Wednesday, May 18, 2016

It's Getting Real...

In less than twelve hours I'll be having the biopsies done... it's getting Real and No I'm not looking forward to any of it.  Along with so many other Personal Stresses going on simultaneously my Anxiety levels are elevated.  Keeping Composure and Calm has been a particular Challenge when too much hits all at once.  My Mind races and jumps ahead constantly as to how to juggle full time Caregiving with any Recuperation time needed or Health Battles of my own being waged full on?

When you are a Caregiver it is not as if you can just switch focus exclusively upon yourself just because you Want or even Need to, it's a Luxury few Caregivers can afford.  Yes, you absolutely Need to when the Stresses of it begin to negatively impact your own Health and Well Being, but How?  Coverage in your absence or compromised condition is a Big Deal you have to figure out. It's some scary stuff to get Sick and have that weighty obligation competing with ensuring you can try to become Well again.

It's difficult not to think about what if you don't?   What Plan B do you have for your Loved Ones you are fully Responsible for Caring for twenty-four-seven?  I think anyone going thru some weighty Health Issues and being faced with their own fragility and downward turn can't help but contemplate potential Challenges.  But when it's not just you... it's magnified all the more since it will greatly impact those others.   I looked at Teddy as I Meditated upon the course of recent Events.   Teddy has been thru some Heavy stuff with me in the Past... he's as battered as that History and our Testimony.

You see, when I was in about the First Grade I developed a Condition that the Docs, the Specialists and the best Hospitals told my Parents was impossible for me to recover from and they had no Cure for.  I spent over a Year in Hospital... it was the Lost Year and I remember it vividly, though I can only Suspect the Pain and Anguish it put my Dear Parents through.   Dad was only an Airman, with only one old car and they lived very far from the Specialized Hospital I had been sent to, so they couldn't be there with me very often, so my Nanna had sent them Teddy from Wales to be my constant Companion.

It was only Teddy and I in an Oxygen Tented Bed for over a Year receiving painful experimental Treatments.   But I was only about Five so I didn't really have a clue what was going on and Ignorance is indeed Bliss in many ways, so I didn't know I wasn't expected to Get Well.  I didn't know I was supposed to die from the Condition I had... and so I didn't.   And our Family and Friends didn't rely upon mere Medical Intervention, they went directly to the Great Physician, the Mighty Divine Healer, God Himself, after the Docs had done all they could for me and all but given up.  I Needed a Miracle... and we received one.  Teddy and I eventually left the Hospital, battered but Surviving the Ordeal.

So I know that in spite of the grimmest of Prognosis and Medical Opinions about anything, Miracles can override things in ways that defy Explanation.  I still cannot Explain to this day what happened internally to Heal me, X-Rays just Revealed that it was Impossible what had happened.   Previously diseased and disfigured vital organs that were going caput at the tender age of Five, because they were never formed right from Birth, just suddenly became Transformed to function properly and like normally formed organs.

It didn't make sense and my Parents told of the next two years of constant testing Physicians performed because they seemed to need a Logical Explanation of how this could be and could find none.  So finally my Parents put a stop to the testing and said a Miraculous Healing will never be Logically Explained.  Especially to those who do not Believe in Miracles or lack the Faith to just accept them and more importantly Receive them as being a Spiritual Mystery beyond human comprehension and understanding.  So, I've been on what Medical Experts would have claimed was 'borrowed time' for well over half a Century more now... Enjoying Excellent Health in fact even into my Senior Years.


So I am choosing to see what I am going thru now as another test of sorts... to Reveal is my Faith as solid and strong as it always has been thru any of the Trials and Issues of Life before this, however grim they Appeared to human eyes and understanding?   Will I choose to remain Up By Faith and know that it will Hold as it always has?   Yes, I have decided that I will... and having some Anxiety about going thru pain, unpleasantness, stressful situations and hearing Worldly Opinions about the circumstances or the outcome can not cause me to waver.   And as Alice would have said, 

  “Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. I am hoping that you will not need a miracle and your biopsy will show that everything will be OK.

  2. I believe in miracles. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    ~Debra XXX
    Capers of the vintage vixens

  3. Praise the Lord! Way to go! It's the only Way!!! God Bless You and Your's!!!

  4. I join your friends in praying for & expecting a good report from your biopsy, Dawn.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl