Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Looking Back... Nostalgic Glimpses Of What Was... Gentle Reminders

Our Daughter's package finally arrived in Mexico with all the personal effects the Consulate demanded as an extension of trying to get her Passport and proving identity.  It was quite the relief it didn't get lost or stolen... regardless that the six day expedited cost to have it delivered promptly had failed miserably and took about a Month instead, right up to the deadline they'd given her to provide it!  *Whew!*   So much for over twenty dollars of postage for speedy and 'tracked' delivery, since once it crosses the border, speed and tracking don't actually exist apparently!?  Don't try to send any of it back, since we don't need to risk it twice I told her... it's all of her meager personal effects I'd had in safekeeping for years anyway, things that cannot be replaced and are remnants of identity verifiers.   In the Yearbook... and Yes the Consulate asked for a Yearbook from School Days to prove Chain Of Identity... I hadn't even realized there was a pix of her Younger Brother in it, hamming it up for the Camera!  


               We think he was about in the 3rd Grade... that Kid was quite the handful in Grade School lemme tell ya, the Principal had us on Speed Dial, no joke, our Bosses even recognized Mr. Everett's Voice!  *Smiles*   I wouldn't have been surprised if all his Teachers didn't end up being Lushes hitting the bottle after each School Day, or on Prozac or something, to Cope with him and those Students like him in their Classes?!   The Son, in the 3rd Grade, during one of the Parent-Teacher Conferences, once introduced us to his Detention Teacher as one of his Regular Classes!  A First for her she said... oh well, it was a Regular Class for him, so why not get a formal introduction, Right?!  *LOL*  Each day is a new adventure when parenting the Special Needs Child, one never knows what to expect or how they'll be received within Society?  It doesn't actually end at Childhood... a Special Need can remain a Special Need for a Lifetime, and so that often involves Family to a greater degree than your average Garden Variety Parenting gig.


Coming further forward in the Looking Back Process, with nostalgic glimpses of what was and the gentle reminders... I ran across imagery of The G-Kid Force during their Pre-School and Grade School Days.  Sometimes it all seems so long, long ago in a Land far, far away.   Of what was... what now is... and how a lot of that morphs into the complexities of daily living, so much to Process.  I've been in a lot of Processing Mode lately, since news coming out of all camps with the Adult Children has been not all Rainbows, Buttercups and Unicorn Farts.  In fact, I almost bought a potentially offensive T-Shirt at 'Spencers' the other day because it resonated with me...it had an outstretched Hand with a Rainbow emanating from a Butterfly Winged Unicorn's Ass, getting ready to prance off the end of it all saying, "There it goes... my last Fuck..."

In case you can't Imagine the visual, I'll oblige with the online marketing Model sporting it, I think I may just have to buy one the way things are progressing.   Mebbe even wear it to the next dismal Parent-Teacher Conference for Princess T?  *LMAO*  Okay, so I won't, but I can't lie that I wouldn't be Tempted to my Friends!   I'm not filling you in on all the details of the South of the border Dramas, too epic, Novela worthy... still Processing all that myself actually... Life can become overly complicated on the turn of a dime lets say.   Complicated is actually a very mild Word and description... but we'll use that one shall we... why not... sometimes the appropriate Words would need considerable censorship!   More censorship than that T-Shirt!  But by the time you get to your Last Fuck, honestly, you don't really Care who else might not be as desensitized to keeping it Real and 100%, so, well... Fuck 'em!  *Winks*  

My Friend should be receiving the Key to her Newly Purchased Home Today and be able to move out and get back to her Normal and not be Homeless anymore.  Which should get us back to our 'Normal' such that it is... and after several Months of ongoing personal Crisis, hers and ours, I think we all Need that desperately!   The Young Prince lately has been trying to act all Grown Up and Manly by wanting to be kept in the Loop of what the Future might look like and how involved in and responsible with that he might actually end up and be?  No wonder the Kid has been on suicide watch, it's daunting shit actually, but at 18 he is in a need to know basis really, since the baton could end up in his hand if anything unforetold happened to moi now.   Do I think he's capable and could handle it, absolutely not... nor does he.   But he is valiant about trying to figure out how best to keep me in immortal status for as long as humanly possible.  That's our Plan... since my Position is not likely to be filled anymore by a Backup Family member now that The Son isn't Well enough to be Plan B.

With Mom and Dad passed from Time into Eternity I no longer have to agonize about their Care and finding the best Options for their complex needs that caused end of Life to be beyond complicated and expensive at the time.   We worked it out with each of them as we just HAD to... necessity is the Mother of Invention after all... and when you HAVE to, you find a way.   I miss them both terribly, every single day, you never Get Over losing a Loved One, the profound Loss is Forever on this side of the veil.  You don't feel relieved, you feel like you lost someone so Beloved that Life is never the same without them, no matter how difficult it became or always was with Caregiving!  But I wouldn't want to relive any of the heartache that came near the End of their Journey either, nor the level of suffering endured by each of them, that would be entirely Selfish on my part.   

Now that The Man and I are entering into the complexities of Old Age tho', and The Man already requires Full Time Caregiving, I realize that my Grandchild has the similar realization I did about what best to DO for aging Loved Ones... and those they might still be Responsible for?   I don't envy The Young Prince having to confront those Realities and Process it all with a measure of Sanity!  He has a lot of vulnerable Siblings being raised by very Old Women right now, four Younger Sisters to be exact that are biologically connected to him.  The Paternal Grandmother in Mexico is old enough to be MY Mother... so that trio could end up here some day, sobering Reality.  It's a Reality we've always known existed, and yet, are you ever really prepared for any worst case scenario?  You just opt to Work it Out as you just HAVE to because adequate preparation isn't possible.

How is the English as a 2nd language going I always ask, since my kitchen Spanish sucks!    How Well are they, since I'm not entirely sure?   I'm not entirely sure about a lot of things, but how many other Special Needs might exist is something I'd want a bit of a Heads Up on.  Since applying for and receiving necessary Services is a huge pain in the ass with great uncertainties associated with Qualifying Factors.  Custodial Grandparenting and the complexities of our particular set of circumstances is something that already took YEARS to sort out for the older two Grandchildren... Fifteen Years if we are to be precise!   So I have no delusions anymore about The System and how it just works... or fails to work and what it demands.   The Man said we'll Deal with whatever, whenever whatever plays out, probably the best strategy actually.  His brain damage makes it so that he just flows now with whatever Challenges he simply cannot Change and Control.  For some weird reason that is Comforting to me as his Spouse, I lean on that Quiet Resignation that has become one of his Strengths actually.

We can and will Deal with whatever happens, with whatever shows up for us to handle we'll handle, he said so matter of factly that I knew we just would and he was Right!  For some reason I recalled how many unfortunate Feline Beings always showed up on our doorstep at The Historic Homestead and how, however long they had to remain and be Cared for by us, we always did, unconditionally and without hesitation.   This one was Bear who had really jacked up Ears and was probably born with that deformity, he was a very Chill Alley Cat who came and went as he chose to, adopting us for a time.   The Grey one further above in the Post pixs, well, I don't even recall his Name since he was Feral and liked to be ignored and just Fed N Watered by his Human Staff he'd chosen, so we respected that boundary he set and established.  *Winks*  Tho' I do recall many of their Names and many stayed with us a whole Lifetime and became part of the Family, just like that.  We'd get them sterilized and we'd just let them live out their best lives possible, I don't recall ever having concerns I couldn't Care for one more.  But Kids are trickier than Cats, I ain't gonna lie, being a Pet Parent is far easier by far, at any Season of Life!  *LOL*

And Time is telling now upon me, taking it's toll... so there's THAT.   I hardly recognize myself from a mere Decade or so ago... it's apparently been a particularly rough Decade?  *Bwahahahahaha!!!*  Several Friends recently told me they don't even remember me without Dreads now, and so I realize that as we go thru various Changes, it just Becomes us as we are Now... and all is as it just Should Be.   I'm the same inside anyway even if the exterior is taking on some wear and tear that is sometimes glaringly obvious when I gaze into the ole mirror and see someone resembling more my Mother than myself.  But Mom was a pretty Fierce Senior so I'm actually okay with that transformation into Aging Gracefully... at least I Hope I'm doing it with enough Grace and Dignity to be Respectable?   Well, forget about the Respectable part... I kinda dig Growing Old Disgracefully!   I'm well on my way to Achieving that Goal actually... so if you're Game for coming along on the Wild Ride, hop aboard my Friends...


Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. You're beautiful!!! I love the cat with the little quirky ears. So sweet.

    1. Thank you for such sweet words... and yes, Bear was an interesting Cat for sure!

  2. Old? that's a four letter word when you add the ?!


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl