Monday, January 7, 2019

The Voice Of Reason



Some days you get a self-realization check, Today was such a day for me, so The Man suggested I take a break and we go out.  So I could get away and lessen the anxiety that what I had been doing had clearly caused.  You see, after we had completed the Meditation Room Project some Months ago, the Art Studio Loft was left in rather a Hot Mess and in complete disarray, since stuff just got shoved in there temporarily.  Well... a long temporarily, but it was never meant to be permanent, lets just say that.  *Winks*   My Friend, while she's here to be of Help and likes such Projects, suggested we tackle it and get it squared away, so that every room was now tidy and organized, functional in the best of ways.  I agreed and yet a part of me knew I better get in there first alone to see how much anxiety Culling that Space might cause me?  I knew everything could not stay, there's simply no place for it all really.




You see, I do recognize that I seem to have some tendencies on the Hoarder spectrum, perhaps at Level One, Level Four being the worst of the condition.  And that I do amass stuff, beautiful stuff, but stuff nonetheless... and too much is just TOO MUCH!  And so every once in a while I do have to aggressively curate what I have amassed and do a serious purge.  I used to joke that too much was never enough, but that's not really true, too much bothers me.  So I've self-diagnosed that I'm probably a low Level Hoarder that CAN get rid of excess, and really clear shit out effectively, even tho' being Editorial is not one of my particular strengths.  But certain excess is still more challenging for me and I know it, so avoidance sets in with those things.  It all depends on what it is I'm attempting to Cull... and Why that is, well, it's one of the Mysteries I haven't yet figured out?! *LOL*  




There can be beautiful things of significant value that I can let go of so effortlessly that Friends and Family don't understand how I can detach from them so easily and sell 'em with virtually no emotional attachments evident whatsoever?!  Especially when I almost have a full blown anxiety or panic attack while trying to detach from something small, insignificant and without any value at all?!?!?!!  Go figure!   I knew that in my Art Studio Loft Space would be a lot of those smalls that should mean nothing, have no place to really be, but that I'd have heightened anxiety about what to do with.  Especially during a quick purge with additional people Helping, where a lot of decisions would need to be made in short order, as they asked me what to do with this, that and the third?!?  So, while my Friend was out, I went up to begin The Process alone to see how I'd do?




I got a Fair amount done but I only lasted about an hour before anxiety set in and I could tell I was getting wound up and having that all too familiar unpleasant feeling of upset or anger.  It can go either way like that once the anxiety sets in, to where I'll either cry and feel overwhelmed or get angry and frustrated to where I kinda flip out.   When you're by yourself it's okay, unpleasant, but okay, since I just quit, came downstairs and told The Man how poorly it had gone for me up there in that Space and with that particular stuff I was trying to Cull and Organize.   The Man is my Voice Of Reason, he is a very analytical kind of Being, he simply reminded me that I didn't actually HAVE to get rid of anything.  Not Today or not Ever if I didn't want to or wasn't ready to yet.  I could Feel myself getting Calmer just hearing that and being reminded that Rome wasn't built in a day.   Why don't you Stop for Today and tackle it again in smaller increments AS YOU CAN handle another time he suggested.




I want to get it Done and I'm Grateful for the Present additional Help of having a Friend staying with us who likes to tackle epic Projects.  But I had the realization that perhaps for me, some Spaces just have to come together slower and in due time?   Perhaps I can convey that to her so she has a better understanding that when we're tackling some Smaller Hoards left, some Spaces that are cluttered and disorganized, I might not have the capacity to make all of the decisions RIGHT NOW!?   There may be some things I cannot make a decision about at all, whether to Keep or Cull... where to put it or even if I have a place to put it?  Some things may have to be held for a secondary sweep... or further up the sweep ladder until letting go of them is easier or finding a place for them is more established in my Mind?   Certain things are definite Keepers and those give me zero anxiety... anymore than those things easily let go of never do either.  It's that other stuff that gets tricky, the anxiety causing stuff with no place or no clear decision made.

 


Why do we form attachments to certain inanimate things, who the Hell knows, I certainly don't?   Some of my attachments have no logical reasoning behind the emotional attachments to them... or the attraction to them and why I have them at all!?!??!  *Smiles*  Other things are more obvious of coarse and I have amassed some pretty Cool stuff that I just don't wanna get rid of, it's as Simple as that.  The incurable Collector in me, the Rescuer of Cool shit in me, the Lover of Art and interesting or beautiful things.. will ALWAYS be within me, I know that, I don't even want to repress that actually... it's what I do, who I just am and what I enjoy doing.   The Love of Old is deeply entrenched to where I'll either bring that kind of stuff in because I want to Keep it for myself or will Sell it for a stream of income to supplement our fixed income... a means to an end.  Sorting thru which will be which can be the trickier part sometimes once it's in my possession.  Some things start out as the former and end up the latter, just because eventually TOO MUCH IS TOO MUCH!  *Winks*




Thankfully my attachments to People is ever so much stronger than my attachments to mere things or to Money... People first, then Money, then Things are the priorities that The Man and I have always had.   We're Blessed beyond measure with the People in our lives, our precious Family and our Friends.  Those are the Riches that are the Priceless ones, far more Valuable than any thing we might possess or how much we might have in our Bank accounts.   I could have nothing in the way of things or a Bank balance, and believe me we've had times like that in this Journey that is Life, but it was OK because we've always had our Family and our Friends.   The truly Bankrupt People to us are the ones who do not have that... no Family and/or no Friends... Money and things you can always replace, People you cannot.   I'm enjoying all of the new pixs that our Daughter in Mexico is sending of The G-Kid Forces Younger Siblings.  She's able to spend more time with the Girls now that she's been Well and it's holding, and I'm SO Happy about that for them all!  I'm sure it's really helping the elderly Paternal Gramma Maria out a lot.  In this Grand-Daughter's Face I see myself at that age and I can't help but stare in Amazement that she looks SO much like me at that same Age!




Their next Younger Sister looks a lot like her Older Sister, Princess T did!  The uncanny resemblance of them all to their Mother is like she Cloned ALL of them actually!   It takes me way back to when our Daughter was those ages that each of her Children now are.   It's a privilege not afforded to many to live long enough to see your Grandchildren grow up into Adulthood.   We've had the privilege of seeing so many of our Grandchildren reach Maturity already and even see the next Generation... the Great-Grandchildren coming along... five already and No. 6 on the way by this Summer!   You think back to your own Youth and not ever Imagining such a bounty of Loved Ones you'd be richly Blessed with in your Old Age!  It's a WOW Moment, it's a Sacred and Spiritual Moment actually for me personally.   God has Blessed us so richly and abundantly with Children, many Grandchildren and now Great-Grandchildren!!!  He has Blessed us with the very best of Friends and so many Lifelong ones that are like Family now!!!!!!!




It does not mean there have not been significant trials and tribulations along the Journey of Life for any of us, for all of us actually, but it is still a bunch of very Blessed Lives that is for sure!   Of connections and relationships that are strong and abide... even if things fall away or Money is tight.  The Voice of Reason reminded me Today that regardless of what we do with our stuff... or don't do with it... it hardly matters at all... which is absolute Truth!   We have everything that matters, each other... with or without the accessories of stuff.   And just mebbe I'll manage to plow thru the Art Studio Loft successfully and look back with humor about the anxiety I might have had during The Process of editing and purging it's contents.   I'm pretty sure it will get Done, the rest has and it Feels Good that is has and there is a LOT LESS, you know?




Even more of the Family... including more Grandkids and the one Great-Grandchild on the way, the Girl bun {cookie} in the oven!!!  I just Love those Shirts they had made up for everyone!  *LOL*

*******

Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

5 comments:

  1. As far as purging “things” and the anxiety that it brings you, baby steps work. When you feel anxious, leave, take some breaths, do something you like and then return to the job at hand. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed or you will not be able to complete it. I have had times in my life that anxiety was my middle name.

    You are a very lucky lady to have so many people to love and who love you.

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    1. I agree, having a large network of Loved Ones is crucial and baby steps is how I'm taking it since there is not real Time Line that needs to be adhered to.

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  2. You got this Chica!! You've done some work and know whats left which will be easier when you attempt again. I love the peace you receive from the Man with the reassurance that nothing really HAS to go if you don't want it. You are very lucky to have a friend though willing to assist you. I have a crazy office/craft room and that is giving me serious anxiety myself and would love some help. Just some fresh perspective on how they would move things around different than I have. Gorgeous family photos!

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    1. Yes, it's anxiety ridden to have cluttered space and a room messy for me and sometimes anxiety ridden if I try to do too much all at once without pacing myself emotionally and physically. I'm tackling the room solo for now one hour at a time and my Friend will be able to assist me in the bigger projects of pricing Inventory that will be heading to my Showroom and Booth at the Antique Mall. I do have more of a Peace now that I'm not pushing myself so hard, no Time Line means I can take my time and not be in such a rush... that seems to be working out better... and walking away when I'm either tired or feeling overwhelmed by any project in progress.

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  3. I have been following your blog for years. I went for several and didn’t follow as major life changes occurred, but boy I can relate to you in this post... more than you know. I just wrote a whole post on my blog about the internal reasons we keep, hoard stuff... it’s so funny we’re vibrationally at the same place darling girl! Best wishes angel! And I completely know why Robins (Magnolia Pearl) stuff is hard to part with. Much love darling... I’m so pleased to see you’re still posting after all these years... so many of my bloggers have left for social media... yay! You’re still here! Muawhhhh

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl