A Tale Of Two Lives... And Maternal Family Superstitions

 

We went to a new place, The Son, The Daughter and I, called "TORTAS PAQUIME", it was good Mexican Street Food on The Cheap.  Each Taco Order came with Four Street Sized Tacos, Above was the El Pastor and Below was the Carne Asada.   I also had the Mexican Street Corn and an Horchata, which was very creamy and delish, everything tasted as good as it looked and a fraction of the cost of most places, we'll definitely go again.   Us Three ate there and took the rest Home to Share with The Man and The Young Prince.  I'd called in to Work before Noon, to say The Man was too Sickly for me to Work Tonight, which, he is. 

Steven, our Manager, when he set up all these Shifts for me to fill-in for, knew it was subject to change without much Notice depending on how my Husband was doing after the Heart Attack and Surgical Recovery from it.  Everyone knows my Situation at Home means I give Family the Priority and there's a lot going on at any given time.  Which is precisely why I won't obligate myself to take on a permanent Shift anymore actually.  I can't make commitments like that right now.  But they appreciate that I often fill-in when they can't get anyone else on short Notice too.  I don't live far away and can take on a random Shift called in Sick or just doesn't show up.

The Man is less Anxious knowing I called in and cancelled filling-in, he wasn't wanting me to go and I knew it.  When he's really feeling bad he knows I'm the only Driver and doesn't want me gone so that if there was a Medical Emergency, we'd have to rely on Paramedics, the Fire Dept. or an Ambulance.  That would also mean going to the nearest Hospital within sight of our Home which isn't the best ER, we go to the one a little further away which Specializes in Heart Attacks and Strokes, has an excellent ER and isn't packed with as many Street Folk or Folk from Da Hood.  At most Urban Hospitals it can be a Walking Human Sideshow in the ERs and even a little scary Dangerous.

Here's an Oldie but Goldie of when I first got my Dreadlocks and how Micro-Dreads and Short they were, about the size of pieces of Yarn.  That was Eight Years ago, and some are down to my Ass now and thick as Cigars.   Plus, now I don't have 60 of them, I am down to 15 and let most Congo and just grow together for less Care.  If I had let 60 of them get more Mature and individually Phat, I'd have them so thick off my Head it would be Crazy to look at, to Maintain, Style, and keep that many separated.  It's hard to take Pixs of your own Hair, for me it is anyway, so Above is Before when they were Baby Dreads, Below is now they're Mature Dreads and that was taken a while ago so they do keep Evolving.  I like them best in the Below Pix, than even now, coz they were tidier and about the Right amount of them then.

As they keep Evolving I Love 'em, and then get less pleased with the Evolution of them off and on, but, let them just do what they do.  I'm a Lazy Dreads kind of Dread-Head, I don't fuss with them, I keep 'em Clean and mostly keep 'em Separated.  I should have kept more than 15, but hindsight being 20-20, I gotta now wait for New Hairs and instead of letting them combine with an existing Dread, let them form a New Baby Dread I guess.  Right now mine are going thru a messier stage, it happens, I don't get too fixated on it, they constantly Evolve as a Hairstyle and I actually do like that about them.  Low Maintenance and they can pretty much take care of themselves in what they Naturally will just do if left alone to do it.

I roll out of Bed and don't have to do a damned thing with 'em.  I can have the Wind blow a Gale thru my Hair and not worry about it coz it just Locs 'em up better to get Knotty.   The only thing The Man says if we have all the Windows down in the Truck is, if one whips at him, it's like being beaten with a Cat O'Nine Tails.  *Bwahahahaha*   In fact, in most Prisons they make them Cut them off or they could be used as Weapons coz they're strong as any Rope.  I could Strangle you quite effectively with one wrapped around your Neck.  *Winks*  If one gets stuck in a Chair, being as long as they now are, it can lift it off the Ground!  *LOL*  A thinning skinnier one can break off and look like a Dead scary Hairy Caterpillar. *Smiles*  But the really Phat ones ain't breaking off now, too Mature, cutting them damned near Impossible too.

The Son spent most of the day doing Yardwork and prepping for Irrigation, then they Texted him from SRP that it's changed Date to the 4th!  He was okay with that becoz all the Kids had Plans with Friends around 5:00 p.m. and Irrigation was slated originally for 4:00 p.m..  So, he's now gone to Volleyball, about a Dozen of his Friends meet on some Wednesdays to play at the YMCA.  The Daughter's Friend Danae came to pick her up to go out and have a good time.  And Princess T has Rusty picking her up to go out.  So, only The Young Prince is Home with us Tonight it seems.  It's a good thing I did call in to Work and cancel then, coz I can't really leave those Two Home Alone together and have a Peace that the coverage of Caregiving is Fine.  *LOL*  Short periods of time The Grandson could oversee Grandpa, but, it's like the Blind leading the Blind if you left them alone very long.

This is the only Pix that The Young Prince has with both his Dad and his Paternal Grandpa, who is a very Weto Hispanic too.  His Gramma Lydia is a very Dark Hispanic with some Black Puerto Ricans in her Family.  The Grandpa lives in Cali and many Years ago The Grandson would go visit him and the Family his Grandpa has now, often with his Dad and his Aunt Stephanie.  It's been many Years tho' since that's happened.  His Gramma Lydia lives here in Phoenix, she's been Unwell for Years with what can be a Terminal Illness, Type C Hepatitis.  She's had it for a long time, her 2nd Husband Died of it, and he looked so fit but Died Young from it.  We liked him a lot, he kept Lydia more grounded, she's a Wild One.  The Young Prince couldn't visit his Paternal Gramma unsupervised coz of her lack of any appropriate judgment. 

 

Her Kids, all Three of them, pretty much Raised themselves.  I get along with Lydia just Fine, but not everyone does coz she can be volatile.  And she has her Lifestyle, which, I knew what it was, but figured my Grandson didn't.  As it turned out, Genius Boy, with his 148 IQ had figured it all out before he was even in School.  I only found that out much, much later when he was almost Grown, that he always knew, but never Judged her.  She belongs to The Streets.  And her Grandson is Okay with that, he is a very Non-Judgmental Person like I am and I worked with a lot of folks in my Ministry Work that belonged to The Streets.  Mebbe it's why his other Gramma and I always got along so well and she never, ever, had problems with me, and, she Adored our Daughter.  The Daughter belongs to The Streets too and has no Shame in her Game.  Her and Lydia are so much alike, similar Mental Health Diagnosis too. 

The Daughter can relate very much to Lydia, even tho' they're a Generation apart.  She jokes that every actual Relationship they've ever had with someone, that person was trying to Play "Captain Save A Ho".  In many ways the Two of them remind me of Female Comedian Luenell, whose very Open in her style of Comedy of belonging to The Streets.  Luenell is a Comedian and Actress and if you've never caught her Act, you really should, she's absolutely HILARIOUS.  "Town Business" is a Comedy Special MUST SEE.  The Daughter and Lydia can be equally hilarious with their Stories about their Vida Locas... sometimes Comedy is born from a Life of Tragedy and Pain, coped with by a Wicked Sense of Humor and perspective about it all that is a Rare Gift to turn it into stuff folks can Laugh about, no matter how tragic.  Even their worst Stories they can make hilarious Comedic Stories about in the telling of it.

Anyway, The Daughter and The Son always do say my Stories rival their own and they could be Right?  *Winks and Smiles*  I have had a Colorful Life to be sure, especially during my wayward wasted Youth of it, but I balanced a Vida Loca Personal Life with being a Bank Executive and then working for a 2nd Career at the DA's Office, quite a juxtaposition.  I always did joke that Dark Dawn had a Life and Dawn Of The Light had a Life and they intersected seamlessly my entire Life they Shared.  *Winks*  Dark Dawn made some very risky and bad decisions, while Dawn Of The Light made some very good decisions that balanced everything out Miraculously just Fine, and kept me among the Living.  *Bwahahahahaha*  In many ways it's a Tale Of Two Lives I've led.  And I'm transparent about both, even if it can shock some folks to be Open about your Darker Side of Life, which, often has the Best Stories tho'.  *Winks*

I'd venture to say that us Crazy Folk often have some of the BEST Stories, coz you can't make that shit up!!!  *Winks*  You really can't, it's often unbelievable when WE think about what we've done or been thru and are still here!   The Man likes to Joke that he's been thru many Wartime Situations, in a Special Forces Assignment way most of the time, so he got some Stories.   And some of what I've been thru or been unafraid of having to go thru and moved thru without showing Fear, he would give Pause about himself.  *LMAO*  Seriously, I've taken him to Neighborhoods I've Lived and places I've done Ministry Work in and he's like, I wouldn't dare to go there if you weren't my Backup Honey.  *Bwahahaha*  

Every Decade when they did Census I'd Sign Up and got Paid handsomely to go do Census in the parts of the City, or where the peeps who Belong To The Streets are, that they couldn't get many to go Count them in.   Yeah, I'm Crazy enuf to do it I guess.  Mostly coz, some of them be my People.  My Tribe, so to speak.  *LOL*  Some of them only have the misfortune of Living La Vida Loca all the time with no relief from it.  I've been Homeless before and I've Owned and lived in a Million Dollar Listing.   I been considered Rich and I been considered Poor, Rich is better.  Sometimes and usually quite often actually, Poor isn't a Choice.  Many who've never been Poor have no Point of Reference to know and realize that.  Poverty tends to be a Hand Dealt that is very difficult to Escape out of.  Just like Obscene Wealth is never Earned, no Billionaire every got to be one Working to 'Earn' it.  Below Meme incapsulates how one obtains Billions.

I've found some good Memes lately, either from other Bloggers or from my Algorithm Feeds, which know me better than ya'll even do.  *Winks*  I don't mind the Algorithms, tho' I know how Sinister their development was intended for from a Psychological standpoint to exploit the masses of a Capitalist Society that has run amok and Worships the Almighty Dollar rather than any God.   I always said, in my 1st Corporate Life in Banking, when I ran Collections, Foreclosures, and Bankruptcy Departments for Major Financial Institutions and protected their Interests in their Bad Loans, as a Fixer of what goes Wrong, and to mitigate Losses due to what went Wrong in that Industry's Portfolio of Loans... I didn't Care or Listen to what you TOLD me your Priorities were.  All I had to do to KNOW what they were, is look at your Checkbook or your Financials. 

If your Priorities were People First, then Money, then Things, it would reflect that Order of Priority... or any mixing around of the Three.  EVERY time and without exception.  Just like nothing sorts folks out quite like Trouble, which shakes 'em out EVERY time and without exception too.  It's not Rocket Science at all.  And when there's a Serious Societal "Problem" that hasn't been Fixed, ever... you almost always have to just Follow The Money... and it will explain Why... and Who is Involved in Leaving it that way and benefitting most from it Staying that way.  All the Lip Service or Excuses trying to Spin it any other way is just pure Bullshit.

The Man has been spending most of the day being morose.  Hard to know how to Cheer him up and navigate thru more limitations he's having to accept.  Along with the rest of us trying to have some strategy to help him rehabilitate, if we can pull that off again?  It has to be quite depressing and he's not one to Talk about stuff, he just doesn't and won't, he's always been a Man of few Words.  But, I also can't run with a Generic "I don't Feel Good" complaint from him Daily, that isn't specific enuf to warrant yet another expensive Trip to the ER or Hospitalization either.  If he won't drink his Water, his BP drops, he Hates Water and has been told for Years he MUST drink more of it to avoid Dehydration and Blood Pressure Issues.  He doesn't wanna put in the Work to regain his Leg Strength coz it's Hard.  But, if you don't Use it, you risk Losing it.  And once Mobility is gone the decline tends to be rapid and compounding.

Plus, he does crave the Attention that "Not Feeling Well" has afforded him and one can become somewhat Addicted to all that personalized Attention and therefore resist trying to Be Well.  I went thru that with my Mom, if she wanted Attention, she often Magnified her ailments or how she Felt, coz then everyone was making her the Center of Attention.  And tho' both she and The Man had legit illness, magnifying it and exaggerating it can fail to incite pity and arouse only irritation after too many False Alarms.  Not only for Loved Ones, but even for Medical Professionals.  If someone is coming in too often for much ado about nothing, then you can miss something Serious becoz it's assumed it's another Cry of Wolf that didn't Warrant Emergency Care.  

I got a Rotisserie Chicken for the Three of us Tonight for Dinner, and a Cheese Tray with Crackers for The Man, so now he's Happy as a Clam at High Tide again, no more Dramatics.   I do monitor him closely to ensure his Health isn't crashing again, but most of the time he needs to just hydrate, put his Legs and Feet up to prevent Swelling, and do his minor Exercises to start building up Strength.  Doing what he can and stopping when he can't, Simple as that.  But nobody can do it FOR him, that's Self Work and you have to Motivate your own Self to reach Wellness with the Determination and Desire to Be Well, for as much as is possible or probable.  In your 70's and beyond, shit is gonna start wearing out and breaking down, but, you can keep Active Mentally and Physically to try to stave off decline as much as is possible or probable for you.  It's up to you.

The Rotisserie Chicken was really good from "Fry's" and like the ones we used to enjoy from "Boston Market" before they went Belly Up.  I miss that Chain, I liked their Food.  They had unpaid Taxes, unpaid Rent, unpaid Employees and Vendors, so had Lawsuits and Seizures, which led to mass Evictions.  They had chaotic Management and didn't pivot as they should... but, Locally the Quality of their Food and Value was always exceptional compared to competitors.  So, it's a shame to me they failed due to how they were being run and perhaps not being as popular as the crappier competitors, who had better Quality of how they Honored their Obligations and Strategies.  

 

Severe Financial Issues and Corrupt and Poor Leadership can Tank any Business or any Country for that matter.  We're seeing that in Real Time in America due to Poor and Corrupt Leadership.   And nothing being 'Sold' to the American People at all, so they don't know what's going on, it changes constantly, coz this Administration doesn't seem to know what they're doing except Wreck everything and leave carnage in their wake while raking in record profits only for themselves thru how they're making every decision about a Long Con and Big Grift, or cozying up to Bad Actors who clearly are bribing them and Buying them, so, we know we're being Sold Out.  If you don't you're naive.

Well, Alex, the New Guy, asked The Young Prince out Tonight, so now it's just The Man and I with the House all to ourselves.  I'm REAL glad now I didn't accept that Shift and cancelled doing it.  I wouldn't have had coverage for The Man and he can't be left Alone.  Granted, one of the Kiddos would have taken one for the Team and cancelled their Plans to cover for me, but, now it wasn't necessary.  I want them all to de-stress themselves from how Stressful everything has been for us all.  They're all Young and Need to have Fun and do their own Thing and have a Life.

I was so angry when our Landline Phone rang at 3:00 in the Morning and the Caller I.D. said it was the City Of Avondale, but there was nobody on the other end when I picked up!!!  Woke me out of a sound Sleep and then I had trouble going back to Sleep, wondering WTF that was all about?!  Of coarse a lot of Spam Calls now come in with Faked Caller I.D. to try to trick you and your Phones Anti-Spam Device so that you'll pick up.  But, this Rang several times, announced it was The City on Caller ID, and then nobody there, so I hung up but then was up and startled Awake.  Any Call coming in at 3:00 a.m. usually means some Emergency or very Bad News, so it gets your Heart to Racing.  And, 3:00 a.m. is the Witching Hour too, the barrier between Worlds being the thinnest.  So, a part of me wondered if it was some 'Sign' from supernatural forces, like someone Beloved whose Crossed Over or gonna Cross Over that very Day?  That's a Superstition passed on by my Mom's Side of the Family.  So all Day I will be waiting to hear if someone close to me has Died now!!!!

And then of coarse my Mind went to a couple of Friends of mine who are very ill and might have Passed or will be Passing soon, like my Friend Kathie in Texas, whose on Home Hospice.  Or if all the Kiddos were okay and accounted for, since everyone had gone out last Night and everyone wasn't back Home yet.  I'll have a Peace when everyone is accounted for.  I'll keep you Posted, probably in the next Post, if someone did indeed Cross Over as it's been an Omen my Family Maternally Believe in.  If you get a Phone Call or Knock on the Door at exactly 3:00 a.m., and nobody on the other End of the Call or Door, it means someone is gonna Die that day.  

My thoughts went in too many directions to go back to Sleep tho'. My ADHD Mind kicks into hyperdrive when something creepy happens that is unexplained and just Weird and unsettling.  If it's nothing, Fine, just a Weird coincidence and I don't want it happening again.  Who wants some Mystery Call at Three in the damned Morning waking you out of a Sound Sleep too often??!!!  Nobody ever!!!  We'd gone to Bed early too since all the Kiddos were gone, so the House was so Quiet.

 

Anyway, except for Emergency Services I wouldn't think the City would have their Phones Manned at 3:00 a.m. either?!   And, it's typically not a Time when a Spammer would try to contact you either really with telemarketing or the usual Spammy Call.  Enough about that coz now it's past 6:00 a.m. and I have to be up for to take Princess T in to Work.  As far as I know we have nothing on the Calendar Today and no Home Visits for The Man's Care.   Expanded Services are needed, but it means you have to be Home all the time and keep your Days Open to receive them coming to the House.  Often they don't have a specific arrival time, it's a Window of a few Hours, since, they have several Clients they go to, with Traffic and how long the other Client might need them to be there, it at least makes sense.  Nurse Remi is usually the one closest to coming almost on the Dot of 11:00 a.m. every Tuesday, she's punctual, but spends a lot of time with The Man during any visit.

He really enjoys Nurse Remi and she has such a Maternal way about her that he listens to her advice and doesn't shut down.  So, we joke that it's like he has Two Wives now looking out for him.  *Bwahahahaha and Winks*  It's a long standing Joke coz of The Man being LDS.  Back when he first Married me I had Two Single Girlfriends that used to attend all the Sporting Events on Base that his Squadron held and played in.  The Man was very Athletic back then so he was in all the Squadron Sports and all his Military Friends thought we ALL were his Wives and he played along with it.  Most folks didn't know the difference between someone LDS and someone FLDS so they thought all Mormons had Polygamy.  *LOL*   So, my Friends Tina and Leigh played along and each of them had a Daughter, I had The Daughter and The Son, his Friends were like, you Mormons sure don't mind taking on all them little Kids!!!  *LMAOROTF*

To be Fair and Honest, he didn't mind Kids, and Raised Two Generations of them that weren't his Biological Spawn, but you'd never know it.  He has never referred to them as "Stepchildren" and they've never referred to him as "Stepdad" or "Step-Grandfather", we don't use those Terms.  I don't think them to be necessary Terms even tho' far too many people do.  It made me cringe when my Friends who had Adopted Children would have people ask, usually even in front of the Kiddos, if they were their "Real" Children!!!   WTF?!   Well, they're not "Pretend or Fake" Children, of coarse they're "Real"!!!   But you know what they mean or insinuate and it's ignorant, inappropriate and offensive to the Families.  

Some of my Friends Adopted Foreign Children of a different Ethnicity than they are.   So, if you see a White Couple with a Child of Color, it doesn't always mean both Parents aren't Biological anyway, perhaps that Child(ren) were from a previous Relationship.   My Kids aren't White and so quite often they'd be asked if The Man, who is White, was their "Real" Dad!?  I was used to my Family being asked that a lot about me too, or if I was Adopted, coz my Parents were an Interracial Couple, and, I came out with the Light Hair.  I had Dad's Darker Complexion, which I was Darker as a Child, but I was very Blonde and all the rest of my Family has Blue Black Hair, including my Younger Brother and Mom.  And I didn't speak with an Accent like my Foreign Born Mom, whose 1st Language wasn't English.  So, it would confuse people all the time.

Oddly, when Raising The G-Kid Force, most folks assumed we were already their Parents and not their Grandparents, which was just flattering really. *Smiles*  At our Age it would have been nothing short of a Miracle for me to still be Breeding!  I was Old and had a Hysterectomy!  Even tho' Old Men can still Father Children.  *Bwahahahahaha*   And it took 15 Years before I was forced by the State to actually Adopt them and now can say, Yeah, I'm MOM, Legally, but, also, Gramma Really.  And they still call their Mom their Mom, tho' "Legally" now she's their Sister and their Uncle is now their Brother... but Grandpa is still their Grandpa coz he wasn't allowed to Adopt coz of his TBI and Disability Status.  *Ha ha ha*   

They have never called me Mom, I'm still Gramma.  The Adoption to us was a formality forced upon us by the State and the ever changing Laws about Kinship Placements, but not actually necessary in our opinion.  We'd always had them and Raised them, regardless of our Societal "Labels".  Now that all of them are Adults, people just get more confused when they're calling me Gramma in Public or calling their Mom their Mom.  Still flattering tho' coz we're always told we don't look Old enuf to be that to them.  The G-Kid Force Point out peeps looking and acting way more Geriatric than me, holding the Hand of a Toddler who IS their Oldest Grandchild, and saying, well, Gramma, that's Why!  They could be Right.  I've mistaken some Old Folks Grandkids for being their Great-Grandkids, Oooops.   Coz in my Head the Math isn't adding up as to how they Look way Old to have Grandkids that Young still, when ours are Adults already and sometimes this Gramma is much Older than me.

No, Seriously, if someone is in their 70's or 80's I expect their Grandkids to be Grown now, not a Toddler.  So, see, I'm making my own inaccurate assumptions.  *Smiles*   I do hear that many Grandparents say they can't keep pace with their Grandkids for more than an Hour or Two and I have to Laugh since I Raised some of mine.  So, was with them 24-7 and 365 and I kept pace, when you have to, you just do and don't have the option of Tapping Out and handing them back early if you've had enuf fun.  *Ha ha ha*  But, now mine are Grown and we're in Great-Grandkid Territory, I know I'd lag some for the Long Haul with a Little One.

  Tho', Oddly, the Teen Ones don't bother me as much as Teens could in the Past.  Teens can have so much going on Hormonally that it can be like Dealing with a Menopausal Woman or a Man going thru Midlife Crisis.  *Winks*   And wrapping up this Post, Below is a Drone View looking down on our Property, looks so purdy from Above... we're so fortunate to Own this Property, we Love it.  It's a rarity to have this much Personally Owned Green Space and Land in Urban Metro Phoenix Area Arizona.   And finishing out the final Chapter of Life here is Good.

*******

Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

The Disturbed And Disrupted Calm

 

The Son already got the Paperwork the Courts asked for this Morning and I said it will impress them if he Photographs and E-Mails it to them by Early Afternoon in compliance.  Hopefully they will waive any penalizing or extending of the Interlock Requirement, or serving Jail Time for having no Money and no Vehicle and no Job, since Heaven knows when he'll get a Job to even save up for a Vehicle and the required Device? 

 All they needed was the DMV to show he has a clean driving record, which, he does.  He hasn't been driving for a long time now anyway, since he had no transportation and couldn't comply with that last thing that were his Terms allowing him to Drive, but, with Conditions.  They were impressed he'd done everything else, I guess so few people do or keep getting in trouble.  He's stayed out of trouble, he doesn't want trouble.  With the Autism he doesn't always have great judgment about things tho', it is an impairment of judgment and reading Social Cues as well.  Most people can't tell he's Autistic or Bipolar, it's easier to see he has Adult ADHD than the other Two Conditions that cause Life Issues.

Anyway, so he got that out of the way at the 3rd Party DMV place next to where the Grandchild Works.  So I just let him go in there while I went into her Store and picked her up.  They are so quick there and only charge a little more than the DMV, saving you so much time and hassle tho' that it's worth every Penny extra.  It went from super Cold earlier Today to 95 Degrees now tho' by Early Afternoon!!!  Schizo Weather, hard to know what to wear every Morning.

 The Man had been very Anxious about having so much Today all at once, with Three Home Visits in a row, that he was Mentally and Physically spent and acting super Weird becoz of it.  When he gets Anxious is when the TBI and Dementia really comes into Play and is obvious that he's in Cognitive Distress and being rendered more and more non-functional, confused, agitated and even Hostile at times.  He was getting visibly upset and didn't even know why we had all these people coming or what he was supposed to be Doing, so the last Guy was very gentle, respectful, encouraging and Kind about everything.

Getting expanded Services is beneficial, to keeping him rehabilitated enuf, but it is a LOT for him...and for the rest of us to fit in to our busy Schedule as well and Cope with.  It takes a Village as they liked to say back in the day. *Smiles*  For now he's cooperative most of the time, but I can see it waning as his Disease progresses Cognitively, which could end up being more of a challenge than the Physical aspect of his decline.  *Whew*  Lately he's been yelling out "Help!" loudly for no apparent reason, and when you ask what he Needs Help for, he doesn't even know, he's just yelling it out all the time.  It gets my Pulse Rate elevated each time!!! 

 I think he just gets disoriented and scared about it?  I am very worried and I think he's sensing that I am growing more concerned about our ability to keep meeting him at his point of Need.  Which is making him more scared and anxious, feeling less secure as well, as it is with all of us actually becoming more anxious and scared about his condition and our coping with it adequately.  You don't know what the Future holds or how bad things could further decline or become more challenging.  I've had it get as bad as it could possibly get before, and it's often more than you can handle, or keep your Sanity or Quality of Life to move thru.  I don't wanna revisit all of that, but I know we will.

So, anyway, a lot of that has been on my Heart and Mind lately, don't wanna lose him, don't want him suffering or worsening to where he has no Quality of Life left either.  Don't want to have to relinquish his Care to anyone for a slew of reasons, even IF we could find suitable placement and it would be covered without wiping us out financially and completely.  It's an awful lot to Process and have a Peace about, I know it's Scaring him a lot too and seeing him vulnerable and frail, when he's such a tough Guy, has been so hard.

  I keep telling him, you can do this Marine... and then he really Tries so HARD, it breaks my Heart tho'.  And luckily I don't Cry easily and can remain Stoic and Firm, looking Tough enuf to get his compliance and making him feel I Got This, so he thinks I'm Stronger than I actually am too.  Shit, we're both faking it really.  I can only be transparently vulnerable here in The Land Of Blog and keep it 100% about this being very unsettling and sometimes I don't know that I do "Got This" or am Strong or Tough enuf.  I HAVE to be and so like my Dear Old Dad always told me anytime I said I was Scared about anything, "Well then Dawn, just DO IT AFRAID!"  Dad was Gangsta about showing no Emotion and Doing whatever came against us or him, without even looking Not Calm about it or flinching.

 My Dad handled some Epic shit in Life with such Calm and incredible resilience and Strength that I actually Believed absolutely nothing Scared or Intimidated him.  Now I know, shit probably did, but you'd never know it.  A lot of Indigenous are like that, you don't know what they're Thinking or Feeling, they keep a Lid on that shit and remain Stoic, Tough, and Strong about it.  Bowing Down to no Man.  So, I keep a lid on my Emotions all of the time and remain Stoic, coz it's how I was Taught and Raised to.  But on the Inside I'm a Hot Mess sometimes... or... just Numb and don't Feel a damned thing, which, is almost worse sometimes.  When you have a Flat Affect and No Emotion left in you.  It's not a diagnosis itself, but a Symptom that can be a serious one for you.   I am Blunting a lot and I know it and am Aware of it.  

It's my Coping and Self-Protection Mechanism.   I'm Dealing with much more than The Man's Issues.  The Grandson is going thru an awful lot trying not only to get his Divorce finalized, but, that his soon-to-be-ex is not in a good place Mentally AT ALL but has a Family Dynamic that isn't as supportive with each other as ours is.  Which is Weird to me coz his Mom is a Doctor, and such a good one that she Teaches Medicine at a high level.  So, it's not as if she's unaware of her Son's Diagnosis and the Baggage that brings along with it.   Her acceptance of how he is just isn't there tho', I think some Families aren't accepting of anything they think is a defect.  As if it's some reflection on THEM, if a Family Member isn't 100% how they think they should be, it's Weird to me.

 Allen has been Suicidal and the only one he HAS to call is his Husband.  And it's not like The Young Prince can Cope with Calls like that... his own Condition is not capable of Self Care, let alone saying or doing anything if you're needing Care!!!   Allen doesn't wanna end up in a Psyche Ward coz then he could become Unemployable and he has no-one, he's a hard Working Guy and works at Slaughterhouses, you HAVE to be Tough for that Job and not show Weakness or Emotions.  It is worrisome when someone is in that Ideology Frame of Mind and might just follow thru with it.  Nobody wants that to happen.  They also don't want someone to be both Suicidal and perhaps Homicidal too, if they Feel Hopeless enough to take others with them.  It's a precarious Space to Hold and it happens often when Relationships are Ending and one Person isn't accepting it or Coping.  Allen is truly all Alone.  It's Sad.  It makes The Young Prince Sad.

The Grandson has to come to me for Advice and level with me about what's going on, coz I'm his Caregiver and his Matriarch of the Family as well.  So we can't have Secrets, I've told him we're only ever as Sick as our Secrets.  So, he tells me everything cautiously, sometimes reluctantly when he just can't Cope anymore, even if he knows I've already got too much going on... and it HAS to be that way.  I Need to know when shit is going sideways.  And he's Fragile himself, and Stressed about his Grandpa right now, and both of his Parents {who are always gonna be a Hot Mess}, and his own Situation, and, me being overly Stressed Out already.  But, I told him, Together we can get thru anything and everything, so never try to carry any of that Alone. 

He wants to be Over that whole Chapter of Life, be Divorced, Move On, Wish his Ex Well and focus on his own Issues exclusively.  He's seeing someone he likes, tho' they did cancel the Trip to Tucson, to see that Guy's Family which, was probably a good Idea.  Last time that Guy had seen his Family he was Married to a Woman... so, it would be a lot to Process for his People bringing a Trans Hispanic Man Home to meet them as his new 'whatever' he came up with.  *LOL*  Anyway, The Young Prince doesn't feel Strong or Secure enuf to take on someone else's Baggage, and, Honestly, he's not, Intellectually he knows he's not capable.  He tries every day to not wanna harm himself, so he really can't shore someone else up whose feeling that despondent that they think being Dead is an easier Solution to their Life and threatening Self Harm.

He thinks Allen is Hopeless and could do it.  So, he tried calling Allen's Parents, they don't wanna know... and his Grandparents are in Panama right now.  They really Raised Allen and are closer to him.  So, I do Wish there was some way to contact them and let them know their Grandson is in Crisis and they should have some Intervention for his Safety and Well Being.  Otherwise, I don't know what to do either.   He's in New Mexico, I'd rather he NOT show up in Arizona in that fragile unstable condition coz I don't know what he's capable of or where his Mind is going in those Dark Places.  That can be extremely a volatile Space to Hold for anyone, anything can happen.

 He's not my Child, I wouldn't even know how to do a Welfare Check ordered on someone who is in a whole other State?  We can't take on more people's Crisis, we got enuf on our own Dance Card to Manage and Worry about.   My Priority is the Safety and Well Being of my Grandson and getting him out of a Toxic and Unsafe Relationship was absolutely necessary.  But I do know Gay Young Folks have a much higher Rate of Suicide or Self Harm than any other demographic so I am concerned Allen will be okay.  I wouldn't want anything to happen to him in a Moment of despair and feeling Hopeless, or trapped in a Situation he isn't Coping with.  He's mostly been a Closeted Gay, which, in many ways I think is much harder.  I wouldn't know, coz I'm not Gay, but I'd think not being your Authentic Self for anyone, is Tormenting and Unhealthy.

We got our Grandson calmed down about it, he didn't know how to handle it and I am glad he told us about it so that as a Family we know any Red Flag going on with his Soon-to-be-Ex.  Even The Man got involved and told him, as a Family, we get thru anything Together. The Grandsons have been separated for some time now and he's tried staying civil and grounded in what he's requesting from Allen, so they can just move thru a Divorce as Peacefully and amicably as possible.  But, Allen's Mental State and Emotional State has been volatile and I'm sure it has been for some time now.  It's not improving and I don't know if he's off his Meds?  It was costing him $300 a Month for them so perhaps he's struggled to afford them, or quit taking them, I dunno?  The Young Prince ran out of his and has no Insurance now and no Money.  So he's a complete Head Case due to no Meds.

 

And when someone isn't Well and cannot afford their Medications, things can deteriorate rapidly, whether it's a Health Issue or a Mental Health Issue you require them for.  Our Healthcare System is in shambles, worse in some States than in others.  Many have lost their Insurance or have delays in Qualifying for Affordable Healthcare or Medicaid, due to the Cuts being made by this Regime to vital Programs that provide Care.  Nothing is being fixed to improve any of it or replacing what they're doing away with.  And Neglect of serious Healthcare or Mental Healthcare Needs only costs Society more in the long run, Pay now or Pay MORE later.  Things that could have been Managed, Mitigated, Prevented and perhaps not worsen, now spiral downwards.

We had Amber over for Dinner tonight.  She's bringing her new Grandson's Gifts over to The Daughter to Deliver next door becoz they're still not allowing her access to her Grandchild.  The reason is she is firm about the Baby and her Daughter receiving Care properly and being treated Right by TJ and he's not up to the job of providing for either of them.  There is DV going on, and so Amber and TJ have had conflicts over it.   Her Daughter, unfortunately, is like a lot of abused Spouses and isolating from those who would help her most and only have her best interests and her newborn Infant's interests at Heart.  

 

Amber also isn't getting along with TJ's Elderly Parents, coz they are enabling their Son's behaviors and there's a lot of codependency issues, since, at their advanced Age they need help and are very vulnerable Adults.  They're in their 80's and he's totally dependent upon them even tho' he's over 65!!!  The other Son whose in his 60's also lives there, but Rob at least takes care of the property for the Parents.   I think TJ has been a fuck up a long time, it's why Two or more other Wives left him.  Including Anna, who was only in her late 30's and Married to him when we met the Family.  So he was twice her Age, but this New Wife, Amber's Daughter, is only in her 20's.  So, it's a lot of complex Dynamics and makes Amber Heartsick.  Adults making Bad Decisions causes a lot of collateral Family damage and Stressors.

But enuf of the Gloomy Heavy shit.  Now for some Fluff of Life.  I thought of my Blog Friend Jean of MISADVENTURES OF WIDOWHOOD Blog when I saw this Creation from TEXAS TRASH JEWELRY!  It would have looked even better with Vintage Mah Jong Tiles but they may be hard to attach in the way this Artisan does it.  You'd have to Glue a Finding onto a Tile to use it like this as a Necklace Charm, but, it would look Awesome.  I have a Vintage Mah Jong Tile Bracelet, so I know you can make them into awesome Jewelry.  Mah Jong Tiles are quite Artful and Beautiful, I have a Collection of Antique and Vintage Tiles, tho' I don't Play the Game and wouldn't know how to.  I'm not a Game Person.

Tho' I'm working Tomorrow Night I don't think I accepted more Shifts beyond that for now, to fill in for regulars who aren't showing up???   I try not to commit to too many so turn down more than I accept.  Mostly due to the regulars now are a motley crew of folks that sometimes are just too much of a problem to want to have to work with.  I don't mind the Work, but I don't like to have to Deal with problem Co-Workers.  We aren't really getting any problem Customers lately, so the Shoppers haven't been the source of problems or why Management can't fill Shifts.  And I try to just come in and do a good job and not get sucked into anyone being Drama and a Headache, or any of the Politics or Posturing going on with Problem People or between them, but, it exists.  Lord have Mercy does it Exist!  *Eye Roll*

 

Some of them seem to thrive on their Drama!  Back in the day when we had a lot of Co-Workers up to the job and everyone got along and played well with one another, you'd be Working alongside folks you considered Friends and enjoyed working a Shift with.  Those days are pretty much over unless you Luck Out and the Shift you're filling in for has some of your Friends on it who are still conscientious about what we're doing there and are easy going folks not prone to Drama or being Assholes.  They do what's expected of us and, aren't a Pain in the Ass or source of contention and strife.  Part of the Problem IMO is that a lot of the Unpaid Staff who are Vendors just being Comped Space Rent, are Geriatric and too Old.  So some are just too damned Old to still try to be Working and behave with Age Related impairments and inability to Mood Regulate or are too decrepit and Cranky to do the Work .

None really HAVE to Work, but they choose to.  If they're Upside Down there and feel they HAVE to Work, it's Month to Month Rent with no Lease, just call it a day then.  It's Fine if they're just Vendors and aren't pulling Shifts, coz any Vendors who don't Behave well, you don't ever have to interact with unless you choose to.   I often don't choose to, I'm pleasant with everyone and close to few of them.  I don't have a whole lot of Geriatric Friends and I also don't choose to Socialize a lot.  We spend most of our time with Family and with the Friends of our Kids and Grandkids, who are all Young or Middle Aged Adults and it's a different and more Positive Dynamic than Dealing with a lot of Old fussy Folks.  I'm Old myself... but I try not to get so Old that I forget what it was like to be Young.  I like Young People, I actually get along with them better, as a Collective and Enjoy their Company.

And what's Ass Backwards is that as a Young Person, I was that Youngster who had mostly Old Friends who were my Grandparent's Ages.  They Mentored me and I Learned a lot from them, but they weren't the type of Old Folks who were difficult to be around either.  They were vibrant Old People with a Mindset I now have as an Old Person.  They enjoyed Young People, Invested in us with their Time and Talents, and had Youthful Spirits.  So you never thought of them as Geriatrics or the Negative aspects of a lot of the Elderly.  Yes, there's still lots of Old Folks still like that and when I meet those Peers, we become Friends easily.  But the Old Biddies and Old Bastards out there, who are embittered, mean Spirited, and difficult to get along with, or incessantly Complaining and are Negative and throw off that Bad Energy, No Thanks.  A Hard Pass.

I won't be Mean to someone in obvious cognitive decline or serious Malcontent about Life, I Pity them, and also coz I could end up like that too one day, Heaven Forbid, and I'd want some Grace extended towards me too.   But, it can be very hard to have functional or healthy Relationships with folks who really are or have become Unlovely in their Old Age and project that upon everyone around them.   We do have more than a few of those who are Working Shifts and I may try and even succeed to get along with them most of the time on a personal level with limited exposure to them.  But, I just don't wanna Work with them.  *Ha ha ha*  I tell Management that, they know the ones that just aren't worth the hassle of accepting any Shift with.  Don't Pair me with them or you do Risk a "Situation".  *LOL*

Some of them will intentionally pick Fights with or try to Lord Over others Working with them.  Especially if the Co-Workers are Younger, they are very Disrespectful to the Younger Adults and condescending.  And they sometimes try it with me too, and I pretty much have a Zero Tolerance Policy for putting up with Disrespect, condescension or you picking a Fight with me for no reason to.  I've never started a Fight with anyone in my whole Life, I'm easy going to a Fault and avoid Conflict.  I rather get along and play well with others and choose my battles wisely.  I'll attempt a de-escalation and Diplomacy, before I go Ham on some Fool and unleash Dark Dawn to Handle them.   But I sure as Hell have ended many Fights someone started with a flourish if someone is Fool enuf and initiates a Fight with me.  *Winks*

Last Shift I Worked was Drama with 'The General', Old Sue, as she was picking Fights with everyone that Night.  Sue was on a Roll of being difficult and a Bully.  Mostly with Eve, our Young Co-Worker whose a very Sweet Young Woman and Young Mother, Sue doesn't Like her and Sue can be somewhat Racist, she's an 80+ Year Old White Woman, Eve is Half Black, Half White.  But, Eve didn't want to react in Kind to someone Old enuf to be her Great-Granny.  So Eve kept coming to me and saying a little bit of Sue was going a long way... and... it was... I'd about had my Fill as well.    But it was getting to her, she told me it was, and when Sue decided to come for me next, well, I'd had enuf of it all.

  Dark Dawn confronted "The General" and that she was risking a "General Custer Moment".  *Smiles*  I made it Clear where the Bull sits and to Knock it the fuck Off already!  I was blunt about it, Sue didn't dare Challenge me.  She's known me a long time, she usually gets along with me,  she knows I'm a Half-breed Indian and she has inferred she thinks most Indigenous Natives are rather still Untamed Savages.  *Bwahahahaha... Okay then, Dare to bring that out in me, make my Day!  Winks*  We still had a couple Hours more to go and I wasn't having it anymore and Sue found that out the hard way.  So she was behaving for the rest of the Shift then.  *Winks*

 Eve Thanked me, the Paid Young Staff all Thanked me too.  None of them wants to Handle Sue and at their tender Young Ages, it's probably Best they don't try to coz she'd Escalate I think.  And the last Two Hours were Zen coz Sue can Calm Down and be a Nice Old Lady too, if you go for her Jugular when she takes it too far with picking Fights she can't Win.  But few will challenge her, coz she's in her 80's, and so mostly she gets away with being an Old Bully and quite Rude, inappropriate and Ratchet.  Kinda just like this President, where anyone COULD Handle him, they just don't, and so... here the Country now is becoz of how he is and that none seem able to Deal with him... or do the Right thing by everyone else in the Country.  I'd have his Tiny Balls as a Trophy, mebbe hang 'em on my Rearview Mirror of the Truck?  *LMAOROTF*

 

Princess T knows who Miss Sue is, she's Grown Up around Miss Sue and tho' Sue is Wonderful with Children, she really is... once they turn into Young Adults, she just seems to despise them and pick Fights with them.  Or be bitter of their Youth and super Critical of them, I don't know exactly what her Trigger is with Young Adults or Middle Aged Adults especially?  She never has done it with either of my Grandkids tho', and they Like Miss Sue, but they know how she is too.  So, when I came Home and told them I'd had a rough Night pulling a Shift with Miss Sue... and we had us a "Situation" by halfway thru the Night, coz she picked a Fight with all of us, until I Ended it, they knew exactly what I meant.  *LOL*  Princess T had this Look when I was spilling the Tea about how THAT went.  The Young Prince and her knew what the Outcome would be once I'd had enough of the Nonsense too.  *Winks*

 

So, you put your War Paint on Gramma and went on the Warpath, didn't ya?  Yes, Yes I'm afraid I did and had to.   Miss Sue just took it too far. All the Young People working that Night applauded and Thanked me in fact.  *Smiles and Winks*  They know how I am too, so they knew once someone Tests my limits of being Pleasant, even if I happen to Like them otherwise, it will be Dinner and a Show now.  Let the Games begin.  I waited until no Customers were present, coz I can keep it Professional at all times and not do a Take Down publicly in front of a whole Audience.  But, you will be Taken Down if you start something with me coz I'm just not in the Mood EVER to put up with that shit at Work... or even Recreationally in Public... or at Home for that matter.  You Start it, I will End it, Trust and Believe.

But who ever wants to have to do that?  It's unpleasant and mostly it's also unnecessary.  But if you allow a Bully, of any Age, to abuse everyone, intimidate people, be Mean and misbehave, they won't stop until someone stands up to them and puts a stop to it.  That's just how it is.  They have to be Dealt with.  And it usually won't Change them, but they'll know for damned sure who and where it won't Fly anymore to Act like that.  They know who to mess with and who it won't be Wise to... lest they Forget and you Remind them.  *Winks*  But, why oh why do some folks always wanna be confrontational, Hateful, or Unkind and Insensitive, I don't understand how you get to Be that way all the damned time?  What kind of Internal Mess and Tortured Soul are you to end up that way?

And so I'd rather not work Shifts, even as a fill-in, when I know far too many of the Co-Worker Regulars of that Shift are Unlovely or the Slackers.  Coz I just don't wanna be bothered or tolerate their bullshit.  I don't have to.  I'd rather Walk Off the Shift and leave them hanging, if they can't pull it together that Night.  My attitude is Fuck 'em, Work twice as hard now, I don't Care, Peace Out.  I pull a Millennial Move of, "Yeah, NO!"  *Winks*  Faced with that Threat they usually pull it together and Cool their Jets or start doing the Job at Hand, lest they end up doing it all when I stick 'em with my Work as I Exit, Stage Left.  Bye Felicia.  *Ha ha ha*  Listen, I don't HAVE to be there, I don't tolerate anyone's Nonsense, we're all Adults, so just Act like it.

Since The Man has Cognitive Decline he pulls that crap all the time now and you have to be firm with them, you just have to.  Or the Situation spirals out of Control and you have no Control of the Situation then when they're allowed to get away with it.  Once you've lost Control, it never gets better... and I'm a self-professed Control Freak who likes Calm, Order, Peace, and Positive Vibes between everyone.  It's not so fucking Hard, but, some struggle with it for whatever their reasons or impairments are and it makes it hard on anyone else.  It can make it miserable and who Needs that shit?  I sure don't.  And I won't have it, it disturbs and disrupts my Calm.  *Winks*

Wendell just left, it was his last PT Session Approved and he knows the VA is Contracting with another Agency than his.  He couldn't even do any PT coz The Man's BP had Tanked again badly.   We just had to focus on hydrating him quickly so we didn't need to whisk him off to the ER again.  All they will do is Hydrate him by IV Fluids and we'd spend 8 Hours or more there, which then Wrecks me, and they only then just send him back Home.  I can hydrate his Ass here with Waters and a Straw.  It doesn't push it into him as quickly as an IV sometimes, coz  he HATES drinking Water.  But, I temper it with some Cherry Ginger Ale and a V8 as a 'Rewards' if he drinks an 8 oz. Water for me.  And, taking 20 Minutes to sip 8 oz. or more of Water, is easier than 8 Hours in an Emergency Room exposed to all kinds of Sick folk and an Hour of IV Fluid intake for the same results.

  

So we used up the last of the PT provided by HUMANA not doing any actual Physical Therapy, out of the Three Sessions allowed, he was only up to doing PT for the first One, the last Two were a Bust.   Whaddya gonna do, on any given Day his Blood Pressure can be all over the Map now.   Low... Perfect... High... any combo of any of the Three from Hour to Hour... it's like betting in Vegas on what it will be?  We just can't know or Predict, it's a total Crap Shoot.  *Le Sigh*  He's had all his Meds, the ones "As Needed" we do as Needed.  I got him to eat some Oatmeal in his favorite Flavor, I had found some Weird Carrot Cake Flavor of Instant Oatmeal and he just Loves it.  It's got Whole Grains in it too so, it is substantial enuf to give him Energy and he will eat all of it, which, makes Mealtime easier than Hours of him just playing with his Food.  Making a mess of it and then we have to just throw it away. 

I do Need me some Miracles right about now.   I really also liked the Above Creation, it was one of my Favs of the new Collection I saw had been made by that Artisan.  I put her Link up again so you can visit and see more if you're so inclined.  It's good Eye Candy and quite different... I'd wear it, but I know it's not for everyone when something is quite 'Much'.  *LOL and Winks*  I got Adult Kiddos complaining about Trifles Today, they do that under Stress, Fixating on Bitching about the Small Stuff and blowing it way out of proportion.  They were at each other's Throats about who was inconsiderate and Ate too big a portion of the Food, EOM some stuff runs out and nobody is Qualifying for Nutritional Assistance, so when it's Out, there is none of whatever ran out.

I must say anyone in their 20's tends to be in their own Bubble enuf that when a Meal is Cooked, even if there's 7 people it needs to Feed, like last Night, they're not doing the Portions Math in their Head when they get theirs first and leave Not Enough so that everyone would get some!  So, we had Amber over for Dinner coz she'd brought some Groceries with her, as is her Habit, and the Adult Kids made Burritos for all 7 of us.  Well, The Young Prince got his first and took about 1/3 of it for his Burrito... so all Hell then broke loose!   Greedy Motherfucker, his Uncle went off the Deep End with calling his Nephew that.  Which went into Autistic Meltdown with No Filter.  I wasn't that hungry and neither was The Man coz it was Ozempic Day.  Total Appetite Killer.

So, we said, we don't even Need a big Burrito, just make us each a tiny one.  Princess T said the same, she's not a Big Eater.  Amber was saying she'd be Okay NOT eating, so I said No, it's all quite Dramatic, there's enuf to go round, the Guys are being contentious.   I just put some Seasoned Potatoes that I'd brought Home from "First Watch" Breakfast that Morning and hadn't Eaten in with the Burrito contents left and it stretched it to where everyone got a fucking Burrito and it wasn't the End of the Goddamned World as we knew it.  *Eye Roll*  Then I talked with The Young Prince AGAIN about looking around at how many People each Meal has to Feed and don't Bogart it so that he stirs up a Hornet's Nest and sends the other Mental Ones off the Deep End about his Gluttony.  *Another Eye Roll*

Thing is, he has an Eating Disorder, he's always had one, he either can't Eat coz he has Paranoia about his Food being Tainted or that it's Moving.  Or, he overeats and has no Mental Stomach to Brain cut off.   Plus he uses Medicinal MJ to Control his Schizophrenia since he has no more Rx Med Coverage to get his Mental Health Meds.  So, some of his Friends Donate to the Cause and buy him what he'll Need of Medicinal MJ in a Vape Pen now so he's not Bat Shit Crazy all of the time, it Helps, but it does give him the Munchies.   His Uncle knows this Fact, but still, when his Nephew eats all of something or isn't considerate, he loses his shit about it.

Then there was Meltdowns about Who had all the Cereal Bowls {pretty sure we all know Who}... and who took all the Salt Shakers... and, where's the "White Handle" Manual Can Opener, coz none of them can figure out how to use an Electric New One I got.   Yeah, Fun Times.  In the Meantime Dad/Grandpa is sometimes yelling out "Help" randomly and we gotta try to figure out if he's in some kind of Crisis, or just in a Dementia Addled State of confusion?  Quite the Human Sideshow around here these days... pretty hard not to have your Calm Disturbed and Disrupted... or, reduce your Stress Levels as the Doctor Ordered.  Okay Doc, I put in an "Order" for that.... it hasn't arrived yet... *Winks*  Guess it'll happen about when Gas Prices come back down, we have Sane Leadership again, and the Economy improves... I dunno?

******* 

Calmly chanting Ohm right now... winks... Dawn... The Bohemian