Monday, June 8, 2015

Perplexed... And More Than Mildly Irritated!

Perplexed... that is what I am right now.  Who knew that Adopting your own Grandchildren, who you've already raised since birth and are over fourteen and a half years into the process of being a Kinship Placement, would be made just as difficult and complicated as if you were trying to Adopt a random Child whose never spent any time in your presence!?!

We are now finally Transitioning from Kinship Placement into the Adoption Process and I suppose I was naive and under the assumption that since we're blood Kin and have had both Children such a long time already, all of their lives in fact, that we wouldn't have to "Qualify" AS IF we suddenly just took on the Responsibilities or were requesting a brand new Child?!? 

For all these years I received no real Interest or Help in the Raising Process by The System who initially sanctioned the Kinship Placement of them in infancy... or in the actual Welfare of said Grandchildren, so I'm Perplexed as to why NOW all of a sudden there seems to be overkill in ensuring we're an adequate Placement and worthy to Adopt them both?!?  Shouldn't this all have been Important on Day One when they were born and we took each of them in?  And if it wasn't Important enough then, why now?  I fail to Understand that Logic, or lack thereof????!??  Hard to Trust any Agency that's been under Investigation for such an extended period of time... almost Impossible to Trust their Judgment and Decisions.

Shouldn't Resources, Health and Background Checks along with Personal References have been checked out in 2000 and again in 2005 when they were born and needed Placement?   Humnnnnn... Guess Not!!!   So I find it more than mildly Irritating that all these years later we're required to jump thru as many hoops as a Family who are trying to Adopt, maybe as first time Parents, a brand new Child they've never seen, let alone already raised for fourteen and a half years... and nine and a half years respectively!  

Oh, so NOW you need to know what my Income is?!   Well, lets see... it used to be really substantial when I had a Corporate Career and a full Pension coming to me.   But oh, wait, because of the Special Needs of these Children and my Disabled Husband I had to take an Early Retirement and dump 60% of my Pension to be a Full Time Unpaid Caregiver instead.  So in actuality, in answer to that question, I no longer have an Income.   You see, because my Disabled Hubby has TBI he cannot Adopt them so I'm having to Adopt them as if a Single Parent and all of our present Income is HIS Disability Income and Pension that supports us all.

So technically, to fill out the mountain of paperwork acurately that they're now burying me with for the Adoption Process and yet another Home Inspection by a whole new set of Caseworkers being Assigned to our Case, should The Man's info be considered or not... I'm just not sure?!??!  In fact, I'm just not sure about a LOT of things... so I'll need The System to Educate me on their Process because it makes very little, if any, sense to me whatsoever!  
 And since we're trying to purchase a new Home, should we be using Present info on expenses or Future info on potential expenses... because there will be a significant difference?!?!   I'm Glad actually that before CPS hands off the Case to the Adoption Caseworkers, that the new CPS Caseworker who we've yet to meet, third one in less than a Month BTW, will be making an impromptu visit this week so I can ask a slew of questions I have that there have been no answers for to date. 
 Everything has been very vague in fact and that Concerns me a great deal now that things are getting even MORE Complicated than they already were... and Believe me, they've ALWAYS been very Complicated and Unique!   Don't worry they kept saying... as we ever so tediously... and ever so s-l-o-w-l-y moved thru Family Court and Endured all the Home Visits and Intrusiveness into our lives.  Which is why this was such a Surprise!  I thought once we hit Adoption Phase it would be LESS Stressful, not potentially MORE Stressful and Uncertain!?

The Kiddos are very Guarded about all these Strangers... and it has put an undue amount of totally un-necessary Stress upon them and upon The Man... so I've attempted to Comfort the three of them by saying everything will be Okay and work out fine.   But I don't really know that... since The Sytem is still so jacked up, even with all the ensuing Investigations going on internally and externally with the Agencies, that who knows what any Outcome could be or will be?!?   That scares the crap out of me, since our G-Kids are Special Needs Kiddos and thus are particularly vulnerable and high risk if an unsuitable alternative Placement were to be mandated for any crazy illogical reason!?

And yes, Thankfully we've been Blessed with some exemplary Caseworkers along this long Journey of raising the G-Kid Force, but they've been replaced... often... and not every Caseworker Assigned to us over the years was up to the job.   So every time a new one comes on board I'm somewhat anxious and nervous about it 'til they've proven themselves.   The Young Prince is now old enough to ask the difficult questions and understand the gravity and uncertainty of complete Strangers and a very broken System making Life decisions for our Family.   So I've had to have some candid conversations and allow him to be part of The Process since he's old enough to have input now... and he's grilled many of these intruders into our lives because it's his Life and Welfare they're messing with after all.
But Princess T is still too young to understand how or why and so she just resents the whole thing completely and barely tolerates any of it.   She clings to either her Grandpa and I like glue each time one of these Caseworkers and their Entourages show up... and her level of Anxiety is very Distressing to us because we don't want her to keep having to go thru this.   We don't want either Child to feel like some Stranger from an Agency can arbitrarily yank them out of the only Home they've ever known and where they are Loved and Safe.  Imagine if that were YOUR Child you're raising... how would that make you Feel?

And how much about what they pay lip service to would you actually Believe?  "We only want what is best for the Children too..." they always say.   Oh, is that why we DON'T Qualify for so many of the Services you provide to other Families who've taken in Children... because you keep coming up with various Disqualifying Factors for our particular Case?!  Like we can't become Licensed Foster Parents to them because every Adult in the household has to take and pass the eleven week Course and The Man's Brain Injury prevents him from being able to... and prior to that we were considered "Volunteers" because we were their Grandparents... ad nauseum of Excuses to with-hold Resources and Assistance. 


So I have trouble Believing that what is BEST for the Children is really considered since shouldn't EVERY Child in Placement then receive EQUAL Resources and Assistance to get them raised and improve their quality of Life?   I have trouble Believing a LOT of things we've been told actually... since in May we were told that we'd no longer have to Endure Monthly Home Visits since Family Court's end of June Hearing to proceed with Adoption would Transition the Case.   But we've actually had three Visits sprung on us since then and who knows how many more?!?!   Since we're in the Process of trying to buy a New Home and pack... we're in Transition here and things are in disarray... so not Ideal for new Strangers to have the best first impression of our Home... oh, well...

What is the actual Purpose?  What are they trying to Find?  It Troubles me because on the News I keep hearing the reports of Children dying in Homes where Abuse and Neglect are rampant and well documented over the course of years... yet Caseworkers failed to follow up or do any Home Visits in those instances to prevent the Tragedies that ensued!!!  Our Grandchildren have never been in Danger in our Home and it's always been considered a Suitable, Loving and Safe Placement all these years... so why the Overkill on our Case and so much Neglect on Cases that probably should be Resourced to the hilt on Home Visits and Scrutiny?   I don't get it????!??  Someone please Enlighten me??!??!  Because there's something seriously wrong with this picture thru my eyes!!!
And I needed to Vent about it... because it's so Exhausting to keep Enduring for the sake of these Precious Grandchildren and their Well-Being... but we must... we don't have any other Choice... and the Stakes, after all, are just too high not to!   Thank You for allowing me a Good Rant about something so near and dear to my Heart... so that I can proceed with the Right Spirit and Attitude towards our ultimate Goal of Adopting these two Grandchildren we're already raising... and always expected to until they were finally Grown... with or without anybody's Help.
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. You poor darlings, what a waste of time and energy when you have been doing such a sterling job all along and alone... these people do get to me too, as they always seem to interfere where its not needed, and let the truly needed through the system fall through it... I shall pray it all turns out well for you both, and that your darlings will soon be relieved to know they are staying with you forever... I shall send you hugs too and surround you with positive best thoughts.. janzi

    1. Thank You so much Janzi... all of the Positive Energies and Prayers are truly Appreciated! Dawn... The Bohemian

  2. You certainly don't need all this at anytime, but especially now! So unreasonably unfair and ridicules! Hang in there !Lifting you and yours up in prayer every day!

    1. Thank you Marlynne... both new Caseworkers from each Agency sound very nice over the phone so I Pray that in person they will be part of the Solution and not part of the Problem? Because in my opinion, anyone not part of the Solution IS part of the Problem. *Smiles* Dawn... The Bohemian

  3. I will keep you and the fam in my thoughts and keep a candle lit!

    1. Thank you so much Nicole... Prayers, Positive Energies and lit Candles are very much Appreciated! Dawn... The Bohemian


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