I Know I Said... But... That's Not Entirely True

 Okay, so, I know I've said I Hate all AI, but, that's not entirely True.  Becoz The Son has turned me on to AI generated Music that is very, very good, yet, the Lyrics are pure Satirical Comedy.  So you're enjoying it while laughing about it, and the hilarious fake AI Artist's Name.  I just listened to "Hershey Cocaine Watsyn", that Name alone had me laughing 'til my Sides hurt.   He's a Viral AI generated Musician Created by Writer and Producer Real Kozby and the Voice on the Songs is one that is hard for a Real Human Vocalist to compete with.   The Lyrics are gritty, unconventional and superbly Comedic!   I just listened to "I'll Slap Everybody In This MF", I Loved it!  He's got almost 15,000 Monthly Listeners and I can see why, I'd listen to, Subscribe to or Buy this Music... it sounds Great and makes me Laugh my Ass off.  The Son has this AI Artist on his Playlist and Shares any with me that have a Genre I'd like, like Soul or R&B AI Spoofs.  I know it's not Real, but, I gotta say, it's Brilliant. 

The problem is, and we both admit it freely, it all sounds way better than any Real Artists we'd bother listening to now.  The Son said he's finding he's listening less to his favorite Bands and more to his AI Playlist now.  I can plainly see why, it's better and absolutely Superb Vocals, Cleverer Lyrics, fantastic Instrumentals, and you don't take it as Seriously when the Lyrics are intentionally Satirical, yet, you can RELATE to what they're saying anyway.   The fake Artist and Song I referred to in that 1st Paragraph was about being Fed Up with Work and Life in general... who hasn't related to that sometimes in Real Life?  And another Artist I thought was Real and was AI generated that was great was Michael Bennett, supposedly on American's Got Talent, but didn't exist at all, so, you can't find that Music.  I honestly thought he was a Real Contestant!  *LOL, but enjoyed watching the Faked Soulful Country Gospel Videos all the same and I don't even Like Country Music!*

    I'm not kidding... and so the tip of that Iceberg makes you contemplate what you're not seeing below the Water's Surface in what AI is gonna do to various Industries and the livelihoods of Real People who simply can't compete and could be replaced as Society embraces and turns to it more?   Scary Stuff, but the Genie is out of the Bottle now, can't be stuffed back in.   And, I do feel vulnerable already when I am hard pressed to notice the "Tells" of when something is AI Generated and not Real, it's not that easy sometimes.  The Faked Singer Bennett, for example, my Clues took a few Songs in to notice the subtle glitches in AI, he had a Tear that didn't move on his Face and run down like one would.  He Nose changed slightly from Video to Video, and his Lips sometimes looked like he was Lip Syncing which they wouldn't have done on AGT's Contest.  Also, it seemed Audience and Judge Footage began to look tampered with and re-used too, if you watched a few different Videos.  That's when my Scam Alert went off, but, I had initially been Fooled.

I'm Dialed In right now to a Cable Series on NetFlix called WAYWARD.  It has a Non-Binary Actor in it, Mae Martin, that while watching, since I didn't know who they were, I thought, I don't know if that's actually a Male and not a Female who has Transitioned, or even if this Character is supposed to be Male or Female... or Both?   I say this respectfully since that's the Term that The Young Prince uses for Identity since Trans is a broader Umbrella that my Grandson doesn't feel is as accurate.  I get confused and now he know longer expects me to remember or use the right Pronouns.  It used to bother him that I didn't and then we just had a Heart to Heart about it and to me he'll always be my GrandSON, but I am fully aware, and always have been, that since the Age of Two there was Female Identifying Factors going on and people always mistook him for a Girl... then mistook him for a Woman... and no matter how he's Presenting, whether as Male or Female, folks aren't sure what he is for Real.  He's never been offended to be called a She or a He and figures he's Both Man and Woman.

In my Dad's Indigenous Culture that has always been known and a Non-Issue with most Tribal Culture, that people exist in many Forms as the Creator has endowed them into Being.  They don't Question the Creator's Wisdom in what has been Created, be it any Sentient Being, and why Animals are as Revered and Respected as a Human would be... and all of the Living Things like Plants, Trees, even the Earth itself.  Anyway, I have always felt that to my Core and so The Young Prince knows I've always been 100% Accepting of how he was Created by the Creator and I don't Question it nor form Judgment in Arrogance to Question what God brought into Being and how.  In fact, when I was Younger I often connected more with how Boys and Young Men were than how any Females were, it was hard for me to even understand and confusing by how most other Females were.  I gravitated to Male Dominated Fields of Work back when few Women were in those Roles/Careers and competed quite well against any Male counterparts, despite the Misogyny and Sexual Discrimination in the Patriarchy.

I remember my Dad encouraging me, when School Guidance and Career Counselors tried to sway me and say that what I wanted to become was not Gender Appropriate, and discourage pursuit of it.  Dad said that among Non-Indians that might be considered appropriate Advice, but for me it wasn't the Right Advice.  So, to pursue what I felt in Purpose to do and was in line with my Destiny to Be.  Just then do it better than any Man, Hold my Own Ground, show no Fear, but don't expect Respect, since it may never be given, make sure they Fear you instead.   And to ensure rising in Position and in Corporate America, that was his Sage Advice to me and more valuable to my Success.   So, I did.  And things went very well for me in my Corporate Lives, both of them.  My Personal Life could be a Hot Mess tho', since I wasn't very Traditional or a Conformist to Gender Roles.  Which can make a Relationship or a Marriage to a Man quite challenging.  *Winks*  The Man jokes that I have a Bigger Pair than most Guys he ever had to Square Off with.  And so he rarely Squares Off with me.  *Bwahahahaha*

He knows how I Fight when provoked into any Confrontation I can't avoid.  I use my Dad's Analogy of how to Fight most effectively too.  Nobody ever challenged my Dad even tho' he was Calm, Stoic, Cool and Collected, never Raised him Voice or Reacted to someone else's Anger or when they were being Confrontational with him.  I recall asking him why he never ever seemed to get into a Fight, but that People still Feared him, what was that 'Secret'?  His answer stuck with me for the rest of my Life.  He said Fight like the Apache... you'd Fight an Apache all day long and never See one.  Oh, it's highly fucking effective and why even the U.S. Government couldn't defeat a small Band of them, when they decided on their own Terms to Fight no more, is only why or when it Ended.   And if you decide you wanna Fight me all day long or go to War with me, I'll make sure you never See me coming and it will be relentless Unseen Battle I'll be Waging against you all day long too.  You have to assess, are you really up to that?   Coz I guarantee I'll Outlast you. 

But, I digress, I just have had Active Waging Battles with the whole Medical Fiasco for The Man.  So I got Primed for Battle and went on the Offensive immediately.   Got it sorted out in our Favor, only took about One Hour of me going totally on the Warpath with Doctor Offices at both VA and Civilian Sectors that are Treating him, and with the VA Pharmacy.  Now all is Right with the World and shit got straightened out real damn quick.  Coz his Life depended on it being done Right, not Half Assed, not with them disagreeing and changing things foolishly and without communicating to each other about the changes.  I don't think anyone really wanted me taking it to the next level, but I was willing to go there if they wanted to Square Off about any of it.  Protecting who and what is mine is as serious as a Heart Attack.  So don't pose any Threat to my Loved Ones or anything I Care Deeply about, or it will be ON and will only End when I decide to Fight no more.  And I can
Go Long, probably longer than they wanna go, that's for damned sure.

The Son and The Man were like, Whoa, oh Fuck, No they didn't... now they have Set Mom Off, Dad!   Lighting the Fuse to a Stick of Dynamite that you're still Foolishly holding and realize is now stuck to your Hand too, so, how do they {his Medical Team and Providers} now diffuse this Situation they got themselves into before it Blows Up and causes a shit ton of collateral damage?!   Coz I'll go Down with the Ship, I don't give a Fuck, but are the Adversary now willing to Die on that Hill too that I'm Defending to the Death?  That's the lingering Question?  Usually not.  It's not a Hill they want or are willing to Die on.   And so The Man and The Son got Quiet and just had to stand back, stand by, and Watch as I did what I do when you've Lit me and I'm totally Going Off. 

 So, now The Man has every Med he should have had in the first fucking place so that he won't have another damned Heart Attack due to Negligence, Miscommunication, or Ignorance about what will keep him Vertical the longest and safest.  *Eye Roll*  If a Mistake has been made, just Own It, then fucking Fix It, and we can Make Peace and keep it Moving in a more Positive Direction.  I am a Fixer of Problems... so just don't Be a fucking Problem.  Okay, Venting over, I've Calmed Down now.  *Winks*  I was HOT for a Minute tho', it really Frosts me.  Anyway, in Real Time it's a Thursday so I had my Event to go to and it was really good and I visited with Friends.  I bought a Vintage Mannequin Hand from my Friends Geisel and Roman.  And I got a Cigarette Tin for The Son that has a Back Story to it.

Okay, Years ago when he was still with the Ex-DIL, who was originally from Cambodia, they were trying for a Baby.  It didn't happen and so as a Gallow's Humor Gag Gift I got him a Cigarette Case that said "Condoms" on it and had a bunch of Adorable little Asian Babies on the Graphics on it.  He and Solina thought it was hilarious and he Loved that Cigarette Case coz everyone who saw it thought it was so Clever.  Well, he lost it, must have set it down somewhere and we never could find another one, not even Online.  Fast Forward to Today and I'm at the Event and guess what they had... that Identical Cigarette Case, only the 2nd time I've ever seen one!!!  So I bought it and thought I'd Surprise him with it, my Friends at the Event were Laughing about it and the Story.

Well, I call him on my way Home and said, you'll never Guess what I found for you, you're not gonna Believe it!   And he says, without missing a beat, "That Cigarette Case with the Asian Babies that says CONDOMS!?!"   OMG, I swear we're all freakin' Psychic in this Family, it was YEARS ago he lost that Case and we've never talked of it, but he said he was recently THINKING about said Case, now that he rolls his own Cigarettes, and regrets he lost it and could never find another one just like it, coz he misses having it!   I told him he must have Called that into Being and for me to Find it then by the Laws Of Attraction?!  I fully Believe in that you know.  So, anyway he was totally Jazzed to get it again and promised he won't lose it this time.  My Friend Geisel took a Pix of me holding it and my Mannequin Hand at the Event and said she'll Share it with me on FB.   I'll Share it here when she sends it to me.

I did do some Pathological Picture Taking while there for Blog Fodder and to Promote the Show.  And I had Breakfast at "Joe's Diner" and then some Indian Fry Bread from the "Indian Fry Bread House", after the Event.   Then Princess T bought me an "In-N-Out" Burger for Dinner after I picked her up from Work.  The Son is now doing the Yardwork for me and cutting all the Grass and trimming all the Bushes.  The last few Storms we've had were so fierce they broke a lot of Arms off my Peruvian Cactus which is in a huge Ceramic Pot on the Front Porch and really messed up the shape of the Lantana Bush.  It also blew Pine Needles from our Pines all over the Yard.  We had Three of those really Bad Haboob Dust Storms in a row so he waited until they weren't forecasting any more before he put in all the Work to do the Acreage.  He's upset with his Sister right now for not being here for the Family to be a Present Help now she's back with Mando.  It is what it is.

The Young Prince seems back with Allen and she's back with Mando, whaddya gonna do, they're all Grown and have to make such choices for themselves on who to be with in a Relationship.  Both Relationships were fraught with DV, so it does concern me, since both The Young Prince and his Mom are vulnerable Adults with Schizophrenia, so any volatile Relationships they're in can Trigger a real Situation to transpire.  They could be the Victim or the Aggressor, depending on how it goes and which way it goes... so Allen and Mando need to really be Careful and not underestimate how foolish it could be should either of them come unglued Mentally if they feel Paranoid, coz they are both Paranoid Schizophrenics and agitating them by being confrontational or a bully towards them is extremely unwise.  They both tend to be docile and won't start something, until they're NOT and flip the fuck out, and finish something initiated by some Fool, and with a Flourish.

Allen is much bigger and stronger than The Young Prince, and has had Special Forces Military Training, but a couple times he has fucked up and become threatening and then The Young Prince has sent Allen to the ER and totally handed him his Ass.   The Daughter is Small, but, she's scrappy and strong, so she can and has taken down any Grown Man when she goes Mental too.   When she only weighed 93 lbs. she could move a Refrigerator full, all by herself, to clean behind one.  It's not PC but The Son often says that his Sister has that 'Retard Strength' and when she's Mad or gone Postal, it is a Superhuman kind of Strength she has, to be sure.   I only get that Strong when I'm in a Rage or in a Crisis Mode.  Once, when our Kiddos were Small, our Neighbor Marie fell off some Wooden Steps and was hanging by One Foot.  I saw it happen, in front of her 3 Kids and our 2 Kids, they were Screaming for Help.  {Below is the only Pix I have of my Friend Marie.}

Marie was about a Quarter of an Inch from her Head hitting the Ground and she was Morbidly Obese... think the size of the Actress in that Movie with Johnny Depp and Leonardo DeCaprio "What's Eating Gilbert Grape", where the Mother in that Movie weighed probably close to or over 350 lbs., and Marie was as Big as that!  She was a Dear Friend of mine and I just knew it was a Life or Death Situation with no Time to wait for the 911 Emergency Crews to Rescue her in Time.  So I ran over there, all 125 Lbs. of me at the time, which was the heaviest I'd ever been at that point in time unless I was Preggy, even then, my Top Weight was 128 when I delivered The Son, who Weighed 10.5 lbs. at Birth!  {See Below}  And Marie said she was thinking, WTF is Dawn gonna be able to do?!  *LOL*  I was Slender my whole Life, even during Pregnancies, and didn't get overweight until a Hysterectomy after Age 50.  So, Marie's relying upon her Tiny Sprite of a Neighbor to Save her, coz I was the only Adult around, I worked Nights at the time, and our Husbands were at Work, and she's thinking, I'm gonna Die in front of all these Kids!

 So, I picked Marie up and held her there for damned near 10 Minutes until Emergency Services arrived and could extract her Foot out of the Broken Wooden Step she'd fallen thru! It was like one of those Videos you see of a Mother picking a Car up off of her Kid I guess, when ya just gotta do it and not think about how Impossible it is.  *LOL*  It took Four Corn Fed Buff Stud Muffin Young Firemen to Lift her like I'd been Lifting her all by myself when they finally arrived!!!  And get her onto a Stretcher, and they struggled to do it!  So, they couldn't Believe I'd held her up for so long and had such adrenalin she didn't feel all that Heavy to me as I recall!   Below is me the Year that happened and the Size I was at the time, I wore a Size Petite Small and the Ages the Kiddos were, Age 3 & 7, Marie's Kids were Age 2, 5 & 7 as well.

I don't know how long I could have held her but I would have, for however long it took.  She wasn't Dying on my Watch and in front of all our Children and the gaggle of other Kiddos in the Neighborhood who ran up to see all of this, coz Word spread fast!  The next day I did feel sore, but the Emergency Crew checked me out at the Scene coz they felt sure I should have hurt something.  *LOL*  I didn't, I was just Fine.  And that became Legendary in the Neighborhood as a Story nobody forgot, coz several other Children {all now Grown Adults}, remember when I Saved Marie's Life in front of them and held her up when she Weighed far more than Three Times my Weight.  And how many Adult Beefcake Young Male Firemen it then took to lift her and they struggled, I didn't struggle, it was Weird but she actually felt Light.   So I think Adrenalin coursing thru your Muscles can do Miraculous things and folks like us who are Mentally Ill do tend to be much Stronger than we Look.  *Winks and Laughs* 

  And, Avondale PD who responded that infamous time I went Mentally Off Rails and had to go to Psyche Lockdown Involuntarily, said it took Seven of them, all Young Males, to restrain me and take me down!  I don't remember, but they sure did and all Seven came to check on me when I got out, Bless them.  All Nice Young Men and very Fit, along with a Female Officer who had trouble Believing the Story, and tell me how many it had taken of them to take me down, and I was Old even back then and a Gramma.  *LOL*  I guess she was expecting me to look Bigger and be Younger?  *Bwahahahaha*  She was like, YOU Fought Off these Seven Guys?   Yep, Guess I must have and did, coz they're saying so, I don't recall, coz, I wasn't Mentally Tracking Right that Day and had no more Fucks to give.  But I'm doing and Feeling Better now.  *Bwahahahaha and Winks*

So, anyway, back to the Here And Now... my "Me Day" went very well and I stayed Downtown longer than usual coz I also hit a couple of the GOODWILL Stores coz they've put out their Halloween Merch and I just LOVE that time of Year when they prematurely do that.  They really do have the best Halloween selection of even the Big Box Retail Stores.  They get a lot of New Old Stock Donated to them by a lot of the Big Box Retail Stores of previous Year Lines.   And a lot of the Big Box Stores have a New Line every Year and so you wouldn't be able to find any of the Old Lines of never previously Purchased items that remained Unsold.  So, I've already done a fair amount of Halloween Retail Therapy coz its mostly also Priced so low they make you Buy it.  *Smiles*  New Old Stock of Faux Pumpkins of a good Quality Line for $1.49 each, come on, some of mine I've had for Decades now have seen better days and needed replacing. 

   I even got a Ceramic large Pumpkin with Lid {See Above}, for Halloween Candies, that they only had Priced at $3.49 and it looks Real and is the Size of a Real Medium Sized Pumpkin or a Cookie Jar!   Below is a Martha Stewart Living Autumn Halloween Wreath from a New Old Stock previous Line she had.  They were super expensive Retail, around $70+ as I recall, I got it for under $5.   You can see it still had the Original Tag on it.   And you can see how large it is since the Mannequin Display Form Torso I hung it on for Scale is Lifesize.  At the GOODWILL none of their Seasonal items qualifies for any of their Discounts, but, they do have decent prices on most of it.   And every July they roll out their Halloween and I get a jump on Buying new to me Decor for my Favorite Holiday while the pickins are good and most folks aren't in the Mood yet to Seasonal Shop.  *Winks*  You can never roll out Holiday Merch, especially Halloween, too early for Yours Truly.  I put it up Early at Home and keep it up Late.  *Smiles*  Some of it I've not put away from last Year.  *Ha ha ha*

And in The RV Garage Mahal I have some Seasonal Collections up Year Round now so that I can enjoy them Displayed all of the time in a Space that isn't being Lived In.  So, I can indulge all my Fantasy Decorating in there and leave it up all the time.  That's why eventually, I desperately want it Done, so I can just then sit back and enjoy it 24-7 and 365, feeling completely Moved In.  This Property has taken ever so much longer to get Moved In and Done than any other we've ever Owned.  I attribute that to our advancing Age and also we've had so much going on that I couldn't devote myself to just Decorating or the Great Edit and Purge Project when we Downsized from the last Property we Owned, which was a ridiculous Sized Home... more than twice the Size of this Main House.   So, it was a True Downsize for us and thus, after we also then became a Three Generation Household again and everyone moved back with all their Worldly Possessions... it's a Tight Fit of Communal Living and everyone's Stuff.

  

But, at this juncture I'm just taking it One Day at a time and not Fixating on what remains Undone still.   And I Feel a lot more Relaxed with not Fixating on what still has to get Done and not getting myself upset or wound up about how long it's taking and how much is left to still do.  The Daughter did a lot for me, but she's stalled out now and Focused on many other things.  Plus, it was just too Hot to Work in there now so I wouldn't allow it until Cooler Weather comes so it's Safe to.  The Young Prince likes to be nosey and get into everything, so I told him he could, but ONLY if he Helped with some of it, so that was his Incentive.  *Winks*   Princess T lost Interest in all of it about a Year in after this Move.  I can't Blame her, we'd had to Move Three different times by then, Historic Home where she was Born, Villa McManse while she was in Grade School, and then here when she was in Jr. High School, and she was as fed up with starting over, packing, unpacking, getting Moved Out, getting Moved In, as I was.  It's just a LOT of Transition.

And it seemed just as we'd finally get a Property Done and the way we really wanted it and Loved it, is when we'd have to Move again.  Ugh.  It's a Blank Canvas and exciting, but it's Expensive to move a whole Household, a lot of Work to do a Self-Move, too Expensive to do a Hired Move, and getting Settled in takes Years... more Years with each subsequent Move actually.   When we were Active Military, both Growing Up and during our Early Years of being Married, we were Nomads and moved all the time, too often, so, we Traveled Light and I had to be a Minimalist for all of those Years.  It was just necessary when you're moving constantly, about every Year or so continuously for Years on end.  It's why a lot of Military Families who are Enlisted Rank are also financially strapped... you don't get to choose where they Station you or Deploy you and what the Cost of Living there will be.   It's why some Low Ranking Families are on Assistance Programs.

And when on unaccompanied Tours or deployed during Conflicts/Wars, where they can't bring the Family, now you're supporting Two Households, usually on the Military Income.  I was one of the few Spouses that still had my Career while The Man had his Military Career.  Most Military Spouses have to give up their Careers to be in Support of their Active Duty Spouse's Career.  So, most Military Families are on a Single Income of an Enlisted Man's Salary, tho' Officers Salaries are much more.   We weren't ever your Garden Variety Military Family, The Man and I.  I wasn't a Stay At Home Mom, coz I had a very Successful Career and made more Money than him, until AFTER he got Medically Mandatorily Retired and required my Full Time Unpaid Caregiving, only then did I give up my Career.   I juggled a couple of demanding Careers and Raising both Generations of Kiddos, plus I did Volunteer Work with Street Ministries and Food Banks, and did Consultation Work, and Sold Product at an Antique Mall... I was an Overachiever I guess you'd say.  *LOL*

Now I'm just Tired and getting too Advanced in Years and have too much on my Dance Card to keep Juggling so much.  I've had to slow down and recognize my Limitations and finite amount of Stamina and Energy left.  It's a Bitter Pill to Swallow, coz I don't Feel "Old", in my Spirit I don't even think of myself as being Geriatric, and I've been a Senior Citizen a long time now..  Yet, I know that to Society I am considered a Vulnerable Adult now due to the Years attained.   And sometimes I have to remember that The Man is 74 and I just don't think of him as being "Old" either and sometimes my expectations of him match that of what you'd more Realistically expect of a Young Man, one in Good Health, and that's not even Fair to The Man.   The Kids have to constantly remind me, Mom, Dad/Grandpa is Old.  And even more often they have to remind me that I am too.  *Bwahahahaha*

Okay, so Today at In-N-Out Burger Princess T had bought me a Hamburger and I was holding it in my Left Hand while turning to Talk to her on my Right.  I Shake a lot, I always have, I've had Neurological Issues since I was a Toddler and always Shook, it's just worse as I've gotten Older and more Noticeable.  Neurologists could never tell my Parents or Husband what it is causing it, they simply don't know.  I just do it and sometimes I don't, but when I do, it's Crazy.  Well, Princess T started Laughing during our Conversation coz she said my Left Hand began Shaking so much that my Hamburger looked like it was still Alive and the Onions and Lettuce were flying off of it!!!  *LMAOROTF*  I looked over at it, and that usually then makes the Shaking Stop sometimes, or at least slow down while I concentrate on making it Stop... which, I've Learned to do coz it Freaks People Out if I Shake too much, they think I'm having a fucking Seizure.  *LOL* 

 I think it's hilarious and The G-Kid Force have Learned to Laugh along with me.  But The Son and The Man don't think it's Funny and get so concerned and upset, it hurts their Heart they said, that I Shake so much and often don't even know I'm doing it.  If I'm getting really Emotionally Wired on the Inside, or have to intensely Focus, or get Overstimulated, is when I Shake most I guess.   Like when I'm Driving, my Hands will often Quiver on the Wheel or I'll Tap the Wheel incessantly, especially in heavy City Traffic.  I'm Fine and I still drive very defensively and safely, but the Kids said I'll tap the Wheel a lot, Twitch some, like I'm Glitching, and I think it's Stimming and why I've always felt I'm probably on the Autism Spectrum and just Undiagnosed? 

 I have quite a few Autistic tendencies actually and many Females remain Undiagnosed for a Lifetime becoz they Mask the Condition pretty effectively compared to Males who have it.   Coupled with Adult ADHD your Mind is spinning like a Top at Warp Speed all of the time and slowing Thoughts down is Hard... and being Still is even Harder.  I Shake a Lot when I'm trying to Sit for a while or be Still... it's like I can't.  Like a Wind Up Toy that can't and won't Wind Down completely. *Smiles*  It has Served me Well tho' if Channeled effectively and used as a Strength and Ability rather than a Defect or Disability.  *LOL and Winks*  I can Work Circles around folks who are Younger than my Grandkids Ages and I don't Tire out easily and have a lot of Strength for someone my Age. 

 I can still Arm Wrestle someone my Son or Grandson's Age and hold my own for a respectable amount of time before they beat me, I have Biceps that rival theirs.  And if I had to, I might still be able to knock someone out Cold like I have in the Past, coz I'm too Old to Fight long, so I'd want it over quickly and efficiently.  Plus, I can't Run away anymore, my Running Days are behind me too... so I'd have to Hold my Ground out of necessity, Old folks can't Flee a Fight on Foot too well.  *Bwahahahaha*   But the Strength is waning now and building Muscle Mass or Maintaining it is getting more challenging.  I can still lift over 100 lbs., but I know I shouldn't anymore, so that I don't Fracture Aging Bones that Hormonal Changes have made more Fragile now.  I've done that before with very heavy lifting after Age 60 and the Surgery necessary to repair that kind of damage is no Fun.

*******

Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

 

Life Happens... Shit Happens... Play Whatever Hand You're Dealt

 I'd gotten up in time to take The Son to Work by 5:00 a.m. but he'd apparently already decided to Walk there this Morning and was gone when I got out of the Bathroom.  Mebbe he didn't hear that I was up?  He doesn't mind Walking and it's nice outside that early and not a far walk, less than 1/4 of a Block from Home.  If I look from our Access Road towards the West, I can see the Intersection and his Dollar Tree is on the Southwest Corner of that Intersection.

  That's probably the most convenient employment he's ever had and he really likes that aspect of it, no transportation costs necessary and he doesn't need to own a Vehicle.  He would like to be Full Time, get more than Minimum Wage and have Benefits tho', Underemployment is just as hard as Unemployment really, it's not enuf to even Exist on and be fully Independent.  So he knows he'll have to find something else, either another job or a 2nd job. 

The Niece called me and had Won a Big Poker Tournament so she isn't struggling now for a few Months.  She's Unemployed again and just doing Gig Work and playing Poker to exist.  She's living with her Dad now in Texas and he has some subsidized Apartment for Old Veterans who were Homeless.  He didn't retire from the Military, he served 18 Years and didn't fulfill his 20, got out when the RIF's were going on and accepted a ridiculously low Severance Package.  It definitely wasn't a Serious Golden Parachute they offered anyone, yet, many voluntarily took the Bait voluntarily, perhaps afraid they'd be involuntarily Severed anyway with Nothing then offered? 

His Wife was a BFF of mine and she took the RIF too, at the same time her Husband did, but she only had 11 Years in so it at least made more sense.  But, she had consulted me since she knew The Man had been offered one too, all long time Active Duty had during that period of Reduction In Force of the Military.  The Man consulted me about his and I told him to decline.  Becoz I told him that, many of his Friends declined too, knowing I was affectionately Nicknamed "Money Woman".  *LOL and Winks*

But, Barb and her Husband took theirs, against the advice I gave them. And within a Year were filing Bankruptcy and things never got better for them financially or in their Marriage, which then ended in Divorce.  All of the Severance Packages the Military offered were ridiculously low and you'd be Taxed as "Unearned Income" on it like you would a Cash Bonus by an Employer.  So, consider you then would really be getting about Half of what was already unacceptably too low to forfeit a full Retirement if you fulfilled your Career Contract and Served 20 Years. 

 The Man had well over his 20, since by the time he was involuntarily Medically Retired later on, he had Served 39 Years.   So he still would have gotten full Retirement and Benefits, plus Disability Status, but, would have been looking for another Career way past his Prime.  So, Financially, it wasn't worth it and he took my advice not to accept the RIF offer.

Some of his Best Friends, when they asked him, what does Dawn Think?  Well, they decided to decline the offer too and stay in, they never regretted that decision.  Everyone who took the RIF did regret their decision to, coz the amount, after Taxation, wasn't even a full Year's Salary, so WTF were they thinking, it's Simple Math and not Rocket Science!!!??!    Combined, my Friend and her Husband were offered $80,000 which sounded like a lot of Money to them, but he only had Two fucking Years before Full Retirement Earned him a LIFETIME Pension, which, he forfeited!!!  

 And after Taxation, they probably cleared right around $40,000, which was only $20,000 each, Hell you can easily Earn that much in a Year at some very Basic Jobs that require few Skills!!!  So, needless to say, they had no Pensions now, were way too Young to draw their Social Security and had made no major Investments as a Passive Income Flow.  In a Word they were SCREWED.   And everything went Downhill from there and they weren't the type to Rebound.  You can Bottom Out and still rebound, I have.   If you were Successful once you can be Successful again even after any epic Failure.  But it's up to you to regroup, recalculate and reconfigure after Life Altering Events.

Anyway, Divorce ensued and then each became perpetually Homeless. She Died prematurely and he's in bad shape and on some kind of Assistance Program for Old Veterans or he'd still be Homeless.  And The Niece and one of her Younger Sisters are now Middle Aged and things aren't going swell for them either.  Both are highly Skilled, but in their 40's and Lost their high Salary Careers some time ago and so nothing has played out in their Favor since, Welcome to 2026 and our current Economic Situation for many folks.  Above is a Blast From The Past of me and a few Industry Friends over 25 Years ago.  And Below, me and Mom, I always bought her either Orchids or Violets, she Loved growing those.  Her Wedding Bouquet were Orchids.

   So, anyway, now the Niece has become her Dad's Caregiver and moved in with him coz she was Unhoused again.  But, something about the Veteran's "Program" seems suspect to me coz they Charge him $500 a Month for it out of his Social Security. I think they are "Claims Sharks" personally and told The Niece so.  Accredited and Legitimate Veteran's Advocacy Organizations {VSO's} provide this kind of Help without Charge and applying for VA Benefits and filing Claims it always Free.  But he was a Veteran, Homeless, Desperate, Old, and a Vulnerable Adult... so you know the Scammers Target such Demographics.  I don't Like her Dad, I was good Friends with his Wife when she was Alive, and I Love their Kids like Family, but I don't like to see him or anyone else exploited either.

Anyway, this Service is charging him but got him Housed, it's substandard Housing and I still think they're a Scam Organization exploiting Veterans and their Families.  But, it's not my decision to make and it ensured The Niece wasn't Homeless too when she quit her last Job, which she said didn't work out.  I had advised her not to Quit tho', who does that when it took over a Year to even find another Job after a Big Layoff in her Industry?   But a lot of Younger Generations are like what I call the "Yeah, No, Generation" when it comes to Employment and just up and spontaneously Quit Jobs and Careers when they don't Like something or don't wanna do it.  That's their predominant Response.  They don't Tough Shit Out like previous Generations did.  *LOL*

 Her expertise is one quickly becoming replaced by AI so I do think she has to Cross Train to something else that Humans will still be doing, but I don't give Unsolicited Advice and even when someone Solicits Advice from me, it doesn't mean they'll take it or that they even should.  Each person has to have a Peace about their Major Life Decisions regardless of anyone else's Advice given.  And the consequences and outcome of Personal Choice in Life is EVERYTHING.   And to be Fair, many of my Generation are Dropping Out and Quitting a lot of stuff too, no more Fucks to give apparently.   And if an Employer can't even be All In, then they're Out too, which, I can't say I blame most Employees for that Sentiment these days.

But, I tend to be very Strategic with my decisions and use any Leverage I have to my best Advantage.  Also Calculating every Angle, assessing Risks and Options Carefully, Reading People, avoiding Dangers, not much is left to Chance or Luck.  So, even tho' I can be Spontaneous, it's mostly the Appearance that I am, I've done a lot of Mental Gymnastics about it first, Trust and Believe.  It's Experience coupled with Street Smarts that works best for me coz I didn't get much Formal Academic Learning under my Belt.  Which is Okay, I've met a lot of highly Educated Fools in my day.  But Street Smart Folks I know usually land on their Feet and have the Nine Lives of an Alley Cat and the Survival Rate of a Cockroach, no matter what happens.  *Smiles and Winks*  

The Niece has a Genius IQ but doesn't always make Wise or Street Smart Decisions, some very Intelligent people be like that.  *LOL and Le Sigh*  Just coz you're highly Intelligent doesn't always ensure you're the best Decision Maker or Manage your Life well.   So, anyway she calls her Aunt Dawn to vent about frustrations or tell me what's going well for her and I mostly just have her Feel Heard and don't try to Fix Life for her.  Sometimes that's all someone wants or really needs from you.

  All my Kiddos will run everything by me and they always have, they Respect my Input.   Then I tell them to decide for themselves how their Journey will then play out, given whatever Information or Advice I've provided.  When I Debt Counseled Clients in Financial distress I did the same thing for them.  I weighed in with my Opinion about it when they've Solicited Advice and faced with Big Decisions that can be Life Altering, sometimes they take it and sometimes they don't.  Shrugs.  Life happens, Shit happens.

I remember when I had to make the agonizing decision to forfeit 60% of my Pension from the DA's Office to become The Man's Full Time UNPAID Caregiver, and UNPAID Caregiver of my Two Special Needs Grandkids, just Four Years from being fully Vested to receive 100% of it!  Christ on a Bike, I knew it was a considerable Financial Hit for us that would require restructuring my whole Retirement Plan completely and on The Fly.  You sometimes have to think fast on your Feet when Life hands you a shitty Hand dealt.   How you Play that Hand will determine your Outcome, mos' def.  I prefer to Play the Game of Life to my Advantage whenever possible, even when the Hand Dealt isn't Ideal, if you Play it Right, you might still get some decent Wins regardless of what Cards you do or don't have.  I've done Okay with mine.

 Yet, back to difficult decision making... it comes up if you Live long enough... if it hasn't yet, just keep on Living.  So, he and they required Full Time Caregiving and nobody else was going to provide it... nobody.   I exhausted all resources and even remote Options.  No Long Term Care Facility would even take him, let alone be Affordable anyway if they even had.  No Day Care would take my Grandkids due to their extent of Disabling factors, and he couldn't watch them anymore either due to his Condition.  So, I couldn't really Work and make that a Priority anymore, it was Time to Fold 'em I figured.  I ran all the Numbers in my Head and the Logical Solution was to take the 60% Hit, which, over Time, would be less Financially crippling than any other possible or impossible Option available... or not even available really.  Shitty Hands sometimes get Dealt.  *Le Sigh*

   Do I regret the Decision I made?  NO. It was the Right one to make at the time and when your Hand is Forced and you look at the Hand Dealt you that you gotta Play.  As Kenny Rogers would have said, you gotta know when to Hold 'em, and know when to Fold 'em, know when to Walk Away and know when to Run. You never Count your Money when you're sittin' at the Table, there'll be Time enuf for Countin' when the Dealin's Done.  Every Gambler knows the Secret to Surviving is knowing what to Throw Away and knowing what to Keep.   Coz every Hands a Winner and every Hands a Loser and the best that you can Hope for is to Die in your Sleep.  And if Not Dead Yet, the Game ain't Over.

Truer Words were never Spoken or Written actually, so that's Song's Lyrics are pretty Profound actually.   And so I made Peace about it... even tho' I resented having to be faced with such an impossible Situation and Choice that was Life Altering.   Life happens... Shit happens.  I Play whatever Hand I'm Dealt and you have to also.  From time to time I've mulled over some Decisions made in my Life where I could have Played the Game more to my Advantage and better.  But, at the end of each day you have Decisions to make almost constantly and you'll Win some and you'll Lose some.  The Losses will Teach you something just as surely as the Winnings will, perhaps even more so actually.

I watched a Documentary on "Burning Man" called "The Man Will Burn", it was Interesting.  And tho' I've never been and had heard it began as a Counter Culture Movement and promoted Artistic Expression in the 1980's.  Of spontaneous informal Celebration and Radical Self-Expression that would be Free from Commercial constraints of Traditional Society.  It seemed to me, from the Documentary coverage, that it has morphed into being something quite different than it's humble beginnings.  Especially once it got hijacked by Elites and Big Donors for their Entertainment and influences, being a Playground for the Rich, with pretenses of being against the Establishment and the very things that has made them very Wealthy.  But it's hedonistic Fun and most Demographics can be Down for that en mass.  Would I find my Tribe of Peeps there... Yeah, those that could actually Afford to be there.

 It isn't as all Inclusive as it pretends to be tho', most ordinary folks couldn't afford the Luxury and Indulgence of it now.  The Median Household Income for Attendees is $148,000 to $300,000 with a lot of Celebs and Billionaires in attendance and Elite Donors too, like Elon Musk and his Brother Kimbal, the Brother attended for 25 Years and was on the Board Of Directors, a Position Granted after making substantial Donations, until he stepped down this Year due to outrage over his ties to Jeffrey Epstein.  And Elon makes big contributions and mebbe Believes in it, who knows?  Hey, there's a Dark Side to everything.  And a Money Side.  Granted, to be Fair, to put on anything as extravagant as it has become over the Years, takes Millions of Dollars, and a LOT of coordination and Work, coz like the Old Saying goes, Gas, Grass or Ass, nobody Rides for Free and nothing in Life is really Free. 

 It looked fascinating tho' and is quite an elaborate and unusual Spectacle. Those who are Devoted to it seem to make regular Pilgrimages and call themselves "Burners".  So, clearly folks are getting something out of it that they're not getting anywhere else in Society or their Daily Lives.  And there's nothing Wrong with that IMO.  Also looked to me like the Government naturally took an opportunity to extort Millions from it for "Permitting".  Even tho' nothing is allegedly Bought or Sold during the Event, Fees are calculated based on percentage of Gross Revenue.  BLM Fees have ranged from Three to Four and a Half MILLION DOLLARS!  *Eye Roll*  Yeah, clearly it's not what it used ta be.

We'll round out this Post with some Political Satire Memes, the very last one I might have already used, can't recall and it's too good to Waste if I hadn't, so, forgive me if it's on repeat.  *Smiles*  I did some Environmental Cleanup real early, not Hot yet but Humid as Hell so my fresh Clothing was soaked by the time I got Home and I had to Shower and Change again before 9:00 a.m.!!!  LATER:  And I'm really Upset and Angry after his Cardiologist Visit.  As usual Docs, Specialists and Nurses are giving conflicting information about his Meds and it could cost him his Life according to Dr. Pham, his Cardiologist!  Splendid.  The MOST Important Medication of all his Laundry List of Medications is one the VA Stopped!!!  So, he hasn't been taking it for 3 Months coz the last time we saw Dr. Pham was before then.  Well, he never should have been taken off of it!!!  He would surely have another Heart Attack without it and it's the one that Stops his Stents from clogging up again!   Fuuuuuck!

Luckily I don't immediately dispose of any Meds they take him off of, I keep them in a separate area in case they change their Mind.  *Whew* So, Thankfully I could put him back on them immediately and Today.  Thank Baby Jesus and all the Saints.   Disaster narrowly averted!!!  They took him off another Med tho' that the Specialist doesn't want him on so I'm going to tell the VA he can't be on that one anymore per his Specialist.  Confused yet, coz I sure am half the time with change upon change and conflicting Doctor Opinions and Instructions changing constantly every Visit!!!

 I sure do Wish all these Docs were on the same fucking Page.  It's so confusing to Patients and their Families coz I'm not going to contest or contradict what a Medical Professional is telling me to do, I am Trusting they ALL know what the Hell they're doing!!!  I'm not a Doc, a Cardiologist, a Nurse or a Pharmacist.  Listen, I'm not even entirely comfortable being a Caregiver responsible for so much Medication and administering it correctly and knowing what all it's for.  Especially when they constantly change it up or don't agree with each other, Truth be told!  And his Life is literally in my Hands and so I have them Write everything down Old School Style, or Print it and Date it.  I insist, so that I have Proof and Evidence, in their Writing or on their Letterhead, that this is what they told me to do and when they told me to do it!

*******

Hanging Tough in the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian