Living On The Edge ~ Or: Don't Push Me Coz I'm Close To The Edge

Yes, I'm trying not to Lose my Head, so, don't push me coz I'm close to The Edge, is the Blog Post Hook for the Day.  *Le Sigh*  The Son got sent Home way early, he had an Autistic Meltdown at Work with his Boss, the one who gives him a Ride.  Nice Guy, but, he's not Trained to Deal with a Mental Health Crisis in Progress with one of his Best Workers.  And what had Triggered The Son had been a legitimate Complaint The Son and another of their Best Workers, Booey, had, they'd been busting their Asses doing what was an Impossible Task for only Two Men.   But, nobody was listening and The Son went Mental when Management pushed them even harder and then got critical about "Production and Accuracy" when THEY were not adequately Staffing to meet that Standard!  So, he just sent him Home, Wise Choice.  

 But all the recent pressures have taken a Toll on The Son's fragile Psyche, so he had full Blown Autistic Episodes unfolding, sometimes more than one daily lately.  And when they are Bad, they are very, very Bad.  It's what got Allen kicked out if you'll recall, I couldn't Manage Allen's Autism, he's not my Child, and now, it's also Wrecked his Marriage to our Grandson.  Coz, The Young Prince cannot handle Allen's Autistic Meltdowns anymore either, coz he's a Schizophrenic and so he is Dealing with his own Serious Mental Health Issues.   And, when an Autistic Adult Male is having a Meltdown, things can go sideways mighty fucking fast.   My best tactic has always been Reverential Fear being instilled so that I look and sound Scarier myself than I actually Feel or probably even am.  That tends to diffuse someone else whose out of Control if and when they sense you could be Crazier and perhaps this won't End Well.  But, tho' not a complete Bluff, it sometimes means someone could get hurt.  I'd rather use rational diplomacy, but, when someone ain't Right in the Head, diplomacy is impossible. 

The Young Prince said the only reason Allen settled down some with the Autistic Rage Outbursts he's been having, is he had One too many, The Young Prince Snapped, and, beat the shit out of Allen.   Now, the Visual of that is Allen is a big Corn Fed Ex-Military Special Forces Trained Muscular Manly looking Gay Man.  One whose Worked in Slaughterhouses since he was 14 and can pick up an entire Side of Beef!  The Grandson is a frail looking Transgender Gay biological Male, but with the temperament and volatility of a Female, and a shitload of Crazy going on in "their" Head.    Looks can be very, very deceiving, sometimes the most out of Control people are the ones who hold back valiantly until they can't anymore and just fucking Snap.  Then it doesn't really matter how Small, Old, Frail they look, they're gonna do some damage to who they unleash it upon now.

  So, Allen misjudged just how much "Bat Shit Crazy R-Strength" can get when we Lose It, and that was a huge Mistake on Allen's part, coz he got his Ass handed to him and really got hurt.  In fact, he should have probably gone to an ER. but he was too embarrassed to admit this frail looking Husband with the Rainbow Hair, who looks straight up Female, had done all that to him becoz he'd provoked and gone too far with it during his own Meltdown!  And, becoz he'd Triggered that response when he had been Emotionally out of Control himself and made The Young Prince feel Threatened and Fed Up enuf to Snap, it could have been deemed Self Defense and they both could risk being Arrested for DV, it has happened before.   This is Why their Marriage HAS to End, the sooner the better.   So, that's the New Mexico Saga... as a Sidebar to the Arizona Saga unfolding simultaneously.  *Eye Roll, it's like a fucking Novella, No?*

 So, anyway, I digress... it was hardly worth me driving him all the way in to Work that Morning, but at least he got to pick up his Check and cash it at the Credit Union.  And his Boss wants him back to Work next Week, they heavily rely on him, he is one of their Best People and they know it.  So, he joined his Dad and I for Breakfast at "Snooze", he hadn't been there in a while, he had the Barbacoa Bennies.   After Breakfast we went to the Event at "Studio 108 Collective" and only my Friend Joey was there setting up just after Opening.   I got an Art Bottle with soldered Sea Shell Stopper with a Gorgeous Handmade Silver and Turquoise Rosary on it.  Everything this Weekend was 20% Off coz they'll be Closing for the Summer now and re-opening in the Fall.   I had suspected they would and why I really wanted to attend this last Weekend they'd be Open for a while.   I also popped back in to Nan's Antique Store "Everything Goes" to buy the Two Antique Cigar/Cigarette Tins with the vibrant Tropical Scenes I Photographed for the previous Post.   

They had been priced well below what they're going for Online and I just Love Graphics of Antiquities with Island Themes.   These had Aboriginal People in the Island settings, I've seen some with Polynesian People and Native American People too, but they're Rare to even find, let alone be affordable like these were at that New Vendor I got the Crystals from the day before.  Color me Happy with my small haul of Retail Therapy.   We didn't stay long as we all wanted to get back Home and relax.   After picking Princess T up at Work I had to go straight to Work myself.  An Older Lady named Yolanda is the person now replacing Donna, who Quit.  She's about the Fourth replacement on that Shift for people who've Quit.  They had offered the Shift to me permanently but I declined.  I only wanna temporarily fill in for Richard, I don't really like working Friday Night.

 

Yolanda is a good Worker, pleasant and very nice, so I think she'll work out well, if she stays?  *LOL*   Patrick had quit and I liked working with him, Donna quit and I liked working with her, I didn't know the other Lady who quit before Donna, so I can't even remember her Name.  Sometimes when they don't last long, why bother?  *LOL*   My Friend Crazy Ed came in to work his Spaces, I miss working with him and he said he feels the same way, he dislikes the Shifts he's working now but said nothing is the same anymore anyway, and, it's not.  There used to be such camaraderie and Management also used to do so much for the Vendors, now they do nothing and Vendors don't bother to bond either anymore and form the Friendships we all used to enjoy.   So, Ed and I agreed, it's just not Fun anymore.

I did get a Check and it was Payday, but it was a paltry one, a disappointment, since, I'd Worked Two Shifts as well during it.  At least it was a Check tho', many Vendors said they Owed the Mall, and that would be worse.   So, I deposited my paltry Check after Work Friday Night and went to "Sprouts" to pick up some varied flavors of Seaweed Snacks, which I like and can eat as much of as I want in between Meals on my Dietary Restrictions.   Some Seaweed does have light Carbs, but offers a full serving of Veggies and very light on Calories.  I got Chili Lime Flavor, Korean BBQ Spicy Flavor, Sea Salt Flavor and Teriyaki Flavor.  Since The Young Prince isn't here yet nobody will touch them but me so I don't have to worry about anyone eating my Snacks.  He and I are the only ones who J'Adore Dried Seaweed Snacks.   Above was my Breakfast.

 

And this was The Son's Breakfast.   The Man had the Corned Beef Hash Breakfast and had mauled it before I could Photograph it, he plays with his Food now like a Child and makes a mess of it on his Plate.  But, he happily ate it and didn't just play with it, so, I knew he was enjoying it and probably quite hungry too.   When the Waiter asked if he wanted Condiments he said No, then asked for Ketchup... sometimes he now doesn't recall what certain Words mean and I guess Condiment is now one of them?   The Waiter was very Young and a Sweet Young Man, so, he didn't seem to mind the confusion.   I just think sometimes The Man is not processing the information being said to him now?   And it happens a lot at Home too, we've just had to get used to it now. 

It can make me feel a bit Crazy at times to have a conversation with him, get an Answer from him, then he contradicts said answer almost immediately!  *Le Sigh*   Ask him if he wants something to eat or drink and he'll say No, then almost immediately complain of being hungry or thirsty, and you'd JUST asked him and he'd just declined!!!   So, now a lot of the time I tell the Kiddos don't even ask him, just make him something and bring it to him and tell him it's Time to eat.  Then check in on him to make sure he's eating it properly and not playing with it or forgetting what he's supposed to be doing with it?   Plus, he'll get into Snacks and stuff if you don't keep an Eagle Eye on him, he's sneaky like a Small Child about hiding stuff he knows he shouldn't be getting into or should be moderating the consumption of or not spoiling his Meal by eating beforehand.  *Le Sigh*

So, the Customer that looks like and reminds me of Ray Liotta came in, he usually comes in later on a Friday Night I've noticed.  He is a Coin Collector and a very nice Man, quite Sociable and strikes up conversation while you're Serving him.  But he looks and Smiles so much like Ray Liotta, when he's playing the Villain, in a Movie, that it kinda Creeps me out!  *Bwahahahaha*   Today he bought himself a Gold Coin he's been Jonesin' for all Month, I'm glad he finally got it for himself, even tho' it was close to $300.   Gold is hovering around $3,200-$3,300 an Ounce so he was Hoping Gold would go down so he could get it a bit cheaper, but, finally he just couldn't resist it anymore.   I know how that is when you really desperately want something.   And he really wanted that Coin.  

He'd bought other Coins for his Collection, but that one was the Holy Grail for him and I could tell.   He doesn't look like he can't afford it, he dresses nice and Buys a lot of Coins, but, it was a spendier indulgence.  And he kept asking ME if he should get it... and, after several Weeks of him Waffling, I told him, he probably should, since, he clearly couldn't get it off his Heart or Mind.  And, I don't think I'm Imagining it, but he kind of flirts every time I've waited on him!!!   And it's awkward coz I know I've got to be a Decade, or mebbe Two Decades or more, Older than he is, and I'm Married, but can't wear my Wedding Band anymore due to Swollen misshapen Arthritic Ring Finger.   Well, Today he asked me if I had a Gold Wedding Band and looked down at my Left Hand, noticing, no Ring, and, no Tan Line either!   It made an awkward situation even more awkward while Serving him!  Yikes, so I said I couldn't wear my Wedding Band anymore due to how Swollen my Hands now are, but, that, Yes, I have a 22 Karat Welsh Gold Wedding Band that had been my Nanna's originally.  

 That distracted him enuf we began talking about European Gold, whew, and, I'd made it Clear, Yep, Married!  *Whew*  I dunno, in my Head I'm thinking Handsome alluring Serial Killer... from when Liotta often played the Bad Guys!  *LMAO*  He even Smiles with that Toothy odd tight top Lip Grin like Liotta, it's a fucking eerie Smile that is very distinctive and unsettling!!!  *LOL*   He looks about the Age Ray does in the Above Pix, even same Hairstyle and same Eyes, he could pass for being Ray's Younger Doppelganger, and, that kinda Creeps me out too coz Ray's Dead!   And I know it's not Right to feel Creeped out by a very nice Customer whose never said or done anything particularly worthy of warranting being totally Creeped Out by his presence, but, it's still how I just Feel!   He's not even Creepy about the mild flirtations I'm getting a Vibe off of, tho', Lord knows I can't recall being Flirted with in a Dog's Age so mebbe he's just being Sweet and Nice to an Old Lady, I dunno?  *Bwahahahaha*

I just don't feel comfortable waiting on him coz of the fertile Imagination I have and weird Vibe I get, as silly as it seems.  *LOL*  The Family thought it hilarious, even tho' I told them I'm Serious, to the point he comes in near Closing and I always check to make sure he's not hanging around in the Parking Lot after we get off Work and are walking to our Vehicles!!!   *Bwahahahahaha*  I think I've been watching too many Horror and True Crime Shows, I know.  *Smiles*   No, he's never been out there.   The City, after Dark, there's probably Hundreds of folks lurking around who are way more dangerous than that Guy and I've not felt Creeped Out by even tho' I know they're actually the ones to watch out for.  *Ha ha ha*   I just thought you'd enjoy my True Story about my Ray Liotta Doppelganger Customer.   Poor fella doesn't even know he's Blog Fodder now of my Wild Imaginings!  *Winks*  

Above is the Korean Cheese Plate I can't have anymore, too many Carbs for now.   But Old Food Porn Pixs are worth dredging up coz it's a Sublime Dish I usually used to have every so often at "Gertrude's" Restaurant at The Desert Botanical Gardens.  *LOL*  Just coz I'm on a Diet don't mean I can't look at the Menu, after all.   *Smiles*  I'm finding I'm eating a lot less overall coz I have to think so hard about the Carb Content of all the Foods now and that makes me lose my appetite sometimes.  *Ha ha ha*  That's how lazy I can be about charting out Meals if it takes a lot of being Extra instead of being Basic and just fucking eating.  *LOL*   I do not like Dietary Restrictions becoz it's like Math Homework to me to figure it all out correctly, it makes me Mentally Tired.  *Winks* 

  

Well, I don't have to go to that MMA Fight with The Son that his Friend was gonna be in coz the Guy's Opponent got injured and can't honor the Fight so it had to be Cancelled.  They couldn't find a suitable Opponent on such short notice and the Guy he was supposed to Fight sprained an Ankle so will be Sidelined too long recovering.   The Friend was slated as the Favorite to Win the Fight, so the other Guy probably got hurt less NOT Fighting him.  *Bwahahahaha*   The Son is just glad we didn't order our Tickets yet coz with his Friend not Fighting, we wouldn't have wanted to attend and watch people we didn't know for that much Money.  It wasn't that expensive, but right now neither of us has Money to blow on things we can't afford to waste on.  It would have been a waste to have non-refundable Tickets to a Fight that got Cancelled that we'd bought the Tickets exclusively for, even tho' there were more than One Fight going on in RUF 63 here in Phoenix at Celebrity Theater.

 But, it was a risk that they could have Sold Out before Payday, so The Son had been nervous about that too, tho' neither he nor I could do it until our Payday on Friday, and, that's exactly when The Fight got Cancelled.  *Whew*   He was disappointed, I was not, coz I didn't really wanna go and was only going for The Son's sake.  Watching MMA is not my Jam and I don't Buy Tickets to Sports, even the ones I'd watch on TV.  Plus, what if his Friend got hurt, I didn't wanna see that either.  From what The Son tells me, he's a really good Guy, and he was so relieved his Friend reached out on Friday and told him, Dude, hope you didn't get your Tickets yet coz they had to Cancel my Fight... and they can't find anyone else who wants to Fight me.  *LOL*  Challengers are not plentiful on short notice, nobody wants to Lose, they have to think they can Win and have Trained for a Fight in advance. 

 

Sunday is The Son's Birthday, so I told him I'd take him to that new "Jurassic Park" Movie when it drops July 2nd, if he wants to go?  He said he did and I couldn't think of what else to do with him to Celebrate?  Once your Kids are Middle Aged its harder to know how to Celebrate their Special Days in a way they will actually WANT to?  *LOL*  So easy when they're littles.  *Ha ha ha*   Most Adult Kids just want Money and for you to Opt Out.  *Winks*   Money is always the Right Size and Color, so, you can't go Wrong.  Right now he has the Transportation Issue so is reliant on me or Friends for Rides for Celebrating his Birthday, which Sucks if nobody comes thru to provide it and Plan something Special with him?  

 We have a stupidly early Irrigation Cycle on the Morning of his Birthday from 2:15-3:45 a.m., so, The Daughter and Mando said they'd do it so he doesn't have to and I don't have to.  *Whew*  Mando is sucking up to redeem himself.  *LOL*  He's always been Helpful, that wasn't even The Issue.    But, since my Come To Jesus with he and The Daughter about him being over here too often and muchness, and them having arguments and fights all the time, they haven't been squabbling like Children and he isn't over here all the time.  So, as long as he's in compliance and not being Creepy about obsessing over her, I don't Care if they spend time together, just not here all the time.  They're both Grown and so they're Free to hang out with whoever they wanna hang out with, just not at our House all the damned time.  *Winks* 

We did some more Non-Perishable Grocery Shopping, mostly at the Dollar Store and Wal-Mart to stock up on Supplies we know we'll need and use over the Summer Months.  I do think the Tariff impact will be felt in the 3rd Quarter, most of your Bigger Companies have been relying on their Warehouse Stockpiles for now so that they can keep stocked and pricing stable, but they've gotta be running low on that Pre-Tariff Inventory now?   I do see some low Stock and raised Pricing already, but, luckily not on what we Buy so it hasn't impacted us just yet, but, I know it will, everyone is going to be impacted, that's just the Reality of these Psycho Tariff Wars he's embroiled us in.  He's no longer negotiating with Canada at all. 

  And even those alleged "Deals" he's pretended he's finalized, which, he hasn't, he's only 'reduced' the Tariffs to a whopping 50% on Countries like China, that they're still now at, which is HUGE!!!   A 50% TAX is Crazy on anything, let's be Clear!  Granted, better than as much as 145% that it was, which was Insane!   And he changes his Mind so much and so fast that nobody can predict what they'll be Hour to Hour, let along Day to Day or in the Future Near or Far?!   It's like playing Russian Roulette with the Economy and ALL Imports and Exports, which means, ALL Businesses really.   And if this Big Ugly Bill Passes, hold on, things will get way worse over the next Decade it will Impact!   Conservatives, REAL ones anyway, always wanted less Spending and Fiscal Responsibility.   But, now their Prez doesn't Care how much he Spends, he'll Spend it all and Waste, Corruption, coupled with Fraud, is his Specialty, always has been, since the 1970's.

 

When I was at Work and Trawling some Chazzas, I was Happy to see that a lot of Halloween Merch is already out.  They say, due to Tariff's, that Seasonal Imports are gonna be slim and/or more expensive due to the Tariff Taxes if they are still getting thru Post-Tariff.   I do think it will Negatively impact the Holidays considerably, not just for Decorations, but for Gifts too.   I think the Secondhand Market may benefit from that shortage, so I'm Hopeful my own Sales at the Antique Mall will increase during the Holidays and Tariff War impacting New Merchandise and all Imports?  I'm already bringing in any Merch I know Holiday Shoppers will be seeking early.   We don't do a lot of Gift Exchanging now everyone is Grown, we don't need to and none of us expects it.  We Celebrate the Reason for the Season and not the Commercialization of it.   

 

We do hand out Candy to Trick-Or-Treaters and enjoy doing so.  Kids may have to just be Creative like the Old Days, about their Halloween Costumes, if the Store Bought ones become scarce.  Which, won't be a bad thing.   Some of my favorite Costumes were Home-Made ones and I enjoy seeing the Home-Made ones Kiddos come to our Door wearing, or the improvisation of Costume since they didn't just go out and Buy one.  Of coarse I J'Adore the Holidays and tend to go over-the-top in my enjoyment of them and extensions of Celebrating and Decorating for them.  *Winks*  I'm a Big Kid and total Weirdo like that and make no apologies for it.  If they'd had this T-Shirt in my Size it would have been perfect for me in fact.  *Winks*   Alas, most of the Specialty Tees have been in Small or Medium, and if they do have Large, it's not very Large.  I prefer X-Large becoz I don't like wearing tight clothing, it's uncomfortable and not flattering.

I bought this Book at The Antique Mall in the East Valley, I have several Books by this Author and like her Aesthetic and Style.   I couldn't go with the Color Palette she is known for, too Monochromatic and too much White, but, it's pretty and can still provide some Inspiration and Ideas.   The White Fad is still pretty Strong, as is the Colorless Palettes.  Except for Sepia, I'm not one that can Live with a Colorless Palette even tho' I might admire how you do it in your Homes.   I'm way too Colorful.   Plus, my Happy Color isn't White, it's Black, so, if we're gonna go with a predominant Non-Color, it would be Black and Sepia. *LOL*  I don't know how those with Families and Pets keep a totally White Home Clean enough?  It must take either a lot of Work or a lot of Compulsive Behavior and Restrictiveness to an Obsessive degree, which, wouldn't be for us.

There are some things that are Visually Stunning but just not Practical.  When we had the Villa McManse it had Dark Hardwood Floors that I fell in Love with when we bought it.  I quickly fell out of Love with them when every spec of dust, hair and whatever was on them was very noticeable!   We were Swiffer Sweeping those damned Floors constantly to keep them looking good, it was exhausting to have them.   They just weren't Practical and required way more Work for the Look than I was willing to put into it.  So, I'd never, ever, get Dark Hardwood Floors ever again, I got Over it in a hurry.  *LOL*  I LOVE the Lighter faux Wood Tile Flooring we have in this Home, so easy, so Practical, so Beautiful, they check all the Boxes and are thruout almost all of the Home.   When people come in from the Pool, no problem, these Floors are Waterproof and clean up so well, so easy, and don't show anything on them.

  

The Son did a nice BBQ Dinner for Tonight, but he's been an Emotional and Mental Health Wreck lately, so, hard to get along with.  He's had trouble Emotionally regulating at Work and here at Home, stressors are Triggering him badly.    He and his Sister are not getting along due to it coz both of them are Emotionally unstable, so when they clash, they really clash.  I should wear a striped Referee Shirt and have a Whistle.  Things will be Calm and then, some minor Trigger will set one of them off.   Mando and The Daughter have spent the past Three Days doing all the Yardwork and will do the Irrigation at 2-3 in the Morning.  The Son has been confrontational coz tho' Mando is doing a lot of the Work and helping his Sister, he doesn't want the Guy here.   Mando has given him Rides, hoping to even out his Moods towards him, it has only slightly helped.   I've told them all I don't want any Drama and a Headache from any of them... The Man, Princess T and I like Serenity and Peace without petty Confrontations arising.

Here's the problem with anyone with Autism, and we had the same problem with Allen, The Grandson's Husband, whose also Autistic, they don't pick up on Social Cues and seem unable to Read the Room.  This makes Relationships for them very difficult and complicated becoz they become easily Offensive and Oblivious of how abrasive and irritating they can be, along with being highly insensitive.  Then when other people react to that in the normal way that people just will, they feel like they are the Victim and go off the deep end Emotionally!    Instead of the fact they often caused the disruptions with others and it could have been avoided and was usually completely unnecessary.   And, if those "Others" aren't "Well" Mentally either, well, things get Real Interesting and Real FAST!

   They appear to get angry easily due to a combination of factors too.   Which include Sensory Sensitivities, Communication Challenges, and difficulty with Emotional Regulation and any Changes in Routine.  Those Challenges often lead to heightened Emotional Responses and frustration, which often manifest as Anger and Meltdowns.  The Social Challenges and Cues often overwhelm an Autistic Person and the potential for rumination.    They dwell on upsetting Events or Situations  which only further intensify Negative Emotions.   The Son also is Bipolar I and has Adult ADHD, Anxiety and Depression, so it's a real mixed Bag thrown together with the co-occurring Conditions.   His Coping Mechanisms have to be deliberate and he often can't Dial himself back to implement them once Triggered.   And, if he and his Sister get into it, it's like Godzilla meets King Kong, with Subtitles!   There will be considerable Bruises, at the very least... and if Reported, someone goes to Jail, mebbe both... or, Psyche Lockdown.   And that's if you're Lucky and The Police don't Freak Out and over-react, during the Call... which, has happened too.   So there's no Winning for Losing.  *Le Sigh and Eye Roll*

What Triggered him Today was something as Simple as Mando was cutting the Grass with the new John Deere, but, going in Circles, and that upset The Son tremendously, those fucking Circular Motions!!!   Yep, that's what did it!!!!!  And, unless you're Autistic, that doesn't make any Sense, Right?    But, to The Son, that's a brand New expensive Lawnmower and it shouldn't be driven in Circles!!!   And, if you don't do something the way his Brain processes how it SHOULD be done, he can have a total Meltdown about it and you'll never Understand Why or what you did to cause such an exaggerated Reaction and Emotional Meltdown either.    So, anyway, Mando and The Daughter went ahead and left, since, she's gotten Confrontational back at her Brother before now when he Triggers her Schizophrenic Ass... so it was best that the Two who could just walk away and disengage, do so.

They'll be back to do the Irrigation they said, and once they left he was able to become Calmer, but visibly upset, mostly with himself, since he knew he wasn't in Control of his Emotions at all and it had caused problems... and, they apparently got into his Drinks he just bought from Wal-Mart when we went earlier this Afternoon.   I've told his Sister not to get into his things coz he Counts them and knows when someone borrows or takes some without asking.   They're not here now for me to ask why they helped themselves to his Beverages, and, it seems they did drink quite a few and now he hardly has any, so, he's upset all over again, after being Calm after the first Trigger.   Since we all Share Space, everyone has to be respectful of everyone else's things and not get into them.

The Daughter has a bad habit of getting into something that's not hers, thinking it won't be a Big Deal, but, it often turns out to be if she sneaks it without asking.  And, when she has a Guest I've told her she cannot presume to Share with her Company what isn't even hers.  It's not a matter of Hospitality as much as it is respecting the Boundaries of what someone else has bought and paid for, that, is theirs to decide to Share, or not.  The Son rations his stuff, Princess T does also.   So that they'll have some for an extended period of time.   The Man and The Daughter aren't good at rationing anything so often then run out of what they have and either ask for someone else's or just sneak some and think nobody will notice.  It's problematic when then I'm Refereeing the Situation constantly between the factions who get Triggered by the Behaviors of everyone else in the Household.   It can go Down like a House of Cards!  And, the Cavalry ain't coming...

In a Perfect World of coarse they all could afford their own place and live Independently and Alone if they do better that way.   I personally think that when someone has an Extreme Disability they tend to do better not having to Share Space and make compromises with multiple other people Sharing Space.  Their ability to get along and play well with others is often compromised considerably.   But, with the Economy such that it is, and lots of contributing other factors making Independent Living a Pipe Dream, there isn't much of a chance that anytime soon everyone will have their own place.   If they weren't here they'd be Homeless, but, The Son might have to just be Homeless if he can't manage to co-exist in Peace with everyone else, so, he has to make that decision for himself.   I can't Cope with every Member going Mental in rapid succession, it's too much all at once.

Juggling multiple Loved Ones with Mental Health Issues, while dealing with your own, is just hard.   The Daughter and Mando got the Irrigation done and then left, so there would be less Personalities present during a volatile Moment.  The Man had kicked The Son out for the Night, so he slept on the Front Porch, not sure he wasn't kicked out for good.  He'd had a Meltdown at Work on Friday Morning, so he was not in a great Mental Health Space and both his Boss and I knew that and just dealt with it temporarily with an expulsion 'til he can get a grip on himself and get out of his own Head with the Autistic Fixations.    Of which, he can have many and really get Stuck there, like a Dog with a Bone.  *Le Sigh*  It takes something drastic to knock him out of that Head Space, and so I always do something drastic and punitive, it's just fucking Necessary to at that Point.  Cause and Effect, so, A Come To Jesus Moment HAD to happen.

 Even if it's hard to mete out Tough Love to someone with a profound Disability, Behavior Tolerated is Behavior Accepted... and there's never a Good Excuse for Bad Behavior.   Their Mental Illness, no matter how Serious, is an Explanation, not an Excuse.   This Morning, after a 102 Degree Night Sleeping Outside on the Front Porch, near the Garbage Cans, he remembers what it was like to be Homeless, so it regulated his Mood enuf he was allowed to come back Inside.  I just can't have him around other people in the Household when he doesn't have Control over himself.  Restraining an Autistic Person having an Outburst takes Superhuman Strength and I don't have that.   Yet, I also Bow Down to no Man and so I know my own Crazy was Close to The Edge now, so, don't Push me...  I had to drive around for several Hours to Calm and Center my own fucking Self before I got Arrested by going on a Mental Rampage.  Tho' a nice little Vacay in Psyche Lockdown felt quite Tempting, I ain't gonna Lie.

  And it could land him Institutionalized too, plus, Police have been known to shoot and kill Autistic People they don't know how to Deal with, so I'm reluctant to call for Assistance that won't really be Present Help and will escalate an already volatile Situation.   Nobody Needs to Die needlessly.   And if a Cop shot and killed one of my Loved ones, they better have more Bullets and be ready to kill an Enraged Matriarch of the Family then too and have it be all over the News and Investigated by the DA's Office.   I've done plenty of them fucking Files too, lemme tell ya, when Working at the DA's Office.  *Seething becoz mostly Cops get let off, even when they've Murdered people, a George Floyd Outcome is Rare only coz it was Caught on Video!*  They are simply not Trained for the response to a Mental Health Crisis of a person with Serious Mental Illnesses of any kind really.   The Man is pouty this Morning, but, the Alternative for all of them is I'll be the one that Opts to Leave and not come back.   So, The Man Cooled his Jets too, as he'd gotten all Ginned up with 73 Year Old Male Brain Damaged Bravado and Marine Corps. Machisimo.   Old Man, sit down and Calm Down, you ain't Fighting anybody anymore... *Huge Eye Roll and Le Sigh*

I don't have anywhere to actually go, but, I wouldn't really Care quite frankly.  So long as it's not here, I'd fucking adapt and improvise some kind of way when I only gotta Deal with my own Self for a change and ditch The Circus Sideshow I got going on at Home.  When you get to the Hopeless Phase of Dealing with any Crisis that you know will never have an End, you really just Live in each Moment and on The Edge as best you can, and see if you can manage to Survive it... or not?   There's Extreme Heat Warnings again, it's been exceeding 111 Degrees again and goes up to around 120 on the worst Days.   Officially of coarse they claim the highest had been 116, and those Four Degrees they won't acknowledge OFFICIALLY do make a fucking difference.   A Four Degree Temp spread can make ALL the difference whether Heat or Cold.   The amount of Humidity matters too and it's been Humid AND Hot, so, People have Died already.   Death actually sometimes seems preferable, but, a Nice one, not a horrible or terrifying one.   *Winks*

A Young Hiker Died, she had Hiked for Years, so why she was Hiking, and Alone, when it was 102 that Day was a complete Mystery?   Mebbe she started out early enuf and had a slight injury and once overheated got disoriented, coz they found her Off Trail, which, you never, ever do, and any Experienced Hiker knows this.   So, I dunno, her Death to me would warrant some investigation, lots of Questions that need Answers IMO, she was in her 20's, it's just highly unusual.   Had she been a Tourist, that wouldn't Surprise me at all, Visitors do stupid shit in the extreme Heat all the time coz they don't know any better and don't recognize how dangerous what they're doing is.   Even some folks that come from Hot Climates do sometimes, like that African Young Man we rescued, underestimating Arizona Heat, Fishing Alone, picked a Dead End spot to Park, no Phone, not enuf Hydration with him, and then had Car Troubles.

That Young Man could have ended up another unfortunate fatality from a Fishing Trip gone Bad.    And, everyone has done stupid shit in their lifetimes, we all do, and we know what we know and we don't know what we just don't know.  But the Danger lies in thinking we know what we don't know!    And, we've all been THERE too where we think we thought something thru or knew enuf, but, we just didn't.    This Morning The Son has a Professional Mechanic coming to the House to do Diagnostics on the Car.  It is $150 well spent IMO to have a Pro look at it, identify the problem, give an estimate on the repair, if it's worth repairing, or not?   No sense throwing more Money at it guessing, he's already spent close to a Grand on it to no avail, it's now got lots of new parts that didn't address the issue to make it reliable transportation.   I think he should invest in and buy something like "CarShield" with having an Older Vehicle that is bound to break down and is out of Warranties.  It's $99-$170 a Month for the Protective Coverage, but, might be worth it?

Anyway, other than all of the above, everything is Swell.  *Bwahahaha*   And, actually Today is The Son's Birthday... and that hit him hard coz his Life seems way more complicated than he expected for it to be when he turned 39.   So, I think a Midlife Crisis is happening too, things aren't at all Rosy for him and he imagined with all the hard Work he puts in every day, he'd be in a better Space to Hold right now, so he's quite discouraged and Hopeless as well.   And, for a lot of Young People, even those without disabling Factors of Health or Mental Health, the Future doesn't look bright, it looks grim as fuck.   For all of America and for them in particular, since they'll Inherit the Hot Mess being made with no regards for any of them.   It's being destroyed by mostly insatiably Greedy Rich, and mostly Old, Cis Gender White Men, who don't give a fuck about any of us, and it's unraveling at a record breaking Pace Daily now, like The fucking Apocalypse.

To End this Dramatic Post on a Positive Note, my Reading this Morning was 107 in spite of all the Drama and a Headache.  So, I guess we can Rule Out Stress being the most contributing factor to the Diabetes not being Controlled.  I start the Ozempic on Tuesday and we'll see if it will regulate things better?   Or, if I can tolerate the switch?  Lots of factors in play actually, I've had a faulty Pancreas for most of my Life so it responds well for a while, limping along, until it doesn't again.  Then they have to Dream Up something New to keep me Vertical and stabilize things.   Usually when I'm Skinny I have Hypoglycemia, and when I'm Overweight I have Hyperglycemia, it's just always a challenge either way.   And nobody is handing out New Pancreas, so, SOL about Dealing with this here one I got and keeping it going.   I been on Borrowed Time now a LONG Time so I don't sweat it anymore, you're not Dead 'til God says so anyway...  and He knows I'm Packed and ready whenever He is.

*******

Caregiver Nurse Ratchet in the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian