitalism has it's Dark Side.

And thus we begin this Post with Gallow's Humor.  After my Bottoming Out Day, and now learning I have a "Mass" on my lower Left Quadrant, which sounds pretty Vague and Ominous... The Daughter went into a House Cleaning Frenzy for me, to Cheer me up.  Since, the messiness of my deferred Housekeeping and tendency to Cluttering up a Living Space, was out of Control.  Enough so that Caseworker Victor had said something about it, making me Feel really embarrassed.  If you missed THAT Post, well, he thought he was being complimentary by saying he had NOTICED that I had TRIED to Clean-Up!!!  Oh, Lord, his Notes must look like this Family are ALL Head Cases and Medical Cases!   Well, we ARE, so he'd be accurate at least.

So far Adult Protective Services hasn't shown up and I doubt they will, since, Placement for Six of us in One household would be a Tall Order for any Agency and they got Budget Cuts.  This Administration isn't keen on Funding for Social Services since it would provide less for them to Steal and Grift off of to enrich themselves.  So, pretty sure they'll keep saying they Notice, and hope we take that as enuf of an encouraging compliment I keep TRYING.  You Go, Girl!!!  *Bwahahaha*  Actually, Victor is a very compassionate and nice Young Man and Closed Out our Case... since... Funding.  The Man can't have his Cardiac Rehab and have Home Help at the same time, go figure!  *Shrugs... whatever!* 

So, chances are they won't be sending out a Team of Merry Maids either. Besides, I wouldn't want a bunch of Strangers touching my Stuff or Falling Out when they come in and see the Task before them.  *LOL*  And The Daughter gets Paid by folks to Clean their Homes, mostly of other overwhelmed or elderly folks... and she's Free to me, so it's working out Swell.  *Winks and Smiles*  She can make such short work of it I'm ahhhmazed and she told me it's not as bad as I magnify it in my Mind, she could be Right.  Usually even if I do it, then it takes me such a short amount of time, that I don't know why I had such avoidance, procrastination and Depression about how it had gotten away from me? 

Okay, so, on the Upside, IF I require a Major Surgery or something extreme for said "Mass", and The Daughter has this place spiffy beforehand, then I won't be up to messing it up again, Right?!  Every Cloud has it's Silver Lining and all that... so... we'll probably be just Fine.  I will be having the 2nd MRI soon to explore said "Mass", and had to Laugh when the Gal that had to drop the Bad News on me said, after she got NO reaction from me at all... well, a "Mass" could be anything, it could be Intestinal Gas!!!  And then I just Laughed, which, she wasn't expecting, I guess she had expected Hysteria of another kind, a River of Tears or something.  But thinking the "Mass" might be a Big Fart just Amused me.  And I'm not prone to Tears, I prefer Laughter in any Situation.

Listen, I'll take Flatulence over whatever alternative a "Mass" could be and it Lightened the Mood of getting Bad News.  Them calling about Nine times had been a Clue it wasn't gonna be Good News, so it wasn't such a big shock it wasn't.   And, we've had too much Bad News, what's One more anyway?  We'll just add it to the fucking big stinking pile of Bad News.   Whatever.  I can't even Feel anything about it one way or another, my Feelings have been on Pause or taken out of the equation a long, long time ago, in a place far, far away.  I used to Hate it when any Therapist or Shrink's main Go To would be "And how do you FEEL about that?"  *Bwahahahahaha*  As if that makes any fucking difference at all.  I'd rather Feel Nothing, Truth be told, about anything, it's easier and far less debilitating.

So, right now I Feel Nothing about the latest Bad News and just let my Family and Friends Feel it FOR me.  They did a very good job of getting very Emotional, so I didn't Need to.  I just comforted them instead, coz, I didn't Feel a damned thing about it.  I have been told I'm too Stoic, but my Dad was and I always Liked and Admired that about him.  I never saw my Dad Emotionally React to anything.  I'm not as good as him tho', I never saw him get Mad... I can Go Off like Dynamite in an explosion of Mad... I just don't Do Sad very well.  I was a Child that hardly ever Cried and I remember my Dear Mom thinking that so Odd she asked a Pediatrician if I even had Tear Ducts and could they Check?  *Bwahaha*  I do, I just don't Use them very much.  *Winks*

Besides, I've now Blogged about every bit of Bad News since 2009 so that's more beneficial to me than Tears... or Therapy.  I think I went to my Assigned Shrink the ONE time, after they sprung me from Involuntary Psyche Lockdown that time I had Extreme Caregiver Burnout and went Postal.  All other Therapy Sessions have been for The Family and their Mental Health Issues.   The Moment I realized, this Guy is not gonna be the least bit Helpful, I didn't even bother to make the follow-up Appointment.  Nor did they, since, Honestly, I felt it was pretty much performative in the first place.  You can easily fall thru the enormous Cracks in this Mental Health System, and if you choose to voluntarily go MIA from The System, and go Off the Grid, they never come looking for ya or remember who you even were. 

Look at every Mass Shooting Episode EVER to know that ALL those folks were once on The Radar, but fell off, and got Lost in The System.  Every fucking time, without exception.  The wringing of Hands and gnashing of Teeth only happens AFTER a Major Tragedy, they and their Families never really got Serious consideration Beforehand, or, most of that shit might have been avoided.  Mebbe not all of it, but some Help might have been Helpful, I dunno?  And it's why I talk about Mental Health and our shitty System of Dealing with it, incessantly, coz somebody has to.  But, they're not gonna pour Money into something, or People, they Care Not about, so I have Zero Expectations they will, ever.   And so here America now is... Forevermore.

It's Why I'd rather have something Physical going sideways than Mental, with Physical they take it Seriously and sometimes have Solutions or Cures and Fund Treatments better.  With Mental, you're just Screwed, Forever.  So, said "Mass", whatever the fuck it might be, has me far less concerned than if I Lose It Mentally again.   The difference in Hospitals you'd be sent to is profoundly different.  *Winks and Laughs*  Tho', I must say, Physical Ailment can creep up on you, Mental hits you like a ton of Bricks.  You pretty much know when Mental is getting Bad, with the Physical you can Feel just Fine, I Feel just Fine, wouldn't know anything might be Wrong at all.  And so, mebbe I am just Fine and it's just a Massive Fart?!  *LOL* 

Especially since I was Gassy Yesterday after that Call and so I'd end up Laughing every time, highly Amused, thinking, well, mebbe THAT one was said "Mass"?  *Bwahahahaha*  I am SO Glad that Young Woman said what she did.   Even tho' it sounded like she was just making shit up out of desperation and nervousness.  Thinking perhaps I'd Fainted on the other end of the Line when I had Zero Reaction to her Calling me with Bad News they'd Urgently tried for Two Days to tell me.  She expected me to Say something I think?  That's the impression I got.  So, she kept rambling until I stopped her and just said an obligatory, "Oh, Yeah... well, I did Schedule that other MRI you wanted then...", and got her off the Hook of making more palatable musings of what my "Mass" might be.  *Smiles* 

 After all, we don't know yet, so it would only be Speculation.  I do not Speculate... I rely on Proof and Evidence about shit.   If you don't confront me with some Proof or Evidence, then, to me, you have no Information I can intelligently Process as being Real or Valid yet.  And I'm Okay with that, you don't have to make shit up for me or Lie.  I'm not gonna have the Vapors over something Unknown and lose my Shit yet if it's all still a Mystery and you just don't know and I don't know either.  I think sometimes folks get hysterical and fall apart over things that haven't been substantiated at all and they run with low information or no information.  That can be problematic and be unnecessary hysteria and panic.  There's enuf to potentially panic about when you got solid Evidence and Proof.  So, Save the Panic for legit shit.

And now for some reason I got M.C. Hammer's 1991 "Too Legit To Quit" Lyrics running thru my Head... dammit!  *Bwahahahaha*  {I don't Quit, no, I just Press Harder... Too Legit, Too Legit to Quit...}  And now mebbe you do too?  You're Welcome!  Or... Sorry?  *LMAOROTF*  Moving On...  I was gonna make this Post short and sweet but I changed my Mind, clearly... ha ha ha.  I haven't even downloaded my Old School Camera's Pixs from Yesterday's Adventures, so I've just been using what I took with my Cellphone Camera, which takes really good ones and so I do use it more now than with previous Phones.  Whenever The Niece comes for another visit I've got to get her to download everything onto those devices from my Computer Photo Archives so they're Stored on something that will have a measure of preservation.  She bought the devices for me already, but I don't know how to use them without her Tech Jedi Help.  *LOL*  I am Tech Challenged... very much so in fact.  I know what I know and I don't know what I just don't know. 

And, at this Season of Life I think my Brain can only Learn so much more before it Crashes or is Full and no more Knowledge can be Input?   So I'm not inclined to try to Learn a whole bunch of new Advanced Technological shit.  It tends to short-circuit my Old Aging Data Banks in my Head.   I've now Forgotten so much of what I used to know that I think I had a Data Dump anyway?  And I'm Okay with that.  *Smiles*  BTW, you may have Noticed, or not, that I'm not Dumping Archived Posts as zealously anymore?  Why?  Coz I had a lot of PM Requests from Dear Readers that I was doing Post Purges too often and they couldn't Read fast enuf those that they'd missed out on.  So, now with the Stats showing me that, Yes, indeedy, the Archives are being Read with more frequency than I realized or paid attention to, I'll leave them up 'til the Views taper off considerably.  Who knew?

Since I was up so ridiculously early I got a lot done before 6:00 a.m., which is a Positive.  It hadn't even gotten Hot yet Outside and The Daughter also was up bright and early so she was doing some of the chores too.  Princess T almost overslept so I had to wake her at 6:00 a.m. to get ready for Work.  The Son has been getting some Full Time Hours which is good, his Boss relies on him a lot already, which makes him somewhat indispensable already even tho' he's a Newbie there.  He got a full 8 Hours Yesterday and will again Today, he's only Hired as Part Time so I think they may eventually put him on Full Time since he's shown his worth and value to the Company already.  He's already doing a lot of what the Freight Manager did, who quit, so they don't have one right now.  He did a lot of Freight Management for a Super Wal-Mart and a big Total Wine location locally, so the Dollar Tree is easy for him compared to those Stores where far more freight was coming in daily.  And we'll end with some Dark Gallow's Humor Political Memes for your Enjoyment:

 

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Have a Happy Summer my Friends and try hard to not let all the ongoing Political Fuckery and National Darkness wreck it for you... Dawn... The Bohemian