Strictly Primitive ~ And Bureaucrazy

 I've got a Spaghetti Meat Sauce simmering in the Crockpot, since we'll have 7-8 to Feed and we have lotsa Pasta and now a big Crockpot of Sauce to feed the masses.  *LOL*  Princess T had been bugging her Uncle to make Spaghetti last Night but he didn't have enuf time to perfect a good flavorful Sauce in time, so we promised we'd do so Today.  He'd thawed out some Italian Sausages, and we've got a nice Sauce blend that should be quite flavorful.  When you have a lot of Adult Males in the Household, especially Younger ones, they could eat you out of House and Home, they are voracious eaters and those that Work physical jobs work hard and burn a lot of Calories that need replacement. 

I still can't Post Comments, so, know that I'm visiting your Blogs, just can't interact right now and who knows why?  Blogger eventually tends to self-correct and I hope so.  I don't leave a wealth of Comments but I like to when I want to.  It's frustrating when you take the time to Comment and then it won't Publish.  I've heard other Dear Readers have had the same problem off and on, who knows what's going on that makes it so that some can Comment, and others can't, off and on?  This is the first time it's happened to me in a long time, but it's been a few Days now and it doesn't matter which Blog I'm visiting, so it has to be on my end and not on their end.  I don't think anyone is intentionally blocking me.

  

Our Roofer called to see if we'd had any word yet from our Insurance Co. on our Claim, we haven't.  I called the Insurance and the Guy Assigned to our Case is on Vacation 'til September 10th, swell, nobody told us that information or had anyone else covering in his absence call us or say they were working our Case.  I got the name of his backup, Jamal, who only has his Voicemail on and is in New York... swell... hoping he's not putting the Caseload of the Vacationing Co-Worker at the bottom of his Stack, but, pretty sure that's what's happening.  If they're swamped with Claims, one would think that if someone goes on a couple Weeks worth of Vacation, they'd give their Claims to someone else to work and do some follow-up, but, guess that's too much to ask or expect.

 

I'm using some of a Fav Vendor's Art, "Strictly Primitive" makes the best Seasonal Art and I've tried to follow them where ever they currently are at various Specialty Shops.  They've had to move from some of my Fav Specialty Shops that have recently Closed, or Antique Malls and Events they used to Sell at, and now try to locate where they have set up Shop so I don't have to do Online Orders off Social Media Sites and pay Postage, or not experience the Wonderful Vignettes and Atmosphere these Artisans set up in Brick & Mortar locations that you just can't get any experience of Online Shopping.  I'm not big on Online Shopping, tho' it's often necessary or unavoidable these days, as a lot of Sellers default to and rely upon doing it for obvious reasons.

There's a little new Specialty Store in the far East Valley they set up Shop at, but I've only been there once and their Space there is limited coz the Shop is Small and has several Artisans housed there Sharing Space.  I liked their Space there, they'd made good use of what little Real Estate they had available there.  But, it meant not much selection like at previous Locations.  You can only put so much Inventory in a Small Space and have to be selective about how to Display and Showcase it with limited Space that you're being charged a Premium for in a Brick & Mortar Location.  I of coarse Love their little Creepy Dolls and Halloween Art, but I also Love their Whimsical Christmas Art too, and I don't Buy much Christmas Decor anymore, so it's gotta be really Special to Tempt me to Buy any now.  Theirs is.  It's expensive, but you get what you pay for, it's Quality OOAK Handmade Art by the Artisans.

 

And most of it is Whimsical and not Creepy, I just like their Creepier Whimsy Art, that's all.  Most of you would probably prefer their Non Monstrous Whimsical Creations, which I have some of those too, like their Christmas Snowmen, Spotted Mushrooms, and their Adorable Gnomes.  They make them Year Round so have some not only for various other Holidays, but also various Seasons that you could Display all Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter in your Home.  The Volume they manage to Create is impressive coz it isn't Mass Produced, it's Handmade and Hand Painted, yet, they are prolific Artists and their whole Family are involved and they do Workshops to Teach folks how to make Creations too.  I'd Love to attend one of those Workshops actually.  I Loved doing Fabric Art for many Years.  There is an Artisan/Vendor at our Antique Mall that makes the Creepy Prim Dolls quite reasonably, but only a few a Year to put in her unlocked Case at our Antique Mall.  I wonder if she went to a Workshop of theirs?

Man, I don't feel good, I am not sure I've caught something, but I just overall don't feel great at all.  I haven't gone to The Gym coz I haven't felt like I am up to doing a Workout or even the more relaxing things, which would involve going there.  *LOL*  I went Grocery Shopping and even just doing that this Morning wiped me out and I only had to get a few Essentials we'd run out of, I didn't have a full Cart.  I was glad The Young Prince was here to help me get what I had into the House, coz, I was just that Tired and everyone else was at Work and it was still fairly early in the Morning.  But, I was already Tired.  I tried to Nap but our Roofer calling had woke me up and now it's too close to needing to pick Princess T up from Work to bother trying to take the rest of my Nap.  *Le Sigh*  The Son is now cooking the Pasta for us to have some of that Spaghetti for Lunch now... Dinner for those who arrive Home later.

It is Cooling off some but it's still pretty humid so I don't feel like doing anything much Outside either, or in the Non-Climate Controlled Spaces.

I do really wanna be super Motivated to tackle the rest of the She Shed and then also The RV Garage Mahal this Autumn and Winter while it will be Cool enuf to tackle it and work in there.  I want to be in the right Head Space to unemotionally and unsentimentally go thru everything and really Edit, Purge, Cull and Curate relentlessly.  I'm actually improving on that and getting better at it.   I know, it's been a long Process and about Time that I detach more from Stuff I've Collected and still have a strong fondness of, Memories of procuring, and Sentimental Attachments to.  I have the Space to Keep it, clearly, albiet cluttered up and not Styled or Organized until I have Less and Display it better and have more specific Purpose behind retaining it.

The Kiddos, both Generations of them, are making it more clear to me what they want to Keep and Inherit, also Helpful to me while making decisions about it all.   I want all our Spaces to be a lot more functional and uncluttered than they presently are, a Tall Order still.  We moved into less Livable Space and now more Family came back Home with all their Worldly Possessions too, so, it's all been challenging on an ongoing basis.  Just when I make Progress, seems we have to redo a lot of it coz someone moved back and now we've got to make Space for them and their Stuff.   I don't mind them all being here Honestly, in many ways it not only helps them out, it helps us out, and in a shitty Economy combining our Resources, however slim and limited they are individually, makes life easier and better for all of us.  I think Multigenerational Living in America is gonna hafta become a Thing if the Economic Conditions deteriorate much more for the average American being able to afford living here.

My Autumnal Vibe Post bombed, don't know if it was the Post Hook Title or just the Content?  Whatever, it got way lower views than every other Post always gets, which surprised me really coz I had thought folks were longing for Fall already... mebbe I was off the Mark on that?  I find it Interesting and why I pay attention to Stats closely, it gives a purview {often misspelled perview or Per View and I can see why}, of what folks seem more drawn to and inclined to Read, Like or Visit.  From a Marketing standpoint it matters, not so much on an unmonetized Blog that generates no income and I do primarily for myself for Free too.  It's just Telling from a Social Standpoint of where Society is going... or becoming disinterested in tho'.  I am a notorious Observer, I Notice things, even subtle things, that I guess a lot of folks don't, it has served me very well in all aspects of life.   Anyway, that Post totally bombed, fewer Reads, no Comments, I found that Interesting... what was it lacking?

It had decent Images and enuf Doom & Gloom and Issues of Life in the Content to be a Hook, Dear Readers do like the more Negative Posts.  So I'm thinking the poor Naming of it as an Autumnal Vibe Early Post might have tanked it?  *LOL*  Sounded too Optimistic and Cheerful perhaps for how folks are Feeling right now overall?  Mebbe some aren't looking forward to Fall coz it's not their Fav time of Year, nor the Holidays and Vibe of it?  I just know that Post will get the Bin and be Purged early if it's numbers remain pathetic, coz it's taking up Space and only those that still are getting Read a lot I keep up longer, others are discarded on The Regular, dead weight is shed easily.  Anyway, Readership is still way up, but not unnaturally so, therefore, I don't think the Web Crawlers are responsible for it this time.  I don't think Blogging is making a big Comeback, but it is ticking up in Statistical ways that are encouraging.

 

I'm a bit behind in my own Blog Reads, and I can't get Comments to Post either, and that glitch is bothering me more than it should.  I don't like when a Platform is malfunctioning coz I'm Tech Challenged and wouldn't have a Clue how to fix it, even if I could.  And probably I couldn't anyway and Blogger will just have to Self-Correct, which, usually it does eventually when it's got Issues going on that aren't immediately resolved and bothers enuf people that somehow they realize they better Moderate better and find Solutions to what isn't working right.   If there aren't Solutions to Problems then the Natives get restless... that's what is happening in our Political Climate now, the Natives are now becoming restless, even those who initially were putting up with Bullshit incompetent Leadership.  Once the consequences of doing so set in, then they'll flip and turn on whoever is the Problem that now they Feel the Pain of personally.

The Man didn't feel Well at all for almost the whole day, he was taking to the Bed by Mid-Afternoon and never rolled out again.  I was concerned about him but nothing I can really do.  He couldn't even communicate what he felt was Wrong, he did not even know.  Whether it was Physical or Mental wasn't even clear, but he didn't seem to be having a Medical Emergency, so we just kept checking on him and trying to coax him to eat a little something, and take his Night Meds when it was time to.  I myself had needed more Rest, more Naps, more time to Deal with my own Head Space being in a Funk I wrestled with off and on.  It happens.  Even some Bloggers are lamenting that they don't Feel 100% and have been in a Funk lately... we're inundated with a lot of Negative input, so it's probably not Surprising actually.  Problems unresolved become exhaustive and erode Hope and Optimism that things will improve or might not get even worse.  I personally think they can and will... that's my Opinion... but, could probably be backed up with facts, proof and evidence.

I think The Young Prince and Allen have had Friend Sayde over, she hasn't made an appearance, neither has Allen, but both their Vehicles are here.  The Young Prince and Sayde even had a Relationship in between his Separation, and it got complicated, so now they're back to being just Besties coz the Friendship matters more to both of them.  She's always really liked him and knew that sometimes he has had Relationships with Women, not often, but there have been exceptions.  He considers himself Gender Fluid... so, it's not that Surprising to me.  And I like Sayde, but she's got Mental Health Issues too... and an introduction to his Dad was just not the best idea ever... so that got Weird fast.  And uncomfortable for our Grandson.   But Bobby and his New Wife are really Out There and he is who he has always been... once a Player, always a Player. 

 

And every time he's had a Girlfriend, she's been Younger and Younger each Relationship, a Grown Adult, but now about the Age of his Older Child!  When he was with The Daughter they are the exact same Age. But were Young Tweens and had their Son way too Young and when they were both Buck Wild and not Fit or Mature enuf to Parent.  Both had a serious Drug Problem, Bobby had lived on the Streets since Age 13, and The Daughter was totally Mental and by 15 wanted to go live in a Park in Mesa, who knows why?  Crazy people be doing Crazy shit like that.  She got no Prenatal Care and was Institutionalized a lot in those days... both Mental and Penal Institutions.   When they eventually broke up she was Tazed out of his Apartment by Glendale PD coz she was gonna cut Bobby's Heart out with a Knife.  Yeah, it didn't End Well, but since then they've actually gotten along as they each went their own ways.  They both got Clean from Dangerous Drugs, which he did Years earlier.  They've known each other since Childhood but were a Toxic Couple.  Thus, I ended up with the Baby. They never Married. 

 Then when he was with Angie, she was in her 20's and he was in his 30's, they have a Son and Daughter together but never Married either.  The Little Brother is a Teen now and the Little Sister I think is around 10, they both like the Crazy Young Stepmother a lot, she's probably not much Older than any of his Kids tho', so, they would probably get along. *Eye Roll*   I have never met the New Wife, but tho' our Grandson really likes her as a "Stepmom"... I get a sense she really likes him in a different kind of way... coz she's closer to his Age than his Dad's Age... and seems like a real Weirdo and Head Case IMO.  The Young Prince let her Tattoo him even tho' she's not a Tattoo Artist, just someone more than a bit Crazy who thinks she is... and... he ain't Right either, so, it happened.  *Eye Roll and Shrugs*  It was one of The Symbols, smack dab in the middle of his Chest, that he uses to keep out Demons... Okay then.  So I guess Demons won't get into him now, that's Good.  You say the Demons can't invade you now, well, that's Good News.  *Sighs and Hallelujah!*   We'll be sure to tell that to the SSI Shrink who'll be evaluating you this Month.

I'm just SURE that is gonna be one Interesting Appointment, I can hardly wait.   We'll find out just how Crazy you have to be these Days, to come with a Check and some Services/Benefits?  But, I digress, where was I... discussing how to Solve all the Problems of the World were we?  *Winks*  As you can see up Above a bit further The Son bought me a Starbucks and they really hooked us up, he felt they were trying to make it up to us for that last fiasco we had at that location?  He could be Right coz it was the best Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino I'd ever had made for me... EVER!!!  You might recall the visit before, the Drive Thru was too long so we went inside to order, it was practically deserted inside, but they forgot to tell us our Order had been made and was sitting there way across the Counter where we couldn't even see it, so we sat there like Putzes for about 20 Minutes.  Thinking, WTF?!  It's One Coffee!!!  Did they forget to make our Order?

 Watching about 15 Vehicles get Served and 3 other Walk-Ins get Served before they realized, oh, was this YOUR Order?  Sitting there 'til the Whipped Cream had gone flat and it wasn't so much Frappy anymore as luke warm, rather than Iced, and not that good either!!!   Then the rude Millennial Aged Manageress and Gen Z Aged Bimbo Baristas made the mistake of getting surly, disrespectful and mouthy with The Son rather than apologizing for fucking up on our Seven Dollar Coffee!  He'd of just been Okay with "We're so Sorry, we forgot to call out your Name when it was Ready, coz we're so busy, so what can we do to make it up to you?"  Oh Hell No, instead they got Sarcastic, confrontational, and thought it was a Joke, and he fucking Snapped and I thought perhaps we'd never be able to go there again???   *LMAO*   Anyway, this time around they hooked us up... so I felt like they realized, ruh roh, it's them, and he about went Postal last time and I had to Calmly ask him to leave so I wouldn't be enjoying my Coffee trying to Bail him out of Jail or something. *Smiles*

 Coz that Middle Aged pretentious sarcastic stupid Bitch really was talking some condescending unprofessional shit to Customers that she probably couldn't back up.   Very unwise to do to the wrong Clientele or Demographic of the area... so she must be fucking "New" or something?!   She didn't look Hard or Hood, so... that Mouth will surely get her in too Deep of Shit one day with the Wrong Person she Talks Shit to and Disrespects.  *Eyebrow Raise*  You can't Talk Shit or be Disrespectful to folks you don't know from nothing... it's unwise, foolish, and highly dangerous.  I've processed Homicide Files Locally where someone got Killed for drinking the last of the Orange Juice or over a fucking Music CD or pair of Kicks... so there are folks out there that will Smoke you for a whole lot less!!!   Let us just say she is not the best Face, or to Represent for Starbucks, or provide Customer Service and maintain the Company's Reputation. 

 She might wanna consider alternative Career options in fact, in case one day she gets Killed over Coffee she fucks up for the Wrong Customer to trifle with.  The Teens working there you don't expect have any Professionalism or solid Work Ethic yet, they were giggly air-head Bimbos Socializing more than focused on their Job or Customers.  The Young Men working were just getting off their Shifts, but the one had taken our Order first and had been looking nervous about how long we were kept waiting.  He kept coming out of the back, looking at us, looking at them, and making a Face at the Girls, like, Hey WTF??!!!  He knew he'd waited on us ages ago and we still didn't have out Order, and they were just standing around Laughing, Bullshitting and acting The Fool.  We didn't blame him for his Co-Workers, it's gotta be rough working with those Women/Girls, all of them. 

 He gave The Son a Nod and Thumbs Up as he exited the Building as he got out of Work and before we drove off, so we gave a Nod back and Smiled.  I think he'd been highly embarrassed and scared those Girls and his Manager were gonna cause a Major Situation to unfold and he'd be in the Mix of it.  Sometimes the Young Men can Sense when things are about to go completely Sideways even if those Silly Gals and foolish Manageress with her Sarcastic Mouth couldn't.  The Son is a Nice Guy, but he can be intimidating when you pick the Fight and he won't back down from one, ever.  It just wasn't the Hill to Die on tho'... just Coffee Son... Forget about it.  *Done in my Best Italian East Coast Mobster Impersonation, LOL*  I just turned to the Manageress when we were leaving and said Calmly, "You handled that Poorly and really needlessly Escalated it, didn't you?  Not Wise Darlin'."  Nobody was Laughing then, it kinda put a Chill on how Funny they thought it was and now they were thinking... Oh, Fuck!  Gives Pause of what COULD happen when you cross folk and boundaries/lines you shouldn't with Strangers.

I got The Son to Laughing as we drove off by saying, "Well, sure glad it wasn't your Sister buying me that Coffee, she would have Wrecked that place and Bitches would have been Checked.   I can't even presume to stop her when someone Sets her Off and gets Cute."  *LOL*  He CAN be Talked Down, even tho' he's Autistic/Bipolar, and especially since it was Women who were the Antagonists, coz if it had been Men, Yeah, I dunno... probably wouldn't have Ended Well.   And just the mere THOUGHT of how his Sister would have reacted, made him Laugh out Loud coz he's been kicked out of Bars when someone got Stupid and Talked Shit to his Sister, be they Male or Female, it's going Down then.  He can't contain either his Sister or his Friend Bee... and once at a Bar some Biker Chicks thought they were Hard and could Talk Shit and got their Asses handed to them royally.  He knew he couldn't Stop them so it was gonna be Wild.

 They can't go there anymore.  *LOL*  Yeah, even tho' they didn't start it and know the Owner well, so he never called the Police.  The Bikers had been problematic and trying to start Trouble with the Regulars.   She only regret she broke a Nail on that Biker Gal's Face.  She Hates to mess up her Mani or spill a Drink.  A Bar Fight, not so much, she's never Started one, so has no Guilt about Ending one, or going to Jail.  In Mexico, the Cops quit Arresting her, they'd pretend they didn't even see whatever Crazy shit she did after a while.  *Bwahahahaha*  They have even been known to take up a Collection to send her to a Shrink so she could get Medication and some Mental Health.  *Smiles*   Here, she hasn't been thru Mental Health Court in a while, so we wanna keep it that way.  And I ask her, and The Son, Listen, when folks be acting like Fools, just Walk Away if you can and don't let them occupy Space in your Head Rent Free.  Coz there's just too many of them kind out there and you can't fix Stupid.  They'll get theirs... coz Karma is the ultimate Bitch and great Merciless Equalizer.

*******

There's Bureaucrazy and then there's just Crazy... Dawn... The Bohemian

No Later Day Outings... And Rage Rooms

Well, shit, my Comments aren't Posting and that's annoying and I hope is a temporary glitch that will self-correct?  Know that I have been Reading everyone's Blogs and trying to respond to a few, but, no Luck, it says "publishing" but then never does, just buffers.  So, I gave up and will try again later on I guess.   Just problems with Commenting tho', not on Writing my own Posts or saving them to Schedule on a Future Date.  And I've sure had plenty to Write about, and it is still Cheaper than Therapy.  In Fact, it's Free.  And not much else is, the cost keeps escalating exponentially with no end in sight. Keeping Heads above Water is challenging.  I've been in a Funk.  But, many folks are too, I read so on their Blogs.  In Real Life many folks pretend all is well... until they just can't anymore.

Since we hadn't eaten hardly anything all day and I'd been in that groggy Sleep Inertia State and Funk for most of the day, I took The Man out to "Culvers" for a Cod Dinner.  I was a few steps ahead of him and thought he was just following me inside with his Walker... then I realized he wasn't right behind me and hadn't come inside while I had been perusing the Menu Board.  WTF?  What was taking him so long?  So, I walked back out to the Parking Lot and there he stands in his Walker, looking like a Lost Soul!  And staring Blankly at our Truck parked there, with me not there.  Honey, what are you doing, come inside, I've been waiting on you!!!

He just seemed confused like he didn't know where he was, why we were there, where I'd gone, and what he was supposed to do next?  Oh my... A Young Man had stood there trying to keep the Door open for him to Walk thru... then must have figured he was out there waiting on someone?!   I realize now that after about 3:00 p.m. his function is just absent now, gone.  It's concerning, Docs don't even wanna address it, fixated instead on his deteriorating Physical Health and comorbidities being Stabilized.  What good is that tho' if the Mind is allowed to go Tits?   We went back in together this time and I Thanked the Young Man for holding the Door for us.   I felt embarrassed for The Man, coz he was seeming so Out of It in Public.  Note to Self: No later Day Outings if we can avoid them.

His ability to make a decision for himself about what to Order was abysmal too, he just stared and stared, people were waiting to Order behind us, so I just got him what I was getting, he just stared blankly at the Menu Board.   He played with his Food mostly and didn't eat hardly any of it, so we just took 99% of it Home with us.  I was hungry and wolfed mine down.  We hadn't snuck out quickly enuf, coz getting this Show on the Road with The Man in tow can't be done quickly now.  So, The Son saw us, asked what we were doing, where we were going, could we get him something while there?

Well, I obliged coz I know he'll pay me back, but I told him upon arriving, via a Phone Call, surrey on out here and get your Bag of Takeout coz I didn't have enuf to Feed the Hoard here now and didn't want Drama that they hadn't gotten anything.  With Allen and The Young Prince here now, The Daughter had Company, Princess T is a very fussy Eater, I just couldn't feed the Five Thousand like Jesus.  *Winks*  I did get a Frozen Custard to go for both of us and he did eat that.  His was some Oreo concoction that debuted just Today as a Feature Flavor.  Mine was a Vanilla Custard with Caramel and Cashews.  The Fish there is always good, I don't think I've had much else on the Menu except their Seafood.

It wasn't a pleasant Eating Out kind of experience coz I kept looking at him and realizing how much he was struggling and it just made me Sad, Upset and a bit Fearful actually.  Fuuuuck, how well will I be able to Cope with this as it progresses in a downward trajectory?  Alternative Placement isn't even an Option and even if it's necessary and your eventually are given no Choice, unless you Liquidate every asset you ever had until you're financially ruined and now destitute, you won't receive State or Federal Services and being Accepted is iffy as Fuck anyway.  I put those thoughts away from occupying Space in my Mind or my Psyche.

It's enuf to try to process the recent unexpected Vehicular Homicide of The Daughter's Ex-BF and how she's Wrecked by the Trauma.   The Young Prince's reaction to that was typically without a filter, since, he felt Mando posed a Threat to his Mother and possibly other Family, so, now he said Good, no more Threat exists and at least that's something else we don't have to worry about anymore.  The Son was very upset with his Nephew's reaction, but I do kinda understand his Relief that his Mom is likely Safer without a Domestically Violent Dying Ex that was communicating Threats and acting desperate when she ended the Relationship.  And he wouldn't accept it was Over.

 Scaring her and making all of us concerned for her Safety all the time.  Becoz he knew he was Dying, and you never know if someone like that doesn't mind taking other people with them?  It happens, sadly, quite frequently.  Lest we forget.  And her being Safe was Primary to her Son and I Get It.  He even got Threatened and so did his Uncle, for not letting her be treated badly.  The Son, like me, couldn't wish harm to befall him, or rejoice when it did, we wanted him to just be gone and leave our Family be, especially The Daughter, coz the Relationship was Toxic and has had Scary Moments.  We thought he was capable of harming her... or wanting to.

 The Young Prince looked at the whole thing merely from a Head and practical, not Heart and emotional, angle, of what's best for his Mother. Better she Grieve this Guy, than we Grieve her due to him.  And he was Dying and on short time, her Son always worried Mando would do one of those Murder-Suicides.   He's not Wrong.  He just said the Quiet Part out loud.  It was always risky for her to be even cordial or too Forgiving.  And she's a vulnerable Adult, so makes poor choices and especially about people. But, when he saw that his response wasn't well received, and did come off as callous and insensitive, talking ill of the Dead, he said, well, it is a horrible way to Go.  Checking himself slightly, but with no apology for what he said and clearly meant from the bottom of his Heart about a lingering Threat now Gone.

 He reminded his Uncle, who was saying, Damn Dude, it was a horrible Homicide... that it's not like any of us was responsible for when the Guy would Die and How, or by Who, God was.  Fate.  A Hand Dealt.  Death is the eventual Outcome for us all, the How, Why, Who and When is not up to us Mortals usually, and who knows if anyone's demise will be expected or unexpected, and isn't always Nice or Fair... it can be Horrific... even Bad things happen to the Innocent... his Time was up.  The Grandson is very pragmatic in a way that often comes across with no feeling and little, if any, Emotion, just Logic delivered in a Cold yet usually Factual way. 

 But he's like that about everything really, was even as a small Child.  He can be similar to an Artificial Intelligence in how he is sometimes actually, with little Conscience, just Factual Data Storage in his Brain that he processes when told something or asked a Question, it won't always come out in a Humanistic way.  So, what he's Thinking or Knows as Factual, just comes straight out of his Mouth totally Unfiltered and devoid of Emotional add-ons to it.  He said, I never Liked the Guy when he was Alive, so I won't pretend I'm Sad he's Dead, or say Nice things I don't mean becoz he's Dead.  Okay then. He walked off with his Cereal... Conversation over.  His Uncle looked at me aghast, I shrugged... what can I say... were you Surprised that was his reaction?  We know him.  And you're not "New" to how he is.  And he always said he saw Mando was surrounded by Demons, ones that would eventually come for him {meaning Mando} and get him one day.  It's Why he never wanted him around, he was extremely Paranoid about exposure to the Guy from Day One.  He felt he brought Demons with him where ever he went.

Now, I never argue with what a Paranoid Schizophrenic sees and feels about what they see, that they find particularly Tormenting and Scary, that none of us sees, it's Real enuf to them.  He knows he's up for being Psychiatrically Evaluated again in order to try to Qualify for meager Services and a Disability Income he couldn't really Survive on.  Like some resented Charity Case that Society despises and usually feels some kind of way about funding.  He finds it not only humbling, but humiliating to go thru, with zero dignity, very little sympathy, Caring or compassion extended.  So, he's not looking forward to being Assessed in much the same way actually.  Without Emotion or any sense of Compassion as to his Basic Humanity.  

So he rarely feels inclined to extend it either, his logical Assessment of the World being, mostly, nobody Cares.  So, why should he?  He could be Right.  Plus, he reminded us that Mando had said terrible things to him and about him being so Mentally Ill AND Gay. And terrible things about his Mother.  And about his Fairies.  The Young Prince really gets Angered if you say Bad things about his Fairies, moreso than if you say horrible things about him or other people.  He shows deep Reverence to that Realm.  He says Fairies can and will exact Revenge too if Disrespected, not all of them are benign, especially when Angered and not approached with Respect.  Anyway. 

 We won't go down that Rabbit Hole he would take you down deeply.  He practically LIVES full time in another Realm.  And very detached from this one. I just thought he should know what his Mom is going thru and that Mando was now Dead.   We've got another stack of Paperwork Social Security sent us to fill out for him, before and after this Psychiatric Eval, it arrived this Morning.  They will bury you in Paperwork and you must be in compliance to do it all.  I don't know how or why they think someone SMI can wade thru the Mountain of Paperwork and do it... most can't or won't.  So, I think it's Intentional actually.  If you don't fill it out they Dismiss the Case, if you can and do fill it out, mebbe you're not that Ill???  I know The Young Prince rarely opens any of his Mail, he just leaves it laying around until I do something with it otherwise, if I don't Open it and make sure it's nothing Important.  If you expect him to Open anything, send it in an Amazon Box.  *LOL*  Other than all that everything is swell... *Eye Roll*

No wonder I'm having fucking Sleep Inertia... and diffusing the levels of prolonged intensive Stress is easier suggested than done.  Thank God, Baby Jesus and all the Saints, for Blogging... Whew!!!  Blog Therapy is really a great Coping Mechanism to throw out into the Void of Cyberspace and the Ether, just dump it out there and let it go.  I'm enjoying that Fall has arrived and I do have so many things to look forward to.  But with the Midterms coming up, Voter suppression and intimidation already being initiated, and so much Fuckery at the top of our Food Chain in America, I have a sense of impending doom and gloom that I just cannot shake too.  I'm looking at that Glass and it is both Half Full and Half Empty any way you choose to look at it.

At times I want to just consume whatever Water is left in that Glass and then smash the fucking Glass to smithereens.  Breaking Glass has a very satisfying sound.   Remember when they used to Advertise those places you could pay to go destroy and break things in a Room?  You'd be suited up in protective Gear and Goggles, and they had it loaded up with China, Bottles, Ceramics, Electronics and TV's, or any other breakables and such for you to just utterly destroy.  I always thought, that might be worth whatever it Costs and I just wonder how much better the Release is to just go berserk and do that, you know, legally, and not be considered off your Rocker completely if you were to do it at Home?  A "Rage Room", sounds more Fun and Pure Recreation, than actually Therapeutic tho'.  So I'll take a hard pass *Bwahahahaha*

I'll probably get Algorithm Feed now on them.  *LMAOROTF*  You can't just mention anything anymore without the Data being Collected and ending up in an unwanted Algorithm designed for whose Feed it ends up on.  A Friend of mine joked that you have to be very Careful about your Wording not being ambiguous too.  She was needing to look up something about Chickpeas... and I don't have to tell you what the Internet thought she was looking for.  *Bwahahaha*  I can only Imagine the disturbing disgusting Videos that showed up that had nothing to do with Chickpeas or making Hummus.   One would think Artificial Intelligence could distinguish between Pea and Pee... but, No, not necessarily.  Yet the Chick part they did understand the Slang for a Human Female, rather than showing Baby Chickens.  Go figure. *Eye Roll*  Or mebbe they had no Imagery of Baby Chickens taking a Piss, I dunno?  *LOL*

The Young Prince said that Allen got Approved for 75% VA Disability Status.  It was a long Qualifying Process, as it always is. The Man is 100% and that took Years to finalize, I think Allen has been waiting a long time for his VA Disability, so I'm glad it finally got resolved and he'll receive his Disability Checks.  He had to be Medically Discharged, he hadn't been in long enuf to be Medically Retired like The Man.  So, what he'd wanted to make a Career, couldn't be.  And what happened to him during his Service to Country was Disabling in ways they finally have formally acknowledged and will reimburse him for in Disability Payments to assist him in Quality of Life as a Civilian now.  He still Works hard, but, he was struggling in so many ways and this helps alleviate some of the stress and strain he's been under.  Unable to even live in a lot of places becoz he simply couldn't Earn enough to afford the high Cost of Living, Rents, obtain better paying Jobs.  The Disability Income will help a lot... it does for us.

*******

Navigating having Rage and no Rage Room... Smiles... Dawn... The Bohemian

Rare Accidents Of Time And Sleep Inertia

 

Today in Real Time should be the 22nd when this Publishes and it will be Princess T's 21st Birthday!!!  And, Well, Christ on a Bike, we ended the last Wednesday Night Post with a Vehicular Homicide of The Daughter's Ex-BF Mando who got run over and killed on his Bike!  Let us Hope this Thursday Morning goes better and less dramatically?   She'll be a Head Case for days now, so many people she's known have Died recently and it's never easy to lose folks you know and have Cared about.  Doesn't matter how they Pass, it's just hard, but a Homicide, is particularly hard to Process.  I notified my Friend Yolanda, coz her Husband was related by a previous Marriage to Mando, but their Family is estranged from his Ex's, so I didn't know if they'd be told and they have a Right to know.  He's the Cousin of Dino's Kids coz Dino used to be Married to Mando's Aunt.  In smaller Cities a lot of people are related by Blood, Marriage, or just know everyone.  Especially Families who've lived here for many Generations.

So, I did put some Merch into Inventory on Wednesday Night, including some Halloween Decor, like this Old Man {Above} and Old Lady {Below} Pottery Heads.  I used to Display them with a Votive burning inside during Halloween coz it looked Creepy and Cool.   But, I haven't done that in a while and didn't really need to keep all of my Halloween, it Sells Well and looks good Displayed in the Showroom, even if it doesn't Sell this Season.  With my Halloween Merch, I just take it back Home if it doesn't Sell and use it some more until it eventually does.  No hurries, no worries, on Reselling my Seasonal objects coz we've always used them and had most of them a long time.  So, I can detach from some enuf to Cash Out on them, or Keep them longer if they don't Sell for what I want to get for them.  I don't mark down Seasonal Merch, coz it always Sells eventually.  Usually it Sells Out long before the Holiday actually arrives and I don't have enuf of it For Sale.

The Man is up at a ridiculous Hour, 4:30 a.m., I've got to take The Son to Work, but The Man needn't be up.  He was crashing around with his Walker and I had to gently remind him everyone is still Asleep, so tone it down.  Now he's got the TV on loud in the Living Room!  Jeeeeesus!  He's gonna wake everyone up that doesn't have to be up this early yet! *Eye Roll and Le Sigh*  With Dementia they're on Dementia-Time and so it's not unusual for him to keep very Weird Hours now and it means Caregiving gets extended becoz sometimes he won't Sleep and you don't know what he's getting up to if you are still Asleep?!   Plus, he's noisy and inconsiderate as fuck due to the Mental confusion and impairment, has become very Egocentric and oblivious of others, coz they are in their own bubble.   I'd hoped to have some Quiet Me Time between getting The Son to Work and then by 7:00 a.m. getting The Grand-Daughter to Work... that's clearly not happening now he's up.   Dammit!

I guess he's got the News on to see if there's coverage about Mando's Death.  Seems several other Pedestrians were hit and Killed by Motorists early this Morning, so we saw coverage of that rather than coverage of anyone hit and Killed last Night.   This Morning Two Young Girls and a Woman in a Wheelchair were involved in Vehicular Homicides too in separate incidents which have Morning Rush Hour Traffic now delayed, so that warranted immediate coverage to alert everyone driving to Work to avoid those areas shut down for Police Investigation.  Usually a Homicide will involve long closures around the Crime Scene while the Investigation is gathering and documenting all the Evidence.  So, at the very least Four unfortunate Souls lost their Lives between late last Night and early this Morning to being Run Over by Vehicles!!!  The Girls were Walking, the Woman in her Wheelchair, Mando on his Bike.  Drivers are being so distracted, impaired, irresponsible and careless behind the Wheel, it's a big problem and has been.

The Vehicular Crimes Bureau was always very busy Prosecuting Cases, even way back before I Retired.  Vehicular Homicides are Processed thru a different Bureau than the Homicide Bureau at the D.A.'s Office.  Same with Sex Crimes that involve Homicides, were Processed thru the Sex Crimes Bureau.  I worked all the Cases of every Bureau since I did the Audit, Data Entry, and Criminal Trials Close-Outs before Files were Archived, if they flowed thru Superior Court at all.   Sad commentary when if you get Killed at Night in the City, you're already Old News by Morning coz more folks just got Killed on a brand new day!!!  I'm seeing no Media coverage of his Death.  Anyway, The Daughter will remain in touch with his Family to find out what's going on with the Investigation and Funeral Arrangements.  And hopefully he's now reunited with his Son and Parents who Died during the Pandemic.   He never got over Three Loved Ones Dying in a row so close together.  His Parents Died of COVID and his Son to a Drug Overdose.

I got all my Specialty Halloween Shirts, Dresses and Hoodies into the Showroom.   Ones like the Above Tee were Halloween Specialty Lines that came out at both "SPENCERS" and "THE SPIRIT STORE", I picked most up at deep discount after Season when they closed out Holiday Merch that hadn't Sold.  Some I've also Scored at Chazzas where they were probably New Old Stock Donated by those Stores.   I've got some in my Size that I wear myself and people always stop and ask me where I got them.  Now I direct them to our Showroom at the Antique Mall.  I was talking to an Old Vendor who has really Primo Merch but it's mostly Antiques and Quality Collectibles, he has a lot of Rented Space and is struggling to Sell the Good Stuff.   As we all are, tho' some Primo Merch of mine suddenly has been Selling.

So we got to talking during my Shift and he mentioned his struggle, and I found out he has a huge amount of Vintage Band T-Shirts and Pokemon Cards, I asked him, why aren't you Selling all of that?  It Sells easily and I'm trying to make this a Destination for the Young Demographic to come to our Mall to Buy their Wardrobe and Accessories & desired Collectibles.  So, he Thanked me and is gonna do it.  I Sold the large LaLa Loopsie Doll within an Hour of putting her into Inventory, for Fifty Bucks!  And some more expensive Pokemon Cards, plenty of higher priced of our Specialty T-Shirts and even some Antiques.  Above is the Dinner I got before Work to Share with The Man, since there was no time for me to Cook a Dinner, we got Takeout from the BBQ place again.  This time I got the Brisket Three Ways which comes with a Side.  It was melt in your Mouth ahhhmazing!  I would definitely order that again and it was filling.  He mostly had the Burnt Ends, which is his Favorite, and I mostly had the Sliced Brisket, which is my Favorite, then we Shared the Chopped Brisket.

I don't know if the Grandsons brought Tyson this time coz I didn't see him in the Back Yard when The Son and I were out there this Morning.  So, I hope he wasn't there and then got out again?  Last visit we had a problem with his getting out to go see his Girlfriend Pit Bull nextdoor that Omar's Family owns.  She's very Old, so its more a Friendship they share, she's not breeding Age anymore and has a Tumor now, they've had her a long time and I guess her Tumor is inoperable.  She doesn't seem to be suffering, so they haven't had her put down, but, they might have to.  Pit Bulls actually have very Fragile Health Issues, they look physically Strong but inbreeding to get The Look has caused a lot of problems for the Breed.  The better looking the Pit Bull, the more Health Issues they seem to have.  Allen has spent a fortune on Tyson, even tho' he was a Free Rescue Animal.  They aren't considered a particularly Adoptable Breed so most Pounds put them down and most Human Society No Kill Shelters won't take them.  

Allen got him from a Pit Bull Private Rescue that takes in abused, neglected, given up by Owner, Pit Bulls that otherwise would be euthanized or turned away by No Kill Shelters.  Tyson was given up coz he is docile and refused to Fight... which is tragic that the Owners want a Mean Fighting Dog and not a lovely Dog with a wonderful gentle Personality like Tyson has.  Literally he's the least aggressive and most disciplined Dog I've ever seen.  He's not very Smart, but he Trained well to being Obedient and following simple direction for Discipline Training.  Allen had Trained Military Dogs and said Tyson took to Training really well even tho' he's really like a Big Dumb Jock kinda Dog, Bless him, but he's possessing amazing Discipline.  *Smiles*   Even if he's really hungry, if you tell him to Wait, he'll do so... and if you tell him you need to take something away from him, even if he really wants to keep it, he'll let you take it away without being aggressive at all. 

 If you say the Word "Gentle", he'll take it from you so tenderly it really is impressive.  And if he's too excited and you say "Gentle", he Calms down immediately.  Coz he can get really excited and that's how you'd likely get accidentally hurt by him, in his exuberance.  Coz he's like a Bulldozer in Strength! *LOL*   He's never met a Stranger, he likes literally everybody you introduce him to, so all our Neighbors and Friends have come to Adore him and change their Minds about the Bad Rap the whole Breed has gotten.  I'm more concerned about getting bitten or hurt and attacked by one of those feisty aggressive lil Ankle Biter Breeds than by Tyson.   Our Neighbor's lil Chihuahua, Gibbs, is more likely to come for you and wanna take a bite.  He's tiny with a big Attitude, he's even bitten and come after Tyson!  And Tyson will look at us like, are you gonna do something about this annoying angry lil Guy?  *Ha ha ha*

Just saw Tyson, the Grandsons have him on a Metal Wire Leash with a Harness now since he's become an Escape Artist and can't be Trusted now to stay on the Property.  *Le Sigh*  It's too bad coz he so enjoyed romping around in the Pasture... until the Urge overtook him to be naughty and find ways to get out.  And we can't risk that, too much Traffic and too many people afraid of a Pit Bull and he's Friendly so he just goes up to people and they usually Freak Out and react Negatively out of Fear.  He might get harmed or run over and he doesn't understand he's scary looking.  I gave him Water, Kibbles and some Greenies Dog Dental Health Bones, which he really Loved!  The Young Prince had so many Packages Delivered the other day before they arrived here that it was Crazy!  It was like he was moving in all over again and I don't know where he'll put any of it?  He has no more room for more in his Living Space.

 

Anyway, The Daughter seems to be doing better this Morning, it's something that puts you in Shock for a while when someone is the Victim of a Homicide, or Dies suddenly by any kind of way, especially when you were talking to them only a little while before it happens.  It seems very Surreal and she still has his little Notebook with the last Note he Wrote telling everyone he was going to the Circle K and would be right back... he had no idea he wouldn't be and would be leaving this Earthly Coil within a short while after Writing it.  Life is Fragile like that.  Just going on a Bike Ride and minding your own Business doing something mundane and routine, can turn Deadly. 

 We've had so many people Dying lately that we know, too many.  She's been talking to his Family all Morning, he has a large Family so it will take a while to notify everyone.  And they're not a close Family, but it was still their Loved One.  He spent more time with us when things were Good becoz his own Family have so few of them that get along with one another.  That's why The Daughter felt sorry for him, being very Sick, Disabled, unable to Work at an actual Job anymore due to his Illness to be able to Support himself, and very much Alone. 

I personally think it's why he latched onto her coz she was the only one who showed she Cared and has a Pure Heart towards anyone going thru Trials and Tribulations.  She's had a tough row to hoe herself, so she has a lot of Compassion.   But he was a very Tortured Soul and I think was no longer able to Think clearly, his Illness I felt had gotten into the Brain, coz it had spread rapidly and he wasn't supposed to make it to his last Birthday, which was in July, so he was past Prognosis Dates of when they expected him to succumb to the Illness.  All the more tragic he Died of a Homicide instead, but at least his suffering is over and he won't Die of the Cancer, which isn't a nice way to go either.  So few nice or easy ways to Die I think.   Sorry that Death is so forefront on my Mind now, but it does give you a reboot on your own Mortality and that of everyone else's.   Anyone can be Gone at any Moment in Time when it is their Time that's up.

Next Week is the kickoff of all the Events and Halloween TV Shows, so I'm looking forward to that.  By the time this Posts we'll be a couple Weeks into it and I'll then regale you with what all I did.  *Smiles and Winks*  Since the Guys had a very long Drive from New Mexico they're Sleeping In.  But I want them to hook Tyson up where he has more access to Shade, since his Leash Wire only lets him have a small area to maneuver, but it's a Strong Metal Chord so even with his Strength he can't break it.  But it's lightweight, so not as heavy as a Chain would be, and his Harness looks comfortable and he seems very Chill about wearing it too.  He could pull a Dog Sled with that hookup.  *Ha ha ha*  The problem with where they currently have him is he knocked over all my Bird Feeder Station stuff and the Birds are afraid to come down to eat coz he could access them.  Generally he doesn't bother Birds at all nor harm them... and he's rarely aggressive to any other Animals actually, even a local Stray Orange Tomcat came over and realized nothing to Fear from Tyson. 

I finally got the Call from Social Security this Afternoon for The Young Prince's Psychiatric Evaluation for Disability Benefits.  The Doctor is in Glendale and it's the 24th of September at 10:00 in the Morning, so, I can get everyone to Work and still be there.  Nothing else is on the Calendar for that day, Thankfully, coz they don't set these things up for your Schedule, even if the Client doesn't have their own Transportation and cannot drive.  At least it's only in Glendale, last time they scheduled it in Scottsdale Years ago, and it was almost a 2 Hour Drive to get there from where we lived.  I can get to Glendale in about an Hour from where this Doc's location is, which, in City Traffic is reasonable and fits in with my other Transportation Obligations for other Family Members to get them to Work on time too.  I explained I'm the only Driver due to the Disabilities of those in the Household who aren't Drivers, the Woman was compassionate and gave more information than they usually do.  I've found if you make a connection with whoever it is, they're less bureaucratically rigid.

She sounded Older and like mebbe she's Raised Grandbabies coz that's what she said, Oh, you're Gramma and you Raised these Babies?  I confirmed that and said becoz of their Disabilities, they can't and don't Drive, so I make sure they get to their Appointments, and those that can Work at their little Jobs get to their place of Employment.  But that it can be hectic to fit extra stuff in that I didn't get to Schedule.  She was so nice and I got the sense she had a Point of Reference and that made for a connection.  She told me this Shrink {she said Doctor of coarse} is a really good and nice one, I told her Thank You for letting me know that, it puts my Mind at ease.  That Scottsdale Shrink SSI sent us to when The Young Prince was a Teenager was neither good or nice, in fact, I felt he was incompetent and dismissive of Clients sent to him.  He barely acknowledge you were a Human Being in the same Room with him!  He would only glance up from his Computer a couple times to even make Eye Contact and had no affect to his Voice, it was Creepy and Robotic.

I remember that Doc barely looked at or acknowledged my Grandson, like he was this invisible Person in the Room, and The Young Prince found him very condescending and disinterested in listening to any response, so you didn't know if you felt Heard or not?  Or that he was taking the Eval Seriously enough?  Just Cattle Call.  At one point I remember the Shrink mumbling, "Well, there seems to be no Hygiene Issues...", as he quickly glanced up at my Grandson sitting there and kept pecking away at his Keyboard.  And I countered with, "Oh, but there IS..." and tossed some Polaroids across the Desk at the Doc, which did get his Attention at least as he glanced thru the Photos I'd taken of The Young Prince's Room that I had brought as Evidence that keeping his Space Safe and Sanitary, was a Major Issue.  He looked confused as he looked at many of them and asked, "What's this?" 

 And I said, "Why, it's Shit... when he has Psychotic Breaks and wants to keep the Demons out, he Paints his Walls, Door Jambs, and Window Frames with Symbols in his own excrement... and, it's a Problem, and a serious Hygiene and Environmental Hazard Issue I have to Deal with on The Regular Doc..."   And Believe it or not, back then, that was NOT CRAZY ENOUGH and he deemed our Grandson to be able to Dress, Feed and Bathe himself, so, didn't need any Services or Disability Income!!!  So I guess you can Paint your whole Household with your own excrement and that's Mentally not Disabling or disturbing enough for Social Security Disability... among many other things, coz at that time was also his Pyro Phase where he was setting things on Fire to "Cleanse" them too!!!   It's some Extreme Caregiving, with no Days Off, no Vacations, no Breaks, no Staff, no Co-Workers, no Income from the doing of it.  And if you manage to juggle a demanding Career or Job whilst doing it, it's a very Full Dance Card.  After a while I couldn't juggle all that anymore.

 Now he Paints everything with the Chalks I gave him to keep the Demons out, coz I prefer to clean up Chalk.   And I gave him Pink Himalayan Sea Salt so he can Salt Entrances so he'll have a Peace that Evil he sees can't Enter and harm any of us.  But, hey, mebbe this Shrink will see that IS fucking Problematic in 2026, coz things have never gotten any better since 2007, in fact, in some ways they've worsened since Age 7 when he was initially diagnosed with Schizophrenia and other Serious Mental Health Diagnosis?  I dunno?  At 26 I shouldn't have to still fully Support a Disabled Adult Grandchild with NO Help and no Benefits he should surely Qualify for since his Illness and extent of Disability makes it so he required Full Time Caregiving and Full Time Support that he's incapable of.  Allen struggled to do it in only the short time they've been Married, he had to Tap Out.  I understand.

 I remember when my Friend {Above} got Disabled enuf her Family had to take Care of her Full Time.  But, I'd helped her get her SSI many Years beforehand so she had something... it wasn't much but it was something.  And may she R.I.P., I already really Miss her.  I'm glad I Advocated and went hard for her coz nobody had before and she was a Ride or Die Friend, the Kind who would show up at 3:00 in the Morning during your Crisis.  And make you Laugh about it, no matter how inappropriate the Dark Gallow's Humor was used to Cope with Insane Situations.   And she was a Good Person, but Seriously Mentally Ill and then she got Cancer and suffered thru that agony too.  But she received Services coz they were in place at least.  But she bounced between Two of her Daughters Homes since each of them would get Caregiver Burnout, even tho' she helped with her Grandchildren of each Household.  The Older Daughter has a Demanding Career, is a Single Parent, and had more Kids.  The Younger Daughter {pictured} has Mental Illness too and Three Kids, but is Married with a really good Husband with a Career, is Ex-Military, who helped Care for his MIL. 

 She's among the fortunate ones who had some of her Family willing or even able to take Care of her.  And she Loved all of them with all her Heart and Soul, to the best of her abilities to.  Kathie was a Trip tho', her Family would call me to Manage her when she was Wheels Off.  *LOL*  Sometimes I'd pop her Crazy Ass in my Truck and while behind the Wheel at some Ungodly Hour, coz it would always be at some Ungodly Hour she'd unravel, we'd drive around the City to see if she'd be able to get a grip?   I'd say, if you can't, I can do a Thelma and Louise if you like Kathie?  And often that would snap her out of it and she'd get on the Crisis Hotline saying I was the Crazy One... and we'd have a good Laugh afterwards, coz the Crisis Hotline is always quite the Joke really. 

 Coz unless you are BOTH Suicidal and Homicidal, sometimes they don't even send Help, so it's a waste of Time to Imagine the Cavalry is coming.  I Learned that if it's Crisis enough that I HAVE to MAKE them Show up, when they say, are they Suicidal or Homicidal?  I'd just say, YES.  Then usually someone will show up... not usually very Helpful when they arrive, but... it's not a No-Show at least.  The Mental Health System in this Country is more FUBAR than our Immigration System or our overall Healthcare System.  It should no longer be 100% on my Dime, or any other Family Member of a Disabled Adult, even tho' he's a Blood Relative, to provide everything, it's not even a reasonable Lifetime expectation to.  There are Services, Benefits and Disability Income for people like him who are Grown, so as not to incur permanent Hardship for their Families.  And I can't always meet him at his Point of Need or afford the Level of Care he requires.  It would Bankrupt anyone to even try to.  Then you'd be destitute too when you Lose everything.  I don't wanna Lose everything again, too Old now to recoup and regroup.

 I'm Old, Retired, we have a Fixed Income and heightened expenses due to our own levels of Illness, Disability and inability to hold down Employment anymore due to our own Circumstances.  I have to be my Husband's Full Time Unpaid Caregiver, none of this comes with a Check when you're the Loved One.  And it is a Full Time Job that consumes you to be a Caregiver, with many Sacrifices you have to make and difficult decisions.   So reaching out to Qualify for what Help is available but parsed out sparingly, becomes just another Full Time Job and added burden.  The Bureaucrazy could make you Mental to have to go thru!!!  It probably has been Helpful that I was already Mental so they can't really make me MORE Mental.  *Bwahahahaha*  I come at them from the Mental Angle and often when they see, oh, shit, this is the Person responsible for holding it down and keeping it together for all these People, it does make them recalibrate some decisions... sometimes.  If they do the Financial Prospectus of how much more it COULD Cost 'em if I Tap Out.   *LOL*  Years ago it was Sixty Grand a Month the State and Feds Saved, for what they get Free from me.  *Eye Roll*

Above is the Young Prince in front of the Showroom we used to have, back when he was being Assessed and Denied.  During what I called The Shit Monkey Days.  See, he LOOKS Normal and has way above average Intelligence, which, apparently confuses Psychiatrists about how Mentally Ill and Bat Shit Crazy he really is???  And the Educational System.  But, I never said he was Stupid, far from it. *Eye Roll*  Anyway, we'll see what shakes out... and Appeal if he's Denied again.  I'll bury their Asses in Appeals this time around coz I'm Fed Up and Tick-Tock, one day I won't be here to Advocate for him or take Care of him anymore.  And so I have Major Concerns about what may happen to him then?  You see the Seriously Mentally Ill on the Streets of America, discarded, forsaken and abandoned by an Inhumane Society that would treat an Animal better.  People get more worked up about a Dog receiving less Care than they do about Disabled Human Beings receiving less Care... and I'm an avid Animal Lover... but let's get our Priorities straight shall we, about other Human Beings.  I get upset about abused, abandoned, forsaken and discarded Pets too, but I get MORE upset when it's Human Beings... becoz I am one myself and I have some Humanity towards other fellow Humans. 

Anyway, since arriving I've only seen The Young Prince briefly after I got Home from Work once.  He came out to say Hi and that he was okay but Tired.  He didn't look like he's been doing well and he's stayed reclusive in his Room.  Allen is still here with him so I know he's keeping an Eye on him so I don't have to yet, until Allen leaves.  I don't know how long Allen intends to stay?   The Niece just told me she has a Job lined up in Phoenix, which is good, coz she's Tapping Out on the Caregiving of her Dad.  Her Siblings have been making it more difficult for her to look after him, they're not doing it but think they can dictate how she does it.  I don't blame her then for dumping it in their Laps.  Fuck you, if you have all the Answers and think you know a better way, then DO IT.  They are siding with The Dad, who has obvious Dementia and is making bad decisions on a consistent basis now that is making things really BAD and going towards Worse.  The Niece can't Cope with that and fighting with Relatives about his Care too.

When folks try to be an Armchair Caregiver I always liked to dump at least one of my Disabled Loved ones on them for just a Day, then told them, so, how'd it go?   Most couldn't fucking Hang for even a full Day before pleading with me to come get them.  Those who were so biased about administering Medications for Mentally Ill Children especially, became Believers that it was absolutely necessary.  Coz I'd send a Kiddo over Unmedicated for a Sleepover, to prove a Point that they didn't have a Clue what the Hell they were talking about.  Saying, tritely, oh, I wouldn't Medicate MY Children if they were SMI.  Oh really, well, let me see how this goes for you then and we'll discuss it again later about what you would or wouldn't PRESUME to do IF IT WAS YOU!!!  *Evil Cackle*  Coz when it's you, then there's usually a Fresh Fucking Revelation.  *LOL*  They'd be calling me before Dark pleading, could you PLEASE sent their Meds over... coz this is fucking ridiculous!   Do you know they don't Sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???  Among other challenges where YOU then have to Sleep with One Eye Open.  Well, YEAH!  I'm not "New". *LMAOROTF*

Anyway, "Sweet Salvage" hasn't put up a single Sneak Peek into their Halloween Event coming up this Month.  Whereas their Competitors have and why I'll hit the Competition first coz I know what is being offered and won't be a waste of my Time and I can Promote it here too to Stimulate Trade for them.   I personally think leading up with Social Media to your Events is Priceless Free Advertising so you shouldn't neglect it or discount the value of it. Folks are Addicted to their Social Media and get a lot of their Information from it, even if it's Misinformation and Misdirection or total Bullshit, Lies, and Hyped.   Makes people eager to come to it if you've made it seem like it should be a destination and will be exciting to be a part of.   Americans Love to be Entertained.  You can be a total Train Wreck and Insane, but if you're Entertaining, you'll be a Successful and well Supported by the American Public Train Wreck. Even if they're ON the Fucking Train going Wheels Off The Rails and into the Abyss you're taking them to as a Final Destination.  So, what can I say?  They Bought that Ticket and they're on for the whole Fucking Wild Ride, that they find so exciting and Entertaining, most of 'em.  *Shrugs*

Andrew Yang in one of his Books said something about the MAGA Movement/Cult that made me Think, he said he doesn't Hate them or this President, he abhors what they're doing and disagrees about everything they Stand for and the dire implications, but thinks how they manipulated Social Media and their Fans was Genius.  They reached their Demographic Base in a Clever way, by making their Politics be a lot like Pro-Wrestling and how that's Promoted.  And the same folks who go for that kind of thing may not usually even Vote or be Loyal or even Interested in Politics usually... but, becoz it was Outrageous and Hyped, they fell for it and are Ride or Die for it... knowing it's all Faked, but, that's irrelevant to the Appeal and Draw it has had on them.

  It has Outrageous Personalities and many will root for the Villains of these Invented Characters.   Donnie Two Dolls is an Invented larger than life Successful, Strong, The Best, Attractive, Intelligent Entrepreneur, No Nonsense Character, none of his Resume is Real, it never was.  All an Illusion and Faked.  But Perception is everything, even if it's not Reality Based.  It's all a Con and Made Up.  But, I never thought about it like that, how Andrew assessed it and dissected it's Success.  I always thought Pro Wrestling was such a Joke, but I know so many folks, even Intelligent ones, that are All In and Crazy about it.  Even Yang said he Loves Pro-Wrestling and why he made the connection to why Donnie surrounds himself with many of the Successful folks of that Genre and Industry, even had that Cage Match on the Front Lawn of the White House regardless how White Trashy Tacky it was/is.  Above is my Old Library at the Villa McManse, which was huge and was my Computer Room too... now I have a Corner behind the Door of my Boudoir, better upgraded Cordless System, but I miss having a whole Space with Privacy and Space around it that looked Aesthetic and Tidy and Organized all the time.  And a Big Desk, now I'm on a tiny folding Card Table... Oh well... 

  Donnie has always had Mentors who taught him how to Work Systems, and he paid Attention and copied them.  He's not an Original, but he Copies well.  Roy Cohn Taught him how to Work the DOJ and he's still using the Old Play Book since their Meeting in 1973.  Aggressively Counter-Sue instead of Settling.  Never admit Defeat. Attack Opponents fiercely and demand total Loyalty.  And Deny, Deny, and Deny some more.  It's worked flawlessly for him since the Seventies, so why would he fix it if it's not broken?   You don't have to Win to actually achieve your desired results and your Agenda.   Anyway, I do understand some of his tactics that have worked for him running the Long Con and gleaning him umpteen ill gotten Billions, whether Legally or Illegally, it's mattered not since he's never suffered any real consequence to not respecting or adhering to The Rule of Law.  Apparently Laws don't matter anymore and America suddenly just Loves Scoundrels and dangerous Criminals in Charge of the Country I guess???  Coz they Voted it in... and here we now are...

  And paying off and Buying all the Right folks along the way works too, since Mega Donors Rule and Buy Elections and Politicians, so it's not all the Voters Fault really, it's Capitalism run amok.  He who has the most Money makes all the Rules or eliminates all the Rule.  Or Intimidating the rest so they have reverential Fear or exacted revenge and retribution, coz they know he's Crazy as Fuck too and is capable of doing anything, however irrational, risky and extremely dangerous.  And he's unraveling to an extent now that they must remove him soon or it will literally take Generations to even try to fix what he's fucked up in every single aspect of Government, the Military, the Economy, the Safety of our Food Supplies, our National Security and National Reputation.  It's all FUBAR now already and likely to worsen in Two more Years if we can even last thru that much more Fuckery.  Which, I seriously doubt we can, Truth be told, so I have grave concerns the next couple of Years will show us how Bad it really can and will get if he and his Cabal aren't removed and replaced with competent Leadership with Solutions, Policy, and a modicum of a Moral Compass for Protecting our Nation and it's Citizenry.

I know, I'm asking for a LOT and probably Delusional we'll ever get Leadership like that.  *LOL*  But you know how Nuts I am!  *Winks*  Sometimes I Feel like this Doll's Head Looks.  *Bwahahaha*   I wanted to Create a Fun bunch of Creepy Dolls, but one Halloween a Local GOODWILL was having an Employee Contest for who could Create the Creepiest Halloween Dolls?   Well, after the Contest was a Wrap, I asked the Manageress if I could just Buy them all, coz her Employees had done such a good Job and I felt they'd just throw them away otherwise, she gladly Sold them all to me at ridiculously low Prices, and whallah, I had a Whole Creepy Doll Halloween Collection for that Year and Sold a lot of them since then, making great Margins on them.  But, I kept this one since it was my personal Favorite, Inspired by the Iconic "Hellraiser" Character.  Which I felt was a Brilliantly made-up Horror Genre Character.  Some are truly unforgettable and become Cult Classic Characters easily recognizable, even if their Movie wasn't all that.

I did Sleep a lot of the Day away... I guess I needed it, and haven't eaten hardly anything either.  I did get Dressed, and napped in my Day Clothes, had a hard time Waking Up actually, it felt like I was in a Trippy Space of Semi-Consciousness.   But my Blood Sugars were Normal and I felt okay, just couldn't Wake Up.  It happens every so often that I have to lay down and am in that semi-conscious state of being partially Awake and too Tired to be able to be totally Awake or Functional, it's a Weird Limbo and Space to Hold, you're Awake and yet you're NOT.  And, you can't get up, so it's like a Sleep Paralysis going on.  Google says it's called Sleep Inertia and they say the Causes could be:  Sleep Deprivation.  {Check} Poor Sleep Quality.  {Check} Circadian Misalignment. {Check}  Mental Health. {And Check}  Yeah, well, that pretty much Explained it then.  *Bwahahahaha*  It's not usually a Dangerous Medical Warning, they say, but, frequent Episodes {Yes} sometimes Signal High Stress Levels.  {Ya Think!?!  LMAO}  Okay then... whatever...

I have Blogged, done Yardwork and some Housework when I could finally Wake myself, which was barely in time to pick Princess T up from Work, AS the Phone was then ringing from Social Security at the same time to coordinate that Shrink Eval for her Brother, AND asking poor Crippled Jason to move his Truck coz he'd had to Park behind me since we had so much Company due to the whole Mando Homicide Trauma The Daughter was trying to move thru.  I'm glad her Friends rallied around her, she has a Stellar Inner Circle.   And she has Friends on both sides of the Border who are very supportive and concerned about her and that brings me Peace that she's got good people looking out for her.

The above Pix came from a Fav Blog and Blogger that no longer Blogs and her Blog Name has now been taken by some other Blogs that do still exist.  So, I don't know that her Blog Rolls haven't been deleted or purged, I can't find them anymore and am glad that I put some of her wonderful Images in my Photo Archives for posterity.  I miss her Blog, her Aesthetic was a Kindred Spirit to my own.  She too Sold her Beloved Historic Home around the same time I did and it was bittersweet for her also.  I think we both had Imagined our Beloved Historic Homes would be our Forever Homes, but it was not meant to be and Life goes on, circumstances change, stuff comes up, and you Move Forward to whatever has to be Next.   I often Wonder what she's up to now and where she ended up?  I think her Blog was tied to her Historic Home and Life there, so it was no longer relevant enuf to continue after it Sold I guess?  I sensed her intense Sorrow, which was as palpable as my own was about our Historic Home having to be Sold.

  

Some of my Saved Imagery is Macabre becoz I am attracted to it, and to benign neglect, decrepit Style, the Beauty of Ruins and Decay, and how Nature often reclaims what Man discards or abandons.  I Love the Beauty of Imperfections over the Perfect, and reclaim what has been discarded or abandoned to rescue and make into something worthwhile to Celebrate and appreciate again.  Restoration and Preservation is a big thing with me, Salvaging is too, Valuing Historic sites and structures.  I've done it for longer than it's been mainstream or even popular or understood.  I was that Weirdo Collecting Architectural Salvage back when folks thought I was a Nut Job for doing so and thought it to be very Odd to attach Value to such things.  Most of the time they gave it away or paid me to take it away, coz it would otherwise have been destroyed, forever Lost, or end up in some Landfill as if it was worthless and the History of it didn't matter.  That always bothered me, a lot... as much as the Loss of our Natural Spaces being destroyed, encroached upon and molested.  Coz once Gone, they are Forever Gone.  And I understand most folks don't Care one iota about that.

  *******

Been in a fuzzy Funk and it shows... mebbe it's the Sleep Inertia effects, I dunno... Dawn... The Bohemian