Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Resonation ~ The Image-less Post ~ Part II Of My Story

 *Still unable to load Images... but the Response was Excellent to the first Wordless Post... and it definitely resonated with many folks... so here's Part II of my Story.*
Who knew that my long rambling Image-less Post, without any Pretty Pictures to captivate anyone, would have such an overwhelming response!   I Appreciate each and every one of you that took your Precious and Valuable Time to read it... and for those that Responded and girded my Hope during a particularly Dark time... those that could commiserate because their Struggle is similar... with only that Glimmer of Light at the end of a seemingly endless Tunnel.  I could tell that my Story resonated with many who have a similar Point of Reference.  Often our Misery can also be our Ministry... and in the Sharing we Minister to others 'Going Thru' the similar Experiences and Issues of Life.
The VA Respite Caregiver Agency just happened to call that very day {Divine Coincidence} and sent a Rep over right away to Encourage me and Minister to MY Point of Need.  Which was quite refreshing to be 'Heard', be the Focus of the Help, Respected and find a way to Receive some more Resources to Help me do what I do better and have a bit more 'Me Time', which is a Rare Commodity. 
I can't tell you how much that Visit resonated with me, since this Rep deals with nothing but Caregivers and the particular Challenges we have trying to take care of others, while also Attempting not to completely get lost in the minutia and neglect ourselves.  Or have Sanity unravel in the daily grind and specific demands of Caregiving.  He Arrived after two of The Man's Home Medical Visits had left, which had left me in tears and quite distraught. 
Your feelings of Competance as a Caregiver can be eroded and compromised  by Criticism or Expectations you can't always meet.  And if you don't manage to do everything right all the time or remember everything for everyone else that aren't capable of remembering for themselves there can be overwhelming Guilt.  It's a HUGE Responsibility for someone else's Welfare to be Entrusted to you and I don't take it lightly. 
But being tasked to try to Remember ALL of the Meds and doses {which can be constantly changing and evolving with Treatment}, Times to take them, OT and PT Exercises, Treatment Plans, Appointments and Instructions for Caring for three people... even with Calendars, Pill Organizers and Day Planners... especially for a Gal who often can't remember what she had for Breakfast, or even IF she ate Breakfast, can be damn near Impossible without some forgetfulness and feeling completely Overwhelmed by being expected to remember it all.  

It was nice to be recognized for doing my best and talking with someone with a Point of Reference, so knows where you're Coming From.  I'm not a Trained Professional in this Field and I wouldn't have the slightest Desire to ever become a Health Care Professional, it's just not my Calling.  I don't get to go Home at the end of a 'Shift', there's no Paycheck and no Vacations, there's no Co-Workers to take over when I've had enough or need a break.  You can't turn in your Notice and Quit unless you want your Loved Ones to end up in the Care of Strangers... and perhaps it isn't even an Option if you cannot Afford Paid Caregivers to take over.

 But sometimes we have to do things we were never Prepared to do, don't have a Skillset for, and maybe don't really want to have to do in Life, regardless of how we Feel about it.  There is the sense that your own Life and Opportunities are slipping away as  you fulfill this Role and since this is no Dress Rehersal, what are you willing to Sacrifice of yourself, for how long, and will you have Resentment or Regrets for having done so?  You have to find a Peace about it within yourself... and that can be something you wrestle with often.  

The most difficult part for me is making all these Personal Sacrifices in my own Life and often meeting with Resistance and Resentment from those Loved Ones I am Caring for.  Since not everyone with brain injury or Mental Health Issues is cooperative in Receiving being Helped or Dependance upon others.  It is quite Humbling to need a Caregiver... Humility, Dignity and Pride is at stake, it can be Frustrating to be dealing with Limitations, Disability and Infirmity, especially when it burdens others and you can't be as Independant and Functional as you want to be.  So they may not always Receive Help or Intervention in the right Spirit and can even be resentful of it and refuse at times to do what the Medical Community Ordered or Suggested. 

That's tough because it is their Life, they have Free Will and I try to Balance Respecting their Wishes and Feelings, while still Ensuring Options to Improve their Quality of Life are at least Considered and Hopefully Implemented so we can see the results.  We can then disregard and discontinue what isn't Working and weigh the merits and possible side effects of what is Working... and be on the same Team rather than Opponents in their Care.

I know that I wouldn't want Care Forced upon me and I couldn't Imagine not being capable of making those important decisions for myself and Entrusting someone else to do it for me, sometimes against my Will for my Alleged own Good.  So... for all the other Caregivers out there... or even those with Loved Ones or Friends in that Role... I Hope that in Sharing my Story you are able to gleen something that resonates with you.  Something that Helps you in some way... to Do what you have to do, Become what you need to be, Support another in the Role or at least have more Understanding of what it is like to walk this walk... which can be a very Lonely and Isolating one. 

Blessings and Love from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian



  1. Well. I can see by reading this that I missed a post. Going to read it now. (I "hear" the frustration here. Yes, I do!)

  2. Well all I can say is: Bless You Dawn! You are helping others even as you hurt! Thankful you got some the therapy time just for you!

  3. Constantly thinking of you all.
    Honesty and vulnerability are hard things to achieve in life when you are responsible for many. I thought that blogging would help me reach through that defensive wall that I put up to keep from overwhelming everyone. It's slowly working.
    Keep being honest and vulnerable. When you start pretending to be fine to others about how you feel your subconscious starts to believe you and then everything gets out of whack really fast. But you don't notice it. And then setting everything right takes forever.

    Really wish that there was something more that I can do than pray and send you good vibes.

    Oh.... and something else, Prince R.... definitely not a lost cause. The school system is. It is awesome that he found a niche. it might take him longer to get where the rest of the world goes than it takes the average person. But I think the thing with his "disability" is that he isn't stuck on the go no where fast track so no one can really talk him out of being himself. The rest of the world doesn't like that. But bully for you guys to persist in being! I have a new friend who has, from what little I know from these last few months, has had a similar experience to R. And if there is one thing that I know from my friend's experience it is that the right people always show up... even if it takes a while for him to recognize them. :) :) :)


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl