Wednesday, May 2, 2018

And It Resumes... But Mebbe Not...



I've had a few days of sleeping in and waking up when my body just Naturally would after sufficient sleep, such a rare luxury that I'm reveling in it!  I'd like every day to begin in such a way, but we got the call that there will be School Tomorrow and so it resumes, our Normal Schedule of early rising.   I'm glad that the School Strike seems to be over and Princess T can resume her Education though.  It was a Crisis no Parent could have expected since it had never happened before... ever.   So it was virgin ground to tread and we worried about our Children's Academic Future and how it would be affected, perhaps in a Negative way.   LATER FOOTNOTE: The School just called and said they didn't have enough Teachers come back so School is Cancelled again until further notice... LE SIGH!




Princess T had proudly showed us her Report Card prior to the Strike and all the F's had been brought up to A's and B's now that she was receiving her Special Ed Services again!  *Happy Dance!*  We didn't want all of that hard work and Progress to be negated again, nor the rug to be pulled out from under her Academically, she's weathered enough already!!!   I'm into her for a few bucks since we had the difficult Molar extraction and now all these Wonderful Grades she worked so hard to bring back up, so we're due for a Girl's Day Out so she can reap her Rewards for being such a Trooper!   I don't mind Bankrolling Positive attributes that were clearly above and beyond, she's put in the work at School and been very brave about painful Medical procedures all her young life.




During the School Strike there have been more Tender Moments like this though, with everyone languishing together and enjoying the extra time we could spend interacting and napping.  We are a Family of Nappers, we like to play hard and we like to hang loose.  I think because we're an Intense lot that expend a lot of Energy we just need to recharge more frequently and the Naps are restorative.  There was a favorite old quote on one of my High School Yearbooks I could always relate to:  When I works I works hard, when I sits I sits loose and when I thinks I falls asleep!    




Right now I am sitting loose because I have another Dental Appointment to replace that ancient Crown.  I found it difficult to sleep in too long knowing I had a late Morning Appointment.   I am a bit fanatical about arriving early to everything because on the Journey to anything or anywhere I just don't like to feel Rushed.   I am not a person who can be Rushed, I don't like it... and it's not because I'm slow about hardly anything, quite the contrary, I just like a pace I set voluntarily, whatever speed that is.   I'm efficient and expedite most things, but I like to feel as though I have plenty of time for any of it.  So much more relaxed when you're not running late or behind nor arriving by the skin of your Teeth and just in the nick of time.   People who are always late are a source of irritation to me, I rarely wait around, it intrudes upon my time, which is too valuable to waste.




I think that it is a habit, being early, being late or even on time, that is difficult to adjust once it has become your usual way of Being.    Any habit can be broken with tenacity and work, but why develop Negative ones in the first place if you can develop Positive ones instead?   Not that I don't have some Negative habits, we all do, but I'm rather selective about which ones I allow to continue to impact Life, because it just makes things harder when Negatives stack up and become particularly problematic.   I know once I get all this Dental Work done I'm going to feel so much better, it was Self-Care long overdue.  I've been working upon better Self-Care, which for us full time Caregivers, can be a particular Challenge.  Since you're so overloaded already Caring for everyone else with Special and usually Higher Maintenance Needs, there is precious little time left for Self EVER.




So it is not as if Caregivers neglect themselves intentionally or even don't Desire the Self Care we all so desperately know we're lacking and WANT by the way, it's just having the Luxury of it is often evasive as Hell or sometimes downright impossible!   I get very annoyed when anyone who is not a full time Caregiver tritely suggests I should take more Time for myself as if I don't already know that fact and as if it's just that easily done because you Need it!   That's akin to telling Parents of a Newborn Infant, you know, you should get more Sleep!  I know folks say what they say with the best of intentions when they're worried about us being so worn out with Caregiving, but it isn't Helpful to insist upon something we often just cannot do and already Wish we could!  We're constantly working upon getting our Caregiving duties in balance with actually having a Life, but it's pretty tricky to actually do that, no matter how Creative you are about it!!!   The very Nature of full time Caregiving is Self-Sacrificial.




But for me I think it's getting better and so I remain very Positive and Optimistic... Guardedly so... but Optimistic nonetheless.   I know many more Extreme Caregivers that aren't as fortunate because things aren't getting better or are in fact getting worse.   I've been in that position while Caregiving for ailing Aging Parents until it was their time to transition to the afterlife and that is a tough gig indeed.   When you know for certain the outcome is Hopeless it is a tough pill to swallow, especially for us who Believe strongly that Miracles can and do happen, when it just doesn't, acceptance of what just IS can be brutal.  We've enjoyed our share of Miracles and Sorrows, you rejoice and you grieve, that's just a part of Life and I don't try to get so Deep that I Need to understand everything.  In my Humanity I am humble and okay with letting God run His Universe.  When I have a Universe then I can run it as I see fit.   I'm certain He's doing a better job though than I or you ever could!  *Winks*




It amuses me though how some in their arrogance can presume to know more than the Divine and question the workings of all of Creation as it is.   Especially if you step back and view the track record of their own lives and see that like us all, there are some definite screw-ups along the way!   So, I don't know that I'd want or trust the arrogant in charge of our Universe, rather than the Divine, seriously! *LOL*   I try not to get caught up on what's not 'fair' in our lives anyway, you can make yourself seriously malcontent to make comparisons of your lot in life versus whoever you're imagining has the Ideal, preferred or Perfect one.  Half the time what's presented Publicly isn't Real anyway, just like online presentations, what is Shared is generally quite Sanitized and seriously Curated for Desired Effect.   In fact, Believing that anything is not seriously Edited is buying into the Illusion.  It can be Fun to buy into the Illusion that's how it really is, so long as you really know it's not exactly the Reality.




After all, anyone can wear a string of Pearls but that doesn't make them an Oyster.   And it can be hard NOT to Wonder the What Ifs and how would Life have looked sans significant Issues of Life making things messy or extreme?  Especially if you have a Seriously Ill or Lifetime Disabled Loved One, the Imagining of what Life might have looked like for the Individual and Family sans the Illness or Disability can be a tempting thing to contemplate.   But that would be denying the Unique Creation that they actually ARE... and despite Illness or extent of Disability, I Love my Family Members for who they are and have always been and it's not been conditional upon Wellness or being Whole.  I would have preferred of coarse that there had been no suffering or torment, no Social and basic Life challenges, or deterioration of Health and Mental Health, since it hasn't been an easy road for them or for the Family when Illness or Disability complicates Life and the Quality of it.  But certainly I've met Whole and Well people that I didn't necessarily LIKE nor Love at all, so that's not indicative of Quality of person or Quality of Life they will ultimately lead!




Certainly we've all met those with squandered Lives that could have had a much different outcome with different and wiser choices made.  And we've met those with poor Quality of Health and/or impaired Abilities, but who have maximized every ounce of Life and the Quality of it that they could admirably manage against all odds.   I'm Inspired mostly by those who have surmounted considerable obstacles and blazed their own Path around, over or through circumstance and trials to be a Success and attain a level of Contentment.   I'm not that impressed with those who might have much Success but it was just handed to them as an Inheritance and they didn't actually attain nor earn it or perhaps doesn't recognize their privilege. Though Hopefully they can Maintain it, because it's tragic to destroy a Legacy that was hard won by someone and gifted to an Heir who then isn't fit to receive it and manage it properly.




Lately I've been seriously contemplating what I want to leave as Inheritance and what I should liquidate and just enjoy the proceeds of right now or dispose of to simplify Life?   Okay, so we don't exactly have an Estate like wealthy folks have, but I think you know what I mean?  *LOL*   It has been a quite lengthy Process of the Editing, Purging and Curating of possessions as we're now in our Senior Years, of Culling what we have and what we still want to have.  I'm always pouring over Real Estate opportunities, as is my habit and I just enjoy it whether or not I'm looking to buy any or sell any.   And I'm finding myself really looking at, seriously looking at, the tinier Properties all of a sudden and Imagining, could I, would I, manage to release enough to Live Small again?  In some Future Posts I might even Share some of the Listing Images of those I was particularly drawn to and would Love to own IF I seriously minimized possessions enough to.




And I'm talking a serious minimalist approach because some of these adorable Homes are 700-900 sf and yet that's not even bothering me except that... well... the Stuff gets in the way of that right now being even a remote possibility!  *Bwahahahahaha!!!*   I've thought about... what if The Man and I just bought one for Later... tricked it out with the most Beloved of Objects until it was enough for that space... and then worked on disposing of the rest until it was time to switch over permanently?   I don't know if any other Seniors have thought along those lines, but I know that we certainly have.  And he could do it Tomorrow since like my own Dad, The Man is not materialistic at all and would leave everything behind and start with nothing, from scratch, without any detachment issues whatsoever, he'd 'miss' nothing left behind.  I Wish I could be like that... but it's apparently not my Nature... I get Attached to some stuff.




Well, not just some stuff... I have accumulated a Lifetime of some pretty Cool Stuff and disposing of most of it, or all of it, would be tough on me, I ain't gonna lie.   Even during this very lengthy Process of Editing and Purging stuff on a regular basis, I do find that The Thrill Of The Hunt is something I enjoy too much to ever give up.  I'm an Incurable Collector, a Human Magpie and I know it all too well, I'm not likely to stop Being who I just am in order to go Small... so in Reality I don't know how Small I even could?  I mean I could have a Small House but I'd probably Need a large Outbuilding for what wouldn't fit!  *LMAO*  And sometimes I've found that Magic Combination actually, so it is a possibility.  I've also been contemplating what Style of Forever Home I'd want and I'm most definitely leaning towards Vintage Industrial with an Artsy Vibe or Modern Farmhouse Styling of the actual Structure right now.  They're both in short supply in Arizona, alas... tho' a few Gems exist!




By seeing which Listings and Make-Overs make my Heart flutter I'm learning more about what I actually do Want at a visceral level.   When something LOOKS like the Ideal to me I don't mind so much how much Space is there, I'd be inclined to work with it and just make it work.   But for now and probably for a fair long haul, we're here and will remain here because it's the Right thing to do for now and for the Family Unit as a whole.   The Young Prince is done with his short gig as an Apprentice, but it gave him good experience and he's eager for the next chapter that will present itself as an opportunity to learn more and build confidence.  I don't want him too overwhelmed or overextended so I've told him that baby steps are best for now as he continues to reach Maturity and find his Way.  While he's entering Adulthood as a person with considerable Abilities despite having a diagnosed Disability that will present Challenges, it is going to be a Process of attaining Independent Living one day and it will take however long it takes.   So... we just resume business as usual here at the Villa Boheme'...




LATER POSITIVE UPDATE: Temporary Crown installed and the Process wasn't awful, permanent one will be done in two Weeks and installed, got a Credit since the 30 Year Build-Up was still in good shape so they will be able to use it and not have to do another one... Thank You Old Doc Frost!  They let me keep Old Crown and it was older than all of the Young Technicians in the Office so we had a good laugh about that!  *LOL*  Air Conditioning only required some Freon so that was only $150 extra outta pocket.  *Insert big sigh of relief!*

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Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

5 comments:

  1. I moved from a 3000 sqft to a 1400 sqft house and it has been tough. There are still boxes in the garage from moving -- five years later! I purged big time, but then I have re-acquired (I enjoy the hunt too!), which has been a problem. So now I am purging a bit more. If you go small, think about some place that has good storage. That is our struggle!

    I do try to keep from accumulating too much stuff. I think about what it would be like if we both suddenly dropped dead and our house had to be cleared out. Having been through that with parents, I try not to set anyone else up for that arduous task!

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    1. I agree with your assessment of thinking about not accumulating a lot for our Loved Ones to have to deal with when we depart... been thru that with both of my Parents too. This new Home we bought 3 years ago and I'm still unpacking stuff stashed in the Garages and culling what we brought over from our Historic Home we Sold. That property had 9 Outbuildings on Acreage... this is a huge Home 4350 sf but it was still a challenge after having had way more Land and Storage Buildings to cull. I suspect when we downsize after The Force is grown, I'd probably consider 700-1500 sf as being the manageable Retirement Forever Home... but I think it would be tough to cull enough being I'm an 'accumulator'... ha ha ha.

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  2. I'm sitting here calculating sq footage into sq metreage to work out the size of this house. I think we are about 1700 sq feet which I consider a large house! At least when it comes to cleaning it!
    Ah yes, the old self care. I am trying some new techniques to help with my autistic overload. Funnily enough I kind of forgot to factor autism into the equation and was grumbling at myself for not responding to rest like other people. Hopefully now I will have some more clarity.

    I'm so glad the dental work worked out for you.And must be sooo nice to have it behind you. Sometimes self care feels too hard!
    Hopefully your schools can get their act together soon!
    Xo Jazzy Jack
    PS I finally wrote a blogpost ...with a video.

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    1. Oh I'll have to come for a Blog visit then... and yes, the Self Care needs to factor in all of our layers doesn't it? *winks* I am ADHD so being Still is very difficult for me even when I need to rest, including slowing down my thoughts so they aren't always racing. *smiles* They MAY resume School Tomorrow... hope this time it's not a false alarm?

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  3. Love all your images...and seriously dentists are not heart surgeons, why does it have to be so expensive.

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl