Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Relax... And Take A Moment To Just Be Still And Breathe

Sometimes, when Circumstances cause you to Feel like you're running around in circles getting nowhere fast, it's prudent to just Relax and take a Moment to just be Still and Breathe.  I can go from frantically busy and Warp Speed with Monumental tasks to Accomplish, to being Still in a Heartbeat, us Leo the Lion Types are like that.  When we Work, we Work hard, when we sit, we sit Loose, and when we are Still, we fall Asleep.  *Winks*  It was Time to take a Moment and be Still... so I did.

That meant Naps... Big Cat Naps... to Rejuvenate after all that had been expended in recent days with Princess T's Surgery, Recovery Process, Agency mandates and Insurance Battles and losing a Beloved Pet.  No, I didn't get everything fixed... some things are just too big for one person to fix and I recognize when it's not even my Job to fix something and just Roll with it as it is.  The System is Broken, I can't fix it, I Hope somebody can whose Job it IS to fix it.  They're probably on the Payroll and Clock to fix it, I am not, so I'll just Report the Issues that pertain to us and our situation and let them worry about it.

I Ponied Up and Paid for the other half of Princess T's necessary Expensive Pain Management Medication that the crappy Insurance won't Cover... there's still two Refills that the Surgeon Ordered, we'll worry about that later.  For now she won't run out during the most Critical period of her Post-Op Recovery so I have more of a Peace about the situation.  After paying over five hundred dollars at the Vet for the Dearly Departed Yul recently, it was tight and Sacrificial to dredge up even more for unexpected Medical Expenses for a Grandchild whose supposed to be 100% Covered by the Insurance, but such is Life.  I received the long awaited Letter from CPS about the Grandparent Caregiver Stipend Program Eligibility.  You know, when the CPS Caseworker informed me that I could get paid more for Raising my G-Kids... even though we've never been paid at all for over thirteen years of CPS Placement and Raising... the whopping Thirty-Nine Bucks a Kiddo each Month that the Foster Care Program Allegedly pays Grandparent Placements... THAT Program.  *Winks*  

I'm never very Optomistic with Program Eligibility because being The Man Served his Country for 39 Years in the Military and Earned Pensions and 100% VA Disability Status, it's usually a Disqualifying Factor of some kind for Civilian Programs that Assist Families.  I Guess they Assume the Government is taking Care of and doing everything for Disabled Veterans and their Families Needs... guess they don't watch much TV and see all the current Pleas for the General Public to Support Wounded Warrior Programs because the Government isn't taking Care of and doing everything anymore... some of the first Budget Cuts usually affect the Active Duty Military and Retirees in some way and progressively erode Earned Benefits Promised them, that's just how it is now.

So I really wasn't all that Surprised that we didn't Qualify for the pittance of a Stipend... but I must say I WAS Shocked at WHY!  Are you sitting down and ready for this my Friends, 'cause it's Epic and might blow your Mind too!!!???   In order to Qualify for the whopping Thirty-Nine Bucks a Month for each Child's Care and the Raising of them so that the State doesn't have to, your gross household income must fall BELOW THE 200% {Yes that's TWO HUNDRED PERCENT, not a typo!} Income Eligibility Requirements for Federal Poverty Guidelines!!!!!!   Yep, apparently being in Poverty is not enough to warrant less than Forty Bucks a Month of Benefit Help for Raising a Grandkid, you have to be 200% BELOW THAT!!!  Now, after my initial Shock and re-reading it twice and checking out their Charts, I Pondered that Statement and Requirement.   Because in order to Qualify for Custodial Placement as a Grandparent in the first place, you have to Prove Sufficient Economic Solvency to actually fully Support and Raise your Grandchildren and provide all their Needs.   So... I'm thinking, if you're Two Hundred Percent BELOW the Federal Poverty Guidelines, you wouldn't or shouldn't have gotten Placement at all... because it's likely you can't even afford to feed yourself and keep a roof over your own head, nevermind take in Grandbabies and provide for them too?!?!   Just sayin...  So I don't know whose actually Qualifying for and getting this Stipend, but Clearly, they NEED it more than we do, Bless their Hearts!!!

So at least I don't have to fill out that mound of Government Paperwork and get Audited every Quarter for how I would have spent the Thirty-Nine Bucks a Kiddo appropriately... {Seriously, I'm not making all this up, my Imagination just isn't that Fertile!}  I don't deal with bullshit well anyway, I've reached that Season of Life where I want to be bullshit-free in what I have to deal with if at all possible?!  *LOL*   And most especially since I could Collect Aluminum Cans for recycling each Month and earn more than that and not have to deal with the Agency and their Assistance Program injustices at all... so I don't mind that we don't Qualify for this one... I'll continue to Collect the cans if I need an extra Forty bucks or so a month for the Kiddos and let that Issue also be someone else's Job to rally against.   And speaking of rallying... Miss Priss has rallied to fill Princess T's Void of Missing her Beloved Sidekick and Shadow, the Dearly Departed Yul, by now filling that Position that had a Vacancy. 

Yul always played House with Princess T... and so she's Delighted that Miss Priss has suddently taken an Interest in playing House and anything else she wants to Play.  Losing her Beloved Yul... and then Enduring her Surgery, Hospital Stay and beginning Recovery only a day later after his Passing has been really Rough on the Princess.   As has all these Caseworker Visits, Interviews and shaken Stability and Sense of Security that this Guardianship Issue has Caused for the Family and particularly the Children.  Since it Scares them and they don't Trust and Believe they'll get to stay with us until it's a Done Deal thru the Family Court System and all these Strangers just leave us alone.  And provide whatever is necessary Legally so we can get back to our usual Routine to get them Raised without anyone running interferance and placing all kinds of Rules and Restrictions upon us as they see fit.

You see, we all have ANOTHER Interview and Home Visit Today... this time by the Attorney Ad litem Assigned to the Children to navigate us thru Family Court and hopefully Convince a Judge to give us Permanent Custody until they're grown.   So that's Heavy Stuff... and they're not Happy yet another Stranger they don't Trust is going to be Intruding in their Lives and making Decisions on their behalf, when they're quite Content to Continue to Live here, as they have since Birth, and be Raised by Grandma and Grandpa... so they don't Understand why it has to be so difficult all of a sudden, after all these Years... I don't Understand either... so we're Unanimous and Unified on that being a complete Mystery we cannot fathom for the Life of us?! 

 They don't want to have to be here when she comes {they must}, because it interrupts their Routine and any Spring Break Plans they had for their day.  So they're Upset and Solemn today, waiting and dreading yet one more unknown Player in this exhausting Game we must Play even though we don't want to.  Plus her Arrival and Departure Time isn't Specific so you have to just Accommodate THEIR Schedule and to Hell with your own Schedule and Plans, it's very Intrusive and Mandated so you don't have a Choice.  And the Kiddos are Guarded about what this one's going to ask and what these Strangers will consider the 'Right Answer'... it is very nerve wracking, even for an Adult, because you never know...   We don't know these People from nothing and since their Agency is already under Investigation, Trust and their Competance is a HUGE Issue for us all that they will or can make the Right Decisions or do a Good enough Job to get the end result WE all Desire?  I have a lot to talk about with this Attorney, with my Concerns about how this Process SHOULD work Properly and play out... and how it already hasn't in many ways... so I'm needing Answers and things to be fixed in the way of Damage Control and lack of Promised Services already and we're only a Month in!!!

So I'm Glad she has another Sidekick to Comfort her and talk to about things she doesn't want to Reveal to anyone else... because she knows her Fur Baby Buddy won't ask and won't tell, whatever Secrets they Share.  But just Listen Attentively and Love on her in an Uncomplicated and Pure way that Human Adults and even other Kids can't Compare... and all you Animal Lovers know what I'm talkin' about... because our Fur Babies can fulfill that Need with their Bond and Relationship with us too.  Each of us is absolutely Perfect in our Fur Babies Eyes and Relationships with them are so Uncomplicated and Pure that it's Refreshing and Long Lasting.  Have you ever had a Fur Baby Un-Friend you?  *Winks, yep, I thought not!*   I came close to trying to find another Home for Miss Priss after Yul died... because I was deeply Grieving, she's preggy and I just didn't want to deal with a Mama and her Kittens this Spring and finding Homes for animals we can't keep, with everything else going on Personally.  But I'm glad now I couldn't get her into the Cat Carrier and she Resisted leaving the Home she chose and the Family she Adopted.  *LOL... you should have seen us vainly trying to catch her running all around our Acre... and she only Made Nice with us when she was convinced we'd changed our mind about her having to leave Bohemian Valhalla!!!*  It's Okay, I've Appologized and she's Forgiven... so we're Good now.  I think she sensed Mama Dawn was in Crazy Grief-Stricken Mode that defied all Logic and was Raw Feelings Based?!?  *Smiles* 

So yes, before the Attorney Ad litem shows up I'm Relaxing in the Sunshine of our Garden... and here at my Desk now that the House is in Order and smelling like the Divine new Candle Fragrance of Buttered Maple Syrup I've got burning.  Perhaps if we make her hungry enough with the Aroma permeating every room of our Home she'll leave early to satisfy a now ravenous appetite?  *Winks*  Hey, whatever Works I'll Work it... I don't like to have to be forced to Host Uninvited Guests that I don't know for very long, what can I say?!?  She might be a Delightful Person, but I need to be Convinced she's part of our Solution and not part of our Problem and that remains to be seen!?

I've recently been Compiling some Inspirational Quotes that Minister to me when I have my Still Moments and can absorb what will Feed my Soul, my Mind and my Spirit while I Rest my Body ... and so when I found this Beautiful Custom Created Notebook at our other Antique Mall Location at such a Bargain I couldn't Believe my Eyes... I hadda have it to write my Quotes in!!!

It looks so much like the Creations of one of my absolute Favorite Artists, Becky Edwards, that I instantly gravitated to it and at first I was sure it might be her Work and my Heart skipped a beat since if it is, it would have Cost 100% more Retail than I paid secondhand... but I can't be absolutely certain without sufficient provinance of the piece.  BTW: That happens to also be a Becky Edwards Bracelet Creation from my Collection of her Work {with the Bluebird China Center} directly behind the Notebook... her Style is so Prominent that I can usually spot it like I've got Becky Edwards Radar Wired into my Soul and Internal Databanks now!!!  *LOL*

And the Odds are Good that it is her Creation since the Initials on the back are B.E. and that surely couldn't be mere coincidence???  Have you ever noticed that if you DO have a Favorite Artist you Connect to their Work in such a way that you can distinguish it almost anywhere?

That's how I felt about the Notebook... and nobody had used even one page of it so it's in Mint Condition and I was Jazzed like you couldn't Believe to Score it so Randomly and Unexpectedly, and well within my meager Budget!!!

And now that I've got my Zen On again perhaps I'll get out of the Creative Slump I've been in and make the Time to start the Creative Process, beginning with the Raw Cotton Grapevine Wreath Project which has languished for far too long already!?!  *Le Sigh*   Even Miss Priss seems to be inquiring as to when I'll get all those piles of Raw Cotton off of their Bistro Chairs so they can lounge on the Porch again... and oh, while you're at it, sweep and clean the place up too will ya, after that last big Windy Storm it's a Hot Mess around here!!!  *LOL... I cringe as I now notice all the debris that got blown under the chairs and around the planters on the Porch and is clearly visible in this Image... oh the Shame of it all!!!  Bwahahahaha!!!* 
Okay, so I Confess that if I really Eyeball all the downloaded Images I can now pick out every minute detail of things I've missed, not cleaned, neglected, forgotten about, didn't see... etc... etc... etc... but then I'd NEVER Relax and Rest... so... in my best Soprano's Impersonation, "Forget about it..."   I'm taking this Moment to just be Still and Breathe, remember?  *Winks*

And besides, I Consider it a form of Public Service of sorts... because after you've seen my domestic goddess shortcomings perhaps you won't feel so bad about YOUR Housekeeping?  Or Hoarding?  Or Guilty Indulgences and Insatiable Desire for Found Treasures?  *Winks*   You see, I'm always thinking of YOU my Friends.  *Smiles*

"GRAMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"... Okay, so maybe that's a bit of an Exaggeration just to make you Feel better about your messy Homes, overgrown Gardens and the Retail Therapy you might have just Indulged in?  {Those of you who have the Perfect Homes and Pristine Gardens, never go Shopping or Junquing and have Superhuman Self Control are Exempt from that Statement.}  Or make me feel better about mine, who knows... but in part I'm sure it's True and not a Story?!  *Smiles*

Blessings, Beauty, Peace and Stillness from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

1 comment:

  1. So glad Princess T has a close furry friend again! Hope and Pray it went well with your visitor today! I can imagine it must be nerve racking and you just want to get it all settled so you can relax! Your Notebook is so you and appeared at the very right time in your life!


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl