Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Pluses And Minuses ~ A Comedy Of Errors

 



A bit of a Pre-Holiday Vent ahead... I'm giving you Fair Warning!    Holidays can be Stressful enough, adding more People to the Mix, can become somewhat Overwhelming at times.  *Winks*  The Adjustment to having a house full of Young Adults again has been rather a Comedy of Errors for Yours Truly, with pluses and minuses to the transition.  With a whole lot of 'personality' in da House trying to coexist and make concessions for one another without causing any offenses, it's a Fine Line to Walk Out sometimes.  Sometimes apparently, I fail miserably at the latter and go over the side!   Have I become an unintentionally Offensive Old Lady without trying to be, I now Wonder?  I certainly Hope not, I try to respect anyone's particular Sensitivities and Triggers anyway and not Offend or say anything that could be Hurtful or misconstrued.




I do think that sometimes in Modern Society everything has become so very PC that my Generation struggles to keep up with what is now considered inappropriate to say, do, imply, etcetera, lest someone take an Offense.   Certain words that used to be a used to describe things can't be used anymore and I didn't get the Memo.   I'm one of those people that simply refuses to TAKE an Offense, you can't be as Offended if you ignore something Offensive, whether unintentional or intentional.   Most of the time I do Honestly think a lot of unintentional Offenses are taken and those Offenders are Clueless about what they said or did that became an Issue.




So it is with me sometimes, especially with my Habit of Gallow's Humor and just making Jokes about Daily Stuff in jest, that then someone might not appreciate the Humor of.   The Young Prince has been away for Years now, so perhaps he forgot how much Gallow's Humor is used around here and that no Offense is ever intended when we're joking and laughing about one another's follies?   I joke equally about myself and The Man as I do about any other member of the Family or Friends, it's how we've always been.   The Son and I especially will roll with hilarity and raucous Laughter about such things when we talk, so when he called to talk about Thanksgiving, that's what we did.




Well, The Grandson overheard the conversation, I'm a loud talker, so it wasn't as if he was eavesdropping or that anything I was saying I was trying not to be overheard.   It was just our usual banter that The Son and I have, he was joking in Gallow's Humor about Sharing a Household with Nine People in a small Historic Cottage.  Then comedically asking how I was Coping with Sharing a Household with Five other People now here?   That led he and I to a Dark Humorous exchange about things you Forget about until you have more Humans to consider besides yourselves coexisting under one roof.   Ruh-Roh, The Grandson didn't find some of it Funny and took it Personally, felt Hurt, an Apology then was in order.




Coming back Home to Live can never be easy once you've tasted Independence and having your own place, I get it.   You forget what annoys you about Loved Ones and that your Grandparents realize you're Grown now, but that to them you'll always be their GrandCHILD, no matter how Old you get.   They take Issue with that since Respecting their Adulthood goes further than I suppose I'm taking it?    But then, I had to push back and say that if one wants to be treated as a fully Mature Adult, then one has to Act the part too.  Which means such things as being responsible enough to clean up after oneself and not expect someone Older to run damage control behind you and not leave their Home messy. 




 Don't have to be told over and over again to turn off Lights behind you when you leave a room.  Or not use entire rolls of TP in one sitting and risk clogging up the Septic System prematurely.  Not blast thru food and drinks like they're unlimited resources that Magically appear and aren't being Shared by an entire Family of other People.  When an entire container of Lucky Charms goes missing, perhaps that was bogarting too much of the Cereal.  Okay, so you get the gist, I'd joked with The Son about Forgetting how much Young Men eat, drink, use resources up and make a mess... compared to Old People and Teen Girls. 




   The Son gets it, he's a Young Man too, I fed him for Years... he eats and drinks a lot more than his Dad, Niece and I... he's Messier than we are, he's a Lights On Offender, and sometimes he left the Toilet Seat Up and went thru TP like a Crazy Person spinning it like Wheel of Fortune, when it was On Ration due to Pandemic no less!  *LOL*  It's something we just forgot in the Years we haven't had Teen or Adult Young Men living in the household.  I Joked that his Niece is now hiding her Leftovers in her own Fridge so she'll still have them.  He laughed, so... no more Leftover Hot Wings for her then!?   *Bwahahahaha*




 I Joked that his Dad now has another Candy Eater in da House, so he's Squirrelling away Halloween Candy he likes.  Princess T and I don't indulge so usually The Man has it all to himself with no competition for it.  *LOL*  So when The Son  Shared Space with us here, same Issues, same Jokes, same attempts to reach Healthy Compromise without anyone feeling picked on or singled out.   We're on a Fixed Income here so Budgeting is important.  The Issues aren't Life or Death to me either tho', I can find the Humor in it, so I Joke about them, but am somewhat Serious about them too.   I don't get to Blog as much anymore and find myself going thru Withdrawal and sneaking in here and getting 'caught' and asked if I could leave the Room.  *LOL*




 So perhaps it IS all Passive Aggressive in some ways, even tho' I've done Face Time to explain to try to do better, all of us, so it's not as if I've held my mud and said things behind anyone's Backs that hasn't been said Face to Face either in candid conversations.   But Hurt Feelings have prevailed and Offenses taken where none were intended, so we're working around all of that Drama and a Headache, which is something I abhor.   So, I try to avoid it at all costs... I'll even forfeit the Need to be Right just to have fucking Peace, you hear me?  *LOL*




 Nobody has to get butt hurt about trifles and what they read between the Lines of what anyone said.  Anything or anyone becoming so High Maintenance I have to even think about everything said or done around them is tiresome.   It exhausts me, I ain't gonna Lie, after a while I get Triggered and say, Gimme a Break will ya, I'm trying to be Gracious and Sensitive, but let us not get carried away shall we?!!!?  Fuck!  We've managed to have Pleasant Holiday Dinners of Thanksgiving Past to recall fondly, let us just have one this Year!   Or I'll need to Spike the Punch heavily!  *LOL*




Old people like our Routines too, especially Brain Damaged Old Men, so we're making incredible concessions to accommodate anyone we're Hosting in our Home that disrupts our usual Routines.  Any time someone else enters any Household you're now blending everyone's Routines, Personalities and Habits, which takes some compromise and some adjustments.   And, if you are the Guest, it's probably wiser to respect the Host's Routines somewhat and not expect the entire household to have such disruption that they have to do everything differently to accommodate Guests while in their own Home.   This is why I prefer short term Guests to long term ones, whether Friends or Family, longer term means that nothing returns to normal for a very long time in your own Home. 




Listen, if you're a particularly High Strung Sensitive Soul, I am probably more Abrasive and 100% Real a Personality than you can want a lot of exposure to long term, I ain't gonna Lie.   But I am a Kind and Giving Person and never Intend to EVER be Hurtful to anyone, this much I can Promise you.   If you therefore TAKE an Offense, it was an Offense TAKEN by you that was not GIVEN by me intentionally at all.   If you become Hurt, Offended, whatever, I can acknowledge that, Respect it enough to be Apologetic with all Sincerity.  You're gonna Feel what you just Feel and there's nothing Wrong with that either, you Own your own Feelings, Life Filters and Reactions to Life and interactions with other People.   But I have them too, so Respect that as well, keep Communication Open and we'll likely Work everything out okay.  But it's a Two Way Street and I don't want a Chaotic Holiday Season.




I Care enough about everyone in this Household to always want for them to know my Love is Unconditional and they're Welcome in our Home.   I'd do anything for them within reason to the best of my ability.  If that isn't Enough, well, whatever is Lacking they gotta make up some other kind of way, I can only give my All, no more than that.   You also have to meet me at least halfway and be Mature enough to realize your Grandparents, by the time you are a Grown Adult, are Elderly people requiring some leniency too in how the Generational Gap Spread just plays out sometimes.  No, I won't and don't want to Update my Technology and Learn it all and do what ya'll do who have Grown Up with it, so quit bugging me to Enhance every bit of it just coz you're now in da Household!  You're not gonna Sell me on it, so Stop already!




We don't want to get rid of our Landline even if nobody else you know has one, we've had that line and number longer than any of you or your Parents has been on this Earth!  *LOL*  We've been dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st Century somewhat, but some Old School shit we just prefer, so Deal with it while under our Roof.   Even cooking the Thanksgiving Turkey became a Debate, Allen wanted to Deep Fry it.  All I've ever seen about Deep Fried Turkeys is catastrophic events like them exploding, catching People and Homes on Fire, having to buy expensive equipment that only Fries Turkeys and isn't used for anything else.  I don't even know if we'd LIKE Fried Turkey?!!!!!?   Even if you claim it is Juicier... we cook ours in a Turkey Bag upside down and it bastes in it's own Juices for Hours, it'll be Juicy enough, I Promise you!   We've been around The Sun enough times to have cooked a lot of Turkey, for ourselves and for Food Ministries, we got this!  *Winks*




 You can invite us over for Fried Turkey when you get your own place, Okay?  *LOL*   And, besides... I wasn't outlaying for another $69-$125 for the paraphernalia required to Fry a damned Turkey once!  I already paid for the whole Thanksgiving Dinner, so I'm Good doing it the way we've always done it.   In fact, if it was just Princess T, The Man and I, we wouldn't even be cooking a Thanksgiving Dinner, we'd go out to eat instead.   Since we don't eat that much, would never use so much leftovers and she doesn't eat Turkey, so she'll be cooking a Steak to go with the other fixings.   We're doing this for you Guys and it will be nice to have everyone here together, but lets not get carried away spending our Money and breaking the Budget allotted for Thanksgiving, that's all we ask.  *Winks*




So, since we weren't Frying a Turkey, they lost interest in cooking Thanksgiving Dinner it seems and The Man couldn't even remember how he used to cook a Thanksgiving Dinner?   With his Memory Care Issues he overwhelms easily and he always was the Holiday Cook, or The Son and Family would be over and The Son and DIL would help prepare the Bird and a Ham.   This year we're not doing a Ham, we're even making Two different forms of Stuffing, since the Guys claim they don't want Giblets in theirs and we want Giblets in ours.  So, what's in the Bird will not have Giblets, what's being cooked in a Stuffing Pan will have Giblets and they can try it if they want to see if they like our version?   The Bird is in the Oven Tonight and will cook on low all Night.  The House will smell Divine by Morning.




On the Pluses side, having the Guys helping out around the House and RV Garage for Maintenance and The RV Garage Project has been invaluable.  I let them have at it in there with only mild delegation of the overall Vision I have for each area.  The Young Prince, like his Sister, can whip an area into shape much quicker than I ever could in a Month of Sundays!   The Young Prince is enjoying poking around in there and Styling some things, so long as it's enjoyable, have at it and spend as much time as you want to.   I can tweak the Outcome later on, since so much of the Labor is really being done for me, I'm not being fussy about hardly any of it and how they're all going about it.  I fully Appreciate all their hard Work and abundant Youthful Energy.




It is nice spending Family time with Family we haven't seen in Years, any temporary disruption this causes is really not as much a Minus as all the Pluses to Hosting Family or Friends in our Home.  But, that said, Venting about what Challenges us, here in The Land Of Blog, has a way of keeping my Head on Straight when I'm trying to Maintain my Calm and my composure when stressing out about some things.  *Winks*   Usually if I talk it thru I can come back to Center and carry on.   The Son has invited us all over to Gypsy James' Home Thanksgiving Day too, where he's preparing the Meal, and they've given our Family an Open Invitation, I'll probably be the only one to go though.  I'm looking forward to it after we enjoy our Meal.




I may even bring over some of our Leftovers and a Pie to Share with them, since I'm fairly certain they intend to do the same with us.   James Appreciates that both The Son and another Roommate Carlos are buying and cooking the entire Thanksgiving Meal.   This is the first time Gypsy James has ever been Laid Off and been Unemployed, so it's been Stressful, since he just bought that Home and Closed on it only in late October and has a Wife and Child to Support!   So the Timing for being Laid Off when the Company he'd worked for so long got Sold, was totally unexpected.   Carlos used to work there too and he got Laid Off, the new Owners only kept The Son. 




  It Stressed The Son out to know everyone is depending on his Income until things improve.   He doesn't need much himself, but he does worry about his Laid Off Friends who have Families to Support.   And, he said living in a Household with Nine other people is a bit much for him personally.  Tho' Gypsy James has always had a houseful like that and is used to it and the chaos of so many, The Son used to Stress Out when he still lived at Home as a Teenager and we began Raising his Nephew and Niece.  I still remember him as a Teenager saying, Mom, there are too many Kids in the House, and The Young Prince, who was in Grade School, said, well, you're about Grown, so leave... *Bwahahaha*  Lots of People Sharing Space can be chaotic and loud.  Many People can't handle that... and that's Okay.




I think when my Friend lived with us for 9 Months she had trouble with numerous People Sharing Space, since she'd lived Alone for Years.   When Younger she was a Single Mom and had just an Only Child, so had gotten used to that.  When she was living with us at the McManse, we had not only our Four Family members, but Two of The Young Prince's Friends living with us, Johnny and Jasmine, temporarily too.   Johnny, while he waited for his Enlistment into the Marine Corps., his Dad was a violent SOB and so Johnny was spending most of his time at our Home anyway while waiting to join the Service.   When I knew what the Home Life was like, we let him stay the few Weeks he needed to in the Young Prince's Apartment Upstairs until he would be sent to Boot Camp.




And Jasmine, because things hadn't worked out with her Bio Dad and new Stepmom.  They had sent for her to come live here in Arizona with them once she was a Teenager.  I personally think to have a handy Live-In Babysitter for her Younger Half Siblings and do all the Work around the House.  Her Bio Mom sent her to Arizona from New York, Jasmine really didn't even know her Bio Dad, he'd not Raised her, then things went Sideways for the Teen.   Her Dad was trying to be Sexually abusive and the Stepmom didn't like her, was Jealous and blaming the unfortunate Teen for the Pervert Husband's attempt to commit Incest, they had 'their' Kids together, so Jasmine was tossed to the curb and had no Money to get back to New York.  Finally her very nice Boyfriend got them both an Apartment and we moved her in with him.  We've had numerous Holidays where we had taken in those in Need.




So, I'm used to having Guests in our Home, off and on we've Hosted many People short term and even long term, when there was Need especially and they had no place else to go.   As an Old Hippie I've got the Outlook that you can always throw more Water in the Beans and make things Work.   Relationships and People are more Important than Things and even my own Creature Comforts.   I can handle disruptions, even if I may Bitch about some of it as we are Aging Out, since we don't Adapt and Improvise on The Fly so Well anymore and get Cranky easily now.  *LOL*   I do find that in Senior Years, you just want Your Time and you Guard it jealously.  Holding that Space of a Balanced amount of Togetherness and Apartness can be quite the Three Ring Circus and Tightrope Walk, can't it?   But, this is my Circus and these are my Monkeys... and we'll make it Work!  *Winks*



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Happy Thanksgiving my Friends... Dawn... The Bohemian

9 comments:

  1. Just wanted to pop in and wish you and your family a lovely Thanksgiving Dawn. I am thankful to have "met" you and thank you for brightening my day with your lovely visuals.

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    1. Awwww, back at ya my Friend, glad we've met here in The Land Of Blog too, you are such a Creative and Kind Soul, I've kinda Adopted you as another Grandchild. *winks* Happy Thanksgiving, are you doing the cooking this Year or are you being indulged?

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  2. Hmmm, "drama and a headache"- what a great way to describe my own family. Mind if I steal that phrase, Dawn? Anyhoo, all I'd say is, it's YOUR home, and any visitors, be they friends or family, need to adapt, chill or leave. It's simple. Now, I know it's really not THAT simple, boy do I know it. This morning is the first time in a long time I've actually read through your complete post, no offense. And before I forget (which I most likely would do) I want to thank you for your thoughtful input on my email question. I'm sure it was oddly uncomfortable to get such an inquiry from a stranger, but I do appreciate it. Fried, roasted, store-bought or otherwise, please enjoy today's feast wherever and whatever and with whomever. Mine will be spent with my best friend- my dear wife- and of course our cranky but oh-so-loveable feline. Family is way distant, but the phone solves that. My parents are long dead, or so I'm told, my siblings (most, anyway) are assholes, and we'll be enjoying another gravy-free (I'm still sad, though I know it's for my own good), mimosa-buzzed quiet day here. Happy Thanksgiving to you, Dawn, and your whole house, no matter how full.

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    1. Yes, you can totally steal that phrase, I know I did, from someone, I forget who. *LOL* Thankfully no immediate Family are Assholes, but with some of them a little bit can go a long way if you're not used to prolonged exposure to their habits and strong personality and distinct Mental Health disabilities that make relationships challenging sometimes. We work it out amicably, always sure to let one another know the Love is unconditional, even if the behavior won't be tolerated. The Guys would have no place to go so asked if they could live with us until they relocate totally to Arizona from Washington State, I agreed before they even left Washington. I knew there would be challenges due to Generational differences, I try not to get so Old I forget what it was like to be Young. *Smiles* Us Old Folks get stuck in our ways and don't want a lot of Change once in our comfort zone and familiar routines, it's comforting at a certain age to have things remain somewhat the same. I know they mean well trying to "Update" us, they just don't understand it's not as important to us as it is to them of their Generation. I know I go long so many can't get thru an epic Post read, no offenses taken. *Smiles* Some probably only come for the Visual overload and that's okay too... it's a lot to take in. *Ha ha ha* Did I tell you I'm Intense and am inclined to Muchness? *Winks* Restraint is not one of my strengths, clearly. *Ha ha* Your Holiday sounds Serene, except for the Gravy-Free part, which would be hard even if for one's own good... I mean, we gotta Die of SOMETHING my Friend, Death by Gravy doesn't sound like the worst way to go... just sayin'. *PS: Do not tell the Dear Wife I'm contributing to your delinquency, she wants you vertical for a very long time I'm sure!*

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  3. Happy Thanksgiving, Dawn. That grey, red, and white carpet looks Turkish as in we have that same pattern on a couple cheap throw mats we bought in Ankara

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    1. I'm pretty sure that is Turkish Kilim material, The Man spent time in Turkey during the Desert Storm deployments Years ago, so I have a lot of Turkish things he brought back. The Event had a lot of imports from all over the World and often reupholsters things in the more sturdy Exotic Fabrics, which are Trending right now. I'm glad people are more appreciative of Global Style now. How long did you spend in Turkey? I once Dated a Turk whose Family had immigrated to America when his Widowed Mom remarried an American G.I., our Families remained Friends for many Years, they were wonderful people and I often wonder where they ended up after they left Arizona.

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    2. I have been to Turkey many times, first in 1999 for work and then as a tourist enjoying the sea at Antalya. I also have a genuine hand woven Kilim from Uşak Province where they specialize in the good ones.

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  4. Happy Thanksgiving, sweetpea! xoxoo

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    1. Happy Thanksgiving to you too my Friend, you haven't been Blogging much, I Hope all is well and you're just Mad busy with Life instead?

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl