Doc's Follow Up... I Am Fine... Well... Allegedly

 I didn't tell you how my Doc Follow-Up went, I am Fine... well... allegedly.  *LOL*  In fact, all Testing came back good, no problemos, and, the bum Foot turned out to be nothing more than overuse, probably tendon or ligament fatigue, since I have ramped up my exercise and Walking.  *Whew*  So, I might be Good for another 10,000 Miles or so?   Well, so long as I take it easy and Dial it back a bit with the Old Feet being tortured by Overuse.   Funny tho' how only the Left Foot felt Overused, I mean, far as I know I'm Using them both Equally?!   *Winks*   And the Doc is happy I'm Exercising more, she knows I'm trying to lose excess Weight the most Natural and Healthiest ways possible.   No easy Process, even when I'm Religious about adhering to it, results vary and usually don't reveal all the effort I put into a regimen, coz apparently Stress is a Factor and that ain't going away.  *Eye Roll*

Wednesday was just a rough day for me, so I went to Bed really early, at 5:30 p.m. early, I was so fatigued physically and emotionally.  The Daughter and Princess T had been Emotionally Raw and somehow I became the Villain in that Story... whatever.   One is a Hormonal Teen and the other is Pre-Menopausal, plus you got their Emotional instability from a Mental Health standpoint too, it can be hard for them to Mood regulate.  I can usually roll with someone's Mood, but pick one, pick A Mood, any Mood, and just stick with it a Minute will ya?  *LOL*  And, with heading up a multi-generational household, you've got each Family Member coming to you individually with legitimate Complaints about One of the others, which they expect you to resolve or confront, but the Source expects to remain Anonymous... catch my drift?!  Names have to be Changed to protect The Innocent Confidential Informant, like a Witness Protection Program around here!

So, I'd gotten Complaints, individually, about a Family Member from each of the other Three, about the same thing, and I confronted in an attempt to resolve.  Only, to make a Point about it being a whole Family Issue Problem and Complaint, I made it clear the Complaint had been Unanimous with the other Four of us.  *Gasp... the Horror*   So, then, now I'm The Heavy AND The Villain, becoz some Sources wanted the Cover of Anonymity, catch my drift?!  *Le Sigh*  I apparently shouldn't have had their Name in my Mouth during the Resolution and Confrontation of said Problem.   Problem got Resolved mind you, coz I'm Solution Oriented when it comes to Problems, but that became a moot point now.  *Double Eye Roll*   See how complex it becomes to Solve a Family Issue when you got Three Generations Co-Existing under One Roof and everyone is "Special"?  *Triple Eye Roll*

 

So, The Asylum was in an uproar and I got Upset and felt thrown under the Bus, so just told them to leave me Alone, I was Upset, and needed time to come back to Center, Restore my Calm, get some Rest and Balance to move thru the Drama and a Headache it had all become, and decompress.   Apparently that became THE collective bigger Issue, insert more Drama amongst them... well, Three of them, coz The Son stayed completely out of it, he's no Fool.  *LOL*  He hid out in his Room but pretty sure he heard it all transpiring in Real Time, how could you NOT?!   He would have been in Agreement with me, coz we'd privately already had his discussion and sentiments about it, he just wanted it confronted and resolved.  So, he would have had my Back.  

This Morning he and I did discuss it on the way in to his Work and he agreed.   It puts me in a bad spot when I've got to find Peaceful Resolution to the Family Problems and sort it all out with healthy compromises everyone needs to make.   And it's not as if anyone hasn't been The Issue of the Moment, we've all had our Turn, but, if it's problematic to anyone else, it has to be addressed so we can work it out in a way everyone is Heard and can adjust accordingly.   Compromises are vital when a Group lives Together and Shares Space, it's the only way it Works Out.   So, anyway, Princess T flounced off to Rusty's last Night so I guess he's taking her to Work instead of me, which is Fine, I get to then Sleep in after taking The Son to Work, yay!  UPDATE: She came Home later and I still had to take her.  *Eye Roll*

 

  

Plus, I just found out The Young Prince just got out of the Hospital after having what they think might be Stress related Seizures!!!   He hasn't been to a Doc in over Five Years so could have an underlying Medical Condition he wasn't previously aware of, so we don't know the cause of onset, he just was seen in an ER setting so far.   I had never heard of Stress related Seizures but Dr. Google did verify it can happen, who knew?   I should be Seizing like a Motherfucker then.  *LOL*  But, it is concerning my Grandson has now begun to have them becoz he does have Brain abnormalities and has always had severe Migraines and was often seen by a Neurologist while in his Teens and on Meds for the Headache Relief.   

 Plus, he's Schizophrenic and they have a higher rate of having Seizures compared to the general population.  I just want him getting good follow-up Medical Care, but he has no Insurance or ability to be Employed.   I am worried about him, he already didn't want to be an added burden here which is why he hasn't come Home yet and trying to stay there with Allen, tho' they hardly talk anymore and just co-exist and Share Space now, no Relationship exists.   So, I'm sure that's Stressful and awkward, he's totally reliant and dependent upon Allen coz he requires a Full Time Caregiver, so, it's a tough Space to Hold and why I wanted him to try to get back Home to Arizona once I realized they were splitting up.   I didn't want him Abandoned in a State he has no Friends or Family.   The Niece is still willing to go get him and bring him back, she lives in Oklahoma, so it's closer to New Mexico.  I talked to her just last Night, but before I learned of his Seizures.

  

It was the Opening Day of a fav Event this Morning, I didn't go.  I Slept In after taking everyone to Work, not really in the right Head Space for Socialization or attending really.   I'm working on it, but, still in a Bipolar Funk Low it seems and feel rather Checked Out of doing anything.  I'll move thru it, but it takes Time to regulate back to the Manic Highs I prefer and can function in, the Lows are The Devil.   I know that The Man kept peeking in at me, he knows I should have gone to "Sweet Salvage", so, when I didn't, it's made him concerned, tho', he'll be happier to have me here at Home and not handed over to The Daughter to give me the respite of a "Me Day".   Sometimes lately he has also asked to Tag along and I definitely wouldn't have been up to that, even if he's on best behavior.  *LOL*

First of all his Hat Gal, Brittany, our adorable Young Creative Friend, wouldn't be there anymore and he wouldn't remember she told him last Month was her last.   That would make him Sad to go back to the Warehouse Section and have the Let Down of her Space being occupied by another Designer now, he'd be confused too.  That was always the high point of his attendance, visiting with Brittany, she enjoyed him coz he reminds her of her Dearly Departed Grandpa and he's also a great Model and Muse for her fabulous Cowboy Hats.  He has a great Collection of them now and he looked so good in all of them, I enjoyed helping him curate another Collection he thoroughly enjoys and now is proudly displayed on the Walls of our Boudoir.  He Designed almost all of them with Brittany, so took part in the Creation of each.   Above is The G-Kid Force the last time we saw my Mom at her Hospice before she Passed Away... it doesn't seem that long ago, yet, it was.

My Dad never Lived to see or meet Princess T or any of her Younger Sisters that The Daughter had, only The Young Prince.   He knew about his Great-Grandkids back East that the Oldest Daughter had, but, never got to see or meet any of them in person, we never have gotten to see or meet the Youngest Two in Person either and they're Grown Women now and Two of the Three have Children already.   Time flies past, it's hard to keep pace sometimes and fit everything and everyone in that you'd like to.  Anyway, I don't expect to see or meet the East Coast Kiddos coz it's unlikely this Show would or could be taken on the Road that far and they've had to cancel the West Coast Trips they had planned in the Past.   There is an Open Invitation should they Travel this way tho'.   The Oldest Daughter forgot to even call her Dad on Father's Day, luckily, with his Memory Care Issues, he didn't remember she didn't.  *Whew*   Her Stepdad is now in a Nursing Home, and she knows this one has TBI and Dementia, so, I'm sure it's hard and awkward for her.

I also severely Purged my Post Archives again, I really only want or need the most Popular Posts of the Moment Saved until they fall off the Top 10 List.   I never go back to an Archived Post, not attached in the least to any of them, so, Bye-Bye, irrelevant now and Old News.   And what happened a Week ago I really never let Live Rent Free in my Head, I've Moved On already.   I easily find it a Habit to be Mindful of the Moment and be fully in the Present, not really think too long or hard about what the Future might or might not hold, and the Past, well, it's Over.  I am Nostalgic and Sentimental, but mostly about Things and Preserving them to recall some of the Best of Times and People... but... Old Blog Posts isn't being Curated or Kept.  I like that Cyberspace is Vast and you can just endlessly Play with it like an Art Form and not be Attached to the Outcome.

Above and Below are The Daughter and I, she was about Age 11 or 12, we had it Professionally done and they piled on this Kabuki White Makeup on me to lighten my swarthy Complexion and make me look Whiter, it felt like I was wearing a Mask!  *LOL*   And the amount of Hairspray the Stylist used probably made us Flammable!  *Smiles*  I had to wash it all off after the Photo Shoot coz I had a White Face and the rest of me was Swarthy, so it just looked ridiculous outside of a Picture Head Shot.  Why does that Woman have a White Face and Brown Hands, Arms and Legs?!  *Bwahahaha*   She'd told me, the Pro Makeup Gal, that my Complexion didn't match my Eye and Hair Color at all {Duh}, so she would have had to use Foundation for a Person of Color and she wasn't sure that would Work as well?  I never use Foundation for that reason, matching my complexion seems complicated, I guess that happens when you're a mixed Ethnicity???  I don't like Makeup so it never bothered me to not wear it. 

 

But, Mom said it was Interesting to see what I would have looked like if I'd been Born her Complexion and Color, rather than more like my Dad's! Since I'm a Shade in between each of their Complexions, not as Fair as her and not as Dark as him, and we Laughed and Laughed about that.   Below is Mom and I so you can see what she meant... indeed the Makeup Gal had given me a more European Complexion and Look, but, it felt Weird.    When The Man took these Pixs in to Work his Boss and Co-Workers didn't Believe it was me and said I'd be Mad if I knew he had a Photo of some other Woman in his Wallet!!!  *LOL*  No kidding, and his Friends of Color told him, that's not Dawn, that's some White Woman, and we Laughed and Laughed about that too when he came Home from Work and told us.  *LMAOROTF*

Mom and I often went to The Desert Botanical Gardens together and I sure miss that.   She was in a Wheelchair by the time these Photos were taken of the Two of us, by some Sweet Person during each visit, who asked if we wanted them to take some of us together, I'm so glad they did.   The Top Pix was taken before my Hysterectomy, so I was still Naturally Thin then... the Below Pix taken after the Surgery and I'd already begun to have the Hormonal Shift Weight Gain that has been a scourge ever since.   It was like Two Me's and I've been trying to get back the Naturally Normal Me that having such a Surgery took away.  Mom had the same outcome after a Hysterectomy, she'd always been Rail Thin, after the Surgery she got quite heavy, so I guess it's common and my Doc even told me to expect about a 60 Lb. Gain, he wasn't Kidding!   Neither of us could Risk getting Cancer tho' without said Surgery, so, a double edged Sword of sorts.

Mom was a Cancer Survivor as she got it in her 40's, so the Surgery did help her live to be 84 and double her Lifespan.   I didn't have my Surgery until I was in my 50's, but I've been overweight ever since it and only lost the excess Weight once on NutriSystem, but only for a 10 Month period of time.   Their Maintenance Plan didn't Work for my Metabolism even tho' I followed it Religiously, so slowly I regained the 61 Lbs. I'd lost, and a Year later, it was all back, plus a few Pounds, which was maddening!   Especially since, during the 10 Month period of time I was Thin and my Normal and more Natural Weight again, I didn't have Diabetes and got off all Oral Diabetic related Meds and all Injections... I didn't have to take ANY Meds at all... dammit!   So, I'm working towards attaining that Goal again of shedding the excess Weight getting Spayed caused.  *LOL*

This was me at my absolute Heaviest of about 225 Lbs., I did look Jolly, but folks had to Sneak Pixs of me, coz I was quite aware of how big I was getting and Docs couldn't seem to tell me how best to regulate or control it!   So, that was Scary.  I hadn't changed my Lifestyle or Diet Post-Hysterectomy and I'd always been Skinny my whole Life just having the Lifestyle and Habits I had, so I didn't know what to do or what to Change?   And Diabetes is no Joke, at one point I was up to Five Injections a Day!   So I knew I had to do something since the Weight had onset the Condition for me and for my Mom.   She was an Insulin Diabetic from the time of her Hysterectomy to when she Passed, so she never was able to remedy what it had caused either, nor her Doctors.   And Mom was a Vegetarian and drank only Tea and Water, she didn't have bad eating habits and was a very light Eater, yet the Pounds packed on regardless after the Surgery for her too.

An Old Photo of The Man when he  used to still be able to go Hunting, which he just Loved to do with his Friends or his Brothers and Nephews, and we had a Freezer packed with Wild Game back then.   Below is how he looked when we first met many Moons ago... when he was a lean, mean, fighting Machine.  *Winks*   It's taken in front of the F-16's he worked on at the Base.  He's been in every Branch of the Service during his 39 Year Military Career except the Navy.  But, when he was part of the Marine Corps. back then they were part of the Navy and not a separate Branch yet.   He was a Special Weapons Tester, a Sniper and was in the Elite Special Forces in the Marine Corps..   He was a Field Medic in the Army.  And he was an Electronics Technician, skilled on all Seven Levels of the Aircraft when he was in the Air Force, plus, he Trained Reservists.   

He got Drafted before he even finished High School, since his Draft Number was Five and he had Two Brothers, he knew he wouldn't get a deferment, so he just voluntarily Enlisted in the Marines.   He just wanted to be an Office Clerk, but he maxed out their Rifle Range, so they said, Son, have we got a Job for you!!!  *Another Eye Roll, he was only 17*  So, he never finished High School and went straight to Vietnam, and places we never were {Eye Roll}, for Two Years Tour of Duty as a Special Ops Sniper.   He Married Young, as a Teen, had a Child, and decided to just make a Career of it and become a Lifer.  Same thing happened to my Dad, they'd recruit Young impoverished Native American Men off the Rez.   Most of my Dad's Brothers and Nephews became Scouts and Trackers in the Military.  Dad went into Food Service becoz he'd always been a Culinary Jedi and attained a level of Master Chef in the Civilian World, without Formal Training.

  Dad only had about a Grade School Education, so it's not like he'd had Educational Opportunities at the Indian Schools so he felt he could get a better Education and his GED thru the Military and he did.   Dad and his Brothers were about 17 when they were Recruited too.   Dad also decided to make a Career of it and become a Lifer, Serving 27 Years and meeting Mom in her Home Country when Stationed there in the very early 1950's.  His Brothers didn't become Career Military and went back to the Rez to Marry Tribal Gals and start their Families.   So, Dad's trajectory in Life was quite different than the rest of his People, unless he went Home for Visits, he never saw another Native American and he'd be the only one.  He did that Sacrificial Love, for our sakes, so we'd have a better Life and more Opportunities, and to Assimilate into Mainstream American Culture.  Above is the last Pix I have of my Dad, he was 74 when he Passed.  He Loved Bright Colors, Gaudy Jewelry, Tribal Music and Tacky Kitsch... I Inherited a lot of that "Lack of Refined Civilized Taste", as Mom always humorously called it.  *Bwahahaha*

 Mom's trajectory in Life was quite different than the rest of her People too, with Marrying an American and outside of her Race and Culture.  Which was quite Sacrificial for her too, for our sakes.  Never seeing her Homeland or being able to converse to anyone in her Language again until the end of my Dad's Career when they got another Assignment to Great Britain in the early 1970's.   Mom was also usually the only person from North Wales anyone had ever seen or met.  Most Americans thought erroneously she was Australian, and mixed up New South Wales there with the Country she was actually from.   You'd be surprised how many Americans didn't have even a rudimentary knowledge of other Countries or Cultures at all.  And back then the only Welsh person anyone saw on TV was Mulatto Iconic Welsh Singer Shirley Bassey, so people thought my Mom was a Fair Black Woman too, and perhaps all Welsh People were, coz Mom had nappy Blue Black Corkscrew Curly Hair.  And she could get quite Dark if she Tanned, coz my Welsh part Romani Gran-Gran was quite Swarthy. *LOL*

 And Mom wouldn't correct them, tho' she knew their innuendo and what it implied, coz she'd experienced Racism firsthand in America by then.   If we lived off Base in most States it was pretty segregated and Indians couldn't live and weren't Welcome in White parts of Town.   And So Mom would just say, "Yes, Shirley and I are both Welsh, tho' she hails from South Wales and I hail from North Wales.", which, was absolutely True.  *LMAO*  So, both Mom and Dad were rather an Enigma where ever we went.  *Smiles*   I rather liked having a Family that was different and didn't conform to the norms, even if we were often Social Outcasts.  I felt a lot of the norms were quite rigid, far too homogenous inclined, uptight and had considerable biases I couldn't align with nor understand.  I still feel that way.   I'd LIKE to say the Country has become more enlightened and progressive, but, that wouldn't be True.  In fact, America is digressing and going backwards.  Atrocities of our Past aren't such Ancient History, lest we forget.

Yes, I'm Dour Today and I know it.  I'm Missing a lot of People, both those that have Crossed Over and those who have moved further away.  Photo Deep Dives have dredged up a lot of range of Emotions.   Perhaps if I'd girded myself to get out of Bed again and attend my Event I'd of snapped out of it, but, I couldn't rally myself to.   I'm in Day Two of wearing the same Pajamas and not getting Dressed.   It's a funky funk to be stuck in and usually it doesn't last 48 Hours, but this one has.   If I wasn't Blogging I'd still be in Bed just Sleeping it off until I have to go get Kiddos from Work, in my Pajamas and looking like a Crazed Rastafarian coz my Dreads are not Tamed right now either, I haven't done anything with them and probably won't bother to.   *LOL*   I don't wear them loose and hanging a lot coz there's a lot going on right now with new NutriFol Hair growth at the Scalp and it's not Locked into any Dreadlock yet, so looks absolutely Crazy and Wild.   But that Shit really does work if your Hair is Thinning for any reason, Medical or otherwise... and the new Hair grows fast too!  And that's the Positive part of Today's Post... *Smiles, sorry...*

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Deep Funk in the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian