Friday, June 14, 2013

What's In A Name? Well... Everything...

Okay, so Realistically I know that Life isn't a Bowl Of Cherries and so I don't Expect for it to be.  But... what's in a Name?  Well... EVERYTHING!!!  You see, this is gonna be a Rant to get something out of my System and Release it into Cyberspace and off of my Chest, where it weighs heavy... some days more than others.

'Caregiver'... that's the 'Name' that has become synonymous with my Experience for well over a decade now, not by Choice per se, but by Necessity.   I'd rather just be the 'Wife' and 'Gramma', I'm Keeping it Real here... because once you cross the line into the Name and Realm of 'Caregiver', you're usually now also an unskilled, untrained Full Time 'Nurse' to the Loved Ones as well.
  I don't wanna be their 'Nurse'... I'd rather just be the 'Wife'... the 'Gramma'... those are Roles I can fulfill in the right Spirit and with more Confidence and Wisdom.  Those are Roles and 'Names' I'm Comfortable with and don't mind being Defined by, because I feel cut out to be a decent 'Wife' and 'Gramma'.   I Enjoy and always looked forward to being both of those things and have the Skill Set to do both relatively Well and Joyfully the majority of the time.

The burden is Light on those Roles... not so much when the Role now merges with 'Caregiver' and 'Nurse'.  Without any of the Training, Breaks and Pay that those who fulfill those Roles Professionally as a Career Path have.  It's quite different and yet many of the duties are the same, only you don't go Home to Normalcy at the end of a Work Day, have a set Shift, days off, or have a Team of equally well Trained Co-Workers to distribute the Workload and Responsibilities with... and you can't Quit if it becomes too much for you.   Instead it becomes your Norm to do it and Live it twenty-four-seven... and your Reward is that it's being done solely from a Place of Love, a Sense of Obligation and/or both.
And No...  you are NOT a Super Hero... and Please don't call me a 'Volunteer'... that's another 'Name' that doesn't really fit the Situation appropriately... because it Implies Choice.  Did you Choose for things to go so Left that you'd be forced into Roles you're totally Uncomfortable with and feel not up to the job of sometimes?  No... No... I did NOT make that Choice!  Only a Person gone totally Mad would... nobody would Choose Sickness that necessitates 'Caregiving' of any sort for a Loved One... or several Loved Ones.  The Alternative would be to have some Stranger do it... someone who isn't Emotionally Invested.  You can't Pay someone to LOVE the Loved One... only Relationship can offer that Important aspect, they can only offer the 'Care' part and probably not to the same Standards Family would deliver.
And the problem and Issue isn't just the 'Name' and duties of 'Caregiver'... it's that it muddies up those other 'Names' and Roles so much... of 'Wife' and 'Gramma'.  Behaving as and fulfilling the Role of 'Caregiver' and the duties it entails now makes it that you're not just seen as the 'Wife'... the 'Gramma'... in the Purest Sense by these Loved Ones anymore... and sometimes by Others too.  I REALLY don't like that part, where meeting them at their Point of Need becomes the Primary Focus rather than the actual Relationship of those other Roles that make you 'Family' and you see as more Important and Dearest to your Heart.

I'm not the Hired Help, I don't want to be treated like, talked to or looked at as if I was some random Person just doing a Job that has to be done for someone else that needs my Services.  I don't possess Super Powers, so I get Tired too from the Caring 'For' everyone else, Tired enough to get Annoyed and Resentful at times and desperately in Need of more "Me Time".  You see, the Focus is almost always upon those that need the Care that Caregiving Requires, their Needs and Limitations... and so very little, if any, is given to the 'Caregiver' and their Needs or Limitations.  You get Lost in the minutia of it all and only another 'Caregiver' would Truly Undertand how that Feels.  Not that Ministering to those you Love isn't an Extension of your Love... but Reciprocity sometimes just isn't happening and that can Hurt.

And from the standpoint of the Health Care Professionals who see your Loved Ones once in a Blue Moon for either Standard Appointments, Follow-Ups, Med Evals or Medical Emergencies, the 'Caregiver' is often viewed and talked to as if 'Caregiving' for the 'Patient' is the only thing in your World that you have to do!  Or even want to do... Really?  Like I have NOTHING else to do and Focus upon but THIS? And what if you have more than one Loved One you're Caring For?  What then?  Who gets the Priority, Pray tell, and your Entire Focus and Undivided Attention that the Medical Community seems to expect you to perform daily to ensure the best possible results?  Yeah, when you figure that one out, let me know will ya?!

And hey, don't look at me sideways either when I don't remember the unpronounceable 'Names' of ALL the Medications, miligrams and doses this Crew is on off the top of my head!  Even if I were a Trained Licensed Pharmacist, which I'm NOT, I would probably need to refer to the Laundry List of it all to get it right and be able to tell you with any degree of accuracy and Wisdom!  And that's if you didn't constantly CHANGE the Meds and doses so often that keeping it all straight and updated becomes no small feat in and of itself for ONE Person, let alone THREE!!!  Well... at least Nanna is now in the Care of someone else so it's not FOUR anymore! 

And of coarse we ALL know that Men, Children and Old People are the easiest People to Care For when they're not Well, right?  Not at all Demanding, sometimes Inconsiderate, prone to being Dramatic, somewhat Egocentric and they always Behave and do what the Doctor suggests so that it would make their and thus your Life and Role as their Primary 'Caregiver' a tad bit easier, right?  *Bwahaha!*

And now that you totally Feel me... and have allowed me to Vent... and Rant... I feel much better and at Peace with what I'm up against.  Which was totally Necessary since the Chronically Infirm are also highly susceptible to every other Ailment that is going around since their Resistance is Low and Compromised.  So I've had a house full of Sick Ones all Week Sharing some dreaded drambuzi of a Flu that is apparently going around and they've passed one to the other in rapid succession and which I'm trying to avoid contracting myself or I'm doomed I tell ya!   Which Amps up the 'Caregiving' considerably... and the Drama since really Sick People equals really Cranky Uncooperative People who expect 'Someone' to be at their every beck and call.  Yeah... you know the 'Name' of that SOMEONE don't you?  *Insert a Big Sigh...*  

But Thankfully The Son and his Lovely Girlfriend aren't Working Tonight and are giving me a brief Respite by taking the G-Kid Force to the Back Cottage for a few hours so that I can Minister to The Man exclusively and have some "Me Time" when he drifts off to Sleep... and I'm Grateful for any and all of the Help I can get and don't take any of it for Granted.  And maybe I'll even get a chance to eat that Bowl Of Cherries...

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

1 comment:

A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl