Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Sparking Controversy

Princess T opted not to attend the Movie invitation with her Friends, plans got altered to where the logistics of it were going to be more complex than we could accommodate.  I thought she'd be disappointed, but she wasn't, perhaps she wasn't that eager to watch 'Toy Story 4', I'm not that certain she got into the first Three installments of it even when she was much younger?  If Plans don't pan out she usually is ambivalent about it, so at least she's not a Teen to be crushed by change of Plans, which is good.

We did have a lively discussion over Fish Net Stockings tho', since a couple of her Aunts took issue with her ensemble that she chose to wear them with.  Fish Net Stockings can be one of those Fashion Statements that can spark controversy, I knew that and had already talked about whether or not she wanted to potentially invite controversial opinion about her Fashion Choices?  Fashion being subjective and deeply personal, sometimes if you like something and feel a Peace about wearing it with confidence, you don't Care how it's received one way or the other.

Some Fashions have stereotypical connotations... right, wrong or indifferent about the accuracy of said stereotypes, it can convey a message or label Socially that you don't necessarily want affixed or implied.  We talked about Why mere Stockings and the wearing of them could be a Big Deal, even if it's current Fashion of an Era that thinks nothing of it?   She's an intelligent Kid and Modesty is usually her Natural leaning, so wearing anything that Society would deem Saucy isn't something she is interested in being a Rebel about, that's not her Thing.  She's not starved for attention so it's not necessary to cry out for it, but she does want to look attractive at this Age, as she's blossoming into Young Womanhood.

She's not a behaviorally challenged Child either to where she defies authority or doesn't respect the opinions of her Elders.  In fact, she always asks us to critique her Wardrobe before she would wear it out in public and ask our honest opinion and what looks best.  So she didn't think Yesterday's ensemble would be the subject of any controversy or concerns and honestly, neither did we.  The Man and I know the current Fashions her Generation are wearing that might be edgier and not of everyone's tastes, that's okay, they don't have to be.  If you like something and the way it looks, obtaining public opinion and approval for every decision you make would be oppressive.

Not everyone likes certain Styles or Hairstyles... some of us do and some of us don't and that goes for every Style and every Hairstyle.  Sometimes you don't feel any kind of way about how someone else wears anything, I'm that kind of person actually.  Unsolicited advice from anyone is generally not appreciated, people often give it anyway. With my own Children I'll give them my opinion honestly tho' when they seek my counsel, which they always have.  You can't imagine how tough it was to have the honest discussion with my Grandson about Gender Fluid Fashion and mostly the safety concerns I had about him wearing his openly and Proudly in Public, due to potential for risking Hate Crimes against him. 

But I wasn't opposed to him Being who he is authentically and Supported his Right to wear what he chose with dignity and without oppression nor condemnation from us.   I would never try to make him feel ashamed of who he is and his personal preference for Wardrobe, Style and State of Being.   I feel exactly the same way about his Sister, we have the difficult discussions openly and honestly, at every phase of Maturing and Development, about Age Appropriate things and when it's best to wait.   Especially when there is the potential for sparking controversy and whether or not you want to even endure any of that Drama or engage in it when it arises?  People feel strongly and express their opinions strongly, pro and con for almost anything and everything because Humans can be opinionated... if backlash occurs, do ya want the Drama and a Headache it brings?

She duly considered that her Aunties didn't like the Fish Net Stocking look and Why, she knows with them it comes from a place of complete Love, they Adore her.  She knows I'm not the biggest Fan of Fish Net Stockings myself, but only because I know the potential controversy about them just isn't worth it for anyone.  They are JUST Stockings, that's my Honest take, it's not something I'd lose my shit about ever... but the stereotype about it being Hooker Wear is deeply ingrained in the psyche of many.   Perhaps the Goth Movement has tempered that some, since a lot of Non-Sex-Industry-Working Gals are wearing them confidently now and totally Rockin' them in a Positive Fashionable way.  But overall, many people wouldn't want their Daughters or Grand-Daughters or Nieces wearing them lest they be falsely Labeled in Negative ways, I 'Get It'.

