Battling The Blues

 I've been in a compromised Head Space, World and National Affairs, Personal Emergencies and Issues of Life, the Usual that can cause you to be Battling the Blues and threaten the Wheels to come Off.  So, I've been trying to find New Blogs to do a dive into, something different being Written about.   I used to follow a lot of Junquing Blogs and thoroughly enjoyed them, but most of those Dear Bloggers quit Blogging, I miss their Blogs and their Junquing Adventures and just what a great Posse of Pickers they all were.   Many went to the Big Shows and either Bought and/or Sold at them, I went along vicariously.  Some of those Shows used to be on my Bucket List, now they're not, I'm clearly never going.  And now nobody covers them anymore either.   Above, a Sweet Old Pix of Princess T as a Child, when The Grandkids and I did Mad Tea Parties all the time for Fun.   She was so Small that's a Demitasse Retro Teacup!

I can't even remember all of the Fav Blogs Names that are no more and were Industry Blogs for the most part, I miss them tho', it was always a Fun Read and Uplifting Post Topics.   It's really hard to even find Old Blogs still out there Online that quit Blogging but didn't take it all down.  I myself Purge my Posts on the Regular and only keep about 20 or so Posts up at any given time to keep it manageable.  I never go back thru my Archives and so, I have Zero attachments to what I Wrote about only Yesterday, let alone Weeks, Months or Years ago.  When I find a New Blog I do sometimes go thru a few of their Archived Posts since it will all be New to me.   I am not such an avid Blog Reader as I am a Blog Blogger tho', I just am not great at Reading anything, I'm very Visual tho', so I will peruse good Photography on Blogs eagerly.   Another Adult Middle Aged Granddaughter, one of Princess T's Older Sisters in Mexico, whose Blessed us with Two Great-Grandkids, but still looks like a Teenager.  She's been sending me loads of new Pixs.  They all Grow Up so FAST!

Princess T has been indulging in more Retail Therapy than me lately, so I think she's struggling a bit Emotionally too and I think I know Why.  She usually is very tight with her Finances and doesn't Self-Indulge very much, she's great at Saving and has been Saving for her first Vehicle for some time now.  She doesn't know how to Drive yet and wants me to Teach her, not sure if I'm up to Teaching an Adult Grandchild with serious Anxiety Issues how to Drive, I got too many Bad Driving Habits to be the best Driving Instructor.  *Smiles and Winks*  She knows this but doesn't want her Boyfriend Teaching her, or her Guy Friends, or Neighbors who've offered and would be far better Instructors.  No, she wants ME... Le Sigh and Shudders at the very Thought!  I don't think I have the Nerves for it and my Truck is too expensive to put a 20 Year Old Student Driver Learner in.

Anyway, her Boyfriend is gonna help her choose a reliable Used Vehicle but they haven't found one she likes yet and she still wants her Uncle's Vintage Toyota Celica which hasn't run in Ages and doesn't have a Title.  But, it's sitting on our Property and so if her Boyfriend can get a Salvage Title for it and get it fixed up, she wants it and her Uncle is Okay with giving it to her.   He's been offered Money for it from Collectors even in the Condition it's in and Untitled, but, he'd rather his Niece and her Boyfriend Restore it and her have it... since she Loves it.   Below is a Restored one like it and so it could look this good with the right Restoration and her Boyfriend is a skilled Mechanic and can fix up a Classic Car and make it Cherry.   His is even this same Color, but the Original Paint and all Stock Original.   I can see Why she likes it as a 1st Car to Own.

Okay, now for a huge Avalanche Grandkid and Great-Grandkid Blog Post dump of Imagery I just got and have to brag on... coz what respectable Gramma or Great-Gramma wouldn't, Right?  *Winks*   All our Granddaughters have good Hair that Hair grows like Wildfire, so in one Pix it's short and then in another Pix it's already grown out by the time they take the next set of Pixs.   So, they're fortunate they don't have to stay with any particular Hairstyle for long, or Hair Color for that matter.  All the Grandkids are experimental with Hair Color, Styles, and Fearless with Fashion and being their Authentic Selves with confidence and no apologies.   So Below is a series of Pixs that one of Princess T's Oldest Sisters Shared with me on Social Media.  She's helped out with the Younger Siblings over the Years, especially during the Teen Years which were harder on Saint Maria.  If you're a Custodial Grandparent, the Teen Years of Raising Grandkids is especially Rough and can be turbulent, coz that's just a turbulent Age of transitioning to Adulthood from Childhood. 

Apparently this Granddaughter, one of the Oldest of the Sisters in Mexico, has been doing some Modeling too again.  She used to Model when she was a much Younger Teen and Young Adult, then got Married, had Kids, decided to get back into The Game becoz she's still got what it takes.  She can still Rock a Swimsuit and still does Resort Copy Modeling for Vacation Destinations in Mexico.  Hey, it makes me wanna go Vacation there... and so she has been doing a lot of that to promote Tourism. *Smiles*  So, she's sent me a lot of her Modeling Pixs recently and I'm having Tropical Destination and Beach Envy.  For an Older more Mature Model, whose had Kids, she's holding her Age very well.  Her Son is as Tall as she is now, how did a Great-Grandbaby get so Grown Up already?!   Yep, that's her Boy, our Great-Grandson, who already looks like he's turning into a Young Man to me now!!!  *LOL and OMG!*   Lord have Mercy, I remember when he was Born!!!  The Lower Pix is his Little Sister, also growing up so fast and as Lovely as her Mama.  She looks a lot like Princess T did too, so is an Aunty Princess T Look-Alike to me.

Lately I've really Needed the Visual Connection to Family and the Grandkids especially, since, my Head Space for the Future has been Dark and Bleak, and they ARE the Future.  So, well worth Fighting for a better Future to allow them and the Great-Grandkids, to all Inherit, they deserve a Bright one... not one cocked up by Geriatric Leaders with no Future and who don't Care about them even having one!!!  In the Oral Traditions of the Haudenosaunee, a Native American Belief called the Seventh Generation Principal goes somewhat like this: the Present doesn't belong to us, it is merely Borrowed from our Children and belongs to Seven Generations into the Future.  We do not Inherit this Earth from our Ancestors, we Borrow it from our Children.   That's how I was Raised by my Native American Father and why I am devout about Mother Earth Stewardship for at least 7 Generations into the Future being part of my Responsibility and yours too.

Another one of The G-Kid Force's Younger Sisters in Mexico, who, like her Older Sister, is doing a lot of Modeling, tho' part time becoz she has a very busy Schedule with College and her full time Job.  Images of all the Grandkids and Great-Grandkids always uplifts me out of my Funk and Da Blues.  So, I may be heavy on the Grandbaby Photo Dump this Post, since, they've been great lately about sending Gramma Dawn Pixs of themselves and/or their Kiddos for the ones who have given us the Blessing of Great-Grandbabies already.   This one is still Going to College, Working Full time and Modeling Part time, plus Raising her Two Younger Siblings since their Paternal Abuelita Saint Maria passed away at Age 90 who had been Raising those Three Younger ones.  Long time Readers know that I Raised the Two Older Ones of our Middle Daughter and both are now Adults, but still live with us now.   I don't mind as they're a Big Help now they're in their 20's and can Maintain things for me here at the Mini Farm and at the Antique Mall Spaces, and Help with their Grandpa's Caregiving to give me some Respites.  

Plus, they're all Great Young Adults, I enjoy them and they like hanging out with me, which is flattering.   The Young Prince {Above Pix} insisted we go do some Environmental Cleanup together at the Nature Preserve Today coz he knows his Grandpa can't due to recovering from the Emergency Heart Surgery.  I miss doing it with The Man and I know he misses doing it, but it was nice to spend that One On One time with the Grandson, he Loves doing the same things I Love doing, so we're Kindred Spirits in spite of the vast Age difference, there's not really a Generational Gap in Interests.  To be sure, both of The G-Kid Force have always been Old Souls and not your Garden Variety Kiddos by any means.  They enjoy MY Friends more than hanging out with Peers.  They say we are more Interesting, "Funner", and have Better Stories and Experiences.  *LOL*  Okay, so my Friends are quite a Colorful bunch.  *Winks*

Another of our Older Middle Aged Granddaughters who recently had a Birthday, and her Two Munchkins she Blessed us with.   This Granddaughter has been on a Weight Loss Journey after having had her Children and it doing so well at it that I wanna know her Routine.  She had a near Fatal Accident when Preggy with her Oldest Child and on the back of her Dad's Motorcycle.  An Old Lady T-Boned them and our SIL suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury and this Granddaughter broke her Back and her Neck, so it's a Miracle that both of them Survived and then made such a remarkable Recovery and she didn't lose the Baby.  But, the Healing of a Broken Back and Broken Neck, along with Two Pregnancies after the Accident, left her with some significant Weight Gain that she's been getting rid of now that she's able to do more Physically again.  It was a very scary situation and time during their long Recovery back to Good Health and Healing from such Catastrophic Injuries.  She's an ER Nurse and our SIL is a Buff Fireman and Lifelong Biker, so it put her Career and his on hiatus too for a long while.

So, this is the Youngest Granddaughter Back East of our Oldest Daughter's Kiddos.  She hasn't had any Human Children yet with her long time Partner, but they have given us Great-Grandpups and this is the Newest one who is very Photogenic.  I think they're up to Three or Four Fur Babies now as a Couple.  *Smiles*   They're both in the Entertainment Industry, she does Special Effects Makeup and he does some Super Hero Acting gigs as various Super Heroes coz he's a Big Guy and looks really good in the Super Hero Costumes.   She's worked at a lot of Haunted Attractions too during the Season for all of that and is the Grandchild most like a Kindred Spirit of the Trio of Granddaughters Back East coz we both Channel our Inner Morticia Addams and have a very Dark Quirky Aesthetic.  *Smiles*   She and The Young Prince are only a Year apart in Age, him being Older, and they are so much alike our Oldest Daughter said they're like Twinsies.  I wanted him to pursue a similar Career path as this Cousin coz he's very Talented at Special Effects, Sculpting, Art, Style, and Make-Up too.

Another Dear Friend of mine recently Celebrated a Birthday and this is how she chose to Celebrate it... and Yeah, she'd do Laundry at the Laundromat in an Ensemble like this and look this Hawt doing it... and Three of her Four Sons are Adults now, including the Twins, so she's not as Youthful as she Looks.  She's quite Ageless in fact, as long as I've known her, which is a long, long time now, she hasn't Aged a bit... she's got that Dick Clark Thang going on when it comes to Time seeming to Stand Still for her.  *Ha ha ha*  I told you my Friends were not your Garden Variety "Mature" Crew to roll with.  *LOL*  That's why The G-Kid Force Love my Friends and said we're "Funner" and more Interesting to hang out with than their Peers.    How much Fun can we have without getting Arrested?  *Winks and Bwahahahaha*  I Love seeing what everyone is up to, even tho' for a long time now I've been Sidelined with Full Time Caregiving and am MIA for the most part anymore.  I'm glad Friends keep in Touch with me mostly via Social Media now.

The Man is really worrying me coz he's not been doing well at all after his Surgery, he just doesn't Feel Well, still having the Headaches that led up to the most Recent Heart Attack, has no Energy, having Mobility Issues, and failing Strength.  I'd thought he'd be doing somewhat better by now but he's not and I really don't know what to tell his VA Nurse when she comes Tomorrow to Monitor his progress, or the Cardiologist or HUMANA Caseworker he'll also be seeing this Week?  It's not looking Good and I don't have a Good Feeling about it, which, I can't shake, and I don't like that at all.   I feel very Anxious about him.   And why I wanna get everything done and behind us so I don't have to drag him around doing endless Appointments, Taxes, renewing Military ID Cards and such that we must do but really takes a toll on him.   I mean, at least his Medical Caseworkers do come to our Home now so that's Helpful.  I don't like dragging him around to where Sick People might be that could have contagions to compromise his Health and Healing further. 

All of the Adult Kids and Adult Grandkids keep asking me how Dad/Grandpa is doing, and I don't like to speak Negative Words about it out of my Mouth, but there's not a lot of Positive to Report either.  And I wanna keep it 100% with them and it hasn't been encouraging at all and it's really intensified me battling the Blues becoz I feel Helpless to do much more for him and to watch him suffering like this is just hard.  He's a Strong, Tough as Old Boots, and fiercely Proud Man, so for him to even display any Sign of Weakness or voice any Vulnerability to me, is very out of Character for him.   And it is Scaring me and he knows it, but, he can't fake everything is Okay, coz it's just NOT.  And I am his Support System and he knows he can tell me anything, I can Handle the Truth, so he doesn't have to blow Sunshine up my Ass and put on a Brave Facade for me.

  And I can tell he's Scared and feeling that things just aren't Right, even having had the Life Saving Surgery that was way too close a Call, almost Losing him, with barely Minutes to Spare according to his Cardiologist.   I know Doctor Pham literally said it made his Butt Pucker and him almost shit his Pants when he got in there and saw how Bad it actually was, and how Close to Death, coz it wasn't Presenting as that Serious to him.  I was Freaking Out and saying it was, I just KNEW it was.   And really the whole Crew here know he's in a Bad Way.  It's part of why The Daughter went Wheels Off, she can't Handle seeing her Dad like he is.  Princess T is struggling with it too.   So, mostly I'm relying on The Son and The Grandson so Handle it with me coz the Guys are worried, but they're holding up better under the Strain of it.  I think mostly to be a Strong Support System for me more than anything else, it's a "Guy Thing".  *Smiles*   Rusty is being there for Princess T like that coz she spends a lot of time at his House telling him how Grave everything is at Home.  It's not rosy at his House either, so they're leaning on one another and being Supportive. 

And seeing Pixs like this newest Great-Grandpup Wishing on a Dandelion are the things that just make me Smile where there's not much to actually Smile about really.  I remember Wishing on Dandelions as a Child and making Dandelion Flower Chains to wear as Halos on our Heads, and Necklaces and Bracelets, being the Flower Children we always were.   I wore Flowers in my Hair until I was in my 20's.  *LOL*  Love beads, African Trading Beads, and Puka Shell Necklaces... *Smiles*

*******

Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... we'll beat The Blues... Dawn... The Bohemian

Missing Government Forms... Color Me NOT Surprised

 

Today's Post is still not all Buttercups, Rainbows, Glitter and Unicorn Farts.  But, I'm trying not to be so Dark or Negative in my Blogging entries, I really am, it's just a particular Challenge with the Condition of the World right now.  I just ordered a Copy of the missing 1099-R from the Government for The Man's Military Pension.  The Young Man wasn't gonna Honor my request without a Power of Attorney, and I'm like, listen Son, we have gone thru this all the time coz this happens every Year and I don't know Why?  My Husband isn't incompetent but he does have TBI and some Dementia, and he is a 100% Disabled Veteran who Served 39 Years and I Served alongside him for most of that, all I need is a copy of this Form so I can get our Taxes done.  I can put him on the Phone if you like, but I'd rather not put him, or you, thru that.

 I don't know why they haven't sent it to us at this Address for the  past Six Years, but we have to go thru this every time and the Address on Record is where we live, so, I can't even begin to tell you why we never get it?  He couldn't tell me why either, since I verified once again, yep, that's our Address and has been all this time.  So he agreed to get a Copy Mailed within 10 Days.  Thank you Baby Jesus and all the Saints.  If you appeal to their Better Angels, usually the Representatives try to be helpful if they know the whole tragic Back Story of the Veteran involved.  And, now we'll be filing at the Wire again due to this.  I should have waded thru our paperwork earlier to realize we hadn't gotten everything we are required to receive... AGAIN!!!

Anyway, we're still getting Irrigation even tho' it's way past time coz we got Water quite late, the ditch didn't fill up by 4:00 a.m. which was our Rotation time and we're getting a shitty head of Water, so, it's taking forever.  I don't know if that means someone upstream is Stealing Water again or what?  I just know it's 7:00 a.m. and we should have gotten all of ours by about 5:45 at the latest and it's still trickling in slowly and we're not close to getting as much as we're entitled to receive yet so we're not shutting our Gates down completely even tho' we had to lift the Main Ditch One {well not us, but the Neighbor behind us, it's his responsibility to after he gets his coz we share an Irrigation Ditch}.

  So, I'm sure The Son is exhausted and I only got light Sleep off and on until it's done and until I'd ordered that missing Tax Paperwork.  The Grandson has his Chicanos Por La Causa Appointment Tomorrow Afternoon for them to help him qualify for DES Services like Arizona Healthcare, Mental Healthcare, Dental and Nutritional Assistance.  I had to get him his State ID re-issued due to his lost Wallet, coz he'll need that for the Interview, along with his Birth Certificate and Bank Statement.  So, I have to get him to the Bank Today to get a current Statement for March, coz it normally wouldn't come thru the Mail until EOM.  He's got like Six Bucks in his Savings and Twenty-Six Bucks in his Checking, and he only has that coz I put some in there for when his Monthly Service Charge is taken out so it won't overdraft.

I could have gotten him Free Checking, since the Kiddos are all tied to my preferential Corporate Account to get some Perks.  But the kind of Checking he wanted and thinks he NEEDED, has a Fifteen Buck a Month Service Fee and some of the Young think they Need whatever that type offers them.   Whatever... you have no Job and hardly any Money ever tho', so, are you gonna make sure you have Fifteen Bucks a Month for even the Fee, Child?  *Eye Roll and Le Sigh*  I mean, this is a Kid that already has lost his Wallet with all his ID in it and his new Bank Card, can't find it, then lost his Vape Pen with his Medicinal MJ in it that he Needs... luckily I found that for him coz I don't have Money to replace it... and it's one Allen got him.  Some Days he's so Mental and out of Touch with Reality, he couldn't find his Ass with both Hands.  *LOL*

At least I had a Text Message telling me where to take him and what we'll need coz what I Wrote on the Calendar I couldn't even decipher now, just that he had to be somewhere by 3:00 p.m. that Day.  *LOL*  This is where MY fucking Head is at these Days, it's all a blur most of the time who I'm taking, where, and when, or why?  *LMAO*  I recall his Caseworker Caitlin giving me her information which she said she was Writing down for my Grandson but now I don't even know where he put that?  It's not where I told him to put it for easy access should I need to call her and she was out of her Business Cards.  So, if it's now with his Lost Wallet in the Void, I don't have it now.  *Le Sigh*  The Man still takes Calls when we've told him not to, and instantly forgets whatever the Call is about, or when he got said Call, so it's always some Mystery going on around here with this Crew.  *Double Le Sigh*

Honey, don't answer the Phone if you're not gonna take Notes while you're on the Call, Okay?  But, he forgets those instructions and he sure likes answering that Phone if he can get to it first.  *Triple Le Sigh*  Luckily he doesn't move fast so sometimes we can get to it first if someone hears it in time.  Well, me or The Son anyway coz The G-Kid Force never pick up their own damned Phones when you call them, you almost have to send a threatening Text saying, if you don't respond to this, I'm not keeping your Phones on!   They're on our Plan and we get their Two Lines for Free, so they're getting fucking Free Phones, so WTF?!  *Quadruple Le Sigh*  They are glued to their Devices like it's an appendage, so it's not like they can pretend they don't know I'm trying to get hold of them.

The Son already shattered the Screen to his Free Phone the State provided for him.  What is it with Young People and breaking their devices too?   Mine wasn't broken until The Daughter borrowed it for one time and it came back to me with shattered Screen and I hadda then replace the damned thing.  I do like my new Phone but now nobody is allowed to Touch it or to 'borrow' or 'use' MY Charger, which is my original one and I don't go thru them either like these Young People do, they go thru Chargers in rapid succession... WTF are they doing to them?  Mine is here in front of my Computer and I tie it onto a set of faux Hands which hold my Phone when it's Charging.  I pity the Fool who tries to sneak off with it.  *Winks*

I also have VA Nurse Remi coming for The Man Tomorrow Morning.  So it's a Two Appointment kind of Day on Tuesday.  She had to be Cancelled last Week due to him being Hospitalized.  She's approved to come Weekly now and he really does need the closer monitoring since he's still not doing well at all, even after New Stent No. 4, or whatever number of them he now has?  I don't even know how many Arteries you have to get Stents in?  I know One of his Arteries now has Two tho', I know that much, coz it was the Artery that shut down again above the Stent that had just been put in it a few Months ago!  So, his Arterial Plumbing clearly is clogging like Hair in a Drain.  He's up already... he has no concept of Time anymore or to give you Space and some Quiet Time before he turns his damned Shows on in the same Room you might be in trying to just Relax.  He's almost Deaf so they're on loud too.

Pretty sure in Honor of losing ole' Chuck Norris, he'll have "Walker Texas Ranger" on all the time now?  *Snicker coz that shit is so badly done I can't help but LMAO at the Writing/Dialogue*   I remember when little Haley Joel Osment as a Kid had a part in an Episode and deadpanned, "Walker told me I have AIDS" ... I'm not making this shit up, that was an actual Line in that Episode and I can't help it, with my Dark Gallow's Humor, I almost pissed my Pants laughing every time it is aired!!!  I mean, WTF!?!   Even SNL and Late Night Talk Show wouldn't air or touch that with a 10-foot Pole!!!  *LMAOROTF*   And the Episodes with Native Americans, well, I just can't... Walker always acting like the Great White Interpreter of Native American Culture, it's just too fucking hilarious and rather Culturally offensive really... but, it was the 90's after all.  *Eye Roll*

I don't even know if my Grandson came Home from his Sister's Party last Night or not?  He has an Outdoor Entrance to his Room too so we don't always know when he's coming and going.   I just know I won't be messing with Taxes for about 10 Days until all my required Paperwork comes in from the Government and the Bank that they never got to us.  Irks me when I have to ask places to do their Job and know that they didn't do it and have the hassle of all the follow-up.  Also, applying for Assistance, they ask for more than this current Administration is gonna try to ask for to Vote, if they can get away with doing so.  It's Crazy.  If someone is Seriously too Old, too Unwell enuf Mentally, Emotionally and/or Physically enuf they require Services, it's actually ludicrous to expect them to wade thru all the Bureaucrazy required to get it.  Even with Caseworkers, you still have to provide everything for them to help you get thru it.

I'm digging up Birth Certificates, Adoption Paperwork, previous Mental Health Paperwork from Age 7, Bank Statements, Proof of Residency, School and IEP Records, Institutionalization Records, replacement ID, so on and so forth FOR him coz Lord knows if he had to do all this for his Caseworkers to get him Services, he simply couldn't or wouldn't do it.  Most of the Seriously Mentally ill couldn't or wouldn't, it's not even reasonable to expect them to IMO.   If someone were to be so Old, so Sickly, Dying, so Developmentally Disabled, so Seriously Mentally Ill, how on Earth could you or would you have a reasonable expectation they possibly could or would in order to get critical Services they desperately Need?   I just think the whole thing is ridiculously and intentionally made complicated so that most don't or wouldn't know how to.   And what if some of that paperwork and evidence doesn't exist coz... well, a great many of them do not Keep such things... some have no Housing, let alone a place to keep their stuff, if they even have any stuff!

When The Young Prince, The Son and The Daughter have been Homeless off and on, well, they had what they could basically carry around with them and wear.  They didn't even bother with procuring a Shopping Cart.  If you don't have someone willing to Store and Protect your stuff for you, then you just have to let it all Go.   So, why would any Agency figure they have all that Documentation available or with them?  Mine are just fortunate I Kept it FOR them or they wouldn't have it and wouldn't have had it for Years, and no way to really get it either.  Now you have to get most things Online or thru some Device... how many folks with nothing, not even basic Essentials to Live like Shelter or Food, carry around a Computer, or even a Cell Phone with Internet Services on it?  I'll wait.   Most of these Services/Benefits/Agencies ask them to Apply Online... as if many of them can even use a Computer or know how to if they're too impaired to figure it out!?

Anyway, we've used Chicanos Por La Causa before for The Young Prince... and Valle Del Sol... and Jewish Family Services... and Southwest Behavioral Health... and just about every Mental Health Service or Non-Profit Organization in the Valley, for both Generations needing that kind of Care over the Years.  And I try to keep a Folder for each of them on File in my Documents Cabinet with all the Old Paperwork to dredge up when it's required or asked for.  I think they figure nobody keeps that much Old Paperwork and probably they'd be Right.  But I've Learned to Keep as much of it as I possibly can drag along with us for a Lifetime on each Child and The Man.  I'll bury them in Old Paperwork and Evidence if I have to, an Avalanche of it.  Half the time they lose the Copies you make for them and you have to make duplicates and triplicates coz you know that's just gonna happen too, all the fucking time.  

Yeah, they Date Stamp them "Received", but then Staff don't keep track of any of it.  Or don't retain Employees so there's little continuity or giving anyone else the Case File to Work.   I once had an alleged CPS Caseworker for The G-Kid Force named John, we had him Assigned to us for YEARS and I never saw or spoke to the Man.  Don't even know if he was Real, so Lord knows how he followed up on any of his Clients to ensure the Safety of the Children in his Care, if he ever did?  Granted, for me that was Years of not much hassle from CPS, and my Grandkids were in a Safe Environment and thriving in their Kinship Placement thru those Years of having that negligent Caseworker Assigned to us, but what about John's other Clients who might not have been?   The whole Point of Child PROTECTIVE Services is to Protect the Children who have Mandatory Cases with them and sometimes Alternative Custodial Placements if Parental Custody or reunification isn't Safe or Possible!

I realized a lot of the Pixs I took didn't turn out with my Old Camera, I think I was shaking a lot that day, I do that sometimes.  It's Neurological, everyone in the Family say I've always done it and I'm not always aware I'm doing it.  It makes for blurry Photography tho', dammit... I don't really Care if I look bizarre shaking like I'm being electrocuted or am spastic.  *LOL*  I don't do it all the time and I don't even know what Triggers it actually?  Docs and Neurologists could never figure it out and my Parents had me to various Docs and Specialists since I was a Toddler to try to figure it out.  It was always inconclusive, even Brain Scans didn't show the Cause and it didn't limit me hardly at all, I work around it, so I've just always lived with it and figure it may in part be why I'm kinda Mental?  Brain is misfiring, Wired faulty, or something?  *Bwahahaha*   So, anyway, I'm trying to Salvage some of the Images with Photo Editing, some like the One Above cleaned up with Photoshopping decent enuf to Share, some are not Salvageable.  *Pouting Petulantly*

Anyway, this Morning I ended up not doing any of the Recreational Activities I had intended to do before it got later and Hotter.   And, I also realized if we Owe as much Taxes as last Year, or more, I didn't have enuf in Emergency Savings to cover it, so that could be problematic before April 15th???   So, let us Hope that some of the White House Promises to us Retirees wasn't all just Bullshit and blowing of Smoke up our Asses?   It probably was, I fully expect that it was, but, if it wasn't we might squeak by without not being able to pay the IRS all they're hitting us Fixed Income Folks for.  You know, coz the Billionaires aren't paying any of their fucking Taxes, so they Need our paltry amount of Money they squeeze us for, to pay for this Ego War and all he's Grifting from the American Taxpayers who are paying for it all.   The Son knows he can't pay them any of what he Owes them from the Scam of the ACA Claw Back of $1,600 he doesn't have coz he has NO Income right now.  Try to Claw Back Money from someone who has nothing... and is back living in their Aging Parent's Guest Bedroom so they won't be Homeless and unfed... makes sense, No?  *Huge Eye Roll*

We got The Young Prince's Bank Statements, ordered a replacement Debit Card, the Bank couldn't give me a 1099-DIV for Taxes either, in fact, they acted oblivious about the fact they have Stock in the Company!!!  I guess they don't advise folks on Investments anymore?  I swear Bankers now don't have to know a Quarter of what the Industry used to insist you be knowledgeable about!!!  And all the Loan Servicing now is Outsourced to 3rd World Countries where they're just reading off a Script and have Zero Knowledge of the Industry.  Anyway, got all that squared away for his Appointment Tomorrow and gathered up the rest of what he'll need to provide.  I could only afford a 50 Foot Heavy Duty Extension Cord to replace the missing one coz they were $89 for just that length and would have been close to $200 for a 100 Foot length!  I didn't have the current Budget for that outlay.

I'm hopeful that The Grandson gets some Services, coz he said then I could put less of my Budget towards Groceries and instead put that Money towards Bills that have increased in Costs.  That would be nice.  Stretching available Funds I can do, and I can Sell Off more if I have to Liquidate assets and Investments to free up some Cash if the Economy worsens further, which, I'm Predicting it will.  There are unknowns about it all that you cannot prepare for or Predict tho'.  Coz I don't even think this Administration thinks ahead or all the way thru at all or of any of the consequences of the reckless, incompetent, irresponsible and greed based actions they do Off the Cuff, without much thought about cause and effect.   With that kind of Leadership in place everything is subject to Change without any Notice at all and everyone has to just be reactive to it all, which is not ideal.  The Actions of other people that cause everyone else to suffer are the hardest things to navigate around or be adequately prepared for.

I stocked up for a few Months of the worse case scenarios I can think of.  Beyond that I really can't say what my Plan B would even be?  I had to put some Gas in the Truck, Diesel was up to just about Six Bucks a Gallon and Unleaded was hovering very close to Five Bucks a Gallon now, at $4.89 and went up to $4.99 as I was pumping my Gas!!!  That's how quickly it's going up now!!!   Most of the Appointments set up for the Family are not close by at all.   So there will be a lot of necessary commuting I did not Prepare for in advance, coz I didn't know which Offices we'd even be assigned to go to?   So I do Hope that taking the Time and spending the Money to get there has Positive results for The Man and The Young Prince, and won't be a waste of Time or Money?  You just never know tho', but it's not Optional at this juncture for either one of them, it really has to happen and Hope for the best.

How is there Money for ICE to run TSA, but not Money for TSA to run TSA?  Asking for a Friend.  *Eye Roll*   I would think it will further Tank the Morale of TSA Staff to do all the actual Work, coz they're the only ones Qualified to do it, and NOT getting Paid.  While ICE are standing around doing nothing, getting Paid, coz they're not Qualified or Trained to do the actual Work.  It's Political Theater, just like the Prez's current Late Night Lies before the Stock Market Opened, pretending he's making a Deal with the Iranian Officials, and they're saying, No, you're not.  Listen, tho' Iran is an Authoritarian Regime that is prone to Lying, they don't hold a Candle to the Lying King we got who only wants to have the Market Recover and so will desperately make up anything. 

IMO, he knows he's in over his fucking Head, is floundering, and underestimated the Adversary he's just made even more hostile towards America than they already were.  The stubborn resolve and willingness to Fight hard, not give up, and hold some Key Cards, like Controlling the Strait of Hormuz, have Russia helping them with Intelligence against America, and know this War is not popular with the American people or any of our Allies, that the Iranians have shown.  And why would they strike a Deal with a Guy who never Honors his Deals, is a Stranger to the Truth, and has bombed the shit out of them in an Illegally waged War?  And, let us not forget that Israel and it's Leadership have said they won't stop and we're clearly supporting their decisions and joined in... so Donnie Two Dolls can't Control any of this.

   The Young Prince and I were so hungry, coz we'd eaten Breakfast at like 4:00 in the Morning, so, we were one of the first one's at "In N Out Burger" when they opened, it's across the Street from the Bank and Wal-Mart we'd gone to and I had barely enuf Cash to get us the cheapest Meal each.  *LOL*  We both kinda Needed some Comfort Food so it did hit the Spot, both Physically and Emotionally.  He's Edgy due to knowing he has to go to yet another Caseworker Tomorrow and doesn't know what to expect?  And that Caseworker is only helping him to apply for DES related Benefits, so we may still have to eventually see someone from DES.  

Then we also have that Appointment for him to go to Social Security for that application for Disability Benefits and subsequent Evaluations I know they'll require him to go thru.  It's just a LOT to put someone SMI thru, especially one with Multiple Personalities and Schizophrenia.  His Mother never could go thru with it this time, it was hard enuf for her to go thru with it when she was about his Age.   She Qualified back then but getting her to gird herself to go in again to Requalify and start over, just made her go Off Rails just Thinking about it, let alone Doing it.  Coz they can go thru it all and get Denied, in fact, that's quite common and then you gotta go thru the whole Appeals Process or Lawyer Up and fight the Decision Legally.   Which isn't Cheap, generally Attorneys charge about 25% of all your Back Pay you should have Received... with a Maximum of almost Ten Grand!  

For someone getting an SSI Check, which isn't enuf to even live on, that's a LOT taken out of a little.   If you Lose you may be stuck with Case related Costs... and generally you have no Income of your own, which is why you're applying in the first place.   Right now it's about $994 a Month a person would receive to try to Live on if they've always been too ill to get a Job.  I mean, that's better than having NOTHING to Live on for the rest of your Life if you're too ill to ever be hired anywhere and cannot Work.  And Employers can Legally refuse to hire someone with Schizophrenia since it poses Liability and Performance Risks they don't have to be forced to take as dictated by the ADA.  So if you can't even get hired by a Minimum Wage Employer, and get rejected by even the Fast Food Industry or to be a Wal-Mart Greeter or something, you're basically Unemployable.   I don't even know how to Encourage him if he gets Denied and Appeals fail, and perhaps no Attorney would take the Case?

I'm concerned that now they're fucking more with our Right to Vote, especially Mail In Voting, which in Arizona is very Popular coz of how Hot it is and how vast the State is to get to Polls in many places.   The Man and I always Vote by Mail coz of his Health Issues.   Then I use a Drop Box and not risk Mailing it in, so that they get it early, coz most Mail Voting arrives earlier than doing it in Person.  So, you don't have to take Time off to do it, from anything, and it's convenient, helps encourage Voting and making it Free and Fair without Voter interference and suppression that the Regime is attempting.  They're trying to make it harder, if not impossible, for Women, Minorities and those that Disagree with them to be able to have a Voice Politically and cast our Votes.  Or Honor those Votes once we have, by claiming False accusations, that if they Win it was Free & Fair, but, if they Lose it was Rigged and Stolen.  Which doesn't Square at all.

  Coz they know they're in Trouble with Voters, especially Independent Voters who aren't Partisan. Most are Moderates and not Far Right or Far Left leaning, don't have a Loyalty to any Party, and make up the Majority of Voters now, sometimes as much as over 60% of who actually shows up to Vote.  I'm of that Camp, always have been, always will be.  I abhor Partisan Politics, it makes those devout to Party, not seem to be capable of Critical Thinking and has become quite Cultish in Modern Times of putting Party ahead of all else.  Plus America is Changing, Demographics are Changing, Life in America is Changing, Views and Points of View are Changing in various ways.  So, what used to Be just isn't anymore.  And we've mostly got Geriatrics in Political Power who are out of Touch with the Times we're living in and what most Americans are experiencing in Daily Life or what we want of our Public Servants, who should be Representing us, and are doing a piss Poor job of it.  Modern Day Poll Taxes is not Okay.

Anyway, since I've been Inside all Afternoon coz I got everything done early before it hit Triple Digits again, I have watched some of The News.  More than usual, coz some Days I won't watch it at all coz it's too depressing and Negative, it's all Bad, there's no Light at the end of this Tunnel and the Challenges of this Moment is not making us Safer or more Secure.   Gas Prices in some States have now spiked even higher than here in Arizona, to over Six Bucks a Gallon and still rising.  The West Coast, Illinois, Alaska and Hawaii have the highest prices of Gas in the Nation right now.  After I drop Princess T off at Work Tomorrow, which is her Early Day to go in, I'm stopping at the cheapest Gas Pumps I've found nearby and filling up, coz it's rising Daily and quickly and it's gonna get way worse and could for literally Months... even IF they open up the Strait of Hormuz and lift Tariffs immediately... which, isn't gonna happen.

Our Manager at Work asked me if I'd fill in for a Night Shift Wednesday, but, I've got stacked up Appointments clear thru 'til past 5:00 p.m. so I had to decline.   We have The Man's Cardiology Appointment that Morning and then our HUMANA Home Nurse coming to give him a Medical Annual Eval since he just had some Emergency Medical Situation going on and they want to see if they can provide expanded Services for him?  It would be Nice if they would, so I do wanna hear them out since we're New with HUMANA.  When we were with United Healthcare we'd been pleased with what Services they offered, including expanded Services when we needed them.  Which, if they didn't dump all Veteran Seniors and their Families in our area, we wouldn't have ever changed Providers in 2026.   But, United Healthcare and AETNA abandoned all Maricopa County Veterans on Medicare, and involuntarily dumped us unceremoniously and with little Notice, so it is what it now just is.

So far I've been on the Fence about HUMANA picking us up, but only coz they fucked up with putting me on the Wrong Plan.  Their error, not mine, and that took Months to resolve satisfactorily and caused me a lot of Stress, paperwork, phone calls, confusion and Cost that I'm only now getting reimbursed for after I Won my Appeal.   I was having to deal not only with HUMANA about all of that, but also Medicare and Social Security coz they were Penalizing me Monthly and saying it would be for a Lifetime gonna now Cost me more, for HUMANA's Mistake!   The Appeal Process was grueling, as it always is, and put the burden of Proof on me that I had always met Deadlines, given accurate information about being Retired Military on TriCare For Life too that covers my Prescription Coverage. 

And it was Government and Provider Cock Ups that forced Part D on me and Penalized me for NOT having Part D for the Four Years I was with United Healthcare.  When I'm not even Qualified to have Part D... and both Rx Coverages at the same time, coz TriCare and Part D Rx Coverage are both Federal Programs!!!   It was absolutely Crazy to me to have more knowledge about their Industry than all the Industry People and Government People I was talking to at Medicare, at Social Security and at HUMANA!!!   It was like WTF, I shouldn't be Schooling ya'll on how this Works, and correcting your Mistakes and being Penalized for your ignorance about it, Appealing Bad Decisions you made about it in Error, it's your JOB to know these things already and be the Experts, not the Recipient's!!!   But, here we are and I didn't Like it one bit.  I got it Resolved, Proving my Case with Evidence they couldn't dispute or deny, but, Holy Mother of God what a Dog and Pony Show and Ordeal it put me thru!!!

It is making me Wonder how many Veterans or their Spouses are being Penalized and just accept being extorted for Life Monthly?  With garnishments taken out of their Social Security Checks now for a Lifetime, that don't know it's a Mistake, and not their Error at all, or don't know how to Fight it successfully?   It was reminiscent of when The Man was first Medically Involuntarily Retired from the Military and DOD, and when his Disability Checks started coming, they weren't the Correct amount by a long shot!!!   And he didn't notice coz he's not into Financial Legalities and Practices, that was my forte.   I'm like Honey, this isn't the right amount they're stiffing you by a lot of Money and you're getting hosed!!!  I wasn't gonna roll over knowing they were not paying him what he was Entitled to Receive, it was way off in their Favor.

   

So, I fought it for 18 Months, and then Lawyered Up to move things along, so along with the Lifetime Membership I Paid to The Retired Enlisted Association to Represent him along with me, which normally represents Veterans of Color *Winks*, we Battled the U.S. Government.   Hey, the Government never asked to see The Man in Person to see what Ethnicity or Color he was... a Black G.I. Friend had told me who "Represents" and wouldn't Care so long as we Paid the Lifetime Membership.  And that Friend knew that I consider myself a Woman of some 'Color', being Mixed Race Indigenous/White, and my Dad was segregated in the Old Days of the Military, so was in all Black Units most of his Military Career... and, anyway, to make a Long Story Short, we Won.   And the Government then had to back Pay him a shitload of Money they Owed him.  But, how many Disabled Veterans might be getting Shorted and don't know it?

Those kinds of things make me wanna go to Battle becoz it's just Wrong and too many Entitlements and Earned Benefits are being withheld and those who are Victims of that Practice often don't even know they are.  So, they're being taken Advantage of and hosed by their Government, and that's disgraceful and inexcusable IMO.   But, Life ain't Fair or Bras wouldn't come in Sizes and you never get what you Deserve in Life, you only get what you Successfully Negotiate.  So there it is, you better be your own Best Advocate and you better be up for whatever Battles you will have to Fight to defend yourself too.   Even if I Lose a Battle, the Adversary I have will damned sure know they went to War and be willing to Die on their Hill for whatever we're Fighting about.  Most aren't willing to Die on their Hills if they have anything to Lose.  If you give me Nothing to Lose, then I'm going Balls to the Wall with it. 

Coz I will be relentless, tenacious and vicious when I go on the Warpath.  And I'll make it a Death Match if we can't find a way to Resolve the Battle in a mutually agreeable way.  I don't take any Prisoners, don't Care how many I have to Take Down or how many Heads have to Roll. And I don't Surrender, you'll Fight me all day long and probably never even See me.  If I'm going Down, for sure I'm taking as many Motherfuckers with me as I can.   So, you have to then assess, do you want to Go Down with me?  Or Work something out with me and not end up as Collateral Damage in a War waged that really isn't even about YOU, but is all about me and mine?   Coz I go Hard for me and mine and make that abundantly clear from The Jump.  The Older I get the less Fucks I have to give about how it all Ends really for you.  Give me Nothing left to Lose and see how Hard and Heartless I come for ya THEN.  Especially if it's not gonna End Well for me or mine anyway.  *Winks* 

 The Man said in Conflict he's Fought, he never wanted to Fight someone like me and my Mental Mindset.  Coz he knew the only way to Stop someone like that is to Neutralize them if there can't be Peace between both sides.  Coz they never Stop.  And he's be Right about that, which is probably why in all our 37 Years of Marriage we've never, ever, had a Big Fight.  *Bwahahahaha*  He knows if he were to want to go Toe to Toe with me, I'm not backing down, not giving in, not giving out, and if I can't Win the Battle, I'll walk away for just the Illusion you Won.  And then come at you when you least expect it, let your Guard down, aren't paying attention of forgot about it, and never see me coming.  Better Sleep with One Eye Open and watching your Back now Forever, coz that's how long it will Last if you don't Resolve shit with me.  *Cackle*  Becoz I don't LIKE Conflict, I avoid it, and I never Start it.  I'm all about Peace, Love, Harmony and Resolving Issues to the Satisfaction of both Parties if that's possible.  If it's not tho', well, then we got us a "Situation".   And I know how I am.  *Winks*

Anyway, right now all Challenges have had some amicable Resolution so I'm Good... for now.  *Winks*   We've got some Caseworker Allies now in our Corner that I really Like and are Helpful, so want to be part of the Solution and not part of the Problem, that's how I Likes it.  *Winks*  I've been giving Nurse Remi some things she can distribute to Bless either her Clients or send to Africa to help her People who haven't been able to Flee and seek Asylum from their Religious or Tribal Minority Persecution and being exterminated horribly in the most horrific ways you could Imagine, but that our News rarely reports on or gets involved in.  So, our chosen Conflicts are never about the People of those Countries, I hope you all realize that unfortunate Fact.  So, I've been trying to find some things I know I could give her that would be Helpful to other Clients she or her Church are trying to Help.

 

 I Wish I had more I know she could use, but I think I've given it all now, she said it did a lot of Good and was Needed, that was Good to hear.  There is so much unmet Need in this World still and we each should do whatever Small parts we can and not Discount any Loving Kindness and Positive differences we can make extended towards our fellow Human Beings.   We can't all do Great things, but we can all do Small things with Great Kindness and Love.   This Hurting World filled now with so much Hatred, Evil and Conflict, Needs far more of that Love in Action.   Those of us who desire for Humanity to Evolve in Positive ways and see God IN us by our Actions, Need to Act accordingly and be appropriate Representatives here in this Realm.   Only Light can illuminate Darkness.

*******

Be the Light my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian