Thursday, April 30, 2015

Changing Things Up

Sometimes you get to the place where Self-Evaluation becomes absolutely necessary... I'm standing at That Place right now... Evaluating and Changing Things Up!  I know I've been wasting Precious Time Compromising in important areas of things I'm doing, because it was just easier than beating my own drum loudly while The Band went in other directions that weren't my preferred Path.  Lets face it, if you're Leading where nobody is Following, well, you're just taking a Walk aren't you?  *Smiles*  And though I thoroughly Enjoy taking Walks and don't mind if anyone comes along or not, I didn't want to be idly Strolling when it came to Selling Off my Treasures.  I don't take myself too Seriously or my Stuff, but the whole point after all was to make some Bank to Bless my Family, to Suppliment a Fixed Income and get these Grandkids Raised.  So I HAVE to be more Serious about it really... and I haven't been.

Also, this Compromising Thing goes totally against the grain of my Character really, because though I absolutely Love People and Socializing is such a Joy, I have always tended to be more of a Loner and Happily Trailblaze my own Paths when it comes to what I'm actually DOING and have a Passion for.  Whether it be Popular or not, I Cared not... I like to Create my own Environment... bringing more Beauty into my World and bringing Fantasies to Life, that's just what I DO.   But when I began Selling, I felt it would be Retail Suicide not to pay Attention to what the Demographic desired and would actually purchase... so began the Compromise part of it.  Gack... I felt like I was Selling Out just a little at times... and then a little more... and a little more... just so the Checks would get bigger.  Until, I wasn't Feeding my Soul anymore, it Felt more like I was Selling it!

And lemme tell ya something, I have found that I'm an absolutely lousy Compromiser and Soul Seller, even if I can make Bank doing it Successfully or receive Praise and Accolades about how Well I'm doing it.   I'm probably as lousy at Compromise as I am about Editing in fact, because neither comes very Naturally to me... I'm just not cut out to be an Editor, nevermind one who Compromises as well!  *LOL*   Feeding my Soul has always been way more Important to me than the Monetary outcome regarding what I find in the Thrill of the Hunt or what I Create in my Studio.   So... how to Meld the two Successfully has been quite the tightrope walk for me these past three years in the Industry and testing the waters to see if I really want to jump in deep or not?

I mean, what HAPPENED to all of that Positive Energy and Enthusiasm, the Excitement and the Passion from 2013 when it first began and was so Fresh and Vibrant I Wondered?   Awww... wasn't she a Cutie Pie Munchkin just those few short years ago?   I Forget sometimes how fast they're Growing Up until I fondly look back and Reminisce.   And sometimes you have to take a brief look back to Remember why you began a Journey in the first place, or at least I do.  I'm not so Great at looking or even glancing back even tho' I'm a very Nostalgic Soul... I'm always so Eagerly looking forward to New Journeys and Destinations.  Over time though my Memory seems to Erase some of the Checklist of things that initially Motivated me and Moved me enough to begin a Journey or make an Important Decision.

Sometimes Time and Circumstances will cause you to drift off course as well... and if you're not firmly anchored and careful, well, you might have to set sail again to get back to Center and back on course so that you're not just pushed along by the current anywhere it takes you.   They say only dead fish always go with the current... swimming against the current and upstream is way more My Style and I know it.  I'm not the complete Rebel and Militant Free Spirit that I used to be in my Youth, I have Mellowed... well, some would contest that Observation... but I THINK I have anyways?  *Winks*  In this Season of Life being Mellow-er is just very Comfortable and Serene, I like it.  But at times it becomes necessary to roll up the doormat and make it a club because I'm not THAT Comfortable and Mellow in my Senior Years.  *Smiles*  The Young Prince whose quickly entered Manhood is my Analytical One and he has begun to ask me, "What would you RATHER be Doing Gramma?"   Good Question, let me Meditate upon that Sage Wisdom Grasshopper!  *LOL*  Kids can be quite Profound, they don't tend to over-think things or overlook the obvious.  He sees how Restless and Frustrated I've become.
They're also far more FEARLESS... where HAS MY Fearlessness gone?  When did I become more Timid about anything... it just doesn't Feel right to be the least bit that way!?  So after Changing some Things Up considerably it became more fluid, less stagnant and to Feel Right again... like the Equilibrium was being Restored... like I was being Restored, Regenerated, Resurrected or whatever the Hell other "R" Words were replacing that uncomfortable Suspended Animation and Limbo... or Pergatory... I'd felt I'd accidentally entered and threatened to become stuck in!  *Gasp*  Yes, it had Felt like an Episode of the Old Twilight Zone to be Compromising and going with the flow downstream to God knows what potential cesspool or abyss was waiting at the other end?!
And what about this Giving Up crap I'd actually been Contemplating... with one foot almost out the door already?   Had I suddenly been Possessed by some Weak ass Spirit or something?  Call the Exorcist, gotta get that out of me quick because White Flag hoisting has never been an option on my Watch... I must have fallen asleep whilst on Point and a Good Wake-Up Call was necessary, even if it was ME having to shake myself awake and do an Intervention to demand Self-Evaluation and where I'm AT right now?  And where do I want to BE?  And am I even moving in that General Direction for Heaven's Sakes??!??!   Being a Wanderer does not mean you have to be Lost, even if you are not quite certain yet where the Journey is taking you or if you'll actually have a firm Destination or not?  I do like the Call of the Open Road... and I do often get very Restless... it's a Time such as this that demands Chartering the course more Seriously rather than Mindlessly moving along. And giving Oneself a swift kick in the arse doesn't hurt either... *Smiles*
Blessings from the Journey in progress through the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. I'm so where you are right now - re-evaluating my creative/money making endeavors. I have rental space in a vintage clothing store as well as my Etsy shop and both need SOMETHING. Giving myself that kick too...

    1. That Restlessness comes in mighty handy sometimes to jettison us forward, doesn't it? Here's to swift kicks... *winks* Dawn... The Bohemian

  2. Hope you are already revived and ready to go after the world!

    1. Oh Thank You Marlynne, I am! Dawn... The Bohemian


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl