Sunday, August 5, 2018

It's Complicated

Right now my house is beyond messy and totally out of Order... often Life itself can be quite messy and out of Order too... it's Complicated... sometimes one reflects the other in almost subliminal ways I'm not always completely aware of until I get introspective and 'deep' about it.   We lead a very Complex Life and it's not the typical Standard of a Family structure, Loved Ones and particularly Siblings of The Force are spread out helter skelter and enduring a lot.   But there can be Happiness in the messiness and complexity that can just be Life... even Hard Knocks Life!   As I looked at the Chaos, both in the Home and in Life, I could have easily become overwhelmed by the magnitude, unfairness and complexity of it all.   But then I am Blessed with the Imagery that Stabilizes it all for me... usually this involves The Grandchildren and their Beautiful Smiling Faces!  Resilient precious ones, that no matter how messy, how out of Order and Chaotic Life has been for so many of them, they rise above it as Living Testimonies of Joy and Optimism at it's finest, even as the Issues of Life are enormous for them!

As many of you know I'm raising and have Adopted two of my Special Needs Grandchildren who you know here on the ole Blog as The G-Kid Force.   They have numerous Siblings that do not live with us, so it's a very complex Family structure for all of them.   There was recently a long overdue reunion of great magnitude in Mexico, when some of the Younger Siblings of The Force finally were reunited with their Mom, our Youngest Daughter.   When Children have a Beloved Parent that is not Well enough to raise them it is very complicated for them... it is also very tormenting for the Parent as well.   The path to Wellness for an SMI diagnosis is a treacherous Journey, fraught with complications, setbacks and Valleys that can be Dark and walking thru the Shadow of Death often... so this is not a Journey one wants to or should take any Child upon.   I am very transparent and outspoken about Serious Mental Health Issues and the Social stigmas and shame it unfortunately still carries... and weighs those down who struggle with it's torment daily... just an added burden to an already heavy one inflicted by the Illness itself.   I advocate strongly for the Mentally Ill, it should not define them by it's Neg Labels alone, anymore than any illness or disability should define any individual who is so much more than their particular Challenge with overall Health and Well Being.

The Daughter and I have had many candid conversations over the years about what Timing is the right Timing to try to spend time with her Children.  It is not always about the Wanting to... they all Want to... desperately!   She is one of the more Aware ones who struggle with Serious Mental Illness, she knows the collateral damage that can be, and often is caused by this particular disabling illness.   I know she Loves every Child with all of her Heart and has always, to the best of her abilities anyway, wanted what is best for each of them.  Even if she's had to remove herself from the picture to make Life a more harmonious and hopefully stable one for them all.   Children don't always totally understand the complexities of Life to the mature degree most Adults are as Aware of it.  There is the tightrope walk of discussing the difficult Realities and when that is prudent to disclose why things are very different for them.   I am Blessed to have some of the most unconditionally Loving Grandchildren on the face of this Earth who Love their Mom and Believe she is everything, even when she herself felt like nothing and not worthy of such unconditional Love.   That kind of Love is the Love of Christ in it's purest form and when it can be extended it is indeed unearned and never meant to be conditional at all!

If you have knowingly ever been the Recipient of unconditional Love then you understand what a Wonderful and absolutely Priceless Gift it is!   God Loves us in this unconditional way and yet for us mere mortals it's not so easily extended to others or even so easily received from others.   Mortals tend to need or want to put conditions upon Love, mostly to guard and protect our own Hearts I think or to feel worthy of it, earning it.   I Love my Children, Grandchildren and Great- Grandchildren unconditionally and know it can be extended... to the point of Hurting and other discomfort... but oh so worth it!   I won't go so far as to say it comes at no Cost, the Cost can in fact be very high, terrifyingly high at times.  There are conversations we've had to have over the years that were necessary and utterly terrifying to acknowledge.   We're having some of these very conversations now in fact... perhaps a subliminal reflection of why my Home right now is looking pretty Chaotic visually, as the Chaos and complexity of the Issues of Life reach different levels.

We tend, as a Family Unit, to take things just one day at a time, it's usually the best way to handle the very difficult and complex Issues of Life.   We lean on the Lord a lot and He has been Faithful to send his Angels with Flesh on to be our Network of Support at just the right Timing.   I am so Grateful to each and every Angel sent to be our Network of Support, our Inner Circle... they are the Salt of the Earth in every Biblical sense!   They make a lot of things possible when things have been pretty impossible and exceedingly complex.   They know who they are... if I were to be handing out Sainthood many of them would have Statuary in their images... and tho' we might joke about that in our Gallows Humor way... it is truly Heartfelt!  As I do Believe they are among the unsung Saints of this Earth that God has led to Bless and Help others in the most profound of ways.   All are so humble that they wouldn't think of themselves as particularly Saintly I'm sure, like you and I they probably do discount their contributions being all that profound in the grand scheme of things.

Without going into great details suffice to say that making something like this happen and possible took a progression of actual Miracles that are pretty Epic!  I still Believe God is in the Miracle Business... Testimonies can be Shared daily... the back stories can be so Moving and against such incredible Odds as to be Mind blowing actually!   My Mind is blown, answers to decades of fervent Prayer have been answered in His perfect Timing... tho' the very difficult Journey is still in progress and continues to be walked out as a Family remaining up by Faith and Trusting that it will continue to Hold.   I'm Scared Mom, The Daughter confessed during our latest conversation, I don't want the illness or a relapse into Darker things to ruin what is happening now.   Yes, I'm Scared too... it's some scary shit we've dealt with for many, many years and until a Cure is found, we just walk in Faith and deal with the Issue of Life as they happen and as we must.   We do what we must as we just have to and figure it out on the Fly.

The other Grandmother, Chuey Abuela, is another unconditionally Loving precious Soul.   She is raising the Younger ones, she is almost 90 years Young and worried that she might not live long enough to finish the job.  Since, well, we are not Immortals no matter what job we've been tasked with on this side of Time and Eternity, so we have to talk about the hard stuff like that.   She was older than my own Mom when she began the Journey of raising the extension of The G-Kid Force with her Beloved Son.   He is a Good Man, he is her only Child... they too Love our Daughter and we've all made a very complicated situation work out amongst us all... unconditional Love can conquer so many obstacles that way.   I don't deserve his Mom to Love me as much as she does and to accept me as she has in my Condition... The Daughter said, wrought with Emotion.   Yes, that is the Beauty of it I respond, Maria is indeed one of God's many Angels with Flesh on, an indomitable Spirit even at her advanced Season of Life.   I marvel at how she's been able to do it, given she is old enough to be my own Mom, has more Grands to raise than even we do and she is a Widow living in a 3rd World Country.  Where Life is just harder all around and wrought with more dangers than many Americans can fully comprehend unless they've been well traveled and experienced outside of our Country.   

We do not know, cannot know, what the Future will hold... but we do know this, we're All In and Ride or Die about it, every single one of us.   Doing whatever it takes for however long it takes while putting our Destinies in The Lord's most capable Hands.   Children ARE the Future... they are the most Precious Commodity Human Kind actually has, so any Investment in them is totally going to pay Dividends to Mankind.  I will continue to Invest all I have... and as my Dad always told me about Life, even when it is terrifying, DO IT AFRAID!


Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. I am awed by the strength of your family's love for each other. You are an example to us all. And p.s., your grandkids are absolutely beautiful.

    1. I know I'm exceedingly biased, but YES my Kids and Grandkids and Great-Grandkids are a mighty fine looking bunch! *winks* Love is an awe inspiring choice we all can make, it is the most powerful of forces.

  2. The only words: God Bless You All!

    1. He certainly has Blessed us abundantly Marlynne, God is LOVE in the Purest form!

  3. So true! And so glad this reunion came about through prayer, hard work, and the assistance of angels in the flesh.

    It's both tough and rewarding to us love as a compass. The wiser we get, the more we know to do it --- even when it may seem the hardest thing to do -- it's always the BEST thing!

    1. I totally am in agreement with you about that... always the BEST thing to do the RIGHT thing, even if that is rarely the EASY thing!


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl