I Refuse To Rush Thru Autumn

 Rusty just got Princess T a Halloween Bouquet and some Plushies. It was a Gorgeous Day that I should have wanted to be out and about in but I was so damned tired that after I got Home from Mando's Memorial Service I took a 3 Hour Nap.  Sometimes I get Emotionally as well as Physically exhausted.  I hadn't slept good due to The Man exaggerating how bad he felt after his Immunizations.  He might have been sore and felt a little off, but he was being very dramatic about it and kept me up damned near all Night with the High Drama of being a Baby about it.  I know it's the Dementia and for the Attention more than anything, so I try to be not as irritated at him as I am if I were to react with Knee jerk response I feel.  Caregiving is tough and I just don't want him exaggerating or magnifying things for attention coz then I don't know when he's really got a Medical Emergency going on to take Seriously.

He's doing better later Tonight, since he didn't get the desired reaction about his Arm hurting, mine hurts too, and you can feel a little crappy for a Day or Two afterwards, nothing to do an Oscar Worthy Performance about tho'.  *Eye Roll and Laughs*  Take a Nap, Rest, Hydrate, take something for the minor discomfort if you feel you must.  He's been thru fucking Wars and had Wartime Injuries that were epic, so to go to pieces about a couple of Shots doesn't arouse pity, it just incites irritation.  *LOL*  Anyway, he did eat coz he was balking at eating all day and The Son cooked a lovely Asian Dish for us since The Niece never did make Emerald Chicken with the Ingredients.  So he made a Teriyaki Chicken with it instead and it was delicious.  I told The Man he was gonna eat this and then lay down and Sleep Off being so Tragic... and he complied coz he could see he'd worked my last Raw Nerve.  *Winks*

The Son joked, Gee Mom, you ARE Mean!  *Bwahahahaha*  Now that's an Inside Joke with The Son coz he has a Dark Sense of Humor and realizes that I Honestly don't think I'm that Mean, and that The G-Kid Force had it way easier growing up than he and their Mother did when I wasn't as Mellowed in my Old Age.  *Winks*  And he also knows that Grand-Dad and Nanna, my Parents, were way Stricter than I ever was or could be.  So my Brother and I grew up Tough becoz our Parents knew Life would throw some shit at you that you wouldn't be able to handle if you were Soft.  I had great Parents, and they were the Best, but they didn't put up with any shit from anyone, ever and neither of them Feared a damned thing.  And my Dad's Advice if you admitted Fear was simply, so... do it Afraid!  There were no Passes to show Weakness or be Soft.  And my Kids and Grandkids are Tough and Smart... that will help them Survive a lot more than being Weak or Soft. 

Anyway, The Son and I watched some Movies together instead of doing anything or going anywhere.  The Niece came Home from Work and asked if she could join us, we agreed she could, but only IF she didn't Talk thru it.  *Winks and Laughs*  Bless her, but she's the type to Talk thru anything you're trying to watch and can't shut up... even when asked or told to.  So, with our inability to Focus well, you might as well turn the damned thing off if someone is gonna Talk thru it and be a distraction, instead of watching it... or yammer thru every Commercial and not be able to shut the fuck up when the Show comes back on!!!  I wanna put Duct Tape over their Mouth if they're so inclined and I am not one to tell you what you Wanna Hear, I'll tell you what you Need to Hear and be blunt about it.  So, if I'm doing something important or watching something, shut up!!!   I have put any Cable Show on Pause and Death Stare... but sometimes that's not HINT enough.

So, needless to say, since she didn't come in at the start of the Movie and really had no interest in it, but had wanted to try to Talk over it... when given the Conditions, she Opted Out and went to the Casino.  *LOL*  The Son was like, we Love her, but damn, she Talks so much and after a while I have to resist the urge to wanna gag her!  *Smiles*  He and I have pretty extreme Attention Deficit and once someone has Lost our Attention or is rehashing something over and over again ad nauseum, about anything, especially if it's Negative and imparting Negative Energy, we can only take so much of it before shutting down and no longer listening.  I can only hear about someone's Job that I have no Point of Reference about and don't understand anyway, before I have to Tap Out coz it's not relevant to me.  I go long on Posts and the Written Word or Photo Dumps, but not so much on Conversation.  *LOL* 

I got this little Ghost Donut for The Man this Morning.  So Cute!  The Man and I rarely, if ever, talked about our Careers.  His was often not something he could Talk about and was highly Classified... mine was often Privileged Information or terribly unpleasant and Dark.  So we left that shit at Work and didn't drag it Home or Think upon it on our own Time.  I never allowed my Work to Define me.  I rarely even talk about what I do at the Antique Mall coz really, nobody Cares and I know that, so why make it a topic of conversation unless someone asks specifically?  At Home we rarely talk about Politics even tho' all of us are on the same Page about it, and realize how dire it is, coz, we'd be preaching to the Choir.  The only thing we'd want to inform each other about is the 1st one of us that Hears when he's Dead yet!   Then throw the Party.  *LOL*  The Niece never got fully deprogrammed from being a JW and so I've forbid her to mention that Cult or Religious Views that I find to be indoctrination in a very unhealthy way that truly has damaged her.  I told her growing up LDS damaged The Man and he never talks about it, never did, and it was a Condition at Home for him NOT to.

If his People came by I was cordial but told them I had absolutely no desire for the Children or I to listen to what they Believe, none.  Otherwise, I'd threaten to start talking about some of the stuff I Believe from my Cultural perspective that I knew would scare the living shit out of them.  The Man thought it was hilarious, coz he could tell how unsettled his Family and those of his Church would get around someone like my People.  I allowed them to Imagine all kinds of things based on their lack of understanding.  *Bwahahahahaha and Winks*  Nurse Remi is funny, coz she's a Nigerian Christian, but she said she understands some of the Culture I come from and that Yes, even converted, we hold onto much of that and she's respectful of it.  We've become Friends now and she said she's known Witches in her Country, and not all of them were or are Bad.   I joke with her and say, so... you think I'm a Witch do you?  And we both just Laugh, I don't need an Answer, it's a rhetorical Question that needs none, regardless of what she thinks I am.  It doesn't matter.  *Winks and Laughs* 

Today The Grandsons should be rolling back in from New Mexico.  I hope so anyway, don't want them cutting it 'til the 11th Hour by the Seat of their Pants to get here in time for The Young Prince's Psyche Eval for Social Security with that Existential Psychotherapist Bullshit.  *LOL*  I even had a Dream about it, a very Weird one that I remembered upon Waking, a Full Color Dream too.  The EP was a Female and not the Male we'll actually be seeing.  But it was more like Witchcraft than Psychiatry and very unsettling in this Dream, I didn't like it, he didn't like it, and for some reason, in the Dream, the whole Family had to go with us.  *LOL*  I don't feel great about this Weirdo Doctor they're sending him to for evaluation.  I don't feel this Specialty is Qualified to make the determination or has the Credentials to decide such things either.

  When I Google it, it's highly unusual in fact for Social Security to be sending anyone to a person Specializing in Psychotherapy like an Existential Therapist.  According to Google, SSI Typically assigns Mental Health Evaluations to Licensed Psychologists or Psychiatrists as part of a Consultative Evaluation.  So the whole thing is very Weird and probably an RFK, Jr. Weirdo Wormbrained Change to Qualifying Applicants.  In the past Evals always have been with Qualified Professionals and even if I didn't agree with a determination, since some aren't that good at what they do or just do a Cattle Call to get Paid... at least they were a Shrink and not some New Age Doc with questionable Credentials to be even Evaluating a Client applying for Disability Benefits.  The Grandson is Seriously Mentally Ill, but not Stupid, so if this Guy is some Quack, I do know my Grandson will Call it Out immediately and be suspicious of what this Joker is pretending to be or doing. 

In fact, by Law, under SSA Rules, it must be an Acceptable Medical Source.  And only Specific Licensed Professionals such as Medical Doctors and/or Licensed or Certified Psychologists are Classified as such.  In order to establish a formal Medically determinable impairment and provide binding Medical Opinions.  The Goal of an SSA Mental CE is not to provide Psychotherapy or deep Philosophical/Existential Counseling. Instead the Examiner is supposed to evaluate concrete, work-related functional capacities, memory, concentration, the ability to interact with others and handle Workplace Stress... shit like that!!!   So I do plan to Challenge that they appropriately Assigned a Qualified Evaluation... becoz I think they could be in violation of what is required and this is an inappropriate Evaluator who is neither a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist.  I do Disagree with the Assignment based on this Guy's Credentials.  No disrespect intended, but I AM gonna ask this Guy why he was Assigned rather than a Psychologist or Psychiatrist... and I want a satisfactory Answer.       

The System states we still must attend any Appointment even if we disagree with the Assignment and Qualifications of the Evaluator.  They do suggest hiring a Social Security Attorney if you feel your Rights have been violated.   But Honestly, how many Seriously Mentally Ill folks with no ability to earn an Income or Pay said Attorney, who require Full Time Extreme Caregiving will be able to Hire a fucking Attorney and be taken on as a Client?   Most Social Security Attorneys still wanna get Paid for their Services and generally won't take on SSI Cases or indigent Clients who have had severe Disabilies all their Lives and never been able to Work, just SSN Cases where you already worked to Earn Social Security Benefits and are now applying for Social Security Disability before actual Retirement Age to be eligible to draw your Social Security.  So... Asking for a Friend.  *Eye Roll*   I'm not 'New' to this whole shitshow Gauntlet they got going on and set up to Qualify or be Disqualified and Denied, regardless of Need or actual Entitlement to Services and Benefits.

Why do you supposed a great many of the Homeless and Forsaken you see on the Streets are Seriously Mentally Ill People who aren't being Helped or Institutionalized and Cared for at all and receive nothing?  No Care, no Shelter, no Food/Water, they have to try to Survive like Wild Animals rather than have an ounce of Humanity provided for them.  Domestic Animals are treated better and far too many people in our Society would be more appalled if a Domestic Animal were Neglected or subjected to Inhumane conditions as much as most of the Seriously Mentally Ill Adults are!!!  Which, even tho' I'm an Animal Lover to my Core too, and wouldn't want any Animal, Domestic or Wild, to be Neglected, Abused or suffer Inhumane conditions, we're talking about other Human Beings!!!   And The System doesn't Care, but neither does Society as a Collective either.   And until Society Cares enuf to Treat EVERY Human Being with Basic Humanity and Mercy, nothing will Change for the Better.  Nothing.

I took The Man for a Picnic Lunch at a Mountain Park and I did some Environment Cleanup there, it was a nice Cooler day and overcast, we left when it began to Rain.  We went to pick Princess T up from Work and my Truck died in the Parking Lot!!!   All the Warnings Lights went off so I didn't know what was Wrong!!!  Luckily Rusty was there to look for a Hoodie Princess T wanted and wouldn't be able to Buy until it was on the Floor for 3 Days.  It had already Sold by the time he got there but at least he was there for us being broke down and The Son rode up there on his Bike to help, they determined it was the Battery. 

 There's an "Auto Zone" across the Street from SAVERS so The Son lugged a new Battery over to us.  He'd got a Hood Hookup on the Price coz a Childhood Friend from Da Old Hood Barrio works there and gave him a huge Discount.  This was important coz a Battery for my Truck, even with a huge Discount, was still $230.  The Son fronted it for me and Rusty drove The Man Home for me while they repaired the Truck.  *Whew*  I couldn't be stranded, the Dealership was closing eary on Saturday, isn't open on Sundays... and The Daughter has a Job in Chandler on Sunday and The Young Prince's Shrink Appointment in the Central City is early Monday Morning!!!  I can't be without Transportation and we only have the one Vehicle that is operational and Registered.

The Niece has a Vehicle tho' and if all else fails and I don't feel comfortable driving so far to Chandler in case it's more than the Battery that was Wrong with my Truck, she could take The Daughter coz she doesn't Work on Sundays.  Allen will have a Rental Car so he could take us to The Young Prince's Appointment too.  So, I think I have everything covered.  Perhaps the Battery was everything needing to be replaced?  Rusty spent the rest of the Afternoon getting it installed, Bless him.  The Son was his Assistant, since Mechanics is not his Wheelhouse, he really doesn't know what he's doing but can assist someone who does.  I really needed to get Home coz I didn't feel Well.  I've been backed up to the point of impaction and my Right Kidney has been hurting too.  Once Home I was finally able to go... but the Kidney still hurts so I might have to get that checked out if it persists, it's painful.  I don't have the most common Kidney Pain Symptoms along with the Pain tho'.  So, is it Kidney Pain or Back Pain... not sure?  I know not to wait if it could be Kidney Issues, especially since I'm a Diabetic.

 

I took a long Nap when we finally got Home and I was able to go to the Bathroom.  Just being in your own Bathroom is important when you're having problems and need to take your time.  A Public Restroom is no place to have a Crisis with your internal Plumbing.  I'd never been in so much Pain and wonder what caused such blockage, I hadn't eaten anything strange or particularly binding, I was adequately Hydrated, so it was a Mystery.  Not something I ever want to happen again, I thought I might have to go to an ER and get it taken care of, which would have been quite humiliating... not something I want a Stranger doing!  *LOL*  Thankful for Doctor Google that gave me some self-help advice, which, Mercifully worked.  *Whew*  But the Kidney/Side Pain is not easing up, so I don't think being constipated had anything to do with that now... wasn't sure before.  The internal Plumbing getting Old is no Joke.  And your Body processing Food seems to be more compromised with Age.

 

Until the Truck broke down and my Pain got too intense and I needed to just be Home, it had been a decent day, a good day in fact.  So you can have the Best Day ever and yet the Worst Day ever all within 24 Hours it seems.  While at SAVERS, before we knew the Truck had a problem, I did Score some Vintage Christmas Blow Mold Candles, a Pair of them for only $3 each, and Online they're Selling for well over $100 a Pair... some Pairs in good shape have Sold for around $140.  One of mine has the original Extension Chord and Light, the other is missing it, so I may Sell them as separates due to that and see what happens?  Someone might buy both since it's easy to replace the Chord & Light, in fact, with Vintage Lights it's Safer to Update the Electrical since Vintage Electrical can pose risks.   Even unlit they look nice flanking a Doorway.  I usually don't Decorate much on our Exterior for Christmas, but may even keep these for a Season to flank out Entryway this Christmas?  Simple yet Elegant looking even unlit.  I do have some Vintage Christmas Blow Molds and know whenever I'm ready to let them go, they Sell easily and net good Money.

I haven't heard from the Young Prince and he's not answering his Phone or responding to his Text Messages or FB Messenger inquiries about if they're on their way already?  I'm nervous since Tomorrow is literally the last day for them to get here in time for his SSI required Appointment, if he misses it he blows his whole Disability Case.  He's assured me he'd get here but I'm concerned he's not responsive to my inquiries.  Last I heard he was doing Okay, but he kept moving the timeline back on arrival times, originally it was October 11th and Tomorrow it will be October 25th... his Appointment is at 8:00 a.m. on October 26th and is in Central Phoenix, a long Commute during Rush Hour... so we have to get the Show on the Road very early to arrive on time.

  I did get a reimbursement Check Today, in his Name, for our Mileage for the last Appointment they made us go to for initial Evaluation with some Physiatrist... or whatever the fuck that Guy's Specialty was?  He was Suspect too actually, since we aren't applying for Physical Disability... we're applying for Mental Disability.  I can't even recall if that was what his Specialty was actually called... I knew I had to look that one up too coz I'd never heard of it... something about Bodily Function Rehabilitation.  There's nothing Diagnosed for The Young Prince that will require Rehabilitation.  There's no Cure and no Rehabilitating a person who suffers from Serious Mental Illness, and specifically Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder... once you have it, you always have it.  

Listen, I Wish there was a Cure of Rehabilitation for it, but, there fucking isn't.  And so them sending him to Psychotherapists and Physiatrists makes zero Sense to me... I Believe they, either of them, lack the Qualifications to Assess him for what he's applying for SSI.  So, inappropriate Assessments makes me Suspect gross incompetence within The System.  Not Surprising given this Administration has fucked up, gutted and broken so much within The System, that wasn't great or all that functional to begin with, but is far worse now.  I Plan to ask this next Doc some uncomfortable Questions I'm sure he's not expecting, and might be reluctant to Answer satisfactorily.  Given I've done my Due Diligence on what SSI Requirements actually are by Law... and aren't being followed, clearly. And this isn't my 1st Rodeo with SSI Advocacy for Friends and Loved Ones, done it several times for those who cannot do it for themselves.   Which, most Seriously Mentally Ill Challenged or Extremely Developmentally Disabled Applicants can't, and Social Security knows this Fact!!!

Above and Below are some recent pixs of my Brother with Friends.  It Pains me to see him looking so physically deteriorated, but he's hanging on, with Heart function so low now Docs don't know how he's still Alive!  Anyway, I'll be glad to have this visit behind us for The Grandson, as one more aspect of The Gauntlet has been accomplished to be in compliance on our end.  The Young Prince did finally respond past 10:00 p.m. Today and was Snarky, I know he really doesn't want to go to this Appointment and be subjected to whatever the fuck it will entail, which, we have no Idea of since it should be done by a Psychiatrist or Psychologist, which he's been Familiar with that whole Specialty of Doctors since he was only 7 Years Old.  He doesn't know what to expect with Existential Psychotherapy and we both think it sounds very unproven, questionable, New Age and just Weird.   Google says he only should be doing a Mental Health Evaluation as a Consultative Examiner... so it makes one Wonder, will we still have to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist too afterwards?!  

 Gaps in Medical Records could warrant it only becoz Social Security don't even go back very far, no matter how long you've had the Condition and Diagnosis... in his Case since Age 7 and he's 26 now.  And of coarse he has Gaps in Medical Records, since he's gone most of his Adult Life Uninsured and with no ability to Work to Earn Income or be on our Insurance as a permanently Disabled Adult!!!  Once he turned 18 he fell off AHCCCS provided by the State when he was a Ward of the State, or by the Adoption Board who supplied it due to his Un-Adoptability due to his factors making him impossible to Place.  If Family hadn't worked so hard to Adopt him, he would have never been Adopted.  They Rate on a Scale of 1-4 for Adoptability, Fours being Hard to Place.  They literally told me with him, IF THEY HAD A FIVE Rating, that's what they would have Rated him!!! 

 Plus he's lived in 3 different States after Age 18, all having different criteria for applying for or receiving Medical Care or Mental Health Care for the Indigent or Permanently Disabled with existing Conditions.  He was Homeless most of that time, never been able to be Hired in his Condition, and in and out of Institutionalization, but they don't factor any of that in Evaluating his Current Status.  And becoz he has such a very High IQ {148} he can show above average Intelligence, but we're not applying becoz he's Stupid or some kind of Moron.  And sometimes he's been Smarter than those who are Assessing him. 

  It's not unusual for someone SMI to just say what they know wants to be Heard or is the Textbook Answer to Questioning so that they don't feel Tricked or end up Involuntarily Committed, which is always their Fear.  Most won't divulge what Thoughts are in their Head coz if they did, they know they couldn't Trust that information wouldn't be misused against them.  Our Grandson has been involuntarily Hospitalized before so he's always suspicious and Paranoid of who they send him to.  His Mother too.  They've had too many Negative Experiences with The Mental Health System and even Law Enforcement when they've been Mentally Unstable, to have any Trust left that they'd be Helped and not Harmed instead.  And that's a valid concern that even Loved Ones Share... and why I often never call for Help, lest when it arrive, they draw Weapons and use them when someone is Mentally Unstable and they {your Loved One AND Law Enforcement} become Fearful and Defensive, coz most are poorly Trained to appropriately respond.

Nobody wants to call for Help and instead end up with a Murdered Loved One that the alleged "Help" just Killed when they arrived!!!  I've processed those types of Files and Investigations into Officer Involved Shootings of Mentally Unstable Citizens at the DA's Office... the Families rarely receive Justice and just have to Sue.  As if Money could ever replace the Human Life taken of someone whose only Crime was being Unwell enuf to need Help the Family asks for to show up and do the Right thing!   Anyway, it's Sunday Morning now, The Grandsons haven't arrived, my Truck starts but still has a BRAKE Warning and Engine Warning Light on so I don't wanna drive it anywhere but the Dealership when it opens.  And I can only respond to one essential thing at a time.

  And I won't be able to do that, get my Vehicle in for Evaluation, until after I get The Young Prince to his Appointment for Evaluation.  *Le Sigh*  I'll have to get Allen to drive us now on Monday Morning in his Rental Vehicle they'll get here in.  Perhaps it's good that Allen comes along anyway to the Eval, for Moral Support if nothing else.  He's been thru a slew of his own VA Disability Evaluations to receive his Disability Status of being an 80% Disabled Veteran {so far}.  Anyway, so, that's where we're at and I'm nervous about Vehicle Repair Costs.  The Son told me I don't have to pay him back for the expensive Battery he fronted me for, he'll just cover it for me.  He could see it was adding more Stress for me and expenses for all essentials has been going up exponentially, so Balancing a tight Budget has been challenging as it is on a Fixed Income.  It has for all Normal Americans.  

Which is a relief that I don't have to pay him back.  I've been doing okay at the Antique Mall with Sales but not great for the last Pay Period and this Pay Period, Sales tanked the last Month of Sales.  Usually this time of Year it would have been enuf to cover an Emergency under $500 using that discretionary income alone.  I have it in Savings but don't touch that in case our Taxes are high again next time we file.  The Taxes on our Ranch Land up North are due this Month.  The Land is Paid For but of coarse you're Taxed Forever on Real Property Owned.  Whatever happened to that Promise of not Taxing Social Security and Pensions tho'?  *Eye Roll and raucous Laughter* 

 Empty Bullshit Promises coming out of this White House from the Liar Con Artist In Chief are constant, all these Checks they claim we'll get and I haven't received a single one, not from 1.0 or 2.0 Promises, how about you?  *Winks*  Of coarse I never Believed we'd receive anything, just get ripped off and grifted, the graft, extortion, backhanded Secret Deals with Bad Actors, and other Criminal Behavior, is his only constant.  His Cult Believers really are Brainwashed and will Believe anything, no matter how ludicrous, delusional, Crazy and unhinged, so long as it's falling out of his Mouth.  It really has Amazed me at how seemingly Rational People, some of whom I thought I knew, and who appeared to be able to have Intelligent lucid Conversations in the Past, and used to have Empathy, Conscience and an intact Moral Compass, have morphed into these MAGAt Zombies since 2016.   I don't know there is any Redemption for them, I Honestly don't, they're too far gone now and thoroughly indoctrinated... Hopelessly Lost Causes.

The Grandson did finally Message me just now to say they're only 3 Hours outside of getting here, had to stop for the Night to rest.  Hallelujah, I was becoming tense on if they'd arrive Today at all?  He can't drive, he hallucinates too much, so Allen has to do all the driving and I'm sure he's tired and they hit Weather this time of Year between New Mexico and Phoenix.  This is all very stressful for him too and he's seen the condition of The Young Prince's Living Space and we've discussed that between us.  He knows I insist their Spaces be Safe and Sanitary, no matter how Unwell they are.  With him and with his Mom that is often something to monitor closely every single day or things can go so Sideways that it would overwhelm the best of us as Caregivers.  When they're Mental, they're really Mental, and it shows in every aspect of their State of Being and the Environment they Occupy Space in.  

This is why I'd like to get them Services and a regular Disability Income coming in.  Not only for helping with their basic Support and essentials, but to Hire extra Help that is needed and I just don't have the Bandwidth for or Strength to do without Assistance.  I can't afford it all on our Dime.  And it's all been on our Dime for a 45 Year Old and a 26 Year Old Pair of Schizophrenics, with no Help from The System thus far.  And that annoys me coz if they didn't have us, they would be among the forsaken Mentally Ill you see on the Streets of America all the time.  Allen has been Homeless as a Disabled Veteran before too... a lot of our Disabled Vets are forsaken and on the Streets of America as well... it's all disgraceful IMO.  But it's getting worse instead of better over Time.  And it is discouraging, I do worry about my Disabled Loved Ones Future when I'm Gone and what will become of them?  Becoz most of Society hasn't shown any concerns or compassion for them or their Survival. 

I'm kind of in a pissy Mood coz so much has gone Wrong at once or has been Stressful and just Necessary.  Plus, Honestly, I was looking forward to going to Chandler with The Daughter and hanging out over there for Four Hours coz it's usually pleasant Me Time while I wait on her to do the Cleaning Job she's Hired by a Friend to do.  It helps her out, it helps my Friend out, it helps me out to get some Alone Time.  I don't think it will be a pleasant ride with The Niece coz she drives like she's Driving Miss Daisy and it's a long commute and she Imagines she can do it in less time than it takes me, and I drive Fast.  *LOL and Winks*  I barely make it sometimes coz Road Conditions and Traffic varies wildly, sometimes they have Freeway Closures on the Weekends coz they're doing all kinds of Construction and Improvements to infrastructure and the Detours are ridiculous and poorly mapped out.  I've gotten Lost when they have a poorly mapped out Detour, in order to get where I'm going it becomes confusing and convoluted.

So, The Daughter has been Stressed Out coz The Niece Imagines she can get there in only 40 Minutes not even driving the Speed Limit, that's never happening to get there on Time.  And Clients want you there on time coz they have a Schedule and things to do too, especially on a Weekend.  So, I dunno, I'm Thankful that The Niece volunteered to take her but they're already in disagreement about how much Time it takes... The Daughter KNOWS how much Time it takes, even for me driving like the Wind over the Speed Limit *Winks*... but The Niece is very stubborn about what she calculates about anything, even if she's never done the run before.  And she's a very timid Driver who never even drives at the Speed Limit, so people pass her all the time coz she's holding up Traffic.

  I won't Drive with her coz that makes me more nervous than someone driving Fast.  Slow Drivers or Drivers who aren't Confident about their Driving, cause Road Rage incidents and even accidents when impeding Traffic.  So, The Daughter would Cancel if she hadn't already done it last Week when she was Sick and Re-Scheduled once already.  She doesn't wanna risk losing this Job if she can't be reliable by Cancelling again.  She likes to stay True to her Word, but, since she doesn't have her own Transportation, if things come up for those who provide it, she can't control that Situation either and it complicates her little Jobs and getting to them.  And that's all the income she ever has coming in.  It's never enough to be sustainable, but every little bit Helps. 

 And no Job with Gainful Employment will Hire a Schizophrenic, too much liability.  And she's usually doing all Work after her Two Mike's Hard to take The Edge Off her Mental Torment.  Everyone who Hires her knows that's her "Medicine".   She is barely Functional if just Crazy without the Edge taken Off by whatever Works for her to remain optimally Functional and Toned Down from what she Sees and Hears.   She Sees things with her "Real Eyes" and it's Real to her... but if she's had just the Two Mike's Hards it doesn't bother her so much and the Voices aren't so Loud.  Okay then, Two Mike's Lemonade Hards or the Purple Alcoholic Canned Drink, Clubtails Grape Cocktails I think it's called, that she says are even more Calming, it is then! 

Listen, if that keeps her on the Rails it's Five Bucks a Day and if she can manage to Earn Five Bucks a Day she's Happy as a Clam at High Tide and much more Stable Mentally to where you can Cope with Caregiving for her.  Otherwise it could be a Fresh Hell for all.  *Smiles and Sighs*  In fact, if she's Feeling really Mental and Unraveled she won't even come Home coz she doesn't want us seeing her that way, especially her Kiddos.  Princess T especially is now seeing that her Mom and her Brother are so Unwell that in Public she feels some kind of way about how People react to it and respond to it.  At Work her Co-Workers have asked her about it when they see either of them, it's painfully apparent they are really Unwell and she has a wide range of Emotions as to how to feel about it.  She doesn't want anyone making Fun of them, yet, how they are can embarrass her too... coz, it can be The Human Sideshow on full Display.

The Son understands how his Niece feels, he's gotten in more than One Fight when someone has said something Unkind or Mocking about his Sister or his Nephew.  But at times he's been Embarrassed becoz they do Look Crazy sometimes and can make a Spectacle of themselves.  We all know how The General Public behaves when they see a Crazy Person, and how Negatively they respond to it... either Fearfully, Judgmentally, or even Mockingly and Cruelly.  The Son will knock someone out if they're foolish enuf to say or do anything to his Sister or Nephew in his Presence that is inappropriate or offensive and biased.  And he also knows that many SMI Adults are exploited and taken advantage of, or make very risky, dangerous and bad decisions on a consistent basis, and he doesn't like that either and is very protective of them both.  Princess T has just asked me if I can ask her Brother to Dress Normally when he comes in to her Workplace.  Big Ask, Tall Order, I can't even get him to comply for his Psyche Appointments.  *LOL*

He simply cannot Embarrass me, her either, and neither he or his Mother Care what anyone Thinks or Says.  He is Fabulously Gay even when he's not Weirdly Crazy... sometimes combined, which is a real Treat in Public.  *LOL*   She can wear some ensembles that look like she just walked out of Victoria's Secret, but as Outer Wear!!!  *LOL*  They are very hard to Offend and used to how they've always been treated.  They are comfortable in their own Skin and make no apologies for who they are and how they are.  The Daughter said in Mexico she was treated with far more respect and compassion than in America.  But that sometimes the Authorities would mess with her coz they knew she was Mental, for their own Amusement.  And only until she went really Mental and then they'd regret picking her up and having the liability she caused.  She is prone to beating the shit out of herself and saying you did it! 

 She's stabbed herself before and gotten so bloody and bruised by her own self abuse to herself that Mexican Police often would just ignore her and pretend they didn't see her!!!   No matter how Crazy she was in Public, coz they simply didn't want her to be their Problem that day.  *LOL*  They even were known to take up a Collection and send her to a Shrink or to the Hospital, pitying her and showing some Compassion.  That never happens in America.  Of coarse she said in Mexico there is a lot of Crazy out on the Streets too and they band together.  So she had her whole Posse of other Severely Mental Adults, some even Crazier than she was and everyone gave them wide berth when they were in Groups, including any Bad Actors.  Nobody really wants to Deal with setting off a Mentally Unwell person, its just not Wise and is enormously unpredictable and difficult to Manage.  Ask anyone whose Worked in a Mental Institution and tried to Maintain Calm with a Collective of Ill Folks.  In Psyche Lockdown there were Incidents and Situations, often by the Hour!  It was like being Home but with more Random People.  *LOL*

The Grandsons never did arrive yet, the 3 Hours they estimated to get here have long passed, so I hope no complications arose, but I've not received any further correspondence, so I don't know.  I did check Online to see if during his Eval a Caregiver is allowed to be present, with Mentally Ill Applicants, unless they are a Minor Child, probably not.  Only cognitively declined or Developmentally Disabled Applicants are usually allowed during the Eval to help convey accurate information.  I have a problem with this becoz often my Grandson and Daughter think they are Safer and more Sanitary than they are.  Their Communication is good enuf I don't have to answer for them and would not anyway during an Eval.  It's important for them to Answer for themselves unless it's inaccurate information they Believe is Real.  Their delusions are Real enuf to them that an Interviewer wouldn't be able to discern it's not tethered to reality necessarily and never happened.  It isn't even Lying if they truly Believed it to be Real and actually happened becoz of Psychosis... Seeing things, Hearing things, Experiencing things becoz of the Episodes when Psychotic.

 

Anyway, he and Allen made it hear safely and have rested up, eaten, and know what we have to do Tomorrow Morning.  We'll track Mileage coz he will get reimbursed for it, like he just did for the previous Appointment.  At least it covers some of the Transportation Costs for sending you to Appointment locations not close to where you Live.   I could actually take Mileage for every time I take The Man to the VA and get reimbursed, but it's such a more convoluted process to get reimbursed, that I quit bothering to.  Sometimes the Beaurocrazy and Red Tape would make me feel too overwhelmed to wade thru it for barely any return of having done so.  If it's considerable it may be worth it, but often it's just not.  I Value my Time and my Sanity more.  *LOL*  The less Paperwork I have to fill out and Hoops I would have to jump thru, the better.  Now that I'm Older I don't have the Bandwidth sometimes to tackle it all if it's not absolutely necessary to.

Tyson the Pit Bull was so damned Happy to see me.  I forgot to get Treats and I'm "Treat Great-Gramma" to my Great-Grandpup, so he Cried and whimpered his Eyes out until I rustled up something and pretended it was a Treat.  Big ole' easy to convince Fur Baby that he is, he gobbled it up like it was Special, Bless him, when all it was is some left over Gravy Train Kibbles I had from his last visit.  He'd eaten all his Winnie-The-Pooh Dog Cookies and Greenies Chews for his Breath and Teeth.  He has notoriously Bad Breath, so I've got to get some more of those Greenies when I have Transportation again to go get it.  I was working out there Poolside at one of the Tables and he laid right at my Feet, just Happy to be near me.  I'm not even a Dog Person but he melts my Heart and is such a Good Boy.  Very well behaved and disciplined.  Better than most people's Kids.  *LOL*

 It's a long trip for him to endure from New Mexico to here.  So he's obviously thrilled to reach his destination.  But The Grandsons say he Travels well.  Even during times they were Homeless, he was a Trooper.  Shelters would not let them stay for having an Animal, especially a Pit Bull.  But they'd never give him up just to have Shelter for themselves.  And most Animal Shelters won't even take his Breed, Allen Saved him actually from being put down just becoz he was a Pit Bull, even tho' he has a docile temperament, even with other Animals and with Children.  The reason he was given up by original Owners was he wouldn't Fight or be Aggressive, and some Humans only get that Breed for the fierce reputation and how fearful people are of them as a Breed. 

 They are big Strong Dogs, but they have individual personalities and temperaments, like every other living thing and does not imply or mean ALL of any Breed is aggressive by Nature.  The Breed does have the most severe and fatal attacks along with Rottweilers, which is why the reputation exists.  Overall Bites -vs- Fatalities tho', Smaller and Medium Sized Breeds have higher incidents and most likely to Bite.  But with most Dog attacks, irresponsible Human Ownership is mostly to blame, and what Environment the Dog is raised in.  But never assume any Dog "wouldn't bite".   Strength plus Poor Handling can be a bad Combo, but even the most Loving Animal can have it's Bad Day and react accordingly and perhaps aggressively or defensively.  We aren't Dogs and they aren't Humans, so we don't and can't see things from the Animal's perspective and they don't and can't see things from a Human perspective.  Always Judge the Dog in front of you, not the Label.

My Oldest Brother-In-Law called to say he'll be stopping by Tomorrow to visit, while on his way to Texas.  He has Homes in Alaska for the Summers and Texas for the Winters, and tho' he's close to 80 now he's in remarkable shape and can still drive long distances and do for himself.  His Wife Died last Year and I think he Sold his Texas House and moved into a House his Daughter and SIL Owned there in Texas coz they were building their Dream Home and told him he could just have their other smaller one.  That way he could divest himself of his Home in Texas... and the huge Home he had in Alaska he finally Sold too and lives at a Historic Cabin in Alaska now that was built by a Russian Immigrant at the turn of the Century and is on a lot of Land.  He's been a very wealthy Man and has a good Business Head.  Retired from Working the Mines and running his own Business in Alaska doing River Rafting and Tourist Cabins near Denali Park. 

 He Sold the Business and Retired from the Mines, but he's always doing something.  Unlike The Man I don't think Bob will ever 'formally' Retire and do nothing, I think it's kept him Active, not in Cognitive decline, and Young at Heart.  He prefers Alaska to Texas, but the only immediate Family he has left is his only Child, a Daughter, and her Family there in Texas.  They look in on him and would like him to stay in Texas full time, he has Two Granddaughters there that he Adores.  He and his Wife always bought a Property near where ever their Daughter Lived, her Husband was an Officer in the Military and then went to work in Washington, D.C. for a while until he Retired from both the Military and the DOD. {Dept. Of Defense}  He's Hispanic and all his Family are from Texas, so he has a lot of Family there.  He Retired at a very High Rank.

  One of their Two Daughters is almost Grown now, the other in High School.  I'm glad Bob is coming to see his Brother, they've very close.  And Bob has mellowed some with Age, a little bit of Bob used to go a long way coz he's used to being in Charge of everyone and everything and is the epitome of the Patriarchy, so he and I have had our Moments over the Years.  *LOL and Winks*  But he has a Big Heart and would do anything for Family.  He's always been there for us when we call and need him to cover anything for his Little Brother.  He is the Patriarch of their Family and has been ever since their Dad Died, over 36 Years ago.  They have a Younger Brother and a Younger Sister who are still Alive, their Older Sister Died a few Years ago.

  I got along best with that Older Sister and their Youngest Brother.  Koni and Wes always have been a Delight and got along great with me... not all of his Family have... they were not approving of him Marrying outside of their Religion and Race.  But Bob's Daughter also Married outside of her Race and I think some of the Older Generations have to realize the Younger Generations don't have the same Hang-ups or Biases as they might.  When I Married The Man and he told his Mom, her first Question when she saw us was, "What Nationality are these People?"  Loaded Question.  *Bwahahahha*   And they all knew I wasn't Mormon and never would be, I think they Believe I'm a Witch actually.  I'm sure it's disturbing to them that The Man has adopted a lot of our ways, Customs, Traditions, Rituals and Lifestyle now and is Content with that.  They are sure I've brought him over to The Dark Side.  *LMAOROTF* 

 They didn't mind so much my Dad's Heritage since the LDS have gotten along with a lot of Tribal People... but my Mom's ways and People I think Scare them.   They really thought she was a Welsh Gypsy Witch.  Of coarse, so did all my Dad's Relatives and People.  *LOL and Winks*  And most of my Native American Cousins view me that way too.  *Smiles*  Anyway, I get along better with Bob now we're both much Older, we don't Clash so much.  He used to have a bit of trouble with Matriarchal Society upbringing, coming from a very staunch Patriarchal Society.  So he's never been around Strong Independent Women much, if at all, in the insulated Society they come from.  I would make a lousy Mormon Female... that's for damned sure.   Coz I Bow Down to no Man.  *Bwhahahaha*   My Dad's People only knew how to Raise Strong Women who handled most, if not all, of the Property and Business, in Matriarchal Societies the Women have Ownership of everything and make most of the Important decisions.  It doesn't mean the Men are Weak, but it just means the Women are as Strong as any Man in their Society.   

I remember my Dad told me growing up I could do anything any Man could do, just do it better in a Patriarchal Society we were assimilated into, and be Fierce and a Warrior in all that you do.  My Mom comes from a very staunch Patriarchal Society.  So it's what was most Appealing to her about my Dad, that he came from the complete opposite and treated her way differently than any Man she'd ever known in her Country.  Plus of coarse he WAS different in every way, nobody in her Orbit in North Wales had ever even seen a Living Native American.  Most of them thought they'd all been killed off by the U.S. Government in a completed Genocide.  So my Dad was quite the Novelty all across Europe in any Country he was Stationed in while in the Military, so was his Older Brother, who was also a Veteran.  

 My Uncle was very Handsome and Suave, so he Dated Women all over the World, coz his Novelty made him very Popular with the Local Women in many Countries.  My Mom was the  first Non-Indian my Dad had ever Dated... he wasn't a Player like his Older Brother.  *LOL*  He was only 21 when he met our Mom and she was 19, they Married Two Years later.  Tho' my Dad's C.O. tried to discourage the Marriage due to it being both Interracial and Intercultural and it took Two Years for her to receive a Green Card to be able to come to the U.S. even tho' they were Married.  In those days she had to also be English proficient and they had to have the Military's Permission.   It was the same for my Male Paternal Cousins who joined the Military, abroad and often here in the States nobody had ever seen or met an Indian of any Tribe before.   So my Cousins got to Date a lot of Foreign Women while Stationed Abroad, in the U.S. it would have been very Taboo to Date an Indian and dangerous.  

There were States we couldn't be Stationed coz it posed grave risk and you'd have to put in for a "Compassionate" Assignment for your Family's Safety if you would experience violent Racism back then or risk being Lynched.  If we Lived Off Base back then we had to live in the "Colored" parts of Town, which was Fine with us, we were always treated very well by Black Americans, always, still are.   My Uncle and his Family were shot at any time they were in some States and he was in the Military, but Off Base. Coz my Aunt is Cherokee, but a Light Skinned Indian, so sometimes folks thought she was White with a good Tan, but with an Indian Man, and my Uncle was very Dark.    Even when I was Young most stayed on the Reservations in those days.  I was 16 before I saw another Indian who wasn't Related to me and living Off Rez!  She was a Navajo who'd Married a White G.I. and we met their Family while Stationed in England.  So our Families became quite close.  

Their Daughter looked Full Navajo, I remember her Mom being Surprised my Dad's Kids looked more White than Indian... coz Dad was Darker than her.   And her Husband was way Fairer than my Mom, who had Blue Black Hair, and if Mom got in the Sun, she could get very Dark and look more Ethnic.  If she stayed out of the Sun she had a Peaches and Cream Complexion, but she'd Color Up fast.  Coz my Welsh Didi Kai Gran-Gran was swarthy and quite Dark compared to most Welsh who weren't also part Roma.  *Smiles*  If we lived in Sunny States, when she was Younger, she could get damned near as Dark as our Dad.  In Massachusetts they thought Mom was a Mashpee Indian, becoz she spent a lot of time at the Beach in Cape Cod when she was a Younger Woman.  *Smiles*   Above is my Dad's Mom, I have very few Photos of her coz she thought Photography Stole the Soul and wouldn't Smile at all, she looked so Serious and Stoic in every Photo due to that, she didn't like it.

 Anyway one time a White American Friend of my Mom when we were Stationed in Cape Code at Otis AFB, and Mom had her Dark Tan, saw Singer Shirley Bassey on TV and asked Mom if she was like Shirley?   Coz Mom was the only Welsh person this Friend had ever met and didn't even know where on the Globe Wales even was... which, isn't unusual.  Most people would ask her if she was Australian!  *Smiles, you know what's coming next.*   And I think my Mom understood the nuances but didn't take the Bait, she Hated Racism, Shallowness and Narrow Mindedness.   Mom simply said, Yes, she's Welsh too, but she's from South Wales, I'm from North Wales, but, Yes, we're both Welsh.  So, this Friend then thought my Mom was part Black like Shirley and that perhaps all Welsh People were part Black... it was hilarious!  Shirley's Mom was Welsh, but her Dad was Nigerian, ethnically.  But, to Mom, they were both Proud Welsh Women, period. 

  And like a lot of Welsh, Shirley had a Voice!!!  Most of Mom's Relatives can Sing and have a powerful Singing Voice and can play almost any Instrument and Dance well.  Mom was a Dancer, Ballet first, Tap, and then Ballroom Dance.  She and Dad could Dance Beautifully.  When Singer Tom Jones became Popular, then more Americans seemed to know about Wales and Welsh People.  Mom was thrilled that both Shirley and Tom made it Big so that her Country was represented.  And Tom Jones looked a LOT like most of the Guys Mom had grown up with, he's very Welsh looking in fact.  So is Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones.  In fact, a lot of Welsh have the Surname of Jones.  *LOL*  And the majority of Welsh people from where my Mom is from are very Dark Haired and either very Dark Eyes or Grey Eyes, but with very Dark Hair, often Blue Black and Curly Hair.  She'd get so angry when any Miss Universe Pageant always seemed to pick a Fair Contestant from Wales, coz that's very uncommon and doesn't accurately Represent the Culture.  

Same with Irish, how many of you think of a Redhead looking like a Leprechaun?  *Smiles*  When in fact, it's much more Common for an Irish Man to look like Handsome Dark Colin Farrell... and Welsh Men to look like Handsome Dark Actor Tom Ellis.   Both of whom I have huge Crushes on.   Along with English Actor Theo James who has Scottish and Greek Ancestry on his Father's Side.   All Three, Gorgeous!  *Winks*  And of coarse Scottish Actor Sean Connery, Timelessly Handsome and very Scottish looking.  Most Gaelics are not Fair people, which is why they were persecuted by the English actually and treated badly.  I'd like to take The Man to North Wales to see my Mom's Homeland, even tho' his long Military Career took him to many parts of the Globe, they haven't had American Bases in Wales since the 1950's.   So the last time most Welsh ever saw American G.I.'s was way back then. 

 There were only 13 Women from my Mom's Home Town that Married Americans Stationed at the Air Force Base there back then.  My Gran-Gran used to joke that the Americans were Over-Sexed, Over-Paid, and Over Here.  *LOL*   My Gran-Gran was suspicious of most Americans becoz some were very loud and obnoxious with the Locals, but my Dad and his Black Friend Ernie were not, they were very Quiet and Respected the People, the Culture, and Dad even learned to speak some Welsh, a very hard Language to Learn coz it's not a Written one either, as most Tribal Languages aren't.  And so my Uncle brought them Home, became Best Friends with both, and they both became very close to my Mom's Family.  Dad and my Uncle remained Best Friends for Life.  Ernie also ended up Marrying a Welsh Woman.  And here's a bit of obscure History, during WWII some Young German Prisoners of War there in North Wales, were treated so well they never went back to Germany when the War was over and also Married Local Women and stayed in North Wales.

*******

Enjoy all of Atumn and it's Vibes my Friends and don't be rushed into Christmas ... Dawn... The Bohemian