Tuesday, November 17, 2015

A Good Rant Can Dispel Fear And Stress

I do not like to have a Terrifying Incident at this Season of Life, my Heart just can't handle it like it used to!   I especially don't like to have a Terrifying Incident before Five in the Morning, I've never been much of a Morning Person so my Psyche can't handle it that early either!  Being Startled Awake and having Instant Stress as  your feet hit the ground is not a Pleasant Experience for anyone, particularly a Senior!

But that is exactly what happened this Morning, which is why I'm Blogging before Six in the Morning already!   You see, a Good Rant can dispel Fear and Stress like nothing else... I NEED that right now, lest I have that Heart Attack this Incident threatened to give to me!   What could possibly have happened before Five in the Morning on a typically mundane Tuesday you might Wonder?  Well, with raising a Mentally Ill Teenager almost anything can and will happen at any given time actually so you just have to be on High Alert for Incidents almost constantly!

Now, to be sure since this ain't my first Rodeo with raising a Mentally Ill Teenager since I already raised his volatile Mother and The Handsome Son who both have SMI Diagnosis, so you'd think I could Roll with just about anything at any given time.   And I usually do Roll with it all.   BTW: Had to use this Op to Show Off The Handsome Son's latest Share with me since the Daughter-In-Law and I have been double teaming him for ages to lob off the long Cochise Hairstyle and be Handsomely High and Tight again.  *Smiles*  He's no match against the Beautiful Daughter-In-Law and I... this Image made my Heart glad again, he no longer looks like he's ready for a Warpath Raid!  *Smiles*  And it's also to Show you that "The Face" of Mental Illness looks just like everyone else and is often a hidden Disability and terribly Misunderstood and Maligned, so nobody likes to Reveal it or candidly Talk about it much to others.  But I digress... my ADHD afflicts me more when I'm up under Stress... so back to This Morning's Incident I NEED to Rant about!  *Ha ha ha*

When you have a Child in the house prone to Emotional and Mental Instability with frequent Outbursts and Breakdowns you have certain House Rules in place for Safety's Sake and for your own Sanity.   With certain Ideology often associated with Mental Health Issues you have to be Mindful of certain things that normally might not be an everyday Concern with your Average Child.   When the Child also has Chronic and Profound Health Problems as well, you just have to always be prepared for a Medical Emergency that could transpire without Warning.  All of this alone is enough to keep you in a constant state of Fear and Stress if you're not careful to Normalize Life regardless of the obvious abnormalities of yours!  *Smiles*

So, one of our House Rules is no locked Interior Doors, especially Bedroom Doors, since I might need to blast in there to save your Life should you have a Medical or Mental Health Emergency behind one!?   The Young Prince occupies the Mother-In-Law Suite Upstairs at the New Home, it's his own little World now and his Private Domain, we Respect that... but the door leading into it is to remain unlocked at all times, House Rule.   This is not open to Negotiation... but he's been known to break Rules since he's a Defiant Teenager loaded with Teen Angst and all too, so I've been meaning to take the door lock off and replace it with a regular knob that doesn't lock.  Since breaking down a lovely new door in my lovely new Home isn't something I'm inclined to want to have to do!

And unlike the doors at the Historic Homestead, which could be easily Picked by The Man or I, these new Home doors can't... we learned that the hard way this Morning during The Incident!   They are as solid as the Historic Doors, no hollow core flimsy doors in this Luxury Home, and they are about Twelve Feet tall and damned near soundproof too!  Which sounds like a Good Thing until you're trying desperately to reach someone on the other side of a locked one and they're unresponsive!  Then Panic sets in... enter Fear and Stress immediately... which only escalates as you realize there is no way in and you're two stories up so window access is a No-Go either!  I have bad Vertigo and The Man has Traumatic Brain Injury, we're also no Spring Chickies now, so our second story window access days are most def over!  I'm not sure we can do a Spiderman on the Spanish Tile two stories up anyway, even on our Best Days!? *Smiles*

The Young Prince has a Five In The Morning Wake-Up Call for High School and usually, since The Man doesn't do Stairs all that well anymore either, he just calls him on his Cell Phone to come down for Breakfast.  Allowing me to Sleep In a bit longer, since Full Time Caregiving does not allow one much in the way of uninterrupted Sleep or sufficient Rest EVER.    The Young Prince had also been really Sick these past four days with a Dreadful Flu and he's been on a new Mental Health Med Regimen ta boot, so I've been keeping a closer Eye on him than usual anyway, just to make sure he was doing Okay?   So my High Alert Status has been heightened anyway.

And since The Man is also almost completely Deaf now, from years of being a Sniper in the Marine Corps. and then years of working around F-16 Jet Noise on the Flight Line in the Air Force, he keeps his own Cell Phone on Speaker so he can hear it and loud enough that everyone else in the house can hear it too!  *Smiles*   My ever Vigilant Ears instantly pick up that The Young Prince isn't responding to the Wake-Up Call via his Phone and we're getting the "Out of Service Area" recording... so now I'm Instantly Awake... Startled Awake... is the Kiddo even still in the house?!??!  So I jump out of bed since now I hear The Man hobbling Upstairs and furiously banging on the clearly disobediently locked door of The Young Prince's Suite and bellowing his name like a Bull Ox... still no response!   Uh oh... this is not Good...

And now I'm thinking Dammit, I should have taken that whole Doorplate and Knob off like I do my Display Doors so we could instantly blast in there to ensure he's Okay... or even still in the house!?!
My Heart is pounding clear out of my Chest and I've got that metallic taste of Panic on the roof of my mouth and tongue.   Has he lapsed into a Coma... is he Unconscious... has he had a Mental Health Episode and wandered out of the house in his Pajamas again... did he do something Self-Harmful again... is he Dead... is he just wearing his Music Headphones and can't hear us... is he so sound asleep on his Psyche Meds that we can't rouse him?   The Questions are looping thru my Head at warp speed as I'm yelling his name and banging on that damned door, which isn't even vibrating because it's just that solid!  I'm also thinking we're being so loud before Five A.M. that we must have woke the whole Neighborhood and surely someone must be dialing 911 about now?!

I race and get my Lock Pickin' Tools out... {Yes, we have them since this isn't his first disobedient locked door Incident}... but these doors don't Pick even in spite of The Man and my Expert Lock Pickin' Experience, Dammit!   I'm trying to kick my new Home door off it's hinges, The Man isn't Down for us doing that but I'm now in Frantic Mama Bear Protecting a Cub Mode and that door is coming down so I can get inside... but apparently they are well built enough not to be easily kicked in either... which could be a Good Thing, but not Today!

And then it happens... much to my Relief the door just opens and there stands a bleary eyed Young Prince casually going, "What?"   I didn't know whether to hug him or knock him out!  *Smiles, come on, you KNOW you've had that Reaction when any Kiddo you Love has Scared the living shit out of you and then turned up Safe!*   The wave of Relief rushing over me was like warm water as the adrenaline subsided and was replaced with my inevitable Speech, which he should have seen coming, but he didn't, even after Explaining how badly he'd Scared us!   Nope... he got the usual Teen Attitude... like that would Trump a Menopausal Gramma who he almost gave a Heart Attack to and is now Startled Awake before Five in the Morning!   Uh, are you Insane Kid, REALLY, you're gonna go THERE after THAT?!??!??!  I Feel a different kind of Stress coming on now... the kind you get from Kids with Attitude!  *LOL*

And he starts sobbing uncontrollably... No, not because he Feels Bad about what he just put us thru and we're both Distraught as Hell... or that his Little Sister is in Tears now because she thought something Bad had happened to him and been Startled Awake too early too!    No, he's having a Mental Health Breakdown because now I'm telling Grandpa the Procrastination of taking that door lock off the Suite ends Today and I want it GONE so we NEVER have to go thru something like this again!   My Old Heart just can't take it and I try to convey that to him, to no avail.   He can't be Reasoned with right now, we've gone completely into a Psychotic Episode I see and he's now going Wheels off the Rails, right before School!  Oy Vey!

   "But I NEED it Gramma!", he's pleading... "It's what I'm used to and so that THEY can't get in!!!!!"   Okay, so now we know why the door was locked, THEY again...  we Hate when They come up because there is no Comforting him or Convincing him that we would never let anything or anyone in to harm him or get to him.  You see, we can't Promise that because They are a Psychosis which we can't Prevent from Tormenting him completely... No, not with Meds or Counseling or Empty Promises... They still come and get him all Paranoid.   They are very Real to him and he's Terrified of Them... and it always Alarms me because I Hate anything that Scares a Child and which I can't Fight Off on their behalf.    It is an Invisible Enemy and like a Terrorist it instills Fear and Stress in the Heart and Mind of those It intrudes into the Lives of.

And when his Fear passes and he Feels Safe again and more Emotionally and Mentally Stable things will be Okay... until the next time they aren't.   And Gramma has learned that a Good Rant can dispel Fear and Stress and so I'm having one... a Rant against an Enemy I can't adequately Confront nor Conquer after just about a Lifetime of trying to Protect Loved ones from it, because Mental Illness is just such an Evil Enemy as that, which threatens to devour and destroy it's Victims and cause so much Collateral Damage that the rebuilding Process to pick up the pieces left in it's wake is almost Constant.

Post Script: We find that the Knobs and Handles do not come off these New Home's Doors, no screws... no way to remove them at all that we can figure out... and they're too Custom to replace entire door... Dammit!


Thanks for the Vent and Good Bohemian Rant my Friends... it's still Cheaper than Therapy *Smiles*...  Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. You are a brave superwoman, Dawn. Reading about the days you experience and the loving caregiver you are humbles me. God bless you.
    What an amazing house!! I love the turn of the century-late 1800s houses. Your photos are outstanding.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll visit you again.

    1. Susan Thank You for coming by and leaving such Encouraging words, it means so much, since often there is a lot of self-doubt when you are Caregiving and Loved Ones rely upon you so heavily. There are times I'm not sure I'm doing everything right, but I always remember Mother Teresa's profound words that doing even small things with great Love make a huge impact in the lives of others, I Believe with all my Heart this is Truth! Blessings... Dawn... The Bohemian

  2. Hi Dawn,

    The trials and tribulations of coping with a teenager with mental health concerns. It takes such determination, patience and being forever on guard for the unexpected and the expected. Truly remarkable what you do, my amazing friend.

    And yes, like Susan notes, your photos are outstanding.

    In peace and hope,


    1. Thanks Gary, the Encouragement here in the Land of Blog is Priceless... as well as the Friendships I've made in this Wonderful Community and Kindred Spirits that come to visit who can relate to whatever topics I happen to need to Share. Blessings to you too my Friend... Dawn... The Bohemian

  3. What about removing the door and replacing it with a beaded curtain or something cool he could pick out? Maybe let him smudge it with sage ( with you helping) so he feels it's really safe. Just a thought...

    1. We are doing Sage Smudges my Friend... I've discussed ethereal curtain or beads and he's not on board with that thinking it is not enough 'protection'... so I am back to telling him that since I don't want to have to remove the door completely, if he remembers not to lock it, then it will surely be solid enough for ample 'protection' against those anxieties that torment him. We've gone over the safety issue of the locked door again, he is a very intelligent child and knows I always have his best interest at heart so we'll see if we can manage this without a demo job!? Ha ha ha... Thanks for coming by to offer great advice... our Spiritual Styles are so similar and he does feel more at Peace after I've Blessed his Spaces... Dawn... The Bohemian

  4. Usually the plate around the knob can be pried off to reveal the screws. I'm a new visitor here and I read every word of this post. We have raised our oldest grandson and I know a bit of what your are going through. We can't get ours to take medication...just because I need it, and so does his mom doesn't mean it will help him. But ironically Self Medication ie: marijuana which I have come to accept has a calming effect on him. Except if he is in an aggressive mood swing that can lead to busting up the house if you can't get him calm. Luckily damage is contained to his living area. We don't replace doors or walls here. Then the crying and wanting to die sets in. If we are lucky he will be so exhausted he will sleep.

    I love this kid and know that his illness comes from my side of the family enhanced by the mental issues his father has. Sometimes his outbreaks are stronger than MY meds and I want to die too...but it passes. All you can do is cope with each day..each hour really and pray for today to be a good day.
    xx, Carol

    1. Oh Carol I will definitely keep you all in our Prayers and Thoughts as you deal with your own Caregiving challenges! I can relate since your oldest Grandson sounds very similar to our Daughter, the G-Kid Force's Mom, and the experiences we had while raising her. Your Grandson is so fortunate you are Caring for him Unconditionally and with Great Love and Sacrifice... in time he will fully Appreciate it... our Daughter finally did, even though she struggles to this day with Serious Mental Health Challenges as an Adult and cannot raise any of her Beautiful Children. Yes, I am a strong advocate for Medical MJ for I have also seen the therapeutic effects many with Cancer, Brain Injury, Dementia and Mental Health Issues benefit from it! I think Western Medicine needs to explore that further as Alternative options. Thanks for Sharing your very personal Story, it is an Encouragement to me when Blog Friends with a definite point of reference to our own Life Experiences come by and offer Support and their Stories, together we can Uplift and Advise each other from our Shared Experiences. Hugs from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

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