Friday, February 7, 2014

A Short Lived Victory... And Urban Restoration

It's a good thing that URBAN RESTORATION is just a hop, skip and a jump away from the VA Hospital so that I could get my Zen On before the Meeting with The Man's Medical Team... because it already hadn't been a very good Morning, since our Victory the day before had been very short lived.  I'm now Suspecting they just told us what we wanted to hear to get us to leave and Believe everything was fine.  Because first thing this Morning the High School called to say they'd decided they actually needed MORE paperwork after all, from Family Court about New Guardianship, to accept Enrollment of the Young Prince!!!  WTF!!!   It was going to be pointless to argue over the phone since I was already well on my way downtown for the VA Hospital Meeting... so we'll just Deal with it later I suppose... AGAIN... for the Third time!!! 


 I don't like to be patronized or lied to and Shined On, I don't like my valuable Time wasted, I don't want to have to ask his Dad to take even more unpaid Time off Work since his Presence didn't really matter to the School one iota.   I think my next visit will be with the Superintendant of Schools... it won't be the first time we've met... she'll probably remember me from a few Years ago.  When we reported Child Abuse by a Principal from another School he used to attend to her... that Principal doesn't work there anymore, I Hope she's never allowed to be working with Children again, she was unfit to.  So I'll just start at the top and work my way down now, I'm tired of dealing with minions.  But I don't really NEED the School Registration Drama to drag on right now, I thought that at least THAT was behind us!!!  Not to mention it's Stressing The Young Prince out too, to be denied Enrollment in High School.  He wants to go to School, even tho' School mostly and generally hasn't been a Positive Experience for him EVER.  So... it was a thing of immense refreshing Beauty to behold this HUGE Awesome Canada Dry Vintage Signage taking up an entire wall when I walked in to my Friend's Event at URBAN RESTORATION.   I NEEDED a thing of immense refreshing Beauty right about then!  *LOL*  I Love the Graphics, the Patina and especially the Colors. 

A little bit of Retail Therapy was like Meditation for me... or Medication!  *Smiles*   I could Indulge in Pathological Picture Taking, Socializing with Friends and come Home with a few Special Found Treasures to Beautify and Organize Bohemian Valhalla.   All this before attending the dreaded Meeting... which I must Confess I was NOT looking forward to, given the track record of Meetings lately... and the fact I'd be Dealing with a Government Agency this time!  A Lifetime of being Rasied a Military Brat and then Marrying a Soldier had prepped me for the 'hurry up and wait' Philosophy and Red Tape I'd get tangled up in during this 'Process' of trying to get The Man sprung from a VA Hospital.  I didn't know if this Meeting would go Left too, I was Hoping for the Best while Preparing for the Worst.  It's Ironic really, either they don't want to take him at all or they won't let him go!!!  *Bwahahaha!!!*

The Doctor was Fashionably late due to an Emergency... so it was just me and the Social Worker for the first forty-five minutes of my Appointment time {Tick Tock Tick Tock}... and they knew I had to be out of there by 2:00 to be able to drive back Home clear across the Valley and pick up the G-Kid Force from School on time.  So I was Wondering if we'd just have to Cancel and Re-Schedule AGAIN?!?   Then they rolled The Man in... he looked like crap and he informed me he'd had serious Chest Pain last Night so they'd had to give him an Emergency Heart Work-Up and transfer him to a Medical Unit for a day, then back to the Mental Health Unit once he stabilized physically!  I could already tell he was going to be staying a while now and the Game Plan was probably changing by the minute.  It was... and no projection on Release Date now... I don't know how to Feel about it actually... I want him to be Physically and Emotionally strong enough to come Home... but the longer he stays, the worse he's looking and Feeling and that Concerns me.

The Zen Time I'd spent at the Event and Visiting with my Friends beforehand was just what I'd needed in order to Process all the bad news later.  I was able to sit there and hear it without having Chest Pain of my own because I was at a Point of Peace when I'd Arrived and it Sustained me.  I could tell that The Man was very Confused and Disappointed... in spite of his Physical Health Setback he'd actually Believed they were going to let him come Home with me after this Meeting.  I Felt like you do when you have to leave a Child behind at Day Care and they're having tremendous Separation Anxiety when you have to leave without them.  He looked defeated and I don't like him to look that way because I need him to keep in the Fight and in the Game, it's the only way he'll ever come Home again.  But I also need him to be Safe... and that's a big Question Mark right now.

Thankfully I made it by the skin of my teeth to pick the Kiddos up on time... they didn't even ask if Grandpa was coming Home... I think they could already tell by my Countenance that the Visit had not gone so well.  I mean Clearly Grandpa wasn't in the vehicle with me... so that must mean he wasn't Home either... so they just asked if I'd been able to see him this time?  I simply told them he was still Working On getting Well enough to come Home... maybe next week... but for now we really don't know when.  They know it is not allowed that Children under Eighteen can Visit... and I can tell they're missing him as much as he's missing them, especially since they can't visit each other.

I can particularly tell that The Princess is having more Anxiety about it all than she's letting on... her Moods are volatile.  And yesterday, during her Fav Show 'Sam and Cat', she had a Meltdown about the Episode.   The Girls were at a Nursing Home visiting their Nanna... one of the Girls, the ditzy one, saved an Elderly Resident from being run over by a runaway Wheelchair and he tried to reward her with Twenty Dollars.  She wouldn't take it but the fiesty one took it instead... and Princess T erupted in hysterical tears that the Girl had taken the Old Man's Money and she shouldn't have done that Gramma... Poor Old Man!!!   She Loves this Show but she made me switch the Channel immediately and she was clearly upset and angry... saying they shouldn't take Advantage of an Old Man like Grandpa!!!   I told her it was meant to be Comedy and not Mean or Upsetting, she countered with it WAS NOT FUNNY and she does not like that Girl now!!!  It was all I could do to Comfort her... I can tell she's Worried about him being in an Institution again where others might not be taking good Care of him like we do.  She knows he gets Sad, Homesick, Lonely and Afraid when he has to 'Live' at a Hospital... and that we can't look out for him from here, so he's on his own to fend for himself in our absence.

I know she's right... Kids have Profound Instinct about stuff, even when you try to protect and shield them from harsh Realities.  So I too am really Hoping he can come Home again sooner than later.  I don't want him to Believe we're Abandoning him or Forgetting about him... he has a tendancy to do that since his Short Term Memory is shot to Hell so he often cannot remember calls and visits or Process Time lapsing.   He'll often call me several times a day and not remember that it's not the first time.  He'll be convinced and panic stricken that he couldn't get hold of me for days... until I remind him that we already talked and then remind him of what he told me... which calms him down, since he realizes I couldn't know unless it's True.  It's like having perpetual Amnesia I suppose and I couldn't Imagine what that is like, but it must be terrifying when the Present and recent Past just keeps getting erased over and over each day.

I want to give him things to look forward to when he has his Homecoming... so the Kiddos and I have been brainstorming some Fun Family Night Activities we can do from Home rather than taking him out, since being out in Public is still very difficult for him.  He Qualifies for Adult Day Health Care and Recreational Therapy, including Transport, but getting him on board for that will be a Process and he really doesn't want to have to go.  I feel it will be Enriching for him and a Welcome Respite for me too... knowing he's getting out on his own doing Activities with other Veterans in a similar condition and situation to his own.   He has told me he'll be Open to it, but I think he's saying that because he feels its what I want and need to hear, and the Doctors, rather than him actually having any real Interest.

It's tough, because he can't go with me everywhere I want or need to go, any more than the Kiddos can... so they each need to have their own Interests, Activities and Space to do things apart from me.  Princess T is very much like Grandpa, getting her to Participate in anything is like pulling teeth.  The Young Prince on the other hand is Game for anything and everything, so he's Involved in many things and it's Beneficial to him and cuts me a break from his Care several times a week.  Mutually Beneficial Activities and Programs are a Lifeline for a Caregiver's Well Being and Peace of Mind, it Involves more People in the Process of dividing the Time your Loved Ones spend each day and Ensuring more Quality Time... for them and for you, as well as meeting them at their Point of Need.  I can't be everything to any of them and teaching them some semi-independance is vital to their Future.

I try not to think too much about the Future actually, I just Focus on each Day as it unfolds.  I can Deal with a Day at a time and prefer to Live in the Moment anyway.  The only Future Dates I care to Calendar on Purpose are upcoming Activities and Events that I'm looking forward to.  Thankfully as Spring approaches there are more and more of them coming up... so plenty to do, to see, to look forward to.  Well, when I can fit them in to Scheduling that is... the endless Appointments and Agency Meetings that stretch out across the Calendar.    This Morning will be the Next One... the Meeting with the Second Surgeon for Princess T's necessary Surgery... I'm Praying like crazy that this one will go better than the last one?   That we'll FINALLY get it done after over a Year of Waiting and being Denied... and get the Pathology done to Ensure what it is and to give her Relief from the Suffering she's Endured like a Trooper.  The not Knowing has been Agonizing.  And maybe she won't be so Frail and Sick all the time once the tumor is removed?  Maybe she'll finally for the first time in her Life be able to sleep thru a Night and actually be Rested?  Maybe she'll be able to Breathe more easily?  Maybe she'll Enjoy Eating rather than having it be a necessary Evil that is Painful for her and she tries to avoid?  She Deserves the Chance to, I Hope this Surgeon will Choose to give her that Chance... even tho' I'm NOT MOM?

Yes, I had been Hopeful that I could soon return to some Happy Frivolous Post Topics rather than the Weight of the Heavy Stuff?   The Stuff that has been Weighing on my Mind so Heavily lately that it's difficult to think past it and Focus on Frivolity.   It would be Nice to be able to run into Friends and when they ask, be able to say for once that everything is Swell... and MEAN IT!   Or not have to talk about things that really I don't even want to think about, let alone talk about sometimes... though Releasing it is Healthier than bottling it up and stuffing it down.  Sometimes I do need to just Keep It Real and talk about it... here or in person... like a Tea Kettle that has sat on the Stove a long time under intense Heat and needs to release some Steam lest it boil over and scald everything around it!

So I had that chance... to talk about it to Friends... and write about it here for the past few Posts... and go out and do some light Retail Therapy buying a Hand-Made Valentine Stuffed Heart {the one in this Image is now mine}... inexpensive Vintage Hardware... Hand-Dyed Seam Binding... a Creepy Inexpensive Antique Doll Head... and...
One of these great Vintage Industrial Mini Loaf Pans to Organize my Smalls and Stamping Supplies in the Art Studio Cottage!   I've never seen one with this many compartments.  And it could serve dual Purpose for baking a 'Duggar Family' amount of mini loaves I suppose, if you had an Oven big enuf?  *LOL*

And the Event will run thru the Weekend, so you've still got plenty of Time to get down there and Source your own Found Treasures.   If you've a Lover of Smalls and Vintage Industrial you won't find a better Selection at a better Price Point.   And several Talented Artists offer their Hand-Made and often OOAK Creations there as well.

So be sure to Stop in when you're Cruising Seventh Street in Downtown Phoenix this Weekend.
I had the Pleasure on this Day of Meeting my Friend Leslie's Delightful Parents... who bring in the Fresh Baked Cookies for Customers to Enjoy!   I think she's their Favorite... Shhhhhhh... don't tell the others!  *Winks*   Her Mom is so Funny, so her sense of Humor reminds me a lot of my Mom, who is Hilarious too... and Dad is a Sweetheart.

Of coarse they've Raised a Sweetheart of a Daughter too and they must be so Proud.  It's Wonderful that they're so Supportive of the Vision she has.   I Wish my Mom and Dad could have seen what I'm doing now following my Bliss, I know they'd have totally dug it too... being Junquing and Artistic Pursuits has been in the Blood for Generations!  They were always Proud of my Corporate Lives... but they each knew it wasn't my Passion... Corporate Success just paid really well... but it never fed the Soul... it just put food on the table literally... and that's not the same.  Some might consider and call it Living the Dream to make a lot of Money doing anything that pays well... I never did.  Were it not for Supporting a Family, I would have rather of been a Starving Artist all my Adult Life and been quite Blissful in the doing of it.  *LOL*

I must say that I've always Admired Artists that have been Bold enough to Live the Dream and follow their Bliss even if they remain broke doing it.  Though I Wish them all the Success in the World with their Art and Hope they Profit in their Lifetime from their Talent and Gift of making the World a more Beautiful place with their Creativity and Vision.  When any Artist or Designer is a Wild Success I'm always absolutely Delighted for them because they are Evidence that Artistic Souls CAN Succeed and make a Living at what they Love and were Purposed to do!  I don't think the Arts is as Valued as they should be... which is why so many Schools make cuts there first.

And now that my Post has Wandered all over the place Topic-Wise because my Mind is Wandering all over the place like a Lost Soul with A.D.D.... I shall call it a Night... *LOL*
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. I'm so glad you have found how valuable junking and antiquing are to your well being, and are giving yourself permission to indulge. God Bless You as you continue the fight!

  2. Gee Dawn, You seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders....I know that you are tough, and determined, maybe you will be able to pull it all off, I hope so. Your blog leaves big gaping holes in the story, really...what is the exact things wrong with all of them? I can only guess as I read between the lines....Keep fighting for your loved ones!


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl