The Psycho Meltdown

 

I was up super Early again and got everything done before 5:00 a.m. this time!  In the Morning Sunlight tho' I caught sight of myself in the Truck Sun Visor Mirror while driving Princess T to Work, The Son came along coz he needed something from the Convenience Store.  When he came out, I asked him why none of them had told me I was growing a very sparse but evident Platinum Blonde Soul Patch and a hint of a Mustache!!!  OMG, in the direct Sunlight it was glaringly obvious, but he said until I said something, he hadn't even Noticed, now he couldn't Un-Notice it.  *LOL*  We were laughing but I said, that's gotta go, I gotta Shave that shit off, its ridiculous, our People don't even grow much Body or Facial Hair, not even the Males, so, this is Crazy!!!  *LMAO*

The Man claims he didn't Notice it either, but I wondered how many people had before I finally did!?   Shudder!!!  I looked like I might be Transitioning from Female to Male!  *Bwahahahaha*  My Eyelashes and Eyebrows have virtually disappeared in Old Age, I started to have Hair Thinning on Top of my Scalp and take Supplements for that now so I don't go Bald on Top and yet still have thick Dreadlocks down to my Ass around the Parameter *LOL* ... so WTF is the Facial Hair shit sprouting suddenly when other Hair is disappearing... really?!?  Mebbe my Hair Growth Supplements, tho' intended for Females, is causing it... or mebbe just Old Age and a complete dump of any Estrogen I still have left, I dunno?!  I do get Angry and Aggressive a lot more, like a Man!  *Bwahahaha*

The Daughter has her Housecleaning Job in Chandler this Morning, earlier than usual, which is Fine, we'll be back earlier then too.  I'll probably hit the Antique Mall "Merchant Square" again and some Shops out in that Area while I wait for her.  She's usually there for Four Hours so I always eat Lunch out there and save her half of it for when she gets off.  I'm getting more Familiar with that area now, the sequence of the Streets and which run parallel to each other, or don't.  They've had a lot of Freeway Closure since they're doing major Construction on it, so you almost have to learn the Surface Streets so as not to get lost when you're diverted and Detoured off the Freeway and aren't familiar with the area.  Sometimes I don't even know which direction I'm facing, coz Oddly, tho' this Truck has way more Tech Gadgets than any other I've ever Owned, it doesn't have a fucking Compass in it, which all the others had so I'd know which direction I'm heading or facing!

So, The Man gave me a portable Compass in a Leather Case to take with me.  So I don't get discombobulated when Detoured as Freeway Closures aren't always well defined by ADOT, until up ahead, the damned Off Ramp is Closed or the whole Freeway is for Miles they happen to be working on it!!!   They should be required to put up more Signs, more in Advance of where Closures are, to more smoothly divert Traffic and allow you to get where you're going.  What complicates things in Chandler is the Chandler Airport, so some Major Streets do not go thru due to the Airport and just Dead End, picking up on the other side of said Airport.  And, Chandler renames some Streets too from what the Streets are named in Sister Cities.  That's common on only some Streets in all the Sister Cities of Metro Phoenix that interlock boundaries.  When you're crossing Municipal Borders it's handy to know that!

Olive becomes Dunlap, Waddell becomes Thunderbird and then becomes Cactus, Apache Blvd. becomes Main St., Scottsdale becomes Rural, University becomes 7th St., Tatum becomes 44th St., Hayden becomes McClintock, Arizona Ave. becomes Country Club... and you've gotta commit that shit to Memory as you're coasting thru all the Sister Cities Municipal Borders and trying to find a specific Street.  Coz in Metro Phoenix Urban Sprawl, which is vast, about 200 Miles across now, all the Cities border on one another to where you can't tell which City you're in until you see the Welcome Sign at the Border of one as you're leaving another!   So I know the West and Southside way better than I know the East and Northside of the Valley, coz I've always lived West or Southside since 1974 and only ever Worked in the Heart of Downtown Central Phoenix at Bank Headquarters or the D.A.'s Office.   The Son has lived Eastside, and worked over there for Years, so he's way more familiar.  If I get Lost over there I call him.  *LOL*

One time I got so Lost with The Young Prince with me that he began Crying, called his Uncle, and said he wasn't sure we were even still in Arizona!?  *Bwahahahaha*  Turned out we had driven too far Southeast and ended up on a Reservation, which is the Gila River Indian Community!   Until I saw the Casino, I didn't get my bearings or could tell The Son where the Hell we were, coz I wasn't even sure which Tribe's Land we ended up on and they don't always have Street Signage on the Rez!?   Since everyone suddenly was definitely Indigenous, I was pretty certain we'd entered Tribal Land tho'.   And of coarse The Grandson was a lot more alarmed than me about it and asked me if I was SURE we were even Allowed to be there?!  *LOL*  Yeah, but just don't get out of the Vehicle, and we should be Fine... says I, only semi-joking, coz some Tribes, especially the River Tribes, are very sensitive about Outsiders on their Land, which just made him Cry harder!  *Oy Vey, clearly not something to Joke about.*

Okay, so NOT really Funny Ha-Ha, but with my very Morbid and Dark sense of Humor, that time The Man and I were on the Rez and he found that Human Jawbone, that we turned in to the Tribal Police and then the Feds, he did ask me if it looked like it was the remains of a White Person or not?  *Bwahahaha*  Well, it definitely looked like a Traumatic Event by the condition showing a lot of Trauma of what was left of her, of a Young Female, the Teeth indicating to me, likely an Indigenous Female. {Shovel Shaped Incisors, a Genetic Trait of many Indigenous Indian Tribes and some Asians}  Tho' that was truly extremely Tragic to Find, The Man only semi-joked that he was kinda relieved it wasn't the remains of the last White Person that strayed too far into the Rez there.  *LMAO*

  And, frankly, it's what the Tribal Police and the Feds told us too!!!  That particular Tribe and Area being very prone to finding Human Remains of Homicide Victims that they find almost Weekly they said!   OMG, that often?  Yep, they said they had Nine Open Cases just that Week, this Jawbone would make 10 now!  Fuuuuuuck!  Needless to say, we no longer even drive thru that area!!!  *Smiles*   Even the Feds, while trying to find the rest of her, and having us take them to where we found it beside the Road, had 12 Guys, half of them Tribal, saying they'd never go with less than that amount of backup!  *Blink Blink*  The Niece {whose no actual biological connection}, goes to the Rez Casinos to play Poker all of the time, so I gave her a Heads Up about the Dangers we were told of by the Feds and Tribal Police we met that day.

 Even for there in Oklahoma and Texas where she is now living, just to be more Careful while visiting Reservation locales and only get out of the Car AT the Casino and where Security is present!  She promised me she would.  Even on my Dad's Rez I always had a Family Chaperone with me who Lived there and belongs to the Tribe.  And based on how many Episodes of "48 Hours" I've seen based in Oklahoma now, I think Off Rez is just as fucking sketchy!  *LOL*  And, I have been to Oklahoma and Texas, so I cannot say I am Surprised about that really.  I have Relatives and Friends living in both States, all of Dad's Relatives still on the Rez there, but, I wouldn't Travel alone to either... especially the smaller Rural Towns and areas.  Rural America can be like a whole other World... sometimes a whole other Planet... to what I'm used to having lived either on Military Bases or Urban Areas most of my Life now.  *Smiles*   And to be Fair, Rural Folk tell me that about The City.  There are profound differences you definitely Notice if you've Traveled extensively, not just Abroad, but here within the U.S. too!

LATER:  We're back from The Daughter's Housecleaning Job in Chandler.  I just putzed around some Shops and had Lunch, I didn't make it to the Antique Mall again over there, which was fine.  I found a big "Barnes & Noble" Bookstore, Two Stories, biggest one I've seen, so I bought my "Where Women Create" Magazine while I was there and a Canvas Pencil Sized Make-Up Bag with Ferns Botanicals on it to put spare Change in, which I keep in the Truck.  The one I had before, the Zipper broke, but I was being Anal about what I wanted as Graphics on the Bag, coz it matters to me.  *LOL*  "Barnes & Noble" had the better quality Make-Up Bags, sturdy Canvas, nice selection of Graphics, sturdy Zipper, so it should last.  Yes, it was more spendy, but I have my Store Discount Premium Member.  Plus they gave me $2 Off a Starbucks Iced Coffee for the "Starbucks" Cafe' they have in each Store.   It was really good for $3 for a Large Iced Caramel Coffee.

The only other thing I bought while out was some imported Caramel Flan and some Bird's English Custard from "World Market" marked 55% Off.  I like looking around Import Stores and looking for a replacement Make-Up Bag was my Mission Statement for the day.  I Passed on so many, either not the right Size, or not the right Fabric, or, I Hated the Graphics or they had no Graphics.  "ROSS" had some nice Ed Hardy ones at a great Price with great Graphics, but too big, or too small.  I liked what I ended up with in the end.  Online some went for far more Resale secondhand than I Paid for mine in Store, and they only had Two of that Graphics of Ferns left, so it must have been one of the more Popular ones. I had wanted to go back to our Downtown Antique Mall and Score this Brighton Canvas Tote {Front & Back Pictured Below}, I'd waffled on Buying it last time, so of coarse it had Sold.  *Le Sigh*

I like Brighton's Line of Canvas Totes and own about 3 already of 2 different Graphics, one being a duplicate Graphic.  And since I got all of those at Chazzas of coarse I was spoiled at having Scored them ridiculously Cheap.  The one at the Antique Mall was 75% off Retail Cost but, still, I was foolishly thinking, I don't wanna Pay that!  *Eye Roll*  You get stupidly ridiculous like that when spoiled by Thrift Prices sometimes.  *LOL and Le Sigh*  Yeah, I could Score it off E-Bay, but then I'd be stuck with Postage Costs coz nobody offering one is throwing in Free Postage and some Sellers inflate Postage Costs too.  The Brighton Bags at Auction are Priced all over the place as well, to reasonable and into the stratosphere ridiculously priced.  I know what the Bag Sold for Retail, I would never have Paid that in the Wildest of Dreams tho'.  It's a Canvas Tote after all... I'm not so Brand Loyal or Impressed by any Branding to overpay for it.   So, anyway, no Brighton Mermaid Bag then for me.  *Pouting*

Statistically speaking, and you know I'm a Stats Fanatic, I realize that my Nostalgia laden Topic Blog Posts are a bust, they flop and fall flat in Readership.  After all, it's MY Nostalgia, not yours, so I think it probably Bores anyone not connected to the Memories.   But, I enjoy Writing them so much, for myself, that I'm gonna keep doing them anyway.  So there! *Bwahahahaha*   I know the Psycho Venting and Ranting goes over so much better to attract interest, but I can only be Psycho and on an Epic Rant so much before The Family gets overly concerned I'm close to The Edge.  *Winks*  No, NO... but Listen, my Blog Readers LOVE it, is just not gonna convince them it's a good Space for me to Hold or them to Witness up close and personal.  *LMAOROTF*   The Psycho Meltdown is so Popular tho', my Stats soar and to prove that I'm Titling this Post The Psycho Meltdown... it will be madly Read.   I'm not actually having one, so you might end up disappointed about that... shit, dammit, she's just proving a Point *winks*, but, it will drawn you in just in case I was, Right?  *Bwahahaha*

Above is The Young Prince, Presenting as a Princess, in one of his Old TikTok Videos.   "She" can be Stunning and look so much Like their Mom, more than their Sisters do actually.   When borrowing Mom's Clothes, The Daughter jokes that they look better in them than she does, and Prettier too, that's so NOT Fair Mom!!!  *Smiles*   I was very Surprised recently at something my Grandson told me tho', since, even as a Toddler he always told me he Felt more like a Girl than a Boy and didn't ever Feel like a Man after Puberty, which, he wasn't sure he was truly Male... or truly Female... and so Presented as Dual and Fluid Gender.  What my Dad's People would call a True Two Spirit Person, which Indigenous revere and think is an Elevated State of Being. 

 Often the Two Spirit would be inclined to be Shaman and transcend any Gender Roles or do each equally, or choose one or the other, with it being a total Non-Issue within the Tribe.  Only Christian Missionaries exposure made the Two Spirit Being into something Negative and forbidden.  Anyway, what he told me that Surprised me, is that after turning 25 he's now Feeling like a Man for the first time ever!!!  I had noticed him becoming much more Muscular, acting more Masculine, his Voice has deepened, he began finally able to grow a scant amount of Facial Hair, and behave more like a Regular Guy.  I hadn't said anything about it, just Notice, even his Uncle had mentioned that when Working Out with the Weights out Back, his Nephew could now press more than he can and is getting really strong and buff.  He even began thinking he could get involved with a Woman seriously.  So, could be a Hormonal Testosterone Shift happening in his mid-20's that didn't happen beforehand, I dunno?  It's Interesting.

Which, then led to another conversation I had with his Mom, The Daughter, on our way Home from her Job in Chandler, which, is a long drive so we have some scintillating conversations sometimes.  Okay, so sometimes they border on absurd and aren't so brilliantly clever, intensely captivating or literally sparkling with Light... but, they ARE still Amusing!   *Winks*   We were talking about The Young Prince's recently swing to Manliness... and my recent outbreak of Platinum Blonde Facial Hair, I literally had the beginnings of a fucking Soul Patch and slight Mustache!!!  *Arghhh!*   And so we Mused, mostly in Jest, but given how Aggressive and Angry I've become this late in my Post-Menopause Journey, that perhaps that "Mass" they Speak of Medically, what if they're just me growing a Pair of Testicles up in there?!  *Bwahahaha*  

Well, we Laughed for Miles, we couldn't Stop Laughing, Tears streaming down our Faces.  Her saying, "Well you've always had the outward behavioral appearance and demeanor of having a bigger Set than most Guys, Mom!"  Mebbe they just never dropped down then?  Yes, it was a Silly Theory on Purpose, coz we Roll like that about Serious stuff quite often, in a totally inappropriate way, according to most people anyway. *LMAOROTF*  And after I told her about that Poor Medical Tech having to tell me of said "Mass" over the Phone and fumbling for Words when I had absolutely no Reaction at all to Worse Case Test Outcome News, her then saying it just might be Intestinal Gasses... the whole Big Fart Theory had been equally hilarious to us.   A Big "Mass" of Flatulence, a Set of Testicles... well, any of that would be better than something else really, that could be malignant, so, why not Muse about a better and more Comedic Theory of what the Hell it could be, no matter how Absurd and Silly, Right?

In Real Time Today is Father's Day, Yeah, I'm that many Unpublished Posts ahead again, about a Dozen actually.  I'm leaving some that follow a Nostalgic Post Unpublished longer, making you have to then Read the less Popular Posts dammit and not just skip over them!  *Winks and Snickers*  I'm also having Fun with the Political Memes coz some hilarious and brilliant ones are hitting my Algorithm Feed lately, so, gotta Share those too, no matter if everyone is weary of Political Satire, I'm diggin' that too!!!  *Winks*  Yep, Nostalgia and Political Satire lately are fucking Sustaining me, so, I'll be heavy on both in order to keep my Head on Straight and so... Fair Warning about the direction some Posts will continue to lean into and be heavier on than usual my Friends.  Coz if I tip over into Insanity I don't know you can Blog effectively hugging yourself in a Straight Jacket?!   Do they allow Laptops in a Padded Room BTW, just asking for a Friend?  *Bwahahaha*

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Holding onto a semblance of Sanity... well... sorta... Dawn... The Bohemian

History From Unique Perspectives & Experiences

 I've got the Three In The Mornings, so... let's keep these Dozen Unpublished Posts going, shall we?  *Bwahahaha*  The Daughter apparently has the Three In The Mornings too, I ran into her coming from the Kitchen and we scared the shit out of each other unexpectedly.  *LOL*  She's got another cleaning job in Chandler in the East Valley again later this Morning, so I'll be her Uber Mom Driver again.  *Smiles*  Since it's Father's Day on Sunday, both The Son and The Daughter wanted extra Work to be able to indulge their Dad.  He doesn't like Money being spent on him so they have to insist, he knows neither of them has much Money so he just doesn't expect it spent on him.  But, they really want to, so I told him to be Gracious about accepting what they wanna do for him for Father's Day. 

 They enjoy Honoring him and appreciate him being in their lives and Raising them all as his own.  A biological connection isn't always the closest one.  Above is one of the Young Prince's Art Creations he Gifted me with coz I Admired it and wanted it.  I made a financial "Donation" towards his Art Supplies.  Mostly coz Greed was fucking wearing some of my Favorite Earrings!  *Gasp! Oh No!*  He called the Piece "Greed", the Chain representing the Heavy Anchor that it Creates in the Lives of those consumed by it.  The Blocking of the Mouth and Eyes representing it's all they See things thru or Talk about when Greed is their virtual Existence now.  I thought it was a very Clever Representation of Greed and those debased by it.  BTW, in case you were Curious and Wondering, The Bong is his, I don't partake.   Being I'm a Dreadlocked Old Hippie, few Believe that Truth, which always Amuses my Family, coz, it's True, I don't, and except for The Man, they all do.  Tho' he did have the now infamous Brownie Incident caused by The Grandsons.  So, Grandpa is no longer Allowed to have their Brownies!!!  *LOL*

 Usually the Oldest Daughter, who lives back East and is his biological Child, won't remember to even Call him for Father's Day, unless I prompt her.  Which, I don't do anymore, if you can't remember on your own, oh well.   I can't even recall the last time she sent him anything for any Holiday or Special Day you'd Honor a Father.   But, since his Dementia set in, and he hasn't seen her in almost 30 Years, and we hear from her so infrequently, he doesn't even remember we have an Older Daughter.  He doesn't remember her Children or Grandchildren either, becoz they're not here.  He doesn't remember the Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren we have in Mexico either.  So, for him, if you're not a part of his everyday Life now, you don't exist to him anymore.  Which might be better for him than remembering being forgotten by any Family he has.  That's how I Feel about it, some Family choose not to be close, or can't be close due to distance and circumstance, it happens.

He will sometimes do Face Time on Video Chats for a bit with the Grandkids in Mexico, who call fairly often and do try to keep in Touch. Even tho' they don't speak or understand English and he knows no Spanish.  I know Kitchen Spanish and some Spanglish, so can slightly communicate better, The Daughter translates for us.  *Ha ha ha*  They at least desperately want to get to know us and had Hoped to one day come to the U.S. to see us in Person.  We don't know if that will ever happen tho' due to the Immigration and ICE Issues being so fucked up and scary... so I don't want them to even try to come here Legally, lest they end up in a Concentration Camp and Human Trafficked or something.  Too many Children and Adults from Mexico have been abducted by ICE already and held without Due Process and "Disappeared".  Nobody knows what's happened to them and we probably never will either. 

The Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren who live in Pennsylvania, I am the only one with Contact they choose to have, and we do it all via Facebook.  I've never received a Call, and Gifts or Money Exchanges were from me when they all were not Adults yet.  Nobody ever got left out.  I've always made an effort to have contact and connect to them.  Even tho' their Mom was so sporadic about Contact, or sending Photos, or Calling and Connecting over the Years.  She was better at it as a Young Adult.  With her, if you're out of Sight, you are out of Mind.  Once the Grandkids were Grown, they could make up their own Minds about who they wanted Contact with, cultivate Relationship with, and who they didn't.  I was Okay either way and made that known.  Anyone who can walk out of or stay out of your Life, for any reasons, was never a part of each other's Destinies.  Doesn't matter if you're Related or not. 

I have "Family" who are no biological connection at all, even beyond associations becoming Family strictly by Marriage.  They started out just being Lifelong Friends who became like Family and thus ARE Family to us and we to them.  But who have been Closer all my Life and theirs, than some Blood Relations.  They are and become "Family" by Choice and we have genuine Investment in one another.  Listen, there are some Relatives I don't want or choose to be Close to either, so, it happens within biological connections or lack thereof.  I have Relatives I have never seen in my Life and wouldn't even know what they look like.  My Dad came from a very large Family and I only ever got to know Two of his Nine Siblings, his Oldest Brother and Youngest Sister.  There were Five of his Sisters and Two of his Brothers I never got to know or see.  The Two Brothers Died in Childhood, The Five Sisters were his Older Siblings that I just never met, only ever saw any Photographs of the Oldest one.  A lot of his Family were never even Photographed.

I saw an African Documentary recently that said something profound, it is said in Africa, when an Elder Dies, a whole Library is Lost.  I understand, since in Cultures with no Written Word or Books, Stories about Ancestry and their History are Told, so when those Elders Die, a lot is just Forever Lost now.  That's how it is on both sides of my Family, since both Parent's Cultures didn't have a Written Language.  I don't even know that some of my Dad's or Mom's Ancestors even had Birth Certificates or not?  I know when I did my Ancestry dot com, they couldn't find squat about not only my Ancestors on either side, but, had me as 21% "Other Of Undetermined Origin".  Probably becoz of the lack of the Written Word in our History and the few Photos that ever were taken or existed.  Much of our Lineage is speculated, even thru DNA.  I had Hoped that DNA would Solve some of the Mysteries, it did not. *Le Sigh*

 The Stories passed down to me by Elders varied so much.  So, I don't know how much can even be verified as accurate, or forgotten, fragmented, and embellished pieces of it over Time.  And Who was telling the Story/History of Family as known to them?   So, I've tried to leave a Trail in my Lifetime for Future Generations to know at least a little something, as far as it was known by me to be a Verbal Record passed to me by my Elders.  I've told them the accuracy is questionable, not able to be verified, probably ever, and a good Storyteller may have added what they did to any Story to make the Telling of it a better Family Story?  I liked the Elder's Stories anyway, both sides tended to be excellent Storytellers and a lot of consistencies existed in those Stories, so, Truths tend to hold up over Time IMO.  And each Culture and each Generation has it's ways of viewing History anyway, from their unique perspective and experiences.

I'm usually just as Intrigued by whatever your Story was as my own actually.  I always Delighted in someone showing me their Family Albums and telling me their Family Stories.  I am that Rare Person that if you pop out your Phone to show me Photos of Family and Experiences that are meaningful to you, I am Interested and Honored for you to Share it with me.  Often complete Strangers have, and then if I happen to run into them again, they're Amazed I recalled the Stories, Experiences or People in their Lives, they told me about that time!!!  And then, if we run into each other often enough, we become Friends or at least situational Acquaintances that have some Meaning behind the contact we have with each other now.  I think that is Sadly lacking in Modern Society, everyone seems so disconnected and often so disinterested in one another.  No wonder folks are having perceived "Relationships" with their Non Human AI and Robotic replacements for actual Meaningful Contact with other Human Beings, that is lacking in their Lives and leaving a Void!  By Design we weren't meant to be Solitary as a Species.

I think Lonely or Lonesome Humans will seek out a replacement for Meaningful Human Contact if they are unable to have enough of it or are denied it.   And a lot of the Younger Generations don't seem to have the same connections as previous Generations did and took for Granted.  They're a lot more Solitary, sometimes by choice, often by just how Society has evolved and the reliance on Gadgets and Technology being what is the predominant Human "Connections" now.  Let's face it, even for my Generation, having a Blog, Instagram, Facebook or any other Platform that Connects us Online is our dominant form of Contact with the Outside World now.  I have more Meaningful Exchanges here in the Land of Blog now than I do in Real Life, coz, as a Retired but Full Time Unpaid Caregiver, I don't get out much anymore to have Contact with folks in Real Life very often, if at all beyond Family and their Closer Friends who come to our Home.  Most of my Friends have Passed Away or Moved Away now.   So, Technology Connects me with the Living, and Memory Connects me with the Dearly Departed.

Now I don't even pull as many Shifts at the Antique Mall to interact with Co-Worker Friends and Customers, some of whom have become closer if they're Regulars.   Places I frequent often 'Know' me now and we always have Social Exchanges every time I am there.  They often tell me all about themselves voluntarily coz I show Interest.  Mebbe I know more about them than folks they are Friends with that they've never told these things?  Sometimes I've been Shopping, Eating, or Visiting certain Locations for Years and didn't even realize how meaningful those Exchanges were with some of the People.  When COVID hit and I was MIA for damned near Two Years everywhere, to stay Safer and have less Exposure, when I finally ventured out again some of those People got super Emotional when they saw me again, thinking I had gotten the Rona and Died!!!  I'm not kidding, there were Hugs and Tears, it was very Touching and Sincere, but so unexpected, we had only Situational Exchanges, like here on the Blog.  It's not like we did Lunch together or went to each other's Homes ever.  My Granddaughter's Young Co-Workers Hug me and Talk every time they see me.  I Feel like their Surrogate and perhaps "Favorite" Grandma... or at least "Favorite" Customer  *Winks*

Hey, I Like to Think I'm everyone's Favorite, what can I say?  *LOL*  But, if I didn't go Shopping, Eating Out, or to Events, I'd have very little Real Life Contact with other Human Beings beyond Family and their immediate Friends who come here regularly.   And when I do go out I tend to People Watch, and I see so many of my Generation Eating Alone and starving for Interactions, so, they end up talking to anyone and everyone, sometimes for too long when the Individual is Working and Politely trying to disengage so they can assist other Customers.  It makes me Sad becoz I find myself doing it sometimes just coz I haven't talked to anyone but Family in a Minute, and so when I run into someone I know anywhere, we Talk.  And I'm never quite sure, how much is Enough Conversation, and how much is Too Much, or perhaps even Too Little and cut short?  By me or by them?  As if I've almost Forgotten the Etiquette of Socializing Boundaries and Acceptable Behavior!!! *LOL*

I did finally download my Images from the last Adventure, so they'll be sprinkled among this and Future Posts now.  I ended up taking over 80 Photos, it was a good Outing with lots of Blog Fodder.  *Ha ha ha*  I Needed that, the Well was running dry otherwise on Imagery and Content.  *Smiles and Winks*  We gotta keep things Fresh and not Stale, after all!  Nothing worse than a Boring Content, I'm one to require some Sensory Stimulation of some kind, especially on the Visuals, I'm very Visual.   I'm one that would visit Wordless Blog Posts, Yes, such a thing exists with some Bloggers, not me, but some.  *Bwahahahaha*  If I spat out a Wordless Blog Post one day, I think you all would not recover from the sheer Shock of it, No?  *Winks*   What can I say, I'm still a Work in Progress...

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The End... Dawn... The Bohemian

Survivalist TV And Why Joe Would Have To Go

 I'm telling you what, I've watched enuf Episodes of "Dateline" now to realize that when Rich Folk have financial troubles, they start killing off their Loved Ones for the Insurance Money!  Lord have Mercy.  It seems it's Classic Rich Folk behavior to default to Murder when their Fortunes dry up or are at risk of becoming Not Rich!  Every Episode they act like it won't be The Family that did it when a  Wealthy Family's Loved One gets whacked and then they dig into the Financials and find, Oh... Motive!!!  *LOL*   And now I mostly watch the Episodes just to prove myself Right for Solving the Case before the Episode is a Wrap, when, it's not all that complicated to connect the Dots.  And I'm no Forensics or Expert in Interrogation, but... Duh!!!   It's Rare that I'm Surprised at who did it! *Eye Roll*

 Then, if they're affluent Perps, I suspect they send them off to some Country Club Prison to Serve their Time.  You know, where Rich Criminals are Housed in a way they are more accustomed to and most comfortable, as opposed to any of us Peons who commit Crimes, even if less Serious ones.  As if the Criminal Justice System isn't Tiered enuf in the whole Prosecution and Defense Process.  So many times the Rich can afford the best Justice that Money can Buy.  I don't think anyone disputes that Fact.  All the Money to be made in the DOJ is in Defense, not in Prosecution, which, speaks volumes about how the whole System works and is structured to play out IMO.  Prosecution should pay way more than Defending Criminals to try to get them off, or reduced Sentences, for the Crimes they committed.  I earned FAR less working at the DA's Office than I did Twenty Years earlier in Banking.

And of coarse I still watch all the Crime Documentary Shows and Docuseries regardless.  Like "First 48", which, you can make some Wicked Dark Gallow's Humor Comedy about, like Tom Segura did, and Brilliantly I might add.  If you haven't seen his "First 48" Routine poking Fun at his Favorite TV Show on A&E, you HAVE to, you can Thank me later.  I Laugh so hard my Sides hurt, every single time I re-watch it... it never gets Old... coz, it's pretty damned accurate, if I do say so.  He starts with telling you he can't tell you where to go, but, he can tell you where NOT to go... where ever they Film "First 48".   And that if they apparently don't Solve that shit within the First 48 Hours, they give up, coz that's Old News, that shit happened on Monday and it's Wednesday, Moving On.  And... he's not Wrong.

Anyway, Moving On... The Man is presently watching his Fav TV alleged "Reality" Shows, which involve Survivalists.  "Surviving" in places People have already Lived full time for Centuries... sometimes they even wear Clothes, or, sometimes they do this Naked and Afraid.  *LOL*  And those Shows always strike me as quite pretentious and very "Americanized" Entertainment.  Since, Surviving in those Locations across the Globe, the Locals have been doing just Fine and Surviving it for Generations.  And, without a TV Crew and pretending they're Master Survivalists.  Or being able to Tap Out if it gets to be Too Much and they simply couldn't or wouldn't Survive the Experience.  For however long, in a condensed One Episode of "Surviving" it, the Contestants almost always can't and looked completely Wrecked even if they didn't Tap Out.  And are deemed the Winner or 'Taught' us how best to "Survive"!!  *Eye Roll*

Yeah, No, if I get stranded in any of those Locales, if possible, I'm walking to the closest Village.  And depending upon the Locals to ensure my Survival, not any of these Contestants, who brag about their Resumes and how adept at "Surviving" they are.  Coz they don't look like they're doing too well at it frankly, and are barely Surviving an Episode.  And I've seen Hundreds of Episodes that The Man has watched so far... on numerous versions of these Shows... and... I'm underwhelmed and just know the Indigenous of the area are handling it MUCH better.  They should just be Filming them and handing the Village the $$$ Prize being doled out by Sponsors of the Show IMO to the "Winners".  *LOL*  Now, that would be Philanthropic, do the most good in those Locations that are harsh, and not just merely pretentious Americanized Entitled Entertainment to me.

I know, I know, I'm Jaded.  *LOL*  The Man HATES me to sit in on those Shows and Spoil it like that for him.  *Winks*  I'll tell him which of those Contestants would NOT Survive if Partnered with me.  The ones like Joe Teti of "Extreme Survival".  Coz he's such an unnecessary risk taking arrogant and pretentious Prick, so I'd have to Kill him and say it was accidental and he just didn't make it.  *Smiles and Winks*  Cody and Matt, I'd let Live, coz I LIKE them, they appear to be great Guys, have Humility and go about it sensibly, and would actually be Helpful in my Survival.  I think we'd all Survive just Fine together and have a good time doing it.  *Winks*  The Man knows, Joe wouldn't make it out Alive if he had to Partner with the likes of me having to be in a Life and Death Situation Experience.  Joe would have to Go.  *Winks*  The Man thinks THAT is hilarious, he knows me. 

 And, The Man is an Actual Survivalist, so he knows Why I HATE Joe.  I'm waiting for the Episode where Joe does something risky and stupid to Show Off for the Cameras and has to be Air Lifted out.  Just a Near Death Experience, to Teach Joe a Lesson, would Entertain me Enough.  He doesn't actually have to Die.  *Ha ha ha*  Clearly I'm not a Well Woman... *Bwahahahahaha*  Anyway... I am watching some News, which I limit exposure to since America is going to shit and I Love my Country so it grieves me and makes me angry.  And noticing how Donnie Two Dolls seems to be setting Ole' JD up for a Fall now.  Which I think JD was Chosen to be a Fall Guy all along, he was always dispensable and disposable.

  Donnie always Needs a Scapegoat to blame for his fuck-ups and bad decisions, he won't Own any of it.   Someone to throw under the Bus now, mostly about the whole illegal Iran War fiasco, which he's grown bored with now he and Family have made it profitable for them, but can't seem to find an Exit Route, they didn't think that far ahead of the Money Grab of starting an Illegal War and the Global instability they've caused by recklessly starting one unnecessarily, and the consequences it has had.   So, it's JD's turn to be Sacrificed it seems.  Listen, after he wanted previous VP and Loyal Foot Soldier Cyborg Pence to be Hanged during the Jan. 6th Insurrection, I'm surprised anyone wanted to be his VP in 2.0, I ain't gonna Lie.  You had to know you'd be Sacrificed, mebbe literally, eventually.  Donnie Two Dolls has recently even said so, he may be Laughing when he says these thing glibly, but he's not Joking.

It was 111 Degrees Today, Toasty, so a good thing I got everything done so early, tho' I took a late Morning 3 Hour Nap, which those Siestas Late Morning or Early Afternoon, coupled with a Child's Bedtime, is becoming my New Normal Routine and necessary.  I don't know why but I'm beyond Physically Fatigued all of the time lately, wrung out doing things that shouldn't make me feel that exhausted.  So, I know my Body is not 100% and I'm glad they're trying to figure it out so we can address it.  My Family are concerned coz they never have seen me sleep this much.  The Meme further Below in this Post was more my Normal all my Life, becoz I am ADHD and Bipolar, which means, I usually never Slept much at all.   I'd fall Asleep easily once I felt the Need to, but wouldn't Sleep a Full Eight ever... didn't seem to require it.  

If you're Bipolar or have Adult ADHD too, you understand how that is NOT "Normal", but it is YOUR Normal.  So, it's very foreign to me to Feel intense Fatigue and require so much Sleep to Recharge, even if I haven't done all that much to deplete very much Energy.  It also means I'm only good for doing a limited amount of what Needs to get done every day and the rest has to remain on Hold and not get done, unless someone takes one for the Team and does it FOR me.  The Daughter has been stepping in and doing that, The Son too, of which I don't know what I'd do without them here now.  And I am Hopeful that whatever Medical Issues I am having get resolved quickly coz I can't afford to be Sick or not Last at this juncture.  Too much rides on me remaining Well and Vertical.

Hot Damn, I just realized if I get this Post finished and in the Unpublished Queue I'll be a whole Dozen Unpublished Posts ahead!  I'm mos def in Manic Blogger Mode, I think it is some level of repressed Anxiety about the upcoming MRI and what it might reveal in the way of the Mysterious "Mass" they Speak of.  I don't actually FEEL anything about it Emotionally speaking, yet, it is the Elephant in the Room right now I'm pretending isn't there, and yet I'm not able to completely ignore the Presence of either.  So, you just move around said Elephant and go about Daily Life becoz you just have to remain Functional and not distracted by the Unknowns that could be another fucking Crisis... but, might not be, and until I know for SURE, I don't Plan to go to Pieces over it right now.  I don't know I Plan to go to Pieces over it even if its gonna be really Bad News, coz, that wouldn't be at all Helpful to.  And I'm very pragmatic about doing what is most Helpful, the rest being a Waste of Time, Energy and Resources.  If it's not part of the Solution, it is part of the Problem.

My Mind is kind of on a Spin and Swivel tho', even tho' my Feelings are repressed, which is my Normal.  My Mind does that all the time anyway, as do my Emotions just be up under Control.  But my Mind is racing and spilling much faster if there's a potential Problem, and thinking upon potential Solutions to whatever could be a worse case scenario.  I'm usually leaps and bounds ahead of and in front of any Problem before it actually hits.  I'm developing Plans of Action beforehand, and if they become not even necessary, no harm, no foul, for having laid them out just in case.  I can ditch them if they aren't even necessary.   But, you can't wait for your Ship to come in if you never even sent one out.  I send my Ships out all the time and that way when one Needs to come back in, filled with whatever Cargo is now Necessary and Helpful, then, we make that Call.  *Winks*  I don't wanna be on the Titanic and have no fucking Life Rafts when it's going Down, is what I'm trying to say.

I don't Receive grim prognosis or diagnosis Well tho', in that, I don't RECEIVE them as just Stated by the "Experts".  Coz, you ain't DEAD 'til GOD says so... regardless of what the Medical Community may even give you as your "Expiration Date".  I was given an "Expiration Date" at the Age of 5, I refused to Die then to prove them Right and I'm almost 70 now, so... they can be Wrong.   They never could explain to my Parents how I was still Alive, we chalked it up to remaining Up By Faith and knowing it WOULD Hold.  We're tenacious Motherfuckers like that when it comes to beating Odds, no matter how stacked against us they may be.  My Welsh Uncle was deemed Terminally Ill and given Weeks to Live when he was Middle Aged... he wouldn't Receive that prognosis or diagnosis and outlived Four of his Doctors, Died at 90, and not from the Malignant Tumors that were all thruout his Body and not Operable.  He'd splash Holy Water on himself every Morning and Carry On with his Purpose.  He said when God said so, he'd Die, but not a Moment before that Call by his Creator.  I feel exactly the same way.

Even tho' my Younger Brother was deemed Terminally Ill and allegedly had a 5% Survival Rate for his Diagnosis when he was a Young Adult... he's 66 now... not Dead yet.   And still has that Grim Survival Rate, his Docs don't even know why he's still Alive.   Coz it is progressively worsening with his Heart now functioning at less than 20% and by all accounts his Cardiologist said he should be Dead, he just has refused to Die yet.  I told him when he was in his 20's and my Parents were told to make Funeral Arrangements for him, he Called me to say Good-Bye and I told him simply, "Syd, you're not Dead 'til GOD says so."  He took that to Heart and thus, so far, is still above Dirt and living each Day fully, and like it could be his last, since it could very well be his Last if God says so.  But none of us has an Expiration Date Stamped on our Ass, none of us really knows for sure our Time in this Realm.  When it's Over it will be Over.  If we've Served our Purpose here, it's probably Over, I'm Okay with that.  I got what seems to be a lot of fucking Purpose for Needing to still be here and Last... so... we'll see if God agrees?  *Winks*

I feel like I've had a Good Run either way actually, can't Complain, got to be Old for more than a Minute, a Privilege not afforded to many.   I do Believe I could coast thru my 70's relatively intact and Well, coz I'm not Busted for my Age, or so my Kiddos and Friends all tell me anyway.  But, by my 80's, God be Willing to leave me here that long, I dunno... most of my Maternal Side did make it to their 80's and 90's... those just don't appear to be good Decades of remaining Alive for the vast majority that make it that far along in Life.   My Dad's side, being Indigenous, they have a shorter Lifespan, by at least a Decade or more than the National American Average of any other Demographic.   So, I've already Outlived just about all of Family on that Side.  My European Genes probably sustaining me beyond the Native American Genetic predisposition.  

Plus, I didn't lead as Hard and difficult a Lifestyle, or suffer as much discrimination and lack, as being on a Reservation all my Life either.  I've had more Privilege and Opportunity than any of them ever had or probably will ever have for even their Younger Generations.  Some of their Youngsters didn't make it to Adulthood, or Died in Young Adulthood, still.  Mortality Rate being high, high, high.   Anyway, at a certain Season of Life we do begin dropping like Flies.  Like I mentioned in a previous Post, when I try to look up High School Friends now that I may have lost Touch with, I'm taken immediately to my School's Memorial Page almost all of the time now and the List of Obituaries far exceeds whose Left.  They quit having Reunions for the Year I Graduated after the 50th one passed.  Se la vie.

But, I don't mean to become unduly Macabre for this Post.  The Son called me when it was his Lunchtime, he's working a Full Time Shift Today too, and I took him up to "Taco Bell" nearby where he bought us all Lunch... or... Early Dinner.  While I was doing Environmental Cleanup very early this Morning I ran into Sean, one of Princess T's Friends and previous Co-Workers, on his Electric Skateboard going to his new Job at a "Goodwill" nearby.  It was good to see him, a very Nice Young Man, very Mature for being only 25, he sometimes Reads my Blog, so a Shout Out to Sean if you're Reading this Post.  You know I Blog about everyone and everything, so he knew he could end up in here.  *Winks* 

 His slightly Younger Brother had been the Freight Manager where The Son Works at "Dollar Tree", and Elijah looked so much like his Older Brother Sean, I knew they HAD to be related!  Definitely that very Strong Family Resemblance, their Parents are apparently Cloning them.  *Ha ha ha*  Elijah is the one who quit to go work for their Dad doing Plumbing again, he too was a very Nice Young Man according to The Son, for a 23 Year Old he was very Mature, ambitious and responsible.  I'm glad some Young People are finding steady work coz this Economy is not Good for many and AI will only make it way worse.  Those who are in Deep paying for a College Education and Degrees may find it was for nothing they will be able to making a Living at now and in the Future, with AI compromising their prolonged Security.

We had someone random drive up and ask if The Son was Selling his Car.  He doesn't have a "For Sale" Sign on it, but, he does wanna get rid of it, it's not operational, but, he's put Money into it and he's not a Mechanic.  The Guy was driving the identical Vehicle, so may just be looking for a Parts Car for the one he's already operating, I dunno.  The Daughter talked to the Guy in Spanish and will help her Brother with the Negotiation of a Deal, she's a better Negotiator than him anyway.  It's better he have the Money and we get it outta here and not pour Money into it.  We're Hopeful he may get a couple Grand out of it, it's a Chevy Malibu.  Older ones go for around $3,900, so it's not unreasonable for him to expect to get half for his, someone good with Cars can repair it or even use it for the sum of it's Parts and just Chop it.  I've told him to get one of those Electric Scooters or Skateboards in the interim, a lot of folks use them now to get around, cheaper than owning a Vehicle and paying for Gas at the inflated prices now of both.

 

I did some serious Retail Therapy for myself on an Auction, as a very early Birthday Pressy.  Since, it wouldn't have been available in August when it is my Birthday and the Seller knocked a huge amount off when I made a lowball offer, but, was what I could budget for.   I was pleasantly Surprised the Offer was accepted without countering and haggling, so they were hungrier for the Sale than I was for the Purchase.  Or, who knows, they might have made their Money on the Buy or Bought it way back in the early 2000's when the Line was virtually Unknown?  That's how I got most of mine in that Collection.  But, it's something for one of my most Cherished Collections, to add to it, and is something the Designer has not made now for many Years.  I had noticed more of them coming up for Sale recently, and of the early Years Vintage Line and lower Asking Sales Prices than usual.  Most are taking Offers too.  I think folks are desperate for Money, so they're willing to Sell well below Value, of their most Cherished Investment pieces, that could fetch much more in a good Economy, but, not in a shitty one.

She's already Shipped it, so I should receive it in a couple of Days, I'm so Jazzed.  And the amount I got knocked off was considerable, more than I've ever had knocked off anything I've ever bought and had a Seller agree to knock off their Ask Price, so, Color me deliriously Happy.  I do know you get your best Deals when there is Blood in the Streets, it is when you should Buy your biggest Investments and higher Dollar Purchases.  It's when I Bought this Property, and when I Bought my last Two Vehicles and this New Fridge.  Interest Rates were 0% or 2% Tops when the Economy is flatlined and flailing, when Economically we're in the shitter as a Nation and so Sellers are more desperate than Buyers.  Having 2% on my Mortgage and 0% Interest on other Major Purchases is like Free Money I'm using of someone else's $$$ to make my Buy.  

It's when most folks won't spend Money coz they're Panicking about the Economy.  Listen, even if everything goes to shit, I'd rather have Invested in tangibles I Need or Want, when I couldn't get them at any better Terms any other time.  It's also how the Rich always get Richer... they Buy up everything Cheaply when the Economy is in shambles for everyone else.  And right now the Economy is in shambles, the Elite have caused it to be, and their ulterior motive to do so was to get even Richer at everyone else's expense.  This is not even "New", America has pretty much always been this way, lest I forget sometimes that it always has been.   I'm not saying things aren't Bad, I'm just saying that for as long as I've been Alive for almost Seven Decades now, this is how it's always been and the Status Quo.  

Some progress has been made, but, as always, once a Step has been made forward in a Positive Progressive way for the Masses, or the most Oppressed, there will be Resistance from the Top, and from the Fearful, to try to Dial it back to how it was.  The Good Old Days were NOT Good for everyone, not long ago actually.  Rights have been hard fought for and Won for many of us.  The Elite use the Fear of the Grieved tho', as Leverage to their Advantage.  It's how MAGA's Movement was Born.   To "Cover" for what they're looting and Grifting from the Top, they Create a Scapegoat "Enemy" that stokes the Fears of who feels they're Losing Ground and Need to Blame someone, anyone.  Why do you think Civil Rights are being rolled back now?   Becoz the very Thought of Minorities, Women, Immigrants, Gays, and the Disabled actually receiving Human Rights EQUAL to everyone else whose always enjoyed them, and the attainment of The American Dream for ALL... creates stiffer "Competition".  To vie for those limited Jobs, Homes, Loans.  So Grievance Politics works very well... and is being heavily exploiting Grieved Demographics right now and Weaponizing them too.

If it goes to the most Qualified on a more Level Playing Field, that previous Privilege erodes.  What if you were and always have relied on Privilege and being the Right Demographic that were Granted unmerited Favor before, whaddya gonna do now on a Merit Based System!?  Just being a White Cis Gender Male no longer holds it's Favor as solidly as it once did now.  And so rather than Blaming Technology taking their Jobs, or Times changing so that some ways of making a Living are just Passe' now and redundant, or the Elite causing exploitation and manipulating The System to further enrich themselves at the Expense of the rest of us... it's easier to Blame the Scapegoat of the times.

   Hey it's the DEI in their Minds and Opinion that is The Devil... as if Diversity, Equity and Inclusion is somehow a BAD and Evil thing.  No, the Grieved, who Feel their Grievances deeply, coz they are having a tough time of it, don't want Diversity and the more Diverse America we now have and they can't accept.  They definitely don't want Equity for ALL Human Beings, and forget about Inclusion... they'd much prefer Exclusion of those they Feel somehow Superior to, or adverse to, and biased or hold Hatred or Prejudices towards.  They want Women to be back to having less Rights than Men, Minorities to be back to having less Rights than White Folks, the Gays to be back in the Closet and Denied Human Rights too, the Disabled not to have accommodations to whatever Disability challenges them within Society, the Immigrant to be turned away and Denied access, even Legally.  The Non-Christian or certain Brands of Christianity, to be persecuted as if America has to adhere to only One Religious Brand that just happens to be theirs... not Freedom OF Religion or FROM Religion, which IS the Beauty of what we have the Right to and some abhor.

Sure, I'd like all Immigration to be done Legally, but do you realize how fucked up and disparate Immigration has been for Decades now, with no improvements done to it deliberately?  It's been broken and it's not been fixed, every place prospering Globally of coarse is going to attract those from less prosperous or dire Situations elsewhere, it always has.  Every wave of Immigrant to these Shores came here for a Reason, to leave their Homeland and Hope for a better Life and Future.  Every single one from the first Boats that landed on these Shores, to escape the Oppression from whence they came.   But then didn't wanna Share it with who was already here, the Indigenous.  Even tho' it was a big enough Land to Share.  And so just took it from them, tried to commit Genocide of them, to rid themselves of the nuisance of an Indigenous Population they felt Superior to, and didn't understand or approve of the ways of, as if they were Entitled to. 

 And now the Ancestors of said same "Original Immigrants", resent current Immigrants, it's rather Ironic and hypocritical.  My Native American Dad's response to anyone with that Mindset was always, "Oh, so, you're AGAINST Immigration, Splendid, when you leaving?"   And I have Mexican American Friends who feel the same way, coz their Ancestors were in these parts of our Country back when it was still part of Mexico, and before we {United States}, Bought it from Mexico.   So, they Immigrated nowhere and didn't cross any Oceans to get here.  So they find it Ironic that someone whose Ancestors did, will tell them to go back from where they Came From!!!  Coz, they've always been here.  My Mom was a Legal Immigrant but it took her YEARS to be allowed in, with many restrictions of that time, and even tho' she and my Dad would be Married.  And Believe it or not, in those early 1950's, not all Tribal Peoples were wholly considered American Citizens of their own Country... take that, put it in your Pipe, and Smoke it...

*******

Lets move past the Grievance Politics and just fucking try to be a United States of America again... coz a Nation or House divided against itself will surely decline and eventually Fall... Dawn... The Bohemian