Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Tears Of A Clown ~ Throwing Oneself Into Busyness



I Process Grief and handle Stressful situations in a different kind of way due to my Cultural upbringing by a Stoic Native American Dad who never cried and expected us to not be Emotional either.   He was a Loving and Caring Man to an Extreme, just not Emotional as was his Upbringing and Way.  Now that I'm so Hormone Imbalanced by Menopause I do break down and Cry at times, but it's still not within my Comfort Zone to display such Emotions, especially Publicly rather than Privately.  So it is not uncommon in my Family to Grieve without Tears or a huge Display of Emotion that most people expect as the Norm.  We tend to remain Stoic and unemotional even during intense Grief and Upset.   I liken it the Tears Of A Clown where it is more like the Classic old Smokey Robinson Song, most Emotion being Processed Inward rather than Outwardly.






And when you Process Intense Emotion in such a way you tend to throw yourself into Busyness to move thru the Stages of Grief and Range of Emotion that build up... it will be your Release in place of the unshed Tears.   So I tend to get a LOT of Work done during these times... which right now isn't such a Bad Thing since piles of To Do have been building up all around me and deferred Maintenance had spiraled out of Control.  The Reason for the Focus is not necessarily Positive, but the End Result can at least make it have Purpose Fulfilled while you're Emotionally Distraught.




Losing a long time Dear Friend so unexpectedly was such a Shock that it took us a few days to actually FEEL it.   The Son and I will be Attending the Memorial Tonight with her Family and just a few other close Friends.  It will be very Intimate and we fully Intend to Celebrate her Life, as is our Custom during a Farewell.   Their Family Share similar Custom of Life Celebration after a Death so the coming Together in Remembrance will begin the Healing Process as each of us moves through the Natural Stages of Grief, each in their own way and Time frame.   




When you lose someone you've been Relational with for well over Thirty Plus Years there are a lot of fond Memories and Remembrances to ease the Pain.   Barbara had the most Beautiful Spirit of anyone I have ever had the Privilege of knowing.  In all those years I never heard her utter an unkind, unlovely or insensitive word about anyone.  What a Wonderful Example of a Life Well Lived she imparted as her enduring Legacy.   When such a Beautiful Spirit is taken too soon there is a tremendous Void in this World that is not easily filled.




And it does give everyone Pause for Contemplating Mortality in general and how Fragile Life truly is for us all and not to be taken for Granted.    To rise above petty fixations and the fluff of Life to consider what truly is Important to each of us?   Who and What REALLY matters?   It is a Time for Introspection and Quiet Reflection of our own Life Walk and the Journey we're on... Where is it taking us?   Are our Destinations and Goals considered Worthy of our Time... because Time is the Currency of God and our most Precious Resource this side of Time and Eternity so it should be spent Carefully and Purposefully.




As I'm throwing myself into Busyness I am Mentally taking Stock of what Time I'm Wasting in everyday affairs and what Time is Well Spent?   What am I Focusing upon and Fixating Upon... does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?   What Adjustments should and need to be made?  What and Who are really WORTH Investing my Time in?   A Cousin had recently Shared a Profound Verse that in part had reminded us not to make a Priority anyone who merely considers us as an Option... Truth that!




As I continue to Age and reach an Advanced level of Maturity I have found that it's much easier not to sweat the small stuff in Life or Tolerate whatever would be a barrier to leading a Peaceful and Content Existence.   To refuse to take the Offense when it is offered up, whatever way would keep things Calm and Drama Free whenever that is possible.   Sure I still have the tendency to have certain situations be a Trigger for me, since everyone has those things that make us Crazy or particularly Passionate.  But to Purposefully move thru those situations as quickly as possible and just let them go without giving them more Life, Time or Attention than absolutely necessary.  My Time, you see, is far too Valuable to Waste on such things... and yours is too my Friends! 




And I have found a Measure of Peace in Focusing instead upon those things and those Precious Ones that bring me the most Joy, the most Contentment and Purpose.   Those are always the things and Time Memories are built upon and made of... the things and People of Substance in our Lives.   The things and People truly Worthy of Investing our Precious Time with and for.   You might be able to get Money that is Wasted back by getting more... but you can NEVER, EVER get Time Wasted back... once Spent it is gone FOREVER!   And yet many times we Protect our other Assets far more Carefully and Diligently than we Protect our Time, the Currency of God and the most Valuable of all Assets!





I'm trying to make even more of a Conscious Effort to Protect my Time.  It is certainly a Wake-Up Call when those even Younger than us are taken and their Time is up... my Friend Barbara was one of those Younger Precious Ones taken too soon.   I had thought we might grow even Older Together, but it was not to be.   And beginning to FEEL the Loss now has not been easy, it never is... it is never Comfortable to just sit with Uncomfortable Feelings and just FEEL them.  But to begin Healing it must be done or it is just extended and must be dealt with at some point in Time eventually... so why prolong the Agony and Misery I say. 




Not that I haven't prolonged some Agony of Emotion and FEELING at times, when I can't afford to break down and go to pieces or be Miserable when actively Dealing with stuff, or when it's just been too Painful to sit with for long enough.   I think we've all been there too with certain Life situations, especially those outside of our Control or that just cut so deep that you Imagine you could just Die from FEELING it... you won't of coarse... but it FEELS like you couldn't Survive the Experience... but you will.   Those of us who don't show a whole lot of what we consider Negative Emotions or perceived Weaknesses can be particularly Challenged to open the Floodgates of FEELING what we Feel... and whatever Emotional Release that might stir up and purge from within.





I have said that I rarely, if ever, cry... but when I do it is as if I will never stop and it's a big snotty Sobfest Affair that actually, in the end, is Welcome and empties me out completely.   Generally it scares the Hell out of anyone that knows me well, since it happens so rarely except in Private where nobody sees and nobody hears.  And so for that reason I prefer to keep it on the Down Low so as to spare others the Anxiety it can Create for them to just let me Release what has been kept up under Control too long and needs to be set Free.   Often to get thru profound Crisis and daily Drama that cannot be avoided I tend to go on Auto Pilot to Deal with the Stuff of Life without going to pieces because I have to and need to do it that way out of Survival Instinct to handle it all.  But at some point it has to be addressed from a point of Emotion and Feeling of it... that's just a fact of Life.





I never quite know when that Timing will come for such a Release and to fully Feel what I Feel rather than Feeling Nothing and Numbness for an unspecified Time... and so, until then I'll remain Stoic and throw myself into Busyness until it Surfaces and asks to be Felt and set Free now?

*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian



Monday, April 20, 2015

Sweet Salvage ~ Color Stories Finale'



Well, the Event was a Wrap Sunday Afternoon and I managed to get together with The Son and Family so as to take some of the Girls to see it just before closing time.   And to try out the New Smart Phone's Camera... so this shot was pretty Special, being the first I ever took with a Smart Phone!  *LOL*   Now, I think I'll probably continue to go Old School with Photography, at least for now, until I learn more about how to actually USE said New Smart Phone.  Since I'm NOT so Smart about Technology and will require a lot of hands-on Training by the G-Kid Force.  *Winks*

  


As it was everyone was laughing that every time I received a Call I needed Support Staff to Help me answer it!  *LMAO*   The 9 year old Grandchild, Princess T, was the one who helped me and showed me how to even turn it on when I first got it and was completely frustrated since I'd promptly forgotten everything the Sweet Patient Young Woman at the T-Mobile Store had shown me!  *Blushing*




But I am completely LOVING it even though some of the Images, like this one, will require some Work on my part to get 'Down' to a presentable Image since I'm still on quite a Learning Curve.  So... our New Phone Images will be intermingled on this Post with my trusty and Beloved Old Camera's Images... I just didn't have it on our last Pilgrimage on Sunday.  *Gasp*   Which FORCED me to learn to use the Phone Camera on Sunday, which I'd been conveniently delaying and putting off since there seemed to be SO MUCH to Learn and the Young People don't understand it doesn't come so Naturally and Quickly to us Dinosaurs!  *Winks*




This Dinosaur is Willing to Learn and slowly, but surely move into the Present and the Future... but at my own Pace, which is significantly delayed and they're practically dragging me there!  *LOL*  The Big News and Surprise this Weekend though when we met up with The Son and Family was that they had gotten Engaged!!!  *So Happy and Excited for them!* 




 It's about time My Son... and the Engagement Ring is Gorgeous... Solina and I are all about da Bling-Bling so it hadda be, of coarse!  *Winks*   I didn't know exactly when he was gonna Pop the Question, but he had Solicited my Advice about The Ring and I'd told him to work a LOT of overtime and definitely get her the Dream Ring.  Proud of The Son for taking Mom's Sage Advice!  *Smiles*  So it was definitely a Weekend worth Celebrating!!!     




The Inventory at the Event had certainly been flying out the doors as just about everything I'd seen on previous visits was gone or already SOLD!  This was definitely a very Popular Theme that was exceedingly well received.   All of the Killer Treasures I'd Admired profusely were SOLD so there were no second chances at this Show my Friends, if you didn't 'Score' it when you first laid eyes upon it, chances are you were gonna be too late!




Gramma 'Scored' the Athletic little Princess A with the Upcycled Girl Power Trophy so she was totally Jazzed.  I had told you that these just seemed to be Perfect to me for a little Girl's Room Decor and the Grand-Daughters seemed to concur.   Kim's Daughter, who Created them, was pleased it was going to a good Home where an Aspiring Little Female Athlete would Feel Empowered by it's Message.




I only came back the third time to bring the Family, but I did manage to get a few inexpensive Treasures that had been uncovered in the layers and layers of Beauty as things were Sold.  Princess T was having a Good Behavior Day so she had gotten to finally Attend the Event with us.   Lately her Bad Behavior Days at Home and at School have been escalating.  *Le Sigh*  I think Early Puberty must be on the Horizon... so fasten your seat-belts, we've bought the ticket so we're on for the whole scary, crazy, wild, bumpy ride!  *Shuddering*




It was Good that three of the five Kiddos got to come along at some point during the Event since they all Enjoy it so much and it's a nice Family Time out Together.   It's not easy finding Venues that transcend the Generation Gaps and everyone of each of the three Generations Enjoys equally.




Of coarse when the G-Kids see something like this in a Vignette they Smile and say it looks just like Gramma's House.  *Winks*   I'm running out of Wall Space for Great Taxidermy Mounts that I can Dress Up, but I do so Enjoy seeing this Style that I Connect to being on Display... I'm not Feeling so much like the way I like to Decorate is quite so Odd now and can be Embraced by other people?!?  *Winks*




Yes... come on over to My Side... the Far Side... and take a Walk on the Wild Side... you might just begin to Enjoy it too?!?  *Ha ha ha*   I bet you now have that Classic Lou Reed Song looping in your Head now don't you?  *Winks*


Sugar Plum Fairy came and hit the streets
Lookin' for Soul Food and a place to eat
Went to the Apollo
You should have seen him go, go, go
They said, hey Sugar, take a walk on the wild side
I said, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side, alright, huh
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

Okay, I bet NOW you do?!?  *Bwahahahaha!*



Pray for me... I know, I'm incorrigible... *Winks*




I had a lot of backed up Work waiting for me here at Home after the Weekend Whirlwind of Fun was done, so I really NEEDED to cut loose and just not think about everything I had to hit the ground running to do come Monday Morning.




After I got the Kiddos off to School this Morning it was about three and a half hours of laundry that had been procrastinated upon which I finally got around to.  My piles of To Do are getting higher and longer, I swear!




I'm sure I'm not the only one that ends up with things snowballing and out of Control if you don't stay on top of it diligently?   Diligent has not been one of my strong points lately... I've been bothered by it all... but not so much that I actually tackled as much of it as I should have and probably could have with sufficient motivation fueling me on.




I know that eventually I shall HAVE to wade through it all and get busy with it.  I have made feeble efforts here and there, but it seems to have hardly made a dent so there isn't that much Enthusiasm building like when you see REAL Progress being made.




I don't have enough Minions around here to Delegate these nasty duties to, these pesky things that annoy me because they seem to snowball so easily and before you know it, what a Hot Mess!!!  As an Army of One I just don't seem to be winning this battle against Chronic Disorganization and deferred Maintenance around our Home and Property.  The Fantasy of coarse would be to have rooms that resemble this and are highly functional and no piles of To Do sitting around it.




It is also with a Heavy Heart that The Son just informed me that one of my long time BFF's just passed away this weekend!   What a shock as I didn't even know she was battling serious health issues.  In recent years we had long distance communication and online communication since she'd been moving around and we hadn't been able to Connect in Person like the Old Days.  When you get to a certain Season of Life this is just a Sorrowful part of it, as those you Care about go from Time into Eternity before you.   I'm still not quite used to it though.  Barbara, you will be SO Missed my Dear Friend!!!




I know one of the things my Mom has told me at her more advanced Season of Life, that though she has certainly Loved Life and Lived it Fully, being one of the Last Ones has been very, very difficult.  You don't always want to be one of the Last Ones of your peer group and Generation... because you will certainly Grieve for all of those who have gone on before you and will be so sorely Missed.




Rejoicing AND Sorrow is a part of the Human Experience though and sometimes it just comes side by side as it has for us this particular Weekend.   Bittersweet when Celebration and Heartache are combined within the span of a few days.




With the advancement of Technology though we can know and be informed sooner, almost Instantly in fact... which is a Good Thing.




I just Wish my Friend had been able to get together with us all one last time... like the Old Days... such Fond Memories of those days we all Shared... such History of our Families intertwined... our Children growing up together and then becoming Grandparents and Sharing those Experiences.  In fact, Sharing all of the Life Experiences, the Good ones and the Bad ones... long time Friends do that, we are Transparent with each other and can keep it 100% Real all of the time.




Well... after having just received such Heartbreaking News I shall draw this now to a close and process the Loss and talk with the extended Family, hers and ours.




Life is so Fragile you know... so Enjoy every Moment of it... and Behold everything as if it's the first time you're seeing it... or the last...




Blessings, Love and Peace from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Sweet Salvage ~ Color Stories Part IV



So yes, we went back Today to the Event, just the Young Prince and I, since Princess T was wallowing in Epic Diva Drama and there was no way I was Dealing with that all day!  Haven't been Feeling 100% still, you just don't bounce back from being really sick so well once you reach a certain Season of Life... and I guess I'm at that juncture of Slow Healing?!  *Le Sigh*  I'd Hoped to 'Score' with the Red Head Lady Painting, but apparently she'd gone Home with someone else. *Winks*  This Vignette had in fact been one of my Favorites at the Show, it just Appealed to me strongly.




I do however, always return on the Weekend more to have time to Socialize with my very Talented Sweet Friends at the Show and talk Shop.  About what Inspired them, the back end Story to some of the Amazing Inventory and Creations.   To me it's often all about the Fascinating Story of a Piece that brings it to Life in a way that will be most Memorable, even if you didn't go Home with it.  My Friend Sweet Minnie, in particular, Embodies the Style, Vibe and Aesthetic in her Fabulous Creations and Lifestyle that I can Connect to on a Personal level as Kindred Spirits.




This Young Lady Shares so much in Common with me she could have been one of my own Offspring!  *LOL*  Yes, she fits right in with the Bohemian Valhalla Clan and we Totally "Get" each other and what makes our pulses race and our Spirits Sing!   And she has such a Sweet, Gentle and Generous Spirit to be sure.   While I'm Adopting these Grandkids I should just go ahead and Adopt her too 'cause she's a Keeper!  *Winks*




I want to profusely Thank Sweet Minnie for the unexpected Surprise she had for me... and which the Young Prince helped me beyond being indecisive about!  *Smiles*   He Thinks things through way more deeply and analytically than his Impulsive Gramma.  He and Minnie agreed upon the outcome of her most Generous Surprise and you can Color me beyond Happy and Grateful!  Mwah and a Big Hug you Sweet Thing... and you'll have to get on over here and wade through some Secret Stashes in the Art Studio Cottage to come up with some Goodies of your own GF!  *Winks*




This Event's Bold Boho Spirit, especially in the Boutique and Fashion End of it, well, it was Pure Bohemian Valhalla for me!  Lemme tell ya, if I was a few sizes smaller, I could have gone Mad in that Boutique and absolutely filled up the Closets with Beautiful Colorful Gypsy Couture and Boho Style absolutely Perfect to Usher in the Summer with it's Vivid Hues and Pretty Prints!!!  And the Unique Accessories just made the Heart Flutter and bring a Smile to the face with their Unique Upcycling and Indie Fashion Sense. 




Yes, it would be an absolutely Perfect Ensemble for Summer to have these Eye Popping Fabrics, Flowing Comfortable Style and equally Intriguing Bling... Totally Loving the Frida Necklace and Doily Pocket Accents of this ensemble! 




If it had come in BMW Size... it SO would have been mine!  *Winks*




The Young Prince liked the Boho Summer Maxi in the background of this frame and thought it was Perfectly My Style.   The Print was exquisitely Boho and reminds me of the Free Spirited Bygone Era I recall so well.




So yes, we were hanging out in the Boutique Area for a very long time again during this visit too.




Luckily the Young Prince Enjoys Fashion as much as I do and can Appreciate the Design of OOAK Gypsy Couture Fashion and Accessories and discuss it with us intelligently.   He'd be a Great Fashion Designer since he has Mad Creative Skills and a Good Eye for what looks Flattering on the Female Form.   He can often be the Eye and Voice of Reason when I'm selecting Wardrobe and Accessories... and he was Today able to talk me into the best choices for what I would bring Home.




We had a lot of Fun and a very full day in spite of me being still enough under the weather health wise that we had to cut our day out short and not meet up with The Son and Family later for more activities.   I really Hate when I don't have the degree of Wellness to do everything I would like to do on the days I can get out and Enjoy myself.   But the day was very Satisfying and Fun nonetheless.




It was probably a Good Thing that I only had the one and more Sensitive Child in tow Today as well, who could manage not to Feel Let Down when we had to call it a day rather early when I began to not Feel so Well to continue.    Princess T would have been a whole other Story had I begun to not Feel so Well... especially when she's in Epic Drama Mode like Today!  *LOL*




Sometimes I Wish I had some other Spaces to Decorate in different Styles, especially when I see something uber Cool like this Old Roulette Wheel, probably from a Traveling Carnival.   I could certainly Style a Room in Carnival Kitsch and feel very much at Home in it... what a Fun Vibe that would be in a Game Room actually, to go Carnival Kitsch in the Styling of it.   I already have a Collection of Carnival Kitsch Prize Chalkware Pieces.   This would also be Great for a Kid's Vintage Carnival Party Theme!




The Young Prince really liked my Friend Terry Parvan's "Winifred Street" Hearts... especially that one that said, "Know in your Heart you are Loved".  In hindsight I should have Surprised him with that one, since it is so appropriate, though I did let him choose some other Goodies from the Event that he wanted.




See some of those Huge Natural Crystals in the dish in the foreground of my Friend Myko's Space?  Well, he got a Gorgeous and Clear one of those.    Myko and Julie both Design such Great Vignettes at the Shows and their Inventory and Sense of Style is Killer!




And how Cute is that Vintage Signage our Friend Ron is standing under?  "Recommended by our Guests" is certainly an appropriate phrase for these Monthly Shows put on by my Talented Friends at The Sweet, that's for sure!   And yes Ron, you're Cute too... and Princess T is gonna be so upset she acted up now and couldn't behave, so missed the chance to hang out with her Favorite Friend!  *Winks*





One thing I don't think a lot of peeps know about these Shows is that they offer a wide variety of Fantastic Designer Books and Magazines that you can't find hardly anywhere else.  Most of the Big Box Bookstores are sadly lacking in the Design Sections of the most Popular and sought after Authors of cutting edge Design and Style.   Or any of the Great European Styling Magazines... but you can always find them here to add to your Library.




How Cute are these Colorful Altered Art Upcycled Vintage Trophies that Kim's Daughter Created?   These would be so Cute in a Girl's Bedroom to Inspire her and add to her Youthful Vignettes.




And I'm always drawn to the unframed Art by the Unknown Masters that abounds at these Shows.  I definitely need more Gallery Space on my Walls and anywhere else I can prop up some Art!  *LOL*




And how Adorable is Garden Art tucked around the Home and beside Fresh Bouquets of Flowers for Spring?   Yes, I'm definitely overcome by Spring Fever... maybe THAT'S what's wrong with me?  *LOL*




Whatever it is... I just gotta get Over It soon 'cause it's definitely cramping my Style and keeping me Grounded far too long when I want to be flitting around like a Social Butterfly while the days are so Glorious and the Energy so Fresh and Vibrant.  *Smiles*




And don't think absolutely everything was in Living Color... there were also Amazing Colorless and Neutral Vignettes and Inventory as well that would look Splendid in your Home just in time for Summer.   I don't know about anyone else, but for me, if I'm going to be MORE drawn to White and Pastels, it will be during Summer because it evokes a Beachy Cottage Vibe to me.   Humnnnn, I Wonder, is Beachy even a legit Word since Spell Check doesn't seem to recognize it?  *LOL... and I know where your Mind could go with that Question in the way of Urban Slang!  Ha ha ha*




Loved the over-sized layered Mirrors over that Fabulous Old Mantle.   I've never met an Old Mantle that I didn't Adore... I'd have Pretend Fireplaces all over the house and would squeeze one in the Bathrooms if they were only big enough at this Old House!  *Ha ha ha*   In fact, if I could install the Real Deal in the way of Fireplaces in a Custom Home... well, I'd probably have one in every room including the Bathrooms... I'm such a Pyro like that when it comes to the Enchantment and Ambiance of a Fire or Candles in the Hearth.   And we live in the Desert, so it's not as if we often need the warmth of a roaring Fire in every room, Mother Nature heats it up plenty in Arizona!  *Smiles*
  



But I still like to Snuggle... and so if I can't have a roaring Fire in every room, well, I can have a Hoard of Lovely squishy Down filled OOAK Pillows can't I?   I have to constantly rotate my Pillow Collections because otherwise it would look like a Bedouin Harem around here!  *Winks*




All these Fun Funky Prints remind me of Colorful Middle Eastern and Northern African Style in fact... like a day spent sauntering through a Marrakesh Marketplace!   I can almost smell the Exotic Spices, can't you?




And I can't help but think of a Stately Gentleman's Club and the Ambiance that The Man would J'Adore in a room of our Home when I see my Friend Robert's exquisitely Masculine Styled Vignettes and Space.   This Winged Club Chair would be a Perfect replacement for The Man's Old Recliner if I could only get him out of it long enough to swap it out with something I really dig like this piece!  *LOL*   You know how Men get with their Favorite Chairs though, those things have to die a long, slow, painful death... put a Daisy on it and give it Last Rites before you can pry them out of it and talk them into a replacement Favorite Chair!  *Smiles*




But perhaps at one of these Events he'll Discover the Perfect Replacement and be on board to finally Let Go of said sad, aging, worn out Recliner?  In the infamous words of Comedienne and hilarious Entertainer Judy Tenuta, "It could happen!!!"

*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl