Ofrendas And The Departed

 

Today this Post is Sharing the Ofrenda Pixs I took while The Grandson and I visited the Desert Botanical Gardens over the Weekend.  I liked how most turned out even tho' we were rushed due to Crowds and Canines making it challenging to get your Photos taken.  I'd gone there specifically for Dia de los Muertos and they've condensed having the Ofrenda to a mere 3 Days this Year, so, not a lot of opportunity to go back and try again, hoping Crowd size dissipates.   I was Surprised they had everything in one very small Space in the Gardens rather than spread out and at the Entrance too, for Guests to have more area to spread out to enjoy it.   I don't know what the calculus was in condensing a popular Special Event?  But, some Years they didn't even Host it, so, it's better than suspension of it. 

I've had to take a long Nap from as early as 4:00 p.m. and only be woke up by my Family to eat at least 1/4 of a Burrito that The Son brought Home from a local Mexican Restaurant.  I've had trouble eating Today, I'd intended to eat the other half of my Breakfast from "Snooze" at Lunchtime, but, didn't.  The Daughter made me something light for Lunch which I could eat, then I had to lay down and just Sleep until they woke me up.  By then it was Dark and much later, waking around 8:00 p.m., so, had slept for Four Hours during that Afternoon Nap!!!  The Son is off Work since it's Saturday and he said he had to take a long Afternoon Nap too!!!  He's not even Forty, so was Joking that we'd had Enough Fun and had overdone it on Halloween perhaps, having Too Much Fun?   Shit, I dunno, he could be Right?  *Bwahahahaha*

The Young Prince and I had a very nice Day Out together, but he is worrying that he's only got Two Days left of his Psyche Meds and no way to afford them if his AHCCCS in Arizona doesn't get pushed thru?  Even then, we have to figure who or how his Psyche Meds will get refilled and re-approved here?   He's been taking half the amount he should just to make them last this long.  Allen had refilled his own this Month at the expense of $300 out of Pocket for just a Month's worth, which, they couldn't really afford either, but, he's the Breadwinner and needed the Meds to function right at Work.   It meant they then couldn't afford their Groceries for the Month, which is why Allen's Grandpa was coming up to New Mexico from Texas to drop off some Meat from his Ranch for them.  The Young Prince's Dad had funded this Trip for him to come to Arizona for a Month and a Half.   That eased the burden of Allen paying for Groceries for Two People for a while.

I am a Non-Perishable Food Hoarder and have always kept a stocked Pantry for Emergencies that would last several Months.  The Man and I have always done that for our entire Marriage, whether we had abundance financially, or lack and getting thru the hardest of time, especially during Pandemic, then it didn't really matter Food-Wise.  Even when Supply Chains broke down Nationally, we had enuf to see us thru, and we know how to stretch a Buck and a Meal, so it isn't a hardship for us to feed one more Family Member for a Month and a Half.   I do worry about our Grandson's Health and Well Being.  Even the Adult Kids noticed how his Mental Health is showing in his Appearance more, especially his Face.  If you have seen anyone with severe Developmental Disabilities or Brain Damage, you realize it changes the Facial Features somehow.  Well, deterioration of Serious Mental Health Issues does the same thing.

And it comes thru more obviously in Photographs than it even does in Person.   I see it in The Man's Photographs as his Brain Damage and Cognitive Decline becomes more pronounced.   Well, I also saw it in The Young Prince's Photographs with the intensification of his Mental Illness, even more than it has with his Mom.   Hers isn't AS evident in her countenance, expression and Facial features as it has been with her Son's Schizophrenia and D.I.D., where it's stark and breaks my Heart.  Mostly becoz I SEE the 'Crazy Showing' as I call it.   And he is Aware, he said people get afraid when they see him now, and it's becoming harder to have Relationships and Friendships because his Mental Illness cannot be a "Hidden Disability" anymore coz he realizes he's now LOOKING Crazy.  We had a long conversation about it on our Day Out together, he just needed to feel Heard about it, we know we can't DO anything about it.

I'm sure in the Images I Share you may See it too?   And tho' I can still have functional Relationship with him, he knows many people cannot and don't even want to.  Perhaps even including his Husband, they're still working that complex situation out.  I don't know the eventual outcome, it's not my Call to make, they're both Grown, and each must do whatever they Feel is Right concerning it.   I just Hope AHCCCS picks up The Grandson and I can manage to assist him to get his Meds refilled coz he really deteriorates badly without them and cannot go Unmedicated, things will spiral downward quickly and in a very bad way otherwise.  And he's prone to Self-Medicating if he can't get his Mental Health Meds, which is always Bad and then getting and staying Clean becomes THE Added Issue and Burden.   I don't need that, he doesn't need that, the Family doesn't need that, but it's circumstances beyond our Control unfortunately.  The Healthcare and Nutritional Assistance in this County pretty much is so FUBAR now that effective Today in Real Time, all the shit has hit the Fan about both the ACA and SNAP... along with Head Start.  And, the Government Shutdown rages on unabated as well.

On a Positive Note, Mando qualified for a Phone due to his extent of Disability and so now he and The Daughter have one.  *Whew*   With their Illnesses they needed to have one and were Sharing mine.   Which, got the Screen broken and nobody remembers how that happened?  *Eye Roll*   All I know is I didn't drop it.  But, Mando has jacked up Hands due to his advanced illness... and The Daughter is just jacked up.  *LOL*   So, could have been either one of them and accidental, so, I didn't meltdown over it, externally at least.  *Winks*  Internally I was seething coz it's not just the Screen Saver, it hit the edge so the Screen shattered too!  It works but is doing odd things now and I have to look thru a Spiderweb of Cracking.  Can't afford another one and had this one for Years and Years with no incident when only I used it. 

Okay, Bitchfest now over about that too, so, Moving ON... ha ha ha... I may go back to the Gardens Today and wait 'til later on so I can experience the Mercado and perhaps even the Procession?  It will be my last opportunity to and so why not?   It's not like I have a host of other activities planned.  I had planned to go to The Gym but walking the Gardens again is more enjoyable Exercise really and more Therapeutic as well.  I need something to even out my Emotions, they're all over the place lately.  Halloween Night was Wonderful and so it's not anything going on in our Orbit that is the Disturbance In The Force at all, things are Good at Home.   But, Worldwide, and especially Nationally, I feel as tho' the Penny is about to drop and it's an Energy I'm picking up on that is deeply uncomfortable to my Spirit and upsetting the Balance of things for me.   The Veil is also Thin right now between the Spirit Realm and ours... so the Energy from their Realm also seems agitated right now.

 

The Young Prince picked up on it too while we were at The Gardens, he was saying he never saw so much Spirit so anxious and approaching that Altar dedicated to them.  He feels as tho' the Departed are particularly worried about those left behind in this Realm right now.  I fear he is Right, they are.   I don't See Spirit like he does, but I Feel their Presence.  He never talks to them to ask what they want to relay becoz he said when they know you can See and especially Hear them, they won't leave you alone and bother you all of the time.   That isn't his Mental Illness speaking, that's separate, he's seen Spirit since he was a Toddler and described some of the Departed that I knew who had Died long before he was Born and he'd never even seen Photos of when they were among the Living.  Down to the Clothing they wear, how they Styled their Hair, he sees them in living Color as full apparitions.  He saw the previous Owner, Mike Case, of our Historic House, who had Died Four Years before The Young Prince was even Born.

   

Dear Mike had passed from aggressive Skin Cancer that had eaten almost 100% of his Face, so there was nothing but a big gaping hole where his features had been.   So, he'd been a recluse in his latter Years, living on that Property and never being Photographed due to the extent of his grotesque disfigurement.   I delivered Food Boxes from Church Food Ministries I worked at to him at the Old House back when he Owned it.  His Family were the first and original Owners of that Property, it had been built for them by his Great Uncle, a Famous Homesteader of the area, Casey Abbott.  Anyway, The Young Prince had always lived in that Home since he was Born shortly after we bought it.  By the time he was Two he could talk with an extensive vocabulary for his Age.  He asked me one day who The Old Man was who lived in the Back Rooms of our Main House there?

He told me this Old Man wasn't Alive anymore, but was the most prominent of the Spirit People who still lived there with us!   I asked him to describe this Old Man and he told me he was very Tall, very Thin, wore mostly Plaid Lumberjack long sleeve Shirts and the Red & Black Checkered one was his Favorite, and Skinny Blue Jeans.  He combed his White Hair over like some Old Guys do, but that the Odd thing about him was he had no Face, just a big Hole where his Face should be!  It didn't Scare my Grandson coz he said he was a very Nice Old Man and he was very Happy that you Saved his Old Home Gramma, so he wants you to know he'll never bother you like some of the Spirit People can bother The Living.   Yeah, I'm getting told all this by a Two Year Old and it was such an accurate description of Mike Case, nobody could have described him as detailed as my Toddler Grandchild just had... so, I know he'd seen Mike.   I'd Felt presences there all of the time, but, I often Feel the Non-Living Present and some just are attached to locations more than others are.

And for those who don't already know or Believe, there are Animal Spirit as well, not just Humans.   And Nature also has Spirit and can make it Felt when they want or need to.  And the ones I do not like to Feel Present are the Elementals.  They've always been here, they are Ancient Spirit, they are also very powerful Spirits or Demons associated with Natural Forces, some aren't pleasant that will mess with The Living.  I avoid being present where there are Elementals occupying that Space in this Realm... they can have that Domain, I'll gladly relinquish Sharing that Space with any of them.   Anyway, all that said so that there can be some understanding about what we pick up on that isn't part of a Mental Health Condition, but can maddingly often be attributed to being part of it.  

Which is just maddening, coz, you don't have to be Mentally Ill to be able to See or to Feel Spirit.  Many Mentally Healthy folk See or Feel Spirit too and are taken more Seriously, at least now they are.  Yet, some folks with a Combo are not taken as Seriously, coz of your Diagnosis of a Mental Health Condition they also have.   And that's the prerogative of any Non-Believer to Doubt what we See or Feel, sometimes to their own Peril.   Most Spirit is benign and has no Bad Energy associated with them, how they interact with The Living is just often misunderstood, misinterpreted and Feared becoz of a lack of Understanding and falsehoods Believed.   But, there ARE the Dangerous and Negative ones, just like there are among The Living, among the Dead or those that never were Alive, they have a mixed bunch as well of the Good and the Bad.   And whether you Believe or not, Skepticism won't protect you from the Bad ones, rest assured, if they want to mess with you or you mess with them, intentionally or unintentionally.  Experiences is often what turns a Skeptic into a Believer.  *LOL*

 

Now, there are also many misconceptions about those of us who can Feel or See Spirit and Know Things... in the past especially, it could put you at grave risk, coz some heinous Solutions were exacted upon those who Society thought were Witches.   I always wondered why more people weren't MORE afraid of those that Burned other People Alive than of those they Burnt Alive?   Seems to me THEY were the Scarier ones, to have the capacity to do something so atrocious and horrific.  But, anyway, that's what they used to do in order to dispose of those of us they were Scared of coz they didn't understand us and our differences.  And those Fears still exist among many People if they think you are a Witch, it Scares them. 

  So, most of the time you are selective about who you would expose certain things to becoz you know they'd be frightened by it and feel some kind of way about it.    A lot of people have thought I was a Witch.  I don't consider myself one, but People will Believe whatever they just Believe you to Be, and about you, you know?   And, mostly, we just don't Care what you Believe about us.  *LOL*   LATER:  I did go back to The Desert Botanical Gardens by myself for the last day of Dia de los Muertos and did get to see the Mercado.   My Catholic Priest Artist Friend who makes the Altars I Buy from him every Year wasn't there for the first time ever.   I had intended to Buy another one and Hope he is alright?  I saw other Artists I knew while there tho'.  I bought some Frida Kahlo Felt Art from one of the Vendors to put on our Home Altar.   I had a lovely Green Sweet Corn Tamale, one of the best I've ever had!

 

Unfortunately Sergio said he only does Catering for large Events and Private Events, so I couldn't just Buy a half Dozen to take Home from any place in the Valley he Sells from.   He's Hispanic so specializes in Mexican Cuisine, but it looks as tho' he has lots of Culinary Creations.  There at the Event you could only purchase what you were consuming there.   His Wife was Asian and the Couple were very nice and I'm still giving them a Shout Out and Thumbs Up on the Blog... will look to see if he has a Web Page that might say what Events they'll be Catering next?  A lot of the Dancers were letting you take Pixs before they performed this Year, which was nice, and they mingled with the Crowd talking to all of us, which was a first and I liked that.

I'm so glad that The Young Prince and I had gone the Day before tho' since the Ofrenda could hardly be seen at all now becoz it had so many Written Notes to the Dearly Departed on it.  Which, you're supposed to do and clearly everyone was Honoring someone.  I hardly saw anyone not leave a Message for someone they Loved and Lost.   I enjoyed the 2nd Day more than the 1st becoz tho' it was crowded again, it wasn't Dog Day and very few people even had their Children with them.  Those that did were in the areas where Child Crafts and Face Painting for Dia de los Muertos was going on so the Little Ones were occupied and focused on their Art, rather than being fussy or running Wild.  *Smiles*  I've found that with Children, if you give them Activities they do quite well in Public, when something geared for them piques their Interest and gives them something Positive to do.

I only stayed almost a couple Hours and got to do everything I wanted to do and see during that time frame.   They didn't begin anything until Noon so I got there at Noon and left by about 1:45.   They wouldn't be doing the Procession until just about Dusk, which now is around 6:30 or so.  I didn't want to be out that long, since, when I got back Home I took The Man out for a while so he'd have something enjoyable to do.  The big Catholic Cemetery near our Home is packed with those Honoring their Dead, so Traffic near the House has been Crazy all day long for Two Days of the Celebration Honoring the Dead.  

In Real Time it's Monday now, Princess T has her re-scheduled Gastro Appointment and I almost forgot where it was located or the name of the place!!!   Had a small Panic Attack looking for the scrap of Paper I'd written it on since it wasn't on the Calendar and I couldn't find the Business Card I knew I'd snagged at the Receptionist Area when we went that 1st time and they'd Cancelled us due to the Doctor being in Surgery with someone.  I dumped my whole Purse out {it desperately Needed it, LOL} looking for it, now it feels ever so much lighter and yes, the scrap was in there!  Written on a ripped off section of the triangular part of a Greeting Card Envelope!  *LMAOROTF... or, so I thought it was the Right Address!!*  Yes, that's how fucking scattered Brain I am these days my Friends, I'm Writing on anything handy when Scheduling Appointments and getting new Locations written down of where new Docs are!  *Eye Roll*  There HAS to be a better System!  *Bwahahahaha*

 

A foggy recollection in my Brain recalled it was near someplace North of us that we shopped at... just off the Freeway near our House, which is the 101, but, which Exit?    Sure enuf, my foggy recollection was somewhat Right!   And it wasn't the Bell Road Exit right near Arrowhead Mega Mall, on an Access type of Road parallel to the Freeway, as it turned out, that was MY Doc's alternative Office... fuuuuuck!  In my Mind's Eye I could SEE the Freeway and the Building, what eluded me was how far North up the 101 it had been, off 83rd Ave but WHERE off 83rd Ave?   Seemed like a long commute, but was it the Peoria Exit, that came to Mind first and I should have gone with that Gut recollection actually, as it turned out.  Or, was it Thunderbird, Bell, or Grand?   I had narrowed the Fog down to Three possible Exits but on a time crunch that wouldn't have been able to Fly and get her there on Time to have a Dora The Explorer Moment trying to find it again if I got off on the Wrong Exit Once or even Twice, before Third Time would be a Charm.  *LOL*  

  

 Oh, I do worry that as I keep Aging, the Fog will get thicker and not clear out as easily!  As it is I Google Word Search a lot for Words that just elude me now!  I'm not embarrassed by it, the Kids made it a Game now to try to Guess the Word I'm Searching my Fog for, like Charades!?  *Bwahahahaha*   Is it __________?   No, no, close... but that's not it.  Then when they finally Guess the Word... or, we have to resort to Googling it, Whalla, that's the Word I'm Searching for and I can finish the fucking conversation now!!!   Well, if I even remember then WHAT we were talking about?  *Bwahahahahaha*  Yeah, it Scares them coz I'm in Charge around here and they don't know how far Off Rails I'll get?  Mebbe start walking around like a Rumba as Donnie Two Dolls now does?   And Uncle Joe Biden did there in the end.   I mean, it's not even really Funny Ha-Ha when you're just running a Household, let alone a whole damned Country my Friends!   Well, it kinda is, in a Dark Gallow's Humor Alarming way.  *LOL and Giggle*

Luckily I don't have a Nuclear Code, my Finger on the Button that could start Armageddon and the Apocalypse, and I still have a slight few Fucks to give about most People, especially my Loved Ones Future, even if I don't have much of one left.   The Young Prince had spent Saturday Night thru all of Sunday with his Dad and New Stepmom.  He'd thought she'd left his Dad, the 1st time he had met her she ended up leaving their Apartment with no explanation, he'd gone somewhere with his Dad and when they got back all her things were gone and even she took her Cat, but leaving the Cat's Collar behind... which is never a Good Thing or a Positive Sign!!!  *Bwahahahahaha*   He didn't know what to say and realized they either already had a troubled Marriage... or, perhaps his visit had something to do with it?   He's not much Younger than she is, so perhaps that realization that shit, he has a Kid almost my Age, came to her, he thought?  *LOL*  He felt he'd made a good impression, tho' it was awkward even thinking about her as a New Stepmom.  Or calling her that.  *Smiles*

He wasn't even Raised by his own Mom, so even calling her Mom sometimes seems Strange to both of The G-Kid Force.   So sometimes Princess T calls her Mom by The Daughter's First Name when referring to her.   The Young Prince said no way he's calling this Woman just a few Years Older than him, Mom.  *Bwahahahahaha*   Anyway, apparently she came back, with the Cat and all, so, he didn't even ask, but, was Surprised when out of the Blue SHE calls him on Saturday Afternoon, saying it was her Birthday, and, would he like to come over and Celebrate it with her and his Dad!?!   He'd already made Plans, but, how do you say No and not seem like an Asshat Stepchild, when the Woman is Reaching Out and Inviting him?   It would only be the 2nd time they've met.  *Bwahahahaha*   So, he cancelled with his Friends, they understood and went out Sunday Night instead when he got back here.

He's like, "Honestly Gramma, I don't even know what this Woman does for a Good Time to Celebrate, so I'm basing how I dress for this Shindig on my Dad's Party-All-The-Time ways..."   *LOL*   Poor Kid, the above Pix is him ready for whatever they had Planned for her Birthday that he knew Zip about!   His Countenance said it ALL to me and he was relieved he still had Two of his Meds left or he knew he might not get thru the Weekend at his Dads otherwise.  *Whew and LOL*   He's was like, "I don't wanna be unmedicated and absolutely Bat Shit Crazy around Dad's New Wife, or she might not come back next time?!"   Yeah, well, he has a Point, a little bit of Bobby is enuf in the first place to embrace as a New Husband... so... meeting the whole Human Sideshow of a Family he has might just be Too Much?   *LMAOROTF* 

  Has she met your Gramma Lydia yet, I'd queried, he didn't think his Dad would risk that just yet.  *Bwahahahaha*   His Paternal Gramma is Crazier than I am, in fact, so much so, that The Family would insist on ME being present at gatherings if she was gonna be present, just to keep her in line!  *LMAO*   It's true, otherwise she'd get Drunk, and Drunk and Bat Shit Crazy don't mix well and there WOULD be a Situation and Incident with Lydia otherwise.   Whereas Lydia and I not only get along, but, Crazy recognizes Crazy, and she knows being around anyone Drunk or High Drama is a Trigger to me.   And, well, Lydia has never wanted to Go There with me, coz the Woman might be Crazy as Hell, but, she's Street Wise and she ain't Stupid.   Plus, she knows and Loves The Daughter and knows how Crazy SHE was when The Daughter and her Son were together.   Police often had to be Called to protect Bobby and The Daughter would end up being Tazed a couple times by Police, just to Control her, and carted off to Psyche Lockdown.   *Winks* 

So, I think Lydia calculated, I know The Daughter is legit Scared of NOBODY except her Mom, so, I just don't wanna see how escalated that level of Crazy might get with her Mom?    She also knows that the last time I was carted off to Psyche Lockdown it took Seven Stud Muffin Young Police Officers to even get me ON the Stretcher and tied down to be whizzed off.  *Bwahahahahaha*   Lydia has been to Psyche Lockdown herself and we've compared hilarious Stories of our lil "Vacational Respites" there, and she says mine top hers by far.  *Smiles*  She's actually a fairly decent Patient while there and won't be confrontational with the Insane Motherfuckers that are awaiting an Insanity Plea at their Trials.  I didn't give a Fuck and Squared Off with one within an Hour of my Intake and Stay.  He backed down or he'd of Needed another Body Count to those he was already awaiting Trial for, or, he would have been Body Bagged... and he wasn't SO Insane he relished either Option I guess and left me the fuck alone from then on.   And then there was no more Trouble in Paradise.  *Winks*

The Staff and the Nicer Patients Adored me while I was there, I made a Good Impression on most of them.  But, I don't like Bullies, and I especially won't bow down to No Man and be Threatened.  Even if they're Insane, allegedly, and mebbe he was, or mebbe he wasn't, I just didn't want him touching/stealing my Food and the Brownie I couldn't and wasn't gonna eat anyway and would give to someone... but, that wasn't even the Point.  *LOL*   I didn't Care if that Fool was the Craziest Person and one of the Biggest and Scariest one there, at that juncture I was looking for a handy Exit to this Realm and it hadn't worked out, so I had no more Fucks to give.   And I was Angry that I'd be involuntarily committed there coz that meant I couldn't choose to leave like the voluntary commitments, so, I either hadda Die, Kill someone to be Transferred to the DOC, or convince a Panel that I was just having some Caregiver Burnout and I wasn't Crazy at all.  Those were my Options and I chose Number Three in the end.  *Winks* 

It turned out to be the Best Choice for my Family and I did Care what happened to them even if I had and gave no Fucks about myself.  I still have to sometimes try to find Fucks to give and stick around this Realm, it's a Daily Thing and I do totally understand how some just get tired of the Battle to keep Calm and Carry On.   Mostly Life is Good, but having SMI is never Great, there's no Cure.   Meds didn't Work for me at all, so I'm always Unmedicated.    You know some Fools will Trigger you and you won't be able to contain The Crazy and not unleash it on the ones most deserving of Meeting Dark Dawn for the first time.  *LOL*   I give fair Warning, to be completely Fair to whoever might think it's Okay to Take me There.   It will not be a good day to be them, let us just say.  And now, at my Age, Psyche Lockdown is like a Vacation Destination of sorts, mebbe the only Vacation I'll ever get... so... don't threaten me with a good time.   Mebbe Old Friends will even be there and we'll have a fucking Reunion, you never know?    And I'm Angrier now coz I am trying to NOT grow a Silver Beard and Mustache, WTF???!!!   *Winks & LOL*

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Holiday Autumnal Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian