Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Meet The Teachers... And Other Things I Dread...



I took the Night off Work because Tonight is Meet The Teachers for Princess T's 6th Grade... nobody is looking forward to it, in fact we usually Dread it.  School begins already day after Tomorrow for her, I thought we had at least another Week, and Why begin on a Thursday I Wonder, Curious indeed!?  Princess T has not been Physically or Emotionally Well for over a Week anyway, so she'll be starting School with Health Problems from Day No. One... Splendid!




  We just left the Pediatrician's Office AGAIN earlier this Morning... it's gonna be a full day!  She's asleep again and will have to be woken up to Meet Teachers she'd rather NOT have to meet and communicated that Fact.  It's a Unanimous Sentiment... we don't wanna either, Grandpa and I... but ya gotta do what ya gotta do!!!  Sometimes Avoidance is not an Option!  *LOL*




If you have typical Kiddos, with no Special Needs and Academic or Behavioral Issues and Challenges associated with a Disability, you might not understand why we in that Community typically Dread the meeting of the Teachers?  And that might be because most of your Dealings with the Teachers and Administration of your Schools will mostly and generally be Positive and Uplifting thruout the School Year.  Ours are typically NOT... that's actually an understatement of just how NOT ours will mostly and generally be!!! 




  Most of ours tend to be Negative experiences both for the Child and the Family thruout the School Year.  You know, where you're constantly being told and reminded about all that is WRONG with your Precious One... AS IF we're Unaware!  *Le Sigh*  Trust and Believe, we ARE Aware, we Live it twenty-four-seven and three-hundred-sixty-five! Nothing you can tell us is a Revelation and nothing 'Medical' can further be done that hasn't already been done... and overdone... ad nauseum!  I can only hear just so much about what is Wrong with my Kiddos and is Negative about trying to Educate them. Please, just try to find something Right and Positive, that would be a refreshing Change for once!




It makes us Moms and Grammas particularly Defensive and Protective once anyone starts any Negative Dialogue about our Babies... and especially in front of our Babies... they can Hear you know... at least Mine can!!!   They are not Invisible and they have above average Intelligence really, tho' their Grades will almost never reflect that Fact.  So when they don't Hear much Positive being communicated about them, and in front of them, well, then School becomes just another Life Hurdle or Bias to overcome or Hoop to jump thru.   They already have a Life Journey full of those... it's rather exhaustive for us all and particularly for them. 




 It also doesn't Feel very Inclusive to be Labeled so "Different" from their peers in a way that is almost always being pointed out, even by the Adults... let alone most other Kiddos... and especially AT SCHOOL!   You see, theirs is mostly a 'Hidden' Disability, they Look like everyone else mostly on the surface.   So they'd like to fly under the Radar whenever they can just 'Pass' as allegedly 'Normal' and 'Able' people and blend in... less Drama, less Bias, less Stigma and Hassles, more Inclusion, better Quality of Life, especially Socially and Academically.  





They don't like to be Defined merely by their Disability or set apart all of the time because of it.   Since that Label is not ALL that they are... they are many more things than just a Medical Diagnosis that deems them Disabled Individuals... Title 19's.    {Page 1. Medicaid (Title XIX) Description: The Medicaid program is designed to help persons who are age 65 years or older, persons, with disabilities between the ages of 18 and 65, those who are blind or who receive public assistance to pay medical expenses.}




 As a matter of fact, The Young Prince does not like to say such things as, "I am Mentally Ill..." or "I am Disabled"...  he'd much prefer to refer to himself as, "I am a Human Being..."  Then he doesn't get Categorized nearly so much by his 'Difference', but instead by his Similarities to everyone else.  Distinctions can be a Positive thing or they can be deemed, by Society mostly, as Negative things.  Having Special Needs has been that kind of a Distinction that has not been a Positive thing Socially or Academically and so some situations have learned to be Dreaded on account of it... the predictable Outcome.




Ah, but you're just MEETING The Teachers for this year, for perhaps the first time, so why Dread it you might ask?   Well, lemme tell ya... if you have a Special Needs Child and they've ever already gone to that School, their Rep tends to proceed them in the Admin and Teacher Circles.   Probably around the water cooler discussions, I'm just not Sure how everyone already knows mine even if we are just meeting them for the very first time?!?  Of coarse they do have The Files and Transcripts, so I'm sure all the Red Flags are there and fair warnings disclosed.   I'm sure my own rep has proceeded me too, I can be a ball breaker and head roller when it comes to Advocating for my Kiddos, I ain't gonna lie!  *Winks*




I am NOT one of those Mild Mannered or Meek Parental figures that is easily Intimidated or Bullied... I certainly Pity the Fool that attempts to Patronize me either or talk down to me because I'm a Parent.  Word to the Wise, never underestimate your Opponent, whoever they are, you can get taken down, especially if they have nothing to lose!   I'll go toe to toe with the best of them, Test me, I Dare ya.  Word Up, I don't fight Fair tho', I fight to Win and you likely might never see me coming if you underestimate me as an Adversary!?




   I got paid a shitload of money in my Corporate Lives to Protect the Assets and Interests of Corporations or the County, so don't think for a minute I'm not equally Passionate about Protecting something far more Precious than a damned Portfolio that belongs to someone else!!!  *Winks*   You want me on your Side, you really do, and I want to be on the same Side, the same Page... makes my Life easier... your Life easier... and especially the Kiddos Lives easier!  If you shed a tear or I shed I tear then I won't be all that Moved by it... but if they come Home shedding tears BECAUSE of you, well, then we have a Situation... and it will be Resolved!




 Coz frankly I don't Care if us Big People don't have an easy go of it, but them, I Care if they don't!!  I only Care about having the Common Goal being whatever is in the Best Interest of my Kiddos.   To get them Successfully Educated and not just Aged Out of The System and treated like defects, misfits or just a Pain in your Ass coz you got them in your Class or School this year!!!  I will address any Issues that we possibly can in a mutually respectful way.  But some Issues cannot and will not be Resolved because it involves Health or Mental Health Issues that there is no Cure for... no Handy Solutions for... here or at School!  Deal with that appropriately, that's all I ask... it is what it is and what it will likely always be... forever and ever... Amen!




I don't Like that part of it either, they don't Like that part of it, Trust me... they desperately would Like to be just like everyone else who is Healthy and not stuck with the Labels and Challenges it presents!  You will likely only ever have to Deal with it for perhaps a School Year, or a chance Meeting with The Force, on a limited basis.  They will have to Deal with it for a Lifetime... which means I'm also on board for a Lifetime.   Dealing with Caregiving for Disabled Children and Disabled Adults in our Family has been something I've Dealt with for so long now I am convinced any Teacher can Survive it for perhaps one School Year.  If they don't Feel they can, then I just want to know ASAP so we can request someone else.




Because it is a Topic that will always come up, it almost HAS to... my dilemma is just when should we discuss it, when I Meet you... or later on when it becomes unavoidable?   That's why I Dread the Meeting part... because I KNOW beyond a Shadow of a Doubt, we will be discussing it thruout the School Year, which will seem like an Eternity to us both!   Especially to me since I'm fully Invested in these Precious Ones... the depth of your Hurt is always measured by the depth of your Love you see!




You as the Teacher are not likely to have to remove a Hatchet from your Heart after we've had the unpleasant discussions about what went Wrong, what is Wrong with them, Negativity etcetera ad nauseum!   Nope, I'll be the one removing it from my Heart, AGAIN... hearing it just from a different set of Teachers or Administrators this time around.  And No, I still don't have the Magical answers or Profound Solutions to all your Questions about how we'll 'fix' what you deem to be so very Wrong that you are unable to Teach them or Manage them appropriately.  More esteemed Professionals in the Field Of Medicine have equally not had them either, so just join The Club!




Maybe you'll Genuinely Care, some have in the Past, but they've been just as Clueless about what will Work as those that don't give a Shit, frankly, so Caring won't necessarily have this Fairy Tale Happy Ending.   Those that Care do tend to take it to Heart and Feel more like they've Failed tho', but it's not your 'fault' it's nobody's 'fault'.    The ones that don't give a Shit generally place all 'Blame' on the Special Needs Child, it's handier you see, to create a Scapegoat for Failing to reach or Teach effectively.  To attempt to vilify the Child or Family instead... for being unreachable, unteachable or whatever other Labels you slap on 'em to make yourself Feel Superior, justified or better.




The Young Prince just walked into the Room and asked me why I haven't already left for Work?   I'm not going I says, I had to take the Night Off to Meet The Teachers for your Sister Tonight.   He Smiled knowingly and wryly deadpanned, "Well, that's always 'Fun'..."    We have Gallows Humor around here... Meeting his won't be any less 'Fun' and he starts School ON my Birthday... my Milestone Birthday... what a 'Gift'!  *Bwahahahaha!!!*  He'll be a Senior this year... and probably next year... and mebbe even the year after that... since Credit recapturing is going to be Epic for that one... you know, The Genius.   His Teachers and Administrators still cannot fathom how anyone with an IQ that high can manage to Fail everything?!   Don't ask... I don't know either!???@?@?@?




He can understand Quantum Physics and all manner of stuff I am not Mensa enough to understand at all... yet he can't figure out how to pass about 99.9% of his High School Classes, go figure?!?   But he sure Aces them Tests, he Tests fabulously... he can talk the hind leg off a Donkey about any complex Subject the Teachers want to enter into Dialogue with him about and sound like an Expert in whatever Field it is!   But his Report Card will look like D, F, D, F, F, F... mebbe an A thrown in once in a while when he's not had a Rain Man Moment in that particular Class for that Single Semester?!?   IF they can keep him Engaged, and that's no easy task my Friends, he can be Dialed In instead of being on Planet Young Prince, where he resides almost all of the time!




Yep, he's mostly in his own Little World, where it's not nearly as Annoying and Boring as our World, because he claims most of us Annoy and Bore the living Hell out of him!   And he means that in only the Nicest of ways actually, just stating a Fact!  *LOL*   His Eyes will literally, and I mean LITERALLY, roll back in his Head, where only the Whites are showing, if he has to listen to any of us, AFTER he's Checked Out Mentally, from us droning on about what doesn't Interest nor Engage him!  




 I've seen him involuntarily do it in front of Educators... and those with Ego, well, they just can't handle it!  *LMAO*  Others get concerned, is he having a Seizure!!!!?  Shit, I don't really know if his Brain has temporarily shut down or what, all I know is if we stop talking long enough, he'll Come Back and be Present again and you'll see his Eyes roll back to Normal!   He doesn't even know he does it, he doesn't remember!  Either that or he'll fade off to Sleep, even standing up... like he's been unplugged!  You will have to shake him back to consciousness.




Now with her... we're still trying to Learn to Read... it's a Chore, I think we're up to about entry level Reading now.   She made great strides last Year tho', I just Hope that isn't held against her?   Because it was like the 9 years of Potty Training we Agonized thru, she'd make great strides and have huge setbacks.   Eventually we prevailed... we've now had 2 dry years... so I feel confident one day she will be able to Read too... I just don't know when that day will come?  And the Mood Regulation Thing, well, she's 11... I think all 11 Year Old Girls have that so we're not Reading too much into that... for now...  Lemme just pretend hers is 'Normal' and a 'Phase' that will pass like everyone else's, Okay?!?!!  *Smiles*




And Please Teachers, don't tell me hers are unlike any other Mood Regulation Issues you've ever seen Okay?   She's not throwing Furniture at you yet, which we Endured when her Mother was just slightly older than this and went Wheels Off The Rails into the Abyss of Serious Mental Illness... so I'm Hopeful!!!  Yeah, I've Dealt with Worse... so I CAN remain Hopeful you see... because I know just how Bad it CAN get!!!   The Prodigal Daughter has matured and mellowed just enough, now she's in her mid Thirties, not to be tossing Furniture at people anymore.  But The Mental Health Days she still has, well, she tells me they are still humdingers, I have no reason to Doubt her at her Word about that!  Mostly she only is Aware tho' because people, Witnesses, relay how Bad it got when she was on The Crazy Train, as we affectionately call it.




When she Calls she tells me she doesn't ever want her Kids to be as Sick as she is... they aren't are they Mom, she will implore desperately?   They do Good don't they?  How about School?   Sometimes we don't talk about it if I feel she can't handle The Truth that particular day... other times we have to Keep it 100% Real when she can handle it.   She knows they're always in Good Hands, God's Hands... and that I will do the best I can "with Skin on"... as we call it when you're Dealing with heavy shit as a mere Mortal.   At least SHE isn't attending the Parent-Teacher Conferences, Good God, Christ on a bike and all The Saints... I can only Imagine how that would throw down and play out?!?  *Bwahahahahahahahah!!!!!!*




We'd be calling 911, Posting Bail and probably be on News at 10:00 as the Breaking News Feature Story I would expect... if she were able to Parent and would have to be The One to attend these functions for her Kids!!!  So it's better it's ME... the Kiddos are unanimous about that too... especially The Young Prince who is more Aware about the extent of his Mom's Illness.   Just tell her everything is OK Gramma is his usual advice, you've got it all up under Control, it's Best... because she only Feels Bad and Cries when she knows.   He's right, that's usually how it plays out and then everyone is crying uncontrollably, I can only be Stoic so much.   The depth of the Pain is commensurate with the depth of the Love...





A screwed up Hot Mess of a Family most of the time I'll freely Confess, but one filled with much Love for one another... unconditionally... and we'll Circle The Wagons and form Ranks when anything comes against any of us.   And so in a few minutes we'll be leaving for Meet The Teachers... and other things I Dread... since The Man insists he wants to come along.  It will be sensory overload with swarms of people and Chaos so it's risky if he can handle it without "incident"?  So she wants him there and yet she has Anxiety and sometimes risks Embarrassment about him being in tow if he melts down and doesn't Cope becoz people will and do 'Look' and won't understand.   And coz she's already got her own boatload of Anxiety about it all without Coping with Grandpa's too and feeling Protective of him in Public!  





 And 6th Grade is Upstairs and the last couple years you need to find someone with a Key to use the Elevators! Good Luck with that!!!  Getting The Man up several flights of stairs is quite the convoluted Ordeal lemme tell ya... getting him thru a Parent-Teacher Conference, even moreso... but I don't want to Discourage him from being a part of her Educational Process even tho' he has Brain Damage now.




Because Lord knows it will take both of us and her Brother to Help her with that 6th Grade Homework this year that she is sure not to understand at all!!!  And I'm not certain how much Special Education she will Qualify for this year... she's nearing the end of the Help and Assistance they usually provide for Kids "like her", whatever that means???!?!?!?!   And I think I tapped out of being proficient at that, effectively and accurately Helping with Homework, around her being in the 2nd Grade!   I must be losing Brain Cells or something because Honestly, I can't really Help Modern Kids with Modern Homework anymore once they're past the 1st Grade!!!    And I haven't been in School in a Dog's Age... so Pray for me... *Winks*

*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

6 comments:

  1. Oh God Bless You all! I can't even imagine being in your shoes! God will surely bless you abundantly someday for all you've been put through!

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    1. You are always a Friend in our corner Marlynne and that means a lot... it didn't go horribly, in fact we almost got thru the whole thing before The Man melted down and she had a major Anxiety attack, so we bailed early... oh well, plenty of the rest of the year to get to know her Teachers for 6th Grade... all three of em! *LOL*

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  2. You have my best wishes, Dawn. I do hope it is not as bad as you fear, but it's always better to be prepared, and you've been through so much already. Take care of yourself! All of the cool, pretty things you share in your photographs must help a little with your coping, I hope. Sincerely, all my best.

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    1. Yes, pretty things surrounding me do take the edge off any exterior stresses in Life. It wasn't as bad as I feared, but it wasn't ideal either... we got thru it... and left early since both The Man and The Princess weren't Coping well with the swarms of people and all the Chaos... it wasn't very well organized this year.

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  3. Your honesty and commitment lay a path forward for your grandkids and everyone else in your family. Life is definitely not easy. You understand that and you hang in there with it. There's nothing better than that in this world.

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  4. Your honesty and commitment lay a path forward for your grandkids and everyone else in your family. Life is definitely not easy. You understand that and you hang in there with it. There's nothing better than that in this world.

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl