Pretending To Be Retired

I know I already used this Lead Image, but I liked how it turned out, so it's a good Lead-In Hook Pix for a New Post.  *Smiles*  I'm so many Unpublished Posts ahead now I don't really need to Blog for a Fortnight or more, but, whatever.  I want to just sit at Home and Gel, Blog, take longs Naps, do nothing at all when I am Awake... but, that's not my Reality... dammit!  Isn't pretending to be Retired supposed to work like that?  *Le Sigh*  Well, at least I cancelled the fill-in Shift at the Antique Mall for Tonight, I don't even know why I accepted it in the first place, knowing how Physically spent I've been lately, barely making it to early Afternoon before I'm done Todaying for Today.  It truly Bites... but... I don't even know yet why, so I have to just Stop when necessary.

I did get some of my Wardrobe switched around in here... and in The RV Garage Mahal, where some of it is now residing.  I've culled my Closet and entire Wardrobe, so there's nothing more I'm inclined to get rid of.  But, I wanted my favorite things to wear to be most accessible.  Then the less favorite things I don't wanna wear as often to be out of the way.  Perhaps then I'll detach from them enuf to Sell them too, I dunno?  Clothing is Selling well in the Showroom, I brought Home a bunch of empty display Hangars, so I know how many have moved, it was a lot.   I changed the Clothing around in the Showroom to give it a fresher look and have all the Hangars facing in the same direction again.

That also gave me a sense of which T-Shirts haven't Sold yet.  But I actually didn't have many that were in Inventory a long time, so that's a good sign, that overall they're Turning quickly as I put new Merch in, it's not just the freshest Inventory that is Selling.  I have too many on the Racks really, so have been holding back bringing in more.  I have more, but slowly the She Shed Storage of Inventory is thinning out really fast, which is good.  Then I can Purge more out of The RV Garage Mahal or the Main House and put it in there as Inventory that will be Moving Out eventually and Sold.  Donations I do the day I fill up Boxes of it.  But most things now are Sellable and the Money comes in handy.

There's a lot I could be doing to wade thru Possessions and do more towards The Great Edit & Purge Project.  I just haven't been in the Head Space or Mood to and totally lack the Physical Energy to either.   Plus, the Showroom and Locked Case at the Antique Mall are quite full and no real empty Space to cram more in there to Sell.  The Daughter said she's doing a Yard Sale this Weekend.  Each time she's done one we've been disappointed, that even being frontage on a Main Road that is very heavily trafficked and visible, attendance was poor.  To me its not been worth the effort and work she put into Hosting one.  That has Surprised me coz this Location, I thought would be Ideal for Hosting them.

I just don't see folks attending them like they used to, back in the day you could Host a Yard Sale and really make a lot of Money on a Weekend.  I never liked Hosting them coz the Yard Sale Demographic became mostly annoying to me and I don't like Strangers swarming onto my Property either.  No telling what else they're Eyeballing that isn't For Sale and they may be Casing your Joint for.   I'm skeptical like that of folks I just don't know and so don't want to Invite Randoms onto my Private Property.  *LOL*  I just don't Trust Randoms.  Society has too many Criminally inclined who think Theft is a Victimless Crime and it's not a Big Deal to Steal.  Just Loss Prevention in a Retail Space can be challenging, I don't want folk like that coming to my Home!

I make The Daughter set up in The RV Driveway.  Which is long and has enuf space in front of our Locked Gates, that actually Attendees of her Yard Sales never really are allowed where we don't want them to be on our Property.  They can't really see much from there and it respects my Privacy while she's Hosting one, I don't have to Deal with the Randoms who drop by.  *LOL*  I loan her my large folding Tables and Tarps.  She can play Music on her Speakers on the 5th Wheel she lives in, which is behind the Locked Gates too.  For ambiance it sets a nice Mood and she's got the Shade of all our Biggest Trees on the Property to be out there for however long she Hosts one and people show up.  Nosey folks can't and don't see anything and that's how I like it.  *Smiles*

I'm not becoming part of the Anti-Social Social Club, I just lost a lot of my Trust in Randoms... you've got to EARN my Trust, it's not Freely Given.  And if I don't know you, I certainly don't Trust you.  So, anyway she may be doing that this Weekend and we'll see how it goes?  She's been doing a lot of Housecleaning Jobs for some Money and finding other ways to have a small stream of income since she can't Work and is still Paranoid about applying for SSI.  She wants to see how it goes for her Paranoid Schizophrenic Son first, then MEBBE she said she might let me Help her to re-apply for SSI Benefits again.  She Qualified over 20 Years ago and she's not any Weller than she was back then, just Older... no Cure for Schizophrenia and other Serious Mental Illnesses.

It would be nice if she and her Son had some Income of their own, however unlivable an amount it would be receiving SSI, it would Help defer their Support all being on our Dime of Fixed Income.  Our Pensions and The Man's Disability Income isn't really enuf to support a Family of Six and all our expenses here at Forever Boheme'.   The Master Plan had initially been to have no Mortgage, no Vehicle Payment, no Loan Debt, in Retirement... we had it for a Minute... and then Life happens, shit happens, you adapt, pivot and improvise.   I like this Property better than the Paid Off ones we've had, but it would be Nice to NOT have a big Mortgage in Retirement, or Debt of any kind.  It was never my Master Plan to.  Being a Retired Bank Executive, I had a Master Retirement Plan in place and even accomplished at one point... which, got shot to Hell when Life plays out differently.

I never expected to be Raising Grandchildren.  Never expected The Man to become so ill and disabled he'd be Mandatorily Retired and require Full Time Unpaid Caregiving... by me... requiring my forced Early Retirement and forfeit of the bulk of my own Pension.  Never expected that The Man would be in his catastrophic accident in my Paid Off Vehicle, which was Totaled, but Saved his Life coz it was a Big Truck.  Never expected to be forced to Sell our Paid Off Historic Home and Acreage to qualify to Adopt our Grandkids when that became mandatory to, as Laws changed about Kinship Placements.   Didn't expect all the Adult Kids and then the Adult Grandkids to all need to move back or remain here at Home coz there's no Affordable Housing Locally anymore.

  Didn't expect the ones that can Work to go thru so much Job Loss or Underemployment due to a shitty Economy.  So much happened that you ditch Original Plans and just make New ones.   And so now here we are.  Living the Dream.  *Bwahahahaha*   But, it's important to be flexible with Dreams and Life Goals coz everything is subject to change without notice really, we never know what our Futures hold.  What challenges we'll face, things can't always be accurately predicted.  Some things go Right and some things go Wrong.   And often, some changes work out for the better in the long run, so, mostly, things are as they should be.  I don't always handle change well at first, I'm a Creature of Habit.  Involuntary change can be Good for me then and get me out of my Comfort Zone and able to receive more.

We're back now from Today's gig The Daughter had, it went well and Today I felt well for the entire time.  *Whew*  I think perhaps the day before I might have gotten some Heat Exhaustion?  Today I stayed inside AC the whole time and felt better.  I had a nice Brunch at "The Tipsy Egg" at around 1:00 p.m. coz I hadn't eaten Breakfast.  I had the Acai Bowl and a side of Fruit again.  I didn't Buy anything at the Antique Mall this day tho' my Vendor Friend had made an Altered Art T-Shirt Top with Grateful Dead Graphics and Batik Material on the Arms that I LOVED, but it was too small for me.  I think it had been a Child's Tee coz the Neck was too Small to fit over an Adult Head.  Bummer, and Dammit!  I would have bought it, had it fit, no way it would tho'.  {See Below}  I think I would have had to Cut the Neck of it to make it fit over an Adult Head.  I wasn't sure I wanted to pay that much and then have to make Alterations that might not work.

The Daughter and I went to the GOODWILL Clearance Center and got a lot of Clothing by the Pound.  Most of mine was to Resell, most of hers was to wear.  I got The Son some Clothing, and a few pieces for my own Wardrobe too.  The Daughter got some Kicks there as well, White Brand Name Tennis Shoes.  There are a slew of very Young Male and Female Pickers there who do Resale.  I never seen so many in one place and they seem to be there all of the time.  Overhearing them they all seem to know one another and do their Resale Online.  On that side of the Valley the Demographic of Picker seems to be mostly Teenagers or Twentysomethings and White.  Very Nice Young People tho' and far more courteous that the Westside Pickers when hitting the Tables as they come out.  It can be a Free-for-all Westside.  There everyone behaves and has manners and is respectful of everyone else getting to the Tables.

Plus I noticed a better Quality of Merch in the Clearance Center over there and the Building is also Air Conditioned, which it isn't at the much bigger Clearance Center Westside which is in an Industrial Warehouse and Hotter than Hell itself.  I haven't been to the Westside Location in a long time now and usually wouldn't in Summer anyway, too Hot.  Plus, Pickin' around Polite folks is preferable to Pickin' around those acting Feral and losing their Minds, like the West Valley Location seems to attract.  Seriously, the vast majority at the West Valley Clearance Center are Rude, Socially don't show any semblance of Manners or Etiquette, and it's almost like being in the Ring.  I can hold my own against folks acting Uncivilized, but, I'd rather not.  We got "Dragon Garden" Chinese Takeout for Dinner when we got back Home.  Above is the Mongolian Beef and Spring Rolls but we also got Egg Drop Soup, Steamed Rice, and Vegetables with Lo Mein Noodles.

Tomorrow we finally have nothing on the Calendar so I may take The Man out for a Ride.  He's been stuck in the House a lot coz his Mobility is still compromised and taking the Show on the Road is just hard with him in his present condition.  But he needs to feel inclusive and like he's got something to look forward to doing and engaging in.  I know he's been very depressed and feeling like more of a burden as his Health deteriorates along with his Mind, it's a double whammy.  I want to do things with him but not so much that he has a Medical Emergency becoz it was too much too soon, a difficult balancing act.  If his Cardiac Rehab was scared to exercise him this last Session, then I don't know how much is too much of just everyday activities he's trying to participate in with us?!   I don't have the Medical Monitoring the Hospital has to tell how he's Coping Physically or in distress and pushing too hard.  I think his Heart is still very weak and not functioning optimally now.

He Loves his new Exercise Equipment I got him tho' and uses it voluntarily now every day he won't be having Cardiac Rehab.  They don't want him doing any Exercise on his Cardiac Rehab days scheduled.  And it's something he feels like he can do while sitting and watching TV, moving his Legs and his Arms with it to keep them strengthened and not atrophying.   We just keep it there in the Livingroom coz it's not that big and doesn't take up a lot of room and is where he likes to use it.  I may ask him what he'd like to do Tomorrow?  We'll do whatever it is early before the Heat sets in and then be back before his Sundowners kicks in too.   His Moods and Behavior past 3:00 p.m. deteriorates rapidly now.  We still don't know if or what we'll do for the 4th of July?  Becoz it's the 250th we feel the Fireworks Displays may be bigger and more extravagant, so we'd like to see a Display this Year.  We heard a lot of places are actually doing it on the 3rd of July which will be Tomorrow Night in Real Time.  Westgate in Glendale near the Stadium is closest to us and we could probably see their Displays from near the House, they're doing it July 3rd.

 

Our City is having it at Phoenix International Raceway on July 4th.  So, we might do both the Glendale and Avondale Fireworks Displays since they are Free Venues and not as Crowded usually as Downtown Phoenix at the State Capitol.   So, I've scoped out Two Locations for Friday and Saturday Nights and we'll see how that might work, depending on how The Man feels coz I don't wanna get stuck in a Traffic Jam with his Poor Health, nor do I want to risk him getting Overheated being Outside coz it doesn't Cool Off much after Dark now and can still be over 100 Degrees at Night.   Of coarse I do know some areas near PIR where we do Environmental Cleanup that we could sit and watch the Displays and they are close enuf they should still be visible at the Raceway Event if getting closer might be not such a good idea.   Glendale is trickier coz it's built up around there a lot and not a lot of random places you could go to ensure seeing it without going to the actual Venue area.  Since he has trouble Walking, I don't know I'd risk having to get far from the Vehicle and just be in some Parking Lot.

*******

Celebrations will be long over by the time this Publishes... so I do Hope you had a Happy 4th of July 250th Birthday of America... Dawn... The Bohemian

Capitalism Without Conscience Is Just Greed

 The Daughter has been decluttering the House for me here in the Main House, all of the cluttering was my fault, ALL OF IT.  She's putting it in Milk Crates for now and we'll just stack them in the RV Garage Mahal and Deal with the contents when it cools off in the Fall.  That's the Master Plan anyway, clean up and just Deal with what doesn't have Placement later.  By then, if it's been Crated Up for at least all Summer, I may have less Attachments to any or at least some of it, Right?  *Winks* I'm trying hard to Detach from a lot of Stuff, its a Process tho' when it's all Good Stuff.  Yes, I know I can hawk it successfully, but, do I wanna is the Question?  Above is Princess T peeking out of her Closet!   Yes, she's such a tiny lil Sprite she can fit in there with the Door Closed and it's not a Walk-In Closet!!!  *LOL*

I'm trying now to do that Questionnaire in my Head with each Object, do I Love it?  Is it Useful?  Have I utilized it or displayed it in a Year?   If the Answers are mostly NO, then it has to GO.  She has yet another Cleaning Job in Chandler Tomorrow later Afternoon to Evening.  The Man has another Cardiac Rehab Session in the earlier Morning.  Princess T is having Rusty pick her up from Work so I can take her Mom to Work.  Rusty is here right now and confirmed he will.   I accepted a Shift at the Antique Mall on Thursday Night, coz it's one of the few days the Calendar wasn't loaded up with commitments for everyone else.  I kinda wanna Work, they know about my current Medical Mystery and Fatigue Issues and said I can Tap Out if I can't get thru a whole Shift.   I'd of Loved to have found this Oddity at one of our Chazzas of a Serial Killer Taxidermy Raccoon... could have been Pappi's Girlfriend!   {See me and Pappi Below} *Ha ha ha*

I do miss working and I could use the Comped Space Rent and Fellowship of my Co-Workers and Vendor Friends, and the Customers who are Regulars that I know well too.  I'm pretty Isolated with the Full Time Caregiving so don't get out that much.  When I do Environmental Cleanup it's Solitary Time to enjoy, not Social Time to enjoy, you Need a Balance of both sometime.  You can't be all Work and Commitments with no Fun and Enjoyment.  I was watching Cuomo, coz I Love me some Chris Cuomo... and he said something that resonated with me:  Capitalism Without Conscience Is Just Greed.   And I Believe that too, I'm not AGAINST Capitalism, even tho' sometimes it may appear that I am.  I'm against Capitalism without Conscience... it is just Greed.  Greed is insatiable, the Greedy never can be satiated, Too Much being never Enough for the Greedy.   Seriously, if you're already a Billionaire or Trillionaire and it's not Enough, and you still Feel the Need to exploit everyone for more Money, that's just Greed on Steroids!

I've been having the Weirdest Dreams and remembering them!  Puzzling scenarios in said Dreams that seem so Real, but, so scrambled up as well, my Parents have been in both Dreams, they were at End of Life in both Dreams at the Ages they were and condition they were when they departed this Earth.  But, in the one I had last Night, Mom had taken on Two Foster Children, both were Young Boys, Grade School Aged.  Sweet Kids but of coarse it was too much for her in her condition and Age, she was doing the best she could for them.

  Even where she was living in the Dream was bigger than any place she would have ever needed living Alone, but provided space for the Foster Kids.  In the Dream I was upset coz I didn't even know she'd agreed to become a Foster Parent and the Caseworker checking up on things was a Nitpicky Asshole of a Man, so he was upsetting her and making her feel she wasn't doing enough for said Kiddos.  Mom Loved Kids and they Adored her, so the Boys were as well Cared for and Loved as we'd always been, no reason for The System to nitpick or complain.  Yet, having Dealt with The System, even if you're Unpaid by them, they nitpick and impose so many things you gotta do, regardless of any hardships it imposes upon you to be in compliance!  I had to Sell a Paid Off Home to be in compliance for the Adoption Board and keep my Grandkids, even tho' they'd been Raised since Birth in that Home and were 10 and 15 by the time I finally got Adoption Approved and Finalized by The System and was totally in compliance with various shifting Standards!  Every Agency has completely different Rules and Standards, no consistency!

But, I digress, back to Mom's Imaginary Fostering in said Dream.  Being Younger and Boys, their Room was a bit unkempt, clean, but untidy and a Shared Room with a huge Walk-In Closet with everything they'd Need, she's clearly been spoiling them, as Mom did with Kids.  The Caseworker was saying they should have their own separate Rooms and not Shared Spaces, no matter how spacious!  I'm sure Mom had been doing her best to ensure it remained as presentable as it appeared and had Rented oversized Home/Apartment Space just for those Kids!  For some reason I had my Dad in tow and had been trying to convince him to move in with us, but he was always fiercely Independent, even at The End of Life and very ill, so he was resistant.  So, now I'm Dealing in the Dream with Dad's failing Health and either needing to come live with us or be moved to a Nursing Facility {which actually did happen, just not in the way the Dream was playing out}.  So, Dealing with showing up at Mom's and realizing, shit, she's Fostering Two rambunctious Boys and now has this Asshole Caseworker riding her Ass and making Write-Ups, just set me off!  

 Then Mom got really Upset with me {she could really get Upset, lemme tell ya, so it was like THAT}, coz I told the Foster Care System to find immediate Alternative Placement for them Kids, it was clearly too much for an 84 Year Old Woman.   And they needed to find Placement where they wouldn't have to nitpick and make a voluntary Foster Care Provider Feel inadequate!  Coz that's how these Systems work and play out actually, lots of criticism and very little Help, if you get any at all.  I wasn't even sure in the Dream if they were compensating her or she knew she should be getting Paid?!  Oh, I have known folks that got duped into Fostering Kids they weren't related to and didn't get compensated for and did on their own Dime, even if it's not a Kinship Placement, the State won't Mind at all NOT covering Costs of Care!!!  If they can screw you over Financially, it's a Bonus for them in Money not Paid Out that should be!

 Mom had grown attached to the Boys and they to her.  I don't even know whose Kids they were, but they were not Brothers or biologically related to each other, so it was a tough Call to make.  They were Two Adorable little White Boys, but Older, around 9 to 11 Years Old already, so would still be considered Hard to Place.  Bad Placements exist for Kids Hard to Place.  And my Dad's condition was troubling too and brought back a flood of Memories that were just hard to revisit as well.  Mom's Mind went first but Dad's Body did... neither is not hard to revisit even in a mixed up Weird Dream about it and them already being long Gone to Glory.  Good Lord I was glad to be Awake and End that Dream, it had really been a difficult one and disturbing to me.   Even tho' it wasn't Real, it seemed Real, my Dead Parents were in it and very much Alive in it, and I always try to interpret Dreams that seem Realistic.  

 Mebbe they have no Meaning, mebbe they do, it wasn't as if it was a Premonitionary Dream tho'.  When I have those, I know I'm supposed to Interpret them.  This was not a Premonition, so I'm just trying to forget about it now I've retold it here while it was still fresh in my Mind's Eye.  *Smiles*  Release that shit out into the Universe and off my Mind.  Feel Free to give it an Interpretation if you wanna, would be Interesting to hear Perspectives of a Weird Dream the subconscious just comes up with and has us to remember upon Waking.  Usually I don't have Dreams very often, I have Premonitions more often than Dreams.  I don't Like having them either, but you can't prevent them and they often are very Important and can avoid a Crisis or Near Death Experience from becoming a Death Experience.  So, they do have Purpose. 

 I Act upon Premonitions whenever I can unscramble then, the most recent one Saved The Man's Life in fact.  Prompting Dr. Pham to even move him up the List having Heart Surgery to the Top, coz he is Superstitious like me and felt it might be an Omen when I told him my Premonition.  He didn't Patronize nor Mock me or it, he felt mebbe there was something to it and when he got in there, he said The Man would surely have Died within mere Minutes if we hadn't heeded that Premonition and not taken it as Serious as the Heart Attack!  I could tell it had even unsettled Dr. Pham to have it be so accurately Prophetic.  He asked me if I have them often and I told him everyone on my Mom's side of the Family do.  We're almost always Right about what the Warning is, so we always Heed it and take it Seriously, and try to make others take it Seriously as well.  They don't at their own Peril.  I don't know why we have Prophesy and Premonitions, we just always have, every Generation, my Kids and Biological Grandkids have it too... to varying degrees.

And you get Skeptics, 'til you Predict something with such accuracy or tell them something about themselves that nobody knows and they've never told a Soul about.  Which you have to be discerning about who you would Share that information with coz it frightens people mostly and then they think it's Witchcraft and mistake it as being from The Devil, especially those of certain Brands of Religions that forbid it.  As if forbidding it would stop it, coz it does not, if you have them, you will always have them.  You can just choose not to say anything about it or try not to Heed them at your own Peril and know that by not Warning those it pertains to, you could have done something to prevent something, but didn't.  I don't want that on my conscience so, I sometimes will risk being called a Witch, Gypsy Fortuneteller, Sorcerer, Devil, whatever... *Bwahahahaha*  If you ignore the Warning, or remain a Skeptic, that's Okay, then it's on you, not on me.

Of coarse my Dream wasn't near as Crazy and Weird as the one that Princess T's Boss, Gabe, had about ME recently!!!  Yep, she said now her Co-Workers and Boss are Dreaming about me!!!  *Bwahahahaha and she rolls her Eyes dramatically, coz she said all her Co-Workers LOVE me!*  Gabe was there so she had him tell me about it.  He said I was living in some Big impressive Mansion and Lil Nas X was performing in my Back Yard!!!   Princess T said he didn't even know I actually LIKE Lil Nas X as a Performer, so that made it even more hilarious and eerie!  I confirmed that with Gabe, coz of all the Performers of Modern Music, he'd of thought Lil Nas X to be a really Outlier Choice for someone of my Generation... tho', in retrospect, he said, probably not ME, I'm not your Garden Variety Boomer. *LOL*

  So the Dream seemed really Weird to him.  And everyone he told it too, but he was Brave enuf to tell it, I'll give him Props for that, coz they all know me!  *Bwahahahahaha*  So, we all Laughed, Co-Workers had gathered to hear the Dream and my Reaction to it... about Gabe's Dream with me in it, and Lil Nas X performing at my Mansion.  *I Wish, Smiles, both about the Mansion and Lil Nas coming over to perform*.  But Why was Billy Ray Cyrus missing?   I'm Insulted now that he wasn't there too! He and Lil Nas X could have performed "Old Country Road" for me dammit!   And Billy Ray is still Easy on the Eyes!  And I just Love that Video they cut performing that Song together, it's hilarious and never gets Old to me.  And I do like that Song a lot... and I don't usually like any C&W.  But, it is Satirical C&W with a Clever Twist.  *Bwahahahaha*  Of coarse Billy Ray always did that, even with "Achy Breaky Heart".

Okay, so The Man's 2nd Cardiac Rehab Session went dismally Today, he only lasted 25 Minutes there instead of the Hour Scheduled so I knew something had gone Wrong!  Turns out his Blood Pressure was too high, but it really wasn't, not for him anyway, so I don't know how this is gonna work out?  Plus, she got pissy about him being there, saying  you can't come Two Days in a row and he wasn't Scheduled!  But, SHE had been the one to break their Rule of no Two Days in a row coz tho' we'd requested Mondays and Wednesdays, she had already booked someone else for this Wednesday so switched him to the Tuesday!  I had to fucking Cancel my Dental Appointment due to it and her saying it was the only day available to us this Week, so now I'm doubly pissed she forgot she was the one who insisted on July 1st as his 2nd Session!  Luckily I wasn't there when she gave HIM a hard time about it and making it seem like we'd fucked up and not her!!!  

 

I don't want any more of their Administrative errors making it so they then pretend it's our fault!  And of coarse she couldn't re-schedule him for Tomorrow coz it was fucking booked and why she couldn't schedule us for it in the first place!   I'm already liking this Woman less, even tho' her initial Veneer was all Sweetness and Humor.  Some folks can put on a fake facade but it can easily crumble under pressure or when they fuck up and wanna place blame elsewhere and show their True Colors and Personality, letting the facade slip.  So anyway, then he was Cranky as Fuck coz he'd felt awkward and just had to sit there for 25 Minutes just being Monitored for his BP.  Total waste of our time since he had no Rehab and it will probably still count as one of his Sessions billed to our Insurance.  So, it didn't benefit him at all.  

And was only 25 Minutes of Respite for me from him, luckily I'd finished what I was doing in our Showroom before he called, all Cranky and Upset, so I knew something had gone Sideways this time.  I suspect if this happens again he won't wanna go anymore.  He said rather than looking like a Dress Rehearsal this time or for an Audition for "The Walking Dead" and Male Corpse Like Patients doing Cardiac Rehab, this group was all Fat Females, very Obese Females.  So he said it looked like a Rehearsal or Audition for Contestants of "The Biggest Loser" this time or some Fat Farm Boot Camp.  *LOL*  And he found it hard to Believe they thought he was not in good enuf Shape to do his Exercises Today compared to the Walking Corpses of Yesterday and the extremely Morbidly Obese of Today?  But, I guess they all have good BP even tho' they look Dreadful and Near Death, I dunno?  *Bwahahaha*  Well, at least we got some Gallow's Humor Blog Fodder out of the Ordeal Today.  *Le Sigh, Shrugs and Laughs*  Whaddya gonna do?

So, I gave him a BP Pill when we got Home even tho' his BP was borderline for taking it, from what Docs had told me were when he should have one.  I think that Woman being Bitchy to him and making up that she didn't Schedule us for Today, when she DID, had elevated his Blood Pressure actually?  He stays Quiet when someone else gets confrontational or unlovely or accusatory.  Unlike me, who comes at them like a Pit Bull whose just been taunted.  He's just Nicer.  *Bwahahahaha*  But, internally I know he gets Angry or Upset, and just doesn't outwardly show it.  He remains Quiet, Reserved and Meek in Public, becoz he's generally not one to become confrontational or argumentative or make a Scene, even with the Dementia making him more Unlovely and Cranky than usual.  He gets more loud now when he becomes agitated or anxious, but he's Conditioned to be respectful to anyone in Positions of Authority.  I'm more Resistant to Authority and sometimes Rebel against it if it's just fucking Wrong.  I make Good Trouble as John Lewis would have said.  *Winks*

I'm glad he didn't lose it with her or he probably couldn't come back.  I'm glad I wasn't there when she faked not Scheduling this Session, coz I would have pushed back and reminded her exactly how and why she did!  I recall the whole Conversation, it wasn't that long ago and I've got a Memory like a Steel Trap when it comes to what you Say to me and then try to play off that you fucking didn't and deny it!!!   Plus, it fucked up my Dental Appointment becoz she insisted on THAT Day and time which conflicted with an existing Appointment!  I'd had my Appointment Scheduled Weeks in Advance and now can't re-schedule it for Weeks more becoz I accommodated HER Scheduling being overbooked!!!  Not our Fault if she overbooks Patients and screws up Schedules or bends Rules... I'm not the one who set it up like that, she did.

Anyway, I seriously doubt we'll get thru a lot of these Sessions and we see Dr. Pham on the 15th anyway and I'll ask him about how important it is?   Coz with The Man's usual BP, it seems they won't wanna risk him doing this Cardiac Rehab they've set up for him.  And I don't want everyone's Time to be Wasted if when he shows up and we've set aside Days and Time on a busy Calendar Schedule, he can't even do the Session and just sits there!!!  Or has to call me to come pick him up early and it was for Nothing, but, we'll still Owe whatever they Charge.  Coz if the Insurance sees or finds out he couldn't even do the Session, or she fucks up Scheduling like that again, it could become an Insurance Coverage Issue too.  If you fail to Honor Appointments it's one thing, but if they fail to Honor what you're there for, Insurance nor I wanna Pay for that.   I can check his BP at Home and do every Morning, it was Fine this Morning, it wasn't elevated.  If going is gonna Work him Up to elevate it, that won't Work.  If his Walk to Cardiac Rehab from the Entrance is too much, that won't Work either.

 

So, anyway, this Afternoon I'll get some much Needed Me Time when I take The Daughter to her Housecleaning Job in Chandler.  She Needs the Money, I Need some Time to myself and a Meal Out while she's doing the Job.   I mailed out all the 1st of the Month Bills already coz most of our Pensions hit on the 1st, our Social Security hits Mid-Month to pay the rest that are due later.  July it should hit around the 15th of the Month for Social Security Payments.  I told The Daughter about this Session for her Dad being Drama and a Headache, which is more of a Fiasco than it's worth to us.  She agreed that next time I should go up there and sort her out, but, I don't want retaliation to how they act with him if I'm a Problem for them, you know?  So, you have to be Diplomatic when your Loved One is in their Care, that they don't get resentful towards that Patient becoz the Family caused problems for them, even for legitimate reasons.  Now, if someone abuses him in any way, then I come completely out of the Bag like I did at the VA Hospital that time he suffered Abuse in their Psyche Ward Years ago from a Staff Member.  

I was ready to Jack Up that Sadistic Motherfucker who tied him to a Wheelchair and played War Noises on a Tablet to Torment him, after he had his TBI and was in really Bad Shape Mentally.   They wouldn't even let me see him then for Three Days, Hoping he wouldn't remember what was done to him.  And he wasn't totally verbal... so I might not have known had I not insisted on seeing him.  I finally went to the Top of the Food Chain there and demanded to see him on Day No. 4 and said I felt them not allowing access meant they were trying to Hide something done to him!!!  {This was prior to the Big Federal Investigation into the Phoenix VA, which made the News for Abuses}.  Anyway, when I got to see him he was visibly Upset and said he didn't wanna be there anymore coz the Guy had been "Mean to him".  Head Nurse came rushing over coz she knew he was Telling.  And I simply told him to point out who it was and loudly proclaimed I was gonna Fuck that Person Up before Security would have a chance to Stop me!!! 

 They got that Sadistic Piece of Work off the Ward STAT before I did what I Promised I'd do to him for what he did to my Beloved!  He had no business being around Vulnerable Adults.  I've had Security called on me before at the VA Hospital.  It doesn't Inhibit nor Intimidate me one bit if I'm defending the Safety, Care and Well Being of my Dear Husband!!!  They are some Big Stud Muffins they have on Security and I Promise them they'll have the Fight of their Lives on their Hands and it might just make The News, I don't Care.  And they will have to Manhandle me if my Husband doesn't receive the Dignity and Care he's EARNED as a highly Decorated War Hero and 100% Disabled Veteran.  I'll make sure I'm Bruised and very Bloody, for the "Effect" on Media Coverage.  *Winks*

They're usually very Nice Young huge Stud Muffin Men, the Ages of my Grandsons, and don't really wanna hafta try to restrain me and carry me out Fighting them like a Rabid Old Dog that Needs to be Put Down.  *Smiles*  But they Sense I will... and so usually then other Staff get involved, to de-escalate, and makes sure The Man is then not neglected or shoved aside and gets the Care he Needs and I took him there for.  The Psychiatrist there knows our whole Family Well... even after all these Years.   We're quite Unforgettable from a Psychiatric Standpoint, I'm SURE!  *Winks and Bwahahahaha*  Yeah, we've got some Stories, but The Man knows that I'll make a Scene for him or for any of the Family, to get them the proper Care they Need, I won't hesitate to.  If I have to catch some Charges to ensure they receive appropriate Care, so be it.  If I have to be on the Ten O'Clock News as a Headline, so be that too.  Everyone Loves a good BAD Public Relations Story about The Establishment.  Coz most of the Public are just as Angry and Fed Up with these Systems and how skewed and biased they are in Favor of Elites and Government and not the People being Served whose $$$ Funds it all. 

Anyway, I'd rather not make a Scene if they can just handle the Care appropriately of those requiring it, without incident that causes concerns of abuses or neglect.  You do have to Advocate strongly for Vulnerable Adults and Minor Children.   And somebody has to do it or they have no Representation or Protection.   And they Need it, really really Need it.  They are called Vulnerable for a reason, coz they ARE.  I used to even do Advocacy Work for Faith Based Ministries to help folks thru their Paperwork, now it's enuf for me to just get thru it with my own Family Members.  I'd say Social Services has made it more complex over the Years on purpose to deter applicants.  Those with Developmental or Mental Disabilities could never get thru the Process or the Paperwork without Advocacy and they know this Fact... so it is cruel to make it impossible for them to apply for Services without trying to find an Advocate too.  If they don't have anyone who Cares about them, they just never get the Help they desperately Need.

Anyway, I started not Feeling Well when The Daughter was about halfway thru her gig Housecleaning Yesterday, but I didn't Call her to abort her Job halfway thru.  I toughed it out, but I really wanted to lay down, you just can't at a Store or Antique Mall.  *LOL*  I keep having these Spells where I just feel dreadful, and need to then go lay down when I'm at Home.  They typically do pass, the Nausea and my Belly becoming distended like I'm very Pregnant!   Doctor Google states all the obvious things it could be... vaguaries from nothing to worry about to something you should be alarmed about.  *Eye Roll*   So, I'm just not worrying about it until I get some concrete results from my Medical Team.  So they'd called me Yesterday and I missed the Call and when I called back they didn't recall why they'd even called me, no results had come in from the recent MRI yet, so, no Idea why they called???  I figured they'd ask around and call back if it was critical News?  No Callback, so... I dismissed it as probably not important yet.

When we did get Home after 7:00 p.m. I went straight to Bed and didn't wake up 'til it was a brand new Day.  I also cancelled my Shift at the Antique Mall for Today, figured no way I was getting thru a Four Hour Night Shift when I'm feeling dreadful every day by around 3-5 p.m. now!  They understood and told me to just take care and feel better.  I'd given them enuf time to find a replacement for the replacement I would have been.  They've had a lot of folks calling out lately so I've had to turn down a lot of Shifts due to my own Health Issues compounding.  I like working and could have used the comped Space Rent and getting out of the House during the Evening, but, Honestly, I doubt I'm in any kind of Physical Shape right now to do the Work, so I'd rather let someone up to the Job replace me for now until I can do the Work properly.

I bought The Man Three Grasshopper Fishing Lures at the Antique Mall, so Cute, really look like Three different colorful Grasshoppers.  He Collects Fishing Lures and when I see any Novelty looking ones I get them for him.   I got myself a 1950's Military Groom and Bride Wedding Cake Topper I'd been eyeballing for a couple Months now at that Antique Mall.  {See Below}   The Price was FAR Below what they go for Online, so I knew it was a ridiculously Bargain Basement Price on it and I dug it so much I finally relented.  I got my 10% Military Discount on the already low Price so Paid less than Twenty Bucks for it.  Online they go for well over $100+.  It was my only Purchase, I wasn't really in the Mood for Shopping, just being Inspired and having a small Bowl of their Corn Chowder at "The American Way Market" Restaurant, picked up a Berry and a Peach Scone for Breakfast in the Morning too.  With not Feeling 100% I didn't enjoy myself for 2 of the 4 Hours, which sucked, it was "Me Time" and being unable to Feel Well enuf to enjoy it SUCKED!!!

The Good News tho' was GOODWILL is rolling out their Halloween Merch, Squeal!!!   You can never roll out Halloween too Early for Yours Truly, so I did also pick up Three inexpensive items of Halloween Merch from one location.   An "Anna Lee" Halloween Weiner Dog in a Witch's Costume for $3.99, it was New Old Stock and still had it's $20 Retail Tag on it... a Mummy Tumbler to add to the Set of them I have, it was only $1.99... and a realistic looking Faux Ceramic Pumpkin for $3.49.  {See Halloween Haul Below}   I will now be hitting every GOODWILL I see to scope out their Halloween Merch coz consistently they've had the best selections, better than Retail Stores and they often get New Old Stock of previous Seasonal Lines that the Big Retail Stores like TARGET, TJ Maxx, ROSS and Home Goods have Donated.

I tried to get Vendors Jim & Mary to Sell me their Vintage Wooden Mannequin painted like a Clown, but it's NFS and a Display for the Hat that they are Selling.   If they ever do wanna Sell the Mannequin I'll Buy it if they're not ridiculous about what they want for it.  I can have The Young Prince Create one just like it tho' now that I have the Pix.  *Smiles*   Jim & Mary go to a lot of Auctions and Sell a lot of Primo Antiques, I think they Invest a lot in their Inventory coz they really do have some of the Best Antiquities still in our Antique Mall.  It's a Hard Sell, but, they are Purists and some will do Okay these days just Selling The Good Stuff.  I'd like to, but, it's just not as Profitable and if I'm gonna be at an Antique Mall and be Renting Space, I'm only gonna try to Sell what folks are Buying, otherwise, what's the Point? 

So, I had a VERY INTERESTING thing happen the other Day.  A Cop came to my Door trying to 'Serve' Mando!!!  I told him that Mando doesn't live here, he said this is the Address that he's apparently been giving as his place of Residence.  I told him that he had been Dating our Daughter but they broke up and he's no longer allowed on our Property becoz he became problematic and we don't want her having any contact with him or him having any Mail sent here.  If we get any, we have it Returned To Sender and have no idea where he's staying now.  I did tell the Officer that as far as I know he's been staying here and there for a long time and has no actual place of Residence, so perhaps why he's giving out random places he has stayed temporarily?   I Believe all of that to be True, I think he stays where ever anyone lets him. 

  

I'd always assumed he had a place that his Family owned and was letting him use, coz that's the Story he gave us anyway, but I don't know that it was even True?   It was a Trailer on some Land, not sure where exactly tho'.  I think they let him stay there while he was fixing the place up for them to eventually Rent Out.   Anyway, it wasn't a Process Server, it was actually a Uniformed Police Officer and he told me that since they're trying to locate him, we may have other Officers showing up and I said that's Fine, coz, he's not here nor will he be here.  We'd call the Cops if he came onto our Property actually.  I don't want Drama and a Headache from him and his Obsession with our Daughter had me concerned, coz when she didn't wanna see him anymore, he was Stalkerish.  So, I don't know whose Serving Papers on him now, but, it's not so Surprising.  He's gonna get himself Locked Up again if he's gonna be a problem to people.  Since he has Stage 4 Cancer, he should just check himself into a Hospice IMO for the Care he Needs.  I think it may have gone to his Brain and impaired Behavior and Judgment?

If he was in a Hospice then I don't think they would pursue whatever this is, knowing he's Dying?   He was great with The Man and I always, but, not with the rest of my Family and he knew once he crossed that Line and Boundary, he's Crossed me too.   And he knows how I am about my Loved Ones, fiercely Protective.   So, anyway, I told The Daughter about it, I doubt she knows where he is at any given time but she knows how to get Word Out on The Streets that Police are looking for him and if he's Wise, he'll address whatever the Issue is and Turn himself in, or, check himself into a Hospice or something rather than risk going to Jail or violating some Order that is out against him now???   I don't presume to speculate what kind of Trouble he's gotten himself into, I do know he Wrecked his Car and it may even be about that, but, that's pure speculation on The Daughter's part.   

Coz she said it caused some Property Damage from what she knew of, of City Property, a Fire Hydrant as I recall.  The Vehicle was impounded and he left the Scene of the Accident, no other Vehicles involved, but he wasn't Registered or Insured... don't even know if he had a current License actually, he didn't drive much on account of his Hands were really damaged from the Bone Cancer.   And I highly suspect he was using Painkillers prescribed to him that would impair and be considered DUI, and perhaps also Self-Medicating with other Substances.   I know his Behavior and Moods were becoming more erratic and unregulated, like he wasn't able to Control them anymore.   I had Pity for his Terminal Illness, but not Tolerant of inappropriate outbursts he was having, so I forbid him to be around my Family anymore or on our Property either.  

He was spending too much time here anyway and didn't Live here, and wasn't always getting along and playing well with others who DO Live here.  So he hadda Go and made himself Unwelcome Forever.   It got to the place he was having Physical altercations with the Males of my Family that he initiated... No Bueno... he'd of gotten really Hurt and I didn't want The Son or The Young Prince catching Charges... for Defending The Daughter from an Abusive Boyfriend.  Granted, she could have easily kicked his Ass, but, she wouldn't have coz he was Sickly and she has great Compassion for anyone whose Seriously Ill, whether it be a Physical Illness or a Mental one, and he seemed to be having both.  I had told her she could not be his 'Savior' and he required Professional Care really that he should be seeking and Qualifying for in his Condition.  I still Believe that and do Hope he gets the Help he needs, I don't Wish ill upon him, but, he can't be unraveling like he is without consequences.

*******

Love is indeed the Highest Vibration in the Universe... Dawn... The Bohemian