We happened to think she looked Cute, it was no Big Deal and gave the ensemble our Blessing, knowing we have a Child who isn't Buck Wild and engaging in risky activities.  The overall consensus with Friends and Relatives was she looked Beautiful and Stylish, which mirrored our personal opinion and sentiments.  It's very HER to be a Fashionista and to experiment with Style, everything from Conservative to Edgy.   She's the Kid that would pick the Classic Little Black Dress over something Flamboyant for a Formal Dance at School.  She's also the Kid that happens to like the Spicy Goth looks, Anime looks and the Retro Fashions of the Swinging Sixties... she's diverse in her Fashion Loves.  She's a Unique and Confident Individualist.  Why should Fashion have Rules?  Those of our Tribe inherently think like that!

The point I suppose I'm trying to make from a personal perspective about Fashion is that it does not necessarily indicate Character whatsoever!  You could dress real proper and clean up well in Public yet still have low or bad Morals.   You could dress less conservative, push Fashion boundaries, yet have high and good Morality.  Just sayin'!   I can wear a set of Pearls but it doesn't make me an Oyster, my Dear Ole' Mom used to eloquently put it!   Some people don't just Judge the Young... some have Issues with Older People being Fashionably forward, I think that's utter nonsense and Mom thought so too.  Mom was a Fashionista at every Age!  I suspect her Great-Grand-Daughter is following in Nanna's Footsteps of being Fashionably Fearless... and that's Okay with us as Parents too... our Choice to be.  Each Parent or Guardian must choose their Battles with whoever they're Raising, based on knowing that Child.  It could be different for every Child you raise, just know that too, Children aren't Clones!

I am Thankful that both of my Parents were very forgiving when it came to Fashion and Hairstyles.  It might not be something they would wear, but they never inhibited us from expressing our Style, whatever it was, and let us have Fun with it.  Dad's take was that if it wasn't permanent, don't sweat it.  Fashion evolves and changes constantly, so he wasn't going to lose his shit over any of it, no matter how Weird he thought it to be by his own Standards or Taste.  *LOL*  His take was every Choice has Consequence, you Deal with your consequential choices and it promotes Growth and Maturity.  I can attest to some really Odd shit he gave his Blessing for me to wear, since I WAS that Gal who always pushed Fashion's boundaries, especially when Younger.  I had a lot of Fun with Fashion, I still do... it SHOULD be Fun and deeply Personal to you if you're going to invest in purchasing any of it!  Yes, she does sometimes go out in the Llama Onesie... are Llama's potentially controversial too, who the Hell knows, anything COULD be to SOMEONE?!  *LMAO*

When I was about Princess T's Age a lot of what I wore was all over the Map too as I discovered my own Style leanings.  I remember dressing Androgynous and lobbing all my super long Hair off, that was past my Hips at the time, into a Mia Farrow 'Boy's Cut' because I thought it looked Fierce!  *LOL*   I remember my Mom cried that I cut all my Hair off, I remember I realized I didn't look nearly as Cute in that Style as Mia did either... but it was the Experience I was going for!  *Smiles*  I remember as a very Young Teen wearing Turbans, Boots past my Knees with my Jeans tucked into them and Earring Hoops so large it stretched and elongated my Earlobe holes!   My Parents never batted an Eyelash about it, the Phases passed quickly as I experimented with something else... Princess T is very much like that too, so I totally 'Get It'.

Will she wear her Fish Net Stockings or Fish Net Socks again now that she knows not EVERYBODY thought they were as Cute as she clearly did?  I don't know, but if she does I'm Okay with it, she's considered and weighed the risk of sparking potential controversy and inaccurate stereotypes of who she is.   Those who 'know' her wouldn't assume otherwise, those that don't, do we really Care what they think or why they Judge, probably not so much.   If she received attention she did not want to attract or endure, I'm certain it would sway her decisions about anything tho', she's intelligent and of Good Character.

Our Kiddos and their Friends have Fun with Fashion and Style, they don't take it too Seriously.  When I talked to their Mom about it last Night, she agreed, concerns can be from a place of Love and not at all meant to be offensive nor judgmental.   Initially she even thought... Fish Net Panty Hose!?!  But then she Smiled and said, well, it is The Fashion Statement right now with the Young People, to wear them more, even if you're not a Lady Of The Night, which most 13 Year Old's aren't Thank God!  It's not as if her Child is a 13 Year Old Hooker and is being put out on the Street to make Rent, so Calm down! *Smiles* So yeah, it's Cute and it's Edgy and it's Fun, my Kid pulled it off Beautifully and with total Class.  She's also Okay with her Son's Gender Fluid and Quirky Fashion expressions.  We then reminisced about some of the shit she used to wear and sometimes even sneak out of the house and stash at Friend's Homes so she could wear it without our knowledge!  Remember, that's when we'd get the calls from the Asst. Principal to come bring some 'more appropriate' Clothes for her to put on!   She WAS the Rebel without a Cause!  *LOL*

We also laughed that both she and I STILL wear some things that are distinctly our preferred Style and aesthetic, but perhaps not everyone's else's Standards nor Tastes... we frankly don't Care.  She said she recently let one of her Daughters borrow some of her Shorts, because they are the same Size now... and everyone said they were Too Short... and she's like, Hey, they're MINE! *Bwahahaha!*  So, how are your Dreads coming along Mom?, she then asks... and we finished out our conversation talking about Dreadlocks extensively and mine in particular, with her asking me to send some recent pixs of them.   I guess we embrace one another unconditionally as Family, allowing each individual's personal expression to be just that, PERSONAL and an expression.   They don't have to get Approval by Committee to do that, I wouldn't want to be stifled by the opinions of anyone dictated to me either.  To each his own... and let God be our Judge in The End, not any mere mortal.


Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Why do people feel the need to comment on others' appearance? It baffles me.
    We are strange creatures humans. Not always logical in our heads.
    I think having family that is self expressive must help the next generation relax about it. At least I've found that to be so. We are raising a more relaxed next generation.
    Being raised in Papua New Guinea with their fashion, certainly opened my eyes as a child!
    xo Jazzy Jack

    1. We are SO in total Agreement Jack. I never feel the Need to critique the self expression of another individual. It is their Right to dress and wear their Hair as they feel represents their authentic Self. Getting into the business of other people with unsolicited advice is never appreciated, yet people do all of the time, it's annoying and it can be offensive and come off self-righteous and biased. I do think it important to raise a more relaxed and Kind next Generation, the World is already far too full of ugliness and tensions.

  2. I agree, hundred percent with what you say. I happen to think the fish net socks look really nice, the stockings always make me think of Rocky Horror Show though :) That painted foot, how beautiful it is!

    1. Oh Yes, Tim Curry did wear them Well in a most Iconic way didn't he? Winks I always thought the Punk and Goth sensibilities of Style were interesting and very expressive in a Cute way. Her Look reminded me of a more demure Modern Day Punk or Spicy Goth expression, we thought she pulled it off with Class. Those who do not like it, that's their prerogative, they don't have to wear it.

  3. De Jez Vous...honestly, considering what some people wear...don't people have other things to worry about. Personally fishnets aren't that comfortable on the toes, lol, I remember wearing them over bright colored tights in the 60's, which was totally trippy---for work at the library-we had to wear dresses and hose...and regular hose ran---so tights and fishnets were my thing. lime green with black was my favorite!

    1. Yes Sandi, I distinctly remember when Hippie Era Fishnets over bright tights was a Thing and trippy, I Loved it! The Punk Movement and then the Goth Movement also resurrected Fish Net Panty Hose. I agree, the toes aren't comfy but they do hold up better than so many other types of Panty Hose that I think they will be Timeless. They do so spark controversy tho', but I am in Agreement that worrying about what other people are wearing is a completely invasive and unnecessary thing. Being Mindful of one's own Life and Family is time better spent IMO.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl