Thursday, February 7, 2019

Light... Darkness... And Everything In Between

I Feel rather like this Image lately, like the Woman at the Top... AND the Woman at the Bottom.   That's probably because I'm Both... and where one begins and the other ends doesn't have so much clarity and individual definition as I'd like for it to have.  And that break in the Arm, I Feel rather like that too... somewhat fractured and yet not yet losing one's grip, holding together under the strain of being Both.  The one preventing a Fall and one trying to prevent from Falling.  I've had a heavy burden of personal things on my Heart and Mind... and a heavy burden of things totally unrelated to me personally on my Heart and Mind... I'd rather have none of it on my Heart or my Mind.  I'd like to have a Statue like this one in my Garden though, I Connect to it so strongly and it resonates with me!

I often think upon the Gardens at my Historic Homestead's Acreage, so Wild and so Free, I Loved those Gardens and spent a lot of time in them relaxing and coming back to Center.   Compared to the Manicured Professionally Landscaped Gardens required at Villa Boheme'... well... there's no comparison actually.  I spend no time in these, they meet Requirements that are not my own, simply put.  It's so regulated that it feels like some kind of Homeowner Boot Camp you get drafted into involuntarily, just so that you could live in the Home that caught your Eye.  The Lust of the Eye, one of the deadliest of Sins you know, it can get you into trouble... because everything isn't usually at it Appears to be on the placid surface.  Placid describes this Community, this Place, perfectly: Calm and Peaceful but with little Movement or Activity.  It does not, however, describe the People in it... they ARE easily upset and excited... seemingly about petty things, I just can't relate.

I should be spending Time right now cleaning up this House, it's messy, there are five people living here and it shows.  Most of the mess is mine however, I own up to it... that most of the unfinished business is my own laying about.  Not all of it, but that isn't actually the Point... the Point is... I don't Care about devoting any Time to any of it and it shows, apparently nobody else does either.  Well, that's not entirely True, actually, my Friend is a Clean Freak.  But it's not her House and so she lets me take the Lead... and right now I'm not Leading... I'm not Following either... and I'm not even getting out of the way!   It's quiet right now, since The Man always crawls back into Bed after we get Princess T off to School... and The Young Prince and my Friend are late at rising at all most Mornings.  And I do like my Quiet Time here, in The Land Of Blog... and so here I sit, instead of doing any Motivational shit.  *Le Sigh*

I'm not even pondering Solutions to what's been laying heavily upon my Heart and Mind... the epic level of that Problem Solving is way beyond me.   Both the Personal weighty Issues of Life and the State of the Nation is such a Hot Mess right now, that I can't Deal with any of it Full On at the present Time... and so I don't.   I find Escapes where ever and when ever I just can, to hold onto Sanity and not slip and fall into despair, that's when I'm Feeling like that Woman on the Bottom of that first Image... just hanging on for dear Life in this Mess!   Many I know are in free falls right now, with Health mostly and other Issues of Life, and reaching out to what ever or who ever they might grab to hang on.  That's when I'm Feeling like that Woman on the Top of that first Image, trying to be there for them, since each is too Valuable to release... and I just can't NOT be there for them, that's not even an option to consider.

And Blogging does help me to sort it all out in my Head, to get to where my Head Space is in a better place than it would be otherwise.  I woke up Today not so much in a Good Head Space, and being Aware of that, decided to ignore the messy House and just come in here and Blog.   And it's not that everything is Bad... since each part of each day some Good filters in, no matter what else is static and Wrong in a way that isn't Changing much, if at all.   I took The Man out for a long drive and Lunch Yesterday, it was overall, a Good Day.  I took him to a new Favorite Restaurant called 'Cuff' that is in a lovely 1800's Historic Commercial Building in Old Town Glendale, the Food was sublime and the Atmosphere is so Pleasant.  I consciously blocked out everything that is Wrong so that I could just enjoy The Good Day and the Positivity we got out of that.  I haven't even wanted to Blog about Negativity and expand it in Words actually. My Word for 2019 being 'Positivity' I've tried to remain in that vein.  Even tho' the undercurrent and underlying vein of so much isn't all that Positive and I acknowledge that Fact.

So this isn't even meant to be a Negative Post actually, just a Sorting Out of Feelings that are often quite conflicting.  You can manage to have Joy in the midst of Sorrows, you can manage to have a Normalized Day in the midst of abnormal situations swirling all around you in Society and on a Personal level.  The balancing act of it all can get tipped from time to time though, depending on how you're processing it all.  The Young Prince is very analytical, he always processes everything from an intellectual standpoint, I tend to process everything more from an emotional standpoint.  It makes for some very interesting discussions between us, about Life and the State of things.  We're both glad he has Tropical Fish now, something about watching Aquarium Fish is very soothing to the Soul.  

Viewing Nature in the form of Aquarium Fish is Nature On Demand and studies have shown numerous benefits of that.   His Female Aquarium has a lot of Baby Fish and the Fry are particularly entertaining.  We introduced Tubiflex Worm Blocks for the first time for added variety of nutrition and they aggressively attacked it like a School of tiny Piranha!    They are also very interactive with us since they were born there and thus have no fear of us.  It's Cute how excited they get when you come close to their Tank.  It's been Fun watching them grow and thrive, he hasn't lost any Fry that we've noticed, I swear he Counts them daily to ensure he's had no casualties!?  *Smiles*   "Come look at the Fish Gramma, since you're not in a Good Head Space this Morning... and then I'll make you some Crepes...", he said when he got up and came in here.  That Kid is Amazing and so intuitive, so Sweet and very empathetic.  

Of coarse I just Love him and for an 18 Year Old Guy, we have a very close relationship and enjoy one another's company, despite the huge Generation Gap.  He's always been a very Old Soul and so intelligent that he can hold his own in Adult conversations, always has been able to actually.   He's unashamed about sometimes preferring to hang out with his Gramma, rather than his Friends on occasion, and declining their Invitations because we've planned something together instead that he'd prefer to do.   We'll likely be attending the Renaissance Festival at least once this Month, perhaps twice if I can swing it financially and Sales are strong at the Antique Mall in February and March?   We Love the Renaissance Festival, Princess T will likely join us even tho' it's not as much her Thing as it is for The Young Prince and I.    We would stay from opening to closing, she has a narrower saturation point, so if she's in tow we'll play it by Ear.   She doesn't want to Miss Out tho', last Year she Opted Out and regret it instantly.

Well, of coarse you can come with us this Year we says, so long as you're not a pain in the Arse and don't ruin it for everyone.  You have to talk to her that way... right up front... setting the boundaries for tolerance of Diva shit potentially playing out.   *Winks*   The Young Prince and I really are not the most tolerant of Diva Behavior... I'm a Drama Free Mama and he just can't handle Female Drama AT ALL, it's way too Emotional for his Analytical Mind to Solve the Problem of!   It usually therefore ends with him saying he wants to light her on Fire!  Which is her Cue that Big Brother has had about enough of the Dramafest so Calm Down!  *LOL*   I don't think many 13 Year Old Girls aren't Emotional Terrorists actually, some people Deal with that more effectively than others... I'm always glad when that phase of development passes and we're all no longer potential Hostages of it!  *Whew!*   She's actually very Fun to be around when she's not being Dramatic and Emotionally unstable.  She's beginning to figure out which version of herself we can Handle during an outing... which will dictate whether she's Invited or NOT!?

Now that I've Calmed and Centered myself via the Old Blog Therapy immersion, I'll now Share a couple of Found Treasures I recently acquired.   The Cement Buddha was procured from my Friend Michael, who has the most Amazing Treasures he Sources for his Spaces at our Antique Mall, he's in the 800 Row of Booths and has several Booths, plus an Upstairs Loft Booth.  He gave me one of those First Cousin Deals on it because he knew it was going to a very Good Home where it would be Appreciated.  It's actually a Signed piece and as heavy as a Boat Anchor, both parts of it... the Base is separate.

 I had to replace the Resin Buddha I had in the Courtyard because the intense heat of the Desert Sun blew both of it's Knees out like it had been shot from the inside by a bullet!  No exaggeration, that actually happened, which is terrifying... so now it's Upstairs in the Meditation Room with repaired Kneecaps!  Here's a Close-Up of one Knee's damage, both Knees had those bullet like holes from the inside out, since this Buddha is hollow and clearly heated air intensified to where there was an explosion of sorts, which is Wild and unsettling!  So I'm very Careful now what I put inside the Courtyards, especially the Inner one which has White reflective Walls, Full Sun and is more enclosed than the Front Courtyard.   I must say that the Weather did give Resin Buddha a more Interesting Patina in short order, that looks way Older than it actually is.  The ravages of Desert Sun and Climate can impart an instant appearance of advanced Age!

And tho' I've totally enjoyed having Resin Buddha's new placement in the Meditation Room Upstairs, I'd been longing for a Stone Buddha that could take the Weather in one, or both, of my Courtyards and be the Replacement Buddhas.  Even the Resin ones are expensive... so I had all but given up Hope of finding a reasonably priced Stone one, which are quite prohibitive in price.  But Michael gave me such an incredible Deal, that I could easily afford the Perfect Stone like Cement Vintage Buddha he had for Sale... and we negotiated it to where I could bring it Home and both he and I were Happy.   I almost lost out on it since another Customer had tried to buy it first, but really tried to lowball him on price, from what he told me, he declined the unreasonable offer.  He knows I'll negotiate, but am Fair about Value and won't ever insult a Dealer with lowballing.   Word Up to Customers looking to Negotiate their Best Deal... make a REASONABLE Offer, not an Insulting or Offensive one, that's just crass!

So color me Happy that I've found one Zen Statuary for the Front Courtyard now... and will be seeking a secondary Zen Statuary for the Inner Courtyard later.   This might have been suitable for the Inner Courtyard if I could have carried it that far... I couldn't... so... the Front Courtyard by the Front Door will DO!  *Bwahahahahaha!*   Have you ever bought something so heavy it just ended up where ever you could just get it to before giving out and then Forget About the initial desired placement?!  *Smiles*   With having a two Story Home for the first time, I've aborted many a Design Element Upstairs when I bought something for up there... and couldn't get it up the Stairs!   Unless it's something you can assemble and bring up in parts... it's usually going to be Smaller... and Lighter... if it goes up there at all anymore!

The 2nd Element I bought for the Front Courtyard was this AHHHHMAZING Vintage Metal Wall Fountain, which isn't hung up just yet but got filled with Rain Water during this last Storm.   I've been Wanting a Lion's Head Wall Fountain since we moved in... as a Water Feature for the Front Courtyard.   But I didn't want the Big Kahuna of Fountains and smaller ones were hard to come by and cost, as well as general Aesthetic, was always a factor as well.  You can drop a lot of Coin on a Water Feature and I wanted something both Stunning and possibly Vintage... so there you go with the self imposed limitations being against me!   And I Want what I Want... I can Hold Out for what I Want... almost indefinitely it seems, according to The Man, who knows how tenacious I can be!  So when a New Vendor came into our Antique Mall and had this for under $30 with my Dealer Discount... well, zero hesitation because it was PERFECT in every way!   Not only does the Lion's Mouth spout Water, but each Grecian Maiden on each side does as well... so I'll have The Man to get it functional with a pump and hosing once I hang it up on the Wall there.

So... because my Life isn't Calm nor Tranquil and is messy... and The World isn't Calm nor necessarily all that Harmonious right now, due to how messy a lot of the people in it just are in their State of Being... I've been Creating my Spaces of Calm within our Sanctuary of Home.   The only NOT messy parts of Home at the moment are my Meditation and Contemplation Spaces.  I hold those Spaces Sacred and thus they are not allowed to get messy.   That doesn't just mean clutter mess, but messy behavior overall has to be left at the Door when entering!  You can enter AS a Hot Mess, but you must Revere the Space to be where you will shed as much of the mess that can be Life as you possibly can Manage while there.   It was said by a very Wise Man of God, that you can get a person out of a mess, but if the mess is still within them they will fall right back into it.

This Space has helped me to Deal with messiness better.  It's helped me more effectively Deal with matters I can't Change and have no Control over. Which for a Control Freak like me, who wants to fix things that are going wrong, is crucial to be able to step back from and try not to worry over what cannot be Changed.  Social injustices and blatant Hatred abounding exponentially in this World, is something I stand firmly and vocally against.  Being the Positive Change against it individually is Powerful... and we must Resist it openly, but I just can't let it consume me either.   Those who perpetrate injustices and those who have deep Hatred expressed are Being who and what they just are.  We can only Hope they eventually have conviction sufficient to Change in Positive ways that will even Want to live in Harmony with ALL some day?   I have my doubts... I don't even Wonder how we got here... because I think we've always been here and Positive Transformation has sadly tarried with too many for too long.

But I do hold out some Hope that those who spread Light will overcome and overtake the Darkness and illuminate a Path we should be following away from that which is so Dark and Negative.   The Darkness will always exist... Light as well... and everything in between while moving from one into the other and being around both.  I think I will hold onto my Word for 2019... Positivity is always the better Choice over Negativity.  I basked in the Light flooding into my Meditation Room, it felt Good... I left Feeling Lighter and more Positive.  I Hope you will be able to have a Light filled Day as well my Friends, even if the Darkness around you seems to be everywhere...


Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. I love the outdoor statuary as much as you. I have brought home things that are heavy and had difficultly moving them. Last spring I found a 2' high vintage St Francis statuary, that I love. I do have a resin buddha out by the swimming pool. It has last well, about 18 years.

    1. Your St. Francis statuary sounds lovely, I just enjoy Outdoor Garden Art, makes for a Natural Gallery that is so soothing to the Soul.

  2. Your pictures of the gardens are beautiful and soothing. I'm sorry you're struggling with so many burdens on your heart but you're doing a great job by recognizing that going into your Zen rooms. I absolutely am green with envy on that cool water fountain and bonus under 30$!!
    have a great week

    1. Thanks Holli for the encouraging words... I took the Night off Work to take my Granddaughter to her Valentine's Day Dance so I have a house full of giddy 13 year old Girls getting ready for their shindig! LOL

  3. I enjoyed all the photos of greenery, so relaxing. That's one thing I really miss in the winter, green. The fountain and the Buddha are lovely.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl