Monday, February 18, 2013

A Birthday Without The Desire To Celebrate...

Today it's The Man's Birthday... but I doubt that either of us will feel much like Celebrating since it's been a string of bad news from his Doctors all Week.  Now they want to have a Meeting with both of us Tuesday Morning, it sounds grim... he was vague about all the other Test Results and the Details... and just murmured something about them considering some biopsies of his Lungs now! 
I'm not sure I like the way that sounds and what it could imply... but it was obvious during our last visit that he's still not doing really well and may not come straight Home after a Hospital Release anyway.  There was talk of a Rehabilitation Facility placement and he still can't walk or get out of bed without aide and his blood pressure crashing... so Mobility is still yet another Issue... on top of a host of other Issues that are becoming a virtual Laundry List day by day.  So after I get the G-Force off to School Tuesday Morning I'll make that foreboding Journey into the City to see what's up now?  Luckily its a very long drive so I have time to get my Head in the right place before the Consultation... and brace myself for whatever they might say...
It is difficult to Receive bad news and not have it adversely affect you... and so I've been quite Stressed, Irritable and Concerned... I am acutely aware of it and find it so hard to function in the Fruits of the Spirit right now.  So much going on and snowballing with downhill momentum that overtakes you and lingers heavy on the Heart and mind.  I could Deal with it if I didn't have to also Deal with all the others in the Household and their Issues.  The Son understands everything going on and has cut me some slack and tried to be some Help and juggle his Work Schedule around the Family Crisis.  But he's not handling the News or Pressure that well either so I don't lean too heavily on him.  I've informed both Daughters as well, but one lives on the other side of the Country and the other in a Foreign Country and I know it grieves them to be so far away when Dad is so Sick again and they're powerless to really do anything.  All they can do is call us and try to offer Encouragement from afar and Pray.

The G-Kid Force don't clearly understand the Gravity of the situation but Kids always sense Tensions and changes in those around them, regardless of how well you attempt to mask it and try to maintain a sense of Normalcy and Routine for them.  So their Reaction has been to be extra Fussy and push their limits with me to try to get a Reaction out of me... NOT Fun.  I'm certainly not in the Mood because I'm extra physically exhausted and totally emotionally drained.  The constant misbehavior and fighting between them has escalated and worked my last Nerve!  And for Prince R, who struggles with Behavioral and Emotional Issues anyway, constant calls from the School have now become a daily occurrance for one reason or another.  His Therapists and Doctors are not returning my calls and Referrals with Approvals for increased Services are Quagmired in the Mental Health System... which isn't all that unusual, especially now with even more budget cuts to Social Services, its a constant turnover of Staff so the lack of continuity is always an Issue. 


Princess T's Referral to be Hospitalized for some Studies concerning her Health Issues has been Approved but I've had to ask them to put it on Hold until I know what's going on with The Man... and until I can get someone to cover Prince R and his Med Regimen while I stay with her in the Hospital for the Tests.  Needless to say we don't Qualify for Respite Care for him... if he were Autistic it would be a qualifying factor for Respite Services... strange how the System works... you've got to have the 'right' disability at the right time to receive certain help and Services, regardless of need or circumstances.  The Son has mildly-moderate Autism and is Bipolar, back when he was a Child there wasn't Respite care for any of it... so at least some progress has been made over the Years for some forms of disability.
But with Today being Grandpa's Birthday The G-Force is Jazzed and wants to bring the Party to him... they want to do everything for him for his Special Day that we always do.  With his Fav personal size Carrot Cake chunk from a Local Bakery... and Fresh Fruit Tarts... and a Cake... and Fresh Rosemary Sea Salt Bread... Seasonal Fruits... Iced Tea and a Special Dinner.  Yes they want to do it ALL so that he's not missing out on anything even though he's still Hospitalized.
And how DO you tell them that Grandpa hasn't been able to eat for days... not even his very Fav Foods and Treats!?!  And that he won't even be able to pretend to for their sake?!?  So I'm Hopeful that I can convince them that the Hospital has already Planned a Special Meal for him that he'll be enjoying later after we leave... and maybe just the Carrot Cake Slice will suffice and he can Save it for later to enjoy as Dessert with that Special Meal?!  (So that when he has to give it away they won't see.)  And that just for now their Visit is all the Birthday Gift he can handle until he's feeling better... I'm Hoping I can sound more Convincing than I Feel?  I know he wants to see us all, it Cheers him up... and they want to spend some of his Birthday with him as much as I do... but I also dread the end results.  Seeing him so Sick isn't easy for anyone... and so after we leave and he can't come with us they will act up and the Princess will cry a river of tears and lash out at everyone and become petulant.  The Prince will start spiraling out of control emotionally and behaviorally... and I'll have to become the Enforcer... which will just make them want Grandpa all the more... and me too!
Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Oh Dawn, I'am so sorry to hear all of your trials, and the burden they have on you! I especially hate that your man is so sick!! I will definately be praying for his recovery and for the understanding of the children. I wish I could do something to help! Love Rhonda

  2. Oh my. You must indeed be exhausted. And there aren't any ways to help you from here. I'll send my best thoughts and wishes and I'll keep you in my heart.

  3. I have no words to match your trials. It IS a heavy load you are carrying.

  4. Not that it will do you any good, but I think you are doing an amazing job being everything to everybody!
    Wishing and hoping for some relief and help for you!

  5. Dear Dawn,sending out PRAYERS&BLESSINGS to all that concerns you and yours...~Victoria

  6. Dear Dawn
    It broke my heart to read the severe trials you are facing in your life. Health issues are very tough you my sweet are in my prayers as well as your family. Sending you love and an abundance of hugs


  7. Dear Bohemian, your life right now sounds like that poem I heard read by a poet many, many years ago with much emphasis on each syllable: "We're slog, slog, slog-ging over A-fri-ca." Your feet must feel as if they are encased in cement or a quagmire and I bet just getting up each day is an act of will. I so hope that some rays of light come into your world soon. Perhaps the consultation tomorrow will offer something positive. I so hope so. Peace.

  8. I am praying about your upcoming doctor visit in the morning, and that God provides peace for the rest of the family at this trying time. Take care Dawn ♥

  9. YUMO !!!!!!!!!!!! Going to make me one of these... Just love it

  10. Bless your heart! What a load you are carrying! Take it one tiny step at a time and one minute at a time, nothing more and ask for help as often as you possibly can. I will keep you in my prayers and think of you often! Hang in there kiddo, and keep us posted,

  11. Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and hoping for the best for all your family....and you. Xoxo

  12. You and your family are remarkable and an inspiration. I send positive vibes to you daily. Just know that there are a lot of people in the world of blog that are thinking of you and yours through all the ups and downs of your days.

  13. That looks lush! Very fresh and colorful! Much love! x

  14. Stay strong, is all I can say! You are so wise to try to put some fun and colour into daily life however hard it is - this is a woman's talent! And don't ever feel guilty when you can't make things better.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl