Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Blog Break Prematurely Suspended

I changed my Mind about the Blog Break, this being my Happy Place and Happy being in short supply right now, it just didn't make sense to unplug from here while mired in an Emotional Funk.   Besides, Writing and Photography being so enjoyable to me, I'm concentrating more on what could pull me out of my Funk successfully and be productive.  I'm doing the daily grind and all, but I am also seeking to find ways to enjoy this glorious weather before the intense Desert heat sets in. 

With Easter on the Horizon I have wanted to experiment this Easter with Creating some Henna Inspired Decorations for Easter Eggs.  The faux kind of Egg, I've got some plain White and Chalkboard Black faux Eggs to practice on.  I think trying to tap into some Creativity might Uplift my Mood?  Which has been quite Dark and Dramatic lately, I ain't gonna lie, I've been Moodier than a Wet Hen or a Tween going thru intense Angst!  It's not very Becoming to a Mature Woman and I know I haven't been Good Company in Weeks now due to it.

The Young Prince called to say he wasn't coming for a Spring Visit after all and to pick up his Reptiles, they decided they couldn't keep them Warm enough for a three day drive back.   That makes sense, you can't plug their Heat Lamps in without electricity and honestly their Habitats are huge, so there wouldn't be room for Humans in the vehicle once you piled all their paraphernalia in there!  So I may be Reptile Keeping for a longer while as he figures out the economical logistics of shipping them and replacing all their expensive and extensive Habitat in Washington.  He's missing them terribly, probably more than he's missing us!?  *LOL*

So I'm looking at Alduin and Ivara last Night and saying, well Dude and Dudette, looks like you're stuck with me for a while, so lets see if we can make this Work?   If they understood what I was conveying, they might end up Depressed too, but Ivara didn't turn Black, so her Mood seems to still be Good and Stable for now!  So she's clearly doing better than me at Coping! *Winks*   Alduin, he's Chill enough to roll with whatever, he's a very adaptable Creature it seems, so my temporary Adoption of him doesn't seem to phase him, which is probably a Good thing.  Neither of them seems Aware I am Clueless about Reptile Care really, except the Crash Course my Grandson gave us before he left.

Cats are Easier and fiercely aloof and Independent, which is why I've always been a Cat Person.  Owning a Dog to me is much like having another Child, and I've kinda maxed out on Child Rearing, so no Dogs allowed at Villa Boheme'!  "Why can't we have a Dog?", Princess T once inquired... because I have You was my response... and it would be twice as much Work Caring for another Needy Creature!   She laughed, but I think she Got It... she'll wait for Dog Ownership when she Grows Up, moves out and will have to Care for whatever she brings into her own Home that is Alive!   Co-Parenting her Hamsters is enough for me right now... and all the Aquatic Creatures she inherited from her Big Brother!

I transferred half the Mollie Brigade into the newly cleaned Aquarium, one Adult Male and a large Nursery of Fry.  The rest of the Adults and a few Fry remain in the larger Tank.   For now the cleaned Tank is Mystery Snail Free, we'll see how long that lasts?  They crop up almost as if by Magic, in spite of the Pet Shop swearing Blue Mystery Snails are Rarer and don't breed prolifically, ours do!  Most of them are now segregated into Snail Fishbowls, but the big Tank does have some that The Young Prince dropped in there when he was overwhelmed by the sheer number of Baby Mystery Snails.  We have one Adult Blue Mystery Snail that hasn't croaked, but a slew of Juveniles.  I had hoped their Mortality rate would be high, is that Wrong of me?  *LOL*

The Hamster Brothers aren't segregated yet since they're still getting along and playing well with one another.  I've warned them the moment they begin to act up and fight among themselves, one gets banished to the smaller Habitat.  It's a good sized Habitat, just smaller than the ginormous one I Scored at a Thrift Shop when I got a 60 Gallon Aquarium for under Twelve bucks!  I had to be proactive about setting up two appropriate Hamster Habitats, since everything online insinuated they are not social Creatures when they reach Adulthood, regardless of Gender.  For now the Boys interact together very well and cuddle a lot so I don't have the Heart to separate them until it's evident it's necessary.  I guess it's a lot like when the time comes that your Kiddos require separate Rooms?!  *LOL*

Speaking of Rooms, Princess T is still Lusting after her Brother's Apartment, and yet, she doesn't want to Vacate her Upstairs Spaces... she wants it ALL!   That is not going to happen, given her Habits and predisposition to Room Chaos.  But I do let her go in there and use the Apartment without moving anything of hers into there and that's working out pretty good thus far.   Mostly because it motivated her to finish painting his Chalkboard Wall and Clean all the Apartment and that Worked for me!  *Winks*   Why she found it necessary to Clean his whole Apartment and not her own Spaces is one of the Great Mysteries we'll never fathom.  But at least his Apartment is in Order and hers is quazi in Order, I can Live with that.

Right now Living with everything else is the major Challenge, so Living with any mess the Grand-Daughter makes Upstairs in her personal Spaces, doesn't really bother me.   I know I should Care more about Maintaining everything, but getting out of Bed each Morning is harder when I'm in a Funk, so if I manage that... and not a whole lot else, I'm Good.    I saw a Drone flying overhead across everyone's back Yards the other day... and I swear to God if I find out it belongs to the HOA and they're violating Privacy that blatantly, and I suspect Illegally, I'm shooting the Mo'Fo down!  Our back Yard is Fine, I just resent intrusion into Privacy that is so flagrant and so Orson Welles Big Brother Is Watching You like.   Control, Suppression and Oppression in Subdivision Hell is already too much and dangerously out of Control IMO.

I Wonder if I threw an Easter Egg at it I could knock it out of the Sky?  *Winks*  I'd actually like it to inadvertently crash into my Back Yard and then Sue them for the Dangers of flying Drone Aircraft over my Grandchild and Pet's Private Outdoor Play Space.   I'd utilize the Settlement of coarse to buy another Property and get Moved Out so as to put this place up for Sale and be Done with it... and them.  *Smiles*   I just don't like the idea of images being taken without permission by Drones from unknown anonymous Pilots of the Drones.  It's intrusive and violates your Privacy and perhaps even your Family's Safety, depending upon what they're gathering and why?   It's just Creepy and I know Princess T said it bothered her that when she and her Friends are in their Bathing Suits she doesn't want to risk some Perv Photographing and Peeping at them by Drone... she has a Point.

Speaking of Grand-Daughters, one of Princess T's Younger Sisters recently lobbed all her luxurious Hair off into a short Bob.  It's Cute, but I don't know how to Feel about it, since the Child had really Beautiful and very long luxuriously thick Hair before.  Not to mention this makes her look Older and more Mature and she's only Twelve... so there's THAT!   I don't want my 12 Year Old Grandchild looking more like 16, since she's already a statuesque size and an Early Bloomer!   Ah well, they're all Growing Up quickly and you can't prevent that... so I gave it a Thumbs Up when she Shared her New Look, after all, whaddya gonna do?


Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

Monday, March 25, 2019

Epic Ramblings Of An Unsettled Spirit

So, another Vendor was closing out her Spaces and I was admiring her Chest... now get your Minds out of the gutter, I meant of coarse her Antique Steamer Trunk!   But that sounded like a good Hook Line to draw you all in to the Post! *Smiles*   Since this Wild Moon Child has been rather an Unsettled Spirit of late, a bit of Retail Therapy hasn't hurt, it's been like a Good Medicine.  Having to keep it a Cheap Good Medicine has been the particular Challenge, but it's still way Cheaper than Therapy, so there you go!!!

And this was a particularly nice one, of the Style I Collect, my Admiration was apparent but I was waffling at the price she wanted initially.  So we entered into a fierce negotiation that would work for both of us, since she really wanted to make me buy it.  She didn't have a large Truck to get a big piece out of there and I didn't Need another large piece ever in this Lifetime, so I did have an unfair advantage.   I had sworn not to buy anything else heavy after the double Senior Fall with the Antique Wooden Pedestal recently, so there was THAT too, this thing weighs a ton, but it does have rollers on the bottom.  It was also locked with no Key, so there was THAT... so suffice to say I got it on the Cheap and now the Vendor doesn't have to hire someone to get it out of her vacated Booth, so it was a Win-Win for us both.

The Man sighed when I dragged it Home in the bed of my Pickup Truck, you're going to be the Death of us he moaned, as we schlepped it out of there and wrestled it up the steep incline of our Driveway and into the House.  Yeah, but look at how well it matches my Antique Suitcase Collection, he couldn't argue with that.   I also Sell Off a bunch of Antique Suitcases of lesser desirability, to justify bringing an upgrade in, so there is the Promise of less, as the 5-to-1 Rule Creates another Exodus.  In fact, I've quit procrastinating and have begun pricing more Inventory to bring into my Showroom and Booth, to get it out of Villa Boheme' and continue with the perpetual downsizing Project.  So as Banana Boxes filled with possessions goes out the door to be hawked, a thing or two can come in now and again without too much Guilt and need for justification.

So now breaking into said Steamer Trunk and picking that Lock will be the order of the day, I'll have to look at Online Tutorials on Lock Picking.  I'm sure they exist and it'll save on hiring a Locksmith to come to the house, since this ridiculously heavy thing isn't going anywhere now we've got it situated!  *LOL*  I will utilize it for Storage once opened, she had told me it had been opened and unlocked, is pristine inside, but a Customer had locked it and she didn't have a Key.  Customers do things like that, I don't know Why?  Even if you put a Sign, like No Key Please Do Not Lock, someone is bound to do it just to be defiant or a Jerk!  I quit putting Signs on Antiques to try to remind people to be considerate and gentle, it only encourages those who won't to violate the request.   And it still amazes me how many Parents who cannot control their Children and know they are buck Wild, Feral acting Kids, will still bring them into an Antique Mall!

I just Hope some unsupervised Feral Kid didn't lock themselves inside this Trunk coz it sure was heavy for an empty one!?   *LOL*   You know how when anyone sees an Old abandoned Trunk inside of a Storage Locker they bought at a Storage Auction, they always Hope not to find a Dead Body inside?  Well, just sayin' I'd rather have known the insides of this is devoid of anything unknown!? *Smiles*   I'll let you know when I break into it, if we had a Geraldo Rivera, Al Capone Vault, outcome or not?  For those of you who might be too Young to remember what I'm talking about.  Way back, on April 21, 1986, nearly 30 Million Viewers, me among them, tuned in to the Mysteries of what Al Capone's Vaults held as a live prime time excavation took place with Geraldo Rivera Hosting it.  There was a lot of hype to get good ratings and complete hyperbole leading up to the opening, as it promised that the Vaults might contain some of the late Mobster Kingpin's possessions.

They really dragged it out to make a whole two hour Special out of it... and it turned out the Vault was empty... nada... in fact, I don't think they even broke into all the Vaults so the damned Old Building wouldn't collapse on their Heads! It was disappointing and yet hilarious at the same time!   Rivera was so enthusiastic and promising an adventure as exciting as excavating King Tut's Tomb, I think he thought this might be the Pinnacle of his Career?  Instead it was quite anticlimactic how it turned out, but Memorable in a different kind of way than if they'd discovered anything.   But remember, this was also the 80's so there wasn't as much Action and Options on TV as Today and so we'd watch damned near anything!   A lot of very Bad TV existed... if you don't Believe me watch Old Reruns on the Retro Channels, it's freakin' hilarious how Bad most of it was!!!  *LMAO*

Speaking of the Past in the Present, I've been Lustfully Eyeballing Old Buildings and Historic Properties more than usual lately.  In fact, I've been thinking along the lines of Conversions of Historic Commercial or Industrial Properties into a Quirky Residential pad of my own.  Total Pipedream, but whatever...  Since so few Historic Residential Properties are up for Sale that I can afford, I have outrageous Daydreams like that now all of the time.   This particular Historic Bank in Downtown Old Town Glendale is one such place I Lust after longingly.  It's presently actively used as a Law Office and this day it was Closed so I was standing there peeking inside to see what the interior looks like?  Surprisingly the Attorney must be an Antiques Pack Rat and had hoarded up an impressive array of very Old good Quality Jukeboxes stored in there.  It was dusty and disorganized, reminding me of a scene from 'American Pickers' where Frank and Mike find an Old Dude who bought up Historic Buildings mostly to store their Cache' of awesome Junquing Treasures.

So imagine my complete Surprise when the Attorney drove up, a Cool Old Dude wearing Turquoise and White Vintage Cowboy Boots and a Nice Suit.  I'm sure this fellow is fascinating and has some fantastic back stories he could tell, but I apologized for peeking in the Windows of his Historic Building.  But complimented him on ensuring it was never torn down or molested inside like so many Historic Commercial Buildings typically are nowadays.  It seems he has left it 'As Is' and even without a full proper Restoration, that's still Cool.  It suspends the Essence of the History of the Building in Time, like a Time Capsule where your Imaginings can run Wild of what it was like in it's Day?!   Of coarse I was totally Imagining what and how this could be Converted into an Awesome Residential Space for Yours Truly if I ever had the opportunity to buy a piece of History like this on the Cheap!?!  Yeah, I'm totally delusional at that prospect, but again... whatever...

It still had the Honeycomb original Tiles in White and Black on the Floors, original Industrial Pendant Globe Lighting suspended from very tall Ceilings and lots of Real Wood Accents.  It's in the Heart of an Old Downtown Area of a Historic Main Street U.S.A. which I like very much.   Great Walk Scores to so much builds a Lifestyle that I find to be more Appealing than Subdivision Living and how Culturally and Socially deprived that is compared to being close to a vibrant Downtown location.  This area is revitalizing and becoming Trendy so it's a place I've looked at Properties while it's still up and coming, keeping price points reasonable.  Rarely anything for Sale though, but it's nice to drive around looking at future possibilities.  I spent the day with The Man driving around Daydreaming since he knew I had to get out of here or spiral downwards further into an abyss of Serious Depression.

Otherwise, this would be Me... and I'm only half joking!  Coz at this juncture that could be my response.  The Man knows I'm miserable here, so I've got a five year plan, after getting Princess T raised, to keep it moving and pursue something in line with the Lifestyle I'd prefer to be living, which is not this one at Villa Boheme'.  Which feels to me more along the lines of imposed exile and deprivation of Social contact, so it's rather feeling like Solitary Confinement and I'd prefer Home to feel more like a Sanctuary than a Pretty Prison you plot escapes from constantly.  Lots to contemplate and consider the longer terms logistics of, working it all out will be a higher priority now though so that I'm more hopeful for the Future.  I'll be taking a Blog Break I think, I don't know for how long, but I'll be back when my Head Space is more Positive and things aren't so heavy on my Heart and Mind.


Dawn... The Bohemian 

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Words... Lots Of Them

So, the Wordless Post didn't go over so well, that means I can only assume you all prefer my epic ramblings?!?  *Winks*   So Note to Self: Words, lots of them! *Sorry, but you all seemed to 'ask' for it if Stats don't lie?!  LOL*  I do Blogging mostly for me, but I do pay attention to what Posts seem to be more Attractive to Blog Friends and Visitors to the Old Blog and which Posts bomb.  What works for one Blog might not always work for another, so I've steered clear of Blogger tutorials and Professional Blogging Advice.   Really the quality of your Images or the Content of your Posts has less to do with Appeal than the Essence infused of whose behind the Blog.  So in many respects it can be much like Regular Life and who you'll Connect to... or not.  It's more authentically me if I don't let someone else's Opinion and Guidance on how to do it interfere with my own Process. 

Since I'll talk to anyone about anything and take random Images of whatever, that means I can easily be eclectic with what I'm Blogging about, my Topics are all over the place... just like my Real Life, I'm eccentric like that!  *Smiles*   But lately, the Wordless Post seemed Necessary, because I've been in an Emotional Funk of sorts and didn't want to drag that more Negative Energy over into the Old Blog where it would be painfully evident.  When you're Emotionally Raw, for whatever reasons, the creation of a Post can go really to some Dark places and I do prefer Lighter Uplifting Posts and Positive Energy.  Not only for myself, but for you all as well... if I come here being Sister Darkness and all, what that might Attract might not be therapeutic to any of us!?   There is a lot on my Heart and Mind lately and most of it I don't want to Blog about actually, but it has affected my overall Mood and Outlook considerably, thus the Funk.

Usually if I keep busy and distracted it passes, but I've been lazy lately too and procrastinating on initiating very much or in motivating myself to do much except at Work.   At Work I'm animated and productive, here at Home I'm so NOT!!!   Luckily The Man and Princess T haven't been messy, literally and also not messy Emotionally, so that's been real Helpful while I've been in a Funky Head Space!  *Whew!*  It's meant the house has remained tidy and in Order, and yet there are things I should be about doing... and I'm NOT!   I could be, I THINK about what I could be and should be about doing, but I haven't yet engaged.  Have you ever had days or weeks like that my Friends?  Being disengaged for the most part with Life in general?  I'm rather Checked Out right now and I'm Aware of it, but I haven't plugged back in yet and I don't know when I will?

It doesn't mean I've done nothing, since I'm way too Hyper for that... even when I'm Off I'm still rather On by most people's standards anyway.  *Smiles* But it means I've been selective about what I've avoided, which is a LOT.  I did FINALLY finish that cleaning of the longer Aquarium, which had languished in suspended animation for weeks.  So I spent this Morning catching Fish to transfer over to the now pristine clean Tank. 

 Fast little buggers that they are I only caught one Adult Male and a host of Clueless Fry, that didn't seem to know what was going on and their Curiosity netted them by pure Serendipity.  So the Segregation Method of Tanks, Male and Female, forget about it... not happening anymore, I just don't have the Energy to go after one Gender and net them all!  *LOL*  But I did Luck Out and catch the one Male Molly who is the more Amorous and probably getting most of the Females preggy, he was the one Adult transferred over with a slew of Baby Mollies.

He is a splendid specimen to Father any Fry, since he's Gorgeous, but I already have enough Fish for two Tanks and some of the Females look ready to deliver more!   We've done well with our Mollies and it's soothing to watch Tropical Fish, but Tank cleaning is coming back to me how much Work it always was!  You know how you Forget Why you quit having something, til you get it again and it all comes flooding back to you in a flash!?  Well, it's like THAT!  *Le Sigh*  Of coarse these were all to be The Young Prince's Critters and he took exemplary Care of all of them... and Princess T didn't expect to inherit them when he decided to move away and need so much help from me.  And I knew it would be flowing my way, that was a no-brainer when a 13 Year Old Inherits anything that involves a lot of Work and a serious Commitment!  *Le Sigh* 

She just can't do it and she's not that 'Into' it either, her interest in Reptiles and Aquatic Creatures is waning considerably now she's their sole Caretaker and it's a lot of Work and Routine.   She does a pretty good job of it for her Age tho', she has a tender Heart for proper Care of any Living thing.  The Good News is he told us that he might come for a late Spring visit with his Friends and be able to take the Reptiles back with him.  They discovered if they just avoid traveling thru Cali, they can Legally transport Reptiles with proof of Legal Ownership.  *Whew!*  So Ivara and Alduin may be on their way to Washington before Summer.  I know he misses them and I don't want to risk anything perishing on my Watch, tho' they seem to be enduring my Care and Amateur knowledge of Reptile Ownership pretty well.   

I know I should be handling Alduin more because he wants it and makes that apparent.  But Princess T is afraid to and he's getting mighty big, which is intimidating if you're not a Reptile Person.  He's docile as a Lamb with a Sweet Personality, but I never know what he's Thinking when he's Eyeballing me?!?  *LMAO*  And if my Dreads move he is fascinated by that and I don't want him lunging at my Face area thinking they might be tasty Worms or something?!?  *LOL*   

Okay, so I know that's Funny to get a visual on, but when he's on my Chest and cocking his Head to Eyeball Dreadlock movement I kinda get Paranoid if his Tongue even hints at him going for it!  My Brother has been a Rescue Reptile Foster Parent for years, saving Reptiles left behind in people's Storage Lockers and abandoned, Nursing them back to Good Health.  He finds permanent Homes for them and is a Reptile Person, yet he once got bitten on the Lip significantly by one of his Friendliest and most Tame Males so that's made me skittish and Aware an incident could happen.

I mean, it is a Lizard... and who knows what goes on in the Mind of a Lizard?  This is my Brother after his incident and you can see his injured Lip in this Photo.   That Male was usually totally Chill and had traveled with him extensively and used to like taking long rides and hanging out on his Chest going out and about.  Just like a Pet Dog would enjoy going out with it's Master, Beardies and Iguana like that too.  But they're lightening Fast... and I'm NOT anymore... so when I'm handling Alduin, he probably senses that I'm slightly Fearful of the whole experience, even if he's not and is enjoying the attention and being outside of his limited Habitat.  So I usually stuff him pretty good with his fav Salads and Dragon Treats before handling him so he'll be more docile and not in Hunting Mode.  But those Dreads... something about Dreadlocks absolutely fascinates him and he looks at them way too much for my comfort level!  *Bwahahahaha!*

So, Today he was banging himself up against his glass Aquarium when I came in so I knew he wanted Out and to be held... and I obliged.  But we're making a LOT of Eye Contact and I'm stroking him and talking soothingly to him about not even THINKING about looking like he's going to bite anything, especially his Great Grandma Dawn!  *LOL*  Princess T comes in and asks Why I talk so much to the Animals, especially Ivara, since allegedly Chameleons can't hear you?   Because I'm Hoping they understand me and we'll reach an Understanding I says.  Yeah, my Grand-Daughter thinks I'm a total Nut Job doing the Dr. Doolittle Thing, but it makes me feel more confident about Critter handling.  Especially Creatures inclined to bite and be unpredictable... not be as Trustworthy as the Domestic Animals I can Read the Body Language of better to avoid an Incident!  *Smiles*  I'll be relieved to pass the Torch back to my Grandson lemme tell ya!

Today is the last day of Spring Break for Princess T and she's gone Swimming Today at some Boy's House.   A Friend, not a Boyfriend, she was adamant to point out to me, when I asked which Friend's Home she was going to?  The fact she was evasive I knew it was a Boy and she wanted to avoid being Teased, tho' she knows that's a Given the moment I Clue In that it's not a BFF's invitation.  *Winks*   She had Obsessed about Bikini selection when we'd gone shopping for some new ones for this Swimming Season. 

 So I was already suspecting some Boy might be involved in the Pool Parties for this Year.  *Smiles*  Modesty being one of her Virtues, she'd wanted something Cute but not overly Revealing, much to our Relief.  *Whew!*   When your 13 Year Old can already look Sexy even unintentionally, well, that's the tipping point of Raising Girls!  I don't like to have a Gender double standard, but it exists when they reach Puberty, I ain't gonna lie!  I'm way more protective of the Virtue of any Girl I'm raising, I do NOT wanna be Raising a 3rd Generation of Kiddos!  *Shudder!*

So, don't GO anywhere Today Gramma, coz I'll Need a Ride Home since I don't want to walk Home wet she says as she ponces off to the Pool Party.  *Smiles*   I'm relieved actually, I'd thought on this last day of Spring Break, and with me not having to Work Today, that she'd want to drag me all over the City on a Girl's Day Out!  Dodged a bullet there... Whew!!!!!!  It's not that I don't Enjoy hanging out with her and having Quality Girl Time together, I just haven't been in the right Head Space to make it idyllic for either of us.

   I don't know that I'm Good Company right now while in my Funk.   I do know that she's wanting me to find someone to swap my Saturday Night Shift at Work with, so I can Work a Weekday Night instead, so I'm working on arranging that if possible?   She is only off School on the Weekends so I totally Get Why she wants me to have Weekends Free for Family Time.  So I'm looking to find a Co-Worker who isn't raising Kids that might have a more flexible Schedule than mine to swap Shifts with?

So far, no Takers, people don't wanna work Weekends and I'd rather not have to dump the Shift if it becomes too much of a Problem for me personally.  For now she's eased up on complaining about my Saturday Work Schedule.  But it comes up often, and I suspect at some point I'll have to address it to put Family First.   I'm really trying to earn as much discretionary income as possible with my spaces at the Antique Mall tho', every little bit helps when you're raising Kids on a Fixed Income in your Senior Years.  

 I miss living Cheaply at my Old Historic Homestead, I miss our Old Life every day, so that's been a big part of my Funk actually.   I've Moved On physically because we just HAD to during the Adoption Process, do what Needed to be Done... but Emotionally I'm stuck... and Financially it's way more strained now and I prefer Living below one's means.   I know that's not The American Way and now we're in debt like everyone else is with a Big Mortgage and the alleged 'Dream Home' and all, but I'd prefer to be where I WAS.

"You can never go Back...", was The Young Prince's Sage Advice just before he left for Washington.  He's quite the Old Soul and a very Logical Minded and Practical Individual.  He knows I'm a Dreamer and a Careful Planner when it comes to Destiny, I like to have a Clear Vision for my Future and fulfilling Purpose, now I am at a loss for one.   When you are a Visionary stripped of your Vision and Dreams, then you really flounder.  When someone else's Standards are forcibly Imposed upon a Family it can be something you totally Resist, even if you have no Choice but to Go Along for the desired Outcome and to submit to Compliance.

I WAS Living my Dream, now I'm NOT... giving it up was one of the hardest things to Sacrifice and recapturing the Contentment and Happiness that brings me is something elusive right now.   A Luxury Home does not DO it for me, I Wish that it would, but I don't Feel that it is sustainable long term.  I think it will eventually make Money... but I'm not one to chase after the Benjamins as my highest Priority in Life, never have, probably never will.  Tho' I do Invest and I am a Retired Banker, so I'm Proactive with Financial affairs... not Reactive, once Retired your Options shrink and typically don't expand.  I preferred having a Paid Off Home in our Old Age, even if it was very Old, allegedly Substandard and in a less desirable demographic socioeconomically speaking.

I'd prefer to be Pursuing something in line with a distinct Vision I have for my preferred Future and our best Destiny.  Being some place you can not makes that a restless Space to Hold.  The Man is at Rest any place we happen to just Be and so for him there's no real sense of Urgency to Move On or be troubled by how much Work would be involved TO Move On.   For me of coarse it would be the exclusive responsibility to work out the logistics of it all and find a way.  Very often that paralyzes me to where I don't want to bother... and yet I know that I will probably HAVE to bother at some point in the Future... which is daunting.   I Feel very betwixt and between almost all of the time now, there was a complete disruption of my Carefully made Plans for Retirement.

 I think at this Season of Life I just want to be and EXPECTED to be where ever Forever SHOULD be for us and just Settle in Contentedly.   And so if this is a Forced Forever and imposed Contentment, I can't say I'm completely comfortable with what that requires or how I even Feel about it.  I'm not Settled in my Spirit whatsoever and it's uncomfortable and foreign to me to Live that way.  And moving past a serious Funk of a slew of Personal Issues of Life regarding Loved Ones not being Well... and the complexities of just growing Older and figuring this thing called Life out at an Advanced Age where unexpected shit just happened... well, it can sometimes Consume you.  I'm trying not to become devoured by it and eaten Alive from the Inside Out.


Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl