Well, it's here, Halloween, by the time this Post Publishes anyway. And Horrors abound, so, in a way, it's appropriate for the Season to have some American Horror Stories playing out. In Real Time it's only the 16th and I've been really Waffling about Blogging about the most recent Bad News that The Daughter hit me with while we were going to Celebrate her 45th Birthday. I knew it had been Bad News for her too, anything involving her Kiddos, any of the Five of them, is hard for her coz she knows she hasn't been there for them, wasn't Well enuf to Raise any of them, and cannot really give them the best direction in Life coz her own Life has been such a Train Wreck... and is On Board The Crazy Train half the time... Aye, Aye, Aye... {Insert Ozzy Lyrics}
The Three in Mexico relied so heavily upon their Paternal Gramma who Raised them, Saint Maria, who Died at Age 90 and was very Old School Matriarchal Hispanic with them and Strict. So they did well when she was still Alive and try to do well now but they're all so Young and have no Elders in the Family who are Present Help now. Their Dad is in Prison again and will be there for the rest of his Life now, with a 15 Year Sentence in Mexico, for a Guy already around 60, that's a Death Sentence. And his extended Family, after Maria's Death, no longer really have helped the Children out, I think they all made a Show of it while she was still alive for her Benefit? Most of his Family are affluent and could Help out more than they do. And... we're here and can't get any of the Trio here due to American Immigration being so fucked up.
We spent a lot of Money trying, to no avail, and after a couple Years I just gave up and Hoped one day the Kiddos, with being Born to an American Mother, once Grown, can sort out their Paperwork enuf themselves on that side of the Border and cross over? With ICE tho' I don't want them trying right now and America is almost more dangerous to the Hispanic Communities under this Regime Targeting them Racially, than the Cartels are in Mexico!!! Becoz we have a Criminal Enterprise here that is Powerful too in our fucking White House!!! And Trust and Believe they're likely doing Business with all kinds of International Bad Actors, not just Putin, the North Koreans, Arabic Bad Actors, African Bad Actors, and South American Bad Actors. No telling whose Investing in untraceable Blood Money and Dark Money to fund this Regime we got going on?
So, anyway, the Oldest Grandchild, who used to be the most responsible one and took in to finish Raising her Two Younger Sisters after their Grandmother's Death, has had a very hard time of it. She recently lost her Job, had to drop out of School, and Modeling wasn't a stable enuf income to live on. So, sometimes she doesn't have enuf to even eat and had been relying on a Boyfriend to help out, he ended up breaking up, they'd been Childhood Sweethearts, so she was devestated. Well, some Player she'd always had a Crush on since her Tweens, exploited that vulnerability and got her Pregnant, but was only willing to Pay for an Abortion! So... since she often can't even Feed herself, she felt it would be irresponsible to be a Teen Single Parent unable to afford to Feed a Child and Raise it properly. She was only 1-2 Months along so got the Abortion. I don't Judge any Woman's personal Choice with her own Body, it isn't something I'd do, and it isn't something to do lightly, a difficult Choice either way.
I am saddened that The Daughter and I couldn't be there for her during this difficult time and the Baby had to be Lost like that. To me every Child is a Gift from God, and for my Daughters and I, we all Three gave Birth to every Child we got Pregnant with, whether Married or not, whether the Fathers stuck around or not. Birth Control fails, all Three of us knows this coz we all got preggy using Birth Control every single time, Fertile Myrtle's is what I call our Clan. *LOL* I'm sure this Granddaughter was using Birth Control and being responsible about her reproductive Health and Well Being. Sometimes it just isn't enough and plays out as it just will. But I am both Pro Life and Pro Choice, they're not mutually exclusive, and won't be hypocritical about any other Woman's Choice being condemned by me. No Convictions by me, no Condemnation by me. I'm just Sad a Great-Grandchild was Lost and a Grandchild had to go thru all of this.
Becoz it was so Personal I hesitated to even Blog about it, but it is one of those Topics folks find controversial enuf never to talk about, just like Mental Health is... and you know how I am. I don't hold back in discussing the Hot Topics and putting them in Blog Form. You don't have to Agree with my Position on anything, we can Agree to just Disagree, but with Civility. In fact, I think each person has to Stand On what their Beliefs happen to be and have the Courage to be Authentic to Self about all of Life's Issues, even the most difficult ones we may Face in this Journey of Life. And realize our Choices aren't always the Right or Best Choices for someone else, they have to decide what is or isn't and Live with whatever Choices they happen to make. I've Lived with all of mine, be it the Good Choices or the Bad ones. Unplanned or Unwanted Pregnancies happen... and it's mostly the Women who have to Deal with it.
Men are as responsible for any Pregnancy as the Woman is, but often don't ever receive equal Social Stigma associated with getting someone Pregnant and whatever happens to said Child(ren). We all know the Double Standards, we all know how many Men abandon their Spawn and don't provide for them, this would have been her Situation for sure. This Player exploited her vulnerability and just wanted the Problem eliminated. The Daughter has a Picture of said Guy and I don't Trust or know what she Plans to do about that... and I won't ask either.
I don't know who knows and the consequences could be harsh for said Scoundrel-Loser if extended Friends or Family finds out... I would not wanna be that Guy. Anyway, if that Guy goes around getting Teen Girls Pregnant and exploiting their naivette and vulnerability, and their Families and who they Know takes Issue... he will end up with consequences and his own Bad Karma upon him. I've Cursed him and I don't feel the least bit bad about that. I strongly take Issue with anyone taking Advantage of my Loved Ones.
I had to get it all off my Chest becoz the News was Bad and I received it with Stoic external affect, but my Family know how I feel and how protective I am about ALL my Family. And about the whole Topic of Abortion, I'd always Prayed none of the Grandchildren would chose it as an Option to an Unplanned/Unwanted Pregnancy. Yet, on the other Hand I had said I really didn't want to have to Raise any Great-Grandkids either coz I'm just too damned Old to Raise a 3rd Generation. But, they know I would rather than have that Child Lost.
Family is EVERYTHING to me, literally, not figuratively, and there would be no Sacrifice too big to make for any of them, I'd give my Life for any of them and take a Bullet. The Granddaughter knew her Mom would tell me and was a little afraid of my reaction, all Three of them want me to think highly of them all, and I do, they've had a tough row to hoe in Life, Bless them. They feel very much Alone and have to fend for themselves at a Tender Age in a harsh unforgiving environment I can't get them out of. And just being a Teenager is hard anyway, they aren't yet fully Adults. And they don't always make the best Life Choices yet due to inexperience and Youth. So they can be more easily Exploited by Predatory types and are more vulnerable to exploitation and being taken advantage of. Often looking for Love and Care in all the Wrong places if left to fend for themselves in a World that is quite harsh.
I know that since all of them are over 18, the chances any of them aren't Sexually active was slim next to none. I try never to get so Old I forget what it was like to be Young... and Hot. *Winks and Laughs* And I'm no prude, and an Old Hippie in my Outlooks about Sexual Freedom and Untraditional Unions, so I'm not uptight about what choices consenting Adults choose to make with one another. I don't think Women should be held to a different Standard than Men either. Yet, we are and I'm not in Denial about it. Men make a lot of the Laws and Rules trying to Govern Women's Rights and Bodies, which I'm staunchly against. Our Bodies, Our Choice... not some Males. I don't presume to tell any Man how to have his Rights or what to do with their Bodies either. I was and still am a very Liberated Woman and didn't allow Social Norms or the Patriarchy to restrict me even if they felt some kind of way about me. And many did. And so Dark Dawn dealt with those and they knew that side of me they brought forth. *Winks*
Fuck them... Life ain't no Dress Rehearsal, so I do MY Life on MY Terms, not theirs. I excelled in Male Dominated Fields, kicked Ass and took Names ... it was never Popular. *Winks and Laughs maniacally* It was and probably never will be a Level Playing Field so both Saint Maria and I Raised Strong Women, Salvador's Mother was as Strong a Woman as I am and people indeed Feared her... and I'm talking heavy hitter Guys in Mexico who were Connected... Respected the Old Lady and is likely the only reason her Son is still even Alive coz he's fucked up too much otherwise to still be among the Living. He did get shot and abducted from their Home, and Tortured once, shot and kidnapped in front of the Children, and we thought him to be Dead for a long time, until he resurfaced!!! Long time Dear Readers remember that's when I tried to get my Grandkids to America for their Safety, and bought the 5th Wheel to House them in, but failed to be able to get them across the Border Legally. He was her Only Child and everyone knew, nothing better happen to him while the Old Lady was still Alive... and probably, walk carefully even after she Passed, out of Respect for her... not him.
Her Husband was Assassinated when their Son was only 13 and in 3rd World Countries it can be pretty Wild... which is why I get concerned we're heading straight into 3rd World Country directions under this Corrupt Leadership. When Lawless folks run things, and Guardrails no longer exist, expect total Lawlessness to transpire. How's that for a Scary Halloween Story? Anyway... so... I Wrestled with some Strong Emotions about what happened to my Grandchild, I'm distraught about it, but, I Support her difficult Choices that she felt had to be made. She's a very pragmatic Young Woman, won't even be 20 until December 13th, and has been thru more already than most folks would or could endure for a long Lifetime, even if they Lived to be 100. I don't stand in Judgment, she's doing the best she can with the Hand she's been dealt in Life, which is a shitty one and she's Played it quite well, I'm Proud of her for staying Strong. Life is often Unkind and Unfair. There are Real Life Monsters out there in the World. We have one occupying our White House and he has an entourage of Monsters at his disposal.
Other than that, everything is Swell. *Le Sigh* Well, No it isn't, The Man has gone off his Food AND doesn't wanna move around very much anymore, it's concerning both Nurse Remi and I. I can't Eat or Move FOR him, so it's problematic and he's resistant to having sufficient Nutrition. I'm doing all the things I should to encourage better eating, he did well at the Restaurant the other day and ate his whole Hamburger. So, it's not all of the time. I reduce distractions, serve things on brightly colored presentations, limit choices, eat together, offer Finger Foods, switched to smaller more frequent Meals, focus on his preferred flavors which tend towards strongly scented and sweet for him. I don't force feed him and don't put a lot of pressure or rush him, I gently remind him why he has to eat and keep up his strength to be able to continue living at Home and not decline rapidly. It's complicated.
I'm just trying to slow down the progression of an Incurable Ailment he's Battling. While his Physical Numbers have improved, it's hard to improve Dementia, it was hard with Traumatic Brain Injury too but we had more Time on our Side. We had over a Decade we Worked on that to get him progressed to a remarkable Standard that Medical Professionals were shocked we attained. I seriously doubt either of us had much more than a Decade left in us, him, probably less. We had the candid morbid discussion of how much longer does he even WANT to last since he's already 74? He sees those in their 80's and so very few are in an impressive Quality of life State he'd want to try to attain and probably wouldn't given he wasn't in good shape in his 50's thru now. Some Blog Friends are Inspirational in their 80's, even a few Real Life Friends in their 80's are... but SO few. And forget about 90's and beyond... Quantity versus Quality of Life is always paramount at a certain juncture.
I hit a GOODWILL that still had some Halloween left and some good pieces cheap. {See Below} There is a 5th Fabric Pumpkin but it was missing it's real Stem so I've got to replace it, I have plenty from when I used to make Fabric Pumpkins. I also got an oversized Jack O'Lantern Candy Pail, it's Huge and was only $3.99, all the rest were only $1.99 each. I Loved the Graphics on the little Ceramic Dishes, tho' I don't know what they're used for, coz they're pretty Small, but bigger than your average Coaster? To find so many nice Fabric Handmade Pumpkins with Real Stems so Cheap was a Rare Find. I'm guessing the same person made them and Donated them. There was a 6th larger one, also missing it's Stem, and in the White Chenille Terrycloth bumpy Material. I just didn't like the shape it was in so passed on buying that one too. It was a good and unexpected Score given how Sold Out most of the GOODWILL Locations are on their Halloween Donations. The Spooky Vibes Ceramic Coffee Mug with the Ghosts was also only $1.99.
It is taking me Days to get this Post Written, but, sometimes I can bang them out and other times I sit on one a while. When I went in to work my Spaces at the Antique Mall I was Surprised to see one of the Original Vendors moving out. My Friend Dely and her Husband Chauncy have Space No. 1 right in front, the most coveted location of all the Booths, and they're leaving the Mall! They're quite Old and Chauncy has been sickly and deteriorating a long time, so I shouldn't be Surprised that Dely just can't do this anymore. They had to move in with her Sister a few Years ago so she'd have backup with his Caregiving. I think he has advanced Dementia and she still was bringing him in, but now he sits on his Walker's Seat and just watches her do the work. He was getting to where he was taking things too, so she had to keep an Eye on him or he'd be taking whatever caught his Eye... just little things, but it's like he forgot it's Wrong. They have a little Maltese Dog called Nikki Starbucks who accompanies them everywhere like a Child and has one of those Dog Strollers she is in.
There's so few of us Original Vendors left now, we're like the last of the Dinosaurs. They gave the Space immediately to Jim & Mary who are one of the few Vendors who Sell higher Quality Antiques. So, they'll do more with the Space than Dely & Chauncy have, which is important coz it's the first Space you see as you enter the Mall. I'll miss seeing Dely tho', she's such a Caring person and everyone likes her, Chauncy hasn't been able to be Social in Years coz he doesn't recognize anyone anymore, I don't even know if he still recognizes his Wife now? I'm glad the Space was given to Jim & Mary, even tho' they damned near have all the Front Spaces and biggest Showroom, that is also up Front, in the Mall now. But even they, along with the Primo Antiquities, now Sell Vintage Style Candy at a Table in front of their big Showroom! Everyone has to Work some kind of creative Hustle to make Rent now if what they're Selling is a slower Turn in this shitty Economy and the Demographic coming in are mostly Impulse Buyers or prefer to buy crap being hawked anyway.
We've been having some of those Bot Spam Callers calling at 6:00 in the damned Morning, it's not a Real Person, who'd know that's illegal. And even if I'm up that early to drive the Kiddos to Work, I don't appreciate them Waking up The Man when I'm having some Quiet Time before being Uber Mom/Gramma. *Insert Resting Bitch Face* Princess T is the only one who Works on Saturday, so everyone else was Asleep when that Call came in, except her and I, Luckily it didn't Wake any of the rest of them on a Day they can Sleep In. *Whew* All the Older Kiddos had gone with The Niece to one of the Reservation Casinos to watch her play Poker in a Tournament last Night. She's very good, Pro Quality at playing, and well known among other Poker Players across the Country, so I do Hope she Won Big? Just before coming out to Arizona she'd Won $11,000 in a Tournament and gave a lot of it to her Dad and Middle Sister to help them out coz they're always in Financial Crisis due to their Habits. They weren't appreciative of her generosity, she should have just kept it for herself frankly.
She's not great with Finances herself, a lot of people aren't, so I'm trying to advise her and guide her, when she solicits my advice, about how to manage her Money better. Whether she takes the advice or not then is up to her, some folks make the appropriate changes in Money Management and Debt Counseling, some don't. Anyone can get into Financial Crisis, it happens even to the best of people, sometimes thru no fault of their own, but for many, it's just consistently making Bad Choices and having no Budget they adhere to. And it's never how much you Make that is ever the problem, it's how much you Keep and don't Spend. I can Teach a Small Child good Financial Stewardship with a Simple 80-20 Plan they can even comprehend, so it's not Rocket Science either.
You Give 10% coz Giver's Gain and to those of us of Faith we know that then you're Partnered with God who has unlimited Resources and Challenges you to be a Giver of 10%, but the Laws of Reciprocity Activate whether you're Spiritual or not... you Invest or Save 10%... and you Live on 80%. Those who Claim they can't Live on 80% of their Income, I tell them, then you can't Live on 100% either, you're already overextended my Friend. The Scales of Stewardship need to be Balanced and Consistently applied. With Consistency even those with Economic Challenges can get things Straight. I never Foreclosed on a Poor Person who Owned a Home, NEVER... wanna know why? Coz they'll do anything to make sure their Home Note got Paid first before they spent a Dime on anything else, their Priorities were more in Order than most of the Rich folks. I Foreclosed on many a Rich Person, who, with their abundant resources should never have been in Financial Crisis. But like Donnie Two Dolls, no matter how much they made, they squandered, often even filing Bankruptcy more than once.
The Fact that a Billionaire has been allowed to File Bankruptcy Six Times is Criminal in my Opinion. He Played the Bankruptcy Courts to avoid paying his Creditors and other Victims, just like he's Playing the Courts now, it's all a Game to people like him. And he'll keep Playing the Courts so long as they keep LETTING him do it without appropriate consequences. He should have been Locked Up a long time ago for his Crimes... but so long as he's also Allowed to Buy all the Right People, that's how the Wealthy get away with their Corruption... who can be Bought matters. And the Corruption runs Deep and Wide. Anyway, it is what it is and it's why I've always been very Cynical and Pragmatic. If you're inclined to look at the World thru Rose Colored Glasses, it's time to take those fuckers off and get Real with yourself and Land your Balloon.
Anyway, Moving On... those Living by that Sword will fall upon it eventually and get theirs. Once you're that Dirty you can never get Clean again, if you ever were Clean to begin with, which, I Doubt. Our Weather got inclement again, so I Woke up to Grey Skies, Cold Wind, it's 71 Degrees but feels Colder, probably a Storm coming that will dump more heavy Rains and cause Flooding, Feels like Fall finally tho'. I don't mind the Cooler Weather coz then I can get things done finally in the Buildings that aren't Climate Controlled. I Donated another huge U-Haul Box full of Household Kitchen stuff Yesterday that I no longer use. And some Easter stuff that I decided I won't be waiting 'til Spring to try to Sell. *LOL* Seasonal stuff, unless it's Primo items, I'm just not holding onto for another Year taking up Space. So, The Purge and Editing is in full swing again now it's Cooling off to where I can get around to it comfortably. It feels good as I make more and more progress and thin out possessions, Culling harshly and not forming ridiculous irrational Attachments to the Stuff.
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