In spite of dealing with a host of Family Crisis unfolding all at once, of which I wasn't the least bit in the Mood to Blog about, since just getting thru it all was emotionally and physically exhausting, my Friend and I did make the pilgrimage over to the last day of the HIGHLAND YARD VINTAGE January Event. The first Event of the New Year was very fresh and uplifting, I Needed that in the worst way lemme tell ya! When a New Year begins with epic Crisis, well, it's not what you envision for a Great New Year unfolding to replace how crappy 2018 was for us! *Le Sigh*
But remember how I vowed that my biggest New Year's Resolution for 2019 would be to maintain Positivity, no matter what circumstances and situations arose that might be Negative as Hell? Well, I'm sticking with that Resolution tenaciously anyway, it's much better than sinking into the depths of despair or Negativity when things go sideways in Life and so much of it is entirely out of your Control. Our Gallows Humor has served us well in recent days and as we moved thru one particular horrific day of never ending Crisis from Sunup to Sundown, that was a brutal day, one of the worst ever! We laughed manically in spite of none of it actually being funny-ha-ha at all! Sometimes the absurdity of Neg situations is actually rather hysterical in how Surreal it all is as you're moving thru it!
Okay, so mebbe hysteria is a knee jerk emotional Survivalist release rather than folding up like a deck of cards during Crisis and being rendered unable to function or crying inconsolably, I dunno? I just know that hysteria, in the way of laughing hysterically at the unfunny, just works for all of us in the best possible ways. If you knew where we had to go and what we had to do, you'd understand, you can't make some of that shit up... Real Life is often stranger than Fiction! My Friend being my sidekick thru all of it probably made her feel ever so much better about her own problems and issues of Life... having Company thru Misery is a way to lighten a difficult Journey thru it all!
Everyone is Dealing with something to varying degrees, so we've been uplifting to one another thru some deep recent shit Life has handed each of us. And thus we deserved the pilgrimage to do some Retail Therapy this day, we'd damned well Earned it with the intense shitshow the recent days had put us thru! I limited myself to six items, which included an inexpensive Magazine, two other inexpensive purchases, and then three spendier ones. So I didn't go wheels off the rails, tho' I did spend more than I'd anticipated that I might or would. Still, it was all way cheaper than a visit to a Therapist or having a nervous breakdown... so... just sayin'! My Sanity intact, it was thus a Deal really! *Bwahahaha!*
Besides, my Friend desperately Wanted a Gnome, since she'd waffled on buying one during the Christmas Show, where I bought two last Month. They still had some Cute ones, even with it being the last day of the Event and them often Selling out of these Delightful little Creature Creations. She was very indecisive about which Adorable one to take Home with her and almost didn't get one this time either, but I insisted! I knew she'd regret waiting another Month to decide upon one, they grow on you, and none weren't Cute, so you couldn't really end up with Buyer's remorse anyway. I thought I'd be Helpful when she got down to two and just couldn't decide at all, by choosing one and buying it myself, thus narrowing it down to now there's The One, buy it dammit before I lose my Patience with this indecisiveness! *LOL*
I can decide very quickly... and so a pet peeve of mine is when someone cannot decide at all and waffles too long. Or worse, then doesn't buy anything because they never could decide and then they have regrets which end up verbalized for a long time about shouldda, wouldda, couldda! Just buy one, you know you Want one, and we're not going thru this all again for another Month! I knew I Wanted a 3rd one, so that now it's Officially a Collection, but I didn't wanna spend all day waiting to get mine either, while she was indecisive about which she might buy... or NOT?!
And Yeah, it wasn't Cool to just grab one a Friend is waffling about, picking up and setting down perhaps a dozen times, but my Patience had worn down to a nub and I wanted to choose mine to haul to checkout and be done with the Gnome Shopping already. So I cut to the chase. Heads up to anyone going shopping with me, she who hesitates will be Lost in my presence because I WILL Decide quickly and get mine while there's still some left! If you stand there too long going, Well I dunno... and it's something I want to buy anyway and decided upon if you 'Pass' or simply won't decide, I'll only give you so long for First Pick before I say, screw it, I'm buying it now, pick something else.
And honest to God, I swear that once you've decided firmly on something, then anyone who is a waffler will suddenly Believe that was the one they Wanted! It happens with my Grandkids all of the time... which one do you want I'll say? I can't decide they'll say... then I choose one and now THAT'S the one they swear they want! And even if I relinquish it and say, Okay, we'll Trade then, take THAT one, and I'll just choose another... then they're just not Sure again! *Le Sigh* Well, it happened with Gnome Dude and my Friend... I could see she was crestfallen and then I felt bad, so I said I'd relinquish him and just pick another, since Honestly, not sure I Cared all that much, just Wanted both of us to get one and get out of there and be Done with Gnome Shopping! *LMAO*
No it's Okay she said, there were things about each of them that she just wasn't really Sure about, including mine actually, and it was clearly evident. She wasn't even Sure at that point she'd pull the trigger and even buy one this time at all... so then I didn't feel bad anymore at all for Scoring mine and heading to the register with him. I was very Glad that eventually she fell in Love with one and he grew on her to where she was Jazzed about her choice, that's the important thing... so the Story had a Happy Ending! *Whew!* I Like Happy endings, especially since I've been rather Emotionally Raw and totally Stressed Out with the Personal Crisis being Epic, so last thing I wanted was a Gnome debacle playing out, I might have snapped! *Bwahahahahahaha!!!* No, really, trifles or anyone trifling right now could send me right over the edge... so the Fairy Tale Ending was Best, Trust me! *Winks*
You will see both of our Gnomes somewhere in the content of this Post, I just wasn't very orderly or organized in downloading the Images in any particular Order, but I'll let you know. In fact, I think we had so many Gnome comparisons while she was deciding that they all began to look the same to me actually. *LOL* I couldn't be at all Helpful in her Process since I just can't take that long to decide about things before my ADHD kicks into high gear and I get antsy and have to bail before I get agitated! *LOL* In our Family we have the members who are indecisive as their way of Being, we often will not go on Shopping Trips together therefore, if I can Help it, since it will drive me to utter Madness! *Smiles* Princess T and her Mother are two such Loved Ones who waffle and can't or won't decide and their Process can take Forever and a Day!
There were instances where either The Daughter or The Grand-Daughter took so long NOT to make a decision, that I just had to walk away and be Done with it! That often meant once I'd had enough of the indecisive procrastination, they risked not getting anything at all if I was bankrolling whatever the purchase might have been!? *Winks* If your Process is going to be lengthy, best to Shop with the more Patient and long suffering Kind than I is all I can say... I can only handle waffling for so long before I start twitching on ya! *Winks* Now I know that those of you with a long Process of decision making might not even realize how Crazy that makes the rest of us, but it just does, so there you are! Don't get Mad, just make a damned decision will ya, ANY decision, we don't even Care... and sit with it for more than a nanosecond before you change your Mind yet again!?!?!?!? *Arghhh!*
Other than the Gnome part of the Retail Therapy Spree, it was a very Zen and Uplifting Experience, the Event was Wonderful! I was very Inspired by so much and there were Vignettes that really spoke to my Soul and so I lingered. I always take more Photos than I'll ever Need for Posts, just because so many won't be at all Editorial. That's the weird thing about Real Life versus Photography, something or someone can look positively Amazing and yet not Photograph as well as Real Life. Some people are not Photogenic and some Vignettes just don't turn out Editorial and you can't with your Naked Eyes really discern which at all. So you take all the frames you think might Showcase everything or everyone well and Hope for the Best when you Edit the results. Usually, about 1/3 of what I take ends up here in The Land Of Blog and the rest is on the Editing Floor so to speak.
I happen to Love taking Close-Ups because I'm more drawn to Details and the Close-Up than to the Panoramic, both in Real Life and in Photos. I also Luck Out and think I take way better Close-Ups than Panoramic Shots anyway, so it's handy that I prefer Close-Ups. Something as Simplistic as that little faux Flower in a Flower Frog will really make my Heart Sing and Inspire me! I happen to prefer Small insignificant things and appreciate them perhaps more than a lot of people do? I can get really excited about finding that Small insignificant Treasure even more than some elaborate one or valuable one. This spree I think I found a little of both actually, which was a nice balance of the Haul I came Home with. An Edited Haul, but one that I felt really excited and satisfied about Scoring.
So, here's MY Gnome, Oliver, that I decisively chose... since I got weary of my Friend putting him down and choosing something else and then coming back and comparing him... or another one... and another one... and so on ad nauseum, until I wasn't Sure which one to choose myself lest it be one she mebbe Wanted?!?!?! *LOL* I'd liked Oliver from the start, but since she had not chosen one and seemed to kinda be In Like with him, among numerous others she Liked but claimed she didn't quite Love, I wanted to give her First Pick initially. I resisted scooping him up for a respectable period of time I felt, before finally I just had to say, enough already, this is the one I've chosen and he's coming Home with me! *Smiles*
Finally, after agonizing about Gnomes for what seemed like an Eternity, she finally decided upon Zolton, who is Adorable too... and was similar enough to the one I chose that if she'd insisted upon swapping, I just would have to keep the Peace. I thought they all were Cute so the slight differences were no Big Deal to me, almost all of the ones they had left were Neutral hues and similar enough not to make choosing super difficult for me personally. She liked the White Bearded ones best, so I was just surprised she didn't come away with a Lighter Bearded one. I preferred the Darker Bearded ones myself since my other two had them and so it was what I'd been more drawn to. We got to meet the Daughter of the Lady who Creates them, each of the Family apparently have a role to play in their Creation... Mom, Dad and Daughter, which is Sweet. They will be making Spring Gnomes soon.
Many of the Natural Vignettes were really Appealing to me since I'm already thinking upon Spring. This time of the Winter I always fast forward to Spring in my Head, since Arizona has very brief Winters and a short window of Mild Spring before intense heat returns to the Desert. By April we'll be back to triple digit temps and so for us, Spring comes earlier than a lot of places, both literally and figuratively in the way you begin thinking upon it early on. This Spring I'd really like to finally get my Victory Garden established like I used to have at my Historic Homestead. Since we're so much further now from any Shopping I'd like to just be able to grow a lot of our own Herbs and Veggies for Fresh Produce and Cooking. I'm not a big fan of bulk buying of Foods and those that aren't Fresh, but living far from conveniences makes it almost necessary now and I Hate that! Perishable items have to be used right away and Store forays from here are a Road Trip and investment of more Time than I have available.
So a Victory Garden would be a practical solution to having Fresh perishables more often in stock. And not having so much waste as you get when you buy perishables and live so far from Shops that you might stock up and not get to use them all by their freshness date? We've taken to making Smoothies with the Veggies and Fruits that are starting to go South in freshness so that they won't be wasted, but we still have more waste than I've ever had before, when Shopping was way more convenient. I'm still missing City Living for that reason and perhaps I always will? When I'm in the City, like Today going to the Event, I feel so much more Alive too, I miss that a lot as well... Boredom was a new Thing we all had to adjust to out here. I used to say I'd never had a Bored day in my Life... now I can no longer say that, one day just blends into another of nothingness out here in Rural Subdivision Hell! *Le Sigh* But on a Positive Note, since I'm determined to make a Positive one, it's at least Serene... until the Silence becomes deafening! *Ha ha ha*
My Friend, whose now been living out here with us for a few Months, thought I had been exaggerating that point until she's now spent some Months out here! *LOL* She thought she wanted Rural Living while looking for her Retirement Forever Home during her stay, she has since reassessed that Desire and chosen a Home back in the City! *Smiles* Hopefully it will Close soon and she'll have her brand New Home in a very nice area of a Retirement Community near everything and with loads of Social amenities and a Lifestyle! All of that is lacking out here, except that the Homes are spectacular and fancy so it gives the illusion it would be Fabulous... until you're living it. And a fab House just isn't enough! She has said the 'community' out here is like one from an episode of The Twilight Zone, I concur, devoid of Life! Often devoid of people in spite of 1700 Families in just this subdivision, it's eerie! We're not used to it... even five plus years in.
I still look at Historic Homes in the established Neighborhoods I Wanted to move to when we had to sell Old Historic Bohemian Valhalla, but that The Man was opposed to because it was Inner City Phoenix. Now he's coming around to realizing that until that happens at some Future Date, I am very likely going to remain quite restless at Lovely Villa Boheme' and escape into the City every chance I get! *LOL* The Young Prince is now old enough he escapes often and I'm quite sure will become a City Dweller again as soon as it's possible for him. I don't blame him, there is nothing for Young People out here... Hell, there is nothing for Old People out here... and a Luxury Home isn't enough to want to endure no Lifestyle whatsoever and Social isolation IMO. Mebbe for some people that's their norm and they're content to be cordial and not invested in their community and aloof or indifferent about their neighbors, holed up in an impressive looking Home and detached from anything around them... but for us it's kinda a form of Pergatory! *Smiles*
The Positives are still that my stuff looks Awesome in this House, it's a great House... Wish I could pick it up and just relocate it to a different location! Or have this location alter to where they build something relevant around here instead of just packing in more Residential and having very little infrastructure and absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to go?!? There are about six huge developments happening, all Residential... so it's becoming like a City in population and Residential over development, sans any Shopping, Restaurants, Gas Stations, Entertainment, Services... well, sans everything else! The Man swears something has to eventually be built to accommodate all these people, but I dunno... who wants to have to risk living long enough to see it happen? When you're already a Senior, you only have so many Years to wait for anything to happen! *Winks*
I've come to the place where I'd be Content with a single Grocery Store, Gas Station or Convenience Store at this juncture! *LOL* Yeah, Sad... it's no wonder that in spite of long commutes, my escape plans include heading East, North or South into various Cities away from here every chance I get! To the West is an Awesome Mountain Range View and Natural Desert {well what is left of it that hasn't been developed and ruined yet by Residential encroachment}... so that had Appeal and still does. But I don't spend a lot of time standing out in my Street looking at the View, I really don't. *Smiles* So, I'd rather escape to a place like that if I lived in the City and Needed some Quiet Time or being close to Nature... guess I'm too much of a City Gal to Need to escape to a Lifestyle and Socialization instead! *Le Sigh* We miss living near Friends and being active nearer to Home.
When my Friend was looking for Real Estate I cautioned her about not getting caught up in a Fantasyscape of what living somewhere different might be like. The Man had thought living Rural would be so much more beneficial than City living and convinced me that it would be better than the City... less Crime, quieter, etc. and in Theory that seemed Idyllic, I ain't gonna lie. But if you've never lived Rural, you have no idea what it will be like. Just like a Country Gal might be clueless about City Living, I was clueless about Country Living. Looks pretty in Magazines or out for Sunday Drives... or brief encounters and escapades. *Smiles* Now I kinda wanna go Home... every day... and yet this is Home now... invested a lot to be out here... sacrificed a lot to be out here to appease The System during the Adoption of the Grandkids... but it's not for me... not Forever anyway. Gives me pause to think it might have to be for any reason! *Yikes!* I drive by my Old Historic Homestead in the City and still get very emotional.
The Young Prince was with Friends in the Old Neighborhood the other day, he goes there a lot too... and misses it more than we have Words to convey how much... and the New Owner of our Old Home gave him a Tour again of the Restoration in progress. We sold it to a Wonderful Man whose working tirelessly to do a full Restoration and Loves it as much as we did, of that we're exceedingly Glad. I'm so Glad I didn't sell it to some greedy developer or investor who would have surely razed it to build low income high density housing on the acreage to make loads of money on. He asked The Grandson if he doesn't Love now living in a Luxury Home rather than our Century Old Home that Needed so much Work and was rather substandard and in Da Hood? He wasn't expecting the answer... my Grandson said if he could buy back our Beloved Old Home Tomorrow for us he would in a heartbeat and never look back at this Beautiful Home. Granted, he said it did look smaller than he remembered, after having now lived large... and more luxuriously... but there are some things that are Priceless... it had THOSE things that aren't always evident to a casual observer.
Mebbe you can never really go back... ever... to how it was. I'm pretty sure we're all meant to go forward on a Path and a Journey that isn't always as planned or preferred. Isn't always totally comfortable or where we feel at Home with how it is. I remember as a Child and a Young Adult being very much a Nomad, we moved constantly and often so I never put down Roots or got attached to anyplace because it was known it was temporary and never permanent. You didn't have time to form deep bonds with anyone or anything because it would be so brief an encounter really. There is no place I ever was that became Home in a sense that those who live anyplace more permanent would say Home is. Home was a vague concept when you're always on the Move, it's less tangible and that was Okay. But once you become attached and invested to a Home, to a Community, there is a sense of Loss when it's gone.
You finally feel what it was like to have Homesickness. For The Force it's stronger only because the Old Neighborhood and Historic Homestead was the only Home they'd ever known before the Move. So their intensity of Homesickness is pretty epic, tho' for Princess T she's adapted better because she was at least younger when she had to leave it and younger kids adjust better to change. She still wants to always drive by, and see 'Home', which isn't here... but there. The familiar brings us a Peace we just don't have here... where you prefer to be and where you are can be two entirely different things even if things can be Good here and everyone tells you that you are better off. Certainly not everything is a Neg, and better off is entirely subjective... many Positives can still not add up to contentment or zero restlessness to return to an Old Life. In a Perfect World I'd like my Old Life back, to never have left it in the first place and been disrupted by a System that told me what was better off or suitable for our Family.
I'm certain every Caseworker working an Adoption wants for every Child to have the very best and the most suitable of everything imagined to be better off. The problem with that is that in Modern Society they often equate that with mere demographics and socio-economics. As if every nice Neighborhood and more Money is a Given for contentment and a better happier Life, I disagree completely. I've seen contentment and happiness in 3rd World Countries that rivals any happiness and contentment in more developed Countries. I've seen happy Poor and miserable Wealthy. I've seen sketchy looking Neighborhoods that have more of a sense of Community, substance and Neighborly Camaraderie. And nicer Neighborhoods not give a Rat's Ass about their Community's Members... just that it Look Desirable and give the Appearance of Affluence and Success, but with no substance whatsoever, superficial at best and pretentious at worse.
And I'm sure everything inbetween the extremes... and each person may have a comfort level of varying degrees as to what is most important to them in the Communities they chose to make a Home in. Sometimes you make a good choice and other times a regrettable one... or one that makes sense at the time and you just Hope is temporary and served it's purpose for a time. I think Villa Boheme' has served purpose and that's how I choose to view it... and it's purpose is not yet completely fulfilled so it's Home for now. If it happens to be Home forever then I'll have to reconcile how I Feel about that for the long haul. It is luxurious and so that's Cool when I'm just within it's Walls and don't have to venture outside to see how barren the community around it is in the way of what constitutes a desirable community to us.
So long as I can make pilgrimages to places I'd rather be, places I prefer to spend more quality time in, then it is sufficing for now anyway. Socializing with Friends and other Family is what we look forward to most, not where we happen to live... which in the grand scheme of Life isn't very important really. Whether a Manse or a Hovel, I'd be setting similar priorities about what matters more than the dwelling itself. And some dwellings are just more Beloved than others and the appearance or creature comforts isn't always why. I've been intentionally purging possessions ruthlessly so as to make moving lighter whenever that time comes to relocate. I just feel in my Spirit that the time will come for that and I want to be ready and traveling lighter for it. When the six new items came in Today, I already prepared for a minimum of thirty to exit... as is my imposed ratio of the Five-To-One-Rule in effect, I'm not wavering.
I'd purge more faster if I had the retail space to put it... but right now the Showroom and Booth are pretty packed with Inventory. Inventory is waiting for the rotation as things Sell, and every Week more goes out... so I haven't been Sourcing much from outside the Home anymore at all, haven't Needed to. In 2019 I do have some Vision about what I want to do in my Retail spaces differently, to improve everything and transform things to line up with what I happen to dig more. Delicate balance that can be to Do You while still appealing to Customer tastes and what the Market dictates you should sell. That Process has been an ongoing one in the seven years I've been doing it as my Hobby. I still enjoy rescuing Old things, the Thrill of the Hunt still excites me.
Sometimes the balance is tipped between what you have accumulated and what you should keep or sell off at any given time? I'm getting much better at editing, of purging and culling... of curating our possessions and being more aware of what is just enough and not too much. As a person prone to excess sometimes that can be challenging to have a more minimalistic approach to living and what you should have. I don't know I'd prefer surrounding myself with minimalist aesthetic anymore than a minimalist would prefer surrounding themselves with a maximalist aesthetic. *LOL*
My Friend will be starting over soon and that's rather exciting, to have another Chapter in one's Journey of Life. I'm very Happy for her, it's been a long time coming and I believe she's quite ready to embark upon the Retirement Chapter of Life, which is quite the adjustment even tho' Working people don't necessarily realize it will be initially. Everyone has that Fantasy about what Retirement will look like and be like and rarely does it line up just like that Vision on the canvas of your Imagination that you embellished for years in your Head. We never thought our Retirement would involved the Raising of Grandchildren as we entered that Chapter of our lives, or chronic Sickness and Disability, you just cannot accurately predict what the Future holds.
We never imagined that once each Child being raised, whether our own or Grands we're raising, became Adults, that their Crisis in Life would still impact our own so wildly either. I think it is hard to be a Young Adult nowadays, perhaps our Generation's Era was a Kinder and Gentler time, it just seems things are a lot more complicated now. I think there are struggles now that are very different than struggles then... that's the take I have on it anyway. I do see more of our Generation having to Help out more... which is a switch from when our Generation Helped out our Elders more. I recall having to Help our Parents out more as they Aged and not having to ask them for Help as much as the Younger Generations seem to Need Help from their Elders more now. In my Generation, growing up, there were fewer Single Parent households, fewer Grandparents raising Grandchildren... and I'm not entirely sure why that is... just that it is. Society has changed... sometimes for the better in many ways... sometimes not.
I do think of Stories my Elders told of great obstacles they moved thru like The Great Depression, the World Wars, etc... and certainly we're not looking at the Past thru Rose Colored Glasses. Times were often tough, Social injustices abounded and atrocities happened around the World. Those kinds of things have never entirely gone away... we still have the Poor among us... as Jesus said we would always have. Yet as a Society, in our Country, most people are living well compared to previous generations. Materially we have abundance that I don't remember the Past always having for most Families. I still recall when not every Family had a vehicle, or a phone, or a TV... let alone multiples of all of the above! I recall when my Parents made our clothes and eating out was a very rare Big Deal, even if it was a Hot Dog at the Woolworth's Lunch Counter on payday when my Dad was an A1C in the Military and we were Poor but didn't know it! *Smiles*
I recall when my Oldest slept in a Suitcase since we didn't have any real furniture, including no crib, and she played with a Soup Can and a Spoon gleefully rolling it around on the Kitchen Floor because we had no actual Toys. There was great Contentment and Joy in all of those Seasons of Life even when we lived in places that were less than 500 sf of living space for an entire Family of four or more. I think that as this New Year has rolled in it has given me more than usual reflection upon the Past... and upon the Present... and upon what the Future might hold. I think if I could sum up in a single Word what the Definitive Word for 2019 would be for me it would be REFLECTION.
I've spent much of the last 13 days, around the numerous Crisis that have unfolded, reflecting upon a lot of things and sorting out in my Head what is most important, what priorities should be focused upon this year? I do not think for us anyway, that 2019 started out so swell and I'd Hoped that it might have. I had intended that it would, as you always do when a New Year rolls in and you're full of Optimism and Hope about it and how it might be. I still am not giving up that it could be the Best Year Ever. We're only 13 days in...
And now I'll just let the rest of this Post play out with the balance of my Images since it's getting Late and I've been pretty exhausted lately... and not really wanted to Blog about anything Negative, in keeping with my Positivity Theme for the New Year! *Winks*
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Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
