Standing In The Gaps

 I'm trying to get a few Unpublished Posts ahead again in case I don't feel like Blogging or get Bloggers Block, it happens.  *Smiles*  I like Blogging every Day if I can squeeze the Down Time to sit here and Create something, coz it Centers me and is very relaxing and enjoyable.  It's like a Mind Cleanse too where my Stream of Consciousness can be Activated, since most of the time I'm on Auto Pilot just dealing with the Daily Grind and various Issues of Life that crop up along the way and just have to be Dealt with on The Fly.  Some days I don't say hardly anything to anyone, so Writing releases all that has remained Unsaid or not expressed in any form.  Tho' I Write a lot and Share a lot here, in Real Life, a lot just stays in my Head and unsaid, definitely not Shared.  And I feel no Need to.

Usually the Days are just packed with so much that the Social aspect of Peopling just doesn't happen at all.  I may say more on any given day to some Receptionist at a Doctor's Office than I may say to anyone I actually know.  Not that it will be anything profound, and could be just random conversation that happens, just more Words than I've uttered at any other time during that particular day to anyone!  For some reason a lot of random folks I may interact with for the first time ever seem to want to talk about the Weather and initiate that conversation.  I will indulge in random chit-chat like that if someone initiates and they're pleasant, why not?  *LOL*  At the Cardiologist Office they had Three Receptionists and they all Chimed In about the Weather.  *Ha ha ha*  All very nice Ladies, a pleasant mundane brief and humorous Chat.

That was about all my Words I had, except that which were Mandatory to have, like with his Cardiologist or some Phone Calls that had to be made or answered.  The CPA Receptionist did talk about Taxation beyond just setting up my Appointment to get ours done.  Not Surprising since that's what she is involved with as a Career Choice.  And she was a Kindred Spirit about our Shared Sentiments about Taxation of the Average Person and especially Retirees.  She was probably my Age or Older, or mebbe she just looked Older, I dunno, very nice Lady too, it was a pleasant less mundane Chat.  She could give me no Idea if we'd get more Breaks or not this Year... her sentiments seemed to be that nobody really is... which, given this Administration... wasn't a Surprise.

I often talk to some of Princess T's co-workers, nice bunch of Young People, she has a good relationship with many of her co-workers too, she seems well liked.  I pick her up every day so sometimes have to be in their Store a while before she gets off, since her Hours aren't consistent.  I even now know their Security Guard.  *LOL*  Yes, they have to hire a Security Guard coz the Five Finger Discount folks show up even at Chazzas and Steal, or cause Trouble, since, sometimes the Unhoused show up or those who are on a bender with their Addictions, and must be asked to leave the premises.  This way you don't always have to call the Cops if you have your own On Site Security handling such things.  It's a Young Woman they mostly hire, she must be Diplomatic coz she sure ain't big or intimidating, just a nice Young Gal.

Our Antique Mall is too Cheap to Hire Security, they should tho', it might cut down on the Thefts, Vandalism, and nonsense folks who come in and cause problems.  Sometimes Management can handle such things but often they just don't and so it encourages that kind of undesired behavior and undesirables showing up with zero consequences.  I think a lot of Businesses are handling it in their own ways tho'.  I noticed recently some Remodeling at Major Big Box Stores making it a bit harder for the Criminals to Steal, and for Honest Customers to Shop too, perhaps it will be effective and make a Positive difference?  I liked what they did actually. 

This Morning, which is a Thursday in Real Time, I knuckled down and organized my Taxes.  I dread it every Year and yet, it never takes me more than 30-45 Minutes tops to DO it, so it's ridiculous that I have such dread about the doing of it!!!   Since Princess T is covering the Cost of doing them with our CPA, and paying anything we Owe for us, I have that weight off my Shoulders and am not so stressed out that I was worrying, do I even have enough to cover it this Year?  Everything has increased in price SO much since this Regime took over, and, we've had so many Emergency Expenses I couldn't have predicted nor Saved enuf to cover.  So, Debt load is higher than I like it to be right now, I like everything to be Paid for, I don't like Debt.

Anyway, so, that's out of the way and we have our CPA do the Taxes on Monday Morning.   I've got to get the Grandchild's Routing Number for her Account in case I need it at the CPA.  I know my own by Heart since I've had the Account since I was in my 20's.  *LOL*  She doesn't use Checks tho', the Young folks just don't, it's just us Dinosaurs now that have Checkbooks and don't go totally Paperless.  I like having my Receipts and a Paper Trail, I can prove anything by the fact I have my own Paper Trail/Receipts and Sign everything with my Real own Signature and don't do the Electronic thing unless they don't give you any other option but to.  So much fraud has been perpetrated due to Modern conveniences IMO.  It's a Criminal's Wet Dream. 

Anyway, after Monday I'll have more of a Peace about where we stand Financially after Taxes are known and out of the way again for another Year.  I plan to take the Grandson to a local Food Bank instead of DES since I think his Eligibility would be better there than going thru The State System that really now is a waste of Time, Patience and is too burdened with a Backlog to be remotely helpful to those with no Income and no means of Support.  If you knew you're gonna receive Assistance you might not mind the long waits, inability to contact them by Phone for prolonged periods, and In-Person being almost a waste of time coz they don't do In-Person Interviews, yet, don't answer their Phones either, so getting an Appointment is the Luck of the Draw.  But, sometimes you go thru all that for Month, for either temp short-term Help or no Help.

The Son said he'd never go thru it again to only get about $200 worth of Groceries to allegedly feed him from November thru March!!!  I'm not kidding, that's all he qualified for with no Job, no Income, Denied the Unemployment he should have received when they all got Laid off by an Employer who screwed them all over no matter how many Years they'd worked for them, no place to live if we didn't take him in, no Transportation!!!  The Young Prince can't even get Hired by a McDonalds coz a Schizophrenic is too much Liability for any Employer to chance, Customers and Co-Workers would be too scared if the person had a Psychotic Episode on the Job.  So they just won't risk it and thus someone with this condition is generally Unemployable and has no means to Support themselves or even Care for themselves without a full time Unpaid Caregiver.

The Daughter only finds little Jobs for people we know who are willing to Hire her occasionally when she's feeling Well enuf and isn't having a Schizophrenic Episode.  They understand when she ever has to say she's not 'Well' enuf for a Job or goes off the grid for a while coz she's had the Wheels come Off.  She made contact Yesterday and was lucid, she promised to contact her Children in Mexico, so I got her new Free Phone's number and also gave it to her Daughters in Mexico so they have a Point of Contact.  We can contact her now until the next time she goes Off Rails again.  I still think the Boyfriend is inhibiting her contacting Family and Friends. 

  He's too controlling, insecure, has a temper he can't control and abusive Mouth he won't control.   I also am sure he's Using, since what I found was in his Clothing in the 5th Wheel, not in any of her stuff, but, perhaps she's been convinced he 'Needs' it since he's Dying???  He plays on the Dying thing a LOT for sympathy.  So does TJ, our Neighbors Son who is abusive with his new Young Wife too.  And becoz both allegedly have Stage 4 Cancer, which I can't verify, so have to assume nobody would fake having Stage 4 Cancer, they rely on everyone feeling sorry for them and allowing them to use it as a handy excuse for Bad Behavior.  Which, IMO, there is NEVER a Good Excuse for Bad Behavior. 

 I don't Care if you're Dying, it doesn't give you the Right to then be abusive or unlovely to everyone else and project that Anger outwards aggressively and inappropriately.  I feel like if you are that way, you will and probably should just then Die Alone, coz you will have run everyone off that has done Right by you and tried to be Kind and Helpful during your Health Crisis.  I understand suffering is hard, and it's not an easy way to go.  But I've known plenty of Dying People who did so with Grace, Dignity and didn't inflict suffering upon others.  Or do them Wrong out of Anger or spite that they had a Terminal Condition and so wanted to Hurt as many others as they could get away with.  Especially doing that to someone whose only done you a Kindness, shows no appreciation for them Treating you Right while you then treat them Wrong.

The Daughter has doted on this Boyfriend since she does feel badly that he's suffering and has an incurable condition.  She tries to give him something to Live for and feel Hopeful about.  She has an incurable condition, it's just different, and she's always appreciated any Kindness anyone has shown her in spite of her Serious Mental Illness.  He doesn't show equal appreciation for her Illness that she shows for his.  He doesn't seem to try to understand Mental Illness impairs ability just as much as many Physical Illness do.  I personally think he may have had Mental Illness before he ever got Cancer, coz how he Acts seems very Bipolar, but, could be whatever Drugs he's taking, both strong Rx prescribed and Illegal ones that do impair Mood regulation and Behavior, for sure.  And mixing them or abusing them can't be Helpful either.

I picked up Two Wednesday Night Shifts at the Antique Mall for this Month, I needed to accept a couple, even with our full Schedule.  Not only to comp some Space Rent to help with that small stream of Income we Need right now, but it is my Happy Space to go there.  I enjoy being at our Antique Mall, either Working my Spaces or Working a Shift when I feel I can and want to.  It's good to get away and be around other people who enjoy similar Hobbies like Collecting and Selling Off their Excess, or what they enjoy Sourcing as a Recreational Pursuit.  The Incurable Collectors know what I'm talking about.  *Smiles and Winks*  It's a "Community" of Kindred Spirits who find commonalities to bond with.  Much like the Blogging Community, it's a Positive Community to belong to and be a part of.

I'll be Sharing more fabulous Imagery for several more Posts of "The One Legged Rooster" Vignettes, I enjoy promoting and supporting Small Businesses that I think are very deserving of the Free Advertising of us all Sharing their Shops, Events, Business Ventures, however Small or in another part of the Country.  I doubt I'll ever get to Missouri to visit this place in person, but it is on the Ole' Bucket List now as a Destination worthy of visiting should I ever find myself in Kansas City now???  I wouldn't have thought of Missouri as a Destination or Junquing Mecca, but, perhaps it is?  Never been to that State, might have driven thru it in the early 1970's, can't recall if I did or I didn't on our way out West?  We passed thru a lot of States that we didn't actually stop in, just drove straight on thru or mebbe spent the Night in a Motel there.  When you're a Military Family you end up passing thru a lot of places that are just on the way to your next Assignment.

For a vague Memory I do mebbe recal seeing that famous Arch, Gateway Arch, in Missouri, so, I could have been by that many Moons ago?  *Smiles*  That would have been St. Louis tho' and not Kansas City.  And I'm absolutely certain we didn't do any Shopping on our way to New Assignments, you don't have the Luxury of Time, you have a Deadline to be at your newest Permanent Change of Station.   Which, really isn't and wasn't "Permanent", just where you'd live for mebbe 12-18 Months before getting PCSed to the next Military Assignment.  Could be in any number of locations Stateside or Overseas.  You didn't really get a Choice, tho' you could have a Wish List and every so often my Dad or The Man would get an Assignment somewhere they had said they'd really like to be Stationed at, not often tho'.  

 

You get a lot of unwanted crappy Assignments in a long Career... along with Wartime Deployments or Unaccompanied Deployments, where you leave Family behind for however long you're gonna be Deployed there.  Separated from my Dad and my Husband happened a lot over both of their very long Military Careers, Dad 27 Years, The Man 39.  My Dad rarely got Choice Assignments, I think GI's of Color often got the least Desired Deployments actually, coz Dad got more than his fair share of shitty ones.  And The Man, tho' he's a White Guy, becoz of his specific set of Skills, got a LOT of Wartime Deployments, they wanted to get their Money's worth out of him.  So we were separated a LOT when he'd be sent to War... or what they called Theaters of Operations or "Conflicts", which is another fancy way of saying War without calling it a War.  Kind of like this Iran "Conflict" that some of the Administration is correctly identifying as a War, and some are skirting around and hesitating calling it that.

My Dad also was a War Veteran, as were my Uncles and some Cousins, both my American Uncles and Cousins, and some of my European ones too in their Armed Forces Careers where they Served Country.  My Welsh Uncle was Military when Younger and was also in the Welsh Guards and was one of them at the Queen's Coronation in June of 1953.  That's also the Year my Dad was Stationed in Wales and met my Uncle, who then brought my Dad and a Black American GI Friend of my Dad's, Home with him to meet Mom's Family.  They'd never seen a "Red Indian" or a "Black Person" in their Lives and my Dad and Ernie were Good Sports about all the Questions asked and had some Wicked Fun with it.  They told Mom's Family they were the "American Night Fighters" coz they were harder to see at Night due to their Skin Color!!!  Sounded reasonable to Mom's Family, so they Believed it.  *Bwahahahaha*

My Dad and my Mom's Older Brother became Best Friends for Life after that and my Mom at the time she met my Dad, was Engaged to be Married to a Welsh Guy in the RAF who was an Officer.  But, she broke off her Engagement and became Engaged to my Dad, who her Family Adored and liked better than the other Boyfriend.  *Smiles*  The other Guy was Wealthy, but my Dad's Indigenous Cultural ways were very similar to my Didi Kai Gran-Gran's Cultural ways and they had so much more in Common in the Trials they'd endured due to their Ethnicities.  So, once my Gran-Gran wanted my Dad to be his Son-In-Law, well, it was bound to happen then and he approved my Uncle to chaperone my Dad on any Dates he had with my Mom, which was customary for their Culture and Dad Respected that.  She never went on any Date without a Family Chaperone to protect her Virtue.  *Smiles*

My Dad got a kick out of my Gran-Gran being very forthright about suspicions about the intent of any American Serviceman who wanted to Date the Local Women.  He said that there was Rumor about the American Men being Over Paid, Over Sexed, and Over Here.  *LMAO*  My Mom said only 13 Local Girls ever did end up with American Husbands and come to the United States as War Brides from her part of North Wales.  So, the entire time she was in the United States, which was pretty much for the rest of her Life until she Died at Age 84, she never met another Woman from North Wales who had Married an American G.I., or to speak her Language to anyone but us, and only then when she'd get so Mad she'd forget her English.  *LOL*  

 

 

I didn't realize how Isolating it was for my Mom being so separated from her People and Culture, or for my Dad, until I was much Older.  She's be the only Woman from North Wales anyone we knew had ever met and Dad would be the only Native American anyone we knew had ever met!  Until we moved to Arizona in 1974, then Dad would see other Tribal People, not of his Tribe, but Arizona has more Native Americans than most other States and a few live off Rez more often than in other States with Reservations.  Since we've lived in Arizona we've had many other Native American Friends, but, I've never once met anyone else from my Mom's part of Wales, ever, here in the U.S., the whole time I've been Alive!   Once we did meet a Woman from South Wales but she and Mom didn't get along coz the North and the South don't particularly get along and have distinct Cultural differences. 

And here's a Fun hilarious Fact, most Americans had no Idea where Wales even was on the Globe or that it's a Country.  Most would think my Mom was Australian or that Wales was somewhere other than where it actually is.  And if anyone thought she was English that's a huge Insult to Gaelic People, who were grossly mistreated, discriminated against and Oppressed by the English, so if someone is Welsh, Irish or Scottish, don't ever ask them if they're English, them's Fighting Words!!!  *Smiles and Winks*  And funnier still was that early on the only Welsh Person who was well known at the time was Singer Shirley Bassey, who is from Tiger Bay in South Wales and has a White Welsh Mother and a Nigerian Black Father.  So, people would ask Mom if she and Shirley were "the same"?  She would say, Yes, we're both Welsh and leave it at that.  So, a lot of Americans, both White and Black, thought my Mom was also Mulatto and that Welsh people might all be!!!!!!!!!  *Bwahahahaha*

My Mom having some Roma Ancestry in her Heritage she had very Kinky Corkscrew curly Blue Black Hair at the time and had to use Black Hair Products often, and tho' she was Fair, compared to my Dad or I, Mom could get Tan very easily and get quite Dark when she was Younger and used to Sunbathe.   So, I could see why the confusion would prevail if someone just didn't know any better.  Plus, back then we had to live in Black Communities coz my Dad couldn't just live anywhere in some places of America that were segregated still.   And a lot of my Mom's Foreign Female Friends who'd Married G.I.'s of Color, tended to bond together, so most of our Military Friends were other Interracial Couples.  

The Woman mostly being European or Asian, most of their Husbands being Black, or White G.I.'s that Married Asian Women.  We only ever met one Friend who was a Navajo Woman who'd Married a White G.I..  I was 15 by then and she was the only other Native American besides my Dad I'd seen off a Reservation!!!   They had a Daughter I used to Babysit.   Anyway, nowadays you see a lot more Interracial Couples.  In fact, it's kinda funny to me that we'd never see Families like ours represented on American TV.   And now almost every Commercial is an Interracial Couple!!!  I guess to make up for us being Invisible for so long on TV, I dunno, but, I find it to be overkill on compensating, but, I'm glad to see Representation finally.  *Smiles*

I felt like a putz when I realized that Yesterday I had been talking to the Youngest Granddaughter in Mexico of the Trio, and not the Middle one!!!  So I'd told The Daughter the Wrong Child had been trying to get hold of her.  So, anyway, realized my mistake Today and that I'd been speaking with the Youngest one via Translator on FB Messenger.  That one, like the Oldest one of the Trio has never been any trouble, it's the Middle one whose been a handful.  Anyway, I don't think the one I was talking with realized I thought I was talking with one of her Older Sisters?  *LOL*  So, no harm, no foul.  Now they're all much Older they don't look as much alike now so I can tell them all apart at least.  *Smiles*  One of The Daughters long time Elderly American Friends who lives in Mexico half the Year had called Today worried about her coz he hadn't heard from her in a while too.  So I gave him her new Phone Number.

I had a nice chat with him too, he's a very Dear Friend of hers and has done a lot for her and for her Kids in Mexico.  He's a Retired Pilot but still flies his Private Plane back and forth to Mexico rather than drive.  He has Property on the Beach there and Property on the Beach in California too, she's been to each.  She knows some Mexican National Friends who also have Properties on the Beach in Mexico and also Properties in California too, and spend time in both Countries as well.  Many have Businesses in both Countries and I've gotten to know some of them over the Years.  She has a lot of Friends who really Care about her and if they can't get hold of her they'll get hold of me now and see whatssup.  They aren't Surprised she has gone Off Rails again, it was only a matter of time until she unraveled.  They have known her long enuf to know the Patterns are fairly predictable and won't ever just go away, SMI is Forever, no Cures exist.

Sometimes I get too Hopeful that things are getting better and will Hold, but, they never do Hold, just sometimes a little longer in between Meltdowns and Bad Decisions.  As she's nearing 50 I don't think much will actually Change to a degree I'm Hopeful for, but, any Positives, however long or brief, are cherished.  She and I do get along better now she's Older, she's always been very good with Old People tho'.  *LOL*  It's True, I'm not meaning that jokingly, she's always been thoughtful and Kind towards Old People and Animals particularly.  The rest of Humanity, not always so much.  *Le Sigh*  Kids like her but she's not fond of Children, just her own Kids and even them, she can only handle for brief interludes, a little more now they're Older and have more understanding of what's Wrong with her.  When little tho', even The Young Prince was astute enuf to know she wasn't Well.

The recent conversation I had when she called and gave me her new Contact Number went very well.  She holds no animosity when she can't be here due to whatever went Sideways.  It's evident she's sticking with this Guy and so, until she's Over him, and she will be, her Relationships with Boyfriends never last, tho' some have been more long term than others.  When she's Done she's completely Done and he'll push the Ticket too far one day and that will be The End.  If he weren't Dying I think she would have dumped him already.  But she pities him at this juncture and of coarse all Relationships are rarely ALL Bad, and so that's sometimes why people stay in a Bad one, focusing only on the Good parts of it.  In the meantime, we just try to stand in the Gaps of Loved Ones who need that from us.

*******

Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

If You Break It You Own It

 

Well, I'm no Unpublished Posts ahead now so I better get busy.  *LOL*  I did get our CPA Visit Scheduled to do our Taxes, so the Morning of the 6th we'll have that out of the way.  Also, The Granddaughter said something so Touching it choked me up.  She is covering our Taxes for us, both whatever we Owe and whatever it Costs to File them this Year.  But, she insists I will not be allowed to pay her back!!!  She's covering it and said I've covered so much for her, even now she's Working, so that she can not have any Debt or worry about Housing, Groceries, save for her first Vehicle, and we provided everything her whole Life, so, it's the least she can do.  *Lump in Throat, Eyes getting moist!!! OMG, she's such a good Kiddo and so responsible and an Old Soul!*

And now of coarse, some Political Rant, coz, I find Politically that this Regime is breaking a lot of things, and if you break it, you Own it.  The problem is they're not Owning any of what they're breaking, coz they have no idea how to Fix anything they've now broken and cocked up.   And, up 'til and including now, they like to still try to blame previous Administrations for everything they're now actually Owning coz they did it, just them, even if they refuse to acknowledge it.  That troubles me about a lot of what they're breaking and recklessly doing.  And especially the War, coz America has never been particularly good at getting out of Wars they got themselves into.   Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq... and I think this Iranian War will be just as messy to get out of and will very likely be badly gotten out of too.

  But so much Corruption, Insider Trading and Grifting is abounding that I don't Trust the Motives of anything this Administration is doing.  I hear there was an $800,000 BET on whether we put Boots on the Ground JUST before the Prez gives Tonight's State of the Union Address... so... lots of shady shit going down to Make Money off it all.  Follow the Money I say, and how closely are we paying Attention to whose Profiting off of all these seemingly reckless decisions that make no sense otherwise, unless someone is benefitting from them some kind of way?   The American People aren't benefitting from it, our Allies aren't benefitting from it... but, sho' nuff some Elite are getting Rich as Fuck off of it and that seems to be the Point and Purpose IMO.  

Princess T ordered me a lil Surprise Pressy, it's a Bag of "Fucks I Have To Give", a Plush Pillow filled with Middle Finger Plushies, Five Colorful Middle Fingers Mini Pillows, each with a different Facial expression on it. {See Below}  I just Love it and she knew I'd enjoy it, she thought of me when she saw it and was ordering some things she wanted Online.  So, that's my dose of Whimsey for Today, you're Welcome.  *Winks and Smiles*  I did watch just some of the Presidential Speech, I'm sure some Americans will want to Believe what's being touted now, even tho' he's been all over the place about this War, about Tariffs, about damned near everything.  What he says on a Wednesday Night will be different than what he'll say on a Thursday Morning, and then something else on a Friday Afternoon.  And I'm not Buying what he's desperately trying to Sell to the American people, it's some total Bullshit, like he always shovels.

 

I'm seriously skeptical myself, one thing this Conman is adept at is Spinning a Tale that Hooks those he's Victimizing and running his Game and Con on.  You can't Believe you're being Victimized and still Fall for and be a Target Victim of a Con Game.  Those that Fall for a Con and become it's Victims generally don't even realize they are one until it's too late and they were bamboozled coz they got Played.   The fact he's pretending that starting this War was becoz we had nothing to Gain from it and just wanted to Help the World, well, it doesn't line up with his Transactional History at all.  He doesn't do a damned thing unless he stands to personally Profit and Gain from it, ever.   And Yeah, Iran's Regime is awful, but, so is Putin's, and far more threatening to America and on the World Stage, and he's got a Bromance going on with them that is Interesting, to say the least.  Okay, enuf of that, I've said enuf for Today of my Observations and Opinions of it.  Moving On...

The Man after Sundown begins acting very Negative and like he's not doing Well at all, but gets hostile if you mention it or ask what specifically might be Wrong?   He almost needs to be put to Bed now at Sundown to alleviate the Mental or Physical Anguish he's experiencing.  I've Googled as much of it as I can to Learn how best to assist him and Cope with it.  Most of the Family, around Dusk, tend to go to their own Personal Spaces so they don't have much interaction and thus it's easier on me to Manage him since I do leave him to work thru it if that's what he needs and seems to prefer.  He generally doesn't want any interactions once it starts setting in, usually in late Afternoon before it even gets Dark, but definitely is in full swing by Dusk.  

 

The Middle to Late Stages of the Disease is when it's most Common and is just one of many Symptoms associated with that kind of Cognitive Decline.   Tips tell me to brighten Rooms, but he resists Lights being turned on even tho' Rooms being Darker tend to escalate the Behaviors that are Negative.   I reduce Noise, which is Helpful.  And I Maintain a Strict Routine for him, also Helpful.   I Plan Active Mornings and reduce Activity when it's getting closer to the time when it will set in for him.  His usual Question always is, are we Done for Today?  *Smiles*  Limiting Daytime Naps has been a hard one to do, but would be Helpful for him to Sleep thru the Night and not be popping up and Wandering when we're all Asleep, or trying to. 

 I adjust his Meal Sizes so his larger Meals are earlier, since Mealtime overall now is a challenge to get him thru... think how long it takes to have a Toddler consume any Meal and get cooperation... it's similar.  I minimize Stimulation so he doesn't have Sensory Overload.  I acknowledge his Feelings and reassure him he's Safe and Secure.  He usually is Content watching his Programs and being left alone so he doesn't have to interact much, he's Calmer if nobody is bothering him, and you never know now what will bother him... you just Breathing in the same Space he's in could fucking bother him.  *LOL*  Sometimes the Kiddos will ask, when he gets Hostile, what's Wrong or Up with Dad/Grandpa?  They sometimes take it Personally.  And I'll Smile and say, Well, you're Breathing... I'm Breathing.  And that brings levity to it, since that might be all they've or I've actually Done.  *Bwahahaha*

But, the good thing now is, if I Patiently explain something we're trying out to see if it will Work for him to alleviate some of the suffering he's experiencing, he will often be Okay with giving it a Try.  If it doesn't Work for him I tell him we can try something else then, but, we'll keep a Trial and Error thing going to see what Works best, what doesn't Work, what's Helpful or Unhelpful.  He knows I'm a Fixer of Problems so he Trusts me in that regards.  So, Tonight I did convince him to brighten the Room he's in at around Dusk and see if that Helps any?  We'll do it for several Days to see if it reduces some nagging Sundowner's Symptoms he's definitely chronically having now?  He's Game for it coz he doesn't like how he's Feeling at Dusk every Day, and is still lucid enuf yet to have a go at some Solutions beyond just taking Medications.  Or worse, being told there's nothing that can be Done, which, we won't Receive.

I remind him that Medical Professionals gave up on him in the beginning of his TBI and said nothing more could be done and he'd be a Vegetable or mebbe not even Survive the Injuries.  We didn't Receive that grim prognosis and stubbornly insisted on finding our own Solutions, many of which we just made up as we went along.  And, it led to him being dubbed a Medical Miracle by those same Experts that couldn't explain how he Survived, Thrived, and did so well and far better than the prognosis.  He improved to where he wasn't Vegetative and could be Taught how to do damned near everything again that they said he'd never do again.  It wasn't Easy and took Years, so it was a LOT of Trial, Error and refusal to give up, give in, or give out.  Since the Alternative would have been horrible not only for him, but for all of us in the Family, so it was not an Option as far as I was concerned.  When given only horrible Options, I Invent New Ones I like better, I'm resourceful, tenacious and relentless that way.  *Winks*

 

When told something is Impossible and can't be done, I don't just Accept that as my Truth... becoz, perhaps we'll just be the First ones to do it and then it's entirely Possible.  Not only for us then, but for anyone else you blaze that Trail for that comes behind you.   Something is only Impossible until someone actually does it.   Something is only a Problem until someone Solves it.  I Like Solutions, I do not like sustained Problems and will dissect a Problem until I find some kind of way around, over or thru it.  And if you have no Choice or given no Options, whaddya got to Lose anyway?  If you have nothing left to Lose you can go Balls to the Wall then about how Hard you go.   Mebbe you'll then have some Gains and it won't all be Losses, you never know.

Allen sent some Money for The Young Prince, he doesn't have to, but he's consistently done that since they are still actually Legally Married.  I don't think there's any reconciliation that will happen, but I do think there is still a Love between them even tho' shit just didn't work out, but, there was a lot to Deal with, and Guys in their 20's, couldn't necessarily be expected to overcome such significant barriers in a Union.  Now that The Young Prince's Caregiving is back in my Court, I think Allen can now focus more on his own Self-Care, which is necessary, coz he has some significant Disabling Conditions of his own being a Bipolar Autistic Adult, who also happens to be Gay and is struggling with whether to fully embrace his Sexuality, coz, he's a Macho very Masculine Gay, probably he's more Bisexual than he's Living Life.  

He wants a Family, he's had Relationships with Women too.  He can "Pass" as not only being Straight... but he can also "Pass" for not being Mixed Race, he doesn't look Half Hispanic and has his White Stepdad's Surname.   The Young Prince has never been able to fly under the Radar for being Fabulously Gay, even being Transgender.  Most people even when he's presenting as a Male, have mistaken him for being a biological Female even as a Child, and still as an Adult, he's a "Pretty Boy" and has androgynous Appearance where many just aren't Sure if he's Male or Female???  He's used to it and it doesn't bother him becoz he's never felt fully Male, or fully Female, he's felt more Gender Fluid and with having D.I.D., some of his Alters are Male, some are Female.  And, he has a Hispanic Surname of his Hispanic Biological Dad, even tho' he is definitely Weto {White looking Hispanic}.  So has never shied away from being Mixed Race and Proud of all of his Heritage, despite Societal Bias and lack of acceptance of his Race, Ethnicity, Gender, or his Sexuality.

He told me he did quit seeing Boring Car Guy, he just didn't think it Fair to keep seeing someone he just wasn't that Into even tho' BCG had everything going for him.  He was 40, so he was Mature and very Intelligent, Successful, a very Handsome Black Man, extremely Nice, lots of Positive Boxes to Check off, we really liked the Guy, the whole Family.  He seems to have accepted it has run it's course and respected that The Young Prince just doesn't respond now.   I asked my Grandson, isn't that's what's called Ghosting?  He said for some folks they're Okay with it ending that way if it was never meant to be an Established Relationship and he never gave the impression or illusion it would be.  He wasn't even sure BCG was Openly Gay... or mebbe already in a committed, well sort of... Relationship?   

 

It was mutually beneficial until it just wasn't anymore and the Age difference wasn't really the reason Why at all.  They just lacked having much, if anything, in Common that they each were Passionate about.  Lack of Shared Vision always leads to Division eventually.  And, The Grandson is very Open with me about his Lifestyle Choices and they aren't, nor have they ever been, Traditional ones by any stretch of one's Imagination.  He's not Secretive nor Ashamed of who he is on any level with anyone actually, he's probably one of the most Authentic to Self Human Beings I've ever known.  And, he doesn't Care what anyone thinks about it coz his Life is his own, the Hand he's been Dealt is his to Play in this Life's Journey, so the judgment of anyone doesn't matter to him one iota.  They're not him, they might not even know how to Live Life if they were him... and I agree, he's had a LOT to overcome in Life already, and a complicated Hand Dealt, and he's only 25.

I had a long Online Talk, with Spanish to English Translation in place, with The Daughter's Middle Child in Mexico.  She's actually the Wild Child, but was concerned about her Mom and so we needed to talk candidly about the Situation so they know what's going on and why.  She admitted her Mom has never had good Relationships, and, that is an understatement but one her Kids know only too well.  I think when someone is a Paranoid Schizophrenic it can be very difficult to choose healthy relationships and sustain the good ones and sometimes cling to the unhealthy ones.  Some of her Choices have less to do with Mental Illness as well, she's always been our Prodigal Child and if any of you have one or more Family Members like that, you know what I mean. 

The Man has been complaining Tonight about his Kidneys hurting so I'm glad they've scheduled him to see a Kidney Specialist this Month.  And, something else Tonight that has happened... The Young Prince and I were Outside after Dark just talking.  He said that recently BCG had told him, I don't want you to think I'm being Paranoid, but have you noticed recently how many Nighttime Drones are in the Sky and following people, as if Surveillance Drones?  BCG said some have been following him and it's beginning to Freak him Out.  The Grandson said at first he thought perhaps Chris was being a bit Paranoid, but, that he's usually a sensible Guy and not prone to hyperbole, Conspiracy Theories and such, so The Young Prince asked, well, could we see if we can provoke being followed by one?  BCG said, pretty sure we can, just to prove my Point that I'm not seeing things or making this up and I would like a Witness so I don't think I'm going Crazy and it validates what's happening. 

Okay, so they drove a long ways out from the City into a Rural Area and sure enuf, one followed them the whole way and it really Freaked The Young Prince Out coz he hasn't been paying attention to the Night Skies.  Amazon is no longer allowed to do Package Deliveries by Drones at Night anymore.  It's restricted to Daylight only Hours.   So, what fucking Drones are these?  So, while we're out there discussing this Topic, he said to me, wait Gramma and a bunch of them will show up.  So, we kept talking and I Kid you NOT, NINE of them eventually showed up, some further away and higher, others not only lower but creepily going back and forth close by!  You couldn't mistake any of them as Stars, or Aircraft, they were definitely Drones, and some move really damned fast too, which was even more disturbing to me.  Finally I said, let's go Inside coz this is really Freaking me Out too, I had never noticed before!  Is anyone else noticing this?  And if so, what's going on?  Why such Drone Surveillance and by Whom?

So, anyway, something else freaky going on to ponder and wonder about!  I almost Wish he hadn't told me about it coz now after Dark I'm definitely gonna be paying more attention and counting how many show up!!   I'm usually a very Observant person, but, who just looks up a lot after Dark unless you happen to dig looking at the Night Sky or Stars?  I even Googled this and Yes, it's a Thing that is happening and enuf complaints are now being filed by Citizens, it's prompting Investigations by Law Enforcement.   Some are even showing up over Restricted Air Space.   There's even FB Pages devoted to it now coz folks are seeing so many at Night that it's disturbing them as to Safety Issues if the regulation by FAA is so lax it's allowing it, for any reasons that may be Authorized, let alone Unauthorized.   Since Drones are being used a lot now for sinister reasons, like Military Attacks, it begs the Question, how could we tell a Bad one from a Benign one?

So, now I know THAT is a Thing, I am more Aware, but, it now heightens my suspicious Nature about a lot of what's going on and why it's going on too, I didn't Need that.  I'm cynical enuf already.  *LOL*   So, at least I'm still doing a dump on the fabulous Imagery Cribbed from "The One Legged Rooster" Social Media Page for your Visual Pleasure to flesh out my Posts to be Imagery Pleasing to the Eye while we discuss weighty Topics.  *Smiles*  I'm glad I spent so much time perusing the Archives of that Shop to get all of these Amazing Photos of their Vignettes and Merchandise.  I'd get in so much Trouble shopping somewhere like that tho', I know I would.  It would be a Budget Buster for damned sure and my Restraint and Impulse Control would be seriously Tested!!!   *Ha ha ha*

I went thru all of the Seasons of their various Displays, that went back for some time thru their Visual Archives.   I do that with New Blogs too so I get to know more about the Vendor or Blogger that's New to me.  It also gives you a sense of how they've Evolved over Time and perfected their Craft and/or their Social Media Pages or Blog.  It is all an Evolution over Time and usually improves as Time goes on.  We get better at what we stick with and improve upon with practice and developing skill and experience at it.   I do like to Challenge myself to do better at whatever I'm doing.   And sometimes the Evolutions I've gone thru have shown marked improvements and sometimes I like better what I've done in the Past.  Sometimes I have compromised the original Vision, especially in Retail Sales, since, as your Customer Base and their preferences changes, you must too, whether you want to or not. 

And it can vary greatly by what the Demographic is in any given place and time.   That's been the only constant really, the Changes of all of that dictating what Works and what doesn't Work anymore, or at all.   A Shop like this one might do very well in Kansas City, MO where they are, and not do well in Metro Phoenix, AZ, you just never know.  Not to mention what you can Source can vary wildly too depending on what part of the Country you're in, can get to, or even what you can Source outside of the Country if you have those Options available to you?  I noticed for sure that what this Vendor Sources in their neck of the Woods is hard to Source at all in Arizona, no matter how desirable it is, but might be commonplace in other parts of the Country?

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More to come later... Dawn... The Bohemian