Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Change Is Exhilaratingly Scary

Change... it's exhilaratingly scary!  On the one hand I crave it, yet the Unknown of it can be scary stuff to my System at the same time.  Kind of like one of those terrifying, yet thrilling Rides at a Carnival.  One that gives you a Rush of adrenaline, but you're hesitant to get on board of.  You're shaking as you get on for a ride which you know is going to scare you... but you'll likely Survive just Fine.  *LOL*  Big Life Changes are like that for me... I require them relatively often, yet... stepping out and on board, I'm always somewhat apprehensive, hesitant and intimidated.  Is this a Good Idea your Head asks?  I dunno is the knee jerk response... because it's Unknown whether it is... or is not?!?

In so many ways it does take a Leap of Faith on your part to enter into significant Change, one that is Life altering.  Moves have always been like that for me, I've done them often in my Lifetime, less so as I've Aged.  Seems as I've Aged I've not thrown Caution to the Wind like I could so easily do in my Youth.  Mebbe that's been a Good thing born of Wisdom and Prudence... mostly I've felt it's just Scarier when you're Aging to do what might seem reckless or swinging for the fences.  I just know I've always been one inclined in the end to swing for the fences anyway, after I overcome my Fear and just Do It Afraid.  Go Big or Go Home!

My Dear Old Dad always told me to Do It Afraid, if I told him I was Fearful of doing something that I felt I really did have to just do.  Fear paralyzes you otherwise.  I've always known I'd have to Move from Villa Boheme', it was never meant to be permanent placement or my Vision of what Forever should remotely Look like.   Those who know me Well knew this too... and the Back Story thus made sense of Why I even bought it in the first place.  Normally I wouldn't have, under Normal circumstances... but sometimes we must operate under Abnormal circumstances and do whatever that takes.

I guess the Buying of it was Scary at the time, even exhilaratingly so, since I'd never bitten off this much House, nor even Wanted to.  My Real Estate transactions of the Past had been very Modest, very measured, very carefully calculated to a degree they were well below my means so I could just pay them off easily and early.  You know, back when you could actually do that... before Real Estate entered the Stratosphere of outlay.  Before, in my carefully orchestrated World, I could Move out and Settle in before Listing a Paid Off Property and not Deal with the Viewings.  Now, and especially on a Fixed Income and without some huge Inheritance forthcoming that would be an unexpected windfall, I know that's likely never to happen again.  I'll Die owing some Lender a lot of Money now regardless of what I Buy... and I'm now Okay with that.  *LMAO*

So... the decision making on what to Move to next and how much that should Cost has been scary to contemplate.... and yet, if Numbers crunched Okay, in for a Penny, in for a Pound... as my Ole' Nanna used to say.  I ain't gonna lie, when my Mind is on my Money it's Serious Business to me and I don't push myself easily to make Life altering decisions with it at any considerable risk.   I like low risk when it comes to Financial matters, so I weigh options so Carefully you'd think it was a matter of Life and Death... which it's not... but that's how Cautious I always am!  And when I crunch the Numbers, often I've been more hesitant and cautious than I really Needed to be to make it Work.  If rates are low... and they are... the difference is often negligible on a spread.

You can afford more than you think you could really, when you see how little a difference it makes over the Term period, which you won't Live long enough to complete anyway more than likely.  I might make it into my 90's, but nobody thus far in my Family has, so the Odds are more in my Favor than the Lenders! *LOL* The Fear of the Unknowns in Life always are something I'm leery of you see, I've had so many Mind Blowing Unknowns just Rock my World!  So that I play out all kinds of "What Ifs" on the Canvas of my Imagination now when deciding Big Things that Change the Known and Familiar on Purpose.   By Accident and Chance I always find a way to Work it Out, no matter what Life has thrown at me.  So I guess I should just Trust that I absolutely would on Purpose Work shit out too!   When I Inherited The G-Kid Force to Raise... big Life Change and expense that I never expected... long term Change and expense... we Worked it Out.

When The Man had his catastrophic Accident and we had to make a slew of huge Life Changes due to it, ones that we never could have predicted having to make at a risky Season of Life to make them... we Worked it Out.  Financially things always Corrected.  So a mere Move pales by comparison to Changes such as those, ones that I never Voluntarily and on Purpose could prepare for making and Life just made for us.   This is Voluntary and on Purpose, it was something I always knew loomed on the Horizon, the sooner the better in my Mind.  But when sooner finally came, Fear and trepidation made it an exhilaratingly Scary thing to contemplate, never mind Act upon!  But Time being of the Essence too when Acting upon things... Tick-Tock.  Time is Money too... and I don't like wasting either of them!

I suppose I have waffled a lot... A LOT... due to Real Estate prices just being what they now are.  Some Numbers intimidate me more than they should.  Probably because I can still remember when Real Estate Cost less than the Average Vehicle does now!  *LOL*  No amount of Negotiating is going to make them a whole lot more Affordable now you see... it is what it just is if we intend to stay in the Valley, which we fully intend to do.   Yes, I did Toy with the Notion of Moving somewhere Cheap to Live... for about a Minute... because I don't want to Live somewhere else so that Price was the only Motivating Factor to exploring that Option.   Retirees often do such a thing, where is the Cheapest place to Retire and have fullness of Life on a Fixed Income?  The most bang for our limited Bucks?

Many places Real Estate is dirt Cheap compared to Arizona... some places it's Crazy expensive compared to Arizona... I Like Arizona, so Arizona it will remain! In my Past, I always calculated shit way far in advance, like when I was Thirty I was already contemplating Retirement and Carefully preparing for it.  Then Life happened, and each Paid Off Property had to be Sold for one reason or another and wrecked that Carefully laid out Master Retirement Plan of being Debt Free.   That sucked, but sometimes what Life throws at you sucks and you can't spend too much precious Time lamenting over what derails you along the way or caused Debt Load.  I'm not a whole lot more better off than someone who never Planned for their Future now, wasn't supremely Careful with their Finances... it's the Old Ant and Grasshopper Aesop's Tale Spin.

Sometimes the carefree Grasshoppers do just as well as the industrious Ants in Life in the End, irregardless of how they're each Hard Wired to just Be.   I'm of the Ant Tribe, but that's no Guarantee all that Hard Work will pay off.   I might as well have been of the Grasshopper Tribe in actuality, but I didn't know that in my tender Ant Years, so I was okay Being an industrious Ant instead, preparing for my Winter.   Sometimes being of the Grasshopper Tribe of flying by the seat of your Pants is going to Work Out, so... here I now am, flying by the seat of my Pants at times like a Grasshopper looking like an Ant... in my Winter!  *LOL*   My comfort level of Grasshopper flying is still rife with trepidation tho'!   Is this really going to Work Out?  No tellin'... it's all a Gamble now!  So Ante Up Girlfriend!

I did finalize the decision and Negotiations on the 1916 Home and will Go for it, contingent upon Selling Villa Boheme'.  You're the Numbers Person is all The Man injected, he fully Trusts I've Worked all that shit out, no Pressure. *Bwahaha!*  It's True, Numbers do fly around inside my Head at warp speed when I'm considering Finances... a scary outlay!  Along with an exhilaratingly scary Change moving to a City I know squat about, but which is still Local enough to make it Work.  To a Home I'll be Investing more in than my Prudent judgment would have prepared for... if Prudence had been able to find something more affordable that I even Wanted to Buy!   Prudence tried... I'd of been lowering Standards to a degree that made zero sense when Investing, everything Affordable was way overpriced because demand for affordable Housing is so high in this Valley. 

Demand and Supply... huge factors in everything we purchase and what that price point will dictate and we cannot Control entirely.   I'm a Control Freak so it's no Surprise that I'd rather spend far more Energy in the Negotiating Phase than the Average person who just pays whatever it Costs.  *LOL*  I'll walk away, I'll Negotiate like there's no Tomorrow, I'll come back after I've crunched some more Numbers and recognized further leverage exists... when I do The Dance it's rather like those Old Time Dance Marathons that could go on too long, to the point of utter exhaustion.   The Seller has a Solid Appraisal on the 1916 far above what we've Settled on in our Negotiations to Buy it... instant considerable Equity is Good even if my Intentions are to stay Forever.

It's been like THAT during this Ordeal, numerous Pairings and Partings... because sometimes the Partner you paired up with in The Dance is one you recognize you have to step away from... or can't fucking Dance at all!  Keep changing Partners with during the Marathon of doing The Dance, 'til it feels like you've Danced with everyone in the damned Room already and want to quit Dancing and just go sit down!   I've gone thru several "Seller" Partners during this Dance, when it was evident that Change was necessary or they Changed Partners to finish their Dance with another Buyer.  Oddly, a few of those Properties have ended up back on the Market more than once... so I could have resumed the Dance, I chose not to.   Some Partners are too difficult to wanna do The Dance with and that's important too.  Do I Want to Do Business with that person... sometimes I don't in the end.

I'm sure if you've bought anything at all, whose Selling it is as important sometimes as what it is you're Buying.   It's not as if they're not still making Real Estate all of the time or that none of it is coming back on the Market over Time.  So you don't have to Deal with who you don't have a Peace about Dealing with if you don't Want to.   I'm one to get a Feel about whoever I'm doing Business with... and if the Vibe is Off, forget about it, whatever you're hawking, even if I considered it, I'll likely choose not to Buy it from you.  When I'm the Seller, I know I want to get it Sold... I'll make Money when I Sell it, and we'll both be Happy in the End... but a Quick Turn to me is preferable... it has served me Well to Turn things quickly and often... over sitting on it.

The Great-Grand-Daughter of the 1916 House I got a Good Vibe about during our Negotiating Process... she was more than amenable, Creative and Fair while protecting her own Interests in The Dance.   She explored Options to make me wanna Buy it that I hadn't even considered, on her Dime.  I hadn't been Sure she wasn't too Emotionally and Sentimentally Attached, given the long History, but it seems as tho' she really does want to Sell it to us and of coarse I really do want to Buy it.   The longer I contemplated that Property the more certain I was to swing for the fences on this one, it felt Right to.  So we'll see how that plays out while we will be Re-Listing Villa Boheme' now?   Sweet Baby Jesus... do I Hate Living in a Home that I have to set up Viewings for to complete Strangers... and during the Holidays no less... Fuck...

But we'll endure it... the Scheduled Viewings and some of the prospective alleged Buyers with no Manners when they're a Guest Viewing your Home.  *Le Sigh*  But should they Buy it, I don't really Care if they had annoying habits or not really... they'll probably fit right in here in this Community and Love it!  *LMAO*  I don't Love it... so Peace, Out... can't hardly Wait to Exit Stage Left like Snagglepuss!   Can hardly wait to get back to having a Life we want and on our own Terms.   Everything that is Meant to be Will Be has always been my Mantra tho'... and everything not Meant to be Will Not Be no matter how hard you Try.   I saw the Cutest Fabric Gift Bag for Christmas the other day and it was so appropriate to almost every situation... it had Three Boxes you could check off:

I Tried


I Tried... Dawn... The Bohemian... And the Saga and House Buying Chronicles Continues...


  1. On the good side, anyone viewing houses between the holidays would have to be serious buyers. Hope it all works out the way you want it to.

    1. I thought the same thing, the Holidays are so busy that only the most serious Buyers would spend Time Viewing prospective properties. I know I don't waste my Time or the Time of anyone else Viewing anything that isn't a serious possibility.

  2. That is such a wonderful property. I have fingers crossed it works out. The baseball analogy is appropriate. Just remember how many times Babe Ruth struck out and yet we still talk about him so many years later.
    I wonder if it is alright if I ask about your husband's accident? Was it a car or motorcycle? If this is too personal, please forgive me. Five years ago I went was over tea kettle down basement steps and broke everything, including my c1. Don't have a clue as to why I am not dead. The brain injury has been the hardest to deal with. I bring this up because with all you have to contend with, I urge you to be careful of your steps and not get too distracted with all this.

    1. The Man's catastrophic accident was a Vehicular one, someone T-Boned him in an Intersection, luckily he was in my Big Truck or it would have been a fatal accident but he injured both sides of his Brain so they didn't expect him to live... or not be a Vegetable once he survived. It's been a long Path to rehabilitation and we had to do it ourselves since The System wouldn't provide what he needed at all, nor the VA, so they sent him Home in sad shape and just expected me to Deal with that while also Raising Two Special Needs Grandkids! We worked it out, necessity being the Mother of Invention! *winks* So sorry to hear of your fall and injuries... it is a tough row to hoe recovering from TBI... I am careful with Steps and why I want to get back to a home on one level. The Apartment of the 1916 is above the Garages, but that would be mostly for Guests and Family visiting, the Main House is all one level and very small steps on porch.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl